#i cant even pretend that im not sad

[transgaysex]

im back home from visiting my boyfriend nobody but him talk to me for a while ok ?

[just-null]

Do you ever do requests? If so, do you ever plan on drawing some Yandere with the Hantengu clones? :D hope you have a good day/night!!!

Mentioning an unfamiliar name

yes!! I love yanderes.. and these guys.. these guys are such good material...... nods nods..

I'm not sure about requests..I assume you mean drawing requests? I suppose if it REALLY catches my interest enough, I'd do it, but it'd probably just be line art/sketches.

[skitskatdacat63]

"From triumph to failure is but one step."

+ the usual

I love when I can include paper sketches in the process gif. It's very satisfying to see it progress from a very vague imagining of what was in my head to the finished project.

+ version without text

My favorite sketch was definitely the one where I actually put in words what it's supposed to convey. I wouldn't usually write that down, cause it's all in my head, but it was useful to do so when sending it to other people. I'll go into it more but here it is just as a teaser:

Lmao first of all, I like how I was teasing "Spanish GP" art, but as per usual, it's just thinly veiled au art. IM SORRY, I'M NOT INTERESTED IN MAKING GENERAL POSTERS, THAT'S NO FUN! So instead you will get weirdly relevant matador au art. I like it a lot though, I was really shocked I was able to draw 3 different Fernandos, I mean even drawing one figure takes a lot out of me, but this was weirdly easy?? I think it's just the effect of not being burnt out anymore, and actually being able to draw with more ease makes me feel like a god.

Okay, so the text: "Fight or Flight?" I'll be honest, I don't even remember why I chose it, literally came to me in a vision 😭 But I think it's fitting with the narrative of this piece. Is it better to keep going on, keep fighting, or better to finally give up, and flee? Not that I even remotely think he should give up, but I feel like sometimes I can sense him pondering this very question. That was the big fear before he announced that he re-signed. Keep fighting and maybe, just maybe, you'll get the chance to finally go up against the bull again. Or accept it's an uphill battle and the fighting is going to keep getting more and more strenous, and maybe it's time to put down the sword. SORRY THIS IS SO ANGSTY FOR WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE "yayyyy home race!!!" Please forgive me <3

I. Renault

At some point, someone pointed out to me that I had drawn all other iterations of matador Fernando with a sword, except for Renault Fernando, and that ended up feeling very poignant to me. In a bull fighting match, they really only pull out the sword at the last minute to deliver the killing blow. So I think it's important to never draw this Fernando with a sword, because it shows the unfailing confidence and stability he has at that point. He only needs to pull out the sword at the end, as a formality almost, there's no reason for him to keep his guard up at all times.

II. Ferrari

Meanwhile this Fernando, he's considering his sword like he hasn't had to in the past. He's checking the sharpness, making sure in advance he can do what needs to be done. He's on guard, he feels like he needs to keep up his defenses at all times because he doesn't have that same amount of trust and stability anymore. He knows though he will be up against the (red) bull, at least that's never in question. At least there's the assurance he'll get the chance to fight.

III. Aston

Oh, Aston Fernando....He doesn't know whether to take up his sword or finally put it down for the last time. While at least Ferrari Fernando knows he's on constant guard against the bull, this Fernando doesn't even have that assurance anymore. He feels like he can never put down the sword, just in case he gets the chance to strike the killing blow on the bull, which feels like it's growing more and more unlikely.

Spanish flag: ? Lmao this was meant to be something to celebrate Fernando's home race and it turned very introspective whoops. Also got the Napoleon quote in there hahaha, can't escape it!! Shame though there is no French gp anymore, if so I'd probably draw an unhinged thing for it :,(

[ywpd-translations]

Ride 762: The Inter High's starting line

Pag 1

2: I'll run

4: Miyazakii!!

Good luck, Kyushu teams!!

Let's do it, Kyushu!!

Hirayama-kun, you can do it!

5: Senpai, I'll replace your empty bottle

Thanks

6: Now

7: It's starting!

Soon?

Yes!!

8: Uh... ah....

Pag 2

1: In this Inter High!!

With my own legs!!

2: How many times have I pictured this?

Ah.....

3: How many times have I imagined this?

Uh.....

Pag 3

1: Myself standing inside the course!!

2: I can't breath properly and my heart is pounding

3: Earlier, I wanted to drink but my hands were shaking and I couldn't open the bottle

4: I was about to give up

5: If.....

Pfuii.....

6: If it's a dream

If this is a dream

Pag 4

1: Please don't wake up

I've worked too hard for this!!

Pag 5

1: Five minutes until the start of the boys' Inter High's first day!!

Pag 6

1: In the front, last year's champion, Sohoku High School, is lined up!!

Sohokuu...!!

Sohoku!!

Red-head!!

Ah, there's the orange-haired guy again!!

2: Ah.....

3: Ah..... in the front......

4: Don't look around so restlessly

Ye-yessir, teh

5: O-no-da-kuun

He's so cuteee!! Look this way!!

6: Ah- those are Back-gate.... Onoda-san's!?

They're his die-hard fans

Waa, as expected!! As expected!!

Pag 7

1: But he's so nervous that he turned to completely “ignoring” them

Ohhh...!!

2: Huh!? I don't know why, but seeing Onoda-san so nervous, is naturally.... making me relax, teh

Ah!! That was his goal!?

3: No, that's just his pre-race ritual

Don't worry about it

Teh!?

4: Also lined up in the front are the members of the local team of Fukuoka, the Fukuoka Josei High School

Pag 8

1: Behind them, are Kyushu's veterans, Kumamoto Daichi from Kumamoto

Kumamotoo!!

The super express of Higo country!!

2: Fukuokaa, Kumamotoo, take the stage!!

I'm looking forward to it.!!

3: We're looking forward to your race

Do you want to say a word?

Yes, uhm.... Higo

4: will work hard!!

We'll work hard!!

Pfuii

Pag 9

1: Wh... what are the conditions!?

2: Earlier you said “there are difficult conditions to meet in order to run”...!?

Yeah

3: It's simple.... but hard

4: Sugimoto, the fact that you're running in the Inter High

5: means that Sohoku now has seven members

6: Despite the rule that says that each team can only have up to six people, there is one that has seven

7: It's the same situation that would happen if, for example, you took a reserve from another team

During the race, they could do things like blocking the wind, or attack; the higher your number, the more at an advantage you are

They could even help preserve the ace

8: So, in order to maintain equality

Pag 10

1: during the race you cannot get close to “Sohoku”!!

2: It's better... if you avoid conversations with them too

You have to run like you're a member of the “selected team”

These are the conditions

3: It means that you have to break away from “Sohoku”!!

5: This is all I can help you with

Pag 11

3: Don't worry about Sohoku

They have Miki, and Sadatoki and Kinaka are reliable too

5: Are you Sohoku's Sugimoto-kun!?

Ah, ye-yes

Quick, wear this, and the number bib....

6: Thank you, Touji-san!!

7: Can you follow it? That rule

Pag 12

1: Yes!!

2: I'm a man who follow the rules, after all!!

Pag 13

2: From now on I'm not a Sohoku member... but I'll run as a member of the selected team!!

3: There wasn't much time but I remember

4: Iwatani-kun from Nishihori Hisch School in the Saga prefecture

Ah- yes

5: You.... you remember my name!?

As expected, Sohoku is amazing!!

I'm counting on you

Yessir!!

Pag 14

1: First year, Uchikawa-kun, from Matsushima Business school in the Miyagi Prefecture

Ah-woah

2: I've always done track and field, so I don't know much about road racing, but thank you!!

Yeah, do your best

3: Second year Kobayashi-kun from the same Matsushima business school

Yes!

4: Babagome-kun from Toyotsukita High School in the Aichi prefecture

I'm a second year!!

And the first year Shingi-kun from Izumobata High school in the Shimane prefecture

5: Hyoo, thank you so much!!

6: As expected from Sohoku, huh

That's why they're the two-times in a row champions!!

Pag 15

1: I'm a third year from Chiba, Sugimoto

2: I'll cheer for you from behind the scenes

3: Run without regrets

4: Yes!!

5: Sugimoto-san!!

We're counting on you, Sugimoto-san

Touji-san.....

6: And everyone.....

Pag 16

1: Thank you

2: Without realizing it, my shaking has calmed down

3: I'm prepared!!

4: Hydrate yourself frequently, and eat supplementary foods at fixed time

Once every forty minutes, remember it

Yessir

Yessir!

Ohh, such a precise advice

5: I'm glad, it's so reassuring! Who would have thought that there would be a member of Sohoku

When I heard that our coordinator, the third year Yamashita-san, was absent due to illness, I wondered “what do we do now”

I'm so glad!

Pag 17

1: Let's run!!

2: No matter how hard the road may be!! Without giving up!!

3: We'll fight, with all our strengths

But I'll tell you one thing first

4: Even if we give our everything, the probability that we'll lose is high!!

Huh

Huh

Prepare yourself

5: Because I know

6: The opponents we have to fight that are lined up before us....

Pag 18

1: I know how strong they are!!

Pag 19

2: And how much they long to win

Pag 20

1: And how hard they have worked!!

Pag 21

2: The first day of the Inter High tournament in the Fukuoka Prefcture, starts now!!

[liquidstar]

i was actually pretty excited for christmas this year because i managed to get everyone some nice presents w the commissions ive been doing and im really grateful for that still but. my grandpa has covid and in the hospital, and my family most likely wont be able to meet up all together for a while. and i hope that when we do it will be all of us but im really worried is all i can say i guess. there would have never been a good time for this kinda anyway, i dont really care about doing christmas stuff the day of or anything but i want to give him his present at least. so i hope everything will be okay

[zackcharine]

Having another rough day already as. usual

[itsseriouslyridiculous]

I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.

[natjennie]

like seriously whatever you do dont think about the captain and that story about someone calling into gay bars and not saying anything, just listening to queer people living and laughing and having fun. definitely don't think about the captain doing that. haha.

[shayberri789]

I'm a little hurt by some of my irl friends and have two courses of actions, but which will both have similar outcomes

Basically, I have three creative irl friends. Every time they share their writings with me (be it fics, poems, stories or creative non fic), I ALWAYS read it as soon as I'm able and give feedback + healthy amount of gushing.

But whenever I write something I am proud of and I share it with them, none of them acknowledge it. Its like they don't see the link you know. And its fine because I just say "I wrote a thing" and give a link. I'm explicitly asking for feedback or validation. I can't be upset because they're not mind readers

But sometimes I explicitly DO ask them "hey did you see what I wrote?" "Hey, what do you think of this?" And i get half assed responses at best. "Oh its good" "uh ill read it when I get home *never hears about it again*". And that's a little more frustrating.

Earlier today I needed to put together a portfolio, and asked my two best friends to please read through it, because it was important and I needed their input on (1) thing, and I needed it *before the end of the day*. It was three pages of easy reading. Its not like I was asking for concrit or editing or something time consuming.

One of them skimmed it and gave me feedback. The other one is adhd and forgot. Said she'd read it later when I reminded her. When I reminded her again, she said she forgot and had made plans, can she do it in the morning?

And normally I'd say that's fine! Because I don't expect immediacy from my friends online, esp for favours. But I had a deadline, and this was the third time this particular friend has done this. There's only so many times I want to poke someone to read my shit before I start feeling like I'm bragging/attention seeker/being entitled and demanding. So I just went and asked someone else.

I know I'm valid to feel hurt about this, and frustrated. I also know that my friends don't mean to make me feel like this, or forget. I know they want to support me. But I'm also tired of getting burned so I'm just going to fucking stop trying to share my writing with them because instead of validation I'm getting pain.

My two options are either a) telling my friends that actually their silence and forgetfulness hurt me or b) just lettint it go

Either way, I'm not reaching out again. B) seems like the option less likely to hurt my friends/make them feel bad, so I'm leaning to that. If the roles were reversed, I'd rather option A), because when people tell me these things I do genuinely try to do better in the future, and I know my friends would feel the same. But I've also lost faith in their ability to do so in this area. Idk what I should do

[cirquedutealeaf]

finally watching helluva boss (despite being turned off by the first ep having the r-slur in it) and man whenever i see the trope of like, super powerful character in love with/obsessed with an underling/someone who doesn't really love them back im like. what an ungrateful coward i would ride stolas through every ring of hell if he doted on me like that

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

[autisticlee]

I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.

i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)

it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.

the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)

[artificialcats]

.

[lupismaris]

To all lonely queers, I highly recommend finding older queers and spending time with them, not doing anything significant or impactful, just being with them, shooting the shit, telling stories, sharing meals, witnessing the burden of proof that life- our lives in spite of it all can and will continue joyfully and we can and will thrive in community. There is little more healing.

[guinevereslancelot]

getting spam ads for online jobs....its that bad out here

[sonknuxadow]

the thing about mightourge is that ive never seen a single piece of content for that ship that doesnt make one or both of them wildly out of character. its always making scourge into this like. uwu soft boy who just needs someone to love him and then he'll become good. even though hes evil he sucks the whole idea behind his creation was just sonic but if he was an asshole. and mighty is a nice guy who doesnt particularly like needless violence but they always make him go "i can fix him <3333" over scourge. even though he is Like That. if we're going by their canon personalities mighty probably wouldnt be romantically interested in scourge at all. it feels like a ship that was invented for people who never actually read archie sonic and just like the version of scourge that exists in their head that they got from fanart and fanfiction. idk how to explain my thoughts properly but hopefully people will understand