#i cant believe im still doing the same shit after 11 years

[stupidg0th]

overshare lol

[rewritingcanon]

If you don’t mind me asking? why do you believe that Slytherin is a terrible house? Draco was an asshole and some of the other Slytherins(Crabbe, Goyle). although throughout the entire series the golden trio were practically bullies to most Slytherins for no reason(more so in the books)? Slytherins at hogwarts were usually mistreated due to their reputation of producing dark wizards, as if Ravenclaw doesn’t have almost just as much 🙏 plus how biased the entire school facility were with Slytherins, honestly i wouldn’t expect Slytherins to act the best when the whole schools against them.

And Slytherins being bullied or mistreated isn’t a new thing, especially by Gryffindors(Ex; Golden trio, marauders, fantastic beasts).

And whats your take on Ron? i’m a bit meh on him, as he was a good friend although i still can’t forget or excuse him

-Bullying first years

-Abusing his Prefect status

-Almost calling Ginny a slut

-abusing Crookshanks

kinda confused a bit because i don’t remember ever calling slytherin a terrible house lol. i’ve said that slytherin was written with the mind to make it a bad house, with all its characters being pretty morally bleak. hp is not supposed to be very morally complex, all the work in that is mostly credited to fandom.

as readers, we’re positioned to sympathise with the golden trio being mean to slytherin characters more because they have the moral leverage of not being blood purists or terrorists. maybe harry had no reason to go after them at first, but hermione definitely had as a muggleborn, and ron was constantly getting slandered for either being poor or a blood traitor. granted, this was all mostly from draco. the other slytherins are one-dimensional characters who serve as his lackeys, there’s not one that’s properly fleshed out except maybe severus snape and even that’s iffy for a lot of fans.

yes, ravenclaws did have death eaters, but not to the same extent that slytherin was producing them. most death eater characters have unconfirmed houses, the only ravenclaw we actually know to be a death eater is quirrel and thats it. so they’re actually tying with the amount of death eaters gryffindor produces (pettigrew), not slytherin. everyone else— lestranges, blacks, malfoys, crabbes, snape etc— are slytherins. this is unsurprising as salazar slytherin literally wanted to gatekeep his house from progressive and inclusive ideals.

i have many gripes with the oppressive world jkr has written— i don’t think she understands how oppression operates because i agree with what you say about most of the hogwarts staff treating the slytherins like shit. in reality, the ones who are oppressed should be the ones discriminated against, but in the hpverse you see the oppressors getting treated badly. im not saying i think slytherins should be presented as the oppressed, its just horrid writing on her part.

i really like ron, i think he’s a really well fleshed-out character with realistic flaws and a good arc. i cant remember when he bullied first years and i don’t remember him abusing his prefect status in any extremely terrible way that would lower my opinion of him. i do remember him almost slut-shaming ginny, and though i think it was terrible of him i also think it was a realistic thing to say from an older brother to a younger sister in the 90s. i have a younger brother and you should clock some of the arguments we’ve had over the years in the 2020s. it’s within the same vein. ginny was pressing on ron’s sore spots as little siblings do, and ron was attempting to compensate by biting back in any way he could. it was realistic to me. and its been a while since i read the books but ron bitching about crookshanks read as comedic. granted, i was like 11 years old when i read them, but i remember thinking it was justified because to ron, crookshanks was literally trying to kill his pet. he’s not going to be chill around something thats tried to eat his rat multiple times. when someone is attacking your pet, you get scared and angry and try to fight back in defence of your pet because you want to deter that animal from trying anything like that again. they obviously can’t understand you if you simply lecture them. i once had to do something similar (i did not physically fight anything though LOL) when i got a new cat, and our neighbour’s cat would constantly attack and injure him every time we let him outside. and that was a cat v cat, this is a little mouse versus crookshanks 😭😭

[davekat-sucks]

This is was supposed to be a simple ask but it ended up getting long because of there being too many question and discussions but barely any answers so sorry about that.

On the topic of WhatPumpkin sometimes we all have to wonder what the fuck is going on behind the scenes, the latest news we got werent that much and it felt more of a like "Hey guys we are still alive dont forget about us" situation and it doesnt help that we cant really get any info because of how the only guy that Im atleast aware that works on it and is online is James and although I have no source because it was months ago, when beyond canon came back I remember him getting asked about Hiveswap and i dont remember if he answered it on the blog or on a reddit qna but he had said he cant really do much about it because hes just the music guy on that department and not an director or writer and he probably cannot say whats going on if hes aware of even the minimum because of NDAs and you know the situation is weird when not even the new director for post canon can do nothing about it or doesnt know what the fuck is going on over there either (i believe its more of the former).

On the same topic Hussie jumping the ship in my opinion feels like such an awful move in a moral and community sense, he hires fucked up people and ends up going through development hell and instead of trying to fix it he just runs away and gives someone else the work. He becasically invited destruction to that place by not doing background checks and shit and now everyone else but him has to suffer for it. I wonder if WhatPumpkin will close business after they finish Hiveswap (if they even manage to finish it) or if their writting quality wont be bad if they try to do Hauntswitch now.

I also sometimes wonder if Hauntswitch was made first maybe things could have been better. Think about it:

It happens on the Human World and you play as a cool kid looking troll and that could open the doors for a lot of potential to explore more about the Earth on the Homestuck universe and its conspiracy theories and also give us more video game parody mechanics.

The whole conspiracy theory Jude had that iirc had even the USA presidents connect to may be right considering the easter egg that shows some sort of cultists standing outside the mansion we see on the background and watching the events unfold.

We would get more answers for whatever the fuck those creatures that attacked the manor where.

another good dog best friend to fill the bec shaped hole in our soul <:

Exploration of what SkaiaLabs exactly does.

Overall sounding like an awesome story itself, a alien coming to earth and fighting a cult related to the presidents with a human companion. Especially considering how Dammek sounds like hes an asshole and also because of how trolls are usually violent could lead to interesting interactions.

I might be wrong and biased though but I feel like that concept could attract more outsiders than Hiveswap could ever wish to do. And hopefully thats it and that I wont waste almost an hour of my life rambling about this stuff (for my own sake because i feel like i could have spent my time better but i also need to post this somewhere and i dont use social media most of the time and when i do its usually to see fanart, memes and overall discussion of my fav franchises) but I probably will in the future.

It's cool with this ask. You brought up many good points here.

Yes, the question about Hiveswap was asked in a Q&A back in October 30th, 2023 from James Roach here (Archive ver for backup). The news about development should be something more like how Toby does with the Deltarune newsletter. Monthly, maybe do a special event ARG thing that gives insight of what's coming up, or anything like that. Though even with that, it might be probably too little too late since we are at 11 years since the Kickstarter had funded. Probably doesn't help since 2 million dollars was wasted, it's a mystery how the game is still being worked on if the original Kickstarter money that was given to them, had been used up. What is WhatPumpkin's new source of income then? Do they have a second job they aren't telling us about? Are they using part of that Patreon money from Beyond Canon since technically there are some that work within Hiveswap too like James? Then there's the fact Hussie not only wasted the money, but basically left the Kickstarter project he started in the first place. He may own it and be credited as the creator, but he won't be involved in the future Acts and Hauntswitch. I'm surprised nobody is pissed at him for scamming them out of 2 million dollars. Do people not care if the original person who hosted it left? Especially with the truth come to light thanks to Gio's research on this. I wouldn't be surprised if WhatPumpkin does shut down because they couldn't gain the sales needed after releasing Hiveswap Act 3. People will probably wonder if even buying stuff from Topatoco would help or not with HS merch like the prints slowly resurfacing. Drawing in the crowds from old and new to play the game will be tough. I wouldn't be surprised if Hauntswitch was first made in mind before Hiveswap. Dammek even had a 3D model ready too.

Likely back when it was still a 3D game, we would control briefly but then after the cutscene of them being transported to the other planet, we would then have to take control of Dammek, have him meet Jude to possibly have him find a way to help him back home, and the pair would adventure on Earth itself for the rest of the game to find out about the monsters and the cult. Dammek's paranoid nature would play off Jude's conspiracy theory pretty well as it has the two involved looking deep into the mystery. I wouldn't be surprised if something about the cult would eventually tie in to his home planet and the rebellion as a final grand twist. An idea like that sounds more interesting than some girl getting lost on an alien planet and was roped into some rebellion that she has no reason to be part of besides being concerned for a friend.

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

[111raismess]

23/11 （´＿｀）

shitty ass day

notes: imma add a mentally/emotionally uhh title? idk youll know what im talking about once you see it wtv. everything i do is a cry for help

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selfcare:

i did my morning skincare, i think, i dont really remember lol.

ate like crap today, ate too little at lunch, merendé like shit aswell, atleast i had a full dinner, kinda, im still a little hungry but i dont feel like cooking any longer. i didnt really have much apetite today, could be the fact that i woke up feeling like shit or my body simply didnt want to eat so much today, who knowss.

didnt shower, lotioned or drank water, maybe tomorrow.

also i havent exercised in two days, might do it tonight if i dont fall asleep soon. makes me feel bad if i dont, i noticed.

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daylife (imma keep it like that) :

fell asleep at like 4 am and woke up at 11-12. not soo bad like yesterday but still, i need to fix my sleep schedule..

i deepcleaned my room, the floor in my room hasnt seen a mop in like a year, kinda yucky but idc. my back hurts now ˙◠˙

played the guitar today for a few minutes!! i havent picked it up in months, im trying to learn bulls in the bronx with my guy stuart.

after that i took a nap, then i wonder why im not sleepy at this hour.

didnt leave the house today but since i kept myself busy i didnt feel like i was missing out on life or whatever.

despite having the worst motivation today, i didnt rot in bed and i also cooked dinner for me today, guess i feel happy about that. i really didnt feel like doing anything today, im proud (˶◜ᵕ◝˶)

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emotionally/mentally:

woke up feeling like shit for no reason, if i didnt have the will to not go back into the depression hole i would have stayed all day in bed and asleep. still, i distracted myself most of the day but right now that im not doing anything, i feel like shit again, i want to cry but i cant, time to watch a silent voice again hehe. i feel like im distancing myself from my friends lately even tho i know thats not true, everything is literally the same and fine. i also feel anxious abt next year, i dont know if ill be with my friends at school, i really dont want to go back to being alone, i really really dont, i dont know what to do abt that, guess ill just have to wait and see, maybe i get some new friends or something, i dont know, dont want to think abt it that much, feels horrible. its really funny because yesterday i felt fine, felt happy, normal idk, i dont get why i feel like this today.. whatever, itll pass and whatever happens next year ill be alright, it wont be the end of the world, i still have things to look up for ig.

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wtv this is:

i dont really feel like writing or making this thing look pretty today. im currently rewatching mha, i really want to see season 5 bc its where i left it a few years back, im at the end of season 4 but i really REALLY dislike the episodes with gentle and.. endeavor.. (≖_≖), and kinda the whole season altogether, cant believe its taking me weeks to finish it.. i just want to see katsuki in his winter costume fufufu (๑•́ -•̀)

song of the day or wtv idk:

this is seriously a cry for help atp

[atlaskrr]

i hate my dad i hate my dad i hate him so much. honestly i couldnt care less if he died, he almost has a couple times im surprised hes still alive. the only thing id feel sorry for is the stress my mom would go through but oh hes already putting her under that. what gives him the fucking right to tell my mom shes not doing a good enough job that she cant do anything. what gives him the right to make my brother bruise. HES 11 AND MENTAL AGE STUNTED. FUCK THAT BULLSHIT. my mom work harder than his ass cause her business is solo and manual unlike him with all his employees. ohh youre so tired of driving me and brother to school. damn bro dads with less privilege do manual labour for HOURS to make a living and they dont make their wives feel fucking worthless get a grip. i hate how im turning angry like him. FUCK that personality is 30-60% dna i will sever my own dna out i dont want shit to do with that asshole. back when i was a kid i never understood my half sisters behaviour and why she left us but oh boy do i get it a whole lot now that ive taken off the rose tinted glasses. my mother says the same thing always that she wouldnt be happy if she didnt marry my dad since me and my brother wouldnt be born but thats just not true. id rather never exist and have her be happy because i make her sad too. she literally has depression but cant get help. she cant even find joy in her favourite drink coffee, good food makes her feel nothing, she feels empty. AND IM SUPPOSED TO BE OK WITH THAT. she lost her best friend of 16 years and my dad wanted her to "get over it". THAT WAS ALL SHE HAD FUCK YOU. also YOU made me cry on my graduation day. TWICE. TWICE. also part of the reason why instead of the teenage dream at 13 i instead wanted to kms. the reason i have eybags is not cause of lack of sleep but instead because he made me cry every day when i was a kid. what a good parent amiright. i thought he was changing i tried understanding that his childhood made him like this but i am SICK and tired of his bull and i dont think any reasons matter anymore. i cant believe i gave him a second chance in trust after he accidentally hurt my mom physically just because he seemed like he was getting better. i thought avoiding him like the plauge worked. guess it didnt. fuck him. cant even hold his own childs hand to stop him from running into the street. it doesnt matter if it seems like hes changed for all these past months he always turns back into his deepest anger again. i dont care if he only has small outbursts for another year or 2 or 5 or 10 this is truly my final straw.

[lostinatrainofthoughts]

So! Two days ago, he mentioned that their college was having an open day (he’s 24, a little concerning to me that he chose to continue studying rather than working because he already has a diploma but again! Friends, friends. Not potential lover. Wake up!!!)

Now this open day was for 3 days and the last day being my day off from work. What was funny was that, he invited me on the last day! The guy who said he didnt want to meet is now inviting me to meet him! I was confused.

And i was like “huh?” Why would i go? Im part of the working class now, im not interested in college 😂 but he was like i can bring you around for a tour! And i told him i already had plans that day (which was planned like 2 weeks prior for the whole afternoon to evening and im severely introverted so i can only meet one circle of friends at one time before my social batt runs out completely). And he was like well theres your chance! And i was semi-frantic. like shit what if we really dont meet each other at all then all this would just stay as online interactions which i dont want!!!!!!! Anyway was that manipulation? What he said? I dont know but i gave in anyway. I had time in the morning so we agreed to meet then.

I wasnt too pressured which was crazy. If someone actually suggested to meet from online years ago, i wouldve FLED THE SCENE bc the fear of being seen scared me. But the nerves started developing a few hours before meeting him. That same fear of: shit what if i dont look like the girl in my pic or what if i seem uglier in person bla bla. And again i also dont know how he really looks like which made me more nervous bc what happens if he isnt cute. BUT AGAIN i told myself why am i thinking these things. This dude literally said to be just friends so friends dont need to impress each other. So that was what got me through my nerves.

a few mins before heading there, he sent a photo of himself for ref and NOW he looks short 😂😭😭😭 i was like @ god: god if you hear me please atleast let him be taller than me pls. And btw he looks okay! Hes not as he claims to be lmaooo. He said on text k oppa and hes quarter chinese. And he said once a korean dad wanted to intro him to his daughter. So that means handsome right? Well i guess his looks might pass for others. But in a different scenario, and we met before, i wouldve just walked past him without looking up so LOL.

Anyway so i came at 11:30 and met him! Thank god, hes taller than me 😂😂😂😂😂 but just by 4-5cm? Hes really sweet and i like his voice and hes very gentle, you can tell by his gestures. And how he uses like a softer tone when hes speaking to me. And if he didnt tell me he was an introvert, i wouldve assumed he was extroverted. Because its the way he goes around talking to people so casually makes me think so. Hes in student council so hes a pretty busy guy.

we only talked and walked for an hour before we had to go bc he had stuff to do, and i needed to slot in a quick nap before meeting my friends in the next hour (spoiler: i didnt get my rest😭😭) Basically the whole thing was okay and i would love to sit down and meet him again. We still texted after meeting up so i assume he thought i was okay too. But AHHHHHH AHHHHHH i cant believe i did that AHHHHHHHHHGHGH who is sheeeeeee im still recovering from all that social interaction huhu :(

[ambarstorysblog]

AMBAR'S BLOG

[Enter Post Title Here]

ambarstorysblog

@ambarstorysblog /  ambarstorysblog.tumblr.co

MY NAME IS AMBAR LUCIA DOMINGUEZ DIAZ 32 Y/O FROM DOMINICAN REPUBLIC. GOING THRU HARRASEMENT, ASSAULT, BULLYING, LIES, BANK FRAUD, IDENTITY THEFT, MANIPULATION, PSYCHIC HARRASED , DISCRIMINATED, FALSED ACCUSED, ALMOST DESTROYED BY THIS GROUP OF INDIVIDUALS USING A SOFTWARE THAT CHANGE THE INFORMATION OF THE ORIGINAL AT THEIR CONVENIENCE. THEY HAVE RECLUTERS THAT BECOME YOUR CIRCLE OF FRIENDS, MANIPULATE YOUR PLEOPLE FOR YOU TO BE LEFT ALONE WITH ONLY PPL FROM THEIR TEAM SO AT THE END THEY SEND YOU TO JAIL, DEPORTED, MENTAL INSTITUTION, PROSTITUTION OR CEMENTERY AFTER THE CRIME. HE TOLD ME THIS HAPPENED TO YAKAIRA VALERIO FOR HER MISS BEHAVIORS AND THAT IT WILL HAPPEN THE SAME TO ME, HE PLAYS W MY MIND SAYING HES A DOCTOR AND ITS FOR THE SMOKE ADICCION THEN CHANGE THE VERSION LAUGHIN AT YOU TREATING YOU LIKE SHIT THAT THIS IS A POLICE TEST TO BECOME AN OFFICER SAYING DONT WORRY WE ALMOST DONE AND LAUGHING AT ME. IN THE MEAN TIME I WAS DEFENDING MYSELF FROM ALL THE SHIT HE SAID. THEN HE CHANGE AGAIN SAYING ITS A TEST TO BECOME ARMY SOLDIER AND MORE. THE THEMATIC : HE USE REALITY WITH LIES COMBINED. HE CAN ISSUE THE CERTIFICATE TO BE A POLICE BUT HE WILL REPLACE YOU (HUMAN TRAFFIC) FOR A SIMILAR PERSON AT HIS PREFERENCE . I AM SO USED TO THE BAD THINGS THAT IM SURE IM READY TO BE SENT OUT TO PROSTITUTION BECAUSE I WONT QUIT SMOKING SO THATS NOT AN OPTION AND AFTER MY SEPARATION AND WITH THE STALKER HARRSSEMENT I BECAME LESBIAN .

HE STOLE AROUND 60.000 AS PER LAST MONTHS MATH, IF HE TOOK MY NYS BENEFITS HOUSING FUNDS AND OTHERS THEN MORE THAN 100.000 US DOLLARS FROM MY ACCOUNTS LIKE CITI 1065, BOFA 0864,0035. AFTER HE SENT ME TO A MENTAL HEALTH INSTITUTION FOR PSYCHIC HARRASEMENT FOR ABOUT A YEAR I CAME BACK TO NY AND STARTED WORK BUT HAD TO TAKE A BREAK AGAIN ON APRIL AFTER MY DAYS OFF DUE TO COVID19. SO I APPLIED FOR UNEMPLOYMENT FUNDS, SHORT TERMN DISABILITY BNEFITS AND HE BLOCKED ME AND STOP ME FROM GETTING THOSE FUNDS BECAUSE HE IS A ROFESIONAL HACKER AND SINCE ITS A TEAM THEY HAVE PPLENTY OF SKILLS. DEAD THREAT ME WITH MY MOM AND SISTER IN TAMPA FLORIDA I AM SCARED OF CRISTIAN AND HIS LAST NAME IS RELATED TO WILLIAM CURRY HIS UNCLE THEY SAID. HE CONTROL EVERYONE BECAUSE OF HIS PSYCHIC SKILLS AND THEY HAVE MOVE TO MANY CITIES BECAUSE THEY DO THID EVERY WHERER THEY GO. SIMILAR CASES AT EACH CITI. HE PLAYED ME 11 YRS COUNTIN THIS ONE , MAKING ME DO A LOT OF THINGS YEAR BY YEAR BECAUSE I WAS INNOCENT AND BEING MANIPULATED WITH LIES TELLING ME THAT YAKAIRA VALERIO WAS COMING TO GET ME BC SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME AS WELL. THAT HE KNEW I WAS GOING TO TELL HER I LIKE HER THE LAST DAY I SAW HER WICH IS TRUE THAT WAS ON MY MIND, SO FOR SOME REASON HE CAN READ MY MIND. EVERY YEAR HE USED TO TREAT ME LIKE SHIT TELLING ME OH NO YOU LOOSE SHE IS TAKING YORDY WITH HER BECAUSE YOUR DUMB, BECAUSE YOU SMOKE, BECAUSE SHE DONT LIKE WOMEN, BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO SLOW, AND MANY MORE DESILUSIONS, FRUSTRATIONS AND WEIRD FEELINGS CAME TO ME THAT THIS YEAR I TOLD HIM:

I AM GOING TO FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS LIKE " GO TO THIS HOTEL YAKAIRA IS THERE" OPEN THAT ROOM SHE IS WAITING FOR YOU" . I DONT BELIEVE ON A PSYCHIC VOICE OF COURSE NOT BUT THEN THIS FEMALE VERSION USED TO TELL ME AMBAR HELP , THEY SENT ME FOR PROSTITUTION, HELP ME THEY TOOK ME TO THIS STREET I THINK, HELP ME AMBAR.. SO SINCE THEY I AM HUMAN I FELT BAD FOR THE FEMALE VOICE WICH STATED IT WAS YAKAIRA SO I STARTED CALLING 911 BECAUSE WHAT IF SHE IS DETH AND CANT TALK AND ONLY COMUNICATE HERSELF PSYCHIC MENTAL SO THIS YEAR I TOLD HIM : I WILL DO IT FOR THE LAST TIME BUT TELL YAKAIRA SHE WONT PLAY WITH MY FEELINGS NO MORE. SOME OF THEM SAY SHE PASSED AWAY AND THEY EVEN TOOK ME TO THE PIER TO A "MEMORIAL " IN THE WATER (THATS WHY I INVOLVE COAST GUARD WEEKS AGO).

I know it’s a bit confusing because since I am still going thru this situation I want to explain everything together and fast. That’s why I made this blog. To listen to your opinion and suggestions. I want you to know what will you do if this happens to you and or your mother/sister/friend or anyone you will help. Tag any person or institution you think will listen to me and will get their own opinion out of this situation. At this point I don’t need a group of therapy, I need a person who believes in me, someone willing to make the person pay me back what he took from my bank accounts and someone that help me get like a lawyer for me to get my US benefits that I deserve as a us citizen that paid taxes for more than 10 years and now and being temporary disable approved by sedgwick thru jetblue until sept is when I needed them the most specially after the stalker sent me to DR to a mental health institution for about a year without an income in my country I came back broke. The only way to get back on track counting on myself only its getting a shelter (wich he is making it impossible and it’s a free room basically first benefit) that way I don’t pay rent get a citi bike or metrocard from FAIRS ( another benefit from the city) getting food stamps SNAP ( 3rd benefit form the city that I deserve and I am not getting because of him) with this I can perfectly be mindfully in peace and will be ready to go back to work and maybe not normal activities right away because it was a lot of bullying and I am ashamed he bulled me a lot with a lot of things but at least working and living like a human like me that always put myself of others shoes deserve. I ve always been independent. I count on myself only. I don’t expect things from others I used to have this person I call an angel that used to pay everything for me without having sex. A lot of people judge about this matter but how obsessed can someone become without sex? Without a kiss with the thonge inside? Also 9 years ago I used to live in the heights and someone advise the guy I like girls and I admit it and this was when I use to live in hillside ave. How obsessed can someone that knew all this can be? Specially when months ago he told me it wasn’t cheating because girls don’t have dicks. Who is capable of making such a drama pretending to be this guy just to judge me and bother me? I am the type of person that don’t call no one. Sergio Tobar, my bamby, used to be my #1 and I barely called him. I get the news at home always and that’s when I say what I think to people. Unfortunately I am m super honest and I say straight up what I think and people don’t like this. I don’t care what others think about peoples appearance if I want to say hi to you because I think you are a good person I will call you even if “the group” doesn’t like it.

Hoy 09/03/2022 fue un dia horrible. Mi cellular se dano por culpa del maniatico bastarde acosador.  La gente me dira “ Pero porque por culpa de el? “

Cuando hablamos de la reaccionn que toma un ser humano hacia para con otro tenemos que entender y analizar que esta reaccion se produce por una accion  de la otra persona. En este caso Cuando llevo mas de 2 anos diciendole a mi familia que me hackean y empezo en el 7910 35th ave 6H que era mi casa y mi sospechosos son un grupito de el edificio principales Romero Cristian/ Juan , Daniel Ribeiro, YasiKov y el flaco de la mani , 5B. He ido al precinto, los ecuatorianos del gordito de la esquina y muchisimos que  anexo a este blog seguire  anadiendo.  Entonces teniendo en cuenta de que estan abrumando Psiquicamente, ciberneticamente, fisicamente pero lo mas complicado  y el delito mayor entre lo que me hicieron estas personas es limitar mis pensamientos, mi conducta, hacerme perder el tiempo, perjudicar seres queridos y otros no tan queridos entonces si analizamos todo junto ya hoy 09/02/2022 kiero que se muera sin remordimientos alguno o quisiera que me mate sin remordimiento. YO NO ME KIERO MORIR LITERAL QUE NO,  pero como estoy cansada de el prefiero ahora meterme mas en la boca del lobo para ver si logro q me maten. Descubri SPA algunos con prostitucion otros no, descubri locales o apartamentos de personas muertas/ deportadas o en centro de salud mental (lo que quieren hacer conmigo ahorita les cuento mas ) que ellos utilizan para poner sus negocios, viviendas y demas cambiandole con  el mismo software que mensione cuando empece este blog  el nombre del muerto por el de ellos. En un CLICK ellos te hacen dueno de cualquier compania. ( Luego detallare datos de el software porque lo amenace diciendole que voy a asegurarme de comunicarme con los presidentes de todos los paises  del mundo para avisar que este team quiere reemplazar  el gobierno , osea es una amenaza para todas las empresas y las personas del mundo. El entra a CUALQUIER EMPRESA. En jetblue me robo un buddy pass y yo envie a un email a steele y 3 personas mas al lado de Indira Hutchins mi supervisora que me aconsejo a quien enviar dicho correo advirtiendole a la compania que tengo un stalker, hice reporte en la policia que el me aseguro que borraria del Sistema de ellos tambien ( AMENAZA PUBLICA)  si era capaz de robar un buddy pass, era capaz de todo!! Despues se burlaba de mi diciendome que todos tenian apartamento ya con el dinero de ADA de cada persona o con la voz de algunos de mis companeros con su software de 16 pianos que hacen sonido o con mis companeros de verdad que algunos se que si estan involucrados por su mejoria drastica y extrema en corto tiempo lol .

El plan es como dije separate de los que te quieren pa que el y los suyos que no te quieren sean tu circulo. La estrategia es ser honesto y explicarles con la verdad, asi es la unica forma que he logrado un major trato en  algunos de sus companeros.

Hoy en la farmacia elegi 3 articulos los cuales me cobraron 3 veces 1 redbull , 1 vez proteina, 1 vez leggings. Al y over que me cobraron extra por los redbull coji mis 3 items y le dije al tipo que me iba, que hiciera un void en el leggings por querer ser vivos y cobrar 3 veces, A MI,  que tengo anos perdiendo mierdas viviendo esto. Entonces salir y cuando iba saliendo el Manager del CVS Steinway Astoria 11103 me golpeo para asi arrebatarme la bolsa y los articulos calleron al suelo y no me los entrego ni me devolvio a mi tarjeta los fondos. Llame la policia y aca tengo un video que quiero anexar a esto donde grabe la conversacion los con oficiales que no defendieron los derechos humanos en este caso , esto si el hacker acosador me deja porque desde  que vio el blog, el borra pedazos de las cosas que digo para q no salga entera la historia. Con esto pido a gritos un llamado a los conocidos que sepan de hacker a ver si me  ayudan con este individuo por favor!!!!!!

Como les decia aye, asi empezo esta tortura. Culpando a culpando a millones de personas para disculparse y que dar bien el. Esto es un truma y como no lo conosco ni me interesa saber quienes son sus culpables ni lo que piensa. Ante mis ojos el problema mio es, el. Hoy quiero tener un dia medio productivo. ojala logre avanzar este blog.

Entre las cosas que dicedian antes era que mientras yo comia les preguntaba: cuadno se van a callart pa yo comer en paz? y me deciann querida no kiere q tu comas en paz.

La cancion para el junto con un Muerete! :

WHy you so obssesed w me?

I know it’s a bit confusing because since I am still going thru this situation I want to explain everything together and fast. That’s why I made this blog. To listen to your opinion and suggestions. I want you to know what will you do if this happens to you and or your mother/sister/friend or anyone you will help. Tag any person or institution you think will listen to me and will get their own opinion out of this situation. At this point I don’t need a group of therapy, I need a person who believes in me, someone willing to make the person pay me back what he took from my bank accounts and someone that help me get like a lawyer for me to get my US benefits that I deserve as a us citizen that paid taxes for more than 10 years and now and being temporary disable approved by sedgwick thru jetblue until sept is when I needed them the most specially after the stalker sent me to DR to a mental health institution for about a year without an income in my country I came back broke. The only way to get back on track counting on myself only its getting a shelter (wich he is making it impossible and it’s a free room basically first benefit) that way I don’t pay rent get a citi bike or metrocard from FAIRS ( another benefit from the city) getting food stamps SNAP ( 3rd benefit form the city that I deserve and I am not getting because of him) with this I can perfectly be mindfully in peace and will be ready to go back to work and maybe not normal activities right away because it was a lot of bullying and I am ashamed he bulled me a lot with a lot of things but at least working and living like a human like me that always put myself of others shoes deserve. I ve always been independent. I count on myself only. I don’t expect things from others I used to have this person I call an angel that used to pay everything for me without having sex. A lot of people judge about this matter but how obsessed can someone become without sex? Without a kiss with the thonge inside? Also 9 years ago I used to live in the heights and someone advise the guy I like girls and I admit it and this was when I use to live in hillside ave. How obsessed can someone that knew all this can be? Specially when months ago he told me it wasn’t cheating because girls don’t have dicks. Who is capable of making such a drama pretending to be this guy just to judge me and bother me? I am the type of person that don’t call no one. Sergio Tobar, my bamby, used to be my #1 and I barely called him. I get the news at home always and that’s when I say what I think to people. Unfortunately I am m super honest and I say straight up what I think and people don’t like this. I don’t care what others think about peoples appearance if I want to say hi to you because I think you are a good person I will call you even if “the group” doesn’t like it.

Hoy 09/03/2022 fue un dia horrible. Mi cellular se dano por culpa del maniatico bastarde acosador.  La gente me dira “ Pero porque por culpa de el? “

Cuando hablamos de la reaccionn que toma un ser humano hacia para con otro tenemos que entender y analizar que esta reaccion se produce por una accion  de la otra persona. En este caso Cuando llevo mas de 2 anos diciendole a mi familia que me hackean y empezo en el 7910 35th ave 6H que era mi casa y mi sospechosos son un grupito de el edificio principales Romero Cristian/ Juan , Daniel Ribeiro, YasiKov y el flaco de la mani , 5B. He ido al precinto, los ecuatorianos del gordito de la esquina y muchisimos que  anexo a este blog seguire  anadiendo.  Entonces teniendo en cuenta de que estan abrumando Psiquicamente, ciberneticamente, fisicamente pero lo mas complicado  y el delito mayor entre lo que me hicieron estas personas es limitar mis pensamientos, mi conducta, hacerme perder el tiempo, perjudicar seres queridos y otros no tan queridos entonces si analizamos todo junto ya hoy 09/02/2022 kiero que se muera sin remordimientos alguno o quisiera que me mate sin remordimiento. YO NO ME KIERO MORIR LITERAL QUE NO,  pero como estoy cansada de el prefiero ahora meterme mas en la boca del lobo para ver si logro q me maten. Descubri SPA algunos con prostitucion otros no, descubri locales o apartamentos de personas muertas/ deportadas o en centro de salud mental (lo que quieren hacer conmigo ahorita les cuento mas ) que ellos utilizan para poner sus negocios, viviendas y demas cambiandole con  el mismo software que mensione cuando empece este blog  el nombre del muerto por el de ellos. En un CLICK ellos te hacen dueno de cualquier compania. ( Luego detallare datos de el software porque lo amenace diciendole que voy a asegurarme de comunicarme con los presidentes de todos los paises  del mundo para avisar que este team quiere reemplazar  el gobierno , osea es una amenaza para todas las empresas y las personas del mundo. El entra a CUALQUIER EMPRESA. En jetblue me robo un buddy pass y yo envie a un email a steele y 3 personas mas al lado de Indira Hutchins mi supervisora que me aconsejo a quien enviar dicho correo advirtiendole a la compania que tengo un stalker, hice reporte en la policia que el me aseguro que borraria del Sistema de ellos tambien ( AMENAZA PUBLICA)  si era capaz de robar un buddy pass, era capaz de todo!! Despues se burlaba de mi diciendome que todos tenian apartamento ya con el dinero de ADA de cada persona o con la voz de algunos de mis companeros con su software de 16 pianos que hacen sonido o con mis companeros de verdad que algunos se que si estan involucrados por su mejoria drastica y extrema en corto tiempo lol .

El plan es como dije separate de los que te quieren pa que el y los suyos que no te quieren sean tu circulo. La estrategia es ser honesto y explicarles con la verdad, asi es la unica forma que he logrado un major trato en  algunos de sus companeros.

Hoy en la farmacia elegi 3 articulos los cuales me cobraron 3 veces 1 redbull , 1 vez proteina, 1 vez leggings. Al y over que me cobraron extra por los redbull coji mis 3 items y le dije al tipo que me iba, que hiciera un void en el leggings por querer ser vivos y cobrar 3 veces, A MI,  que tengo anos perdiendo mierdas viviendo esto. Entonces salir y cuando iba saliendo el Manager del CVS Steinway Astoria 11103 me golpeo para asi arrebatarme la bolsa y los articulos calleron al suelo y no me los entrego ni me devolvio a mi tarjeta los fondos. Llame la policia y aca tengo un video que quiero anexar a esto donde grabe la conversacion los con oficiales que no defendieron los derechos humanos en este caso , esto si el hacker acosador me deja porque desde  que vio el blog, el borra pedazos de las cosas que digo para q no salga entera la historia. Con esto pido a gritos un llamado a los conocidos que sepan de hacker a ver si me  ayudan con este individuo por favor!!!!!!

Como les decia aye, asi empezo esta tortura. Culpando a culpando a millones de personas para disculparse y que dar bien el. Esto es un truma y como no lo conosco ni me interesa saber quienes son sus culpables ni lo que piensa. Ante mis ojos el problema mio es, el. Hoy quiero tener un dia medio productivo. ojala logre avanzar este blog.

Entre las cosas que dicedian antes era que mientras yo comia les preguntaba: cuadno se van a callart pa yo comer en paz? y me deciann querida no kiere q tu comas en paz.

La cancion para el junto con un Muerete!

WHy you so obssesed w me?

So thinking this again, my situation, police reports made for harrasement and cyber stalker, he recluterer, after going to housing court that the bastad forced , went into my apartment invading my property/ privacy, after so many lies to Yakaira, Tatiana o Melissa to kill their vibe like and for them to think the worst of me , i dont care much about peoples opinion now.

Ashamed by all the bullyng i mention before and more like : asco kathy mis celulitis, la boca torcida pa un lado, que perla la esta grabando en momentos en sexy intimos para subirla a una pagina, me amenaza de mierte con mami y perla mi hermana, descubro en el trayecto sus falsas mentiras otras de mi sentiemientos entonces pensando en que le dabas mucho chance a todos, los policias acordando que ya hay reportes hecho y grabados, adjuntando aca el sop y numero cuando aplicas para no quedarte en casa sin fondos al unempleyment y disability y viene te bloquea edo tambien, Cuando en el juego que te quijeron que no tenia salida y le encontre saludas ydepuestras en otra familia. Ella tiene 32 anos, ella quiere ser y vivir. La ayudas a que el pague ?





#seriaLharassment911NYPD #HUMANRIGHTS #HELP #DEFENDIENDOMESOLAHPT #YOPUEDOCONESTOYMAS #WARRIOR #QUEENOFLOVE #LAMALDITAPIPERA

I know it’s a bit confusing because since I am still going thru this situation I want to explain everything together and fast. That’s why I made this blog. To listen to your opinion and suggestions. I want you to know what will you do if this happens to you and or your mother/sister/friend or anyone you will help. Tag any person or institution you think will listen to me and will get their own opinion out of this situation. At this point I don’t need a group of therapy, I need a person who believes in me, someone willing to make the person pay me back what he took from my bank accounts and someone that help me get like a lawyer for me to get my US benefits that I deserve as a us citizen that paid taxes for more than 10 years and now and being temporary disable approved by sedgwick thru jetblue until sept is when I needed them the most specially after the stalker sent me to DR to a mental health institution for about a year without an income in my country I came back broke. The only way to get back on track counting on myself only its getting a shelter (wich he is making it impossible and it’s a free room basically first benefit) that way I don’t pay rent get a citi bike or metrocard from FAIRS ( another benefit from the city) getting food stamps SNAP ( 3rd benefit form the city that I deserve and I am not getting because of him) with this I can perfectly be mindfully in peace and will be ready to go back to work and maybe not normal activities right away because it was a lot of bullying and I am ashamed he bulled me a lot with a lot of things but at least working and living like a human like me that always put myself of others shoes deserve. I ve always been independent. I count on myself only. I don’t expect things from others I used to have this person I call an angel that used to pay everything for me without having sex. A lot of people judge about this matter but how obsessed can someone become without sex? Without a kiss with the thonge inside? Also 9 years ago I used to live in the heights and someone advise the guy I like girls and I admit it and this was when I use to live in hillside ave. How obsessed can someone that knew all this can be? Specially when months ago he told me it wasn’t cheating because girls don’t have dicks. Who is capable of making such a drama pretending to be this guy just to judge me and bother me? I am the type of person that don’t call no one. Sergio Tobar, my bamby, used to be my #1 and I barely called him. I get the news at home always and that’s when I say what I think to people. Unfortunately I am m super honest and I say straight up what I think and people don’t like this. I don’t care what others think about peoples appearance if I want to say hi to you because I think you are a good person I will call you even if “the group” doesn’t like it.

Hoy 09/03/2022 fue un dia horrible. Mi cellular se dano por culpa del maniatico bastarde acosador.  La gente me dira “ Pero porque por culpa de el? “

Cuando hablamos de la reaccionn que toma un ser humano hacia para con otro tenemos que entender y analizar que esta reaccion se produce por una accion  de la otra persona. En este caso Cuando llevo mas de 2 anos diciendole a mi familia que me hackean y empezo en el 7910 35th ave 6H que era mi casa y mi sospechosos son un grupito de el edificio principales Romero Cristian/ Juan , Daniel Ribeiro, YasiKov y el flaco de la mani , 5B. He ido al precinto, los ecuatorianos del gordito de la esquina y muchisimos que  anexo a este blog seguire  anadiendo.  Entonces teniendo en cuenta de que estan abrumando Psiquicamente, ciberneticamente, fisicamente pero lo mas complicado  y el delito mayor entre lo que me hicieron estas personas es limitar mis pensamientos, mi conducta, hacerme perder el tiempo, perjudicar seres queridos y otros no tan queridos entonces si analizamos todo junto ya hoy 09/02/2022 kiero que se muera sin remordimientos alguno o quisiera que me mate sin remordimiento. YO NO ME KIERO MORIR LITERAL QUE NO,  pero como estoy cansada de el prefiero ahora meterme mas en la boca del lobo para ver si logro q me maten. Descubri SPA algunos con prostitucion otros no, descubri locales o apartamentos de personas muertas/ deportadas o en centro de salud mental (lo que quieren hacer conmigo ahorita les cuento mas ) que ellos utilizan para poner sus negocios, viviendas y demas cambiandole con  el mismo software que mensione cuando empece este blog  el nombre del muerto por el de ellos. En un CLICK ellos te hacen dueno de cualquier compania. ( Luego detallare datos de el software porque lo amenace diciendole que voy a asegurarme de comunicarme con los presidentes de todos los paises  del mundo para avisar que este team quiere reemplazar  el gobierno , osea es una amenaza para todas las empresas y las personas del mundo. El entra a CUALQUIER EMPRESA. En jetblue me robo un buddy pass y yo envie a un email a steele y 3 personas mas al lado de Indira Hutchins mi supervisora que me aconsejo a quien enviar dicho correo advirtiendole a la compania que tengo un stalker, hice reporte en la policia que el me aseguro que borraria del Sistema de ellos tambien ( AMENAZA PUBLICA)  si era capaz de robar un buddy pass, era capaz de todo!! Despues se burlaba de mi diciendome que todos tenian apartamento ya con el dinero de ADA de cada persona o con la voz de algunos de mis companeros con su software de 16 pianos que hacen sonido o con mis companeros de verdad que algunos se que si estan involucrados por su mejoria drastica y extrema en corto tiempo lol .

El plan es como dije separate de los que te quieren pa que el y los suyos que no te quieren sean tu circulo. La estrategia es ser honesto y explicarles con la verdad, asi es la unica forma que he logrado un major trato en  algunos de sus companeros.

Hoy en la farmacia elegi 3 articulos los cuales me cobraron 3 veces 1 redbull , 1 vez proteina, 1 vez leggings. Al y over que me cobraron extra por los redbull coji mis 3 items y le dije al tipo que me iba, que hiciera un void en el leggings por querer ser vivos y cobrar 3 veces, A MI,  que tengo anos perdiendo mierdas viviendo esto. Entonces salir y cuando iba saliendo el Manager del CVS Steinway Astoria 11103 me golpeo para asi arrebatarme la bolsa y los articulos calleron al suelo y no me los entrego ni me devolvio a mi tarjeta los fondos. Llame la policia y aca tengo un video que quiero anexar a esto donde grabe la conversacion los con oficiales que no defendieron los derechos humanos en este caso , esto si el hacker acosador me deja porque desde  que vio el blog, el borra pedazos de las cosas que digo para q no salga entera la historia. Con esto pido a gritos un llamado a los conocidos que sepan de hacker a ver si me  ayudan con este individuo por favor!!!!!!

Como les decia aye, asi empezo esta tortura. Culpando a culpando a millones de personas para disculparse y que dar bien el. Esto es un truma y como no lo conosco ni me interesa saber quienes son sus culpables ni lo que piensa. Ante mis ojos el problema mio es, el. Hoy quiero tener un dia medio productivo. ojala logre avanzar este blog.

Entre las cosas que dicedian antes era que mientras yo comia les preguntaba: cuadno se van a callart pa yo comer en paz? y me deciann querida no kiere q tu comas en paz.

La cancion para el junto con un Muerete! :

WHy you so obssesed w me?

I know it’s a bit confusing because since I am still going thru this situation I want to explain everything together and fast. That’s why I made this blog. To listen to your opinion and suggestions. I want you to know what will you do if this happens to you and or your mother/sister/friend or anyone you will help. Tag any person or institution you think will listen to me and will get their own opinion out of this situation. At this point I don’t need a group of therapy, I need a person who believes in me, someone willing to make the person pay me back what he took from my bank accounts and someone that help me get like a lawyer for me to get my US benefits that I deserve as a us citizen that paid taxes for more than 10 years and now and being temporary disable approved by sedgwick thru jetblue until sept is when I needed them the most specially after the stalker sent me to DR to a mental health institution for about a year without an income in my country I came back broke. The only way to get back on track counting on myself only its getting a shelter (wich he is making it impossible and it’s a free room basically first benefit) that way I don’t pay rent get a citi bike or metrocard from FAIRS ( another benefit from the city) getting food stamps SNAP ( 3rd benefit form the city that I deserve and I am not getting because of him) with this I can perfectly be mindfully in peace and will be ready to go back to work and maybe not normal activities right away because it was a lot of bullying and I am ashamed he bulled me a lot with a lot of things but at least working and living like a human like me that always put myself of others shoes deserve. I ve always been independent. I count on myself only. I don’t expect things from others I used to have this person I call an angel that used to pay everything for me without having sex. A lot of people judge about this matter but how obsessed can someone become without sex? Without a kiss with the thonge inside? Also 9 years ago I used to live in the heights and someone advise the guy I like girls and I admit it and this was when I use to live in hillside ave. How obsessed can someone that knew all this can be? Specially when months ago he told me it wasn’t cheating because girls don’t have dicks. Who is capable of making such a drama pretending to be this guy just to judge me and bother me? I am the type of person that don’t call no one. Sergio Tobar, my bamby, used to be my #1 and I barely called him. I get the news at home always and that’s when I say what I think to people. Unfortunately I am m super honest and I say straight up what I think and people don’t like this. I don’t care what others think about peoples appearance if I want to say hi to you because I think you are a good person I will call you even if “the group” doesn’t like it.

Hoy 09/03/2022 fue un dia horrible. Mi cellular se dano por culpa del maniatico bastarde acosador.  La gente me dira “ Pero porque por culpa de el? “

Cuando hablamos de la reaccionn que toma un ser humano hacia para con otro tenemos que entender y analizar que esta reaccion se produce por una accion  de la otra persona. En este caso Cuando llevo mas de 2 anos diciendole a mi familia que me hackean y empezo en el 7910 35th ave 6H que era mi casa y mi sospechosos son un grupito de el edificio principales Romero Cristian/ Juan , Daniel Ribeiro, YasiKov y el flaco de la mani , 5B. He ido al precinto, los ecuatorianos del gordito de la esquina y muchisimos que  anexo a este blog seguire  anadiendo.  Entonces teniendo en cuenta de que estan abrumando Psiquicamente, ciberneticamente, fisicamente pero lo mas complicado  y el delito mayor entre lo que me hicieron estas personas es limitar mis pensamientos, mi conducta, hacerme perder el tiempo, perjudicar seres queridos y otros no tan queridos entonces si analizamos todo junto ya hoy 09/02/2022 kiero que se muera sin remordimientos alguno o quisiera que me mate sin remordimiento. YO NO ME KIERO MORIR LITERAL QUE NO,  pero como estoy cansada de el prefiero ahora meterme mas en la boca del lobo para ver si logro q me maten. Descubri SPA algunos con prostitucion otros no, descubri locales o apartamentos de personas muertas/ deportadas o en centro de salud mental (lo que quieren hacer conmigo ahorita les cuento mas ) que ellos utilizan para poner sus negocios, viviendas y demas cambiandole con  el mismo software que mensione cuando empece este blog  el nombre del muerto por el de ellos. En un CLICK ellos te hacen dueno de cualquier compania. ( Luego detallare datos de el software porque lo amenace diciendole que voy a asegurarme de comunicarme con los presidentes de todos los paises  del mundo para avisar que este team quiere reemplazar  el gobierno , osea es una amenaza para todas las empresas y las personas del mundo. El entra a CUALQUIER EMPRESA. En jetblue me robo un buddy pass y yo envie a un email a steele y 3 personas mas al lado de Indira Hutchins mi supervisora que me aconsejo a quien enviar dicho correo advirtiendole a la compania que tengo un stalker, hice reporte en la policia que el me aseguro que borraria del Sistema de ellos tambien ( AMENAZA PUBLICA)  si era capaz de robar un buddy pass, era capaz de todo!! Despues se burlaba de mi diciendome que todos tenian apartamento ya con el dinero de ADA de cada persona o con la voz de algunos de mis companeros con su software de 16 pianos que hacen sonido o con mis companeros de verdad que algunos se que si estan involucrados por su mejoria drastica y extrema en corto tiempo lol .

El plan es como dije separate de los que te quieren pa que el y los suyos que no te quieren sean tu circulo. La estrategia es ser honesto y explicarles con la verdad, asi es la unica forma que he logrado un major trato en  algunos de sus companeros.

Hoy en la farmacia elegi 3 articulos los cuales me cobraron 3 veces 1 redbull , 1 vez proteina, 1 vez leggings. Al y over que me cobraron extra por los redbull coji mis 3 items y le dije al tipo que me iba, que hiciera un void en el leggings por querer ser vivos y cobrar 3 veces, A MI,  que tengo anos perdiendo mierdas viviendo esto. Entonces salir y cuando iba saliendo el Manager del CVS Steinway Astoria 11103 me golpeo para asi arrebatarme la bolsa y los articulos calleron al suelo y no me los entrego ni me devolvio a mi tarjeta los fondos. Llame la policia y aca tengo un video que quiero anexar a esto donde grabe la conversacion los con oficiales que no defendieron los derechos humanos en este caso , esto si el hacker acosador me deja porque desde  que vio el blog, el borra pedazos de las cosas que digo para q no salga entera la historia. Con esto pido a gritos un llamado a los conocidos que sepan de hacker a ver si me  ayudan con este individuo por favor!!!!!!

Como les decia aye, asi empezo esta tortura. Culpando a culpando a millones de personas para disculparse y que dar bien el. Esto es un truma y como no lo conosco ni me interesa saber quienes son sus culpables ni lo que piensa. Ante mis ojos el problema mio es, el. Hoy quiero tener un dia medio productivo. ojala logre avanzar este blog.

Entre las cosas que dicedian antes era que mientras yo comia les preguntaba: cuadno se van a callart pa yo comer en paz? y me deciann querida no kiere q tu comas en paz.

La cancion para el junto con un Muerete! :

WHy you so obssesed w me?

I know it’s a bit confusing because since I am still going thru this situation I want to explain everything together and fast. That’s why I made this blog. To listen to your opinion and suggestions. I want you to know what will you do if this happens to you and or your mother/sister/friend or anyone you will help. Tag any person or institution you think will listen to me and will get their own opinion out of this situation. At this point I don’t need a group of therapy, I need a person who believes in me, someone willing to make the person pay me back what he took from my bank accounts and someone that help me get like a lawyer for me to get my US benefits that I deserve as a us citizen that paid taxes for more than 10 years and now and being temporary disable approved by sedgwick thru jetblue until sept is when I needed them the most specially after the stalker sent me to DR to a mental health institution for about a year without an income in my country I came back broke. The only way to get back on track counting on myself only its getting a shelter (wich he is making it impossible and it’s a free room basically first benefit) that way I don’t pay rent get a citi bike or metrocard from FAIRS ( another benefit from the city) getting food stamps SNAP ( 3rd benefit form the city that I deserve and I am not getting because of him) with this I can perfectly be mindfully in peace and will be ready to go back to work and maybe not normal activities right away because it was a lot of bullying and I am ashamed he bulled me a lot with a lot of things but at least working and living like a human like me that always put myself of others shoes deserve. I ve always been independent. I count on myself only. I don’t expect things from others I used to have this person I call an angel that used to pay everything for me without having sex. A lot of people judge about this matter but how obsessed can someone become without sex? Without a kiss with the thonge inside? Also 9 years ago I used to live in the heights and someone advise the guy I like girls and I admit it and this was when I use to live in hillside ave. How obsessed can someone that knew all this can be? Specially when months ago he told me it wasn’t cheating because girls don’t have dicks. Who is capable of making such a drama pretending to be this guy just to judge me and bother me? I am the type of person that don’t call no one. Sergio Tobar, my bamby, used to be my #1 and I barely called him. I get the news at home always and that’s when I say what I think to people. Unfortunately I am m super honest and I say straight up what I think and people don’t like this. I don’t care what others think about peoples appearance if I want to say hi to you because I think you are a good person I will call you even if “the group” doesn’t like it.

Hoy 09/03/2022 fue un dia horrible. Mi cellular se dano por culpa del maniatico bastarde acosador.  La gente me dira “ Pero porque por culpa de el? “

Cuando hablamos de la reaccionn que toma un ser humano hacia para con otro tenemos que entender y analizar que esta reaccion se produce por una accion  de la otra persona. En este caso Cuando llevo mas de 2 anos diciendole a mi familia que me hackean y empezo en el 7910 35th ave 6H que era mi casa y mi sospechosos son un grupito de el edificio principales Romero Cristian/ Juan , Daniel Ribeiro, YasiKov y el flaco de la mani , 5B. He ido al precinto, los ecuatorianos del gordito de la esquina y muchisimos que  anexo a este blog seguire  anadiendo.  Entonces teniendo en cuenta de que estan abrumando Psiquicamente, ciberneticamente, fisicamente pero lo mas complicado  y el delito mayor entre lo que me hicieron estas personas es limitar mis pensamientos, mi conducta, hacerme perder el tiempo, perjudicar seres queridos y otros no tan queridos entonces si analizamos todo junto ya hoy 09/02/2022 kiero que se muera sin remordimientos alguno o quisiera que me mate sin remordimiento. YO NO ME KIERO MORIR LITERAL QUE NO,  pero como estoy cansada de el prefiero ahora meterme mas en la boca del lobo para ver si logro q me maten. Descubri SPA algunos con prostitucion otros no, descubri locales o apartamentos de personas muertas/ deportadas o en centro de salud mental (lo que quieren hacer conmigo ahorita les cuento mas ) que ellos utilizan para poner sus negocios, viviendas y demas cambiandole con  el mismo software que mensione cuando empece este blog  el nombre del muerto por el de ellos. En un CLICK ellos te hacen dueno de cualquier compania. ( Luego detallare datos de el software porque lo amenace diciendole que voy a asegurarme de comunicarme con los presidentes de todos los paises  del mundo para avisar que este team quiere reemplazar  el gobierno , osea es una amenaza para todas las empresas y las personas del mundo. El entra a CUALQUIER EMPRESA. En jetblue me robo un buddy pass y yo envie a un email a steele y 3 personas mas al lado de Indira Hutchins mi supervisora que me aconsejo a quien enviar dicho correo advirtiendole a la compania que tengo un stalker, hice reporte en la policia que el me aseguro que borraria del Sistema de ellos tambien ( AMENAZA PUBLICA)  si era capaz de robar un buddy pass, era capaz de todo!! Despues se burlaba de mi diciendome que todos tenian apartamento ya con el dinero de ADA de cada persona o con la voz de algunos de mis companeros con su software de 16 pianos que hacen sonido o con mis companeros de verdad que algunos se que si estan involucrados por su mejoria drastica y extrema en corto tiempo lol .

El plan es como dije separate de los que te quieren pa que el y los suyos que no te quieren sean tu circulo. La estrategia es ser honesto y explicarles con la verdad, asi es la unica forma que he logrado un major trato en  algunos de sus companeros.

Hoy en la farmacia elegi 3 articulos los cuales me cobraron 3 veces 1 redbull , 1 vez proteina, 1 vez leggings. Al y over que me cobraron extra por los redbull coji mis 3 items y le dije al tipo que me iba, que hiciera un void en el leggings por querer ser vivos y cobrar 3 veces, A MI,  que tengo anos perdiendo mierdas viviendo esto. Entonces salir y cuando iba saliendo el Manager del CVS Steinway Astoria 11103 me golpeo para asi arrebatarme la bolsa y los articulos calleron al suelo y no me los entrego ni me devolvio a mi tarjeta los fondos. Llame la policia y aca tengo un video que quiero anexar a esto donde grabe la conversacion los con oficiales que no defendieron los derechos humanos en este caso , esto si el hacker acosador me deja porque desde  que vio el blog, el borra pedazos de las cosas que digo para q no salga entera la historia. Con esto pido a gritos un llamado a los conocidos que sepan de hacker a ver si me  ayudan con este individuo por favor!!!!!!

Como les decia aye, asi empezo esta tortura. Culpando a culpando a millones de personas para disculparse y que dar bien el. Esto es un truma y como no lo conosco ni me interesa saber quienes son sus culpables ni lo que piensa. Ante mis ojos el problema mio es, el. Hoy quiero tener un dia medio productivo. ojala logre avanzar este blog.

Entre las cosas que dicedian antes era que mientras yo comia les preguntaba: cuadno se van a callart pa yo comer en paz? y me deciann querida no kiere q tu comas en paz.

La cancion para el junto con un Muerete!

WHy you so obssesed w me?

So thinking this again, my situation, police reports made for harrasement and cyber stalker, he recluterer, after going to housing court that the bastad forced , went into my apartment invading my property/ privacy, after so many lies to Yakaira, Tatiana o Melissa to kill their vibe like and for them to think the worst of me , i dont care much about peoples opinion now.

Ashamed by all the bullyng i mention before and more like : asco kathy mis celulitis, la boca torcida pa un lado, que perla la esta grabando en momentos en sexy intimos para subirla a una pagina, me amenaza de mierte con mami y perla mi hermana, descubro en el trayecto sus falsas mentiras otras de mi sentiemientos entonces pensando en que le dabas mucho chance a todos, los policias acordando que ya hay reportes hecho y grabados, adjuntando aca el sop y numero cuando aplicas para no quedarte en casa sin fondos al unempleyment y disability y viene te bloquea edo tambien, Cuando en el juego que te quijeron que no tenia salida y le encontre saludas ydepuestras en otra familia. Ella tiene 32 anos, ella quiere ser y vivir. La ayudas a que el pague ?

I know it’s a bit confusing because since I am still going thru this situation I want to explain everything together and fast. That’s why I made this blog. To listen to your opinion and suggestions. I want you to know what will you do if this happens to you and or your mother/sister/friend or anyone you will help. Tag any person or institution you think will listen to me and will get their own opinion out of this situation. At this point I don’t need a group of therapy, I need a person who believes in me, someone willing to make the person pay me back what he took from my bank accounts and someone that help me get like a lawyer for me to get my US benefits that I deserve as a us citizen that paid taxes for more than 10 years and now and being temporary disable approved by sedgwick thru jetblue until sept is when I needed them the most specially after the stalker sent me to DR to a mental health institution for about a year without an income in my country I came back broke. The only way to get back on track counting on myself only its getting a shelter (wich he is making it impossible and it’s a free room basically first benefit) that way I don’t pay rent get a citi bike or metrocard from FAIRS ( another benefit from the city) getting food stamps SNAP ( 3rd benefit form the city that I deserve and I am not getting because of him) with this I can perfectly be mindfully in peace and will be ready to go back to work and maybe not normal activities right away because it was a lot of bullying and I am ashamed he bulled me a lot with a lot of things but at least working and living like a human like me that always put myself of others shoes deserve. I ve always been independent. I count on myself only. I don’t expect things from others I used to have this person I call an angel that used to pay everything for me without having sex. A lot of people judge about this matter but how obsessed can someone become without sex? Without a kiss with the thonge inside? Also 9 years ago I used to live in the heights and someone advise the guy I like girls and I admit it and this was when I use to live in hillside ave. How obsessed can someone that knew all this can be? Specially when months ago he told me it wasn’t cheating because girls don’t have dicks. Who is capable of making such a drama pretending to be this guy just to judge me and bother me? I am the type of person that don’t call no one. Sergio Tobar, my bamby, used to be my #1 and I barely called him. I get the news at home always and that’s when I say what I think to people. Unfortunately I am m super honest and I say straight up what I think and people don’t like this. I don’t care what others think about peoples appearance if I want to say hi to you because I think you are a good person I will call you even if “the group” doesn’t like it.

Hoy 09/03/2022 fue un dia horrible. Mi cellular se dano por culpa del maniatico bastarde acosador.  La gente me dira “ Pero porque por culpa de el? “

Cuando hablamos de la reaccionn que toma un ser humano hacia para con otro tenemos que entender y analizar que esta reaccion se produce por una accion  de la otra persona. En este caso Cuando llevo mas de 2 anos diciendole a mi familia que me hackean y empezo en el 7910 35th ave 6H que era mi casa y mi sospechosos son un grupito de el edificio principales Romero Cristian/ Juan , Daniel Ribeiro, YasiKov y el flaco de la mani , 5B. He ido al precinto, los ecuatorianos del gordito de la esquina y muchisimos que  anexo a este blog seguire  anadiendo.  Entonces teniendo en cuenta de que estan abrumando Psiquicamente, ciberneticamente, fisicamente pero lo mas complicado  y el delito mayor entre lo que me hicieron estas personas es limitar mis pensamientos, mi conducta, hacerme perder el tiempo, perjudicar seres queridos y otros no tan queridos entonces si analizamos todo junto ya hoy 09/02/2022 kiero que se muera sin remordimientos alguno o quisiera que me mate sin remordimiento. YO NO ME KIERO MORIR LITERAL QUE NO,  pero como estoy cansada de el prefiero ahora meterme mas en la boca del lobo para ver si logro q me maten. Descubri SPA algunos con prostitucion otros no, descubri locales o apartamentos de personas muertas/ deportadas o en centro de salud mental (lo que quieren hacer conmigo ahorita les cuento mas ) que ellos utilizan para poner sus negocios, viviendas y demas cambiandole con  el mismo software que mensione cuando empece este blog  el nombre del muerto por el de ellos. En un CLICK ellos te hacen dueno de cualquier compania. ( Luego detallare datos de el software porque lo amenace diciendole que voy a asegurarme de comunicarme con los presidentes de todos los paises  del mundo para avisar que este team quiere reemplazar  el gobierno , osea es una amenaza para todas las empresas y las personas del mundo. El entra a CUALQUIER EMPRESA. En jetblue me robo un buddy pass y yo envie a un email a steele y 3 personas mas al lado de Indira Hutchins mi supervisora que me aconsejo a quien enviar dicho correo advirtiendole a la compania que tengo un stalker, hice reporte en la policia que el me aseguro que borraria del Sistema de ellos tambien ( AMENAZA PUBLICA)  si era capaz de robar un buddy pass, era capaz de todo!! Despues se burlaba de mi diciendome que todos tenian apartamento ya con el dinero de ADA de cada persona o con la voz de algunos de mis companeros con su software de 16 pianos que hacen sonido o con mis companeros de verdad que algunos se que si estan involucrados por su mejoria drastica y extrema en corto tiempo lol .

El plan es como dije separate de los que te quieren pa que el y los suyos que no te quieren sean tu circulo. La estrategia es ser honesto y explicarles con la verdad, asi es la unica forma que he logrado un major trato en  algunos de sus companeros.

Hoy en la farmacia elegi 3 articulos los cuales me cobraron 3 veces 1 redbull , 1 vez proteina, 1 vez leggings. Al y over que me cobraron extra por los redbull coji mis 3 items y le dije al tipo que me iba, que hiciera un void en el leggings por querer ser vivos y cobrar 3 veces, A MI,  que tengo anos perdiendo mierdas viviendo esto. Entonces salir y cuando iba saliendo el Manager del CVS Steinway Astoria 11103 me golpeo para asi arrebatarme la bolsa y los articulos calleron al suelo y no me los entrego ni me devolvio a mi tarjeta los fondos. Llame la policia y aca tengo un video que quiero anexar a esto donde grabe la conversacion los con oficiales que no defendieron los derechos humanos en este caso , esto si el hacker acosador me deja porque desde  que vio el blog, el borra pedazos de las cosas que digo para q no salga entera la historia. Con esto pido a gritos un llamado a los conocidos que sepan de hacker a ver si me  ayudan con este individuo por favor!!!!!!

Como les decia aye, asi empezo esta tortura. Culpando a culpando a millones de personas para disculparse y que dar bien el. Esto es un truma y como no lo conosco ni me interesa saber quienes son sus culpables ni lo que piensa. Ante mis ojos el problema mio es, el. Hoy quiero tener un dia medio productivo. ojala logre avanzar este blog.

Entre las cosas que dicedian antes era que mientras yo comia les preguntaba: cuadno se van a callart pa yo comer en paz? y me deciann querida no kiere q tu comas en paz.

La cancion para el junto con un Muerete!

WHy you so obssesed w me?

So thinking this again, my situation, police reports made for harrasement and cyber stalker, he recluterer, after going to housing court that the bastad forced , went into my apartment invading my property/ privacy, after so many lies to Yakaira, Tatiana o Melissa to kill their vibe like and for them to think the worst of me , i dont care much about peoples opinion now.

Ashamed by all the bullyng i mention before and more like : asco kathy mis celulitis, la boca torcida pa un lado, que perla la esta grabando en momentos en sexy intimos para subirla a una pagina, me amenaza de mierte con mami y perla mi hermana, descubro en el trayecto sus falsas mentiras otras de mi sentiemientos entonces pensando en que le dabas mucho chance a todos, los policias acordando que ya hay reportes hecho y grabados, adjuntando aca el sop y numero cuando aplicas para no quedarte en casa sin fondos al unempleyment y disability y viene te bloquea edo tambien, Cuando en el juego que te quijeron que no tenia salida y le encontre saludas ydepuestras en otra familia. Ella tiene 32 anos, ella quiere ser y vivir. La ayudas a que el pague ?

#seriaLharassment911NYPD #HUMANRIGHTS #HELP #DEFENDIENDOMESOLAHPT #YOPUEDOCONESTOYMAS #WARRIOR #QUEENOFLOVE #LAMALDITAPIPERA

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 34

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: okay sooo idk how i feel about the chapter BUT! i added a link with pictures of the characters and it took me over 2 hours to do that so if you could comment or at least look at it, it would mean a lot to me! (scroll down for the link, you cant miss it)

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : two but its pretty much the same thing :) i mean he doesnt get ‘angry��� tho but i hope its still what you wanted :)

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 34 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

March 30th, 2018

I had no idea who Niall had invited but before we walked in the bar, I moved closer to him and got up on my tiptoe to look in his eyes, both of us now hidden by his cap. His lips curled as his eyes roamed on my face and I pressed my lips together. I was a bit stressed to meet some people from school after so long but if I wanted to be honest, being away from the crowds and the paps seemed like amazing time off to me and I was pretty sure Niall felt the same.

"No kissing, no hold hands, no cuddles." I pointed out with a grimace. "It's gonna be a long evening."

"Okay, first off, you can cuddle me, they're used to it. Second of, can I remind you that it's your rule? If you want, we can definitely tell them we're together but keeping low profile." he pointed out, raising his eyebrows as he waited for my answer.

I wanted to. I really fucking wanted to, and I could feel my heartbeats accelerate the longer we looked at each other. I licked my lips and smiled before shaking my head. I couldn't make a decision and it was driving me insane.

"We'll just... see how it goes." I finally let out before sighing and getting back down on my feet.

"I'll follow your lead, petal."

His words made my lips curl and I nodded slowly before he turned around and walked in. It felt amazing to know I had my say in all of this. A lot of times, when we were dating and even before, I felt like Niall lead me the way he thought was right and I just followed without a word. Perhaps, he had matured, or maybe he was always like that but he just took the lead because I didn't. Either way, it was refreshing and it made me feel important.

I followed him inside and a familiar face seemed to illuminate in the back of the bar. The smell reminded me of my teenage years and somehow, I suddenly relaxed despite the people I had just noticed.

"Zara?" I let out with a frown before Niall bent closer to me.

"I called her, thought you may want to see her." he whispered before walking closer to the table.

"Olivia!"

Zara jumped out of her chair and ran to me, wrapping her arms around my neck so tight I could barely breathe anymore. She started jumping quickly up and down, bringing me in her wave and I laughed as I hugged her back. Despite everything that had happened to me in my childhood and teenage years,  Zara was the only one I trusted completely besides Niall. I had a few friends and we all hung out together but Zara was the one I was the closest to, the one I told almost everything to, except maybe the fact that I had always been in love with Niall. That, I hadn't told anyone and even now, I wondered how the hell I succeeded to keep that secret to myself for two decades.

"I haven't seen you in so long!" she added, hugging me even tighter before her embrace loosened and she pulled away to look in my eyes. "Still can't believe you followed that eejit to London. Why?"

She was very expressive and the facial expression she was sending me made me laugh.

"You know me, can't be away from his dumb face for too long."

Her lips curled into an amused smile and she pulled me to the bar, ordering beers before tilting her head and staring at me some more. I frowned and waited, knowing that a question was coming.

"You two dated a few years ago yea?" she raised her eyebrows as I nodded. "Okay now let's talk about the real shit. How does he fuck?"

My eyes got bigger and I chuckled, shaking my head. "Z!"

"No no, hear me out!" she continued, bending down closer to me. "Remember when Michelle, Lisa, Megan and I would get mad at you for ditching us for him?" she let out with a chin movement towards Niall.

I couldn't help but glance at him. He was sitting with a few people I recognized but I just licked my lips and turned back to my friend, shaking my head. "I didn't dit-"

"Oh you did. All the time." she cut me, making me raise my nose up in a grimace. "Well we always spent at least half an hour talking about you two and with the years, the conversations became... you know. I mean he grew up and," she paused and leaned back to take a look at him before looking back at me. "He's... he's hot."

I started laughing, shaking my head slightly at her enthusiasm.

"Niall was always hot." I pointed out, making her roll her eyes.

"You... it's different. I mean, I know you always said you didn't have feelings for him but girl, I know you better than that." she explained, making my heart literally stop beating. "Anyway, that's beside the point. So we did talk about the size of his cock and the way he fucked and we all had theories. I think it's time you reveal the truth."

"Forget it." I laughed, shaking my head.

"Why does it matter, you two broke up a million years ago!" her face suddenly changed and her lips parted as she moved closer. "You whore, you’re still dating him?"

"Zara!"

She raised both of her hands up and closed her eyes. "Alright alright, none of my business." she chuckled, opening her eyes again, her smile turning into a fond one. "I really hope for you, though. I know how much you love him. I can see it in your eyes."

I held my breath as she grabbed two beers, letting me take the two others and we walked slowly to the table.

"Don't be surprised okay? Ava is here. I know she's not your fave person but just pretend she's funny. Or interesting. Or ignore her, that's what I do."

I laughed again but my heart dropped in my chest when I noticed Ava, leaning against Niall as they were both laughing. I started thinking about that time I caught him masturbating in his room when he was 13, and how a few years later, he had admitted he was jerking off thinking about her. The whole thing made me swallow hard and I held the mugs tighter in my hands before placing them on the table. Most people looked up and when I noticed Rian, my eyes got bigger and I chuckled low.

"Wow, hey! What are you doing here?"

He got up and kissed my cheeks gently as I did the same before shaking my head. The last time I had seen Rian was when Niall and I went ice skating together when we were dating. Niall had shown a bit of jealousy back then and even if I knew I shouldn't, i really liked it. Of course, I had dated Rian for a few months and he was the first guy I ever slept with, but Niall seemed to forget that the reason I gave in to Rian after so many years was because he had lost his virginity to someone who wasn't me. It had hurt me so much that just thinking about it made it impossible not to swallow the lump in my throat.

"He's coming to visit me." Ava said, her hand on Niall's thigh to hold herself as she moved closer to me. "We have a thing going on."

Rian rolled his eyes with a smile and shook his head slightly before shrugging. "Just trying to see if it could work." he explained before talking lower. "I'm not moving back here though, there's no way."

I let out a louder laugh and nodded. "Yea, I'm not moving back here either."

The truth was, I didn't want to move back here mostly because I didn't really know anyone anymore. My parents were back in France, many of my friends had moved away and Niall... well, Niall was the person I wanted to follow. Or more, Niall was the person I wanted to be with. I didn't have to follow him, like he said. We could just take decisions together.

"Come on, petal, sit down."

Niall's voice reached my ear and I smiled, sitting next to him as he squirmed a bit on his chair to move forward, leaning his arms on the table and getting away from Ava's touch. I felt suddenly relieved and he sent me a smile. I felt his knee hit gently against mine under the table and my lips curled more.

"So what's up between you two?" Rian asked after sitting next to me. "Last time I saw you, you were together, then we all read in extremely reliable online articles that you two split and Niall was dating that actress or singer? What's her face? And Liv was getting married to an hollywood actor. This is some crazy shit, mates."

"I'm... not dating Heidi anymore." Niall pointed out, pressing his lips together in an awkward smile.

"And I called the wedding off and broke up with Dylan."

Everyone stared at us and Zara chuckled slightly after half a minute, shaking her head. "Wow. You guys need more drinks."

We started drinking and talking and after a few hours, I was starting to be tipsy. I walked to the bar to get more pints and while waiting, I leaned on the counter to stare at Niall. He was laughing with our old friends and I was suddenly thrown back to when we were younger and would hang out all together. I could pretend life was easy back then but it would be a lie. I had to admit, though, that everything changed when Niall left, and I do mean everything.

My lips curled on the left when I watched him throw his head back. I could hear his laughter even from where I was and something jumped inside me at the sight. I already knew, but once again, it hit me how much I loved him and how i'd never be over him. I didn't want to be over him anyway. I wanted to be with him.

"Having a good time?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise before turning to the voice with a smile before looking at Niall again and finally putting my attention back on Rian.

"Mmhm, and you?"

I was getting so tipsy that I had a hard time hiding my attraction for Niall. I knew my eyes were probably betraying me but I was at that point where I didn't give a fuck anymore. A few more people we knew had joined us and we were all getting a bit drunk but when I turned around and smiled to Rian again, I noticed he was way past that stage. He sent me a small smirk and bent down closer, making me move back instinctively.

"You know you were my first fuck." he pointed out, making me chuckle low.

"Yea you were my first fuck too."

"You ever wonder what it would feel like more than a decade later?" he whispered after bending down more.

My lips parted and I glanced at him, standing up and shaking my head. "Honestly, no."

"Come on." he slurred as I pressed my lips together. "Just one time. I never really understood why you broke up with me, y'know?"

I looked up at him, feeling uneasy, and swallowed hard. I didn't want to cause a scene and I knew he was drunk but at the same time, I had no fucking idea what he was thinking at that exact moment. I knew he thought I was single, which I was... sort of, but I had the feeling he would insist even if I was officially taken.

"I just didn't have those feelings for you, that's why." I pointed out.

It was true and at the same time, it was also because I couldn't take Niall out of my mind. I felt his arm slither around my waist and pushed him away gently but firmly, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Two things. One, you're drunk and two, I'm not interested. It's been years, Rian, we both moved on." I pointed out. "Besides, aren't you with Ava now?"

"Ava and I have an agreement. Until we're official, we can fuck whoever we want. That's why she's all over your ex boyfriend."

My lips parted again and my heartbeats accelerated. I turned to look at Niall but for some reason, he had switched seat with me, leaving a free chair between him and Ava and I sighed of relief without thinking.

"That's why you said no to me for so long before agreeing to date me, right? That's also why you broke up with me isn't it?"

I turned back to him, noticing he had moved closer again. "What?"

"Him. Him and his fucking stupid angel face. You've always wanted him and he never fucking wanted you. The only time he dated you he fucking left you to be a famous little shit and now you're still looking at him like he's some sort of god."

"Shut up, you're pissed." I said low enough, getting suddenly angry.

"Still. You know i'm right." he added, sending me a small smile. "Come on, I'll make you cum so hard."

I felt Rian's hand on my breasts and this time, I pushed him harder as my heart seemed to stop.

"I said no!"

I felt my whole body on fire as I stared at him but he moved closer and grabbed the back of my head, pulling me against him to kiss me. This time, I started hitting his chest hard to push him away and I heard a chair scratch against the wood floor before falling down. It took about half a second for Niall to be between Rian and I, pushing him hard enough to make him back away a few feet.

"She said no."

"Oh yea, mister perfect is there again to save the day!" Rian let out a bit too loud in a sarcastic tone. "Same as you were back then. Always there to be the perfect 'best friend'." he laughed, doing quotation marks with his fingers on the last two words.

"Rian, don't go too far." Niall only replied, shaking his head slightly.

"She's not yours, anymore, Horan! So let it go!"

"I'm afraid I can't do that."

I took a step back, surprised by how well Niall could keep calm and glanced at our table to see all of our friends watching the show. It was not really how I imagined my night.

"You're a fuckin' asshole and I've always hated you, ya know that?"

"I'm very aware." Niall sighed. "But she said she was not interested, so keep your feckin' hands in your pockets."

"Or what?" Rian yelled, this time. "Or WHAT?"

"Rian, stop!"

We all turned to Ava who was frowning and Rian scoffed, shaking his head. "You stay out of this." he turned to Niall. "And you!" he grabbed him by his shirt and my heart sank in my chest as I moved closer, grabbing Rian's arm and trying to push him back.

"Please, stop!" I let out, suddenly panicked.

Niall didn't send me a glance and kept looking at Rian, "Liv, move back. Please Liv."

It took me a few seconds and I did as he asked just when Rian started talking again.

"She's not your girlfriend." he repeated. "So mind your own fuckin' business!"

"But I still love her." Niall admitted louder, making my lips part and my whole body throb. "I'm still in love with her. And I'm not gonna let you touch her, not without her consent."

Everything happened a bit too fast for me to react and I barely saw Rian let go of Niall to throw his fist at him. Gladly, he was totally hammered and Niall easily dodged his hit before throwing his own first on Rian's jaw. My eyes got bigger as Rian fell on the floor and I finally closed them, bringing both my hands on my face.

"MATES!"

I remained motionless, eyes closed and silent, until I felt someone pull me out and I only opened my eyes again when I felt the fresh air hit the skin of my face. It was a bit cold and I shivered, bringing my arms around myself before I felt someone wrap theirs around me from behind.

"Hey, you okay?" I didn't have to hear his voice, I immediately recognized Niall from the way he was touching me, and the way he smelled. God he smelled amazing. "I'm sorry about all this."

I shook my head and sighed. "Let's leave, okay?"

I noticed Ava and two other guys try to put Rian on the backseat of a car and Zara quickly ran to me, raising her nose up and placing her hand on my arm.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, tilting her head, before I nodded. "I'll message you, okay? And if you invite me to Cali, I'd love to visit!"

I chuckled and nodded. "We can definitely plan that."

She glanced up at Niall and tried to stop a smirk from gracing her face without much success.

"Have fun you two." she just chuckled. "I'm rooting for you."

I laughed and closed my eyes again, a bit embarrassed but quickly, Niall moved away and reached for my fingers. I let him take my hand in his and we walked in silence. I knew where he was taking me but I didn't mention it and when we sat in the grass, I moved my legs over his thighs and felt his hand on mine, warming me. It was cold and I knew we wouldn't last too long outside but I enjoyed being close to him in silence. It took at least 20 minutes for Niall to talk again and hearing his voice made something stir in my stomach.

"I'm sorry." he said in a low tone, looking down at his hand on my thigh as he gently brushed his fingertips on my pants. "I don't know why I did that. But he had his hand on your breasts and I suddenly wanted to kill him."

I stared at him for a few seconds without talking and waiting for him to look up but he didn't. I pressed my lips together and placed my hand over his, grabbing his fingers and squeezing them.

"Thank you for defending me." I just replied, making him nod slightly. "You were so laid-back, I didn't expect you to throw your fist at him. You don't need to apologize."

He looked up at me and sent me a fond smile as I bit my bottom lip. Slowly, I moved closer and kissed him gently. I could feel my head spinning from all the alcohol in my body and when he deepened the kiss, I felt my eyes flutter behind my eyelids.

"I'm sorry." I whispered against his mouth. "I should have told our friends we were together. It would have spared a few problems."

"Not your fault. It's entirely his fault. He shouldn't have touched you after you said no, whether you were taken or not. He's an asshole and he deserved a good punch. I'm just happy I'm the one who gave him." he confessed, making me chuckle. "I can't believe he did that."

"Well he was seeing the way I was looking at you apparently. And he probably saw how Ava was all over you, too. Must have been hard for him to be rejected twice in the same night. I've rejected him a lot, too."

"Still not an excuse." Niall whispered, kissing my lips very gently.

"I know."

"Don't defend him, he's an arsehole."

"I know."

We remained silent again as we kissed some more. I felt his hand move up on me and slip between my thighs, the side of one of his fingers pressing on my pussy. I whimpered very low and chuckled.

"It's way too cold to fuck here."

"I know." he groaned. "I just can't believe we have to sleep at my mom's. Every single time we come visit you don't want to let me fuck you."

The way he pouted and his childish tone made a laugh boom out of me and I finally leaned my forehead against his and brought my hand to his cheek.

"I'll let you tomorrow morning, but only if you agree to do something tonight that I've always wanted to do."

He frowned and pulled away to stare at me suspiciously. "I want to ask if I'll regret it but if you let me cum inside you tomorrow then I'm ready for anything."

I laughed again and kissed him with a smile. It felt so great to be wanted even if most of the time, It also felt surreal. We walked back to his mom's and it was extremely late when he tried to find the right keys to walk inside before realizing the door was not locked. We both laughed as we walked inside, and it made me realize we were both still quite tipsy. We walked slowly, trying to remain silent without much success and when he bumped into the table, we both laughed. He pulled me closer and started kissing me hard, sticking his tongue on my mouth only to turn me on, I suspected. His normal taste was altered with the taste of beer but I loved it and I moaned low in his mouth. I couldn't remember how we ended up on the roof but I stared up at the sky, tilting my head with a smile.

"That's really all you wanted?" he asked after a while. "Watch the stars like we used to do on the roof of your house?"

I kept looking up at the indigo sky and pressed my lips together before licking them.

"We used to do that all the time, just you and I, and I remember wishing you would kiss me every single time. That's why we're here. I want to kiss you while we watch the stars together."

Niall chuckled low. "You're so cheesy. I blame you for my romantic side."

I turned to send him a big smile. "You're welcome."

His lips curled into a fond and loving grin and I bit my bottom lip.

"I will kiss you anywhere you want. Any time you want. For any reason you can think of, or for no reason at all except that I love you."

I felt my heart melt in my chest and breathed in, trying to keep my tears in. He was leaning on his side to look at me, holding himself with one of his elbows and arms, and suddenly, I could see the adorable 14 year old he used to be, with his blonde hair and his crooked teeth. I felt my heart swell and my eyes watered, letting a tear fall on one of my cheeks as I sniffed. Was I really going to push away this man out of fear? Was that a good way to live life anyway? To stop myself from being happy in fear of being hurt again? It was ridiculous.

"We will be together, Niall."

He frowned slightly and moved his upper body closer. "What?"

"If you still want of me..." I repeated before breathing in deeply. "if you still want to be with me.. really be with me. Officially. It will happen."

"I'll always want that Olivia." he simply replied but I could hear surprise and happiness in his voice and when I looked up at him, his eyes seemed to sparkle. They shined even more than they did at the bar when he was drunk and it made my heart jump in my chest. Perhaps, it was only the reflection of the lights of the streets, or maybe I was hallucinating it... but I didn't think so. He seemed genuinely excited by my words.

"I just need more time. But it will happen." I explained more. "I'll never be able to live without you anyway. And I don't want to. I don't want to live without you, Niall."

His lips curled into the biggest smile and he chuckled, moving closer and sliding his hand behind my head. I could feel his fingers sink in my hair as he pulled me closer.

"Best news of the day. It beats everything else." he let out low. "Now, I'm going to kiss you beneath the stars until you're too tired to keep your eyes open."

[dykeceit]

janus' playlist not-really-analysis just me screaming

so first of all this whole playlist absolutely SLAPS, its the first side playlist that's just my taste and it doesnt surprise me that it's janus' bc of course it is i am absolutely 100% more attracted to him now somehow,

im absolutely not okay and this isn't gonna be articulate in any way but i. have to.

1. black hole sun

???hes sad?? apparently its about depression with some sexy snake metaphors....maybe hes just sad in general or he misses virgil. also postmodern jukebox hell yeah

2. it seemed the better way

this feels like it could be about patton or like thinking one thing and then realizing its not true ig could be that w society in general or people...him developing his trust issues possibly "i better hold my tongue, i better take my place" or like oh the other sides hate me ig ill be a villain then...

3. anywhere

janus sanders says fuck capitalism!

4. talking at the same time

eat the rich,,,virgil left me:(

5. all the good girls go to hell

he's needed and the others are starting to realize it. hes quite smug abt it "my turn to ignore ya, don't say i didn't warn ya" damn right boy

6. denial

he blasted this song after svs while crying "please don't turn the light out, i don't think the conversation's over" he had to wait almost a year but he finally got to continue that conversation,, "i know where you'd wanna go, oh i do, but do you?"

7. trust in me

i mean yeah sexxy snake moment right here

8. razzle dazzle

so obviously its just his aesthetic tm but the lyrics...are the jabs at roman or himself, perhaps both? i never took him to be very insecure but that's a possibility

9. when the chips are down

basically his speech about society in svs and how he doesn't want thomas to be disadvantaged in it

10. mandy goes to med school

uhhh yeah who knows there's a bit of a i know what im doing jk vibe going on and Doing Harm but the thing itself is necessary to Have yknow right to abortions its just theyre not legal so hes doing them illegally and apparently two ppl died from them so not great,,"my partner brian" at the end made me think of remus tbh "hes a nice man, thoroughly reliable, he's in a rock band" kinda gives off the vibe of eh yeah hes totally reliable lmao dw tho, so basically what im taking from this is dukeceit is canon thanks for coming to my ted talk

11. i put a spell on you

i mean its definetely his Vibes but idk if its @ anyone specifically...could be virgil, could be roman, maybe thomas himself...its a vengeful kinda song, hes like fuck you you're listening to me now im done you treating me like shit

12. evil night together

so aside from this being an extremely hot song its def dukeceit vibes as in they'd both like it but the hero part as others have pointed out is giving out major roceit vibes and thomas and co know this those bastards

13. cabaret: don't tell mama

im assuming this is more of a..this is what he likes to listen to plus its about secrecy which is his thing but i guess "mama" could be someone in particular as well, and/or he could be singing it to someone in particular...

14. you're a cad

bruh. first of i loved this song already secondly iM SORRY THOMAS WHAT ARE YOY IMPLYING HERE like first i was like this isn't abt Him right that wouldn't make sense so is it about...virgil...well ofc it is bruh what the fuck bro....im loving this bc its casting virgil in an unsympathetic light and i love that shit but also its revealing janus still Feels quite a lot for him and idk how to feel abt this i. the part of me that still loves anxceit is screaming and the part of me that hates virgil is also screaming they haven't stopped for a minute-

15. as far as i can see

so dukeceit vibes possibly virgil reference since he "went down the staircase" to his spot,,so basically he and remus maybe virgil and orange too like pushing ppl down the stairs bc they feel unheard

16. criminal

this is where the angst train rly starts choo choo....so. who is he singing about here. my god i want it to be roman so bad but it Could be virgil...which would imply he thinks he's wronged him somehow which would mean virgil has a more valid reason to dislike him and I Don't Like That. but whoever hes singing about is clearly important to him... "he's all i knew of love" bro....that's just screaming virgil right i dont like it op...basically he feels guilty for smth and to be "redeemed". he clearly doesn't need redemption from his canon actions so far, and he hasn't acted like he regrets any of them, which is making me think its abt smth in his past buut maybe he does feel bad for manipulating roman now bc he realized how hurt roman was and thats what i wanna believe it's about ok roceit rights except roman youre a bitch apologise

17. change

this made me fucking lose it bro im still losing it ive lost it. he's not okay and neither am i....bro i didnt think he'd be so....insecure but....i mean all of them seem to be so...but yeah this song is very,,,i have trust issues and im learning to love again vibes and i am crying while my wig is being ripped cruelly from my head....i choose to interpret this as less like ive been bad uwu i can change and be good now and more as ive been too afraid to care bc im so aware of the harm it can do to me but i realized its worth it so im trying now....and i think that's beautiful

18. devil in the details

hes telling thomas to Just Do It. he "made amends in the general sense" but "the devil's in the details" and he "knows the cause" and "wants to stop" but he "just can't do it". this seems kinda like more virgil angsty times for me or maybe the cause is just him being...him and just being well i cant stop being my function so...but he sees it as The Reason theres still animosity even if hes "made amends".

19. come little children

first i was like bruh its a bop but y is it here. but the lyrics are basically repeating how horrible the world is, "murdering beauty and passion", and the singer doesnt have to be killing or kidnapping the kids maybe its just a friendly fae helping some abused kids yknow you never know...basically fae!janus confirmed i know you have connections with them thomas i know you do

20. into the unknown

i like that this is short it kinda feels like hes coming to say okay im done bye after this whole musical that is his playlist. i am ashamed to say im not familiar w the plot of over the garden wall but someone said smth abt killing kids. well yknow how it is sometimes...but yeah very sexy, very fae, i will stan forever etc.

[night-rhea]

MC House Challenge! ❤️💛💙💚

This is  @kyril-hphm​ ‘s amazing idea!  I wanted to do it daays days ago but... Some shit happens everyday right? And ı also wanted to try different style to draw hairs, ım sure one day ım gonna figure it out. (ı realized ı made their eyes color wrong...damn.)

So here ı am with my girls!

İts turn out a bit long, so ım putting this button here. İf you want to know girls better, just click it!

Gryffindor Night ❤️

She is LOUD. You think Slytherin Night is loud enough? Just wait to hear this Gryffindor's voice. Bill use her in the mornings when a few Gryffindor couldn’t wake up in the time. Also need a silent moment in the common room? Just ask her, ım pretty sure even Ravenclaw Tower can hear her "Shut the fuck up!"

Also yes, this Night is not shy about swearing. But she is mostly creating absurd swear sentences. "For the fuck sake Merula, ı dont give a fuck about your fucking power GO AWAY AND FUCK SOMEBODY ELSES EAR WİTH ALL YOUR SHİT" As you can guess, she is bff with Merula.

İf you cant hear her voice, there is 2 possible place she can be. Quidditch Pitch and detention.

She is playing as a Chaser and this is the one of the only way to shut her up. Like Rath, she let her skills speak for her.  Even its just a practise, Night is always so focussed in game, sometimes her looks scaring Charlie away. She really loves Quidditch, this adrenaline. Oh and she loves the victory of course. That makes her second Skye. Poor poor Orion..

For the detention part, she is in there more than she is in  her own dorm room. Unlike Slytherin Night, she is a fan of Tonks and Tulip's pranks and loves to mess with grumpy Filch. Also detention is not that bad. With Jae here, there is always a way to have fun. Charlie always says that one day Night and Jae's closeness will blow their towers up. Everyone is just waiting for this day. Even McG.

Lets talk about her relationship with Jacob. They were really close when they are little. Because of their last name's bad popularity (ım planning to explain this later), they didnt have any friend other than each other. When Jacob left home, she lost not just her brother but also her best friend too. (Lucky for her, in Hogwarts there will be Rowan)

She dyed her hair red right before coming Hogwarts. To show everyone how she is gonna be Gryffindor just like her brother. Also while everyone talking shit about Jacob, Night refused to believe her precious brother can do something bad like that.

giggles Wanna gossip about her? Like her best friend ,she has a big fat crush on Bill. You should see how she blush when Bill compliment her. She cant help it he is "too fucking cool"!

Night and Rowan spend so many nights to talking and fangirling about him. But after realizing that he see her as a sibling,  not a lover, she was a little heartbroken and tried to date some other guys who is like him. She ended up single of course, because no one can be perfect like him.

İf you want chaos, Gryffindor Night is your girl!

Hufflepuff Night 💛

My favorite thing about this Night is her smile. İts so warm and full of love..I should admit she is the purest Night but she is too good for her own. This is the why she is entire Hufflepuff's little sister. Especially Diego's. But nor she or me can decide that he fancy her or just love her as a little sister. you know, because its Diego...

Not so suprisingly ,She loves to take care of her friends, just like Orj Night, but this girl is doing it more serious. She is the mom friend of their group. She is gonna make sure you eat all your meal and drink enough water. And if you didnt, well you need to deal with her.  Also Night will remind you to take right books for your class if you two have same class. "Did you study for todays quiz? Oh why didnt you?! Come on ı can tutor you! We only got 11 minutes but nevermind that!" Dont worry she got you. Aand One more thing, she has best shoulder to cry. Im not kidding, she will hug you until you feel better and ı can guarentee you that her kind hug and angelic voice will help you calm down.

İn the other hand, Huff Night is not good at handling her own bad emotions. Her anxiety level is a little higher than other Night's.

She is not a "so different" person. İts her words not mine. Being Rhea makes her a little bit special of course but not in the good way. She is just average girl with a unlucky family, thats all. She loves her loved ones more than she loves herself, and always wish that she can be powerfull just to protect them. But sadly she dont believe she can, she is not like Merula. Not that brave or confident . Or Tonks. Not that talented. Or Penny. Not that pretty and popüler. Aah ah, this pure girl has a lot in her mind(or should ı say her heart?) but so shy to talk about them. Damn girl, go and talk about this to Rowan (While you still can...Can you imagine how she break after she cant save her best friend..?)

Enough, İts time to tell you happy thing about her life!   She was very suprised and happy (but mostly suprised) when Merula ask Night to be her date. They started to date in fourth year. (Everyone thanked Night for making Merula more calm and tolerable. Night said that Merula dont need to be tolerated)  Well they have their up and downs of course. Before Rakepick betray them, fifth year was pretty good (Night cried for her girlfriend when she learn about Merula's parent) but unfortunate thing  that  happened in buried vault, made their hearts to apart. Night still love her deeply and wishes  she was powerfull enough to save her from Rakepick so they would still next to each other now.(I know ı said "happy thing". Thats why ı wont tell you that after Rowan's death Night thinks maybe its best if Merula far from her. No ı wont tell you that)

But dont worry about her! She is gonna smile no matter what because her smile can make someone else smile too! İf you love tea and cookie, please let her know your favorite cookie. Her mom sending her delicious Turkish tea and she will be happy to share with you!

Ravenclaw Night 💙

After Slytherin Night, Ravenclaw Night is my second favorite. I really love her general mood.

As you can see, she is the only Prefect Night. And there is simple reason for that, she is perfectionist. She didnt became Prefect because she wants to help others, she became one to make sure everything is right. All other Night helped their Rowan to be Prefect but Ravenclaw Night dont believe that other Ravenclaw's will listen Rowan. She herself is more suited, just like Chester. (She really respect Chester) But dont get me wrong, Night dont underestimated Rowan. She just believe Prefect should be more serious and Rowan's heart is so pure for that.

And unlike Hufflepuff Night, this girl have a lot faith in herself. When Night is doing something, she knows it will be perfect because she wont stop untill its perfect.  

I should warn you about her, she loves to complain. "Damn ı have to do all work. Why cant you do anything  right on your own? İt was easy, even for you. Go and do something else ım gonna finish this one. No stop wait dont do anything. Just. Go."

Just like this,she can easily tell "rude" words. Even if she didnt trying to be rude.  She is just saying whats true! İts not her fault that truth is more bitter than lies. And sorry but truth has to be told. Even if someones heart can get hurt. Lies can make everything worse than a little heartbreak. İts like a poison that tastes good and late effecting. They should thank her for not poisoning them.

Her friends? She dont have a lot. Because of her rude attitude, a lot of people dont get near her often. Fine by her. She dont want "extras" anyways. Her little group of friends is enough for her. Also she have Rowan, right? Rowan is her true soulmate. This two girls can spent hours in library and this is their favorite hang out. Honestly all Night need is Rowan and some book, she can live without any other people, thanks. But she can admit Talbott and Badea are pretty good too. Especially Talbott. He is her second best friend, if she has to give it a number. (This two became friends a little too fast. They have so many similarities. Biggest one is "Fuck Peoples" motto. They even have a ugly t-shirt that saying that. Andre died when he saw it for the first time.)

I think her mom Selina is responsible for Night's reckless behaviour. She was already angry to Jacob for leaving her behind and being ignored by her only parent makes her..ıdk, like that? She tried so hard to make Selina to notice her daughter is still with her.Tried to make her portrait with her pastel pencils, tried to brush her long hair and dressed like a princess, tried to write " I love you" in her mirror.  But little Night's little heart couldnt understand that pain of losing her son (just like how she lose her husband.) When she came to Hogwarts, she give up about her mom." İf a mother dont need to worry about her own child, then ı dont need to worry about anyone else too." But of course, she is not that heartless like she likes to think.

I think you can imagine that other students calls her names. Like "freak" or "selfish" or "egoist". She mostly just ignore them (because she dont believe they are worth to explain why she is not these name) and pretend like nothing had happened, Talbott and Rowan know she actually care and wants to be more "good". More "likeable". She is just making everyone uncomfortable when she walks in and she know it. But there is nothing she can do. İts in her blood. She is just like her mother.

I feel like ı talk too much about bad thing. İts time to tell moments when Ravenclaw Night smile. She dont have a normally smiley face but of course she smile. And you know what? İts mostly because of her boyfriend. This girl has a big soft spot for Barnaby. She literally melt every time he talk. İn the beggining she thinks he is just some stupid Slytherin and not worth lose any time but after being friends (which is a miracle) she can punch you in the face if you call him stupid. (Dont test about how hard she can punch.)

How the heck this boys heart can be this beautiful? Like, boy your parents nothing but shit to you how did you turn into biggest and cutest puppy in the world? And again, how did he love her? I mean, look at Night and look at Barnaby. They are so different and he can be with literally every witch in schooli and yet he is with Night. She dont know what she did to be this lucky but she is not planning to let him go. Just watch her.

(And ı dont know if she will notice you if you dont talk with her. She will talk with you politely at first, dont worry. Just try to not say something about her being bad prefect or something bad about her friends or boyfriend, you will be fine.)

Slytherin Night 💚

It's finally Original Night's turn to shine. How about starting with why she is most masculine looking Night?

İt was because of Selina. After Jacob left, he was the only thing Selina talk about. She talked about how she misses him playing violin, his eyes that he took from her husband, his gentle voice. Unlike Ravenclaw Night, this didnt make our Night angry. İt made her jealous. She decided that if she wants to make her mom happy, she should remind her Jacob. Maybe if she can do this, her mom would miss him less and smile more to Night. So she asked Selina to cut her hair like Jacob's.

While she growing, she tried to act like Jacob. She learned violin, wore his old clothes. She even answered when Selina called her "Jacob". And it worked. Selina started to smile more, started to talking with her more, even she cook  special meals sometimes. Menu was always full with Jacob's favorites but it doesnt matter to Night. Her mom did it for her!

İn Hogwarts, she learned that she is nothing like Jacob. Hello,  dissappointment. She was too loud, too energetic, too friendly. She learned that she can't be Jacob for her mom. At first, it  freaked her out.

Thats why she didnt want to go Celestial Ball. Didnt want to wear dress and made her hair longer. (She did want. She just didnt let herself.) And when Andre and Rowan keep asking about,, Night finally tell them everything. You know what happened? Her two angel friends talked about hours how they love her in the way she is, how she dont need to be Jacob because its her own life and she deserved to be happy.

After a lot of hugs and crying, Night wore the dress that match her name, kept her hair short.

I made this too longer ı guess ( ı was planning not to tell about Slytherin Night...) but ı always wanted to explain why ı love her. İm proud of that she can make her peace with herself. Selina is still problem for her, and still will be problem in the future too but right now Night is free from the cage she made it herself. Of course sometimes her anxiety hit her and made her feel like she is all wrong but its not a something a few late night flying cant solve.

Am ı gonna make it longer because ı wanna talk about Night and Talbott relationship? No, there will be another time for that.

She is always open for more friends. Wanna play quidditch or make/ listen music or drink tea or cook something? Night will be happy to join you in literally everything.

[amozon28]

um... since when is shigure a pedophile? I take issue with him being put in the same category as kureno and katsuya. is this because of his high school girl remarks? he never actually tries anything like the former two since he's in love with akito it should be obvious they're just jokes, albeit in poor taste but that's on the author's head. he is only in love with a woman around 3-5 years younger than him and even sleeps with her 20 years older mother partly cause she looks like her, not a pedo

since i have already responded to a similar ask last year ill put my response here as well. last time i didnt bother to bring up sources because i was lazy but this time around i will, ok lets begin. and im just going to ignore you bringing up him sleeping with Ren because one, pedophiles arent cancelled out if they sleep with adult women, and two he specifically did it to punish akito for sleeping with kureno (ch101 if you want to see for yourself). because hes a jackass ontop of being a pedo.

Shigure is an minimum 6 years older than Akita, and is most likely closer to 8-9 years older than her.

ok first the ages that we do know. Shigure, Hatori and Ayame are all 27 at the start of he series, a year later we are introduced to kureno for the first time at 26 (making the trio 1.5-2 years older than him), and while ritsus age is never told to us he did complete university and was present with the others when Rin discovered she was pregnant with akito so he cant be older than 23

what does any of this have to do with shigure being 6-8 years older than akito youre wondering? im getting there

in the flash back where we see the 5 boys have “the dream” and discover Ren is pregnant. we are told that Ritsu was too young to remember. which tells us that this dream isnt magically remembered and that the person must be at a cognitive age to retain the memory. this developmental stage doesnt happen until the age of 3-3.5. which means ritsu has to be younger than that, but hes old enough to be walking on his own. so hes around 2-2.5 years old here

ok so if Ritsu is 2-2.5 here and kureno is at the mimumum age to remember this hes a least 3.5, making the trio 5-6 years old. add 9 months of pregnancy and  that makes our present day ages. 

Akito 20, Ritsu is 23,  kureno 25/26 Shigure and co. are 27

and before you say “but that one scene with shigures parents mentions that akito is in her 20′s”. yes and i will say that that scene takes place 3 years after the start of the series. 

ok now youre thinking “ok so hes 6 years older, whats the big deal?” and sure if they had met at those ages i wouldnt give a shit. my own parents are 11 years apart. the difference is my parents met when my mom was already an adult at 24. shigure on the other hand has know akito since she was an infant. that changes things. how? this is how

shigure 6-7 (child),  akito 0 (baby)

shigure 12-13 (preteen), akito 6 (child)

shigure 14-15 (teen), akito 8 (child)

Shigure 16-17 (teen), Akito 10 (child)

(i meantion these 2 ages above because specifically because this is around the  age when shigure gives her a flower in a romantic gesture which gross)

shigure 18-24 (adult), akito 12-18 (preteen, teen, adult) 

and before you say “shigure isnt an adult here so he cant be a pedophile” to which i reply “[Pedophilia is when] an adult or older adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children . . .  A person must be at least 16 years old, and at least five years older than the prepubescent child, for the attraction to be diagnosed as pedophilia” (this is taken from Wikipedia on pedophilia i cant link it or else this post wont show up)

this all to say even with the minimum age difference between the 2 its still pedophilia. however i said i believe the age gap to actually be bigger. and ill go more into that under the cut because this ask is already getting to long

ok so ritsu has to be 2-2.5 years old during that flash back, and kureno must be a minimum of 3-3.5 but he can be older than that which i believe he is, (and the trio by extension) and heres my reasoning

First:  in the dream flashback the trio are almost the same height as Hiro (who is 11) next to Ren

and Ren is canonly a fairly tall woman being taller than adult akito and just a few inches shorter than hatori

for comparison, here is yuki and akito (around the ages 5-7) the first time they meet next to yukis mother, who is a short woman

and before you come after me about basing ages off of heights from 2 manga caps. Takaya is freakishly consistent with all her heights of all the characters throughout the manga. especially in how she draws the characters through different ages. so yes this is accurate

so either hatori, Ayame and shigure are all freakishly tall 6 yearolds or they are infact closer to 8 years old (if they are of comparitive height to Hiro next to Ren)

Second: lets say you reject the height based ages and are more in favor of the 6 year difference. theres the often forgotten fact that yuki is 15 yearsold at the start of the series. as was akitos playmate as children. 

so if shigure is 27, and akito is 20, that makes akito 5 years older than yuki????

kureno and shigure are only 1.5-2 years apart and as children they have the same height difference that yuki and akito have. so that means that either yuki is very short for his age (which i doubt as hes the same height as kid tohru, kyo, and haru). or akito is VERY short for her age, which i again doubt as shes seems to take after her mother in terms of height, being taller than both yuki and tohru at the beginning of the series. 

so based on allllll of this akito is only 2-lets say 4 MAX years older than yuki, making the age difference

making shigure 8 years older than akito, and at minimum 6 years older than akito

yuki 15

akito 19

ritsu 21-22

Kureno 25-26

shigure and co 27

this is an extremely long way of me saying that yes, shigure is a pedophile. and he groomed akito from a young age towards him. if you look at the chapters 100 and 101 with shirgure giving akito the flower, kissing her and pomising to love her forever.

sources are chapter 84, 98, and 101

Edit: i forgot about kagura in my equations, shes canonly 2 years older than yuki and she is younger than akito. so akito is actually a minimum of 3 years older (not 2) and a max of 4 years older than yuki,

[wakandascrystal]

ʀᴇʟɪᴄ

Erik x Black Reader

Summary: Erik finds an old picture of you and an Ex. He recognises him and tells you about the man that saved his life in Afghanistan . 

A/N - Warning⚠, I’m going to make this as emotional as i can. please ignore any errors

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“Are you on your way here?“ You mother asked over the phone.

“Yes, we are. We might take a pit stop and buy something, do you want anything from the shop?“ You asked polity.

“Yes, get me some milk and cookies. The ones I like. The ones they dip in chocolate.“

“Okay, Ma. No problem. We’ll be there in 20 minutes okay?“ “Yeah yeah. Is my beautiful son in law coming or are you coming with Jade“

“Ma you are on speaker!!“ You were tempted to just hang up but you knew she would kill you. Erik was of no help. He just grinned foolishly.

“Yes. The son in law is driving.“ You slurred

“Hello, Mrs Johnson.“ Erik’s deep voice filled the car

“Erik? What did I tell you about calling me, Mrs Johnson? Call me Mom.“ the was a pause

“Alright, Mrs Johnson.“

“I’m nothing going to tell you twice now. Come on Im your mama.“ Your mom pushed.

You could see Eri wasn’t ready to do that. He had nothing against your mother. He actually liked her but Erik was still working on the emotions he had with his own mother. Even though he lost her along time again the issue was still sensitive and sore.

“Okay, Mrs Johnson we are about to enter the highway so we will see you. Bye“ You hung up and sat back in the leather seat.

“I’m sorry about that?“

“Nah it’s cool.“

You didn’t believe him.

“I’m sure she didn’t mean to make you uncom- ”

“I said let’s drop it Y/N“ His voice was stern and hostile. You saw how his hands tightened on the wheel, the muscles under his skin expanding with the pressure. He was tense. You feared that your mother might have triggered him. You quickly put on some music to calm him down. You put on your favourite lo-fi playlist. You knew it would calm him down and it did. 

Driving 130km/hr you rest your hand on his thigh. You wanted him to slow down, doing this was much better than telling him to slow down. Gently moving your fingers on his inner thigh he slowed down. 

It was raining and Erik had no business speeding on the highway. 

He was driving to your moms. He had agreed to help your mom clear out your old room and the attic. She lived in the countryside, the other side of the state but with Erik’s mustang and driving skills, he could get you there in no time. 

“I’m sorry for snapping at you.“ He took your hand and kissed it. 

“Don’t be, I understand.“ 

You pulled your hand from his placing it on his thigh again. This was the best part. When you were comfortable enough to talk and be okay with him. It took a long time to understand him, the way he showed himself and the parts he didnt want to show. It took some time to understand that Erik was more than just some nigga from Oakland. He was different.He loved differently and you were ready to be with him no matter what. 

“It’s a good thing you didn’t take out your braids yesterday.“ You didn’t hear him until he nudged your shoulder.

“Yes?“ You pulled out of your train of thought.

“What are you thinking about there.“

“Nothing. I’m just sleepy.“

“You should have slept earlier. 11 o'clock is too late.“

“I had work Erik…but if somebody didn’t wake me up for some action in the middle of my sweet slumber then I would have had my eight hours.“ you folded your arms across your chest.

He was smiling again. 

“What did I tell you about sleeping naked.“

“Erik I always sleep naked cause cloths tighten and roll up on me when I move ….they make me feel uncomfortable. “

“Okay ..but you could have stopped me at any time though…“

“…Fuck you right“ You laughed a bit as he pulled into a petrol station thinking about last night’s events.

 You offered to go buy all the things you need for the weekend but he didn’t want you getting wet. So you told him what yall needed and he left. After a couple of hours, you were very close to your Mother’s house and Erik pulled into her driveway.

“My favourite people!“ She closed the space between her and Erik with a welcoming hug. His head fit in her collarbone. She really liked him. 

Disappearing into your old room, you left them behind in the kitchen. 

Your room looked the same. Nothing was changed or moved. The double bed with all your TLC, Destiny’s Child, Aaliyah, Ashanti and most importantly the Tupuk poster were still up.

You could tell your mom still came in and cleaned once in a while. There is no way your white bedding would still look so fresh and clean after 2 years and no dust. Yes, she did. You looked under your bed to find a box. It was filled with your all memories. Old letters and bracelets. Erik hugged you from behind as you looked at through the objects. You kissed him and sat on the bed.

“Look at this stuff. She still kept it.“ Erik started to look through with you.

“Your mom said we will start cleaning up tomorrow cause your tired and its late .“ You agreed while you read your high school report cards.

“I Was getting B’s and C’s like it was nobody’s business.“ you smile

Erik was interested in all the objects in the box. He wanted to know you better and when an opportunity showed itself he would grab it with both hands.

“You used to play…what the hell is this.”

You looked over him to the picture of you holding a bat.

“Oh, first-team badminton… it’s like Tennies..a bit .”

You let out a high pitch scream.

“Damn Y/N what the hell.”

“I’m sorry but look. I remember buying this lucky packet thing and finding this ring in it. Then I saw a shooting star and wished a handsome, intelligent nigga would marry me.”

“Did it work.” “Yes, it did.” You gave him a kiss on the cheek and went back pulling things from the box. A few minutes went by and you notice how Erik went quite. He was holding the stack of photographs that didn’t make into your photo album.

“What’s got my baby’s attention.”

He carried on staring at the old photographs, you lean up against him again to see what picture had his attention. It was an old picture of your ex-boyfriend giving you a kiss on the cheek. You rolled your eyes.

“Oh come one E. You know your girl was fire back then. I …was bringing all the boys in the yard.” He stayed very serious, focusing on the picture of your Ex planting a kiss on your cheek.

“What was his name?” He asked

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous…You married me ..You won nigga" You giggled

“‘I know….but I think I know him.” Your eyebrows shot up

“`From where?… His name is Flex..”

“Shit.”

“What…what’s wrong?”

“Was his surname O’Brien..”

“Yeah, I think so…It’s been so long though. After graduating I don’t know where he even ended up.“

He didn’t move, just staring at the picture.

“You alright?“ He worried you. His whole aura had changed.

“I know him…He served with me.“ The sorrow and pain in his voice made you pay full attention to him. 

If he did know Flex he must have done something terrible for him to be so emotional all of a sudden. But flex was not like that. You remembered him to be soft and kind. Sure he likes to cause tribble but none that could hurt anyone.

You placed the diary you held and sat next to him. taking his hand.

“You want to talk about it.“ 

“Nah. It’s late you should get some sleep.“

“You sure? I would much rather hear you vent.“ He smiled 

“Let’s get ready for bed.“ He left you to grab your luggage from the car. By the time he got back from the car, Your dad had arrived. He loved Erik.

‘The son I never had’ he always says. You found them in the kitchen talking about the upcoming game. He seemed much happier then he did before. He could cheer up anyone, to be honest. 

“So you came to help your mother with moving?“

“Yes, Sir. Me and Y/N can handle it don’t worry yourself.“ 

“What do you mean me, Erik? I only came for emotional support“ You played along with your husband.

“Nah we are going to put all them pilates and squats into good use tomorrow. Remember to leave with your back.“ Both your father and husband laughed holding onto each other.

“Daddy!!“ they both looked at you. It made you smile that Erik would respond to that even if your real father was present. You fixed your face and pouted to get him on your side.

“Dad. Erik is bullying me.“ 

Adorable Erik though

“I’m sorry sunshine. I was lucky that Erik was free to help. You know since my back kicked in I can’t do anything.“

“-except eat my pies and cooking” Your mom came into the kitchen holding a basket of laundry.

“You got that right.” shocking her head and called you over.

“Y/N why don’t you make the table. I’ll be back to dish up the food for dinner.”

You agreed and did as told, after dinner. You all got ready for bed. For the first time, you didn’t get weird looks from your mom and dad when it was time for sleeping arrangements. Before the wedding, Erik was just some nigga trying to take advantage of their only baby but after the wedding, Erik was the beautiful, nigga angel who was sent to protect their only child from the world. It was strange, and the funny part was Erik didn’t change he was the same chilled guy. But your parents didn’t want you sharing a bed with him. The Christian side of them just couldn’t let that happen. You wondered if they ever figured out that you would just pull him from that uncomfortable, couch around midnight to sleep with you in your bed and end up fucking. It would be weird if they did.

“Before you get up and leave. I would just like to say something..don’t be shy. Do what needs to be done” You knew exactly where this was going.

“Mom please.” You begged

“I need to say this Y/N…Erik I would like to have some grandchildren.”

Erik spat out his wine. It was too funny. It seems like he had not gotten used to how open your mom was. You helped clean him up and left before she said more embarrassing things.

You started getting ready for bed. Brushing your teeth in your silky pj’s. Erik was already in bed. He looked beautiful. He only had his bottoms on, hair all the way back in 3 cornrows. He could see that you were checking him out. Even though he was scrolling through his emails.

“You want to take a picture, Love?“ You giggled. His favourite sound in the world.

“I already have a ton of them, but the real deal looks much better.“ You climber in bed with just his bed lamp on. 

“You don’t say. Are you not cold?“ 

“No. You?“

“No?“ He gave you a kiss and laid down on his back so did you. He turned the lap off and in the silence, you asked.

“Do you think we should fuck so we can have kids ?“ Your voice was little

“What the hell“ Erik let out a laugh, his whole body shook.

“You being pressured by your mom baby?“

“No. I’m in no rush..like at all but we’ve never really spoken about it, Erik.“

“I want to have kids with you, but when the time is right. We still working on us right now. 3 years of marriage that is not a long time. I’m planning on being with you for the longest, like your mom and pops. 57 years.“

“I want to be with you for longer than that.“ You sounded corny and cheesy saying that. Erik smiled thinking you were. But you were his cheesy and corny girlfriend.

“Period…But I do want kids…I want to show them Wakanda and shit. I would love that. “ He said it confidently leaving no room for you to doubt him. ”Plus we live in a great area. They got a good school. You know his ass is practically going to live in that outreach centre. “

“What makes you think it’s going to be a boy?“ you smacked his chest.

“…what ..it could be a girl…or better twins.“

You gasped. “Like Beyonce,” you whisper dramatically. 

You laid on your side so you can see his profile. The small light that comes from the parted curtains helped you see that his eyes were closed. You left for the bath. In the dead of night is when you insecurities seemed to be the most active.

They questioned why Erik liked you, why he married you and if you were worthy to even carry his children. They told you that there were much better girls out there. Who were more attractive. Who could make him much happier than you could ever? At night, when everyone was asleep. The mirror was your worst enemy but somehow the Wakanden gem on your ring fingers reassure you that you were right where you belong.

“Are you asleep?“ you whispered to Erik when you came back from the bathroom. He didn’t answer but he pulled you close to his body. Your head laid on his chest and your arm on his stomach.

after a few minutes of silence, he spoke.

“I was drafted with Felix.“

You didn’t say anything still trying to process the fact that your high school ex-boyfriend somehow knew Erik.

“You still listening..?“ You nodded your head against his chest still in shock.

“We didn’t train together but he was put into the team that left….long story short…i served with your Ex In Afghanistan.’‘ He gave a silent laugh. You felt his body shake.

“What are the odds.“ He said

“-It was crazy. I came in there. Young kid, trying to prove to everyone that am the shit. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. He was…how do I put it…he lost his shit every time a gun went off. I guess he was there to prove he was the shit too.“

Yep, that’s definitely him. You remembered him to be funny and witty and non-violent. You wondered what made him join the military.

“His bed was next to mine. He Latino so he was super chilled and super talkative. Won’t lie he annoyed me at first but we ending up being …kinda close.“

“Omg, this that is so adorable….. I should invite him over and have like a reunion some time. I’m sure I can find him on facebook or something..“

His head shot down at you with an unreadable expression. You thought you might have offended him, maybe he thought the idea was stupid.

“Chill E. We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.“

“You don’t know don’t you?“ His voice was hollow and soft.

“Know what?“

“On one of the last days….we were coming back in 3 days. We had to patrol around the wrecked city. We had done this many times. The locals just went about their way…but that day Felix just ….he told me like 10 times he wasn’t feeling it…He knew something was off the second we left the base. And he was right. In the middle of the city, we were ambushed. ..Young kid from Oakland…I thought I was going to die. “ He gave a weak smile

“The base got word of what was happening and they sent help. We lost so many good soldiers but Felix and I made it out, as we ran out……all I’m thinking is I can’t wait to go home….but from a distance window Felix sees a sniper and jumpers in front of me when he heard the shoot….I’ve heard stories of what a Lapua Magnum bullet can do to a human body…seeing it in real life was something else..I didn’t have time to hold him ..close his eyes. He saved my life. But bet… after a few seconds I got the shoot. There was no way I wouldn’t avenge his death….right here. “

He raised his right arm and pointed to one scare on his arm… That scar was for the shoot. Erik had told you what the scars were for and it clicked. You felt heartbroken and angry for so many reasons but you couldn’t tell Erik immediately because he was still speaking. In all honesty, your brain stopped taking in information when you figured out Felix died. Your eyes water and a throbbing pain soaked up your heart. He was a good guy. He didn’t deserve that. You thought about his mother and his sister. They must have lost it when they found out. But that could have been your morning a death if Felix didn’t do anything..if he didn’t jump in Erik’s way. Maybe with how the universe works and timelines, you would never even have met Erik; that was a dark thought you just didn’t want to dwell on for too long. 

Erik saw your face. The light passes him and lands on your downcasted face. You looked distressed but he doesn’t regret telling you this. Your eyes are glossy with tears that are about to fall. You stop trying to fight the boiling emotions in your chest. They are hot and they sting and they want out. You push yourself into Erik and let out a cry. On his chest, your head laid visibly shaking.

He had never seen you cry like this in the past. 6 years of knowing you and not once. It wasn’t like the crying or sobbing you did when you watched romantic anime or kdramas or when he surprises you(cause you’re easy to please). This cry was deep and dark. It reminded him of pain and devastation. He wrapped his arms around you so your parents would hear. He hated your reaction. It also showed him how empathic of a person you were. 

“Can we go…” Your voice rough and small. “- Can we go see his grave?”

Erik’s face pulled up in confusion and you saw.

“Erik! He was my friend. I know …it sounds like we were was just dating and fucking…He was my actual friends and I’m so angry and hurt…I thought he was in Austria with his father. That’s what he always told me..that when he graduated he would move there…”

You wiped your tears that had wet half your face.

“-…i ..I also want to thank him…He also saved you..” You laced your fingers with his. Yours were tiny against his. “I want to thank him for that.”

Erik didn’t push. He simply agreed. He wanted to make you happy. So anything you wanted was a comrade. 

You stayed in that position, his hand over your waist and your head just by his chest, He heard your body try to recover. The rain had picked up, hitting and creating a calming noise. you fell asleep in his arms grateful and depressed. 

You thought about how hard destiny has been fighting to make sure Erik ended up with you. You thought about all the fights, his past, your past, the shit that went down in Wakanda, the girls and boy the nasty ass girl that wanted him. He was meant to be there. you were meant to be there. And the thought of that and the low humming of the rain sent you to sleep.

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@wakandantings​

@princessstevens​

@theogbadbitch​

[softnsmol524]

I've been sat here for 10 minutes trying to come up with something to kick this off, yet I can’t think of anything, so this’ll likely just be a long and incoherent word vomit. Fuck, I doubt anyone even REMEMBERS me at this point. And if they do, would they remember everything I did? or do they just remember seeing me around from the blogs of better people? 

anyway, I haven't come back. the reason I even decided to take back this url and write this post was because, almost two years after what happened here, I feel as though I should speak about it, and plus, I was rewatching some of the edd memorial videos, and it.. awakened something in me.

so if ive intrigued you in an explanation, im going to give it:

I was 11 when I got sucked into the preddsworld community. I was dealing with a lot of issues, some I cant even fucking remember, but I know I was a frequent selfharmer (about.. maybe 4 or 5 months clean now? I haven't been keeping track), transferring schools, and undergoing severe bullying.  dear reader, if this somehow got mixed in with the eddsworld tag and you’re just a regular viewer of the tag who has no idea what preddsworld is, it’s the vore side of the fandom. 

yeah, disgusting, I know.

so then drama happened. to an extent, I believe the reaction I received was justified. it was always me who started it, for stupid reasons like, ‘oh, theyre more popular than I am’ and ‘oh they actually have a life but I want this fic written’ (yes, those are actual reasons I started drama), but in some areas, I believe it was taken too far. I remember being suicide baited a few times, probably by the same person too, haha. all of.. this.. turned me into a very sour, bitter person, and in turn, i lashed out on others. i’m still friends with 2 of the 4 ‘main’ people i considered my friends in the preddsworld days. One never forgave me for what I did and rightfully so, and the other just disappeared off the face of the internet and I can’t seem to find them.

i eventually just got so sick of the harassment and the fact that people outright refused to talk to me i just left. 

i no longer like eddsworld.  i’m not going to tell my newest interests, because it could potentially reveal my main blog, and i really don’t want all that shit to be tied to my main.

like i said, i haven’t come back, but if you still have any questions then i’ll try my best to answer them. put them in my inbox or whatever.

[thedankfaerie]

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel 

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 

 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point. 

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 

someone please help me. 

[blackgirlblues]

Being a Black Girl and Finding Love

l o fucking l 

impossible

the last time i posted on this blog i was 18, 3 weeks away from leaving my hometown to pursue music in London and upset because my white friends didn’t understand the basics of cultural appropriation. 

here i am, back almost a whole year later. 

im 19 now, im a singer songwriter living in London, with an amazing group of diverse friends who understand each other and really have eachother’s backs. the last few months have been crazy for me, and i’ve experienced and learned about different parts of myself that i never knew existed because of how suppressed i was in my home environment until i moved. 

one of these things that i never really knew that well about myself, was how much i could feel for one person. 

growing up, i never really had much luck in the guy department. all my friends were white, and pretty, and most of the time i was the only black girl which, automatically, in society’s eyes- made me the ugly friend. it’s a statement that i know will make whoever reads this gasp. how can i call myself the ugly friend just because i’m the only black girl in the group? the same way our white as fuck society upholds euro-centric beauty standards and gives us warped depictions of what beautiful should be. beautiful in our modern day society means skinny, white and with long hair. its 2019, so this is not as rigid as it used to be, but growing up, it didn’t take long for me to realise that i was not what was desired by any of the guys me or other girls had their eyes on. 

not that boys are the be all and end all of life, but we can all agree that as young teenage girls, developing your first crush was a pretty big part of life. and the need to feel desired, and loved, and wanted will always be a big part of the human condition. and this isn’t something i’ve always had the pleasure of experiencing growing up as a young girl the way i watched my other friends have. 

i’ll spare you the long emotional details of childhood trauma when it comes to accepting myself and not letting whether white boys think i’m cute or not decide my value, i’ll just cut straight to what’s been keeping me up at 2am for the past 6 months.

two characteristics. 

capricorn with green eyes.  

i met him randomly at some music networking event and i always think about how weird it was that we somehow met in the first place. i was supposed to have gone home 10 minutes before, picked up an angry call from my dad telling me to go straight home even though he was a whole plane ride away. and my friend - let’s call her ellie, was outraged. “it’s only ten o’ clock you can’t leave”. she sounded stressed, to say the least. so, i didn’t. and 10 minutes later, i bump into him. 

fuck him. 

pretty smile, pretty eyes, pretty face, pretty laugh and he liked lorde and brockhampton. i was doomed from the start quite honestly. 

we exchanged instagrams, he invited me to some event he was putting on and this open mic in shoreditch that he and his friends always went to. and the rest was history that i cant ever seem to properly let go of. 

i started going to this shit every week just to see him, and after a couple months started developing a little crush, which after an invitation to some house parties, 2am voice memo conversations, supposed songs written about me (maybe), lingering looks, and a lot of conversations about astrology spiralled into me having full blown feelings for his pretentious ass. and it’s worse because he was never just a stupid boy. he was everything that i had always asked the universe for. i always said, that if the universe ever decided to send me my first boyfriend, that i wanted him to be educated in social issues, intelligent, motivated. capricorn was this. 

it’s just a shame that he probably didn’t feel the same way. 

i’ve been holding out hope for the longest time that maybe, just maybe, this time, i could finally be the girl that a guy looks at and says “yo, i want her.” the girl that someone looks at and sees something they could love. i wanted to experience the feeling of having someone reciprocate your feelings, and being in a relationship, and learning and growing with eachother. i wanted to have my first kiss and all these other things i dreamt up in my head because that’s what my scorpio ass does best; dreams. 

for once, i wanted to be that girl. the girl that’s desired. and not just desired but desired enough that someone truly starts to pursue me. 

let me cut to the chase and tell you that didn’t happen here. 

i let myself over-analyze, i blamed myself, wondered what i was doing wrong, how i could be “cooler”, if i was ��cool enough” to even be with someone like him; that was my first mistake, putting some boy on a pedestal because i was lonely and touch-starved. scorpio ass behaviour. 

i let myself get sad when he wouldn’t text, or when he wouldn’t reply how i wanted. when he wouldn’t give me back the same energy i gave to him. i let myself get angry when i would show up to events to support him and he would dissapear for hours or flirt with other girls. because what the fuck? wasn’t i the one? i’m supposed to be the one. it’s my turn to be the one that somebody wants. why did the universe keep dangling something in front of me that i clearly couldn’t have? 

i thought that when i moved, everything would be different and somehow the stars would align and i would meet a boy that would finally make me “the one”. finally, i would get to experience everything my friends did while i sat on the sidelines and wished i had what they did. 

nah though, that’s not how shit works for girls like me apparently. 

girls like me lead ourselves on, the boys don’t even have to do any work. 

girls like me bask in the smidge of attention our crush gives us because we thrive off of the hope that somehow, maybe, possibly, they could feel the exact same way we have for so long and that eventually everything will come out and it will be a happy ending. 

but what happens when none of that shit goes to plan? 

i uploaded some random track that i was pretty proud of, it wasnt an official release so i wasnt really expecting a wide response. and i had been training myself not to expect anything from capricorn so i wouldn’t get hurt. but i couldn’t help the feeling i got when i realized that he didn’t share my song on instagram - which - i know, petty. but it was really the principle that got to me. 

i’ve been so supportive of this guy for the longest time. i would always ask about his projects, current and upcoming, hype him up over the littlest things but very rarely did he ever even ask me about what i had planned or about my day, anything he posted relating to his music, i would repost. i would message him saying congratulations, or that his song was fire or that he was just doing a really good job. i’d come to his shows and do the same. and he couldn’t even repost a track on his instagram feed? why? too worried about looking cool and professional for his all his lowkey famous edgy hipster friends?

something switched inside me, really, i just got angry. anger is the key for me a lot of the time. and it helped me realize, as much as it fucking hurt, that i wasn’t and would never get the same energy back from capricorn, no matter how hard i tried. no matter how much or how little i posted. regardless of how i analyzed the lyrics of his songs that i thought were about me, or the content of his instagram posts or his messages back. i would never get what i was putting in. and i still don’t know why.

 i don’t know why i never seem to be enough for the ones i truly want. but then did i really want him or the idea of him? regardless, i get neither at the end of the day. and that shit hurts, because this time, i let my hopes get higher and higher. 

and boy is it a long way down.

my minds gone through many phases when it comes to him, but i think im finally at the point where im just accepting the fact that he doesnt want me even though i want him.

so bad.

and maybe its the 3am talking, but i dont think anybody will ever want me in the way i want them. 

one time when i was 15, one of my friends said she couldn’t ever imagine me in a relationship. i cant either. 

maybe i’m unlovable, maybe love and relationships just aren’t supposed to be a thing for someone like me. 

i don’t really know if i believe in love anymore- which i know seems a bit dramatic all because of one guy but please understand its really an accumulation of things over the past few years of my growth. 

nothing the universe has given me or shown me tells me that i could ever find love in any place i look. 

so, i’m just going to stop looking. 

and i’m going to stop hoping, and manifesting, and wishing on 11:11′s, and on stars that i’m too far away to reach. 

and i’m going to stop opening my heart to every person who glances at it and smiles. 

and i’m going to stop giving the best version of myself to boys who wont even give me a quarter of what they are. 

and i’m going to stop thinking like just because i’ve moved countries that things have changed for me. 

and i’m going to accept that love isn’t something that was made for me. 

it never was.

at least now i know for sure.