#i could probably push the perspective to its extreme if i did it on my ipad

[triglycercule]

no funny little thoughts today. have this instead,,,,,, mtt fighting shshahsgahagsgaa CHOKES ok i lied maybe i DO have funny little thoughts below where the reference is :3

this is SUCH a cool composition shot i had to draw something based off it (ignoring the erm. the flashing,,,,, this game came out like 10 years ago just ignore that)

anyways triglycercule what are your thoughts??? funny you asked triglycercule allow me to illuminate :3 so ive been remembering that one ask from like 3 or 4 months ago where i answered like well i like to consider the trio to just have met one day and then decided oh hey we should like totally explore the multiverse together (my excuse to draw them in any possible situation possible (mtt at an amusement park when) (soon (probably not))) and recently i was like WAIT i could probably like totally find a way for them to meet because just saying they met (is a totally valid use of my creator powers BUT) is uncreative and vague,,,,,

so i was like damn. how COULD i get them to meet 🧐🧐🧐 so i was like ok so dust beats human. done and done. but like bros BOUND to get bored. like if he gets bored from not having the human to kill then he's gonna seek out SOME other form of entertainment. so dust is like ok how about i work on some old ancient machines i made b4 to pass the time and one of these ends up being like a universal traveler thingy. and to his own surprise he actually MANAGES to get it done???? (i totally didnt steal this idea from myself,,,,, whaaat youre saying there's another triglycercule dust that came up with a universe hopper machine??? NO (sorry mania))

and oops instead of staying in dusttale like he intended dust accidentally gets chucked into horrortale (bro just wanted the sense of accomplishment not to thrown into some random world.) and then cue like horror and him meeting and its all tense and confusing and then horror paps comes around and hes like OMG ⁉️TWO BROTHERS ‼️‼️ and then invites dust over for a nice sweet little bowl of human spaghetti. unfortunately for dust the little teleporter device is no longer connected to dusttale's core (because hes not IN dusttale) so he just kinda has to suck it up and deal with it until he can find a portable power source

dust's not trying to get KILLED out here so he asks horror (who sadly cannot push dust into blue snow because paps is very enthusiastic about his appearance) where he can find like batteries or something. and horror makes some off hand comment about like power sources and his eye being in the core and how theres like no power and oh why did dust immediately start listening once horror mentioned his eye,,,,,, dusts not gonna rip horror's eye out (he has no reason 2 if theres a perfectly good 1 @ the core!) so he tells horror what he needs the power source for and then hes like i can help you get food for your buddies if you help me help you. ok? ok

and then they sneak into the core to get the eye and oops dust didnt you learn your lesson last time!! the little teleporter thingy brings them to another world AGAIN (and now horror's PISSED because this wasn't in their little deal) and guess where is is,,,,, you already know its something new. and i guess to make things uncomplicated this is a something new where killer already killed his chara but he hasn't tried to reset the world and kill himself (and therefore attract nightmare) yet (he's getting there!)

not like they think the au is anything other than just a wasteland because there is literally like nobody around but they stumble into killer and it doesn't even take like more than a minute before a fight breaks out (i probably need to think more about what happened and why they started fighting but knowing the trio its BOUND to happen) and lowkey killer is getting his ass beat what the hell??? he has never experienced a fight where he's been on the losing end in a long ass time & mindgames arent working because they keep seeing through his shit??? (because horror and dust somehow even though they barely know each other and horror's pissed @ dust have like craaaazy synergy and coordination & killer hasnt faught them ever before + yk yk inner turmoil at seeing other versions of yourself) so he gets annoyed and pulls out the blaster to end it

dust and horror don't DIE outright (not like they would be able to tank killer's blaster) because killer decided to be like hey these guys are new and cool and interesting. i should keep them around instead of killing them off and see how much i can play around with them :3 so he just blasts them until theyre at like 0.0000000000000001 HP :3333 and then idk thats it 4 now,,,,,, i think this is silly and fun and cool and i can imagine it in my head and OH NO THE VOICES (make a comic) THEYRE GETTING LOUDER (you should draw this) NO WAIT MY MOTIVATION (coooomic would be a perfect medium for this) im sorry inner voices i cant,,,,,,,

[firesign23]

Can you tell me about The Queen's Thief at middle? (at length might be too much for my currently achievable level of attention 😅)

WELL, good news, I did something very stupid yesterday and mid-length is probably the most I can type right now 😂

So, my caveats I always supply before starting my rec:

The first book in the series is middle grade fiction. It’s good middle grade fiction with a lot of the same skillful execution that makes me feral for the series, but there is a maturity jump from book one to book two, and I recommend you read at least a little into book two before deciding if the series is for you. AFTER book one.

GO IN BLIND. I cannot stress enough how good it is to go in blind. No art. No reviews. Just buckle in and see where you end up. The series is good even when you know what is coming--and that’s a whole point later on--but that first exquisite moment where all the threads pull together? Experience it, you’ll thank me

Now, to keep this short I shall bullet point. Or try to. Parts of this will require a lot of “Trust me, it’s worth it” because, well, see above re: spoilers.

The series is set in a historical pseudo-Mediterranean locale, which is honestly fantastic. Really sort of blends the worlds of Greek myths and Tolkien bucolic fantasy that was many fantasy fans gateway drugs, while also feel entirely distinct. I know fantasy has spread out its influence to cultures beyond western Europe nowadays, but the first Queen’s Thief book was published in 1996 so it was definitely early to adopt that. 

The actual fantasy element is handled in such a fun way? To say too much means spoilers, but it is a story about people first and foremost, and the fantasy elements just give the plot a push from time to time. 

And oh god, the people. THE PEOPLE. I love these characters. I named my cat after one of them. My youngest child has decided that Gen is his favourite character of all time and dressed up as him for a school event. But the characters in this series are just… they’re wonderful. They are complex, with their own motivations and histories and views. My kid went from hating to loving a character in the second book in a single chapter because we got to see who they were and how they came to be that person. There are disabled characters and queer characters, but never in a way that feels checkmarky. They are funny and harsh and kind and just… human, in a way that brings me so much joy.

And not only are the characters great alone, their relationships? Again, spoilers, but this series has so many good relationships. Romantic and platonic and antagonistic. Family of choice to the EXTREME. Unlikely friendships. There is a moment in a later book where two characters hold hands and I teared up. 

THE. WRITING. I could go on and on and fucking ON about the writing, whole post in itself. But it makes me feral. The books’ use of perspective are art, absolutely exquisite. Each book does something unique with the narrative point of view, and does it deliberately. The first person perspective is telling us a story, and tells us what he wants us to know. The historical record makes the characters the most human by letting us see behind the Great Events. It’s just one of my favourite examples of POV I’ve ever read.

The narrative never lies to us, but trusts the reader to draw connections. This is one of those “Makes more sense with spoilers” moments, but the writing is incredibly good at telling us everything we need to know exactly when we need to know it, and not before. And it results in this fantastic joy when it all pulls together--it’s not really plot twists, because we have been told (almost) everything, but you get an incredible payoff.

The books get better with every reread. I was recently working through the second book with my kid, who devoured The Thief two years ago (and probably a dozen times since) but wanted to be a bit older before tackling the rest of the series, and I was still catching details that I had missed or forgotten from previous reading. 

The contents of the stories are just… there’s war and grief and rage, politic machinations, trauma, betrayal. And the narrative doesn’t handwave those things, but it doesn’t wallow in delight in them either. It’s just a series that takes you by the hand and says “Bad things happen, and we will live with those things forever, but it doesn’t have to define you. What’s important is the connections we make with other people, who will catch you when you fall.” Reading the series leaves me with that same hopefulness that drew me to Discworld? I may not be explaining it well.

The actual writing style, on top of being masterful, is so much fun. It’s sparse, but in a way that makes every word feel important. It’s delightfully funny, heartbreaking, evocative. Just a joy to sink into. 

And I just realised this is definitely getting long, so I’ll stop for now. But I highly, highly, highly recommend the series. And hey, if this made anyone want to vote for The Queen’s Thief, the poll is here!

(Also, if you do read it and like the series, the author is on tumblr and is an interesting person to follow. Just don’t do it before reading, because occasional spoilers)

[velvetporcelain]

I’m divorcing pain and committing to pleasure

Today seems— odd- I don’t really have anything to say but you know me void, I have tons of backlog hidden deep within my membrane.

Any thing, any thought could send me down the most dangerous or most beautiful of wells. It no longer scares me because I have proven to myself time and time again, that I can swim. I can swim well.

I love indulging in this beautiful game we call thought. I don’t think most people do because they are hypersensitive to their own minds. Which brings me to the ultimate question-

Does work indeed set your free? Does it confine the mind with boundaries? Invisible margins do not set us free, we only like to think that they do. I understand that “free thinking” may be considered a privilege to some, but I would have to disagree solely based on the fact that all humans have the ability to think.

Materialistic things are easy to achieve. Mentality is not. Thinking intentionally is not. I push the boundaries of the mind by simply implying what else there could be. Endless possibilities. One’s man’s trashy thoughts are certainly my treasure. Bending the perception into perspective with just a few “what if’s.”

Watching your child grow into an adult is probably one of the most terrifying things I have ever witnessed. Throwing them out into the oblivion in hopes that you have prepared them with the correct amount of “facts” and the correct amount of “opinions.” Hoping they jump at every opportunity they have to live life. Cultivating a mind is the biggest responsibility I have ever had, and ever will have. Sorting what services them and what does not. Thinking about the human race in its entirety. Preparing them for love and for war. What a contrary concept.

Today’s house hold chores did not limit the amount of thinking I did today. In fact, it allows me to think deeper. It gives my hands something to do which keeps my brain alive. Have you ever heard of drawing randomly on paper while you are reading something? To keep the stimulation going on both spheres, or else you will lull your mind to sleep.

Today I was thinking much about pain and how we tend to gravitate towards it because it seems much more relatable than pleasure nowadays. So I decided to become impeccable to my word. Counteracting pain with pleasure, because they are the opposite and equal reaction of one another.

If you have experienced pleasure with another human and after you have disconnected why do the memories bring you pain? Because we long to stay in pleasure. We can most certainly apply a great lesson to these memories without over analyzing what we could have done differently. That is extremely transformative and will also bring you great pleasure.

Acceptance can be a bitch, yes. Sometimes we are left with many unanswered questions and Hines sight tends to not do any justice for the past, only for the present and future.

I am so glad I have had the chance to experience grief and pain in this way. It now has set the bar of pleasure for me. Confidently considering what my next move would be.

I hope you consider countering your painful memories with the knowledge and power that you have now, where it really matters, and are able to transform them into something so meaningful and memorable that you are able to thank it and give it a proper burial.

-x

[blog-of-hubris]

Hi there! So my ask might be a tad off basis but i just wanted to know your thoughts on Gojo's relationship dynamic with characters such as Shoko, Nanami, Ijichi and Utahime?

I know alot of people even ship him with some of these characters and that's fine too! But for me realistically looking at thing i don't think he would have been the ideal person for any of them. Not that he doesn't care about them, it's just not something he himself would be open about. I guess romance really was off charts for him, cept maybe that unique relationship he had with Geto, but even that is too complex and special to be put into a lovers category. What do you think? Sorry if this is loaded!

Hey Anon,

Thanks for the question! It is definitely loaded (but I like that). I am not sure how to answer your question 100%, but I assume you are asking how I feel about Gojo's connection to the characters you listed and its execution.

Tbh, Nanami and Shoko are probably the only people on this list that I have actually thought about Gojo's connection to. I will say, each of these characters you listed are connected to Gojo's time as a student. They have a unique perspective on him as a person vs. him as a jujutsu sorcerer.

To make this easier for you to read, I'll give each character a little section to discuss.

Shoko

For Shoko, I think this dynamic is obvious given the Hidden Inventory arc, but I think it is extremely overlooked by the fans. She is looked at as the useless third with Geto and Gojo by some people, but I don't see it that way. Shoko feels like a bridge and a clear mind to me. I use the moment with Geto after he killed his parents as an example. She completely read through Geto's motives and feelings. She was somewhat condescending in her response to him, because she is a character whose mind sees things from a “clear” perspective.

For Gojo, this provides him with someone he can be sentimental with, but also someone he can confide in due to her being the third in their class. Shoko truly knows Gojo, the Gojo that didn't feel separated from humanity. She had first-hand experience watching him become “the strongest”, and she also seemed like one of the few people who could truly understand his ideals. (The “Dream” Gojo told her about).

Nanami

Nanami and Gojo's dynamic is interesting to me because of their attitudes towards each other. As we know, Nanami had a hard time respecting Gojo, and we know now it's because of how selfish Gojo was with jujutsu. I love this. The thing that makes these two awesome for me is how Gojo knows that Nanami is a responsible person and trusts him. He is another person who knew Gojo when he was young, but he left the jujutsu world for some time. When he decided to come back, he called Gojo. I'm sure Nanami has principle Yaga's number, so why call Gojo?

I think this goes to show that Nanami knew in his soul that Gojo is a good person, no matter how strong his ego is. Nanami knows things have to change in the jujutsu world, but he respects rules. Gojo will trample on those rules if he needs to. I think Nanami does respect this, because there needs to be people in the world who push the boundaries. Gojo did this perfectly, hence their ability to get along.

Ijichi

I don't have too much to say on Ijichi. He's a side character that adds some flavor to the overall system of Jujutsu to me. As a manager, seeing his perspective on their side of the battlefield is nice, but I think his connection to Gojo is just being someone he knows he can trust. It is truly that simple. As another person who knew Gojo from his student days, I think Ijichi is just someone who fits Gojo's comfort zone. I

(I must admit, I love that Gojo having trust in Ijichi was something that made Ijichi more confident in himself)

Utahime

I'm gonna be honest here.. I shipped Utahime and Gojo because I found their dynamic cute. She clearly dislikes him, but I feel like they are very similar when it comes to their students. They care a lot. I personally don't see any deep dynamic between the two of them, but I could see there being some teasing from Gojo to Utahime. Gojo seems like the type to never say how he truly feels, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was willing to be in a romantic relationship with her, but I digress, lol.

I think Utahime is simply a role player, like most of the JJK cast. She is a cog in the story, being a character who knew past Gojo and, like Ijichi, falls into his comfort zone. You could even add Mei Mei and Yaga to this list, of course with Yaga there is more to discuss as Gojo's sensei.

Overall,

Each of these characters represent a perspective on Gojo's life, and he respects them. He may have felt that they didn't truly understand him once he became the strongest, but they were there for him in his adolescence, so he could never dismiss them.

I hope I answered your ask properly!! If not, let me know and I can clarify!

[charmanderxerneas]

I can't sleep and i was having thoughts about Scott cawthon and fnaf. Lets ramble while im sleep deprived at 5 am. I have a weird perspective because i still think its okay to like fnaf and i dont think scott is the WORST person in the world, but i also dont think hes great and i think the fnaf fandom reacted very shittily. You can think of you will of me and my opinionz but i totally do understand and think youre justified if you disagree and think that fnaf is bad to support because of scott

(What the fuck where is the "read more" option on mobile.... Fuck it)

The whole drama with scott cawthon like. Last year. Was really fucking disheartening. As a fnaf fan who happens to be bigender and queer, seeing a majority of the stupid fucking fnaf fans immediately go "we support you scott you did nothing wrong!!" While being shitty to actual trans and queer people who were rightfully upset... I can't even put into words how disheartening and awful that is, i think those who jumped on the "i stand with scott" bandwagon should frankly feel ashamed.

I also understand that a majority of fnaf fans are kids and some were probably too young to understand the nuance of it all. It felt like their favorite game series was being attacked! And they wanted to feel like they could still like the game, so when scott made his super shitty response they were all like "its okay we forgive you" even though they weren't necessarily the ones able to make that call (not saying a cishet white person cant forgive Scott cawthon, just that they should listen to and seriously consider the voices of queer people or poc or anyone else who is harmed by the polititions he donated to.) But ultimately, being young isnt an excuse for excusing bad things.

Scott isnt the best person. And by supporting him, you do in a way support the shitty politicians he donates to.

However, i dont actually think scott is like. 100% completely immoral. Im going to be very generous here: this next paragraph is just giving him the entire benefit of the doubt and playing devils advocate, so feel free to disregard it: but hes not as bad as joanne rowling or anthing. He doesnt activly go out of his way to spread hatespeech, hasnt filled his game with antisemitism and homophobia and transphobia like she has, and by all accounts seems to be a nice guy who has been caring to queer fans, even if he is a Republican. I don't necessarily think being a Republican makes you an evil person. Yes, if youre extreme about it you are an evil person, but like. Im sure many of us have Republican family members you wouldnt necessarily call evil. Like, i have a wonderful grandma whos a Republican but she also fuckin hates trump and supports me and my identity and is generally a good person. I also think its worth mentioning that a lot of Republicans didnt like trump, but felt like they had to vote for him because they were Republican.

Now im not saying that last bit applies to scott cawthon: hes said he voted for trump so Yikes Man. He did support trump and other bad politicians, and in doing so he supported the terrible policys they push forward. Thats awful. And thats what makes him not the best person. More fnaf fans should consider that.

Finally: even if scott is bad, i don't think its bad to still like and play the fnaf games. Like i mentioned before, the politics of all that arent really written into fnaf and its story (claims to be pro life, makes a game where all the kids die anyways 😳). Scott has basically given steel wool the games now (even if he is still behind the scenes😔). And i dont think you're a bad person if you like. Buy fnaf merch and the games (yeah it sucks that in some way you are supporting someone who financially supports bad policies... But i can also see some removal from it simply because in this society today it is near impossible to not support Any Business Or Person that supports a Republican... In america at least, like half of our stores/businesses go towards that shit)

Sorry for this rant over i need some sleep i have a final paper due tomorrow that i havent started and im going to denver and im sleep deprived. FUCK

[pentition]

I'd love to babble about portia, sandrock and especially Pen to you! My brains is a little covid addled though so depth might be a bit lacking. (I've been feeling better slowly but steadily, but this shit is not a normal flu, fuck this everything tastes extremely bitter or like nothing. Sadness.)

As for Pen and the new sandrock update, I felt like that mission with Pen training you genuinely really revealed a lot about his character. I can't really put it into words right now. But I genuinely like him, despite what he did. I don't think he is entirely black and white. And while it's not the same 100%, as a perfectionist and someone who is always thinking about how others perceive me I can relate somewhat.

Oh gosh, that's awful. Don't push yourself if you're unwell! (●´□`)♡ I've somehow dodged Covid all this time (as I punch a hole through the nearest wooden object, lmao) so I'm not even going to pretend I understand how crummy you must feel. I hope it passes asap with no aftermath issues to deal with!!

Also to anyone reading: SPOILERS! I hope putting it like that always draws the eye, haha.

I agree, I can't see him as a black and white character either. What he decides is worth spending his time on says a lot to me, honestly. Like in Simply the Best, I feel like what he says leading up to the mission to be really interesting. It shows Pen is potentially self-aware of himself and what he is as a super soldier.

He has "unconventional tastes" with dates and only "feels alive on the battlefield". It's also the only time we see him freely complimenting the Builder separate from himself, iirc. Also using the term 'love' in a few ways.

To me, it came across like Pen was trying to take it more seriously and that was likely new to him. He broached the subject of what interested him and made it clear enough to the Builder, acknowledged attraction physically and wanting to see if it went beyond that. Almost like he was voicing in his own way a manner of uncertainty and poking around to see if this whole 'true love' thing was real. Real and mutual. All sandwiched between his usual egotistical comments about himself we know and expect (and love).

But that's also interesting to me because in his role, if he's really a Knight, or by just being an experimented upon super soldier - I imagine he could be someone important to Duvos. Not to say Duvos cares about their soldiers, we have no real proof of that. But if he was a successful experiment, as it seems, that may be what warranted this ego in the first place. So maybe the idea of sharing yourself with someone else, or finding them even good enough, probably is something he thinks is reasonable to be picky with.

Also even if there was the chance the Builder was accepting of him if they learned the truth then it's even more imperative they are worth something to Duvos. Pen vouching because he loves them as their super soldier I don't think is enough for them to accept a non-Duvos citizen. At least, that's my impression given how everyone seems to regard both the country and its people so far.

I feel like Pen is always saying more than what it seems. Combat tutorial was funny and great but you could say he was also just trying to assess someone new on the board. You can argue the whole heart knot acceptance and romance mission is a manipulation scheme but that still makes me ask why. Why is that worth his time when there are surely easier people to turn into his fans or have fawn over him? Was he just bored and is actually nasty and cruel? I don't think from his perspective that the Builder is a threat, not until Knives Out hits and they have potentially met Logan after taking a fall. Then there's a slightly awkward 'welcome back' from him that seems torn between acknowledging it as your pal/partner Pen and Duvos's spy Pen.

Gosh I'm rambling but yeah, I don't think he's black and white. I think he is all the things he presents all at once. It's just a matter of how self-aware he is in that moment, or how much he cares. The context of the situation and who is present. But either way, the perception of others means a lot to him given both his true role and the protector role. And I think that carries over to how the Builder perceives him, just in a more personal manner the more they get on.

It makes me want more romance missions with him and all that content just to see more of him in contexts outside of what we consider his norm.

[lesbiten]

finished leopardstars honor! final notes from the last 100 pages: -the editing got really bad towards the end. i genuinely dont think anyone proofread a good chunk of the last couple of chapters. there were so many continuity errors that it almost makes me think they ran out of time to publish the book and just sent it though

-in a similar vein, the ending was also extremely rushed. the point of a leopardstar super edition to my understanding was to get a view on her perspective on tigerstar and tigerclan. so why was only ~80 pages of the book focused on that? the exposition in her early life was nice, but some of it definitely seemed like it was just kate cary wanting to write fanfiction about her fave. which is fine and all i guess, but why advertise it as a book about leopardstars leadership and her biggest mistake when its largely a book talking about her upbringing and her relationships with her clanmates? this also didnt make much sense to me considering the sheer number of books we have now that extensively describe the events of the first arc. it was obvious at multiple points in the book that the authors were limited by the fact that weve seen leopardstars words and actions from firestars point of view, so it was limited in what they could have her do or say regardless of the new character arc they'd given her earlier in the book. they could write her feelings, but it didnt really matter when what she said was still the same generic antagonistic character lines she had in the first arc. thats the problem with constantly rewriting the same events, you literally cannot change what happens, so it becomes extremely difficult to insert complexity where there wasn't any before.

-why introduce a plot line about a prophecy, imply over and over again its true, *end the book* pushing the idea that its true, and then...not really reinforce that through anything that happens? once again, this is the problem you have when you try to insert complexity into parts of the series that were not meant to be complex. leopardstar was an important character in the first arc, sure, but only because she was a participant in tigerstars evil plans. she did not ever actively try to "save the clans", and honestly, this book doesn't try to make you believe she did either. its still very obviously firestar who masterminds every act of rebellion against tigerstar, while she's kind of just. there watching. and going "oh no i wish this wasn't happening!" truly what was the point of a prophecy that wasn't true. imo a prophecy warning mudfur of some vague "important choice" she would have to make would have worked so much better with the narrative. particularly because she had *so many* arguably important choices that could have thrown her off throughout the book (i.e. frogleap, disobeying crookedstars orders, trying to keep windclan out, etc) until she finally reached the decision to join tigerclan, in which she clearly believed she was making the right decision until it was too late. the vague "you're destined to save us!" prophecy was lame when she was still a background character in the events happening!!

-this book seriously could have and probably should have just been a novella. only the last 80 or so pages were important and they were horribly written due to using the first 430 pages to write fluff and exposition about borders and sunningrocks and whatnot. the only truly interesting parts of the book, besides tigerclan, were leopardstars personal relationships with her clanmates. reading over and over again about sunningrocks is draining. please stop erin hunter im begging you. there should have been at least another 100 pages dedicated to putting more detail into her participation in tigerclan. there were way too many time skips at the end, and many of them went completely unmentioned until it was implied that a few days or even months had passed, and you just had to rewire your view of the rest of what you'd just read to put it into different context. if you're getting to a point where you have to skip major plot points because you don't have enough room to include them, you need to go back and evaluate what you spent your time on in the earlier parts of the book.

[killermediathread71]

LUNACID

I've known Kiras other works for a good long while and I respect their work when it comes to their atmasphere, sound and visual design, and so on but their games never grabbed me from a gameplay perspective. But being a big FROMSOFT head and getting into the KF series I was for sure interested in Lunacid. Having finishing it and getting all the endings I had a pretty fun time with it overall but its got a bunch of issues that hold it back in my eyes. A few big, but mostly minor. For minor stuff examples like as much as I really liked the soundtrack over half of it did not fit the game at all. And it really sticks out like a sore thumb. While not an issue technically not having a map isn't a bad thing someone whose terrible at directions like me needs one cause my ass got lost multiple times. Even KF1 had a map you can find and while the map wasn't that helpful in areas sure it could at least help where you've been or not. I don't think the weapon EXP system is bad but it is kind of annoying to slowly build it up. But its only for a handful of them and there's a few that have some neat gimmicks behind them so its not a major issue.

Stuff I actually didn't like though I think the game having no pause button is dumb. Considering you only have very limited slots to use and with how much swapping you tend to do switching weapons and spells mid combat will most likely get you killed and I think Kira making it that way brings it down a little. Some probably aren't bothered by that but it bugs me a lot. I also think the boss fights were kinda ass. Granted (at least in KF1) that applies to the games it was inspired by so it fits but they were not very enjoyable. At least there's only two. I'm still annoying the final boss soft locked itself and I had to redo the entire thing all over again. I don't hate the alternate endings but them being annoying obtuse just bugs me. "Oh but thats the point though!" I mean sure for ending B I'm not that bothered by (minus the bit where you need to wait for an actuall irl full moon or set your computer date to when one appears next cause thats extremely silly) but for ending CD there's (at least to my kownladge) no hint to find out how to get it. And ending E I think is just kinda dumb. Won't say what cause of spoilers but I don't think it should of been in the game. You can keep the last bit of it in but the main thing about it needs a big rework in my opinion. This is the longest post I've made yet and most of it is me complaining and being a piss baby lol. But I do mean it when I say the game is worth looking into if you're into FPS RPGs. It's not 100% King's Field and I do wish it was more of a slower game like it but Lunacid still does a lot of cool and fun/funny things with a great soundtrack and great atmasphere with a fun enough combat loop. Don't let my complaining and dumb bickering push you away from trying the game out.

[ellana-ravenwood]

“Self-care is important, you IDIOT” - Batfam x Fem!Reader

Synopsis : It’s rare. You meddling with your family’s “vigilante activity”. It’s rare. On the contrary, you usually support them, and you understand why they do it. But sometimes...Sometimes, it really gets on your nerves how little they take care of themselves ! And you’re not afraid of telling them, ALL of them. Wether it’s Bruce aka “The idiot” (your idiot), your kids, or even Alfred !  

I had a dream about this, so I had to write it haha. Just a small compliation of ficlets/drabbles (some longer than other) on the same subject that I compiled together, while I still work on a bigger project that I’ll hopefully post soon ;). A bonus fic, if you will. I hope you’ll like it nonetheless ! Comments and reblogs are of course, as usual, always very welcomed :)  : 

My masterlists : @ella-ravenwood-archives

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Bruce

Bruce knew that, when you called him an “idiot”, it was serious.

Your relationship was based on mutual respect, communication, healthy habits and, of course, a lot of love. So you calling him an “idiot”…It meant something.

It meant you were angry with him. And it only happened in one specific situation : When he didn’t properly take care of himself.

Bruce was a man of the extreme. Yes. “Was”. He was more temperate, now. Thanks to you, in a big part. Thanks to his children too. And to the constant love and support you all gave him.

Which sometimes lead to you calling him an idiot.

It was less frequent, nowadays. But at the beginning of your relationship ? Oh boy. The issue often came when he was ��off duty”. Home. And when he’d work out up until he couldn’t anymore. And at first, it was source of “fights” between you two.

His work as Batman ? You understood it. You knew he was putting himself, every night, in danger. And why he was doing it. His work as CEO of Wayne Inc ? It was needed. He did so much good with his company. But when he was home. The rare moment of peace. He spend all of it training. And it couldn’t go on.

“I’m not saying to not work out, and you know that ! I’m saying being so intense is completely unsustainable, and you know it ! You’ll end up breaking your body before you’re even forty !!”

Bruce knew. He knew. And the truth was ? A part of him knew he would never be able to be Batman forever. Of course. So his idea was to push himself to his limits, to accomplish his work as fast as possible ! So what, if he sacrificed his body and mind for it ? As long as he achieved his goal : a safer place for children to grow in. So nobody will ever experience what he lived through.

Ah. But you disagreed. In part because you loved him, of course, but also because you believed in his cause. You believe in bringing Gotham back from the chaos it was in. And you were intimately CERTAIN that Bruce would break himself before finishing his goal if he continued like this.

You put things into perspective.

Showed him his self-destructive behavior.

There was a “before” and “after” you, when it came to Bruce’s work out. He still worked out a lot of course, but now, he also had “low intensity” work outs, and did yoga.

Which could sound ridiculous, to people who had a certain idea of the Batman. But it wasn’t.

It was a way of going the farthest in his goals, in his want and need to give Gotham a chance to get better. To give its inhabitants a better future.

Working out, keeping himself in shape (which arguably he did every time he went out as Batman), it was important. But what good would it do if his body couldn’t keep up ? He was, after all, just a man. He would for sure break, if everything was “all work and no play”.

And oh. Oh his life had been just that for so long. Training, training, and more training. Fighting, solving crimes, more fighting. Going home to sleep a few hours, and then go back to train.

It was as if he was a machine, going through life mechanically for the sole purpose of Justice.

And you were right, it wasn’t sustainable. He probably would’ve cracked before finishing his plans. Push himself right into the grave…

And then you came. You called him an idiot, yelled that self-care was important, and didn’t budge on the matter. You showed him he needed to take care of himself, in order to take care of others. You showed him…So much. Love has always been one of Bruce’s strength, no matter what certain people might think of him.

Love was his driving force.

And your love ? Is what made you so adamant he needed to take care of himself. And it changed…so much.

He couldn’t even list everything good it brought him, to finally think of himself. To put himself back in the “Batman” equation, not just as a mean to achieve a goal, but as an actual being. To view himself as a human again.

Bruce’s trauma ran deep. So deep he forgot sometimes he even existed. And there you were, calling him an “idiot” and making big speeches about how he needed to take care of himself.

For his own good. And in a way, for everyone’s good.

There you were, reminding him he had feelings. Grounding him in this world. Reminding him he was a person, with emotions and needs.

Oh and you’d never give up on him. Never. You were always there, reminding him all the good of being alive.

When his parents died, a part of him died too. Bruce thought he could never feel happy again. He buried himself in his work, in order to not feel. And there you were…

“Self-care is important, you idiot !”, simply because he was working too much, pushing his body and mind too much. “Simply” ? Ah. But the self-destructive tendency wasn’t even something he was aware of. This was far from simple. And without you, he might’ve never even realized it.

So. Yes. As silly as it could sound to some, self-care, knowing his limit and not trying to push them (too much), made him a better Batman.

All that thanks to self-care ? Yes. Even heroes, needed to take care of themselves, if they wanted to keep doing what they were doing. Something Bruce never really thought about. Not before you, for sure.

“Self-care is important, you idiot !” you’d yell at him, when he pushed himself too much. When he sacrificed his body and his mind for his cause. When he went too far, and pushed himself to the limits.

It would always happen. You knew it. This is how he was. Sometimes, he had to go to the extremes. And you loved him unconditionally. But hell if you weren’t going to get mad at him, and force him to take care of himself ! Subsequently, you took care of him a lot, too.

And maybe, his form of self-care was to let you be there for him ? Maybe. After all, he often said it best himself : “Life isn’t very long, and a man doesn’t have a lot of great moments. But you’ve given me many. All my best memories are with you.”

Bruce wasn’t the only one who would put taking care of himself as an afterthought, unfortunately for you. Your kids would do that to.

Of course, you’d never call them “idiots”, for many reasons. And to be honest only when he was really putting himself needlessly at risk would you call Bruce that, he just could act like such an idiot sometimes !! Just like you too, everyone could act like idiots at one points...Except your children, they were perfect. Buuuut, sometimes, they really wouldn’t take care of themselves.

And that made you “mad”.

Dick

"Richard, you ought to know that this was too high of a drop, even for you !”

Oooooh snap. You called him “Richard”. You were definitely not too happy with him. And your son knew better than to try and talk during moments such as this.

He had been with you and Bruce for just over two years now, and had recently celebrated his tenth birthday. He’d been calling you “mom” for a while now, and definitely saw you as the best thing that happened to him since he lost his parents. You and Bruce, you saved him.

Which is why he knew why you were calling him “Richard” right now.

See, Dick was one of the only one amongst your kids that always saw through your bluff. He knew, you weren’t angry. You were definitely not happy with him, but it wasn’t anger, that made you call him “Richard” instead of any other affectionate nickname you always gave him.

It was your worry for his safety. And how little he seemed to care, at times, for it.

Dick, amongst every member in your family, was the only one who truly got that. Of course, later on, all his siblings and his dad would understand you cared for them and wanted them to take care of themselves. But Dick ? Dick was the only one who knew you never got angry at them, you were just scared.

Probably a little frustrated too, let’s face it.

But mainly scared. Scared that they would forget to take care of themselves, and as a result, well…Things like what just happened would happen.

Dick, in pursuit of a thug, jumped from a point that he knew was too high, and broke his leg. But in the heat of the moment, all he thought was catching the bad guy. And he did. He caught him. By jumping on him from a little too high, injuring himself in the process.

And you were terrified.

If already, at ten years old, he started to have this kind of behavior…

You couldn’t help but remember a time during which Bruce would push himself too much. Would be more hurt than nowadays. The beginning of your relationship was far from easy, for the both of you. You didn’t want Dick to fall in the same habits.

“You have to be more careful, you know..”

“Yes mom, I know.”

Dick knew. He knew what you felt. He knew how you felt. Because he felt the same too. You and him had a lot in common,. And worrying about others’ wellbeing was one of said point in common. And so Dick knew what it was, to want someone to take care of themselves and watch them not do it.

After all, his dad was the Batman.

He was the only one in the family who ever truly got it. Who ever truly saw you were never angry at them, but scared. Dick knew. He knew.

He smiled at you, already so wise, for such a young kid.

Of course, you had no idea how much he understood how you felt. How much he knew already, that it was important to take care of himself. That self-care was vital. Especially in his line of work. And so you reminded him often.

Like right now, bringing him some food, as he was bed ridden because of his broken leg. You weren’t angry. You were scared. Scared they’d lose themselves.

“Mom ?”

“Yes, honey ?”

“I promise I’ll take more care of myself. So please, don’t be so worried, ok ?”

Wh-What ? Your son was ten. He was only ten. How was it, that he knew exactly what was on your mind ? That he knew what to say ? That he knew-

Ah. You looked at him, and he looked back at you. Giving you the purest smile you’ve ever seen. And you understood. Yes. You did.

You and Dick always had this link between the two of you, this way of understanding each other’s feelings. Mainly because your brain were wired the same on how you perceived life : as long as your loved ones were ok, you were ok. And as a result, you knew how important it was to take care of yourself, too. To be ok, for them.

It wasn’t always easy. And that’s exactly what family was for. So that during the hard times, like right now, as you were scared for your son who broke his leg as a lack of care for himself, together, you could pull through.

“Self-care is important, right ?”

He said, a light of mischievousness in his eyes. And oooh that boy. He’s always been clever. A little too much, maybe. You smiled back, and said :

“Yes it is my little one, yes it is. So please, be more careful…”

It was clear, in those moments, you were never angry at them. But scared. Scared they’d forget to take care of themselves, and get hurt (or worst) in the process.

When Dick started to live on his own, in Blüdhaven, one of the thing he constantly asked himself was : “Would mom be scared for me if I do that ?”, and it was honestly often a motivation to take care of himself. Take some “mental health days” off, so he could recenter himself and take care of his mind. Let his body rest too.

He always understood you. And as a result, of course, your constant remembrance of how important self-care was stuck with him, and will always stick with him.

Jason

Pre-Red Hood

“Jason, baby, you have to be more careful.”

“But did you see mom, did you see how I hit the ball so far that dad couldn’t even catch it ? Did you see it mom ? Did you ? That’d be a homerun right ? Right mom ? Right ?”

“Yes, yes I saw. And it’d be a homerun for sure. But you-“

“And then he ran to get it but I was already half-way around the field. I would’ve finished if I didn’t fall in the roses – I hope Alfred isn’t mad – But like, it was still good right ? Right ?”

“Yes, it was. But Jason, you need to-“

Your son jumped up on his feet, while you were in the middle of taking care of his injuries, which fortunately weren’t too bad. Small scratches there and there. A bruise on his little face. It wasn’t too bad, but it was such a recurrent thing.

“I hit it so far ! I never hit it that far ! Right mom, right ? That was so far ! I think it went to the back of the garden, and Wayne Manor’s garden is big ! Dad didn’t even got to it. Well, because he came to get me out of the roses, but he was so far from it ! Right mom ? I hit the ball super super far ! I bet I hold the record of hitting it the farthest right ? The record in the family ? Dick didn’t hit it that far, did he ? Oh wait, he doesn’t like baseball. Well I’m the one who hit it the most most most most farthest then right ? Right mom ? Right ?”

Yes. It was a recurrent thing.

Jason, often engrossed in what he was doing, wouldn’t pay much attention to his body. To himself, in general. Because even as he was just nine, he often took much more upon himself than such a young child should take on. And he would throw himself body and soul into everything he did. He was a very passionate kid, to say the least.

And he wanted to help. Oh, he wanted to help so much. Because he still thought he didn’t do enough to save his own parents…While they were the ones who failed him.

You see, Jason had to survive most his life. He grew up too fast, taking responsibilities that he should never have taken. His parents were the result of years of Gotham’s neighborhood rotting away in poverty and crime. And there was little hope, for a small child. Yet…Yet he pulled through. And took so much upon himself.

This habit stayed with him. He always wanted to be there for everyone, often to the detriment of himself, whether physically or mentally. He didn’t want to just help out, no, he HAD TO throw his entire being in everything he did.

Ok, in this instance, it wasn’t that deep. Your boy just got really excited playing baseball with his dad, and accidently got hurt in the process as he hit the ball really hard and as he got happy the ball went past Bruce, he ran and…fell right in one of Alfred’s rose garden (he wasn’t looking in front of him, as he waved at you excitedly repeating “did you see this mom ? Did you see ?”). The thorns made quite a number of him.

No wounds were too deep, but there were many of them. However, none tainted Jason’s excitement. And this was one of the core of the problem.

Your son would often get too much into something. And forget to take care of himself. Whether it was because he wanted to save someone, or because he won at a game against his dad…

In that way, he actually resembled Bruce a lot. Both of them had this inside them, this way of getting hyperfocused on something to the detriment of themselves.

“Jason.”

Your solemn voice stopped him as he was again describing what had just happened, and he turned to you, worried he did something wrong.

He was always worried he did something wrong. You quickly reassured him, and added :

“It’s just…You have to be more careful buddy.”

The question in his eyes told you everything. He didn’t even notice, himself, how he could get too caught up in something and sacrifice himself in everyway possible.

Again. This wasn’t that deep. It was just a baseball game, and he wasn’t that hurt. But it represented the root of the problem nonetheless.

“It is important, to take care of yourself, you know ? Self-care is, I would say, one of the most important thing I will ever teach you.”

“Self…care ?”

“Yes. The art of taking care of yourself. And it is, an art. You know, sometimes we have too much on our plate. Too many things are going on. And we need to take a few steps back, a good warm bath, read a good book…Just take care of ourselves. It’s important. It’s so important. I could write essays about how important it is. In fact, I’ll write one for you. Maybe it’ll make more sense. I know you can be a bit cartesian my boy.”

You smiled at him, and he smiled back, naturally.  

You could see Jason didn’t quite understand just yet. But you knew he would. You knew because you’d never stop reminding him how important self-care is. And just like everything Jason did, he started to indeed take care of himself, because he knew it made you and his dad happy..

************

Post-Red Hood

“Are you crazy ?”

“I don’t need your lessons, Dick.”

“Oh yeah ? You sure about that ? Because you almost just died ‘cause you were too engrossed in trying to-“

“I. Don’t. Need. Your. LESSONS !”

Your oldest son stopped himself from saying more. He knew his little brother enough to know it was useless. To know it’d only drive him further away.

Jason had almost died (again) after he chased after a group of thugs, and, too focused on that, didn’t notice a sniper. Or rather, he noticed, but his only goal was to stop the criminals. He didn’t care what happened to him in the process. “Too engrossed in what he was doing”.

“JASON PETER TODD !”

Jason’s blood froze. Oh no. Oh. No. You weren’t happy with him. Clearly.

“Oooh, you’re in troubleeee.”

Jason glared at his oldest brother, Dick, who just said those words. What ? They weren’t children anymore. So his mom was angry, and ? He died and came back to life, so nothing really got to him anymore, and certainly not some silly-

“Exactly what do you think you’re doing ?? You could’ve been killed ! So stupidly too ! You were brought back to us, we can’t watch you go again !”

Oh. Oh he was wrong. As he saw you approached, furious, he felt like a little eight year old child again. Which was an odd feeling, because he was certain he erased everything from that time from his heart, so why would he feel like that right now ?

“Haven’t I told you to take care of yourself ? Didn’t I taught you that ? Forget everything your dad ever taught you if your hatred really makes you do it. But not this, ok ? Not the way he, we, showed you you needed to take care of yourself ? Not, not that…”

Your voice slowly faded away, tears welling up in your eyes.

Jason had come back not so long ago. You and Bruce discovered it was him not so long ago. And he still hadn’t really talked to you. He had a big fight with your husband, you knew. And you understood where his anger came from. But you couldn’t…You couldn’t bear to see him die again !

“Just take care of yourself…hate us all you want, but please…take care of yourself…Don’t let yourself get hurt like that…”

Jason had to leave. He couldn’t handle seeing you like that, but his entire being was still too wrecked deep inside, to go to you and hug you. To comfort you, like you did when he was a child. To talk.

He couldn’t.

He didn’t…He didn’t hate you. And he certainly didn’t hate his dad either. He- He didn’t know who he was anymore.

He had recently reconnected with his siblings (goddamn Dick never was able to mind his business). And Bruce had, of course, ran after him as soon as he understood who the Red Hood really was…But now, now Bruce was giving him space.

And Jason. Jason understood why. He understood. And it tore him apart even more. Oh, it would’ve been so easy, to just hate you and Bruce. But he didn’t. No.

He was hurt. Deeply. And he didn’t understand why Bruce did the thing he did. And why-

He was hurt.

And he wasn’t ready yet to confront you. To just face you. He didn’t want to break again.

And so he left.

In a way, that in itself was an “act of self-care”. Protecting himself from feelings he knew he could not handle just yet. Leaving, so he could regroup. Clear his mind.

Take care of himself.

Everyone had to (re)start somewhere.

Tim

“MOM ! MOOOOM !!”

Damian’s erratic screams pierced you like a knife. That boy rarely succumbed to panic, so if he was calling you so desperately, it meant something grave was up !

You ran towards where his voice was coming, your mind running a thousand different scenarios as to what might’ve happened. You came in the living room your family used the most, and you felt your heart drop.

Right there, near the couch, was Damian, looking as he was about to cry he was sitting down on the floor, with Tim’s head in his lap.

“He just dropped mom, he just dropped !”

Your brain entered “automated pilot” mode as you dismissed all feelings of fear, and went right to your son, to check his vitals and…

“He’s sleeping.”

“Wh-What ?”

Damian was sobbing, scared to death for his brother. Contrary to popular belief, and even if they wouldn’t admit it themselves, Damian and Tim were very close. And so when Tim passed out all of a sudden, he downright panicked, and got extremely scared.  

“He’s sleeping. He’s ok. I bet he “forgot” to sleep again…”

Yes. This wasn’t the first time Tim sort of dropped out of nowhere. He once got dumped by a girlfriend because he fell asleep in a rollercoaster. It wasn’t really too out of character. Reassured, and after making sure he was really just asleep, you went to fetch your husband so he could help you get Tim to bed. As you left you heard Damian say :

“Just you wait, when you wake up, I’ll make you pay for this !”

A soft smile on your lips, you exited the room.

You always worried about your family, of course. Especially given their line of work. But Tim ? Oh, Tim was a CONSTANT worry even when you were right next to him. You didn’t want to be overbearing, so you’d let him do “his thing”. But oh boy...That child had the worst attitude when it came to his own self.

He’d forget to eat, if he was too focus on a project. Or to drink. Or, you know, to sleep. He’d put his needs last, if it meant solving a case. If it meant finishing something.

He was the worst, when it came to self-care. And no matter how much you’d remind him, get mad at him (you, or the rest of the family really), he would always dismiss his need for (what he thought was) a higher purpose. Unlike with your husband, your argument of him not being able to achieve his goal if he dropped first, never quite hit him.

Tim simply didn’t care what happened to him, as long as he got things done. And it was tragic. In multiple ways. First, because it showed how growing up to be invisible to his biological parents truly affected his psyche. Second because it was a source of constant worry for everyone. Third because it really was unhealthy, and he was just sixteen ! Fourth…Well, the list would be infinite, when you think about it.

Tim never taking care of himself was tragic, period.

And moments like this ? Damian panicking, you feeling awful, and him passing out of exhaustion ? Well, it was proof enough of that fact.

Tim woke up in his bedroom, and was greeted by a sight that warmed his heart. Damian was asleep in an armchair, curled up in a little ball. Oh, how far they went, since the first time they met...

His mom and dad were there too, in another armchair. His mom was sleeping, but his dad...

“Hello there chum, feeling better ?”

He nodded, and smiled.

“I’m ok, of course. It was just a little moment of weakness; no worries.”

“Don’t say that to your mom, she’s gonna lose her mind if she hears you say that again after you passed out…again.”

“I know, that’s why I’m telling you. I know you understand.”

“I do. To a certain extend. I do agree with your mom, you know ? It is important to take care of yourself.”

“I am taking care of myself.”

“You passed out on your way to watch a movie with Damian, because you were THAT tired.”

“Good point. But it’s not like, all the time. I just got caught up in…stuffs.”

“I know.”

There’s a small silence. Tim knew Bruce understood him, but he also knew he agreed with you on the self-care part. Which is something he just couldn’t understand. His biological parents never took care of him, like, at all, and it was deep rooted in him that he didn’t really matter. So, you know, it wasn’t such a big deal.

He knew, of course, his family loved him. He knew the extend of your love, you showed it many times. He just didn’t think taking care of himself was that important.

In any case, he was glad you were sleeping at the moment. He definitely didn’t want you to get mad at him right now, he hated it. Not because he was getting yelled at, but because he hated “disappointing” you. So yes. He was glad. And it was heartwarming, that you guys were waiting for him to wake up.

He loved you all so much. Which is why he had to work harder to-

“DRAKE !”

Tim turned his head towards Damian, who was now standing on the armchair, pointing a finger at him.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUUU ?”

For a few seconds, Tim was lost. He looked at his brother, and then at his dad and you, who definitely woke up after Damian’s outburst.

And then Damian started to talk. Talk and talk. To sermon Tim like he never did before.

And it clicked.

It clicked in Tim’s head, that day. After years of you trying to tell him self-care was important, it finally clicked…because of his little brother.

Damian was more than mad, when he woke up. He lectured Tim for hours and hours. And the concern in his voice, in his face, in the very reason he was mad…It told everything Tim needed to know.

He was important to others. He knew it of course. He knew you and Bruce loved him, that he was your beloved son. But for some reason, he always dismissed your self-care words for being “worried parents”. But when Damian put himself in such a state because of Tim lack of self-care ?

Your son understood. Finally. FINALLY. This wasn’t just the worries of parents. This was an actual important thing. Not just for him, but for others, too. He had the same epiphany your husband had, all those years ago.

It just took him a little more time to get through his stubborn thick skull. Oh, and also, it took a loud short ball of nerve showing his utter worry for him, to finally get him to understand.

Finally. Tim understood years of you saying : “self-care is important”, because of the love his little brother held for him…

Cass

“This. Ok.”

She said, showing the wounds you were tended to.

“No Cassandra, no, it’s not ok !”

Your daughter was taken aback by the use of her full name. You only used her full name when you were angry...Or when she thought, you were angry. Usually, you calling her “Cassandra” was a translation of your worries (which granted, could appear as if you were angry).

Dick would tell her you weren’t angry, just worried.

Worried because Cass grew up with people who didn’t care about her, and only ever saw her body as a weapon (resembled Damian in that way). As a result, she viewed her own self as an expandable, and it drove you crazy.

Crazy with worries, and with pain.

Your precious little girl thought of herself as an expandable, while to you, she’d forever be irreplaceable. You hated those who gave her the idea. Hated her so called “father”.

How dare they make such a wonderful woman think she was nothing important. Think her existence was secondary.

“It’s not ok, it’s not.”

You repeated. And it broke your heart, to see your daughter not understanding why you were so upset. You were pretty sure she thought you were upset with her.

“I’m not angry at you…”

You had to reassure her on that, of course. But you couldn’t look at her. You didn’t want to cry, not in front of her. You weren’t sure you could explain to her why…

But you and Cass ? You never needed words, to understand each other. You never needed hours of conversations, long explanations, to know exactly how the other felt.  

You felt her hands softly settle on your cheeks, and she “forced” you to raise your head. For a long moment, she looked deep in your eyes, and you could see she was searching for the answers to her unasked questions.

Did she find it ?

You didn’t know. All you know is that she let you go, after a while. Looked at her wounds. And said :

“Alright. Important.”

************

It’s only ages later, that you realized she understood what you meant, in that moment you called her “Cassandra”. She understood why you were sad, and that it wasn’t her fault.

No. And that was the most important thing.

It wasn’t her fault.

It was a long road, to understanding truly was self-care is. But a long road she was willing to take. Because she knew you would take it with her, too. That you would be there, guiding her, not giving up on her, ever.

That you would be there, looking at her as if she was the most important thing in the world for you (and she was, along with the rest of the family). Giving her a sensation she never felt before.

Was she important ?

If she was, was taking care of herself important ?

A long road. That you’d accompany her on. Everything will be fine. She knew it. One day, one day she’d understand.

Self-care is important.

Damian

Damian was not used to have someone care for his need. So how could he know about “self-care ?”

When trained with the League of Assassins, he was fed, and had a roof over his head. But, he was being trained by the League of Assassins. He had been created for one purpose and one purpose only.

To one day rule the world.

There was no being nurtured, just being lead to be the ultimate survivor and weapon. Nobody ever asked him if he wanted ice-cream, for example, like you were, right now.

“Are you ok, my little buddy ?”

Ah. Another question he never heard before he started to live at Wayne Manor. “Are you ok ?”, oh, how three little words could mean so much.

Damian wasn’t ok. And he wasn’t even sure why. He just felt like everything was...Too much. Sometimes, things were just too much. And he didn’t quite knew why yet (he would discover along the way, get more in phase with his own feelings).

He shook his head, and slowly, you saw his face crumble, and tears gathering in his eyes and you didn’t need more prompting. You entered “mom mode”, an experience Damian only ever lived with you. Which is probably why he genuinely considered you to be his mom.

You sat down beside him, and enveloped him in your arms. And it felt so nice. He didn’t need to give you an explanation, to tell you why he wasn’t feeling well. You were there anyway. And it was nice.

A long time went by, when you finally said :

“You can always talk to me. And if it’s too hard, text me ? Write to me to explain, if you want. You don’t have to of course. But if you feel like it’ll make you feel better, do not hesitate. You will never bother me.”

You will never bother me, you tell him. In such stark contrast with what he was used to. His grandfather constantly reminded him that he was alive only because he let him be. That his life belonged to him, and that if he became too much of a nuisance, he’d-

“It’s ok my little buddy. Go ahead, cry all you need. It’s ok.”

All you need. You said need.

“You know, it’s ok to sometimes take some time, for yourself. It’s important, even.”

There’s a short silence. Damian clings to you, but he slowly calms down.

“You have to take care of yourself. Care for yourself, as much as I care for you.”

Silence again. Damian wasn’t crying anymore, but he wasn’t sure of what to say. Taking care of himself ? He didn’t know how that worked. Where to begin ? What did that entail ?

Taking care of himself, as much as you cared for him ?

Wouldn’t that be too much ? Too self-centered ? Going backward in his redemption, back to thinking he was “the best” and deserved to be put on a pedestal ?

Because you cared for him so much. So much. Like nobody ever cared for him before. Granted, it was easy, as nobody ever did. But you…You were such a great mom.

Damian didn’t want to be self-centered.

“It’s ok to take care of yourself. To have moment of self-care.”

You said, noticing your son didn’t seem convince. And it’s as if you could read his mind, as you added :

“It doesn’t mean you only care about yourself. There IS a difference between self-care and being self-centered.”

Yes. As if you read exactly what was in his mind.

“Damian. You are allowed to take time for yourself. Like right now. With me. It’s self-care. Opening up to someone, letting your emotion run free. It’s a form of self-care. And then, when you feel better, we can go eat all the junk food we can find, and binge watch all your favorite movies. That could also be self-care.”

“Eating ice-cream and movies are…self-care ?”

“Well, in a way, yes. It makes you feel good right ?”

“Right.”

“And relaxed ?”

“Yes, especially when with you.”

“Then it’s self-care. For me, it’s peace of mind. It’s feeling like things will be ok. It’s surrounding myself with those I love. Like you. I love you my little buddy.”

“I love you too…”

He never told anyone he loved them before. Because nobody ever loved him.

Self-care, huh ?

Damian never even knew it existed. He never saw simply doing something he liked, like drawing, as a part of “self-care”. Just like with his dad, you put things into a new perspective.

You made him understand, slowly but surely, what self-care was. And how important it is.

Duke

Duke had the bad habit of pressuring himself too much. He was a rather stress teenage boy, and it made it even worst that he always kept everything inside, like an actual pressure cooker.

He put in his head, early in his life, that he had to succeed at certain things in order for his loved one to be proud of him, and not worry for him. He’d stress over his studies, his future, sometimes he’d simply stress over not knowing what to eat for lunch !

It was simply the way he was, an overthinker to the core.

And he never spoke about it. Never. It wasn’t his style, and it wasn’t what he was used to.

A pressure cooker.

Holding everything cooking up inside, under high pressure.

You knew that. You knew, and it drove you crazy, because you also knew this kind of stress couldn’t just be cured overnight, if it could even be cured.

Duke was an anxious boy, and as a result he often got strung up on things and forgot himself. Forgot his own safety.

You made it your duty, to remind him that he needed to take care of himself. Just like you did with all your children.

But Duke was particular. All your children were different, and they all had to learn to take care of themselves in different ways. For Duke, who also had the added stress of discovering new powers which could turn dangerous if he didn’t learn to use them, it came under the form of a schedule.

Duke like the safety of knowing what was going to happen. Of planning things ahead, which is what made him such a great vigilante (and was closely related to his powers, when you thought about it).

He needed a structure, or his stress would go through the motherfu**ing roof. You discovered that the hard way. You were trying to explain to him he needed to take some self-care moments, to tell him taking care of himself was important…And it really didn’t work. In fact, it had the opposite effect.

He listened to you. He took a day off and…panicked. He hadn’t time to think what he was going to do, how he would use this day productively, how-

It just didn’t occur to him that Duke would react that way. And it was ok. Learning through trials and errors, right ? The next day, you showed him a blank schedule, saying he should try to fit a “self-care day” at least once a month, to start with. And then incorporate one a week, if he could.

And this ? This was reassuring. He could work, with thinking of a schedule. With thinking of specific days, in which it was ok for him to not plan things. He just had to plan that in advance.

For many, it could sound contradictory. But for him, who had this anxiety he had to live with for so long, it wasn’t. If he knew he had that day to relax, to not think of anything. To put everything on a side, and just do his hobbies, hang with his family and friends without worries…Then he could genuinely let go.

It was maybe a little too cerebral for some people. But it’s how Duke worked. The very essence of his meta-human powers showed this was just who he was. Someone who needed to plan ahead. It didn’t mean he couldn’t improvise, oh no, on the contrary, he had quite the talent to improvise. He was a smart boy. But, it meant having a direction to go was reassuring, and nice. And knowing when he could turn this off, was also nice.

To Duke, self-care started with a piece of cardboard. A blank schedule you gave him. And it slowly took meaning from there. Slowly became an actual thing. To finally take its full place in his life.

Duke had his own way, to self-care. His own path. And as he introduced this in his life, he became less stressed, and truly understood what you meant.

Self-care was important.

Self-care was almost vital, in a way ?

It could help you function during days you felt like nothing would go right.

Self-care was important.

Duke had a tough few years, what with losing his parents to the Joker’s laughing poison, and discovering he was a meta-human. And you teaching him self-care ? Showing him the foundation of what it was ?

It helped. It really did.

Not only self-care became a part of his daily routine. But it’s also what made him feel like he had a family again. Because if you, Bruce, those he came to introduce as his siblings, wanted him to take care of himself…It meant you really cared for him. It meant you loved him.

It meant he had a family again.

Alfred

You would FORCE Alfred to take days off.

Out of everyone, he probably the one who took care the least of themselves. And with people like Tim or Bruce in your family, that was saying a LOT.

In a way, it seemed logical. After all, his very position, being a butler, meant everyone else’s need came before his. But in your way, it couldn’t always be like that !

Alfred too, needed time for himself. Needed time for some precious self-care.

And although he was quite a stubborn man, and held his ground in front of the Batman himself…He couldn’t beat your determination. And he had to admit, it was nice, to sometimes lay back.

Everyone needed some self-care days.

YOU !

Just like you’d get mad at them, they’d definitely get mad at you too...

Sometimes, they would say you took care of them TOO MUCH.

Of course, most of the time they wouldn’t complain. They loved being around you. But they loved you being healthy even more. And so the “you time” came in. “Me time”, for you. Every now and then, you’d have moments of pure self-care. All on your own. Which was…nice.

You loved your family, but those moments of calm wanted “loneliness” were good. It was part of your self-care. The other part was…To let yourself be utterly pampered by them.

By your Broosh. By your children. By Alfred.

Moments devoted to you, to your every need. Because your health was precious, to all of them. And you understood. You understood, because this was the exact reason you always “fought” them to take more care of themselves.

Yes.

Yes, self-care is important. And it was something that almost became a motto, in the Wayne family.

__________________________________________________

Just like last time, I haven’t written anything in a while (this time mainly because of lack of time though, and not my mental illnesses...yay ?). So I’m a little nervous about sharing this little thing, I wrote rather fast in a burst of inspiration (albeit I wrote this half-asleep so ya know). They’re just drabbles. Maybe too descriptive, but the theme was made for it aaah.

I really hope you liked it. And as usual, comments and/or reblogs are always welcomed, encouraging, and heart warming :). Thank you.

[standingappablog]

My interpretation of Toni and Shelbys relationship.

I am re-watching the wilds and I wanna talk about a few things I missed in my first viewing. 

Toni

Starting off in episode one, which I think a lot of us picked up on the gay vibe from both of them, was Tonis front with shelby at the beginning of the show. All talk, and takes no shit. But you can spot her flustered moment easily when Shelby puts her hands on her shoulders and when she begins to sing (while she pees yes lol) But you can just SEE IT on her face. This quickly subsides though as not long after Toni lets a tree branch fly back in her face.

The writers also try confuse you and make you think the reason why Toni  dislikes Shelby so much (at least untill episode 6 before the homophobia) is becuase of her possibly stealing her best friend away. Which of course played a part in it too.

The scenes of her looking at Martha and shelby was a common 0occurrence. You notice though, in most scenes how Martha is sort of out focus and in the backround while shelby takes up most of the shot. Indicating that shelby is the person Tonis gaze is fixed on.

I think the reason why Toni so strongly disliked Shelby in the beginning  is becuase she found herself attracted to her, which she obviously didnt like. With shelby having this happy go lucky optimistic front, and all the jesus talk really clashed with her pretty pesimistic personality. Not to mention how Toni thinks Shelby is extreamly privileged,which in a lot of aspects of her life she is. Considerably more after you find out Tonis backstory. So with that knowledge of her backround you could see why she would assume her life is better than hers. I mean she is a rich white girl from texas, so her assumption wasnt unreasonable. To Toni the idea of liking someone like Shelby is unexpected for her, so she does as much as possible to push her away. Explaining why she was pretty rude to her for the first half of the series. 

Along with Shelbys little “westburo baptist” moment Toni got pretty angry (rightly so) and this probably solidified the irationality of thease feelings she had for Shelby. Giving her even more of a reason to dislike her.

 Despite this Toni finds it in herself to try cheer her up when the two run into each other in the woods after Shelbys biggest insecurity is revealed by leahs theories. Tonis feelings for Shelby are on view a little bit here. Beforehand she barely could interact with her without expressing her dislike for Shelby.

 Though the mood shifts again after Shelby brings up the subject of her views on being gay.

Right up until shelby kisses her, Toni outwardly berates Shelby on how medieval her veiws are, and what a priveleged life she leads. She tells her on this island they are free, and Shelby takes this opportunity to show who she really is.

The kiss the two share as we all saw was in no way one sided, Toni does kiss her back. Obvioiusly this shocks Toni, as well as shelby herself. WIth shelby running off as she tries to escape what she just did with a girl who she thought hated her.

You immideatly see Toni run after her. Her feelings for this girl who Toni thought hated who she was where reciprocated. In this moment her whole attitude towards Shelby changes as she begins to understand why she is the way she is.

Shelby

Shelbys sexuality was pretty obvious to many of the LGBT viewers, we have all been there, obviously not the religious cult part, but putting up a front, hiding who we are. So it was easy to tell that she was gay from the beggining. Its also pretty common in the media to portray a closeted LGBT person like this. The question was how the writers where going to go about revealing the fact that she is gay.

You notice Shelbys attempts to be friendly towards Toni pretty early on with inviting her out to the first exhibition. Of course we all know it ends with her getting a branch to the face. But when questioned about the cut on her temple, she doesnt reveal that Toni was the one who caused it. 

Though as we all know as Shelby begins to become friends with Martha, Toni becomes increasingly more hostile towards her. Probably shattering the hopes of being friends. So we see less of Shelbys perspective of the relestionship between the two from her, and more from Toni. The two become pretty bitter with each other after the shelter building contest, the tension rising pretty quickly, although it seems that Toni is always the one who initiates the fights they have. Even after Toni destroys the hut and storms off, Shelby goes to find her and still tries to have a friendly conversation, possibly she went to comfort her, but of course we know from watching Toni interact with those around her she only initates in deep conversation with those she trusts, and the weird feelings she has for Shelby probably didnt help. 

Fast forward to episode six and Shelby has her little moment when the others are joking around with the shellfish. Of course this one isnt as subtle as previous scenes but it shows Shelbys internalized homophobia.The gestures Toni demonstrated made her uncomfortable becuase she knew thats who she was, the idea of being gay freaked her out, so she did the only thing to stop it. To lash out and reveal how she truely felt about herself. She proably never intended on revealing this, becuase really she doesnt hate the fact that Toni is gay. She hated the fact that she is gay herself. This probably shattered any hope of frienship with Toni after this incedent. (She also mentioned to martha afterwards that she knew it would happen, this revealation pushed everyone away from her considerably for the rest of the season)

When everyone begins to get sick, we see Shelby desperatly trying to prove to everyone and Toni that, she doesnt hate her. Ofcourse we knew by now that the two felt something for each other. In a way this was Shelbys feelings acting out. Her romantic feelings yes, but mostly guilt.Ignoring the others offers to let them give her the pill, instead she desperatly overcomes Tonis pride. Making her take the pill  forcably, so that she would stay alive.

Just before the two share their first kiss, shelby finally opens up about how miserable she finds her life. Toni as we know with a troubled backround claims that she cant “out sad” her. The only thing that Toni has that Shelby doesnt is freedom. Toni seeing the solution around them points out she is more free than ever and that moment you see the contemplation in her face, you can almost see whats going on in her mind just before she leans in and impulsively kisses Toni.

She then runs, obviously horrified with herself. The immeanse internalised homohpbia making her feel ashamed for following her heart.

I honestly loved watching this couple come together, their chemistry and writing was great and super intriuging to watch. I am glad a rewatched it again, there was a few things I missed out on in the first veiwing becuase i was too busy chanting “kiss! kiss! kiss!” everytime they appeared on screen together. This is completley my interpretation of their releationship and how the scenes are done, I honestly could be completley wrong and they are as they are shown to be on the surface. I just really enjoy delving deep into the motives and feelings of characters I enjoy watching. :)

*Edit* My apologies if this is written bad! At the time when I wrote this I was extremely tired. I hadn't slept the night before and I was just back from a full day of school.

[shining-magically]

so I’ve wondered this since the trailer came out years and years ago and Chloe defended the movie - was the red shoes teaser written by the same team that made the movie? were they forced to market it like that, was that based on an earlier draft, etc?? not sure if you know but you seem like the leading expert!

Sorry, this is gonna be an absolute novel because you know I’m an animation fan and the history and production of Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs is SO interesting and insane. Like, Tangled levels of insane. Thanks for calling me an expert, no one else was gonna do it so I just kind of took up the helm lol.

Here’s the low-down... The timeline of the movie’s production is an absolute mess and kind of an extremely wild ride. It was in production for ten years, went through a lot of different crew members, and went through at least two other major versions of the story before landing on the final version.

Since there’s not a ton of info on the movie’s production, a lot of this is pieced together from different interviews and context clues, and also a lot of what I’ve read and what I am quoting has been translated from Korean, sometimes pretty roughly. But yeah.

Here’s the story of why the Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs teasers and poster were so, so bad and fatshame-y and the actual movie was so, so good and body-positive. (With pictures and production artwork!)

(This is a beast of a post so I’m putting it under a cut.)

All right, so. After its conception originally as a short story by the South Korean studio Locus Creative in 2009-2010-ish, Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs was being worked on and was set to come out in Summer 2017, as evidenced by this poster at the 2015 Cannes Film Festival, featuring a different logo and very different character designs for most of the dwarfs.

In early-mid 2016, the first teaser (in which we see Snow White undress and then two dwarfs recoil in horror at her fatness when she takes her magic shoes off) was released, after the film had kind of been slowly chugging along for 6 or so years. (I am having such trouble pinpointing when the second teaser was released (in which one of the dwarfs basically attacks Snow while she is sleeping to steal her shoes), but I believe it was around the same time.) The teasers didn’t get that much traction because this was a small film from a small indie studio in South Korea.

None of the final actors had been cast yet. At this point in the production, the story was different, one of the many versions that the movie went through. As in the final movie, the dwarfs were actually cursed knights/princes and Snow White switched back and forth between two body types due to her magic shoes, but in this version, the dwarfs needed to steal the shoes from her in order to break their curse (rather than needing “a kiss from the most beautiful woman in the world” like in the final movie).

The weird thing is, I believe they had JUST changed the movie’s story when the teaser came out. I’m almost positive it was released more as a proof of concept than as an actual trailer for the movie. They had just recently combined two separate characters (seen above), a typical pretty, skinny princess character (Snow White) and a cute chubby girl character (’Bonnie’), into one single character that switches back and forth between the two appearances when she wears the magic shoes (also they had just dropped literally half of the movie taking place in the real world, with a magic mirror portal, it was a whole thing). 

They didn’t have the details of this aspect of the new story hammered out yet, and the first pass at presenting Snow’s magically changing body type, was, yeah, not good and super offensive. This was a really inexperienced indie studio making their first film on a low budget, so even the animation and voice acting wasn’t great. I think they just wanted to get SOMETHING out there because it had been 6 years and they wanted to have something to show for it.

But here’s the thing. Despite how the teasers make it seem, this was always supposed to be a movie about body positivity, letting go of appearance-based prejudices, and loving yourself and others for who you are and for who they are, which we see in the final film.

I like to think of our film as a kindhearted one. Our intentions are nice.

- Director Sung-ho Hong

It’s important to keep in mind that this movie was made in South Korea by a 99% Korean crew, and, as I understand it anyway, in Korean culture, ‘fatshaming’ is not really a thing that is seen as overtly offensive. Also, children’s media there seems to have more adult things in it than in the US, which probably accounts for the more risque parts of the teasers. That said, I really believe that at this point in the timeline, the movie was on-track to be bad (or at least not very good) when it was released, and it would have ended up bad IF a few key players hadn’t signed on (which I’ll get to in a moment).

Interestingly, the movie’s producer, Sujin Hwang, said in a 2017 interview:

“[Both teasers] were solely produced to induce curiosity. They’re completely irrelevant to the actual story.”

- Producer Sujin Hwang

I think what she was trying to convey was that neither one is a scene in the actual movie, because while the teasers didn’t reflect the revamped story as it existed in summer 2017 (the time of the interview), they DID reflect the earlier version of the story where the dwarfs wanted her shoes, which is what the story was at the time they were made.

Now that we’re in post-teaser 2016, HERE’S where things start to turn around. After the teasers were released, my guy Disney veteran and native Korean Jin Kim joined the project. He and Red Shoes director Sung-ho Hong had been buddies for about eight years and Sung-ho had been trying to get Jin to come to Seoul and work with him at Locus for a long time, and he finally succeeded.

Jin and his twenty years of Disney experience as an animator and senior designer on films like Tangled, Frozen, Big Hero 6, Zootopia, and Moana, had a HUGE HUGE HUGE influence on the movie. He redesigned almost all the characters, oversaw all the visual development from the moment he signed on, and heavily (HEAVILY) supervised the animation, literally going frame-by-frame through preliminary animations and drawing over them, teaching the inexperienced animators at Locus everything he knew. (Literally almost everyone except him either only had TV experience or had no professional experience because they just gotten out of school.)

From an outsider’s perspective, it really seems as though Jin joining the project (and his gargantuan effort) made the quality SKYROCKET. Not just in character design and animation, but also in things like effects animation, story, etc. After he joined, Locus really started pushing HARD to make a good, high-quality movie, and his influence and experience from being a prominent figure at Disney was absolutely key. The studio also began to really study Disney films and other well-made animated films from other studios to really try and pinpoint what the DNA of a good animated movie really is.

I don’t have any solid evidence, but I’m pretty sure that Tony Bancroft (an animator and the co-director of Mulan) then joined the project because he’s good friends with Jin Kim. He is only credited as the voice director (the movie was recorded in English and the characters were animated to the English dialogue), but I am SURE that he probably also had a pretty big influence on the movie, because like... How could he not? I really really think there was more to his role than his title would have you believe, even though there’s almost no info out there about it.

So now the movie goes through a gigantic metamorphosis. Character designs, visual development, and animation quality are all rapidly improving, the story is tightening, and the themes of the movie (which, again, were always the same and intended to be positive) are being presented in a more sincere way. The movie is becoming the sweet, self-love-encouraging and body-positive movie that was eventually released.

I’m putting a gif from the credits of the final movie here. As we move into 2017, when the giant eruption of backlash occurred, please keep in mind that the story was finalized at this point and that THIS was the movie people were so mad about:

Chloe Grace Moretz accepted the role of Snow White immediately after she read the script and she recorded her lines (I think) in early-ish 2017. Her co-star Sam Claflin also immediately accepted the role of the romantic interest, Merlin, after reading the script and recorded his lines in (I believe) July 2017.

In the summer of 2017, the story and script were more or less the same as in the final movie. Promotional images from that time show that most of dwarfs had been completely redesigned by this point and didn’t have their teaser designs anymore.

They also released a few screenshots that look exactly like the final film. The movie was advertised as coming out in ‘2018′ at this point. Here’s a promo image from 2017 that is MUCH more tactfully worded than the infamous Cannes poster:

So now we’re in summer 2017. The Cannes Film Festival. The movie’s script and story have been basically nailed down, animation is underway, and the Korean film company Finecut is beginning to market and sell the movie to worldwide audiences. They are planning on showing some footage to potential buyers at the festival, and they make a poster to advertise the film there.

Unfortunately, it’s THIS POSTER:

Now here’s where there are some unknowns. By this point, the movie is basically in its final form, which is an adorable, body-positive story about loving people for who they are, loving yourself for who YOU are, and that provides commentary on society’s standards of beauty and how they affect how people are treated/viewed. So why this poster??? All I can really tell is that someone (I think Finecut) really, REALLY messed up and either horribly mistranslated the tagline, or didn’t do enough research to know that this kind of thing is REALLY NOT OKAY in western culture.

The above picture is shared and the internet backlash begins, fueled by tweets from prominent body-positivity activists like Tess Holliday. Even Chloe Grace Moretz speaks out against it, because she of all people KNOWS that that’s not what the movie is about. The internet then finds the old teasers from before the movie was revamped and it makes things worse. Producer Sujin Hwang profusely apologizes and says that that is NOT the message of the movie. Locus pulls the advertising campaign, and takes down the two old teasers.

“Our film, a family comedy, carries a message designed to challenge social prejudices related to standards of physical beauty in society by emphasizing the importance of inner beauty.”

- Producer Sujin Hwang

Voice director Tony Bancroft also tried to explain the situation:

“The truth is the film has a body-positive message as its core theme–it’s the opposite of what reports are saying. The problem is one poorly translated movie poster that has been taken dramatically out of context.” 

- Voice Director Tony Bancroft

And then... There was nothing for a while. The movie didn’t come out in 2018 and was delayed. From what I can tell, I DON’T believe this delay was related to the Cannes backlash. I think it was mostly due to Locus’s limited budget and resources, because as we know, animation is difficult, time-consuming, expensive, and easy to do badly but hard to do well. Also, probably with Jin Kim and Tony Bancroft’s influence, they REALLY wanted to make sure to do a good job with the animation because they now had a great story and they really wanted the movie to be a quality, worldwide hit that would kind of put South Korean feature animation on the map. Just take a look at how nice the final animation was:

The movie was released in South Korea on July 25th, 2019. Unfortunately, the damage was done in the English-speaking markets and it was not released to an English-speaking audience until June 22, 2020, when it was released digitally in the UK. At the time of this post, there is no set US release date, but the distribution rights were recently bought by Lionsgate and the MPAA gave the film an official PG rating.

So who’s to blame? There’s no good answer. You could blame Locus for making those old teasers. You could blame Finecut for the competely tonedeaf Cannes poster. You could even blame cancel culture for raging against the movie based on one poster and two old teaser trailers without researching what the movie was actually about.

All I know is, it’s a damn shame.

[kelp-my-beloved]

More Empires fic recs

It's me again. This are a few of my favourite empires fics in ao3, this time multichaptered edition. This are all completed, both from s1 and s2, and in no particular order. Fics under the readmore, enjoy!

Four Reasons Why I'm Broken (And Why That's Okay), by Useless_Bisexual123: "False is paranoid. False has memory problems. False doubts herself. False gets nightmares. But maybe, just maybe, that's alright."

Rating: T Archive Warnings: GDV Chapters: 3/3 Words: 7384

This was one of the first fics I read about Empires!False, and Im absolutely in love with her characterisation in here. She's tired, stressed, and I love her for this. The writting is so good too, and before I realised I had read the entire thing in one sitting. Also, Lizzie is here, and every paragraph she's in had me either dying in laughter or was just too cute. Just. I love this.

Shifting Perspective, by @scribbling-dragon: "Shapeshifters are shunned, pushed away from the light they helped to diminish. Their God retreated as they were outcast, disappearing into shadows that had only just appeared. Yet, they whisper that He is still present in the crackling of lightning and rumbling of thunder. His luck never seemed to hold firm, he's rather certain that Luck themselves holds a grudge against him at this point. And, as Luck would have it, he's been cursed with the gift, and truly, who could have been more suited to it than the Ruler of Rivendell? (Literally anyone else, is the answer you're looking for.)"

Rating: T Archive Warnings: GDV Chapters: 25/25 Words: 112658

So, this one is I think the most popular in the list, and it's probably you've seen it around if you spend at least half as much time as I do in the ao3 fandom tag, but oh my god. It deserves every good thing. I know this is a long read but it's absolutely worth it. I read it while the last chapters were still coming out, A While ago, and it still lives in my head rent free. I wish it a lot of extra kudos.

fill your lungs, by rabbit_with_a_sword: "When Sausage collapses, finally unable to hide the side affects from being resurrected, Gem and fWhip have to scramble to prevent him from being drawn back into the Spirit Realm and face the consequences of his escape. But there's more to Sausage than he likes to show, and he didn't escape intact…"

Rating: T Archive Warnings: CCNTU Chapters: 12/12 Words: 18504

This fic somehow manages to be so hilarious and made me have so many feelings at the same time. A chapter would update and I would spend the rest of the week worrying about my poor blorbo. But also, the lore behind it is top noch, there are so many details that made want to point at them and shout my thoughts. I may or may not have gone a little bit crazy over them, but keeping my sanity was never an option.

Tabula rasa, by @capriciouswriter207: "tabula rasa: the mind in its hypothetical primary blank or empty state before receiving outside impressions -- Sausage wakes up in bed. It’s pleasant. He stares at the ceiling. He doesn’t move. He doesn’t think. He doesn’t do anything. He just exists. (or: the fight with a certain wizard saves him from the corruption, but it leaves him in an extremely vulnerable state)"

Rating: T Archive Warnings: CCNTU Chapters: 27/27 Words:31097

This one was finished recently, and I was not ready to let it go. If I'm forced to say only one thing about it, is how much I enjoyed the way it was written, specially going back to the beggining after reading the end. This made me feel A Lot Of Feelings, and I really couldn't recomend it enough.

Obligatory Notes:

I did my best to tag the writers, but there are a few that I couldn't find, if they have a tumblr. If you know one I've missed, please let me know!

Also, feel free to add your own recs! I want to read them!

More recs but this ones are one-shots

[dodo-begone]

Fear for my Lover

Pairing: DSMP!Quackity x Reader

Word count: 2.9k

Warning: Blood, stitches, bruises, injuries, cursing, frontier first aid (sorry if i missed something)

Summary: Life had been busy lately. Very busy. The night was peaceful and you were more than happy to take advantage of the quiet. Even with Quackity there with you. Fate had other plans though and absolutely ruined what would've been an amazing night.

A/n: i,,, this was meant to be SHORT but also- haha i got 2-3 more parts planned brrrrrr. Also used a dialogue prompt thingy for this- you'll see them in there. They're highlighted.

You thought nothing of it when Quackity said that he was going out. Beforehand he told you that he might have to stay late to do some work. You weren’t sure if he had finished or not, but his departure only confirmed the thought that no, he had not finished business.

With a sigh, you walk over to the couch and flop onto it. The exhaustion from the many months of constant work was catching up. You missed how life was before. Even when you were stuck under Schlatt’s rule on Manberg. Yes, it was quite tedious and annoying, but you weren’t completely rebuilding a nation from the ground up along with its citizens.

The physical work of building was tiresome, but something relaxation and a few nights of rest could easily reverse the effects. Though the mental strain was a completely different story. All of the paperwork was tedious and could keep you up at night just because you need to get one more paper done before dawn. Or just knowing that you aren’t able to help everyone in the new L’manberg. So many had given up hope, were tired of the vicious cycle that they had been caught in. It may not have been going on long, but it still had its effect on everyone all the same.

So much work and so little recreational time. There was little time to care for oneself with so much work on their plate. Let alone spend time with your loved ones. Even if they lived in the same house as you. It felt alienating when you weren’t able to even have a small conversation with your significant other.

Your thoughts were deafeningly loud. Sometimes even covering each other when they brought up memories of anxieties of the past and future. That’s why it was rather surprising when the entire L’manberg cabinet ran through your front door in a frenzy. Jumping off of the couch, you try to survey the situation. What in Pime’s name could be going on?

Their hysterical cacophony of voices were all that reached your ears. You didn’t even need to hear their words when you saw Quackity’s limp body in Fundy’s arms.

Without a second thought, you push your way over to Fundy and Quackity, quickly searching him for injuries. Well, the injuries part was pretty obvious with all of the blood. But the extent of the injuries were another story. What could be going on? How bad was it? Oh Prime, why was there so much blood?

In the frenzy you must’ve said something because something happened. One moment you are near the entrance with your beloved in the arms of his co-worker and the next you’re tending to his wounds in your shared bed. Nobody else was in the room. It was just you and Quackity. Your Quackity. And a bowl of water and a small stack of wash clothes and towels.

Your hands quacked from both worry and the sobs you were desperately holding back. Something was stabbing the interior of your throat as it closed from the overwhelming emotions that filled your body.

What terrified you was that Quackity wasn’t completely unconscious. He definitely wasn’t completely there but he was still awake and babbling. More muttering because of how frail and faint his voice was, but it was still a bunch of nonsense. How you wished to know what he was saying, what he was thinking. Now wasn’t the time, but you feared that if you didn’t know now that he’d never tell you. Shit hit the fan and he came back like this. Either his pride or his desire to “protect” you would keep him from spilling the tea. This was your only chance.

All you were able to do was open your mouth before Quackity was making this harder. He was extremely weak from the blood loss and you were in a race against time to stop the river of blood that just seemed to flow freely from his wounds. You had been holding his bigger wounds tightly, trying to put as much pressure as you could to slow the blood loss or stop it completely. Each attempt to settle Quackity only leads to him resisting more, weakly fighting you to get up. Soon his behavior had gone on for too long, in your humble opinion, and he was still as stubborn as he was in the beginning.

With what little common sense you had left in your nearly hysterical state, you tried to reason with him. “Quackity,” you pleaded, still trying to gently push him back onto the bed so he was laying. “Please lay down, Duckie. It’s for your own good. Just let me bandage you up and I’ll leave you alone. Okay?”

From an outsider’s perspective, the attempt was silly. It really wouldn’t have gotten much of a reaction from your confused lover. And yet you still tried anyway, hoping that anything would help at this point. You were desperate.

His silence spoke volumes. In some stroke of luck, Quackity heard your words. That or he became too tired to fight and “speak”. Either way, you were taking what you could get. It was a victory and your goal was reached. Without much, if any fight at all, you managed to get Quackity back into bed and went back to patching up his wounds.

They were much worse than you hoped. Your wish that it was a smaller wound with a ton of blood oozing out was swiftly dashed when you started to clean up the blood from its source. Well, more accurately from anywhere and cleaning until you found the source. Although a bad idea, you had patched up his smaller, easy to access wounds. Though you couldn’t dodge the challenge that stood before you, glaring at you from Quackity’s face.

Petechiae, scratches, and bruises also decorated his face in a hideous manner. The centerpiece of it all was a large scar that traveled from his lip to his eye, all on the left side, was the most obvious wound. The others could heal on their own, but that cut, could you even call it a cut, was in dire need of assistance. It was probably already infected and trying to heal itself. But it was too big, too wide to heal naturally. Intervention was needed and it was needed stat!

Blankly you stare at his face, mind running a mile a minute trying to think of remedies and solutions. Sadly there weren’t many options available. Ponk was too far away to call for his medical expertise, not even considering how late it was. Would he even still be awake? Let alone awake enough to do stitches? You could wait till morning but who knows what condition Quackity would be in at dawn. Something had to be done and it had to be done now. Only one plausible solution remained and it definitely wasn’t pleasant.

Swiftly you leave Quackity, moving out of the room as quickly as you could. Quackity tried to reach out to you but just missed your sleeve. Though you didn’t notice or know. You had things to get done and to get them done you needed equipment. Desperately you search around the house, pulling out anything you’d need. More clean towels, a bowl of clean water since the one you had been using was more than dirtied and the towels absolutely soiled. Placing them half-hazardly on a flat surface, you scurried around to find the other necessary equipment. After having to catch your sewing tin and lighter from falling a few times, you grab everything you previously gathered and make your treacherous journey back to Quackity.

When you return, he’s once again sitting up in bed. Weakly, mind you, as he fell back onto the mattress at the sight of you. You wished to scold him for going against what you asked of him, but it didn’t matter now. With no time to waste, you dump your supplies onto the nightstand and fumble around, trying to get everything prepared.

As nimbly as your shaky hands could spare, you set up your thread and needle as if you were going to start sewing a gorgeous design into a quilt. You stared at the bowl of water you had, debating whether or not to use your sad little lighter to heat up that big ole bowl… it’s better if you didn’t. Other than being faster, how much better would it be for sanitizing the needle? It’d take ages to get the water boiling and even then it might not be enough. A flame straight out of a lighter? Seemed better. It got the job done quicker and would be warmer than the boiling water so it was going to kill more bacteria and germ than the boiling water. That’s what you hoped, at least. This is why you aren’t a medic.

Shakily, you ignite the lighter and hold the needle to the flame, slowly rotating it to equally distribute the heat. As tedious and anxiety inducing as it was, it would be worth it in the end. The stitch is only temporary until you can get Ponk to come over, hopefully by early tomorrow. Or later today? What time even was it- Snap out of it! This isn’t the time to be doing this!

You didn’t know how hot the needle had to be to be considered “sanitized” but you had waited long enough. At least that’s what it felt like. Plus the part of the needle you’re holding is getting pretty hot.

When you go in for the first suture, the hiss of pain before you even punctured the skin was a good indicator to you. Not that he was awake enough to still be actively feeling things, but to be able to vocally express his pain and that the needle was hot enough to probably kill most bacteria and germs if it hurt to touch. Hesitation is making you its bitch, holding you still and making you contemplate if what you’re doing is right. Of course what you’re doing is right. It has to be. It’s one of the best and only options you have.

Before you did anything else, you grabbed one of the towels and rolled it up. Gently you pried his mouth open and placed it in like a gag. He wasn’t going to be able to grip much and he’d be grinding his teeth together from pain. Previous experience with stitches and similar frontier medical procedures has taught you one thing; having a gag to bite on helps every part. The patient gets a way to release their pain and the “doctor” is less likely to be hurt by the patient since the patient will have something else to focus on hurting. It doesn’t work entirely but it’s better than hearing the unmuffled screams of agony and feels better to have something to grip onto as hard as you can.

After getting him situated, you position yourself again. With a deep breath, you start off the first suture. Quackity’s muffled scream was heartbreaking yet shocking. Even with you expecting it, it still spooked you a bit. But everything was okay. This was for the best. And then you continued on. Slowly you added stitch after stitch after stitch until you thought you did enough. Really it was a combination of “this is adequate” and “i’m too anxious to keep going because what if i mess up”. Without anesthetics, it was just horrific for both parties to go through with this endeavor. He was moving around so much, trying to twist and turn away from the pain being done to him. His movements were so often and large enough to make you nervous about going near his eyes. What if you poked it out? Or made him blind?

Looking back at the stitches and what they held together, it was obvious that his eyesight was going to be impaired from now on. His eyes were looking completely different from each other now. The regular on the right and the horrific product of whatever he did on his left. A white film covered his eyes like a snow blanket. He was now blind in that eye or going blind.

Realistically, he was going blind but you still held out for the unrealistic hope that he’d be almost entirely okay afterwards. You knew it was unrealistic, but you still hoped.

You Quackity didn’t deserve this.

Once you have cleaned up the mess you made, you start to pack everything up. Needle in the bowl to be cleaned, remaining threat back into the tin, bowls moved away from where they’d get bumped and dumped. Slowly and methodically you finish your tasks. The adrenaline of the night is slowly leaving your body and exhaustion is once again taking hold of you. Oh how you hated that. Absolutely despised the feeling.

After everything was to your liking, you go to check on Quackity again before you leave to give and get some silent rest for the two of you. It’s the least you could do for him after all of this.

He seemed comfortable after everything, peaceful in fact. It was such a calming sight and it eased your guilt of hurting him. Everything you did was for the greater good, you mentally remind yourself. It was to help prevent further infection and it was only temporary. Until you could get proper help for him.

Without much thought, you sit by the bed and lay your head upon it. So much blood got onto the blankets and the sheets. You’d need to clean that quickly. After Quackity gets help and is moved or can be moved, that is. Which would hopefully be tomorrow. Slowly you start to doze off. Or was it zoning out? Either or you were slowly calming down further. To the point where you almost fell asleep.

Jolting awake, you begrudgingly haul yourself off the floor and start your long and tiring journey to the living room. The couch was comfier than the floor, after all. No matter how much you wanted to sleep by Quackity.

Your dawdling is stopped by something on your sleeve. At first you think your sleeve got caught on something so you tug in hopes of being untangled from said object. Nothing happens so you just tug harder. But still nothing happens. Eventually your little tug of war becomes too annoying and has been prolonged enough. You whirl around to see what in Prime’s name you could be caught on.

Low and behold it was the man of the hour, surprisingly. Quackity had grabbed onto your sleeve and just held you there. Confused, you walk back to the bed and sit, holding his face and inspecting for any new signs of pain. Anything that would show that he was feeling something different, something worse. You hoped that he wasn’t feeling like that, but it was a naive hope. Wounds were not an unfamiliar concept to you and yet you’d always hope for such fantastical things to the point where it was odd.

In return for you holding his face, he went to gently hold yours. A soft smile makes an appearance upon your face after the action.

“How’re you feeling, Ducking,” you whisper. Silence once again makes its presence known and it’s very loud and obnoxious about it. “Sorry. I know you’re in a lot of pain. That was stupid of me to ask.”

Quackity chuckles at your slip up and you’re more than happy to join him. Slowly your chuckling drowned out by the silence that had obnoxiously told you how wrong you were to ask your beloved if he was in pain when it was more than obvious that he was, indeed, in pain. You take a deep breath and release a sigh.

“You need to sleep. It’ll help with the healing and hopefully with the pain until tomorrow. I plan on calling Ponk to do some actual doctor shit on you because Prime knows how amazing my skills are.” Once again you attempt to leave Quackity to sleep, but stopped by his grip on your sleeve.

“Please,” he rasped. God his voice was so hoarse after everything. You felt terrible as you were part of the cause and yet you couldn’t do anything nor bring yourself to feel too bad. It was all for the greater good, after all. For his health.

“Please what?”

“Please stay with me,” he begged, looking straight into your eyes with his only working one. The sight was pitiful. Such a prideful man who could do so much left in such a weakened state. You hated seeing him like this. Nobody liked seeing their loved ones in a position like that. And how could you deny him that request, especially with what he went through tonight. You still didn’t know what it was but the aftermath was horrific enough to give a small clue as to what happened.

“Of course,” you reply, smiling warmly and climbing into bed with him. The moment you’re under the blankets and sheets, he gently pulls you into a hug. For his or your sake, you’re unsure. You hope that it’s his though. “Anything for my Duckie.”

[smhalltheurlsaretaken]

THE BOX IS NABOO

That’s it, I’m doing it, I’m writing that stupid meta I’ve had in the works for two and a half years, I’m sharing it with the world. I promised it for last Thursday, my poll was forever ago, but whatever! I’m writing that freaking thing.

(super duper long post, press j to skip)

Enter my rabbit hole.

First thing to establish: the Box makes no sense whatsoever in-universe.

((EDIT: Something I forgot to mention. IRL, the premise of a giant murder cube and the aesthetic - wall patterns, light designs, etc - of the episode come from the 1997 horror movie Cube, (see the episode’s wookieepedia page). However, while the two are very closely linked visually, the Box does not follow the movie structurally or narratively, as you can verify by simply reading the movie’s summary.))

Recap of the context for the "Box" episode (s4e17): Palpatine is planning his own kidnapping. It was never meant to succeed, and while the plan would obviously benefit him (making the Jedi look bad, pushing Anakin closer to the Dark Side, making Republic citizens more afraid -> more docile, etc...) his actual goal is never explained, and it’s weird that he’d go to such extreme lengths for results so minimal that we’re never told what they are.

So Palpatine asks Dooku to kidnap him at the Festival of Lights on Naboo. Dooku hires Moralo Eval to design a giant box-thingy to test bounty hunters to hire the best of them to kidnap Palpatine. Moralo then gets arrested to alert the Republic that something is afoot, and hires Cad Bane to break him out. Obi-Wan - undercover to learn Moralo’s plan - goes with them. They evade capture and go to Serenno, and Bane and Obi-Wan have to pass the box-thingy test. The level of brainkarked logic here... Truly on par with Megamind, Gru and Heinz Doofenshmirtz.

Setting aside the insane plot holes and utterly nonsensical behavior of the villains, the Box itself is moronic from a plot perspective. It’s insanely complex, obviously incredibly expensive and would have taken months (more like years but it’s a short war) to make when it’s not even needed for the dastardly plot! Just hire some guys who have already proven themselves against Jedi! Throw cash at Bane and Embo and a few others! Maybe attack them with your saber and see how they do! 

And after all that, Dooku still ends up trying to kidnap Palpatine on his own. I can’t even... 

So why does the Box exist? Well, apart from being a nerdy callback to Cube, giving us a good thrill and being generally awesome to look at, it has actual narrative purpose within the SW universe.

The box is Naboo.

What the Box lacks in plot relevance, it makes up for with its heavily symbolic meaning. It very closely follows Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon’s experiences on Naboo - but only certain parts, which I’ll explain later.

We start with clean, sterile environments, SW’s favored way of showing villainy.

Then we have the protagonists locked in a room as dioxis, a poison gas, pours in.

And then they escape... this way.

(Okay, here the shaft is down, not up. And it’s not a ventilation shaft per say, it’s the designed escape route. Same difference).

We then skip most of TPM (namely, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon discovering the droid army, finding Padmé, leaving Naboo, landing on Tatooine, going to Coruscant, etc, etc) to come back to Naboo and go directly to the lightsabers and catwalks.

(Note: in both scenes, Obi-Wan has to propel himself from a catwalk.)

In TPM and TCW, the catwalks are immediately followed by ray shields

And we finally end with the last scenes. Now, they don’t look the same but they are structurally identical. 

Obi-Wan is faced with a challenge unsuited for his abilities (facing Darth Maul // shooting three moving targets when he’s far more skilled with a blade than a blaster) on a narrow space above a melting pit/pit of fire. 

He first watches someone die failing to complete the task...

 ... and has to do it himself, faring much better than expected (holding his own against Maul // shooting all the targets easily). 

He then almost falls to his death and gets saved unexpectedly.

And then there’s the final showdown.

In both scenes, Obi-Wan is angry. And in TCW Dooku eggs him on, banking on his anger. (More on that later.) In both cases though, he centers himself and is able to overcome both his opponent and his own unbalance. But in TCW, he doesn’t go for the kill, because he doesn’t need to. 

The Box, as a literal character-explorator ex-machina, thus shows us Obi-Wan’s growth.  

In TPM, Obi-Wan follows Qui-Gon’s lead. In TCW, he is the leader. He identifies the gas, makes the plans. He doesn’t fall from catwalks anymore - he runs atop moving ones. He doesn’t stay stuck behind ray-shields, he finds the solution. (Btw, how did Moralo know what blood type Derrown the Exterminator was? There was a 50% chance of him dying - thus killing all of the bounty hunters. Was that an acceptable outcome? TCW I need answers!) He doesn’t slay his foes, because he’s become powerful enough, skilled enough and wise enough to survive (and win) without needing to kill.

He’s grown - and, even more interestingly, he’s also stayed the same. In the previous episodes, we see some of the dark aspects of Obi-Wan. How he - like all Force-wielders, all people - could lose himself if he stopped maintaining absolute control.

But in the Box, surrounded by the worst criminals of the Galaxy, the most ruthless, worthless people, he’s still kind and tries his best to keep them alive.

The Box is a reminder and a reassurance for the audience that Obi-Wan Kenobi is still there under Rako’s face. He hasn’t lost his compassion, his restrain. He’s still a Jedi. And he’s an awesome, badass one. 

And now, for what it tells us about Dooku! 

It’s much shorter, don’t worry. Basically, Dooku considers that the best way to pick “the best of the best” of the deadliest people in the Galaxy is making them go through what killed his Padawan. There, I’ve broken your hearts, you’re welcome. 

More seriously, Dooku is a manipulative ass. It’s pretty clear that he knows Rako is Obi-Wan, or at the very least suspects it. 

He has an interesting reaction upon learning Rako’s identity, he keeps praising him despite his usual distaste for low-lifes, he smirks secretively after Eval says “I’ll show you who’s weak” (not included there because it’s a close-up of Dooku’s lips and no one wants to see that) and he tells Rako he’s very disappointed when he doesn’t finish off Eval.

[Later]

(Look at this smug asshole - I can’t. YOUR GRANDSON IS THE BEST, WE KNOW, STOP ACTIVELY RUINING HIS LIFE ALREADY.)

(Dooku... why...)

Now obviously Dooku couldn’t have made the Box specifically for Obi-Wan, because it would have to have been designed months before the Council ever decided to send Obi-Wan undercover, but he has no qualms trying to use it to push Obi-Wan to the Dark Side. Ffs Dooku, making your spiritual grandson relive one of the most traumatic events of his life on the off chance that he’ll join you (and desecrate his Master’s memory in doing so) is not okay!

Final tidbits of analysis: I mentioned that not all of TPM is mirrored in the Box. What’s omitted is the droids (even though Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon fight B1′s and droidekas between the dioxis and the ventilation shafts) and anything pertaining to Sidious (all the political stuff on Coruscant). You’ll also note that the fake lightsabers are orange.

=> The Box distances itself from anything that connects Dooku to Naboo. Red lightsabers are the trademark of the Sith, so they’re not used. The bounty hunters will be facing Jedi, so logically the fake sabers should be green or blue - and yet they’re orange, the color closest to red without being red. It fits with Dooku’s special brand of dishonesty - he always tells bits of the real story but twists them just enough to absolve himself of any fault and to justify his choices. 

(”We can destroy the Sith” -> could maybe destroy Sidious with Obi-Wan, but fails to mention he’s a Sith Lord himself; “the Viceroy came to me for help, that’s why I’m attacking the Republic” -> political idealism is a small part of it, but fails to mention he’s Sidious’ underling and is playing the Viceroy like a fiddle; “Qui-Gon would have joined me” -> maybe, still fails to mention he’s working for the man who ordered Qui-Gon’s death; “I told you everything you needed to know” -> debatable, never said that Palps was Sidious; “Sifo-Dyas understood, that’s why he helped me” -> partly true, doesn’t admit to killing Sifo-Dyas right after getting his help)

So we have a twisted version of Naboo, droid-free (as droids are now irrevocably associated with Dooku, even if that wasn’t the case in TPM) and with sabers that aren’t quite red. Keep in mind that Dooku had already fallen by TPM. (We know this because he killed Sifo-Dyas and created the Clone Army - part of Sidious’ plan - when Valorum was still Chancellor, as per the episode The Lost One.) That means Dooku was (in)directly complicit in Qui-Gon’s death. And the Box doesn’t (=refuses to?) acknowledge that. 

(Also omitted in the Box are the Gungans and Tatooine. It makes sense, because Dooku probably wouldn’t have the full details regarding those parts of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan’s missio as they weren’t as public, and would see them as irrelevant if he did. He utterly despises Anakin, and Gungans are the type of people he always dismisses out of hand). 

Anyway, that’s my two cents about the Box. To quote Lucas...

“It’s like poetry. It rhymes.”

Thanks to @lethebantroubadour @impossiblybluebox​ @nonbinarywithaknife @ytoz​ and @kaitie85386​ for voting for this one. Next up is a compilation of the Jedi being casually tactile with each other (because they’re a warm and affectionate culture, dammit).

Also thanks to @laciefuyu​ for giving me gifs I ended up not using ^^; you rock anyway!

[silenceinternalmonologue]

A Review of Loki (2021)

[The following is an exact transcription of Twitter user @/diolesbian ‘s thread linked here . They gave me permission to cross-post their thread on my Tumblr. Keep in mind that this review is fairly long and quite critical of the series. I agree with this review wholeheartedly, and would be welcome to discuss it with anyone else.] 

Loki is a character who has died many times, but his own series may be his most brutal character assassination yet.

1.  Loki’s role in the series. Instead of tackling Loki's most villainous state of mind in Avengers 1, the series literally speedran through his development in the subsequent films, after which they almost entirely halted his character progression.

Because this series was set right after Avengers 1 it had the responsibility of developing Loki further in place of The Dark World and Ragnarok. In Episode 1, this development was kicked off by having Loki watch a reel of some of his defining moments in the MCU, allowing him to see his future all the way up to his death in Infinity War. Sadly, this scene ended up being the most development he received in the entire series. And arguably, this isn’t even true development but more like a speedrun of his character up until that point, serving as a simple tactic to explain why he wouldn’t be acting all dictatorial and murderous during his own series. As soon as he had been made “good” (read: docile) enough to follow along with the plot, his agency was completely thrown out. From that point on, the series wasn’t about Loki making things happen but about things happening to Loki.

Loki was supposed to be the main character, but he wasn't the protagonist in this story. In fact, he was more of a side character than we’ve ever seen him be in the MCU before, perhaps excepting IW and Endgame.

A protagonist is by definition someone whose important decisions affect the plot, whose development is followed most closely by the audience, and who is opposed by an antagonist. Loki exhibited none of these traits in this series. Especially the latter half of the story, he was reduced to simply reacting to the revelations around him, such as the reveal that the TVA members were all variants and that Kang was the true mastermind behind everything. He never truly involved himself or acted based on any of these plot points, and hardly played a key role in what was supposed to be his own story. Even in the films, where Loki is a side character, he makes choices which impact the plot to a larger extent. He almost seems more like a background character in the role of protagonist than in the parts he plays in the films.

2. The antagonist. The TVA could have worked as the perfect setting for Loki to have a new arc. It’s a thematic antithesis to who we know Loki to be. But when this Loki turns out to not be who the audience thought he was the TVA’s thematic significance falls apart as well.

In Episode 1, the TVA’s Agent Mobius enlists the help of Loki the Variant to pin down a greater foe who we are told is another, more malicious version of Loki. Order and chaos meeting in the middle, teaming up to take down an enemy, who even happens to be the protagonists’ literal evil self: that works, it sounds promising. But this dynamic is soon undermined when Loki leaves with Sylvie. Still, the benefit of the doubt is easy to grant here: a story about tricksters is bound to contain twists. But by Episode 3 the series is halfway done and the TVA has been appointed as the main antagonist again: we’ve now established villains three different times. And then the Cloud Monster At The End Of Time is introduced, and finally Kang. In other words, the Loki series has no consistent antagonist, no one to pit its main character against. And this is where we once again miss out on an enormous aspect of Loki’s potential characterization.

Protagonists are always defined by an antagonist, whether a purple Titan, a flat tire, or themself. Loki is not given anything to define his morals, motivations, or development in opposition to and this is a huge oversight. Especially given the fact that Loki has taken on the villain’s role in the past: how is the audience supposed to know that the “bad guy” is now a “good guy” if there’s no “even worse guy” to stand up against?

3. The plot. A plot should show off its MC’s strengths and match their personality. The Loki plot hardly relied on his presence at all, he didn't play a key role. The story had so little to do with Loki that it seemed as though he has barely any impact on “his” narrative.

One of the most central conflicts in the Loki series doesn’t involve him at all: it’s between Sylvie and the TVA. This plotline was a good concept overall, but its main problem is that it’s practically the only conflict in the series. Loki himself, as mentioned before, isn’t set in opposition to anything or anyone. And thanks to his relationships with Sylvie and Mobius being weakened by conflicting storytelling devices, he appears to be in a bubble by himself away from the rest of the cast for much of the story. First he follows Mobius around, then Sylvie, then he wanders aimlessly in the void before following Sylvie once again and learning that Kang is a Really Bad Guy who he should be opposed to even though by this point he has interacted so little with the story unfolding around him that the audience doesn’t even understand why he should be choosing to play the hero.

The plot and the characters both suffer by being so incredibly unrelated to each other. A series, especially an MCU one, should tell an overarching narrative through the perspective of its main character.

In the beginning of the series, when Loki was still getting his bearings in the TVA, this lack of decision-making was more understandable, especially since some of his skills were still being shown-- he discovered Sylvie was hiding in nexus events, and he made the choice to leave Mobius and follow her. But by the latter half of the series he still hasn’t had much impact on the story or taken any actions of his own, and simply allows plot points to happen to him. Just because the Loki series had to introduce the TVA and Kang didn’t mean it had to forgo telling a story about its protagonist. If Loki’s story had been intrinsically tied to the overarching plot points, if his choices had been some of the primary factors determining how events ended up taking place, the series would have succeeded in every aspect. But instead Loki is pushed aside by the plot of his own series, a plot which subsequently ends up coming across as largely hollow and pointless due to its lack of character drive.

4. Loki’s arc. One of the main reasons MCU Loki is loved is for his excellent character development across his films. TVA Loki was extremely lacking in that aspect and chances to take his character in interesting new self-aware directions were thrown away without much thought.

Throughout the MCU, Loki is on a journey with many highs and lows. He goes from a bitter and disheartened prince standing in the shadow of his brother, to a self-loathing Jotun bent on destroying his own people in a desperate attempt to win his father’s love, to a half-mad partially mind-controlled dictator with delusions of grandeur fueled by his own insecurity, to a prisoner wondering what there is left for him to lose, to a savior of Asgard’s people finally coming to accept his place in what is left of his family, to a tragic sacrificial victim who knew he had to die so the true hero might live on. That’s a hell of a journey, incidentally shown in less than TWO HOURS of screen time, and the prospect of TVA Loki embarking on an equally stimulating one, this time told over the course of over four hours and shown from his own perspective the entire way through, was exciting. But as it turned out, this relatively simple expectation went completely unmet.

For a story trying to say so much about individuality and self-acceptance, the Loki series seemed to pass by every obvious opportunity to tackle those questions.

Sylvie’s introduction seemed like a good idea at first: Loki would be able to literally bond with himself and learn to accept who he is that way, and forays could be made to explore what Loki’s personality could have been like if he grew up under different circumstances! But aside from a scene or two in Episode 3, this was not how things ended up going. Loki didn’t come to any grand or important conclusions about his identity, he didn’t choose to act differently, all that happened was a vaguely-worded confession of pseudo-romantic feelings which was cut off in the middle, made no sense, and weakened the narrative in a whole host of other ways explained elsewhere. Loki’s encounter with other versions of themself in the Void was similarly meaningless: Loki didn’t end up expressing or demonstrating a single thing he learned from meeting all of those alternate selves, despite the fact that there was potential for massive self-discovery there.

Less than 2 hours of MCU screen time portrayed Loki more coherently than this entire series. Loki is loved because of how much he changes, and it felt like he didn’t in this series. He started off lost and stayed that way throughout the entire plot.

By the end of the series, it was impossible to identify who Loki had become. He said he didn’t want a throne, but it was not obvious why not. He looked sad to be betrayed by Sylvie, but never expressed what that meant to him. He seemed afraid once Kang was unleashed, but why? Why did he care about the Sacred Timeline? What were his motivations? Throughout the series the answers to these questions became less and less obvious, culminating in the final episode which ended without a single moment of reflection or explanation as to who Loki had become. He wasn’t a villain, but only because he wasn’t murdering people. He was in some capacity a hero, for… being against Kang, probably, but once again with no explanation as to why Loki had decided to feel that way. He never seemed self-assured in his heroism, as if he hadn’t chosen the role for himself. Again, making one’s own choices that shape the narrative are what differentiates a protagonist from a side character, but Loki did not do that in this series.

5. Loki and Sylvie’s relationship. Loki and Sylvie had the potential to be a powerful duo representing the process of self-acceptance but instead they were reduced to a strange pseudo-romance.

Despite Loki’s many developments in the films, he never truly liked himself. He has been known to act extremely confident and self-righteous at times, but this is merely the opposite side of the coin containing his self-loathing and insecurity. Having him literally meet and subsequently befriend himself in Episode 3 was a move towards developing this aspect of him and potentially teaching him to finally accept himself as he truly is, but this buildup was all shattered in Episode 4 when the relationship is portrayed to have romantic undertones. Instead of a powerful struggle to accept oneself, the relationship between Loki and Sylvie becomes a twisted thing which is memeable at best (selfcest LOL amirite?) and outright damaging to both characters and the very concept of loving oneself at worst.

Ultimately, Loki and Sylvie's relationship didn’t add anything to either character’s development and actively detracted from what could have been a touching story.

Romantic love is extremely different from self love; romantic love has connotations including dating conventions and sexuality which are impossible to ignore and in this case serve as a distraction. And on top of ruining a potentially powerful storyline, this strange relationship makes both Loki and Sylvie seem out of character. Loki is once again one thousand years old and he has never even had a true friend, so why would he possibly fall for someone after knowing them for only two days? Meanwhile in Sylvie’s case, Loki’s “feelings” for her cause the audience to pay more attention to her romantic life and gestures rather than her actual character and motivations.

6. Loki’s Sexuality and Gender Fluidity. Loki’s sexuality and gender has been shown in several comic runs, and the series was advertised as featuring this representation as well. But due to several fundamental errors and problematic storytelling this also fell flat.

Sylvie’s introduction filled many fans with hope regarding the portrayal of Loki’s identity. In the MCU neither of their LGBT identities had ever been touched upon, while the series introduced a female variant of Loki and explicitly stated their sexuality. But this portrayal soon unraveled, most notably in Episode 5, in which many other Loki variants were shown but not a single one besides Sylvie was non-male. On top of that, when TVA Loki mentioned Sylvie and referred to her as “a woman Variant of us”, the other Lokis agreed that that sounded “terrifying”. Why should a genderfluid being be afraid of a version of themselves presenting as a different gender? It read as both fluidphobic not to mention strangely sexist.

The pseudo-romance between Loki and Sylvie only aggravated the situation. Not only did the nature of the “relationship” seem to follow heteronormative storytelling tropes (falling in love after a couple days of knowing each other, one party being reduced to a love interest, valuing romantic love above any other type, etc) but it also seemed distressing and offensive to many genderfluid people. A romance between a male and a female Loki, one of which doesn’t even call herself by that name, seems to be implying that an individual becomes someone else when merely presenting as a different gender, which of course isn’t at all the case. The writing wasn’t necessarily malicious here, but it was certainly ignorant and potentially even harmful. The opportunity was there to translate Loki’s powerful comic representation into the framework of the MCU, but this attempt did not succeed.

7. Loki’s characterization. Loki is a chameleon, but there are certain traits fundamental to his character. These traits were either ignored or actively mocked in the series. The audience already knew “what makes a Loki a Loki", but the series threw that knowledge away.

Episode 1’s premise of stripping Loki of everything he is used to was an intriguing setup to ensure the discovery of the core of who Loki truly is. The only problem was that this truth didn’t end up being found at all. Mobius made fun of Loki’s most defining traits, such as his habits of lying to manipulate people and acting out of a place of insecurity, which seemed to be a signal for the narrative to forbid Loki from exhibiting any of those traits from that point on in any way. This reduction in Loki’s character was reflected in everything, from his lack of humor (in the films he’s even funny while he’s taking over the world!), the underpowered way in which he fought against Sylvie (he’ll use magic to dry his clothes, but fight with a damn vacuum cleaner?) to the way that he wore the same boring outfit in every single episode-- it may sound shallow, but clothes are important when presenting a character. Every one of Loki’s looks in the films said something about him and his state of mind, and sadly that bland TVA outfit seemed to convey that Loki really was nothing more than a subservient pawn in what was supposed to be his own story. Ironically, the writing stripped Loki of everything that made him Loki, and left us with nothing but a Jotun-shaped void to be swayed by the whims and wills of the characters and plot devices surrounding him.

8. Loki’s past and abilities. This series could have elaborated on aspects of his character which had been teased at in the films and theorized about by fans, but ended up being a disappointment in this aspect as well.

Aside from Loki’s characterization and development, something else the series ignores is much of his canon story in the films. Since Thor 1, a truth that always overshadowed Loki was his Jotun heritage. He struggled with it up until the time of his death, clearly visible in his relationship with his foster family. It’s understandable that Loki was supposed to be independent from Thor in his series, but that’s no excuse for completely ignoring this central part of who Loki is. It doesn’t matter how much he goes through or how much his circumstances change, this feeling of unbelonging sits deep in Loki’s core and should have been both explored and explicitly discussed in the series. A series all about Loki was the perfect opportunity for him to finally confront and explain his relationship with his heritage, and potentially come to terms with it as well. And this isn’t even to say how cool some more insight on Loki’s Jotun inheritance could have been-- hypotheticals aren’t the point of this review, but it would have been fascinating to see Loki reacting adversely to heat like he has been hinted to in the past or even using his ice powers like he did in Thor 1.

Loki's magic was tragically underused. It felt like he was stripped of all of his magical powers even after his TVA chains had been removed, and this was never explained.

A second huge oversight is his magic. His powers are all over the place in this series. They were always a bit vague in the films, but this series was the opportunity to set that right and explain exactly what Loki was capable of as a sorcerer, especially now that the MCU has embraced magic more than it had ten years ago. But instead, Loki showcased an inexplicable lack of magic use-- again, the vacuum cleaner fight can be presented as evidence. There is a single scene in which Loki says that he learned his magic from Frigga, but no information is given as to how much he learned or why he doesn’t always favor spells. His power levels are incredibly inconsistent (he forgoes using magic when first confronted by the TVA, but is later shown using telekinesis to save himself from being literally crushed to death). And, strangest of all, there is a scene in which he tells Sylvie that he “can’t” enchant living beings. Loki, the millennium year old Trickster sorcerer god, who can hold an Infinity Stone with his bare hands, reanimate Surtur in the Eternal Flame, and trick the average person using illusions with ease, can’t cast a little enchantment? And if so, why not? The series offered precious few explanations concerning Loki’s magical abilities and instead only raised more questions. And in this way, Loki is once again relegated into the background and left with not a single shred of any new characterization or development. 

Loki contains multitudes, but the series reduced him to two dimensions.

This isn’t to mention every other facet of Loki’s story that could have potentially been explored to great success in this series-- his torture and subsequent partial mental influence at the hands of Thanos just before the events of Avengers 1 is one obvious example, as is his youth on Asgard, as are his suicidal tendencies (people don’t tend to survive falling off the Bifrost, and he knew that when he threw himself off of it), plus infinite other facets of him. Of course, it was both necessary and more interesting for this series to be its own story rather than one which lingered on past films-- but that’s not to say that none of these plot points should have come back, at least subtly, to play a role in this story. Plot points exist to be brought back later, not completely ignored. Otherwise a story may as well be written about a completely original character.

[itsclydebitches]

Hi! I was just watching good omens and I came up with some questions, but I didn't know whom to ask, so I was digging around for go analysis blogs and found you. *takes a breath* So, I was wondering if you had any thoughts on why Heaven's camera angles are the way they are. I noticed that, in heaven, the camera tends to focus on the characters' heads specifically, so they fill most of the screen. Either it's a meta reason or a reference to something (like Newt with the Office) that I'm not getting. That's the main thing, but I've also wondered why exactly Aziraphale uses the verb "fraternize" in the 19th century. It seemed an odd pivot from caring about Crowley's safety to Heaven's rules. Thanks so much!

Hello! Omg yes, let's talk Good Omens cinematography.

First, the obligatory Analysis Disclaimer: I doubt there's a specific interpretation that you're just not getting, some singular, "correct" reading of the scene(s). Two years past release, I'm positive the fandom as a whole has come up with plenty of ideas (I mostly hang on the periphery. I'm far from up to date with GO meta), but any and all of it will, by nature, be subjective. Thus, all I can offer is my own, personal interpretation.

So for me? It's about intimacy.

Not intimacy in the sense of friendship, but rather the broad idea of closeness. Confidentiality. Emotion. Knowledge. Understanding by means of literally getting into the thick of these conversations. I love the camerawork in Heaven (and elsewhere) because the camera itself acts like a person — an additional party to these interactions. And, since we're the ones watching this show via the camera, it makes it feel as if we're peeking into scenes that are otherwise private. Obviously all cinematography does this to a certain extent, the camera is always watching someone or something without acknowledging that we're doing the watching (outside of documentary-esque filmmaking), but GO uses angles and closeups to mimic another person observing these scenes, someone other than the characters involved.

The easiest example I can give here is when Michael makes their call to Ligur. Here, the camera is positioned up on the next landing of the staircase, as if we're sneaking a look down at this otherwise secret call. There's even a moment when the camera pans to the right to look at them through the gap in the railing, briefly obscuring Michael from our view.

Here, a standard expectation of any scene — keep your character in focus — is done away with to instead mimic the movements of someone actually hiding in the stairwell, listening in on the conversation. It creates that feeling of intimacy, as if we're really there with Michael, not just watching Michael through a screen. The camerawork acts like a person overhearing an illicit conversation prior to falling back on mid/closeup shots. We're spying on them.

To give a non-Heaven example, the camera helps us connect with Aziraphale during Gabriel's jogging scene. It's hard to show through screenshots, but if you re-watch you'll see that the camera initially keeps them both in the frame with full body shots, allowing us to compare things like Gabriel's unadorned gray workout clothes with Aziraphale's more stylish outfit; one's good jogging form and the other's awkward shuffle. However, this distance also creates the sense that we're jogging with them, we're keeping pace.

That is, until Aziraphale begins to lag. Then the camera lags too, giving them both the chance to catch up, so to speak.

Until, finally, Aziraphale has to stop completely and the camera, of course, stops with him. We're emotionally attuned to Aziraphale, not Gabriel, and the camerawork reflects that. Even more-so when we cut to a low shot of Gabriel's annoyed huff at having to stop at all, making him appear larger and more imposing. Because to Aziraphale, he is.

This work carries over into Heaven's other scenes. The closeups are pretty much a given since, whether it's Gabriel realizing Aziraphale has been "fraternizing" with Crowley (more on that below!), or Aziraphale choosing to go back to Earth, the scenes in Heaven are incredibly important to the narrative. Closeups allow the viewer to get a good read on each character's emotional state — focusing on minute facial changes as opposed to overall body language — and that fly-on-the-wall feeling is increased as we literally get an up close and personal look at these pivotal moments.

Compare a shot like this one of Gabriel to the line of angels ready for battle. We don't get closeups on any of their faces because their emotions aren't important. Yes, that's in part because they're background characters, not main characters, but a lack of emotion — their willingness to enter this war without question — is also the point of their presence in this scene. So they remain a semi-identical, nearly faceless mass that runs off into infinity down that hallway, not any individual whose inner life we get a peek at via a closeup.

I particularly like Aziraphale's conversation with the angel... general? Idk what to call this guy. He's just gonna be Mustache Angel. But, getting back on track, his scene has a lot of over the shoulder shots which, admittedly, are pretty common. From a practical perspective they're used to help the audience situate both characters in the scene — you're here, you're there, this is how you're spaced during this conversation — but it can also help emphasize that closeness between them. Keeping both characters in the shot connects them and though Aziraphale and Mustache Angel definitely aren't on the same page here, those shots help cue us in to the unwanted intimacy of this moment. They're both angels... even though Aziraphale no longer aligns himself with them. They're both soldiers in a war... but Aziraphale will not fight. This angel has a list of Aziraphale's secrets, including that he once had a flaming sword and lost it... but Aziraphale doesn't want to admit those circumstances to him. This angel wouldn't understand, even if he did. Intimacy here, connection and closeness, is something discomforting because Aziraphale can no longer embrace those similarities. They put him (and us) out of sorts, so when we get them both in frame, that connection creates tension, not relief.

And many of those over the shoulder shots are given sharp angels, or the camera is placed too close to the "off screen" party. Compare a shot like Luke and Rey to Aziraphale and Mustache Angel. Here, Luke is a clean, solid line on the left side of the screen, just enough there to cue us in to where he is in relationship to Ray, In contrast, Mustache Angel's mustache is Too Close and proves rather distracting. Rey and Luke are connecting here over being Jedi with responsibilities to uphold (or at least, Luke will acknowledge that connection later lol); Mustache Angel is forcing a connection with Aziraphale that makes everyone uncomfortable.

We are too close to him here. He feels too close to Aziraphale too. This whole conversation is upsetting and discomforting, pushing Aziraphale to finally choose which side he's on (his own with Crowley). The shots aren't meant to subtly keep the audience from getting lost and then otherwise be unobtrusive, we're supposed to be Very Aware of this angel's body and how close he's getting to the character we've come to identify with — both literally (he's leaning in) and in terms of forcing Aziraphale to finally make his choice.

When Mustache Angel marches forward and gets all up in Aziraphale's face, the camera positions itself behind Aziraphale in a way that makes it feel like we're hiding behind him, with Aziraphale taking up far more of the screen than Luke does. Like the scene with Michael or running with Gabriel, the camera often likes to mimic a "realistic" response to these events. This angry, shouty angel is getting closer, best take a step back and stay out of sight behind Aziraphale, holding his ground.

These closeups also serve as a nice contrast to the wide and longshots we get of Heaven. It's an imposing place with skyscrapers in the distance, lots of steel, immaculate floors, and endless white. It's overwhelming and it's cold. But then we cut to those mid-shots of Gabriel and Michael, telling us that they're in control of it all.

Aziraphale? Aziraphale is not in control. Not now, anyway. When he appears in Heaven we get a longshot to show off this endless void and he's just another, tiny speck in it. If he weren't flailing around — an acting move that likewise helps sell how out of his depth he is — it's unlikely you'd even notice him. Aziraphale's clothing and hair blends in perfectly with the background. He's forgettable. Easily overlooked. Someone to underestimate. And when he moves, he has to come to the camera. We don't cut to Aziraphale to establish control like we do with Gabriel. He's left to awkwardly shuffle up to Mustache Angel until he's finally come into view.

Yet when Aziraphale makes his decision, he aligns himself with the brightest, most colorful, most interesting thing in the room: Earth. Earth, with all its messy individuality, is the antithesis to Heaven's controlled uniformity and a bright blue orb hanging in the midst of all this white helps remind us of that. Aziraphale rejects becoming one of the identical soldiers and instead literally reaches out for the one thing in Heaven that doesn't fit in.

When he leaves, we get an extreme closeup for the first time. Mustache Angel is pissed and as such we not only get a good look at his face in the aftermath of Aziraphale's choice, but that extreme closeup on his mouth as he's shouting too. It's like he's shouting directly at us, the viewer who is currently cheering on Aziraphale's decision. There's a war, dammit... but we don't care. Not in the way he cares, anyway.

So there's a lot! And I could probably go on, but apparently I'm only allowed to add 10 images per post now (tumblr what the actual fuck if anyone knows a way around this please share!) and I've already had to merge a bunch of images like an animal. So let's awkwardly finish up with the duck pond scene.

...without a GIF because they apparently count as images too 🙃

Simply put, I don't think Aziraphale bringing up fraternizing is a pivot from one to the other — from caring about Crowley to caring about Heaven's rules. I mean yes, Aziraphale is lagging behind Crowley in terms of rebellion and a part of him is, at this point, absolutely concerned with how he'll come across to the higherups, but that worry doesn't stem solely from a (now very shaky) desire to obey for the sake of obeying. The thing is, Aziraphale's disobedience is, by default, also Crowley's disobedience. If they're friends and they're ever found out, they'll both get in trouble. Which, we know from the end of Season One, basically means being wiped from existence. That's horrifying! And it's a horror that threatens them both. I don't think Aziraphale cares about rules for the sake of rules; after all, he started off by giving away his sword, lying to God, is currently meeting with Crowley anyway... this angel has always ignored/bent the rules — established and implied — that don't suit him. Rather, he cares about the rules if he thinks they have a chance of being enforced. If there will be consequences for breaking and bending them. This is still about caring for Crowley (as well as saving his own, angelic skin). If they're found out, Crowley dies. And, as we the viewer learn, Heaven was indeed observing them that whole time. There was always legitimate risk attached to this relationship. Aziraphale's fear, hesitance, and at times forceful pleas to stop this stem as much from Aziraphale worrying about Crowley's safety as they do a learned instinct to obey the rules without question. He pushes to end the relationship because the relationship threatens the only thing Aziraphale cares about more than that: Crowley himself.

As for the term "fraternizing," that's a loaded one! I won't go into a whole history lesson here, but suffice to say it has military roots: to sympathize as brothers with an opponent. That is literally what Crowley and Aziraphale are doing. They are an angel and a demon, supposedly innate enemies, supposedly poised for an inevitable war... yet they've formed an incredibly strong kinship. They've both learned to love their enemy, the thing every army fears because, well, then your army won't fight (just as Aziraphale won't). However, beyond the enemy implications, "to fraternize" eventually took on a sexual meaning: to not merely love as a brother, but to lay with the enemy too, usually women from enemy countries (because, you know, heteronormativity). Nowadays, "to fraternize" often implies a sexual component. I've been rewatching The Good Wife lately and in one subplot, the State's Attorney cracks down on fraternization in his office. He doesn't mean his employees are forming bonds with assumed enemies, he means his employees are having sex on his office couch. So Aziraphale's phrasing here carries a LOT of weight. He's both reminding Crowley of their stations in the world — you are a demon, I am an angel, us meeting like this can have formal, irrevocable consequences for us both — as well as, given the fact that this is a love story, drawing attention to the depth of this relationship. They love one another, as more than just friends. Though whether Crowley's scathing "Fraternizing?" is a response to Aziraphale falling back on the technicalities of their positions, or acknowledging a love he's yet to overtly admit and commit to — or both! — is definitely up for debate.