#i cant do this anymore im not strong enough
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π©· Sami Zayn & Jey Uso - Monday Night RAW 23/09/2024
#wwe#wweedit#sami zayn#jey uso#samijey#wwe raw#monday night raw#main event jey uso#raw#jeysami#wrestling#wwe gifs#stuff i made#i cant do this anymore im not strong enough#they keeping me alive tho fr
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someone please take my head and throw it into a volcano
#i cant do this anymore im not strong enough#3 weeks is too much#ness stfu#im sorry to everyone who talks to me cuz all i am doing is complaining
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When the show adaptation has Luke rephrasing Percyβs first line about not wanting to be a half-blood because it sucks ass, and all you can think of is the musical adaptation having Luke sing a reprise of Percyβs song about being good enough for someone. WHENβ
#I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE LORD IM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THESE EMOTIONS#IT HURTS IN EVERY UNIVERSE#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo#percy jackson#luke castellan#pjo spoilers#percy jackson musical#good kid#last day of summer#pjo tv adaptation#pjo tv show#pjo tv series#pjo disney+#pjo season 1#Pjo ep 8#Pjo 1x08
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ive got a friend whos kind of rude and degrading to me and everytime we hang out i get some level of annoyed but i seem to be unable to track patterns and realize what i put myself into. maybe cuz i have so few friends
#shes always broke so ill frequently pay her portion of things. she never says thank u and will choose expensive options even tho im trying#to save money as well#when drunk she will frequently slap/thrust things in ur face despite ppl telling her how annoying it is#shes spend a great deal of time together complaining about other ppl when i keep telling her to drop it and stop ruminating#yesterday she asked me to hold her drink. asked whywhat was she doing and she just said 'well i dont want it anymore'???? so i hold it#indefinitely????#i try to put my foot down and stand up for myself a bit and she will half heartedly apologize but then is obviously pissed about it#shes Fine in a group setting but i cant do one-on-one anymore im not strong enough. and its taking all my money#im in a 'beggars cant be choosers' scenario like wah wah ill go hang out w OTHER friends; girl what other friends ππ
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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.
#j.txt#vent#barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible#I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do#my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over#the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa#nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to#see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc#I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being#treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through#any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt#but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much#but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really#I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen
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rewatched all of hidden inventory in one sitting i cant stop thinking about how fucking sad gojo satorus life is
#why the fuck is hi so sad wtf is gojos life so sad why did gege do that to my getoot wtf is wrong with him wtf is wrong with this manga wtf#wtf is tl wrong with this arc why is it so sad my boy my getoot my poor boy my poor boys they were jus fucking kids guys oh my god man man#they were so young geto shouldnβt be running a cult they should have to do that gojo should have to realize he canβt save everyone at 16 y/o#listening to not strong enough by boygenius and thinking about gojo and crying on my living room couch i cant take this shit anymore#wtf my poor getoot he was so fucking young wtf#gojos face and reaction in the conversation with yaga oh my god what the fuck the hand clench the blood#the reaction when he said geto killed his own parents oh my god fuuuuck u nakamura#i cant do this anymore fuck jay jay gay FUUUCK U IM DOOOONNNNNEEEE. NO MORE.#iβm serious this time iβm putting my foot down (is not serious)#and another thing FUCK the opening FUCK the outro FUCK the fish and the vending machines and geto not turning around#AND FUCK THE STUPID FISH!!!!!!! ALL OF THEM#AND FUCK THE BABY RIKO SCENE AND THE WHALE SHARK COMPARISON AND THE DROWNING IN THE TANK AND FUUCKKK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU GEGE#AND MAPPA#π₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ή#ππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππππ#πππ₯Ήπ₯Ήπ₯Ήπππ₯Ήπππ₯Ήππ₯Ήπ₯Ήππ₯Ήπ₯Ήππ₯Ήππ₯Ήπ₯Ήπππ₯Ήπ₯Ήπππ₯Ήπππ₯Ήπππ₯Ήπ₯Ήππππ₯Ήπ₯Ήππ₯Ήπ₯Ήπππ₯Ήπππ₯Ήπππ₯Ήππ₯Ήπππ₯Ήππ₯Ήππ₯Ή#iβm so deeply immensely heartbroken#gonna go listen to a geto playlist maybe even a gojo one too a satosugu one if iβm feeling suicidal#jjk#π.txt
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i think my twitter is trying to tell me something
#''oooooo you wanna get into mcsr SOOOOO bad''#im not strong enough for stream vods... it takes me a solid week to watch one i cant do it anymore π#chat
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Its hard to do everything, its hard. I dont know how to talk about it. Ot anything ive been experiencing orfeeling or reliving. I dont know what to do. Everything I do feels wrong, in some way. I feel like all ive done is be a source of misery. Its not just me. I dont know.
#-j.l.#im so tired#i cant do this anymore. i didnt think it would be harder.#but jt is. it is. im never going yo be free. im never going to be strong enough. im going to be this way forever.#im going to die just like this
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Ignore me :)
#me: breathless#then-me: breathless enough for my lungs to be painful for almost an hour#*bringing up the fuck you enough to telly parents: ENOUGH/ bc i gave them 4 hours of my saturday*#gave them all the energu of my weekend#till my body was shaking#sacrificed cleaning my apartment which is NEEDED#sacrificed resting Which i desperately needed#bc ofc i do that when my parents demand bc no is not a word my paeents undersyand or acvept#so whhen i twll them: i cant do this anymore my fucking lungs hurt a moment ago just before i waljed the dog for you that youre dogsitting#they're also acting theyre doing ME a favor by dogsittiing the dog??? like what#and im like this is stressful for me and the cats and the dog the fact that your doing this construction this weekend#and also this already took longer than they said whichh was expected bc you can never trust what they say#it was already more than they said it would be#and i was like i cqnt#and my fatther was like: can you just help lift this one last thing thats like 5x your weight 3m high bc we cant do it alone#and i was like.... i can try but i cant guarantee i'll make it far#...bc i am willing to be buried by a metal bar doing what my father wants bc he's an idiot who doesn't care#my mother than mentioned it's all unsafe and she's not playing along esp bc of my father's conditions and bc my sister and she are generall#y not as strong as me#and i was like you right i would never risk any of you get struck down by the bar so i won't risk trying to lift the bar and falter bc#my lungs give out on mr#i would riisk myself#and it seems like everyone is fine with my lungs taking a toll#thats just this family#i realized the other day that there was not one situation where i was evver comforted by my mother#that's..#not normal is it?#i've held her when she sobbed more than once and had to soothe her but she's never been a comfort to me#i've never been held when i was breaking or scared#i was just sent to school and pushed to keep going past my boundaries bc oh you're so sensistive :)) so yeah thats fun
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JEY SAID I LOVE YOU AGAIN?
HE SAID I LOVE YOU AGAIN???????????
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i log on. i see people be happy with their friends and experiencing the kindness i only dream about. i log off wanting to kill every part of me
#how to kill the parts of me everyone hates how to kill the bad parts so people will love me and say my name warmly#im so alone and i cant handle my mental illness. im not strong enough anymore#every single bad behavior ive picked up is becsuse i wanted warmth and love#i have no spine. if i dont have wants youll love me right?#i agree with everytjing. youre always right Nd you love me too right?#i lie to peiples faces so they get told what they want. i just want to be loved i cant handle your anger#i drank to make friends i smoke to run away from thr loneliness i just#how do i take apart all of me so i can end up with someone who ks capable of being loved#i beg and beg and beg and beg and im just the same child who was begging for love from my mother#nothing changes. my entire life is defined by my laxk of love. im sorry#ill smoke abd forget. dw
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Hmh.
#im ngl.#im so tired.#im so tired of everything.#im tired of work#im tired of being at home.#im tired of losing interest in my hobbies.#im tired of feeling so unmotivated to do anything to the point its affecting me being unable to eat.#im tired of hearing my stepdad yelling at my sisters and almost getting physical.#im tired of my stepdad dehumanizing me.#im tired of living.#everything is too much.#everything hurts so much every single fucking day and even when i try to distract myself with anything#it feels pointless.#is there seriously a point in living when all im doing is laying in bed all day listening to screaming? listening to constant arguments?#having every single little thing i do criticized?#down to what i fucking wear.#i try to act cheery at work and people get annoyed at me. I go all quiet instead to stop annoying everyone#and suddenly im having attitude with people#and then. I cant. Even talk to my friends anymore bc no one ever fucking stays#i have a few people who are constant in my life but theyre all younger than me and its so hard to Talk#without feeling like im baring my soul#im fucked. Im so fucked up. If i talk to anyone i feel like im tearing my own skin open#im only ok saying this shit here bc ik no one actually gives a shit abt my posts unless im talking abt certain ships#i dont know what to do anymore.#i want it all to end. I dont want to live like this. Im so numb all the time and i cant do shit#and its fucking stupid bc other people have it way worse than me.#i want to end it all. everyone irl and online would be better off without me.#i want to fucking dig a blade into my skin until i bleed out. I want to throw myself into the fucking lake near my place of living#i cant do this shit anymore i fucking csnt im not fucking strong enough#i cant fuvi h do it anymorw
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oh fuck the paranoias back and not in a fun way.
oh god brain please stop this
nonononononononno please stop
#shes not here anymore#shes gone for good#she cant hurt you again#you dont need to constantly fear her#but what if she finds me#what if after all of this she tracks me down again#i dont know how but theres a chance she could#she couldnt get into my house though#but the dog door is still there#she could get in through that#and i know the door to my room is closed but what if it isnt fully closed all the way#she could get in#she could kill me any second if i let my guard down#i need to barracade my door#it wouldnt be enough though#im locked in my room but im so exposed#the windows?#do i need to barricade those too?#what if the walls arent thick enough#what if they arent strong enough#what if she breaks them down#what if shes been in here this whole time#what if shes hiding under the bed waiting to pounce#what if shes in my closet#shes in my room#shes going to kill me at any moment#fuck im going to die
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my thing w eddietommy is that its not even that i like tommy that much or "ship" it more than buc/ktom/my or b/ud/die. its just that i think it wouldve made so much more sense in context ESPECIALLY knowing that they apparently WERE going to go that direction initially. like idk if i'd feel this way if they hadn't revealed that but with that context it literally feels like they switched gears halfway through the episode. tommy was trying so hard to seduce eddie its crazy.
#also like i need eddie to get railed and i can see tommy doing that <3#i dont have very strong feelings towards tommy though i am more on the side of the haters#simply bc like. i agree that the show has not done enough to have him show actual remorse for how he acted in the past#imo its clear the writers want the audience to think he has grown and isn't racist at all anymore or whatever but.#being gay doesn't magically fix any of that#and they clearly seem to think it does#at best/worst (not sure what my metric is here) i think they were just like. hey why dont we bring this guy back he could be gay!#and didnt really think about the implications beyond that.#so im mainly angry with the behind the scenes side of things and when i look at the actual character that is being presented at this point#im just like. hes clearly SUPPOSED to be A Good Guy. and hes just kind of Nothing. so i dont love him but i WILL read eddietommy fic#to spice things up bc im curious what other ppl think about them and i cant always get what i want for eddie elsewhere#r.txt
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there was a very aggressive anti-abortion demonstration at my school today. we are all going to die
#im not strong enough to act like any of this can get better anymore#i cant bring myself to care about anything or anyone else anymore#it keeps getting hotter and the bad guys keep winning. why should I bother#nobodys doing anything about#dont vote but also im not going to start the revolution I'm constantly martyrbating over#ill never forgive my parents for having me ill never forgive my mother for choosing to have another child#just so it could live just long enough to see the end of days and never actually live a full happy life#my existence is a fucking joke. just shoot me already
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The uh...the hero and. And t-the um, the warrior--
*Explodes*
Normally Sonic is the hero and Shadow is the warrior
But Sonic calls him the hero...
Shadow is the hero now by whose side Sonic would fight β as the warrior β no matter what
Brb I'm gonna go cry
Especially with the fact that Shadow would never think of himself as the hero in a situation where there's only two options to choose from and the other one is the warrior
sonadow pre-dating interaction where shadow asks βWhat am I to you?β and sonic says βA hero. My hero.β
#the lmk brainrot is so strong im projecting onto other fandoms help#the last part needs clarification tho pfgppf#bc obv shadow would think of himself as a hero. but if the only two options were hero vs warrior i feel like#he'd be the warrior#maybe he wouldn't even be grumpy abt sonic being the hero bc a hero has no option to their actions. they#they can only do what benefit most ppl or theyre not a hero anymore. while the warrior fights for what they specifically think is right.#like shadow#ok enough of this brain draining lmao#im debating posting this bc uhm. my brain cant tell the difference between being chased by a lion and posting an opinion on the internet#sobs and cries#fuck it ill schedule it so i wont have to worry when it gets posted (bc I'll forget abt it pfpgpfg)#sth#pofazing#rbs#I'll tag this as lmk too so i can search for it if i need to#lmk#sonadow
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