#i could be wrong... but i love a contrarian take sometimes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fumifooms · 10 months ago

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Hi hi! I'm sure you have loads of asks to get through. But if you may, we talk a lot about Chilchuck and Marcille (as we should 'cause they're great!), but since you've mentioned that Laios is your fave char, I would love to hear if you have any takes on Laios and Izutsumi's dynamic. I feel sometimes like she doesn't really like him...? It's funny but I also feel bad for him sometimes. ^^;;

You can’t ask me this and expect me to not drop everything else I’m doing. Little did you know they are my brotp. They are so special. Izutsumi gets along more with literally everyone in the party, but their relationship was so narratively important. They’re a really underrated and overlooked dynamic! I’ve had them as a topic at the back of my mind for a while, seeing someone else interested was all the push I needed gdbdg. This isn’t super long though, their issues with each other and lil arc is surprisingly brief and easy to summarize.

Laios & Izutsumi : what’s their deal with each other

For me one foundational train of thought for Izutsumi & Laios is, well. I read this awesome smart post deconstructing how Izutsumi’s beef with Laios is because she only just broke free and wants freedom without having someone ordering her around, and that’s sort of her whole character arc, isn’t it?

Isn’t Izutsumi’s picky eating a reflection of just that? In a life where she was a slave, she could at least control what she chose to eat and not eat. But then you might wonder, why did the narrative want her to grow out of that? Simply put, Izutsumi has a contrarian streak, one that is often extremely counterproductive. We saw that especially near the beginning, with how hard it was to make her work with them as a team. The issue is that now that she is free, she needs to not block out others by habit, to not lash out and refuse the healthy things in life, the people who want good for her. And that’s something that’s addressed in the succubus chapter as well as the fight against the ice golem, that she shouldn’t insist that she can do everything alone and fight against any team effort.

I love how onesided the Laios izutsumi dynamic is. He stays away from her generally, like doesn’t interact much, but he wants the cat pats… Which Izu made clear she did NOT want. And Chil is the only one in the party to not really see her as a cat for most of the story really, as shown in the relationship chart. He’s well meaning and wants the best for her, but he crowds her and doesn’t understand her at all. But he reallyyy wants to get along with her.

On the other hand, Izutsumi’s very existence and identity gave Laios an immense amount of hope that Falin could be brought back and still be herself and live well, even if she still had part of a dragon’s soul in her. I think that’s a lovely way to contrast the way that Izutsumi hates herself as a beastkin and her body, while Laios is like "Thank you, your existence as you are is the answer to all my worries" AND he super likes monster bodies and beastkins so it’s like. I think part of her hostility to him, besides feeling like he doesn’t understand her perspective and is maybe dismissive of what his party members want (which would remind her of Maizuru to some degree probably), is that he says all these good things about her being a beastkin, and it’s so jarring with her own version of herself that it raises her hackles and she reacts negatively, especially with how flippant and eager he is about it. But yes like, this is their first meeting!! Beyond his interest in her as a beastkin because of his monster hobby, Laios is just so very grateful for her and chooses to put his trust in her.

That’s interesting too, how one of the first things she asks about upon meeting them is why the hell they would want to rescue Falin even if she were to stay as a chimera-beastkin and still have the dragon soul in her. It’s her asking "Who would want to stick with a beastkin?" thinking that there’s something fundamentally wrong with having two souls and it making you unlovable. And their differing views on monsters do make them clash

But ultimately he chills out about her, which ironically enough shows in the way that they don’t interact much- He gives her space, and accepts that the beastkin may not like him. BUT at the end of the day they have an incredible bond of trust- Laios asks Izutsumi to kill him if something goes wrong with the Winged Lion. Not only is that sort of an intimate request and act, but that means that he leaves it up to Izutsumi’s judgement as well to know if it went wrong and when to act. He doesn’t only trust her skills but also her decision making, despite how tough they’ve been on each other in the past. He’s giving her the ultimate role, the go ahead to make or break their plan and be the difference between saving or destroying the world. And the last tidbit of info we get on their relationship in canon is when she hides behind him because she’s shy- Certified having befriended the cat moment. She trusts him and sees him as a safe person! And by saying that she’s shy, he’s showing that he did end up understanding her and how she is.

No matter the rocky parts of their relationship, they still have a strong foundation to it and were great allies and road companions, one of the few persons that had each other’s back when it mattered the most, both for the world and for their personal arcs. And post-canon, well…

He’s accepted that she needs space and whatnot, and meanwhile she’s accepted his interest in monsters and taken it in stride 😌 They end up having this familiarity with each other and even if there’s still a bunch of emotional distance imo and they never really got into the nitty gritty with each other not like her with Chilchuck or even Marcille, they see each other. They nod in greeting and respect each other from afar……. But also still tease and chat familiarly up close and if she offers him the opportunity for cuddles he will take it. You know, if it’s not her just falling onto him because she’s sleeping she has no respect.

Siblings behavior… If you know my take on the general party dynamics, I love thinking of Laios & Izu’s dynamic as him being an older brother figure where they have a love-hate relationship. Siblings rivalry. I have a bunch of funny little doodles I’ve wanted to make with them for months, the prompts for which are in the screenshot put below. But yeah like you know, they’re protective of each other but in that very critical way as well, truly forged by being stuck with each other for a while and having to come to understand and accept how the other is. Strife with conflict, but ultimately sticking with each other through thick and thin… Siblings siblings SIBLINGS SIBLINGS SIBLINGS. Sigh I just want them to cuddle on a couch and she purrs while simultaneously being snide and mean to him, they are so… Izutsumi is the character ever

Oh, which! While I’m here, I always recommend this fanfic about the two of them interacting and Laios treating her like a cat, it’s just fun and lighthearted. They’re suuuuch an underrated duo

If I find more Laios & Izu moments I think are worth sharing I’ll just add it onto this I think. We shouldn’t be too hard on him he was raised by dogs so cats are a whole other language to him but also, so wild to me that he never tried to engage with her on a cat level properly like where is the hissing at the catgirl and the cat taming moments, he sucks at socializing with cats smh smh.

I want to do an analysis of queerness in Dungeon Meshi with relationships and social norms and stuff and Izutsumi’s arc is gonna be central to that too. Her relationship with EVERYONE is SOOO GOOD AND IMPORTANT AND COMPELLING. But I guess this is where I leave it off for now, I hope I’m not forgetting any point I wanted to make hmmm

#Dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #izutsumi #laios touden #laizu brotp #Analysis #relationship analysis #Idk idk. Scene analysis #arc analysis #Fumi rambles #This is my brother and this is my sister! We are siblings and we care for each other!#What’s that? We have a younger sister. You thought we were two but there is another. Come on Izu snap out of that trance it’s time to do #THE SIBLINGS DANCE #Ask #Falin & Izutsumi would be so good too actually #That “you can trust your sibling to kill you if needed” thing where it’s even more relevant bc of Laios and faligon GGDBDKDB #Killing someone for their own good is siblings coded in dunmeshi real?? /j

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wysteir · 1 month ago

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I think about my old dead prince a lot

I remember when he looked out to the open field and dreamed of running away

I remember that young selfish prince

He had everything. He had nothing.

He had stability. He was unstable.

Volatile

Dead

I puppet his corpse around to look presentable at work. To leech off his name, his records, his work.

All my responsibility now, for as long as it remains "Convenient" and "Practical" and "Efficient"

When was it that he realized he was unkind?

How often did I self reflect since his death, how often did he, before? My chrysalis, my prince, my larval form, ghost that haunts me.

In some ways I was lucky to be a contrarian smartass, at least for a little while. Realized quick that it was better to remain silent sometimes. Spent a decade learning how to sit down and stay quiet.

But I used to go to church, or at least be forced to go. I wondered why my parents were unkind sometimes when they gossiped about strangers, why we had to spend an hour kissing ass to a God who really didn't have to give a shit about us.

I thought about Gods, about how different things can be incomprehensible, and I wondered how much we really understood.

People barely understand each other

They'll assume the worst of someone and when proven wrong they'll make up more facts to keep allowing themselves to assume the worst of that poor sap

I don't think my parents will make it to heaven immediately, but don't tell them I said that. It doesn't really matter anyway, I'm sure if it's all real St. Peter will give them a good talking-to and maybe they'll get a lecture from the J-Man himself

Not that I'd think they'd listen anyway

Not that I was much better

Well, I DID consider priesthood once. The prince did, anyway. Poor thing.

Exhausted. Wondering when he'd ever get to live. Desperately crawling towards the next milestone, the next stage of life, larva, larva, larva, larva, always. No power for you, my dear sweet prince, not until you become king.

The sermons got stale a dozen years in see. Parables were repeated and he got to hear a bold new take on a story- who even gave a priest the right to declare that as true. He coulda made something up. Something better. He thought he could.

It was a way out, for a tired, weary soul. So that he could stop striving for greatness. Stop having his life in upheaval. Finally have a day to day routine. It's a shame he died, but it had to end this way. He would have never been happy.

And you know, even if I woke up and took over the version of him that was ordained, I'd probably abandon everything anyway.

I think.

I hope.

I was supposed to be a story teller you know. One of the first things I did for my friends in early elementary was come up with situations for make believe to put them in. I ran a dungeon once, across the walls of the playground.

It's why I loved video games so much. Then later tabletop games.

But it was all for the sake of making a video game when I grew up

You know, you can do everything for the game, right. You can make the art, the music, the writing, the code, everything.

It was all for that.

My first act of self, I think, that splintered the prince's mask.

What would he do, when he grew up?

He would do game programming for a living, then maybe make smaller games on the side for himself.

I would learn the arts, participate in the joy of creation, tell a story, share my soul with those who would listen

Take pride in my job making something big

Take pride in my hobby making something personal

And if it all failed, I would still have a degree in software I could use that would give me an edge up

Convenient. Practical. Efficient.

Excuses in the hopes of a dream come true.

My parents approved but I wasn't ready

I never learned how to work hard

I never learned a thing

I relied on natural talent

I relied on being inspired to work

He fell apart and I couldn't pull him together

He broke

The world shattered him, I never graduated

But a break wasn't suggested

I had to drag his corpse along

I stubbornly declared I still wanted to follow my dream. It was all I had left

I wasn't ready but there was nowhere to go

Nowhere to hide

I transitioned in secret before making it through my courses

Slowly burying his fragments and replacing them with my own until only his "face" remained

God would not save me, no matter how hard I prayed. He wouldn't even kill me.

I was alone, I was lonely, I was nobody

I thought a lot about people who went to church

I thought a lot about how personalities formed and how people grew

I thought a lot about the empty shell of instincts that formed my dead prince

I thought about virtues, maxims, likesz dislikes, habits, actions, reactions

I thought of a beautiful woman, who was kind, attractive, and cool

It was too late to grow into her naturally

But I could become her

I almost named myself Prattil Decordas. The silver lining. I didn't like it very much

Now Wisteria stands before you

She is a devil, a witch of sorts, a plant I suppose. She is of earth and wind. She is a saint, how she envisions a saint should be: godless, virtuous, proper, just. She enjoys being a maid and hates being looked down upon

She is the heart I grew under this porcelain shell

She's me

Goodnight, and rest forever, dear prince

I will take it from here

#organic wysteir original #my writing #personal #gender blender #this is the ideal #again and again #for however many tomorrows #careening through life with the grace of a tsundere intergalactic battlecruiser

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howl-at--the-sun · 1 year ago

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This is the herbal ask game!

Rabenmark: Rosemary (2, 4), Sweet Marjoram (2), Lemon Balm (4), Sorrel (5)

Morton: Sweet Woodruff (2), Catmint (1, 3), Lemon Balm (5), Rosemary (5)

i'm so sorry this took me so long

Rabenmark:

2. Does your OC find it easy to remember names or faces? Do they need to write things down in order to remember them properly? Perhaps they rely upon others to remind them?

Given that he's half blind before he gets his glasses, he only really remembers the names/faces of those close to him (in proximity and in familiarity). He does have a journal to remember

4. What is something that can instantly take your OC back to a previous time in their lives, whether happy or sad? A distinctive scent? A piece of music? The taste of a specific food

Specific type of beer for college, as well as the sound of metal clashing

2. What does your OC believe to be the ingredients of a happy marriage or relationship? Do they believe that they could provide these things to another person? Do others see their expectations as reasonable? Or are they quite demanding of themselves and any potential partner?

Rabenmark didn't really understand what a happy marriage or relationship could be (social pressure go brrrr/neg) but now he just thinks that it requires love and communication and he thinks he's good at them both

4. What is your OC's greatest source of anxiety? Does it relate to how they are perceived by others? Or their ability to adhere to their own standards or values? Or are they most afraid of harm coming to those they care about?

Morton. Rabenmark doesn't really care about his image or life or well being but he will NOT let anyone or anything hurt Morton.

5. Does your OC always need to be right in every discussion? Or are they sometimes willing to concede a point for the sake of social harmony (or simply a quiet life)? Are there some topics upon which they will never compromise their position? Or can they usually simply shrug and let others be wrong? Does this vary depending on whether the subject is relatively trivial or of great importance to them personally?

He is such a useless contrarian but if he sees Morton getting worked up or upset he will stop. Or if Morton kisses him. It's usually the latter.

Morton:

2.Is your OC willing to help others, even without receiving praise or reward? Or will they only stir themselves to assist another person if they stand to benefit in some fashion from doing do?

This is one of the few fields that he is still a Good Christian in

1.How quick is your OC to anger? Can they fly into a fury, seemingly out of nowhere? Or does it gradually build like a gathering storm?

They are very very slow to anger and forgive easily. Its like a stove, it takes a long time to get dangerous and you can almost always turn it off but if you forget about it? you are in for a bad time

3. What subject is your OC most likely to argue about? And who are they most likely to argue about it with?

Rabenmark and literature/history

5. Does your OC have any recurring dreams? If so then do they attribute any meaning to these? Do they find themselves reliving previous experiences? Or witnessing visions of a possible future? Do they ever talk about their dreams to others?

OOOOOh i bet he has the falling dream a lot (like him falling to hell for being a sinner)

4. What impression does your OC leave upon others? How are they generally remembered by those who have met them? Is this how they would actually want to be remembered?

He's funny, cute, well behaved and has very pretty eyes

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teamsasukes · 2 years ago

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hii! i stumbled across your blog and really love it. you are i think the only person on the internet who is Correct about naruto i find myself agreeing with everything you have said on this silly site (you could say that, i rb a lot of shit from u) but i came here to ask how do you actually deal with the wrongness of people? i really want to mind my business and let them be completely blind but i just can’t, i’m a contrarian at my core. but i realise it’s pointless, the naruto fandom has (and i’m including even naruto fans who are not on the internet) hallucinations about a lot of things that never happened (or the contrary) and i just don’t get it. how do you deal with it?

[i hope it’s coherent enough i’m bothered by that one guy who commented on a post saying that naruto did more for sasuke than sakura ever did she just cries and summon naruto. i admit it these things go under my skin]

anyway have a nice day <3

hey omg thank you so much!! i pride myself on having 100% correct opinions on naruto😌

jokes aside though, yeah the naruto fandom has been around for so long that i sometimes feel it's gotten to the point where widespread fandom jokes supersede canon. i only got into naruto about a year ago so it was really jarring to see that fandom perceptions on certain characters and pairings were often wayyy different than what i'd read on the page. and frankly naruto's writing is a little messy, particularly towards the end, so i can't say that my interpretation is entirely faithful to the text either. i'm just here to vibe

i totally understand the inclination to oppose every bad take but also i think naruto is popular enough that you can find at least a handful of people who mostly share the same perspective on it as you. it can take a while to curate your online space but remaining in that sphere of people has made my experience in the fandom a lot more enjoyable!! that's not to say that you can't engage in any discourse or whatever, though i feel like there needs to be a certain amount of common ground for any meaningful discussion to occur. any time i do want to address something controversial i just do it on my own blog. but yeah, that's what's worked for me!

i hope you have a good one <3

#asks

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astrology-with-charu · 2 years ago

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2022 was a year of Saturn in 4th house for me and it took me from astrology to psychology to philosophy as I was in some ways pushed to know myself, what drives me, what blocks me deeper cause it seemed like I can’t go on telling anyone anything or do basic functions of life without it. Anger was one of those things that I couldn’t understand about myself and sometimes in others. Its considered the most destructive of the emotions and we Mars dominant people keep explaining that its also what drives us. We try our best to channel it into our passions making it into our source of drive. Every workout song is built around it after all. Yet its exactly what leaves us alone in the fight. It took me down the philosophy rabbit hole and lead me to jewels of Seneca. I needed to know more as we would not only have Jupiter in Aries in 2023, soon we would have North Node in Aries too - it grows the Mars influence and drive / initiative as well as collective anger to get there. Jupiter is not a discretionary planet and at the risk of being stone pelted (oh who am I kidding my Uranus on Ascendent would kill me if I am anything but contrarian) - Jupiter is not “always” Benefic - it grows - more is not always better. Its a neutral planet in my view. Getting back to the point.

Seneca describes anger as the desire to punish another and in some ways our inability to be kind to another and to have mercy on the apparent wrong doer. I don’t think in full consciousness (or may be ego) I can agree to the whole of it but I do see the point of it.

I do believe if we would in some ways see that in the first seed of anger there are some seeds of desire to punish another or ourselves. Or in some ways if we can be more sympathetic to the shared fallibility of human race cause we all have been wrong so many times in our life ourselves - we could slowly train ourself to be lenient with others and ourselves. He says mind needs to be trained so it only feels the heavy blows. Mars retrograde in Gemini is so much about that and we discussed that in the last reading. Am I wasting my energy on the small irritants the small fights - are minor things / irritants taking our major time. I am ending 2022 on the lesson of forgiveness and I know its a cliche but its one cause its main thing that helps free ourselves from us and so far thats what the Mars retrograde journey has brought me apart from the obvious mechanical issues which are mostly the means to this end. As Joyce Meyer said in one of her sermons (I am not Christian so nothing religious about it all) - “They may not deserve forgiveness but you deserve peace”.

Hope you start 2023 in peace.

Happy New Year fam from me and my dear ones ❤️ Our wishes for a peaceful, healthy and prosperous 2023.

Love,

Charu

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dying-sage · 5 months ago

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got too embarrassed to have this on public blog so couple days later going here.

might merge my diary yap blog and this becuz whatever but im DONE with my self hating bullshit idk if being inside is just letting me think and breathe and be my gorgeous introvert self for once but i feel so free and so floaty like nothing is real and could easily be crushed by me pinching my life and rubbing it between my fingers. like its all so okay when im inside and by myself but i wish i was capable of this thinking outside. when i go out i get so overwhelmed and there are so many variables to make me feel like shit but not even hate myself or whadeva but act in ways that i feel i dont stand by and dont believe. i get meaner or sadder or people pleasy or contrarian or anything to not be vulnerable and authenthic. i have in the past gotten strong on my own and made my life better by being who i am while surrounded by others. ive lost that now and its been a while since i felt comfortable in my REAL HUMAN skin. ive been consumed by self hate and a desire to make myself believe im worthy by relying on other people. i know all the therapist things to say to all of this but its hard to believe in low moments where you need to do so the most. i just dont want to spectate my life anymore. i want to experience things and take ACTION and bring things into my life myself. sometimes this makes me feel pathetic because i am surrounded by people who command attention and dont need to build on their own, they have volunteers who want to help them and want to be in their life whatever that may mean. ive been working on releasing the shame and jealousy ive felt for my ENTIRE LIFE for these people because its not their fault and it is nobodys fault. with life so fragile they could slip and end everything they have. maybe what they have is only desirable to you and not to them and they wish they could have just a moment of calm. the grass always greener on the other side always makes sense but its so hard to make yourself believe it about things you think are fundamentally wrong with you. the thing that helped me is unironically social media because it is impossible that so many people, in fact, most people my age believe something wrong is within them. this makes no sense, if everyone is unlovable and off-putting and unattractive and yearns for love but never recieves it, nobody is alone. even if the people around me dont have these problems because i went to a school surrounded by well-off or otherwise eccentric people who, again, commanded attention. if i had ended up in a regular one im sure my perspective would be different. so FUCK IT. fuck the bars where its just men trying to fuck my friends fuck the clubs with awful music fuck desperation for alcohol to have a good time fuck cigarettes to calm down and regain balance fuck the sweet vape snack so you dont feel hungry fuck comparing yourself to pretty girls fuck comparing yourself to pretty boys fuck comparing yourself to ANYBODY fuck spectating fuck going quiet because youre sure theyre only talking so they can get to your friends. its time to stay inside. go outside alone. do shit for yourself NOT TO ALEVIATE FOMO IR ANXIETY but to better your life despite those things. okay yap over gafdammn.

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pangolinheart · 2 years ago

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Okay, I see what you're saying! I can definitely see this being a compelling story. It just doesn't feel like Rhiki, if you know what I mean? I can't put my finger on it, but something about it just doesn't feel right. Maybe I'm being too inflexible in my thinking or maybe it's because I spent so much time imagining Rhiki without any meaningful family connections. It just feels... off, somehow? I'll preface this by saying I hope it doesn't come across as argumentative or contrarian! I really do appreciate all your help and insight, I'm just typing out my thoughts as I have them. I'm just not always good at conveying tone or intent. ^^;

I definitely get the idea of motivation. Rhiki's main motivation has always kind of been "Everyone is counting on me (even though they shouldn't) and I'm scared of letting everyone down." (I feel like this is undermined a little bit by having a family that she knows loves her unconditionally, or who might even not want her to be a hero, but I could be wrong.) Her leaving the Scions and refusing to return has less to do with her family wanting her to be safe and more to do with knowing she's the wrong person for the job and realizing that if she keeps pretending she's not that it's going to get people killed. Especially in Stormblood, where there's not really any reason to believe that the Warrior of Light's particular skills will be the difference between victory and death. (They also introduce other characters with the echo in SB so it's not even like the WoL is the only one capable of fighting primals.)

Rhiki is already fighting back a little bit of resentment towards Hydaelyn and the Scions for forcing her into the position of "load-bearing catgirl," so I think that having to be dragged back into the plot kicking and screaming (or, before that, the Blessing of Light driving a wedge between her and an otherwise supportive family) would damage her reputation with the Scions beyond repair. A lot of the story places emphasis on friendship and comraderie, which would be hard to reconcile.

Characters not havinb motivation to pursue a particular plot thread has always been a major point of contention in ttrpg campaigns I played (and I played with a lot of different groups for 7 years before giving it up) and because of my bad experiences with that I'm kind of loathe to introduce that into Rhiki's story as well.

I also think I'd have to reclass Rhiki as well. Going home to her family and doing the Dark Knight storyline feel mutually exclusive. I just can't make them fit together and it seems like a disservice to both storylines to try and smoosh them together. I may have no choice but to have Rhiki stay a Dragoon or pick up a different class if a backstory with a living, supportive family is the only way to go, but I am a little attached to the Dark Knight story and characters.

Maybe I've just put the cart before the horse and spent too much time thinking about Rhiki's personality and in-game development to work backwards and retcon a backstory that fits. I'm trying not to be too rigid in the parts I've already established but sometimes i have a hard time with that. Changing Rhiki's main story components and traits would probably make her a better character, but it serms like it would also make her a much different character. It would be a little disappointing to start fresh with a new WoL, but it may be easier if I want a character that is interesting to read about and has more potential for side-stories or reinterpretation of the plot.

Once again thank you for taking so much time to talk to me and for giving me so many things to think about! Your advice has been really valuable!

There are a lot of things the game just has you roll with despite being five existential crises in a trench coat.

Someone who's lived a very ordinary life is going to react differently.

For example, in the lost future from where G'raha came, Rhiki's family probably died horribly. In canon they're fine and alive and nothing has happened to them, but in the First, isn't that something Rhiki would get stuck on?

So, this has actually been a major sticking point for me in coming up with a backstory for Rhiki.

As I've mentioned before, with Rhiki's kind of run-of-the mill upbeat, outgoing, and peppy personality, along with her youthful optimism and emotional availability, it's hard to imagine that she has some sort of dark tragedy hidden in her background. Before her role as Warrior of Light really started to develop I thought of her as Just A Guy - becoming and adventurer as part of her "wayward-20-something's self-discovery phase. " She seems pretty well adjusted, with fair-to-good self-esteem and mental health (though both of these deteriorate over the course of the story as she becomes, like you so eloquently put it, five existential crises in a trench coat). So, a stable and loving upbringing with no major trauma makes a lot of sense.

But, at the same time, I think having a loving family or support system that's still intact throughout the story would really undermine a lot of her character development, or change the trajectory of it entirely. There are a lot of things that might not have bothered her as much, or people she might not have gotten as attached to, or choices she might not have made if she could go home and get a warm hug from her mom and/or dad. Part of what drives her story in the beginning is that she feels isolated. Moenbryda's death really drives a wedge between her and the scions - everyone is grieving in their own way, but the way Rhiki wants to grieve is not by herself. (she then conveniently makes a new friend but like two weeks later he says "sorry i'm locking myself in this tower forever because it's what a bunch of people who died 1000s of years ago and have never caused us anything but trouble would have wanted :///" We all WANT things G'raha.) She feels like nobody she works with really knows or is interested in her; they're just using her as a blank screen to project the idealized Warrior of Light that they want and need onto.

That's what drives her to become so close Haurchefant - he treats her like his good buddy, the adventurer rather than the Savior of Eorzea. And being so close to Haurchefant is what makes it so traumatic when he dies, which is what eventually leads to her becoming a Dark Knight and confronting some of her issues (so she can make room for more issues.) It feels like if she had supportive parents or a guardian or n extended family to return to who could, if not directly advise her or sympathize with her issues, at least affirm her identity and personhood and reassure her that there are people who care about her for who she is, all of these things would have been a lot less impactful. As I was playing and thinking about Rhiki I had a hard time imagining her taking a break to go have lunch with her parents, though she's definitely the kind of person who would do that if she could.

(It's also worth noting that I've never really envisioned Rhiki having a super-personal vendetta against Garlemald. She opposes them and their actions of course because Garlemald is such a caricature of an evil empire that an evil Ascian designing it specifically to be as cruel and malicious as possible is the most believable explanation for it's existence. But she doesn't have a burning hatred or desire for vengeance towards Gaius or Zenos or Varis or anything like that. I guess I could retcon one but honestly I think it's very funny that Rhiki can't be bothered to remember who Zenos is 90% of the time.)

So I've created a paradox for myself: she's so normal and positive that she almost can't have had anything super traumatic (like losing her parents) happen to her, but her loving parents/family/support system can't still be alive and intact at the beginning of her story for her to develop into the character she is.

Even without a family to worry about, I'm sure it's still horrifying to realize that in the currently-existing future everyone you know has died horribly. She has plenty of friends and loved ones outside of the Scions that got kidnapped and turned into ghosts on the first with her. But I feel like anyone who had any close ties to anyone other than Alphinaud, Alisaie, Thancred, Y'shtola, and Urianger would probably feel the same way. (Plus, she's immediately presented with a pretty "simple" way to avert that future so, y'know, she's just gotta focus on doing her job. She probably learned to tunnel-vision in on the steps to achieve her goal like 3 major catastrophes ago.)

#rambling #rhiki tag

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rpmemes-galore · 3 years ago

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taylor swift : evermore album ... sentence starters

“Wreck my plans.”

“I'm all about you.”

“I see this for what it is.”

“And I know I'll pay for it.”

“Believe me, I could do it.”

“I don't need your ‘closure’.”

“Now no one's celebrating.”

“What died didn't stay dead.”

“Long story short, I survived.”

“You can run, but only so far.”

“Wherever you stray, I follow.”

“Forever is the sweetest con.”

“You know when it's time to go.”

“But I'm right where you left me.”

“You're so much older and wiser.”

“You haven't met the new me, yet.”

“Your heart was glass, I dropped it.”

“Long story short, it was a bad time.”

“Love slipped beyond your reaches.”

“Sometimes to run is the brave thing.”

“I'm fine with my spite. And my tears.”

“I call you out on your contrarian shit.”

“I'm begging for you to take my hand.”

“Everybody moved on, I stayed there.”

“What would he do if he found us out?“

“It was real enough to get me through.”

“Do you ever stop and think about me?”

“I think he did it, but I just can't prove it.”

“It wasn't right, the way it all went down.”

“The more that you say, the less I know.”

“In the cracks of light, I dreamed of you.”

“Sorry for not making you my centerfold.”

“Can't remember what I used to fight for.”

“Sometimes giving up is the strong thing.”

“I greet you with a battle hero's welcome.”

“Now I know I'm never gonna love, again.”

“I made you my temple, my mural, my sky.”

“It's never too late to come back to my side.”

“She thinks I did it, but she just can't prove it.”

“And the road not taken looks real good now.”

“Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury.”

“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?”

“Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark.”

“You left me no choice but to stay here forever.”

“Life was a willow and it bent right to your wind.”

“I can't make it go away by making you a villain.”

“I tried to pick my battles, 'til the battle picked me.”

“I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay.”

“I never would've known from that look on your face.”

“There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me.”

“Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you.”

“I guess I should've known from the look on your face.”

“Show me the places where the others gave you scars.”

“While you were out building other worlds, where was I?”

“I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush.”

“I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it.”

“I sit and watch you, I notice everything you do or don't do.”

“I always felt I must look better in the rear view, missing me.”

“Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled.”

“No one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you.”

“You had some tricks up your sleeve. Takes one to know one.”

“After giving you the best I had, tell me what to give after that.”

“I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene.”

“I had a feeling so peculiar that this pain would be for evermore.”

“I hope she'll be a beautiful fool, who takes my spot next to you.”

“My house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I'm covered in you.”

“Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?”

“And if I didn't know better, I'd think you were listening to me now.”

“Bustling crowds or silent sleepers, you're not sure which is worse.”

“If it's all in my head, tell me now. Tell me I've got it wrong somehow.”

“I gave it my all. He gave me nothing at all, then wondered why I left.”

“Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones, praying to his greed.”

“I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones, in a faith-forgotten land.”

“So, yeah, it's a war. It's the goddamn fight of my life, and you started it.”

“So, yeah, it's a fire. It's a goddamn blaze in the dark, and you started it.”

“There'll be happiness after you. But there was happiness because of you.”

“I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch. Everybody wants you.”

“And do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?”

“Will you forgive my soul when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

“When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?”

“Never be so kind, you forget to be clever. Never be so clever, you forget to be kind.”

“Sometimes you just don't know the answer 'til someone's on their knees and asks you.”

“I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong.”

“If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would've asked you.”

“Never be so polite, you forget your power. Never wield such power, you forget to be polite.”

“I made you my temple, my mural, my sky... now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life.”

“I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night; rough on the surface, but you cut through like a knife.”

#Taylor Swift Lyrics #rp meme #sentence starters

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writingtoforgetreality · 4 years ago

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Gold Rush (Sebastian Stan x Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist]

Gold Rush [1] / You’re Not Sorry [2] / This Is Me Trying [3] / [4] (soon)

Summary: Your career was blossoming, especially with your new role in “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier”. Working on set was a dream come true. It was never your intention to fall for one of your coworkers. Not when you knew that he would never look at you that way.

Words: 2,637

Warnings: language, it’s Anthony Mackie’s world & we’re just living in it, angst, feeeeeels, maybe I cried, maybe I didn’t, we’ll never know, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Inspired by: “gold rush” by Taylor Swift

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

Gleaming, twinkling

Eyes like sinking ships on waters

So inviting, I almost jump in

You scored big time when you were casted in the upcoming Marvel series “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier”. Working alongside Anthony Mackie & Sebastian Stan had been more than you had ever wished for. The atmosphere on set was harmonious. Everything would have been fine if it were not for your stupid crush on your fellow castmate. Mackie picked up on the fact that you liked Sebastian almost immediately & he teased you about it one too many times. No matter how obvious his teasing, it seemed like Sebastian was completely oblivious to it. Or he acted as if he had no clue. You were not quite sure about that.

The press tour was going strong, which meant that Seb, Mackie & you were teamed up for every interview. Now, that was not something that bothered you too much. After all, you were more than comfortable around them. But when some interviewers did not know where the line was, you got frustrated. Like, okay, we got it. Everyone with eyes knew Seb was hot. But as an interviewer, you should know when to stop. Shamelessly flirting in front of the camera with basically a stranger? Sorry, but you had no explanation for such a behavior. Yes, some interviewers flirted with you, too. But you were great when it came to brushing them off while staying polite. Of course, Mackie’s teasing did not make this any easier for you. Every now & then, he would bring up the chemistry you & Seb shared on screen. And off screen. Like usual, you laughed at him & so did Seb. During interviews, you teased each other a lot, it was a playful manner you all enjoyed. And the audience loved the three of you for it.

Sometimes, when Seb answered a question that had him explain scenes with you or something similar, you hated the butterflies you felt inside. You hated how your cheeks warmed up. You hated that he had such an effect on you. You hated Seb. You hated him for being so perfect. You hated him for being a literal God. You hated him for ruining every other man for you. Because nobody could ever compare to him. And you said that even though you were not even in a relationship. Hell, you were not the only person who looked at him that way. If the interviews were not proof enough, a look at social media did the job, too.

But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush

I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush

I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Everybody wants you

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

Everybody wants you

But I don't like a gold rush

“So (Y/N)…” the man sitting opposite of you started. It was not a lot of times that questions were directed at you. Usually, people were more excited to talk to the guys. No offense taken. “The chemistry between Sebastian & you can be felt even after such a short trailer. My question is…are you two, like, a thing?” of course. If you got a question, it was about your love life or about how great you looked in your suit. The others got complex & well thought through questions & you got this shit. Internally rolling your eyes, you stayed professional & answered casually.

“Sebby & I are friends. We work well together. We know each other well enough to communicate with our eyes, body language & so on. Some people mistake that for dating, apparently.” finishing off with a sarcastic chuckle, you had to hide the fact that you wished that there was more between you two.

“I gotta say. Even I think they’re dating sometimes.” Mackie smirked when he spoke up which earned him a light slap from you. Seb only hid his face behind his hand & laughed quietly. It was nothing new. You were used to his teasing by now. Looking over at Seb, you could not help but admire him. Even when he was embarrassed, to you, he was the most beautiful person on this planet. Not a single flaw. Just…perfect. If only you had enough courage to do something about your damn feelings.

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominoes

I see me padding across your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

“Stop that.” Mackie walked over to where you were sitting. Finally, you had a break after hours of giving interview after interview. Looking up, your face turned into one of pure confusion.

“Stop what?” he exaggeratedly rolled his eyes at your question.

“The daydreaming.” it was a simple statement. But why would he tell you to stop that?

“What? Is it forbidden to daydream now?” chuckling at him, you offered him one of your coffee cups. Your handler brought you two because you had not slept much that night. But Mackie needed one just as much & he gladly accepted it. Still, he could tell that you were trying to change the topic. Not with him, though. Sitting beside you, he sighed loudly.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” he looked straight forward when he asked that question. Your face fell at his words but maybe, maybe, if you played dumb, you could get out of this conversation without any awkwardness.

“Tell who what?” your innocent eyes bore into his side profile & you saw him shaking his head slightly. A low chuckle escaped him.

“Tell Seb you like him or I will.” he stated & your eyes widened in fear.

“You wouldn’t dream of it.” exclaiming frantically, you grew more nervous at the thought.

“I wouldn’t trust that thought.” & after a few seconds of silence, you breathed out loudly.

“Yeah, sure. And I’d risk our friendship for that? Forget it.”

“He likes you, too, you know?” he casually stated. Your face changed, but only for a second. He was wrong. Someone like Seb could never like you back.

“Stop, Mackie. Don’t just run around assuming shit.” you pushed his shoulder playfully but it did not do too much. What a surprise.

“My running around assuming shit isn’t assuming. It’s facts. You guys are awful, by the way. It’s exhausting, watching you two trying to dodge your feelings. Why can’t you just, I don’t know, get everything sorted out & be happy together? If someone deserves that, it’s you.” yes, Mackie could be sarcastic but when push came to shove, he could be serious, too. And that last part, he meant by heart. Was it true? Did Seb like you? More than a friend? Maybe you should just tell him. Life was too short to be filled with what if’s. It was now or never, right?

At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town we wandered 'round had never seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day-old tea

'Cause it could never be

Wrapping up for today, the three of you decided to grab some take-out & eat it back inside your hotel. After quickly showering & dressing more comfortably, you made your way over to Seb’s room. Mackie was already there, he texted you at least ten times to hurry up because they were starving to death. Dramatic diva. Knocking softly, a smile spread across your face when Seb opened the door. Stepping aside to let you in, you greeted Mackie briefly. He was already eating so why the hell was he rushing you earlier? He could be such a child. Seb handed you your food & motioned for you to take a seat on the bed. Take-out in a hotel bed? It should be illegal. Usually, you were not one for eating in bed but whenever you where staying at a hotel, it became some sort of a routine for you. Same for the guys. For a while, the three of you just talked & ate your food. Conversation always flowed easily with them. You knew all of their secrets & they knew all of yours. Well, except for Seb having no clue about your silly crush on him. When he & Mackie discussed a topic you did not know too much about to actually engage in their conversation, you found yourself stealing glances at Seb. If it were not enough for him to be so gorgeous, of course he had the best personality to match that. God really took his time with him. And the weirdest thing of it all was that Seb never let that thought get the best of him. He was aware of people admiring him but that never changed him.

'Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush

I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush

I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Everybody wants you

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

Everybody wants you

But I don't like a gold rush

Mackie got a phone call & said goodbye to you before leaving the room. Which meant that Seb & you were alone. It was nothing special, the two of you spent a lot of time together. This time, though, you wanted to confess to him. Finally, you wanted to tell him how you felt. Could you live with the rejection? Well, if things turned in that direction, you had no choice but to. Seb’s lips moved but no sound came out. You zoned out & simply stared at him. Your thoughts were running wild. The sun had already started setting & the golden light illuminated his features in such a beautiful way. It almost looked like a movie scene. He was the masterpiece others could not keep their eyes from. You were this close to speaking up, taking a deep breath for preparation. This could change your bond with him forever.

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominoes

My mind turns your life into folklore

I can't dare to dream about you anymore

A phone ringing interrupted you. It was not yours. But Seb pulled his phone out of his pocket. The moment he saw the notification, he started smiling so brightly. The smile you had grown to love so much. It brought a grin to your face, too. The things this man could do to you, completely unaware of the effect he had on you.

“What?” you asked when he could not stop staring at his phone. Had Mackie sent him a message?

“Nothing, it’s just…” he stopped before saying too much but you were having none of it.

“Aw, come on, Sebby. You can tell me anything.” encouraging him, your hand found its way on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. Seb seemed almost shy right now. And this was weird because he usually was everything but shy when he talked to you.

“There’s this girl & she’s just…amazing.” your face fell the moment he started talking. No. “I asked her for dinner but when she hadn’t replied after hours, I started losing hope. She just messaged me back.” his smile was sheepish & you hated that you had to admit that he looked happy right now. Genuinely happy. But you were not the reason of his happiness. Another girl was.

“And? What did she say?” deep down, you knew the answer & you actually did not want him to say it out loud. But you were best friends, after all, it was kind of your duty.

“I got myself a date. I’m going on a date with her, (Y/N)!” he beamed & pulled you into a big hug. One, that made the butterflies act out. Fuck, that hurt.

“That’s great, Sebby. I’m happy for you! You deserve it.” your excitement for him was fake but the sincerity behind your last words were not. If one person on this planet deserved endless love & happiness, it was him. Mackie was wrong. Seb had never liked you. Not in that way, at least. And his date saved you from embarrassing yourself & ruining your friendship. That did not change the fact that you felt like crying right now. You could not shed tears in front of him, could not show how much it actually affected you. No. You had to fake a smile. And that shit hurt like a bitch.

At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it

'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea

'Cause it will never be

“Something’s wrong with you.” Mackie stated at breakfast. No shit, Sherlock.

“What makes you think that?” feigning innocence, you rolled your eyes when you saw the look he was giving you.

“Clearly, you’re upset. Did something happen after I left you with Seb yesterday?” he hit the nail on the head with his assumption.

“Yeah.” was all you answered. His eyebrows raised, he waited for you to continue. But when he noticed that you were not planning on engaging in any more conversation with him, he pressed further.

“Did you tell him? Did he mess up?” if Seb messed up, he would kill him. There was no other person who was better for him than you. The two of you deserved each other. And everyone seemed to realize that but you.

“I wanted to tell him.” admitting quietly.

“But?”

“He got a notification.” your short answers made Mackie freak out. He grew frustrated with you when you dragged out this entire conversation.

“(Y/N), come on.” he urged.

“Sebby has a date.”

“With you? But that’s great.” his smile was small but present. Did you finally realize that you were feeling so much more for each other?

“With another girl.” then you looked up at his face, your eyes glossy. Clearly, you were trying to keep it together but he could tell that you had a hard time doing so. Yes, Mackie would kill Seb. He could have sworn that Seb only had eyes for you. The stolen glances, the efforts to make time to spend more with you. What the fuck was going on? When he saw your first tear falling, he wasted no time in pulling you in for a hug. You were broken, all because of one man. But the thing was that he was not just any man. He was Seb. Your best friend. Your everything. But he would never be yours. Not in a million years. Because he only saw you as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

It was not like you did not have options. Hell, you declined so many people over the time. All because of him. And you were afraid that this would not change anytime soon. Because you did not think you would ever get over him. Your heart was ripped into a million pieces & the only person who could help you fix it was getting excited over his upcoming date. Whatever you thought could be between you guys, it was nothing but a dream. Something that could never be.

Gleaming, twinkling

Eyes like sinking ships on waters

So inviting, I almost jump in

Gold Rush [1] / You’re Not Sorry [2] / This Is Me Trying [3] / [4] (soon)

Published (04/22/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @buckysleftarm420 (thanks for your support <3)

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tillidontneedfantasy · 4 years ago

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A Track-by-Track Breakdown of Taylor Swift’s 9th Studio Album: ‘evermore’

“My collaborators and I are proud to announce that my 9th studio album and folklore’s sister record is here. It’s called evermore,” is how Taylor Swift introduces us to this album in its foreword. One might assume a “sister record” would entail b-sides, or tracks that didn’t quite make the cut for folklore, despite Taylor’s explanation that “we just couldn’t stop writing songs.” evermore’s release came at a strange time, upon the heels of the Folklore: Long Pond Studio Sessions film on Disney+, as well as 5 Grammy nominations for folklore. The world still captivated by folklore, it’s understandable why one might not consume evermore as critically. Even as a die-hard fan, I felt some whiplash by this announcement; I am still processing folklore! Hell, I’m still processing reputation!

If this was the Taylor from two years ago, this may have been a big enough fear of hers to hold off on releasing evermore. But as she explained upon folklore’s surprise release, life is too unpredictable now, and there are zero givens or guarantees. So she followed the same path this time (although making sure it fell in line with her birthday weekend). But it’s not just the strategic timing of the release that she’s thrown out the window for now, but also her mindset whilst making records. As she explains in the evermore album foreword,

“I’ve never done this before. In the past I’ve always treated albums as one-off eras and moved onto planning the next one as soon as an album was released. There was something different with folklore. In making it, I felt less like I was departing and more like I was returning. I loved the escapism I found in these imaginary/not imaginary tales. I loved the ways you welcomed the dreamscapes and tragedies and epic tales of love lost and found. So I just kept writing them.”

This is a revelation for Swift, to let the music lead her into artistic freedom, which is what makes evermore such a triumphant return. Truly folklore’s sister record, Taylor wrote evermore with the same creative team: Aaron Dessner of The National (Swift’s favorite band), long-time pal and collaborator Jack Antonoff, Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, and William Bowery aka Swift’s boyfriend, Joe Alwyn (as officially revealed in the Long Pond Studio Sessions). Additionally, former 1989 tour openers and close friends of Taylor, the HAIM sisters, join the crew, along with Marcus Mumford for some dreamy backup vocals.

The production is just as wistful and mesmerizing as it was on folklore, yet the storytelling on evermore is kicked up a notch, expanding on the topics and worldbuilding established in its sister record, with even sharper lyrics and an effective and elaborate use of alliteration. The best thing about Taylor is that no matter what she does, her masterful lyricism is always at the heart of her art, and somehow, she keeps getting better. Once again, I wanted to explore the rich stories she’s crafted in this woodsy universe. This is how I’ve interpreted the album, but I hope you find your own meaning in the songs as well.

1. willow It is fitting that the opening track to folklore’s sister album, where we wade further into the forest that is Taylor Swift’s imagination and storytelling, would center on the type of tree that is a symbol of hope, belonging, safety, stability, and healing. “willow,” one of the few more obviously autobiographical tracks on the album, is a hymn of gratitude for her man (as she wants you to know, yes, thirteen times), Joe Alwyn, and how the invisible string tethering them together pulled her to him in a time when everyone else was counting her out. Though not as present on many of the other songs later to come on this record, you can feel the lightness in her heart on this song as she embraces the way in which the willow has bent, wrecking her plans, throwing her into the water and leaving her happily lost and afloat in his current. The downward key modulation throughout the last two repetitions of the chorus is beautiful and very fitting for Swift vocally, but also sounds like the feeling of finding your comfort and settling into it, basking it in while you wait for the next place the wind pulls you. Best lyric: “Now this is an open/shut case / I guess I should’ve known from the look on your face / Every bait and switch was a work of art.”

2. champagne problems On the second track of the album, Taylor dives back into the fictional worldbuilding she began to explore on folklore. While on folklore high school relationships and dramatics took center-stage, evermore graduates from adolescence to young adulthood, not that it is any easier emotionally on the listener’s heart. “champagne problems” chronicles a rejected marriage proposal between two college sweethearts at their old dorm building. Taylor sings as the narrator, a reflective, self-deprecating young woman who jokes about belonging in a madhouse and dismisses all her turmoil as champagne problems. The term ‘champagne problems’ itself could have various meanings here: their trivial concerns, the fact that their “sister splashed out on the bottle” of champagne that they will not be using to celebrate as they had hoped, or perhaps it could even hint that excessive drinking is a piece of all the ways the narrator is “fucked in the head,” as they said. Although the person she is singing to is the one who got hurt in the story, the hurt in the narrator’s heart is just as palpable and relatable, because you only have yourself to blame when you self-destruct. Best lyric: “’She would’ve made such a lovely bride, / what a shame she’s fucked in the head,’ they said / but you’ll find the real thing instead / she’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred.”

3. gold rush On her YouTube live chat prior to the album’s release, Taylor explained that this song “takes place inside a single daydream where you get lost in thought for a minute and then snap out of it.” The daydream consists of a love story so pure that the town had never seen such a thing; it could only happen in a fantasy for the narrator. How could she possibly have the gall to call them out on their contrarian shit, or end up with her Eagles t-shirt hanging from their door, when they are so coveted by all, and when she cannot withstand the thought of even competing? She sings, “My mind turns your life into folklore / I can’t dare to dream about you anymore,” a sweet little connecting piece to this album’s older sister, effectively convincing herself out of the idea of jumping into the chaos of the gold rush because even inside her own imagination it’s too dangerous. Best lyric: “I don’t like that falling feels like flying ‘till the bone crush.”

4. ‘tis the damn season According to Aaron Dessner, Taylor had written the lyrics for “’tis the damn season” in the middle of the night amidst their Folklore: The Long Pond Studio Sessions recording after a long night of chatting and drinking with their co-conspirator, Jack Antonoff. The lyrics perfectly encapsulate the guttural ache the track evokes. It is a tale of two people who always find their way back to one another in their hometown, which acts as the ever-returning fork in the road. The path taken, back to L.A. in pursuit of her dreams, is the one she chose and continues to choose, but whenever she returns home, she takes a ride down the road not taken, just to get a taste of what could have been, even if just for the weekend. What starts off as an icy homecoming always transforms into the warmest intimacy. The success of this track is aligned with the success of Taylor’s entire career; even with such specific details, it feels so deeply personal to the listener. You know the street you’d drive along late at night laughing, the spot you’d park the car, the person who stars in every what-if. You will never really know if the road not taken is as good as it seems, but that might be ok; sometimes, the fantasy is better than the reality, anyway. Best lyric: “It’s the kind of cold / fogs up windshield glass, but I felt it when I passed you / There’s an ache in you / put there by the ache in me.”

5. tolerate it Inspired by the novel Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier, “tolerate it” is an agonizing track from the perspective of a devoted wife who polishes plates and paints portraits and waits by the door for her husband with a battle hero’s welcome, who at best tolerates all her adoration. There are few things as painful as idolization being met with indifference, when you have all this love to give to someone who just leaves it there untouched. “tolerate it” captures that desperation for the approval you know will never arrive, but you sit and watch, waiting for it just in case you’re wrong, but you know you’re not. Best lyric: “I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life / drawing hearts in the byline”

6. no body, no crime feat. HAIM “no body, no crime,” the one evermore song solo-written by Taylor, has the clearest plot from beginning to end. In the same vein as the female powerhouse country classic “Goodbye Earl” by The Chicks, Taylor is out for blood to avenge her friend, Este (named for one of the HAIM sisters). The story goes as such: Este’s husband kills her for calling him out on his infidelity, and then Taylor kills the husband and frames his mistress. The HAIM girls, who are long-time friends of Taylor’s and former touring mates, lend their vocals to reinforce the accusation on the husband and to provide Taylor’s alibi. “no body, no crime” is so far the closest we’ve gotten to a return to “country Taylor,” proving that she is still the master of a killer country tune (yes, pun intended, it had to be done I’m sorry). Best lyric: “Good thing Este’s sister’s gonna swear she was with me / (she was with me, dude) / Good thing his mistress took out a big life insurance policy”

7. happiness Written a week before the album’s release, “happiness” is one of Swift’s strongest and most reflective breakup songs. Although she writes it as though it is recent, there’s a lot of power in knowing that she’s been happily in love for four years, and that she is even better now at doing the thing that has always been best at. She is finally “above the trees,” as she sings, and is able to see it all for what it is, but her character is still in the heat of it all, trying to navigate the stages of grief when a relationship ends. We see the narrator grapple with many of those stages throughout the song. Most striking is the anger displayed in the second verse when she sings: “I hope she’ll be a beautiful fool who takes my spot next to you / No, I didn’t mean that, / sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury.” That section is jarring and feels like one of the most honest moments in a Taylor song, the insanely difficult emotional balancing act when we are grieving a relationship. The devastation of loss can distort our perception, and a part of that is the difficulty of understanding how multiple seemingly opposing things can co-exist in our hearts, such as happiness because of someone and happiness after them. But when you leave it all behind and finally find your place above the trees, you can find happiness after someone and also look back and appreciate the happiness they once provided. Both of these things can be true. Best lyric: “Showed you all of my hiding spots / I was dancing when the music stopped.”

8. dorothea Taylor Swift has the uncanny ability to create such developed and well-rounded characters with such little information, which is what makes her storytelling so compelling. In “dorothea,” we learn much about the title character through the narrator’s eyes, and the relationship they once had. The lyric “skipping the prom just to piss off your mom and her pageant schemes” alone tells an entire story in itself. “dorothea” is also the companion song to “’tis the damn season,” just from the other person’s perspective, which helps shine even more light on the story. The narrator of “dorothea” reveres her but wonders if she’s still the same soul in L.A. as she was back in their never-changing town. Whatever the answer, they’re still willing to support her no matter where she is, but she’s always welcome back in Tupelo by her hometown love’s side if she ever just wants to be herself rather than someone known for who they know. Besides, they’re the only soul who can tell which smiles she’s faking. And you can always return to the road not taken. Best lyric: “They all wanna be ya / but are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers? / Well, I guess I’ll never know / and you’ll go on with the show.”

9. coney island feat. The National What really started the folklore / evermore journey was Taylor’s love for The National. Taylor has cited them as one of her favorite bands for many years, and as we know, this led to her beautiful new collaborative relationship with Aaron Dessner. So it would make sense for the track written with the intention of this duet to be so well executed; you can feel the love and care Taylor put into writing this song. In her press for these sister albums, she has spoken about trying to channel frontman Matt Berninger’s writing style. But what actually happened was she just produced her own signature lyricism at its sharpest. “We were like the mall before the internet, it was the one place to be / the mischief, the gift-wrapped suburban dreams / sorry for not winning you an arcade ring over and over,” is a hall of famer Swift-ian lyric. “coney island” explores the confusion, hurt, and self-reflection when a passionate affair burns out fast because you did not prioritize that person. And to top it off, Swift and Berninger’s harmonies are achingly beautiful, transporting you right there in the story, on the bench, wondering, over and over. Best lyric: “Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? / Will you forgive my soul when you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

10. ivy Leave it to Taylor Swift to make a song about an affair sound so romantic, and so sympathetic to the narrator, that you’re rooting for adultery. “ivy” tells the tale of a woman in a lifeless marriage, likening her home with him to the tombstone that the widow in town visits each day. I like to think this is the same wife whose husband was out there building other worlds without her in “tolerate it,” because then that means she found someone who celebrates her love, who holds her pain for her, who blooms all over her; they started it, but she’s fighting for it all the way to the end, nonetheless. “ivy” showcases Swift’s gorgeous vocals and her sharp lyrics, with a melody so infectious it is bound to permanently plant its roots in your dreamland. Best lyric: “Oh, I can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland / my house of stone, your ivy grows, and now I’m covered in you.”

11. cowboy like me With the beautifully blended backing vocals of Marcus Mumford, “cowboy like me” is an entrancing love story of two con artists who lost at their own game and got conned into forever with each other. She’d gone from swindling old men for their money and fancy cars to falling victim to the danger of dancing with someone who only has eyes full of stars, and she knows she’ll pay for it. “cowboy like me” is one of the most romantic tracks on the record, proving that life never plays out quite as we plan. Best lyric: “Now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon / with your boots beneath my bed / Forever is the sweetest con.”

12. long story short One of the more pop-sounding tracks on evermore, “long story short” is pretty much a summary of the long story behind reputation (2017). The song is filled with various metaphors for her reputation crumbling around her, and then finally putting her defenses down to be with her lover, someone as “rare as the glimmer of a comet in the sky.” It is a sweet ode to her boyfriend, and a gentle comfort to her past self that it will all work out. But it is also an oddly relatable example of how we shrug off our struggles and minimize them to just a “bad time,” when the time she is singing about was obviously something that deeply affected her (as will be further explored in the title track); but sometimes it actually feels good to just shrug it off as just a blip in your life, because at the end of the day, you survived, and that’s what counts- even if you’re not keeping score anymore. Best lyric: “Pushed from the precipice / clung to the nearest lips / long story short, it was the wrong guy. / Now I’m all about you.”

13. marjorie Whereas track 13 on folklore was a tribute to Swift’s paternal grandfather, evermore’s track 13 is a tribute to her maternal grandmother, Marjorie Finlay, who was an opera singer in the 50s, and passed away in 2003 when Taylor was 13 years old. “marjorie” is quite possibly the most touching track Taylor has ever written thus far in her career. Grief is one of the most difficult topics to tackle in a song; the genius of “marjorie” is that it is simple, yet not understated. Swift reflects on the profound lessons she learned from her grandmother, about the difficult balances of kindness and cleverness, and politeness and power. She curses herself for not cherishing the moments she had with her, for complaining rather than understanding in the moment how admirable her spirit was, for all the amber skies she’d love but will never see. The chorus, blunt and hard-hitting, reminds us that someone does not have to be living to be alive, to be all around, to be with us. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were singing to me now,” Taylor sings towards the end of the song, right before you hear a sample of Finlay’s opera singing in the background, a truly eye-swelling moment. It is clear that Finlay played a pivotal role in Swift’s own ambitions, as she sings, “all your closets of backlogged dreams, and how you left them all to me.” Marjorie knew she was leaving them in good hands. If you haven’t yet, check out the moving lyric video for the song, where you can see photos and video clips of Marjorie, both throughout her career and in her time with Taylor. Best lyric: “Never be so polite you forget your power, / never wield such power you forget to be polite.”

14. closure On the most experimental track musically on the record, Taylor writes off her need for closure from a relationship of some sort, whether it be romantic or platonic or business, all of which can cause hurt of equal intensity. The subject of the song is trying to make nice with Taylor, and she is just not having it, as it is not coming from a genuine place, but rather to ensure that their life remains picture perfect, or to clear their guilty conscience, or to preserve their own ego. This is a deeply relatable sentiment; as valuable as forgiveness can be, sometimes the person who hurt you just doesn’t deserve it, and all you can do is forgive yourself for blocking their number or shredding their letters. Best lyric: “I know I’m just a wrinkle in your new life / staying friends would iron it out so nice.”

15. evermore feat. Bon Iver To close out the standard edition of the album, Taylor joins forces once again with Justin Vernon of Bon Iver, with whom she collaborated on the Grammy-nominated duet, “exile” for folklore. However, Swift leads most of the track this time, lamenting the difficult time she went through in 2016. The piano and Swift’s vocals are haunting, particularly when she describes this time in her life as “catching my death,” consumed by a pain that she feels will never end. If you’ve ever been depressed, you know what that feels like, and the dark places it leads you. Although she is singing about a time four years prior, it sounds so present, and it is heartbreaking to hear her in such a state. When Bon Iver comes in, the tempo of the song picks up, the piano riff becomes more erratic, like a winter storm hitting you in the face, and he voices all the anxieties of the cost of such a downfall. But through those anxieties, Taylor finds not a cure, but an anchor in love, and then the tempo slows back down. By the end of the song, Taylor has the foresight to understand that although it may not feel like it now, the pain she is experiencing is not permanent (a sentiment my therapist has been trying to instill in me for years). In her Apple Music interview with Zane Lowe, Taylor explained how the lyrics parallel the times we are in currently, and so it feels really special to have the album end with someone who knows how it feels to be imprisoned by your pain gently comfort us with the wisdom that “this pain wouldn’t be for evermore.” I hope one day soon, as we leave 2020 far behind, we can all truly believe her. Best lyric: “I was catching my breath / barefoot in the wildest winter catching my death.”

16. right where you left me (bonus track) The first bonus track on evermore, “right where you left me,” captures a moment so earth-crushing, a piece of you is trapped in it forever. In this song specifically, the narrator finds herself stuck in the same corner of a restaurant where she was told by someone she loved that they had met someone else. “Glass shattered on the white cloth, everybody moved on,” she sings in mourning. We have all experienced those moments that we could teleport back to if we just closed our eyes; the scenery, what you wore, the smell and taste of the season, the very point in your body where it felt like your insides were collapsing. Or that one particular person, who is long-gone from your life but seeing them is like time-travelling back to that person you once were, ready to pick up where you left off. But as much as you want to stay in that moment forever, just in case it changes in your favor, the cold reality is that the world stops for no one. Best lyric: “If our love died young, I can’t bear witness / And it’s been so long, but if you ever think you got it wrong / I’m right where you left me.”

17. it’s time to go (bonus track) “right where you left me” was Taylor’s cry for help to get out of restaurant, and “it’s time to go” is the answer to the call, as she sings in the first line, “when the dinner gets cold, and the chatter gets old / you ask for the tab.” This song is about gathering the strength to leave situations and relationships behind that no longer serve you. She grieves the betrayal of someone she thought to be a twin from her dreams (almost definitely referring to former friend, Karlie Kloss), acknowledges that keeping a marriage together for the sake of the kids often actually has the opposite intended effect (possibly- but not certainly- something she and her brother experienced), and recounts attempting to bargain with someone consumed by greed, only able to leave with herself (absolutely referring to the end of her fifteen-year long business relationship with Scott Borchetta, her former record-label owner). But as painful as leaving all of those situations was, Taylor has gained the wisdom to understand that walking away sometimes takes as much strength as persevering. You can’t stay at the restaurant, or at the mercy of someone else forever; you have to forge your own path, even if it’s in the opposite direction of what you envisioned for so long. And even with all her past success behind her, as folklore and evermore have proved, there is so much more ahead of her. Best lyric: “That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul / You know when it’s time to go.”

In a time where we are all trapped in our homes and in our heads, the folklore/evermore experience has been the sweetest escape. If anything, the creation of these wonderful sister records has taught me that our most powerful tool in times of distress is our own imagination. Even just the ability to close my eyes while listening to one of these tracks and feel the character’s story is a gift. The way I’ve always been able to pick up Harry Potter and escape to Hogwarts when I’ve felt alone and friendless, I can listen to folklore and evermore when I feel scared or hopeless and escape into this enchanted forest Taylor has built, where I can climb above the trees and see it all for what it is. I feel so lucky to watch Taylor’s imaginative world unravel around me. I can’t wait to see what she creates next.

DISCLAIMER – REVIEWER’S BIAS: I would literally die for this bitch.

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anbroids · 2 years ago

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i am loving your dirkjake fic so far. your characterization of jake hits close to home for me? i sometimes feel like all the complexities he has in canon are hard to translate into fanworks but i think you are doing him justice and i just wanted to say it is very appreciated!

hooooooooooooly shit literally the best compliment to receive ever i'm foaming at the mouth thank you so much

100% most daunting part of writing a homestuck work was the jake writing (right next to jane) justtttt personally bc i didn't want to write over his issues / flaws for the sake of storytelling and more importantly writing dirkjake. idk how successful i was at that because with so much shit just going on in the story i wasn't sure if i was striking a good balance between character driven moments and plot points, so it feels great to hear that some of those complexities still felt present and hit home for you! thank you so much for reading and leaving me this lovely ask <3

i have like ten million jake thoughts inside my head at all times you have no idea so i am absolutely going to take this moment to go on a tangent under a read more

i love all the alpha kids so very dearly but out of the four of them i think jake is probably the one that makes me feel the most batshit insane (also how i feel about jade with the beta kids too) he's got all this layered shit going on in the comic. like i truly want to dissect him under a microscope.

i must credit tomatograter for a lot of the ways i read him as a character. if you haven't already, go read their dirkjake manifesto right nowwwwww it is full of delicious meta analysis.

i think that just due to the nature of dirk's popularity as a character and the amount of time spent in the comic that flush out his issues in canon and post-canon (specifically while handling those issues seriously-ish (?) and not getting into too much jokey or cruel territory, which is how i believe jake's issues are treated in canon and post-canon just in my humble opinion espppppp post-canon), a lot of dirkjake fanworks put dirk and his issues as sort of the front and center of the narrative. i find that a lot of works in the hurt/comfort category set up dirk as the one hurting and jake as the comforter by proxy. but this seems to extend outside the genre too like i just often see works that are a little more dirk centric and jake primarily functions as the "love interest" role.

when you write jake as the comforter, it’s easier to write him as more grounded, confident, and secure so he can be the vehicle for dirk to figure his shit out. but, i am first and foremost a jake enjoyer specifically because i think his flaws are SO FUN......... i like that jake is a coward. i like that he is so guided by fear and self preservation that it makes him neglect or hurt the people around him and cause problems for himself. a lot of people read this as jake being kind of a selfish person which i think is a sound argument sure, but i like the term self-preserving a little bit more because of the contrast it makes with dirk, who is so frequently cutting off his own head self-sacrificing for his own agenda. i like that he’s embarrassing and a crybaby (affectionate) and does a lot of cringe shit all the time. and i didn’t want to erase those qualities for the sake of "fixing" dirkjake.

there is a lot i could add here too about how i don't think dirk centric dirkjake stuff is bad either. the derse characters esp the striders are popular for a lot of reasons in the comic that i won't get into and i do honestly feel like people get hung up on their popularity just to be contrarian sometimes and it comes off a bit mean-spirited to me? all of that being said, ig sometimes i wish there was more of an attitude when interpreting characters meta relationships etc of if it's not for you, just leave it at that. no need to call it bad or wrong or cringe etc.

and god there is so much MORE i could say about how i personally do enjoy any and all readings of hs characters. i dislike subscribing to one kinda reading and even if someone writes or interprets a character like jake differently from me i still find it very interesting and enjoyable and fun! and i appreciate that there is a variety of writers and fans that interpret him in all kinds of ways, i think he's just an interesting character to explore in general? so all this being said i am very glad this reading hit home to you! but also i don't want my response to come off as... YES MY READING OF HIM IS THE ONLY CORRECT ONE bc what the fuck do i know... this is just my own reading for one particular story. i think it's good to have an open mind to all kinds of hcs. i'm a believer in the more takes the merrier, i like to see em all.

but anyways yeah i... don't really know how well i've done in portraying all these jake thoughts so far in the work but i guess those were just my intentions going into it? to balance them both out and keep the jake writing feeling authentic to those certain flaws. those are the things i really like to see explored in fanworks myself so i hoped to do the same!

for the first homestuck work i published i wanted it to be like a proper chaptered adventure au with some world building and an actual set-up, climax, conclusion situation just to try something new for me but in the future i would love to just do more jake-centric oneshots where i try to dissect his brain for a couple thousand melodramatic words and call it a day. now that's indulgence baby.

god but i could really go on about dirkjake as narrative foils for days but i won't. i already wrote an essay here and will leave it at that.

#ask #dirkjake #jake english #dirk strider

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persephonememes · 4 years ago

Text

* ( EVERMORE ALBUM BY TAYLOR SWIFT / SENTENCE PROMPTS.

These may have been edited for clarity or length or to better apply for roleplaying.

willow

❛ The more that you say the less I know ❜

❛ Wherever you stray I will follow ❜

❛ I'm begging for you to take my hand ❜

❛ I come back stronger than a 90's trend ❜

❛ Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark ❜

❛ Show me the places where the others gave you scars ❜

❛ I should've known from the look on your face ❜

❛ Every bait and switch was a work of art ❜

❛ That's my man ❜

champagne problems

❛ Your heart was glass, and I dropped it ❜

❛ I dropped your hand while dancing left you out there standing ❜

❛ Now no one's celebrating ❜

❛ I can’t give you a reason ❜

❛ This dorm was once a madhouse ❜

❛ I never was ready, so I watch you go ❜

❛ Sometimes you just don't know the answer till someone's on their knees and asks you. ❜

❛ She would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she's stuck in her head. ❜

❛ You won't remember all my champagne problems ❜

gold rush

❛ I don't like a gold rush ❜

❛ I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush ❜

❛ I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch ❜

❛ Everybody wants you ❜

❛ Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you ❜

❛ I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush ❜

❛ I don't like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush ❜

❛ What must it be like to grow up that beautiful? ❜

❛ The coastal town we wandered round had never seen a love as pure as it ❜

❛ You know it could never be ❜

❛ My mind turns your life into folklore ❜

❛ I can't dare to dream about you anymore ❜

❛ At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian wit ❜

'tis the damn season

❛ If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would've asked you. ❜

❛ So we could call it even ❜

❛ You could call me "babe" for the weekend ❜

❛ The road not taken looks real good now ❜

❛ The holidays linger like bad perfume ❜

❛ You can run but only so far ❜

❛ I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave ❜

❛ But if it's okay with you, it's okay with me ❜

❛ I'm missing your smile ❜

❛ We could just ride around ❜

❛ Sleep in half the day, just for old times' sake ❜

❛ I won't ask you to wait, if you don't ask me to stay ❜

❛ The heart I know I'm breaking is my own ❜

❛ It always leads to you and my hometown ❜

❛ You could call me "babe" for the weekend 'tis the damn season ❜

tolerate it

❛ I notice everything you do or don't do ❜

❛ If it's all in my head tell me now ❜

❛ Tell me I've got it wrong somehow ❜

❛ I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it ❜

❛ I take your indiscretions all in good fun ❜

❛ I polish plates until they gleam and glisten ❜

❛ While you were out building other worlds, where was I? ❜

❛ Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life ❜

❛ I’m always taking up too much space or time ❜

❛ You assume I'm fine ❜

no body, no crime

❛ We meet up every Tuesday night for dinner and a glass of wine ❜

❛ It smells like infidelity ❜

❛ No, there ain't no doubt ❜

❛ I think I'm gonna call him out ❜

❛ I think he did it but I just can't prove it ❜

❛ No body, no crime ❜

❛ I ain't letting up until the day I die ❜

❛ I've cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene ❜

❛ They think I did it but they just can't prove it ❜

❛ I wasn't letting up until the day he died ❜

happiness

❛ I see this for what it is ❜

❛ I was dancing when the music stopped ❜

❛ In the disbelief I can't face reinvention ❜

❛ I haven't met the new me yet ❜

❛ There'll be happiness after you ❜

❛ I would've loved you for a lifetime ❜

❛ When did your winning smile begin to look like a smirk? ❜

❛ When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt? ❜

❛ I can't see facts through all of my fury ❜

❛ You haven't met the new me yet ❜

❛ There'll be happiness after me ❜

❛ There is happiness in our history ❜

❛ I can't make it go away by making you a villain ❜

❛ I pulled your body into mine every goddamn night now I get fake niceties ❜

❛ No one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you, and you know you hurt him too ❜

dorothea

❛ Do you ever stop and think about me? ❜

❛ I got nothing but well wishes for ya ❜

❛ This place is the same as it ever was ❜

❛ It's never too late to come back to my side ❜

❛ Are you still the same soul? ❜

❛ Are you still the same soul? I met under the bleachers ❜

❛ They all wanna be ya ❜

coney island

❛ If I can't relate to you anymore then who am I related to? ❜

❛ Did I close my fist around something delicate? ❜

❛ Did I shatter you? ❜

❛ Sorry for not making you my centerfold ❜

❛ Lost again with no surprises ❜

❛ It gets colder and colder when the sun goes down ❜

❛ What's a lifetime of achievement? ❜

❛ I pushed you to the edge but you were too polite to leave me ❜

❛ Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there? ❜

❛ Will you forgive my soul? ❜

❛ Will you forgive my soul when you're too wise to trust me and too old to care? ❜

❛ Sorry for not winning you an arcade ring ❜

❛ Close your eyes ❜

❛ Did I leave you hanging every single day? ❜

❛ Did I paint your bluest skies the darkest gray? ❜

❛ When I got into the accident the sight that flashed before me was your face ❜

❛ The sight that flashed before me was your face when the sun goes down ❜

ivy

❛ Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow ❜

❛ My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand ❜

❛ Your opal eyes are all I wish to see ❜

❛ I'd live and die for moments that we stole ❜

❛ It's a violent blaze in the dark and you started it ❜

❛ It's the fiercest fight of my life and you started it ❜

❛ You started it ❜

cowboy like me

❛ Dancing is a dangerous game ❜

❛ I'm never gonna love again ❜

❛ I've got some tricks up my sleeve ❜

❛ Takes one to know one ❜

❛ Never wanted love, just a fancy car ❜

❛ I could be the way forward ❜

❛ You're a bandit like me ❜

❛ Never thought I'd meet you here ❜

❛ It could be love ❜

❛ You're a cowboy like me ❜

❛ I know I'll pay for it ❜

❛ Forever is the sweetest con ❜

long story short

❛ I tried to pick my battles til the battle picked me ❜

❛ I fell from the pedestal ❜

❛ Long story short, it was a bad time ❜

❛ Long story short, it was the wrong guy ❜

❛ Now I'm all about you ❜

❛ I'm all about you ❜

❛ I always felt I must look better in the rear view ❜

❛ When I dropped my sword, I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door ❜

❛ But if someone comes at us, this time I'm ready ❜

❛ No more keeping score ❜

❛ I just know there's more ❜

❛ I wanna tell you not to get lost in these petty things ❜

❛ He feels like home ❜

❛ Long story short, I survived ❜

marjorie

❛ Never be so kind, you forget to be clever ❜

❛ Never be so clever, you forget to be kind ❜

❛ What died didn't stay dead ❜

❛ Never be so polite, you forget your power ❜

❛ Never wield such power, you forget to be polite ❜

❛ The autumn chill that wakes me up ❜

closure

❛ It's been a long time ❜

❛ Seeing the shape of your name still spells out pain ❜

❛ It wasn't right the way it all went down ❜

❛ Yes, I got your letter ❜

❛ Yes, I'm doing better ❜

❛ It cut deep to know ya, right to the bone ❜

❛ I know that it's over ❜

❛ I don't need your "closure" ❜

❛ Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled ❜

❛ I'm fine with my spite ❜

❛ I know I'm just a wrinkle in your new life ❜

❛ You’re reaching out across the sea that you put between you and me ❜ but it's fake and it's so unnecessary ❜

evermore

❛ I've been down since July ❜

❛ I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone trying to find the one where I went wrong. ❜

❛ I was catching my breath, staring out an open window ❜

❛ I had a feeling so peculiar that this pain would be for evermore ❜

❛ I can't remember what I used to fight for ❜

❛ Can't think of all the cost and all the things that will be lost now ❜

❛ When I was shipwrecked I thought of you ❜

❛ In the cracks of light I dreamed of you ❜

❛ In the cracks of light I dreamed of you and it was real enough to get me through ❜

❛ I had a feeling so peculiar that this pain wouldn't be for evermore ❜

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompts #ask meme #Ask memes

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bunny-hoodlum · 3 years ago

Text

Asynchronous With You: Ch 5

ship: naruhina

rating: teen (maybe mature later)

tags: Modern Day AU, Foster Siblings, Family, Angst, Unrequited Love, Poor Communication/Noncommunication, Found Family

summary: An awkward journey full of self-denial and missed moments between two foster siblings. Perhaps their love will find the right timing someday.

Neji met them outside the dorm gates. As generous as his dorm-mate Lee was, he couldn't ask him to step out for their sake.

They followed Neji to a nearby linear park that segregated the school grounds from the business park on the other side. It felt like a glass-less greenhouse, with polished granite beneath their feet and a vine-carpeted roof overhead. The benches were slabs of granite, as were the other fixtures, like an orb fountain in the center, with flawless skin of water running over its surface. The full trees muffled the night, with its crickets and distant chugging cars. The gentle, steady trickle contrasted against their footsteps, like two off-tempo drums and hers a mournful castanet.

Now that they were finally here, she was beginning to lose her nerve, she was forgetting what she had to complain about.

All that mattered was that she was healthy, right? All that mattered was that they were actually taking good care of her.

But the last thing she said to her, telling her to go home, saying that at least one of them should be loved by their parents, it began to eat at Hinata.

Could it be that she doesn't have any love to come home to?

Like resonance, her soul trembled and her ribs ached. The heel of her palm pressed against the skin between her wet eyes.

"I've become like them. I messed up."

The bench caught her before she could sink down to the ground.

"What're you talking about?" came Naruto's voice, barely reaching her ears.

"You mean Aunt and Uncle?"

Hinata nodded.

"What??" Naruto smacked his forehead rather hard. "How were you supposed to act?! They knew where you were! Nothing was stopping them from taking you guys back--"

"We don't know that." Hinata argued.

"Bullshit!"

"We don't," Her shoulders lifted, turning rigid. "They could barely take care of the two of us. It would've been the same if they had to take care of two daughters--"

"What about visits? What's so hard about keeping in touch?!"

She stayed silent. It wasn't that she hadn't considered that, it was that it was too upsetting to ruminate on any deeper.

"Ten years, Hinata. They had to have lied to her, right? Raised her believing she was an only child? C'mon, why aren't you angrier about this?!"

She wasn't sure if it was defiance that lifted her chin, but the eyes she chose to meet were Neji's as she implored him join in.

His eyes closed as he released a pensive sigh. "What's she like?"

"Don't change the subject," Naruto snapped. "Hinata needs to vent."

She prodded Neji with her stare. He shook his head.

"Who are you talking about?" Neji punctuated his rhetoric with a sidelong glance, causing Naruto to bristle. "This Hinata?"

"Yeah, this Hinata. Our Hinata. What the fuck, we've shared the same home for ten years! Hinata! You vent! You vented the other month about your-your shirt!" His face reddened as he brought up, perhaps, the worst example he possibly could.

"I was in a weird mood," Hinata said quickly, giving Naruto whiplash.

"A--A 'weird' mood?! What, like you just felt like messing with me kind of 'weird'??"

Hinata lamely shrugged her shoulders before curling in on herself like an armadillo. She could only imagine how exponential his irritation was to increase. She should've answered Neji's question right away instead of trying to convey her complaints to Neji, because now they were getting way off topic. Which was ironic for Naruto, who thought Neji was the one diverting attention away from her pain.

Neji pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know what the story is, and I don't think I want to know."

"Good. 'Cuz I don't want to talk about it." Naruto huffed as he crossed his arms.

Silence lapsed around them. Somehow Hinata was rather surprised their arguing managed to fizzle out on its own and so quickly. The past was almost laughable in how different it was from the present.

'That's right. It's always going to be rocky at first, but it takes time to get used to one another.' This was proof that she and Hanabi could grow into sisters no matter how much time had been lost.

"Her name's Hanabi. Her favorite foods are bananas and milk, and she hates the herb mitsuba. She's cheerful, cheeky, and surprisingly athletic. And... I really want to get to know her better." The tears fell swifter and harder on her lap as she re-conjured the heartbroken betrayal she had put on Hanabi's face.

She really hoped it wasn't too late.

Neji joined her side and rubbed her back, while Naruto kept his distance.

Even though he had been given Neji's explicit blessing years before, somehow it didn't feel appropriate for him to console her too.

Looking at them now, it was like those two had never grown apart, not even a centimeter. And they had been communicating with their eyes, he was sure of it. Speaking around him, because he wasn't actually a part of this.

They're what real siblings look like.

________________________

Taking the midnight train back home, Naruto spent the next thirty minutes absorbed in the things that amused him, from sexy two-minute shorts, to prank compilations and this one guy from Kaminari that totally bites at rapping. Absolutely no one, neither he nor his 745k followers know if he's a comedy channel where he's bad on purpose, or if he's just gotten popular for all the wrong reasons, but watching him never fails to inspire a deep gut-laugh from Naruto.

Because he wouldn't be laughing this hard if something was bothering him, especially not a whole host of somethings.

He ignored how arriving at their station didn't feel quite right, how following Hinata didn't feel normal.

He was surprised when she finally started talking to him, yet the weariness her voice instilled was not lost on him.

"Who was the first girl you liked?"

"Hm? Oh, guess that'd be Sakura-chan."

"I see. And how old were you when you knew?"

"Eight, I guess?"

"Eight," The number floated from her mouth in an amazed whisper, "Do you think somebody already likes Hanabi-chan?"

A blond brow perked up. "Is this that protective Onee-san instinct kicking in already?" When she giggled, his heart sank.

"I suppose it is."

And when the silence closed in on him again, he spoke up to keep it going. "Uh, what about you?"

Her steps faltered for a second, then picked up with an exaggerated bounce. "There's someone."

"Still? Like, ongoing?"

"Mmhm."

Naruto blinked rapidly, whiplash striking again. How? How did he not know his sister liked someone? "Since when?"

"Mmmm," She hummed that note a little too long that bordered on mocking him, and he was about to storm on ahead of her, until she said, "Third grade."

"What?!" Ineloquent as that was, he somehow expected her to answer him. He stood there as she traipsed away, waiting until he was finally fed up. "Well, who the fuck is it?!"

"Guess."

He jogged after her. "Kiba?" His mouth soured at the thought.

She crossed her forearms into an 'X', making the buzzer sound in game shows when the contestant got the answer wrong. "Bubuu."

"Shino?" He didn't know what to think about that if it were true. Guess they were both quiet and smart and a little weird. Is that what compatibility looks like?

"Bubuu," she went again.

What other guys was she in contact with?

Shikamaru was a good friend who came over to game sometimes, but he definitely didn't sense anything there. No, no way it could be him. And everyone was pretty sure Sai was asexual.

"Sasuke?" Why not? He was the school heartthrob nine years running. Didn't matter whether Naruto understood the taste of girls or not, they all wanted him. He kinda wishes he noticed sooner now, because he imagining a plain girl like her pining for someone unreachable and he really hates that for her. When she slows to a stop under the streetlamp, he thinks he's finally figured it out, though the truth ended up being really anticlimactic in the end.

She half-turns towards him, her face blank save for the edge of distaste clinging to the corners of her lips and eyes.

"Gross."

He reeled back. "Gross? Whaddya mean gross?" She continued on her way, forcing him to jog after her. "Hey, I can't believe you think he's gross! Are you just being a contrarian?" Her pace picked up faster. "Y'know, like what unpopular girls do when they can't fit in?"And faster. "You really think he's gross?" She was hurrying on ahead and he was trying to catch a glimpse of her face, just a little bit of veracity. "Hinata?!"

They arrived at the steps of their apartment.

"You have until graduation to guess!" She called over her shoulder as she ran ahead, her voice pitching high at the end.

She was upset.

Her footsteps resounded through the corridors like frantic clapping, but he wasn't being congratulated at all.

It was finally apparent to him that he hasn't paid attention to Hinata in a long, long time. That's why Neji was making fun of him.

He took the elevator to their apartment, and when he reached the hole between their bedrooms, he got down on both knees and crouched his spine. They haven't used this in years, he couldn't believe how small they used to be, this hole had to be over three feet from the floor. It was making his back hurt. "Hinata," He bit his tongue with a pause. "What happens if I can't guess by graduation?" Nothing. Just silence. "Hinata? Are you not going to talk to me anymore?"

"Yeah," If a ghost could croak, that's what it sounded like. "If you can't guess by graduation, I'm not going to talk to you anymore."

He palmed the wall as he drew to full height, then stepped away, neither urgency nor insult registering in his chest. He didn't know what was in there. Maybe nothing. He raised his voice a little, just enough so that she could hear.

"I'm going to take this another weird mood of yours, okay? There's no way you really mean that."

Hovering for half a second more, he didn't give her time to respond as he headed for his bed on the opposite side of the room.

Maybe Sakura had the right idea about family. Maybe it's better to just find your own.

________________________

AN: Lel, I totally forgot to add the summary and ratings thing in the last chapter. 😜😅 Hope you liked this one!

#asynchronous with you fanfiction #naruhina #naruhina fanfiction #naruto x hinata #chapter 5 #modern au

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