#i cant post my art here and in the world for fear of someone actually liking it and looking for my other accounts

[moeblob]

Happy Birthday to Ferdinand von Aegir!

I actually made 33 emotes, affectionately known as Aegirglyphics to some, for my own personal use on discord. However, I figure why not share some of them! They're free to use for discord servers/icons/pfps or whatever. However, my only request is Do NOT use them as subscriber emotes on Twitch. You can make them free follower emotes but you are not to make them locked behind a paywall.

[occasionally-intelligent]

i literally hate posting things on the internet so much. especially messages to people. and posts. it’s just like, everyone can see what you say??? and it’s never coming back??? you send that message and that’s their impression of you now!!! good luck!!

i have enough trouble talking to people in person, at least no one knows who i am on tumblr. i hope. oh god that would be so awkward just like “oh yeah i know you on tumblr” no you don’t. you’re lying. what’s a tumbler? a drink container? that’s what i thought.

[goblin-enjoyer]

-> if they are too big then it might mess with my preexisting balance issues. (long story short: I am very flexible and have been since i was a kid. I can easily put my foot behind my head and all this flexibility over the years has caused my body to try and snap together like a clam or a bear trap. it takes background energy to keep upright for long periods of time. I also get blown around by wind a lot. unrelated somewhat but I had to mention it) my most comfortable position to relax in is to either lay face down on the floor or tangled up in either a ball of limbs or more commonly: legs folded up to my chest armpits over my knees. [See paint.net drawing for visual]

what if they flop around a bunch when I regularly go up and down the stairs? what if I have to find and wear a bra that's uncomfortable? what if its the straw that snaps the bear trap shut? common thoughts that come against the simple "I wish I had breasts/having boobs would feel nice I think" is this probably overthinking? yeah definitely, wont stop them from flooding in every time it comes up in my mind like an annoying console war fan every time someone talks about liking an "enemy console brand". realistically, they could be just slightly larger bumps on my chest and I would be satisfied and get the mental health boost. its just a whole rigamarole of back and fourth mental arguments. its hard to figure out what's a real feeling and what's not. is this actually a sign of being trans or is it just autism doing its thing. and that's one of the main reasons i have been conflicted ever since I first started thinking about it. among the anxiety popups of the worst what ifs, the feelings of not being to into either side but still wanting some changes and my brain being both not consistent and very contradictory, the real dread that keeps me stuck in thought every time I shower, the that crawls into my head every time I sit around on my own in silence for too long without doing something, the question that has so deeply poisoned my heart and soul since day one,: is this real or is it just a pile of random autistic symptoms that just look like it? I could be transfem non-binary and whatever else I haven't discovered yet, but that one question blocks me from going any farther like a salt ring against a demon or a gastropod. and so I go back to the question I posed earlier but a bit more pointed to my fellow neurodivergent siblings. How do you know your trans? How do you figure it out? I mean no offence when I ask these of yall. I just need something to go off of. a general vibe or something to help me put these thoughts to bed. so I can rest and shower in peace without the constant BUZZING of it all. I'm just so tired. I know a decent chunk of the basis of the science behind the chemicals of transition. I like science it really helped me get a better understanding of things. but I am a blind bat with less than standard hearing when it comes to the emotions and the mental of things. I can somewhat understand for people on the binary but how do people figure out the greater world of the non binary? I just don't know where to start. I apologize for the inconvenience.

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OK because I'm the type of person to alleviate heavy subjects with comedy and general casualness, here's a more "down to earth" and "lighthearted" gendery thing that also consistently comes to my mind. I personally don't like piercings my self (massive genetic fear of needles and general hate of my flesh and having to look at it don't really bode well for that kind of thing) but you know those nipple piercings, the ones with the bar or whatever? [See paint.net drawings for visuals]

for whatever reason, I think I would look great with them. like sometimes I will be browsing art online somewhere. typically observing the more horny art accounts because as an asexual person I find looking at their posts pretty fun. cant speak for all asexuals but dang does it seem to me like we consistently follow the weirder and more horny accounts on occasion. its like looking at bugs to me [POSITIVE CONNOTATIONS]. That and they tend to make really good art. but anyways I digress. I will be browsing the internet looking at art and every time I see that kind of piercing I immediately go "man she's so pretty I wish that was me". I don't know why I like that kind of piercing so much I just like it it it seems.

wee bit of a secret vent posty type deal to be shoved into the middle of the night.

title is accurate. move on if you don't wanna ready some random biz about me complaining about gross stuff.

so recently ive been researching estrogen and its effects. real basic stuff, estimated times for things, general list of stuff, warnings etc etc. and it sounds pretty great. slower and lesser growth of facial and body hair would improve my opinion of my body so much. from "ew I hate having to look and feel this" to maybe an "I feel clean again, I'm fine with not always wearing long socks when going out or wearing a long bathrobe when wearing pajama shorts". soft skin is always nice as my most comfortable positions usually are the ones where my body is wrapped around myself. it also would go well with the prior mentioned thing. from what ive read, less erections and less sperm and ejaculation. Which would be SO good for me. i hate being asleep, having a nice nonsensical dream, then BOOM everything pauses and starts to fade as i quickly have to do a bloody quick time event and concentrate and wake up fast enough before my waste of biomass tube detonates unwanted waste material. like the amount of times i have had to take a 6 am walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up and put on a fresh pair of pj pants is way higher than it ever should be. I know its a gross subject (mostly to my aro/ace flesh hating ass) but a little relief of "oh the balls produce less of this so at least there's a chance that it might be longer periods of time between this event" would do wonders for my mental. but here's where the venting starts coming in hot. How do people know their trans? like I'm not trying to be rude or anything but how do people come to that conclusion? Because I just cant fully relate to what I've seen and it just feels kinda icky that my brain cant just pick and stay on what it wants me to be. Do I want to be a woman specifically? eh no not fully. while I hate the flappy weak spot that is a penis, I really like having the option to either stand or sit while peeing. and its not like I'm using it for anything else, its a small tube that I use for waste removal, the reproductive functions are vestigial. I'm an aromantic asexual and I very much know it, anyone who knows me for a decent chunk of time knows it. I have no use for cum or erections. the only time i get an erection is when I forget to go to the bathroom before going to bed and wake up with a full bladder. no horny shiz just bad resource management. I would LOVE if my cylinder produced less and was just in general smaller and less "functional". do i want to be a man specifically? ZOG NO. i dont want to be all bulky and hairy. i dont want have the expectations of that. i know that builds are all different and that but i dont want to look like my father, i dont want to look like my mother either. no hate to them i love my parents, its just i dont want to be this noticeable person? Ugh writing how i feel about things is hard, but this is a vent post and it doesn't have to be comprehendible. I wish i could just be lean, boney and hard to make out from a distance. yet i still want nice and soft skin. but i dont want to be all that feminine presenting, nor masculine presenting. i want to just be that guy, you know what i mean? guy used in the most gender neutral way possible. maybe androgynous is the word. I would be totally fine using pretty much any pronoun. heck i think it would feel pretty good and nice and stuff to be called a girl, go by she her, while also just being a guy with he him. if i could go by any pronouns i would. it would feel just splendid, great even. to just not have to deal with the game and just go with the flow of things. I just wish my body/brain could decide on what it wants. because the big thing with estrogen is that it gives you breasts. Do I want breasts? I.. just don't know. all brain signs in my mind think it would feel good having boobs, breasts, tits, honker bo donkers, whatever you call them. but also my brain also screams at me that having them would be a complete burden to my life. [REACHED POST LIMIT CONTINUEING IN REBLOG]

[smndragon]

Hello, I know I haven’t been following your account for too long but you’re one of my fave accounts. You really put a lot of effort and offer your resources/knowledge/time without hesitation which I feel often times other creators don’t really have the opportunity to do. Thank you for your dedication because I’ve found your posts really insightful and they’ve been really helpful in expanding my knowledge <3

I also wanted to ask if you were offering readings atm because I was really interested in receiving one from you! If not, it’s okay! <33

[ Big Six :

Sagittarius ↑, Scorpio ☀︎, Leo ☽

Virgo Venus , Capricorn Mars, Sagittarius Mercury ]

I hope you’ve been doing well and I hope both sides of your pillow is cold !!! <3

Also, Idk if you watch anime but if you could recommend one one of your faves I’d really appreciate it! :,))

If you don’t mind me asking, I was wondering how many years you’ve been studying Astro considering the amount of knowledge you have. I’ve been dabbling myself but I find it intimidating. ESP when it comes to the complexity of birth charts because of all the different variables you need to consider.

Thank you for taking your time to read my ask! I really appreciate your consideration!! <3

You had me over here looking up "what does atm mean in text" like a grandma on Google 😭😭 I really couldn't figure that out I thought of the money atm. Thank you for saying all this though! I do try to take time even if my fingers have to hurt for it. I'm glad you're learning a bit from them or opening your mind to it! Glad to be one of your favs!

An anime recommendation is probably sword art online. It's a basic but I really like it I've watched all the seasons at least 5 or 4 times. Either that or possibly is it wrong to pick up girls in a dungeon I think it was called. I haven't watched anime in a while to be honest. Learning wise and growth I believe movies like Mirai and flavours of youth on Netflix are very sentimental and leave you touched.

I've been studying only since early 2021 really maybe mid? I started by Tumblr actually, I got the app because I wanted to read more fanfic sites and explore more and I got into more astrology here. I already was interested before then for years but I never actually looked so far into it until then. I actually only learned by readings posts every day I would look up "astro observations" and just read for as long as I could. I took a few people's charts that are long dead by now to compare and analyze since I liked them so much. I learned everything here and still am. I actually recently got back into the astrology side, I took a break to read more into other things. The rest I get are based on feelings and easy searching, I'm sorry I can't really explain it too well. Most of the stuff I learned was from @d4rkpluto @saintzjenx @hillarysss and @ilyneptune I believe is somewhere there either that or it was for pile readings which they have really good ones!

It's like 5:36 in the morning I haven't slept at all but I feel great so let's do your reading! Hm, Scorpio sun, Leo moon, and Sagittarius ascendant. We have the same ascendant which makes me happy! I didn't save so a part got deleted but I saw a girl with lilies on her head immediately, like a sort of crown. It reminded me of Hans Christian Andersen because he once made a flower crown and placed it on someone's hat making them mad after finally finding it💀 this girl reminds me of a time that seems so long ago now. She smiles at nothing and laughs at air, as if she sees things no else had dared speak to. Children are walkways wonderful because they have these gifts, to see things we cant. Possibly 'imaginary' friend when you were younger, or you spent time just pleasing yourself easily.

The first sign that talks to me is the Leo moon, the Scorpio wanted to speak but the Leo was very loud. It feels so touch starved to me which ain't bad but lord both it and the Scorpio sun are. Possible manifestation abilities. They aren't strong but you're able to do it anyone is, whatever you want in life must be looked brightly at, it's okay to have dark days but return that dream and wanting image to your sun and it will become as close as true as out world allows it. The flower crown I saw makes me think there's an Innocence and purity in you that still stand today, never changing. The flowers are the manifestation of this Innocence and this need to be that ways somewhere in you. Possibly fear of expectation and somehow losing that part of you to something in the future. You shouldn't be afraid of what happens, things will change sadly, we can never change that and as people we have to accept it even if it gets dark. Unless this will deeply harm you it's time to let go. Tell that younger you or someone that they cna be free, to be a with all the friends they were with when they were younger. Ik that wasn't a full reading but that's what I got from either your Leo or Scorpio. The Leo wants your joy to be brought back, but not in the form of the fear of losing something. "I'm here" "it's okay" they held you at your darkest moments and will continue to do so. I feel they'll be there especially when you're older, telling you it's alright to let go of the life you once had. (Dark theme sorry but it is what happens to us all in the end) their home is in you, every part I see, the physical body comes out when you need her, a dirty blonde with a white plain shoulder and neck showing shirt, with a plain but modern skirt thin material. They have brown eyes, the eyes of a mother really, with a broad and flattens at the nose. A few dots on the sides of their eyes or face. Aura color is a wheat yellow.

The Scorpio sun is very wanting, jealous of being ignored at times. It wants some things so wholly it hurts. The domain of the Scorpio is a dark and warm place, sweat falls down my forehead as if I'm being boiled to a roast. I want to hold the Scorpio sun, it feels ignored by people. Scorpios are every sympathetic people deep down, they crave affection and reassurance, when not given they cna form unhealthy habits. Not to say you're suffering from this too harshly it's just your Scorpio needs to be cared for at some point, drink a cup of tea or something soothing, talk to your Scorpio and let it talk back, in the deepest parts of your mind they are there always and forever, waiting to recover with your strength and company. Aura is brown and radiant black splotches here and there. Possible placements are the neck, or left shoulder. Body is in the form of a bulked Scorpion, brown shelled. You may possibly have longer nails or well shaped ones. Been complimented on your hands or had them called small which was annoying maybe.

The last of the signs is the Sagittarius ascendant. It take the form of a human, has a long tail though, reptile like. It adores the space you allow it. It roams the chest area, pillows and blankets cover the room. The Sagittarius isn't lazy, it's just overworked they don important things for the body, they care for your muscles and heart. Making sure it has steady beats. They keep you as active as you could be. Enough to keep you healthy. The room is plain with white walls and tan yellow carpet. The Sagittarius takes chalk and writes on the walls "plans" "action" weird words to put down but they keep writing, I also them what they're doing but don't really get a reply. Nothing left here.

Characteristics: small hands well shaped nails, brown hair?, Style is kind of alt if or neutral. Hoodies, jeans, skirts occasionally, the not too extreme chokers, bracelets, slight makeup or none. Because of the Sagittarius I would like to say tall and slim, but I have that and I sure am not those💀 possibly could still work though. I think short though honestly. Sneakers. Binders and folders in school or home. Filled with ideas and things. Brown or green eyes.

Soulmate/ future relationship: (it in one now ignore or keep reading) I see you both planning stories and all kind soft things, laying down pointing to journals and books of your things. You guys don't laugh often but you do show affection in smiles, kisses, hugs, and closeness. I feel they won't fully kiss you until you age to grab their face or after the 11th date🙃

Possible zodiac influence in your life around you: Scorpio Mars, Gemini Venus, Libra

Future/health: nothing much here possible accidents involving phones be careful and lay attention, may crack or break it soon.

[flamingo-writes]

A Little Crazy — Tendo Satori x Reader [drabble]

Since I am posting this from the app, I cant keep the usual format my posts have, but fuck it. This is a drabble after all and I wrote it in like a single hour

A/N: so, I'm really projecting myself here. This drabble was inspired by the few fanart and official art in which Satori has a hoodie with something written in katakana. In the official art, I can't fully read the entire thing, but I am pretty much conviced its メキシコ (as the only thing I can read is the キシコ part) which translates as Mexico. And those who know me/have chatter with me can tell you I am Mexican so 🤣 the fact that Satori has a Mexico hoodie made me live him more than I already did.

Summary: Pursuing a career in professional volleyball had led you with a proposal to join a team in a foreign world. However, its not easy to give up on your life as you know it. Specially after spending your highschool years next to your boyfriend, who you loved dearly, but hadn't addressed the elephant in the room just yet.

Word count: 1.1K words

Posted: 07.06.2020

Warnings: a little bit of angst, but with a fluffy ending.

"So...professional volleyball, huh?" Tendo's voice broke the silence, as the anxiety twisted your gut as he addressed the elephant in the room. 

Earlier that day, after receiving the news, you ran to tell your friends, as well as your boyfriend Tendo. Wakatoshi congratulated you, blessing you with one of those rare smiles that felt like finding a four leafed clover. At the time, Satori got excited and hugged you and jumped like an excited dog yelling along with you. 

However, you knew there was something more to address with Satori. You'd been dating for most of your high school years. After meeting in your first year, the instant chemistry and both your impulsive natures led you to start dating three months after meeting each other. 

"I'm a bit scared you know?" You giggled awkwardly. "Flying across the Pacific Ocean, moving into a country I barely know a thing about. I don't even know Spanish, and my English is the worst, I don't know how I'm going to survive" you admitted, only adding to your own fear. 

"I've been there once, it's nice" Satori said leaning against the balcony from the viewpoint as the night city glowed in neon lights. 

"I can tell. You always wear your Mexico's hoodie underneath the uniform's blazer" you giggled. 

"So, this is it?" He said bluntly as your heart shrunk painfully. "Y'know, it's been the best two years and a half of my life" 

"Tendo…" You whispered as tears began filling your eyes.

"Thank you for not treating me like a weirdo. And thank you for putting up with my fangirling about Shonen Jump, and even for giving in to my endless nagging about you reading One Piece and Kimetsu…" 

"Stop that" Your voice broke "You make me feel like I'm dying or something" you chuckled bitterly, as tears began falling down your cheeks. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I really pulled a Wakatoshi there, didn't I?" He looked at you, noticing the tears as you silently wiped them away with your sleeve.

"Yeah, you did" 

"[Name]?" He said in a gentle voice.

"Yes?" 

"I love you" hearing him broke your heart instantly, as you sobbed silently and looked up at him "Don't forget that when you move to Mexico, okay?" 

"I love you too, Tori-kun" you sobbed, hugging him and burying your face in his chest as you kept crying quietly. "You're my favorite part of my whole high school experience" 

"Am I? More than volleyball?" His voice became more playful than earlier.

"From the moment I started high school at Shiratorizawa, I was already aiming for professional volleyball. You were a pleasant surprise, I never thought I'd meet someone like you here" Looking up, you met his eyes, reflecting a tender stare that only shone through his eyes when you were alone.

"Someone like me?" 

"A yokai boy, an actual satori, you know? A playful spirit with mind reading skills that likes to creep people out, but doesn't harm them" 

Satori chuckled amused by how you described him.

"That's how you see me?" He smirked trying to hide the pain he was feeling at the time.

"I see a weirdo, and a nerd, a smartass. I also see someone who's kind, and gentle, and funny. I see you and my heart still goes all crazy everytime I see you" 

"Baby, if you keep going I'm gonna puke from how cheesy you sound" He giggled leaning down and stealing a kiss from you. "I'm always thinking what I'd do without you, I never thought it'd come the day I'd have to answer that question…" 

As much as he was happy to see you achieve your dream, he still felt bitter about the idea of letting you go. He even fantasized about convincing you to stay, but he would never be able to do that in real life. Even when he didn't like volleyball enough to pursue a career, he knew you did. And he was not going to ruin your chance of actually going to join a professional team.

"Don't" Your voice broke him apart from the sour series of thoughts that were making him feel more and more miserable as your time together seemed to be running out.

"You said something, baby?" He said looking at you, as now it was.him who was trying to keep the tears from falling down his cheeks. 

"Don't" You repeated.

"What?" 

"Come to Mexico with me" Your question left him speechless. Not just that, but his mind simply turned off.

"What?" He muttered barely making a sound.

"I'm serious" You said.

"I know you are, baby!" Satori chuckled. "I-I...whoa, for the first time I don't know what to say…" A few tears escaped from the corner of his eyes as he tried to stay composed "Congratulations, you left the mind reading yokai completely blank" He joked.

"You can go to college there, I don't know if you can buy Jump there, but worst case scenario, you can ask Goshiki to send you the weekly jumps…" you shrugged before locking eyes with him "Why are you giving me that look?" 

"I-I…I don't...know…" Satori's voice broke slightly as he tried to mask it with an awkward chuckle. "Not to get all sentimental and psychological but…" 

He stopped as he took a deep breath, thinking how he was actually very close to breaking down. Overwhelming thoughts running in all directions in his head. 

"It's hard for me to believe sometimes how much you love me. I-I mean...Yeah, growing up I was the weirdo no one wanted to befriend. And here you are, wanting to export me across the sea…" He chuckled at his own joke, trying to cope with everything he was feeling.

"Export" you giggled "what are you? A package?" 

"One of the finest quality" He answered as more tears fell down his eyes and he looked away, wiping them with his fingers. 

"I love you, Satori, I really do" You whispered "I-I mean, if you don't want to go to Mexico, I get it. It's not...easy…" Upon your realization of what you'd asked him, you suddenly felt embarrassed "One thing is moving from one city to another, and that's already hard...moving countries must be…" 

"I do" He interrupted you with a soft voice.

"What?" 

"Whoa, that sounded as if I was answering a marriage proposal" Satori laughed. "Which isn't so different from asking your boyfriend to move in to Mexico with you, if you ask me—" 

"Wait, you mean that?" You cut him off.

"Is it a crazy idea? Yes, yes it is. But we're both a little bit crazy for agreeing into dating each other, aren't we?" He shrugged.

"Tori-kun!" you giggled, hugging him once more, as he brushed your hair, kissing your forehead. 

[15megapixels]

🥚2020 Art Summary, here we go!

(some reflections and story time about this year’s art journey is under the cut)

Despite of how hellish this year is, this year gave me a lot of opportunities. An opportunity to step back from the fast-pacing world of my day-to-day job, reflect life’s impermanence, long term plans, an opportunity to save financially (due to the lockdown as it lessened unnecessary expenditures and focused solely on the needs)*, spend more time with my family (and dog), and most important of all, the opportunity to “take the leap” from the things I’m afraid of doing.

* I can’t still believe how you guys helped me at that point where my dog Max needed surgery. I can’t thank everyone enough ❤

I was full of uncertainty and fear if I plan to make my art a career, specifically opening my art commissions. Questions such as “what if no one wants to commission me?”, “what if my paypal got hacked because of online hackers and stuff?”, “what if my works are not enough?”, “how do you do pricing? i might be over-selling. i might be cutting myself short”, “what if I can’t commit my time and my clients will get angry at me?”, help

As the saying goes, sometimes the best way to solve a problem, is through it.

I took the time to ask my artist friends, consulted & watched videos for tips and advice, and thankfully, I got there :) 

First time posting an art commission service felt like I was selling some lemonades in outer space and waiting for someone to buy one. AT LEAST ONE. EVEN IF ITS AN UKNOWN LIFE FORM. Kidding aside, I was surprised at one point i got two consecutive orders, I was glad but sweating (because i dunno how to start). Fortunately, I was able to apply my job’s skill into practice (in terms of dealing customers), I was able to give them updates from time to time (i feel like its the best I should do if I cant finish one work in a day– because like any other people paying for a product and waiting for it to be shipped; we want to know what’s happening to the product/ service we paid for in advance)

Aside from being able to open up commissions and making profit from what I do and love, I also tried to be mindful how to spend that extra income to upgrade my work’s quality - I was able to also buy a decent pc set-up & an art program that really suits my needs (shout out to Clip Studio Paint- and this isn’t sponsored lmao). But I do keep going back to traditional art every now and then.

–

Isn’t it wonderful how people’s trust in your work can actually turn into self-trust and [a boost of] self-confidence? My (irl/ online) peers, family, co-workers, and even people silently going through my works always gives me hope to continue what I do, in spite of the frequent art blocks and busy work schedule. Thank you.

Party-pooper side story (major news): I filed my resignation in my full-time job because of toxic overwork culture, which led to me having more depressive episodes, and I really plan to re-align my career path towards the creative industry :) My last day will be end of January next year. 

In the direction I’m going, I can see that the work resignation decision will cause me impracticality (financially) as the pandemic is still there and unemployment numbers are staggering. At some point my full-time work was bearable, but for the company to ask too much from me is just unnecessary (plus I’m not even properly compensated or allowed to take vacation leaves)

I’ll try my best from thereon to brave the storm.

Here is for this year 🥂 , and I’m looking forward to finding the “me” in my craft in the year(s) to come.

-jv🥚

[rthoney]

1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style?

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day:

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]?

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

9: Are you ticklish?

10: Are you allergic to anything?

11: What’s your sexuality?

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

13: Are you a cat or dog person?

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson?

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber?

16: How tall are you?

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to?

18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits?

20: Do you like space or the ocean more?

21: Are you religious?

22: Pet peeves?

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]?

24: Favorite constellation?

25: Favorite star?

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls?

27: Any phobias or fears?

28: Do you think global warming is real?

29: Do you believe in reincarnation?

30: Favorite movie?

31: Do you get scared easily?

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime?

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]

34: What is a color that calms you?

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live?

36: Where were you born?

37: What is your eye color?

38: Introvert or extrovert?

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs?

40: Hugs or kisses?

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now?

42: Who is someone you love deeply?

43: Any piercings you want?

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so?

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!

47: What is a sound you really hate?

48: A sound you really love?

49: Can you do a backflip?

50: Can you do the splits?

51: Favorite actor and/or actress?

52: Favorite movie?

53: How are you feeling right now?

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

55: When did you feel happiest?

56: Something that calms you down?

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]

58: What does your URL mean?

59: What three words describe you the most?

60: Do you believe in evolution?

61: What makes you unfollow a blog?

62: What makes you follow a blog?

63: Favorite kind of person:

64: Favorite animal(s):

65: Name three of your favorite blogs.

66: Favorite emoticon:

67: Favorite meme:

68: What is your MBTI personality type?

69: What is your star sign?

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog?

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?

72: Post a selfie or two?

73: Do you have platform shoes?

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself?

75: Can you do a front flip?

76: Do you like birds?

77: Do you like to swim?

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you?

79: Something you wish didn’t exist:

80: Some thing you wish did exist:

81: Piercings you have?

82: Something you really enjoy doing:

83: Favorite person to talk to:

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr?

85: How many followers do you have?

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

87: Do your socks always match?

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely?

89: What are your birthstones?

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be?

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be?

92: A store you hate?

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

95: Do you like to wear camo?

96: Winter or summer?

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

98: Least favorite person?

99: Someone you look up to:

100: A store you love?

101: Favorite type of shoes

102: Where do you live?

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why?

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

105: Do you drink milk?

106: Do you like bugs?

107: Do you like spiders?

108: Something you get paranoid about?

109: Can you draw:

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked?

111: A question you hate being asked?

112: Ever been bitten by a spider?

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now:

116: Favorite cloud type:

117: What color do you wish the sky was?

118: Do you have freckles?

119: Favorite thing about a person:

120: Fruits or vegetables?

121: Something you want to do right now:

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier?

123: Sweet or sour foods?

124: Bright or dim lights?

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?

126: Something you hate about Tumblr:

127: Something you love about Tumblr:

128: What do you think about the least?

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now?

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

133: Computer or TV?

134: Do you like roller coasters?

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness?

136: Are your ears lobed or attached?

137: Do you believe in karma?

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are?

139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends?

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

144: What makes you angry

145: How many languages do you speak fluently?

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

147: Are you androgynous?

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself:

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

152: Do you like BuzzFeed?

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.]

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

156: What embarrasses you?

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

159: How many people are you following?

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)?

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)?

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?

163: Last time you cried and why:

164: Do you have long or short hair?

165: Longest your hair has ever been:

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon?

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds?

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

1. im ok with my height 2. Australian Shepard 3. not really.is a sweatshirt and leggings a style? 4. wii  5. probably like the 5 people i talk to every day, hamilton, music 6. i thought of like 6 different things.. 7. idk you pick something and ill answer it  8. fuck idk 9. YES BUT IF YOU TICKLE ME BE PREPARE TO BE KICKED  10. just pollen 11. straight  12. all three. 13. both 14. mermaid hehe i love swimming  15. no 16. 5′ 7″ 17. eliza idk i like my name  18. no 19. nope 20. ocean 21.  kinda more like my dad and stepmom are so like i kinda am too. idrk. 22. people umm idk 23. i dont know 24. i dont have one. they all kinda just look like stars to me.. 25. ^^ 26. wtf is that 27. heights. spiders. snake. most bugs in general. sleeping bags. 28. absoultely  29. no 30. H.A.M.I.L.T.O.N 31. i get startled pretty easily but like actually scared, a little less easly 32.fuck alot. ummm i think 14 not including all the fish ive had 33.well its anon so... 34. idk. 35. new york,  paris, austria, irleand,  36. in the same town i have lived in my whole life 37. meduim brown  38. both.. 39. naw 40. both 41. my mutals  42. my best friendsssss 43. i want another percing on my ear 44. ig 45. no 46. no thank you :) 47. i hate the sound of things being hit on metal 48. lin manuel mirandas voice <3 49. nope 50.NOPE 51. LIN. MANUEL. MIRANDA.  52. HAMILTON 53. im feeling good 54. the color that it is..... 55. idfk 56. listening for music 57. not that i know of  58. it means elizard hamilton 59. music. friends. art. thats probably not what it meant but idk  60. yes  61. being and asshole 62. hamilton and fanfics, mostly  63. idk what this means 64. DOGS. CATS. PANDAS. MOST ANIMALS. 65.i have wayyyy more than three tho..... 66.  idk. 67. i dont have one. 68. i dont know what that is... 69. aquaruis...? 70. no ones old and ones dumb 71. probably my pjs or my london tshirt and jeans/leggings 72. if anyone reminds me i will lol. i doubt anyone will read all of these tho. 73.yes but i dont wear them cause i cant walk in heals 74. idk.... 75. fuck no 76. yea 77. YES I LOVE SWIMMING 78. swimmingggg 79. wasps 80. every broadway show ever to be profretionally recorded. 81. i have two in each ear but i rarely wear the bottom one 82. paiting 83.any one of my best friends. 84. memes. depressed people. fandoms 85.166 86. fuck no. 87. nope. like %80 of the time they dont match 88. sometimes 89. amithest. 90. idk 91. daisiessss 92. idfk 93. 0-2 94.read minds 95. ..idk 96. WINTER 97. idk 98. this ass hole i used to be friends with. he was a racist dick and very toxic 99. i d k  100. idk 101. converse 102. Washington 103. No 104. idk  105. yes 106. some  107. nooooo 108. most things lol 109. kinda 110. idk 111. idrk 112. yea but just like tiny spiders 113. yessssssss 114. sunny unless its raining 115. i dont know. 116. i  dont fuccking know 117. blue...? 118. i wishhhh 119 personality 120. vegitables 121. watch hamilton 122. sky 123. sweet, i dont like sour things 124. dim 125. no 126. idk 127. my friends <3 128. what does this mean... 129. idfk 130. my brother  131. basically everything about me  132. sometimes but not really. 133. computer 134. FUCK YEA 135. no 136.what? 137. no 138. 6.7 139. ri ri, ri, genie, honey, riles, bitch, eliza, weirdo, trash, riley elizabeth gene (not my name) 140. no  141. once. but i was super awkward and didnt talk the enitre time amd never saw her again. i probably need theriapy  142. good 143. giving 144. racists, terfs, people who are assholes 145. 1 146. boys 147. what is that 148. my eyes :P 149. idk 150. lexi. peggy. alex. 151. early brodway era 152. yes. sometimes its a problem 153. LOL IM SINGLE  154. yess 155. yos. espisally when my friends hate it so i do it to mess with them 156. my family. talking about my life with my family. sharing things i like with my family, talking about who i like. 157. preforming 158. how i met my best friend. its a long story but ill say if anyone wants me to 159. 142 160. 3563 161. 7 162. 4641 163. i dont know 164. long 165. probably now is the longest its been. or like kindergarden lol 166. ? 167. no 168. a little 169. hell naw 170. yea.

HOLY FUCK THAT TOOK SO FUCKING LONG

thank you anon

[mrsmarymorstan]

Hello, i saw your answer re animated scene you're most excited about. I have never been comfortable with the scene of Yuki thrashing Kyo as a way to knock sense into him re Tohru. the idea that physically beating someone is a good way to get them to learn a lesson makes 0 sense to me. I wonder what i am failing to understand re necessity of violence seeing as the majority of Kyo stans are so gleeful and ok with it?

Okay so I mostly use mobile so I missed this and have no idea how long it has been here... but I think you raise and interesting point so I’m gonna answer this now. This is gonna get HELLA spoilery so bare with. It’s ALSO gonna get rambly because I don’t know how else to be on the internet. 

Point to keep in mind -- this is not a real world thing and fight scenes with emotions behind them are enjoyable to read/watch because they combine lots of different things we enjoy. Fast action, competition, emotional stakes, tension and passion and DRAMA! OH THE DRAMA! This does not mean that I support these actions IRL. 

Now, in the terms of these fictional people in this fictional world: 

What I think matters here is that Kyo and Yuki are ALWAYS fighting. Both verbally and physically, Kyo is always challenging Yuki to a fights because he has been told if he wins then he will be a member of the zodiac. Yuki rises to this challenge because he despises that Kyo WANTS to be in the Zodiac, and despises what Kyo represents i.e. a normal and happy life with a loving family. That isn’t to say that Kyo HAS that, but that is what Yuki sees. He sees Kyo being adopted by Kazuma and taken away from the Sohma Cage. He sees all the other zodiac members WANTING to spend time with him, and being allowed to do so. Even if he IS the cat, and they all secretly despise him and only spend time with him because he reminds them of how much worse they could have it. 

Therefore, Yuki and Kyo have been gunning for a final showdown since the START! Fighting and violence is the only thing they KNOW how to do with each other. For Kyo, martial arts isn’t just about causing pain, it’s about controlling his emotions and finding a centre. He talks about killing Yuki but his blows are never designed for that. He says “I’LL KILL YOU!” but it’s teenage drama. Fighting is where they get out their emotions. It’s where Kyo can tell if Yuki’s feeling genuinely angry or not based on how hard he hits him. It’s really the only time before the school council that Yuki actually expresses how he feels. Thus their fight in C. 123 is this final pouring out of emotions and feelings that can finally be expressed. 

What’s important to note as well, is that after the beach arc, Kyo decides to literally stop fighting. He won’t rise to Yuki’s taunts as much. He won’t actively challenge Yuki anymore. He’s given up! Meanwhile, Yuki has found his spirit at last and found what he wants to fight for! And Kyo isn’t fighting for it anymore. He’s given up and in giving up he has hurt Tohru! So yeah, I think from Yuki’s POV Kyo is in for a slap because of what he did to his closest friend! The woman who taught him how to love himself so he can do the same for others. And Kyo just... told her she was stupid for opening up to him and was disillusioned and then she ran away and fell off a cliff? YOU’D BE ANGRY! 

So you have a broken Kyo who has given up on fighting yet still finds solace in martial arts, and a Yuki who is finally allowing himself to express his emotions and say how he feels. It makes for an interesting match up, and a fascinating conversation! This is the moment where they FINALLY admit to how they TRULY feel about one another. Kyo would NEVER have listened to Yuki if he was just standing there and talking, he’d walk away. So Yuki makes SURE that he listens! And it becomes clear in the language of their fight that Yuki is getting out a lot of pempt up emotions whilst Kyo is finally admitting his fears out loud. 

This is them finally opening up about everything. 

Now let’s examine some of the dialogue here. When Yuki shows up, Kyo doesn’t even look at him. He keeps his back to the door and stares out into the night like the angsty cat boy he is. All he says is: “Say what you want. Even if i was there... I’d only hurt her. I can’t protect her. She’s better off... with you.” 

This is what it all boils down to. Kyo wants to protect Tohru, he cannot. Yuki has show time and time again, in Kyo’s mind, that he CAN protect Tohru! I rescued her and bought her back home when she was a child. He walks her home from work. He didn’t kill her Mum and then trick her into loving him. Yuki is all that is good, and Kyo can never match up to because he is the cat, and Yuki is the rat. 

NATURALLY Yuki is angry about this because Kyo is everything that he wanted to be! And Yuki, who shut himself away. Who refused to speak. Who hid everything away inside a box with a tight lid... FINALLY let’s it ALL out. He tells Kyo how he feels about him and YEAH there’s punching because he’s ANGRY! And this is the way these two always talk about their emotions. 

And yet in this fight Kyo barely fights back. He stands there and takes every hit, only responding to being called a “Stupid Cat”. Where he, again, finally admits to Yuki to WANTING to be like him. Literally, “I wish I could’ve been like that! Someone like you! I wanted... to be you!” 

And Yuki’s face is just... beautiful in this moment. He’s shocked, he’s horrified. It NEVER occurred to him that someone like Kyo would WANT to be like HIM? So when he tells him to “cut the crap” it’s because he doesn’t know what to think anymore. And at last, through this conversation of misplaced anger and violence, Yuki too admits the truth and it’s JUST as shocking to Kyo. “It’s the same for me! I wanted... to be... like you!” 

And they’re both trying to process this, trying to come to terms with their own truth and what it comes down to. And then they stop fighting. Yuki puts Kyo down, he turns to the side and says a line that DEAR GOD I love and have kept close to my heart all these years... “But... only you can be you. And only I... can be me. We cant be anyone but ourselves. We have to accept who we are... and face ourselves. We don’t have a choice.” 

This is in part a lesson he’s learnt from Kakeru who has been searching for his own redemption arc alongside Yuki and it’s FASCINATING. But that’s for another post. 

Anyway, Yuki then punches the door which is a step up for him! He tells Kyo that he was the person Tohru needed the most, and the person who was able to protect her by making her smile. This element of GIVING in a relationship is incredibly important to Yuki and it’s what makes Machi so special to him, because he can give the same things to her as Kyo gives to Torhu! In some ways, you COULD say that Kyo taught Yuki what it meant to be in love. But again, for another post. 

So yeah, Yuki has Kyo’s attention now! And he tells him all of this truth that he has chosen to ignore all along. He controls his anger and Kyo listens. He listens because Yuki took that fight so seriously, given it more passion and anger than ever before and then STOPPED. There are these beautiful peeks and trofs that happen throughout and ARGH it’s BEAUTIFUL! 

And you know what? Kyo listens. He walks away with his tail between his legs and goes to the hospital in bare feet. Because he has faced the truth now, and the truth HURTS. And now he needs to go and face the consequences of his actions and make amends to Tohru. He and Yuki are on even terms now. They both know where they stand. Kyo can take advice from Yuki, and Yuki can take advice from Kyo (though he doesn’t really it need it right now since he already subconsciously got that advice-- see loving Machi) 

So, to conclude I guess, the scene is a favourite of scene is a favourite of mine and of many, because it’s the final emotional culmination of 21 volumes of drama and tension. It’s the final battle, and it ends in a conversation. Their language is violence, they have the biggest talk they have ever had in that language... and it ends in words. We don’t see Kyo lying bleeding on the ground afterwards. We see him walking away from Yuki and towards Tohru. 

SURE Yuki plays him by making him believe the hospital is still open, but in his mind Kyo still needs some punishing for all he said to Tohru. And like... yeah. He’s KINDA right. But then we get parallels AGAIN with Yuki’s opening monologue in the chapter and Kyo’s closing one! ‘I wish I could have lived my life without making any wrong turns”. 

It’s just... EVERYTHING in this chapter is amazing and beautiful and Kyo as a person NEEDS to have that information hit into him for him to ever listen. And Yuki needs to let his anger out in a way that isn’t as self destructive and aaOJbodgvehudjsmajknBHG!!! I just can’t wait to see this whole thing animated because if you just LOOK at a page of the manga SO MUCH is being said there in a single image of an eye and ADMKJNASHDGFTGQWUJikjhg!!!!! 

Eric and Jerry will MURDER me. I will be DEAD. I will have drowned in my own tears. People will find my body and think that Izuko and Inko Midoryia teamed up to dispose of me. That is how many tears will be shed. And I will never have felt MORE alive!!!!

[quackspot]

i started thinking about that gay bastard oc of yours. platano. can u tell me about him

omg u wer thinkgin about platano..... mr banana man... mr 4011. i am obsessed with the banana code srry i just got back from work (it was good :-D)

any way. um. im going below the cut. he kidnaps people and he murders people and i hate him because he’s also a massive weeb so. hm

HISTORY OF PLATANO... yea his name is spanish for banana

his father, pablo, will probably get a name change someday but i literally never think of his father since the only thing he did in platano’s backstory was disappear 

since platano’s world has characters based off like. fruits and vegetables (there aren’t really any limit to what the characters are based off of. it was in my lazy google translate name phase so we have like... a gay character named arcenciel who becomes dadlike through my powerful canon-changing touch. also arcenciel wears the colors of the rainbow as often as he can i haven’t figured out a good design for him since i’m not used to using more than 5 colors. he also owns a hat factory)

i think arcenciel and platano are friends they met when platano was like. 17 probably and arcenciel would be around uhhhhh ummmmmmm 21??? idk man but in canon he’s probably around 30 . yes i m saying “in canon” because i wrote a really dumb and horrible story back in 2018 arcenciel used to have HUGE internalized homophobia and i turned that into a running joke and i dislike that so that’s a reason why i’m not sharing the fun little story i wrote for my friends

(the best part of that story is when arcenciel threw his light-up rainbow heelies at platano, thus starting the boss fight which the main cast LOST.)

ok back to the topic at hand. platano.

i have a whole doc named platano where i just wrote drabbles about him so i’m going to summarize them

the first one was his friend, percisi (my only cishet oc he’s very short and very aggressive while also dressing in a soft-colored turtleneck since he’s based off of peaches) using a misunderstood form of satanism to summon satan. guess what percisi and platano summoned satan for. it was a manga update! wow

i won’t say the mangas name it was an inside joke

so platano was like “hey satan can i have this manga now please please” and satan went “sure just kill people for me” 

that determined platanos job for the next 7 or so years <3 wonderful. 

(it was basically me writing a backstory for a scene to happen in the main writing i wrote for my friends. he killed someone because someone else in the building was trying to summon satan. very confusing but okay i guess.)

i think right after that i wrote about platano meeting his boyfriend, sage, for the first time. i have horribly mixed feelings about their relationship since it’s very. Hm.

so platano kidnaps people to watch anime with him because all his friends left him and his best friend, mangue, is too busy being a dictator over the Land of the Fruits. i shit you not fruits oppressed the vegetables. i wrote that dynamic between the two because i was learning about the revolutionary war in US History. something like that at least

(the Land of the Fruits is not the official name)

on the topic of kidnapping people. guess who his favorite person was. sage. it was sage. so he tried to take sage often but they probably discussed Proper boundaries since everyone else tried to run away. hmm i am now going to write a bit right now 

“Platano,” Sage started. “Why do you keep kidnapping me? It’s rude and I hate it.”

“What else am I supposed to do?” The yellow-haired fool leaned on his sword, digging the tip deeper into the ground. 

“ASK ME IF I WANT TO HANG OUT??” 

“I can do that?”

“You keep making my dads worried.” Sage looked around the area, fidgeting with his hands. 

“Oh. Okay. Want to hang out? Watch some anime?” Platano paused for a moment, but managed to say “Maybe kiss?” before Sage got to answer.

“I- KISS??? We can watch anime together. We can go now.” 

Sage ushered Platano through a portal as fast as he could. 

His dads were never worried.

hmmm maybe that’s alright idk i’m a little tired so it’s probably a little out of character. sage probably isn’t that loud but i think it was trying to be the dynamic of “oh, we’re not dating” when they kiss every sunday at 5 pm by a romantic river scene 

he’s a character who is, at his very core, horrible and bad. he is portrayed in a way i DESPISE but i’m too lazy to correct it. his interest in sage actually started with me going “hmm i think platano would draw sage like this” then sauce giving me fun facts about his oc, sage, yea sage is sauce’s oc <3 epic win . so sauce gave me fun facts about sage and i was like “time to doodle these in platanos ‘art style’” when in reality it’s just the mockery of people just getting into an anime art style, with the chin so pointy it could cut a cake 

i might reread my old writing from 2018. i gotta agree with the judges for that year i did not write very well

it mightve actually been made in 2017 which would be FUCKIN CRAZY im gonna check rn 

yea it was started in 2018. february 14th... huh . finished it completely in june of that year it was 41 pages total and it’s not even double spaced how did i write something without double spacing it

OH MY GOD BOB IS GOING TO HIJACK THIS RANT JUST FOR A LITTLE

so bob is a fluffy little anthro cloud with a grey top hat and bowtie. he is amazing. i love bob. bob is another one of sauce’s character and mangue (mentioned earlier) was made by my friend jamie 

(you can always ask for their tumblrs but i’d ask them if its okay to share their tumblrs. i might just look at them and reblog their stuff cuz i like their art!!! maybe jamie posted a drawing she made recently on her blog but tbh i don’t think she would she’s more of a twitter user)

ok so im skimming thru UMG which is the story it stands for “Universe of Magic Gardens” and it was originally made for a prank on ponytown so people would go “what’s UMG” and my friends and i would be like “ur mom gay xDDDDDD” or something like that . horrible but i’m glad i’ve changed from . that.

here’s a bit i actually like AKLJFISJFIO

“What the actual FUCK, Ilkie?!” Arcenciel cringed in fear. “Put it back- it’s too ugly.” He pointed at Platano, whose arms were crossed. 

why is it bolded. anyway.

i just saw a part where eau used y’all... water cowboy moments <333 i really need to make refs for all of those old characters. all of my umg-related characters have to be my oldest-living ocs. 

i cant believe this is making me genuinely reread my old writing just to go “WJHFSIDAJKSFIOJ WTF????” 

some of the lines on it sound like something you would hear on like. a school bus or somethin 

looking at umg like “wtf how did i add so much Meat to this writing” bc most of my writing now is mostly quotations to progress the story (like the quickie i wrote earlier. i could add meat to it but im  tired lol)

OK THIS IS MORE GENERAL BUT MY FAVORITE THING ABOUT THIS WAS WRITING HAIKUS FOR PORTALS. after you visit a place enough times it’s kind of just an instinct to open a portal there so you don’t have to recite a haiku 

uhh ok here’s another bit becuase im feeling like living la vida loca.  ur biggest regret should be “can you tell me about him” by this point bc i’ve written too much to go back now

He landed on his face once he was outside of the hat. Meko quickly walked over to the guest room, opened the Portals for Dummies book, and flipped to a page. It looked devious.

“Banana, mango,

Each tasting amazingly.

A taste of evil.” 

Meko did the dance on the page, it consisted of something that looks like it’s from an anime. A portal opened, the familiar scent of bananas and mangoes coming from it. With some hesitation, Meko stepped in. He quickly made it so only his head peeked in.

it wasnt bolded this time but i like it bolded. ok i understand how i added meat it was just shitty expired meat ALKFSJSHDAIUJKFEIODSJAK . it wasnt even that much meat DAMN. it just looked like more.

actually that’s all i will write. i could  do more w platano but yea at his base he is a blonde twink who kills people because he wanted a manga but now he’s friends with a dictator. woo! wow. amazing character writing. i cant wait to get motivation to rewrite everything and make platano a good villain (he will still be very interested in anime sadly. idk why around that time i liked making characters who were obsessed with anime i didn’t even watch it much myself. i think it was because i wanted to put capes on them)

[beepathan]

ok ive decided to just dump every thought i have on this post. buffoonery under the cut

ONE! AND HERE COMES THE TWO TO THE THREE BROS IN THE PLACE TO BE ICHIBANTTE DOUBLE B I shit i forgot the rest DOO DO DO DOOOO DO DO DO DO DOOOOO DOD OOOOO DO DOOOOOOOOOOO DOOOO DOOOOOD OOOOOD OOOOOD ODDOODOOOO i doubt thatd register as the pattern i intended it to to any one who read it. goddddd i need to yell and make noise but i CANTTTTTT flowers that bloom in the darkness its a sighting that is rare to come across nobody seems to have noticdd thay the power that has been bestowed is lust riding through the twilight this armory. protects my HEATRRRTT BADBADBABBDBADBABDBABBABBABDBDBBBBDBADBABDBABDBADBBADBABDBADBABDBADBABDABBBDBBADBANDBADBANDNAbDNABd cfnfn OFO GOD I WISH I COULD MAKE DUBSTEP NOISES OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!yeah being a scientist is gonna be cool and all but i really wish i could go into music or visual art or something like. i want to make things creatively i want to create sounds and colors and characters and words i dont want to spend my days in a lab or teaching biology to high schoolers who couldnt care less. i mean ok actually being in a lab would be cool hypothetically depending on what sort of science specifically i would do. ive been biting the insides of my cheeks a lt lately and i cant move my face without feeling the places where my cheeks have become thinner even just in the slightest amount. im worried about the message my sister and i’s comic might accidentally send because theres a lot of moral ambiguity and the “good guys” arent really good at all. there arent really any good guys in our story just people the narrative follows. ill take you baaaaack my valkyrieeeeeee youre coming HOOOOOMe i wont lose. hope. bBABBAAAAAAAAADADAADBABBABABA shit how longs that empty drink been there. since this morning ok. i really cant envision a realistic future for myself where im happy and fulfilled. its not very fun to think about and im worried about the state of the world becasue it doesnt look like its going to get better. like the actions everyday people can take willl never be enough and we just have to hope the people with the power to start fixing things will actually do so. but we all know they wont and thats scary. it really does feel like humanity is rushing headfirst into its self-made doom and its all because of a few people. which fucking sucks i mean like. can someone ping the mods on earth and get the fuckers permabanned or something. establish a unified planet where we help each other instead of trying to destroy each other at the cost of destroying ourselves. id go to therapy but these arent issues i can overcome, its genuinely how it is and theres realistically nothing to be done except try to cope with it while the people causing this dont bat an eye at what theyve done. every single day the people with power CHOOSE not to make things better. and for WHAT? im not religious but i hope to fuck theres an afterlife and theres justice because. god whats even the point otherwise? shit im about to start spiralling. ok ill try to think about something else. really the only way to get things done is to Do them and it seems obvious even to those who dont get things done but like. it truly is an ordeal because Doing things ends up being a more complicated process than youd think. we really are what we do and not what we feel but i think for mentos illness its kinda the opposite. even if you can hide your symptoms its about whats going on inside, and that inside stuff directly contradicts a lot of the efforts you try to make externally somehow. mind over matter, but what if the mind is deliberately trying to sabotage your efforts? then again, it isnt malicious in nature. just as much as you Are your mind, you are also a creature, acting on instinct, even if that instinct is thought through and rationalized so that you do not view it as such. in the end all that separates me from a cell is how much of me there is. how much of the world i can interact with. a cell can only interact with as much as it is a part of, but i interact with so much more than i will ever know or perceieve. countless cells, microbes and shit, ive changed and moved and killed and created more of those than ill ever know, because just as i can not perceive the infinite wonder of the universe, i can not perceieve the life that goes on at a certain level smaller than me. where does the line get drawn, for the life i perceieve? will i ever spell perceieve right? no. i have the power to spell it right, but i choose not to correct myself, because i have deemed that action worthless. is that why the people in power refuse to make things better? do they deem the safety of those controlled by their systems worthless? in the grand scheme of things, i suppose theyd be correct. someday we will all cease to exist, and none of our actions, our thoughts and feelings, the things weve seen and loved and feared and been apathetic to, will matter, because at the end of the day, we are a speck in the infinite expanse of the universe. but what if we werent? what if my actions have meaning, outside this room, outside this country, outside this galaxy? just because i think it is worthless to correct my spelling mistakes on a post no one will ever see does not make it so. the cells in my body dont find it worthless when i breathe, when i eat and drink and live and die. i think my laundry might be done drying soon

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

[two-plus-two-is-four]

The lovely @thelordofshadows suggested that I answered every question, probably after recognizing how hyped I was about Apaera, so here I go!

Answers under the cut because this is going to be a loooong post.

01. What is their favorite food? Overall, she prefers fruity sweets like baked apples. She especially likes anything cinnamon flavored. If desserts don’t count, then a fish stew.

02. Do they have a fear of an animal? If so, what animal? Not really. Unless the animals are corrupted somehow.

03. What do they wear to bed? Pants and a loose long sleeved shirt. Might layer a nightdress underneath for extra warmth.

04. Do they like cuddling? She’d be caught dead before admitting it to anyone, but yes and that says a lot.

05. Do they have a secret handshake with anyone? She prefers absurd questions or phrases, to identify people in disguise.

06. What do they look like? She has pitch black skin and hair. Her eyes have a silver iris and she is usually shrouded in darkness.

07. Do they like chocolate? LOVE chocolate!

08. What are their good and bad traits? Her good trait is her empathy, for most things living. Her bad trait is her stubbornness.

09. Do they have any artistic talent? Not quiet artistic, but she does know how to play a few melodies on the flute.

10. What is their favorite room to be in, in the house  they live in? The tallest part of the tower where she can gaze out from

11. Do they believe in luck? Yes, and she actually considers herself to be quiet fortunate. Lady luck isn’t always sweet to her, but she respects the ups and down as a bigger part of the chaos she thrives in. (As answered previously)

12. Can they do magic? Yes, she can cast the spells she’s blessed with. Usually illusion magic.

13. Do they believe in dragons? It’d be harder not to.

14. What is a pet peeve of theirs? When the person she is talking to vanishes.

15. What was the last thing they cried about? Besides from pain, the loss of someone important enough to stir up emotion inside her.

16. What is their sexuality? Generally uninterested, both sexually and romantically, so asexual aromantic. Before her transition to the being she is currently she hadn’t given it much thought.

17. Do they have a best friend? If so, who, and what makes them their best friend? Life long friendships are difficult for her. Besides the few she connects with during their life, probably someone with the same lifespan as her. A certain tiefling comes to mind.

18. Have they ever been in a romantic relationship? No, since her crush short of died, unfortunately. Her feelings are quiet numb either way.

19. What does their relationship with their family look like? Are they close? Distant? Ect. Her family by blood, she has long lost contact with. She doesn’t really recall them anymore, besides her little sister who she still thinks about from time to time. Her found family she is quiet close to, despite all of them having their own paths in life.

20. Do they have a pet? She had a few pets in their earlier years, but it was apparent to her that her lifestyle wasn’t really suited for an animal.

21. Do they have a familiar? Not for a while, no.

22. Are they a supernatural being? Yes, quiet a strong one too. A shadow.

23. How do they usually wear their hair? Short, with the sides shaved. Sometimes on a little horse’s tail.

24. Can they play an instrument? If so, what instrument and what can they play? As previously mentioned, she knows how to play the flute.

25. What type a high schooler are/were they? If she ever went to high school, she’d be a mix of a jock and a goth.

26. Have they ever been in a physical fight before? If so, with who? Who won? Quiet a lot, actually. Some she has won, some she has lost, but she survived all of them but one.

27. What is their favourite holiday? Midnight.

28. If they could have one wish, what would they wish for? Depending on her age, either for her soul to be complete again, or, after certain events, to aid a certain someone in which ever way they’d need, if you catch my drift.

29. Do they wants kids? If they already have kids, do they want more? She doesn’t want kids of her own, but she does like taking care of kids and spending time with them.

30. Do they have a job? She has worked quiet a few jobs here in there over the years.

31. Do they know how to drive? Like a cart? A carriage? Nope, but she can ride a horse.

32. Do they get stressed out easily? Quiet the opposite, if she is stressed out then shit are really going down.

33. Did they ever dye their hair before? If so, to what colour? Did they like it? As part of a disguise, perhaps, but never permanently. She didn’t really mind it.

34. Have they ever broken the law? Never, I swear to Cyric.

35. Do they own a plant? A little pot with a nocturnal lily.

36. Have they ever rode a horse before? Yup, in quiet a few trips.

37. What is their favorite gif?

Is there a reason for this? Yes, absolutely.

38. Do they get along with others easily? Yes, when she doesn’t tease around and poke at them

39. Do they have any tattoos? Not yet, not against it thought. Perhaps once she finds something special enough to her.

40. If I wanted to draw them, what would be distinct physical features that I would have to know to draw them correctly? Her eyes, the whites are actually black while the silver iris has a purple tint to it. Other than that, her nails, which she uses as a martial art’s weapon. Like claws.

41. What is their favourite breed of dog? All dogs are good dogs, but if she was to pick one, she’d go with something fluffy, like a samoyed or a husky.

42. Do they live with anyone? If so, who? She used to live with the people that trained her, then those that she trained. Monks and other shadows.

43. Where is their dream vacation? Somewhere across the great sea. Exploring is an acceptable vacation activity, no?

44. Do they know more than one language? Other than common, she speaks halfling and dwarvish. Over the years, she has also picked up thieves’ cant  and hand cant

45. Are they a quick learner? When survival depends on it. Though her wits are sharper than her memory.

46. Have they ever won a contest before? If so, what for? What did they win? Contest for worst sacrifice ever?

47. If the world were to end in 24 hours, where would they be and who would they be with? If the world was to end in 24 hours, that means someone’s plan went terrible wrong, so naturally, she’d be by someone’s side, trying to stop the world’s end.

48. What does their room look like? Unmade bed, desk filled with papers, pens, ink bottles, a half melted candle. Lot’s of clutter, spell components everywhere. Cloaks, hats and boots, all organized neatly in some corner along with other equipment. Little trinkets with emotional value pilled up high next to the gear.

49. If they could have an extinct animal for a pet, what would they have? Not an extinct animal, but she wouldn’t mind a pseudo-dragon.

50. If they got called out by someone, what would they do? Admit her mistake an try her best to correct it as soon as possible.

51. Have they ever shot a gun before? Prefers crossbows.

52. Have they ever been axe throwing? A few times, not their weapon of preference.

53. What is something that they want but can’t have? Her feelings to be returned by their crush and her soul to be whole again.

54. Do they know how to fish? Yes, she finds it quiet relaxing.

55. What is something they always wanted to do but too scared? Confess, though it wouldn’t make any difference. She is convinced that he already knows.

56. Do they own their own baby pictures? Nope, but she has an idea who would if she ever wanted them.

57. What makes them standout among others? The shadows leaking from her skin. Now if we are talking about other shadows, her empathy.

58. Do they like to show off? Perhaps..

59. What is their favourite song? Choir Noir - Shadow Moses Beneath the Mask (Cover by Adriana) Leonard Cohen - You Want It Darker

60. What would be their dream vehicle? Doesn’t really have one, teleporting through shadows is fine with her.

61. What is their favourite book? Lot’s of favorites over the years, couldn’t really name one.

62. Who, in their opinion, makes the best food? Anyone willing to cook instead of spawning food with magic.

63. Are they approachable? It depends on what she is doing at the time, but most times, yes.

64. Did they ever change their appearance? She sees no point to it, besides disguises.

65. What makes them smile? Hanging out with humans, listening their tales, about their lives, their every day worries. Old friends.

66. Do they like glowsticks? .. Doesn’t need the light exactly.

67. What is something that is simple, but always makes them smile? Dogs.

68. Are they a day or night person? Night person. 110%

69. Are they allergic to anything? Nightbringers and all other worshipers of Shar.

70. What do you, the creator of this OC, like most about them? Her unbreakable will and the tendency absolutely wreck havoc where that is needed. To be sacrificed to a cruel god who feeds of your pain and misery and at that instance decide that instead of caving in your misery, you will instead become the worst sacrifice they’ve ever received by laughing at their face.. Idk man, I think that takes some balls. (As previously answered)

71. Who is their ride or die? Again, a certain tiefling comes to mind.

72. Do they currently have a significant other? If not, are they going to get one later one? I mean, a girl can hope.

73. What attracts them to another person? Freedom, knowing that the people around her will never hold her back.

74. Who is one person that can always make them laugh? Drasek Riven, he doesn’t even have to say anything. He can just be there.

75. Have they ever partied too hard and their friends had to take them home? Yes, not a fond memory of hers’.

76. Who would be their cuddle buddy? Whoever would be brave enough to recognize that she is actually touch starved.

77. Who would cheer them up after a long day? Usually, she is one to stay alone, so when she is in need of company, she’ll just start up a conversation with a stranger.

78. If they had a nightmare, who would they run to? By now, she is used to nightmares, but if she could, her brothers and sisters are who she’d go to. She wouldn’t say anything, their company is enough to calm her most of the times. When not, meditating in an empty dark room usually helps calm her down.

79. What object to the care for the most? It’s not the object it’s self but the information in it. A small book with maps of all the places she has visited.

80. Do they like other people’s children? Yes, love to hang out with them and love to look after them. The little sprouts are really entertaining.

81. How would they react if someone broke into their home? Three stunning strikes? They are bound to fail at least one. Questions will be asked afterwards.

82. Does anyone make them have butterflies in their stomach? Nope, surely not, she is a coldblooded thousands year old being. Of course, there is no one in this plane that makes her feel that way.

83. What is something that they are good at? Taking care of others, listening, paying attention to their reactions.

84. What is their neutral expression? A little scary, but she usually smiles.

85. Do they like to cook? For herself and for others.

86. What is something they can’t leave home without? Her mask.. Even if worn around her writs, she still needs the security of being able to cast spells.

87. Who is someone that they rely on? The asshole who gives her her spell slots.

88. Do they liked to be tickled? Hard pass. Dislikes when people touch her out of the blue.

89. Have they ever been a sword fight before? Is it considered a sword fight if she wasn’t holding a sword?

90. What is a joke that they would find funny? -Then perish- jokes.

91. Do they have a place that can go and turn off their brain? Usually any room without much light, otherwise, a closet will do.

92. What was their childhood like? She doesn’t remember a lot of it, but she know she was happy. One of her few memories is of her and her little sister playing explorers in their mother’s garden. The years after turning to a shade she also considers a short of childhood or at least teen hood as she had to readjust and find new balances in her life. It took her a while to figure out how to care for people again when she could hardly feel anything, but little by little she managed to give up her spite. Those years were the roughest for her.

93. What are they like as an adult? After her second “puberty”, she learned to be quiet more free spirited, relaxed and easy going thought with certain events that happened in her life span, her spite towards a certain group of individuals reignited.

94. Do they take criticism well? Most of the times. She wants to generally improve herself.

95. Have they ever jumped out of a plane? Well.. Not a plane, no. But I can imagine her jumping off of a floating city.

96. Who do they like to make jokes with? The bastard that gives her her assignments.

97. Have you ever drawn them before? If you are comfortable with it, would you post a picture?

[talesoftxt]

TXT Hogwarts AU

So this is my first time publicly sharing my writings and I'm really nervous and also kind of excited. Please bear with me, English isn't my first language however I do try to do my best in my works. Anywhos here's my first post I hope you guy enjoy!

Yeonjun

•Slytherin

•pureblood

•was shunned his whole life due to his parents being deatheaters in the second wizarding war

•raised by his grandmother who he loves to pieces

•don't tell anyone but grandma choi actually raised him muggle style so he's very knowledgable when it comes to them

•his one and only friend is soobin, that is of course before he met the three other boys

•the sorting hat barely even touched his head before it announced "slytherin"

•worked his way up until he became what he is today

•his goal is to erase the stigma of slytherins being evil

•intimidates everyone with his sharp eyes and blank face but don't be fooled, he's as extra and wild as the others

•once dared himself to wrestle with the black lake's giant squid

•always aims to be the best at everything, probably to the point of overworking himself

•as a first year flying had come naturally to him and easily became his favourite subject but was soon replaced by defence against the dark arts

•the boy is a quick thinker and could disarm his opponent in a matter of seconds, though he is good at casting other spells he opts for a defensive style of duelling

•ever since he was young he dreamt of being an auror

•the team captain of slytherin's quidditch team, his swiftness and agility earned him the title "best chaser"

•dubbed as "slytherin's prince" his housemates respect and look up to him

•don't cross him.just don't.

•very cautious when it comes to picking his friends and is very protective of soobin because he's just too damn precious

•gets along with kai really well because theyre both crackheads and kai is too cute not to like

•isn't one to share his feelings but because of his friends he's getting more and more open

•his greatest fear is becoming evil and hurting his friends

•he's really just a tiny bean who loves his friends and would do anything for them

Soobin

•pureblood

•Ravenclaw

•coming from a very traditional pureblood family, he doesn't really understand muggle lifestyle

•a straight A student prefect and athlete, he's the epitome of model student

•doesn't like to break the rules but somehow always finds himself staying up with taehyun or getting dragged to the dark forest by kai

•takes away points by decimals just because he thinks its funny

•can get pretty scary when someone questions his authority

•"out of bed past curfew? 4.23 points from gryffindor" "is that even allowed??"

•he's a responsible prefect and shuts everyone up with one stern look

•number one on the school's boyfriend material list (because c'mon he's like perfect)

•a perfect gentleman who's ready to help with a dimpled smile on his face

•takes muggle studies because he likes muggles and wants to know about them more

•still doesn't know what the function of a rubber duck is

•can cook up a potion even without the help of a guide and can recognize a herb by it's texture alone

•his favourite subjects are potions and herbology

•probably because the two are kind of connected in a way

•literally has a journal where he writes down everything he's learned about muggles

•nearly cried when he received a toaster from taehyun as a gift because he's always wanted one for his bread

•wants to be a healer in the future

•his future career also helps because all his friends can't go a day without injuring themselves

•keeper soobin (you gets?because the boy is such a keeper?hehehehe)

•his tall stature and quick reflexes helps him block quaffles from the opposite team

•recognizes hueningkai as his number one cheerer and never fails to wink at him before the start of every game

•always makes sure taehyun gets enough sleep, beomgyu and kai stay out of trouble and keeps yeonjun from overworking himself

•they always make sure to bring him back little muggle trinkets after they come back from the holidays

•the boys are just really thankful for soobin existance and love him so much

•choi soobin is a lovable and amazing bunny (that's the tea sis)

Beomgyu

•gryffindor

•half-blood

•gets himself into pretty stupid situations just bc he's too damn heroic

•always stirs up trouble but somehow charms himself out of it

•he's like,really charming

•made mcgonagall blush that one time

•he's absolutely cunning,his ability to hide his true intentions behind an angelic smile scares the crap out of the boys

•just don't mess with his friends

•bc of this the sorting hat actually took longer to sort him than usual wondering whether it should put him in slytherin or gryffindor, he had almost been a hatstall but after a silent debate between the two beomgyu had chosen gryffindor bc they had and i quote 'pretty colours'

•had to be physically restrained by soobin and yeonjun after he tried to fight a student who had called taehyun a "mudblood"

•Charms and transfiguration are his areas of expertise

•favourite spell is "accio" and practically uses it for everything

•"accio yeonjun hyung's clothes "beomgyu!"

•"accio taehyun's love of his life" "bold of you to assume i have any I-" "accio taehyun's books" "you little shi-"

•takes muggle studies just for the hell of it and because it's easy

•gryffindor's seeker,this boy could spot a snitch from miles away

•has his own fanclub with members from all four houses

•yes that's how charming he is

•no one really knows how but beomgyu always manages to enter all three other houses' common rooms

•his favourite hang out place would probably be ravenclaw's common room

•annoying taehyun is this guy's favourite past time, he just finds it cute when the younger glares at him

•if he's not annoying taehyun he's probably off pulling pranks and causing trouble all around the castle

•is currently grooming kai to become a prankster like him, he just has to figure out a way to stop the boy from being so goddamn loud everytime they prank someone

•in general he's a chaotic mess but everyone still loves him

Taehyun

•Ravenclaw

•muggleborn

•once something catches his eye he makes it a goal to learn everything about it

•no one really knows what to expect with taehyun probably bc he was so quiet and introverted

•as he gets used to life in the magical world he starts to become more confident and bold

•"why do we still use quills when ballpens literally exists?''

•''are you serious?a letter?kai you have a phone use it''

•his wisdom and good advices remind people why he's in ravenclaw

•his two favourite subjects are transfiguration and history of magic

•transfigured soobin into a bunny once at kai's request (well probably just to shut him up)

•history nerd and draco malfoy enthusiast

•''he was only a child!''

•doesn't even bother to answer the riddles' properly

•"where do vanished objects go?" "somewhere other than where they were vanished from,duh."

•usually found in the common room late at night cramming homeworks he's been putting on hold bc he found something much more interesting to do

•legend says prefect soobin always stays up with him (no one knows if its true or not no one has ever tried to find out in fear of facing choi soobin's wrath if he finds them out of bed)

•an excellent beater, taehyun's one of the best in their team even at such a young age

•rumours are he's one of the candidates for next team captain

•is soobin's source of muggle knowledge, probably bc kai only teaches them memes and popular vines and beomgyu just cant be bothered with

•claims he loses braincells every time kai opens his mouth but deep down he loves the boy like his brother

•looks up to his yeonjun and soobin hyungs

•unbothered king 24/7

Kai

•hufflepuff

• the boy literally dragged taehyun with him and introduced himself to nearly everyone during the train ride

•half-blood

•never fails to say "me dad's a muggle; mam's a witch,bitofanastyshockforhim

whenhefoundout" every time he introduces himself

•and i mean EVERY.SINGLE.TIME

•excels in care of magical creatures (probably bc every single creature falls in love with the boy on sight) and almost always accompanies hagrid to the dark forest

•let's be real ya'll the dark forest probably isn't so dark anymore with the amount of sunshine kai emits

•nearly gave soobin a heart attack when he had dragged the elder into the dark forest

•at the age of 13 the dark forest was just a forest to kai, "wild centaurs?bitch please i braid baby centaurs hair on saturdays"

•idolizes newt scamander and wants to be a magizoologist because he wants to change people's minds about magical creatures and show them how beautiful and precious they actually are

•'pet a dragon's belly' is listed number 1 in his bucket list

• 'ohmygod hueningkai don't you even dare try to rock that mandrake' 'but hyun its so cute!it looks like an ugly baby!'

•takes a liking for divination and unlike others actually appreciates and pays attention in class

•probably because of his close relationship with the forest's centaurs who also use divination in their day to day lives

•is a skilled flyer and was invited to try out for his house's quidditch team but turned it down

•he prefers to cheer for people rather than getting cheered on

•people don't really know who he cheers for most of the time bc he's like present in every game

•mysteriously gets louder and more energetic when ravenclaw plays most people think it's bc his bestfriend taehyun is playing but taehyun knows the truth

•"you did great hyun!" "i literally saw you stare at soobin hyung's ass the entire game"

•no one can hate this guy,it’s physically impossible

•even the meanest kids don’t pick on him,he’s THAT lovable

Anyways that all for today! That's my opinion on the txt's hogwarts houses,don't be shy and tell me what you think! See you later guys!

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it�� factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[morbidoptimisim]

a bit about my fledgling in my one-shot: 

in terms of character, id never given her a name; so it ended up melting that into her ? like, she essentially thinks she was turned to be expendable (most likely true), and kindred society didnt really fix that upon entry ,, and now thats shes saved the city, everyone is actually kinda accepting her for her merit, but she's not always willing to see that cause trauma is sticky

she also can't mess up her words, which is weird for her. a kind of nod to the constraints of the game and her bloodline traits ; which i thought was a nice counterbalance to the malk fledgling, who cant make their words make sense at all ever

so, she knows that human standards dont apply, but that they all must live in human approximations, and that the only thing she can truly trust is her own resolve. wherein she knows exactly what her weaknesses are, and they are that she doesnt actually like fighting, or getting flayed alive, or electrocuted, and all the other things. she just wants to be a lap-pet and turn into every toreador stereotype that she resents

i also gave her the added struggle of having the crush on Therese, but not knowing to what extent, if any, Therese might feel anything back. as friendship and love isnt always a thing that happens in the kindred sense;; Therese actually quite cares(trusts) a lot, cause she wouldn't just let someone hang out with her, and watch //cartoons// with her sister///// of all things, let alone let anyone do physical contact and the fledgling knows this and is kinda like 'thats a def sign shes into me then, right???' but on the same time, she doesnt want to 'make things weird' so she and Therese just have this years-long relationship of gay-chicken cause Therese's backstory is like a lot for the fledgling to workaround emotionally, what with her own desires and fears in the mix

i also reasoned off fledglings 'main character' status for how she survived everything in-game  as her clan trait of  "heightened senses" but like, dialed up to 11 due to possible sire/generational conspiracies oh, i also wanted to draw suggestions of similarities to toreador and malkavian curses; but not concretely. so its up in the air whether fledgling is 'being a toreador and making everything about her, when it isn't' or if she has a valid point,, as everyone likes to make toreadors out to be like, 'trendy' and 'appropriational' and such without understanding what's actually going on. 

so. fledgling goes through all these trials and tortures to keep herself humbled. to keep herself battered and 'aware' of everyone's pain, thinking its what keeps her personable, reasonable, and humane

shes used to getting betrayed; people locking her in death traps, trying to kill her with hitmen, bombs, squads of supersoldiers, ect. even VV, so sweet and kind, used manipulation to try to get her help; which she did, and would have either way,, but the fact that fledgling cant genuinely figure out if VV was genuine herself or not, is proof enough that she's surrounded by kindred who are REALLY used to playing the game the game being the politics of being kindred/vampires, like in general;; so shes like. waiting for Therese to despise her for being 'perverse' and if that happens, VV and Jeanette will find out, and she might lose them,, and then she has no one in the city to turn to and she can't leave, cause she killed the prince, and pretty much wiped out all of the contending sabbot influence in the city, so the camarilla and sabbot are probably after her

she wants Therese to be ‘the one’, because if Therese rejects her,,, she knows she has nothing to keep her from losing herself to the sabbot or the venture both would be terrible sabbat- esxcatsy , indescribable physical pain, eternally , a loss of all reason to adhere to human morals venture- she is the lap cat. she’s dead inside. she has sold her soul to the devil; she swore to never sing for anyone, to never feel as though she was bound again. but here she is, shackled. she might well have never left the cages. the camarilla leaves her in a world of petty nothingness; were not even the gold gilded splendor to offer any beauty and shes turned into everything she hates. so, it is Therese. or it is the tzimisce and she is afraid of what she will do, for whoever holds the end of her leash; having no qualms toppling cities, killing princes, changing powers of dominion. Anarchy? Camarilla? the Kuei-jin??? makes no difference to her, as long as the specific people she tells herself care about her are okay. even if they don't actually care about her, cause she decided to care about them anyway,, to give herself reason to keep going during the game

she tried 'what would batman do'  ,, a lot ,,,, but his morals and human standards dont always apply. because batman would not feed a cannibal vampire a mortal woman, but fledgling did, for the chance to talk with her cause she’s gay and far more willing to accept flaws in women than men.

so she wants to help, to be a hero, but in the world of darkness,,,,, no vampire, is a good person

so. shes essentially stuck in a pattern of setting up her own suicide, but being to good at surviving (the beast makes its vampire survive at any cost ) means she always wins and digs her isolation deeper for it

id add that toreadors main problem is getting bored, cause that's when they slip into dissociative states and commit great atrocities but like; artfully murder is an art! so is body horror, and depravity, ect so fledgling is like, rightfully worried about her blood betraying her, as she gets older

so; essentially, she seeks comfort in powerlessness and tries to prove things to herself and others through control and restraint, but doesn't go for scraps of power to use for herself or to grow stronger.

there's the toreador fledgling who had madness ripped out of her, and Therese, who had madness burned in,, and both of them like to pretend like they aren't what they are

Therese was admittedly a bit more mellow in this then shes known for, but this is supposed to be post-game,, years along the line. so like, she trusts the fledgling enough to relax during 'break time'