#i cannot express how obsessed i am with them and this song

[topgvns]

PLANET OF THE BASS — DJ Crazy Times ft. Ms Biljana Electronica (2023)

[wordsgood]

message in a skull - original fiction ficlet

the working title for whatever this story is going to end up being is currently "not five broken blades," which is a book that I did not finish but it's the last book I had where various characters who didn't know each other were gathered together to achieve Something, so it's first in my mind. I genuinely have no idea what's going on except for what's in the snippet, and that there's angels and demons and magic. that said, I really liked freewriting this as a way to get some of the ideas out in the open. it's minimally edited atm.

Aobin watches the dirt flying out of the hole being carved into the otherwise pristine gravegrass. A clump of it lands on his shoe and burns away on contact. The dingy smell drifts on a cool midnight breeze, dispersing into the autumn air. Down in the hole, the shovel which had once flashed in their narrowly focused lamplight is too dirt-crusted to so much as twinkle as it arcs up and drops back down. Each whumpf of the shovel into wet packed earth is perfectly synchronized to an accompanying grunt of effort.

“Are we close?” Aobin asks, because he knows it will piss her off.

“‘We,’” Cate grunts, and the next flying clump of dirt comes dangerously near his knees. “You mean am I close.”

“It’s a joint effort.”

“Not from down here it’s not. If you’re so fired up why don’t you—“

Thump.

“Ah!” Cate yelps in triumph. “Got her!”

Aobin crouches at the edge of the hole, red-gloved hands hovering just over the edge. “Get her open, I want to see.”

“She’s not uncovered yet. Give me a minute. Or better yet, take the reins.” Cate wipes her sweaty forehead on her equally dirty sleeve. She always wears a leather apron to midnight jobs, but it only protects her blouse front. It doesn’t even protect most of her trousers. But she insists on it, so Aobin doesn’t fight it. It’s her laundry.

Aobin waves a benevolent hand. “Far be it from me to steal your moment of victory.”

Sneering up at him, Cate adjusts her grip on the shovel and gets back to work.

The graveyard is still — supremely still — and the cloud cover ensures that the moon is a dim glow, nothing more, and the stars are darkened completely. Their lamp is the only thing that guides Cate’s digging, but Aobin doubts she needs even that much. She’s very skilled at this part of her job. She doesn’t require Aobin’s help yet. His part comes in later, once the coffin is open. Technically, she doesn’t need him at all. But she says he greases the squeaky wheels quicker than she can. It’s about as close to a compliment as she ever gets.

Like most memorial grounds on this side of town, the graveyard is barren of trees, shrubbery, or even upright grave markers. All the plaques are sunk into the ground, tidied by diligent groundskeepers who ensure no moss or grass gets any funny ideas. It’s a flat span of land, and Cate and Aobin would stick out like a couple of spare limbs if it weren’t for Aobin’s work. Invisibility’s not so hard, though, when you’ve got the right philosophy about it. The sleeping draughts in the graveyard watch’s tankards don’t hurt, either.

There’s a thunk next to his shoes, and Aobin dances a step to the side to avoid the shovel’s sharp edge. He paid some of Cate’s good money for these boots, when he discovered that his usual pair wouldn’t do topside. “Cate,” he sighs, but, presumably, she doesn’t hear him over the sound of wood splintering and peeling apart. Soon, chunks of thin panels shoot up to join the shovel. “Terrible taste,” Aobin says to himself. “Least you could do is—“

Cate shrieks. It’s her angry shriek, so it doesn’t worry Aobin until she shouts, “She’s empty!”

“Empty?” Aobin repeats, and reaches over to angle the lamp into the hole. Six feet down, Cate is squatting on a shelf of packed earth, over the split-open coffin. Her hands are almost equally broken open, clusters of cuts and abrasions leaking fluid onto what little is left of the top half of the coffin lid, and down onto the skeleton within. At least the skeleton is in one piece — though that, judging by Cate’s furious expression, may only be a temporary mercy.

When Aobin aims the light down at the skeleton, he can see that Cate is right. The skeleton is bare, aside from some worn, faded scraps of fabric beneath it, clinging to some of the joints between its bones. There are no jewels glinting at the coffin base, where its ears used to be, no chain left dangling around the spinal column, no gold frogs sitting tarnished atop the fabric scraps. This is not the grave of a widow who died wealthy and greedy. This is the grave of a nobody. A beloved maid, perhaps, or a loyal steward.

“Now, Cate,” Aobin starts, but Cate has already reached into the grave, gotten her smeary hands on the skeleton’s skull, and, just before he can suggest otherwise, she rips it free from its body. Bones clatter, dust rises, the jaw drops open, and Aobin curses. “This is extremely bad form.”

Cate growls. To Aobin’s alarm, she sits back on her ankles and cocks her arm back, preparing to hurl the skull out of its grave and somewhere into the darkness beyond.

“Cate Labyrinthine!” Aobin barks before she can do something that will make his boss very, very unhappy. Unhappier. “Put that down and use your brain.”

It clearly takes some effort, but Cate lowers her arm, though she doesn’t let the skull go. Her thumbs probe into the left eye socket. “Someone lied to us.”

“Or they were mistaken.” Aobin hates having to be the voice of reason, and he hates even more that, after all this time, he’s become very good at it. “Or we were mistaken and our lady is one hole over. Or perhaps we were lied to, and all that’s left to do is laugh and go back to Sidedown and, perhaps, break a few kneecaps.”

Cate glances up at him through her greasy bangs. She’s still running her thumb around the socket edge.

“What we don’t do,” Aobin continues, “is desecrate the bodies of human beings who, no matter where they end up, have guardians.”

Cate’s jaw works side to side. “I want those gemstones,” she says, her voice low.

“I know. And you’ll get those gemstones. But not here, and taking our your pique on Mistress Maidservant won’t help.” He sighs and lightens his tone. “What would she say if she saw her poor bones being dissected by a grubby delinquent hellcat?”

“I don’t—“ Cate tries to say.

The skull begins to scream.

“Waaagh!” Cate yelps, dropping the skull back into the coffin and leaping to her feet. From the skull’s empty sockets, a sudden burning violet light beams out and upward, all but obliterating the light from the lamp. The screaming intensifies as Cate scrambles up the side of the grave, dirt cascading down from her flailing feet.

Aobin barely notices. The scent and fog of magic, pure human magic, has drowned out every one of his senses. Those two beams of light have become his whole world. He should move to help Cate out, he knows, but he’s transfixed, pinned in place like a fly in a web.

He knows this taste. He knows this scream. He knows this magic.

“Cate,” he tries to say, but isn’t sure if he’s managed it before the light fades to a more manageable glow, though it still pours like lava from the skull’s eyes, and the screaming finally stops. And then—

“Cate Labyrinthine,” the skull says, sounding quite confident that it will be heard and by Cate herself, though she’s already at least five yards away from the grave, leaving him in his trance. How touching, Aobin thinks. He sees her stop in her tracks, though, and slowly turn back to the grave, full and glowing with purple light. The skull continues matter-of-factly, “This is a dead-woman’s-switch.”

“The shit,” Cate says, but Aobin can hear dreadful curiosity gnawing at the edge of her voice. She creeps back towards the grave edge, her chest rising and falling with quick, panicked breaths, but her stained hands are perfectly steady.

“Oh,” Aobin says, the skull’s message finally making it through. “Oh, no.”

“What?” Cate asks, but the skull, rolling around the bottom of the coffin, rights itself and aims its beams directly into Cate’s face.

“Heidi Fake has died under unformalized circumstances,” the skull says, and Aobin lets out a bark of laughter. “She has left instructions for certain of her acquaintances to assemble and ascertain the cause of her death, and to disperse whatever vengeance may be appropriate.”

Cate crouches, staring down into the coffin. She barely winces in the light; her pupils have contracted like a cat’s, elongating down the center. “How did she find me?” she murmurs.

The skull doesn’t answer. “To this end, you will meet Heidi Fake’s chosen accomplices in one fortnight at Robin Redbreast Town—“

“Where the fu—“

“— at the tavern Iason’s Sail. If you are not able to make the trip within one fortnight, please send a courier to alert Heidi Fake’s chosen accomplices so that they may wait for your arrival.”

The skull goes quiet. The light doesn’t fade. Aobin waits for the light to turn on him. It does not.

“Cate,” the skull says, but the voice is different this time. It's Heidi’s voice. She sounds old, yet still very much herself. He always said she’d been crafted from Baltana’s iron instead of Ressenth’s carbon. He hadn’t been with her her when she knew Cate, but he recognizes the care with which Heidi pronounces Cate’s name. If he didn’t know Heidi Fake better, he would call it tenderness. “I hate to ask this of you. Not because I think you can’t handle it, but because I think you might enjoy it. You’ll be the knife’s tip of this little expedition, and I know how much the others will need you. You may be the only one who can do what’s necessary to solve my problem. But please, Cate: think of me when you bare your teeth. You may not care what happens to you Sidedown, but I do. Avenge my life but keepsake your soul. I know you of all people can walk that edge; I hope that you will remember to try.”

A pause. Then: “I loved you, Cate, and, gods willing, I still do.”

The light in the skull’s sockets fades. It rolls to one side, no longer lock-focused on Cate’s twisted face. The skull and the skeleton and the grave are quite normal now.

Aobin can’t look at Cate. He isn’t sure if he’s kept his composure, at least to a sufficient degree not to raise her suspicions.

“So she’s finally dead, huh,” Cate says, but her shoulders are hunched, and now her hands are unsteady, shaking as she clenches them into fists. “Wonder what did her in.”

Aobin stands. He feels the magic’s afterimage in his knees, in all the other pesky little human joints this body is swaddled in. “I suppose we can find out.”

“‘Can’?” Cate says. “Oh, we will.” She looks up at him again. “I mean, if you want to come. I’ve told you about Heidi, it’s crazy that she could be dead — I don’t know what could kill someone like that — so if you want to go back Sidedown instead, that’s fine.” She shrugs. “But I could use the help. Or at least an ally, if there are some other shitheads involved, too.”

There is nothing that Aobin would rather not do than play unnamed lackey for Heidi Fake’s posthumous murder mystery investigation. He smiles at Cate, brilliantly. “Oh, I couldn’t miss an opportunity to learn more about your dear old mentor. Where else would I rather be?”

[rin-sith]

I love. LOVE. Get In the Water

It's one of the objectively best songs in the musical; I will die on this hill.

Poseidon was always, despite being pretty much the main antagonist of EPIC, a really underdeveloped character in my opinion. He just needed a little more nuance, and the fact that one (+ kind of one more) song managed to add so much to his characterization pretty much exclusively through subtext and implications is incredibly impressive writing. Because it did!

At the start, he's yet again playing games with Odysseus, the way he did in Ruthlessness. In both songs, he could kill him easily at any point, yet he chooses not to for the sake of playing games. In Ruthlessness, this becomes his own hubris as it leads to Odysseus escaping.

If you listen closely, at the start of GITW he already sounds slightly different. He's still trying to keep up this "God of Ruthlessness" front that he's so proud of, but he's no longer more or less carefree the way he was in Ruthlessness. He's been obsessing over this feud for ten years, and even if he would never admit it, it's actually clear just from his voice that he really is tired of it too. Not in the sense of it emotionally draining him the way it probably does Odysseus, but in the sense that it's a bother, a loose end in his life, a book that he finally wants to slam shut.

But he still has a reputation to uphold, and he still cannot close this book until Odysseus is dead, so he keeps up the game. Instead of just killing him, he's taunting him to kill himself. He might associate the idea of just striking him down with a sort of loss, like then he'd have to get his hands dirty. Then he's rambling about killing his people, his family. He's provoking Odysseus on purpose, likely trying to get him to snap back, to hate and fear him the way that Poseidon would think any mortal who has consumed this much of his time should. In his eyes, Odysseus deserves nothing less than to curse him with his last breath as his "darkest moment," the god who became the bane of his life.

And Odysseus replies, of all things, with ... sympathy.

Honestly, I don't blame Poseidon for being speechless for three full seconds. He literally just threatened to gauge Telemachus' eyes out the way Odysseus did with Polyphemus, and this absolute madlad of a man replies with an acknowledgment that he (might have) caused Poseidon pain too.

Now, I don't really think Poseidon was particularly hurt over Polyphemus' loss, or hurting in any way in that moment (if he were, I highly doubt he'd still be playing games, and he would've mentioned his son as opposed to speaking about his reputation.) But just the fact that Odysseus acknowledges that he might be hurting too is probably something Poseidon hasn't heard in ... who knows how long? His family is the Olympians. I don't think I have to say more.

It's actually more of a genuine apology than Odysseus' explanation in Ruthlessness ... (even though that was also a perfectly fine apology by Greek standards, as far as I'm aware.) Now he doesn't say "sorry" because he's still not sorry for hurting Polyphemus, since he still needed to do that in order to escape. But he expresses regret over the pain he caused in a more genuine way than ever.

I am convinced that Poseidon is utterly unfamiliar with sympathy or mercy. He's lived by his "Ruthlessness is mercy" motto for centuries, and he doesn't know anything else. No one would try to teach him something different. The other gods all live by this logic, even if he's the most vocal about it considering he seems to have made it his whole personality. Mortals wouldn't dare to question Poseidon in the first place. And barely anyone would be willing to treat someone with kindness who is in turn treating everyone around them with ruthlessness.

It's very likely that Poseidon hasn't encountered anyone like this until Odysseus. Ruthlessness is simply how he treats people and also how he expects to be treated back. The fact that Odysseus doesn't, the fact that instead of hating, fearing, or cursing him, he acknowledges that they have both hurt each other and that it doesn't lead anywhere to still pursue vengeance, must have triggered Poseidon in an unprecedented way.

To him, this was probably the most outrageous thing Odysseus could have said in that moment. And it throws him off so much that he is genuinely speechless, and then simply replies, "I can't." ... his most genuine-sounding line in the whole musical.

I cannot stress enough how much it threw me off to hear this line; in the best way imaginable, it doesn't sound like Poseidon. It sounds almost vulnerable. Almost human. Because he is genuinely at a loss so much that he forgets to put up his "wrathful god" facade for just one second. Standing ovation to Steven Rodriguez for his whole performance, but especially this part.

And then Odysseus goes all out to say something even more outrageous: "Maybe you could learn to forgive?"

... Which is when Poseidon snaps.

Kind of understandable, honestly. There's this mortal whom he has likely fantasized about seeing pleading, hate-filled, and terrified, cowering before him for ten years now ... telling him that he ought to learn something. Even hijacking his own motif and his instrument in order to turn it on its head, "defile" it if you will.

This f*cking mortal pr*ck took his own "Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves" catchphrase and turned it into forgiveness ... Of course, Poseidon is no longer hesitating; of course, he is no longer concerned with getting his hands dirty or not. He yells "DIE!" and unleashes his ultimate move (which is really overkill for simply killing a mortal if you think about it) ... But he does it anyway because this time he genuinely means it.

... That, and I am also convinced he jumps to that in order to simply shut Odysseus up, fearing what he might do or think if he lets him go on. Because you cannot tell me that Odysseus didn't actually reach him for just one moment. He was far too thrown off guard, far too vulnerable in that one second. That moment of kindness did something to him, and he hated it. He also probably didn't trust himself to be able to keep listening to Odysseus speak like that. So, he abandons his (still very technically feasible!) blackmail/intimidation and just straight-up kills him.

This simple exchange (my favorite moment in the whole musical, actually) tells us so much about both of these characters that it makes me want to skitter and squeal in excitement.

Here is Odysseus—the very same one whom Poseidon specifically tried to teach ruthlessness—becoming the first person in a long time to offer him sympathy despite how Poseidon himself showed him nothing but ruthlessness. And then one song later, here is Odysseus showing him the consequences of not accepting said sympathy.

Six Hundred Strike and what Odysseus does to Poseidon would've not hit the same, in my opinion, if he hadn't made this offer, if he hadn't given Poseidon this way out, even if no one watching genuinely expected it to work (probably not even Odysseus himself.)

Six Hundred Strike is not Odysseus exacting vengeance If GITW proved anything about Odysseus, it's that he does not want vengeance. He wants all of the hatred and pain to be over, to the point where he is willing to let go of, and I am inclined to say forgive Poseidon for what he's done to him. Six Hundred Strike is simply Odysseus teaching him this lesson that Poseidon couldn't have learned in any other way, because he has proven in GITW that he genuinely does not speak any language besides that of ruthlessness (more on that in this essay!)

It's just the perfect representation of how Odysseus has now finally learned the balance between mercy and ruthlessness, which seems to be the core theme of the musical: Both have their time and place; one simply has to be willing to act in both ways and know when to use either. No one extreme is the solution. I am genuinely exhilarated that Odysseus finally seemed to have figured out that it's been both all along.

[vesselsscarlet]

Hey my loves of my besties.

This post is a bit personal now. It is a story about Sleep Token, to be exact it is my story with them.

Because it still feels surreal to me.

So... it all started on January 7 in Dusseldorf, Germany, Mitsubishi Electric Hall.

I was there with one of my friends from uni, and also with my male best friend, we decided to see Architects and Northlane. We couldnt care less about the boys (I am very sorry for that now), they weren't relevant to us.

But after opening up with Chokehold and playing Alkaline, dude holy shit, they got me.

I started digging into their music, listened to every song ever since. And then I realized, they once were in my Spotify suggestions with "Hypnosis". But hell, that was back in 2022, and I had no idea.

But when Vore was released and they announced their Wembley ritual I tried to find someone who wanted to go with me. This is how I met a friend who now is coming with me to Birmingham and Cardiff. My friend from uni also wanted to join us.

My old blog went through so many changes, from James McAvoy to Pedro Pascal to Sleep Token. And then it got deleted. It didn't stop me. Tumblr couldn't stop my obsession.

So... I created an account again, ...

This baby, vesselsscarlet.

I didn't know it would end up as a blog with at least 200 followers, and people actually liking my stuff and ... Most importantly..

Me. Lia. That person that runs this account.

My darlings.. oh my darlings..

@moonchild-in-blue @ittwuh (I miss you darling) @autumns-veil @a-s-levynn and @con-clavi-con-jae were the first people that decided to be my besties. And then it was followed by lovie herself @fivewholeminutes and also dearest @thejawsoffate ...

Like ... how did this happen? I barely knew any people and now... I've got these people here. Wanted to be friends with me.

My account blew up... I didn't know what to do..

But @takemetoasgard @sleeby-vessel @polteergeistt @aquareegia @sleep-token @sleepanonymous @alexghost07 @the-devoured @nullcode @ccsven and even the ones I barely/never really talked to (I am sorry, I suck at interactions but ily) but are also worth mentioning... as for: @loveinthemindpalace @houseofache @ghxstly-death @crying-neptune @eepymonstrr @thevenomousseprent .. and so many more..

I cannot express anything that is showing my gratitude towards you all.

You all... made it special. You are the reason why I am still up here.

And when it comes to the UK Tour this year...

I cannot believe it but I am gonna do it with so many amazing people (either for the entire four rituals or a few or just meeting up for one particular ritual):

@fivewholeminutes @a-s-levynn @thejawsoffate @moonchild-in-blue @sleeby-vessel @alexghost07 Alina (my very first sleep token friend who got me the Wembley tickets) and Philipp (my uni friend)...

If you made it this far...

Thank you for being here. Thank you for being my friend/mutual.

And if you are specifically tagged..

I hope you don't mind it. But ....

Thank you so much to you as well for being my bestie. You are the best.

And thank you to Sleep Token for gifting me these incredible people.

With that being said...

Lets keep this up, and I am glad to be here.🥺

[averytirednerd]

About Episodes 7 and 8...MASSIVE SPOILERS!!

Initial thoughts (because if I talk about EVERYTHING right now you'll be here for at least half an hour)...

WHAT THE HELL?!

I mean I loved getting to watch the season finale, don't get me wrong. But I have just as many grievances as things I loved about it and also SO MUCH happened?!?!?!

Charlie: Loved getting to see her be all demon-y, I've been waiting all season. Also loved her and the cannibals (especially Rosie!!!). So glad she got to work w/ Luci to protect the hotel <333 She and Vaggie are adorable too.

Vaggie: I really enjoyed watching her and Carmilla's song, that was cool. Protecting her girlfriend, very cute. I liked seeing her and Lute have that little face-off.

Husk: Sad that we didn't get to see much of him, but I get it. His interactions with the others were sweet (especially Angel). I loved the one line he got to sing on his own in that last song of episode 8. 😍

Angel: Ngl I am very glad he wasn't the one to die. It would've been a fun little "oh crap" moment but I really didn't want to be right. He's still got business down there. His interactions with the others here are everything to me, and he's just grown so much and aaaaaa. It's lovely to see! I love him more and more with every episode.

Niffty: YOU GO, GIRL!!!! Love to see the stabbing. I also really loved the...one line Nifty got. Kimiko Glenn's voice is a gift, I freaked out over getting to hear one line. Anyway. not much else to say other than I definitely thought it was Alastor doing a big "oh look, I'm alive!" thing when Adam got stabbed, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Cherri Bomb/Sir P: I was surprised, to say the least, when Cherri and Sir P had that little moment. Glad they got it before he went and DIED. Cherri is such a good friend to Angel and she's great. Now, onto Sir P...WOW, OKAY. Glad we know Charlie's plan isn't completely stupid. Wonder how Sera's gonna react to him being there now, lol.

The Vees: FIRST OFF, VOX?????? "This is better than sex!" 💀💀💀 Truly was not expecting to see as much of the Vees as we did. Not complaining though. It was...interesting...to say the least, watching Vox get as excited as he did over the prospect of Al dying (still as obsessed as ever, fr). Not at all surprised to see Val and Vox have a thing going, I figured from the interactions we've seen so far. Them dancing together was silly, them practically making out was less so 😃. Also, gotta continue the love for Velvette--putting up with these two idiots must take a lot. Also also, her HAIR! HER HAIR!! EEEEE

Lucifer: I reallllyyyyyy enjoyed seeing Luci make a return to help Charlie, even if it was in one of those "last-minute saves" that I usually hate. Idk, makes sense here I guess because he's probably always watching over Charlie some way. ALSO LUCI AND CHARLIE GOING ALL DEMON-Y TOGETHER WAS <33333333 I really loved him starting off that last song in episode 8, and telling Charlie that he believes in her. It was so sweet. I love Luci sm, hoping he becomes a more integral part of the crew in s2.

Adam/Lute/Lilith: HAHA HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOSE??? Lute got what she deserved with the whole...arm thing. ALSO WHAT--JUST GONNA CASUALLY DROP LILITH IN HERE NOW? Sure, fine, whatever, totally cool. Not sure how to feel about Lilith atm so moving on. I dunno why I was so shocked upon seeing Adam's face. I guess I expected him to...not look as good as he does? Also so upset that he broke Al's staff. How rude. He sucks.

Rosie: Not how I expected her to sound, but I'm most certainly not disappointed. I don't have much to say other than I loved literally everything about her. No complaints--at least not yet ig, need to go back and rewatch the episodes critically. Her and Alastor is everything to me, and seeing them dance was <333333 I cannot express my excitement over it enough.

Alastor: Saved him for last because yes. If I wasn't limiting myself to a short paragraph for each, I'd be writing a whole essay just about Al, I swear....CANNOT believe what just happened omg. Not only did we get to see silly Al in episode 7, but we got to see scary (and scared) Al in episode 8. He's really freaking out, it's so entertaining! I'm so glad it wasn't him who died, I started getting a bit worried for a minute there....His relationship with Rosie is aaaaa, best of besties fr. Fighting Adam scene was glorious. Making Vox act like an idiot even when not trying was funny to watch (Vox's obsession with this guy is so silly). Him retreating sure was a move, but I'm glad he didn't get all stubborn and end up dying. Him ranting a bit in his section of the final song was so...AAAAAAA. Man is so scared, he looks stressed as can be. I need to see Alastor just have an external breakdown because he honestly feels like he's on the verge of one. 💀

Stopping for now before I go on a bigger rant than I already have. To those who read all this, I'm so sorry pfft. Feel free to leave a comment if there's something you wanna discuss (or, better yet, send one of those ask thingies. I do not have comments figured out yet...)

Anyway, have a good one <3

[lauralot89]

Unapologetic Assholes and the Fans Who Love Them

(It's me, I'm the fans, it's me.)

Every child has a character they want to be when they're growing up. Whether it's because they love the character itself (Han Solo is the greatest) or because they want to be part of the character's world (who doesn't want to be a mermaid?), there's always some fictional person a kid would swap lives with in a heartbeat.

For me as a child, that character was Veruca Salt.

Now, Veruca Salt is a spoiled brat. She is THE spoiled brat. She has no redeeming qualities and if I ever met her in real life I wouldn't last five minutes without punching her in the teeth.

But I'd have given anything to be her.

Growing up autistic is growing up being wrong. You talk wrong, you laugh wrong, you interact with your peers wrong. You play wrong. Your interests are wrong and so is the way you talk about them. The things that upset you are irrational and insignificant and wrong. The bullying that other kids do to you isn't really bullying, you're just reacting wrong.

Everything about you and how you experience the world is wrong, and you need to get over it.

I couldn't even breathe without an adult jumping down my throat for how I did it, and I was undiagnosed, so I had no idea that there were others like me and I wasn't just some aberrant freak alone in the world.

But then there was Veruca Salt.

Veruca was never wrong. Even when she clearly was. Even when Veruca demanded the impossible, those around her bent over backwards to achieve it and fell over themselves apologizing when they couldn't. Veruca never apologized. Veruca always got what she wanted. She was like a cruel and angry god who only met her fate because she crossed paths with another god who was even more powerful.

And in the Oompa Loompas' song after she fell down the garbage chute, they didn't even blame her for her horrible behavior, by far the worst of any child in the factory. Even when she lost, she won.

I would have given anything to be Veruca, even if only for a day. To express myself without fear and without regard for everyone I was inconveniencing by being abnormal. The rush of that power would have easily carried me for the rest of my life.

And then I grew up, and there was Carla Rutten.

Carla is not only the greatest character in @itswalky's magnum opus, Dumbing of Age, she is also arguably the greatest character in the history of fiction.

Carla is a student at Indiana University. She's transgender and asexual, and in the hands of lesser writers this might lead to temptation to portray her as perfectly kind and moral and inoffensive, lest she be viewed as a negative stereotype.

Instead, Carla is loud, demanding, self-obsessed, and perfect in every way.

Carla refuses to reign herself in, even if it brings further bigotry and anger her way. She won't hold herself to a different standard than any other jackass.

And in the end, even if you hate her, even if you want her wiped from the face of the earth, that's still acknowledging her. And she's still won.

As an asexual ginger Hoosier I cannot even begin to express what Carla means to me and how thankful I am for her existence. There aren't words for how great it is that a character like this exists and is just allowed to be. Allowed to be as flawed and rude and funny and spoiled as anybody else.

More ladies need to be unrepentant self-absorbed jerks. It's a beautiful thing.

[am-i-interrupting]

How Autism Effects Them

For Me. Hi, I’m autistic and I write these specific characters with autism in mind. Here’s how it effects my writing of them.

Alastor

Alastor is a sensory avoidant autistic with the PDA profile.

He avoids touch unless specifically initiated by him or someone he trusts.

He cannot stand any type of soft touch and is much more receptive to strong grips.

Part of the reason he employed Niffty is because of her obsessive cleaning and his need for things to be orderly but lack of willpower or energy to clean.

He has a specific way of organizing things and Niffty quickly caught on and adopted those same values.

He avoids going certain places due to sounds which may occur. Specifically retaining to music.

He enjoys Jazz, swing, classical, and blues. That is it.

Being sensory avoidant, does not mean, however, that he never seeks sensory stimulation. It is just something he does not do often.

One of the biggest ways he seeks some sort of new experience, sensory or emotion wise, is actually through his planned chaos like with the Hotel. A situation he has some control over and sway in how it goes.

The main stimulation he will look for is the feeling of blood between his teeth and fingers or the best of his favorite songs. Though, he also enjoys the smells and tastes of various spices.

(Personally, I am of the belief that dancing is a stim that he participates in because it’s socially acceptable.)

He is very in touch with his needs and what his body communicates to him even if he doesn’t always have words to describe them.

The PDA profile of autism is known as Pathological Demand Avoidance or, preferred by many PDA-era, Persistent Drive for Autonomy. This often shows up as feeling like anything perceived as a demand is a threat and reacting accordingly.

This results in despite him knowing what his body needs, he refuses to give in to it.

How dare his body tell him to sleep, he is in the middle of very important things that he does not want to stop doing and will stay up even longer to spite his body.

How dare Charlie and Vaggie insist he use video when his radio station is perfectly available, he will mess it up out of spite.

His special interests are actually radio and body anatomy. This fueled both his career choices.

Lucifer

Lucifer is a depressed, anxiety ridden AuDHD king.

He hyperfixates on his projects and forgets to eat, drink, even go to the bathroom.

He struggles with keeping relationships.

You send him a message, he forgets to reply, remembers to reply two weeks later, spends another week debating whether or not it’s too late to reply before finally replying or just starting a new conversation.

He is easily overwhelmed in social situations and cannot maintain multiple conversations at once.

He will fixate on one person and only reply to them.

Just barges in on conversations and chimes in when initiated at inappropriate times.

He bounces between needing complete silence, a specific noise, or an amount of noise that would overwhelm others constantly.

Vaggie

Vaggie is an autistic who has alexthymia.

She’s very monotoned and doesn’t know how to express her emotions because frankly, she doesn’t always know what they are.

It’s like there’s some disconnect between her thoughts and her body.

She’s not very good at articulating what she feels or connecting what her body is experiencing to her emotions.

She actually has a journal filled with bodily descriptions and how they connect to what she thinks she should be feeling. It helps her describe them to you better.

She doesn’t just have a disconnect with her feelings but her body as a whole.

She does not process things that should be painful as painful.

Her brain doesn’t always compute what signals her body is giving her so she can often forget to eat, drink, go to the bathroom, sleep.

She has certain rituals she does in order to try to connect better with her body and understand what it needs.

Every morning while she’s getting ready, she needs complete silence so she can connect.

She goes through the motions of brushing her hair and takes note of how it feels before and after. She does the same with brushing her teeth.

A couple times every day, she just has to stop everything, find a quiet place, and try to understand what her body is telling her.

Vox

Vox has the PDA profile of autism, is sensory seeking, and has OCD-like tendencies.

See Alastor, point 13 for definition of PDA.

His PDA comes up in a much more controlling way than Alastor’s. Or at least obviously controlling.

He needs everything to go a specific way and gets very disregulated when it doesn’t.

I feel like this also makes his RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) worse.

Not only does he have the disappointment and feeling of failure when he is rejected or dismissed but he also has the emotional disregulation of his PDA which makes him feel like he’s been threatened and in danger to deal with on top of this.

His PDA often results in his use of manipulation and hypnosis over the general populace to ensure a favorable outcome for him.

If he is told to do something and there’s no way out of doing it, he will coerce the situation into something that at least feels like he has control over it.

However, if he does have a way out of it. He simply won’t do it or will purposefully do it wrong.

If you ask him to do something that he was already doing, he will walk away and come back to do it later when you’re gone.

His sensory seeking behavior is often like how we were introduced to him, plugging himself into his systems and being bombarded with the sounds of people.

He does this to regulate.

It’s cathartic to him in the same way blasting loud music when you’re upset is.

His main source of stimulation is through noise and sight.

He finds things like bright lights a calming thing as well.

He is a bit sensory avoidant though but it shows up very differently to Alastor’s.

It shows up in the form of constant cleanliness, yes, but Alastor finds cleanliness soft, unstained rugs and polished wooden desks whereas Vox finds it in a much more modern style.

Counters that don’t have a single finger print on them. Floors that are tile and shining, always looking freshly waxed.

Alastor’s version of clean is warm and homely. Vox’s version of clean is cold and slick.

This also plays into his OCD-like tendencies.

For Alastor it’s an annoyance when these things get out of place. For Vox it’ll ruin his entire day and he has to rearrange his schedule in order to fix it.

Another sensory experience he avoids would be strong smells. He cannot cope with them as they overwhelm him, along with taste.

His part of the tower is very pristine and actually very cold temperature wise not only because he enjoys colder temperatures but they also prevent him from overheating when he’s upset or just feeling strong emotions.

Going to the other parts of the tower are not something he enjoys.

Velvette’s normally smells of strong perfumes and Valentino’s smells of a combination of perfume and sex.

[chevelleneech]

Kpop fans are obsessed with “mistreatment”.

Disclaimer: I am well aware idols go through a shit ton of shit in their industry. I am well aware plenty of them if not the majority of them are mistreated in some way or another, because their industry is similar yet very different from the West. This conversation is not to dismiss any of that.

All that said, fans of kpop idols are unhealthily obsessed with their bias being a victim of company mistreatment to the point where they readily throw other members of their favorite groups under the bus. This tweet is an example of that.

I didn’t take the original screen shot, but I did crop/blackout names and pictures, because that’s just how I roll.

However, to the point, these two people are discussing why Han and Lee Know of Stray Kids aren’t being allowed to release songs, and their conclusion is: they’re being mistreated by one of their companies. The managerial side, I do believe. And that mistreatment is concluded to stem from Han and Lee Know potentially being queer and in a relationship.

Now, me? I’m a shipper. I adore them together and do believe they likely have something going on. I also believe it is smart to assume that in a country more known for conservative views than not, which include anti-queer views, they aren’t likely to be treated with the most care and concern by anyone working with them who may be homophobic, if Han and Lee Know are in fact queer and dating, and if it is known to their company.

However, the person on top decides to go a step further and state that their mistreatment furthers the belief that Minsung’s queerness is real, because in their head, Felix isn’t being mistreated in the same way, thus proving his presented queerness is somehow lesser.

How the two correlate? I do not know, because no one within Stray Kids is known for consistent solo releases. No one within SKZ have released solo albums nor have they been heavily featured on other people’s music. They are very much so marketed as an 8-piece who even release solo stuff on 8-piece albums. Occasionally they’ll drop a song or two, but it’s not like either one of their companies are green lighting one person over another 24/7.

So to circle back to my point, and it’s something I’ve said about BTS solo stans as well… your bias cannot be the only one being mistreated if EVERY SOLO believes their bias is the one being mistreated. Either the entire groups is being mismanaged and ignored, or the most likely scenario in these cases, is that fans simply do not like that their fave isn’t being pushed front and center at all times.

Because really and truly, the answer is probably somewhere between investments and returns not matching up for what your bias wants or finances and production time are being allocated elsewhere for the group as a whole. And to a certain degree, I completely believe that the way BTS release music is the best way groups should release. It should happen throughout the group’s entire career, because it gives artists space to grow. Kpop is known for that more or less, but they’re still pretty controlling and wants solo work to fit the group image.

I’m getting off track, I’m writing this, because saying a person who has repeatedly expressed his comfort, happiness, and desire to be perceived as non-cis (because that’s truly what it is even if Felix has not come out nor changed how he refers to himself), is doing so to be “trendy” in some poor attempt at defending two people who you think are queer, is insane.

I 100% believe Han and Minho are likely queer. I 100% believe Felix is likely queer, but I can’t say I would ever pit them against one another, least of all claim that the only one of the three of them to say from his mouth that he likes being viewed as unisex, is allowed to release solo music (which he doesn’t do in the first place!) because he’s faking his queerness. Because he’s the “right” (aka not real) kind of queer that only exists because it’s “trendy”.

That is truly fucked up, and the reason I say this is proof of fans being obsessed with mistreatment, is because this person is clearly unable to even recognize the fact that they are belittling someone’s identity and forms of expression that not only leans queer, but is in fact queer. And I'm not saying choosing a unisex/androgynous image automatically makes a person queer in terms of their gender or sexuality. But it does place their gender and sexuality into a box much much closer to queer than not, and it is simply not common practice for cis straight men to openly discuss their intent to be mistaken as a woman.

Taemin has said it. Jimin has said it. Felix has said it. They enjoy the confusion, they enjoy wearing things that make them most comfortable even if it causes people to question their gender. So to say it’s happening because it’s trendy, is bullshit. To throw Felix under the bus, is bullshit.

People become fans of Kpop and get swept away in the waves of pretty men in tight clothes and makeup, and hugging on their male friends, and forget that South Korea is still South Korea. They forget that the only people who claim kinship is extremely normal and common amongst straight men, are westerners and western raised Koreans. There are plenty of queer Korean people who make it known skinship is not this always welcome way of behaving. We know being queer is still taboo, because of the way BL actors act once their fame dies down and their homophobia pops out. There are straight me. In the Korean movie and music scene who turn their noses at skinship, because again, it is not some super normalized thing.

Just because Kpop is a field in which men are allowed and semi-encouraged to be less masculine and more vulnerable, doesn’t mean it’s all fake and that real queer idols are being emotionally abused and ignored. Wanting your bias to be getting treated badly is very insane behavior that all Kpoppies seem to exhibit, and I will never understand it.

Trendy or not (and let’s be clear, it’s not. Being queer and expressing a certain type of sexuality might bring money into the idol industry as we know, but it will never be a “trend”) Felix is a real person. He has expressed himself regarding this topic many times, and does not owe anyone a full blown coming out just for people to believe that his interested in not being masculine and indeed being seen as unisex, is real.

This person needs to dial it back and actually think about what it is they say and believe. Not only because measuring queerness is stupid and would give zero answers on this topic, but if we had to look at how history unfolds when it comes to potential queer men who are perceived as more or less cis vs. potential queer men who actively choose to present as a feminine in some way… the answer is very consistently clear.

So instead of trying to persuade people into believe Minsung have it harder because they might be in a relationship, this person needs to consider there being other reasons. They need to stop letting their “yes men” fill their heads with the idea that every other SKZ member is drowning in solo music and opportunities, when that’s not true. Solos are delusional by default and I know that, but it pisses me off when idols try so hard to express themselves, particularly regarding their queerness or adjacency to, and so-called fans still find ways to disregard them.

Which is another thing I’ve said before yet will say again: Idol fans do not want queer idols. They want idols who pretend to be queer, but give it up once their fame wanes. It’s stupid and ass backwards, but is a fact of the idol fandom world.

[deardiary1899]

king of new york is a catchy af song but i like to think it emphasizes something about race

i always found it as something that represented their wants and are somewhat expressions of them internally--

Race: A pair o' new shoes with matchin' laces <- Race wants something practical? I mean, in some productions, his socks don't even match!!!!!

Romeo: A permanent box at the sheepshead races <- Surprisingly, Race was supposed to have this line but was changed in the Broadway production. It's one of the main things I found interesting in the lyrics.

and, honorable mention to Davey:

Davey: A regular beat for the star reporter!

Davey's kindness is shown here. He prefers to move the attention to Katherine, and what he wants is never really mentioned

Anyhow, Ive read from another post that the boys are sharing these things according to what the other person likes, and that, is very cute and i love it, but I unfortunately cannot see it that way myself when it's with Race. Romeo may have said that line for Race, but, the lines Race sings in Carrying the Banner sort of correlates with his lines in KofNY. The said Race's lines in CtB are as follows:

Curdled Coffee / Concrete Donuts / Sprinkled with mold / Homemade / Biscuits / Just two years old

I am a true believer that the lines characters are chosen to sing are important to who they are, and I will find it endlessly curious as to why these are the specific things Race would list out, when most of the newsies at this part, something they want/that's currently happening/general observations or whatever. It's just so,,, curious to me how he speaks of THOSE things?? they're definitely not something they want, and it's poetic as FUCK??? like WHO hurt you mr higgins

It makes me think of Race as someone who is somewhat practical. I mean, outside of being sort of rowdy, excitable and the like, he's, without a doubt, smart af and like his historical counterpart, quite aware.

Race: Am-scray, punk / She's the king of New York!

Katherine: Whod'a thunk! I'm the king of New York!

Newsies: We was sunk, pale and pitiful

Katherine: Bunch'a wet noodles

Katherine & Newsies: Pulitzer's poodles!

Les: Almost about to drown in the drink

Buttons: When she fished us out

Race: And drowned us in ink!

Am-scray is one of my favourite parts here. Maybe because it was sung by Race but It’s Pig Latin.

I have NO Idea how common it is to learn that in the 19th century– but considering in Newsies (not as historically accurate) the boys don’t get a proper education other than Davey (but in a more historical perspective, they did. somewhat.), It’s EXTREMELY important to me how he knows such words like ‘Hoi-polloi’ (GREEK!!!), Am-scray and Gratis (LOOK i dont know how common words like that are, because im not a native english speaker and DAMN i don't know the usual 19th century lingo, but to me, it was a big big word)

Even more, his wit is shown well in the line ‘and drowned us in ink’. I’ve been obsessed with that since I heard it, and I’ll never get over how it is a BEAT that you can skip to in writing. It’s such a smooth and witty way to say that Katherine’s writing had helped them, and that ‘drowning in them in ink’ led them to get the fame they got (front page of the papers).

It’s also bitterly sweet to note that seeing their faces on the front page was more than enough to have them all tap-dancing, and although they may be forgotten the next day, it was all the worth.

this is all over the place, and moreso a ramble, but I REALLY wish we got more of Race because these specific things keep repeating in my mind ALL the time. I would ALSO like to state that Race was a HUGE driving force in this. I could write a WHOLE essay about him but kiss his ass and slap it because after getting hit around by oppressors and police, he knew they needed at least a moment of relief !!!!!!

TL;DR: I have a crush on Race Higgins and I need him real NOW

[thestuffinginside]

Seriously cannot wait for her!!

I saw the movie two nights ago and absolutely loved it. Here are some of my take-aways (possible spoilers below):

• I thought the costuming was super fun!! Her dress did not look cheap to me, and overall, it all looked like a good mix between bright fairytale pieces and fairly accurate middle age toward renaissance details. Also I was so obsessed with her shoes omg!

• Her hair was better than in initially seemed. Is she still giving pageboy? Sometimes. But I liked it, and it made her appear very youthful.

• I, too, was initially put off by Rachel Zegler's comments on the original film and the characterization of the prince. But with the seamless changes that were implemented and how it fit into the storyline...I found myself agreeing with her critiques, no matter how brash her presentation came across.

• I thought the seven dwarfs were adorable, not at all creepy. Dopey reminded me of Billy from Polar Express!

• The overall aesthetics were perfectly reminiscent of the original film, which is a major part of why I've always loved it so much!

• I am a big fan of these live action films, and so far my least favorite has been BatB, but it's still a decent movie. I truly love how much personality is added to each of the characters, particularly the love interests (where applicable). The casting and more developed storyline in SW made the relationship—and life-saving kiss—much more realistic. And, fun fact, the prince WAS supposed to have a bigger role in the animated film, but apparently he was too difficult to draw, and with time constraints as well, he mostly got axed except where strictly necessary. So I appreciate the live action having the time to explore the connection.

• The added songs were a lot of fun, and I wish the physical album were easier to come by!

• The Queen was my least favorite character, but that checks out. She also had my least favorite song lol.

• This film also felt like a very apt assessment and commentary on current social and political issues, so good for them. Major companies and artistic creators like Disney need to use their platforms at times like these, as they did during WWII with their animated shorts.

[If I think of more, I'll add it!]

[imarileina]

a long review of what i hyperfixated on to survive med school

Okay, this is my first time completely putting this all out but I am going to share a list of my hyperfixations that I get into PRETTY DEEP at the end of the past year and into the beginning of 2025. There's no pattern, I am just circling around everything.

January to March 2024, I was so into the PJO Series! It was so life-changing to watch your childhood favorite book series come to life right before your eyes and the changes made sense. Leah Sava Jeffries as Annabeth Chase and Aryan Simhadri and Walker Scobell! Also, the part with Medusa T-T (She's one of my favorite girlypopsicles in generally, the greek mythology). I also rewatched the film franchise with Alexandra Daddario in it, because it may have drifted so far away from the book, it's still a favorite.

On November 2024, Arcane Season 2 happened. Which means, yeah, I had my Arcane Season 2 phase ESPECIALLY ABOUT CAITLYN KIRAMMAN AND VI??? Who wouldn't??? (Let's go, lesbians. Let's go!) And also, Jinx! (Up to the point that I have collected souvenirs of printed Jinx's wanted poster photos from an exhibit I attended at my university for the IT Department, yeah, it felt weird having to ask the staff for the posters and not buying on the REAL SOUVENIRS table but kinda pulled it and I POSTED IT UP MY DORM BED WALL). And because of Arcane I am into such an eagerness to study the series' art style because I loved it so much! Also, Arcane plus SpiderVerse, I am collecting their artbooks like gemstones!

December 2024 to January 2025 I am into Wicked. I personally believe that I have listened to the soundtracks of the film so much that it's gonna pop up on my Spotify wrap this year. It's me and the endless belting of Defying Gravity against the world, I love Cynthia Erivo she's magnificent she's enchanting and for me personally, Idina Menzel has a special place in my heart, but Cynthia made Elphaba gleam (if you know what I mean). I cry every time she sings and the songs are just timeless, you canNOT get tired of listening to it over and over again~

Middle of January 2025 to the beginning of February, I am an Epic girlypop. You will hear me sing Warrior of the Mind, My Goodbye, We'll Be Fine, Suffering, Not Sorry For Loving You, The Challenge, and WYFILWM over and over again. Even from when I got sick and haven't recovered my voice since, and I have the nerve to post random video clips of me singing bits and pieces of those songs on my Instagram stories so much that it's getting kind of embarrassing for people following me there expecting to see art (I'm just a girl 🎀) I cannot express how brilliantly made that musical was created, from the lyrics, the story-telling and the music. As a musical fan and a dramatic theatre kiddie, to say I am obsessed would be an understatement.

February 14 - 28 We're back to CaitVi because of the Nasa Fanfic <3 I love lesbianismmmmmm I love them two my one and only my lifeline. I love Cait, will always love my husband BUT WOOT WOOT HELLO MAMA VI She has bewitched me body and soul. I will die for that woman. Gentle and raw, next question (as a conservative person, yes I am going to be very embarrassed about saying that but I felt the need to say that). She's my baby I am genuinely crying for her like OOHHHH MY SHAYLAAAAAA

We're at the beginning of March and I am back to Epic <3 Oh, we are in so much ride once I start with the arts~

[knightinsourarmor]

@musecurse asked:

 🍒 ofcrossroads (Madi), gyofukuki (Lune) and vonbirden (Gwyn). Have at it ! ! !

send  me  🍒  +  a  url  and  i  will  write  some  positivity  for  them.

As much as I adore all of ya, I struggle real hard in expressing myself properly, especially complimenting people. I try in my own way to express how much I appreciate your presence, and sometimes I come off as being too much. So I’m sorry if I switch between being annoying and seeming like giving you the cold shoulder. I try to balance between overenthusiasm and anxiety and hold myself back on a 24/7 basis. Long story short. I adore ya.

@ofcrossroads (Madi)

Oh Madi!! How much I adore Madi. My longest roleplay partner, my Yaomomo. One of the first people I wrote Shoto with and who helped me develop him in my first years of roleplaying where I still was all over the place with how this place works, and how it’s so incredibly fun. I feel so LUCKY to have found Madi. To be able to talk over so many different works and dynamics, to annoy occasionally, to obsess over Momo and Shoto and so many others, to read such wonderful writing and think of our threads for so long, and make me interested in characters I originally wasn't fond of is such a Madi talent. Madi has been so patient with me, and still sticks to me in many years of moving blogs a hundred times, being chaotic at times, having taken years to respond to stuff, while showing interest even in characters she doesn’t know. . . I don’t get why she handles me (and no I haven't resorted to any non-plus ultra means. yet). But also, she’s such a big comfort to be around, a friend I cherish dearly and a friend I feel so lucky to have. I just— I hold her so dear to me. She lets me be a menace to society. Thanks uwu

@gyofukuki (Lune)

Lune! Oh how much I love Lune. We’ve known each other for around a year and I swear, this was the fastest I’ve clicked with a roleplay partner before even writing. Talking to Lune became immediately such a joyful time to me, as joyful as it is to write (which doesn’t happen to me). Looking forward to their messages, to being sent songs, art, talk about the most random details about the most random dynamics we have made our own, to build such incredible verses that I could never think of (!!!), to know their thoughts and feelings and headcanons about characters and lore, and their incredibly deep understanding of characters. As much as I adore their writing, I adore talking to Lune. Because world-building with Lune has been one of the most FUN experiences I’ve had in roleplaying. And I feel horrible having such a fun time has made me at times oversharing, I know that, and I do apologize genuinely and I am working towards that (reason why I try to keep myself quiet and fail). It’s been YOUR fault (undoing my own apology. . .), but like I said, I’ve never been so interested in someone else’s thoughts on the works I love, because you DO have such great ideas, and they give me so much food for thought, nice and yummy food, and I can’t get enough of it. 

@vonbirden / lausticzt (Gwyn)

My wife. My love for Gwyn is no secret, I can’t hold back when it comes to screaming for excellent writing, amazing portrayals, the dynamics, the best character ever aka Laura. *slams table* My love for Gwyn can’t be described (let’s hope Gwyn still talks to me after this). 

I cannot but find a better reference than the Aqua x Kana dynamic. I do relate to Kana in many ways, and especially when it comes to: “ Somebody just praising my efforts would keep me going forever. Someone. Anyone. Say it's okay for me to be here. ” Praise, as if not being praised for my writing, HELL NO, but for me to be okay to hyper-focus on this one person and pour all my heart into writing with/for them. Having that special someone, where being in this silly hobby makes it okay. When roleplaying, inspiration lies on written ic interactions, and it’s easy to lose confidence sometimes. Gwyn is a very big reason why it’s worth writing. She’s my ‘I can be myself, with no fear or anxiety’ roleplay partner. My ‘I can put tons of effort in this, and it’s not going to be meaningless. As long as they read it, it’s worth it’ kind of partner.

To be SEEN by such a wonderful roleplay partner, and have her even not just read my responses but RESPOND?? To have the chance to write my favorite dynamics, all the bonds we’ve built, everything my heart yearns for. I’m hopelessly in love. I cannot even describe how GREAT Gwyn’s writing is. I always find myself mesmerized at the delicate sentiments described, the beautiful scenery, the understanding of her and my characters. How many times I told myself I should have a doc with parts of Gwyn’s writing I wanna keep and re-visit from time to time because she’s an incredible writer. 

And let’s go back to the Aqua x Kana reference. Kana’s “ Help me make this show a good one, ” is me at Gwyn. Kana’s yearning to be her best. Kana’s “ You’re always driving me crazy, ” because she feels she can unleash her best in what she does thanks to Aqua. And at last. How relaxed Gwyn makes me feel. No anxiety, no second-guessing my writing, no fear if I do this or that. Gwyn is my Aqua. That’s it.

(again, let’s hope Gwyn keeps talking to me after this show of madness)

BONUS. You thought YOU could get away?  

Miko. You’re such an awesome rp partner to be around. Your open mind, your approach to people, your writing. I love you and cherish you dearly. We’ve known each other for so long (longer than you probably remember, since I had a much different URL, yes this is a secret I've kept for long). I love sharing stuff with you, I love listening to your thoughts about the works you like, and I love gossiping with you (jk jk, I just love we both share the same views on what respect and giving space to create is). You are such a level-headed, kind-hearted person, and I love you and respect you and feel comfy around you no matter what. You write such incredible characters, you’re such a joy on the dash.

I’ve always LOVED how interactive you are with your roleplay partners (something that’s your trademark), including them to posts, tagging to art, to silly ic posts, and in general, you have a talent of bringing people together through your presence, which is . . . So waku waku. You’re very waku waku. I adore ya. *send kiss* I love ya. You're awesome.

[astarionsilverbough]

okay my loves.

big update.

firstly, i want to thank all of you for all the support you’ve given me and tlogm. NO, it’s not being canceled or deleted or put on hold! I’m going to be moving to an every other week drop. this fic is TOO dear to me to give up on, so don’t worry your pretty heads about that.

but on to personal news: post breakup, i have realized i myself am romantically monogamous. we do a lot of strange things to hold onto what is familiar to us, i think; change and possible loss are scary things to face, but after moving through this breakup…. i know what i want more than ever.

that being said, our boys are still going to be falling all over each other. i love writing them, i love the way they’re all falling in love, it’s fun and fictional and i’m realizing i can actually be monogamous myself whilst also enjoying non-monogamy in fiction. strange, how two things can be true, right?

beyond that: i’m very happy to announce that after ten arduous years of running away from not only myself but my story, i am going to be reworking and delving into the world of the novel i self-published ten years ago. it’s grown up with me, and i’m tired of running. it is called the hellstrider trilogy, and is a novel series about killing the christian god. very queer, very trans, very angry. if you love my raphael, you’re going to LOVE my darling dominic.

these past three weeks have been very hard for me, personally. i’ve realized how fucking lonely i’ve been and how much i’ve neglected myself in favor of taking care of everyone around me. i became a bit boy obsessed, i will admit; i’m a devastatingly hopeless romantic and i want so badly to be loved like a hozier song - to be loved the way halsin loves astarion, the way gale does raphael.

i’ve always been punished in love, probably because i’ve always been so desperate for it i accept the bare minimum of fondness and call it love. but it wasn’t. i didn’t love myself enough to realize that i’ve never been loved the way i want or deserve - the way fifteen year old me always dreamed of.

but i’m going to wait. i’m… content to wait, i think. i’m still very sad and very lonely - but i’m ready to make the effort not to be.

i cannot express enough gratitude to all of you. your support has been my guiding light through all of this. i love you all so so very much. thank you, thank you, thank you.

💕💕💕

[bittyfromquotev]

Am I the only one who sees how extreme and weird Twilight’s feelings for Shining Armor were? I’m not saying that she canonically has incestious thoughts about him. I’m not. I just find it strange.

Like, I get it. She loves her big brother and admires him. That’s normal! But in her BBBFF song, I briefly remember a scene where she watches him sleep, or at least expresses a desire to do so. I know for sure this flew over everyone’s heads, but that’s a bit…extreme in my opinion.

I also found it strange that, during the wedding song as Twilight and Cadence are escaping the dungeon, she says “yes, I also love the groom”. Without any implication of them being related. That’s weird.

Honestly throughout both of those episodes, Twilight expressed very obsessive behavior towards her brother that CANNOT BE NORMAL.

Am I the only one who’s bothered by this????

[mending-up-your-fences]

Would you mind talking a little bit about your BCB concert experiences?

Buckle up, because I haven't written about this in ages and its one of my favorite things to talk about. Also I apologize for all less than eloquent phrases and writing.

TL;DR: It is a special and rare gift to anticipate something so much and have it be even more great than you hoped.

Some context:

I am new. I became a BCB fan after getting really into ITSD and then obsessively consuming basically every single performance, video, song, article, etc that I could get my hand on. I have never previously considered myself a real music fan or consumer until BCB. I have a gift for obsessive media consumption, similar to many people here on tumblr.

I traveled specifically to see them. I went to Bourbon and Beyond in 2023, and followed that with the Blossom Music Center show in Cuyahoga Falls near Cleveland two days after. This required two separate plane trips. I regret nothing.

My first show experience kind of sucked. My eye got really dry and uncomfortable and I couldn't see well. There was an obnoxious guy next to me. The music was great though. Woodstock IRL? Kills.

On to the meat and potatoes: the Blossom show. First off, I had really decent seats that were also well within what I was willing to spend. Can't believe that I got that close. Lovely crowd. Every single type of lesbian you can fathom was there. Also, Geraldo Rivera was there??? Lots of people that had seen them before, but some newbies like me as well. Katie Pruitt opened and was really really great. This was before Mantras released, and I absolutely loved the superman song. Her voice on Out of the Blue is crazy. Great start.

Aside before we really get going: I am too obsessed, and therefore had roughly known the songs that were being played that tour. That being said, LOL no I did not, that concert was sequenced by an insane person.

So, they come out, arms linked and go straight into Stay Gentle. I apologize but I cannot currently discuss how I feel about the song. Needless to say, the part where she puts up her arms and sings "be amazed by the sky" followed by the bridge with the Hanseroth Twins is one of my dearest memories of that night. Just magical. Quickly followed by "Over the Rainbow" which was also incredible. Just so beautiful.

Okay, so then they launch into Broken Horses, which I knew would be really solid and it was! Followed by The Things I Regret, which I think is probably their most underrated great song. Her voice on the sneaky warm-up she does as the intro to it is absolutely insane. Just stupid. The clarity and tone is just magical and so pure?

You and Me on the Rock is so great, Sista Strings and Kyleen King did the BGVs and were excellent. Just a joyful song, really made even greater by experiencing it with a crowd of fellow fans. Also, loved yelling "You and Me on the Rock" with everyone after the first chorus.

The Story being next is insane but true. And brings us to one of the most special moments of the night. The band was in the middle of wrapping up opening for P!nk and they were clearly a bit exhausted and also a bit over the experience of opening at this point. (If you haven't seen their set from that tour you should. Tight tight set, that they somehow end with We are the Champions and it doesn't feel unearned? And her voice is stupid? The phoenix one is on YT). Brandi talked about it at one point the most she did at any point that tour, and I would be deeply surprised to ever see them tour stadiums again. So they launch into it, and I cannot begin to express how underrated she is at singing that song. Her voice is crazy. The band is so freaking good. So she finishes singing and then the audience gives her a 90 second (It's online, i've counted) ovation at the end, that I think actually made her a little less burnt out for the remainder of the show. The entire band was visibly touched. I forget that there were a lot of venues that they were playing that year that were still by far the biggest venues or the fullest that they've ever been to in those markets. Anyway, deeply touching.

And then: The Eye. I can't express enough how beautiful it is in real life and how real yet perfect their harmonies are. I'm still not sure how much I've ever connected to the lyrics of the song, but it was just so beautiful that I started silently weeping at this point. I think that was my "I'm really here" moment. The Hanseroths are incredible.

Again, this was (even retrospectively) an insane show. There are about five songs that they were not regularly playing that we got to hear, and so next she sings The Mother. Still I think the best song that she's ever written. Her voice and conviction when she sings is unmatched, and the experience of being present there with other people was so dear.

So then they do Right on Time x2, which was stupid. It's a stupid trick. The In the Canyon Haze version is beautiful, but the OG version is one of the best songs I've ever heard live? Something about how the guitars and drums hit during the instrumental is crazy. Also, her voice is INSANE. She just laughed at the end of the final RIIIIIIGHT. Me too boss. Your voice is stupid. Also also, this is one of my favorite phenomenons: this is an audience of fans. We know the words. But people straight up will not audibly sing unless she asks because they are there to hear her sing. It's one of those special audience understandings that I find kind of magical.

My Song makes me laugh because it is such an immature lyric at this point, which she openly says at the beginning, but the band is magical and so is she, and also she's such a committed performer that everyone is completely bought in?

Mama Werewolf: haha, wtf. Special caliber BCB song. Stupid. So so beautiful to hear live.

So then they start a weird instrumental, and I actually out loud lost my sh*t because I recognize it all of a sudden. So they go into Again Today, and it's the best I've ever heard her sing it. She takes the option up on the first refrain and it was just awesome. I don't know what else to say about it. Goosebumps.

The band rocks and at this point the crowd is locked in, and at its rowdiest for Raise Hell. Somehow now underrated. The live version when her and the twins pull off the train effect after the guitar solo is one of my favorite performance moments in music. The whole thing was just so rowdy and fun. The guitar solo was also really cool. Tim played Elvira for it.

They followed with Party of One. Party of One. I think the audience sat for it (the only song the front section sat for). It's so good and the orchestra outro is incredible. Such a special special song.

Back to Fun with Mainstream Kid (Katie Pruitt came in on this one and killed) and Sinners, Saints, and Fools (kills live. destroys. absolute mayhem.)

Now it is time for The Joke, which made me cry? It is impossible to explain to people if they haven't seen the band how beautiful that song is to experience in a crowd, how incredible the band is, and how superlative and singular her performance of it is. Just so incredibly good.

Finished out with Hold Out Your Hand which was beautiful but also kind of like seeing your teacher in public? There's something so playful about it that makes the whole band seem like normal people even though they are wrapping up playing the best show I've seen in my entire life.

Encore: Live and Let Die and We are the Champions. This should feel like jumping the shark, but she's the best no frills live performer out there, so it feels just like it was always supposed to happen.

Summative thoughts: Anyone who even kind of likes her voice/art should see her live. The band altogether is special, and really more than the sum of its parts. You see her perform live and understand every good thing and insane opportunity she and the band have ever received. There are a lot of great songs out there in the world. But there really aren't that many special songs, and in my eyes BCB has the highest concentration of them out there. To get to share that experience with other people live was incredible. Also, every layer of amplification you can remove from her voice makes her voice sound even better. Truly truly singular voice that shouldn't work but somehow produces magic. The other thing that is special to me about their performance: those are people making that music. It's somehow loose and yet extremely professional and well done. The music is hard but you never lose the sense that these are just great performers crushing a live performance.

Hopefully that's kind of what you were looking for? If it was more of logistics, I could answer that too. Nonetheless, if you can see the band in concert, GO. I think I could write a more academic critical review style discussion, but I'm not sure I want to.

[charawara]

(sorry in advance for the long message - this does not contain anything mean or scary)

hey, sorry, i know this is sudden - but i'm the person who made the post/doc about miss miseryguts + its relation to how the producer treated my friend. (i only check the notes once in a while, so i didn't see your reblog until weeks later.) i saw you reblog it with tags and looked through your blog to see if anyone had said anything to you about it, and i found a post you made after reblogging it and wanted to message you. (it was this one - https://charawara.tumblr.com/post/769963026535366656/mmee-when-my-biggest-comfort-character-and-the )

we don't know each other, obviously, but seeing it reminded me of what my friend went through a long time ago.

so, i don't know if this is something you need to hear, but...i want to tell you that your feelings, thoughts, and the ways you show love do not make you an abuser or a monster. i personally believe miss miseryguts (the character - i assume it's her name) is a caricature of "irl yanderes," portraying obsesssive love, fear of abandonment and need for attention as inherently abusive. but the fact remains that these are things people experience, and things people cannot stop themselves from experiencing, and so naturally, it's impossible for this caricature to not be relatable to innocent people with mental illnesses such as BPD or DPD.

and i'm probably letting my grudge against marlowe affect my opinion here, but i'm repulsed that they would make those innocent people feel like inherent abusers just because they (marlowe) were made so uncomfortable even just seeing someone express those symptoms from a distance that they had to make a song to demonize it and paint it as a traumatic experience.

you are not a bad person for finding comfort in this character, for relating to her, for using her to express your thoughts and feelings, for feeling connected and seen, regardless of the creator's actual intentions.

your obsessive tendencies do not make you a bad person. if anything, they should be controlled for your own mental health and safety, but of course that's not something strangers online can or should tell you how to do.

your love, and the amount you choose to show, does not make you scary or abusive.

i am sorry if i didn't word this very coherently, and i am sorry if any of this comes off as patronizing or insensitive or invasive - seeing your post just reminded me of the things that were said about my friend (especially during the main...conflict, i guess, back in 2020-2021) and it's been bothering me that someone else is feeling this way because of marlowe's insensitivity. i'm not sending this to try to turn you against marlowe or their music (your opinion on them does not matter to me, i would not think less of you regardless), i just wanted to try and assure you that you are not an evil person for connecting so much with this character. this is the kind of thing i wish i had been able to tell my friend if i'd known what was going on at the time.

and, also, thank you for reading my post in full and taking it seriously. the reason i don't make much more of an effort to speak out is because i'm rarely listened to or taken seriously (especially when it involves people with more popularity and fans than me), so i am grateful that you took the time to read it, regardless of what your thoughts on it are.

first of all thank you soso much for this, I was having a shitty day and this is exactly what I wanted to hear, I really really appreciate it 🫶🫶

I’ve been really attached to this song and character for months now, and I cannot control my (what is most likely, not diagnosed yet) hyper fixations and attachment to these sort of things, and I’ve been facing a lot of paranoia and guilt over it for months. that sort of reassurance means a lot to me, and as someone who is constantly worried about being an immoral person it helps so much when people reassure me. I don’t know if I have any kind of personality disorder, and I can’t get tested cause I’m not an adult yet but I do have symptoms of those things. I just don’t know if they’re severe enough to actually be a disorder, and I found comfort in this song when I would have fits of jealousy or issues regarding my relationships. I think seeing RIP and a lot of their fans be upset at others for finding themselves in this song really freaked me out. I mean, I understand why considering how she was depicted in the song but it still has made me really paranoid and scared that I’m hurting those closest to me. miss miseryguts really means so much to me, it brought me comfort in my worst moments and I’m really sad that it may have been made (intentionally or not) to demonize those with disorders that align with this sort of character.

as for my opinion on rip, I’m not really sure how to feel in general. I love their work but I’m kind of uneasy about them after hearing about these things. I’m not sure if I’m right, but it sounded like a situation where nobody was doing okay at the time and it turned into something really unhealthy and hurtful. I’m not sure if he will ever respond to this, but I would like to see what they would say about the situation if they ever do

also, I haven’t mentioned this before, but I’m really sorry for what you and your friend went through. It sounded like a really messy and awful situation, and I was shocked when I read the whole document. I sincerely hope everyone involved in that situation has recovered at least somewhat now, including you. and I took it really seriously, the proof seemed genuine and I would never not listen to someone’s experiences even if they were overshadowed by anyone else. I’m really grateful that you spoke about it and said something 🫶🫶

sorry if this is long or if I’m ranting, but thank you so much again for taking the time to say these things to me, it genuinely means so much to me, and I hope that you and your friend are doing alright now and that you have a nice day 💕💕🫶