#i could go on and on and explain all the nuances of songs characters would listen to and why but it would be extremely incoherent so i won'

[shimmershy]

Hello! Just wanted to say I absolutely love your art!! And I have a question, What kind of music do you think Chara would like to listen too? =) ( Also, You are a really big inspiration too me!!) Thanks 😊

Aw thank you so much!! :) It always makes me so happy when people tell me I've inspired them!!

Also it's kind of hard for me to decide what kind of music I think they'd listen to. I feel like there's a lot of different music they might like... Dramatic instrumental music for one thing. Like Dullscythe by Porter Robinson is a big one I think they'd like. Go Find Out For Me from the Luca soundtrack... That kind of dramatic instrumental music. And Experience by Daniel Hope, I Virtuosi Italiani, and Ludovico Einaudi. Maybe they'd be into classical music in general too. I also think they might like bands like The Oh Hellos and Of Monsters and Men, and some Coldplay songs (mostly from their early 2000s albums)? Radical Face as well. That could just be me projecting, but I think they might resonate with some of the lyrics and the vibe in general. Like a calm/comforting vibe.

And then on the other hand. They might be an Angry Music kind of person too. This one's definitely me projecting but I think they'd like Mother Mother. Maybe rock music in general sometimes, I don't know. Or maybe not rock music, maybe more like alternative music...? Songs with like a bitter kind of vibe to them. Like Monster by Dodie or Community Gardens by The Scary Jokes. But. Yeah.

[transbutchblues]

could you please elaborate on your feelings on the gods' characterization in the wisdom saga? Not forcing you tho!

sure! keep in mind that i love EPIC and that even if i complain about things here, i totally respect the choices that Jorge makes. it’s his musical and i admire all the work put in the songs.

disclaimer : most of the time i try to dissociate EPIC from the Odyssey in my mind, because thinking of EPIC as an adaptation tends to make me upset due to how different it is. but it’s also amazing on its own! there are creative liberties that i deeply love (like having Odysseus know about Scylla but not telling anyone, and changing the context of the mutiny), others that i don’t like that much but that i can get behind, and others that i really dislike. i understand why everything is done the way it’s done, but i still have opinions.

before talking about the Wisdom Saga i’d like to explain how i felt about the gods in the other sagas. as a classics student and a hellenic polytheist i tend to dislike most modern portrayals of the gods, mostly because they’re usually flat and lack nuance. up until this saga, i had never been disappointed by any choice done regarding the gods in EPIC. they were all so interesting.

i loved Zeus in Thunder Bringer. it’s one of my favorite songs, and i found that Zeus was beautifully portrayed. he’s the villain, sure, he offers an awful choice (for the second time), but the situation was created by Odysseus and his men. i loved the lyrics and their double meaning.

this all fell apart in God Games, for me. it just didn’t feel like the same Zeus anymore. and as much as i try to dissociate EPIC from Homer’s epics, i love the Iliad and the Odyssey too much not to point out that Zeus would never be like that. in the Odyssey, Zeus immediately agrees with Athena on the fact that Odysseus must be freed from Calypso’s island. Poseidon is the only god who really wants to stop Odysseus, Zeus doesn’t exactly care about him. he knows Odysseus’ fate and he won’t go against it. besides, Athena is Zeus’ favorite daughter in Homer’s works. he loves her. he doesn’t like it when she defies her, that’s very clear in the Iliad, he even threatens her when she does that, but he loves her dearly and he gives her nearly everything she asks for. he would simply not strike her down like that. and Zeus has no reason to go against his own word. if he sets a challenge, he respects the terms. he’s a fair god, he’s a ruler, he’s all about divine justice. i don’t mind changes, but i dislike these ones.

and Athena… Athena was always the deity i felt the less sure about in EPIC. don’t get me wrong, i love her in the previous songs. but i never knew where exactly her character arc would bring her and i felt uneasy. now i know i was right to feel this way.

there had to be an explanation to the fact that Athena hadn’t helped Odysseus during the years he was imprisoned by Calypso. i understand why in EPIC, this explanation is that Odysseus and Athena fought and fell apart. in fact, i love My Goodbye. i think the way Odysseus is portrayed in the Cyclops Saga makes him way more of an asshole than he is in the Odyssey (and that’s alright by me!), because he’s stupid and hubristic and he refuses to listen to Athena. in the Odyssey, Athena never abandons Odysseus, she helps him during his entire journey. but if he had talked to her like he does in EPIC, she probably would have left him! i find their fight interesting, how cold Athena can be, how betrayed they both feel.

but! here comes the Wisdom Saga. and i love Athena in Little Wolf. i like her in God Games too. maybe even in Love in Paradise. but i can’t get over We’ll Be Fine, it just doesn’t sound right to me. i like Telemachus. but i hate that this is how Athena suddenly decides to go back to Odysseus. "i could sleep at night", really? why would she feel guilty about leaving a hero who refused to listen to her? i enjoyed how cold she was in My Goodbye, it was an interesting choice, and i would have liked for her to remain this way. or to change more slowly. the loneliness aspect could have been great if it had been explored more in depth (which i know wouldn’t have been possible since she doesn’t have enough songs to allow for slow character development). this just felt rushed and strange.

i would have liked for Athena not to reach out until Odysseus does. the moment where he cries out her name at the end of Love in Paradise is heart-wrenching, i love it. that’s when i would have loved for her to suddenly hear him and go back to him, instead of already being there. that would have been a moment where she could have decided to help him despite what he said and did, because she still cares about him and she sees him being so desperate. that could have been a moment where she feels guilty or lonely.

i know it’s done that way so that Telemachus saves Odysseus’ life by giving advice to Athena. it’s fine, it’s a nice idea. i understand why people like it, and i’m glad they do. it just feels off to me.

regarding the other gods: firstly, Calypso is great and i love her! now, on the other ones: i think instead of all this weird Zeus portrayal in God Games, it would have been nice to mention Poseidon. if there had to be a reason for Zeus not to want to release Odysseus, it could have been something to do with his brother. Apollo’s appearance felt unnecessary, his argument was weak, i’m still glad he was there but i didn’t love his portrayal. my opinion for Hephaestus is similar (though i liked his portrayal better, he just felt unnecessary), with another thought: i’m already starting to see more art of him and i really wish people would depict him as disabled, because not everybody does. i liked Aphrodite’s and Ares’ part, and Hera’s was fun. i don’t necessarily like the overall vibes of God Games but that’s just a matter of my music tastes, there are multiple songs in EPIC that i don’t really listen to because of that while still enjoying their role in the storyline.

obviously most people disagree with me, and i’m glad everyone seems to love that saga. some parts were just really not for me, namely, We’ll Be Fine, the beginning of Love in Paradise, and the end of God Games.

[absolutebl]

This week in BL - Gay Boy Turf Wars Galore!

Also, ALL the guest couples: TutorYim & MacNat showed up in Korea. Korea also reused the Love Class pair. And Wayne Song & Huang Chun Chih (H3:MODC) popped up AGAIN. (To be fair, when does Wayne not show up in a Taiwanese BL?)

Entirely subjective yadda yadda. Organized by favs in each category. No numbered lists anymore, tumblr be buggn'.

Aug 2023 Wk 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Laws of Attraction (Sat iQIYI) 7 of 8 - Plot reveals galore + all the penultimate tension we could want. (How many different kinds of smiles does Film have in his arsenal?) OMG I LOVE the unhinged idiot bloody tattooed ex bf - intro music and all. He is my precious psycho-bunny-snookums. Also Tinn, baby-boy, communicating about your honest feelings in a BL? What madness is this? I sense doom incoming. Smart Chan, always tell him he’s better in bed than your ex. The sides getting caught! Noooooo. I mean we knew it would happen but still noooooooo! 

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Sat YT) ep 2 of 12 - I like the surreal slip-stream dream-sequence openings. Is it a cerebral examination of temporal paradox or just designed to creep us out? The pace has picked up a bit and I'm delighted that external threat, stressors, and conflict are driving this plot. Refreshing. I love historicals - every touch and action can have such lingering significance, it’s very elegant. Thai BLs can often feel clumsy but not this one. I’m really enjoying it. 

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 2 of 12 - Sailom is great. I love a smartass who’s actually really smart, reminds me of Bai Luo Yin in Addicted. (The real Addicted.) Never a bad thing. Kang is nasty bit of business, I look forward to his redemption arc. I love his grandma. (BL is giving good grandma right now.) Nicely executed narrative twist into sympathy too: rich kid sees how rough life really is. The complexity of character depth needed for this script makes me so happy it's Perth & Chimon, they both have such expressive nuanced faces.

I do keep wanting to rewatch LBC tho. 

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 3 of 10 - It remains a blast. Boston is king of red flags, cutting down Ray because he is the easiest punching bag? Going after his friend's bf just to prove he can? No thank you. I know Ray is lovely when he’s soft but danger zone, Sand. Be careful upon entering a minefield, every little step forward may cause an explosion. I don’t think being master of snark is gonna help you avoid getting blown up.

Sand is the one I feel the worst for - bi guy strays into cesspit of gay toxicity. He ain’t gonna make it out alive.  

Hidden Agenda (Sun GMMTV YouTube) ep 7 of 10 - The boyfriends date ep! Zo’s past explains a lot about his behavior. Flirty Zo is v dangerous to all our hearts. Nice kiss. Poor Joke. Meanwhile, the side couple gave good kiss too! However, why is Title playing the bad guy again? Did GMMTV bring him in just to be resident jerk face in all their BL? Makes me sad.

Be Mine Super Star (Mon Viki) ep 8 of 12 - This should be a 8 or 10 ep show, 12 is too many. I think I just don’t like the lead couple's character dynamic and personalities. (No shade on JaFirst.) Side couple went startlingly high heat allasudden. And while their sex scene was good, I wish Daddy and the Hot Doc were being given a lot more script, screen time, and character dev. Sigh. I guess I just wish they were the mains and the others were the sides.

Can't have everything, I suppose.  

Wedding Plan (Wed YT & iQIYI) ep 6 of 7 - Nuea is a saint and next week everything comes to a head (that didn’t already get head this episode). Trash watch here!

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 2 of 10 - The side couple is everything. They are so cute and my favorite trope. Plus hugs with neck kisses! I love big brother using his adorable boyfriend to try and help his annoying little brother’s business. It’s just perfect. Unfortunately, that annoying little brother, is too fucking annoying. I remain largely unable to watch the main story arc. 

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) 1 of 24 eps - Sampler pack BL, 12 pairs, each pair gets 2 eps, so this show will run all the way into 2024.

First installment is Casanova Begins. Dead boy wakes up in his enemy’s body, 2 years after his own death. Has to make things right with the boyfriend who thinks he was abandoned. Everyone has secrets. No one can be trusted. And the dead kid can never tell anyone who he really is. It’s … different? Unique take on the My Ghost Boyfriend trope.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Jun & Jun (Korea Thur Viki) ep 6 of 8 - Random moment of TutorYim. Hi cuties. Simon is my favorite, I love him and his flirty irreverent ways.

Who does he actually like?

Or is he just flirting with everyone?

Can he have a crush on anyone but himself?

He’s a house cat among the pigeons. Clearly wouldn't know what to do with the bird if he managed to catch it. Or would he?

The 4 boys dodging around each other and re-shuffling is so funny. I can’t tell you how delighted this show makes me. I do feel sorry for Lee Jun, he’s just the toy everyone wants to play with. I understand his frustration, do any of them really want him or is it all because the others are interested? Kiss! Yay! Good kiss! Even more yay! 

Stay By My Side (Taiwan Fri Gaga) ep 9 of 10 - Poor baby doesn’t think he’s good enough and is holding JC back. They are THE CUTEST BOYFRIENDS. It hurts. The sappy. 

Kisseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) eps 1-2 of 13(?) - From screenwriter Lin Pei Yu (We Best Love, H3: Trapped) formerly known as Miracle, features a student doctor forced to take care of a gangster. I love the premise and like the writer. This one could be sad. Never forget Taiwan will go there.

Shall we get tucked in?

Gay boy turf wars! Main couple is cute. Sunshine gangster (turns out to be a sweetie who cooks) meets broken brilliant tsundere student who wants to be a doctor. Side couple is the leader of the gang and his rabid Pet. Also, all praise the guest couple de jour (baddies). Nice to see you 2... again. All actors are clearly having a blast with this script.

Triggers for knife play, child abuse, lingering trauma. 

Love Class Season 2 (Korea Fri Viki) eps 5-6 of 10 - Aw guest couple from Love Class original, that is very sweet. The tutor and returning student, aka couple 3, are the best. So funny. But the whole thing remains engaging in a messy way.

Why R U? (Korea Wed iQIYI) eps 1-2 of 8 - Oh, it’s very odd. Certainly a lot more comprehensible if you've already watched the Thai version. As with that version, I still dislike the SaifahZon couple and love the FighterTutor couple. And once again I hate the weird IRL shipping sister. HATE HER. I’m not mad at the "Man who Fell into the World of BL" overtones but I wish they went at it more intentionally. (They’re not using NPC the way I would, are they? Cause that’s hella cruel.) MaxNat are fun. I love that Fighter went to his girlfriend's birthday party, didn’t even say hi to her, picked up her drunk bestie, and took him home.

This show is WILD. It’s very Korea tries to do a Thai BL. And, I gotta say, I kind of like the absurdity of the whole scheme. Do I think it will ultimately "work" as a stand alone piece? No. But as a very odd kind of parody? Sure.

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 AKA Minato Shouji Coin Laundry Season 2 (Japan Thu Gaga) ep 7 of 12 - Truth always comes out in hot springs. It's a rule of life. Coming clean is coming clean, I suppose. Still, moving very slowly for me and I need sake to get through this season. It's certainly suffering from sophomore slump.

Stay Still (Hong Kong Tues YouTube) ep 4 of 5 - Sad episode is sad. 

In case you missed it

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 3 of 8 - didn't air this week

Dinosaur Love (Sun iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 eps - Didn’t drop this week? MDL thinks it should have. Everyone is confused. But also… who cares? 

Low Frequency (Thai iQIYI) Finished it's run - NO SINGING as flirty boyfriends they very cute actually, but this final ep was V E R Y slow.

All in all this was not a great show. Classic pulp with an interesting twist on “ghost boyfriend investigates his own not-murder” but ultimately not very good in any arena. 6/10 Only if you have nothing better to do. 

Sing My Crush (Korea iQIYI) Finished it's rerun

This a cute coming of age drama around music and 2 kinds of self acceptance and actualization journeys. This was basically Korea’s version of About Youth, and was perhaps a bit too soft and ungrounded by comparison, like a marshmallow sculpture. Sweet but somewhat lacking in discernible flavor. Inoffensively unmemorable. 8/10 RECOMMENDED especially if you enjoy KBL's style

8/24 Man Suang (Thailand movie, domestic cinema release) - historical drama about Thai burlesque with KP’s MileApo. Do I know where to get it? Nope. Do I care? Nope.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Coming September

I have 4 on my radar:

9/2 Naughty Babe (Thailand Sat ????) - MaxNat back on our screens. We think iQIYI but aren't confident.

9/15 You Are Mine (Taiwan ????) - it's taking over from Stay By My Side so likely Gaga. Secretary has to deal with grumpy boss.

9/26 I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan ????) - Adapted from the manga, childhood best friends: The cool, smart one who’s good at everything, and his average, dorky friend who struggles. Always by the other’s side, but not together in the way they truly want to be. No matter how hard they try, their hearts cannot reach each other.

9/27 Absolute Zero (Thai iQIYI) - from 2021, Studio Wabi Sabi and New Siwaj finally bring us this “time loop to prevent tragedy” romance. We don’t always get HEAs from them, so I'm on my guard.

9/?? Venus in the Sky (Thai iQIYI) 10 eps - ????

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

No you aren't, Lom. You don't even know what that means. (Wedding Plan)

Minato comes out to the best person.

Trope spotlight! (Low Frequency)

I Fell You Linger in the Air

So true. (Only Friends)

I love them so much, as @heretherebedork would put it, Tiny Idiots!

(Last week) 

Gotta say I am hating this new UI so much I'm not bothering to tag with shows. We shall see what that does for ROI.

[rouge-fox-expanded]

I love Hazbin Hotel, the story, lore and the songs! And like many of us I was drawn to Lucifer like a moth to a flame, which incidentally is what many of us are projecting onto Valentino. Now Hazbin much like Good Omens is taking much of the theology surrounding the old testament to be the point of origin of heaven and hell along with all the old lore from hell. We see this in Helluva Boss a lot with three out of seven of the sins revealed, Beelzebub being the sin of Gluttony, Azmodeus being the sin of Lust and Mammon being the sin of greed with I believe mentions of Satan (wrath), Belphagor (sloth) and Leviathan (Envy) and Lucifer being the apex (Pride).

Now behind every great man there tends to be a great woman, and this seems to be especially true with Lucifer as we have the enigmatic Lilith, the woman that came before Eve. She was made from the same dust as Adam, made to be his equal and yet things didn't go so well, she would leave the garden and be punished (I don't have all the theology but I think she was cursed to give birth to demons or couldn't have children herself) and so eve was made from Adam's rib to be more subservient. Now in terms of Hazbin lore Adam and Lilith were created equal but Adam tried to assert dominance and Lilith wasn't accepting, yeeted out of there and that was the start of her meet cute with Lucifer whom from what we have been told was a bit of a trouble maker, but in the sense of being a creative and imaginative soul who's ideas didn't fit the mould of divinity. This is the first instance of what I love about the show: NUANCE. The angels believe everything is black and white despite the plot and characters proving time and time again that this is not the case, Lucifer from what we have seen of him is blantantly not evil. Lilith on the other hand, well that's where the theories start pouring in.

(warning long theory post)

I will admit I have been using the canon scraps from both the show and the interviews to project an image of Lilith as the Morticia to Lucifer's Gomez and I share Vivzie's head canon that she would be voiced by Lady Gaga. Seeing Lilith and Lucifer as a power couple, disgustingly in love whilst sticking it to heaven and rallying up hell using Charlie's hotel as a form of malicious compliance/lawful defiance would give me so much serotonin. However this is just a theory and imagining based on limited information and holds as much water as the other theories which paint Lilith in a much darker shade. Lilith's screen time in Hazbin hotel is less than two minutes and most of that is flashbacks (one of which is dubious) and she has no spoken lines and no insight into her motives or feelings and given that season 2 is coming at us at 2025 at the earliest the more ravenous of us are already making ideas of what kind of character she is going to be.

Now quite a compelling theory is she could be very similar in attitude and personality to Adam, yes you heard me right. Adam is essentially the poster child for toxic masculinity coated in so much narcissism, the fact that for 90% of the show has him wearing a mask is pretty symbolic of this as it means he never has to worry about anyone seeing him as weak because his mask can literally keep him covered (even if it slips, looking at the court scene in episode six). Now Lilith being similar in personality to Adam would certainly explain why they didn't get along, both thought they were the apex and wanted to be in charge. Whilst Adam is the epitome of toxic masculinity Lilith could very well be the avatar of toxic femininity and yet she is limited by her own humanity and the whims of divinity...until she meets Lucifer, someone whom also has big ideas, a lot of imagination and most crucially doesn't feel like he belongs amongst the other angels. Lilith probably thought God had answered her prayers.

Now I personally don't think Lilith is the defacto villain, that would rather fly in the face of the nuanced take Hazbin shows us. Hell isn't forever and Heaven isn't perfect, it's not black and white and we need to look into the gray but let's assume Lilith and Adam were similar in their extreme personalities, does this mean that Lilith is going to be just as bad as Adam? I would argue not necessarily and the reason for that is consequences. Out of the two, Adam doesn't suffer any consequences until the finale of Hazbin hotel season 1 (or at least none that he seems to be particularly showing asides from some hints at the mention of eve and we haven't even asked about Cain and Abel) but for Lilith...she's been suffering consequences for millennia. Now we go back to the lore of hazbin hotel, according to the info dump Charlie gives us in the beginning Evil is it's own seperate and conscious entity, it's even got a name according to interviews and creator bts talk: Roo. And so heaven keeps evil in it's place by maintaining strict control over creation and life on earth (apparently). In the old stories Adam and Eve get kicked out of Eden because a snake offers Eve an apple telling her that it will grant her knowledge of morality. Incidently in the original bible story the snake is just a snake, no mention of it being lucifer but in the hazbin lore Lilith and Lucifer plan to give the apple to Eve so as to gift humanity free will. NOW, here comes the nuance take: was this the wrong move? Because free will is so intrinsic into human nature that without it are we really human? How could someone be good or bad if they didn't choose those actions and by that logic how could a human be judged through a moral lense if they don't have the capacity to act on morality? Yet by giving Eve the apple and allowing humanity a choice between good and evil, well...this gives evil an opening to root into earth. Black mixes with the white and things become gray, heaven is pissed!

And as a consequence for this reckless act, Lilith and Lucifer are sent to hell, where it's all black. This kills Lucifer's creativity and he becomes depressed, Lilith however makes a comeback and establishes herself as the queen of hell and is able to rally up the demons and because of this amass of a power base, heaven is like 'welp, gotta do something about this' and apparently it was Adam who was like 'how about a cull?'. Adam is rewarded for his aggressive, violent and frankly appalling behavior and yet Lucifer and Lilith face the consequences of their own recklessness. If we are to assume Lilith and Adam started out with equally selfish personalities one got worse from being a winner (as we can see what he's like in season one) whilst we don't know what millennia of being a loser did to Lilith. There is of course one character that's very existence shows the light in Lucifer and potentially Lilith and that is Charlie, because if two fallen souls consigned to the worst place in creation can raise a daughter like Charlie Mornigstar then they can't be all bad right? I mean I would hope that Lilith did indeed love her husband and her daugher, because that's what a lot of those portraits/photos in Lucifer's man cave seem to tell us. Perhaps hell and raising a family taught Lilith some humility and she was able to grow in the way Adam clearly did not, having to face the consequences of a clearly broken system would have certainly shaped her ideas and attitudes but how do we explain her seven year absence? Well that's what Season Two will do (I hope) but as a lot of us aren't prepared to wait until 2025 we've all developed some pretty hot takes based on the limited but compelling information we've been given.

-Lilith has been missing from hell for seven years, the same time Alistor has been missing leading many to believe she is the one that owns his soul (a deal he is desperate to get out of now that he's aware of his own mortality and growing empathy)

-Lilith is in heaven due to a deal with Adam, and now that he's dead (for now) she is expected to go back to hell and bring Lucifer and Charlie into line so as not to threaten the foundations of heaven.

And that's all the canon info we have

That's literally all the solid information we have in regards to Lilith and many have used this to assume she is a shitty mom for just hanging on a beach doing god knows what for seven years whilst Charlie has been trying to carry on her legacy through the hotel and Lucifer's depression reduced him to a forced apathetic shut in.

But of course this is Hazbin and Helluva, and the lore is rich with that sweet grey nuance so calling Lilith a villain seems a little presumptious. I am not saying that is incorrect, but given that the main antagonists of season two are apparently going to be the Vees we can hope that Lilith isn't going to be Adam 2.0 for season two. Now I am going to briefly entertain some other theories before making my pitch for how I see Lilith; in episode 5 we see a flashback of lilith taking Charlie away from Lucifer during the song more than anything, and many eagle eyed viewers pointed out that the silhouette didn't have the same hairline as Lilith in the photos (and later in heaven) which lead them to spectulate Eve might have had a hand to play in this. This is a theory I actually think holds some water primarily because Adam is a fucking idiot, and any deal he would have made with Lilith would have had Sera or one of the other higher seraphim pulling it's strings. Adam isn't a schemer, but the other archangels well they know how powerful Lucifer is so keeping him contained and harmless would certainly be on their agenda and having Eve playing Lilith to keep him and Charlie from building each other up would certainly be a tactial move. And let's face it if they were able to kick him out of heaven and cast him into hell then wrecking his marriage wouldn't be that big of a deal for them. But then where does Lilith fit into this picture? We know that Lucifer negotiated that only the sinners could be killed during the exterminations, now would heaven grant him this simply to keep him placid or would he need to offer something in exchange? Maybe Heaven accepted this deal at first but Lilith continued to resist so they were like 'okay, how about this? You get to come back to heaven and stop all this resist and rebel shit?' and the stick to that carrot was 'it's either this or we go after hellborns too', and not prepared to face those consequences Lilith obeyed

Heaven has already crushed Lucifer's spirit, it took them longer to deal with Lilith but getting her in heaven and away from her family certainly solved the problem of resistance and with the exterminations keeping sinners in check everything became routine...until Charlie was like 'erm, redemption?' well that and the fact one of the overlords accidentally killed an exorcist (something Adam and Lute took personally). Now Lilith being in heaven actually affords her a few advantages that being in hell does not, because if it becomes public knowledge she is there then Heaven is gonna have several huge problems so her silence is not just golden but MANDATORY. If Lucifer knows she is in heaven this could explain how he was able to get Charlie that meeting, that kind of knowledge can certainly open doors and Lilith being close behind enemy lines would be privy to a fair bit of knowledge assuming she had any long term plans or schemes. And any of those schemes would certainly be helped by the current state of events at the end of season 1, Adam is dead (and potentially a sinner man in hell), the exorcisms have been made public to heaven, redemption works as proven by Sir Pentious getting a divine promotion and Lucifer is proactively supporting the Hazbin Hotel. The corrupt system that punished her and her family again and again has just suffered some massive pushback, the divine order is unsteady and there is confusion and more importantly: opportunity. And Lilith isn't like Adam, she's had to deal with consequences since the apple was given to Eve, she has had to grow, adapt and take all the shit that was thrown at her and deal with heaven's shit for a long time. It could certainly have made her a better person, or a worse one but I bet you it has made her pissed. And now Lute is sending her home to clean up the mess they made? That doesn't just sound like a spectacular mistake, but a damn good story.

So like the rest of us, I cannot wait to see Lilith in season 2. Maybe she will be a villain, maybe she won't be but I am betting she is going to be spectacular, I have faith in Vivziepop and I believe in Hazbin Hotel. And if she is voiced by Lady Gaga and does a duet with Jeremy Jordon I am going to sqee so hard the neighbours dogs will think it's an attack.

[that-ari-blogger]

Win, Lose, Take, Fail (Remember)

Discussion of stories and historical research are very similar practices. A ton of history is source based, and is, in a very real way, media analysis. A historian will look at a text written centuries ago and deduce not only linguistics, but also the themes prevalent in the day-to-day life.

I will eternally be impressed by some of the ideas that people find written between the lines of even the most well known about pieces, and its humbling to know that the stories that we tell in the modern day might be time capsules in their own right.

If you’d indulge me for a moment, I would like to briefly address those future historians who may be reading this: Coral reefs are magical, you guys really missed out on that, sorry.

Anyway, this is a post about She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, so what am I going on about?

Well, there are a few sources in both media analysis and historical reconstruction that are more valuable than an almost objective source. I say almost, because every narrator is biased, and that impacts even what they decide to include. No source is perfect.

So what about a think piece that lays out its biases for your convenience? How about a look directly into the mind of your characters to see what they perceive about the world and what they wish it could be? How interesting would that be?

This intro is getting a bit long.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Stray Gods: The Role Playing Musical)

My analysis of this episode can be summed up in one sentence. Catra’s worldview and desires are fundamentally opposed to her reality, and so when she forces the real world to fit it, things fall apart.

This is nice and all, but it fails to take into account the nuance of her perspective, and the fallacies inherent in this desire. But its also important to understand that this is where Catra’s redemption arc fails, or… where this redemption arc fails.

In my eyes, Catra has two main redemption arcs, one that stops in this episode, and one that starts up at the start of the next season. If you want to be granular, she has about a hundred different attempts, but that’s needlessly specific and way to close to exactly what I do on this blog for comfort.

But I think its easier for the purposes of analysis to divide Catra’s journey in two and discuss why the first fails and what the second would have to do to succeed.

Starting with something that threw me for a while. Catra isn’t conscious of this different world, at least not until the end of the episode. Which is a brutal trauma response. Catra doesn’t want to succeed in the life that gets better, she doesn’t care for healing, she wants to forget. Catra will burn the world down to keep a blindfold on and leave her memories behind. Blissful ignorance.

Let’s talk about Stray Gods: The Role Playing Musical.

Stray Gods is a Greek mythology, murder mystery, musical, video game, and conveniently, I have a series about it on this blog. (Link)

A slight quirk of Stray Gods is that the online argument I have seen about it has mostly focused on picking the second best song in the set list, because the most powerful is so obvious its almost funny.

Read my analysis of The Ritual for more information, but briefly, Aphrodite is a trauma survivor who repeatedly subjects herself to a form of amnesia in order to forget the horror she has experienced. Ring any bells?

Instead of trying to get better, Aphrodite slaps a band aid on the wound and tries to ignore it. This might help her eventually, but it directly harms those closest to her.

“Mother, I’ve stood by your side, now I no longer see, the purpose of love, when it tears at the centre of me. My arrows are rusty, forget the bow, and I won’t be begging you not to go, but when you’re away, you leave us a broken home, and you leave me alone. Lost in a moment, lost in a song.”

That was Eros singing. Cupid, the one with the arrows of love. This is someone who’s life has been wrecked by his mother’s trauma. Not in the same way as Catra lashing out at Adora, but with similar effects.

Both characters have tried to apply a quick and easy solution to a more difficult to solve problem, and the side effects of that are what perpetuate this cycle of trauma.

Hey, look at that, it’s the theme of cycles again. It’s almost as if I have a point here.

I could go on for hours about this one song, and I have, three times on this blog for a start, but I know I’ve annoyed people in my life with this obsession. But, I want this post to be vaguely on time, so I have to move on.

Before I do, though, the trauma in the idols (gods but fancier) of this story has a little quirk in its realisation that matches with Catra, linguistics of trust.

None of the idols in this musical use the word “friend” at all. Well, that’s not true, Pan says it once in a mocking way, but nobody uses in earnest. This exhibits itself more noticeably in The Ritual, where Aphrodite specifically says the following:

“He struck a deal with our enemy’s enemy.”

These characters can only conceptualise the world in terms of give and take, and of relationships in terms of allies or enemies.

Catra, meanwhile, can’t conceptualise the world in anything other than win, lose, take, and fail. Her ability to trust has been eroded so much that she will destroy the world to obtain something that has been attributed value for her.

That’s why she willingly forgets things, and its why her revelation is heartbreaking. Catra thinks the only way she can trust again is if she loses the memory of betrayal, but that’s not exactly how it works.

The moment in which Shadow Weaver is nice to Catra is a demonstration of why I don’t think genre exists. This is a comedic moment, right? It’s got the build-up, you think it’s going one way, then it undercuts itself with the unexpected. So why is it so devoid of humour?

Because the reaction of everyone in this, including the audience, is one of fear, and serves to validate the fact that Shadow Weaver is abusive. Even if someone is being kind in the moment, if you automatically flinch in their presence, there is a history there that you can’t escape from.

Catra doesn’t know why she is scared of Shadow Weaver here, she can only remember the good times, but the PTSD from her mother figure’s actions runs deeper than surface memory. It’s a wound that still hurts, even if you look away from it or cover it up.

This is actually why things keep breaking in this reality. The whole thing is based off people ignoring specific details. It’s centred on complacency, but it doesn’t understand its characters.

Which is where the hamartia and all of those complicated terms come in. Essentially, Catra wants to keep Adora with her, but part of Adora is the strengths and flaws that lead to her leaving Catra.

Adora is fundamentally kind, but she’s also an incredibly quick thinker. This doesn’t always lead her to the most reasonable solutions, but it means she can almost immediately recognise that things are wrong. In this case, the fact that people keep saying everything is perfect, and nobody says that this much unless they are hiding something. So, Adora looks inwards, and notices holes in her memory, glimpsing beyond and getting those flashes.

The world reacts in a similar way, things exist contrary to their nature, and collapse in on themselves. This world is a paradox, the story has turned cannibalistic and is eating itself alive. It can’t be supported by the fallacies that hold it together.

Those fallacies in question, are Catra’s desires, and now I get to talk about how the first arc ended up here. Because we can all agree, if a character’s developmental trajectory ends up with them willingly destroying the world out of spite, things haven’t gone so well.

Catra has been trying to achieve her own autonomy from the trauma and abuse that coloured her upbringing and guided her actions in the Horde. But she hasn’t been confronting how this has actually affected her biases. The band aid solution comes back, but here it takes the form of those four words. Win, lose, take, fail.

“I won’t let you win. I’d rather see the whole world end than let that happen.”

Things can only be one of these four things, everything is exclusionary. Catra either loses or wins, she either takes or is taken from. She can’t fail or bad things will happen.

But let me let you in on a secret. I don’t know why I’m talking directly to a fictional character here, but oh well. Life is about the moment, rather than the value you put on it. You don’t have to take, you can share, or be given. You don’t have to fear failure, because there are people in your life who care about you no matter what.

Also, this is entirely my opinion speaking, but I think I’m right here. You’re in a war story, there are no winners or losers in war. There are just survivors, profiteers, and poets.

Back to the line above, in searching through the transcript, I found that the word “won’t” is used thrice in this episode. It’s a word of commitment and resolution. It’s not vague, or noncommittal, it’s a promise, and it's used in the above line, but also earlier on, once by Scorpia, and once by Adora.

“If you get us out of this, I promise I won’t hate you. I will just dislike you a reasonable amount.” “I won’t leave you behind again.”

Characters resolving to be better. Scorpia deciding to improve upon a relationship, and Adora making it abundantly clear that she has no intention of repeating her mistake.

But Catra is falling back, she won’t lose, she can’t fail, att least in her mind. And its that promise that destroys the world that she wants. Catra wants happiness, but its her own need for the four words above that break it. Catra is self-destructive, not necessarily in a direct way, but in a sense that she is sabotaging her own happiness.

So, what would a redemption arc for Catra have to look like?

Well, she would have to learn to shift up her values a lot. She would have to be in a place where she can accept friendship in a controlled environment. Maybe just a friend who is willing to offer a hand of kindness.

She might also need a way to let out her emotions in a healthy way. Maybe a declaration of love, but that would be a little too on the nose for this story’s patterns. So I’m picturing a creature with some kind of emotional connection to her. Maybe it changes colour or something.

Also, Shadow Weaver needs to exit the story permanently. I don’t think she needs to die, I don’t believe in retributive justice, but she needs to be banished in some capacity. Shadow Weaver needs to go.

Now, I know how much of what I have said will come true, and if you have seen this show to the end, you probably do as well. But if you haven’t, leave your thoughts in the replies. How do you see a redemption arc for Catra working?

Ok, before I go, I need to discuss Madam Razz, because there is so much going on in her scenes.

Starting with, why is she here?

I don’t actually know the answer to that, and its one of my problems with the episode. She’s there because Adora needed a mentour and because the episode needed some levity, but why is she there in story?

“It’s been such a long time since we last saw each other, hasn’t it? That or it hasn’t happened yet. I always get those two things mixed up.”

You wanna say that again? Time is funky in this world, I guess So maybe she’s being generic?

“Because this has all happened before! I remember it like it was yesterday. For Madame Razz, it was yesterday.”

Nope, Razz is just displaced from time. That’s fun, but there is more to this line.

Madam Razz is a phenomenally well written character, purely because of the masterclass of tone. At no point is Razz either serious or humorous, she is both always. Razz is approachable morality, a la Philosophy Tube, but I’m sorry @theabigailthorn, you ain’t got nothing on Razz.

In one interaction, Razz explains the thesis of the entire show. That abuse and trauma are cycles, and that the only way to stop them is by confronting the trauma itself. Start at the beginning.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power has some of the best single lines ever written for television, and Madam Razz gets them all.

There is one moment in the finale of the series that is a perfect example of what I mean. I’m avoiding spoilers for too far ahead, but if you know, you know.

Final Thoughts

This episode is such a well-made examination of Catra’s psychology and her lack of sanity. Catra doesn’t see the world the way it is, and what she wants is incompatible with how she wants it. She needs to work out what she needs and then go from there.

I actually think that this episode does something interesting by making Catra unredeemable. She fails, she had her chance, and she didn’t take it. Her attempt to connect with Adora involves physical abuse. Catra is irredeemable.

But this isn’t the last of the redemption arc, is it? Catra will try again and again, chance after chance, and gradually improve. The failures only serve to make the success hit harder. Catra’s life is a Dark Souls boss, essentially.

I often feel like the people who declare Catra's redemption as unsalvageable haven't got past this season, and don't take into account that she gets better, and I don't fault them for that. No show is for everyone, and what you do or don't find interesting in media says a lot less about you than how you express your like or dislike.

Anyway, next week, I will be examining The Portal and my thoughts on this season as a whole. So, stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[anistarrose]

Lup's terms of endearment

[Plain text: "Lup's terms of endearment". End plain text.]

Lup is a character that it takes a lot of practice for me to write, but there's a particular calling card for Lup that jumps out both from her canon dialogue and from fanon, right? We all know it: Lup absolutely loves to call people "babe".

But... when I'm writing her, I also end up wondering if I'm overusing any given signature vocative, or other element of her speech. After all, fanfic writers, myself very much included, are always looking for quick effective ways to make characters sound like themselves — and in a case of a character like Lup, peppering in a "babe" often seems to work like a charm in terms of making her more Lup-like, especially if you're writing Blupjeans.

The thing about this vocative-centric, vocabulary-centric approach to character voice is that it can, at least theoretically, lead to us overdoing it, and overshooting how the amount that Lup would use "babe" in canon. Which isn't a big deal, it's just fic — but I'm very hyperfixated and I love Lup very much, so I wanted to break down a some of when, where, and why she uses "babe" and other terms of endearment, as well as other little nuances I noticed.

Continuing under the cut, but the tl;dr is: Lup absolutely calls people "babe" a lot, but it's not exclusively romantic, it can be either sincere or teasing in tone, and she tends to do so more as time goes on, not so much at the start of the century.

(Partially inspired by and overlapping with the contents of this post (link) by @keplercryptids!)

"Babe"

[Plaintext: "Babe". End plaintext.]

Lup (to Barry): Don’t blow yourself up, babe, I’m sure your beautiful body’s gonna get killed by the Hunger soon enough.

-Ep. 67: Story and Song Part 1.

Lup (to Barry): Babe, I love you more than life and undeath itself, but let’s get somewhere safe first, so we can really savor this tender reunion.

-Ep. 67: Story and Song Part 1.

Lup: Taako, Barry and I got this. You gotta keep trying babe, I know you can do this.

-Ep. 68: Story and Song Part 2.

Lup (to Barry): Hear that, babe? We're legends.

-Ep. 68: Story and Song Part 2.

Lup (to Barry): I’m about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe.

-Ep. 69: Story and Song Part 3.

Lup (to Barry, during heist planning): We’re good, babe.

-Live in Nashville!

The first thing that jumps out at me is how back-loaded, for lack of a better term, the use of "babe" is among all Lup's appearances. It's part of one of her most iconic lines from Story and Song, but she doesn't drop a single "babe" throughout the whole The Stolen Century! Go up and read those lines again — pre-Story and Song, there's not a single one!

I have a few conjectures here that might explain this. First, on a Doyalist level, one could attribute this to small sample size (Lup just doesn't have that much dialogue relative to her thematic presence), and/or to Griffin himself still feeling out her character in the first few episodes that she appeared in.

But on a Watsonian level: I'm purely speculating, but I wonder if it was a nickname she that first started using (or at least, using with regularity) for Barry at some point well into the establishment of their relationship, and from there, it bled out into platonic contexts too. Speaking of which, the fact that she predominantly uses it for Barry doesn't stop her from using it for Taako — in fact, though it only comes up once, it's in a very sincere moment of encouragement (as Taako struggles to transmute all of Phandalin into sapphire).

On that note, if there's anything I'll personally admit to wanting to see more of in fic, it's more of Lup using "babe" in platonic/familial contexts! It's hard to extrapolate from canon if this is a "just Taako" thing, an "any close platonic bond" thing, or an "anyone whatsoever" thing, but I just think it's so cute! (And I'd personally vibe check it as realistic for her to say to other IPRE crewmates, for example — but I'm possibly biased, as a Lup and Magnus friendship writer/enjoyer.)

Lastly on the topic of "babe," it comes up in a variety of contexts, but as alluded to above, it can be sincere or teasing — of which the teasing can, but doesn't necessarily, overlap with flirting.

Specifically, Lup uses "babe" twice while gently, lightheartedly questioning Barry's decisions or priorities, like his intent to blow himself up. It also comes up in teasing or flirtatious moments within emotionally charged moments, like the reunion, or when she gets her body back. It's just not exclusively used for deflating tension — see her sheer confidence in the "we're legends" line and how she revels in it, for example.

All in all, "babe" is clearly one of Lup's go-to all-purpose words, and I like that it shows her voice evolving over time, whether or not that was intentional by Griffin. "Babe" is by far the most worth analyzing of Lup's terms of endearment, but we'll also talk about:

"Dear"

[Plain text: "Dear". End plain text.]

Lup: We need to make sure our friends in the ethereal plane aren’t listening. Taako, could you do the honors and shoo them away? Taako: Go away! Lup: Dear, you need to Blink.

-Ep. 66, The Stolen Century Part 7.

Lup: Lucretia, dear, I’ve already forgotten about the whole thing. Oh, uh! [Smiling] Sorry, bad choice of words.

-Ep. 68, Story and Song Part 2.

With the obligatory caveat that we have an even smaller sample size here, it jumps out at me that Lup only ever uses "dear" in teasing contexts, reacting to mistakes both big and small. But it's also a word she uses to emphasize love and forgiveness — especially communicating that she won't breeze past a mistake like it didn't happen, but also isn't going to maintain hostility over it, which we see with Lucretia.

(You can even make an argument that Lup teasing Taako with a "dear" is at least a little tension-defusing too, because that scene happens in the leadup to Lup and Barry presenting the Relic plan. But it's less clear there if she's using it consciously with that purpose.)

Miscellaneous: "Honey," "Bud," "(My) Man"

[Plain text: "Miscellaneous". End plain text.]

Barry: I mean um… the Conservatories, I guess, for obvious reasons. Lup: Oh, oh sure, honey, that was a… that was a good one but, man, the food in Tesseralia though, like. It's hard to beat that.

-Ep. 66: The Stolen Century Part 6

Lup (to Magnus): What are you- why? [Laughs] We need to get- we need to- we gotta bounce. Look up. Look up, bud. It’s, it’s the Big H. It’s time to roll.

-Ep. 64: The Stolen Century Part 5.

Taako: Am I…? I’m not going to lose you again. Lup: Never. Never again, bud.

-Ep. 68, Story and Song Part 2.

Lup: So, uh, Davenport, bud, kinda curious why you’d, uh, decided to come back out here after you wrote us about all the ghost-based dangers you encountered, my man, didn’t you consider that we’d be coming to collect for, you know, the goddess of death?

-Live in San Francisco!

Now, a few more odds and ends for the sake of completeness! The first thing I noticed is that she calls Barry "honey" while teasing him a little bit, as they compare their favorite cycles (though I don't think she's necessarily lying, either) — overall very similar to how she uses "babe" in playful contexts sometimes, or how she uses "dear" with Taako or Lucretia.

"Bud" is for Taako, Magnus, and Davenport! Like "babe," it seems to be a very multi-purpose vocative — ranging from questioning her friends' judgment, all the way to deeply sincere moments. (Taako seems to bring out the sincerity more than anyone, unsurprisingly.)

Lastly, "Man" is used both as a general filler word/emphasizing word without necessarily filling in for a name or subject, or alternatively, transforms into "my man" exactly once when talking to Davenport. That one's interesting to me because "my man" is something associated a lot more with Taako — and specifically, used by Taako with people he likes and trusts (link), though it may or may not actually be a serious context.

Merle (giving Taako some shitty kelp shoes):  There’s a lot of give in kelp and if they’re too small, get ‘em wet and they’ll get bigger and these— These are for you. Taako (pretending he won't immediately cast Levitate on them): Oh, well, thank you, my man. These are just beautiful!

-Ep. 62: The Stolen Century Part 3.

Taako: Barry, I— You got all the time in the world, my man.

-Ep. 62: The Stolen Century Part 3.

To compare and contrast, Lup's only known "my man" is deployed against Davenport when she's kind of questioning his judgment, but he's obviously a person she likes. If you'll let me speculate, I wouldn't be shocked if Lup overheard Taako hit Davenport with plenty of "my man"-s over the course of the Stolen Century — just a guess, but it's something I'd really like to believe in, because the twins influencing each other's speaking styles is just so cute.

And that's all! This was an exercise I undertook to get better at writing Lup, but I always really intended to post it too, so I hope it was interesting and insightful — I knew it definitely left me with a new appreciation for how Lup's way of speaking evolves over time, in particular!

[chaoslinych]

come, let's sing the sailor song!!!!

yay another art plan is done (hoping to not lose all the other ones in my head)

at first i just wanted to make a post with only Zeefarer, and specifically tell a story about why a version of her as a sequencer is even scarier than ONE OF THE SCARIEST canon variants, and how did we even come to this

but another idea with this suddenly happened, and i love it so much too (i've had an idea of making references for fl/ss characters like i did for Kys, and i think that's when i'm gonna explain everything, THERE'S GONNA BE A LOT OF TEXT, AGAIN)

actually it's a silly trend that i've of course MISSED, but today i'm gonna talk about those two BECAUSE!!!! ABSOLUTELY SUDDENLY THIS PAIR TURNED OUT TO BE MORE INTERESTING THAN JUST A "HEEHEE I LOVE THOSE CHARACTERS, THEY'RE A COUPLE NOW"

at first it was actually like this, that's a normal situation for me

BUT HERE'S AT LEAST TWO SITUATIONS THAT MAKE THEM AWESOME

(I have to cut posts so often, I LOVE WRITING LETTERS SO MUCH)

if you've played through icarian cup, you know that the main thing about Zeefarer is her neverending lexicon of zailor speech, which is not just a fun detail, but also a part of her drama as a character, because the only one who understands her and is her only actual friend (and a translator) is a boot from Polythreme, but here's a thing, SHE LOSES IT TOO (by her own will) AFTER THE RACE (in our variant) as well as her crew, which could at least half understand her, and which probably ended up becoming sequencers

that's already a situation

BUT WE ALSO HAVE DIPLOMAT

who doesn't keep diplomatic notes in principle, either because of their boundless cunning, or because of their excellent memory, honestly I think both

AND LITERALLY, when they talk with Zeefarer, they could memorize her speech expressions and sooner or later start to understand her without any help

THIS IS VERY CUTE

i especially can imagine a situation in which the Zeefarer notices this herself, specifically when Diplomat translates her words for another person, just like the helpful boot in the ES (would be nice to draw this too but i'm not promising this)

AND HERE'S A SECOND SITUATION, that happens somewhere in the middle of the first one

as you could guess, in our variant the Zeefarer "wins" but manages to get saved, it's a spoiler, so i'm just gonna tell that despite being saved and the fact that the winner gets to their senses, is actually going through a sort of an adaptation (which is still a headcanon but takes root in many reasons, such as the fact that when he's saved, the Excursionist mentions that his dreams haven't went back to normal) and it's impossible to save them from becoming at least a normal sequencer

and i've already told that the Zeefarer is already in a situation, and that adds more to it, because even if the person can resist it, it's inevitable, and the more they resist the worse is their mental state and this makes it easier for a person to just break and get back to the machine (in our thoughts, you need to at least just get back to the geode)

unfortunately, it's not very easy to break Zeefarer despite the first half of her situation, and she could extend this until something really bad would happen

but thankfully there's a Diplomat who is an informant of the new sequence, they are clearly not allowed to know the true purpose of icarian cup, but here it's obvious that the one who disappears becomes a sequencer (BUT THERE'S A NUANCE, YEAH)

but anyway, we also have the Commodore, who's VERY good at reading people, and definitely knows how does the machine and the sequencers work, so he could understand that the Zeefarer's adaptation would be difficult, and to make sure that everything goes nicely (this is a new sequencer after all, and a useful one), it wouldn't hurt to send somebody to help her (and especially if it's a person who is not a sequencer, i think)

i don't have any ideas of how this dialogue would go, but definitely not that easily due to the Zeefarer's personality and her mental state, but in the end very effective

and despite this whole scary way, we actually come to a happy end, yay

(oh and she also gets her crew back then, not the ship from the race tho, which is kind of funny)

and thanks to Rinja for the help with translation, as usual, yay

[mcyt-rarepair-tournament]

please tell us how Brutus is a c!Karl song i would love to hear you out

Okayokayokayokay. So I understand that a lot of people never watched c!Karl’s lore pre-TFTSMP however there is a really good analysis video of him on YouTube that explains it really well, and it was made before doomsday even happened.

But to sum it up: c!Karl really wanted to be involved in the lore. He was always trying to be a part of the big stuff, and he even comments on it during c!Niki’s birthday party, when c!Wilbur is about to blow Manberg up (You can actually hear him say ‘wait, am I part of a big event for once?’) Sad-ist’s meme animatic Dre Smp was made because there was a whole bit about Karl wanting to be included.

Later, c!Karl made Rutabag-Ville while the Pogtopia war was going down (this is actually the context in which c!Techno chased c!Quackity and gave That Speech) and eventually annexed it to c!Schlatt. Why? Well, he’d wanted to join Pogtopia, but had been turned down, I believe it was even specifically by c!Quackity.

Later, c!Quackity and c!Tubbo confronted him over this decision, and he eventually said that he sided with c!Schlatt because he felt welcome and c!Schlatt was nice to him. Now, obviously, we all know this was manipulation, and it’s my own little headcanon that c!Karl knew subconsciously what he was doing, but wanted to be accepted so badly he didn’t care.

This also extends beyond the Pogtopia war. I think not a lot of people actually know that Karl was part of the New L’Manberg government as its creative head, but he was left out of every discussion by the rest of the cabinet (we got ROBBED of butcher army c!Karl). He expresses bitterness over this readily! One thing I forgot to mention earlier is that he actually did try to get people on Manberg’s side back in the war by giving them gifts, but they always burned them when he left.

He also founded El Rapids during this time with c!Sapnap, c!Quackity, and c!George. Some drama happened, and in order to assert their nations independence, Karl sacrificed one of his lives by blowing up part of his country in order to frame Eret for it.

(side note, but fun fact; c!Karl was the one who snitched to c!Dream about c!Eret helping Pogtopia, which is what got c!George on the throne. Just a little fun fact.)

Of course, his lore does kinda peter out after that. His CC began streaming TFTSMP, and we know how that went. Not to say he never streamed at all, but they became a lot rarer since a lot of the server began to think they needed more scripted lore, thus their standards for streaming became higher.

I also agree with the headcanon that he has FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and while you could say that this was just his CC wanting to be in more lore, you would be right, but if we brushed off character’s lore because the CC wasn’t 100% in-character, we would have very little characterization left. A lot of Karl’s characters comes from before the 4th wall had really solidified on the server, plus it comes from late-2020, while a lot of newer fans got into the smp around early to mid 2021.

Basically, Brutus is a song about envy, hatred, and a whole lot of mixed emotions based on the assassination of Julius Caesar. While c!Karl never went to the extremes Brutus did, it’s not really hard to see how closely the song echoes his treatment on the server.

I tend to divide c!Karl’s characterization into three parts; first is his more immature and young personality that is set during the Manberg to El Rapids era, second is his transitioning phase between that and someone a bit more mature, which I put from Doomsday to The Pit (the eighth TFTSMP episode), and third is his more mature characterization, where he is burdened by his time traveler duties and has grown into his own person, past the need to be important and make an impact, though the shadow of Manberg and El Rapids loom over him.

In short, c!Karl is a nuanced character who faced the curse of fanon and lost. But hey, so did everyone else. I’d argue he got some of the worst of it, though C!Ranboo is a tough contender. So is C!Sam, actually. And c!Fundy. Just… a lot of characters got the short stick by fanon.

This is my first shot at making an essay, so it’s a bit messy. A lot of this can be found on vod channels, however, so if anyone wants to give links feel free to do so! Also you can correct me if I got anything wrong, it has been a hot minute since I’ve watched a DSMP vod.

That’s my two cents, anyhow. I just really like c!Karl and feel like he got done dirty by a lot of fans. They really did take a nuanced character who was both selfless and selfish, kind yet a bit of a sadist, loved to mess with his loved ones but also hated when anyone touched them, and turned him into a little soft boy who can’t defend himself against anything or One Of c!Quackity’s Mean Crazy Ex-Fiancés. No, I am not exaggerating, I saw someone legitimately call c!Karl crazy because of the Kinoko argument. Y’all…

That’s pretty much it! My fingers are getting tired so I’m sorry if it got a little messy at the end or I got a bit off topic. If anyone needs more clarification I will happily oblige. There were even a few details I left out because I wanted to cut down on this post’s length. C!Karl is a fascinating character and he’s been my No. 1 for nearly two years at this point. Thank you for listening!

[maya-chirps]

Leonora

by Sugarcane

New translation! This time I just felt like translating and talking about this song because I genuinely love talking about the little nuances here. It's one of the more recent videos that really pulled me back into OPM. I explain a lot of the nuances and the historical background below + some personal stories related to it too.

Leonora

This serenade I'm offering, for the maiden with unparalleled beauty, with the scent of roses If tricky fate would wish it I won't let it disappear

This letter I'm hoping your eyes would read I'm ready to do everything, I'll even court your family I've only now felt such eternal awe All I wish for is

The two of us be together at the end and at the beginning Proving that first love does last

How many poems has it been, why is it getting unnoticed? My only wish, at the end you'll be with me If it's possible, until the end of time I will never let you go forever

Our sweet past relationship, where'd it go? (I keep looking for you, whoa) How come between us, I'm the only one left? (I wish I could still see you) Your beautiful voice, would I still hear it? Ready to go through life[1] even if you're not here anymore

Wherever you are, may you be happy now (let you go free, whoa) Even if we won't be together anymore (I still love you) Just please listen to my wish that you would take care Oh, Leonora my love, ah

Alternative Translations and Additional Context

Ready to go through - this is just the literal translation of the line but contextually it's closer to the lyric I used or something close to "Ready to go through everything".

The song is based on the real-life historical figure Leonor Rivera-Kipping, one of the many lovers of the Philippine National hero José Rizal. The two were childhood sweethearts, however, due to Rizal traveling to Europe to study and Leonor's mother Silvestra Bauzon not liking how political he was while favoring an Englishman named Henry Charles Kipping so Silvestra and Kipping kept the letters that Rizal sent to Leonor. This made her think that she was abandoned and later on married Kipping instead (Quirino, 2015).

On the night of her wedding, she found the letters and in her frustration tore them apart sewing some of them on the hem of her wedding dress and burnt the others. After her marriage to Kipping, she vowed to never play the piano again. She died at 26 in childbirth alongside her newborn daughter, after which Kipping abandoned their only living son and traveled back to England just to die three years later, no mention of Leonor ever being his wife (Quirino, 2015).

Her final wish before her death was to be buried with the silver box that contained the ashes of Rizal's letters (Martinez-Clemente, 2011). Sadly, her grave was a casualty during the war and her remains and her grave site has been lost forever (Quirino, 2015).

Leonor serves as the inspiration for the character of Maria Clara in Rizal's acclaimed novels that Filipinos are mandated to learn at school Noli Me Tangere and its sequel El Filibusterismo. Maria Clara is the female love interest of the series protagonist Crisostomo Ibarra and the two have a severely tragic love story due to the politics surrounding Ibarra and both of their relationships.

From my understanding of the books, Leonor may also have been the inspiration for the El Filibusterismo character Paulita Gomez who abandons her relationship with her lover, one of the leading characters named Isagani, after he was accused of being an insurrectionist despite being innocent. At the end of the story, Paulita marries someone else and Isagani watches the reception from outside her house.

Random Trivia

The place this music video was shot is actually a historical house of another one of Rizal's many lovers Segunda Katigbak! The place is called Casa Segunda and is located in Lipa City, Batangas. My classmates and I visited the place and rented it out for a project a couple of years back.

Another fun fact is that the group most likely didn't actually play the piano in the house because they weren't allowed to considering how old it is. It's an antique and it was already falling apart when we went there way before this video was probably shot. That's the reason for them keeping the camera away from the keys.

They're also not allowed to sit on the antique seat in front of the piano because of how fragile it was and it already was falling apart too when we went there. We ignored this for one of our shoots and did it quickly before anyone could notice, but they may have just positioned the camera so they don't have to show them sitting down on the chair.

We found a random kitten in the house? I don't know what happened to it. It wasn't outside either, it was like inside one of the bedrooms. I don't know if the staff or family owned it but it did look like a stray.

Some of my classmates still hasn't paid me back for the rent we were supposed to split. It isn't a fun fact, I'm just a little salty.

Original Lyrics

'Tong alay kong harana, para sa dalagang Walang kasingganda, amoy-rosas ang halimuyak Kung nanaisin ng tadhanang mapanlinlang 'Di hahayaang mawala pa

'Tong liham na umaasang mata mo ang makabasa Handang gawin lahat, maging pamilya'y liligawan Ngayon lang nakadama ng wagas na pagkamangha Hiling ko lang naman na

Tayo na sanang dalawa ang siyang huli at ang umpisa Papatunayang ang unang pag-ibig ay 'di mawawala

Nakailang tula na, ba't tila 'di napupuna? Ang tangi kong hiling, hanggang dulo ikaw ang kapiling Kung puwede lang, hanggang pangmagpakailanman Hinding-hindi na papakawalan kailanman

Ang dating tamis ng pagsasama, nasa'n na? (Hinahanap-hanap ka, whoa) Ba't sa 'ting dal'wa, ako na lang ang natira? (Sana'y magkita pa) Tinig mong kay ganda, maririnig pa ba? Handang tahaking mag-isa kahit wala ka na

Kung nasa'n ka man, nawa ay masaya ka na (palalayain ka, whoa) Kahit na 'di na tayo magsasama pa (mahal pa rin kita) Dinggin mo lang ang hiling na mag-iingat ka Oh, Leonora kong sinta, ah

References

Martinez-Clemente, J. (2011, June 20). Keeping up with legacy of Rizal’s ‘true love’. Inquirer.net. Retrieved on 5 September 2024, from https://newsinfo.inquirer.net/16626/keeping-up-with-legacy-of-rizal%E2%80%99s-%E2%80%98true-love%E2%80%99

Quirino, E. (2015, February 17). Leonor Rivera, a Hero’s Sweetheart. Positively Filipino. Retrieved on 5 September 2024, from https://www.positivelyfilipino.com/magazine/leonor-rivera-a-heros-sweetheart

[emaistome]

Through the years, the A song of Ice and Fire Universe has blessed us with amazing, and nuanced characters. But there are some of them who are purely evil, and I’m referring to characters like Euron Greyjoy, Geoffrey Lannister and Ramsey Bolton. Our question for today is where does Aegon II from HOTD stands in between them all?

Aegon is the first son of King Viserys Targaryen by his second wife, Alicent Hightower. From the day he was born, everyone expected him to be name heir, but his father kept his older sister, the princess Rhaenyra Targaryen the heir to the Iron throne, despite the Andal Tradition and the precedent established by the Great Council of 101, stating that the succession would follow absolute male primogeniture.

He was neglected by his father, who was sick at the time and didn’t really love or care about his four children with Alicent. And his mother was physically abusive, meaning that she used to slap him when he did wrong things. Aegon did a lot of wrong things. Like raping servants, drinking, and watching children fight in the pits of Flea Bottom. He is also aware that he is not loved by his parents, which is partially true and says that he tries a lot to make them feel proud of him but it never works. The people around him forced him to usurp the throne, which was rightfully his sister’s.

I think that Aegon is a badly written character simply because the writers want to make us feel bad for him while simultaneously presenting him as pure evil, or at least they do very little nuance him as a character. Aegon does unarguably the worst things someone could do in the first season of the show, we are not told why he did, and there’s no balance between some good things that he may have done and all the disgusting things he does. He doesn’t have any goal that might make people feel interested about the things he might do in the future. Even the things he says that he tries to do to please his parents are not shown.

In fact when he says all that, it feels more like gaslighting because the discussion was not about him being lazy, or not trying hard enough, it was about him raping a young girl, but he tried to turn the discussion about this totally unrelated subject. Even if we consider what he says about trying hard, the context of the discussion just proves that he was lying. Because it’s not very difficult to not rape the maids in the castle, and just go to a brothel, like he does all the time. On top of that he’s the last person to wake up in the castle, even the little children that he has, have already woken up, and there’s an important meeting that he doesn’t even know about.

It’s not even the worst thing that he does; personally, I think that watching children fight to death is worse. And there’s no build up to it, again we just have accept that he does just like watching children die. He is objectively evil, with no redeemable quality. I know his parents didn’t like him but it is not written in a way, that it could explain why he is the way he is, or at least the writers failed to frame it that way, especially considering that he’s a prince who was raised and pampered in a castle.

As a character he makes me think of a failed male version of Pearl. They have a lot in common:

• Their very religious and conservative mother;

• The sick father;

• The need to leave the place that they live in;

• The fact that they seem to be born evil, even though only Pearl recognizes it.

The first difference is that the movie was about Pearl, her life and her feelings, while Aegon had little screen time in a show that discusses mainly the struggles of women in a feudal and patriarchal setting, and he iss a rapist who doesn’t face the consequences of his crimes because the system protects him. He’s the antagonist.

Second of all, Pearl has all the things that might make you sympathize with a villain, she does good things by taking care of her sick father and working hardly in her family’s farm. On the other side Aegon seems so lazy, and is always bored, he does wrong things and it’s all he does. We can’t feel bad that his parents don’t love him, because the bar is literally in hell, he still can’t touch it.

Pearl has goals, she wants to become famous and leave the place she leaves in, but Aegon doesn’t have any goal, any purpose, he wants to leave his family but it’s mainly to avoid doing anything serious in his life, while his family might die if they don’t take the throne for themselves, and crown him.

Lastly Pearl does arguably the worst things between them two, she kills all her family but every death has an emotional weight to them.

• She kills her mother because she wanted her to feel as bad as she made her feel about herself;

• Pearl kills her father because she couldn’t leave him all alone in the house, and because she loves him;

• She kills the projectionist because he lied to her, and wanted to abandon her;

• And she kills Mitsy because she thinks that Mitsy is privileged by being younger and blonde, and got the role she wanted.

But Aegon does horrible things just because he finds pleasure in doing them. He doesn’t draw any emotion from the public, outside of disgust and outrage.

In the end, Aegon as a character is like an empty shell. He has nothing to appreciate, and this characterization will have an impact on things that he will do in the future, or how he will react to events like Blood and Cheese. How him going mad after this event will make sense if he never cared in the first place?

In Fire and blood, his characterization was more alike to that of Robert, minus the good humor, but in House of the Dragon, he seems to be an annoying, and whiny type of Geoffrey.

However I still think that Aegon plays some roles in the show quite perfectly:

• Being the embodiment of everything wrong with the feudal system;

• Being a foil to his brother, who thought that he was much better than him but won’t get the throne, because Aegon was the older brother;

• Serves in the development of characters around him especially Alicent who still loves him despite his very bad actions.

His biggest enemy was the time jump, because the writers seriously want us to believe that all his troubles come from his relationship with his parents when he was younger. But the only time we saw him as a child he was still being loved by his father and mother, so it doesn’t seem like they did anything wrong to him. When he grows old Aegon looks like he has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). And for this part I’m gonna extrapolate a lot from what is presented in the show and make a lot of assumptions, because there is little source material to work with

People with BPD, have an unstable image of themselves, difficulties to regulate their emotions, causing an increase in impulsivity, they are thus subjects to intense mood swings, feelings of emptiness and fear of abandonment. Generally important factors in the development of this disorder are from bad parenting styles.

His upbringing seems more that of a quiet type of BPD as there are four types, the impulsive, the petulant, the self-destructive and the quiet. But I digress. The quiet type of BPD is quite different from the others. As the quiet BPD are often overly dependent to their caretakers and in Aegon’s case this caretaker is his mother, Alicent. It is mainly small details that show his dependence to her, like the fact that when they all grow up, he’s the only one to wear green, the color they all wore when they were children, Alicent’s color. For Vaemond’s petition Haleana wore a golden dress and Aemond was dressed in black. But he was wearing green as if he was still dependant on her. In addition at the age of twenty she was waking his up, when everyone had already awoken by themselves. And it may not seem relevant but a lot of times, commentators who try to understand him talk about him as if he was some kind of teenager.

The lack of identity is linked to his position as the only first born son, in his period to not inherit their father’s position. From a societal point of view, if he’s not his father’s heir, what is he going to be? And there is no one to help him find another purpose. His father is often lost in poppy dreams and even when he is not, he cares more about Rhaenyra’s children than his own. On the other side his mother believes that he is going to be king but not because he is deserving of anything or because she loves him, but because she believes that he is going to die if he doesn’t. There has never been anyone around him interested in him as a person enough to show love or appreciation. I mean, they were preparing a coup in order to put him on the Iron Throne and he wasn’t even consentant, he wasn’t event present.

The caretakers also don’t encourage autonomy and erase the child’s sense of self efficacy; the child’s needs are neglected in favor of those of the caretakers. We saw Aegon being belittled by Alicent when he was fourteen, and at the same time she was forcing kingship onto him, and forced him to mary his sister, while all he ever needed was love and appreciation from his parents. He even knows that he is not suited, and doesn’t deserve anything, it’s probably the reason why he wants to leave, and maybe he thinks that everyone’s life would have been better if he wasn’t there.

People with this type of BPD are often somber, moody, quiet, clingy, and very angry on the inside. This is not at all how I would describe book Aegon, who is more impulsive, but it goes quite well for Aegon in the show.

People with BPD often experience feelings of emptiness, and often exhibit very hardcore behaviors in order to fill the void. They are always in search of pleasure, and adrenalin. And for Aegon it is blatant that even when he was only a teenager, he went farer than other children, like masturbating in front of a window, developing drinking habits and using sextoys (dildos). The more time passes the farer he goes, he drinks more, and rapes servants and watches children fight to death, all to fill the void left by the absence of his identity. These are traits that are most likely to be found in a self-destructive Borderline person. They come from quite explosive environments, and have a lot of repressed feelings, mostly anger from never getting their needs met. And it often creates anxiety and depression. This type is like the other, they are simply vacillating, between obedience and recklessness, impulsivity and indecisiveness. And I think that we will get more

In conclusion, out of all four of Alicent’s children Aegon is possibly the one who resembles her the most. Anyone barely shows love or interest towards them for who they are, they are both forced to marry people they don’t like and take responsibility for things that they don’t want. The biggest difference is that by being a man, and a prince, Aegon is allowed to fill the void in him as he wants, because he still enjoys the highest of the privileges. While on the other side Alicent was a woman, and daughter to a second son, who had a name, but no land, and had to cling to other people and be more careful in order to stay relevant. I think that Aegon is a little hill made of suppressed needs and emptiness that come back as anger, self loathing, and an insatiable need of pleasure. Although it can appear to work it doesn’t, because his characterization is like a scenario where Georges R.R. Martin started Tyrion’s, story with all the things that he did in the later book, without all the build up to it. The cracks will inevitably appear in s2 when he will have to show more emotions, like care for his family, while he lets his bastards in the pits, and doesn’t care about his wife and children. The only interesting things about him are his relationships with Alicent and Aemond.

[cygnusmori]

Good Omens S2 thoughts ahead, beware of spoilers

It's been already two days since I binge watched the season in one go, and I wanna share some thoughts. However, they aren't positive, if you're looking for praise you won't like this.

I won't talk about the big bad end or Aziraphale, I think there's already enough posts covering the issue and explaining Aziraphale, or theorizing about Metatron, or that Crowley wasn't in the right either.

I wanna talk about him.

For many, it seems like he was the only positive sweet thing about that ending, and that this was his redemption arc.

But I digrees.

See, I've always been fan of Gabriel, and I always thought he was a nuanced character, I don't think Gabriel is anywhere near of perfection. I like him with his flaws, I think he's funny, ignorant, mean at times, and has that alienating "non human" feeling. He did bad things, but I never saw him as an evil big bad force, I never thought he was a villain. He was on the opposing side of our protagonists, which is different.

But that's the S1, let's talk about S2 and why I'm disappointed.

Maybe just showing that he isn't all evil a didn't want to try to destroy the world is enough of a development for most. But not for me, because we didn't see this development.

I'm grateful that he wasn't shown as an evil edgelord compulsive serial abuser? Yeah. Thanks.

But for most of the season, we didn't see Gabriel, we saw Jim. This amnesiac, empty, thoughtless person. I loved him, we all love him, I know! He's sweet, cute, empathetic, dumb, and apologized for something he didn't know he did.

But he didn't have any actual meaningful "eye-opening" experiences with the ineffables. He didn't have like, let's say an attempt at bonding or friendship, or getting to know and discover earth. Everyone theorized and was eager to have Gabriel discovering the wonders of earth and humanity, realizing is worth saving.

And what did we go? ...A flashback in the last episode that lasted less than, what, 6 minutes? Where he just enjoys the same song that Beelzebub. Everything about their relationship is left as just guess work, there's not even a fraction of growth like the ineffables had.

But not just that, is that it was mostly told. Not shown.

We didn't see Gabriel having any actual feelings, or conflicts, or problems, or worries. Nothing.

We're shown he could sacrifice himself to save the humans and trying to avoid the problems he was causing, which is sweet and beautiful! I love him! But that's still Jim...Would Gabriel do it? I wanna say yes, I wanna believe that he would! But that's the problem. we don't really know because we just got about less than 10 minutes of the actual Gabriel.

He remained as this silly amnesiac character for the first 5 episodes. And then on the last 20 minutes he got his memories back, and what did he do, after being protected and cared by Aziraphale and Crowley?

Nothing. There wasn't an exchange of words, there wasn't a "They helped me". There was nothing, there wasn't any explanation for why he actually seeked Aziraphale, besides that little implication made by Metatron that maybe Gabriel thought Aziraphale should be the next leader (which, let me add, could be a lie).

I, even as a fan of Gabe, feel like he had barely anything to offer. No much more relevant bits of his personality than what we already knew. I still thought he was super funny and loveable as Jim, but yeah...not growth. Especially between Aziraphale and him, after all...they knew each other for ages, Aziraphale thought he was awful but also that he would protect him, and this amnesiac Gabriel was eager to apologize and help, where are the follow ups of that?

I get it, he's a side character.

But this season he's a Plot Device.

What about these "lucid moments" where he spoke with the voice of God? Or those "It hurts to remember!"? They meant nothing? They weren't clues, he was just so ready to drop everything?

And as an audience I have to accept he really changed that much, he really didn't care about falling or losing his over 6000 years job. That's so...empty.

I didn't see any eye-opening, or mind-changer experience for him. We saw he's capable of love and respect and selfless actions, I guess, but that's just the most bare minimum, and one that I already always believed, so there's not excitement for me at all.

I think maybe I feel like this because I always thought he wasn't evil, but all of the reasoning for him not being evil, barely got touched. I mean the responsability maniac, the workaholic tendencies, the extreme obedience, the stress, the emotional familiarity with other archangels, the fear of falling... he had none of these things, he apparently changed in four years. That's it. "He's changed, and doesn't care about being the leader! And now he's singing a love song and disappearing happily on the sunset!" is not the direction I expected.

They just left, without consequences besides stepping down of their ranks? Gabriel's memories loss wasn't even a punishment. He had no real consequences for anything and that hurts me, because those are needed for a character to learn and progress. He got rewarded for loving freely, but that love wasn't even actually shown (no, cheesy and super sappy pet names aren't a relationship development)

I'm just sad...or more like devastated about almost everything in this S2. I guess I can just enjoy the fact that him being just a random dude and not worse than the devil himself is my consolation prize. And even with that I was left feeling like I don't have any reason to be in the fandom.

That said, those are just my thoughts. You can disagree and think this season was wonderfully done on every aspect, that's what opinions are.

[emeraldthelynx]

Infinite

I think Infinite is a really cool character. When I played Sonic Forces, I think my only real complaint with the game was how short and easy it was. Everything else was really amazing! And Infinite was such a cool character with so many nuances, heightened by the lyrics in his self-titled theme. A lot of people seem to think he's just an angry guy who hates Shadow and started a war for no reason. And then the fandom puts him through therapy.

. . .

Let me explain why I think Infinite is a cool villain!

First of all, he's got a backstory the player becomes a part of in Episode Shadow. Shadow has been ordered to hunt down Infinite's mercenary squad (probably by G.U.N., although the scriptwriters probably didn't realize that.) He takes down the rest, then takes on Infinite. Up until this point, Infinite has been invincible, he was feared, he had power. Then Shadow breaks him instantly. Instead of having a moment of self-reflection or brooding, Infinite denies that he has a breakdown. He hides his face and it's almost like that the mask he wears is a sign of his 'rebirth.' So he's a tragic villain! He's still a bad guy, he was a bad guy before everything Shadow did, but Infinite becoming scared and vulnerable actually makes him sympathize with the audience.

Secondly, this guy is a real threat! If Eggman hadn't reeled him in when he did, chances are Infinite would of taken him down as well with his illusions. He literately tricks the brain into hurting the body while manipulating reality to his every whim. He doesn't need to have contact with his opponents to hurt them, which is more than can be said for a lot of Eggman's plans. He materializes Sonic's hardest opponents, Shadow, the perfect rival to Sonic, Metal Sonic, a machine who believes he's the real Sonic and will do anything to prove it, Chaos, the literal embodiment of Sonic's worst fear, and… Za…vok? (Sorry, Zavok works more as a Mario villain than a Sonic one. He's ruthless, we'll say that, yeah.) Excluding Zavok, these guys have been real threats to Sonic when they were separate, and Infinite puts them together. He breaks Tails. He makes the world believe that Sonic is dead for six months. Again, more than most of Eggman's plans have done.

Third, the dynamic Infinite has with the Avatar character. Both of them were reduced to trembling, fearful people. But Infinite hid away, and the Avatar chose to fight despite his/her fear and eventually overcame it. Infinite's theme literately sounds like he's taunting the avatar, hitting it especially hard with the line "it's only me and you, who is gonna save you now?" Infinite sees the avatar as the person that he was before putting on the mask, and likes taunting them. Do you realize that he's trying to hide his own fear by attacking the Avatar? And it makes him even more scared as the avatar stands up again and again which he could not do.

Fourth and final, his design and theme song?! That mask, the Phantom Ruby, the Persona-esque logo on the bottom of his shoes, that is a lot of effort put into this design to really sell the character! (As a side note, I know barely anything about Persona. Could somebody who's more familiar with the series tell me if Infinite embodies any of the Persona traits?) His theme song is really amazing. It embodies everything in his character. Do you realize that this was the first time there was a character theme in this style since Silver's theme in Sonic 06? Sure, we got cool things like Knight of the Wind or lovely tracks like Speak With Your Heart, but we did not get a full-blown character theme. Infinite is telling the audience (Avatar) who he is, everything about his power, how he's the one in control, but at the same time, you can hear him trying to convince himself of everything he's saying. (Especially with the line "this is an illusion, open up your eyes.")

I'm going to say it now that I got more happiness from playing Sonic Forces than I did playing Frontiers. The music was great, I actually felt like I had a world to save, and the avatar was really fun to design and use. I think if SEGA used a style similar to the Adventure games where each character (Sonic, Classic Sonic, and the Avatar) each had their own story segments, made the game a little longer, and fleshed out the story a bit more, Sonic Forces would of been one of the best Sonic games that came out in a while. I might make another post later that specifies those ideas a bit more, but for now, enjoy my rant about Infinite.

[aplaceinthedark]

chapter twelve: PATH that I FOLLOW

Summary: Down in the Shenandoah Valley, there lay a court consisting of the Grim, the Drowned, the Witch and the Watcher.

CW: supernatural themes, mentions of vehicular accident, mentions of motorcycle accident, mentions of religious sacrifice, ptsd, bodily injury, body horror, graphic violence, angst, blood, major character death

Every chapter will have a different cw section. This is Bad Omens rpf, so obviously I don't know all the little nuances of the members or their family members.

A/N: Some things are color-coded. If any of you are colorblind lemme know. 

YOU CAN'T SAVE HIM.

YOU ARE WEAK.

YOU ARE EMPTY.

I tried to scream as Michael’s eyes pleaded. For me? For God? For mercy? I could never tell. How did Jolly’s song go?

We asked Him if He would take us back, He would surely tell us no.

“Mikey, please, hold on,” I pleaded. It felt like I had been saying those words for hours as I tried to scrape my way forward, but either my fingers couldn’t find purchase, or with every inch I gained, another inch of pavement was created.

My head dipped, forehead pressed against the searing hot street. Tears streamed down my face. Was this my own personal Hell? Some kind of divine retribution from a god I stopped believing in when this scene actually happened? Could I not be happy for just once?

I tried summoning some strength using that momentary burst of anger, pushing myself up and shoving myself further. But when I looked up, I could see that I barely moved again. Michael’s eyes seemed to laugh at me, rather than beg for me.

I let out a sob. “Please…”

YOU CAN'T SAVE HIM.

YOU ARE WEAK.

YOU ARE EMPTY.

“Oh, shut up.”

My head shot up at the sound of the familiar voice. “Nick?” I asked, almost a whimper.

“Something like that. It’s kind of complicated, but if it makes it easier, then we’ll just say that’s what I am,” he said, sitting next to me. His clothes were intact, hair thrown up into a messy bun. He looked just like he did when he explained this whole mess to me.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“The leader of the cult cast a malediction on you, attempting to Hollow you out. I’m guessing he was trying to put the Black Stag in someone since his first attempt didn’t work out,” he said.

“Am I… Am I dying?”

“No, no you aren’t dying. But if you give in to despair, It wins, and we’ll lose you.” He looked up at Michael. “Do you really live with this guilt all the time?”

“N-Nick—“

Nick waved his hand, and the horrific scene around us froze. No city sounds. That’s when I realized I couldn’t feel the pain in my side, and felt energized. I pushed myself up to where I could sit.

“Can I wake up now?” I asked.

“No, you’re not dreaming… not really. I’m working on that, but it’s gonna… it’s gonna take a lot. The Black Stag has to take a Vessel, so It’s using the cult leader instead.”

“What do you mean—“

“It wasn’t your fault, y’know?” he said. Nick looked from Michael to behind me, and then to me, his green eyes piercing me. “You feel guilty for not being there for your brother, or for your parents, but there was nothing you could do. I know how that feels, not being there for your best friend. Believe me, it nearly killed me."

“But unlike me back then, you have friends now that can help you, if you let them.”

“Your friend tried to kill me,” I stated flatly.

Nick’s mouth quirked to the side. “Did he now? We’ll have to kick his ass for that later.” He sighed. “Not long now.”

I tilted my head. “Not long for what?”

Nick stood up. “Promise me you’ll forgive yourself? Stress is a killer.”

“What do you mean? Where are you—?”

He held out his hand, and pulled me up when I took it. His hand moved up my arm and curled around the back of my neck, pulling me for a breath-taking kiss. He parted, resting his forehead against mine. “I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but I want you to know that I love you.”

Before I could ask him what was going on, I felt him evaporate from my grasp. Still dazed from his kiss, I slowly opened my eyes, and found that I was no longer on that street near Virginia Beach. I was back in the cold hollow, lying in the dirt.

I started pushing myself up, pain settling back into my bones as I remembered that yeah, I definitely have several broken bones. That’s when I heard something fall to the ground in front of me.

“Nick?”

Noah’s voice was like a bucket of ice water being thrown into my face. I managed to get up, stumbling my way over to where he and Nick were—

Why was Nick on the ground?

“Nick?” I asked, falling to my knees next to him. “Nick?!” I shakily pressed fingers to his neck, placed a hand on his chest. Nothing.

“Nick!”

Nick was dead.

I couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t real. Nick couldn’t be gone; he just pulled me out of a nightmare.

“No no no no no no no—“ I stumbled over my words. This couldn’t be happening. This was all another nightmare. Another malewhatever Nick had called it.

Then Noah was beside me, shoulder to shoulder, and he was gripping Nick’s shoulders and shaking him, shouting his name and crying. Folio and Jolly stood only a few steps away, the Drowned supporting the Grim from collapsing.

And I was just sitting there, numbly staring down at another lifeless body. “…you have a little piece of me in you, and I love you.”

I had fallen unconscious shortly after Michael died, and I wasn’t there when my parents died. Processing their deaths had been… delayed, for a lack of a better word. And when it was time to truly grieve, to put them in the ground and then move on with life somehow, I did nothing but swallow it down and run off.

Nick? There was no unconsciousness to hide away in. No run-down house in the middle of the woods on a sparsely inhabited mountain to run away to. Here was death, staring me right in the face as it spit on me, and I was going to stand there and take it whether I wanted to or not.

No, this was reality.

That’s when I started screaming. Screaming with every atom in my body as I poured every emotion on the bad end of the spectrum into it. I screamed into the void beyond as if Nick could hear me from there:

“I can't lose you too!”

I barely felt the hand on my back; barely felt the tears that streamed down my face. I couldn’t feel the cold that permeated the hollow, nor the dirt and blood that coated my skin.

“Please, I’ll do anything; give anything, just bring him back. Please!” I pleaded with anything that could hear me, not caring if it was the Woods or the Dark or whatever who answered. “GIVE HIM BACK!”

All I could feel was the invisible string that bound us. That string that we strengthened last night when we came together. That string that first bound us when he healed my wounds. That little red string around my wrist, still there despite the hell it went through, paled in comparison to that golden thread.

I pressed my lips to Nick’s, like I felt compelled to. Like this was some stupid fairy tale and true love's kiss could bring him back. I couldn’t care less that Noah was also there, his forehead pressed to the back of my shoulder, or if I was being watched and judged by Folio and Jolly.

His lips were still warm. I love you, too, I said to the ether, wishing I could’ve told him to his face.

All of a sudden, my stomach lurched, like I was going to throw up. I tried pulling away, but it was like I was magnetized to Nick. A warmth spread from me, up my body, and into my mouth. Like I was a conduit for something greater.

"I had to use some of my own energy…"

“You have a little piece of me in you...”

When I was finally able to pull away, I looked down at his face, his cheeks coated with my tears, and Noah’s as well from the sounds coming from beside. I watched as a warm golden light lit up the veins in Nick’s face, traveling up until they lit his iris’.

As the golden light quickly faded from his eyes, I felt a soft thud below my hand. And then another.

It was like someone took shock pedals to his chest. He took a gasping, deep breath, his back arching violently. With a shout, Noah backed away, but still stayed close to Nick’s side.

Nick settled back down, his chest rising and falling. His green eyes searched until they found mine, wide with disbelief.

And with a groan, he gasped, “Thanks for… holding on… to that…”

My mouth dropped open.

Suddenly, a large something fell on top of us, and it wasn't until I heard the hysterical laughter - or sobbing, I couldn't tell - that I realized it was Noah wrapping his arms around us. Multiple sounds joined him, and I realized I was in the middle of a supernatural dog-pile. Quite literally, when I felt fur shift to warm skin.

“Geroff… can't breathe!” Nick shouted.

The others pulled back, if only by a little bit, but I didn’t lift my head from Nick’s shoulder, even when Nick slowly sat up. It wasn’t until he lifted me off him did I let it settle in that Nick was here with me; he was alive.

I hadn’t let myself believe it until he smiled at me and pushed my damp hair away from my face. Couldn’t believe that I had actually saved someone until he opened his mouth and said two words: “Thanks, Tay.”

And I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long while, something akin to true happiness. And it caused me to burst into tears again. Nick tucked me into his side, trying to soothe me.

Folio was the first to break the silence. “We gotta get out of here,” he said, nudging the body of a headless corpse with his bare foot.

Nick grimaced. “Gimme a second, I need to recuperate.”

Once again, I had forgotten about my broken bones. “Yeah, some of us are only human,” I joked. Nick squeezed my waist, which earned him a small yelp of pain.

As Nick sat on the ground amongst the roots of a great oak tree, leaning back against it for support, I looked over at Noah, who was looking at me instead of Nick. When our eyes met, which I had just realized were almost identical to mine, he nodded.

THANK YOU.

I held his stare for a moment before I mentally shrugged. You owe me.

The only response I got was the sound of low laughter rumbling in my head.

The aftermath of the night was shockingly unremarkable. Jolly, Folio, and Noah did most of the heavy lifting, moving the bodies to a wide part of the river, where the water would carry them off to various silt-covered crevasses. There was nothing left off the cult leader, whoever he was, thanks to Nick. Eventually his body had rotted away to wet dust, so he was left on the forest floor.

Folio and Noah helped me and Nick back to my house, where Folio helped us indoors - Noah’s permission had been revoked, but luckily Nick didn’t know that he had been allowed in in the first place. I’m pretty sure I slept the entire day away.

When I woke up, it was to an empty room save for Jerry, curled up into a black and white cinnamon roll on one of my pillows. I had panicked, anxiety constricting my rib cage to a point of pain. Folio came in and assured me that Nick was outside, sucking a few trees dry of their essence. In the meantime, I was forced onto bed rest with only some pain killers and water to help.

As I stared up at the ceiling of my room, Lydia having come in and curled up next to me, I couldn’t help but notice something felt off about me. Not just the broken bones and the bruises, nor the fact that Nick must’ve changed me into clean clothes. It felt like something was missing from me. Like in the nightmare, the Black Stag had been slightly successful and had hollowed out a tiny bit of me.

It wasn’t until later, when I had woken up from another long rest did I realize what it was. I had woken up with no pain, my head resting on Nick’s thigh as he drew something on a tablet. He gave me a small smile when he saw I was awake. “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah… Are you the one to thank for that?” I groggily asked, rubbing my eyes to free them of sleep. I hesitantly stretched, but was only met with the faint echo of pain. Like the last remnants of a bruise that you press to feel if something was still there.

“It’s the least I could do for what you did,” he said, putting down the tablet.

“Yeah, about that… Did you…” I trailed off, trying to put into words what I was thinking, “When I was put under that spell, did you try to communicate with me?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were in my nightmare… well after a while you were. You weren't in the bad part,” I hastily said. “But you were there, and you helped me break out of the trance I was in.”

“The malediction?”

“Yeah, that’s what you called it.”

“I can’t communicate through dreams, so I don’t think that was me. Maybe it was your subconscious?” He suggested. He lazily played with a lock of my hair, twisting it loosely around his finger.

“But… It didn’t feel like it! It felt like you were really there,” I said.

We were silent for a few moments, unable to describe what the feeling between us was. Why did it feel so awkward all of a sudden?

He rubbed the red string attached to my wrist between his thumbs. “Was this how you found me?” he asked.

“Yeah, I casted my first spell,” I said, unable to keep the pride out of my voice. I sounded like a small kid showing their parent their first preschool project.

His thumbs stilled. “Oh… That’s what it was,” he said, more to himself.

“Nick, for the love of all that is unholy, we’ve gone through too much for you to go back to being cryptic ‘n’ shit—“

“The ‘Nick’ in your nightmare,” he interrupted me, “was the bit of energy you kept.”

“I kept what now?”

“When I healed your concussion, I had to use my inner power to do it. It’s like… using a little bit of your soul instead of using the Woods. I gave you a piece of myself, and you held onto it until you used it to bring me back.”

“…So that’s how I was able to do your magick? How I talked to you?” I asked. He nodded. I sat up. “Is that why I can’t feel you anymore?”

I already knew the answer before he slowly nodded after a while. The emptiness I felt was the absence of Nick.

“Does that change how you feel about me?” he asked.

I stared up into hopeful blue-gray eyes, and I knew my answer. “You tell me,” I said, caressing his face.

His answer was on his lips.

As for the other members of the Court, Folio and Jolly concerned themselves more with clearing out the woods of any more cultists, which thankfully there were none. They would occasionally visit, whether it was at night or when it rained.

Noah wasn’t as frequent a visitor, though it wasn’t due to jealousy. Nick found out what Noah had done to me when he was gone, and they got into it badly. It took over a month for them to get over it. A bad month, since that was the month of getting Granny’s funeral and assets wrapped up.

After the wake, when Nick was conversing with his family, I had slipped away. During the burial, when the pastor was talking, I felt a pair of familiar eyes peering from the treeline a ways off. The familiar feeling reminded me of my first night here, when I was scared and unprepared for what was out there.

“Come to pay your respects?” I asked the silent spot.

CAN’T REALLY GO OUT THERE AND DO IT PROPERLY, NOW CAN I?

“No, I guess not,” I said, peering over my shoulder. Luckily no one was looking over this way.

IS HE DOING BETTER?

“Yeah, he’s getting there,” I said, slipping my hands into the pockets of my black jeans. Autumn had come to Appalachia, and my black blazer had barely kept off the slight chill. It was weird to think that a month ago, I was practically boiling alive.

Noah and I had forgiven each other before Nick had. I had kept up the offerings, but had changed from apple to carrots for a week straight.

“How's the clean-up going? No more cultists?” I asked.

HAVEN’T SEEN ANY. WE’VE SCARED MOST OF THEM OFF, IF THERE ARE ANY MORE OUT THERE.

“I haven’t heard missing people reports of the ones you guys killed,” I said. Granny’s death and the restaurant guy’s death were the only ones that were being talked about, asking with the mystery of where the killers might be.

POLICE ARE PROBABLY COVERING IT UP.

I nodded, peering over my shoulder again. Nick was looking at me. When he saw that I was looking, he gave me a small smile before turning back to his family.

“What are you gonna do now?” I asked Noah.

There was a rustling sound amongst the trees, and for some reason I imagined him shrugging his shoulders.

SAME THINGS WE NORMALLY DO, I GUESS. HUNT THE PATHS, TERRORIZE LOST HIKERS—

“That’s so not funny, Davis,” I said.

SERIOUSLY, I DON’T USE THAT NAME ANYMORE. IT DIED WHEN I DIED.

“Then stop calling me little rabbit,” I said. I could feel him rolling his eyes, so I sighed, “I gotta call you something besides Noah when I’m pissed at you.”

SEBASTIAN.

“But that’s too long—“

“Who’re you talking to?”

I looked behind me. Nick raised an eyebrow at the treeline.

“No one, really,” I said. I could hear some branches in the woods snapping, and I wondered if I made Noah grumpy. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” Nick said.

I looped my arm through his as we walked back through the cemetery. With one last parting glance, I shot back to the treeline, Don’t be a stranger for so long.

BE SEEING YOU REAL SOON, LITTLE RABBIT.

One night, about a week after the funeral, I was woken up by a knock at the front door. I panicked for a few seconds, grabbing my phone out of habit, when it buzzed in my hand.

Nick 😺🍌: I’m sorry if I woke you. Let me in please?

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t… I couldn’t sleep in that house by myself,” he sighed as I wrapped my arms around him. I could see his eyes were rimmed with red.

“I know, Nick. I know,” I said reassuringly.

“Can I… stay here? Until the house gets sorted out?” he asked.

“Stay as long as you like,” I said, sighing into his neck. “The cats are already here, anyways.”

He chuckled, the puffs of his breath tickling my scalp. “Thank you.”

We slid into my bed, and he rested his head on my collarbone. “When we were kids, she used to tell us these stories to help us go to sleep,” he said.

“Why don’t you tell me one, if it’ll make you feel better?” I asked.

“Well, if you insist,” he said. And he started telling me this story…

Tysm for reading! Final part coming soon!

[bunglegaydogs]

Hiiii I'm just sending an ask because they're all different posts (read : I'm lazy) so please don't mind me lol

First and foremost, YOU ARE AMAZING AT EXPRESSING YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOUR ESSAYS ARE ALWAYS SO NUANCED?? SO YOU SAYING THAT WAS A HUGE COMPLIMENT OMG- I love reading your bsd essays so much and it's just now that I realised that they're all your essays abaammw some of the best in the fandom really. I'm always baffled when in the middle of an essay you go "I may not be articulating my thoughts right" or "this is kind of just put together" because girl you're amazing! Never stop writing these please ajajahsbw ALSO! Hearing your little thoughts and feelings pop up in the middle of an essay makes it so endearing to me. Like, that's a whole ass person writing these many words just to express how much they like this show and they're so adorable! (So sorry if that's offensive idk if calling someone adorable is)

Also, completely unrelated lol but this is exactly why I prefer to ask people questions instead of googling! Knowing that the person explaining is a human has their own opinions and hearing their feelings and experiences is so much more better and relatable than reading stuff off a Google website. Also your pfp is the cutest everyone has cute pfps nowadays 😭 anyways yes cute pfp :D

Actually getting to the point now:

1) yes yes Oda and Dazai's relationship is so dear to me I love them sm and I adore seeing Atsushi all caring for his mentor 😭 he's basically Dazai's emotional support cat!! Dazai let the boy in please I'm begging you he can purr probably and it would melt away your stress pls pls (Maybe everyone in the ADA sees Atsushi as their emotional support cat...)

2) Mori is a piece a shit, and you should be allowed to say it. I'm never biased in my writing but I loathe that guy with my very being and the whole people who like Mori thing really got me reconsidering...was *I* the bad guy for not liking a character when I actively liked a character very similar to him? Then I realised, I completely respect and treat equally all the people who don't like/hate Dazai. I don't treat them any different just because they don't like a character. And that's what I should expect too!

There's no post defending Dazai, and yet I still like him because I accept his wrongdoings and want him to keep getting better, like Oda told him to. Yknow, the argument would be MUCH different if Dazai was a woman and not a man, imagine bashing someone for liking a teen girl and not liking the guy who groomed her to be his heir. Yeah, really puts things into perspective. I'm not sexist, I treat (respectful) men and women equally, but Mori is just. No.

3) I haven't see it before in any canon source material but I feel like it's definitely true. It's clear that Dazai WANTS to want to keep living, but he can't bring himself to want it because of all the pain he's endured. He literally said in dark era that the reason he joined the mafia was to try and seek meaning in life by being close to death and violence. It's ironic, Dazai feels the most alive when he's about to LOSE that privilege. It could also mean that Dazai only realises the "value" in living when he's about to lose it. Perhaps he thinks of things he could've done, things he'll regret, and that helps him to stop before he actually does it. But in my opinion? I don't think he finds anything of worth in that time. He just convinces himself that he does. This is a personal hc but it's probably likely to be the case.

If you've listened to the song My R, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.(totally recommend btw!).The girl in the song speaks to herself about her woes and the 'other' version of her comforts her telling her about all the things that she DOES have, but by the end of the song, she has lost everything of meaning and she can't comfort the "girl". It is only revealed that the girls she comforted are different versions of HERSELF that she stopped from jumping.

Anyways, in conclusion, SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE THIS BOY A HUG HE DESERVES IT

oh my god oh my god oh my god

i am sat here on the verge of TEARS in my goddamn chuuya cosplay

okay okay give me a second i need to collect myself

you are singlehandedly the SWEETEST person ever im sobbing

literally i cant- thank you so fucking much! you dont understand how much this all means to me WOWOWOWOW <33333333

literally, my brain doesnt let me consume my content positively and so i always think that theyre quite bad or that im the only person who thinks that or that im saying all the wrong things lol

i have so many words and thoughts floating around in my little brain that i just cant find the words for, so thats honestly what those rants are, my delusional 4am thought processes when i deep things too much

and YOU THINK??? genuinely, thank you!!! i love reading people's essays and thoughts, so hearing you say that genuinely just warms my absolute heart <3

and yes yes i do get quite sidetracked very often and start just rambling and adding my own personal twists- genuinely i thought that was annoying for people to read, but you're just putting a big smile on my face right now :) and PLS DONT THINK CALLING ME ADORABLE IS OFFENSIVE I LITERALLY GIGGLED READING THAT SHIT FR. <333

i like to add personal experiences and thoughts into it, just to get my point across, put it into an irl perspective and let people also relate and see what im getting at. (unfortunately) i have the same experiences as most of these characters, and so that is why they're so dear to me and why i get very defensive and passionate writing about them!

and yes! getting your answers and stuff from irl people instead of strange irrelevant responses is much more preferred lol. it's more raw and in depth and definitely a lot more personal! and thank you so much!!! it's genuinely one of my favourite dazai panels istg hes such a pretty mf

1.) i love love LOVE their dynamic, i think it's one of my favourites in the show along with skk and ranpo and yosano. it really fucking hits hard, as all family dynamics do with me fr, idk what it is about them, they just get me. and yes!!! i love when atsushi shows that he cares for dazai it MAKES ME FEEL NICE <3 and that's so real oh my god hes a tiger please PLEASE he can fucking PURR (there was a tumblr post i saw, i can try and find it but it made me actually cry laughing)

THIS ONE i was fucking howling but yes! their relationship is also one that really really gets to me! and yes, he is just the ada's support cat, it's canon, i'm ranpo's sweets

2.) thank you thank you THANK YOU mori is an actual degenerate human being. he's not made to be liked or appreciated or revered, it's just fucking AEUGH. i'm not going to demonise the people who enjoy him as a character, but seriously, it's a big red flag to overlook the canon pedophilia. i saw someone make a defense against him saying "yes, but he's never actually touched kids, so that doesn't mean anything" SORRY? they also went on to say that he "restrains himself" from having pedophilic thoughts with elise, and basically praised him for that. needless to say, it got me feeling fucking icky. and yes! i feel exactly the same. i always think that "oh, maybe i'm the awful one for not liking him? am i bad?" even though, no, i'm perfectly fine thinking that way and i am allowed to think that way. and exactly again! dazai is my favourite character, but i recognise his flaws and his mistakes and don't forgive them. but he's actively trying to "be a better person" (i say this in quotation marks because dazai sees everything he does as inevitably pointless, but still wishes to uphold oda's dying words. i am definitely going to make a post about this in the near future lol) and i dont make my analyses biased towards him, and i stay on neutral ground UNLESS personal opinion comes up, to which i then say that it's my personal opinion, not fact, and that it's anybody's choice to think however they want. if somebody doesn't like dazai; okay! i'm interested in talking with them, and we can both talk about things we're very passionate about and have healthy conversations! unlike some people i have seen on reddit, goddamn. but no, we're not the bad people for hating that knobhead fr. we should all treat and be treated the same as any other fan in the fandom and get along, and i wish we could ALL do that in non-toxic ways. 99% of this fandom are the loveliest people ever, but that 1% just needs to get a grip like omg. we should treat others how we want to be treated, regardless of who favours what ship and who likes what character. and real!!! if gender roles were reversed for dazai, this would be much more problematic, and that's upsetting! dw dw, i dont think its sexist, i think its putting things into perspective bc, either way, its shitty how he was treated. i fucking hate mori. whenever i see people defending him to like, the bone, like not getting into a decent discussion and being civil but instead bashing everyone who says otherwise and completely overlooking the abuse, manipulation, grooming, pedophilia and just him as a sick and twisted person in general, it just really irks me. as someone who has in fact had to deal with separate strands of abuse including many fucking counts of sexual abuse and pedophilia, it disgusts me seeing people overlooking it and it makes me feel fucking sick. that shit is not just something to be overlooked because of the fact that you enjoy mori as a character, he's not supposed to be a character that's consumed positively, he's a bad guy. a lot of characters in bsd are morally grey, but mori is just fucking morally black. he's downright evil.

(TW for suicide and self harm next btw :) )

3.) yes yes yessss!!! again, bringing personal stuff into it, i deal heavily with the whole topic of suicide and self harm. i've attempted twice and still deal with thoughts of it every single day, as well as self harm. so, this is one of my main reasons of dazai being my absolute favourite character, because of the representation and actual presentation of these topics. at first, we're shown them in a whimsical and whacky way, then it gets so much darker once we get into the dark era. it's a complete tonal shift, and it really sets in the gravity of the situation for him. and, as you said, he wants to have that ability to want to keep going and living, and he wants to be able to put the effort in, but he can't/ he physically cannot. as much as he would want to try, he can't. and yes, when he said that it fucking BROKE me fr. just at the chance that he's not able to keep living on anymore as a human is the one thing that keeps him alive, i fucking love asagiri's writing, it's so complex and beautiful. and its so so so real!!! youre literally right idc lmao. youve so eloquently said it im crying, youre putting all my thoughts into words <3

and yes!!! i have listened to the song, i absolutely LOVE it! and i never fail to think of dazai whenever i listen to it </3 and, i also think it's very very much like dazai, because of the multiple different versions we see of him too. chuuya hasn't exactly changed much, but he has gone through some very very complex and deep character developments, such as in fifteen and stormbringer. hes a lot more "tame" and respectful now, and a lot more mature. (except with dazai lmao) aku, we see he's changed slightly thanks to atsushi, but still no major character fucking flip arounds. all these characters we've watched slowly become better and more complex throughout the series. dazai? he just does 180s every single fucking year. hes different at 14 and 15 than he is at 18. hes different at 18 than he is at 20-22. and the different faces he puts on for each and every person, all his masks that he has. there's much variety to dazai; you never know what you'll get. there's so many different sides to him, because he doesn't know who he is. as odasaku saw him, "a lost child crying out". no matter the age, no matter the state, dazai is always going to be harbouring that broken child with him, trying to hide it and build up walls around it, because the only time he's ever shown it, he's gotten hurt or betrayed and lost some key figures in his life. trust issues much?

anyways i am sorry i am sorry i rambled too much lmao

in conclusion, YES, GIVE HIM A FUCKING HUG OH MY GOD PLEASE I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO HUG HIM PLS GOD LET ATSUSHI GIVE HIM A BIG HUG WHEN HE COMES OUT OF MEURSAULT I SWEAR-

thank you so so so SO much for your kind words!!! sweetest person EVER fr <333333

thank you my love!!! /p have a lovely day/night :) <3

[kiss2012]

ok rwrb thoughts under the cut <3

tbh i had to watch most of this movie with one hand over my eye and i was not. even going to reread the book because i don’t actually care about it much anymore but about twenty or so minutes into the movie? i literally stopped it and skimmed half the book finished the movie and then finished the book. so it’s possible that this influenced my whole experience of the movie but i remembered the book super well anyway and either way i think the thing i would have been most mad about is HOW COULD THEY LEAVE OUT JUNE and who tf is miguel omg. imagine deciding to combine two women into one character just because they “play the same role in alex’s life” and then not even doing it that well. nora isn’t even IN this movie she doesn’t even have a CHARACTER they just shoehorn her and pez together and give them five min of screentime. bea doesnt even have much of a character either i also thought maybe she and nora were going to be friends but no that disappeared after the first 15min. and because june doesn’t exist and because rafael luna doesn’t exist and because nora barely exists (all of whom are the main poc characters in the book btw) alex’s character is not half as nuanced as it could be. his arc about realising he’s bi is totally missing which is great…also his actor’s enunciation was very puzzling at times but i forgive him because of all the times i got distracted staring at his eyelashes and he was good at times tho henry’s actor is probably the best actor in the movie (not a tall bar btw but he’s way better than uma thurman GIRL WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH THAT ACCENT) and it’s not that they don’t have chemistry or fun sweet romcom moments it’s just that i’m missing so much. romance. im tired of modern romance novels and movies having their leads get together super fast without spending much time on characterization and without even having much capital R-romance in the first place. where is the e-mo-tion in the immortal words of miss carly rae jepsen…like why did they leave out so much of the emails i cannot believe i watched so many random voice-overs and they couldn’t include the emails. also the small random change that bothered me the most is that they changed their first meeting being rio at the olympics to the climate melbourne conference (?????) and made their whole relationship pre-movie a lot less interesting. umm they did good with the interview and their interactions pre and post the cake but then they abandoned all of that half an hour in. do think the physical comedy is always way more fun to watch in a visual medium like that cake scene was hilarious they were just worse at the emotional beats. guys they used bad reputation 😭😭😭😭 i had to pause at that point…i had to pause and recover for ages. the get low scene contained a lot of Choices. the Choices were all very interesting and im not sure what more can be said about them. the beginning was fairly solid then everything sort of went downhill felt like i was watching a train wreck. mildly entertaining and occasionally moving train wreck but regardless a train wreck. btw let no one claim the political commentary in the novel is good but at least it slightly exists. the politics in the movie are completely spineless and extremely confused. yes it’s an amazon prime royalty romcom so what can u expect but they just hovered on the threshold of criticism. when they didn’t actually show a crowd of people supporting them or w/e but just showed the reflection of them in the window i almost started laughing. alex’s speech at the end lacked any subtlety at all and made no sense (why tf would he make a speech coming out + explaining his relationship with henry Before he talked to henry or the royal family???) the script is like constantly having characters say really obvious things. shoutout to stephen fry’s line delivery at least. there was a perfume genius cover of can’t help falling in love (it was supposed to be your song that played there anyway???). what more can be said.

[lutawolf]

hi luta!

i saw you did some analysis on tharntype and i wanted to, idk, talk a little about type to someone. i understand though if you don't want to reply/read/post this because i'm going to talk about, like, his past, because he's sort of important to me and i really enjoy your analysis

anyway

i know tharntype has a lot of flaws as a show, but as a csa survivor, type is kind of such an important character for me. he's an asshole, and says a lot of bullshit, and sometimes i want to punch him. and i love that about him. like. he's not a "perfect" victim, someone tragic but not traumatized. he's a dick, hard to deal with, and deeply traumatized, and a lot of his more rude character traits come from this. and i love that. i think sky is a more nuanced, refined version of that, but type was the first character i saw that had a similar past to mine and wasn't just a sob story on law&order: svu. he was a fully realized character with a lot of flaws, and he found someone to love him. it made me feel, i don't know, less broken? like i'm still worthy of love, despite my past, despite my trauma? i see a lot of that in sky too.

i don't know. i just had a lot feeling about this character (at least his concept; though i could do without the overt homophobia) and i wanted to talk about him and remain anonymous, i guess.

sorry for the rant, feel free to ignore it.

anyway. thank you so much, i hope you're having a lovely day!

Hey Love!!!

I was really enjoying writing the TharnType analysis, and then Mew had his tantrum. Kind of made the taste bittersweet. I don't need Mew and Gulf together. I'm a realistic fan who would love a love story, but really just wants a good show. However, when all I think about is the drama outside the drama when watching it, it's no longer fun. Anyway, that's why I've taken a break from the analysis, but I'm so glad you found them and enjoyed them.

Type is very important to me too. I think I've explained before that I too was that type of victim. It took me a long time to crawl out of the hate into survivor mode. You ever heard the song Ice Cream Man, by Raye?

And I was seven Was 21, was 17, and was 11 It took a while to understand what my consent means If I was ruthless, they'd be in the penitentiary But all the stress of being honest wouldn't help me I pushed it down, but it was living in me rent-free And then I fell into some things that were unhealthy A place where no one heard me asking them to help me

This song and TharnType help me not to feel so alone. To remember that despite the fact that I am damaged and will always be damaged, I can be loved too. I don't think people realize that most of us truly come out tortured, and we aren't sweet Polyannes that forgive all that is done to us. They see unrealistic portrayals of women just getting over it, portrayals by people who have never experienced SA and think that's accurate. It's not. Type is accurate. Being fucking pissed off and a ball of hate is a very natural reaction. And when we see correct portrayal, it's soothing. It reminds us that we aren't alone.

Thanks for writing to me. Please feel free to any time. 💜💜💜