#i cant get them out of my head for a MONTH
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never separate them :-(
#i cant get them out of my head for a MONTH#im obsessed over them for a MONTH#they r my pookies#arcane#jayvik#jayce x viktor#jayce talis#viktor arcane#arcane jayce#viktor#character design#character art#arcane season 2
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ruined myself because of you (k. bakugo x f!reader??? ends up as s. todoroki x f!reader)
synopsis: bakugo & reader are super close and flirty. bakugoâs girl gets the boy first, and youre left to swallow yourself whole, diving into unhealthy habits for a hero in training. kirishima, sero, todoroki, and yayorozu help you get bakugo off your mind. jiro, kaminari, and ashido tell bakugo, but youâve already gotten over it.
WARNINGS: mentions of mental health, eating disorders, & slacking off in hero training
1 MONTH INTO UA SECOND YEAR: MAY
you pat bakugo softly to get his attention. he turns around and gives you his undivided attention as you rambled on about something before aizawa came in for homeroom.
âtraining later?â you asked him and he nods agreeing. mr. aizawa walked in, tired as always. he lets iida and momo take over as he knocks out in the corner of the classroom for the next hour.
classes went by as usual and you happily skipped next to bakugo on the way back to the dorms. âquit skippingâ he mumbles out a small smile poking out on his lips as he watches you. it amuses him.
you quickly grabbed your training bag and met up with bakugo in the common room. you walked to the gym together and sparred for a good couple of hours.
bakugo winning obviously and gave you tips on what to do next time. you both walked back to the dorms, sweaty and tired. you said goodnight and went up to your dorm to shower.
kats đ§Ą
you did good today dumbass, same time tomorrow?
you replied back with a yes and he reacts with a thumbs up and sends a goodnight message. you clutched your phone to your chest and giggled softly.
2 WEEKS LATER
âbakugo can we watch a movie?â you asked him on your way back to the dorms from training. âsureâ he mumbles out shifting both gym bags that are over his shoulders.
âwhat do you carry in here princess?â he huffs out dramatically. you giggle walking ahead of him slightly. his lips turn upwards at the sound of your small laugh.
âlots of clothes, other stuffâ you shrugged your shoulders smiling up at him. âwhat movie we watching sweets?â he asks and you walk backwards looking at him.
âhow do we feel about tangled?â you smiled and he only looks at you. âsureâ he says and you smiled wide nodding your head in excitement.
âyayâ you giggled and he smiles fully now. âyou are something else huh?â he stops walking and drops both of your bags on the floor.
âwhat do ya mean by that kats?â you said and he tackles you in a hug. his hands find your waist, gripping you tightly and you let out a shriek, you arms immediately going around his neck.
âaww so katsuki bakugo can be affectionateâ you teased running your hands through his hair. âshut upâ he says burrying his head in your neck.
3 DAYS LATER
âhey sweets?â bakugo calls out for you as you lay on his bed, while he finishes up english homework at his desk. âhmâ you hum sitting up to give him attention.
âwould it be a bad idea to train with our classmates?â he asks putting his pencil down and turning to look at you. ânot at allâ you said and you tilt your head to the side.
âits just-â he starts but cuts himself off. âjust everything after the war. i died like i cant believe i died. i was dead for i dont know how long. i realize i cant be putting off my other classmates, they earned their spot here tooâ he says and you smile.
âthats great kats, its a good idea. talk to them about itâ you encouraged and he nodded and thanked you. âseeing you die in front of meâ you started and looked at him.
âit broke me, and im so glad they saved your life on the battlefieldâ you said getting up and walking towards him.
âi heard pink cheeks was on the brink of death. wonder what it felt like for herâ he said shaking his head. âi heard her quirk expandedâ you said and he nods his head.
âheard it from jiroâ he says and you remember jiro was in the gunga village. âenough of that just wanted to know if it was a good idea or notâ he says and you threw yourself on his bed again.
he puts his pencil down again and gets up. he stretches and looks at you. âdont think about it katsuki bakugoâ you warned and he smirked and threw himself on top of you, laughing.
1 MONTH LATER: JUNE
it first started off with bakugo standing you up during training. you sat on the gym floor stretching, waiting for bakugo. 10 minutes had passed and nothing. you texted him and no response.
you sighed and laid on the floor. your phone dinged and you looked at it.
kats đ§Ą
shit sorry, something came up. rain check?
you
sure, its fine!
left on read. if only you knew that was the beginning of it all. on multiple occasions he would leave you there like an idiot and it wasnt until kaminari came in one day and told you where he was.
âheâs with ochackoâ he said stretching as he came in to train with you. he felt bad that this was happening and decided to fill in bakugoâs spot.
âwhyâs that?â you asked him and he shrugged. âthey seem to be getting closeâ he says standing up and pulling you up with him.
you trained with kaminari for three hours before calling it a day. you texted bakugo and he left them all on read. you decided to leave him alone, but your chest ached. âheâll come aroundâ kami reassured, patting you on the back.
a week later and this behavior was still ongoing. you now started walking to class alone. you sighed as you walked down the stairs and out of the common room. you walked into the classroom, greeted your classmates and sat in your seat.
you slouched down as you groaned and leaned your head down on the table. âoiâ you hear and you lift your head up. you look at bakugo as he sighs. ââm sorry for standin you upâ is all he says. âbeen training with pink cheeks âs nothing personalâ he says to you.
âyou didnt have to distance yourselfâ you mumbled out and he rubs a hand over his face. âtraining tomorrow?â he asks you and you look at him. âpromise not to stand me up?â you said softly and he nods. âeven buy you foodâ he mutters out and you nod.
âdealâ you said and mr. aizawa came in and told you guys to get your hero costumes and meet outside for training. you grabbed your case and walked to the locker room. as you and the girls change you notice a chain that ochako seems to have somewhere on her hero costume.
its small, youâd almost missed it altogether. you brushed it off and closed your locker and walked out with momo, jiro, and mina. mr. aizawa paired you up to spar with others. he paired you up ochako, great.
you watched your classmates spar with each other and before you knew it, you and ochako were up. you knew you were going to be bad today, you hadnât trained properly in weeks.
you stood across from her as you looked at yoir friends. they sent encouraging signals and you smiled weakly at them. mr. aizawa could sense something was wrong and before blowing his whistle he pulled you aside.
âare you okay?â he asked you as he glanced over yoir figure, cautiously in worry. ââm fine mr. aizawaâ you said rubbing your eyes. he only sighs and signals for you to get ready. he blew the whistle and you immediately activated your quirk.
telekinesis came in handy when you were in focus. she lunged at you and you lost focus and she pulled her âgunhead martial artsâ move on you, pinning you to the ground. she was declared the winner and you lay there on the floor, frustrated and embarrassed.
you winced slightly as you held your side as you sit up. âim sorry did i go to hard?â she asks sweetly and you only lift your hand up to signal her to be quiet. ââm fineâ you said wincing slightly as you got up from the floor.
sero came over to help you after seeing that bakugo wasnt going to do it. âyou okay?â he asks as he places a hand over yours, where your holding your side. its then he feels it. worry flashes over his face, but he quickly covers it up.
mr. aizawa catches on and instructs you to sit down on the floor again. âon a scale of 1-10 how bad is the pain?â he asks touching around the area and watches as you wince in pain. â9â you manage out and he feels a certain spot, confirming his suspicions.
âokay iida, yayorozu i need you guys to stay here while i take y/n to recovery girlâ he announced and they immediately stepped up to their duties as class president and representative.
todoroki looks at you worried. mr. aizawa leaves with you in his arms as ochako stands there, distraught. âdid i just?â she trails off as tears welled up in her eyes.
izuku takes a step forward, cautiously. âhey its not your faultâ he reassures her and she nods her head. she looks at bakugo and her body moves towards him. he extends his arms out to her and pulls her into a hug.
the whole class is shocked, but doesnt say anything until all might arrives to continue the class as intended.
2 MONTHS LATER: MID AUGUST
âhi katsâ you smiled up at him as you both walked to the elevator of the dorms together. he grumbles a hi out as he hits the buttom to the main floor. it was dinnertime and ochako cooked dinner today.
âwhat do you think is on the menu tonight?â you asked him and he only shrugs. you left it at that and the elevator dinged, the doors opening. you were immediately met with the smell of food and the chatter of your classmates.
class 2A seems to be lively tonight as you and bakugo went separate ways. you met up with sero, kaminari, and jiro. âand bakugo?â sero asks you and you point to him.
âheâs acting a bit weird no?â he asks you and you shrug. you watch him grab himself a plate and dismiss himself off to his room, thanking ochako for the meal.
thanking ochako? you thought to yourself. âokay that was weirdâ kaminari commented and you nodded your head. âlets drop it yeah?â you told them and moved to sit on the couch, suddenly not hungry anymore.
sero, jiro, and kaminari see and exchange glances between each other. theyâve noticed bakugoâs behavior towards you recently. standing you up for training (sero, kaminari, and even todoroki always stepped in to make you happy), ignoring your messages, stopped walking to class together; everything.
everyone eats happily as you sit on the couch, feet tucked in and youâre on your phone. midoriya sees you and he calmly joins you. âhey! theres some leftover if you want some!â he says giving you a soft smile.
âthanks midoriya but i think iâll skip out on dinner tonightâ you said standing up, your classmates watching. theyâve noticed everything. you all live together, they pick up on things around here.
âcome on a small plateâ sato says and extends his hand for you to join him in the kitchen. you sigh softly and take his hand and he leads you to the kitchen. its kind of known that you have feelings for bakugo.
âhey everything will work out okay?â sato says placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, comforting you. you nodded your head and thanked him. you bid a goodnight as you quickly made your way up the stairs and to your dorm.
on the fourth floor, you dumped the plate of food into the trashcan at the end of the hall and walked the remaining flight of stairs up to your room. bakugo was on his way out and saw you dump the food out.
3 days later, theres a knock on your door at 9 pm. you move to unlock ot and you see bakugo standing there, bags in hand. âcan i help you?â you asked softly rubbing your arm in order to soothe yourself.
âhungry?â he asks holding the bags up and you eye them. ânot reallyâ you said shaking your head and he sighs. âcan i come in then?â he asks you and you hesitantly nod your head.
âlook im sorryâ he starts off as he places the food on your desk. he looks around your room and then at you. you look tired, exhausted, thinner. âiâve been a shitty friend i knowâ he says and pulls your desk chair directly across from you where you sit on your bed.
âi just thought training with our other classmates would be a good idea, you know thisâ he shares and you smile at that. âwell im glad youre getting along with the othersâ you stifle a laugh and his lips turn upward, amused.
âyou seem to be getting close to others thoughâ you commented quietly and he sighs. âpink cheeks is just a friendâ he says and you look at him. âdont lie to meâ you stated and he nods his head. âi knowâ he sighs again.
âyou can tell me if somethings going on between you two, who am i to be mad at? im your best friend iâll be happy for youâ you said trying to smile. he thinks your words over and shifts his body more towards you. "well actually there is" he started and you listened intently.
"it really did start off as training, but the more i trained with her, the more i realized i began to have feelings for her" he says and you nod indicating you are following along.
"so i asked her out on a date, and so far we have gone on 3 of them" he smiles and you forced one too to seem happy for him. âim making it official on our next oneâ he says calmly and you smile.
âway to go!â you pushed his shoulder lightly and he looks down, smiling. âyour rib okay?â he asks nodding towards your rib where ochako broke it on accident. âmhmâ you nodded.
âyou and tape face seem to be getting closeâ he teases and you roll your eyes. ânah seroâs not who i have feelings forâ you shook your head and he looks at you. âthen who?â he pushes and you shake your head.
âdont tell me its icy hotâ he teases and you nod to go along. âyea its icy hot happy?â you smile as you lie to him. âwell heâd be stupid not to go for someone like youâ he says standing up. ââm leaving that here. eat up will ya? im worriedâ he says pointing towards the food.
âyea yeaâ you wave him off and he leaves. you sigh, locking you dorm door. you throw yourself on your bed and stare at the ceiling. you see why ochako. you turn on your side and eye the picture of you and bakugo you have on your desk.
you cry yourself to sleep that night.
1 WEEK LATER
you were studying with your classmates in the common room. ochako and bakugo just got back from somewhere (a date most likely) and they seemed giddy. they joined you all in studying. you sat with todoroki as you worked on math with him.
a message came in from bakugo and you glanced at it.
kats đ§Ą
ochako and i are official
you froze seeing it. todoroki picked up on your tense stature. âis everything alright?â he asks putting his pencil down. âmhmâ you manage to let out, tears threatening to spill. you turned your phone upside down and looked at shoto.
ââm okay shoâ you tried smiling, but he could sense something was wrong. âim worried about youâ he voices his concerns. âim alrightâ you said getting up and grabbing your materials.
âwhere are you going?â kaminari said as he looked up from his art history textbook. sero chimes in, âyea dude were all having a good time here, whats up?â he asks concerned. all of your classmates are now looking at you, encouraging you to stay.
âim okay guys reallyâ you said smiling at them. âwere all worried about youâ ochako spoke up and everyone stopped talking and looked at your reaction. she got up and walked towards you, extending her hands out.
âyouâve been off since that day i accidentally broke your rib. iâve been worried about you. you look tired, exhausted even, youâve been slacking in hero training, and you look thinner. please let me lend a handâ she says and you eye her hands.
you know its not her fault. this will never be her fault. you look down hiding your eyes. âim okay reallyâ your voice cracks and she stares at you. you gently take one of her hands. you let her pull you into a hug and your classmates exchange knowing glances.
bakugo finds it amazing. his girlfriend and best friend getting along. he smiles at the scene infront of him. sero and kaminari look at him and roll their eyes at their idiot of a friend.
âim tiredâ you said quietly and bid a goodnight to everyone. you slowly walked towards the stairs and you tripped over your own feet, landing harshly on the first stair.
todoroki is quick to help and helps you to your room. âare you sure youre okay?â he asks you and you nod your head yes. âjust tired shoto, i promiseâ you said and with that he leaves, making sure to turn off the lights and close the door.
you cry yourself to sleep again that night.
2 MONTHS LATER: OCTOBER
about 2 months after bakugo told you he and ochako were official, it only went downhill from there. you completely distanced yourself from bakugo, even requested mr. aizawa to switch you seats with midoriya.
you sit in seat number 9 now, infront of sato,behind kirishima and next to tokoyami and iida. you went on about your usual days, you went to class, trained, hung out with your friends, repeat.
aizawa let the cases come out of the wall as he said you all have joint training with class 2B. you picked up number 18, as they havent switched yours and midoriyaâs hero costumes yet.
you made your way to the locker rooms, class B in tow. you all made small talk together on your way there, separating to get changed. you talked with setsuna and jiro as you changed into your hero costume.
itâs evidently baggy on you, but you shrug off the looks sent your way as you tie up your heeled boots and walk out of the locker room. jiro and setsuna followed after you, still keeping conversation.
âhey guys!â setsuna says as she waves at some of her classmates. you smile at them and wave to them as well. you walk towards bondo, tetsutetsu, honenuki, and awase.
âhey everything okay? your costum-â bondo says and is cut off by honenuki slapping his head. âsorry about thatâ he says sheepishly and you only nod your head. âhereâ he mutters and pulls out two hair ties. âtie it to cling to your body betterâ he says shyly, extending his hand out to you.
âthank youâ you said taking them from him. he helepd you and you thanked him. ây/nâ mr. aizawa called out and you walked over to him. the classes awaited for further instructions as they looked at the both of you.
âyou sure you want to do this today? you can always sit out if you wantâ he says cautiously. âi can train today dont worry mr. aizawa, i appreciate itâ you smiled at him and he looked at class Bâs homeroom teacher, vlad king.
âare you sure?â he pushes and you nod your head frustrated. âim fine mr. aizawa!â you snapped and immediately shut your mouth again. âim sorryâ you whispered as you looked up at your teacher.
class A and B exchange glances as they look at the interaction between the 3 of you. kirishima covered his mouth in shock as your classmates look at you.
âsheâs gone nutsâ mineta says and tsu shuts him up with her tongue. mr. aizawa sighs and waves his hand to dismiss the behavior and tells you to stand with your classmates.
you stood, sandwich between shoto and kirishima. a hand wraps around your waist in a comforting manner. you look down to see todoroki did that. he doesnt look down at you, but theres a hint of a smile on his face.
âweâll have y/n form her own teamâ mr. aizawa said as he turned to look at you. âremember 5 only, we want you to be comfortableâ he says nodding his head and you stepped forward.
âshotoâ you mumbled and he was immediately by your side. you looked over your classmates and had a hard time choosing. âtoshiâ you waved shinso over and he stood on your right. âyaomomoâ you smiled up at her and she stood next to shinso.
âone moreâ mr. aizawa said and you looked over once again. your eyes landed on bakugo and for a second he thought you were going to choose him. he was the one you did most of your previous training with.
your eyes moved next to him and called out to the yellow-blonde boy. âdenksâ you nodded firmly and he joined your group high fiving you. âwhat a gnarly teamâ kirishima said clapping and you smiled.
âdang they got fire and ice, creation, brainwashing, electrification, and telekinesis. weâre screwedâ sero whined putting his head in his hands. âshut it tape faceâ bakugo grumbled, bothered.
ochako looked up at him and placed a gentle hand on his forearm. he relaxed at her touch and his frown went away. the two classes were assorted into their teams and soon it was time to start drawing whoâd go against who.
team l/n was up for round 3 against team monoma, who had juzo honenuki, setsuna tokage, yosetsu awase, and sen kaibara. you watched the first two rounds go by with team uraraka vs team kendo in the first round and team ashido vs team tetsutetsu in the second round.
team uraraka consisted of midoriya, sato, tsuyu, and hagakure. it was honestly a pretty great team. bakugo watched you from afar as you conversed with your team.
âgood luck out thereâ honenuki says as he passes by you. he holds his helmet in his hands and you can see his face. âthanks juzo you tooâ you smiled at him and his cheeks turn slightly pink.
he nods his head and walks off, happily. âoh he definitely wants youâ denki teased and yaomomo gave you a smile. âwait really?â you frowned as you looked at honenuki. âduhâ shinso said and you looked up at them confused.
âdudes been dropping hints since our first year, after the sports festivalâ denki said and you start clicking the pieces together. you looked at todoroki as he looks at the ground, avoiding your eyes.
âwell im not interested in himâ you mumbled and frowned. âheâs really nice but i dont have feelings for him that wayâ and they all looked at you.
âits bakugo huh?â shinso spoke up and you all exchanged glances. âyou know heâs an asshole for what he didâ he started and you looked up at your purple haired friend.
âhow so?â you asked and he looks down at you, meeting your eyes. âyou guys flirted, very obvious. then he suddenly picks up interest in uraraka? he was too pussy to say he had feelings for you, wanted you to do all the work. uraraka made the first move did you know?â he said and you looked at them.
bakugo and ochako attached at the hip. it makes sense. âi dont care anymoreâ you shook your head looking down. âokay you know you care, honeyâ shinso said tilting his head to the side.
you stared back into his violet eyes. âdrop it toshiâ you said firmly and he raised his hands up defensively. âjust sayingâ he muttered and looked to the side.
âround 2 is now over! team tetsutetsu wins!â present mic said and you looked at your group. âready?â you asked them as they got up from their sitting positions.
âi got you okay?â shoto said as he got closer to you and put one hand carefully on your waist. you smiled up at him and nodded. âthank you shoâ and he smiled down at you. he kept his hand on your waist as you walked by both classes.
âgood luckâ monoma taunts and you stick your tongue out at him. you knew he was joking around, he still likes teasing you guys. bakugo watches iidaâs hand on your back.
âicy hot is so into herâ he mumbles to kirishima and sero with a smile. kirishima and sero look at him with a deadpanned look. âwhat? she told me sheâs into himâ he defends and the boys look at each other.
ârokiâs got herâ sero says and scoffs while turning away. âhey jiro ashidoâ kirishima spots his friends and the boys walk towards them, and away from bakugo.
the round started and you stuck by todoroki the whole time, not wanting to get separated. you were doing great with your team, amazing. denki managed to take down awase and lock him in the designated prison.
you were struggling with setsuna as kaibara was protecting her the best way possible. not to mention her quirk is amazing. monoma was copying quirks left and right and with denkiâs quirk, he was able to take down yamomo.
shinso, using his persona cords, brainwashed kaibara and he stopped, frozen in place. âhey kaibara i didnt say anything!â setsuna yelled out spotting shinso on a near by building.
you stayed afloat, avoiding the ground as honenuki was softening it.
you had 10 minutes on the clock and right now both teams were tied. monoma managed to copy your quirk earlier and flew up to you.
âhi y/nâ he waved at you with a smirk on his face. âclass A has been having some troublesâ he starts and you look at him confused. âwere just fineâ you shook your head and he laughs. âbakugo and urarakaâ he says and your eyes widened.
you are so glad you arent micâd up for this. as your classmates fight below you, youâre here floating in the air having a conversation with monoma.
âheâs an assholeâ he says and you only stare at him. you lunged at him ready to take him down and he reaches out placing his hands on your shoulders.
âim not one made for close combatâ he says as he sends you tumbling down a set of pipes. âyou asshole!â you yelled out as your back hit multiple pipes on the way down.
you landed on the soft floor, thanks to honenuki. he softened the ground for you as you laid there, unconscious. mr. aizawa immediately called off the round and everyone deactivated their quirks.
ây/n!â shoto ran towards you as your friends surrounded you. âits a draw!â present mic said as your classmates look at the screen in worry. sero, kirishima, jiro, and mina move towards the screen.
âmonoma cheated!â sero yelled out as all might shook his head. âthey werent that far off the ground, sheâs fineâ he said gently as they wheeled you out with recovery girl in tow.
they wheel you off as she pulls all might, mr. aizawa, and vlad king off to the side. âthe girl is extremely thin. the fall made her ribs crack. i can heal her just fineâ she says with worry.
she looks at aizawa who has a guilty look on his face. âyou shouldnât have let her participate. talk to your students. find out whats going on with this poor girlâ she says shaking her head and walking off to heal you.
bakugo watches the interaction and looks at the floor. he needs to figure out whats happened to you.
that same night, mr. aizawa called for a meeting in the common room. you sat with todoroki as you played with his fingers. he looks down at your hands and smiles at your touch.
once all 20 of you are there he starts. âi need everyone to tell me whats going onâ he says immediately cutting to the chase. âshe may not want to fess up and tell me, but as her friends if you know and want to help her out, please do tell whats going onâ he continues as he gestures towards you.
the class stays quiet, all giving glances to each other. âi know you knowâ mr. aizawa says towards sero, kirishima, mina, jiro, and kaminari. âits truly not our business to tell sirâ jiro said quietly and you look at mr. aizawaâs expression.
you come up with a lie. âi wanted to lose weight cause i felt too beefy for a girlâ you said quietly, still playing with todorokiâs fingers. âi thought if i was thinner⌠i dont know, im sorryâ you said tears welling up in your eyes.
mr. aizawa knew there was more to it, but he wasnt going to press it. everyone else knew the real truth, apart from uraraka and bakugo.
âeveryone off to their dormsâ he says and everyone gets up. you stayed seated on the floor as mr. aizawa signaled for your friends to stay, even bakugo.
once the common room was cleared you sat there, head down. ây/n i need the truth so we can help youâ mr. aizawa started crouching down to meet your eyes.
you looked back at your friends and sighed. âseroâ you motioned for him to come to you. he crouches down and you lean in to whisper into his ear, cupping it so no one could read your lips.
sero nods and you give him a nod and look at your teacher. sero stands to his full height and gently pulls mr. aizawa off to the side. âseriously whats going on?â you hear bakugo tell you and you simply ignore him.
mr. aizawa dismissed you all and you followed sero and todoroki back up to the fifth floor.
1 MONTH LATER: NOVEMBER
âoi dumbasses!â mina, jiro, and kaminari heard as they turned around to see bakugo was heading towards them, his phone in his hand.
âwhereâs y/n? cant get ahold of herâ he says waving his phone in the air at them. âsheâs probably with todoroki at therapy with present mic were not sureâ mina answered and he nods.
âam i blocked or something i tried contacting her through instagram too cant see her profileâ he says unlocking his phone and going to her profile only for the âuser not found!â to pop up.
âlet me seeâ jiro says taking her phone out and finding your profile with ease. âseems like she did. i dont blame her honestlyâ she shrugged putting her phone away and linking her arm with denkiâs.
âhuh?â he says and looks at the three of them. âyou see the state sheâs in bakubro?â denki started off sarcastically. âits because of youâ he continued and bakugoâs face contorted into one of confusion.
âi dont get it. you guys flirted, acted like something was there, dude she watched you die!â denki yelled, now getting angry. everyone in the common room looking at the interaction.
uraraka listened intently. âand now that you went off training with uraraka all of a sudden theres feelings?â denki kept going, mad. âwas it cause uraraka made the first move? y/n was waiting for months on you to make a move, it absolutely broke her to see you distance yourself from her, someone she loves!â jiro rubbed his arm to soothe denki.
âyou cant be more stupid man, she loves youâ denki said more calmly now. the common room goes quiet and bakugo stands there dumbfounded. he drops his phone and looks at the three of them in confusion.
âi made her like that?â he mutters out as he glances towards the floor, tears stinging his eyes. uraraka looks from afar as she stands with tsu, iida, and midoriya.
âi never meant to hurt herâ he says shaking now. âfuckâ he mutters out, his hands flying to his hair as everyone looks at him, concerned etched onto their features.
the sound of giggling can be heard, your giggling as you and todoroki walk back in, hand in hand. your laughter dies down as soon as you enter the tense atmosphere.
âwhats wrong?â you ask out with a small smile as you look at everyone. your eyes land on bakugo and your face contorts into one of concern.
âthey told bakugoâ sero says and you look at jiro, mina, and kaminari. you glance at uraraka as tsu wraps an arm around her shoulder.
you look up at todoroki and give him a small smile. you squeeze his hand and he squeezes it back in understanding. you slowly move towards bakugo and gently take his hands away from his hair.
âlets talk yeah?â you ask him trying to meet his eyes. he realizes its you and his breaths start to slow down and he pulls you into a hug.
âi never meant to hurt youâ he mumbles into your neck as you stroke his hair. âi know katsâ you said choking on a sob. you pull away and keep him at arms length.
âbut see im okay nowâ you smiled up at him and wipe his tears. âi learned to accept it and im happy for you trulyâ you started and he nods his head.
âim okay, look im doing goodâ you said indicating your figure and howâve you brought up your weight by a little bit. âand look, me and todoroki have finally decided to take the next stepâ you said turning to look at shoto and he smiles at you.
âeverything is okay, i promiseâ you said sincerely and he finally calms down. âim blockedâ he says and glances down at his phone. âkats i blocked you a long time ago, iâll go ahead and undo itâ you said slowly releasing him from your grip.
âyoure the first boy iâve ever grown to love, but i moved on. my feelings for shoto are so real, like yours for ochakoâ you said and he nods his head. âlove that girlâ he says sniffling and looking down at the floor to hide his small smile.
âbest friends?â he said holding his pinky out. âbest friendsâ you said and completed his pinky promise. you hugged it out and laughed. âwere dumb arent we?â you giggled as you pulled away.
âso dumbâ he confirms and laughs with you. âyay they made up!â kirishima says throwing his hands in the air as everyone erupts into laughter. âclass 2A group hug!â kirishima yells out and they all tackle you and bakugo.
5 MONTHS LATER: APRIL
the start of your third year at UA high school has officially begun. one more year until youre a pro hero. how exciting.
you laugh at something tetsutetsu says as todoroki sits next to you, hand on your thigh. youâve slowly gotten better as the days went on. you and todoroki have officially begun dating.
âokay now thats stupid!â bakugo shot up at something monoma did and ochako laughed lightly pulling him down. âget used to it explosion boyâ honenuki teased and you all laughed.
you were playing an american game pony introduced you guys to, uno. bakugo was losing terribly, always drawing cards. you giggled as you leaned into shoto, his free arm going around your waist.
you hide your cards from him and turn to look at him. âdont look at my cards shoâ you giggled as he buried his face in the crook of your neck. âjust holding you closeâ he muffles and you smile.
âshoto your turnâ tetsutetsu says looking at him. the pile had a red 5. shoto looked at his cards and plopped down a blue 5. you put a blue 6 and sero put down a blue 8.
monoma snickered and glanced to his left to look at bakugo. monoma places a +4 wild card and bakugo throws his pile of cards claiming he doesnt want to play anymore.
you all laughed and threw your cards down, calling it the end of the game. honenuki put them away and you all sat around class bâs common room. you and shoto sat on the floor as you all laughed and talked together.
âyou know this is niceâ ochako said leaning into bakugo. âbeing able to talk to each other, no class rivalriesâ she said glancing at monoma for a split second.
you laughed and nodded fist bumping her. âlets talk agenciesâ kirishima said eagerly as he held mina close to him. âdenki and iâs agencies are going to be right next to each other one dayâ jiro said looking at denki, lovingly.
âkirishima and i are doing it togetherâ bakugo said looking at kirishima. âthen that means ochako and i open ours togetherâ mina winked at her and she winked back.
âcount me in on that too yea?â you said and the girls nodded their heads excitedly. âsho how bout you?â you turn to look at him and he looks at you. âi want the name to commemorate my family in a way. for touyaâ he starts and you all look at him.
âdad passed his agency onto me after he retired and im switching the nameâ he concludes as he looks at his friends. âway to go shoâ you muttered to him with a smile and he smiles back at you.
you kiss his cheek and he blushes instantly. you and bakugo looked at each other as he sat across from you. he nods his head at you with a smile and you do the same.
best friends forever was the deal. best friends forever.
#bakusquad#bnha#bakugou katsuki#class 1a#sero hanta#mina ashido#momo yaoyorozu#juzo honenuki#class 1b#shoto todoroki#todoroki shouto x reader#bakugo katsuki x reader#bnha bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugo mha#shouto x reader#shouto x you#ochako uraraka#izuku midoriya#tenya lida#kirishima eijirou#denki kaminari#kyoka jiro#monoma neito#tetsutetsu tetsutetsu
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sharing is caring or however it goes.
#clemart#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#macthinker#<- like 50/50#mac opsys#brian ttcc#prethinker#the mobile gaming bit is because i can completely see brian as those type of ppl to go âUYMMM MOBILE GAMING ISNT GAMINGâ to#every single person who even mentions it. and then on his phone he has like 1500 of those â99% cant beat this levelâ ragebait ad apps#he doesnt even like them he just has to prove a point#and he cant let any of his coworkers know because they would tear him limb from limbs for months. hed never live it down#anyways. that hoodie will get damaged in some way shape or form and one of them will die. horrifically#macs forcefully closing the hoodie part not realizing that brians stupid dome head is going to mess it up#drew these inbetween and out-of classes so theyre like slop but whateerv#coloring macs jacket/hoodie as anything other than green made me realize how well the green actually is.. it felt criminal to color it#anything else. but that wont stop me#ok closing my eyes as i hit post. i share for orb nation
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me when i fuck it we ball
#ortismypassion#undertale#sans#papyrus#flowey#frisk#i did not lovk in i actually got locked the fuck out abd climbed through the window instead#anwyasys i think about them alot. too much#thinking about them all remembering resets and all burdened by tue fact that theyve all killed each other and they've all watched each othe#die over and over.#but its ok they're silly with it now and are not totally a little co dependent and trauma bonded abd cant be away from each other for a few#minutes at a time#anwyags i have this scene in my head of toriel opening the bedroom door and looking at them all fondly . a soft smile on her face#before closing the door and sighing. letting a worried frown mar her face#because shesso worried about them.#worried about how they seem so close yet they have not known each other for even a month before getting to their surface home#and how theyre never apart#or how all of them get nightmares and seem to seek each other out for comfort. so mucn so that theyve all moved into one room together#anwyays do you get me. do tou get it (wjo tf is reading this anymore)#they've been through so much and seen so many things that theyre not the same peoplen they were. never will be.
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heehee (pepstavo under the cut)
#arts#mine#saucy#pepstavo#easing everyone in w the cute shit first#can u believe i forgot about this???? CAN U BELIEVE IT ???#this is like one of the first things i drew back in like April i think#i still love it tho#recently i have been drawing them doing some heehee shit instead of the cutesy shit so i need this to stay humble#remember my rootsâŚ#anyway if ur still reading this hooray u get bonus stuff like usual w my tags#giving him a huge praise kink. he is doing SUCH a good job he is doing the best job EVER#this would be a bit further in their relationship (pendingâ˘ď¸) where the intimacy walls are slowly being worn down#so hes seeking out touch and affection and all that goodness instead of reflexively flinching away#and gus SEES this so hes trying so hard to encourage him like BLEASEâŚ.i did not dick around for months for this to NOT pay off#he is a patient man but theres only so much patience one Can have#and that patience IS rewarded#its funny bc i write gus as like. a top. a general Dom bc he is both patient and assertive#and hes met someone he GENUINELY w his WHOLE chest wants to bottom for and he cant do it bc this bigass dude is a lil princessâ˘ď¸#and so for now he is being the big boy but hes like counting down in his head when theyre able to get to a space comfy enough for him#where he gets to get his back blown out (its soon)#i hope that doesnt make it seem like hes only being nice to get dicked down bc he is actually always this nice#and full of love bursting at the seams#which results in endless praise and pdas and being a bit more playful than usual (bc he is a silly lil joyous gnome; its built in his dna)#so peppino will simply have this forever :)#okay mwah#i will slowly upload my stuffs since twitter is exploding and anyone who isnt niceys about this will be obliterated#like for reals
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The wine won đ
#also tell me why someone that fumbled me v hard tried to reach out again đĽ´#my dude i gave you two chances that i really shouldn't have and youre just trying again?#bish#feck off!#im just so hot cool and funny people cant get enough đ#cursing people so i live in their head 5ever rent freeee#like i was so down to go fuck this person and they just disappeared off the face of the earth for like a month#then came back and said life was crazy so i gave them the benifit of the doubt since you know life is crazy#but still would have been nice if they just messged to say they were busy and would chat when they could#nope nothing#and then after they did that and i communicated it wasnt fair they went and did the same thing again a couple months later#like talking daily to tumbleweeds#so no human i shant be repoding to you yet.again for you to inevitably do it again#pups are for life not just for Christmas ���#offt im waffling too much lol#pup lore#hope people arent grump when i go off like this#i fear my flatmate gets sick of me ranting about my failed human interactions so this is my other outlet đ
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lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...
it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy
also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]
gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.
anyway.
there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.
imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.
a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.
the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?
but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.
#asks#Anonymous#sagau#tsaritsa#like. am i explaining this coherently?? first meetings r GOOD and i could go on a tangent of like. first meetings w zl and make it work#but first meetings w the tsaritsa is like. you just cooked a 5 course meal. took one bite. called it a day.#so much of my characterization lies in the âafterâ of the first meeting#because her first meetings are generally the same. she's apathetic at best!! she does not gaf abt the creator in the SLIGHTEST#but show that you are more then the creator? that you do not cling to the title like a shield? that you do not rely on it?#youve got the worst person youve ever known ready to kill a man for you.#tsaritsa is very like. EXTREMELY hard to earn the trust of but when you do she will kill someone for you no hesitation no question#which is why she works SO WELL in villain au and imposter au!!!!!!!!!#esp if theres a fake âcreatorâ calling you the imposter. she hates their ass and was .5 seconds from dethroning them anyway#you just made it 10x easier#also cant do just first meetings bc i am incapable of not shoving themes of love into every fic w her SORRY#tsaritsa going on a full multiple month long mental breakdown bc she is not in love with you but she would destroy everything for u..#(shes in denial)#tsaritsa and complex themes of love and what it means for the god of love to be incapable of feeling it + what it means when reader shows u#LIKE UGHHHHHH okay. i guess ill write another tsaritsa fic and put it in my vault#aka my drafts#i hold so many fics hostage there its crazy#this answered like 0 of ur questions sorry i see tsaritsa and black out and this happens#i just think first meetings dont let her character really come thru but my response got out of hand so uhhhhh everyone look away. please#putting tape over my mouth now so i shut up before this gets worse#basically tsaritsa gravitates more towards outcast reader rather then one who has already become accustomed to the adoration of the acolyte#does that make sense........#i havent slept in forever and im running on nothing but spite and dreams atp dont expect coherency when it comes 2 the tsaritsa from me#head in hands someone please stop me i keep rambling abt the tsaritsa it makes me go NUTS#lays down. explodes
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Thinking about 3 of my blorbos
âŹď¸Want to do this to them btw
#been rotating around my head for the past couple MONTHS (years *COUGH COUGH*)#i cant get them out#they won't leave me alone#im in absolute agony#<- girl whos having the time of her life#hmiae rambles#skyward sword link#botw link#totk link#the legend of zelda#ninjago lloyd#lloyd garmadon#ninjago#lego ninjago#cloud strife#ff7#ff7 remake#ff7 rebirth#ffvii
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#art summary#i have to clear out my phone. im hoping that if i remove all the nier rein screenshots ill have space#im almost certain its all the rein screenshots cause. theyâre bigger than most pics and i had a lot#otherwise im not cooked but god i hope its that easy#i dont make resolutions but i hope i draw more next year#the problem with art summaries is youll have months where you draw a lot#months where yiu draw 10 good things and then every other month is empty#but you drew. so you cant look at art summaries with emoty months and get sad#but like i didnât draw as much this year lmao too much going on in my head#i was gonna say i rarely drew but i draw so much more than the average person#what i really mean is i didnât finish anything#i was in my dA gallery the other day and I really used to draw a fully colored piece everyday on high school#absolutely mad. and we (me and my friends) all used to do it#i just had a thought: a majority of my friends draw <- thoughts for later#i had to answer the door so I forgot what i was talking about#i think that. what i was getting at was that behavior really screws up whatâs a healthy relationship with art?#like when youâre a kid you have time and when youâre inexperienced and donât know youâre more forgiving on your mistakes#whereas now if i draw one thing a week thats a job well done to me. im so busy i canât take it out on myself and i dont#and of course the sms algorithm but I donât play with the algorithm#but yeah everyone i grew up drawing with friends or ppl i follow stopped drawing or just posting a lot and Iâve been thinking about it a lot#an artist i really like used to post a whole bunch of art dumps everyday. just doodles on different series and i loved seeing them#but they stopoed posting. working on being that kind of artist for me. we got xx art at home situation#if any of that makes sense
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(vent in the tags) me thinking i've finally escaped financial problems: :DDDDD
life:
#idk why the image pasted like that but anyways haha im once again in a fucking pit#last month i was able to accumulate enough savings from collectively work and also other stuff#so i have a bit of extra in case of emergencies and additional expenses like taxes and stuff#but then guess who decided to not tell me he can't send me money by the end of the month - the time when i have to pay rent?#:DDD my beloved father#so i end up using the savings to pay for it#and i dont blame him or im not mad at him at all#especially because sending me money is already enough of a privilege that not a lot of people have#but at the very least if you don't think you can send me money can't you just tell me?#that way i can work for it???#because now im literally sitting with no money with food running out quickly in the fridge#i can't pick up a shift because whether its out of town or in my city it doesn't matter#i have no way to transport myself there other than on foot or on my bike#and i cant even cycle there without eating otherwise i'd basically sentence myself to death#so im trying to get by without eating for a couple of days right now but its just#sigh#i keep telling my father that i don't blame him and im not mad at him if he can't send me money when i need him to#but please tell me because i literally cannot take a shift this month because i need to study for the exams#and if i fail these exams i literally have one more chance to do them or else i have to repeat a year#which is going to cost us more in the long run#and just#yeah#maybe the hunger is getting to my head#im not going to open emergency comms this time because technically speaking i do have a job i can do#its just i need to just wait for the money that was supposed to be in my bank account to be sent#so i can eat and also i can have money for transportation#haku vents#venting#yeah no im just not in a good spot right now#apologies to mutuals and friends if i can't be on often
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inside you there are two wolves
#loving starkid is a double edged sword#cinderellaâs castle songs have been stuck in my head 24/7 since i watched it#but i cant listen to them bc refuse to pirate them#and bc im trying to be financially responsible so im not letting myself buy the digital ticket again like a day after it expired#also sooooo excited for when people can finally make compilations#within a month of the npmd proshot dropping i reckon i watched literally every single npmd comp on youtube#bc i eventually ran out and started watching angela compilations and thats how i got into smosh#anyway ive been satiating myself by listening to the demos from the lands that are livestream#i love this show so much i am so excited for the proshot and the cast recording whenever they should release#im kinda glad im not american and couldnât see the show live bc i wouldve actually died not being able to watch it til the digital ticket#the wait wouldve been so much worse if i knew what was in store#love starkid so much so excited for when i get to ramble abt this to everyone i know#my irls will never hear the end of it#im literally suffering so bad bc i want to listen to the songs so bad but wanting to support starkid comes out on top#bear with me im having a neurodivergent moment#starkid#tilda rambling#cinderellaâs castle#cinderellas castle
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dating an art student was so crazy I'm just thinking abt that one birthday I had where my ex got me stickers from the etsy of the person they were cheating on me with....
#they made them address the thank you note to me and everything ajskfjfkfb. i didnt know they were cheating at the time but wow...#every time i break out my sticker collection and see them im reminded of it. but i cant throw out the stickers theyre deltarune ones đ#like they were a rly cool artist.... just unfortunate that happened đ#the drama was insane. my ex only wanted to sleep with them but they (other person) wanted them to break up with me so they could date#but my ex dumped them rly harshly for suggesting that i guess 'romantic' cheating was a step too far even for them lmaooo#i heard abt their breakup secondhand and god could they be cruel sometimes. they made fun of the sex theyd had w them#to all their mutual friends n everything i actually felt so bad for the other person when i found out. at least our breakup wasnt that bad#i only finally got that cruel side of them directed towards me like a year after when they wanted us to stop being friends#but yeah. its also funny in a way bc my ex only suggested i had adhd bc the other person did too + struggled a lot with rsd#which i guess they found out when they broke up with them. and then looked at that and thought huh my gf is kind of similar...#and this was like. 2 years before i even considered i had adhd myself and sought diagnosis ahdkfidjcjdjfjfjfkdbfnf#this made me go look the other persons art page up on instagram + then i recognised some of their friends/flatmates art pages and i found#their (my exs that is) grad year film which is still being shown at animation festivals... good for them good for them#i dont think they have an art page themselves tho cuz they were always v shy and weird abt sharing art on social media#like everyone else except them is tagged on things... shame i wouldve liked to see what they were making now. even if we're not friends#also one of their old roommates made some REALLY similar squid game fanart to mine like a month after i posted it huh..#not mad abt it or anything i think its cool i just didnt realise they showed my art to their friends. thats cute#ah this was years ago anyway. getting my head out of the rabbit hole#im gonna go play some elden ring and then maybe do smth fun in my sketchbook we shall seeee#.diaries
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guy trapped in a hell of his own creation: haha ive never done anything wrong in my entire life. and im always right:] anyway. why did my little brother move out:(
its so funny to me that at first glance tashi seems like hed be the most 'normal' out of all the clones but at least all the others are slowly healing n shit while hes just getting more and more insane each day and one day hell snap and explode and maim someone
#my art#my funky guys#HES SO FUCKING STUPID.#tashi im sorry ily but youre literally the dumbes fucking motherfucker ive ever seen. and a cringe loser. never change king<3#like. this guy realised he was a clone when he was a month old and decided to base his new personality entirely#on the idealised version of the original he made up in his head.#like he did this to himself!!! he chose to revolve his entire personality around being a 'perfect flawless mom friend'!!!!!!!#in his head hes like the most selfless & altruistic person to ever walk the earth but in reality hes a sad selfish mess who just wants to#be loved.#he started out as a pretty nice and level headed guy who wanted to help ppl but then it just spiraled when he made that his entire#personality bc of his inability to move on from a lie he really wanted to be true.#he percieves shiro as this perfect flawless leader figure and he wants DESPERATELY to imitate that. deep down its not enough for him to#simply coparent and share responsibility w the others. no no no he has to be The Leader and do everything himself!#this mindset results in him later on starting to dismiss and undervalue his familys work and commitment to keeping them all alive-#esp soup. like sHE WAS THERE W HIM FROM THE VERY BEGINNING THEY ARE EQUALS THEY ARE BOTH EQUALLY IMPORTRANT#AND HES SO FAR UP HIS ASS HE FORGOT. somewhere along the line he forgot. he missed the point. he spiraled too deep.#and he knows. he knows but hes so terrified of change and growth and admitting he CANT do this alone.#he wants to be a cool epic capable solo leader AND he craves family and connection soooo badly he cant live w/o his loved ones.#so yeah. hes an angry little pathetic freak<3 i love him#despite all that hes not a bad person. just a flawed guy thrown into a situation so stressful and traumatising that he clinged to the only#coping mechanism he had at the time and just sorta. ran with it.#dw he gets better tho! it takes a lot and his and sticks relationship is strained for a LONG time but he slowly gets better. good for him
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.
#Iâm so fucking burnt out#I have -300 spoons right now#and I have no fucking clue how to get out of the negatives#going from thanksgiving to a family trip (driving 24 hours both ways and spending a weekâŚ. took everything out of me) to Christmas#to new years to family birthdays#and I live with my parents so Iâve been helping them with stuff nonstop for the past month#Iâm exhausted and so so so fucking hopeless#feel like the only way for me to be happy or work on my happiness again is if I move#but thatâs so fucking unlikely#and I donât even want to think about how much housing is going to change after the presidents change#Iâm so scared#I canât live here anymore#but I have no where else to go#and I donât want anyone to get me wrong - I know Iâm so lucky to have a roof over my head#but being this unhappy every single day for the past 2 years is really getting to me#I cant live like this anymore I just canât#itâs not living itâs not even fucking surviving Iâm just here#Iâve been working so damn hard went to 2 different mental health programs been seeing a therapist every week#seeing a psychiatrist a lot to figure out my meds#but Iâm still like this and I just donât know anymore#Iâm so tired#sorry ignore me#shut up rosie
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The holy spirits and I are no longer on speaking terms.
#you think you know somebody. you really fucking do#you spend 6 long months with them... only to#only to fucking find out#i cant believe it#I CANNOT BELIEVE IT#HE ONLY DID A DAMN NIGHT. A NIGHT !!!!!!!!!!!#I SPENT 7 LONG MONTHS ON MY CHRITSMAS CAROL AND THAT SLIMEY STINKY WRINKLEY NO GOOD RICH MOTHERFUCKER WITH A CORPSE OF A BOB ON HIS HEAD#GETS ONE. ONE FUCKING NIGHT??????#fuck it.#i dont even care. I literally dont even care.#fuck it whatever
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw đ#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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