#mfw im tearing up anc crying at 3 in the afternoon
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#one more week till I get home im so excited to get high again oh my god#this has genuinely been such a shitty start to the year#probably some sort of depressive episode idk. I had a headache for like 3 days nonstop and now its back#all I really havbe had the energy for has been sitting on the couch and being on my computer and my mom keeps being like#its always that damn phone etc etc you need to exercise etc etc and yes but consider: I want to die so bad#tubbo (headmate) has been basically trying to kill himself since like april last year#we struck a deal where whenever he wanted to do that he would instead drink. lesser of 2 evils. but now we cant do that around our parents#ive been having nightmares and shitty sleep and anxiety about my exes and im depressed and im just sitting here like#Im not. addicted to substances. but if existence without them feels this shit then why amI even alive#mfw im tearing up anc crying at 3 in the afternoon#ive been suck a dick to everyone too it feels like. im so tired and hopeless. I just want it all to end#back to my mom telling me to exercise it also feels like she just doesnt. gaf. about my visibly unhealthy habits she just criticizes#I eat one meal a day? thats fine who gaf. I lay down for a few minutes or tell her I slept 3 hours? oh its cuz im a lazy fuck who needs-#to go outside#whatever. save me israel kamakawiwo'ole
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