#i choose to believe taylor swift exists in this universe | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

agatalunar · 2 years ago

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intuitive channeled reading: Which Disney character represents your future spouse?

it is the first time that i do a reading/message about future spouses so i am super excited!!! the energies of each pile are so wonderfully beautiful. remember that it's a general message so take what resonates and what doesn't just let it go

it would be a pleasure for me if you let me know if the reading/message resonated with you so do not hesitate to send me a message, comment or reblog, it will make me immensely happy

choose the image with which you feel most connected/attracted

Pile 1… 2… 3…

♡ pile 1

the energy of your fs is like that of a child in love, your future spouse reminds me a lot of milo thatch. they will respect every decision of yours, they will not be able to believe that someone like you exists. i don't know if your fs believes in god or in a divine source but they thank the universe for having met you. i see them laughing with you for anything, even if you think your jokes are bad they will laugh and believe that those are the best jokes in the world. i see them looking at you admiring your beauty but in a philosophical, historical and spiritual way? they admires every inch of your face, your fs is madly in love with you. they will love to kiss you on the cheek, your future spouse will love to hold your hand, your fs will love to give you letters with his favorite poems or poems made by themselves. they will like to give you rose petals, daisies and dandelions, your fs will love picnic and dinner dates.

i feel that you are going to know them through your friends, it is as if one of them told you "a friend is coming with us, you don't know them but i don't feel that you will like them, is a bit serious/introverted" and then it will be like BOOM “we are a couple” haha.

in their eyes you are someone out of this world, they see you as a super kind person, people turn to you to listen to them because they feel that you understand them and that will fascinate your fs, you are perfect in their eyes. i feel that you are a person who transmits a lot of peace, your energy is like the energy of a siren, you hypnotize everyone with your presence and i don't think you realize that.

physically your fs looks a lot like milo thatch, they is a very cute person but them intellect makes them so damn sexy. your fs will not only be your fs but will also be your best friend.

angel numbers of this pile:

1023. tells you that your intuition has a role to play in your life.

8. this number strongly resonates with the concept of karma. everything you put on in this world will definitely come back to you in a form or another.

111. try to choose love more often and stay away from low vibration feelings and emotions such as jealousy, anger, sadness, loneliness.

songs that have the same energy of this relationship:

cariño by the marias

fireproof by one direction

swing by danny ocean

what makes you beautiful by one direction

love of my life by harry styles

lover by taylor swift

cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant

channelled stuff of this pile:

round glasses . italian/european vibes . orange . green . feminine and masculine energy very well balanced . libra . cancer . gemini . blue as favorite color . pear-shaped body . straight and bleached hair . ethereal . sea . cave with water . geography . dress with white and beige . blonde hair with waves . compass . anthropology . egypt

thanks for your time pile 1 <3

♡ pile 2

i can't get your future spouse out of my head making the same face as flynn haha. your fs is so damn sarcastic. i really feel that your future spouse is a man since this person has a very strong masculine energy and visually i see a man, but remember that this is a general reading so i will refer to your fs as they.

i recently did an intuitive reading of who your spirit guide is and what they wants to tell you in this new year 2023, the pile 2 of that reading can resonate a loooot with you, if it catches your attention you can check it here: X. i really feel that it is the same person from that reading and i say that because i can smell the same perfume as when i did that reading. they smells so good. your fs will be so kind and respectful with all the members of your family, your mother will be fascinated that this person is your spouse.

they gives me a lot of sugar daddy vibes buuut i don't think they is much older than you, i see 2-5 years of age gap. they is going to want to have a lot of dates with you before being an official couple (and of course they will also love dating you after being an official couple). your fs is going to try to get your attention a lot without being invasive. they will treat you like a princess and will want to help you in everything they can, in your work, in your school projects, they will want to pick you up from work or wherever you are. your fs will love to dance with you. i just heard "that's my girl" they will be so proud of you. you two are so alike. they will love to tease you but when you do it they will be very shy and nervous, they will not accept it but they will love it. you two will be a successful and luxurious couple, they will love to spoil you, your fs will love to give you gifts and let me tell you that their gifts to you will be so expensive. the dates that they will love to have with you are going to eat at a fancy restaurant and drink champagne, dates on a yacht? i repeat it to you one more time, they are so wealthy.

without a doubt you two are soulmates and i would venture to say that you are probably twin flames, but not that kind of chaotic twin flames. i feel that you two individually have reached such a high point of healing and spirituality that the only word to describe your connection is peace, and you will only come together to enjoy each other's company and spend the rest of your lives in such a peaceful and happy way.

angel numbers of this pile:

1122. is all about striking out on a new life path with the knowledge that you will be fully supported and assisted by your angels and spiritual protectors.

321. this number comes your way to remind about the importance of rest. yes, work is good, and you need to work hard. but, ever so often, you need to take a step back to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor. working too hard without rest is a sure way to burn out.

1111. seeing this number is a clear message from the universe that it is time to find your own truth and align it with your life, your thoughts and your actions.

songs that have the same energy of this relationship:

suga suga by baby bash, frankie j

the boy is mine by brandy

into you by ariana grande

34+35 by ariana grande

finesse by bruno mars, cardi b

that’s my girl by fifth harmony

love me harder by ariana grande, the weekend

channelled stuff of this pile:

taurus . sagittarius . gemini . north of italy. business . lawyer . black suit . white and flowery dress . honey . very well worked masculine energy

thanks for your time pile 2 <3

♡ pile 3

i feel that you can be a person who does not believe in love? or you think it's something silly and that it doesn't exist? but inside you know well that your soul deeply desires to find your true love. if you do not identify with what i just said then those may be the thoughts of your future partner. am i channeling a twin flame connection?😯😳🤭

this energy is so chaotically beautiful, the same soul that is in two different bodies that all they want is to learn from each other in order to heal each other to their maximum level. i turned to look at the clock and it's 12:21, literally you are each other's mirror.

the energy/idea that your FS has of love is exactly like the song that megara sings "i won't say i am in love" but not from the perfective of negation, they see love from a sad perfective. they believe that love exists but it does not exist for them, they do not feel worthy of being loved and believe that if they are loved, no one will love them as they wish but then you will come into their life, making them known that there is someone in this world who loves them exactly as they wish. i must say that no one else is going to be able to heal you more than yourself, but in this case you will be that "healing" part and above all you will help them to open their knowledge related to love.

from your point of view, you see love from a perspective of teaching, companionship and growth. when you meet your fs your soul will be so happy to find who you always wanted to have as a spouse, you will not see any negative part in your fs but it will be hard for them because they will believe that they are not worthy of this love, this phase of the relationship reminds me a lot of steve lacy’s song called dark red, having a constant fear that your partner could replace you, that's what you fs is going to think although that replacement thought will never pass through your head. this person is your dream come true.

but don't worry, that phase of the relationship is just a point of learning and healing, after this everything will be fine. your fs will understand that they is worthy of this love that you will give them and they will be able to see life and especially love from a point of view of happiness. you love each other from the soul, your love was written in the stars. i must admit it, this pile 3 is my favorite.

angel numbers of this pile:

1203. take care of your partner. through words and actions, let them know that you don’t take them for granted. love is a beautiful thing; a special gift from heaven. your angels are asking you to appreciate this special gift.

1221. the journey of twin flames is not always a smooth one. it is laden with hardships and difficulties, and only the very strong can withstand the kind of challenges it presents. angel number 1221 encourages you to devote yourself to this journey because it could be just what you need to make your life better and more fulfilling. your connection with your twin flame will be stronger than it has ever been.

6. this message might represent your desires to have your own family, to have a child or something related to your home or family that needs your attention.

songs that have the same energy of this relationship:

505 by arctic monkeys

don’t give up on us by journey

another love by tom odell

fine line by harry styles

what is love? by twice

i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys

give you the world by steve lacy

channelled stuff of this pile:

curly hair . south of asia . glasses . phone in hands . “they love me or they don't love me”. one is taller than the other . hugging while walking . "i'm proud of you" . "i want to marry you" . ring . strong feminine energy . arab

thanks for your time pile 3 <3

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cal-daisies-and-briars · 6 months ago

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Music Monday Tuesday

Thank you @your-catfish-friend for tagging me!

Rules: Choose a few fics you wrote that were inspired by a song - not just with song lyrics in title - and share the tune and the link to the fics. If anyone wants to guess which goes with which go for it in comments or tags!

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This is hard because most of mine are directly using the titles... So INSTEAD what I am going to do is link some less popular songs that inspired fics to the fic (so NOT my Taylor Swift name fics).

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Nothing Left But You

In May of 2021, 25% of Earth's population suddenly disappears. Including Eddie.

In May of 2026, they all come back.

Eddie finds himself suddenly in the middle of a world he doesn't recognize, where the people he loves most have changed significantly.

Any Other Way (ongoing)

In a switcheroo alternate universe, Buck spends young adulthood in the military, while Eddie, who has no idea Christopher exists, spends his twenties messing around, finally enjoying freedom away from his family’s expectations. When they both end up in Los Angeles, at the 118, some things are different, and others will be the same in any universe.

Got Weird

Shortly after Buck and Natalia break up, Eddie gets tipsy and makes a rather forward move. Then immediately panics (not that Eddie panics, of course) and backpedals. Eddie spirals, Buck is confused. Lots of spontaneous kissing ensues.

Claim Your Ghost

After a near death experience on a call, Eddie starts having strange hallucinations of people who have died. There’s definitely no way he’s seeing ghosts, right? Because Eddie doesn’t believe in ghosts…

Winter Prayer

When a work conflict prevents Athena from accompanying Bobby to Minnesota for the ten year anniversary of his family dying, Buck and May offer to go instead. Over the course of the trip, they all learn more about each other, and Bobby faces his grief.

Why Not Take All of Me?

When a small disaster strikes the morning of Maddie and Chimney's wedding, Buck, Hen, and Chim find themselves unwittingly caught up in an emergency across town, while Maddie and Eddie get stuck in an elevator.

Fuck Up the Friendship (my first ever fic)

Eddie and Buck respond to a call where one best friend confesses their love to another - leading to a pretty awkward argument between them, and maybe more?

Me and Lazarus

As Buck lays comatose after being struck by lightning, Maddie reflects on the life of the first brother she lost, how that impacted her life, and the ways grief has shaped them both.

Cowboy With a One Track Mind (ongoing)

Spin-off Sequel to Evan Buckley & the Coma-Verse of Madness - Chapter 7 (Land):

Grieving and tortured, Evan Buckley has been living alone in Montana in a remote cabin for nearly a decade. After an incident that leaves him missing six months of his life, and suddenly in connection with a group of strangers from Los Angeles, Evan must decide whether to remain in his self-imposed exile, or take a chance at life again.

a mouth full of teeth and nothing to sing

Post 07x03, Hen struggles to process the cruise ship rescue and drunk driver call in the midst of ongoing tension with her friends.

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Tagging @pantsaretherealheroes @jeeyuns @aroeddiediaz @exhuastedpigeon @theotherbuckley

@diazsdimples @steadfastsaturnsrings @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @mangacat201 @daughterofscotland

@madneywedding @evanbegins @tizniz @wildlife4life @buckleybabyblues

@bidisasterevankinard @adarkermiserablecrow

#daisies and briars writes #911 fanfic #Spotify

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opposingsigns · 2 years ago

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And isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me. "Invisible String", Taylor Swift

Oh, what do I say about this piece? Simply? Because I guess for some people these are just hands. On the other, 2 years ago on a cold October morning I remember thinking “I want a story where I feel seen. I want characters I can relate to that are allowed more than just a sideline role- but also get to have a happy ending.” It’s silly, but I remember google recommending MDZS and I somehow got confused and ended up reading the first 3 chapters of TGCF 😂😂

I fell in love with the story, the way the characters were told, and after finishing the novel I couldn’t get the words out of my head, “what matters is you, not the state of you.” I don’t know how to do this without being a little dark and personal, but maybe the scariest thing on Halloween is seeing the thing for what it is: and without going too deeply the Blackwater Arc was a little too close to home. Is it silly to say I looked at myself and said “did I make this happen by reading this book? Is it my fault?” as if I summoned the 48 hours of hell out of the novel to me. But instead I realized “maybe, the book helped you recognize something you didn’t see before.”

I like to think that TGCF came to me, in the weird random way that it did, because I needed to see it first. I needed to see that even if it’s scary, if the Wind Master survived so could I- especially when they were in a position I had been in. And most most importantly, I needed the hope that for everything that ends, there is unconditional love and support that exists out there waiting for you to feel it. Soulmates are the making of endless choices to say “yes, I am here, and I am choosing to be here every single step of the way”. And maybe Fate are the things that pull those events and people together, just like Hualian.

And maybe I’m a silly romantic with an attachment to a book that got me through it lol. I mean, would my middle name really be Destiny if I didn’t believe the universe loves us so?

Also if you like this it would be cool if you didn't steal it :) like that would be nice

Part of jamiedraws_ MXTX-tober prompts from 2022. Day 22: Destiny/Soulmate

(insta) (twitter)

#mxtxtober #mxtx #mo xiang tong xiu #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #hob #heaven officials blessing #hua cheng #xie lian #hualian #red string of fate #mxtx fanart #mxtx novels #my art

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thebisexualswiftie · 9 months ago

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What's the word for it?

Do you believe in love, Eden? If yes, then please do tell me what the word opposite to that of soulmates is. If soulmates do exist in other alternate universes, then do people like you and me who hate each other also exist in every other universe?

You, to many people, Eden are the epitome of a perfect person. But to me, you are not. I notice your flaws. You make the mistake of being kind, forgiving, and trustful every time in every universe. That maybe, is your only flaw. And that probably is also the reason you hate me now. It's because I see that one tiny dot of imperfection in you while others are blind to it.

I am the yin among the yangs or perhaps, I do not even have that tiny little dot of good left in me. But, you, Eden somehow manage to find the righteousness in me. That's the reason I hate you. I despise you for that. But I also like to think that we find each other in every universe.

In one universe, I'm a ghost. You, a girl, as innocent as ever, end up trusting me and I lure you into thinking that I'm a human capable of love. I on the other hand, end up betraying you and sucking the life out of you and enforce your soul to be tarnished and destroy it. I hate how close to reality this hits.

In another universe, you are a miner and I am the gold mine. That sounds tempting, doesn't it? You make the sore mistake of believing in me and ask your soul, the Canary to delve deeper into me, thinking it would find shelter, solace and peace in me. The canary, seeing the golden bits, thinks it's a mate for him. But alas! It's just me. I choke him to death, for, I have no breath left in me. I'm just a void. And I kill your soul.

In an alternate universe, you are a diligent sequoia tree and I'm an orchid. You think I'm a vine and let me grow on you. But oh, Eden, why do you never learn? I'm a mere parasite. I take every bit of life you have within yourself and I make you hollow.

In another life, you are a mouse and I am the food you have searched for, for days. But you fail to see the other part of me. I am, in reality a trap set up for you and you decide to see me as something desirable. I kill you. Again.

If you are a butterfly caught in a web, I am the spider who precariously wove it to trap you. If you are a budding sapling, I am the tyre that rolled over you only to leave you crushed to the ground. If you are a lonely traveller, lost in a desert, quenching with thirst, I'm the mirage that fooled you into thinking that I am oh so slightly useful. I am incapable of love, Eden. And that's why it's easier to choose hate over love.

And despite the fact that I say I hate you, I would be lying if I said that I do not love you anymore. I admire you, Eden.

All my enemies started out as friends and you, Eden are my best friend. You, Eden, will always be the love of my life. You are the only one who has ever seen me as something that can be healed. You ache and burn for me when you are the person who deserves to be ached and burned for.

There's this thin line between soulmates and people who hate each other and we, Eden, have unfortunately crossed the line and are on the latter side. So, what's the word for it?

With love hate,

Taylor.

P.S. This is slightly inspired by Champagne problems by Taylor Swift and the rest is my mind playing games with me .

Also, the art work is original. And I draw with my fingers on my phone as I do not own an iPad or a stylus so, please don't be critical! I just draw and write stuff for fun. :)

#original art #original character #champagne problems #taylor swift

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thosefookinavacados · 2 years ago

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i'm sorry i just had to when i saw this gif lmao!! anywayssss HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBIE <333 i thought it was only right to wish you on tumblr once again since this is where we met!!

in just a year you've literally become my ride or die. you've taught me so much about myself and truly made me unapologetic, be it about feeling my feelings or standing up for myself. you've never once made me feel like i had to be anyone except myself around you, in fact when i'm not myself, you're the first one to tell me to get my head out of my ass.

we really fucking connected from the start didn't we? be it that first text, that first call or even the gc. you never fucking gave up on me even at the absolute worst times and trust me there have been loads this past year. you were there everyday just choosing me and i hadn't had anyone do that for me in such a long time, i didn't believe i deserved it. especially from someone like you who was so fucking sure of themselves.

you made me realize that being bubbles was okay and that i didn't need to pretend to be buttercup. (also remind me to tell @suesheroll she's the blossom in our trio). you like me be whiny and you let me complain and you let me truly just BE. for once in my life, i didn't have to hold my breath just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

your friendship, your presence in my life, your existence is the reason i am who i am today. i proudly wear my heart on my sleeve because i know you'll be there to virtually punch whoever did me wrong or for me to cry to. on days i don't want to get out of bed, i do it because i'm hoping one of these days in the future, i'll be on a flight to come see you, wherever you end up.

you've seen me through panic attacks and anxiety attacks and barely breathing laugh attacks. you've seen me when i'm excited, when i'm frustrated and especially when i'm fucking exhausted (which is pretty much all the time). and you've been there every time i needed you. you've been there even when i tried to push you away. (tried to being the keyword obvs).

here's to celebrating more anniversaries and more birthdays!! here's to more spontaneous karaoke sessions and first album listen text rants!! here's to more video calls and even more long paras!! i love you to the end of the universe and back <333 have a great one today!!!

Budday ke din koi rulata hai kya 🥺

I legit don’t know what to say except i love you. SO much like my love for u is bigger than the entire universe. And yes here’s to more playlists, more Taylor Swift, even longer video calls and longer paragraphs. I love you so much. Thank you ❤️❤️❤️

And yes me, u and @suesheroll best trio known to mankind

LOVE U MY BUBBLES MWAH 😘 ❤️❤️❤️

#ananya tag #for rainy days

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my-weird-news · 1 year ago

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🔥 Mind-Blowing Zendaya Facts You Won't Believe Exist! 😱

Zendaya: More Than Just Spider-Man's Sidekick So, imagine this: a dazzling starlet, like a shooting star in high heels, swishes into Hollywood, and we're all left standing there blinking, wondering if we accidentally walked into a magical realm. That's Zendaya for you! 🌟 Collaborating with Beyoncé and Taylor Swift? Check! Playing MJ in the Spider-Man flicks? Checkerooni! A show-stopping duet with Zac Efron in The Greatest Showman? Check, check, and check! Oh, and did I mention she's got more Instagram followers than you can shake a selfie stick at? But hold onto your wigs, because there's more to Zendaya than meets the eye! 1. Name Game Magic Zendaya! It rolls off the tongue like chocolate syrup on a pancake stack. She's rocking the whole one-name thing, channeling her inner Cher and Prince. I mean, if you're cool enough to rock one name, you've basically won life's golden ticket, right? 2. Siblings and Time Traveling Aunthood Zendaya’s family tree is like a complex math problem. She's an only child from one side and has five siblings from the other. But here's the plot twist: she was born an aunt! Yep, nephews and nieces older than her. Time-traveling aunt, anyone? 🕰️ 3. From Hollywood to... NBA? In an alternate universe, Zendaya could be teaching us the ABCs or slam dunking in the NBA. I can't decide if I'd pay more for an education from her or courtside seats at her basketball games. 4. Circus Extraordinaire Remember The Greatest Showman? Well, Zendaya didn't just swing by – she swung in! Doing most of her own trapeze stunts, she defied gravity like a superhero. Move over, Spidey, we've got a trapeze-rocking sensation in town! 5. Midnight and Noon Chronicles First, there was Midnight, the schnauzer. But life's a crazy rollercoaster, and Midnight made her exit. Now we have Noon, the schnauzer. It's like she's running her own doggy daycare – Midnight gets the night shift, Noon takes over during the day. 🐶 6. Alita vs. Zendaya: Battle of the Dream Roles Zendaya once auditioned for Alita: Battle Angel, but lost out to Rosa Salazar. Who'd be better? It's like choosing between chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream. Why not just have both, Hollywood? 7. Spidey's Misunderstood Casting Imagine being cast in Spider-Man but thinking you're signing up for a teen comedy set in a school. Zendaya, you've officially got the casting plot twist of the century! 8. Teen Prodigy and Script Whisperer At sweet sixteen, most of us were worried about algebra tests. Zendaya? Oh, she was starring in KC Undercover and basically rewriting the script while at it. Like, who even needs to study for finals, right? 9. Fashion Fearlessness Zendaya's parents gave her fashion freedom since she was a toddler. Yep, she was basically the original toddler influencer. She draws style inspiration from legends like Madonna, Erykah Badu, and her own dad. Fashion game strong since day one! 10. Oscars and Barbie: A Match Made in Glitter Heaven Mattel turned Zendaya's Oscars look into a limited-edition Barbie doll. It's like a sparkly dream come true – now you can recreate that Oscars night and, well, maybe throw in some Ken doll drama for extra flair. 11. Birthday Bash for a Cause Who needs cake and candles when you can launch a $50,000 fundraising campaign for women's rights? Zendaya's way of celebrating her 20th birthday is basically superhero status. 12. Veggie Lover, Pizza Enthusiast Zendaya's a vegetarian, but the catch is, she's not a huge fan of veggies. It's like being a lifeguard who's afraid of water. But hey, pizza is basically a vegetable, right? 13. Actress, Singer, and... Author? Zendaya's a triple threat, but wait, there's more! She's also an author. Her book, Between U and Me: How to Rock Your Tween Years with Style and Confidence, is like the ultimate guide to surviving those awkward years with pizzazz. 14. Superstition and Black Cats Zendaya's got her superstitions on point. Spilled salt? Check. Avoiding black cats? Check. But let's see if she's ready to cross paths with Black Cat in the MCU. Marvel, are you listening? 15. The Natural Beauty Crusader Zendaya's all about embracing the beauty within. She even posted a before-and-after pic – no Photoshop needed. Her message? Love yourself, because you're fabulous just the way you are. So there you have it, a whirlwind tour through the world of Zendaya, where the impossible becomes the everyday and the extraordinary becomes the norm. It's like living in a pop culture tornado – and we wouldn't have it any other way! 🌪️# Zendaya: More Than Just Spider-Man's Sidekick So, imagine this: a dazzling starlet, like a shooting star in high heels, swishes into Hollywood, and we're all left standing there blinking, wondering if we accidentally walked into a magical realm. That's Zendaya for you! 🌟 Collaborating with Beyoncé and Taylor Swift? Check! Playing MJ in the Spider-Man flicks? Checkerooni! A show-stopping duet with Zac Efron in The Greatest Showman? Check, check, and check! Oh, and did I mention she's got more Instagram followers than you can shake a selfie stick at? But hold onto your wigs, because there's more to Zendaya than meets the eye! 1. Name Game Magic Zendaya! It rolls off the tongue like chocolate syrup on a pancake stack. She's rocking the whole one-name thing, channeling her inner Cher and Prince. I mean, if you're cool enough to rock one name, you've basically won life's golden ticket, right? 2. Siblings and Time Traveling Aunthood Zendaya’s family tree is like a complex math problem. She's an only child from one side and has five siblings from the other. But here's the plot twist: she was born an aunt! Yep, nephews and nieces older than her. Time-traveling aunt, anyone? 🕰️ 3. From Hollywood to... NBA? In an alternate universe, Zendaya could be teaching us the ABCs or slam dunking in the NBA. I can't decide if I'd pay more for an education from her or courtside seats at her basketball games. 4. Circus Extraordinaire Remember The Greatest Showman? Well, Zendaya didn't just swing by – she swung in! Doing most of her own trapeze stunts, she defied gravity like a superhero. Move over, Spidey, we've got a trapeze-rocking sensation in town! 5. Midnight and Noon Chronicles First, there was Midnight, the schnauzer. But life's a crazy rollercoaster, and Midnight made her exit. Now we have Noon, the schnauzer. It's like she's running her own doggy daycare – Midnight gets the night shift, Noon takes over during the day. 🐶 6. Alita vs. Zendaya: Battle of the Dream Roles Zendaya once auditioned for Alita: Battle Angel, but lost out to Rosa Salazar. Who'd be better? It's like choosing between chocolate cake and chocolate ice cream. Why not just have both, Hollywood? 7. Spidey's Misunderstood Casting Imagine being cast in Spider-Man but thinking you're signing up for a teen comedy set in a school. Zendaya, you've officially got the casting plot twist of the century! 8. Teen Prodigy and Script Whisperer At sweet sixteen, most of us were worried about algebra tests. Zendaya? Oh, she was starring in KC Undercover and basically rewriting the script while at it. Like, who even needs to study for finals, right? 9. Fashion Fearlessness Zendaya's parents gave her fashion freedom since she was a toddler. Yep, she was basically the original toddler influencer. She draws style inspiration from legends like Madonna, Erykah Badu, and her own dad. Fashion game strong since day one! 10. Oscars and Barbie: A Match Made in Glitter Heaven Mattel turned Zendaya's Oscars look into a limited-edition Barbie doll. It's like a sparkly dream come true – now you can recreate that Oscars night and, well, maybe throw in some Ken doll drama for extra flair. 11. Birthday Bash for a Cause Who needs cake and candles when you can launch a $50,000 fundraising campaign for women's rights? Zendaya's way of celebrating her 20th birthday is basically superhero status. 12. Veggie Lover, Pizza Enthusiast Zendaya's a vegetarian, but the catch is, she's not a huge fan of veggies. It's like being a lifeguard who's afraid of water. But hey, pizza is basically a vegetable, right? 13. Actress, Singer, and... Author? Zendaya's a triple threat, but wait, there's more! She's also an author. Her book, Between U and Me: How to Rock Your Tween Years with Style and Confidence, is like the ultimate guide to surviving those awkward years with pizzazz. 14. Superstition and Black Cats Zendaya's got her superstitions on point. Spilled salt? Check. Avoiding black cats? Check. But let's see if she's ready to cross paths with Black Cat in the MCU. Marvel, are you listening? 15. The Natural Beauty Crusader Zendaya's all about embracing the beauty within. She even posted a before-and-after pic – no Photoshop needed. Her message? Love yourself, because you're fabulous just the way you are. So there you have it, a whirlwind tour through the world of Zendaya, where the impossible becomes the everyday and the extraordinary becomes the norm. It's like living in a pop culture tornado – and we wouldn't have it any other way! 🌪️ Read the full article

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joealwyndaily · 3 years ago

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Joe Alwyn currently occupies one of the strangest spaces in the greater celebrity matrix. He’s not yet the sort of movie star your parents would recognize at the airport and text you about, nor does he have the box-office draw of a Chalamet or Pattinson, at least not yet. The 31-year-old has been working steadily in film and television since his straight-out-of-British-drama-school debut as the lead in Ang Lee’s 2016 high-def experiment Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk. He racked up a series of well-received supporting roles in big period Oscar dramas and small critically appreciated indies, usually playing a Ken-doll-faced dick (Harriet, Operation Finale, Boy Erased, The Last Letter From Your Lover) or a blushing Brit from a bygone era (The Sense of an Ending, The Favourite, The Souvenir Part II, Mary Queen of Scots). Now, his first lead role since Billy, in Hulu’s second Sally Rooney adaptation, Conversations With Friends, threatens to make him fully Recognizable to Moms.

For a specific and rather substantial subset of the global population, however, Alwyn is not only a household name but a dinner-table centerpiece. To Google him is to stare straight into the stan-culture abyss. Lengthy YouTube videos are dedicated to his rare and rather unremarkable public interactions with his overwhelmingly famous longtime girlfriend — “Taylor Swift turns around to look at her boyfriend, Joe Alwyn, and sticks her tongue out at him” — or to the opaque references the two have made to the mere fact of each other’s existence. Breathless lists of “everything Taylor and Joe have said about their private relationship” abound in the Us Weekly universe. Alwyn is left to choose his words and body language wisely or risk their becoming permanent parts of the elaborate Swiftian canon. The man is not simply well-versed in the art of concealment; he is the Criss Angel of conversational dynamics. In interviews, he often demonstrates an ability to politely answer a question while revealing absolutely nothing about himself, sometimes even backtracking mid-answer to negate a benign detail. (From a recent piece in Mr. Porter: “Well, do you like football?” asks the reporter. “Football?” replies Alwyn. “Yeah. Am I allowed to say those kinds of things?”)

Yet he believes he has gotten better at the whole press thing over the years. “I don’t think I don’t enjoy interviews,” he says carefully. “I think I have seemed guarded.” He definitely “would like to not seem so guarded in them.” I can see those contradicting desires roiling inside Alwyn now, sitting across from him on the patio at Fairfax, in the West Village, for lunch. His energy is vaguely uncomfortable but determined, like that of someone preparing to swim laps in the English Channel in January to prove something to themselves. Perhaps sensing he has already revealed too much, he falls back on one of his tried-and-true lines: “If you were to ask a stranger on the street questions about their private life, let alone with the intent to then post it everywhere, why would that person not be like, ‘Sorry, what, why?’ So why would I not be like that?” He points at a woman sitting across the way from us who is, to my knowledge, not on a press tour. “I’m not going to go over there and ask that woman about her personal life.” “Actually, maybe you should,” I suggest. “I mean, I might do later,” he says, now looking cheered. “I’ll just holler across the street.”

Alwyn orders a Guinness (which is not available, so he opts for an IPA) after confirming I will also be drinking. “I’m just clinging on to that Irishness,” he says, referring to the five months he spent filming Conversations With Friends in Belfast. I start with some simple questions — When did he realize he wanted to act? What was he like as a child? “See, these are the questions I find hard,” he says. Was he introverted? Outgoing? Sporty? “I was on the introverted side but not a crippling introvert. Like an extroverted introvert,” he answers. “Is that allowed?”

In small spurts, I learn Alwyn was “not hammy” as a youth — instead, he was the family baby, “displaced” at age 12 by a new sibling, and an athlete who realized what he really wanted was to act. He kept his burning theatrical desires quiet, à la Zac Efron in High School Musical. He admits to an early obsession with Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet and talks joyfully about how he was brought up watching “random French movies” with his documentary-filmmaker father and psychotherapist mother. Occasionally, he broke free from the chains of jockdom and played Banquo in a version of Macbeth performed entirely on Rollerblades, and Snowy the dog in a production of Tintin despite looking exactly like Tintin: “Snowy was more of a stretch.”

Alwyn says he “secretly would look up drama schools online” as a teenager. Once in university, he applied to four and was rejected by all but one. He was yanked out in his last year by Lee, who had fought with the studio to cast an unknown as the naïve, PTSD-ridden Billy Lynn. “It was terrifying and surreal and happened so quickly,” Alwyn remembers. Critics were almost unilaterally derisive of the film, but Alwyn was praised for his naturalism, his believable innocence, and, per one review, a “cuteness roughly akin to that of Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting.” Like most things that have happened to Alwyn, that image has proved to be both a boon and a curse. Directors feel they must either play off it directly (place him somewhere in the past when evidently it was more normal to look like that; make him the evil, rich trophy husband to 1960s amnesia victim Shailene Woodley; cast him as Margot Robbie’s devoted, winsome courtier) or subvert it (he looks this way because he is an actual Nazi). Before filming Billy Lynn, Lee had been concerned that Alwyn was “too handsome” to play a run-of-the-mill contemporary dude; ultimately, he decided Alwyn’s face is “so compelling it doesn’t matter.”

The conversation about his looks gets meta in Conversations. In the series, he plays Nick, an emotionally walled-off, married, 30-something actor who begins an affair with a college student and slowly lets his guard down. His character is a classically attractive, heavily restrained man with hidden depths who struggles to be taken seriously while everyone around him says stuff about his face. In one scene, he and his paramour, Frances, are bidding each other farewell after a drawn-out romp when she blurts out, “You’re so handsome.” Nick turns pink. “I thought you were attracted to my personality,” he jokes half-heartedly. “Do you even have one?” replies Frances, who then looks equally humiliated. Alwyn begins mock-pulling at his cheeks and widening his eyes at any talk of said face. “Two eyes, one nose, one mouth,” he says. “I don’t know what to say.” But did he relate to that moment with Nick and Frances? “It’s not something I wrestled with,” he says, studying me as he spoons up some steak tartare. He tenses a bit. “What are you trying to get me to say about my face?” I explain that I have no specific face-related agenda, and he visibly relaxes. “No, sorry, I’m sure,” he says. “I would much rather work with an interesting director in a smaller, weirder, darker part, than something big and obvious and getting typecast just for the sake of it.”

COVID had messed up his plans to star in an “Emily Brontë origin story,” so he put himself on tape for Conversations director Lenny Abrahamson one weekend at an unnamed friend’s “beautiful, immaculate” house. Thinking he needed to look older than his three decades to play the mid-30s Nick, he went upstairs to find a jacket from his friend’s “older husband,” where he found a paperback copy of Conversations With Friends lying on the bedroom floor. He got the part a week later. “I’m not superstitious,” he adds, before spending the next five minutes discussing the things he actually is superstitious about — namely, and randomly, magpies. (“If I see one, I’m like, ‘Oh, shit,’” he says, whipping out his phone to show me a photo of a magpie, appearing genuinely thrilled to be talking about this.)

Alwyn’s performance in Conversations is his best yet. He’s convincing as a sensitive, depressive guy who desperately wants to open up to someone but doesn’t quite know if it’s safe to do so. The role is bold. There are more sex scenes per capita in this series than anything he has ever done, scenes of the caliber and intimacy that turned Paul Mescal, the previously unknown star of Hulu’s first Rooney adaptation, Normal People, into an icon of early-pandemic-era sensuality. “When they sent the audition, they said, just as a heads up, that it would be to sign up for the possibility of full frontal,” Alwyn says, though he ended up going tush-only. Is he prepared to be the subject of a new type of public frenzy? “To be honest, I forget that other people will see it.”

In the summer of 2020, Swift surprise-released the Grammy-winning album Folklore. Fans speculated endlessly about the identity of William Bowery, a mysterious co-writer on two songs. That November, Swift revealed that Bowery was in fact Alwyn and that the pair had taken up songwriting together in quarantine. I assume Alwyn will give me one of his speak-arounds on the subject. Instead, he leans forward, putting his English Channel–swimming face back on. “What would you like to know?”

Although he grew up playing a bit of piano and was the guitarist in a “crappy school band called Anger Management,” Alwyn doesn’t consider himself a musician or songwriter and insists that he is, in fact, an awful singer. He was merely “messing around” on the piano when Swift heard and walked over, intrigued. He had been singing the fully formed first verse to the song that became “Exile.” (Bon Iver handles the male vocals on the final version.) “It was completely off the cuff, an accident,” he says, shrugging. “She said, ‘Can we try and sit down and get to the end together?’ And so we did. It was as basic as some people made sourdough.”

I press him on this point — he wrote an entire verse to a Taylor Swift song without trying? “Who doesn’t walk around the house singing?” he asks. I explain that it’s unusual for hit songs to spring forth like that from nonmusicians’ heads. He says he wasn’t trying to write to Swift’s personal sound but had been listening to a lot of the National (Aaron Dessner ended up producing the album). Alwyn wrote the chorus for “Betty” just as casually, albeit less soberly: “I’d probably had a drink and was just stumbling around the house. We couldn’t decide on a film to watch that night, and she was like, ‘Do you want to try and finish writing that song you were singing earlier?’ And so we got a guitar and did that.”

Initially, Alwyn didn’t want his name credited, anticipating that what he describes as the “clickbait conversation” would distract people from actually listening to the music. So he went by William Bowery as a nod to his music-composer great-grandfather and the Manhattan street. But then he recognized the “clickbait conversation” was happening anyway — “I don’t say that vainly,” he adds quickly — so why not let the world know it was him? He stresses his blissful ignorance of, say, those videos dissecting his relationship with Swift: “I’m aware of those when people tell me in these situations.” It seems like a healthy, practiced denial; he has worked at tuning this shit out because otherwise he might never utter a single syllable again. And despite having a face that launched a thousand Swift songs, at certain angles in his normal-boy outfit, he does have a certain ability to blend. None of the other 30-somethings lunching at Fairfax seem to have any clue who he is. “I suppose it’s not as if you’re Jennifer Lopez,” I joke. “I beg to differ,” he shoots back with a laugh. “I am Jennifer Lopez.” I start to warm to Alwyn. He knows that what he wants (privacy) and what he has to do (publicity) are fundamentally at odds and has embraced that contradiction with dry, charming wit.

We’ve finished our food, which means the moment we’ve both been dreading can no longer be avoided. “You have things you have to ask,” says Alwyn, folding his hands together. “And I’ll either choose to answer or not.” I look him gamely in the face and ask if he is, indeed, betrothed to marry one Taylor Alison Swift. He exhales. “The truth is,” he begins, “if I had a pound coin for every time someone told me I’ve been engaged or I’m getting engaged, I would have a lot of pound coins. If the answer was yes, I wouldn’t say. If the answer is no, I wouldn’t say.” I’m struck briefly speechless. It is perhaps the best non-answer I have ever received. I ask him how often he’s practiced it, and he explains that recently, back home in the U.K., a journalist had tried to sneakily phrase the engagement as a statement rather than a question. “You’re not the first person to ask,” he says. His tone conveys that he understands I will also not be the last.

Before I release Alwyn back into the wild, I ask why, in one of his rare forays into celebrity endorsement — a perfectly confusing Tom Ford perfume commercial — he appears physically appalled by the sight of his own neck in the mirror as he sprays himself with the scent. “How dare you!” he says, laughing, looking both offended and delighted. “If that’s not how everyone puts perfume on themselves, then I’ve been lied to.” He suddenly remembers his professional obligations: “Tom Ford’s amazing as a person.” He stands up and bids me a polite farewell. Walking solo toward Tribeca, he is instantly snapped by the paparazzi.

#joe alwyn #interview #vulture

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lilacerull0 · 4 years ago

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LITTLE WOMEN FANFICTION

CHAPTER 1: THE LAKES

Old Souls and Young Hearts

"Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die. I don't belong, and, my beloved, neither do you."

- the lakes, Taylor Swift

The thing about Theodore Laurence is that he's not Theodore Laurence. At least he's not just Theodore Laurence. He is a spectrum. Spectrum of emotions, personalities, timelines and lifetimes. He is so many things that he sometimes feels like he can't carry his own body. There is so much, too much of him. He is everyone, but he is no one. So instead of choosing to be a someone, Laurie chooses (to try) to stop everything from moving. He tries to stop emotions from flowing inside him. He tries to silence his running, devilish, unbearable thoughts. He tries to stop, numb, restrain himself. He tries everything. And everything doesn't work.

Jo March knows Theodore Laurence the way she knows her books. She knows where the rough edges are. She knows where the happy chapters end and where the sad ones begin. But one thing she does not know is how to stop reading a book. Especially if the book seems to be endless.

And somewhere along overwhelming laughs, warm hugs, shared clothes, hands held and lives waiting to unfold, Jo Mach learns how a person does not equal a story. A person is a storybook, each story different, each story complex, each one vivid. Each one true.

Jo March knows this now. But she learned it the hard way. And she desperately wishes she could forget it. The only thing she seems to want these days is to forget.

There is a Laurie and there is a Teddy. There are more people hiding inside Jo's best friend, but she believes these two are the ones every other persona of his orbits around. Out of them all, Teddy is the one she is the most familiar with. Maybe because Teddy is her twin, a flipped image of herself, a character she's so closely intertwined with, she doesn't know where one of them starts and where the other one begins. Teddy is a creature of passion. A passion so big it could destroy him if he let it. He doesn't let it, but it eventually destroys him anyways. And Jo thinks she is the reason why Teddy is dead. Teddy, her Teddy, died on that hill, that malicious place where reality meets its start and dreams meet their end. He died with wind in his hair and fire in his heart.

Teddy didn't love the world and the people around him. He burned for them.

The only thing Jo has left of Teddy are flashbacks. Images of a young boy laying on the grass with his eyes closed, his fingers playing with flowers, his features relaxed, his appearance warm. No obligations, no talks of the future, no proposals, no lost homes. Just her and Teddy, Teddy and her. Them and nothing less. Them and nothing more.

***

Realisations are a thing of adulthood, thinks Jo, she now laying on the grass alone, the same grass she pictures her Teddy on. And the thing she is coming to realise is that there exists reality of the world and there exists reality of her own. Reality of the world is full of people. Hers is full of ghosts.

***

Jo wishes she never had to meet a Laurie. She was perfectly happy with a Teddy. Teddy was a part of her reality(before he too, like Beth, sweet sweet Beth, became a ghost). Laurie wasn't her friend. She always considered "Laurie" to be a part of that universal reality, reality she found herself running away from. Adulthood chased her, but reality was running away from her. It does be like that when you are living from memories. But the walls of her little world do indeed disappear at times. They do that when she least wants them too. And the last time the walls disappear is when she meets a Laurie. Laurie everyone knows and loves. But Laurie's hair is neat. His eyes look old. They look like they have seen much. Learned much. Changed much. His smile is unfamiliar. It can hardly be called a smile. It can't even be called a smirk because a smirk is supposed to be playful. This, this is not playful. This looks forced. It's a smile that she's seen before, usually at public gatherings. It's a smile people put on when they want to appear polite. You will never see that smile hanging from a child's lips. This smile is for adults and adults only. She said "always", promising love and friendship to this stranger wearing the face of a loved one, but she was certain nothing would ever be the same anymore. And she was right.

***

Teddy was an extension of Jo. Or Jo was an extension of Teddy. It's not very easy to tell. Anyhow, they were one and the same. Teddy and Jo wanted the same things. Jo and Teddy craved adventures and freedom. Laurie and Jo are different. Their definition of freedom, different. Their wants and wishes, different.

Castles in the air have fallen down and now, they were castles.

***

Laurie is an adult. And Jo is an adult too.

Laurie accepted the world's reality. Jo, on the other hand, did not.

***

So Jo writes. She writes not to forget, but to let go. To set free. To set them, everyone and everything from "the before", free. And eventually, she succeeds in doing so.

She sets them all free.

***

Long after "Little Women" was published and Jo March had left this world an old happy lady of no one's but her own possession, her words were found on papers scattered across old wooden floors of her home. They were stories, little moments only ink can create a path to. Those moments don't know how time works. They have their personal little timelines of everlasting spirits and evergreen hopes. Existence for them is an immortal, a life an occurring, future merely a concept or an absurd thought.

The writing that was recovered often mentions words such as "sunlight", "laughter" and "youth".

It also mentions a field of wild flowers decorated by not one, but two silhouettes. One resembles a girl and the other resembles a boy(but again, it's not clearly stated who is the boy and who is the girl, and again, it doesn't really matter). One of them is of long limbs, loud laughter and freedom. The other one is of messy hair, eyes bright and smiles too wide for the world. And they are both of memories, fractured dreams, young hearts and old souls.

And under all of this scribbling, stuck under a chair, almost teared down to its core, exists a little note. Even though it's hard to read(or to understand if you're someone coming from the known and the boring and the cold), with a little effort, the note can be translated, and once you manage to do that, you will find the following words:

"And even though tragedy haunts our bones, it is not without a meaning or a greater thought. We existed and if one has to choose between existing and whatever lies behind the existing not, one should choose existing because there was never a concept or a dream or an escape door as beautiful and captivating as that feeling alone."

"I have to say that, although it broke my heart, I was, and still am, glad I was there."

- Markus Zusak

#fanfiction #little women 2019 #little women #my writing #taylor swift #evermore #folklore #louisa may alcott

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divineology · 4 years ago

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♥ SOULMATE PICK A CARD ♥

Welcome to divineology’s pick a card predictions! I asked four questions: who is your soulmate, when/how will you meet, what will your relationship be like, and what will be the end result? I got some pretty clear messages for you, including an affirmation, song, and important numbers to look out for. Pick a lovers card intuitively and then keep reading to see who your soulmate is! I also offer affordable personal readings. If you would like to book a private reading with me, feel free to send me a DM.

♥ PILE 1 -

AFFIRMATION: I know what I want in a relationship and why I want it.

SOULMATE: The Emperor

MEETING: King of Pentacles

RELATIONSHIP: Queen of Pentacles

ENDING: Nine of Pentacles

Your soulmate is a very powerful person, they are financially stable and grounded. They know who they are and what they want in life, and if you want to come into alignment with them then you need to take on a similar attitude. They are loyal and protective, but not in a controlling way because they are good-natured. They could be Capricorn, Aries, Taurus, Aquarius, Cancer, or Virgo (or have these placements in their chart). They are financially abundant because they are goal-oriented and focus heavily on their career, making them triumphant. The Aries energy indicates that they could be quite athletic, they keep their body and health in good shape and are extremely confident. Their shadow side may be that they are not good at expressing their emotions or keep themselves guarded until they feel safe.

You will meet them at a time in your life when you are exuding a similar energy, when you are stable in your career/finances. You may be walking away from an old career/relationship that didn’t serve you and starting fresh. You will meet them through your job when you are working on a new project or enterprise. This is an extremely mature energy, so if you are still young then you may not meet them until later in life. This person will not come in until you match their energy and have your life together.

Since we have both the King and Queen of Pentacles, this indicates divine counterparts. You will both be on the same level of emotional maturity as well as financial stability. Your relationship will be quite mature as well, they will push you to achieve great things. They see your visions and encourage you in your projects. This person will give you a lot of freedom to do your own thing, but you will still feel a sense of security with them. They are very generous so they could bring you a lot of abundance in your life, just make sure you have something to offer too! This person believe in give-and-take. Their love language may be gift-giving.

You two seem to have a happy ending with the Nine of Pentacles! You will feel safe to open up with this person and share your life with them. The only potential problem that could arise is keeping secrets or withholding feelings, but you both should be mature enough to overcome this. As long as neither of you repress your feelings for each other, this relationship will be a success. Marriage or long-term commitment is a strong possibility.

NUMBERS: 3, 4, 7

SONG: invisible string - Taylor Swift

♥ PILE 2 -

AFFIRMATION: Choosing to live freely will lead me to expansion.

SOULMATE: King of Pentacles

MEETING: The Fool

RELATIONSHIP: Three of Swords

ENDING: Knight of Wands

Your soulmate is courageous, intelligent, and business oriented. They are very much a left-brained person and are good at mathematics/economics so they may pursue a career in that. They are likely a Virgo, Sagittarius, Libra, or Gemini (or have these placements in their chart). They are particularly good at multitasking and taking on multiple things at once, they are also good at giving/receiving advice. While they are business oriented, they are not an entirely serious person and they have a good sense of humor. They know how to have fun and have a positive attitude towards life. Their shadow side could be biting off more than they can chew and losing balance, or not having a set plan of action.

You will meet this person in a time in your life when you are actively searching for a partner or a new beginning. You will be embracing your child-like nature and you may neglect your responsibilities for a little while because you want to have fun. Try not to be too careless! You will be more outgoing and attending more social events, that is where you will meet this person.

This relationship will be fast-moving, but something (a third party) may get in the way causing delays. This person may already be in a relationship when you meet them, but they will have developed extremely strong feelings for you. Ultimately, they will break someone’s heart and run away with you.

In the end, you will travel a lot with this person, you will go somewhere far away from home, possibly overseas. You may change residence and live in a completely different country with this person. You will have a lot of adventures together and the energy is very spontaneous. However, having a plan of action is beneficial if you want this to last long-term. This energy seems very youthful and fun, enjoy it!

NUMBERS: 2, 8, 1

SONG: I’m Like A Bird - Nelly Furtado

♥ PILE 3 -

AFFIRMATION: Every relationship I establish is Eternal.

SOULMATE: The Hierophant

MEETING: The Hermit reversed

RELATIONSHIP: Two of Swords reversed

ENDING: The Tower

Your soulmate is indicated by the Hierophant, so they may be very religious or spiritual. They value education and may be currently studying to get a higher degree of learning (or already have their degree). They may pursue a career in teaching or be a professor at a university. They could be a Taurus, Capricorn, Leo, Aquarius or Scorpio (or have these placements in their chart). This is a person with a plan, they know what they want in life and have a set strategy to get it. They are assertive and competitive. Their shadow side may be that they actually enjoy arguing (yes, people like this exist) and when they are bored they could stir up conflict or challenge people.

You will meet them at a time in your life when you are shut off from the world and may have given up trying to find love or “the one.” You may be struggling mentally during this time and not doing so well financially/academically. You won’t feel like seeing anyone at this time, and when you do go outside you will be dressing down as to not draw any attention to yourself. However, the opposite will happen as this person will see your closed-off nature and want to have a bit of fun with you. Imagine your heart has a lock on it but this person has the key. This person may pursue you in a way that may irritate or annoy you, they could poke fun at you and challenge you. However, this is just their way of getting you to open up because they see how closed off you are.

In the beginning of your relationship, you may get into arguments and misunderstandings, but just know that they mean well. This person was put into your life to get you to open up and express your emotions. They will help you change your perspective of love and show you the more light-hearted side of yourself. Unlike others who have misunderstood you, this person will see you for who you truly are. They may play with you and poke fun at you, but you will learn to love their mischievous nature. More and more, you will come out of your shell and you will start to enjoy having fun with this person. They will teach you important lessons and you will learn to appreciate life more.

The end result of this connection is the Tower. This person will trigger past memories and traumas, helping you understand yourself. This may be a past life relationship or someone you are karmically bound to. The foundations of what you knew will be deconstructed and this person will shake up your whole life! However, with deconstruction comes rebuilding. I see you and this person building a solid foundation together from the ground up. You will be learning to love and trust.

NUMBERS: 1, 2, 3, 4, infinity.

Song: I’m with You - Avril Lavigne

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earlgreytea68 · 5 years ago

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A Review of the Fall Out Boy Biography Inevitably Colored by Shippiness Oops But Really Mainly By My Love for Pete Wentz

I don’t even know who the audience is for this monstrosity of a review, nor do I know the audience for this biography, though, so, like, it’s fitting lololol:

I am a new Fall Out Boy fan. I say that because, if anybody was in need of a Fall Out Boy biography, you would think it would be a new fan. AND YET. I’m not entirely sure who the market for this book is, because it isn’t really Fall Out Boy fans of any duration, because not only can everything in the book be easily located with the simplest of Google searches but also there’s so much he leaves out. And what he leaves out is just…so incredibly telling. It’s like, the facts he chooses to highlight are often pointless and random (although thanks for telling me that Pete Wentz’s jeans were so tight he had to perform without underwear, I’m going to think about that a lot now), whereas the facts he leaves out are the ones that lend both complexity and context. Like, this whole book could be Exhibit A in how malleable facts can be. Given the same set of facts, this man and I would tell two very different stories.

At least partly this is because he’s a music critic (I glean from the book) and I’m a creative writer. I believe he is a music critic because he takes care to dedicate a paragraph of musical analysis to every song on their earliest CDs (he loses interest in them over the hiatus, and more on that later). I appreciated this, because I know nothing about music, and I learned a lot about how talented Patrick Stump really is, like, not as a vocalist, because I knew that, or as a musician, because I also knew that, but as a smart, clever songwriter. I don’t know how to critique music, and I was happy this guy was full of praise for what Patrick does. He also pointed out musical hallmarks of theirs – like their tendency to drop the music suddenly for Patrick to sing an a cappella line – and that was the first time I’d ever really thought about them.

He was full of much less praise for Pete’s lyrics, though, and I think that’s because he’s a music person, not a word person. Not that he thought Pete’s lyrics were ever bad but he tended to stay very conventional about them: emo, confessional, dramatic, and ingeniously juxtaposed with Patrick’s clear-as-a-bell voice. He’s kind of obsessed with the contrast between Patrick’s voice and the lyrics he’s singing, whereas I’m much more obsessed with the contrast between Patrick himself in sweater-paws and glasses snarling, “I am your worst nightmare,” like, sweetheart, I doubt it. AND YET HE PULLS IT OFF. Like, that’s so interesting to me, how much Patrick can make himself embody Pete, that act of alchemy where he sings on his behalf, but this book talks less about that than I think it might, mostly because I don’t think this guy really wants to think too hard about how incredibly good Pete’s lyrics actually are. The thing about Pete’s lyrics – he does this, and it’s so clever, it’s killer clever – is you can read them so easily on one very obvious and expected layer, and then there’s always one or two additional meanings tucked underneath them, and you might never stop to think about them, especially if you’ve already written him off, but his lyrics reward careful study and a lot of thought, he specializes in triple entendres, a turn of phrase that spins out into so many meanings, that’s so hard to do and he makes it look so easy that it’s such a simple mistake to dismiss it, to not even see how dense his poetry is. The conventional story on Pete Wentz is he’s good at marketing – marketing the band, marketing himself – and so he spun in circles to keep the spotlight on him and away from Patrick, and that’s definitely one take, and another take would be to point out that the same whirligig sex-symbol tabloid-fodder act also had the side effect of undercutting any tendency to take Pete seriously from a literary point of view, like, so much easier to just say that, in keeping with his goth guyliner, he wept into his inkwell and scrawled messily over parchment. So anyway: criticism #1 of this book is that they should have complemented the music-critic-ness with an English major.

Criticism #2 is that I feel like people always get wrong what appeals to girls, to speak in the massive generalizations of this topic. Like, someone somewhere was like, “Hey, girls like this Fall Out Boy band, it must be because Pete Wentz is hot.” And they’re not wrong about that, exactly, but they always seem to miss how many entangled layers often come with attraction. Like, yeah, sometimes it’s just he’s got nice abs but often there’s a million other things happening there, and one thing I cannot forgive this guy for is not just his failure to engage with Pete’s lyrics on any real level, but how little he also truly examines Pete Wentz’s genuine marketing genius. He’s a music guy: His interest is clearly in Patrick, and also in Joe and Andy, because they’re musicians, and he can wax poetic about them. Pete gets his standard paragraphs: Oh, he chose the right management, the right record label, the right deal. He can pick out a good band, like Panic! or Gym Class Heroes. All of that is true, but none of it really grasps exactly how smart Pete really is. Like, the book hardly mentions at all how much Pete realized immediately the value of internet fandom. When I first fell for Pete Wentz – that first weekend I spent Googling him – what really was the death knell for me was stumbling upon the old FOB Q&As he used to run in the earliest days. And it wasn’t actually his constant leaning into the Peterick shipping with such dead-on unerring understanding of fandom that did it for me (although that was pretty charming, ngl). It was how often teenagers messaged Pete Wentz with their problems, and how patiently he took the time to respond. My boyfriend broke up with me. My grandma just died. I don’t feel like I fit in anywhere. Again and again and again, Pete Wentz took these messages and wrote out detailed, laborious responses. And I know he was a guy angling hard to be famous but not all guys angling hard to be famous realized how important something like this is, this very personal connection, like, above and beyond the bantering and the smirks, and even if you’re doing it entirely for ulterior motives, that’s a ton of emotional labor he was performing. I finished reading those Q&As and thought, God, Pete Wentz must have been exhausted.

And I’m not sure that’s something the bio ever really wrestled with, because it never really talked about that aspect of him. I don��t actually think the bio read anything Pete Wentz has ever posted online, like, not even those basic Q&As that are the easiest thing in the universe to Google, never mind the secret blogs he still has scattered all over the internet with nuggets of lyricism buried in there for Patrick to mine. It’s just so easy to buy into the Peter-Pan, devil-may-care Pete Wentz picture, and for all I know that’s the truest of the pictures, but it’s also undeniable fact that the other side to that was either really cunning and savvy or just a nice guy, and either way it’s another layer to Pete Wentz that gets short shrift in the bio. Which isn’t surprising because although the author clearly appreciates Fall Out Boy the band, the author clearly isn’t fannish at all, whereas it’s pretty abundantly clear Pete Wentz is fannish. He’s unapologetically fannish. He speaks fan language with a fluency that is hard to fake. And he’s astonishingly well-versed in tropes. He’s instinctively good at creating a good story, not just in his lyrics (although he, like Taylor Swift, is adept at tropey lyrics, so it’s no surprise they have a mutual admiration society), but in his life. In addition to the Q&As, that first weekend was full of me being like, …How is this the tropiest thing I’ve ever read??? It’s unsurprising that the bio doesn’t point out all the tropes in the Pete Wentz / Patrick Stump / Fall Out Boy story, because the author isn’t versed in tropes, but Pete Wentz definitely is. He knows how to use words, well. And you wouldn’t necessarily know it to listen to him – he babbles and uses tons of filler phrases and never, ever ask him what his lyrics are about, it’s like trying to have a conversation in Wonderland – but that’s all part of the aw-shucks-sometimes-I-scribble-some-stuff-down-Patrick’s-the-real-genius brand.

Now I am not qualified to write a Fall Out Boy biography and also I don’t know these people and also everything I do know comes from Google but that said, I feel like I do know for a fact some primary source materials that the writer just chose to leave out that really does display how malleable stories can be depending on what you highlight or not. Like, if he didn’t want to draw psychological conclusions based on the facts that’s fair enough. But he also pared back the narrative so drastically that it left off the true meat of it, like, if you read this book you would not necessarily think there was much interesting about these people, whereas if you really dig into everything they’ve got out there, well, you could start to think they’re super-interesting people. But I am a creative writer and this biographer was a music critic. He settles happily into the song analysis but I’m busy connecting dots into a narrative, and life is complicated, it is not a simple narrative, but that impulse underlies most biography, the idea that we can assemble the facts into something that has something to say about a human life. But that act really exists in how you assemble the facts.

~~~~~~~~TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE DISCUSSION~~~~~~~~~~~

A really good example of this is the way the biography deals with the Best Buy incident. Here are the bare facts: Pete Wentz, in a Best Buy parking lot listening to Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah,” took too many Ativan. In a phone call, his manager noticed he was slurring, called his parents, they rushed him to the hospital, he lived. These are the facts that the book gives you, and these are true facts.

If you want to expand slightly upon these bare facts, Pete has given many, many interviews about this incident because he is very open about mental health issues and his bipolar disorder and depressive episodes and anxiety. Pete has said that he’s not sure he was trying to kill himself so much as just make his head quiet for a little while. Pete has said he felt like he was too busy being Pete Wentz for everyone else and he just wanted to rest. These are also facts, although ones I don’t think the biographer truly believes. He does dutifully quote them but he also clearly has his own belief about how much Pete’s telling the truth. Because this is inevitable in any telling of the facts.

If you want to expand slightly upon these facts, you could point out that Pete’s lyrics reflect how noisy his head is (“when this city goes silent, the ringing in my ears gets violent”), which might color how you understand him when he says he just wanted some peace and quiet. You might also point out that, as the bio has already said, Pete was the driving force behind the band’s strategy and it was about to culminate. You might remind the reader that Pete walked away from other possibly very successful careers to do this band (there is much made in the book of the theoretical ease with which Pete could have achieved a soccer career, which made me raise my eyebrows a bit but, you know, Patrick does say Pete’s really, really good at soccer). You might recall that Pete has these kids relying on him whose parents he literally had to persuade to trust him. You might say that so far everything had gone exactly as he planned and he just needed to stick the landing. You might mention the fact that they kept rewriting songs and rewriting songs and rewriting songs; that Pete was in such utter meltdown mode that he was sliding lyrics under Patrick’s door and then retreating, so that the rest of the band never even saw him; that they had scrapped half the album and were furiously writing new music right up until the deadline – all of which are facts not even mentioned. You might say all of those things, because they are indeed all true facts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is appropriate at this point to note that many of these things were simply not germane to the story this biographer was telling, which was a music-critic-focused story. But these things are all incredibly germane to the story *I* would tell, about these four people who found each other, lost each other, and found each other again, and the two people at the center whose creative alchemy was by turns either too dazzling or too explosive and in both incarnations needed to find a way to balance to keep the band afloat. This is the story I would tell, but, to be totally honest, Pete and Patrick’s creative partnership doesn’t really seem to interest the writer of this book. He mentions it vaguely, in passing, once or twice, fairly standard surface proclamations about Pete handling lyrics and Patrick handling music, and Pete drawing the spotlight away from Patrick who didn’t want it. Or he’ll say that the true secret to the band’s success is Patrick’s voice and Pete’s lyrics, like Patrick could be any pretty-enough voice, which I think just isn’t true, there’s so much more to the way they clicked together. I read this great New Yorker article once about how, through history, genius exists in pairs, that often two people need to find each other to push each other to be better than they would ever be apart.

It’s fine to not want to get into that too intensely, it’s just that that means that half the story of Folie goes away, if you’re not focused on how the band was creating. Like, there’s so much about the lead-up to Folie to talk about: Patrick’s control over the music to the exclusion of everyone else, Pete’s worsening prescription pill thing, and the way that their creative partnership seemed to disintegrate while simultaneously leaving no room for Joe or Andy in the band. The book mentions really none of this – nothing about the fact that at one point they had descended into physical altercations over chord progressions; nothing about the story the producer tells that Patrick would get so frustrated after phone calls with Pete that he’d throw things around the studio; nothing about the story that Patrick once told Pete, “I don’t care, I’m going to write a song and call it ‘I Don’t Care,’” such a telling little tale when later Patrick comes to hate the song “I Don’t Care” – so the hiatus feels like it descends out of nowhere, with a paragraph about the fans not liking the album. Which, again, is a true fact, but without the other true facts of the way the entire creative process was crumbling around them, around all of them, it sounds less compelling. The bio does get into Joe wanting to flex his creative muscles more but doesn’t connect it back to the Folie era of being shut-out. The hiatus becomes entirely about Patrick not liking being booed.

Even worse to me is the book devotes a lot of time to each of their music videos, which is awesome, because their videos are important and great, but it devotes exactly zero time to the video for “What a Catch, Donnie.” And I’m so bewildered by that, you can have a field day with the symbolism in that video, even if you want to just make a true factual statement about its plot: Patrick collects all of the detritus of Fall Out Boy and all of their friends come and party with him, while Pete goes down with a sinking ship all alone, to a medley of the words he’s leaving behind. Like. That is literally what happens in this video. And then the hiatus starts. To me this is one of the most ridiculously angsty things ever, that they would go out to their own triumphs echoing back at them and the literal death of captain!Pete Wentz. To the story I would tell, this is the most germane. It merits not a single mention in the bio (other than praising the song itself for being one of the strongest on the album, and talking about the Elvis Costello cameo).

Because he’s much more interested in them musically than as people or relationships, he seems to lose interest in them post-hiatus. He details each of their hiatus-era projects with his typical attention to the music criticism side. And then he spends, like, eight pages talking about the guy who wrote the article that triggered Patrick’s “We Liked You Better When You Were Fat” blog post. I’m not even exaggerating. It’s an entire chapter dedicated to the article and the guy who wrote it. Patrick’s response is described and quoted and even praised, but not in nearly as much as detail as the original article, and Pete’s reaction to Patrick’s blog post gets literally zero attention. Which is fascinating since, in some tellings of the story, that’s the entire reason the hiatus ended. Pete has said on multiple occasions that he read the blog post and was upset Patrick was so upset and called him up and asked him to try writing with him again. But if you’re not actually interested in that creative relationship as a relationship, then you don’t see a reason to explain the motivation behind trying again.

You also don’t really see a reason to tackle why they initially struggled to get back into it. Like, truly grappling with the Pete/Patrick relationship leads to more depth than the surface “Patrick doesn’t like the spotlight, so Pete takes it for him.” That’s too simplistic a formulation, as Pete himself has said. It also discounts Patrick’s obvious dedication to Pete, his complete willingness to step in and publicly defend him on many occasions, like, Patrick’s no shy, retiring wallflower when it comes to Pete, Patrick can let loose viciously on behalf of Pete. Their protectiveness is mutual, although the public narrative often glosses over that. (In one of those “why leave that out” details, the biographer notes that Hemingway was Pete and Ashlee’s ring bearer but not that Patrick was Pete’s best man, Idk.) At any rate, I point that out because the struggle they had to find their groove writing together after the hiatus mirrored their initial struggles, to find their way into trusting each other’s strengths, but the book is just kind of like, “The first session wasn’t successful but the next session was. They were out of practice.” They weren’t out of practice with songwriting, not really, especially not Patrick – they were out of practice with each other. And that wasn’t just a hiatus-era souvenir, that went back to Folie, but we didn’t get that part of Folie.

The biographer also, annoyingly in my view, loses all interest in them at this point. He devotes almost no time to the post-hiatus era, which is fascinating to me, since their ability to launch a comeback as successfully and relevantly as they did is striking, and to do it not by relying on nostalgia but by generating genuinely new hits with a genuinely new audience, and he’s not interested in that at all. Even worse than not being interested in this is the fact that he fails to close the Folie loop, like, he devotes lots of time to Patrick coming to hate Folie because of how much the fans hated it. Then he makes a little note, like, “Maybe someday Patrick will come to love Folie again,” or something, and the thing is, I know the book was written a few years ago now, but there was definitely stuff available about how much Folie had become a fan favorite in the hiatus years. Patrick gave an interview somewhere where he talked about the reunion show and how he read fan reviews of it and the fans were like, “They should have played more songs from Folie!” I always think at that point And then Patrick looked into the camera like he’s on The Office. But, at any rate, Patrick got to see Folie become beloved and that loop could have been closed better and he just leaves it dangling. (I’m almost like, Did he really write most of this book while they were on hiatus and then when they came back he was like, …Goddamn it?)

He doesn’t at all get into the shock of the immediate level of success of their comeback, like, that’s another thing that’s documented, that they were unsure anyone would care and they were so startled by the response that they had to actually add larger venues onto their tour because they’d thought no one would want to come to their shows. He could have talked about how people waited hours outside in the Chicago cold to get into the comeback show, how they started the show with “Thriller” and Patrick says the response was electric and it must have been amazing and he’s just not really interested in it, you can tell that he’s bored. He doesn’t talk about how Patrick hadn’t really thought about having to perform the new songs live because he didn’t think anyone would really care about the new album, so they had to really think about how they were going to make it work, and how he almost permanently damaged his voice having to sing “Alone Together” live and that’s what finally finally drove him to pursue actual voice lessons, like, he mentions none of this, he’s just like, “They wrote Save Rock & Roll, and then they wrote American Beauty / American Pyscho.” He’s just clearly, at that point, bored. Whereas in the story I would tell, that is the most satisfying part, the happy ending beyond their wildest dreams.

Okay, omg, this is SO LONG, but here are some other random thoughts:

· He never – not once – goes back to source Pete’s lyrics to their original blog entries, which can be very interesting. This is because he’s not interested in the lyrics really, but it’s very frustrating to me because, like, SOMEBODY TAKE THESE LYRICS SERIOUSLY, PLEASE, THEY’RE SO GOOD. It also means that he misses things like “Miss Missing You” and the way it echoes Pete’s poem with the line “I miss you missing me,” like, that’s just a fact ::shrug:: He also says “Hum Hallelujah” is about teenage romance, and that is the most straightforward, surface-level reading, like, “Oh, it says ‘teenage vow in a parking lot,’ that’s what it’s about.” This pains me only because “Hum Hallelujah” might be the most perfect lyrically constructed song Fall Out Boy has, every line is golden and stuffed with meaning and emotion, and he’s just like, “teenage romance,” so dismissively, and I wince, like, “I could write it better than you ever felt it” is a line that deserves more than that. Not to mention “I love you in the same way there’s a chapel in a hospital,” god, or “One day we’ll get nostalgic for disaster,” ugh, do not read this book for lyrical analysis. He also terms the best lyrical line on Cork Tree as “To the ‘love’ I left my conscience pressed / Between the pages of the Bible in the drawer” and, while there’s nothing wrong with that line, I don’t even think that’s the best line in XO (I mean, leaving off the follow-up of “What did it ever do for me? I say” undercuts those lines immediately, imo). (He does at least point out that “Keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you / Can I lay in your bed all day?” is a devastatingly sexy couplet.)

· Can I just say, the entire debacle with Hey Chris gets precious little time in this book, which in a way is fine but in a way is like, just by Googling I got way more information on what went down and the weird, weird words that were being flung back and forth (at one point the term “heterolifemates” is used which makes zero sense at all in this context), but this book does spend a lot of time with Chris and Pete pre-Patrick (fascinating, right???) and there’s this weird part where Chris says he hated Pete before he met him and is like, “He should wear pants that fit,” which is just…such an interesting reason to hate Pete Wentz, like, Idk, Chris, coupled with your heterolifemates thing and weird thing about “whose name do you say every night???” which is also weirdly sexual phrasing and also being like “no one knows how to break a heart like he does,” like, everything about this entire situation has so much queer subtext but the book doesn’t touch any of that, ever, in any circumstance, with a ten-foot pole.

· EVERYONE, THE BORDERS WHERE JOE AND PATRICK MEET IS LOCATED IN EDEN PLAZA AND I AM SO UPSET I DIDN’T KNOW THAT WHEN I WROTE THE DEVIL FIC.

· I did not know that the producer wanted them to change the “We’re falling apart to halftime” line in Dance, Dance because he thought it was too incomprehensible and I’m just like, That’s the lyric where you thought you were going to lose people??

· From the bio, describing the Live in Phoenix performance: a strange moment where Wentz inexplicably gets changed onstage. A strange moment? Inexplicably? Okay, like, germane to my telling of the story is how much those dick pics affected Pete Wentz’s public persona, how much he knew exactly what he was there to sell and he sold it with gusto, and how much of a spiral that ultimately sent him on. Instead, this biographer finds it inexplicable that Pete Wentz would take his shirt off onstage, and his analysis of the music video for “This Ain’t a Scene” gives the dick pic storyline only an offhand reference, calling it “making light” of the scandal, instead of really digging into the obvious pain there, like, that’s not a joyful lark there. (Later, much later, years later, Brendon Urie will manage to actually make light of the dick pic saga, both in the Drunk History and also in the joke of the dick pic being the photo that comes up when Pete calls him, as seen in the promos for the tour they did together, and that feels much more genuine. But that bit in “Arms Race” is kind of heartbreaking.)

· Pete says of their failed attempt to get the Guinness record of the first band to perform on all seven continents that it was the worst feeling he’d ever felt in Fall Out Boy, and the biographer is like, “Really, Pete? Really?” and I kind of want to shake him because Pete Wentz is obviously a dramatic person and he feels disappointments keenly and he made that statement literally just as they were finding out they wouldn’t be able to do it, like, of course it’s just hyperbole! The biographer is weird through that whole section of the book because he never once mentions that, as a consolation to Pete, Patrick stayed up all night with him so they could get the record of most interviews by a duo in a twenty-four-hour period, like, that’s what I would have said about that story instead of trying to get way more out of Pete’s off-the-cuff self-pity (which is just so Pete Wentz, it’s like this writer hasn’t just spend a hundred pages writing about him…).

· Whenever I read about how many songs Patrick shows up with when it’s time to record an album, I always feel this little twinge of solidarity with him, like, sometimes that’s just how it is in your chosen creative medium, you’re just always endlessly writing.

· I had never thought before about the fact that Pete says all the time that he was too selfish pre-hiatus, all the time, a lot, that’s how he describes his problem – and the fact that there’s an entire song on Truant Wave called “Love, Selfish Love” with the line “God bless the sad and selfish” and I’m just going to…sit here and think about who in Patrick’s life could be described as sad and selfish.

· From the bio re: Soul Punk: It’s disarming to hear this garrulous boy-next-door sing so candidly about sex. Yeah, I don’t think you were paying attention to the way Patrick smirks at the camera in the music videos, buddy.

· Detail I knew but had never really thought about before: that Pete got Patrick to really click into songwriting with him again by giving him a puzzle. Patrick says that sometimes Pete gives him homework assignments, “I want a song that sounds like x, y, and z,” and Patrick will be like, “That’s impossible,” but also so intrigued that he ends up sitting and writing the thing. The fact that Pete knew, after a few mediocre songs neither of them liked, like, “You know how I snag him? This way,” is adorable. Also, the fact that it was Pete who adored the song to come out of it, “Where Did the Party Go?,” and that it was his excitement over the song that made Patrick think, Okay, maybe we can do this, like, it was Pete’s joy that drove Patrick’s optimism, they’re so creatively linked, these two.

· He does include the detail that Pete was worried he’d fallen behind during the hiatus because he didn’t spend much time playing music and so he committed himself to practicing and improving with metronome work, like, Pete Wentz ugh <3. In a very recent interview that I cannot blame the bio for not including, Pete said that Patrick helps him with the bass because he’s so musically talented and everything about that offhand statement just kills me.

· I did not know that one of the leaks of their reunion was on a blog that wrote “You can stop refreshing for a journal update,” and I’m in love with that, sorry.

· Ugh, can I just say, the fact that Patrick sang all of his vocals for Pax AM Days live with the band is just so unbelievable, he kills me.

· From the bio: “We were fireworks that went off too soon / And I miss you in the June gloom, too,” Stump sings here, and you can’t help but wonder if the words refer to his public but brief marriage. …I have indeed helped the wondering of that because I have never once thought that about this song lolololol

#long post #peterick #pete wentz #fall out boy #fob #bandom

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spilledinkstories · 4 years ago

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(writing prompt: you board an elevator of strangers and someone says “thank you all for coming”— I just kind of ran with this one, didn’t take it too seriously... :P )

“So I bet you are wondering why I’ve asked you here,” said the woman in the red overcoat.

I had been planning this specific trip to my university’s library for about two weeks now. I had placed a hold on a rare copy of a book you could only read in-house, and I had been notified of the date of my viewing. It was in a temperature-controlled basement room, and to be honest, I had been feeling pretty great about the whole experience. Like this made me a Real Scholar, or something.

It was a book on the archeological findings at a famous site in China. I was writing a paper on how a report provided by women versus men often offered different focal points of the ideas of the ancient society, or different perspectives on that society all together. For example, you might get a bigger focus in a report on home life rather than warfare. That was the department’s hope, anyway. This was of course a research question posed by the department, and I had been wondering what on earth could be so different in two reports filed on the finding of a hairbrush, but anyway. The temperature-controlled room sounded cool, and I was all about that academic aesthetic. I kind of felt like it was part of some Indiana Jones movie, doing research of relics and ancient peoples, being involved in the ongoing discourse around history, the relationship between a person digging up some ancient artifact in a remote land, and then tourists paying pocket change to stare at it for five seconds.

So, you can imagine my surprise when, crammed on an old elevator with several other people in various states of exhaustion, digging for gum in my overflowing backpack to eradicate the taste of crappy cafeteria coffee on my breath, the woman spoke.

No one said anything for a couple seconds.

“Really, no one is curious?” She pressed.

“We got your memo, ma’am,” said one of the young men in a baggy sweatshirt.

“Didn’t think to question it,” said another.

“Headquarters told me yesterday, I flew out immediately,” said a girl in a voice simply dripping with a thirst to prove herself. It’s worth mentioning that we were six Americans standing in an elevator in London, England.

“Good,” said the woman in the red coat.

“Why a library,” whined the first boy. “I thought joining up meant a life of excitement, not…books.”

I had to hide my grin, not wanting to be caught. I don’t know if they knew I didn’t know what was happening, but I’ll tell you: I didn’t. I was intrigued though, and figured it wouldn’t hurt to pretend I was one of them for a little while.

“Well, I assume you all brought your paperwork with you, so we won’t waste any time getting started. I’ve booked the main room down here for one hour, so let’s be sharp, got it?” The woman in red spoke with an authority that was positively presidential. We fell in line like soldiers as the elevator doors creaked open, and she marched down a carpeted hall to what looked like a conference room.

I was beginning to question my new plan, realizing I’d miss my viewing of the book if I stayed too long with these strangers, when someone spoke in my ear. “I haven’t seen you before, but it’s nice to have another girl on the team. Wanna sit next to me?”

“Okay,” I whispered back.

“I’m Anna,” she said, smiling.

“Ivy,” I whispered back.

“Sit,” said the woman in the red coat, as we entered the conference room. She stood at the front and fired up her laptop, and had it projecting onto the screen in a couple of seconds. Images of old manuscripts and letters filled the screen, all too faint to read properly.

“So, I want you to go around the room really quickly, tell me your names, and your departments,” she commanded, turning quickly to the young man sitting to her left.

“Brandon, fact checking,” he said.

“Adam, restoration,” said the one who had whined that it was a library job.

“Jake, archeology.” This one shocked me, since he was dressed like a stoner that thought pop music would be the death of culture but was secretly in love with Taylor Swift. Maybe they were all disguised look like students, to blend on campus or something…

I gulped. I was sweating now, the skin behind my knees prickling inside my tights. Clearly this was some official thing – the power suit the boss lady had been hiding under her red coat was proof of that enough. The skater skirt I had on was okay, and my baggy green knit sweater hid the Captain America t-shirt underneath, and my combat boots hid my Dr. Who socks…but I still felt massively out of place. The space buns hairstyle really was the cherry on top. The epitome of e-girl wannabe, nerdy art student, who’d invited herself to this meeting. I gulped again. “Ivy, sociology,” I said, hoping my voice didn’t shake.

“Anna, state department,” the other girl said directly after I’d spoken. She looked polished too, like an intern at a high end tech company or something. Wait. Did she say state department?

“Great, and I’m Dr. Grayson, here on behalf of, well, a few people. Important people. Okay. Let’s get started. The short version is that the manuscripts you see on this screen are actually fakes, and we have to prove it. The long version is that they were pulled from a recent dig at a site said to house artifacts from the Byzantine empire, and they are to be displayed at the British Museum next month. It’s a political scheme. In essence, the scientists pushing these documents want to present them to the public as proof that an archaic and brutal form of biochemical warfare was commonly used before, in order to try to naturalize it into the minds of civilians, in hopes that if it’s used later they won’t deem it a warcrime that came out of nowhere.” With that, Dr. Grayson began handing out papers around the table, giving us a moment to digest.

Um.

What the hell had I walked into? I needed to go. I had to get out of there. But how was I supposed to leave without them knowing I didn’t belong? On the other hand, how was I supposed to sit here and listen to the rest of this and then try to walk away, having heard all their plans? Either way I felt like I was done for. I could feel the sweat prickling my armpits and the backs of my knees, and my toes felt slick inside my shoes. My stomach felt acidic, and I could feel it churning and roiling. I was sure Jake and Anna on either side of me could hear my heart palpitating and my breath coming in short, uneven rasps.

“Your handouts outline the task ahead of us. Of course the lawyers are already trying to handle the scientists putting this research forward as legitimate, so we’re not really going to focus on the publicity angle ourselves. Our focus is to prove that this document is a fake. We’re going to analyze it, and we’ll have to dig up some research on warfare of the time, but we’ll also be dispatching our own team to the dig site. We want to see what other artifacts or things they supposedly dug up there. Anything we can do to discredit this.”

“Right, so Brandon and I can team up, if you want,” Adam said.

“I’d hoped so. You two can work on trying to disprove the authenticity of these artifacts. They’re here actually, in the other room. Being cared for. The staff here put them in the maps room.”

Holy crap…what had I walked into. I had known choosing to go to university in London would be exiting - I’d always loved British culture, but I thought I’d be reading Shakespeare and arguing essays from Ophelia’s perspective…stuff like that. Saying that Lady Macbeth could be construed as a hero, given women’s issues of the times. Not…this.

“So, that leaves Jake, Anna, and Ivy,” Dr. Grayson was saying, “perfect. We’ll get on the jet, and we should be at the dig in about three hours. You’ll be fitted with the proper tools, of course.”

Oh my god. Oh my god. Why had I followed them off that elevator?

An hour later I was seated between Jake and Anna on a very small airplane, taking off from Heathrow.

“So, state department, huh? Couldn’t stand to let actual scientists get some work done without a babysitter?” Jake tossed this scornfully at Anna, ignoring me who was awkwardly slumped in my seat and wishing I didn’t exist.

“Unsupervised scientists are exactly what created this mess, dumbo.”

“Wow, I can’t believe you called me that. Dumbo. Ouch. How am I going to be able to focus on my work, with a wound so deep?”

“Ugh,” Anna rolled her eyes, and turned to look out her window. And by god, I wish she hadn’t, because Jake turned to me instead.

“Cute hair, by the way. You blended in really well. Sociology, you said? What’s your area?” I gulped, my throat feeling like it was made of carpet. I was an introvert to begin with, so honest conversation with strangers posed enough of a challenge. But this was another beast entirely.

“Im interested in women’s suffrage,” I squeaked.

“Of course you are. No, I didn’t mean your disguise,” he said with a laugh. He must have mistaken my anxiety for anger, because he followed with “I mean, we’re all into women’s rights. Don’t get me wrong. I just meant…like…what’s your speciality, like, why’d you get put on this specific case?”

I wracked my brains so hard I wondered if it was possible to inflict a concussion that way.

“I was in the middle of conducting research on how different teams of anthropologists or archeologists can influence the public image of ancient societies, based on publication and subsequent publicity.”

“Oh, so you’re from the office of public affairs, basically,” he said in a bored voice.

“Have you ever been to a dig before?” Anna asked, sounding politely interested. I simply shook my head.

“Okay, no worries, Jake and I can handle the grunt work, and you can focus on your write-up. I’m sure you’ve got a tight deadline for this.” I smiled appreciatively, blown away that my answer had satisfied them and terrified of making things worse.

“Wait, I thought Grayson said we weren’t covering the publicity, that they had lawyers on it,” Jake said.

“It’s more academics,” I said vaguely, and they nodded as though this meant something significant.

Thank the lord we spent the rest of the flight in relative silence, reading through the documents Grayson had handed out. They really just outlined procedures for the dig site, and our capacity there, but Anna had assured me I could just linger to a side with a laptop if I wanted.

We touched down in Genoa around three in the afternoon.

At least if it was my last day as a free citizen on this earth, I could say I’d gone to Italy with a frankly quite attractive scientist boy. Not a bad last day, as these things go. With mountains on one side and the sea on the other, it was absolutely breathtaking. If I hadn’t been in the middle of an hours-long panic attack, I think it would have been the best day of my life.

Off the plane, we got into an SUV right there on the tarmac, and as I watched the scenery slip from urban to rural I wondered what had inspired these fake scientists or whatever to even want to do this. What kind of biochemical warfare were they suggesting? Dr. Grayson hadn’t said, and none of the paperwork had said it either. I suppose the others back in London would decode it from the manuscripts, if that’s what they were doing, but…

“So you’re here to report on us, Anna tells me. I was wondering who you were,” Grayson spoke in a quiet voice from the front seat. I said nothing, feeling like my throat was going to swell shut in panic. Was I busted? Would they tie rocks to my feet and toss me out to sea?

“I don’t blame you for not wanting to speak up until we were on our way. The bureaucrats never want the researchers involved, but then they get mad when the researchers say something they don’t like, so what’s the point? You may as well be here and get the proper intel.” She swivelled in the front seat to face me. “Don’t make me regret it, got it?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I said in what I hoped was a winning voice. I saw a smirk tugging at the corners of Jake’s mouth, and tried to soothe the raging panic in my head and stomach.

The dig site was honestly kind of disappointing. I had built it up in my head to look like a whole government facility built on a crater in the ground, with tents, scaffolding, desks, the works. But nope. This was just a crater in the ground, with a couple of ropes spanning the width of it here and there, I guess to mark the split between sections or something. That, and a couple of stools and ladders, and it was your run-of-the-mill pit.

“You’ll want this. Don’t forget the back of the neck,” Jake said, handing me a tube of sunscreen.

“Oh, thanks,” I said, smirking as I took a bit and passed it on to Anna, who began vigorously rubbing some into her face and arms.

“Tools are in the trunk,” Grayson said, “I’ll be in the car as I have to update the Upstairs. Private phone call, you get it. Get to work.” Anna sprung into action. It was like she was racing Jake to get the tools and pick a spot first, wanting to beat him at every turn.

“You’re not even a real archeologist,” he grumbled, leaving my side to gather his equipment.

“Tell that to the state department,” she called, and he looked pissed that she’d heard.

“Which state, even?” He asked.

“Virginia.”

“CIA then?”

“Not necessarily.”

I said nothing, letting them bicker. I went to the trunk and peered in, seeing a stack of coveralls. I picked on up to inspect it, thinking it might be nice to cover up my outfit that was feeling less and less professional by the second.

“Good thinking,” Anna said, grabbing a pair herself. All suited up, she pulled a laptop out of a bag and passed it to me.

“Here ya go, I guess you didn’t get a chance to bring yours.”

“Is there internet here?” I asked.

“Yep, car acts as a router. High tech,” she said. I took the computer from her silently.

The three of us trudged back to the pit, where the other two lost no time hopping in and surveying their turf.

“So,” I said awkwardly, “we’re supposed to see if we can find any other manuscripts? Or anything suggesting biochemical warfare?”

“Partly, yeah. I’m also going to be inspecting the dig site itself to try to disprove that they found any paper substances. Particles left behind, impressions in the ground, you know.” Jake was bobbing his head, hands on his hip, looking like my dad about to mow the lawn on Sunday morning.

“You can do that?” I asked. He laughed, seeming to think I was being facetious. I wasn’t. I was just clueless, but I guess I’m glad he didn’t see it.

“I’ll just watch you both work for a while, and then I’ll start my write-up. I need to observe to figure out my angle.” I tried to muster as much authority in my voice as possible, as though I’d done this kind of thing before.

“Yeah, okay,” Anna said absently. A couple of minutes later and some awkward waiting with my hands in my pockets, laptop waiting on a stool, the others had picked work spots and gotten to it.

The silence was broken only by the sound of shifting dirt, and the occasional ruffle or grunt from one of them. Subtle glances back to the car suggested that Grayson may not be joining us in the pit at all, which was a relief. I watched as Jake poked and prodded at the ground, a look of deep concentration on his face, compared to Anna’s digging with all the fervour of a child told to find treasure in a sandbox.

There was nothing for it. I went over to the stool, opened the laptop, and started typing. I wrote of the bureaucratic nature of science, as Grayson had put it in the car, and how publication could really be a business. How people had to fight to get their ideas heard. How certain things were deemed more or less important to the government for example, versus the public sphere.

Basically, I sat in coveralls, on a stool in a pit in Genoa, Italy, and wrote my term paper.

I tried to spin it so that the finding of a hairbrush, or a kitchen tool, would be treated very differently than the finding of a weapon, and whether or not it was a man or woman who discovered it really made no difference. Both men and women work in bureaucratic systems and in academics in today’s world, and both have access to controlling information. I wrote something like that, hoping if Grayson checked what I’d been working on, she’d see it as a government report on academia, since that was my only thread of legitimacy to work with where these strangers were concerned. After I finished I quickly emailed it to myself, hoping no-one would notice, and then I could just email my professor saying I couldn’t see the book I was supposed to but I’d written a paper for the deadline anyway.

By the time I’d finished my write up it was nearing six o’clock. Jake pulled up a stool next to me, and braced his forearms on his knees.

“I can’t see any evidence of a real dig here. I don’t get it,” he said.

“What do you mean?” I said slowly, closing the laptop, having quadruple checked that I’d sent the work to my school email and saved it.

“I mean there wasn’t a dig here. This isn’t a real archeological site.”

“So where did the fake manuscripts come from then?” I asked, wondering how on earth he could tell.

“I don’t know. I also don’t know why Grayson wouldn’t have known that before we got out here.”

“Well, someone had to be the first to check,” I offered, blushing a little for fear this was a stupid comment. He looked at me, real suspicion entering his eyes for the first time.

“There are scientists in Italy. We didn’t need to fly out here to check it. Something’s up.” In the setting sun, the green flecks in his brown eyes caught the light, and I realized he was younger than I had originally thought. He couldn’t have been out of school that long.

“Maybe Grayson is in on it?” But before Jake could reply to this, Anna joined us in our little corner of the pit.

“Anyone have any water?” Jake passed her some, and she gulped it down before saying, “I’ve been digging for almost three hours and haven’t found a single thing.”

I felt the familiar surges of panic making their way through my veins, making my ears ring and my head feel stuffy, and making the other two feel oddly distant.

“Maybe the site has already been cleared out?” I offered, my voice squeaky. Anna passed me the water bottle, mistaking my rasp for thirst.

“How’s it going down here?” The three of us froze, staring at each other. Grayson had gotten out of the car, and hopped into the pit, the heels of her shoes sinking an inch or two in the loose dirt. She shuffled over to us, maintaining her look of authority.

“Yeah, good,” Jake said, “I think I’ve seen all I need to for a first look.”

“You’re only getting one look,” she drawled.

“I haven’t found any other artifacts,” Anna said, “I think whoever was here before cleared everything out.”

“And where would they have put it?” Grayson demanded. Anna fell silent, taken aback.

“I don’t think anyone really was here before. I think this is a fabricated dig site.” While I didn’t know Jake very well, there was no mistaking the challenge in his voice. Grayson’s eyes narrowed a little, and she took a couple steps closer to where Jake was seated beside me, so she could tower over him.

“And what are you suggesting, exactly, Jake?”

“When I’m working I go by Dr. Miller. I’m suggesting that they gave you a fake location to send you on a goose chase, or that perhaps those manuscripts don’t exist at all.”

“Then what would you suggest is in the maps room back in London?” She said dangerously.

“I couldn’t tell you, seeing as I never saw them in person.” A grin flickered on Grayson’s face. I caught Anna’s eye from where she was standing behind Grayson, and read the worry as a pretty bad sign.

“Who would want to send me on a wild goose chase?”

“You’re the government official, not me. Who exactly do you work for, Dr. Grayson? And what are you a doctor of, exactly?”

“Political science, it’s just a title. I work for the secretary of defence.” At this, Jake laughed in her face.

“The U.S. government is worried about some old scroll they dug up in the mountains that suggests some ancient civilization knew how to…what? Poison each other? This is a joke, right?” Jake stood up and strolled away from the group, shaking his head.

“Not poison,” she said quietly.

“Then what?” I asked, immediately realizing I’d broken my vow to myself to keep my stupid gob shut.

“Classified,” she said with an arched brow.

“So again, why fake the site?” Anna asked.

“The scientists who produced the documents could have said it was here to buy time until the exhibition,” I offered, since Grayson was still staring at me. She flicked an eyebrow up again, and finally broke her stare to turn her eyes on Jake.

“Are any of you wearing microphones?” She asked.

“No,” we all said unanimously. She exhaled wearily, rubbing a hand over her tired eyes.

“Alright. What I’m about to tell you doesn’t leave this pit. The scrolls outline a way of spreading a virus that was apparently employed all the way back then. Given the recent pandemic all over the world, that’s not the kind of thing the public needs to be seeing. But these scientists are convinced it needs to go public. You can see how that would strike fear into the hearts of everyone. They’d all be convinced they were the recent victims of a large-scale government attack.”

“Who are these scientists? Archeologists, whoever?” Anna said, disgust colouring her words.

“We’re wasting time here, we can talk about this on the jet back to London. I want to see those manuscripts,” Jake said, and he strode to the edge of the pit and hauled himself out. I was shocked that Grayson didn’t counter his authority, and instead followed him.

I slept most of the plane ride back to London. I’d listened to them bicker and swap theories while we ate our way through a couple of pizzas that were waiting for us on the tarmac, but they’d mostly talked in circles. The more they talked, the less Grayson really seemed to know, and Jake kept saying he needed to see these artifacts.

With the time change back, it was about nine when we landed, and ten pm when we reached the university. I felt better, having slept a bit, but my head was still pounding with exhaustion from the events of the day.

We loaded ourselves back into the same elevator in the university library, and headed one level down. Instead of going to the conference room we headed down another hallway, where the map room was tucked away.

“They said they were still here,” Grayson said, leading us. She opened the door, and I would have been impressed by the collection of old maps had I not flown to the northern coast of Italy and back that afternoon.

“Where are they?” Jake asked harshly.

“I don’t know,” Grayson admitted.

“Dr. Grayson, have you worked with either Brandon or Adam previously?” Anna asked.

“No, I haven’t. I haven’t worked with any of you before.”

“Do you know who they work for?” Anna pressed.

“No.”

“They just said fact checking and restoration. That could be government, a university,” Anna was trailing off.

“A museum, even,” Jake offered.

“I mean now that I think of it, you didn’t check any of our credentials,” Anna said, glaring at Grayson.

“Hang on a minute, I knew five people were supposed to be joining me in the map room. I don’t appreciate your suggestion that I’m incompetent. They’re probably out grabbing coffee.”

“But how do we know they weren’t just two random guys on the elevator?” Anna said, wringing her hands. I was beginning to think she was scared that her own butt was on the line here, but mine was too so…relatable.

“Oh, you’re back, perfect,” said a voice as the door opened, and Brandon and Adam walked in. The room was cramped with all of us standing in there.

“From what we can tell, they’re real,” Adam said.

“They can’t be, the dig site seemed fake,” Jake said. “Let me see it.”

“I mean, obviously more rigorous testing has to be done than what we can do in a day, but it seems pretty authentic to me,” Brandon was saying as he led Jake over to where they’d been examining a very old, gross looking scroll of paper.

“Who do you two work for?” Grayson asked them, and they looked at her in shock.

“I work for the British Museum, in the restoration department,” Adam said a little uncertainly.

“I work for the university here, but I was hired as a consultant by the government,” Brandon said a little pompously.

“And who do you work for?” Grayson said, turning on me.

My throat burned. My eyes stung. I felt my head swimming, my palms prickling and my knees shaking. My limbs felt weirdly weightless. They were all staring at me now, and I knew there was nothing for it.

“It’s like Anna said…I was just a stranger on the elevator. I followed you guys to the conference room earlier half as a joke, and then I got too scared to leave cause I thought I’d get in trouble,” it was all just tumbling out of me, and I didn’t care that tears were tracking down my face. “I should never have gotten on the plane, I should have never even followed you down the hall off of the elevator. I was on my way to look at an old book for a sociology paper I’m supposed to submit this weekend.”

To my absolute shock, Jake started to laugh. Not just a chuckle, he really laughed. Despite myself, I laughed a little too.

“I really was supposed to write a paper on different perspectives on the publications in the archeology and anthropology world, but this took it to a whole new level. I did a write up at the dig site and emailed it to myself to submit for class, but I can delete it if you want.” I looked at Grayson, fear spiking in my gut again.

“I’ll read it first, but you clearly know nothing so I’m sure it’s harmless,” she said with an eye roll. why had I laughed? Surely ‘apologetic’ and terrified was what I should be going for, not acting like I was gloating.

“Are you gonna lock me up?” I squeaked, fresh hot tears running into my mouth and off my chin.

“What for? So you came to Italy, big deal. If Jake is right and the site is fake, you basically flew with us to see a random hole in the ground. We’ll draft up a non-disclosure agreement, track your phone for a few days, keep an eye on you…to be honest, with something like this, it doesn’t really matter that one little girl knows.” I was a bit offended at being called a little girl, but I took her point. Even if I posted about today all over my social medias, I would be discounted pretty quickly by the public, especially since I had no photos to back it up. Kinda like that history channel guy convinced aliens were responsible for historical landmarks.

“So…” I started, unsure what I was attempting to say.

Adam pulled a wad of cafeteria napkins out of his pocket. “It’s okay, no one thinks you meant anything by it. You got swept up in it. No big deal.”

“It still doesn’t answer my question though,” Jake insisted. “Where did these come from? If they are real, why do they surface now? Who found them? And if they’re fake, still who?”

“All I know is my boss gave me the assignment,” Grayson shrugged.

“What does that mean? You’re blaming the American government for this?” Anna said acidly.

I sat down in a chair tucked in the corner, glad I didn’t have to pretend I knew what was going on, or that I had any roll in this.

“Can I go?” I asked, suddenly desperate for silence and solitude. I’d had enough.

“Yeah. We know where to find you,” Grayson said, exhaustion dripping from her own voice.

I left the room. I walked back down the hallway, boarded the elevator and left the university library. I walked back to my dorm, in a complete daze, unable to process the day I’d just experienced. I’d snuck into some top secret government meeting and flown to Italy to attempt to disprove evidence of an ancient virus spreading technique.

At least I’d still managed to write my paper, and I’d tried pizza in Italy, so that was pretty cool.

A week later, with an A on my paper that I’d turned in, headlines broke that people suspected foul play with the pandemic we’d just survived the year prior. People began to suspect that it was brought on by some government or other, but then other outlets said that was just paranoia. Others still said it was old news, and what were we supposed to do about it anyway.

I bought a ticket to the British Museum, and saw the manuscript on display for everyone to see. A little blurb was posted beside it, saying how its authenticity was severely questioned, but it was no doubt real.

No one seemed to care. I never did find out where those manuscripts really came from.

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vespertine-legacy · 4 years ago

Link

Sorry for re-posting this (not sorry, didn’t hurt enough of you the first time around), but I decided I wanted to put up my track list explanations.

I know I originally said I wasn’t going to share who I had assigned to each track and just leave it open to interpretation, but then I decided, fuck that, so here you go. It’s divided up by class because that made it easier for me to make sure I got everyone, but that’s not the order the tracks are in on the playlist, so sorry for that... POTENTIAL SPOILERS for ALL CLASS ROMANCES. Track explanations have snippets from the letters the PC receives from each romanced companion for all classes and Theron (and some of them fucking hurt).

(Here’s hoping the formatting doesn’t fuck up too bad...)

I’d love to hear your opinions on it (beyond “hey, fuck you,” though I do welcome those reactions too)!

The Night We Met - Lord Huron [Theron Shan]

[The thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that you’re out there. … I haven’t forgotten about you or our time together. I never will.]

I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Take me back to the night we met

[Sith Warrior]

Need - Hana Pestle [Vette]

[They say powerful Sith can come back from the dead and appear to the people they had strong connections to when they were alive. Will I wake up one day and see you? Will you finally tell me what happened? Will I know if you had the time to think about me before you died?]

My hand searches for your hand In a dark room I can't find you Help me Are you looking for me? Can I feel anymore? Lie to me, I'm fading I can't drop you Tell me I don't need you

The Other Side - Ruelle [Malavai Quinn]

[The Empire needs you. More than that--I need you. … I should have come with you aboard Darth Marr’s ship--stood in my rightful place by your side. … Now I’m faced with the possibility of never seeing you again… and it makes me ill. I cannot accept it. … No matter what anyone says--I know you’re alive, and I will find you. Even if it kills me.]

We are buried in broken dreams We are knee deep without a plea I don't want to know what it's like To live without you Don't want to know the other side Of a world without you Is it fair, or is it fate? No one knows The stars choose their lovers Save my soul It hurts just the same

Gone - Olivia Broadfield [DS!Jaesa Willsaam]

[You were always going to leave me. I knew that. … I’m more powerful than ever, and I don’t fear death. … Why should I cry that you’re gone? Why write words to a dead man? Why?]

And I finally found That I found my voice And I'm saying all these things Just because I've got the choice And it's gone

[Sith Inquisitor]

Stars - Grace Potter & The Nocturnals [Andronikos Revel]

[All I wanted was to fly free, no attachments. But what we have together--I wouldn’t give that up for anything. I know you’re alive. It would take more than an explosion to kill my girl. Even a really big one. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll commandeer a shuttle to find you myself.]

I can't look at the stars They make me wonder where you are Stars Up on heaven's boulevard And if I know you at all I know you've gone too far So I can't look at the stars

Grow - Rae Morris [Ashara Zavros]

[What does it mean, that you could die and leave no trace? … The Sith and Jedi are helpless against this enemy. I’ve left them all behind. I never belonged to those failed orders, no more than you did. We were always something special. Now it’s just me. Something is drawing me to the darkness beyond the edge of Wild Space. Maybe there will be answers waiting for me. Maybe I won’t be alone anymore. I wish you were going with me.]

Caught beaten by the edge Of the weight of the world Long live this pain Long live this feeling | Blind and childish I won't fight it Here I hide Underneath my innocence (Grow, Grow)

[Imperial Agent]

Already Gone - Sleeping At Last [Kaliyo Djannis]

[Truth is, I’m grateful. Obviously, I was getting soft. Won’t happen again. Just remember--I was the best thing that ever happened to you.]

I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop I want you to know That it doesn't matter Where we take this road But someone's gotta go And I want you to know You couldn't have loved me better But I want you to move on So I'm already gone

Saturn - Sleeping At Last [Vector Hyllus]

[The Song of the Universe crescendoed--its vibrations overtook the stars, then...silence. Your aura, normally so bright, dimmed, and the vessel we have made our home grew cold. … We do not know what we will be like without you. We do not want to know. Please come home.]

I'd give anything to hear You say it one more time That the universe was made Just to be seen by my eyes With shortness of breath, I'll explain the infinite How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist

Scared - Delta Rae [Raina Temple]

[I thought about reaching out to Lana Beniko, but I can’t risk the Sith finding out about me. Especially not now, when I have no protection. … I should forget about you. But I can’t do that. I’m not ready for a life without you. … Please come back to me.]

Baby, can you keep your promise? Baby, can I keep you honest? 'Cause I'm scared There's nothing in the sky above me There's nothing strung below us, baby, if we fall We're caught between a spark and lightning We're caught between forever and nothing at all And I'm sorry, I love you

[Bounty Hunter]

Over - Johnnyswim [Mako]

[Not sure why I’m even writing this. Closure? Just to say “I told you so”? It doesn’t matter. The galaxy’s falling apart, and I don’t need a front-row seat. I’m done with the business. All it’s ever done is take away the people I cared about.]

So wake me up the dream I had is over We were so young and now we’re getting older And I can’t keep on giving you what might be meant for someone new Wake me up the dream I had is over

Who We Are - Tristan Prettyman [Torian Cadera]

[Sometimes, we only get a single battle. You and I had a few years. … You honored me. You saved my life. You loved me better than anyone ever has. I’ll repay those debts. I’ll carry your memory with me on every hunt I take until the day I die. … Ret’urcye mhi doesn’t mean “goodbye”--it means “maybe we’ll see each other again.” If there’s another life beyond this one, I hope we do.]

I will never love another like you So give me all your secrets Your fear and doubts, honey you don't need them I will never find another like you

[Jedi Knight]

Hands - Emily Jane White [Kira Carsen]

[Sometimes I dream that you’re standing in my doorway, but you’re not you anymore. You’re him. Everything’s gone wrong since you left. … You have to come back.]

You caught my bad dream A deathly guise took you by night And those hands turned the tide You were harmed by unsaintly arms We will take you in our arms This ain't no dream

Revelry - The Careful Ones [“Doc” Archiban Kimble]

[You’ve survived worse disasters without breaking a sweat. … I had to learn a lot of math in medical school, and I’ve run the numbers. You’ve gotta be alive. … enough’s enough. … You’ve been gone too long.]

Picture perfect home or no, so I was told It was meant to be no other way Pain it came and fell on me Damn, you put that spell on me That my mind could never erase

[Jedi Consular]

Pain Told Love - Tribe Society, Kiesza [Felix Iresso]

[I spent a lifetime trying to find you. If I have to, I’ll spend another waiting for you to come back. That’s what love is.]

No one knows you quite like me Pain comes and you find a way to build your world around it And when it hurts get inside the pain and wrap your arms around it I heard pain tell love, she said "where would I be without you?" So love I better find a way to build my world around you

Find You - Ruelle [Nadia Grell]

[I will rally these old friends and lead them to wherever you are. We will brave the dangers that await, my love. Stay strong. We will come.]

Just hold on It won't be long I will find you here inside the dark I will break through No matter where you are I will find you

[Smuggler]

The Place I Left Behind - The Deep Dark Woods [Corso Riggs]

[Go to Port Nowhere and send me the signal. I’ll come running. … Come home. I love you.]

I've got the ramblin' fever down in my bones And everywhere that I wanna go The only place that I ever loved Is a place I left behind

I Don’t Believe In Us (Acoustic) - Overcoats [Risha Drayen]

[I didn’t give up on you until today. I searched all over Wild Space, even after Corso said it was time to face the truth. … I’m the one who was supposed to leave when things got bad. Damn you for getting the last laugh, just like always.]

Please understand me, I can't live like this anymore I used to love the sound of it, but what is it we're fighting for I drift in and out of seeing us for who we are Get glimpses of what we're doing here and I don't buy it anymore | I love you, I love you, but all dreams must come to an end

Hold On - Brooke Annibale [Akaavi Spar]

[I’m still alive, but you are dead. I remember you, so you are eternal.]

We put our flame upon ice Watch it burn out All I want to do Feel the ache in my hands to hold on to you

[Republic Trooper]

The Last Time - Taylor Swift, Gary Lightbody [Aric Jorgan]

[We’ve been fighting these things for two months now. … Getting real tired of it. Might not be so bad if I just had my wife here with me like I’m used to. I know you’re still out there. No way you’re dead. Two months is long enough. Please come back to us.]

I'm not sure how I got there All roads, they lead me here I imagine you are home In your room, all alone And you open your eyes into mine And everything feels better

From the Wreckage Build a Home - The Wind and the Wave [Elara Dorne]

[We first met on a search and rescue mission. I suppose it’s only fitting we reunite the same way. Yours, always.]

We're built to last Well now it's clear you're the wind and I'm the wave Oh together we can brave all the things we never knew | If our ship does sink we will follow it like stones From the wreckage build a home

#swtor #swtor playlist #swtor companions #swtor kotfe #swtor kotfe spoilers #technically spoilers because of all the letters #i don't know why i'm like this #it hurt itself in confusion!

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leydoodle · 5 years ago

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Ben 10 OC: Cassie Williams HCs

(Messy 10 minute scribble AHAHAHA)

A compilation of all the info I have written so far about Cassie/Mobius. She’s still being improved so some of these might change in the future but the general structure of her storyline is in here....!!

HCs under the cut!

General

Cassie is the granddaughter of Hugo from her mother's side. During his time-travelling journey with Paradox, he discovered the tragic future of Cassie from the abuse of his niece. Unfortunately, he wouldn't be alive by that time in order to save his granddaughter. Upon this realization, Hugo asked a favor from Paradox that if he sees anything bad happening to Cassie, he would take care of her. Many years later, Paradox would fulfill this promise.

Her telekinesis power comes from her father's side of the family. Her DNA came from a tribe that was said to have interacted with angels back in ancient times. In reality, these angels are actually rogue alien species who have come down to Earth and mated with the said group, giving birth to a special group of half-breeds that later on became strong historical figures such as kings, warlords, and many more. As time passed by, the genes of the alien race became much weaker to the point that only their enhanced mind and the ability to use telekinesis remained. Though there are possibly more people who have the DNA, only 14 have been documented so far, with Cassie being the most recent one.

She was the cause of the infamous 'Mutant Catastrophe' in Bellwood. An event in Ultimate Alien where an upset Cassie wrecked havocked with her newly-discovered powers after getting fed up with the torment she was subjected to in her school. During the mayhem, Ben who was a newly-acknowledged hero at the time, decided to work with an underground organization who focuses on studying mutants, in hopes of saving his best friend. During the event, Ben was heavily conflicted as to whether he should fight his beloved friend or save the people of Bellwood. In the end, he chose to do his duties as a hero at the cost of his best friend's detainment in the organization's lab. Later on during the series, Gwen mentions that the sight of a chained Cassie being taken away is a sight that Ben is still greatly traumatized from.

Prior to Omniverse, the Plumbers were negotiating with the underground organization for Cassie's freedom. By the time of Omniverse, The process ended in the Plumbers' favor and thus was able to get Cassie back (despite some particular arrangements). Ben was greatly relieved from this news and wanted to reconnect with his friend again. Due to how they previously left things between them, Cassie was rather scared of the hero and avoided interacting with him, much to Ben's despair. After Ben's return from his months of banishment during the Frogs of War, they were able to reconcile in the aftermath, with Cassie saying, "Life's too short to be upset at your best friend." Ever since then, Cassie became the third member of Ben and Rook's team.

After her detainment in the underground organization, Cassie has developed an irrational fear against humans, only with the exception of some Plumbers. Her phobia has caused her to only be comfortable around aliens.

Harangue has sensationalized Cassie as "Bellwood's Mutant Disaster". Due to her affiliation with Ben Tennyson, Cassie is often the subject for the journalist's smear campaign against the hero. His notable point would be that Ben being friends with such a destructive being meant that he could easily choose her side over saving other people. Due to Cassie's past action of causing destruction in Bellwood, people are actually very scared of her and believes that the journalist has a valid point.

Cassie loves to pair her smoothies with powdered sugar donuts. It's a tradition she does everytime she passes by Mr. Smoothy, even after she became a time traveler. As Mobius, she often buys smoothies and donuts during sunrise, when the people of Bellwood are barely awake.

According to Paradox, Cassie is always fated to be linked to a Tennyson in every existing timelines and universe, though he indicated that they won't always be friends.

Ship ( Ben/Cassie = Benssie)

Ben sees Cassie as a reminder of his much more simple life before he became a world-renowned hero. According to him, every moment spent with her was like being a normal kid all over again. Though he liked the powers and capabilities he got ever since he became an omnitrix-holder, being given the responsibility as the universe's hero at such a young age caused him to lose his 'innocence' in a sense. Because of this, he often goes to his childhood best friend to atleast experience being a goofy and geeky teenager for some time before going back into action. Alongside this, Cassie is someone who is very dear to Ben. Having grown up together, she is basically considered a 'family' to the hero. Because of this, Ben is extremely overprotective of Cassie to the point the latter became somewhat dependent on him.

Ever since they were kids, Cassie always had deep feelings for the young hero. It was only until they became teenagers that she realized that her feelings were romantic. However, since this was a point in time when Ben was in a relationship with Julie, she chose to repress and bury her feelings towards him (an action she continued to do so, even in Omniverse).

At first, Ben saw Cassie as merely a best friend, someone special but not particularly a romantic interest just yet. It wasn't until Cassie got assigned into Ben and Rook's team that the young hero started to develop deeper feelings towards his childhood friend. Afraid of once again hurting his best friend, he decided to hide his feelings. Despite that, he was still very affectionate to Cassie.

Cassie's tarnished reputation and destructive powers is what makes her scared to be around Ben. She knows that he's a hero and that the public greatly trusts him. If anything, she's worried that her being around him is going to make the people turn against the hero. Though she tried to keep her distance away from her Ben, he still ended up chasing her, reassuring that no matter what the public thinks, she's still his dearest friend.

Hints of her 'death' were foreshadowed by Ben 10K during his visit in Let's Do the Time War Again. Upon meeting Cassie once again, he almost became sentimental until Paradox stopped him. After the whole ordeal against the Time Beast, the older Ben asked for a hug from the blonde, which the latter gladly offered. Upon arriving to his original timeline, he can be seen shedding some tears for his best friend and lost love.

Cassie's demise caused Ben so much pain to the point that even after many years it was something he had a hard time recovering from. His longing for Cassie was one of the reasons why the earlier years of his marriage with Kai was messy. After conceiving Ken, Ben made a promise to Kai that he will finally let go of his best friend for the sake of their future. Due to this promise, all pictures and memories of Cassie was locked away for the sake of the hero's family. Ever since then, Cassie's name has been a taboo to the Tennyson family.

Ben and Cassie are both absolute geeks for Sumo Slammers. Their love for the franchise is one of the many things they share a deep connection with. According to Rook, once they start talking about it, the two can go on and on for hours without stopping.

Their playlist consists of the following songs: all about you - taeyeon / cornelia street - taylor swift / say you won't let go - james arthur / kids in love - mayday parade / cardigan - taylor swift / way back home - SHAUN / i will always think about you - bojack horseman / eight - IU (ft. BTS Suga) / futarigoto - RADWIMPS

Life As Mobius

Cassie's relationship with Professor Paradox can be described as familial-like. Due to the latter's lack of knowledge of his prior life, he sees the young lady as he describes, as "a sister, a daughter, and a granddaughter". Though he may have given her the role of a time traveler, Paradox aims to bring Cassie back to her proper timeline before the effects of time travel makes her fully immortal. Overall, his purpose of 'adopting' Cassie was to fulfill his promise to her grandfather and his former assistant, Hugo.

Paradox aims to make sure that Cassie has let go of her grudge and massive hatred to herself before bringing her back to her proper timeline. On the other hand, though she knows the consequences of time travelling for so long, Cassie doesn't mind being immortal as long as it means she won't go back to Bellwood. Knowing that this is what she thinks, Paradox hasn't told her about his plans.

Similar to her mentor, Cassie later on picked up the habit of mixing up verb tenses whenever she's explaining an event that's either to happen or has happened.

She mostly wears a large variety of dresses during her life as Mobius. Her reason for sporting this kind of style is because she wanted to 'be in touch with her feminine side more'. Growing up, Cassie was often deprived of decent clothing and was forced to wear hand-me-downs from Gwen. Though she was given proper clothing during her stay with the Plumbers, she never really knew the feeling of wearing 'pretty dresses'. Since then, she's been obsessed with collecting dresses from different time periods.

At some point in her time travelling journey, in a certain campsite, she meets a lost child who she decides to help find his parents. It's later on revealed that the child was a young Ken Tennyson who got strayed away from his parents. When Ben asked who helped him find his way back, his son merely replied with saying, "the lady in the big white dress" obviously referring to Mobius. According to Ken, ever since that encounter, he's started to believe in the supernatural, believing that Mobius was some sort of forest deity.

After approximately a hundred years worth of adventure, Paradox ended up taking Ken Tennyson under his tutelage after the kid got grounded from using his own omnitrix. At first, this was an idea that Cassie was heavily against, though she was stating that the kid is 'incompetent' though deep inside she was very uncomfortable with taking care of the child of they guy she had always loved. Cassie ended up taking the kid under her wings after seeing his desire in being a hero (which heavily reminded Cassie of her similar childhood ambitions).

When he was a small child, Ken was curious about the 'Cassie' that people always mentioned to his father. According to him, there was an incident back then when he brought up the name to his father that later on caused a fight between his parents. Ever since that moment, he's disliked the name, stating that it's a name filled with bad memories.

Since Ben hid all things related to his childhood with Cassie, Ken has never actually seen the face of Cassie. It doesn't help that everytime he travelled to the past as Spanner, she would often be in another place. Due to this, he doesn't know that Mobius is actually the Cassie he's been long curious about.

Ken sees Mobius as his 'cranky aunt'. His childish and impulsive nature often irritated the time traveler to the point that she would always scold him for being reckless. Despite that, he holds his mentor in high regards due to her intense dedication on heroism. Cassie, on the other hand, sees Ken as the spitting image of Ben,though she sees that the kid has the capabilities to uphold his father's legacy.

After her thousand years worth of journey as a time traveler, Cassie does end up resolving her long grudge and self-hatred. However, she wasn't too sure of returning to a normal life in Bellwood, due to the fact that the flow of events have been proven to have a much better outcome without her. She's later on convinced by Ben 10,000 (who was brought in by Ken) to come back to his time, which she ends up doing. The outcome of her return remains unknown.

#ben 10 oc #ben 10 fc #omniverse oc #oc: cassie #i like to ramble a lot

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queenmiriamele · 5 years ago

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Tagged by @queen-of-salt-and-fury! Thank you.

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed?

Dragons, for killing evil men purposes, obviously.

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls?

Soundcloud.

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read?

Several history books, specially regarding fascism.

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets?

I don't mind, as long as they are my size. Most of my clothes right now are second hand aniways.

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month?

I won some extra money washing my aunts kitchen and bathrooms walls. She paid me well.

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself?

I will read more again.

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests?

The sky, to watch everything else from where I am.

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Yes.

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits?

apricot drift; how do you feel right now?

Fine.

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having?

It was a nightmare. My cat was ill.

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now?

Three chocolates cake

lavender dream; turn ons/offs?

Intelligence/ignorance

water lilly; when was the last time you cried?

Two nights ago, over the nightmare.

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

Yes.

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream?

Lick

honey perfume; favorite movie ever?

Probably Pride and Prejudice or Lilo and Stitch.

desert rose; do you like yourself?

Most of the times

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity?

Yes, I met Mary Beard in person and I acted as translator when she visited the Ancient History department at my college.

night owl; how many countries have you visited?

Two: France and Belgium.

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle?

Yes, several castles, fortress and alcazars, and participated in the archeological excavations of one (Gozon)

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done?

I don't know.

lantana; what’s on your mind right now?

Lots of things and nothing at all.

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?

Gemini, but i don't act like one at all.

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.

I've got really small feet. There are only 94 women with my first name in Spain. I'm currently reading 'the dagger' from His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman. My favorite drink is diet cola. I don't like any of Tarantino's movies.

daphne; do you believe in karma?

No.

queen of the meadow; ever been in love?

Not besides early stages.

wisteria; whom do you admire and why?

Mary Beard, Taylor Swift and Ter as professional women. As a person anyone who stands to defend themselves and others.

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

Several biblical stories, specially the ones turning around King David.

remember me; did you make someone laugh today?

No.

iris; do you believe in ghosts?

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?

The 60s. Late 19th century. 1st century BCE Rome.

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not?

No, unless I got a permanent salary despite not working, and permanent youth for me and my loved ones.

primula; what makes you sad?

Suffering, mine and other's.

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not? Yes. I did the same I do every Tuesday.

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?

My mom and my BFF

Lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today?

Chocolate cookies.

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?

Yes, I would choose another master and risk more on my professional options.

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe?

Annie Dalton's books' heaven.

violet; favorite tv show?

Aquí no hay quien viva.

sunflower; share a favorite quote.

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?

Wake up around 9. It's sunny but cool. I read until 12, go outside, have the meal at a restaurant. Go home and dedicate the evening for my hobbies.

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies?

Reading, watching movies, TV shows and YouTube videos. Puzzles. Tabletop games.

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you.

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared?

Dying my hair blue, but i did it.

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger?

My age or older.

sweet pea; who means the world to you? My mom, my BFF and my cats. why? They are my emotional support.

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read?

Colleen McCullough Masters of Rome. Pride and Prejudice and Persuasion by Jane Austen. Lazarillo de Tormes. Gemma Doyle Series by Libba Bray at the top of my head.

foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?

Prince Zuko.

magnolia; coffee or tea?

None.

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?

Loved.

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person?

Cat person.

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction? Diet cola and YouTube.

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy?

Not really.

moonflower; what’s your favorite color?

Blue turquoise.

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not? Yes

sundrop; are you a morning or a night person?

Morning

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?

Yes, depression, several times.

clover; how would your friends describe you? Responsible and capable.

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert? Introvert.

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?

Bad but entertaining comedy shows and wartime romance movies.

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.

Critical, empathetic, intelligent.

lotus; best memory as a child?

Watching cartoons, buying books and toys.

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color? Green, brown.

dahlia; do you like crystals? I'm indifferent

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be? Poverty.

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house? Ravenclaw.

calendula; biggest pet peeve? I don't know.

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet? Second.

blazing star; share a secret. If I share it is not a secret.

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier? Happier

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why?

Daenerys Targaryen

bluebell; do you wear glasses?

nymphea; forest or river? River.

orchid; do you like exercise? No, I hate it.

pansy; do you like poetry? Some of it.

morning glory; any special talent that you have?

Critical analysis skills.

@latristereina, @marta-elentari, @niniane17, @oadara, @tatticstudio55

#Ask game #ask game #It wass long

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