#i cant be alone with myself right now i want to rip all my fucking skin off no i dont i just want a hug. well i wont be getting one.

[phagodyke]

one of my friends cancelled plans today bc he accidentally doubled booked which is fine like I shouldve remembered he might be busy anyway so I suggested me n the other remaining friend do smth else but he just cancelled too and bc I've been in so much pain this week I've missed out on my usual thurs gym social and also hanging out w two other friends yesterday bc I was too sick to travel and had to get off the train and my roomie won't even look at me bc her social battery is low which is okay im used to that and I probably won't physically be able to go to the gym tomorrow either but man I'm so fucking lonely and still in pain I can't do this.

[switchbladedreamz]

I Want You, Dumbass.

He owns my entire soul.

Requested?: nah

Rating: R, once again lots of cursing. Bc its fun

Summary: Logan has his eyes pried open, figuratively, a little perspective forced onto him by Charles. It helps him see things for what they really are. For who you really are.

PLS REBLOG IT HELPS ALL BLOGS GROW🥰 COMMENT AND LIKE🫀

~~~~Logan's Point of View, 5:08am

Ripping off the sheet and blanket that cover me, my skin pebbles in goosebumps from the new chill in the air. "God damn it." I huff out quietly into the dark. I tossed and turned all night. Can't get decent shut eye. I turn to lay on my side. Staring in the darkness where my closed door would be. For five hours I've tried and failed to sleep. No matter how hard I will with closed eyes it never comes. All I can think about is her. For once I'm not thinking about Jean.. It's her. Y/n. It feels different when I think about her. 'Did I fuck it all up? What have I done..' These are the thoughts that have plagued me while sleep is nowhere to be found. I have class in three hours but I can't ...I can't bring myself to care right now. 'Why did I have to ask her out? Was it on purpose that I overheard their conversation? No, that's stupid.' I don't really believe in fate. Y/n and I had a perfectly good chummy coworker thing and I just had to go and blow it all up. Jesus fucking Christ when will I learn. 'once..just once can I have something..real. Do I even know what I want? I know what I don't want.. No Striker, no old friends' granddaughters, no having a boyfriend when we meet.' I beat myself up for who knows how long when 'bbbbrrrrriiinng bbbrrriiiingg bbrrr-'. My alarm pulls me out of the self-pity parade I had grown comfortable in for the past..well when I realized I couldn't sleep nine hours ago. Another day, another dollar, another student turned into a scholar.

"Alright everybody, I want those papers on my desk by 8 am next class Thursday morning. And no wikipedia! Okay, class dismissed." The students scramble out of their chairs, feet scuffling quickly across the floor. They can't get out fast enough. Heh. 'alone again.' thoughts creep in from the shadowy parts of my consciousness. 'aaah self pity, the oldest pain in my ass.'

Pacing back and forth in the empty classroom. I cant help but rewind the events of the last three days in my head. Over and over like the world's worst rollercoaster. Karma is hanging my ass out to dry. Like a dumbass I asked my coworker out and it backfired only to find out she has feelings for me. That was three days ago. The next day I found the only bar in town worth a fuck burned down. All that is left is a damn charred husk of load bearing beams and an empty parking lot. Oh I can't forget that a new student whose...gift...is acid spit and lunch did not agree with her so guess who got sprayed with acid puke and hotdogs in the middle of a lesson about World War II. It hurt like a bitch. And the fucking cherry on top of this sundae is that Jean and Scott are getting married. They announced their engagement last night. Cheers to the happy couple.

Jesus. Here I am goin on and on lamenting as if I could do anything to fix these problems. Except the first one, I'll admit. Charles enters the room. Hank, who usually is one step behind him is nowhere to be found. "Anything I can do to help Logan?" My head snaps towards. A growl at the bottom of my throat. I can feel my back muscles flexing like hackles raising on a cat. I need to calm down. "Charles I told you to stay outta my head." He looks at me with pity..i hate that fuckin look in his eyes.

"You're practically broadcasting your thoughts all over the school. I didn't need to use my power to know what you're thinking." I sigh heavily and sit down. "In any case", Charles continues, "I'd like to help with your troubles with Ms. L/n. Or at the very least make sure you don't pace a track into the hardwood floor." The quiet whir of his chair is an oddly comforting sound. My elbows brace on my knees as my head falls heavily into my hands. "What do I do?" I hate feeling vulnerable. "Apologize to Y/n, she's a forgiving person..within reason. Let the chips fall where they may afterwards. Oh, and Lilly feels terrible about the incident in class today. She asked me to pass on her apologies, sweet girl. As for Scott and Jean, put on a brave face as always." My head quirks up. "Really? A brave face? That's all the advice the acclaimed Professor Xavier has?" I scoff. What a help. "It's what you always do when it comes to those two and it's all you can do.....She's made her choice." Charles' voice softens at the end. Her choice. Her choice. It's never me. I look at her and it doesn't even feel the same any more and it pisses me off. I feel nothing when she looks at me. And that's what makes me burn. "Logan have you ever considered the difference in the way you're seen by Jean and Y/n?" My head raises, my confusion pours out through my question, "Whaddya mean?"

"I mean, Jean... She sees your exterior. The illusions, the gruff-cigar-smoking-bad-boy-who-listens-to-no-one. But if that were true..you wouldn't be here. Even I have my limits and tolerances. If you truly didn't care about anyone or anything but yourself as Jean may believe then what are you doing here? I'm not questioning your place here but rather putting things into perspective. Now as for how Y/n sees you. She sees a kind man with a big heart who keeps people at arms length and hurts them before they have a chance to hurt you. That's how I see you. We can see the great man you are yet to become. Now who do you think is more deserving of your time? Lastly perhaps consider the fact that Y/n did not reject you because she doesn't want you, but she wants you so much she couldnt use you to hurt herself because of the love she holds for herself. Did that make sense? Anyways what I'm trying to say is that it was an act of self-preservation." I look at Charles. I really look at him, studying the expression on his face as his words process. There's nothing in his voice that indicates blame, deceit, judgement. He's simply trying to help me. I've made my decision. "Thanks, professor. See ya around" I get up from the chair and as I walk past Xavier I pat his shoulder, "You too Logan." he responds.

I'm laying on my bed. Charles' advice ruminates in my mind while I pull in a drag of smoke off the cigar between my fingers. Debating if I should have a drink or not. Then I remembered the bar burned down...... Well ..shit.

~~~~

All I've thought about since last night is how i could apologize. One thing I respect about Y/n is she's straight forward, so I figure thats how she would want me to approach this. In a few strides I cross the wide hall, before I have a chance to overthink I'm knocking on Y/n's door. 'We alternate days for history, she's gotta be here somewhere but if they're not in here I don't know where-' my thoughts are interrupted by the door opening and the scent of dahlias invades my senses. "Oh hi, what can I do for you Logan?" I notice her glasses slide up her nose as her head tilts up to make eye contact with me. There's music playing in the background. "Uhm" at a loss for words, I turn my head right and look down the hallway then left at the stairs. "Can we talk?" She nods and opens the door wider for me. After closing the door I watch her walk across the room, pausing the sounds of thrashing guitars and double kick drums from the speaker by the open window.

"Well look what the cat dragged in. You know I didn't take you for the groveling type but you look pretty on your knees." My mind blanks, ..out of all the different ways I'd imagined they'd react. "W-wh..uh" i fumbled to find a response. Her head falls back and she laughs "Oh darlin' I knew you couldn't resist me."

I half laugh half wheeze, not expecting this to be her reaction. "Y/n. I came to apologize. I'm real sorry about the other day--"

"Oh its fine, theres no need to apologize. Really. So you fucked up, and I've heard about the awful past few days you've had. I'd say your reckoning has been wrought." There's a shit eating grin on her face. "Hmm. So now what?" I ask, too damn confused. Y/n replies "How about you take a few days to figure what you want then get back to me." I look at her, "get back to you? That's it?" She huffs out a chuckle. "Yep. Simple as that. Figure out what you really want, when you get back to me we'll see if what it is the either wants and if it lines up together. You know, like adults."

"And what is it that you want?" Mischief and longing sparkle in here eyes, framed by the lenses of her glasses. "I want you, dumbass. I want a real relationship." I walk over to her, standing in front of her. She looks up at me. "Is this few days thing mandatory?" My hand touches her bicep. She glanced at my hand then up to my face. " 'fraid so darlin" I chuckle, "Well I'll see you in a few days then."

~~~

Sorry it's so short!! Please enjoy🖤🖤

[elliebyrrdwrites]

The Marriage Law trope pt. 2

Granger is like a storm that first rolls in with a subtle breeze. Just a bit of light rain, you think. And so you just ignore it and go about your day. But then the wind picks up and the rain begins to come down like a million little pebbles, and it’s disrupting your entire day. It’s disrupting your entire being. Because inside, you’re nothing. You’re all dead and bitter and jaded.

But then the wind is ripping at your clothes and pushing your hair into you face and the rain is sliding down the back of your neck and you’re soaked, you clothes and your skin is soaked and you can feel it in your bones. You’re never going to be the same. You’ll never look at the rain the same. Because it saturates everything!

That’s what Granger is. Trust me, I know.

She glides into the room, gently, and you think you’re going to be fine.

Her big brown eyes that look like golden sun rays fill the room and your hair is blown back and your heart is beginning to pound.

Because you hate this girl, you hate the rain. But suddenly, it’s everywhere. There’s a smell of lavender and grass and it’s filling the room and you cant stop rubbing at your nose because you can’t decide if you like it or hate it but then she settles her gaze onto you and then you’re done for.

You’re being ripped away in a flashflood and that old ancient thing inside of you dies.

In its ashes rises something new and angry.

Granger isn’t alone. She’s with Harry fucking Potter, himself. I’m with my solicitor, Blaise Zabini. It should be stated that he isn’t actually a solicitor, he is just my solicitor.

Regardless, he is here to represent my best interests.

The room feels full and empty all at once as they step in and I have to shove myself out of the chair and stand because I’m about to drown. I contemplate climbing on top of the table that separates us. There’s something in the room that is loud and pulsing but its like an echo. It’s like that echo that fills the cold, dead room you get locked in after you’ve fucked up and you scream and scream and in the end, it’s only your echo bouncing back at you off of the walls.

Trust me, I know.

Granger’s wild curls cascade around her shoulders and her heart shaped face like chocolate colored ribbons. Harry Potter is taking the seat on the right side of her and Blaise has to tug on the sleeve of my jacket to force me back into mine.

“Nice to see you, Granger.” Zabini greets her but I can’t find my voice.

There’s something strange happening to me. The rain is just slamming into my face, over and over, refusing to let me talk. If you try to talk in the rain, it just collects in your mouth and your eyes and you just sputter and rub and you can’t fucking talk.

Granger is drowning me.

“Is it?” She lifts a brow at Blaise and I notice that she’s actively avoiding looking at me. Her eyes want to, I can see it. Her gaze wants to gravitate back to me every few seconds but just before they land, they narrow and pull away. And it kills me. I hate this witch, can’t stand her but somehow, I need her to look at me. I need her to acknowledge me.

“Well, I suppose it’s not ideal.” Blaise nods, thoughtfully. “But, I’m sure we’d all like to make this go as smoothly as possible.”

Potter nods, grimly, but Granger shakes her head. “We’d like this to go away, actually.”

“I’m afraid that is out of our hands, love.” The words leave my mouth without warning. But, it works! It’s enough to cause those big brown eyes to finally look at me. Her eyes are as warm as I remember. All brown and golden and until this moment, I haven’t been able to come up with a single reason why my family hates her so much. Other than the fact that she is a filthy mudblood and her best friend is Harry Potter, nothing ever came to mind.

But now I think it’s this. The way her eyes light up and somehow, I want to bask in them. Because it feels like a betrayal. I shouldn’t be here.

The point is, I’m supposed to be dead inside. And this, the way her eyes flare when they look at me, the lift of the corner of her lip as she sneers, it makes me feel alive.

“Weren’t you supposed to marry Astoria today?” She asks, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes in on me even more.

A little shudder runs down my back as she leans against the table and from here I can see down her shirt. She’s got this big dumb long sleeved shirt on that’s been cut off at the waist. She’s dressed like we’ve just pulled her out of the garden, with her denims and her boots and her big, dumb shirt that gapes at the neck. I can see her breasts as they press against the table. They’re smashing against the table and her ribcage and the swells of them are like little pillows.

And there’s a million little ants on me. Six million legs moving over my body, up my arms and down my legs. Up and down the column of my spin, like it’s some sort of super highway for the stupid little creatures. My hand hits the back of my neck. Easily, I’ve just killed about ten ants.

The rest are going to scurry and collect their fallen comrades because ants have a ritual for their dead. They scoop up their bodies and they carry them to an ant graveyard. Sixty pairs of legs will carry these ten dead ants to their grave.

And the point is, it doesn’t matter, because they’re not real. They aren’t there.

The point is, my potions are wearing off.

I shrug and Blaise sighs. The words aren’t traveling into my mouth from my brain. Because she’s looking at me. And all I can do is stare and stare and stare.

“The law was passed at midnight, which meant that if they had gone through with it, they would be breaking the law.”

“Well, I want to petition the pairing. I will marry a different pureblood.” She sits up and leans onto her elbows, denying me the sight of her beautiful tits.

“Who?” I ask, and I can feel my lip curling.

Granger smirks and leans back in her seat before she replies. “Ronald Weasley.”

“Fuck him.” I don’t know what’s happening. I’m acting like I care and I don’t. I really don’t care that she doesn’t want to marry me. Because I don’t want to marry her. I don’t want to marry anyone, ever.

Potter coughs, uncomfortably, before he speaks up. “There’s too much history here.” He turns to Blaise, who seems to be the only other calm person in the room. “He terrorized her.”

“Most purebloods were assholes in school. Present company included.” Blaise counters with a lift of his shoulder.

“It went deeper than just being an asshole at school, Zabini, and you know that.”

My eyebrows pull together as I watch the two men share a meaningful look. Because I was an asshole, yes. But it never went beyond school. It never went beyond cruel names. I barely remember seeing her during the battle that ultimately brought Voldemort down.

“I actually think this could be good for them.” My stomach twists uncomfortably because it feels like Blaise and Potter are in on something together.

Granger scoffs again. “How can any of this be good, Blaise? I’ll be forced to be around his family, his father! I’ll be forced to, to, to-”

This is incredible. Granger is glitching. Her big brown eyes are even bigger, widening as she stutters. Granger never fucking stutters. Always so fucking sure of herself, always so fucking high and mighty. Always so fucking perfect.

Suddenly, she slaps her hands over her face. But not before I catch the look of utter heartache and mortification on her face. She shoves out of her chair and darts for the door, shaking her head. But when she opens the door. Her voice catches in her throat. I think she’s about to cry or shout but she just chokes, instead.

Because standing on the other side of the door is my father. She’s face to face with him. And I don’t know why, but it’s uncomfortable. Inexplicably, I’m concerned about the interaction.

Perhaps my father will insult her, make her cry.

Perhaps I will watch him with mild amusement. Or worse, I’ll hate it.

Granger throws her shoulders back and lifts her chin up. She’s acting brave. I can tell. It’s cute. But what’s worse, is that when she talks, I’m certain she’s not brave or even scared. She’s fucking crazy and reckless.

Because, she smirks and shoves her crazy hair away from her face. “I bet you never saw this coming.”

Harry stands and Blaise stiffens beside me.

Father’s face is all red and pinched, like he’s just bitten into a lemon. He’s staring down at her like he’s met his greatest adversary and it’s so frightening, it’s angering. It’s making him shake.

This might be the greatest thing I have ever seen.

“This won’t last.” Father hisses at her, pointing between us. “I’m petitioning this. It’s disgusting, you’re disgusting, you filthy little mudblood. You’ll never touch my son.” It’s hilarious because Granger doesn’t even want this marriage the world had dumped into her lap. She doesn’t want to touch me. She can barely look at me. She hates me. She hates me so much, the thought of marrying me is painful, horrific!

Because I’m the worst. I’m nothing, nobody.

The point is, I don’t care. Because we don’t belong here. We don’t belong in this little office in the middle of the ministry. We don’t belong anywhere.

She doesn’t belong in my world.

But, neither do I.

“Oh?” Granger lifts a brow and shrugs her little shoulder. “Good luck fighting that battle.” Before she turns to leave, she looks over her shoulder at me and lifts a brow.

And I can’t say a thing. I’m frozen to my seat because there’s something so strange about this entire meeting. There’s something so wonderful about the way she steps up to my father, the way she stands there all confident in her stupid rain boots and her tight denims and her oversized shirt, and she still manages to look her nose down at Lucius Malfoy.

“If this goes down,” She’s talking directly to me again and I think I might vomit. My stomach is clenching and I can feel the blood pumping rapidly through my body. I haven’t felt this alive in years. “I have stipulations and one of them doesn’t involve us living at daddy’s.”

And with that, she shoves past my father and marches away from the room.

I can hear the squeak of her rubber boots on the tiled floor drifting further and further away and something follows her. It isn’t just Harry Potter who tells Lucius to be careful with how he talks to Granger, but it something intangible. It’s something that belongs came in with her but somehow, it belongs to me.

It’s like that ancient thing inside of me is extending like some sort of gooey substance that lifts from the center of my chest and reaches out. I imagine it traveling through some sort of a wormhole, allowing it to reach her fast than the human body can without apparation.

Blaise leans back in his seat and sighs once my father steps inside and closes the door behind him.

This is a borrowed room, lent to us by the minister himself. All for nothing.

Because, my father looks at me and in his eyes I can see all of the hatred he has for me and the mudblood combining into something atomic. My father is a ticking timebomb and I can’t help but grin up at him when I realize that I am going to be able to watch him explode.

He’s got his angry eyes on me and he says,

“I’d rather see you dead than marry that mudblood.”

And I can’t help but erupt into laughter.

……..

This time, I came alone.

I’m in the ministers office and my foot is tap tap tapping against the floor as my leg bobs up and down. I’m in the ministers office and all I can do is listen to the sound of his clock tick tick ticking as my heart beats out a song that is all short burts of crescendos and chorus, just wait wait waiting for a climax.

The minister left me alone while he went to fetch Granger from her office.

Apparently, she works here. I’ve worked here for three years and have never once seen her.

Technically, I used to work here. I have been fired five times and I have quite once. All six of the jobs I held were gifted to me by men my father pay off. All six of the jobs were mind numbingly boring and I couldn't tell you a single fucking thing I did or what the the job titles were.

Father wants me in politics, but he seems to have finally given up because I spend my days fighting and running and drinking. I spend money, too. But mostly, I paint.

It’s like an illness, because I do it like it might cure me. But all it does is make me want to paint more. It just makes me sicker.

But I’m sitting in the minister’s office and I’m waiting for him to let in Granger. I’m trying to picture her heart shaped face all cold and bitter when she walks in the room. I’m trying to imagine what she will say to me when she realizes that all of the petitions have failed to be accepted. They have been denied, both her and my father.

And now she is mine and I am hers and neither of us want the other.

But I can’t help but remember the way her hair framed that heart shaped face of hers, and the way her eyes lit with something bright and alluring when she faced off with father.

The point is, her breasts infiltrate my thoughts hourly. the way they were squashed up against the table as she leaned over it to scold me? I can’t help but imagine them pressed against my body and I know, I know, my father would kill her if she let me try it out.

The door opens and Shaklebot steps in, holding the door open for Granger.

She’s not dressed like professor Sprout, this time. This time, she’s wearing her ministry robes over a grey skirt that reaches just above her knees. It’s all tight and form fitting and really, this kind of shit should be illegal. It’s not right for a terrible piece of human garbage to look as good as she does. Her hips are flared enough for me to think about what it might be like to grab onto them. Her waist narrows, but there is a softness to it that makes me want to touch it, squeeze it, use it like a pillow. And then, there are her breasts. Round and ripe and staring back at me through the tight black blouse.

“Come in, Hermione.” The minister calls her by her name. He still calls me Mr. Malfoy. Because I am just like my father. It’s my destiny and the whole world know sit.

“Can we wait for Ron to get here?” She sounds afraid to be in the room with me.

My nose scrunches up in disgust and my eyes roll into the back of my head because, honestly.

What the fuck am I going to do? Crucio her in the minister’s office?

“He came alone,” I can hear the minister mumble to her. “Lucius is not here.”

There’s a moment of tense hesitation before I see her shoulders slump and her head nod. She enteres the office and flinches when the door closes behind her, leaving us completely alone.

“Granger,” My eyes are glued to her breasts for a moment before I stand and force myself to look at her face. She’s all wild eyed and fearful like a fucking doe trembling in the woods caught by a predator.

She clears her throat and does that thing again, where she acts brave. Her chin lifts and her shoulders roll back. “Dra— Malfoy.”

My brows flick up and I can’t help but marvel at the way her her cheeks burn bright red at her mistake. I have to wonder, at what point, did she ever think of me by my first name. For me, she is always Granger. Granger this, Granger that. Granger, the mudblood. Granger with the big hair. Granger with the great tits.

Fuck.

I shake my head and clear my throat. “So, this is really happening,” I say it like its some sort of amusing realization we’ve both stumbled upon.

Not like she hadn’t been fighting tooth and nail for the past two days to get it revoked. She’s asked to marry Ronald Weasley, the petition says. The petition said that she had been dating him on and off for the past four years. But the court decided that it wasn’t enough and that the data they compiled, when comparing their blood, held a lower chance of a successful procreation. When they say procreation, they are not talking about chemistry and how much she fucking loves Weasley.

They are talking about what muggles call science. They are saying that, combined her genes will pass down alleles that will result in a more successful birth and completion of life.

Because, while alleles will determine what color of hair our child may have or what color eyes, it will also determine traits that are passed down that are not visible to the naked eye.

Meaning, our offspring will not come down with some sort of disease like Astoria did. Our offspring will have powerful magic.

And so, they chose me and they chose her to help the wizarding race. it’s just like those muggle books where they pick one man and one woman to go start life on another planet. It’s why many muggles don't like abortion. They need soldiers. They need fighters, defender of the race. They need someone to fight their wars for them.

She sniffs, nods her head and refuses to meet my eyes with hers. “We should probably sit down with a solicitor and hash out some details over the marriage contract.” She shrugs.

“Like living with,” I tilt my head and lift a brow. “Daddy?”

Granger presses her lips together and tries to fight the smirk that pulls at the corners of her mouth. And I can see the flicker of light in her eyes that tells me she’s got the kind of elusive smile that dares you to come and find it.

I sigh and run a hand through me hair, before I rub it over the back of my head, messing it up all over again. “We don’t have to live in the manor, Granger.”

“Good, because I just paid the first and last months rent at my new flat.”

I laugh and shake my head. “No, you misunderstand me. We don’t have to live in the manor. There’s a guest house on the property. It’s small but, it will for a while, I suppose.”

Her eyes narrow in on me and I can tell she’s angry. Good. This is good. Because it’s easier to deal with than her elusive smiles and great tits.

“I’m a Malfoy, Granger. And you will be, as well.” I sniff, straighten my collar and shrug my shoulders. “We don’t live in flats.”

Granger doesn’t look angry at what I’ve said. She looks at me like she’s heard all this before. And it’s angering, she looks like she wants to dismiss me, it she can’t because it’s just her and me and the ministers empty desk. It’s just us and this horrifying inconvenience that should be more angering that it is.

Because me and her, we don’t mix. We never did and we never will.

But she’s looking at me with that look that tells me to get over myself so she can move on to the important parts.

She shakes her head and forces her eyes to pull away from me and my face and she bites down on her lip. She nibbles on it as she thinks. She just goes to fucking town on it, worrying between her perfectly straight teeth.

Finally, with a sigh, she says, “I will not live near your father.”

“He won’t let us out of his sight.” I confess and it should feel like a betrayal to my father but mostly it feels like a betrayal to myself. Like if my father isn’t keeping an eye on me, I won’t be able to help myself. I’ll have to touch her.

Her big eyes are narrowed on the corner of the room, like she’s searching out some sort of secret door, or a nugget of information that you can only see if your squint or blur your eyes. Finally, she nods and looks at me. “Then I don’t want him to be able to come inside.”

I snort. “You mean you don’t want Lucius Malfoy to enter the home on his property?” He’s never been inside except for the one time upon its completion. Mother asked it to be built for her cousins for when they visit from overseas. But,I’m don’t see that stopping him.

“Yes.” She nods, matter of factly. ““Have it warded, bind it to me and you but I don’t want your father coming near me.”

There really isn’t anything I can do but agree. Because Granger is going to be my wife. While I’m not thrilled, I still have to live with her. She won’t be happy and will probably make my life hell if I don’t give her, at least, this.

It’s making me anxious because I know that I’m about to agree to being locked away with Granger every night for the foreseeable future. It’s frightening. What if she tries to kill me in my sleep?

There’s a strong rush of blood flowing to my cock as I imagine her straddling me, holding her wand to my throat. I can almost feel her breath on my face as I stare up at her angry little face. It’s beautiful.

Trust me, I know.

[twenyonepilots]

i feel like this album it's really hitting me how much time has passed. like tyler and josh have grown up, but so have we. ten years ago i'd curl up in my dorm room and feel so alone and put them on and it'd be a little better. now i'm going to concerts and listening parties with my wife🥹

Okay but same! like right in the nostalgia! its crazy that Tyler’s a dad now and Josh is married to Debby and we got to watch them grow up and navigate fame at a pretty young age and all this time has passed and while watching them grow up the clique grew up too like a lot of us fucking made it we clawed and ripped our way out of the darkness and i couldnt be more proud to be a fan of such a community its more than the music its the camaraderie of sticking it out together i cant even describe the feeling of pride and nostalgia that comes with this one it really feels like such a full circle moment…

let me just get a little emotional for a sec when i first started listening to them i was in such a similar situation i felt like i had no one that understood i was so lonely and depressed and had lost the majority of my high school friend group due to my 3 grippy sock vacations my junior year… i just remember feeling completely lost and alone before i found them and started listening to the music and im so glad that i did!

a fews day before i turned 18 i literally met my best friend and wife at a twenty one pilots show!!! i posted on here saying i had tickets to the show but no one to go with and i was nervous because it would be my first time going to a concert alone we ended up meeting up at the show and ive never been to a show alone ever since! when i turned 18 i got tyler’s writing on my ankle, “think” a promise to myself to keep going when times are rough and i never turned back….that tattoo is a decade old and fading now and twenty one pilots have been there for me every step of the way pulling me up and out of that trench and dont even get me started on the family that is the clique! like i met my wife at a twenty one pilots show and we’ve got to witness so much life through their music…so much love!! so many friendships! marriages! and little clique babies! vacations and dinners and parties and weddings and L I F E all because we loved a band. my nephew was born in 2016 and i didnt even get to meet him for a week because while he was being born i was in Michigan in line for emotional roadshow grand rapids and now my nephew is 8 and his f a v o r i t e band in the entire world is twenty one pilots he started drum lessons and when he had his first recital he did Jumpsuit because he wants to be just like Josh when he grows up i know im really on a tangent here but this band means so much its more than a band its more than music its everything i have thats good in my life because i found something to help me hold on

[rotten-dan]

I feel okay a few days. Maybe a few hours and then it goes back to all the hurtful overthinking

I know I have friends man I know that. objectively I know so many things. People arent assholes, I'm not dying, I'm not that alone, all that stuff

Is just hard

Is hard to not overthink of all the ways I could lose people. Of all the ways I'm unimportant compared to others in their lives and merely a bother bcuz im so fucking depressed n I cannot ever hide it bcuz that hurts even more. Sometimes it does really feel like it would be better to hide away forever, to leave.

But ultimately I dont want that. Bcuz I am that clingy. I'm clingy enough that I will stay here and exist and be a bother to the ones I love bcuz I cannot bear the though of just cutting all connections. I love my friends. Friendship is literally one of the most important things in life for me.

Maybe the nice words of my friends dont stay bcuz the last person who left me was so nice and sweet too and I thought they were a beat friend but then they left for one of the most unfair things in the world. My friends right now arent assholes like that tho. The other one who left was fully justified tho I wish em well and a pls never exist nearby again.

But how do I rip those experiences from my head so I stop over analyzing all the lil things. My friends cant be reassuring me and my dumb brain all the time. Not all my needs can be met. I can't have those expectations

Obvious answer is therapy and I know that but I cant get therapy at the moment. I can barely get a fancy camera for uni. So I have to do this by myself for now.

It feels so dumb and pathetic. I'm so sorry im floppy and not strong all the time.

I just

I feel so unloved and like I deserve it.

[yuukei-yikes]

any thoughts on remind blue?

currently, it is my favorite kagepro song (this changes like every week but i digress...) and i really want to make a pv for it but i lowkey have no idea where to start

your analysis/ramblings on things is really interesting to read and see, so also just wanted to let you know that i love all the content you post!! :D

I LOV remind blue. like every kagepro song makes me want to rip my face off ♥️♥️♥️ but this one is one of those that make me feel so strongly that i cant listen to it ♥️♥️♥️ cuz i do that btw. i cannot listen to kagepro songs without preparing myself emotionally and it has to be when i am alone in my room. i could never listen to them in public. that'd be weird. im drawing and suddenly a kagepro song comes on in my playlist and im like this is so fucked up who put this here (<- i did)

songs like summertime record, lost day hour, remind blue and ayanos theory of happiness specifically i basically never listen to because it causes something in me both mentally and physically. im normal though.

TOTALLY support the idea to make a pv!!! i wouldn't know how to start either tbh💔 who would u make it be sung by?? like the song is so good but for the lyrics im like meh like str is already a thing. idk it sorta has the same vibe. its like summertime record and lost day hour's lyrics had a little baby together. which is why i always liked to interpret it as a haruka song but fuck it ig its shintaro's.

i also liked the idea of it being seto's or hibiya's. i think they'd deserve a song like this, especially hibiya!! tho for hibiya the whole "adult" thing is different LOL and even seto, he's just 17... ive always loved haruka being the punchbag for the "im an adult wtf" feeling because he goes from living his whole life thinking he will die and then he doesn't. or well he DOES die but then comes back, and suddenly he finds himself with his whole life ahead. like haruka and his early 20s crisis abt i did NOT think id be alive this long and now i gotta deal with everything those feelings bring me but at the same time i have to pay rent and worry abt what to make for dinner soooo erm fine ig. that's also what i think lost day hour is about, i know jin describes it more like a song abt old friends but girl idk it rly only has a couple lines abt that as opposed to all the rest of the song... erm. what was i talking about again.

i just think it was rly funny how we were all like ok remind blue uses "boku" so it's seto kano hibiya or haruka (or konoha). and then jin was like hehe. shintaro♥️ SHINTARO DOESNT EVEN USE BOKU whatever im pretty sure he also said it can fit anyone and its more a general mekakushi dan song. but tbh so is summertime record sooooo. sorry im sidetracking a lot

i dont particularly care for remind blue so much (LIKE THE SONG SLAPS im still talking about lyrics) bc it's very heavy on the shit abt like growing distant and stuff sortof??? like kagepros ending/str is implied to have the mekadan not grow apart but kinda do their own thing while still meeting to hang out, bc kagepro is also about growing up and with growing up comes maybe growing distant from these friends you love, but they will always be important and one of a kind in ur life and when u meet its like time hasnt rly passed between you. not to mention the whole thing about combining eyes and how all the snakes will always end up gathering by the queen no matter what, meaning the dan will always be bound to make their ways back to each other no matter what, and are connected to one another by the literal narrative that theyre all actually sort of aware of a little bit (they always refer to their tragedy as a "story"..kagepro is a little meta lol). and like that's all so beautiful but also fuck it. they all meet for pizza nights every week. erm. the passage of time am i right

ALSO TY FOR READING MY POSTS:///3 I LOVE KAGEROU PROJECT A NORMAL AMOUNT AND IM A NORMAL PERSON

[atomic-james]

What the hell.

I hate this universe.

If I've done this right there should be a read more sign, if you don't want to see this vent then don't look under it.

Just like a rant because what the fuck, I hate my past self so much for a myriad of different reasons, one of them? Ruining college for me before I even started.

I always do it, throw myself into things thinking "I want to do this, my future self will have to get better for my sake." I. Can't. Get. Better.

Not when it comes to English lit. Not when it comes to history. They're two subjects I love but together at a-level? They're burning me out and fast. And I can hardly keep my head above water as it is, I don't know how the hell I'm going to actually survive tommorow, having to tell them that I haven't got everything done, I'm a people pleaser to the point where if I see disappointed looks or hear that disappointed tone I just want to curl up and cry. I'm over sensitive.

And I don't help myself. I don't know how to change and doubt I would even if I had the chance too . Why?

I'm lazy, and I'm not saying it for the sake of tearing myself down, I'm saying this because I'm hopelessly lazy, I remember my first day of year eleven where I had 1 hour of sleep did a full day and why? Because I stayed up that night writing 5 essays.

Five. And now I can't even do two quote banks that should've been done weeks ago. I have one of the busiest timetables in the college because of this stupid assumption I could magically make myself better. It takes up my work time in the day and so I have no choice but to let work eat into my nights and its exhausting. I'm in less stressful conditions so I dont see why im doing this now. It's ridiculous and I don't know what to do. I cant just drop subjects. And if I don't deal with it I have to leave. Or redo college at a different campus.

Or I could get a job. Which is a whole other can of worms, I am horribly socially anxious to the point where right now? Before yesterday I hadn't left the house since Christmas. Because I'm so tottaly scared.

I was bullied in high school. And primary school. The whole way through. And I'm scared of seeing them out in public because I can't handle the feeling of their eyes on me. I missed out on everything. Because I can't handle people. Or certain noises because I have severe sensory issues to the most common noise.

Sensory issues that affect my diet because I can't handle common textures, sensory issues that impact my focus in the classroom because everytime I hear someone sniff I want to rip my ears off, I'm reduced to tears if someone has a cold. It's fuckin mortifying. The stares because they can't feel what you're feeling, the teachers that blatantly ignore that you're overstimulated.

I'm so exhausted and I don't even know where to start. All I want to do is sleep. My brain can't keep one thought together and the thought of all these tasks that I have to do by the morning is daunting and I can't look at my laptop without wanting throw it.

I'm so angry. And upset. And I don't know how to change. Because the world will never change for me. I was fucked from the get go. I'm a genetically screwed up chronically online hopelessly alone lazy attention seeking loser.

And I'm exhausted. This is so unfair. This is all so fucking unfair.

If I get a job, I'm going to be stuck there, that is even if they take me, my Gcses whilst they were a miracle they're not as good as they could be, I got passes in everything I wanted to but low passes. And plus they look for experience. Which I don't have.

I'm not educated on the economy. I'm sheltered and childish for my age, because I live day to day and don't think ahead. I'm just trying to live through each day and that's not going to cut it anymore. Time is moving. And kicking. My. Ass.

The thought of my future terrifies me. Because is keep going the way I'm going. I'm never going to move out. Never going to have a partner. A life. And I want that so badly I just. Can't. I don't know how.

It's pathetic.

I'm pathetic.

This universe wasn't meant for me. And if I didn't have a family that cared for me. I would've just died already. But I cant do that to them. Though its not like I'm doing much for them rotting in my room.

The world is leaving me behind. And my grip on reality is slipping. I have a horrid imagination and I die in my head. It causes my body to fkinch kn real life and it happens alot. I cant stop it. Along with my grip on mortality which I suppose I've never really had a good grip on the fact that I have the ability to die. I decide that I just want to walk across the main roads with my eyes closed then that's what I do. I walked under a frozen lake at 12 years old and I remember when I went under I became calm. It didn't feel like I was dying. I felt. Fine. Like all my thoughts of family and whatever else I thought I had to live for just went out the window. Like I was fine with dying right then and there.

Obviously I'm not dead. But sometimes I really wish I were someone else. I'm not built for this reality. And I'm scared i never will be.

[ghost-of-the-machine]

or.. ill be upset about something else. i feel angry

i make too many excuses for everyone in my life. you ask them to walk all over you if it makes them feel better. i let you

im allowed to be a little spiteful, im allowed to be bitter!!!

its just. id say? bpd gives me the most problems like. even the whole. brain not put together thing is less cumbersome than that shit. what a painful way of life, so extreme and tiring.. it rips me apart and then puts me back together so suddenly, im high off the buzz until its ripped away from me again. thats how everything feels, it makes me want to just... sleep. for a very very long time

like most if not all disorders, its not my fucking fault i have to live like this, its theirs. im glad i was born... because i wouldnt be where i am now and i dont want to think about that. but? you couldnt have spared me a little time? ive been so violently aware of myself and all my flaws since i was little, like. LITTLE little. between offhand comments that i overanalyzed religiously and based my sense of self on, to just. being ALONE. that was no place for a kid to grow up. dark and dingy and cold and there was bugs everywhere and. there wasnt always someone to make food for me, i got food poisoning so many times cuz you cant let a fucking 7 year old cook for himself with no supervision? 'cook' is a generous word, id literally just grab cold shit from the fridge and eat it. several times i drank alcohol on accident cuz there was just water bottles full of alcohol left around my house. and lord, was it dirty.. not to mention the blood. and the violence, and screaming.. and they wonder why im the way i am now? i feel... ruined. it makes me angry. couldnt you have saved me from all of that? couldnt you have made it better for me? i was just a child, what could i have done? i did the most, though. put myself in front of others, learned to protect and . it was really naive of me, obviously these grown men arent scared of a little girl. but i tried, because everyone seemed like they needed someone to take care of them. i mean.. thats why they didnt take care of me, right? they needed it more! surely 💀

i got taken away by cps when i was really little, its one of my earliest memories. it was like a dream, every memory is like a dream to me.. but i remember that apparently, the agent on our case was corrupt or something, said we didnt have food when we did, etc and got us taken away on purpose. i think thats true, shes mentioned a case in the newspaper about it, but. my mom didnt want to give me up again. it took till i was about 8-9 before she finally sent me to live with my grandma again. maybe i wasnt there for very long, but... i am permanently altered 🥳🥳 YIPPIEEEE!!!!!

honestly it sucks. my dad is in jail where he belongs, ive never missed him a single day in my life, but.. i remember after, the only times id see my mom was brief visits at like. a facility. and i thought it was fun because there was places for me to play. it makes me.. really sad thinking about it now. i was about 4-5 around this time. idk. im not really angry anymore, im just sad now. i mean ill always be angry, but that just means ill always be sad too

so much... disruption. moving all over and leaving my friends behind, struggling to make new ones cuz . oh no1!1 that boy is developing attachment issues, i wonder where this will lead!!!! i latch on like a parasite to anyone i fall in love with, because im scared to be disrupted again. im scared itll be taken from me because everyone LOVES taking things away from me. my stability, my happiness, my family. my everything, just ripped away over and over again. no wonder bro doesnt know who he is!!!!!!!! what a waste.

[gayspock]

and likeeee -_-

sorry this is just my in general fucking rant. is anyone sick ever of just being branded a fucking edgelord and called stupid and being encouraged to dispel all shitty thoughts ever. is anyone. i dont know. sorry this was about media but my sour fucking mood as of late. whatever. i think its always one of those things where its like one of the many hot air bullshit sayings is like. be yourself! :) TELL everyone how you feel! but Yourself and how you express and say things is ironically never right or correct so now you feel fucking rotted tenfold. i mean that. on like a genuine level.

cuz idk on a genuine fucking level every time ive ever tried to talk to someone about any of this ive just felt incredibly fucking patronised and unheard and unlistened to . and it makes me want to rip somkeones throat out. and on a serious level, i would be fine to engage in an actual conversation or listen to someone talk it through in a genuine fucking way. but like look i know i cant actually ask that to happen. its not fucking fair to anyone either . but also the Not asking that always just feels so much more fucking upsetting and fucking frustrating and in the end it never feels like anything other than an exercise in trying to just get away cuz it helps no one and nothing. ironically one of the things about it all. nothing helps nothing gets you forward but in sayinjg that i know people will never think of me as anyhting other than a fucking shit idiot fucking loser who gives up and doesnt care and doesnt listen when so so fucking ironically thats the exact disrespect and lack of fucking care that im talking about . and its ironic further cuz they'll insist they gaf. like do you. i feel like people only give a fuck if youre a version of a person that they can help and like and i dont think im ever going to be that for fucking anyone . i can try to pretend i am but it just makes me feel like dogshit and feel so fucking alone because thats not real at all no ones ever going to fucking like You as a person. or even more or whatever.

like how do i fucking say this. you bring this onyourself. youre negative. so like sorry but what if right. like what if im fucking right and im not a fucking idiot just this once and everything has genuinely fucking sucked and ive not got anything to fucking live for. and i am alone. etc. etc. like be serious. walk with me. so now how do you fucking think it feels to be called a fucking idiot for being consistently called some fucking idiot drama queen for it constantly. sorry. im trying not to be a self pitying fucker all the time but its like when i say i genuinelyfucking havent found anything to have gone fucking right i mean it . when i say i cant take it i fucking mean it. when i say im stupid and im unhappy and im alone if ucking mean it and trying to lie about it does not make it fucking okay it just makes me so so fucking much more upset. why do i have to fucking try and fake some fucking bright side to any of it when it doesnt fucking exist . to make YOU feel better about it. fucking fantastic. excellent . i fucking hate everything bro i wish it fucking mattered i wish it fucking mattered goddddd i wish there was a way out i fucking christtttttttttttt but people dont want to even look at you i think thats the thing like its like i think its because they know deep fucking down there is not an actual fucking thing they can say to me. because i am right this once maybe this fucking once but they cant agree and tell me to kill myself. which is fucking fine just dont fucking pretend like theres anything anyone can do to help like im a damn lost cause god bless s

something something does anyone feel like theyre in a car on the edge of the fucking cliff and you cant back it up and every time you fucking do its just teetering you closer to fucking killing yourself . is that the best way to describe it. theres no way out of it or whatever. i think i need to end something or someone . lalalala. i dont mean that. who said that

[loyalestmunch]

11.19.23

actually the loneliest ive ever felt. i dont have a best friend. the two friends that i do have both have boyfriends n are preoccupied with them. im always in my room. im always in my four walls. i dont have a life outside of here. and i hate it so much.

i dont have someone i can spontaneously visit whenever i want anymore. i dont have a safe person that will always make time for me. if im sad, i dont have someone to go to. and it fuckiing sucks.

what sucks even more is when i sleep until 5 pm and check my phone to zero notifications. ts makes me go right the fuck back to sleep

i made an editing acc on tt. its cool its got like 70 smth followers so far. i really fucking hope i can make friends on there. but like. everyone in the editing community is like. 15 or 16. it just sux i used to edit at those ages too but now here i am at 18 (almost 19!) crawling back to the editing community to maybe find even a small glimpse of the happiness it gave me when i was younger. but nothing beat the feeling of dreaming of an edit in ur head all day.... waiting till school got out... running (literally) home to whip ts up on video star before i forgot it and then uploaded it and shared it amongst my little editing friends. and then i'd stay up late until 2 am or so watching and saving other edits i thought were cool. even in quarantine, i found joy in editing. november 2020 was actually the worst year of my life but also the best i miss it so much i miss the plethora of friends i used to have fuck. i miss playing identity v otp all night long with ray, i miss playing genshin in vc and doing stupid shit and farming for artifacts for hours on end with jazzy and tason and ray and gabby. my poor ipad wld overheat and my fingerprints would burn from dragging them across the hot screen but i didnt care . it was fun.

edit im not done i have more things i want to reminisce about .

ive been rewatching rick and morty and keeping up with the new seasons in the same sense that i watched it in middle school and now im crawling back to see if it brings me the same joy. and it does !. for the most part. but since justin got fired rip there's new voice actors. and it's fine honestly i dont care that much im still gna watch it but i hate how everythings changing. 13 year old me cldnt begin to fathom rick and morty losing (one of its) most renowned creator(s). like fuck. he voiced RICK AND MORTY. BOTH. like holy fuck. but its fine i guess the writings still kinda the same and the show is funny and makes me happy. i wish i had someone i cld take with me everywhere like my own little morty . i need friends.

i also miss the essence of boxed fettuchine(???) alfredo while watching r/m or camp camp at gammys house. ts was fire

i miss the roblox theme park tycoon and the chocolate cake we made that day and ate. it was so good.

i miss the lego game my cousin and i wld play. we didnt even do anything my mind just couldnt believe an open map game i haad so much fun just walking around and looking and doing absolutely nothing. and eating reheated pizzahut. and mcdonalds cookies. and funfetti boxed cake.

i miss when i had my phone taken when mom and i stayed at gammys when parents almst got divorced and i used her old iphone 5 she forgot she gave me and i had my little fandom acc on insta with my little mooties and friends and the warmth of gammys house in november fuck i miss it all i miss growing up so much i hate being an adult. i cant fucking have fun sober i dont have friends im alone nearly every single day i dont have friends in college i dont ta\lk to anyone i fucking just show up and leave without removing my earbuds.

and i know its my fsult. i know im the reason why i dont have friends. im the only reason why im like this. i only do it to myself.

im so alone and i just keep fucking regressing to find happiness because there's none here in present day thats for sure !

[freshinthehearse]

I feel alone

 I feel like writing a longform post rather than just getting drunk and/or sad and saying sad things on the TL. 

I’m so fucking alone, I mean that, I don't really have companionship like other people have. I have friends that I care about and that love me, I love them too, but I feel like I cant form connections at all. Everyone will end up leaving me eventually so what's the point. Something that eats at me a lot is Julia leaving me, that was so hard for me, I hated it. I tried so hard to make things work and it fell apart in front of me. It was disheartening, humiliating and it showed me that I cant trust anyone to stay in my life. Even my own mother betrayed and left me. I just don't trust anyone anymore, I know that it sounds cringy  but its just better over all to expect people to disappoint you. Something that I think about a lot is the fact that in that relationship I had a lot of beautiful women vying for my attention but I turned them away because I thought I found someone that I could spend my life with. And in the end she ended up hurting me and then tried to act like my friend after the fact. I wish that I had never met her. But I never get my wishes anyways.

Another thing that really bothers me is the friends that I have, specifically with their relentless inability to talk to me for some reason. People like Jake, Mike, Alex. these people don't give a fuck about me at all. Sometimes I sit down and I think about the fact that not a single one of them reaches out to talk to me. Not one, every time we have talked I have had to do it. I get the same response every time. “ I’ve been so busy blah blah blah” I don't believe that shit especially with Michael. Here we are in summer and I still don't ever fucking talk to him. all he does is go to his boyfriends house and who knows what the fuck else because he never fucking talks to me. It is literally impossible for you to say that for months at times you cant text or call me. Something else that blows me away is that jake will only ever hit me up if he needs something. Let me think for a moment what was the last thing we did together, oh that's right, I helped you when your ex gf was being a antagonist. Lovely, great to see you again brother. And I didn't even bother mentioning Andrew because he never reaches out either even after I tried telling him that I wont be friends with him if he doesn't talk or reach out to me. He said okay texted me for about a week and then never hit me up again. 

Finally i had the lovely news dropped on my lap that there's good chance my dad will be laid off which means that I’m moving with him when he leaves the island so what little I have will be ripped from me and I will never have it again 

I keep trying and I don't want to kill myself but i just don't see anything getting any better. why should I be forced to live in a society that doesn't care for the people that live within it. Our government doesn't care and continues to let people starve and die or go homeless for the sake of profit. If you're lucky you live paycheck to paycheck until you retire with little savings and then die. I genuinely don't believe it to be moral to raise kids in the world we live in today but I wont tell people that because it makes me sound like a dick 

Alright I think I’m done now ill prob link this if I ever kill myself so people can get an idea of where my head is at 

[mardoufox21111]

ha haah aw here i was thinking  iwould continue to have some sort of nice weekend no dont be silly! its me we’re talking about :)

today d and t had great pleasure in laughing about how i cant afford to move out. how im alone and just how stupid i am with money - despite having 50k in the bank did i tell them i have 50 fuck no i said almost 30 ... ... should have said 15. fuck.

now d is ignoring me and striding around the house like a mad woman and i think in my room making a big noise :| :) i um was really considering not signing my contract on friday [this friday coming] what an idiot. i realise now that it’s not an option and i’ll need to sign because it’s a safety net for me at the moment. with that i can walk out at any time and not be worried that i dont have money, i can also do it in the car if i need. im tired i feel so sad for myself. my body is not happy at the moment my anxiety is sky high i want to cry but i cant because the big bad monster is around. cant wait until tomorrow afternoon when she goes to work. tomorrow i wont even come out of that study until she leaves. might start at 7am ugh no thats too early, 830 maybe. makes no difference really. 

gosh im hungry but there is no ham for me to cook eggs benny. too scared to go out in the kitchen and cook for myself becaues meanie bo beanie is romping around. 

did they go do something together? no. so its not just ME it’s YOU.

---

Parents want me to go out with them, I really REALLY do not want to go. So I decided I would stand up for myself for the first time in forever instead of just going along with whatever they want. My parents cant do anything without me which is fucking weird considering im an adult. They clearly do not like each other and im a buffer for that.

Bare in mind they just ripped me apart in laughing at how I can’t afford to move out and slugged me some more insults about how I have no idea about the real world, everyone else is worse off than me, I need to find a partner to financially support me and how the fuck could I have problems or something I want to express - I’m supposed to be a robot remember!? :D 

My nmom suggested some restaurants to go to for lunch and I said I didn’t want to go.

My nmom went on her own stupid rant and then “threatened” me with her usual YOU CAN GO GET YOUR OWN LUNCH THEN (as if it’s something i’m incapable of doing) instead of sitting on the lounge day after day. So why don't we go out?

Me: because I don’t want to.

Her: WHY NOT

Me: with nothing else to really come up with and being put on the spot i couldnt lessen the blow and just said honestly “because I dont want to… go with you” (I am an adult and don’t/shouldn’t have to go with them all the time) 

Her: Come on, I’m trying to help you (now you’d think aw this woman isn’t a mean monster but here we go) WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT (i was legit just looking at her as shes speaking) I worry about you I’m your mother (yeah right) 

Then she went on and i couldn’t keep up typing frantically without her coming over to see what i was doing so i stopped and my cptsd has stopped me from remembering ha ugh sad.

[thompsborn]

going to make a list of my reactions under the cut because i want to. do not press read more unless you want to see spoilers for the end of the main storyline in the game!!

“it’s you and me harry, just like we always wanted” the fact that that’s an actual line is driving me insane and i’m already about to cry and nothing has happened to make me cry yet

if harry dies i’m jumping off a bridge btw

wait how is this going to work?? bc peter is luring harry/venom away and miles is staying to clear the symbiotes and mj is going in to get the meteorite WHO AM I GONNA PLAY AS IS IT GONNA SWITCH BETWEEN ALL THREE ??

OK STARTING WITH MJ GOT IT

mj with a gun is always a win in my book tbh

“just a normal rock…. that can also end the world” that’s the spirit mj u GOT THIS

MJ AGAINST A FUCKING SYMBIOTE BEHEMTOH ARE U KIDDING

help i already died and its been 2 seconds

IM SO SCARED I KEEP PAUSING LMAO

I DID IT AND ONLY FIED ONCE

ok back to venomharry and peter oh god im so afraid i am So afraid

have not died as peter yet but i am pausing because im SAD

ok anyways time to keep going

nvm i died so i paused again to eat some chili and try not to cry bc i am so SCARED that harry is going to DIE i cant handle that !!! i am afraid

but i am finishing this game tonight 100% no matter what so once i finish my chili we’re trucking on no matter the potential heartbreak

i died again

YO WHAT THE THCK

fuckigngnd WINGS??? VENOM HAS WINGS NOW ??? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

THATS TUCKING INSANE LOOKING AND SO COOL BUT ALSO TERRIFYING WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT FUCK IS HAPPENING

ok sorry i forgot to do this but MILES AGAINST VENOM HARRY WAS INSANE and now peter and mj are back and hARRU CAN SEE HIM AND I IMMEDIATELY WANTED TO SOB SO I PAUSED AGAIN TO TRY AND MENTALLY PREPARE MYSELF FUCKING HELL IH GOD

NOO NOT HARRY BEEAKING THROUGH AND TRYING TO ASK VENOM TO LEAVE OETER ALONE OH MY GOD I CANT DO THIS

“FIGHT HARRY FIGHT” “I CANT IM DONE YOU HAVE TO—“ HAROLD OSBORN IF UOU GIVE UP IM GOING TO RIP THE UNIVERSE IN HALF WORH MY BARE FUCKGIN HANDS DONT YOU FUCKGJNG DARE

ok hi i paused again because the fuckgin raw pained desperation in peter’s voice while screaming “HARRY PLEASE” i i i icannot i cannot

“lets heal the world pete together” im gonna scream im in tears i cant do this guys

HEY NO

NO!!! NO!!!! NO PETER JUST SAID I LOVE YOU AND IF THIS IS A GOODBYE I LOVE YOU THEN IM GOING TO ACTUALLY COMMIT A FELONY

HARRY JUST SMILED AND DIDNT SAY IT BACK AND THEN BIOM?? BOOM??? METEORITE BOOM??? IS HARRY OSBORN STILL ALIVE

NO FUCK

MILES SAVE HIM PELASE

PLEASE

MILES PLEASE MILES MILES MILES

OH MY GOD IM SOBBING I FUCKGIFN SOBBING HARRYS ALOVE MILES SAVED HIM HARRY OSBORN IS ALIVE

deadass i have Many Tears On My Face

miles helping peter carry harry to the ambulance bc peter is so fucking hurt and weak i cant

this game is so fucking good

UH FUCK YOU NORMAN FOR YELLING AT PETER “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM” SAVED HIM YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

wait no harry’s in a coma now ??? TRACES OF BRAIN ACTIVITY??? oh hod oh jesus christ

is this how norman’s gonna green goblin himself is he gonna blame spidey while trying to find another cure for harry

THE G-SERUM OH FUCKING CALLED IT

mj !!!! MJ!!!!!!!! THE NEW NORMAL!!! YES BITCH FUCK YES FUCK YEAH MJ FUCK YEAH

omg rio hailey ganke miles peter and mj all at may’s house i i. i. AND PETER DONATING STUFF FROM MAYS HOUSE AND

ok but what about miles’ essay

OH MY GOD NO PETER W THE EMILY-MAY FOUNDATION SET UP IN THE GARAGE IM

i have been nonstop crying for literally actually 15 minutes

HUH???? peter talk to miles abotu what ??

GO BE PETER PARKER FOR AWHILE

the hug ))):

WAIT SO IS PETER TAKING A STEP BACK FROM SPIDER-MAN THEN ???? LIKE IS HE FULLY RETIRING OR JJST TAKING A BREAK??

there has to be more

NOOOO WHAT THATS THE END???

there’s gotta be an end credit scene with that god damn g-serum

WAIT OKAY WHILE THE CREDITS PLAY HERES MY THEORIES FOR THE NEXT (assumedly) GAME:

another couple years timeskip, right? norman has been trying to perfect this g-serum for harry and bc they’re related he has to test it on himself or volunteers bc their relation means testing it on himself will give the best results or some shit like that, and it goblin-ifies him. he blames spider-man for not properly saving harry and green goblin goes after spidey as a result. at this point peter has not done any spidey-ing around since the end of this second game other than consulation stuff with miles to help miles out. miles has been working as new york’s only spider-man. peter has grown emily-may maybe not to a perfected degree but it’s successful and he’s making a living trying to better the world in the ways he always dreamed about with harry prior to the spider bite. on the side he’s been trying to put together his own cure for harry. maybe norman uses the g-serum on harry as well or maybe he doesnt but either way the green goblin(s?) become such an issue that peter has to put the suit back on for the first time in forever to 1. help miles 2. save the city 3. stop norman and 4. hopefully use his own cure to save harry

OK CREDITS ARE OVER

END CREDIT SCENE I KNEW IT WHATS HAPPENING

lol watch the end credit scene completely destroy my theory already

OTTO ??? THE DOC OF OCK????

NORMAN IS ASKING OTTO WHO THE SPIDER MEN ARE

“they ruined my son” NO THEY DIDNT YOU PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PUT THE FUCKING SYMBIOTE TO USE IN THE FIRST PLACE

“GOOD” DAMN OTTO HOLY FUCK

“what are you writing” “the final chapter�� HUH???? oh god no is this gonna lead to another sinister six but with norman oh jesus christ

THAT WAS SO GOOD THIUGH OH NY GOD

ANOTHER SCENE !!! MILES

OH FUCK THATS RIGHT

WHO IS RIO DATING WHO IS IT IS THE GAME GONNA TELL US

Awww hi hailey!! i love her sm

HIS ESSAY!!!

i love them im gonna cry

AWWW BABIES SMOOCHING I LOVE THEM

DOOR KNOCK ????

WHO IS THE GUY

ALBERT ??

DAUGHTER CINDY????????

LIKE CINDY MOON???

idk much about cindy moon to be fair i need to do some research into the comics and start reading more of them BUT LIKE ?? IS IT CINDY MOON?? IT HAS TO BE RIGHT???

holy shit. ok.

im done now and i’ve done basically all of the side quests but im gonna try to platinum the game before going to be but its 8:45 and i wake up at 4:30 so we’ll seeee lmao

ruh roh

[bumpthis]

.

[writers-ex]

so this is gonna be a long one *knuckle crack*

yuna is a disrespectful disgusting perv. /hj r is a volleyball player! (it works ok.) a non-consensual kiss but r tells yuna it’s ok,a lot of groping and dirty-talking, and yuna is basically a stalker, r and yuna hump each other/scissor idk also mentions of: panty stealing, spycams, pussy sniffing and other stuff because yuna is disgusting.🤕

ok so imagine perv!yuna and athlete!r. your just so cute she can’t help being obsessed! you’ve been friends for years and she always had a crush and never wanted to mention it. so it turned into this…stealing your dirty panties, putting cams in your room by putting them in your teddy bears and even sneaking in the bathroom to put up some, squeezing your thighs and looking up your skirt when you bend over + more. one night at one of your games yuna can’t control it anymore. watching you jump, squat, and slide in those shorts wasnt helping either. after the game when nobody’s there she corners you in the locker room, pushes you down on the bench and gives you sloppy, spit and drool filled kiss. “i’m sorry, it’s just that you looked so good out there. i couldn’t control myself.” you can hear it all in her desperate tone. but you don’t know why yuna’s like this. but the kiss made you a little horny, so you could forget it. “i mean…you could just ask next time” she laughs. “oh baby. there’s so much more i wanna do with you then kiss. maybe if you let me i’ll use your body the way i’ve always wanted to.” your flustered at the new pet name, trying to look down at the floor until she pulls your chin up and makes you look in her eyes. “yes or no. i want a answer. now.” she’s scaring you with that look. her eyes only have lust behind them. she’s gripping your chin. “yes…i’ll let you.” you meekly manage to answer her. she immediately starts grabbing all over your body while kissing you, she throws your shirt off and rips off your bra. quickly kissing all over your chest, leaving some marks she starts sucking on your nipple, licking and slobbering all over it while pinching and playing with the other. you can feel her wetness in your thigh with her desperately humping on it. “yuna….fuck….” she looks up at you, with the same look of lust still in your eyes. she stops, scrambling to take your shorts off. “fuck i need to feel your pussy on mine. you’ll let me grind on your pretty pussy and let me cum all over it right?” she asks while looking at the wet spot on your panties. she cant control it. she sniffs. you just smell so good. “fuckk…” she practically buries her nose in your pussy while her eyes slowly close. “wait! n-no! that’s weird!” you try to get her to stop but honestly, you could cum from her nose on your clit alone. “im sorry, i cant stop…your just so….fuck” her eyes cross and she’s practically drooling at this point, mumbling nonsense words into your pussy. your just squirming around with her strong grip on your thighs. she stops and finally moves her hands to take them off. “i know i know baby, your waiting. fuck i cant wait to cum all over your cunt.” she pulls your panties down. “fuck you haven’t shaved.” your embarrassed, turing your head the other way and trying to cover it with your hands. “wait no, it’s actually so sexy. i love girls with pretty hairy pussies.” you slowly put your hands down. she takes her off after and finally positions her pussy right on yours. she starts moving and your both moan loud, she’s grabbing your tits and kissing all over your face and neck. “fuck, you like it? does it feel good when i rub my clit on yours?” she pants. “y-yuna…i think i’m gonna cum.” you moan out. “f-fuck i’m gonna cum to. your pussy feels so good…” her voice gets higher as she reaches her climax, mumbling praises and profanities as she humps faster. “im gonna cum. you to?” she barely manages to moan out “y-yeah!” you both hump all over eachother in heat while you both cum, moaning so loud anyone in the building could hear it. “fuck…” you both say in unison. “but i’m not done yet.” yuna whispers.

- 🫧 (why is it down here😭)

I don’t even know what to say other than thank you for sending this and please accept my simping <3

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

You really are a bitch,you know that?

Fandom:Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings:Akutagawa x Fem!Reader

Genre:Comedy

Format:One Shot

Warnings:Cursing

A/n: ok ok you know that ive only done requests since i first started posting on tumblr,but i needed to do this for myself! i mean bruh i really wanted to do it if it was possible LOL

anyway the reader is not part of the mafia,but shes Gins bestfriend and she has a huge crush on Akutagawa,and Gin is aware of that.(Akutagawa hasnt met the reader,but the reader has seen him for several times and shes obsessed with him lol)

Gin has told the reader that theres a girl in the mafia that has a crush on his brother too,and then she showed her Higuchis picture,and that how the reader knows her.

so once that the reader comes to Gins house (Akutagawas not there) Gin tells her that Higuchis is comming to give her some kinda envelope crao from work.so when the doorbell rings,the reader gets an evil idea to annoy Higuchi.

ok here we go...

"omg i just wanna marry him! isnt he just perfect? ＞︿ <

"Ugh shut up!just stop fucking fangirling over my brother,you idiot" Gin sighed and throw her pillow a you.you were driving her crazy with your huge,stupid crush on her brother.it was even worst than Higuchi!

Honestly,it was weird to her how her brother was so attractive to her female friends!

y/n pretended to wipe her tears of joy while she was holding Akutagawas picture. "just look at him already! god i cant believe you get to see him 24/7! being able to see this beautiful,amazing creature all day long...just,god!"

"ok first of all i dont get to see my brother 24/7 ! were both stuck with work! and second of all,im his sister for gods sake! he seems normal to me"

"what! so whenever you see him you dont want to just rip his damn coat off and ask him to fuck the shit out of you? "

"omg what he fuck!? hes my brother you dumbass! thats so fucking gross!" Gin wanted to hit her friend with anoher pillow again,but the sound of her ringtone didnt let her to. taking a glance at her phone, she grabbed it and looked at y/n with an confused look. "its Higuchi"

"that bitch! what does she want?"

"ill tell you when i answer her call"

"put it on the speaker mode!"

Gin waited for a few seconds,then she answered her colleagues phone call while looking at y/n's concentrated,pissed reaction as she heard Higuchis voice.

"Hi Gin! how are you?"

Gin mumbled and smiled "im fine i guess,how are you?"

then she nearly screamed,cause y/n was pinching her.

Higuchis voice sounded kinda shocked. "what happended? are you ok Gin?"

"i-im fine! my stupid dog just bit me!" Gin said,while slowly punching y/n with an irritated face.

"you have a dog?"

"what do you want Higuchi? im kinda in a rush"

"ok ok.um,boss told to delivere you an envelope that contains details about your next mission...?"

"oh the envelope! yes i was expecting it! im at home right now,lemme send you the address"

"omg Akutagawa senpais addre- i mean,yes,thank you" Higuchi said,before hanging up and leaving the two girls alone.

y/n got off the bed and started shouting at Gin with an angry look in her face. "what is wrong with you? you wanna give him the address so shell come here too see Ryuunosuke whenever she feels like it?"

"excuse me but im not gonna let your stupid fantasies interrupt my work.also,dont worry!my brothers not easy at all"

"what fantasies? and what of she seduces-" suddenly she stopped talking,because she just had the most amazing idea. based on what she heard from Gin,Higuchi wouldnt tell anything about it to Akutagawa,so it was gonna be awesome!

looking back at her friend, y/n strated talking while trying to hide her devilish smile,but Gin was able to see it. "you know what? send her the address and tell her to come here quickly"

"whats on your mind,you crazy weirdo? i dont like the look on your face."

"just do what im telling you to,and everything will be fine"

Gin wasnt really positive about it,but since it was for her work she couldnt really do anything.She sighed and started texting Higuchi the address as she took a glance at her friend and her happy reaction.

"just god help us"

***

the two girls were talking when the doorbell rang.

"i got it! i got it! " y/n almost flied at the door,and before she open it,she started taking her clothes off.

"hey! what are y-" "shhhh! dont let her know youre here" y/n said,while covering her body with a white blanket.she then took a deep breath, and opened the door.

"hiiiii Gin i-"

Higuchi immediatelly froze.seeing an strange,naked girl in her senpais house...could it be that...?

"um,hi,is Gin here?"

"hi.Gin left a while ago.just Ryuu and i are here" y/n said as she smiled at the blonde girls shocked reaction. "do you have something to do with my sister in law?"

"well i-...w-what?sister...in law?..."

"hehe..not officially...but kinda.Ryuu and i dont want others to know yet,but since you seem kinda close to Gin,i dont think its neccesary to keep it from you"

"Ryuu?...Akutagawa senpai?! youre..."

"his wife-to be" y/n just couldnt stop smiling.it was fun!really fun!

"but- how- when- what?how can it be-" "so you wanna delivere her this envelope,right? ill give it to her! i kinda have to go,cause as it looks,Ryuunosuke and i are in the middle of something,you know...hehe. thank you for stopping by!" y/n said,before snapping the envelope out of Higuchis hands,closing the door on her shocked face.

Gin on the otherhand,was even more shocked than Higuchi.she closed her mouth (which was open wide from surprise) and came toward her friend. "you really are a bitch,you know that?"

the young girl gave Gin a smile which was huge because of the victory she had just earned,and held the blanket tightly.

"i know,but im also gonna be Mrs. Akutagawa"

ok ok imagine that it was Akutagawa behind the door instead of Higuchi.he'll be like, bruh what the fuck? and you'll be like, i swear im not a lesbian lmao XDDDD

anyway i know it sucks,but still hope you like it :)

-Ash