#but i am getting an absolutely insane emotional experience

[birdsandbeetlesandmoths]

So. Sonic 3. That was. certainly. hoo boy *collapses to the sound of a metal pipe falling*

Spoilers and thoughts under cut (LONG POST)

Well, my pre-movie post was SO WRONG. I think most stobotnik fans were, thinking that Stone would be the one dying. I- truly wasn’t expecting it.

I’ll get back to that in a second, let me get all of my silly things out of the way/the things i was hype about/had to crush my partner and friend’s hands about while witnessing.

The antics between Gerald and Ivo were expected but oh my GOD JIM CARREY. you are a national treasure, have fun in retirement. we will miss you greatly, but this being your final movie (probably) is a great thing to culminate your absolutely stunning career.

Anyway, their dance sequence was fucking insane, and as much as I was cringing, I was grinning through it too. The fight on the Eclipse cannon was also questionable BUT HOLY FUCK NOW I GET THE PRAYING MANTIS/FLY REFERENCE. (Thank god it wasn’t directly about stone and robotnik but i’m already cooking how i can connect them). Spanking? Also in my Sonic movie. But yeah.

Gerald and Ivo could never be more alike in intellect, but different in morals. Evident through Gerald’s fixation on avenging his daughter with no remorse or thought for whoever will get in the way, throwing away Ivo and the whole of the world as a result). He’s willing to kill himself, but as Shadow says and believes, that isn’t what Maria would have wanted.

I used to not like the Wachowskis. I was already a little unsettled when the first movie released by the fact that characters unrelated to previous Sonic media were being utilized as major plot elements, but during the second and third movies, I began to absolutely love them.

This third movie cemented that love. The father-son relationship between Tom and Sonic specifically. My heart was aching in the first scene at their little campsite, Happy BEarthday, and their heart-to-heart in Sonic’s old cave, talking about Choice (an analysis incoming) and that you always have a choice, and that your lungs (heart) will help you find the right one.

I think this movie might’ve done. One of the best jobs of displaying found family. The sibling relationship between Tails, Knuckles, and Sonic was the most heartrendingly beautiful and achingly real thing I’ve seen in a while. And it really hits you, the fact that they’re kids.

And the amount of silly little jokes, Tails having his gadgetry and Knuckles with his blunt personality, Sonic tying them all together with his wit and charm, it all became slightly surreal to see. To see something so happy, so delicately real.

Oh my god, on the trio, Knuckles saving both Sonic and Tails from falling to Earth. I was gasping that whole time, truly being sent into the moment. Movies and media rarely do that to me in the emotional sense.

AND AS FOR SHADOW AND MARIA

Holy fuck at least I was right about that part in my pre-movie wishes. I thought it was interesting how they adapted it, and it definitely made for it to be slightly more believable and less complicated.

But oh my gosh them. Skating around the lab, messing around together, introducing Shadow to that great 70s music and dancing, watching movies together and just being kids!! And don’t even get me started on the rooftop scene. Shadow was so vulnerable and self-conscious, and Maria comforted him in a way that touched me. Understands him in a way that no one else ever has, as everyone else only saw him as the experiment and the subject, while she saw him as his own person, with thoughts and emotions and curiosities.

It paralleled Sonic and Tom in the cinematography too, and the sentiment was all the same. That Shadow can choose who he wants to be. (I Am All I Am and Choice. Trust, it’s coming soon)

Maria and Shadow made me unbearably happy. It was all I could’ve ever asked for and more.

Shadow and Sonic were an absolutely crazy duo this show. Dude, in their fight versus each other? Both going Super and absolutely going at it, and Shadow having the absolute gall to accuse Sonic of not caring about his friends, that he was clearly here alone because he abandoned them, and mention Tom, which caused Sonic to go completely over the edge, and actually punch him straight into space and lose his Super.

Sonic and Shadow reconciling over their shared feeling of grief, Sonic sharing his pain, emphasizing the love that will be able to help them heal, Shadow reciprocating, and then Shadow remembering Maria after looking up at the stars, realizing, from Sonic’s words, that this truly wasn’t what Maria wanted, just that whole moon scene between them is living in my head rent free and I need to see it over and over again.

HOLYYY SHIT THEY PLAYED LIVE AND LEARN WHEN SUPER SONIC AND SUPER SHADOW TEAMED UP AND BEAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK OUT OF THOSE ROBOTS. Me and my friends were going so fucking insane in that theater.

Shadow remembering Maria (possibly for the last time) as he sacrifices himself to push the Eclipse cannon away from the place that Maria loved. Remembering all of the good moments, the love between them, that is all he wanted if he was going to leave the world for good. (Well, I mean, he’s still alive, but the amnesia route is still optional)

Sonic actually going slightly insane this movie was also very interesting to watch. His absolute- like, his vision went RED when Shadow mentioned Tom. That was what set him OFFFF. His abuse of the Master Emerald and even threatening his own best friends/siblings over this— god the emphasis of choice in this film I want to sob.

Also, yall already KNOW I WAS BALLING ABOUT THE AKIRA SLIDE, SNAPCUBE REFERENCES, AND EVERY TIME SHADOW BREATHED OR MOVED. Literally could not contain myself from absolutely sob-cry-screaming at Shadow and (Keanu did a great job btw) his entire story, his joy with Maria and his pain all after. (His Super form looked fuck beautiful, a new colorful hue every time I saw it)

All in all, Robotniks were hilarious, Maria and Shadow were beautifully tragic and just generally so so SO adorable and loving. I’m so glad that Tails and Knuckles got more serious appreciation and screen time this movie as well, because as much as Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles were sidelined in this movie (to put forth Robotniks and Shadow, understandably so), it still felt more fulfilling and real than in the second movie. Super forms continue to be beautiful onscreen, I would like to collapse and die from hearing ONE OK ROCK and Live and Learn.

AHEM. Now, clearly, I will be making a separate post solely about Stobotnik. Along with the multiple Stone-centric fics burning a hole in my brain and the choice and grief analyses awaiting my attention. Bear with me as I have SO MANY THOUGHTS.

We won. . . but at what cost.

My friends, my partner, you already know. We died and were promptly revived together in that theater.

[starbuck]

if anyone was wondering, i’m currently reading published RPF about F. Scott Fitzgerald for *checks notes* my job, so that’s how my life is going.

[eosofspades]

i know i literally just made that post but MAN the mental illness has got me tonight

[untitled-tmnt-blog]

Now that 2024 is coming to a close:

1) Of everything you've made this year, which ones are you the most proud of?

2) What are a few of your favorite things (art, comics, fics, etc) that someone else has made this past year?

As far as my own stuff, I would have to say:

This Hide and Seek animatic -- I love making animatics, but they end up taking me a LONG time! That does mean that when I finally finish one though, it's very rewarding to see the full thing!

This scene, for the rottmnt cut intro project -- It's a short scene, but was a lot of fun to do! I also think it shows how much I've improved, even from my first scene for this same project.

This hardcopy of IMBI -- I'd never tried bookbinding before, but I had so much fun learning how and was really happy with how it turned out!

These mixed media collages -- It was one of my first times experimenting with mixed media, and I think they ended up looking pretty cool! Plus, just like the others... I had a lot of fun with it! (I suppose it makes sense that my favorite pieces are kind of just the ones I had the most fun doing, huh?)

And then, for other people's stuff... I'm sorry, but I'm just so indecisive! I have to at least pick a few things from each category!

"Long" Comics:

Here There Be Turtles (by @theelvishfiddler) -- This is hands-down one of the most impressive fan comics I've ever seen! Not only does it have incredible art, but the characterization is spot-on, and the storyline is so engaging that I am absolutely dying to see what happens next after every single update! I've seen people saying that the quality is even better than the official comics, and... yeah, no doubt about it, it really is! This comic is INSANELY good!

You've Been Portal Jacked! (by @wickcipher) -- This comic has such an interesting premise, with an artstyle that I love and SO much potential! I was immediately hooked by the first chapter, and was so excited to see it continue! Very much looking forward to seeing where things go from here!

"Short" Comics:

This Raph comic (by @e-turn) -- Raph and Leo tug at my heartstrings sooooo much! And the effect of Raph's time spent under the krangs' control is something that I never get tired of seeing explored. He loves his brothers so much, and would never EVER want to hurt them... but now he has these memories of himself doing exactly that, and those memories are just so much at war with who he is as a person, and AAAARRRRRGGHHHH!!!! I love it.

This Splinter comic (by @charcoaldustonmyfingers) -- THE EMOTIONS. I enjoy seeing this one every time it crosses my dash, and it has yet to lose its impact. Splinter loves his boys so much!!

This alternate movie ending, and part 2 (by @magisav) -- Beautiful, and heartbreaking. Both at the same time. The look on Leo's face is ingrained in my memory forever.

This Firefight fan comic (by @sludge-city) -- This one is such a well-done adaptation of some of the most emotional moments in this incredible fic! It was heartbreaking enough reading it the first time, and seeing those emotions depicted on Leo and Donnie's faces ripped my heart to shreds.

This redrawn IDW scene (by @purplepixel) -- The redrawn panels are beautiful, and I love the coloring! But also... man, this hurts so much knowing what comes next! Donnie, nooooo!

Multi-Chapter Fics:

Emotional Support Water Bottles (by @dandylovesturtles) -- This series is easily one of my favorites! Poor Leo goes through so much... and yet even when it's over, that kind of experience will undoubtedly leave some scars behind. Not physical scars, but very real nonetheless, and I've loved seeing Leo and his family try to navigate their way through that.

Firefight (by @remedyturtles) -- A true classic, at this point. With probably some of the most intensely emotional scenes I have ever read. Highly recommend, if you can handle that level of hurt before the comfort!

DFL's Whumptober 2024 (by @daflangstlairde-art) -- Technically a series of fics, which are unrelated to one another. But they are related in one important way: making me FEEL THINGS. Each one is so well-written, and I've been hooked all the way from the first fic to the last!

Oneshots:

The Shadows May Go (by @remedyturtles) -- This fic. THIS FIC. It made me cry. Splinter loves his sons so much, and even in his darkest moments (perhaps especially in his darkest moments), Leo knows that.

Now the Darkness Comes Alive (@goodlucktai) -- The role-reversal that I didn't know I needed. It's beautifully written, and like I said, Raph and Leo tug at my heartstrings so much! I started drawing something for this fic a while back, and desperately want to finish when I have some more free time on my hands again!!

Bed Sheets (by @dandylovesturtles) -- Splinter is not a perfect parent, by any means. But he loves his sons so much!! This fic is practically the embodiment of those two things, and it makes me emotional every. Single. Time.

Art:

This drawing of April and Karai (by @darkpolicepsycho) -- absolutely beautiful!! I love how you can just feel the power of Karai's ninpo flowing through April.

This drawing of Raph with cherry blossoms (by @pelmenya-owo) -- soooooo pretty!!! The colors. The lighting. I cannot possibly overstate how gorgeous this drawing is!!

These Undertale-style drawings of April, Raph, Leo, Donnie, and Mikey (also by @pelmenya-owo) -- I've never played Undertale, but I love these little animations so much!! Very cool.

This drawing of Samurai Leo (by @kathaynesart) -- I showed this drawing to my husband, and he immediately asked for it on a T-shirt. It is PHENOMENAL.

This Hollow Mind drawing (by @grey-viridian) -- I haven't read the fic that this is from yet, but oh man, the emotion in this scene!! Family protecting family. I love it so much.

This drawing of Leo (by @oh-lordy-lord-save-me) -- The colors. The colors!! The absolutely STUNNING colors!!!

This TNV art (by @windide-blog) -- I'll admit, I still need to read TNV. But even without context, the scene depicted here is amazingly well-done! I can only hope to be able to draw scenes as beautiful as this one day.

This art of Leo falling through the sky (by @sad-leon) -- The background is beautiful. The imagery is beautiful. The animation is beautiful. All around: beautiful.

This drawing of FMA Sprout, plus this one (by @intotheelliwoods) -- I just love these so much! Brotherhood is probably my favorite anime, and man, Sprout makes a great Edward Elric.

This drawing for the Turtles Together zine (by @andva-ri) -- This one has everything. Splinter. April. Draxum. Big Mama. The turtles, of course! I love all the different scenes, and how seamlessly they come together into an absolutely gorgeous art piece! This is a level of skill that I can only hope to one day come close to reaching!

This drawing, also for the Turtles Together zine (by @staticwither) -- Just look at those bright, beautiful colors! Truly incredible. This scene was already great in the finale, but this art piece somehow manages to take that energy and multiply it tenfold! It's beautiful.

This drawing of Leo with water lilies (by @tangledinink) -- I absolutely LOVE the paint-like style of this one! The level of detail on this is insane, and it's just downright one of the most beautiful art pieces I think I've ever seen. I want it on a throw blanket.

This Kingdom Hearts AU drawing (by @boxfullaturtles) -- I have very minimal knowledge of Kingdom Hearts. But even without that context, this drawing is just SO GOOD! I love the stained-glass design! And the way all the characters are in their own circles, and Leo's head is lined up inside of one as well, but continues down into a full-body drawing. Gorgeous.

AUs:

Posessed AU (by @grey-viridian) -- Such an interesting premise!! It somehow manages to be absolutely heartbreaking, but also so much fun at the same time.

Tiz Sep AU (by @tizeline) -- I love the comic. I love the characterizations. I was hooked on this AU from the moment Leo starting infodumping about Sonic! But also, Mikey campaigning for president of the multiverse while Donnie works against him was perfection. I just love seeing these characters do literally anything, because they're just so enjoyable to watch!

"The Besties" (2AL by @intotheelliwoods & SLAU by @dianagj-art) -- I'm aware this is like, an AU crossover within an AU kind of situation, but man is it so much fun! And also, so much more emotional than you'd expect turtle multiverse shenanigans to be.

Animations:

Rottmnt Restored (by @emichen88 & @powerauerart) -- Incredible. Amazing. Phenomenal. Astounding. 100% would watch again and again and again.

This JJK WIP (by @seasaltcosmos) -- I don't care if it's unfinished, I LOVE this!!

That was... slightly more than "a few." And I'm sure I still forgot some. I could go on and on about all the awesome stuff people here have made, but I had to cut it off somewhere!

[raineandsky]

Hello, I was wondering if you could please write something where Villain thinks they are under a love potion slipped by hero’s allies. After every moment they see hero they feel they are in love with them. But when they confront the teammate they find, to their surprise that they gave them a ‘speak your heart’ potion to get them to confess their crimes and never expected them to have feelings for their friend. Coming to the shock and realization that they had indeed fallen for hero but had been ignoring it/suppressing it. Now they are at the point where they can deny it no longer. Thank you for your consideration and for reading this! I hope you have an absolutely lovely day! 💕

this was.... such a cute idea??? i liked writing this one, i hope you enjoy reading!! thank you as always for the request!!

Heroes are liars. The villain knows this well. They’ll lie, cheat and bribe their way into anything that might mean another villain in jail, another victory under their belt.

There are telltale signs of lying, of course. Looking away, shifting about, smiling awkwardly. The villain has learnt all of these, because they know that heroes are liars, but also tend to be bad liars.

This hero, from the villain’s deduction, is either an incredibly good liar or telling the truth. God, the villain wants it to be the former.

“Love potion turns blue,” this hero is saying. “When I poured the heart-speaker in your drink it went orange.”

The hero’s looking right at them, stock still, face blank except for what seems a little like horror. Liar, surely. He’s just a damn good one. “Bullshit. You’re— You’re fucking with my head.”

“I’m not doing anything!” the hero cries. “I’ve been following you around with a recorder because I was hoping you’d admit to your crimes! I wasn’t expecting any of this.”

The villain turns away from them—a mistake most villains know not to make, not that the villain particularly cares right now—and heaves a deep sigh. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Does it?

The villain is no stranger to love potions and their effects. How they noticeably warp their victim’s perception of reality, of who they can trust. The villain, subject to one such potion for one of the supervillain’s strange experiments, noticed that everything felt different, that their feelings on certain people had inexplicably changed. The effects also wore off after a day.

The villain’s been feeling like this for a week. Loose, almost detached, like honesty is the best policy even though their colleagues would scream for them to stop talking.

They’ve seen their hero more than once this past week. Carefully stamped-down, begrudging respect has blown up into desperate infatuation. Their hero says some well-practised lines about taking them down, the villain stutters out some of their own about never being caught, and then they fight, the physicality of it entirely overwhelming sometimes.

That’s more than a simple love potion has ever done to the villain.

Their hero is— how long has the villain been calling them that? That hero isn’t the villain’s anything except their nemesis. They need to get out of their own head before the heart-speaker drowns them in their own emotions.

“How… how long does it last?” the villain asks faintly.

“Well,” the hero says, “at least a week.”

“Oh my god. You don’t even know.” The villain scoffs in offence. “Jesus, I— I can’t see [Hero] again like this.”

“You’re freaking out, [Villain],” the hero butts in carefully. “You’re recognising your own feelings for the first time. It’s a lot. I get it.”

The hero doesn’t get it. The villain feels like the world’s about to end. “What the hell am I meant to do?”

“You could tell them.”

“Are you insane? No!” The villain wrings their hands, pacing thoughtlessly. “No, this isn’t right. The heart-speaker will wear off and everything will go back to normal. It’s fine.”

“I mean…” The hero glances down at the little audio recorder in their hand. It looks ancient, as most hardware does that comes from the agency. “I still have a ton of free space on this thing.”

“I’m not saying it out loud and I’m certainly not letting you record it.”

The hero shrugs, the lightest smirk weaving its way onto their stupid face. “I didn’t think you would. I do have some heart-speaker left. Enough for… someone else.”

On any normal day, the villain wouldn’t care too much about knowing what their hero thinks of them. But this day isn’t normal, and with this goddamn potion working its magic on them, the villain is painfully, embarrassingly desperate to know every little detail of their hero’s thoughts.

The villain squints at the hero to make it clear they’re not agreeing to this immediately, although their body language probably suggests otherwise. “Okay, well, it’s not your worst idea.”

The hero nods sagely. “I think I know which idea of mine you think is the worst. I’ll make sure this one isn’t to your detriment, though—it’ll be fun working with you, partner.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why, saving it for someone else?”

The villain wants to snap back at them for the tease as the hero laughs, but they can’t deny what the heart-speaker is forcing them to admit.

Yes.

[aziraphales-library]

Hi there!!! I was wondering if you happened to have any fics where Crowley calls Aziraphale ‘sweetheart’? Any other pet names are amazing (including angel of course) but I’m just very in love with the idea of Crowley calling Aziraphale sweetheart

Thank you so much for all you hard work!! This blog is a lifesaver <3

Hello! We have a #pet names tag you might enjoy, but here are some fics in which Crowley calls Aziraphale sweetheart...

Four times Crowley called Aziraphale "sweetheart" without noticing (and One time he did) by TheLadyZephyr (NR)

"Sweetheart" (1290) - A person who is very dear to another; one who is loved. From sweet (adj.) + heart (n.) Over the years, Crowley has called Aziraphale "sweetheart" on at least four different occasions. He just hasn't actually noticed himself saying it.

In love, I am, with everything you do by 2ambiace (G)

Following the phone call with Crowley during lockdown, Aziraphale contemplates the letter he wrote and whether he should've taken Crowley up on his offer to 'slither over' and watch him eat cake. Aziraphale finds the courage in his love for Crowley to invite the demon over and cake and love confessions and kisses are shared.

Let Our Epilogue Be Soft And Sweet by Tenoko1 (T)

Crowley hit his palm against the steering wheel. “Of course I’d get upset, angel! Those bastards have tried to kill you twice, Aziraphale! Twice! I spend every damn day worried they might try again! Now-- Now-- your conveniently found and rescued angel is on the loose,” the road forked, and they veered off to a smaller country road, flying past a sign Aziraphale didn’t need to see to recognize, though Crowley gestured wildly to it, “in a god-forsaken national park? Well outside of London where no one can hear you scream? This mystery angel that just so happens to be leaking grace and emoting a distress signal so loud you can still sense it?” Crowley dragged a hand down his face. “Angel, sweetheart. Wake up and smell the trap.”

Waking Up Married by Caedmon (E)

"So you’re telling me that my options are either to convince this man I just met and drunkenly married to stay married to me for six months or lose two thirds of a billion pounds?” “That’s exactly what I’m telling you,” Fergus said. “Fucking shit,” Crowley spat. He hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment before rubbing his eyes with his fists. Now his job would be twice as hard. He needed to talk Aziraphale into staying married for six months. Should he try begging or bribing? This was a huge ask, and Aziraphale would be well within his rights to tell Crowley to fuck off. But Crowley was prepared to offer him pretty much anything, up to half of the trust, if that’s what it took. He didn’t care. But that was only part of his concern. Even if he got insanely lucky and Aziraphale agreed to stay legally married to him for the next six months, how the hell was he going to talk Aziraphale into dating him during that time? And was it foolish to even try? One thing at a time, he decided. First, he needed to convince Aziraphale to stay legally married to him. Then he could set about wooing his husband. He hoped.

flightless by viperinz (T)

Crowley finds Aziraphale injured and without his wings long after he stops the Second Coming all on his own. He just didn't expect their reunion to be so morose, and so final.

Sugar And Spice by ladydragona, SylWritesStuff (E)

Queer technology giant Anthony J. Crowley is just about ready to throw in the towel after relationship after relationship has failed, but there's a new barista at the company coffee shop and he's cute and sweet and Crowley's never been able to resist blond hair and blue eyes. The tabloids will have a field day, they always do, but his assistant is getting married and a temp is needed. A temp who really isn't very good at making complicated coffees, has past experience in reception, and absolutely no idea that the latest complicated coffee order came from the owner himself. Aziraphale only knows that he's handsome, patient, and was the first person who told him he was doing well. How could he refuse the temp position? Or, he soon discovers, more.

- Mod D

[whythehailnot]

Fat girlie dating ramble and a question for other fat babes

Having a bit of an insecurity spiral today (as one does while being in the dating ring), and on a few separate occasions of venting about dating and feeling insecure as a fat person dating, I feel like I get the same sort of "huh? Is that really a thing? Did this person explicitly tell you that?" when I mention some concerns/insecurities that crop up.

The biggest being that I want the person I'm dating to find me hot (the lowest bar to trip over, as my friend puts it). And of course the people we date should see us as hot! Hello! It's truly step one! 👏💖

But I was talking about how I worry that people (mostly men) who reach out to me just see me as being someone to either A) must be a good cook (and potential gf/wife material), because I'm fat (and their profile indicates they're looking for gf/wife to cook for them lmao man-children 🙄) B) just here to validate their emotions and lift them up (this unfortunately can just be applied to anyone, you don't have to be fat, but if you're also femme I feel like this very common) and C) that because I'm fat, I must be "easy" and desperate for a relationship.

It's the C that trips up the people I've brought this up to - and it's making me feel insane and like I'm crazy that this is a concern. The people I've also brought this up to are also both thin and attractive as well. (And I want to stress these people are wonderful and I love them, but I think because it's not an experience they've dealt with/been super adjacent too, it's just not something they can really understand).

It's one of those where no one has explicitly said any of these to me in my personal experience, but it's such a pervasive thought in my mind (fueled by past experiences that my depression brain can't fully articulate, but also ABSOLUTELY from sooooooo much media growing up).

But it's making me wonder if this is ACTUALLY something that other fat babes have felt in their life as well? Am I just being sort of crazy/ultra sensitive? Am I gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss-ing myself?? HELP LMAO

*I'll delete this later probably but I truly just feel like I'm crazy @ w @;;

[jackdaniel69nice]

the fact that tokoyami could be considered one of the more important members of 1-A and we still got JACK SHIT about his backstory is so wild to me

like you have this whole idea of him cherishing the relationships he has so deeply to the point of an emotional breakdown whenever someone he cares about gets hurt and you DONT TELL US WHY???

like this boy is so incredibly hard on himself despite improving faster than the majority of his peers and WE DONT KNOW WHY???

my delusional ass was WAITING. for THREE YEARS. and we got nothing. the disappointment i felt was just immeasurable.

My god you are so right. It IS really disappointing. I honestly had no expectations for tokoyami backstory because I had always thought of him as a background character when I got into mha in 2017-2019. The story was still new then but when I returned last year there was so much more tokoyami had become. He plays an absolutely vital role but is treated as a supporting character. We knew him long before hawks but he was obviously pushed aside in favor of the winged hero. There is so much subtle writing about tokoyami especially him potentially having hurt or even killed people in the past. Dark Shadow is such an interesting quirk and character but they are never truly addressed for their insane power.

I would like to think tokoyami would have gotten his own character arc eventually if the ending hadn’t been so rushed for whatever reason. It would have probably been a very large undertaking and I can see how it wouldn’t have been able to fit into the tight schedule. He’s not even mentioned in the epilogue, only seen, despite clearly being one of the strongest characters and would at least be top 10.

I’m so sorry anon that your dreams were crushed. I hope my silly headcanons and stories bring you some closure, I do try to stay as close to canon as possible. Although I am aware my personal experiences and feelings certainly influence my ideas without me realizing. Perhaps you could drop in my dms at some point so we can share thoughts :)

[winterrrnight]

wish I had you

PAIRING: rafe cameron x fem!reader

SUMMARY: rafe made a huge mistake and lost the love of his life.

WARNINGS: angst, angst, angst! Absolutely no fluff, it's all angst, swearing, drugs, drug overdose!, heartbreaks, very small mentions of s*lf h*rm

EDITH SPEAKS: I'm back!!!! My exams were, something, but now I'm finally back and writing again 🥹 oh I'm so happy! I'll be getting onto my requests too, but for now, requests are back open! So get in any and all ideas you may have :)

This is so so so sad, and yes, Rafe is pretty much the one doing all the wrong here. No, it doesn't have a happy ending, it's pure angst. It's the reason I'm breathing right now, and also the reason I'm breaking inside. I hope this makes you feel a roller coaster of emotions :')

The fic is inspired by one of my favourite artist, Ruel makes insane music and please check his stuff out if you want to 🫶🏻 and also listen to this track while reading this so the level of sadness and heartbreak just 📈📈📈📈

Please please please like and reblog if you liked this!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💝

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I watch her on the sidewalk, her hand intertwined with his as he sways their arms, both of them laughing. I feel the same pain in my heart which I experience each time I see them together.

Each time I see her so happy with someone who isn't me.

He's the one who gets to take her to little dates, click her pictures, surprise her with flower bouquets, when it is supposed to be me. I am the one who should be taking her to little dates, clicking her pictures, and surprising her with flower bouquets.

He kisses her cheek after pulling her closer to him from her waist the same way I used to do. She giggles just the same way she used to do with me. Her eyes sparkle and the most beautiful smile pulls her lips, and my heart used to flutter each time her irises gazed into mine.

But I don't get to experience that anymore. I don't get to see her smiling at me. Instead, each time we come across each other in public, she pretends she doesn't know who I am. Like I don't exist in her world anymore. And her boyfriend makes sure to pull her even closer to him and give me a glare if I even glance at her.

And I completely deserve that. Everything we had went down the gutter because of the way I am.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

I slowly open the door to try and make as less noise as I can. I creep up the stairs, each move of mine calculated, but when I peek inside the room, i notice she's awake, sitting on the edge of the bed with her head in her hands.

I notice her body is moving as she is crying, the sobs escaping her silently. I feel my heart break at the sight. What have I done?

"Babe, hey..." I say softly, as I push open the door. She looks up at me, her eyes wide and red. Whenever I used to open the door after coming home from a long day, she would look at me with love in her eyes, but right now, there is nothing close to love in those eyes.

"Don't, just don't-" she whispers, her voice shaky and strained. Her cheeks are stained with her tears, and as she steps away from me, her footsteps are just as shaky as her voice.

"Just hear me out this one time, I was-"

"NO!" She yells, cutting me off. Her yell takes me by surprise, causing me to flinch slightly. "I don't have time for your excuses Rafe, I'm done with you, I'm done with this all. There's nothing you can say or do which can help defend you. Go back to your drugs, and Barry, I don't care," She moves towards her closet and gets a bag, and starts to put all her belongings in her bag.

I want to go ahead and stop her, get on my knees and beg her to not leave me, but my feet remain glued to the ground. I look at my feet, and hear the sounds of her frantically throwing stuff in her bag and trying to stuff it all in.

Suddenly, it is all silent. I look up to see her back towards me, and her arms at her sides. The bag she is stuffing is kept by her side on the ground, its contents spilling out.

"You know what today is?" She whispers.

I look at her back with my eyes wide, trying to comprehend what she is saying. What is it today? I rack my brain for answers but it turns up with nothing.

"It's our five year anniversary," she whispers, "and you promised to take me to Paris, where you and me will get on top of the Eiffel Tower to kiss just as it strikes midnight for today."

I want to jump off a 20 storey building.

This is too much.

I never knew how capable I was of fucking perfectly curated relationships up.

"But you forgot. Just the way you forgot about me. You've forgotten me completely, Rafe. All you care is about stupid shit, about your drugs, and your gold, and whatever the fuck it is. But I know you stopped caring about me a long, long time ago." She turns around now, her eyes looking everywhere but at me. "I waited, waited for as long as I could. I thought you'll come back to me. I thought you'll realise you're in the wrong and you'd want to correct it. But that moment never happened. I was just giving myself false hope." Her voice cracks towards the end and more tears stream down her face. She moves her hand to wipe them, and I have this sudden urge to hold her face in my hands and wipe her tears.

But I've lost all privileges to hold her, fuck, I shouldn't even look at her anymore.

"I'm ending this all here, I cannot hold onto this short thread of a relationship which you cut off so long ago. I need to let go, solely for me and my health." She sniffs and bends down to stuff everything in her bag messily and zip it up. She picks it up and hangs it on her shoulder.

My vision starts to get blurry as tears form in my eyes, as I watch her walk out of this room. These walls saw us share our most intimate moments together, and now they're seeing it all fall apart.

"Bye, Rafe."

Her last words echo in my ears as she leaves this house.

I've lost her forever.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

As I watch her walk away with her new boyfriend, I have this urge to rip everything apart and bang my head against a wall until it bleeds.

Since she walked out that door, I have been a mess. I don't know who I am anymore. I was so in love with her, I wanted to marry her. I loved showing everyone that I got the best girl one can ever get. She loved me beyond the human capabilities, and made sure I was doing okay at all times.

My addiction to drugs worsened as I find myself each night either in my home with my cocaine or at some party with as many alcohol cups I can down. And it all continued getting bad when I blacked out from the drug consumption at a party and woke up in a hospital bed.

I lost my entire business, I lost my entire soul. I lost who I am, and at this point, I don't know how I'll continue to live life.

Because I want her.

I want her to hold me and run her hands through my hair, and remind me all is okay.

I want her to kiss my forehead and whisper sweet little nothings in my ear.

I want her to rub her hands on my back and tell me she'll always be there for me.

But I don't deserve anything good in life. And I certainly don't deserve an angel like her.

I will always love her.

close my eyes but what's the use, cause my mind still dreams of you.

↶ೃ✧˚. ❃ ↷ ˊˎ-

TAGLIST: @runningfrom2am @saccharinesammie @maybankslover @totalswag @madelynie @chenslucy @ietss @elle-mp3 @viawritesstuff @wallsdreams @tahliac11 @sadfury

[maryfailstowrite]

Rose's quote in the crossword of the literature insane girl MV will never not fail to amaze me. I absolutely love it and here's why:

"Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum."

First with the basics: "Cogito, ergo sum", the original (not really, because the real original was in french, but whatever) quote by René Descartes, translates into "I think, therefore I am". I don't think the meaning needs much explaining, because it's just... that. It's one of the first principles of Descartes's philosophy, and it states that one's existence is certain because to think, beforehand you need to exist. You can't doubt your own existence because to doubt, you need to exist. It's as simple as that.

But this interpretation of the phrase has little to do with Rose's character. There's a word (or maybe two, but I'll get to that later) that the MV adds, and that changes the whole meaning of the phrase.

“Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum.”

Rose’s quote translates into “I think, therefore I am (troubled).” This is not her doubting her existence or whatever, this is about her memory. “Thinking” here isn’t meant as in literally just thinking, but as in Rose’s thought processing and reasoning. Her photographic memory makes her have an overload of information to process at all times, and after processing it, she’s unable to discard it no matter what. She’s troubled, troubled because no matter what, she can’t forget. Every murder, every drop of blood, every gasp, every word is engraved in her mind, and no matter how hard she tries, she’s doomed to remember it all for the rest of her life.

A lot of people see having a photographic memory as a blessing. Almost like a superpower. They think of detectives solving murder cases because they remembered the exact position of one of the curtains at the victim’s house, or in Rose’s case, they imagine her making perfect replicas of a painting just after seeing it once. And, sure, maybe she can do that. She is the Ultimate Art Forger, after all. But I still think her photographic memory is much more a curse than it is a blessing for her.

Humans aren’t made to remember. We are made to forget a very big part of our lives, in fact. Do you remember exactly every meal you’ve ever had? Every shower you’ve taken? Every outfit you’ve worn? No, of course not. You don’t. Just like you don’t remember every single time someone has given you a strange look, or every time you’ve done something embarrassing.

Do you see where I’m going with this? Forgetting is a coping mechanism. Not only does it prevent our brains from overloading with useless information, it also helps us heal from bad experiences. If we remembered every single detail from all of our bad past experiences we would go insane, we would never heal from those memories and emotions. We could replay the memory over and over and over again to analyze what could’ve been different, what we could’ve done in another way, and what we could’ve ultimately done to avoid the situation. But as humans, we forget. It takes time, but the details start to fade one by one, and by the end, the bad experience is just a foggy distant memory, a mix of lingering feelings and a blurry outline of what happened, an outline that can’t hurt us anymore…

Except for Rose. Rose remembers everything. This is why the world is so overwhelming for her (let alone the killing game). She dozes off half of the day because if she wasn’t sleeping, she’d have to remember everything that happened at that time. I think it’s easier to picture it if you put it like this: Imagine if you were forced to memorize every single thing that happened around you for a day. Not just what you do, but what everyone in your view and hearing range does. It sounds exhausting, right? Well, welcome to Rose’s mind.

Rose is troubled because she can’t forget. Or rather, she remembers, therefore she’s troubled (see the parallelism I did there with the quote we’re analyzing???? see it????). She’s condemned to remember every detail of everything that has ever happened to her, to replay moments like movies and analyze them until she finds out what could’ve been better, what could’ve been worse, what she could’ve done different. The problem is, the past is the past, and no matter how much you replay it, it never comes back. It’s just an illusion, a nightmare that appears in front of you, and yet you can never reach. You can just watch as it unfolds, unable to change it, unable to do anything, unable to look away. She can never look away.

As an ending to this post, I’d like to take a closer look at another detail. The original phrase is “Cogito, ergo sum”, as it’s already been stated before, but the version used in the MV is “Ego cogito ergo (turbatus) sum.” “Ego” simply means “I”, so it doesn’t add much meaning (in fact, the original French is “Je pense, donc je suis”, so the pronoun was already there from the beginning), but I still think adding it emphasizes the meaning they want to give to the phrase. It refers to Rose’s personal experience, so instead of making it a general quote anyone can say “I think, therefore I am (troubled)”, they emphasize the personal meaning of it by adding the “I”, which can be perfectly omitted in Latin without losing the phrase’s meaning. It’s something more like “I think, therefore I am (troubled)”, and I think it’s a great detail to see how different Rose’s experience of existing is compared to everyone else’s, or at least, how different she considers it to be.

In conclusion, I’m a nerd that loves looking too much into things. Thanks for coming to my TED talk 🫶🏻.

[wassup-its-e]

Can you tell us more about wynncraft? I've only barely heard/seen something about it but I am intrigued (bribe has worked). It's like an mmo, right? How difficult is this for someone to get into if they have absolutely no experience with that?

HAI YES, WYNNCRAFT IS A MINECRAFT MMORPG AND ITS HONESTLY ITS NOT THAT HARD TO GET INTO ONCE YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO its gonna have a new update soon so this is me being autistic about it because ive been playing for YEARS

its basically your typical mmo with insane questslines magic system class system etc but the thing that is so impressive about this is that

ITS IN MINECRAFT

the cutscenes are phenomenal and theyre all made using insane command blocks

the building and the environment the atmosphere everything is created by an incredible team of builders

THE CHARACTERS AND NPC WILL GIVE YOU EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENTS.

the lore is deep and interesting, its like watching a show from the beginning all silly fun and BOOM YOU'RE GONNA CRY AND BE IN DESPAIR AT THE MIDDLE WHERE EVERYTHING CHANGED.

my only recommend if you wanna start is to JUST PLAY IT IS SO MUCH FUN

and also do the secret discoveries {its basically where all the lore are}

[kazehita]

hi! i noticed your recent post recommending the fic natural satellite and i think i've noticed other isat fics around your blog too. because of that, i was wondering if you had a list of recommended isat fics! i will admit i am not someone who just peruses around on ao3 but i love reading about these characters so if you have any recs, i would greatly appreciate them! thanks and i hope you have a lovely day :3

I love ALL isat fic - each and every one is so special and wonderful - but if I listed the whole archive that wouldn't really help huh... So! Im going to list just some off the top of my head., this is in no way definitive. Isat spoilers ahead - get all the way through the game and the secret before proceeding.

Big recommendation list below:

Additionally, mind the tags for each fic - I wont be specifying the content warnings here.

(don't just read the complete ones!!! Incomplete fic is just as delightful I promise :3)

Complete: Bloom - Level99Eevee Most people know it, it sits at the top of the tag! It's my every wish fulfilled for post-cannon moments.

Memories of defeat - dirtbagtrashcat Stuff in and immediately after the loops, fantastic extrapolations!!!! Very much Loop <33 I find this very grounded and realistic!!!!

Emotion Sickness - dirtbagtrashcat Post cannon fun/trauma with siffrin and the gang.

Memories of Touch - dirtbagtrashcat look i just really like their work sjkdjkfjkasdf its all good go through their profile. This is Isa thoughts.

And if I were not myself, would this be easier? - rabbit_soup Post-game! I love how they flesh out the world.

The Understudy - kittyorange Suuuuch a loop fic I love it to bits. Post cannon loop and the gang stuff.

Star-Speckled Skin - Lora_Blackmane Funn angsty moment, title is very descriptive. Lives in my head rent free.

Clinging to dying embers - Coffeewolf67 Odile's perspective of sif using the dagger. appropriate content warnings apply :)

between the end and a new start - glowingjellyfishtreelights SICKFICCC I had a very funny experience with this one where due to memory mishaps I got to read it for the first time twice! Absolute banger.

What's in a name? - Raaj Explores siffrins love of plays. I have to regularly reread this for my brain to function.

Starstruck - Dusk_Illusionist Isa yearns. The fic. It rocks.

Saturn Devouring His Son (Time Choking on Stone Choking on Blood)- BasilPaste Post cannon moment... I like it...

(Why) you can't let them know by Mayasynth sasasap fic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i like it. i hold it. i like it. UGH theres more but I have already listed so many.. my other favorites... im so sorry.,.. i love you guys too... Incomplete:

How To Rest by rabbit_soup Sequel to "And if i were not myself, would this be easier?" Loop is here and I love violence.

TRY IT AGAIN, CHEATER! by discatded "[Loop returns to their own universe after everything. It's hard.]" - from the summary. Love it love it. I will never get enough of this premise.

To Extend our Reach to the Stars Above by Cinnamin_Is_a_Star "Sif if he was team rocket" and is so fun. Very excited to see this one pan out!

until we move on. by Anonymous (also known as lozy) LOOP MY BELOVED..! loop returns to their universe and promptly looses it like the universe intended. Cant get enough of it.

Natural Satellite by dirtbagtrashcat If a single fic makes me the Most insane its natural satellite if I'm honest.... like bro... It just gets right to me...

Sunder by Miranda_tries_their_best Post-cannon Loop fic!! They travel on their own for a bit (but not forever), and I love it dearly.

Face the Light by Kaimiiru Post-game, I hold it close to my heart.... Ah... It's so dear to me.

These next two are sloop so if that's not your thing you have been warned :]

raconte-moi qu’on puisse crier tout bas by bibliomaniac I'm holding this high above my head so everyone can see it the characterization is off the charts.

To Cut You Open With a Knife and Find Your Sacred Heart by Hexea_Art Changeling Loop fic!! What a fun concept. I am excited to see where it goes. yay! AGAIN... THERE ARE SO MANY I LOVE SO MUCH but im forcing myself not to look through the tag else I'd add everything. Honestly, I do recommend just launching right on into the ao3 tag for ISAT even if you aren't super familiar with ao3. Just be sure to filter out anything you don't want to see!

Consider this a good starting point ^^

[sunatsubu]

Jayvik and time paradoxes

I can't stop thinking about Jayce/Viktor. They're driving me insane, absolutely INSANE. Because everything about them is a time paradox??

This is pretty rambly, I'm just trying to get my thoughts down in my attempt to stop going crazy over them and also just figure out what the heck happened because I'm still kind of confused about some stuff, also I am not very familiar with game lore, mainly just the show.

They circle each other and are so intrinsically linked in so many ways, being both cause and effect to each other's fates. Starting at a random point that ends up circling all the way back:

Jayce and Viktor invent Hextech

Jayce gets drawn into politics as a result, away from Viktor

Viktor gets desperate, experiments with hextech on himself, with Consequences (Sky)

Viktor asks Jayce to destroy hextech

Jayce, unable to let Viktor die after Jinx's attack, fuses him with it instead

This leads to Machine Herald viktor, but not quite; like Pre-herald I guess? Where Viktor still retains some humanity

Jayce gets told by alternate Viktor to stop him from becoming the Herald

In his attempt to do so, he kind of causes/hastens it instead?! (more thoughts on this below*)

alternate Herald Viktor regrets everything and saves baby Jayce/gives him the runestone**

Jayce grows up wanting to research magic thanks to mage Viktor, and cue s1 events that end up circling back to the first point**

*I can't stop thinking about how kind and gentle Viktor seemed when he was trying to help Vander. It really seemed like he was on a path to using his new powers for good, without any sinister effects (though maybe I missed some hints, need to rewatch). It wasn't until after Jayce blew his heart to smithereens that he seemed to start on that path of deeming emotions and humanity unnecessary, solidified when Jayce rejected him to join him as partners again.

**Still trying to wrap my brain around these last two. The existence of alternate Herald Viktor that brings our Jayce to his destroyed world in order to ask him to stop our Viktor - does this imply that Viktor would have still become Machine Herald even if Jayce hadn't tried to kill him? Was it an inevitable thing? Or is this still more time paradox shenanigans, where Viktor asking Jayce to stop/kill his younger self, is both the cause and effect of Herald Viktor? And yet another paradox, Viktor inspired baby Jayce to research magic and ultimately invent Hextech, which is what was needed for Machine Herald Viktor to come to pass. So it seems like there are actually 2 paradoxes related to the creation of Herald Viktor/apocalypse post Viktor's revolution.

These time paradoxes defining their existences makes me think they weren't supposed to exist. Or at least, the ways they so significantly affected the world, weren't supposed to come to pass; Hextech, Viktor's Revolution, apocalypse. So while their ending breaks my heart into a million pieces, it makes a lot of sense. In order to cancel out what they'd do to the world (or just Piltover? this is another point I'm curious about, did viktor's revolution affect ALL of humanity?), they had to erase themselves from existence. It's so. romantic and tragic, but not really on both those counts? Like somehow deeper, too deep, to put such simple labels on. Honestly I don't even really know how to describe what their story makes me feel.

Bit of a tangent, but one interesting anomaly is the alt timeline Ekko was in. So Jinx would always be an important factor in Jayvik's fates since her attack almost killing Victor is the catalyst for a lot of things. Mage Victor says Jayce is the one thing across all timelines that could stop him, implying there are MANY timelines where Herald Viktor comes to be. Which thus means in all those timelines, Jinx is the unstable mess we know and love, the one who would attack the council. So that makes it interesting (and kinda gutting because its like Jinx is destined to suffer in most timelines) that Ekko's alt timeline was most likely rare in its stability, where despite Vi being gone, Powder is relatively happy and the world (Piltover/Zaun) is quite peaceful.

This is a seemingly random segueway, but Jayvik very strongly reminded me of the german show Dark. (WARNING FOLLOWING IS MAJOR SPOILER FOR THAT SHOW)

A completely different genre and story, but both are about two people whose destinies are so linked together throughout time and alternate universes, but weren't supposed to exist. And they could only save the world, allow it to go on untouched from the devastating effects they would have on it, by taking themselves out of the equation.

[holdingup-fallingsky]

I am once again thinking about how fucking fantastic of a song Fate of the Faithful is like the lyricism is fucking insane, there’s so many double entendres for each line and each one still matches the themes of the song (y’know being absolutely pissed off at religion and god) and like you can feel the emotion and rage radiating off this song it’s actually insane. And then to top THAT all off, the actual music of the song feels like a powerful summer lightning storm, y’know the type that make you understand why our ancestors used to think storms were god’s wrath. And then there’s this underlying feeling of bitterness; the type you only really experience when someone you were extremely close and devoted to betrays you and your trust it’s just all so UGHHHHHHHH and like even the TITLE of the song is crazy like yeah, the fate of the fiercely faithful is that you will get burned and that you find out it was not worth it and that it meant nothing. Like do you understand

[fallingrealms16]

CAITVI FIC REC LIST PART 1 (???) <3333

Now tell me why I’ve never actually read wlw fics before???? Because now I’m insanely obsessing over Caitvi (arcane) (also their name should be Violyn FIGHT ME)

SO WITHOUT FURTHER A DUE: here is my first compiled list of VIOLYN fics that I have read so far! (Word count ordered: ascending) There will absolutely definitely 1000% be another one of these so if you like it pls pretty pls note it, comment, re tumble it!

Reminder‼️ pretty please read all the tags on each fic before reading as I am not responsible for any emotional trauma you may experience ^3^ (more notes at the bottom ty, ily <3)

Where All the Secrets are Spilled by ConnieLingus, L_Kayze

10K Words // Chapters: 1/1 // 1K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

The reunited Hellfire squad drinks together in the Kiramman Family Library before Noxus invades Piltover. Caitlyn and Vi reckon with their mistakes. It gets angry, it gets raw, and then it gets away from them.

An imagining of what happens post Act 2 and pre Act 3

Bound and Determined by Pandoras_Hope

27K Words // Chapters: 10/10 // 6.9K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

When Vi finally gets released from Stillwater prison, she is determined to get back to her old life as quickly as possible. But a chance encounter with her new next-door neighbor pulls her into an unexpected tangle of sex, violence, and a plot to take control of the undercity.

Vicious Dogs Fight Dirty by paleserendipity

33K Words // Chapters: 3/3 // 2.7K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

If anything, she should be at home, resting the countless cuts and bruises lining her skin. Though, really, if she had a choice in it, she’d probably still choose to come here. Easier to fight than curl up in a makeshift bed as nightmares of your situation-ship girlfriend plague you, right?

Burn by ThisOrThatFan

44K Words // Chapters: 6/6 // 9K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

A modern AU of Piltover's Finest - a story of two firefighters battling flames not only on the job, but also against the internal fire burning within their hearts.

Late Fine by ConnieLingus

52K Words // Chapters: 7/7 // 13K Hits // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

Vi’s one night stand is working the Returns counter at the Zaunite Branch of the Connected Cities County Public Library and Vi has to return her sister’s overdue items. What could go wrong?

Make Out Lessons With A Boxer by poetess

72K Words // Chapters: 8/8 // Hits: 98K ?? // COMPLETED

//EXPLICIT//

The friends with benefits college AU where oblivious mutually pining idiots pine mutually, jinx is an exhausted zoomer, and bisexuals rule the world.

I wanna point out that I use Ao3. At one point this year the normal Ao3 server was down and I wasn’t able to load any fics I was reading but I found that Ao3 has a secondary website completely the same: archiveofourown.gay

So naturally being the queer diva I am, I completely switched to .gay because it’s iconic <3

Also I am an adult so these fics usually are explicit or teen and up just because I like the explicit themes.

May vary from smexual content or just mature themes (violence ect…)

These fics are just what caught my eye first and just so happen to all be labelled explicit!

BUTTTTT if you want any fic recs such as “teen and up” or “all audiences” let me know as I’m open to anything!

My question box is also open so if you’re looking for fics with certain tags I’m happy to search and recommend! The fandoms I follow are:

Supernatural (destiel ship mainly)

DC universe (superbat mainly!)

Marvel (fluff for Spider-Man and tony stark - FATHER/SON, Bucky x Reader, stucky, x-men universe)

Teen Wolf!!! (Started off my account as this - specifically sterek but I do read Stydia sometimes too)

Arcane (Violyn mostly known as Caitvi😪)

I take recommendations too so if you find something you think I should read I’m all eyes and ears HAHA

I read all the fics I recommend too to know exactly what I am recommending!!! If you have made it this far reading Thankyou and I appreciate you ⭐️

[enden-agolor]

weirdly specific idea but thoughts on jesskas angst straight after access denied (probably before a journeys end aswell) if jesse chose to save petra first instead of lukas...

I think about this… all the time…..

This is kinda long so uhh

It’s kind of idk… Insane?? That right after defeating PAMA, Jesse and his friends get absolutely no break time in between returning with Harper to the portal hallway, and down to the spleef match. Like I can imagine they were all already so exhausted, and for them to get sent into that with absolutely no warning?? I feel as though that definitely played a part in why Lukas, Petra, and Ivor (depending on who you choose) end up losing and being sent to the Nether mines.

But the reason I mention this is both Lukas and Petra have the opportunity to have two near death experiences in one single day. The amount of anguish either of them must be going through? I can’t imagine. I feel like Petra is more the person to kind of suck it up and deal with it on her own terms, keeping those feelings hidden, but Lukas has more trouble withholding his emotions. I imagine him constantly rubbing at the back of his head where he was chipped, messing with the spot the chip was implanted and feeling the grotesque hole it leaves in his scalp, and all the dried blood along with it. He, Petra, and everyone else in the Crown Mesa have to deal with this.

Okay my bad I’m realizing now I’m kind of rambling. But hear me out.

I like to imagine that when Jesse rescues Lukas and Petra (I always pick to save Ivor just for that scene where Lukas laughs at him in his underwear) and heading into the dorms, each room has like two beds, so each room gets two people. And uhm because I am smart and cool I say Jesse and Lukas get assigned a room together and Ivor and Petra get theirs together (which they both equally complain about but that changes nothing).

After everyone gets to their rooms and night falls, the entire place quiets down as all the contestants eventually fall asleep but Lukas is still very much wide awake, sitting up in his bed, worried about his journal, worried about the future, and replaying every traumatic event that unfolded as the day gradually progressed. That, and the pain in the back of his head is unbearable. Part of him is relieved he’s not competing, but another part of him feels tremendously guilty and disappointed in himself for losing the match.

Jesse, exhausted beyond belief, but kept awake by the visions of his friends dying, that, and the memories of his fight against PAMA, and seeing Lukas in such a moment of peril as he’s rapidly losing his grip on Jesse, while simultaneously trying to fight PAMA. Well, it keeps a guy up, no matter how tired he is. And tossing and turning in his bed, he eventually turns over and sees Lukas still awake, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head. Maybe it’s completely dark in the room, aside from the nearby window that a rift of moonlight casts through, lighting Lukas up just enough so Jesse can see he’s awake.

Jesse sitting up and asking Lukas if he’s okay, and how come he’s not asleep yet, Lukas can only really respond with a shrug and shake of his head. Just says to Jesse that he can’t sleep, and that’s when Jesse sits up fully and kinda shifts on the bed, letting his legs dangle off the side as he sits up fully, giving Lukas his full attention.

Long story short, Jesse will pry for more, then proceed to ask Lukas how he’s feeling after everything. Lukas hesitant, but trusting, spills his emotions about PAMA, about the ache in his head, about his frustrations with Harper and the old builders, and how guilty he feels about spleef. I feel like he’d definitely begin to crack under the pressure of finally saying everything out loud, utterly distraught as he begins to choke up, and that’s when Jesse stands up and crosses the room, settling down on Lukas’ bed and well, tries to match the emotions Lukas is feeling by confessing all of his own worries, and the turmoil he’s facing from the past, and what’s to come in the future.

Most of all though, he tells Lukas how thankful and relieved he is that Lukas is safe. And that’s when Jesse’s voice really begins to shake is when he talks about how he’d thought he’d lost Lukas twice in one day, and how terrifying each moment felt for him. Lukas by this point has gone silent, listening, shocked speechless by the depth and emotion Jesse’s words carry. Like the way he speaks about Lukas sounds as though he were someone meant dearly to Jesse. Like he was surprised to see how much Jesse cared when he begged for Lukas to be okay after he was unchipped and laying supposedly lifeless, and to see that kind of passion, so soon after, now alone… just the two of them.

Idk man Lukas is feeling a bit flattered. And kinda getting that butterfly feeling which he’d usually experience around Jesse every so often, but as of recently the feeling numbed do to the stress of the current situation. But now that feeling kicks back in full swing, and it is a lot.

It’s when Jesse says, “I don’t ever want to lose you.” Is when Lukas finally settles on an idea brewing in his mind.

I’ve always hc Lukas as someone who copes through trauma with touch and affection, or just nice feelings in general, so him nervously responding with “You won’t,” and hesitation when Jesse smiles tiredly back at him, slowly finding the confidence with “uhm… Jesse? If you wouldn’t mind,” and Lukas scoots over a little bit, patting the spot in bed next to him. A once in a life time opportunity.

Jesse is shook, also blushing like an idiot because wow Lukas is ethereal in this lighting, and he looks gorgeous, even with those tear stained cheeks of his. Jesse is kind of dumb though, specifically with this sort of thing so he just replies with an “uhm.. s-sure, Lukas.” And scoots over, settling in beside Lukas but on top of the covers. Lukas smiles at how dense Jesse is, and says something like “under the covers, Jesse.” And Jesse’s like “o-oh okay.” Still blushing, embarrassed like an idiot. Also Jesse is like. Big. He is a big guy so he takes up a significant amount of space in the bed. Also he’s like a space heater, and with the cold, snowy weather outside, and complete lack of an ac (it’s minecraft), Lukas is naturally drawn to that warmth, snuggling up to Jesse who is just kind of laying there, tense and unmoving, heart pounding. And oh god Lukas is wrapping his arms around his torso and settling his head right between his thick bicep and chest.

Then… only then can they fall asleep ☝️ Also this moment empowers Jesse like never before, and he wakes up the next day in a cuddly embrace, feeling every one of his hearts completely rejuvenated.

What an awesome thing that totally happens in canon because Enden says so.