#i cannot wake up at all
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only you.
#I still cannot fathom that the jayvik ending we got is real#I'm still convinced I will wake up from a dream#Every tiny thing about it was absolutely perfect#and I applaud everyone who worked on it#so all I really wanted to add was a little kiss#in honour of this incredibly beautiful scene#jayvik intertwined their souls and will now spend eternity together#jesus christ#get a room you two#arcane#arcane fanart#jayvik#jayvik fanart#jayce#viktor#jayce and viktor#my art#fanart
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i think a lot of people are calling viktor’s reaction to waking up changed and then almost immediately leaving for zaun unrealistic and like… yes it would be. for someone whose mind has not been affected by the hexcore. he speaks differently, he hears sky’s voice through its influence, he can no longer feel the cold, or the warmth of jayce’s hug. he walks away from jayce because he can no longer feel the affection that kept them together, and he sees no logical point in remaining when they have no common ground anymore. he might not be a machine externally, exactly, but his mind certainly isn’t human anymore.
#you KNOW he was seeing visions in that coma. he knew exactly where to go and what he was going to do#even before this he had so little self worth. he saw himself as only being worth as much as his inventions.#he never saw himself as someone worthy of love; he barely saw himself as anyone at all#the only person he KNOWS saw him as more than that is dead and it’s his fault#and waking up and finding out what jayce has done only cements the fact he cannot trust jayce to do what he himself thinks is right#there’s no way he could stay with jayce and do what he needs to do to help the zaunites. at least in his mind anyway#sighhhh. anyway i will probably have to write fic about this tomorrow lmaooo#arcane#jayvik#arcane s2 spoilers#p
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Therapy: going for a bike ride when it’s pitch black dark outside. Through the meadows and rural areas
#i am so so so tired today#my head is foggy#i cannot wake up at all#and didnt do anything i just watched the hours pass bu#by*#what a shame and what a miserable life as Kafka would say
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she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let
and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment
and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.
and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment
and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?
to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.
and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.
you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.
#this btw is not including toxic friendships this is legit just something ive experienced MANY times now#writeblr#you ever have a friend in one of those relationships where ur like#u don't HATE their partner explicitly#but ur like. what the fuck y'all#like the weird part of being an adult is that you can't be like . CERTAIN their relationship is toxic#and also if u move too fast or push too hard u can hurt someone who is already in a scary situation so you just are like#frozen there. laughing awkwardly. saying ''haha..... yeah..... couldn't be me....''#and like u can't tell - is this banter or does he actually think like. he's better than her.#all you can do is be there for your friend and hope they wake up to it#or ... that it really IS good#and it's just odd to you#tbh btw id rather have my friends feel safe coming to me if they have a concern about my relationship#like yes it's not ur business but it also IS bc im making u hang out with them and also ur my friend#it's a weird thing to experience as an adult bc it is such a blurry line and when u spend time#around couples that aren't like ACTUALLY ur friends but instead ''extended friend circle'' ur like#.... i don't know y'all well enough and he just called you a cow. and ur okay with that . and i don't know how to respond.#so ur like :) okay. um. go to couple's counselling i think#but also you are NOT supposed to pass judgement so it's like.... this weird limbo of feeling like you SHOULD say something#but knowing you CANNOT#idk that there's a way to resolve it!!!!!!!! it's probably a different approach person to person#edited my tags bc tumblr's new system fucked em up#PS EDIT: btw i should have said:#the pronouns in this can work in any and every direction. every gender and every sexuality and every#type of relationship tbh. even non-romantic relationships where ur like ''what do u mean ur bff calls u stupid''
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HAPPY APRIL 1st, i wrote a fic about the suez canal fiasco bc it's still the funniest thing that's ever happened. synopsis is "grumpy gods from different mythologies argue over whose job it is to unstick the goddamn boat"
#you cannot. you cannot imagine. your imagination cannot ENCAPSULATE#the immense BREADTH of my disappointment when the Ever Given got unstuck on March 29th#just DAYS SHORT OF APRIL FOOL'S DAY#can you imagine. can you flipping. ENVISION. what that human experience would have been like?#to wake up April 1st and see the entire news cycle saying the boat has been unstuck and having to fact check the hell out of it???#and spending ALL DAY WONDERING?????#because you THINK you know. you're almost CERTAIN you know......but WHAT IF?????????#that's the timeline i belonged in i was ROBBED
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tfone au where OP is created as the last of the primes but way after them, a sparkling born at what were thought to be the last days of the war against the quintessons, the beginning of a new generation of peace after eons of war. a child meant to be loved and raised knowing nothing of war nor sacrifice.
he's kept mostly out of the spotlight by his siblings, who don't wish to expose him to everyone's optics so young, and want to wait until the war is done and over to properly introduce him to their people.
except of course the primes are betrayed and murdered by sentinel, the war is lost and everyone who knows and cared for the truth is either banished or outright killed in order to suppress it.
and the high guard, the ones the primes trusted the most, the ones that were supposed to protect them, the ones who failed in their most important duty, have to make a choice. to take the last prime, their last hope, with them to the surface, a hostile environment where there's little to no supplies and where they'll be hunted down by both sentinel and the quintessons as the biggest threat to their regimen.
or hide him in plain sight. place him where sentinel won't think to look for him. one more sparkling among many. and hope it will be enough to keep him alive. pray to primus that he'll protect his last child long enough for them to come back for him when it's safer (even if most of them have already lost their faith on him when he allowed the rest of his children to be massacred like that)
they almost lose their resolve when they realize they will have to take the little one's cog away in order to make him blend in with the rest of the newborns (and oh do they burn with murderous intent when they see what sentinel has done to their people but it's not the time yet-) but in the end they decide an impaired little prime is better than a dead one.
and so in the chaos of thirteen dead primes and a sudden energon crisis, a little sparkling who very few mechs really knew about and even fewer had seen completely vanishes. and in the depths of iacon a mech in charge of a new batch of newborns scratches their helm in confusion as they realize they must have miscounted the first time.
optimus prime is quietly erased from any official records by sentinel, written off as dead when they find a sparkling's frame mangled beyond recognition after an attack on the base of those rebels that insist on being a thorn on his side. killing the sparkling hadn't been precisely in his plans, he probably could've found some use for it after all, but he's not particularly upset about it either.
and orion pax grows up with an ache on his spark that tells him he's missing something far more important than a t-cog and dreams of gentle and loving hands, cradling him against the frames of mechs he cannot recall the faces of.
#i talk a lot <3#transformers#transformers one#tfone#optimus prime#orion pax#baby prime orion au#this is mostly an excuse for me to draw the primes and baby OP later on. just to be clear.#i WILL be drawing this at some point lmao#tbh i'm a little uncertain how i want things to progress#because on one hand it would be very tasty and tense if sentinel recognized optimus during the race#but that means a lot of changes very early on in the plot and i would have to do a lot of Thinking on how to justify getting the gang#to still pick up bee and elita. cause i love them <3#i do think it'd be very funny if the high guard's plan worked like a charm except for the very tiny fact that they didn't count#on orion being an absolute hellion. like. this kid is Not Going Unnoticed and it's completely his own fault lmao#in this version maybe a member of the high guard stayed behind to keep an eye on orion and is able to get them out before they're killed#but instead of taking them to where the primes fell they take them directly to the high guard#which is very awkward because it's a very moving and emotional moment for the high guard who are finally reunited with their little prime#all grown up and healthy and blessedly *alive*. except orion doesn't fucking remember any of them and is very confused as to why#the legendary warriors of cybertron are getting all weepy over him. they finally explain the truth to him which is a Fucking Bomb#to drop on anyone but especially a group of kids who almost got killed by the person they all thought the world of just hours ago#they also return orion's t-cog to him which would create some tension between him and the rest of the gang because this time#he's the only one getting his cog back. add to it that they were just told he's the equivalent of a demi-god and... well.#there's a gap between him and them that wasn't there before#on the other version of events that follows canon more closely everything goes the same up until the gang finds the primes in the cave#and wake up alpha trion who now not only has to deal with the fact the rest of his siblings are dead but that he missed fifty cycles#of his baby brother's life. that the only sibling he has left does not remember him or his true identity at all.#he has to choose between telling him the truth which has the risk of unbalancing him in a critical moment where he cannot afford to#be distracted because they're being hunted down. or let him remain unaware. let him forget their family and the love they had for him#but letting him remain free of the knowledge of what he lost and the heartbreak it would bring.
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"oh i love frankenstein! my favorite quote from the novel is i have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine-" grabs you by the throat and chokes you violently
#frankenstein#like. did you even read the book!!!!!#that damn quote is not in the novel#there is a similar quote that's much simpler: “if i cannot inspire love i will cause fear”#from creech's giant monologue i think#but the specific quote everyone references is from KENNETH BRANAGH'S FUCKASS MOVIE#he's a blight on the classic literature community#everything he touches dies#this also pisses me off because there are so many other wonderful quotes from the novel#but they all get overshadowed from this one fucking line that doesn't even exist in the novel#“but i am a blasted tree; the bolt has entered my soul”#“you are my creator but i am your master; obey!”#“man how ignorant art thou in thy pride of wisdom”#“be men or be more than men. be steady to your purposes and as firm as a rock”#“i am particularly industrious... but besides this there is a love for the marvellous”#wake up sheeple
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cuddle ball
#sonadow#its a small sketch but its honest work#i missed them...#want them being all cute and silly#the warm and gentle intimacy of cuddling....#i want them to become a ball the way they do for a spindash except they're both together in one single ball#waking up in each others arms with an affectionate but embarrassed shadow and a happy giggly sonic#ooc? i don't know her#this is my house they are gay and silly behind closed curtains and doors#my art#i say all this but. actually this sketch is a tad edited from its original form and i did miss a bit of shadows arm that i erased there....#that hes propping himself up with but you didnt see that#i cannot be bothered to erase it now
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I want to say something. Want to tease them, want to ask if they really mean it, want to know if something has changed between us—but I don't. Instead, I turn off my phone. It'll open to the texts when I turn it on again. I'll deal with it later.
do you ever read an update so insanely good that you have to run for your tablet !!!!! GO PLAY @evertidings !!!!!!!
#in other news. the tumblr new post has become unusable and this took insanely long to format#im hoping it looks okay#wei li-agonios#when twilight strikes#wts#my art#blane rekner#nikolas alves#adair devereux#i had a bit of catching up to do after like. months of not being to play anything at all#dear god the devereux-rekner beef is so funny when the hunter and alves are trailing behind them-#-apologising in their wake. i love them dearly#long post#is this a little cluttered. a little messy. yeas. but im chipping away at doing art for myself again#art school cannot be worth this
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red lighting in alan wake 2
#i love u red lighting. thank u red lighting.#also ik dozens of people have taken photos of room 666 but i really liked how the number shines with the light behind it#most of these are just edited scenes from in-game but for a few of them sources of light were added in by me. i adore this games photo mode#sorry for no photos from saga's side of the story i just get way more immersed playing her side and get caught up in the casual beauty#whereas playing alans side its like every frame is a photo waiting to be taken just because they really go all in on the art direction#despite how many photos i have of alans side i think i kind of like sagas more . i just cannot deny the dark place is very photogenic#alan wake#alan wake 2#aw2#aw2 photo mode#aw2photography#mine
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insane how people act like charles is ‘the jealous one’ like edwin didnt spend the whole first episode screaming crying throwing up every time charles looked at crystal and not him
#obv its deeper than that#like after 30 years of almost always taking edwins side on everything#he suddenly leaves WITH SOME RANDOM GIRL while saying he has a poor attitude and hes like? do i? yeah bc the living suck right? right?#and he decides to stay annoyed when they come back bc he LEFT him ugh. for a GIRL. like they’re actually still teens in school#so he really really hopes this is a passing fancy. like a pet or something. a wounded bird that we CANNOT KEEP#and when charles points out that it is in fact jealousy (which by charles time is not at all couple exclusive) it literally takes him aback.#bro said ‘jealous?’ so breathlessly like cmon. but b4 he could let that sink in crystal wakes up so he lets it go#probably had a whole internal convo where he reconciled being able to be friend-jealous and then kicked it up. like really up#‘maybe its your outfit’ and ‘also we are punishing you’ and ‘are you ready to talk to her shoes’#‘you spoke to a demon in this friendly malt shop’ and ‘oh you love this dont you’ and ‘saved you one time and now you wont leave either’#like yes he IS jealous and yes he WILL make it everyone’s problem on purpose#do i even have to pull out ‘of course you fell for a living girl’ (looks at him through his lashes) help him#90 percent of these are from the FIRST EPISODE okay#episode 1 edwin is THE cattiest bitch so it tracks that the cat king wants him#point is they are both insanely jealous ok#dbda#dead boy detectives#payneland#paineland#bumblysdumbly
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I just had the worst nightmare I've had in over a decade and in retrospect it was kind of like a bunch of mean bored dead people tormenting me about my miseries while I was trapped in some sort of car park. like a gang of rogue beetlejuices who didn't have anything better to do. fuck off
#one thing that I don't care for about my sleep disorder is that all of my dreams are extremely vivid and also#usually I am aware that I am dreaming in most of them#but I constantly get trapped in false awakenings like a whole series of them a big chain#which genuinely is like being tormented by demons.#I can be philosophical about a lot of it but I cannot be philosophical about being aware that I'm sleeping and wanting to wake up#and being prevented from doing so. by a bunch of horrible. comic relief demon creatures.#I'M SO MAD
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I cannot express how mad I am about this. Finally, FINALLY, we were getting something new from Star Wars and then they cancel it just because it wasn’t made for cishet white men. Like, not only are they canceling a very good show, but they are also discouraging anyone from ever stepping outside of the Hero’s Journey ever again and telling so many Star Wars fans that the franchise isn’t for them and white men are the only people they care about. I honestly do not know how long Star Wars can feasibly go without doing something new. The Acolyte could have been a springboard into a better era of Star Wars, but Disney decided they wanted to stay in the 1970’s with George Lucas. For the sake of wrapping up the story I hope they will give it a few specials like they did with the Owl House if not a full renewal.
I love Star Wars so much and the Acolyte was such a promising sign that the franchise would grow and evolve that I forgot Disney was holding its reigns.
#star wars the acolyte#the acolyte spoilers#star wars#Disney being Disney (derogatory)#this is why we can't have nice things#justice for the acolyte#I cannot tell you how much I want to wake up and for this to all be a nightmare#please I’m begging Lucasfilm to grow a pair and make a bold new choice for once#they can’t just leave Mae and Osha apart they deserve a happy ending#seriously I don’t get how the Mandalorian got three seasons but the Acolyte can’t get a second#the acolyte was my favorite Star Wars show#they can’t keep getting away with this
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*launches a care package into space for cal kestis specifically*
#jedi survivor#star wars#cal kestis#bd-1#beedee doodles#bright eyed and fluffy haired#every day i wake up and choose HAPPINESS AS MY CANON#okay this is my post so it's time to rant in the tags#the wanderer jacket is THE BEST ofc#but god i cannot find any pants i'm 100% happy with to pair with it OTL#the BELTS DON'T MATCH#the BOOTS DON'T MATCH#it's like the glamour system in xiv all over again#where things aaaaaaaaaalmost match but the buckles are silver and gold or the leather straps are a few shades off from each other#i was only put here to suffer#cal my honey bunches of oats i'm sorry i didn't want to shell out 20 bucks for the deluxe edition so you'd have nice pants#dapanda draw proper backgrounds challenge (impossible)
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#Vegebul#vegeta x bulma#vegebul fanart#dbz fanart#Vegeta#bulma briefs#prince vegeta#otp#another day another Vegebul sketch#i physically cannot stop drawing or writing about these two#WIP#this is one that has been in my head for years#based off of a scene in my AO3 fic endeavor when Vegeta wakes up and realizes that he and Bulma fell asleep like this#and he is both horrified and somehow accepting of it all at once#7 year gap#I’m excited for the challenge of coloring this in at some point
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You guys may think Jack is just saying that to flirt but it is genuinely so easy for him to carry Nana around. She is light to him, let me tell ya'.
#i drew this before taking my daily nap so i cannot wait to wake up and see all the mistakes in it later#jack#nana#my art
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