#i cannot say.. how excite i am
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An eclectic little birthday haul (sponsored by my mom <3)
#bec posts#from Instagram#books#booklr#bookblr#book haul#book photography#Cahokia jazz#being heroes being villains#catelyn Winona#the bone harp#Victoria Goddard#braiding sweetgrass#84 charing cross road#Cahokia jazz is possibly my fave book I’ve read so far this year#yes it’s damaged I borrowed it long enough for pictures but it’s getting replaced#Catelyn is on tumblr as caffeine-witchcraft and you’ve absolutely read some of her contributions to the tumblr folklore genre#Victoria!!! I still have to read this and am excited to read something non-nine worlds#I had no idea until I unwrapped it if I was going to get the special oops-no spine title edition or not lol#I need to reread braiding sweetgrass and wanted a copy#you have NO idea how long I spent trying to figure out what edition of 84 charing cross I wanted lmao#I wanted one with a picture of the bookshop on the cover but I also wanted Duchess of Bloomsbury street and could cannot find a matching se#eventually figured out there’s some copies that stealthily have BOTH but don’t say so lol sob#did some sleuthing and settled on this one#book photo
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i am trying so so so hard to wait and watch nimona with my friends but i keep seeing gifs and. idk if i can willingly let myself cry that hard in front of other people
#nimona is like. like words can’t describe how formative that comic was to me.#i found it in my local fucking library when i was like. maybe 12 years old. and it is the thing that made me start writing seriously.#it made me realize that my art could tell stories. that i could say what i wanted to say using the thing i loved doing so much#it was one of the first queer stories i ever read and loved.#dear god i am going to cry so hard. from the opening of the movie i know i am going to be in tears#nate stevenson words cannot describe what your art has done for me. i am so so so excited to see this movie#anyways 😁 when i finally release my own comics i hope they are able to do for someone else what nimona did for me fr#personal
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TAKE ME BEOMGYU WHAT THE FUCK I VOLUNTEER PLEASE ??!! LETS GO ON A VINYL STORE DATE ☹️‼️💗💗🤞
Also his adams apple wtf he looks so good crying why’s he so cute fine his hair looks so floofy
#ive been saying this as a date idea w beomgyu forever TAKE ME OUT BEOMGYU 😍😍#I LOVE HIM#not them clicking and whistling lmfao#HUENING KAI LMAO#I cannot whistle 😪💔#not them saying the concept photos are no joke…#I’m genuienly scared#ONE OF THEM LOOK THEY WERE SHIRTLESS#also beomgyu saying this might be his favourite album since debut#guys you actually don’t understand how excited I am like I KNOW THIS ALBUM IS GOING TO BE MAD CRAZY#THEY WAY THEYRE HYPING IT UP LIKE NO TOHER ONE LIKE THIS ALBUM IS GONNA BE SO FUCKING GOOD OMG IM SO EXCITEDDHDNFJ
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if anyone was wondering, i’m currently reading published RPF about F. Scott Fitzgerald for *checks notes* my job, so that’s how my life is going.
#i’m not getting PAID to do it unfortunately#but i am getting an absolutely insane emotional experience#and i’m only three chapters in so i’m sure there’s plenty more excitement to come!#the author CANNOT write dialogue for shit… he cannot emulate how real people speak and puts exposition dumps IN the dialogue#and his descriptions are clunky and could have used some more polishing#he’s not great at showing instead of telling#or like. he IS - but he’ll show and then IMMEDIATELY tell#which is just SO disrespectful to the audience imo#and/or the sign of a lack of confidence in the writer#so bad either way#and literally the reason i was annoyed about that one movie earlier#so like. 🤷🤷#at least the movie had better dialogue#but i think that’s mainly because [redacted] just says whatever the fuck he wants#i know this because i do programs the same way - i can spot a fellow vibes-based speaker easily#it’s good but also MASSIVELY distracting because it reminds me of myself so i get self-conscious 😂😂
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Ohmglygoood I had no idea my Halsin art took off so quickly, I've been greeted with such a wonderful landslide of notes, reblogs and likes for me to absorb, I'm so happy thankyou everybody
#i couldent sleep last night because i was so excited to post him#and its like waking up to a beautiful sunrise of praise and unholy shrieking of cutness#i cannot express how just like brimming with happiness i am from you all saying such wonderful things
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just a reminder for black friday, please be kind to everyone you come across.
do not yell at them. do not berate them. do not blame them.
remember that most of these workers are paid minimum wage and they are doing the best they can, under the pressure of you shopping for gifts. if something is not in stock, it is not their fault. if something cannot be ordered, it is not their fault.
none of them get paid enough to deal with you yelling at them and berating them for something that is not their fault.
be kind to every worker you come across tomorrow, whether you're out shopping, going out to eat, or going to an attraction.
love, your friendly neighborhood, former, retail worker.
#just saying#this is my first time NOT working a black friday and i cannot tell you how excited i am to NOT be working#i'm very excited to NOT add terrible customer stories to my already long list
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hey just a reminder that sometimes you have to accept that you’re going to have to have feelings without a filter, and you’re going to have to tell people that you care about them, and you’re going to have to start saying i love you. if you want affection and love and adoration you cannot close yourself off forever and ever. keep up your walls as you must to protect yourself but not forever. and if you feel like you can’t ever let them down then i’m sorry. i hope you find someone that makes you feel safe enough to start saying and feeling these things.
#lolaa.txt#little thing about emotions.#i’m not affectionate. not really.#im a deflector and i laugh off affection and love a lot#and all it has ever done for me is push away people who want to help me so so badly.#and it’s a slow change. slowwwww. the tiniest steps .#and i go back so often.#today my boyfriend said he missed me and that i was pretty when i woke up and i told him i was going to never speak to him again#because i cannot accept these things and it so so hard to say that i appreciate it#but i know i know he needs to hear it and he needs to feel appreciated yknow?#and im working on it im trying so hard#especially when you have been fucked over for saying your feelings in the past. it’s hard. it’s so hard. and i’m sorry#just. tell your friends you love them. tell people when you’re excited or happy.#smile when you get to do fun things. laugh at jokes! scream and yell and cry and hit things and grin and be out there#numbness will not fix what problems you have. it won’t.#it’s comfortable but you can’t have love without discomfort sometimes#sorry about all this i’m just . i’m having a bad day and it’s really hard today to be open to everyone#so this is my try#i am upset. and i miss my friends. and i love my mom and i am also mad at her because i am frustrated with the world right now.#and i am tired but because its tiring to force myself to exist and feel#i need to relearn how to be a child about it#and that’s okay#that’s all ; sorry for the long tags. thank you for being here
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I'm 26 today!! 🥳🎂🎉🎈
#and I almost cried abt it lmfao#not really my age but I was joking that I wasn't supposed to live past 18 and for some reason it hurt me so bad saying that#so I was laughing but then I was tearing up and I couldn't tell what I was crying abt lmao#but we good now#my mom got me tickets to see the Hadestown tour at the beach next month!! I'm so fucking excited abt that#like I cannot explain just how excited I am to see it in person live. myself. in the flesh#one little thing to keep living for
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"you'll be fine at school you just need to answer people when they talk to you!" yeah sorry its always my fault somehow isn't it
#mole talks#i do answer people#if i dont answer somebody then that means:#a) they did not make it clear they were talking to me#b) they were being mean towards me#c) i could not physically answer them at the time#d) they never fucking talked to me in the first place#and honestly. most of the time its reason D. most of the time people don't say ANYTHING to me and then expect me to answer them#like i'm some sort of mind reader#hahaha i'm so excited to go back to a school where nobody respects what i am#i'm so excited to be called the R slur! i'm so excited to lock myself in a bathroom stall and cut myself! i love school!#i'm so excited to not be able to hear a word the teacher says because all of my classmates won't stop talking#seriously how can i understand anything if i can't hear it being explained to me#and when i ask for help nothing changes#oh thats another thing. so excited to see the school counseller#and just lie to her#i don't evem want to lie to her. oh my fucking god dude#school is a good concept. i love to learn and i want to learn#but i just cannot do this#theres no way#why does it have to be like this#:[#i just need to draw gay cats and listen to music#that will cure me
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(smiling evilly) i have plans for october that you will all be pleased with
#you cannot imagine how fucking happy i was to see that selfcest is a prompt this year. and medical play omg#and my favs are coming back but i won’t tell u which ones they are. it’s a surprise.#and monsterfucking on my birthday too. i am so pleased#and omg we have feederism 🥺🥺#there’s so many good things omg i’m so excited. i’m gonna finish near’s bday stuff and after that. i’m going full-on kinktober#mode and nobody can stop me. i can’t remember how many days i got last year (wait just checked my folder i did like 20ish) but this#year. well i was going to say i wanted to do every day but i actually don’t think i’ll be able to but i will fucking try#i’m probably gonna want to double up some days bc some of those. some of those days are like all my favorite things#like day 10 and 20 and 29 are all perfect days i don’t think i could choose just one prompt#everyone say thank you evan twinknote for running dnkinktober aka the highlight of my year
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@walleeli posting this as a little treat for u to see whenever ur Friendpilled Visitmaxxed plane lands
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i did not survive the bloomfes meiko untrained incident
#OUR HAPPY ENDING TOO. COLOPALE DO YOU WANT ME DEAD TOO.#i'm so excited for bloomfes untraineds tbf more than for the traineds#BECAUSE IT MEANS LITTLE WXS REVISITING THEIR MEMORIES (PROBABLY)#AND I AM NOT SANE ABOUT IT#how i look sitting there knowing that since tsukasa got his colorfes last i'll probably wait a long time before he gets it but#hopefully not.... 🫶🫶🫶#ri says the less serious things. the tag#i'm working on more serious posts i promise. it's just so hot in here. i feel my brain melting. i cannot think.#wait no after a moment of thinking it might actually be fes emu story which is even worse.#but the first look at the clothes got me thinking oh it's our happy ending#well i mean meiko was featured in both of them so.#either way ksjwjssj emu otori stop being like that... stop...
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help I can't stop thinking about furniture. it's keeping me from thinking about the other way more important things I need to be thinking about (Jenkins, Dan Fielding, etc.)
#I could have just said John Larroquette but. I didn't#but anyway kitchens are expensive furniture is expensive paint is expensive#if we were rich I would be having the best time of my life. I'd love moving to a new place.#I'm having the best time playing with my 3d model of the apartment like it's a doll house#BUT actually buying things in real life is hell and it makes me so sad#god. imagine all the furniture I could assemble if I had money... sigh#trying to think about my guys to fall asleep but the furniture won't let me. ugh. I love furniture so much.#I know we're going to ikea next week and it's so bad how stupidly excited I am about it#ikea was probably my first hyperfixation as a kid and I haven't liked anything else for this long (it's been like. 27 years lol)#I cannot be normal about it#I will get to build shelves. and put things in shelves. organise things. build our wardrobe (for the third time in three years)#whenever we buy the kitchen I'll get to build most of that and then organise it too#I'm soooo excited!! and this time I'm only like... slightly chronically ill! and I won't have two surgeries right after we move (I hope....)#so maybe I'll have enough energy that it won't be awful this time!#anyway#need to sleep it's 6:30 and I'm so tired but my brain won't shut up#also my cat. he is yelling at me. I don't know what he's trying to say but he's very upset apparently#personal
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eugh not a fan of my ex boyfriend excitedly going to tell our group that he has a crush on someone
#i so desperately need to know who it is so i have more information to be desperately insecure about#just me rambling again#being actively in a friend group with your ex where many of your friends will avidly flirt back and forth with him also isn't. the most fun#especially bc the main 2 friends that flirt back and fourth with him are the two that know the most about how#badly the relationship fucked me up#so. fun :]#it makes me incredibly uncomfortable but also our group has a very flirtatious energy so i have no right to be#i just have to get over it i am making this post so that i dont say anything because that would be bitchy#also i literally cannot say anything about the main part of this post bothering me bc i literally have told the group i have a crush#but alsooooo i need my ex boyfriend to tell me who he likes immediately so that i can turn around and violently compare myself#and like take note of all the ways that they're more interesting than me#y'know#but like we're friends obviously he has full right to?? tell us Abt a life update he's excited about#hence... tumblr dot com vent post so i don't become a bitch in person and i can continue to ignore any negative feelings i have
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find the word challenge
rules: share snippets of your work containing each of the words the previous poster selected for you (optional addition: if you can't find the word in your WIPs, or you simply don't have any WIPs, you can just write a sentence around the word)
thanks @the-likesofus for the tag!! very excited to see how many of these words I've used...
my words are: quiet, hold, cover, first, together, and small. unsurprisingly, my fake dating au (currently sitting at almost 30k words like it has been for the past few months...) has all of these words multiple times lol <3
quiet
Buck’s phone rings, and he pulls it out of his pocket, his hands shaking when he reads Bobby’s contact name. He answers before he can even register it. “Pops?” His voice is quiet and terrified.
hold
Hearing footsteps from his spot on the couch, Buck tenses as Nathan comes up the stairs. It’s been so long, but Buck can still recognize the man’s footfalls. He lets out a breath he’d been subconsciously holding when Nathan finally appears and moves towards one of the armchairs across from him instead of the couch.
cover
“Jurassic Park!” Chris yells, and Buck has to cover his ears against the sound, the kid’s excitement causing him to be louder than usual. “Please, Dad, I know it’s kind of scary, but they just put it back on Netflix, and I’ve seen it before! Plus, I’m ten now, I won’t have nightmares!”
first
“I don’t want you to get hurt again,” Eddie says, meeting Buck’s gaze. His eyes are soft and despite his words, they shine with support, and Buck thinks—not for the first time—how lucky he is to have a best friend like Eddie.
together
Nathan’s study abroad had been nearly over when Buck brought up the idea of him going to Los Angeles to fight fires and help people. Nate had just nodded before taking Buck’s hand and kissing him, saying he’d buy the plane tickets in the morning. Buck had assumed they’d be going back together to be together.
small
Eddie glares at Chim when he insists on playing with the station’s small Hildy gadget that they keep in the kitchen. They mostly use it to play music, but Chimney takes the opportunity to ask her a bunch of questions throughout the day and only stops when Eddie threatens to run her over with a fire truck after Chimney starts asking her questions about the 118 themselves.
words for people I tag: home, care, love, make, and dream
no pressure tagging @mooshkat @jacksadventuresinwriting @ty-in-bedlam @lilbuddie <3
#so many of these were JUICYYYY#but i said lets be mysterious for once#and then i actually succeeded in not giving yall the juiciest tidbits? for once?#the snippet for 'hold' is so rough but like. we'll get there#i've decided to re-read all of my fake dating fic because OOOH BOY did I forget the vibes of the last chapter i've written#it is SPICY yall (not in the smut way)#asdgdsh tbh i feel evil giving you pieces of buck/nathan (an omc) and barely any buddie >:)#also jurassic park my beloved!!#it is my go-to when it comes to a movie to put in a fic tbh....like#it's my favorite and i am convinced chris would love it once buck convinced eddie to let them watch it together <3#omg new headcanon just dropped buck and chris read jurassic park 'together' when chris is a teenager#not together together but like at the same time#when chris finally puts his foot down and says no more bedtime stories buck gets sad and so they come up with a new thing#aka buckley-diaz book club and i am SO writing that fic#holy shit i'm so excited it's gonna be so cuuuute#anywayyy i was looking through all my uses of 'cover' and didn't have to read past the jurassic park mention soooo love that lol#seriously though i cannot wait to edit this fic after i finish re-writing the earlier chapter i've been working on#i forgot how much i love editing my own work since i have most recently been working on a lot of lil projects that require little revision#but it's so fun! i truly am an editor at heart hehe <3#i am going to 1) try to read it like I would someone else's work (which is impossible but like. we can try)#2) stop thinking about the big picture and focus on line edits and perfecting what i've already edited and had betaed#3) read it and edit like a motherfucking poet#this fic is gonna be so gorgeous i stg#she's got good bones now she just needs a decorator#and yk the last 60-ish percent of it lol#mine#wip#find the word challenge#tag game
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im being so serious besties i am not cut out for academia
#like yes i know ive had a very uniquely shit experience in doing a degree i actively not only hate but also am BAD AT#but also i just. cannot hack it#'but hella you go mental and pessimistic every single exam period' i know that but. im right also#like the other day i said to my mum how much ive just been enjoying my job recently#and how huge a deal that is bc i HATE my hometown and ive never ever considered my time here as possibly being good#and my 20s will hopefully be a lot of travelling but in between that to save easier im gonna live at home#so i dont have to worry about rent so alas that means when im saving up for my next trip I WILL BE IN MY HOMETOWN#and as excited as i am for my twenties that is one huge downside to me but i was really cheerfully saying to my mum#that literally for the first time ever ive considered it might not be too bad bc lately i have just enjoyed my job#like i enjoy the people and the work and the lifestyle of it and while it's never gonna be ideal as a means to an end it's actually good#and instead of focussing on that she went OFF on one about how she wants me to stay in education and keep getting qualifications#and she was like 'you could do an english degree you've always wanted to do english or how about open university-'#and i was just sat there blinking at her like girl.... no#like i could FEEL myself shutting down like the terror of having to return to this environment when ive got my sight so set#on that 'one more year and im done one more year and im done' mindset like that has been the only thing getting my through#is that im halfway through the course now so im closer to the other end than i am the beginning and if i can just push through#ill be free from it for the rest of my life. so the thought of immediately returning to academia even for a subject i adore? i felt ILL#and my mum apologised the next day without me even having to say anything bc she realised she kinda bulldozed me there#but i just know whether it's the adhd or ive actually been traumatised by this econ degree#(<- and im being serious there like ik 'traumatised' is a big loaded word but idk what else to use#and this degree has done so so much damage to me like it has convinced me that i am fundamentally a stupid person#to the point i refuse to add up bills when with friends or do answer any sort of intellectual question even if i KNOW i know the answer#bc ive just gone so so long of being bad at the only subject im studying like just SURROUNDED by it and being bad at it relentlessly#and i dont think people realise how damaging it is to very simply just... feel stupid all the time. but oh my god i used to be so confident#and bright and now i wont even do basic addition in front of people)#i really truly dont think i can do this again in any capacity. like the constant exams and studying and assignments#i just cant do it. maybe i just need a year or two away from it after this degree but my goddddd rn i cant see it#yes it's exam time for me can u tell. it always makes me existential and on the verge of vomiting at any given moment#i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here i dont care about iterated deletion of strictly dominated strategies shut the fuck up#hella goes to uni
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