#i continue to forget everything i say and do
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working in a factory has you thinking so much about the insane chain of labor & transport that goes into making literally anything
#like first you realize that You are making & doing things that you previously had thought - if you'd thought abt it at all - were automated#& you become incredibly aware of how all the materials you're working with came from somewhere - these plastic clips are from france; this#fabric is from india etc. and that there are people in factories there making those things and that they are also probably getting their#materials from somewhere#one of the little things that makes me think about this the most is we have these 50m rolls of cotton banding we see onto canvas & nets#and in theory it should be all one piece but sometimes it's actually two pieces which you discover when you get far enough in the roll and#find that there's a join where it's been stitched together by hand (!). which is a little annoying bc we can't use that bit so you have#to cut that but out & stitch it together again on the machine which interrupts what you were sewing before & slows you down But it's so#striking to me bc like it's really easy to look at this banding & it's so exactly the same & obviously machine made it's Really easy to#forget that there are people there running these machines. who notice there's a break & have to stop what they're doing & get a needle &#thread and stitch it together. by hand! like someone somewhere has handled exactly where I'm touching it & i don't even know where in the#world they are!#the other place this happens is often on the selvedge edge of the fabric there's writing in pencil i don't know ye meaning of but evidently#was important to the process somewhere & someone wrote that out#idk like it's really easy to watch those videos of really specific machines in factories & convince yourself that everything is automated#but the truth is the vast majority of stuff is not & is made by people doing that. & even when it is there are people running those machine#<- and i'm not saying this in a soppy way tbc. this whole system is a nightmare of exploitation & to some degree I'm just continually amaze#by how insane this whole process is & also how completely un-transparent it is unless you are made to think abt it#another thing is noticeable when you look at our orders that most of what we sell isn't to customers it's to shops who then sell to custome#which then makes you think like. those plastic clips from france are they actually made in france or are we just buying them from france?#are they actually made by underpaid people in a country the name of which is completely lost to the chain of production at this point#anyways none of this is new it's just when you are working in a factory using this stuff you start wondering like.#what's the factory like that the person who stitched this banding together like. what's their day like there#wish we could talk abt how fucked up this all is - for them especially probably - together#thoughts
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alec mcdowell & transgenic!user - a million kisses ㅤ ┊ ㅤ (18+!)
i want someone to promise me a million kisses and more . . . or, he's your first everything; first, and second, and fifth, and tenth.
includes, MDNI. ㅤ explicit sexual content ㅤ (light ) breeding kink ㅤ unprotected p in v ㅤ first times! ㅤ fluffy smut ㅤ like genuinely sickly sweet ㅤ soft dom!alec ㅤ best friend!reader ㅤ dirty talk ㅤ talks you through it creampie (hate this word sm sorrY)
req by @foxylady493 hehe thank u for giving me an excuse to write ab rawdoggin alec mcdowell HAHA
word count: 6.2k and for what like genuinely.
★ ˚⋆
somewhere, in one of the books that joshua had stolen for you, with a well worn cover and soft pages, with faded ink painting the front cardstock, you'd read something that stuck with you. i want someone to promise me a million kisses.
it was one of those passing thoughts that embeds itself into your psyche, a physical thing lodged between the folds of your brain, making itself evident every time you tried to forget it. a million kisses... and you'd never had one.
hell, you'd never even wanted to. you were everything manticore wanted you to be; loyal to the greatest extent, dedicated to your training, dominating the rest of the x5 series by a long shot — well, alongside your best friend alec.
alec, who really kept you motivated and on your toes, because he was so effortlessly good. he could sprint the entire forest on the grounds' base three times while you'd be on your second. he could pick you up with ease, and often did, urging you to work on your strength that little bit more so that you could do the same to him.
he was lifting you with one arm, actually, when you'd both been called back to your cells abruptly. it was awkward, in a way, moreso than it would have been for any normal human being, because of how unfamiliar you were with awkward situations. having to be sat down so you could properly address the guard in front of you, the same one who'd just been watching the both of you try and lift each other like barbells?
it only managed to get worse, somehow, when you were both ushered into your cell, followed by one of the directors, a woman with short blonde hair and a fierce stare.
something about this felt like a punishment, or a bad omen. how could you know, then, what a turning point this was going to be for you? the both of you?
"stand down, 494, 490." her lips are quirked with knowledge she isn't sharing, her hands folded neatly behind her back. "no need for formalities. not... for this."
you know better than to say a word out of turn, and so does alec, but you feel his confusion radiating off of him, a mirror image of your own, in the way his shoulders tense back.
her lips curl higher, a tight lipped smile that looks almost sinister in the dull lighting of your cell. "you are both aware of the situation with our labs, i imagine," she continues, slowly, like she's waiting for one of you to piece it together. "all of our genetic data, up in flames, and no way to continue creating soldiers to uphold the legacy the two of you are sure to bring."
directors do not ever come in with compliments, especially so strong, without something up their sleeves. "unless..."
it's one word, but it hits you and alec like a wave. him first, as he draws in a sharp breath, and then you, your stoic expression faltering at once. unless they use their current x5s to make those soldiers.
"it's only natural to pair you two off, what with how... close, you've gotten, over these years." there was a shared trauma that rooted the two of you to each other. him, being a clone of x5-493, and you, of 491.
something was off in their coding, a mixture of genetics and dna that didn't mesh. people were tightlipped about 493 and the seemingly endless amount of death he left in his wake, but they were sure to remind you about 491, the only one who, seemingly, kept his head screwed on straight the rare times that it was.
i want someone to promise me a million kisses... did she feel the same way? did he manage a million before his life was taken? you couldn't help but wonder it, especially with how many times the words killer kisser were thrown in your face. maybe that was why you were so attached to the idea of being kissed. you were stuck on the outside of a secret, wondering how kisses could render a troubled man's mind silent for a little while.
you had zoned out without realizing, stuck in a past that didn't belong to you. "are we clear?" the woman asks, her eyes lingering particularly long on you.
your face flushes with shame. shame for not listening, for missing the entire purpose of this conversation because you'd been daydreaming about an obscene amount of kisses for one person to receive.
alec speaks up for you, saving you from a potential reprimand or punishment, as he often did. "all clear."
"good." her eyes stay on yours for a beat too long, like she's daring you to break, before she nods once. "you've got one hour."
and with that, she stalks out of the room, the guards waiting on either side of your open door stepping out of line to trail behind her. the door hisses shut, and then it's just you and alec. you should know why. if you'd listened—
"you could have been less obvious, you know," alec says with a scoff of laughter, as he breaks his straight-backed stance and crosses to your bed in the corner. he sinks down on it, strong enough that his weight bounces on the springy mattress, legs spread open as he made himself right at home.
you blink once, twice. "less obvious with what?"
"oh, i don't know," his lips twist in mock thought, before they tilt into a dazzling smile, "starin' off like you don't even know where you are."
"i was just—"
"not listening. yeah, established, nelly." alec's eyebrows raise in his amusement, strong arms folded nearly over his chest. "you're gonna be confused as hell when i start taking my clothes off, then."
you splutter, wordless sounds falling out in a flustered heap. "what?"
his head falls back in a fit of laughter, loud enough that it echoes off of the walls. "god, you really weren't listening!"
"just spit it out! what are you talking about?"
slowly, the smile tapers away, his laughter trails off, and you're just looking at each other. "gonna have to copulate, you and i."
your expression drops. any trace of amusement dissipates, a cold, icy feeling of dread flooding your veins. no. no. you couldn't. not with him. not when it would ruin—
a million kisses, a million kisses, a million kisses.
it always came back to that, didn't it? "no," you say aloud firmly, like your rejection can somehow reverse the fact that it has to happen. has to, because you would never betray a direct order. this was something being entrusted to you. "alec..."
"relax," he says, his hands up in surrender. "i'm not gonna just... force you to, nelly, c'mon." his hands fall into his lap again, a sigh leaving his mouth. "s'not easy for me either, this. i mean, you're my best friend."
was he suggesting that things would change once this started? that thought made your blood feel cold in your veins, ice crystallizing in the sinew, making your bones feel heavy and stiff.
"nelly." alec snaps his fingers, drawing your attention back to him and not the dread in your stomach. it always works, when he calls you the name he'd not-so-affectionately given you during training, once. negative nelly & smart alec. "c'mon, it's not— it's not gonna be that bad. kinda bruisin' my ego that you're this torn up about it."
you choke on a laugh, your fingers lifting to run through your hair. "shut up, alec."
"'shut up, alec,'" he mimics back at you, one corner of his mouth lifting higher in a softer grin. "has that ever worked, nell?"
you shake your head, in exasperation and answer, finally crossing the small expanse of the room to drop down onto the edge of your bed next to him. his thigh is pressed up against yours, a warm, familiar comfort when everything feels uncertain.
it's loaded now, this silence that falls between you. heavy like a weight and thick like fog. his eyes are on you —you can feel them, too— and it's jarring, how one direct order can flip an entire world on its axis.
you turn to meet those green eyes of his, and then alec's leaning in, suddenly, and it takes a blink for you to realize it. you startle, feeling hot and icy and flustered all at once. "i’ve never done this,” you blurt out, and how fucking embarrassing is that, confessing it like a sin?
“in what world do you think i have?” alec shoots back, his eyebrows raising in punctuation to the question. “i’d rather it be with you than someone else.”
your heart is racing uncomfortably quick, an unfamiliar flutter against your ribcage. “okay.”
“yeah?” he asks, and his large hand lifts, too, to rest his warm palm on the side of your cheek. his fingertips graze behind your ear, tangling in your soft hair. “yeah, okay, nelly.”
his thumb grazes gently over your cheekbone, like a final reassurance before you’re no longer dipping your toes into this idea but diving fully into its depths. his fingers on the back of your neck guide you toward him, until your breaths are mingling and getting to know each other.
your lips meet. the world stops.
it makes sense, now, how 491 could leash 493 with nothing but the press of her lips. it also makes sense why she stayed, despite all of the warning signs he must have given off, if alec’s lips were any indicator of how ben’s were.
the kiss is tentative at best, at first. he’s not coming any closer, and you’re sat ramrod straight on the bouncy mattress, and the only thing connecting you besides your mouths is the hand he keeps on your cheek. you imagine that this is how first kisses always feel; awkward and uncertain, as this new kind of trust builds itself from the ground up.
one kiss out of a million. how were you supposed to kiss anyone else, now, when this one felt so special?
he pulls back first, but his hand stays on your face, the other sneaking its way across the space between you and landing on yours in lap.
“not so bad, was it?” alec asks, a reassuring smile gracing his face. his thumb returns the gentle strokes over your cheek, his eyes sweeping over the expression you wear.
no, it wasn’t that bad. but your mind isn’t on the kiss but what’s supposed to come next. “how long are we supposed to… um…”
you’d never been the shy type around alec, but suddenly now, it feels like every word is lodged tightly in your throat. suddenly, he feels like a stranger instead of your best friend, this territory unfamiliar and scary, in its own way.
“until you’re pregnant,” he says easily — and of course it’s easy for him, he’s not the one that has to carry a genetically enhanced baby to term. “but—”
“no,” you say, raising a hand to cut him off. “no, i heard you.”
“but, we don’t have to start now, nelly,” he slows his words down, like delivering the blow more gently will somehow lessen the sting. “we don’t. it’s… it’s an order, yes, but you’re still my best friend, and i want you comfortable.”
that did reassure you. you’d have to commit to the orders given eventually, but for now? this was just… a prolonged break in the courtyard, where you could hang out without precaution.
“kinda like this new development, though,” he adds, that wicked grin of his tugging up onto his mouth, as he wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you up. you barely manage to squeak out the noise of surprise caught in your throat, before you’re settled in his lap. alec’s always been strong, but it’s so different, having him use that strength with you. “could get used to it.”
“shut up,” you grumble half-heartedly.
he grasps the collar of his shirt to drag you in. “order received.” and his mouth closes around yours once again; your second kiss of a million.
★ ˚⋆
“stop it, that’s not—” you huff out a hard, frustrated breath, your fingers closing around alec’s wrist. “that’s not what where your hands are supposed to go.”
alec had you sat comfortably in his lap again, after the day prior, you both learned that, despite the circumstances, it was a nice place to be. you were close enough that you could smack him if you had to, and clearly, you did.
“s’not my fault that you’re being a tease,” he grumbles in your ear, his lips so close to the sensitive skin that shivers trail down your spine. “sittin’ all pretty in my lap, not letting me follow orders.”
“oh, bite me,” you shoot back at him, your grip on alec’s wrist tightening as you yank it away from your ass. you can feel the heat of his skin even through the thick fabric of your camo cargos, and it’s completely distracting.
his free hand’s finger comes up to jab you firmly in the sternum. “you won’t let me.”
“i thought this was hard for you, too,” you argue, reaching up to grab his other hand now, the former still tightly in between your fingers. you knew the second you let it go, he’d not-so-subtly slide it right back down to your ass all over again, and where would you be? a rock — you — a hard place.
alec snatches his hand back quickly before you can grab that one, his eyebrows bouncing once in his amusement. “trust me, nelly, it’s very hard.”
you stare at him, unblinking for a long few seconds, before it clicks in your mind — and the feel of what was very hard presses against the core of you. your hand releases his, and you smack him once with the left, twice with the right. “alec!”
alec cackles, head falling back with his laughter. his hand, always so much quicker than you, catches one wrist, and then the other, in his lithe fingers. his other arm snakes around your waist and there’s a blink before you’re suddenly flipped on your back.
on your back, and he’s hovered above you, your pinned wrist firmly above your head and pressed lightly into the mattress. “you’re getting soft on me,” he pants, settled in between your legs, knees nudging them further apart. “you used to beat my ass when we’d spar.”
“you’re playing dirty.”
“am not,” he huffs out like a petulant child, “you’re just not playing. too worried up in that head about all of the logistics here.”
“aren’t you?” you ask him, and it’s genuine; how had 24 hours passed, and suddenly this was something he could just accept? you and him, engaging in things that best friends didn’t do. did they? “aren’t you afraid of…” your face reddens, your turn now to feel like a little kid. “doing it?”
alec’s shoulders lift. “not when it’s with you.”
he says it so genuinely that you know it’s true, the confidence of the words enough to take your breath away.
you’d never thought of it like that. sure, it’s intimidating, breaching this gap of things you’d done and things you hadn’t, but… with him, surely it couldn’t be anywhere near as bad as you were thinking.
“plus,” he adds as an afterthought, “we already agreed it wasn’t going to change a thing, didn’t we? s’just work.”
just work. it didn’t feel like just work, but you were always reading too much into things, anyways. that’s why you and alec just worked. he was the laidback to your on edge.
you sigh. he’s getting to you. he’s unnaturally good at reading all of your fears written in your eyes and unpacking each of them, explaining them to you so they weren’t so scary anymore. “just tell me what to do. we can lie to the directors again, if we have to, if you just wanna… i dunno, chill out. could kiss again.”
“alec.”
“suggestion!” he raises his free hand in defense, before he lets it drop down to your thigh. “just a suggestion.”
it was a good suggestion, too. unfortunately for you, fortunately for him. you didn’t want to get too comfortable in these uncharted territories, out of fear it’d all get muddled and then where would you be? too uncomfortable to be friends, too familiar not to be.
“kiss me.” your mouth moves before you’ve even realized the words are out, floating between the two of you like a declaration.
he moves his hand from your wrists and lets it fall in the open expanse of your neck. his fingers are cold this time, even though your blood is hot. “yeah?” it feels achingly familiar to the gentle way he’d said it the day prior. “alright.”
“alright.”
is it supposed to be this awkward? firsts were always awkward. this had to be normal. if you started to think about how maybe it wasn’t normal, and you were embarrassing yourself, and he was embarrassing himself, and everything was about to be ruined, you’d—
alec leans in again, but he doesn’t kiss you on the lips, like you expected. instead, his mouth finds your jaw, teeth grazing the skin lightly, lips pressing reverently on the bone as he sucks the little mouthful of skin between them.
you gasp, your eyes fluttering closed, eyelashes as soft as butterfly wings on your cheekbone. “relax,” he breathes, hot breath on hot skin making you squirm beneath him, “i know what i’m doin’.”
“oh, do you?” you smile, a bit dazed as his tongue traces along the line of your jaw until he reaches the space beneath your ear.
“mhm.” he leaves a trail of wet, warm kisses down the side of your neck, then back up your throat. “thought about this all night. know what i’m doin’.”
oh. no wonder he’d been pretty accepting of their circumstances. alec spent all of night prior thinking about you, and how he’d pick you apart.
the thought makes another shiver run down your spine, a warm pool in your lower stomach. “alec—”
“here,” he interrupts, halting your train of thought before it delves again. “put your hand here,” he pants softly into your sensitive skin, his fingers finding yours and guiding them underneath the gray fabric of his shirt. you feel every muscle on his abdomen, feel each flex beneath the cold touch of your fingers. “yeah, that’s it.”
alec straightens up a little so that he can curl his own hands beneath his shirt, tugging it up and over his head. it falls in a heap at his feet, and he’s on you again a second later, his lips marking a wet trail of kisses up your throat. once he reaches your chin, he continues the onslaught, capturing your lips in a firm kiss.
this one is different than the one the night prior. it’s more confident, sure of himself. his tongue swipes at your bottom lip, and in your surprised gasp, he tucks it between your lips. that part of the kiss is tentative, like enacting the things he’d thought about was more nerve wracking than he’d let on.
you smile. he drags his teeth across your puffed bottom lip. “oh, you like that?” he asks against the soft skin of your mouth, arrogance coating every one of his words. “mm, okay.”
his hands run down your sides, hooking beneath your shirt and bunching it up in his fists. “this okay?” he asks, lifting his head enough to search your eyes.
you nod, taken aback, almost, by the flood of black overtaking his irises. “it’s okay.”
his grin is mesmerizing. had he always been so attractive? had he always looked like something sculpted and molded, just for you, and you’d only just noticed? “okay,” he echoes, and he nudges your extended arm with his elbow, “lift your arms for me.”
neither of you really know what you’re doing, but he has a little bit of an upperhand, what with the fantasies he’d created in his head.
“what all did you think about?” you ask him, tracing your eyes over his face to keep from thinking about how he was undressing you, and you were slowly being beared to him fully.
alec’s eyebrows twitch, his eyes lifting from your bare skin up to yours again. “last night?”
“yeah. i wanna know.”
he shakes his head. “no, nelly,” he laughs under his breath, his heavy-lidded eyes raking over your body again. “m’not lettin’ you know. you’re shakin’ in your boots already.”
“well, then what did you do? just lay in bed, thinkin’ about me?” you shoot back, your mouth dropping into a pout at the denial.
alec’s lips quirk. “something like that.”
“alec—” you’re cut off by his lips pressing to yours again. his fingers run reverently down your chest, his touch shuddery as they graze over your breasts. he groans, and the air in your lungs stutters hard in your chest. every thought is shattering to pieces before you can think them, focused instead on the feel of his hands on you in places that you didn’t think anyone would ever touch.
“i know you’re scared,” he mumbles in your mouth, his hand drifting lower, slowly but steadier than before. “so i want you in control. in case—” his touch comes to a stop at the buttons on your camo cargos. alec pauses like he’s dazed, clearing his throat. “in case you want to stop. at any point.”
he’s such an arrogant dickhead most of the time, one that you’ve come to adore in every possible way, but here? now? he’s the sweetest person you’ve ever met.
“here, lift your hips for me,” his nimble fingers have already undone the button, before you’d even blinked, “good girl — see? m’so proud of you, baby.”
baby. he’d never called you baby before. your smile is immediate, even as you feel like you’re being electrocuted with how your skin is buzzing. his knuckles light a fire down you as they brush lightly against your thighs, your calves.
your hand lifts to rest under his chin, tilting his head up to look at you again. how many kisses is this now? you can’t even think, now, not as you drag him in for another kiss. five? six? not enough, is the simple answer.
alec entertains the kiss for a few seconds before he’s pulling back, even taking a step away. your body chills at the loss of his heat, and the self awareness of how you must look to him. mostly naked, sprawled backwards on your bed, looking up at him with big, wide eyes. you open your mouth to say something snarky to him, anything to quell the heavy silence, when he whispers, “you’re so damn beautiful, nelly.”
he undoes the buttons on his pants quickly, shoving them down his muscular thighs and pooling at his ankles. it’s intimidating, staring into the eyes of someone who was your best friend through and through, while neither of you are wearing anything besides undergarments.
this was the guy who’d talked you out of making any rash decisions after you’d had the insult of killer kisser thrown in your face, all because of the girl your dna was cloned from. who squeezed your hands and told you to fuckin’ ignore them. what do they know? who’d been a cell apart from you in your psyops isolation, making sure he wasn’t infected with whatever rotted ben’s mind into darkness, and you weren’t susceptible to falling into hi
alec steps around you to sink onto the mattress beside you, shifting backwards until his back hits the concrete wall, turning so that he’s facing straight forward. his hands pat his thighs, nodding his head in gesture — or maybe to get you to stop ogling him like he was someone new and not your alec.
“lookin’ at me like you don’t know me,” he mumbles, reaching out to snatch your elbow when you don’t move. it’s intimidating. sitting in his lap with so little separating the two of you? of course you were hesitating! “don’t be ridiculous. m’still the guy you pushed down the stairs five years ago.”
“that,” you exhale shakily, as you sit down on his thighs, desperately trying to ignore the heat beneath you, and the heat between your legs, “was an accident.”
“bull.” he moves his hands to the clasps of your bra, undoing each hook individually, keeping his eyes locked on yours. “i saw how you looked at me before you did it.”
you bristle, shoving him back by the shoulder until his back presses against the cool concrete. “like i’m looking at you now?”
slowly, he tugs the straps of your bra down your arms, his grin faltering as his eyes drift downward at the same time. “yeah.” he clears his throat. clears it again. “yeah, like you’re lookin’ at me now.”
your eyes follow his, and you suck in a slow, deep breath. somehow, the fucker had talked his way into taking your bra off without you even noticing. kept you distracted long enough to not fuss over it.
how many kisses out of a million could one man give? you hoped all of them. you hoped more than a million.
the silence is heavy but it’s less awkward now. most of the hard parts were over, and you’d already established there was no reason to be nervous, not with alec. never with alec.
“here,” he says, his voice still coming out rasped even through his attempts otherwise to quell it. “hips up again f’me… yeah, just like that.” alec’s fingers hook into the waistband of your panties, pulling them down until they’re caught where you’re straddling him. “left leg up… perfect, baby, right one… perfect, baby. absolutely perfect.”
the praise makes you feel hot. sure, he’d said things like this before, praising each of your actions when you’d done good at training, or came back from a mission successful. this is different. intimate.
"keep 'em up real quick, alright?" he murmurs, shifting beneath you enough to lift his own hips up, hands pulling down his boxers over his thighs. his hand slips, giving way to the nervousness he had buried deep, as it slaps against your bare thigh. "my bad," he chuckles lowly, kicking them off with the foot closest to the bed's edge. his fingers curl around your leg, kneading at the soft flesh. "you've got me all messed up in my head."
"enough to hit me?" you tease, your smile returning again to your lips. "that's cruel, alec. you said you weren't playing dirty."
"m'not," alec insists, his thumb catching your chin and dragging you down into a kiss, and then another.
you laugh on his lips, trying to shake free from his grip. "are too."
he sits up, chasing your mouth when you start to pull away, swallowing your lips in an onslaught of kisses. "i can show you 'playing dirty'." his hands slide down your sides, fingers brushing your ass as they firmly grasp your thighs, flipping the both of you so that your back is against the mattress.
you're strong enough to flip him back. to tackle him onto the mattress, to wrestle like you used to do when you were younger, and things were easier. you don't.
alec settles between your legs, using his hold on your thighs to lift your hips and align your entrance with the cock you have not looked at, nope, it feels too real to—
your eyes fall anyways when his do, watching him line himself up. all of his nervousness is gone again, like he teeters between it, only ever seeming to get nervous when it comes to addressing you. what you are. what this means.
“still okay?” at your nod, he nods too. “okay, sweet girl. let me just—” his hand comes between the both of you, grasping his cock between his fingers, as he pushes the thick head of it inside of you, his head falling back as your wetness coats it. “jeeeesus.”
“what?” you ask breathlessly, shifting to rest on your palms, glancing from his face to where he’s pulling out of you.
alec shakes his head, a grin spreading across his face. “nothing. nothing at all.” he pushes in again, slowly, deliberately, this time keeping his cock inside of your tight walls. “just thinking about you. always thinking about you.” his free hand goes to your shoulder, pushing you lightly back on the bed. “you just lay back and relax, alright? get out of that head.”
how were you supposed to get out of your head when now, the thing circling around in it is how he so casually declared that he was always—
it’s uncomfortable, as he fills you up. like something is wrong, doesn’t belong. you were definitely wet enough to take him, but it doesn’t stop the feeling of something being off that tingles up your spine.
“fuck, you’re so damn tight,” he groans, his voice as rough as gravel. alec rubs soothing circles into your skin with his thumb, before he lets his hand fall down to one of yours, grasping it in his. “squeeze if you wanna stop.”
even through the discomfort, you didn’t want to stop. not only had the gap already been bridged, but… you liked it. liked him. more than you ever would have realized on your own. the further he pushes into you, still in that achingly slow pace as he lets your pussy adjust to the feel of him inside of it, the easier that adjustment gets.
your fingers play with his, tracing over his knuckles, as your breaths tumble out in soft little pants. everything feels like its at a boiling point, like it’s seconds from spilling over.
“you asked why i wasn’t scared,” he says under his breath suddenly, eyes lifting to meet yours through the deep dark of his eyelashes, once he’s to the hilt deep inside of you, his pelvis pressed to yours in a sharing of blistering hot skin. “do you want to know why?”
he finishes the sentence, and slowly pulls back until his cock rests halfway inside of your throbbing pussy. the movement makes you whimper in your throat, the sound of it rough already. his fingers clamp around yours in reassurance. “i’ve thought about this a lot. that’s why.”
“liar,” you manage to rasp, a breathless moan of laughter punctuating the words, “y’don’t have to make me feel better anymore. i’m not scared.”
“i always,” alec thrusts into you again, quicker this time, already pulling back out, keeping that slow, leisurely pace until he’s absolutely certain you’re alright with the next part of it all, “always want to make you feel better.”
another thrust in, and something shifts this time. you can feel every inch, and suddenly, a tremor of ecstasy replaces the full discomfort. you gasp, and he surges forward to hover over you properly now, like that one little noise was enough reassurance for him.
“always want to take care of you, always want to make sure you’re happy,” alec continues, soft grunts slipping between his ramblings, “hell, i’ve thought about putting a baby in you before. just not… in this setting.”
the words shoot straight downwards, making your already aching pussy throb, clenching tightly around him. “i’m not gonna break, alec,” you say, forehead pressed to his. you dig your nails into the back of his hand, not squeezing it so he doesn’t stop, but urging him further. “stop acting like you’re gonna snap me in half. i’ve pushed you down the stairs before.”
alec laughs, but it works. he pulls out further with each thrust, slams into you harder, burying himself deeply inside of your wet pussy. “yeah, you have.” the sound of skin slapping together starts to echo around the room with the change in his pace, interrupted only by his throaty groans and your soft moans and, god, isn’t it awkward that there are guards outside? that this is what they’re subjected to hear every day, until you’re—
“you wanted— a baby with me,” you say, not as a question, and through the deep haze your mind is slipping into.
“wanted to do this. wanted to fuck a baby into you. see you full of me,” he answers, and it must get him going, the image he paints for the both of you, because he speeds up further, drives deeper, and you can feel the head of his cock pushing against your cervix, making you groan aloud into his skin. “only at night, when it was just me, and i wished you were there, keeping me company. any time else, i could pretend like it was fine.”
you laugh softly, shaking your head, and then he’s laughing too. “fucked up, schoolboy-manticore crush, huh?” his head falls further into the crook of your neck, pressing gentle kisses to your collarbone. “only this place could get me daydreaming about filling this pussy up with my cum. could get me - wanting to fuck up our whole friendship, just to hear those pretty sounds of yours.”
your face flushes at the filthy words, even as it only stirs your arousal further along. you can feel it in the base of your spine, and suddenly, by their own volition, your hips are pressing against his in tandem, meeting each of his thrusts inside of you. he groans, the sound hot and vibrating on the sensitive skin of your neck.
“look at me, will ya, pretty thing?” he asks, nose nudging your chin up to meet his eyes. blackened pupils swallow up the jade green of his eyes. your lips part as the pleasure builds and builds, each of your noises crescendoing in pace with alec’s relentless thrusts. “god, nelly—”
you tip your head up a little more, enough to catch his mouth in a warm kiss. “it’s okay,” you say against the soft pink of his lips; your turn to comfort him, even if that’s the last thing he probably needs.
“yeah,” he mumbles on your mouth, stealing a fervent amount of quick kisses. it might as well be a million right then, with the way you can’t clear your head enough to count.”s’all okay. more than okay. always okay with you.”
“you don’t even know—” you choke out, interrupted by the desperate moans falling from your lips, free hand coming to hold onto his side and keep him deep, deep, deep. “don’t even know what you’re saying,” you manage to laugh.
“no,” alec laughs too, letting go of your hand and moving it and his other one to hold onto your thighs again. “no i don’t. lift this one up for me, yeah?”
you uncurl your bent knee and rest it across the length of his body, and the new angle only makes it that much more intense. “m’not gonna last much longer.”
alec is a nervous laugher. he can’t seem to stop while he thrusts into you. your defense mechanism is panic, his is undiluted joy. you hope it never changes about him. “thank fuck.” he turns his head to press a soft kiss to your ankle. “‘ve been hanging on by a fuckin’ thread.”
“seriously?” you cackle. “alec.”
it’s sweet, really, how even when your entire dynamic flipped on its head, neither of you changed. just like you’d promised. you’re still laughing in the heat of the moment together, still teasing each other in every possible way you could. “told you ‘ve been thinkin’ about this,” he grumbles in his defense, the little pout on his flushed face only pulling you closer and closer into your release’s tight grips, “can’t even blame m—”
“oh, fuck—” you can’t blame him, because you never gave him the time to pitch his argument fully, cutting him off. each breath you draw in is strained, in time with the pounding he’s giving to your clenching pussy. “oh, fuck, alec—”
“hey, language, pretty thing, there’s—” one last thrust, harder than the others, his hips stuttering their movements as he pushes out a shaky exhale into your shoulder. your head falls back into the mattress, dug into the springs as you buck into him, his cock against your cervix as he spills his cum inside of you. the feel of him twitching inside of you, of the warmth seeping from your fluttering walls and warm down your spread legs, reducing you to a muddled mess of pleasure in his arms. unintelligible words on your tongue, pleads or his name or something, you don’t even know, don’t even know what you were trying to say.
alec brushes his fingers across your forehead, pushing the sweaty hairs off of your skin. “was gonna tell you to watch your mouth, but i’m pretty sure you just swore me up and down in three different languages at once.”
your limbs feel boneless, but you do manage to swat at his bare chest, heated skin on heated skin. “shut up.”
“nah.” he scoops you into his arms, not yet having pulled out of you, as he cradles you to his chest. “we’re just gettin’ started, aren’t we?”
the answer is that one man can give a million kisses, and it doesn't take a lifetime — just a director's order and a dream.
tags, @jasvtsc @deanswidow @ostaramoon @angelblqde @depressionbarbie2023
@poughkeepsie99 @chi-raz @beausling @artyandink @figthoughts
#──★ ˙🍓 dahlia’s jrnl#divider by adornedwithlight#dark angel#alec mcdowell#jensen ackles#jensen fucking ackles#jensen ackles smut#young jensen ackles#dark angel imagine#dark angel one shot#dark angel fic#alec mcdowell imagine#alec mcdowell one shot#alec mcdowell smut#alec mcdowell x reader#alec mcdowell x you
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Imagine: You and Rio are at the Avengers Compound for Thanksgiving and you’re in charge of baking pies….this can only lead to good things. (Rio Vidal x gn!reader)
Author’s Note: I really wanna get back into writing stuff like this. Like…I just LOVE Rio.
Now I’m wondering if I should do crossovers…like putting Anya in the Avengers universe and whatnot.
(CW: I don’t think any are applicable? Lmk if there’s one I need to put)
You still honestly don’t know how she did it.
By some miracle, your girlfriend Rio had managed to contact the Avengers and get them to invite you for Thanksgiving, or rather the day before. Sure you’d been an intern at the Compound, but it wasn’t for that long, and they likely didn’t know Rio.
And yet here you are, standing in the kitchen as Rio searches up pie recipes; while Tony is out getting some food at the last minute, Wanda, Vision, Peter, and Steve are all watching The Dick Van Dyke Show while Yelena, Nat, Pietro, and Kate are attempting—and attempting is very much stressed—Clint and Bucky how to play Cards Against Humanity; it’s honestly really funny to watch.
“Okay,” Rio huffs, breaking you out of your thoughts. “I found a recipe for a pumpkin pie.”
“What else?” you ask.
Rio blinks. “Is that not enough?”
“You’re sleeping on pecan pie,” you scoff.
“Pecan?” she asks, her face scrunching up in confusion. “Like the nut pecan?”
“Yeah,” you nod. “What else do you put in it?”
“…Fruit or pumpkin,” she exclaims in disbelief. “You put fruit or pumpkin in it. Who puts nuts in a pie?”
“I do!”
Rio huffs. “What’s next? Are you gonna tell me you put chocolate in it?”
“Yeah, actually,” Kate replies as she looks through her stack of cards. “French silk pie.”
“There’s also meat pie,” Yelena adds. “I love putting hot sauce on mine.”
Hearing this, Rio is in shock. “You put MEAT? In a PIE?”
“Yeah? Is this really such a novel concept? I mean, in Russia, there’s a pie with a filling or salmon or sturgeon, rice, hard-boiled eggs, mushrooms, and dill.”
Now both of you are shocked. “What?” you both exclaim.
“Who puts fish in a pie?” you stammer.
“Russians,” Nat shrugs.
“All pie is good pie,” Steve says, “But nothing beats a classic apple pie.”
“Pecan,” you insist. “Pecan beats it.”
“That’s up for debate,” Clint says as he looks at the cards that people submitted. “Who put down ‘Object permanence’?”
“That was me,” Kate says.
“How does ‘object permanence’ fit this?”
“It’s about abstract connections,” Pietro shrugs.
As they continue the game and sitcom, you and Rio ponder what to do about the pie selection.
“Maybe we could make small pies of everyone’s favorite pie?” you suggest.
“I don’t think we have enough ingredients for that,” Bucky says.
“Or we could just make a pie with everything in it,” Rio suggests.
Silence.
“….I’ll pass,” Kate gags.
“Remind me not to leave you in charge of the pies next year,” Steve says.
“I mean, I wouldn’t mind seeing what that tastes like,” Yelena shrugs.
“I think you’re gonna end up regretting it,” Nat chuckles.
“How much of the pie dough ingredients do we have?” Wanda asks.
“….Some,” Rio answers with a shrug.
“….Not very helpful,” she sighs. “(Y/N), any ideas?”
You blink. “What she said.”
Vision seems to be calculating something, “Hmm….”
“Vis?” Wanda asks.
“If I can recall, we have precisely enough for…..three pies,” he says.
“Great, so we choose three kinds,” Peter says.
“But which three?” Bucky asks.
“We have to have pumpkin, no questions asked,” Rio declares.
“I’m not sitting down to eat without a pecan pie,” you say.
“Wait…how did you say the name of the nut?” Steve asks.
“PEE-cahn,” you answer.
“I think it’s supposed to be pih-CAHN,” he says.
“No, it’s a long E sound,” you argue.
“Not a chance; it’s short E.”
“Who in their right mind puts an emphasis on the SECOND syllable?”
“Pretty sure it’s PEE-can,” Kate says in confusion.
“Don’t even start,” Clint groans.
This goes on for….about five minutes until Rio finally puts it to rest.
“Forget the pronunciation. Let’s focus on the pie.”
“So….pumpkin, the nut pie, and….what else?” Peter asks as Tony walks in, carrying a turkey.
“You’re still not finished with the pies?” he asks in disbelief.
“We haven’t exactly started,” you say sheepishly. “We’re still deciding on the flavors; we have pumpkin and PEcan, but we need one more.”
Tony huffs. “I don’t know, how about you surprise us?”
Immediately the compound goes silent, Rio’s grin slowly growing.
“How about you go sit down with them, my love?” she suggests in a voice that’s way too sweet. “I can handle it from here.”
“A….are you sure?” you gulp.
“No. No, we’re NOT sure,” Clint objects.
“Just leave it to me,” Rio says.
And after a lot of insistence, and complaining from Tony, you let her.
Later that night, after the main course and sides are finished, Rio serves up the pies. None of them are labeled, though. And they all look the same. You decide to pick one at random and Rio cuts you a slice.
“Close your eyes,” she tells you as she sets down the slice. “And take a bite.”
Foolishly, you decide to put your trust in her baking and take a bite.
Almost immediately, the taste hits you; it’s fruity, savory, cruciferous….a bit of everything, especially spicy. But not in a good way.
“Rio?” you ask as Yelena takes a slice of the same pie. “What kind of pie is this?”
She shrugs. “I just kinda used a bit of everything. That’s what you put in pies, right?”
“….Did you put hot sauce in this?” Yelena asks.
Rio smirks, nodding and also handing her a bottle of hot sauce.
“Yes!” she exclaims as she practically shoots the sauce onto her pie.
Tony sighs and Rio shrugs once more. “Hey, you said to surprise you.”
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44. "let’s stay up all night talking, just like we used to."
seungkwan and reader have both been very busy lately so they haven’t spent a lot of time together. seungkwan has been sad and needy so he tells reader this ^ and they spend the night catching up and sharing funny stories
love your writing!! thank you so much if you accept this request 🫶🏽
this one is so soft :(( thank you for your kind words love <3
request your own: full prompt list!
check out my masterlist! // boo's m.list
fluff prompt #44: "let's stay up all night talking, just like we used to."
seungkwan flopped onto the couch with a dramatic sigh, his head resting on the armrest as he stared at the ceiling. you glanced at him from the kitchen, your hands still busy drying the last of the dishes.
“what’s with the theatrics?” you asked, walking over to join him.
“i’m starved,” he mumbled.
“you just ate dinner,” you pointed out, sitting down on the floor beside the couch so you could see his face.
“not for food,” he said, his voice softer now. he turned his head to look at you, his expression unusually serious. “for you.”
you blinked, caught off guard by the sudden shift in his tone. “what do you mean?”
he sat up, his knee brushing yours. “i mean… we’ve both been so busy lately. i feel like i barely see you anymore.”
you sighed, guilt tugging at your chest. it was true—between his packed schedule and your own responsibilities, quality time had been scarce. “i know,” you said quietly. “i miss you too.”
he hesitated, his gaze flickering to yours before he spoke again. “then… let’s stay up all night talking, just like we used to.”
your lips parted in surprise, and for a moment, all you could do was stare at him.
“remember how we used to do that?” he continued, a small, nostalgic smile playing on his lips. “we’d just sit and talk about anything and everything until the sun came up.”
“of course i remember,” you said, smiling back. “those were some of my favorite nights.”
“so let’s do it again,” he said, his voice almost pleading. “tonight. no phones, no distractions. just us.”
you couldn’t say no to him, not when he was looking at you like that. “okay,” you said softly.
a few hours later, the two of you were curled up on the couch, a pile of blankets thrown haphazardly over your legs. an empty bowl of popcorn sat on the coffee table, and the soft hum of a playlist seungkwan had made filled the background.
“do you remember the first time we went to karaoke together?” he asked, his eyes shining with amusement.
“how could i forget?” you replied, laughing. “you sang that one ballad so dramatically that the staff came to check if everything was okay.”
“i was passionate,” he defended, though his cheeks flushed pink.
“you were loud,” you teased, nudging him with your elbow.
he grinned, leaning back against the cushions. “i don’t regret it. that night was perfect.”
“it was,” you agreed, your smile softening. “you always make things fun.”
“you’re just saying that,” he said, though there was a touch of bashfulness in his tone.
“i’m not,” you insisted. “you’re the most fun person i know. and the most caring. and, honestly, the most dramatic, but in a good way.”
“you’re making me blush,” he muttered, covering his face with his hands.
“good,” you said, laughing as you pulled his hands away.
he looked at you then, his smile fading into something gentler. “i really missed this,” he said quietly.
“me too,” you admitted.
the conversation turned softer after that, slipping into memories and stories you hadn’t shared before. seungkwan told you about a funny mishap during practice, complete with spot-on impressions of the other members, and you shared a ridiculous story about a coworker that had him clutching his stomach from laughing so hard.
time seemed to blur, the hours passing in a haze of laughter, shared snacks, and the occasional yawn.
“what time is it?” you asked eventually, your voice thick with sleep.
seungkwan glanced at the clock. “almost 4am.”
“we’re really stayin up, huh?” you said, smiling despite your tiredness.
“of course,” he said, reaching for your hand. “it’s worth it.”
you laced your fingers through his, your heart swelling at the simple gesture. “you’re worth it,” you said softly.
his eyes softened, and he gave your hand a gentle squeeze. “i’m keeping you up all night more often.”
“i’ll look forward to it,” you teased, resting your head on his shoulder.
and as the first hints of dawn began to creep through the curtains, you felt a warmth in your chest that had nothing to do with the blankets but rather, from the boy—curled up next to you, talking until the rest of the world faded away.
#seventeen#seventeen imagine#svt#svt x reader#seventeen fluff#svt fluff#seventeen x reader#fanfic#daisymbin: reqs#boo seungkwan seventeen#seventeen boo seungkwan#seungkwan seventeen#seventeen seungkwan#boo seungkwan fanfic#boo seungkwan imagines#boo seungkwan fluff#boo seungkwan x reader#boo seungkwan x you#boo seungkwan#seungkwan fluff#seungkwan fanfic#seungkwan imagines#seungkwan x reader#seungkwan x you#seungkwan
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THE BEST EPISODE OF MERLIN!!!
This is such simple story telling, a proper ghost story, lots of jump scares - and, like many horror genre stories, a strong queer subtext.
So, I'm currently getting to the end of Merlin and oh my god is it the gayest thing in the world, where was it when I needed it? Why didn't I watch it? It was literally on telly when I was being homophobically rejected by my family? I've always been an idiot, this is clear. Series 5, Episode 3, The Death Song of Uther Pendragon
“I will not allow you to destroy all that I have built! Camelot must come before all else. Even you.” — Uther to Arthur
This is what homophobic family rejection feels like. To your family, you are a destructive force. Your feelings are a demolition ball. Your peace and happiness means nothing. It is the family image, and the hopes and expectations of the parents that matters more then anything else. You must suffer in the dark. You cannot hope to see the light. It doesn't matter if you're still breathing.
The relationship between Arthur and Merlin in this episode felt like the closest we've seen yet - and this is just after they have fallen asleep in a net trap, with their faces squished together, so that's pretty darn close. (Let's not forget, they are 'more than friends, more than brothers'.) And as they demonstrate closeness, they are assailed by the ghost of Arthur's father. (It's homophobia, guys.) Arthur says repeatedly he has so many things he wanted to say to Uther, that he didn't get to say to him when he was alive. What are these unsaid things? These secrets? What does Arthur wish that Uther had known - and accepted? That he's a beautiful gay boy in love with Merlin? In the land of the dead, Uther does not allow Arthur to speak, but instead details his shame. He is talking about Gwen, but he says: "There are certain things that are more important than love." All of Arthur's actions have been made out of love - his decision to knight the unnoble, to marry 'beneath him' rather then make a strategic alliance. Uther says "How can I be proud of a son who ignores everything I taught him? Who is destroying my legacy?" Uther, over the course of the episode, makes it clear he would rather see Arthur dead before he allowed him the freedom and grace to follow his true will. (HOMOPHOBIA!!!)
Merlin's 'magic' (*wink*) is revealed to Uther - he is, true to form, appalled and repulsed by it. Uther Pendragon: You have magic? Merlin: [quivering with anger] I was born with it! Uther Pendragon: I made you Arthur's servant. You are a sorcerer? Merlin: Even while you were king, there was magic at the heart of Camelot! Uther Pendragon: I will not allow you and your kind to poison… Merlin: You're wrong. Uther Pendragon: …my kingdom! Uther remembers that it was he himself that gave Merlin access to Arthur in close quarters. I think the reading that to 'have magic' is to 'be gay' - a motif anchoring the show, resounds so strongly in this episode. And here, Uther continues in death to rage against allowing magical people to 'poison' the kingdom - in the way that homophobic rhetoric implies homosexuality can be inborn or acquired, but it always corrupts, seduces, pollutes and recruits. Uther is appalled that he positioned Merlin by Arthur's side, and opened him to this poison. Uther, like all ghosts, is vengeful. He has deep shame for the choices Arthur has made, and is making... Uther's attempts to hurt, maim or kill anything that is outside of his conservative approval... if that's not an allegory for homophobic parental rejection, I don't know what is.
Do you have magic? ARE YOU GAY!?
But this episode is bright! And funny! Merlin and Arthur are in each others pockets in this episode. They are always engaging in 'horseplay' but there is so much of it here. There is this act of boundary crossing that causes them both to pause.
ARTHUR: When do I hit you?
MERLIN: All the time.
ARTHUR: That's not hitting, Merlin, that's merely friendly slaps. It's horseplay.
MERLIN: So can I give you a 'friendly slap'?
ARTHUR: You can certainly try.
MERLIN grabs one of Arthur's leather gloves and thwacks him on the back of the head with it. His face is one of immediate regret.
ARTHUR: (Amused) What the hell was that?
MERLIN: It was, um, horseplay.
ARTHUR: No, Merlin, you're doing it all wrong. Why don't I show you? "WHY DON'T I SHOW YOU?"!!!!!!!!!! There is no heterosexual explanation for this one, boys:
There's rough horseplay. There's also tenderness. Arthur can't get enough of Merlin 'teaching him poetry'.
Sir Leon: I'll leave you to your poetry, then, my Lord. Arthur: Poetry? That's the best you could come up with? Merlin: What did you want me to say? Arthur: I don't know. Something that didn't make me sound like a love struck girl. Merlin, could you disguise our behaviour and our surprise, in a way that doesn't position me as 'love struck' and in a reversed gender role? Not today! Subtle as a brick.
And I am LIVING for the moment Uther, positioned between Arthur and Merlin, is forcibly sent back to the land of the dead. In true Merlin style, it is both comedic and devastating. Uther shouts 'MERLIN HAS...!!' before disappearing in a gasp. It's like he's pathetically shouting 'GAYLORD!' as Arthur blows his (own) trumpet and in doing so, drowns him out, and removes him as an obstacle in the way of Merlin. And then Arthur and Merlin are panting and in tears together. I think it is impossible to go through homophobic parental rejection and not be moved by this moment. I was in tears with them ... and laughing! This is a great show.
10 out of 10. I don't know how this thing ends (well, I've read the Thomas Malory...) but this episode alone is one of the best TV things I've seen.
#the death song of uther pendragon#merthur#bbc merlin#queer subtext#queer reading#anthony head#colin morgan#bradley james#arthur pendragon#merlin emrys
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›› there must be a good reason that you're gone
sypnosis -» we don't talk anymore like we used to do , what was all of it for?
beware -» angst , nasty break up , going against girl code(?) , twice mentioned, lara x reader mentioned
talks -» for my anon 🫢!! hi missed you soo much
taglist (open) : @nyssalvr @ohmyhaely @vrtualstar @jellaaa @c-yerim
you don't know where you went wrong — did you give too little love? did you not give her enough attention? yet as much as you asked yourself nothing came up nothing answered you
moments that lingered in your mind made it seem like you were the problem yet you never were , sophia has never been loyal as much as you tried to make it seem like , she's always behind your back talking to a new woman
you only reached your breaking point when she started forgetting important dates such as your birthday, your anniversary and the day you both made it official
"now the maknae! hello y/n , the question for you is , have you ever broken up with someone and how did it go" the interviewer asks as he approached you
"이 질문에 대답할 수 있나요? (can we answer this)" nayeon asks looking behind the cameras towards their manager who just nods
"ohh , well uhm I have had one and it really was a bit messy , yet I think that was a very good lesson for me" you answer recalling everything that happened during that night , "우리 막내가 다 컸네요! (our maknae is all grown up)" jihyo says giggling as the rest say all their memories when you first debuted
"that sums it up, again twice everyone!" the host says before you and your group bid goodbye , " one in a million! we are twice!" the group says "우리 새 노래를 들어주세요 Strategy! (please listen to our new song strategy)" momo says before the cameras cut
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩
after the program you secretly went out to meet your now girlfriend lara , after the break up you didn't really know what to do but good thing she was there and from that point forward you both started dating
"hi love!" you said hugging lara as she ran up to you to hug you as well , "I missed you! , anyways let's go?" lara asks leading you inside the kats dorm
inside the dorm you were greeted by manon who was sitting down watching some tiktoks "hey" you greet
finally making it to lara's room she sits you down on her bed as she takes a seat on your lap, "so you miss me?" you ask cocky about her missing you , "obviously miss y/n" she replied
just before both your lips touch the door opens with sophia oblivious that you were here , "lara have you seen my- oh sorry" she says looking at the scene before her you and lara just being lovey dovey , suddenly the whole mood changed lara was now on the bed next to you sensing the unease , as sophia exits you two let out a heavy sigh
"baby I feel guilty, I mean she's my friend and I date her ex?" lara admits you look at the frown on her lips you held her face with your hands making her look at you "baby I understand , but know that she did something I probably won't forgive her for"
"ill never do that to you" lara says
"I hope not , that's the exact words sophia said" you chuckle remembering the countless lies she told you
ᯓ ᡣ𐭩
it was late yet you couldn't sleep so you left lara on the bed to get some water , at the kitchen was her , sophia
"hey" she greets , you took note of how she was still wearing the bracelet you gave her for your first monthsary
"hello , just need some water" you replied awkwardly , you get to the fridge and take out lara's water bottle and drink out of it
you were walking back by this point , but you hear sophia mutter something , "I'm sorry , could you maybe give me a second chance?"
"no soph , I'm tired plus me and lara are together , I've never felt any better with anyone else" you replied trying your best not to look at her , and just continue walking
"how is that okay? — we break up and you get with my friend? , how fucked up is that?" she reasons as you hear her sniffle
"soph , you cannot be talking about what's fucked up when you cheated on me , fuck I'm not gonna have this conversation again, goodnight" you replied mad at her audacity to get upset over you picking lara , yet you didn't mention that instead going inside the girls room
"babe? — where'd you go?" lara asks in a groggy voice as she opens her eyes , you're so glad you chose the woman who knows how to treat you
"just drank some water love" you replied trying not to sound like you just finished crying , you both lay down with her in the crook of your neck as she hums a gentle tune
"I love you so much" you whisper as you place a kiss on her head
#katseye imagines#katseye x reader#lara katseye#sophia katseye#sophia x reader#lara x reader#lara raj imagines#lara raj#sophia laforteza#sophia laforteza imagines
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I J K L fluff alphabet with min from drdt?
I,J,K and L fluff alphabet prompts for min jeung
A/n:a couple of anons asked me and so I thought I should answer:min looked really good in the collab mv that just might be cause I may have a thing for bandages and scars
Also yes 2 drdt posts in one day, it's because I've been feeling like writing a lot in these past few days so sorry if that's annoying I guess
📚I=I love you (how fast did they say it? Do they say it often?)
Min will need a bit of time to get used to just having a partner and being in a relationship so she won't say it early, but once she does get used to it she'll actually say it a lot. Verbal affirmation is probably her main way to show affection. She often reminds you of her love of you by saying it, but she especially loves writing it in letters or texts
📚J=jealousy (how jealous do they get? What do they do when they're jealous?)
Min is very rational, and as a consequence of that, she doesn't really get jealous. She knows you won't leave her and doesn't really care if people flirt with you since she knows you'll reject them because you love her. But she can't fully control her emotions on the rare occasions she gets particularly jealous she'll stand near you and just not say anything as you reject the girl (she's actually glaring at her but you can't tell because her hair is covering her eyes)
📚K=kisses(how do they kiss you? Where do they like to kiss you?)
She doesn't really like kissing you that much. She definitely doesn't complain when you kiss her (even though she blushes a lot) but she doesn't have enough courage to actually start the kiss or continue it for more than a few seconds. As you continue getting closer she'll try becoming bolder and initiating kisses even if they're usually pretty short and sweet. She doesn't really have a favorite place to kiss you but if she had to choose then your cheeks
📚L=love confession(how did they confess to you?)
Min had everything prepared. She had written down her confession and memorized it like she does for tests she knew everything she had to say, but somehow, just looking at you smiling at her made her forget everything. this never happened to her, even with the strictest teachers, she always remembered everything she studied and repeated it perfectly during oral tests, but this was different. She panicked, blushed a lot, and mumbled "i-i I like you......a lot" and after a bit of clarification you just giggled kissed her on the cheek and told her you felt the same. She then freezed for a second before smiling and blushing again
#danganronpa despair time x reader#danganronpa despair time#x reader#drdt x reader#drdt#despair time x reader#despair time#min jeung x reader#min jeung#gn reader#fluff alphabet#fluff prompts#fluff
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Something about the S6 finale paralleling the S5 one, Eddie is with someone who is there to "fix" things. And then season 7 ends with Marisol gone, and Buck is still there, because he stayed, because Eddie didn't just need SOMEONE he could fix things with. He needs BUCK.
#l saw an old post of mine about this and i completely had forgotten about it#i continue to forget everything i say and do#911 abc#9-1-1#eddie diaz#9 1 1#buddie#jwpyyy#911 show#evan buckley#911 season 7#911 season 8#911 season 6#911 5x18#911 6x18#actually i think the marisol one is 6x17 sorry
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some of you should not speak on dennis until you've rewatched sunny in full instead of just the macden-centric eps.
#literally not even a matter of like. different interpretations it's just some of y'all forget literal canon events that disprove shit#i get schooled by people abt den too i have my weaknesses w writing him#but like oh my god#some of y'all would be better off if you looked at him outside of a macden context#he's not evil incarnate#he's fucked up and he does awful shit#but that is a little boy wearing an adult face#to just make him evil for no reason completely removes any interesting bits of him.#one of the keys to sunny's writing is that#rcg always makes sure that motivation is understandable *in that character's eyes*#dennis has a very specific purpose for everything he does#he isn't just cruel for no fucking reason#he's 'brutally honest' because he thinks its his duty to break the news#he's absolutely entitled and arrogant and misogynistic#but he doesn't set out to be Mean just for the sake of it#den thinks he is doing good. he thinks he's in the right. its not him it's everyone else.#he's doing you a favour by saying you're ugly (and propping up his own decimated self esteem)#that being said he's also not innocent pookie either#but i would say its like. in a lot of ways he IS oblivious to the reality of what hes saying/doing#part of that is his privilege as a white man who grew up being supported by and continues to be supported by his parent's wealth#but the gang enables the shit he does just as frank financially enables him#they are so insular it's like impossible to break out of the gang and interact with normal people#because if they don't get it then dennis is going straight back to the gang to feel validated and to hell w everyone else#on some level he knows shit is unacceptable but he's never learned Why and never will because theres no reason to#like when mac is completely fucking shocked by den talking abt the implication dennis CANNOT let that go unchecked#he needs mac to understand him because he's realizing that it's *actually* fucked up. bc even mac thinks so.#and when dee calls what happened with klinsky Rape everything IMMEDIATELY crumbles for him#dennis is introspective but he will justify shit and compartmentalize until his friends challenge it#he looks to media; tv and movies where the protagonist gets away with shit because its schlock fiction#and dennis DOES see himself as a protagonist. it's all justifiable bc he's the good guy.
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sometimes people who struggle like to make jokes or find positives about their condition that causes them to struggle so they can escape the constant negative and struggle. sometimes autistic people will say things like "the 'tism" or use the "autism creature" or say their autism helped them have a *positive trait* to feel better about their struggles. because living your life only focusing on the struggles and negatives is depressing and makes it hard to want to live, even if those struggle take up 100% of your life and you can't actually escape them. sometimes any little seemingly positive thing can help a lot.
but there's so many other autistic people that hate when we do that and call it "reducing autism to a cute trendy thing" and say it takes away from *their* struggles and is bad and shouldn't be used. maybe *you* want to only focus on your struggles, but some people can't live in constant negative and need some positive or to find ways to make their condition more positive so they can feel better about living with their struggles. life is hard. I take anything I can get.
I cant get jobs. I can't make and keep friends. I can't get help and support for doing "normal" things so sometimes I go weeks without being able to shower and without eating more than a bowl of cereal a day. most times can't even do things I like. struggle to communicate. have meltdowns. i'll never be able to live independently. I struggle a lot. but instead of sitting here always depressed and having no motivation to live, i'd rather try to joke about "my 'tism is acting up again" when i'm struggling (just an example. don't think I ever actually used the 'tism thing but i saw others use it) or say "i'm just being a creature" when I need to stay in my dark room because everything is too much and I personally find it cute to be a little creature meant in a positive way. i'm not actually downplaying mine or anyone else's struggles. I still acknowledge them and that silly jokes dont make them go away. i'm not trying to be trendy. i'm not doing any of the things people say we do by making silly little jokes. i'm using the silly little jokes to convince myself life can be a little more than pointless, painful garbage all the time.
(continue in tags)
#dont know why continuing in tags but here is more#sometimes we need to ask “why” and not just get mad about how we feel personally. because other people feel differently#yes im guilty of only thinking my feelings and situation and how it relates too and forgetting other peoples. i also need to learn#and everyone's feelings should be valid. just because something might “hurt” you it might be important for someone else#everyones feelings are valid. but we cant protect everyones feeling. so idk the solution#but stopping someone from having a small positive among a sea of nevgative seems a little mean to me#youre not being empathetic to their side. and i can turn it around and be not empathetic to your side and say stop being upset#and get over it and let people have fun. but i wont. i hear you. but at the same time maybe hear us too.#not everyone wants to live only negatively. youre allowed to but dont expect others to.#and yes i GET IT these things can make the allistics and neurotypicals be even worse towards us. but what do we do?#throw out any positivity we can find and grovel in our struggles because the allistics wont take us seriously?#DO THEY TAKE US SERIOUSLY WITHOUT THOSE SILLY TRENDY THINGS? NO! THEY NEVER HAVE#like i said i dont know the solution and everything still be used against us by those people anyway so might as well have fun?#if we focus on struggles they baby us and dont let us do things and block us from living life#if we focus on positive they dismiss our struggles and try to make us do what we cant and dont help us#we cant win! so its not “the 'tism” or whatever other things people made up that cause them to act this way#they already act that way and wont stop unless we figure out how to teach them! but i dont know how! im just a useless little creature#this is probably controversial and someone will get because i dont agree with their perspective despite respecting it#someome will comment to lecture me even though i get it. i do. but two things can exist at the same time!! idk what to tell you!#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rambles#words are hard so dont know if i worded it well or not. probably not#also why take away fun things because another group used it for bad? make them stop the bad not stop the good!#i also might be missing more context. i think is about tiktok using these for bad. tiktok is just bad in general and i refuse to use it#why tiktok dictate and ruin our lives now in general? tiktok is really bad 😂 but that another conversation#no one yell at me and say i dismiss struggles of struggling autistics. maybe you dismiss me needing negative thing to have positive?#not in mood for negative response. will probably cry fhhddhsjdjdjkd#today is real struggle day but if i be little creature i feel better
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nevermind i saw the leaks, i was right lmao.
jason is fine and they just coordinated to trick failsafe to get it to frazzle out afaik.
that makes sense considering the entire point of #147 was bruce deciding to work with his family despite his growing paranoia over their safety, etc. given that zdarsky has been trying to explore bruce's mental state, it would have made no sense for him to immediately validate that paranoia, instead.
#jason todd#bruce wayne#comics#dcu#unpopular opinion that while this arc has been kinda weird at points and def not as good as the failsafe arc from last year (?)#its still trying to do something interesting WRT exploring bruce's mental state and how it causes continued problems with the family#and trying to get him to work through that so that he can actually work with his family instead of against them#i keep seeing batfam enjoyers saying that they want the batfam to actually feel like a family and work together#and that's exactly what this run has been trying to build up towards actually lol#like if you want that you WOULD have to explore why that hasn't been the case already#and it has to start with bruce being a weird bastard about everything and everyone he cares about#and since it's THE batman title it is obviously going to focus on BRUCE -- that only makes sense#everyone else is a supporting character and will not be in there apart from supporting roles (or occasionally a secondary main)#i think its done it a bit clumsy because of the restraints of modern comics as a whole#but there's a lot of dudebros who are mad that bruce is like emotional and communicating recently -- so that's probably a good sign? lol#like i have my gripes with it but on the whole... i see the vision and i feel a bit sad that you can TELL where zdarsky was restricted#but that's a whole different post for when i actually sit down and put myself through reading all the stuff in a oneshot#because the monthly thing makes it easy to forget literally everything lol#see ya'll when the TPB comes out in a couple of months lol#tuesday spoilers#comic leaks
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'Trapped in the end!' said Sam bitterly, his anger rising again above weariness and despair. 'Gnats in a net. May the curse of Faramir bite that Gollum and bite him quick!' 'That would not help us now,' said Frodo.
Sword in hand Sam went after him. For the moment he had forgotten everything else but the red fury in his brain and the desire to kill Gollum. But before he could overtake him, Gollum was gone. Then as the dark hole stood before him and the stench came out to meet him, like a clap of thunder the thought of Frodo and the monster smote upon Sam's mind.
Now he tried to find strength to tear himself away and go on a lonely journey – for vengeance. If once he could go, his anger would bear him down all the roads of the world, pursuing, until he had him at last: Gollum. Then Gollum would die in a corner. But that was not what he had set out to do. It would not be worth while to leave his master for that. It would not bring him back. Nothing would.
Sam and vengeance in today's entry
#idk i have Thoughts about this... rambles ahead...#there's an interesting arc here with how sam approaches his feelings of vengeance in this entry#starting with the first quote. frodo's response to sam is so brief and doesn't get much time to sit with all the action going on#but i feel like it speaks volumes#at least in showcasing the different points they stand on#sam centers his resentment and feelings of revenge... he's quick to get frustrated and immediately goes for threatening gollum#meanwhile frodo is focused on getting out. he doesn't have time to nurse anger nor does he want to#it feels like he's advising sam to move past it because he knows it's futile to stay stuck in those feelings#then there's sam's fight with gollum#after days and weeks of building tension from his mistrust towards gollum... this is where the dam finally breaks#sam's been feeding into his resentment for SO LONG it's no wonder he gets into this state of blind fury towards the end#he set himself up to seek vengeance the moment he gets the opportunity#which in some way i'm sure does help him in fending off gollum... that strength had to come from somewhere#but once he's staved him off he continues to fixate that anger on gollum and forgets what he originally set out to do-- protect frodo#and then we're left with the final quote...#it isn't until sam has (perceived to have) lost everything that he is able to come to the conclusion that vengeance won't serve him#...a lesson learned a little too late?? maybe?? no?? it feels cruel to say that#i definitely do not want to take the position that sam was responsible for what happened to frodo#he was pinned in a horribly desperate situation and couldn't do much once gollum attacked#i don't think much would've changed if he hadn't had his moment of fury with chasing gollum#anyways newbie here-- i haven't read anything ahead from here so idk what character arcs await sam#but i'm interested to see if this is later built upon or acknowledged#end of rambles skdfjgkdjsfg#lotr newsletter#lotr newsletter march 13th#EDIT: I forgot to space the quotes out 😭#not a crime but they can get confusing to read when scrunched together hrnnnn
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someone tell white people stop reviewing Bollywood by mediocre Western standards i'm f*cking crying rn
#film: pathaan#pathaan#local gay watches Bollywood.txt#this applies to pretty much everything but specifically at this moment this is for this film#just saw the Variety review of Pathaan and the first thing he does is compare it to RRR??? goes ahead and calls RRR Bollywood???#chewing and biting RRR is not f*cking Bollywood#it is part of South Indian cinema. more specifically it is part of Tollywood#when the actors in RRR do media interviews and tell you it isn't a Bollywood film#you'd think you'd f*cking listen for once but apparently not#then continues the review by naming a bunch of Western action stars and saying that Bollywood used to feel more exotic#exotic is like a nails-on-chalkboard word for me and#'James Bond meets Jason Bourne meets Jason Statham meets Fabio'#i'm sorry but Don had a better f*cking soundtrack than James Bond's entire career so i think SRK gets to have a little fun#and be a mismatch of overplayed tropes and already seen actors if he wants to. while being hotter than them. just as a treat#(btw Daniel Craig as Bond gets excluded from the 'entire career' bc he's also hot and heavily bisexual. gays get rights in this household)#also how could i forget the sacrilege of 'Khan who suggests a sleeker more ripped Adam Driver in a man-bun'#pls. pls don't compare him to that man he doesn't deserve that kind of slander to his looks and reputation sksksksk#i need to cleanse my eyes from this they didn't deserve that kind of slander either
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everyone jumping to team kamala we will never experience true freedom in this country
#the democrats would vote for fucking hitler if he was a nice guy im convinced#allow me to break down this silly little “you can't focus on morals people's lives are at risk we have to vote blue to stop trump!!!” thing#first of all people's livelihoods are still at risk even when there is a democrat as president#did you forget about the immigration bill biden and harris signed? or you know a fucking genocide#and if people's livelihoods are at risk then shouldnt we vote with out morals? and you know not for the dems who are famously pro genocide#what is the point of voting if you can't vote for who you actually believe in?#and besides this what in this country was actually accomplished through voting? 99% of the progress made was done through violent resistanc#the only reason shit even made the ballot was because people showed they wouldn't accept things the way they are#which is exactly what you are doing if you vote for kamala harris AKA BIDEN'S FUCKING RIGHT HAND MAN#and you just sound like an extremely selfish person if genocide is not your red line#it just sounds like youre saying “yes they murdered palestinians in gaza :( BUT WHAT ABOUT US AMERICANS!!!!”#as if the democratic party has done anything to protect americans anyways. like my job as a voter is not to get the democrats elected#to mitigate damage caused by republicans. that is the fucking democrats job. it is their job to make me want to vote for them#and until they stop massacring men women and children in gaza they will never get my vote#the democrats could openly announce themselves as extreme bigots towards anyone that isn't a cishet rich white man (which they have before)#and you stupid asses will still tell us to vote for them. how evil do they have to be for you to finally consider another option?#and everyone else in the world gets to have other options but america noooo in america we can only have two parties or else you die#and when a democrat is elected and they send another 1 billion to israel i hope youre prepared to live with the blood on your hands#YOU WANTED THIS YOU ENABLED THIS YOU VOTED FOR THIS#the reality you won't face is that there are more options and you could vote for them but none of you are willing to take that risk#yet youre willing to risk the lives of palestinians the lives of transwoman the lives of every person that bitch threw into prison#you people are so hooked on stopping trump (the democrats meaner twin) youre willing to sacrifice everything you stand for#to elect someone who is just as bad as him but is “polite” while they do it. the democrats will never feel pressure to shift to the left#as long as you idiots continue to accept their move to the right. why should they stop the genocide in palestine when youve proven#you'd vote for them no matter what?#no one’s life improved from trump to biden and the same will be true for kamala but you can keep telling yourself they aren’t the same#i’ll be voting green bc that is what i believe in inshallah you grow a spine and do the same until we’re free from these two satanic partie#and dont tell us youll protest after she's elected what would the point be???#youve shown you'd put her in power no matter why should she respond to the pressure?
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im goinga to aill myself.
#guyyyys i hate it. i tates it.#im so bad at typing.#i wanna. dance with somebody. word linmking gone right thst actually is what im upset about.#however im a Strong Independent Woman and dont need no Man <- gendr neutral.#momma when u say all anyone needs is family i feel you forget that u have 7 sisters.#too many. i still dont think id be happy w/that. and half of them didnt really stick around. so its not even accurate in ur family.#that funeral was insane they were so upset for like a week. i had some compassion. and then she was straight back to.#this isnt what i was trying to say. anyway.#continue to ignore me i just need somewhere to put everything.#do you think after. 5 years of not making friends.#and 9 of being around the same 20 people.#i could make a comeback in uni?#or will i just die.#dont borrow grief from the future but i stopped being so scared i wont get in anywhere. now we're on tothis which is marginally less bad.
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It has not been a productive day, but I did get my homework done before tomorrow's session and didn't lose my composure while writing it (not that there would have been anyone here to see but still), so there's that.
#random personal stuff#there's creative stuff I wanted to write but didn't#and analysis stuff I wanted to do but didn't#my boss says that presenting papers at conventions like the one I'm going to at the end of the month looks good on a resume#and basically implied that I should continue doing it#but I've run out of papers from my grad school days and would have to write new ones#but what would I even write about?#everything I have Thoughts on isn't very academic#I've already presented on something literally no one cares about and that was utterly thankless so probably not a good idea again#if I don't get an award at convention it will be deeply embarrassing#(since there are only four papers including mine in the alumni category)#self-evaluations at work need to be done this week and I'm dreading it#I feel like a barely adequate employee and I'm afraid my boss will criticize me and that I disappoint her#and I have so much to read for looming book groups that I somehow got roped into#I feel like I'm forgetting something somewhere#why did I use to want to be an academic? I'm not even in class and my brain can't keep up#but it's the closest to the only thing I can sort of do#do you ever just...not know what you want to do or be#like at all?#there is literally nothing I want out of life#least of all what I want to be when I grow up#of course a lot of us don't know that yet#but I feel like I should by now#anyway wow sounds like I should probably sleep or something#will I do that? ...eventually?
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