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Epic Modern AU Patrochilles

Got jumpscared by Wikihow's Patrochilles so I had to draw them

Guess the wikihow article

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☀️In the darkness, two shadows, reaching through the hopeless, heavy dusk. Their hands meet, and light spills in a flood like a hundred golden urns pouring out of the sun. ☀️

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“Do you think we’re together in every universe?”

“I hope not”

(Antimachus/sharpwolf)

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t....,toxic....toxic yaoi.,.,...,,🤤

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I saw this image of Athena and Odysseus and it was too freaking funny🤣🤣

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Antinous: Penelope is such a MILF

Odysseus: Agreed, she is Mywife I'd Like to Fuckingkillyoufor

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First family dinner back in Ithaca

Penelope: Want some pork for dinner, Darling?

Odysseus (gagging): No, Beloved. I don't think I'll ever look at a pig the same way.

Telemachus: Ooh! Dad, how about some bee-

Odysseus (terrified): No! Don't even finish that suggestion! (Whispering) He'll hear you.

(Penelope and Telemachus look at one another with concern)

Penelope: Well, we also have some fish.

Odysseus: Perfect!

(Odysseus proceeds to stab it as violently as possible)

Telemachus:...Mom, was he like this before or...?

Penelope (swooning): No, but I'm into it.

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my favorite hc is that penelope was told by the ladies in waiting to go and stay in her room and not to come out for anyone

and she hears screams and whatnot and is like oh fuck now theyve done it, the suitors are gonna destroy the place

only to hear the screams lessen in volume and being like ? are they killing each other?

but then she hears a scream clear as day "THIS WILL BE YOUR FATE" and she's like🧍‍♀️no fuckin shot my husband is down there on a murder spree

and she immediately starts pacing back and forth like "LADIES HELP ME PREPARE I NEED TO LOOK DIVINE" and it's a full makeover sequence

and they're posing her and being like "hold on, tilt your chin up a little bit, turn to the side like 12 degrees- BOOM my lady you are serving such cunt"

and then they hear odysseus' loud ass steps going up the stairs and all the ladies scatter while penelope tries to look nonchalant like "AHEM....😳 is it you? have my prayers been answered?"

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Odysseus, Penelope, and Telemachus (also this is my first post on here and I do NOT know what I’m doing so hopefully this works)

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Poseidon: Welcome to the ‘Fuck Odysseus of Ithaca’ club.

Penelope: I have greatly misinterpreted the name of this club

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Odysseus and his baby boy Telemarketing 💕💕

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My boy, sweetest joy I’ve known ;-;

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What a great Christmas my favorite manwhore is dead

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Ares, Hera, and Hermes during Odysseus

Hera, goddess and protector of women:

Ares, getting his promised slaughter:

Hermes, watching his favourite baby kill people:

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Ctimene: I’m cold.

Eurylochus: Here, take my coat.

Penelope: I’m cold too.

Odysseus: What? [taking off coat] I told you to bring more layers but of course you didn't listen and now- [piling scarves on her] now look, I've got to make sure you don't FREEZE to death and- [taking somebody else's hat] how long have you been cold? You should've said something sooner.

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call me Diomedes the way i'm finna stab god

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Helelaus ft. Paris