#i cant do this anymore im not strong enough
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🩷 Sami Zayn & Jey Uso - Monday Night RAW 23/09/2024
#wwe#wweedit#sami zayn#jey uso#samijey#wwe raw#monday night raw#main event jey uso#raw#jeysami#wrestling#wwe gifs#stuff i made#i cant do this anymore im not strong enough#they keeping me alive tho fr
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someone please take my head and throw it into a volcano
#i cant do this anymore im not strong enough#3 weeks is too much#ness stfu#im sorry to everyone who talks to me cuz all i am doing is complaining
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the artblock be hitteth Harder than normal, for tis not normal artblock. woe. Wally be upon ye
#im still So Inconsistent when scribbling him#he never comes out the same way twice#but then again. do any of us?#anyway i think the Misfortune of the past week finally killed my brain#its a tiny smoking poppy seed resting in the middle of my skull floor#too much all at once. cant art anymore#i keep pulling out my tablet and setting up to draw#and then i stare at the screen feeling mild to intense discomfort#i try to scribble. it comes out Horrible.#i put my tablet away and go stand in the middle of the kitchen#i come back to scroll on tumblr#i feel Despair. rinse and repeat#scribble salad#is it distressing? yes! one more to add to the ever-growing pile!#i need to start pre-packing for my inevitable move#sigh... dont wanna go....#but its not like i have a choice! i quite literally have a single option which is to say! no option at all!#apparently if im in a constant state of severe stress for long enough my creativity completely breaks. shattered right down the middle#too exhausted. the Despair is too strong#and once again i am accidentally venting on a scribble post! sorry! please ignore this im just Saying Shit
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When the show adaptation has Luke rephrasing Percy’s first line about not wanting to be a half-blood because it sucks ass, and all you can think of is the musical adaptation having Luke sing a reprise of Percy’s song about being good enough for someone. WHEN—
#I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE LORD IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THESE EMOTIONS#IT HURTS IN EVERY UNIVERSE#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo#percy jackson#luke castellan#pjo spoilers#percy jackson musical#good kid#last day of summer#pjo tv adaptation#pjo tv show#pjo tv series#pjo disney+#pjo season 1#Pjo ep 8#Pjo 1x08
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ive got a friend whos kind of rude and degrading to me and everytime we hang out i get some level of annoyed but i seem to be unable to track patterns and realize what i put myself into. maybe cuz i have so few friends
#shes always broke so ill frequently pay her portion of things. she never says thank u and will choose expensive options even tho im trying#to save money as well#when drunk she will frequently slap/thrust things in ur face despite ppl telling her how annoying it is#shes spend a great deal of time together complaining about other ppl when i keep telling her to drop it and stop ruminating#yesterday she asked me to hold her drink. asked whywhat was she doing and she just said 'well i dont want it anymore'???? so i hold it#indefinitely????#i try to put my foot down and stand up for myself a bit and she will half heartedly apologize but then is obviously pissed about it#shes Fine in a group setting but i cant do one-on-one anymore im not strong enough. and its taking all my money#im in a 'beggars cant be choosers' scenario like wah wah ill go hang out w OTHER friends; girl what other friends 😭😭
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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.
#j.txt#vent#barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible#I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do#my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over#the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa#nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to#see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc#I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being#treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through#any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt#but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much#but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really#I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen
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rewatched all of hidden inventory in one sitting i cant stop thinking about how fucking sad gojo satorus life is
#why the fuck is hi so sad wtf is gojos life so sad why did gege do that to my getoot wtf is wrong with him wtf is wrong with this manga wtf#wtf is tl wrong with this arc why is it so sad my boy my getoot my poor boy my poor boys they were jus fucking kids guys oh my god man man#they were so young geto shouldn’t be running a cult they should have to do that gojo should have to realize he can’t save everyone at 16 y/o#listening to not strong enough by boygenius and thinking about gojo and crying on my living room couch i cant take this shit anymore#wtf my poor getoot he was so fucking young wtf#gojos face and reaction in the conversation with yaga oh my god what the fuck the hand clench the blood#the reaction when he said geto killed his own parents oh my god fuuuuck u nakamura#i cant do this anymore fuck jay jay gay FUUUCK U IM DOOOONNNNNEEEE. NO MORE.#i’m serious this time i’m putting my foot down (is not serious)#and another thing FUCK the opening FUCK the outro FUCK the fish and the vending machines and geto not turning around#AND FUCK THE STUPID FISH!!!!!!! ALL OF THEM#AND FUCK THE BABY RIKO SCENE AND THE WHALE SHARK COMPARISON AND THE DROWNING IN THE TANK AND FUUCKKK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU GEGE#AND MAPPA#🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹#💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔#💔💔🥹🥹🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹💔🥹🥹💔🥹🥹💔🥹💔🥹🥹💔💔🥹🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹🥹💔💔💔🥹🥹💔🥹🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹💔💔🥹💔🥹💔💔🥹💔🥹💔🥹#i’m so deeply immensely heartbroken#gonna go listen to a geto playlist maybe even a gojo one too a satosugu one if i’m feeling suicidal#jjk#🌙.txt
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is anyone at the club feeling dizzy snd uncertain
#im bothered by alot of things right now and im gonna vomit#apparently my moms medical bill reached up to fucking 500k so uhm thats neat. my dad even said he literally can barely afford to pay for it#shes back home now with a tube attached to her and im still here taking care of the house. i really feel kind of numb sometimes#i dont want to be with anyone today i just want to be alone#thise house feels so small inside#and i hate how my bed feels#delete later#i dunno#even this chocolate drink i made for myself tastes like shit#im not strong enough to do this on my own everyones congratulating me for enrolling into college but im still still so tired and scared#but its always me who has to be everyone elses comfort i have to be the one to clean i have to be the one to cook i have to take the burden#because im the eldest im the oldest im the more experienced and i cant do this anymore its too much all the time
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i think my twitter is trying to tell me something
#''oooooo you wanna get into mcsr SOOOOO bad''#im not strong enough for stream vods... it takes me a solid week to watch one i cant do it anymore 😭#chat
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JEY SAID I LOVE YOU AGAIN?
HE SAID I LOVE YOU AGAIN???????????
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Love having talks with my parents (/s) where they tell me I "need to stop living in fear and get back out in the world" and that they haven't stopped living because of COVID and they don't even mask and it's fine because they got it once and it was just like allergies to them and "it's not even that bad it's just like the flu or a cold", ignoring that I also have had COVID before and was in the most extreme all over pain I have been in EVER in my entire chronically ill chronic pain suffering life for over a week to the point that I was mentally begging the universe to just let me die toward the end of it so it would finally be over and am now left with significantly worse chronic fatigue, chronic pain, and heart issues than I had already before because of long COVID. Also my sense of taste and smell have still not fully recovered, which is a sign of lasting neurological damage.
But it's just fearmongering, clearly, and I'm just falling for government propaganda (even though the government has said COVID is over and that we don't need to take precautions anymore because they value profit over human lives). Sure. Makes sense.
#they also told me i dont need to get boosters because they dont do anything anyway#and that getting covid makes your immune system strong enough to not get it again#which IS LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT ALL THE SCIENCE SAYS#covid is literally leaving people's immune systems looking like HIV and AIDS patients#and getting infected DOES NOT provide lasting immunity AT ALL#and even mild and asymptomatic cases can cause serious lasting immune system damage#BUT I'M JUST LIVING IN FEAR#me going out and seeing people will surely be worth it if i get covid again and fucking die#or become even more permanently disabled than i already am#and im already so disabled i cant work anymore or take care of myself without help#but sure#suuuuuure#MY MOM USED TO WORK FOR A MEDICAL COMPANY HOW DID WE GET HEEEERRRREE#the anti-vax anti-medicine propaganda is just being eaten the fuck up by the older generations huh#rant#vent#ndr#not dog related
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Its hard to do everything, its hard. I dont know how to talk about it. Ot anything ive been experiencing orfeeling or reliving. I dont know what to do. Everything I do feels wrong, in some way. I feel like all ive done is be a source of misery. Its not just me. I dont know.
#-j.l.#im so tired#i cant do this anymore. i didnt think it would be harder.#but jt is. it is. im never going yo be free. im never going to be strong enough. im going to be this way forever.#im going to die just like this
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Ignore me :)
#me: breathless#then-me: breathless enough for my lungs to be painful for almost an hour#*bringing up the fuck you enough to telly parents: ENOUGH/ bc i gave them 4 hours of my saturday*#gave them all the energu of my weekend#till my body was shaking#sacrificed cleaning my apartment which is NEEDED#sacrificed resting Which i desperately needed#bc ofc i do that when my parents demand bc no is not a word my paeents undersyand or acvept#so whhen i twll them: i cant do this anymore my fucking lungs hurt a moment ago just before i waljed the dog for you that youre dogsitting#they're also acting theyre doing ME a favor by dogsittiing the dog??? like what#and im like this is stressful for me and the cats and the dog the fact that your doing this construction this weekend#and also this already took longer than they said whichh was expected bc you can never trust what they say#it was already more than they said it would be#and i was like i cqnt#and my fatther was like: can you just help lift this one last thing thats like 5x your weight 3m high bc we cant do it alone#and i was like.... i can try but i cant guarantee i'll make it far#...bc i am willing to be buried by a metal bar doing what my father wants bc he's an idiot who doesn't care#my mother than mentioned it's all unsafe and she's not playing along esp bc of my father's conditions and bc my sister and she are generall#y not as strong as me#and i was like you right i would never risk any of you get struck down by the bar so i won't risk trying to lift the bar and falter bc#my lungs give out on mr#i would riisk myself#and it seems like everyone is fine with my lungs taking a toll#thats just this family#i realized the other day that there was not one situation where i was evver comforted by my mother#that's..#not normal is it?#i've held her when she sobbed more than once and had to soothe her but she's never been a comfort to me#i've never been held when i was breaking or scared#i was just sent to school and pushed to keep going past my boundaries bc oh you're so sensistive :)) so yeah thats fun
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i log on. i see people be happy with their friends and experiencing the kindness i only dream about. i log off wanting to kill every part of me
#how to kill the parts of me everyone hates how to kill the bad parts so people will love me and say my name warmly#im so alone and i cant handle my mental illness. im not strong enough anymore#every single bad behavior ive picked up is becsuse i wanted warmth and love#i have no spine. if i dont have wants youll love me right?#i agree with everytjing. youre always right Nd you love me too right?#i lie to peiples faces so they get told what they want. i just want to be loved i cant handle your anger#i drank to make friends i smoke to run away from thr loneliness i just#how do i take apart all of me so i can end up with someone who ks capable of being loved#i beg and beg and beg and beg and im just the same child who was begging for love from my mother#nothing changes. my entire life is defined by my laxk of love. im sorry#ill smoke abd forget. dw
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whats the point anymore im tired
#personal#dunno why i keep holding on. nothing is going to change for me#everytime i try i get setback from those around me. and i cant get away i dont have any support#how is someone expected to recover if they have no support? maybe someone else would be able to but im not strong enough#the only i had was my cat and now shes dead i dont have anything here for me anymore#i should get up and take care of myself but i really dont see the point. why care for myself when those around me do not
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Hmh.
#im ngl.#im so tired.#im so tired of everything.#im tired of work#im tired of being at home.#im tired of losing interest in my hobbies.#im tired of feeling so unmotivated to do anything to the point its affecting me being unable to eat.#im tired of hearing my stepdad yelling at my sisters and almost getting physical.#im tired of my stepdad dehumanizing me.#im tired of living.#everything is too much.#everything hurts so much every single fucking day and even when i try to distract myself with anything#it feels pointless.#is there seriously a point in living when all im doing is laying in bed all day listening to screaming? listening to constant arguments?#having every single little thing i do criticized?#down to what i fucking wear.#i try to act cheery at work and people get annoyed at me. I go all quiet instead to stop annoying everyone#and suddenly im having attitude with people#and then. I cant. Even talk to my friends anymore bc no one ever fucking stays#i have a few people who are constant in my life but theyre all younger than me and its so hard to Talk#without feeling like im baring my soul#im fucked. Im so fucked up. If i talk to anyone i feel like im tearing my own skin open#im only ok saying this shit here bc ik no one actually gives a shit abt my posts unless im talking abt certain ships#i dont know what to do anymore.#i want it all to end. I dont want to live like this. Im so numb all the time and i cant do shit#and its fucking stupid bc other people have it way worse than me.#i want to end it all. everyone irl and online would be better off without me.#i want to fucking dig a blade into my skin until i bleed out. I want to throw myself into the fucking lake near my place of living#i cant do this shit anymore i fucking csnt im not fucking strong enough#i cant fuvi h do it anymorw
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