#i cant sleep my anxiety is killing me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Tumblr is used by 21% of adults online aged 18-29 years.
Text
Freshly washed hair and attempting to sleep 🫠
#me#mine#selfie#personal#sleepy#tired#clean hair#blue hair#i cant sleep my anxiety is killing me#anxious#insomnia
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
i posted that stupid shit on my instagram i might just kill myself fr
now im afraid i wont sleep for another 24 hours damn 😭😭
#took me like 50 hours but we did it 🔫😼#i might still delete jt#the anxiety is no joke#like no joke#ahahs7bsudbdus#im so tired man#so like fuck me.but i cant justify killing myseld before trying. after that i can. somehow. Im tired and i want nothing more than that but#maybe i just want to stop the pain. nevertheless#i hope someone anyone who sees. that even if im being too open or too vulnerable online i hope it inspires someone a little bit to do the#same. i hope the reactions wont be too harsh. just dont ask me abt it irl cuz ill cry.#fuck mental illness and traumas man. acchan i hope it wasnt so suffocating for u. at least hopefully the people who loved u could make it#better.#tbh now my anxiety ia better cuz nobody is awake xddd#whatever its not that serious. only for me ig#sorry ppl the mental illness really said emphasis on the illness these past 2 days. i didnt think id live it so badly but here we are. well#i hope with this i managed to get something heavy off my chest. i hope i can continue for just a little longer#to see if it's worth it. i dont even wanna think abt tge fact imma have prom on sunday. why is that im always most suicidal when i have to#graduate? i skipped elementary graduation cuz of it. im not skipping this one but im not participating in the dance cuz i knew id somehow b#at a bad place and i wouldnt have a partner also. hmm whatever. i should sleep now maybe. i feel good now a bit. really have to sigh get my#shit together now.#not sunday friday the 50 hours no sleep getting to me
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ohhhb venting...
#its getting bad again!#and i don't know how to talk about any of it#my brains main thoughts throughout the day are 'im going to fucking throw up' and 'i should kill myself'#the anxiety has been giving me legitimate chest pains lately (i think its the anxiety)#and i cant lie down to sleep without my brain going all ballistic and self deprecating#i relapsed sh again and i fucking hate it because i was almost a year clean#it got so bad my brother dmed me asking if im okay#i have to be positiveee this is a manic depressive episodeee i wont do anything permanent#i feel like im gonna throw up. and kill myself. i wont. but oh my fucking god i thought i was over this#i dont know what to tell my brother like do i admit im fucking losing my mind or do i try and keep it palatable.#like 'yeah ive been uhh convincing myself not to walk into the street on the way home wbu'#what even is there to say#i feel like im too much for what im worth#people care about me and it only makes their lives harder#people have problems and theyre all my fault#i wish i could just not exist. even if for a short period pf time#i feel like im bringing more stress and anger into this world than the good things that come of me#i feel like everyone that gives me a chance is going to end up hating me#i feel like everyone that loves me will only see who i really am and end up resenting me#i feel like i cant breathe without ruining something good for someone#im sorry#i dont think ill ever feel like im truly doing okay
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
So eepy.
#the level of anxiety ive ahd the past couple of days has killed me mentally#like i cant sleep properly#im slower at work#cant think right#just complaining#so very tired#my mom expects me to drive to her house tonight#i wont get off till 11pm maybe later#ugh.#someone give me some meds
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
if i fucking killed muself it wouldn’t even matter
#in neg city#the anxiety is all-encompassing i literally cannot fucking breathe i can’t do anything#this job feels like it’s killing me like i’m so scared and anxious all day i can’t fucking breathe i can’t eat#bc i’m so anxious it feels like my chest is concave. i cant even fucking sleep man i woke up at 4 AM today#i fucking hate this and there’s nothing i can do to change it bc i’m so poor there’s nothing i can do
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I swear if the docs dont take my blood after ive been fasting i will be livid
#i have to have an appointment today so i can get my anxiety meds#on my day of birth#soonest day i could do it and its been like a week since i ran out#i technically had another refill but i was refused#had a panic attack after the call to my doctor's office once i realized i had to come in#off my meds#that is genuinely the worse part#though i am starving rn#and i cant sleep so i have like 2 hrs before i have to leave#even tho the appointment is at 8 30#cause fucking traffic gets bad on the bridge#also gods im dealing with the physical effects of my anxiety rn too#not just the nerves and shaking but also my stomach killing me and my fucking intestines going into over drive#vex spits out random shit#idk yall i just feel like this wont be a good day or a good birthday
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
#one more week till I get home im so excited to get high again oh my god#this has genuinely been such a shitty start to the year#probably some sort of depressive episode idk. I had a headache for like 3 days nonstop and now its back#all I really havbe had the energy for has been sitting on the couch and being on my computer and my mom keeps being like#its always that damn phone etc etc you need to exercise etc etc and yes but consider: I want to die so bad#tubbo (headmate) has been basically trying to kill himself since like april last year#we struck a deal where whenever he wanted to do that he would instead drink. lesser of 2 evils. but now we cant do that around our parents#ive been having nightmares and shitty sleep and anxiety about my exes and im depressed and im just sitting here like#Im not. addicted to substances. but if existence without them feels this shit then why amI even alive#mfw im tearing up anc crying at 3 in the afternoon#ive been suck a dick to everyone too it feels like. im so tired and hopeless. I just want it all to end#back to my mom telling me to exercise it also feels like she just doesnt. gaf. about my visibly unhealthy habits she just criticizes#I eat one meal a day? thats fine who gaf. I lay down for a few minutes or tell her I slept 3 hours? oh its cuz im a lazy fuck who needs-#to go outside#whatever. save me israel kamakawiwo'ole
0 notes
Text
vent time. cw for abuse, bugs, self harm, blah blah blah blah
#so i have really really bad issues with bugs for several reasons#growing up - probably from ages 3 to 14 - the house that i lived at had a really bad roach problem#and i was always really scared of ingesting them so id do things like wash dishes and cups before i use them and id feel queasy eating beans#fast forward to about 17-18 or so and my dad and my step ma are going through a pretty nasty divorce#and it just so happened that that house had bed bugs#everyones bed was mostly okay except for mine#and since my parents were so caught up in their divorce they didnt make time to deal with that issue#so on top of horrible insomnia and bug trauma and skin picking issues i was essentially getting eaten alive every single night#this lead to me hallucinating bugs on my skin whenever i had anxiety attacks -- which i had A LOT at the time#i would pick at my skin so roughly until i bled many many many times over and ive always been a self harm junkie so NOT GREAT#but anyways after we moved out of that situation into a new apartment#i spent a full 12 hours cleaning and sanitizing every single cloth item i owned#but i had a lot of plushies for comfort purposes#in the new apartment my dad found a dead bed bug and blamed it on me#because of my plushez#he kept yelling at me and pinning it on me and i snapped and threw out all of my stuffed animals eventually#and i sobbed and cried so fucking hard... i think that was one of the worst cries of my life and ive been beaten crazy before#he came to yell at me about it again but i told him i threw them all out and my voice broke and i could tell he felt bad for me#so fast forward again and i bought a big seal plush and its become my number 1 comfort object i lost it for a few days and felt such panic#i cant sleep without it and i cant get a new one#i love you so much ponsuke if anything happens to you i WILL kill myself#hes the first plush i bought for myself after the Purge happened and i am... unhealthily attached#millievents
0 notes
Text
pov. i’m stupid
#jents#I NEEEEEDDDD TO DELETE TIKTOKKKKKKK#i hate hate hate#i’m so full of hate#for tiktok b#c it just literally ruins my mood and my mental so fast#i can’t deal with these breakup tiktoks man. i don’t think#i cld handle another breakup bc holy shit. i nearly died last time#AND MY BF ISNT GONNA BREAK UP WITH Me ??? I DON#T THINK ??#if i hit the enter button mid word ONE MORE TJME#i’m losing it and my anxiety is killing me so i’m gonna try and sleep but#oh my god THE ENTER BUTTON kmsing rn i cant do this anymore
0 notes
Text
Anxiety makes enjoying good things so hard
#ignore me#my life has been too good lately and I'm starring to go insane from everything working#i hate myself so much#I've been trying ao be more social and be a good mom and be someone that my daughter can look up to and my husband can love#but it always ends up with me hating myself so fucking much#I've been eating too many sweets which already is setting a bad example qhen it comes to a healthy diet and my media consumption has been#worse lately and my anxiety is now making me unabke to sleep and I've stopped going on daily walks cause the pain is back#it was so nice not having it around for a while and it is makibg everything so much harder#the sleep makes me more irritable and i feel like all i do is fail my baby#my husbans said he doesnt feel loved by me anymore and I've been trying so hard to manage household baby and everything else but its not#enough i always feel like I'm never enough#I've been a horrible friend like always so i guess that is a constant thing in my life#as if that isnt the worst when my mental health gets worse i start getting flashbacks to remind me of everything that went wrong with me#and that just fuels my anxiety around my daughter living through everything i did as a child and i just cant do this#i just wish i could sleeo again#i think all of this is sleep deprivation but i don't know how to do everything without losing sleep or something#i just wanna rest and sleep for more then four hours without veing woken up#god what i would give for eight hours of continuous sleep#but my husbands shifts are so shit that i cant do that to him... also now that I'm at home he's the only one working and I'm terrified of#loosing him so i dont want him to be at work without sleeping well cause it could actually kill him#worst of all I'm just too stupid to ask for help or bother anyone with my stupid problems#and every time I'm away from her she just screams and i just can't take her screams anyo#anymore#i just want to pee and ahit and eat in peace
0 notes
Text
My mom just came in my room right after I got home to be like how did it go???? What happened???? When are you going back?? How do you feel??? Are you ok???? What are your hours???? What did they say??? And I know she means well but
#and she gets upset at me when i don't wanna talk#IM SORRY but I've been anxious about this for 3 days#the actual thing took an hour +#I had no idea what to expect going in#even tho my mom was convinced i had already gotten the job (i hadn't)#(i tried to tell her why i was unsure and she was like well im sure you got it!! but i didn't know and i HADNT YET)#YES ive been stressed about not having a job but now im stressed about HAVING a job!!!!#i want to forget it exists before i have to do things!!!!#its like she. doest understand how i cope with things#but ive explained it#and then she intrudes while im coping and gets upset at me getting upset#and talking about it while I'm trying to decompress makes me 50000x more anxious#and then she gets worried about how anxious i am#and then she thinks she needs to check on me more bc my anxiety is worse#but then i dont have a chance to decompress so the anxiety doesn't get better#and i tell her this and shes like i just wanna make sure you're ok#but shes making me less ok!!!!#just now when she came to talk about this she knocked. and actually kinda waited for an answer for once#and i didn't answer. bc i didn't wanna talk#so she COMES IN ANYWAY!!!!!!!#she knew i was in my room. she knew i wasn't sleeping bc i just got home. she just wanted to ask about it#while SHES ALSO WORKING!!!! AND DOESN'T HAVE THE TIME!!!!#idk if i didn't answer the knock on my door doesn't that suggest i dont want to talk???????#and she would say she wants to make sure im ok. which i can't argue with ig. but ive been in the house for 5 minutes#i didn't have time to kill myself. respectfully.#and ive TOLD HER i dont like to talk right after#my mental health is not at a point where i cant be trusted alone in a room for an hour and it NEVER has been#i KNOW shes my mom and she worries and she wants to take care of me i GET IT. but GODDDD!!!!!#anyway.#tw suicide mention
0 notes
Text
to avoid thinking about my cat's surgery I've been painting and I am so fucking bad at mixing colors lmao
#im bad at matching colors too#like usually im painting from some random picture i find online but this time im really trying to focus on what im doing#(to avoid thinking about the surgery)#and i am so so bad at color matching lmao#i even used a color match site so i could see what the color of an area REALLY is but even when i do that my colors are wrong#theyre like...the right tone but theyre all too dark#and lightening them with white makes the tone go off#is this color theory? /gen lol I've heard people say you need to learn color theory but i never knew what it was#anyway. for my next trick i will think obsessively about my wip. (to avoid thinking about the surgery)#okay i cant avoid it any longer. i am so fucking glad his surgery is tomorroe#hes having knee surgery and his knee has started CLICKING while he walks#im so nervous i feel like i could go into cardiac arrest but frankly i wish it had been yesterday or the day before#i wish we had taken him to the vet last thursday. i wish i had trusted my gut sooner instead of letting my mom talk me out of it#i wish i hadn't let him walk around with a torn ligament for over a fucking week#i wish we had the vet do xrays on his knees when he was a kitten so we could have prevented all of this#i wish i had a shorter bedframe so he didn't have to jump so high. i wish i could sleep on the floor so i could sleep with him in his cage#i wish i had desensitized him to car rides and vet visits when he was a kitten#i wish we knew who abused him and threw him onto the highway so i could kill them#i wish we had put him on anxiety medication earlier#i wish i was a trained veterinarian so i could do my own exams on him instead of taking him to a place he's terrified of#i wish i was confident enough to give him the injection he needs without fucking it up#god i fucking hope everything goes okay#pretending to laugh about how he'll have a nakey chicken leg isn't even working anymore#wip save me. save me wip
0 notes
Text
this got away from me
#i wish i was a rich pretty guy or something but instead im a regular looking regular guy with parents that earn regular money#i was born to be one of those annoying bratty rich kids who dont work ever. that should be me#or something. i complain about work constantly but guys i do not want to go to school. i dont. i dont. i dont i dont. i dont i dont and i#dont know what to do about it. its spring. ive got like a month to figure out how im getting out of this#im not doing this i cannot do this. i cant i cant i cant. im so stressed i can tell im so stressed bc im getting acne and my eczema is awfu#its only a matter of time before i break out in hives or some shit i cant do it i cant do it. i cant. i cant#god everything is really getting to me. i cant i dont have a place here i dont i have no purpose in life and everyone just wants me to act#like. thats not true bc um. well! haha what are you gonna do! haha its fine. keep moving forward. ignore your anxiety and the fact that#everything makes you miserable constantly. and even the things that make you happy make you miserable. ignore that#go to college. normal ppl go to college :) no you want to sleep all day because youre not doing anything. which is a personal failure.#you should instead do something that makes you miserable. thatll fix it. dont kill yourself thats stupid. you have so much to live for! lik#um. well youre supposed to live. so. ignore yknow everything in the world and push forward. bc it will get better! once um.#um. yknow. you graduate in 8 years? be a dentist…. um bc. you like teeth. and it makes money. and well you need the money! youre going to#college!!!! you need that money to pay for it after all. dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it#its okay we’ll do everything we can to make it cheaper. to do the thing you dont want to do at all even a little bit. no dont kill yourself#you have so much to live for! a career in something youve never been interested in! or yknow a different career youre not interested in#i dont want to kill myself!!! i dont want to kill myself i want something to fucking live for!!!!!! a want a life that doesnt make me feel#like i have to kill myself!!!!!!!!!!#simons spouting#vent :(#suicide //
0 notes
Text
I am spiraling so fast and so hard RN and it's been for a steady month and a half so far and idk what to do because nothing is working but like whatever I guess
#im lowkey job hunting because if they cant give me overtime next week im going to have to get another or a better job idk idk#i cant survive on this and the new fucking credit payments i have to make every two weeks are actively killing me#i was so close to avoiding this debt and now i have to pay like 10k and right at top surgery time so im just#physically ill constantly from anxiety idk i wanna sleep for 30 years#my birthday is coming up and my big plan was to go thrifting i just want to buy clothes thats LITERALLY just#i just wanna get clothes then come home and watch comfort shows and be high#but lmao#🖤txt#🖤tbd
0 notes
Text
urghhhh cant sleep *bashes my head against a wall*
#aki.txt#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIX MY SCHEDULE IF MY BODY REFUSES TO COOPERATE#I COULD FUCKING LAY DOWN AT 12 AND IT WOULD STILL TAKE ALL FUCKING NIGHT.#IM SO PISSED OFFFFFFF#its literally anxiety#ooooo what if i killed myself#i fucking!!! hate this!!!#been getting like heart palpitations??? the last few nights? fuck off????#I'm going to rip my heart out and chuck it at the wall.#i was so fucking tired. so fucking tired at a good time for me but no. 6am every fucking night#how is that fair#everything hurts why cant i sleep#vent#rant#urghhhhh
0 notes
Text
need to sleep but the Dread is consuming me
#i just feel like smth bad is going to happen tonight. but also i feel like this p often on random nights where nothing bad happens so.#it could be bc i had caffeine this morning and its still fucking with my. brain#or more likely its bc im back on the overnight call list for work starting tonight and continuing the rest of the time i have this job#being able to not be on it while i was on vacation was so nice like i could actually sleep#still couldnt sleep through the night but at least when i did wake up it didnt take me an hour to fall back to sleep#generally when i feel this much dread on a night i can get work calls its bc theres going to be a call sometime between 3 and 6am that nigh#hopefully there wont be but ik this dread and anxietys gonna fuck up my sleep regardless so whatever#i dont really want to move to nyc but if i get this job offer i think i just need to bc this job is fucking me up so bad#if it wasnt for this fucking on call thing itd be tolerable but i just can't handle the on call thing#the fear that ill get a call and not know how to solve the problem and have to call my boss or coworker to help is killing me#ik its stupid but i have really bad anxiety around waking ppl up and asking ppl for help and calling ppl so#perfect combination to make me Suffer ig#and i did try talking to my boss about it and told him it was the reason i was unhappy on the team#and he essentially said i just need to be better at my job so we get less calls and that being on call is essential and unavoidable#if i dont get the nyc job i might need to just quit anyway which i know is pathetic but i just cant handle this on top of the other things#like i cant have no friends and a useless therapist and meds that dont work and no sense of self and a million other things#and then on top of that a job that makes it so i cant even sleep which is the one thing ive always been okay at and not had problems with#i know its so silly and i know i need to be grateful this job pays me well and shut up#i just am so miserable and i need to be able to sleep like i need that one thing please#sorry for being ridiculous and insane i know its stupid to be this upset over this#sorry dkdkjd sorry about all this i genuinely cant believe anyone still follows me when i post this bullshit#hopefully its fairly easy to ignore and everyones just not expanding the tags so im just screaming into the void#cant tell if i really want no one to see this or if im putting it all here all the time so i can pretend someone is reading it and cares#idk im just so tired and so sad and so scared all the fucking time and i think i just dont want to always be alone in it idk#and i know my problems arent real or serious or bad but unfortunately im pathetic and spoiled and theyre destroying me anyway
0 notes