#i can't wait to be active again !
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Hello, guys! Just a quick life update - I was on vacations for 2 weeks, came back on Monday and... started building my new husband! I still can't believe I managed to do it myself and that everything works. Today I FINALLY installed Sims 3 and made it work. My old hubby served me well for 9 years and it was sad to say goodbye to him but at the same time I'm so excited for my new monster! I love him already, haha :D I hope we have a bright future ahead!
See you very soon! Love you all ♥
#text post#rollo's ramblings#non sims#i always had prebuild computers#i'm so proud of myself#altough there were heart attack moments#can't wait to be active on tumblr again
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re: 2milie (emmy? emmy could be nice. the diminutive works both for her being a copy and also younger)...
anyway, what if, because she's a quirky teen *and* also to tie her to nathalie.. she also has a streak in her hair....
AUGGHGHFLJASL THE STREAK..... that's so so so cute. in a horrible, terrible way. emmy as the teen!variant works WONDERFULLY, very goading and childish and just a straight up affront.
thank you so much wis I'm gonna lie down and explode
#asukies answered#also also I'm at work rn but I can't wait to dig into what else you sent!!!#she's soooo cute that's so sick (/pos and /hj LMAO)#I can imagine emmy realizing she doesn't trust and actively feels threatened around gabriel and tries to change her hairstyle#so she tries to emulate nathalie#which only makes nathalie angry#WHEW#ty again eeee poor girl. into the dungeon#sentiemilie au
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man not to read too much into spahr's "there was a reason i picked him" about phineas but. i am always keeping in mind that spahr pulled phineas out of the delta personally. he didn't meet phineas as a prospective adsecla he met him as a scared little kid! maybe it wasn't so much that spahr actually thought phineas was the best choice as that he really wanted to believe he was. maybe without even being aware of it! how could he not want to believe in the rags to riches of it all? something that started with that scared little kid HE was able to help save? a tangible representation--beyond valor--of something good he did? but now of course that whole narrative has crumbled around him! phineas did something horrible (that was all spahr's fault as far as he's concerned) and now phineas is dead! that's it! story over! :)
#man i can't wait for him to see phineas again. i hope phineas is ACTIVELY in the middle of some traitorous activity when it happens.#or actively falling through a field of mica i'd settle for that too!#this whole post was almost in the tags of my last reblog but then i came to my senses and realized i should spare op and make my own.#midst#midst podcast#midst spoilers#midst podcast spoilers#i think there's also something to be said for phineas's desperation and drive being a quality spahr might have seen as an asset#that fire that propelled him to try so hard the entire time! something that spahr seems to relate to and so probably thought#would make phineas an even better adsecla! worked for jonas didn't it? :)))))))
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More dnd writing because it's all I have but I here's a snippet from a vignette I did of Rook's past (from Zara's POV), because Rook and his mentors never fails to make me sick (/pos).
[transcript under the cut]
Taking a coin out of her pocket, she rolled it across her knuckles, back and forth. It gave her hands something to do, and prevented the urge to bite her nails, something she hadn’t done in years. Ten minutes passed, then twenty. Zara began to pace as Rook’s breathing grew shakier and the color drained from his skin. Where the hells is Jay? she wondered. The room was so quiet that she could hear every tick of the small clock on her bedside table, and each one echoed in her head. How many ticks does he have left? She didn’t want to think about it. She’d had crew members die before, of course. You don’t go as many years as a captain as she had and never lose a soul. But all the others who had died had died quickly, in combat. She’d mourned for all of them, even shed tears in private, but there was something different about watching the life drain out of a person right in front of your eyes.
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd#dnd writing#morrigan plays dnd#oc: Rook#oc: Zara#(Rook's first captain and mentor)#literally no one else but me would know this but the fact that he learned that coin-rolling trick from watching her#(and after a lot of practice and embarrassing failures in his free time)#and he also does it when he's nervous/anxious/bored/fidgety... augh I can't take it.#this takes place when he'd been with her crew for about a year so he was roughly 18 in this. BABY boy.#He gets to see her again for the first time in 3 years VERY SOON in-campaign and I can't stop thinking about it.#I've been waiting for this moment since I joined this campaign so like a year and a half now.#YES I KNOW ALL MY WRITING LATELY HAS BEEN TORMENTING ROOK PHYSICALLY.#I'M SORRY. IT'S THE EASIEST THING FOR ME TO WRITE#I am UNWELL over my boy and his mentors#also poor Rook... he can't escape the snake motifs.#he gets bitten by a snake-like sea monster and nearly dies. he's a prisoner on a ship called the sea snake. Twice.#the second time he's rescued by a person with snake tattoos all over their body because they used to belong to a gang called#the horned serpents. And because they helped destroy that gang said person was supposed to never go back to the town Rook needs to go to.#but when they get there turns out they needn't have worried because all criminal activity has been stopped by a HUGE FUCKING SNAKE#with a very twisted sense of morality that may or may not be a god and has appointed itself High Judge of the town#and ofc because Zara is the mayor of that town and the snake is her problem Rook will do ANYTHING to get rid of it for her#but um yeah. lots of snakes for Rook. And most of this was accidental.#I swear I didn't plan it this way on purpose.
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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The disrespect this show gets on a daily basis, from the production to the network(s) to even the pirates who prefer to rip shows like *checks notes* Big Brother Canada (same group)...
I wouldn't be calling them out if I hadn't done this myself, by the way. People who have never ripped a damn thing can stay in their lane. I have earned my stripes, I'm not someone who wants to talk shit about those who do this, and I understand the process involved. The webrips are a different story, as they are uploaded by Amazon whenever. The HDTV rips should be uploaded on time, shortly after the network airs the show, and it's the same process as it always has been to rip them. Uploading HDTV rips after the webrips has no value whatsoever, unless someone cares that much about the promo, which of course CityTV doesn't care enough to upload themselves, proving once again what a shitty network they are.
Hudson and Rex has an international fanbase, it shouldn't be so difficult to be able to watch it as an international fan in 2024.
#hudson and rex#this is now a whining blog#but what else can it be when nothing about this show is working as intended#I've been torrenting since 2005#I've never had the misfortune of having to wait as long as I wait for this show through all these years#last season it took them three days to upload the season five premiere hdtv rip#the rip times are unbelievably inconsistent and they have been that way since this saw first caught my eye (season two)#the fact that there is a single group that does the hdtv rips means that if for whatever reason they can't upload it then we don't have it#the webrips are actually being ripped by one of the best groups out there so I can't complain#it's just that the streaming upload by amazon happens whenever they feel like it#once again I'm drawing similarities between canadian and greek programming which is so not in their favor#(I actually thought that by the time I'd finished writing this we'd have something but nope)#(ps I just saw a rip announce of family feud canada and I just... does someone actually hate hudson and rex?)#(pps do not respond to this if you live in a country where your government is actively combating piracy)
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!! life update and face reveal incoming !!
we're doing a bullet point system!
had my very first one night stand. honestly? less than stellar! but I did it! the guy was kind of a loser, but we all have our things. he did like literally SLAP my tits so hard that I have massive bruises there now and I feel like that was a weird move bc we'd known each other for a grand total of about 10 minutes when we started having sex? anyway, it was insane having sex with like a stranger....don't know if I'd do it again, but you live and you learn!
overwhelmed with tinder honestly....I have over 1400 likes and I just......don't have it in me to do anything about them. but turns out I'm very good at flirting! and I'm also funny! was thinking about posting some screenshots of funny exchanges and labeling which ones are which member of the Dagger Squad! heh!
randomly matched with my ex (the one I was with from 14-17) on tinder and then we started talking and then we just........didn't stop? and like every single night since we started talking again, we've stayed up until 4am talking. what has shocked me the most is that we're getting along better now than we ever have before? and not to mention, he has like actually really apologized about things. not even just a blanket apology either--like a thorough one where he detailed things he did and told me that he was sorry.
he manages a movie theater so the first time we hung out, he took me to the empty theater (like we were the only two in the building) at like 10PM and we watched the new Evil Dead: Rise. and then the next night we parked at the lake from like 10PM-5AM and just....talked. for hours. about everything and nothing. it was insane! and then the next day, he picked me up for coffee and I met his puppy. we've been texting nonstop since. also he's literally taking me to the theater AGAIN to watch Top Gun: Maverick all by ourselves 😭
so in conclusion....I wanna fuck him. and maybe I'm catching feelings. BUT my sister and I are both very co-dependent people with have attachment issues (but at least we're self-aware) so I've decided to adopt her three month rule. so like, I have to talk to my ex for three months before I decide if I'm going to be in a relationship with him. not that it's going to happen or not but...you know!
the only thing is that I WISH I had more time to sit tf down and write! but I have a really busy weekend! I am so excited that I have so many asks to go through! and on that subject, if you sent me a birthday ask---I just fucking adore you! and KNOW that I saw it and KNOW that it made me giggle and kick my feet! however, I don't want to bombard all my followers with answering like 30 birthday wishes a few days late! BUT I LOVE THAT ALL OF YOU SENT THEM AND I WANNA KISS EVERYONE!
so today, I will be writing a bunch of requests and queuing them! I'm trying to get at least TWO posted today! looks like the next week or two will be dedicated to blurbs! but I can't wait to get back into my regularly scheduled posting! hoping to get that schedule out too!!
I'm really happy right now :)
okay here's my face reveal
be nice to me I'm fragile
#millie has a life outside of here apparently#and it still involved Top Gun: Maverick#miss all of you more than words can say!!!#and I can't wait to be more active on here again!!!!#yeehaw!!!#they say no one likes you when you're 22#but that can't be true
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Favorite villain and what you wish we could have seen more of - DT ask
(I am super aware this has been nearly a year and I am so sorry for putting you on hold for so long you don't have to see this but if you do I hope you will like it thank you and sorry ahhhh)
(1) First: Favourite villain...Jim Starling Hum...this is immediately a hard one...
Okay yes...If Mister Starling counts as a "villain", he is my favourite (at least, the first favourite that comes to mind when I see this question). For purely subjective reasons. not my fault that he is my type of duck man a huh huh huh
("The Duck Knight Returns!" literally gave me 2 of my favourite characters in DT17 in 1 episode who then never appear again. Sadge)
But if Jim doesn't count and I turn off my extremely biased mind, I would say Lunaris.
Solely because of his moonvasion plan. As complex as DT17 writing could possibly be (it is still a children's comedy show, after all), the plan is actually quite clever. He really uses Della as much as he can:
(a) Steal the rocket blueprint because I can't for my life build one myself
(b) Get as much information about the Duck Family and their allies, who will be one of (if not) the biggest adversaries I will encounter on Earth
(c) Lastly, fake a betrayal as the casus belli
Perfect.
Honestly, Lunaris only lost because of a lack of resources/knowledge that he can't possibly obtain/predict:
There is literally only 2 military personnel on Moon, while the rest are all civilians (who make up a barely functional army)
One of said military personnel immediately deflected, and that personnel ultimately helps dismantle the plan
He doesn't have all the information about all people on Earth (e.g. Flintheart, Fethry, Gladstone), because he is not based on Earth in the first place (unlike, for example, Bradford)
Our protagonists literally have the power of god and anime on their side (if Zeus wasn't being cringy and childish, the moonvasion would have ended as soon as it had started)
Now that I have finished the entire series, I actually like the resolution to Moonvasion more than that to The Last Adventure. Bradford has everything that Lunaris lacks: He has a functional task force (okay still one person deflected but she is taken care of soon enough). He has all the information about everything he needs. He somehow can disable and overpower the protagonists' power of god and anime.
Bradford is literally winning until he is somehow not anymore.
FOWL is literally OP until it is somehow not anymore.
The Last Adventure is definitely epic, even more so than the Moonvasion arc. It has a wonderful buildup with interconnected stories (one thing I absolutely love about Season 3 is how the Kit Cloudkicker episode - which seemingly is just a cameo episode - is still tied to the main conflict of Season 3). Everything looks amazing. But as an action anime fan the solution to the conflict is one thing I feel somewhat confused about.
For one, I have to agree with Mister Buzzard: "Family is the greatest adventure of all" is not a reasonable rebuttal.
(For any JoJo fans reading this, I think this is the DT17 equivalent of "So it's the same type of Stand as Star Platinum.")
(And speaking of JoJo, Lunaris literally got Kars-ed at the end lmao)
Sorry @shychick-52 if you have no idea what I am talking about, I will stop now.
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(2) More I wish we could have seen more of...JIM STARLING I wonder...
Okay, I am honestly curious about what they had in store for Negaduck. I think I have seen the behind-the-scene episode idea somewhere (i.e. The ultimately scrapped idea). At the very least, "Let's Get Dangerous!" could have featured my man, but for what it ended up to be now, I am not complaining either.
Other than that, I want to see more interactions between the Duck Cousins, actually (i.e. Donald, Della, Gladstone, Fethry). With DT17 introducing Fethry (for which I will be forever grateful), the quartet (?) being together is something I would like to see more of. Especially with how extensive HDL and Webby has been interacting since literally the first episode of the show, I feel like it would be awesome seeing a grown-up version of this group in the Duck Cousins.
(Perhaps an episode of the 2 groups hanging out together? Moonvasion is the closest there is to something like this)
There are some interactions between the 4 of them, noticeably the Moonvasion mentioned above, and The Last Adventure. But ultimately there could have been more potential, which might have been limited by Gladstone's and Fethry's little screentime (as much as they are part of the Duck Family, both of them are ultimately guest characters).
That being said, this is purely my subjective feeling. If truly implemented into the show, the Duck Cousins thing would be a bonus instead of a missing piece or missed opportunity (e.g. No Della - Gyro interaction whatsoever, despite the rocket-building manual and Oxychew. And I say this not as a shipper). So, just my personal opinion.
#Once again really sorry for the wait#And thank you for the ask#I really appreciate it#You may see my activity this year is super wonky and inconsistent as well#I know I have said this a thousand times#But I am slowly getting more active again#Really can't make any promises at this point but I will keep on trying#Hope this answer finds you well (better than I am at least)#infodump
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🌸。*゚+. Gonna be focused on working on my carrd today !! Sorry for the silence on my end if anyone reaches out, I'm just gonna be locked in for today! Gonna try and get as much as I can done, maybe do some graphics if the mood strikes me, but all in all, I'll be working on stuff for my blog ♡
Hope everyone has a lovely day, and if you reblog a meme you want sent in, just reach out to me with a link to it and I'll send one in for you!
#MUN SPEAKING 🌸 ᴬ ʷᵉᵃᵛᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ᵗᵃˡᵉˢ; ᴾᵃⁱⁿᵗᵉʳ ᵒᶠ ˢᵗᵃʳˢ#I'm trying to get my writing mojo back and I think a little TLC for my carrd (and FINISHING IT) will help#plus. I kept getting all excited seeing my relationships and going “oh I can't wait to make full pages dedicated to you”#so.... yeah I'm gonna try and make it a reality and devote these spaces to my writing partners <3#because they deserve some spotlight shed on them and I really AM invested in our plots and stuff#I'm just c': drained and tired... but I miss being active so I'm gonna fight hard!!#ANYWAYS I RAMBLED IN TAGS AGAIN lemme go focus on the carrd!!!!!!!!
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i need to compile the moments that make you scream "thats kraken hockey baby" bc if the team wont find their identity I will
#need to make this and send it in a flash drive to Northgate until they open and watch it as a team bonding activity#something something about sports being a mirror of the self#mixed in with the neverending urge to shake the team and ask them who are you who are you until they figure it out#you know who the kraken are when you see it but when you're put on the spot you can't name it#kraken hockey is jared mccann kissing ebs and grubi#kraken hockey is coming back in the end when no one believed in you not even yourself#kraken hockey is yanni who isn't afraid to call anyone out no matter if it's the opponent or his own team#kraken hockey is joey's winter classic shutout when he wasn't even supposed to play#kraken hockey is making it to the second round of the playoffs in their second year#kraken hockey is booing cale makar every time he touches the puck in climate pledge#i just. love this team sm.#and I need them to remember who they are so they can keep playing like we know they can#anyways#cant wait until I'm back with my friends again so I can just say all of this irl instead of yapping in tags
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ENIES LOBBY TIME!!!
Sanji's face here.... he Knows he is going to fuck him up
THAT IS SANJI??? 😨
Holding them in my hands again....
Sanji struck a nerve there akdjaoajkq
Increible trio btw.... look at the evidence
............ me next please 🙏🏻
That is love right there I can see it
What if we all killed ourselves (except usopp is telling her the opposite ajahkdhsakjd)
I need sanji to go insane like this more often.... after the timeskip it doesn't happen as much and I love to see him suffering
This is so funny.... there is no denying to her face card
"It's not like she actually wants to die" well yes she does, but no because you know she doesn't really. It is in a quantum state right now
Luffy is such a menace akdhaksjkaak
TELL EM!!!! THAT'S MY GIRL!!!!
Look at franky worrying about robin.... do not fret luffy is coming and he will NOT lose!!!!!
This is zoro remarking how usopps fear of being left behind makes no sense.... this is so good.....
This is so endearing but it also breaks my heart....
Who is that sultry binch... (I don't recall this attack AT ALL and i'm sure we never see it again)
They botched his bbl.... 😔😔😔
Luffy's face here... he was convinced she wanted to go with them but was compelled to do otherwise but no.... he thought wrong and he can't fight to her.... I've just been staring at this page for minutes like damn.
Nevermind.... this is something your mother would say "you want to die??? Just wash the dishes and you can do whatever you want later"
"If you wanna die, or whatever...." this is so good like he knows what he is doing.... he Knows.... look at her face. After knowing how luffy and ace were as kids this just makes more sense (oda didn't think about this i'm sure but damn does it fit) also the slight manipulation.... look at all of us we're already here and look how we all miss you already... you know that post about luffy being selfish but his selfishness is jusg kindness to others... yesh
Thinking about robin's cinderella lifestyle.... why did her mother leave her with that aunt and why didn't some archeologist take her in?? Because she doesn't complain about anything just like she doesn't respond when that mother accused her of hitting her child without reason... that's so fucked
Alright this is funny (and also true)... I'm sorry fellow women....
*Justin Bieber voice* I like your laugh... dereishi shishishi
SHE'S GONNA ASK HER MOM TO TAKE HER TO THE SEA WITH HER??? LIKE SHE DOES AFTER WITH LUFFY??? MY GOD!!! I just bursted into tears like I got punched in the nose I can't keep going ajdhakajk
I lied i can keep going... but head in my hands over this....
Find out how my emotional stability survives this arc in ennies lobby part 2. coming soon
#franky calling sanji brother eyebrows is too good akdbsksnsk also ily franky#captain t bone.... he got killed tecently.... i forgot who he was until now but he actually cared thats so fucked up.... cross guild come o#sanji going against cp9 by himself.... i shant say it... SLAY!!!! also the cook being mad about being pretty cause he has no individuality.#lucci talking about a little girl being born wrong and needing to die for it TO SANJI!!! OOF!!!#the frog stopped rocketman bc he thought they kidnapped kokoro just like they took tom 😭😭😭 this fucking frog always gets me#chapter 377 and franky is in the headline with the strawhats ❤️❤️ they recruit TWO thirty year olds in enies lobby ajdhaksjks#franky biting spandex head.... yeah... and he should do it more why did he stop biting heads... he got domesticated#luffy is such a menace here like damn.... he is charging thru EVERYTHING!! GET THEM BOY!!!!#also franky is so important in giving robin hope here... like she sees him fighting back no matter what and i KNOW that inspires her...#i am going to say it hina fullbody and jango have a challengers thing going on but without hina being involved physically iykwim#when in action panels the ink just becomes lines... OOF!!! CHEFS KISS!!! MWAH MWAH#completely forgot gear 2 used the shave technique.... thats so cool..... also iron body must be haki then... and finger pistol#i dont think i can do this... after this ends we got thriller bark and then marineford starts building up...#i can endure water 7 sad moments bc everything ends up well in the end but what am i gonna do with marineford.... my god#also dr clover and dr hyruluk and crocus all have smilar plant based hair designs is that bc they are doctors or just coincidence#also robins father is dead and for sure another archeologist or similar.... thats inch resting....#which also like damn olvia and dragon had to make the same choices with their children i am sure. thats so fucked. dragon backstory when#clover knew the name of the fallen kingdom (robonosuke lore??) and also olvia knew some important information the gov didnt know... ✍️✍️✍️#SAKAZUKI SHOT THE EVACUATION SHIP???? HELLO??? I DIDNT REMEMBER IT WAS HIM!! (also olvia knew where saul was)#kuzan is sick in the head... he can't bring himsef to kill child robin but he will kill her as an adult... also his beef with akainu is OLD#like no wonder she was terrified when she saw him again. he said live like a recluse or i will end you and she fucking did. THE bogeyman#there are comments saying they hate akainu and he has just appeared 😭😭 JUST FUCKING WAIT#you guys think when luffy realised robin's enemy was the world gov he also realised it was sabo's enemy too.... bc as a child he didn't kno#also pluton was made as a countermeasure for the weapon robin could reactivate... could that be the one that was used in lulusia??#bc i thought that weapon was pluton but if pluton is just blueprints.... this makes more sense... which could also mean the ancient weapons#are a countermeasure for weapons the government already has. and thats why they're hunting them down. to have no opposition#so there must be two sides of the ancient weapons bc they call pluton that but also the unnamed one that robin could activate#so is pluton a countermeasure to uranus (the one used in lulusia i think) but neptune? trios dont make sene but a trio and their opposite d#reading one piece#enies lobby
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Hiatus
I am going on hiatus for a bit more. I really really hoped the stuff that have been going on lately were already "sorted out" but, uhm... they aren't. I need to take a bit more time offline once again, and try to work things out.
Thank you for your patience ❤
Wren
#EDIT: I've deactivated my IG for a bit because it wasn't helping at all. I'll be back there but I need time#wren text tag#somehow issues from mid July/early August have managed to get worse. Like I'm not even surprised bc I'm used to it but GIRL . What the fuck#“it's finally summer”+“can't wait to draw!” * gets 3 hiatus in a row * maybe drawing or summer isn't really meant to be 🤨🤔#I hate having to log-in to post a hiatus message and then dissapear again when I'm supposed to post my doodles n have fun#Feels like one of those jesters that appears at luncheon to entertain the royal court and then they go missing for the rest of the month#bc I'm trying very hard not to hide in my shell + having a bit more presence here to post my artwork#and somehow I fail at both like fucking heck. How can you be so bad at this.#but in short I won't be here to answer stuff and being silly or whatever people expect me to do#because if you're here for the silly stuff. MAN. I'm am sorry but I don't feel silly at all.#Somebody once said “the horrors are never ending yet I remain silly” but I forgot the “remain silly” part#And if you're here for drawings. I don't even have time and I don't feel like drawing at all. Idk which one is worse#The bakery hangs up the “closed today” so people know they have to go to buy bread somewhere else. Same here. But it won't last a day#idk why the bread analogy. Guess I'm a birb after all#this is also the closest thing to a vent post I will ever write and I managed to say nothing at all. Vagueposting about vent. Good job Wren#tw: vent#tagging in case somebody like me needs to have some tags filtered#the hiatus will go on also a bit longer because the last few weeks my mental health suffered a lot and I know my limit#also this post was queued. If I see I can still be active before publishing I will delete it otherwise see for yourself#also queue doesn't work ig like I programmed this for 9 pm hopefully it will be up by then and not any other random time
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i've been turning more and more inward about how i'm enjoying harry and how i'm processing the end of tour, but it feels good, for now at least. i celebrated seeing him live so thoroughly that my last time seeing him felt like the end of tour in some way. i don't want to feel like i'm missing out when i'm out with friends, like i will be during his last show, bc in a world without streams i also wouldn't see that show. i've basically been training myself to slow down and appreciate (old) content more, and bask in a show and its content for longer. or be at peace not seeing content from a particular show. bc sometimes i feel nervous about missing something, or i feel myself having fomo for a thing i could not possibly be at. and most especially, i am not missing out, bc i had so many glorious opportunities to see the tour. i'm literally having a diary moment here just analysing my behavior and my feelings about being on tumblr and in the fandom during tour bc it's been a lot but i've loved all of it. i'm so fucking happy (and relieved) i can find ways to enjoy it all in my own pace. this space has changed a lot in the last few years but the way their content hits me personally hasn't changed, unless i let it all overwhelm me and i lose sight of what really matters to me about following them. i think it'll feel great to have a break from harry on tour, and let all of it hit me. to revisit little things that happened. to go through my own photos and videos. to go back to his mvs and dive a little deeper into them, at last. maybe i'm just a little overstimulated and ready for harry to stop bombarding me with content fshdf but the way his music makes me feel and the way his goofy face makes me smile and the way his creativity and presence inspire me every day will clearly always remain, after staying strong through all of this, after all these years. thank you, dear diary, for listening. harry styles forever
#my posts#i feel relieved after typing all of that#things that have been swirling around in my mind#weighing on my chest#nagging at the back of my head#can't wait to see what's to come#and in the meantime i'll just be doing same old same old#stepping out of the stream is the best thing i've ever done#or am actively practicing to do#stream or yk the wild river that is this fandom#and i'll literally be on a trip i've been looking forward to forever with one of my best friends#having the time of our lives#so i will Not have fucking fomo !!!!!!!#sometimes i can just forget that#get swept up again in the rush#in the need to be on the pulse#but no. i don't even like to be#so yeah#now i should go to bed actually
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You know I thought for awhile that I was just a rare type of person who sure, liked people well enough but was okay being alone didn't necessarily need anyone and NO. NO. NO. OH MY GOD . YOU GIANT DUMBASS. NO HAHAHA NOOO NOPE
#tide of consciousness#See what was confusing me is usually when people talk about life partner they mean romantically sexually#And also I have yet to meet someone who gets me in the way I want someone to get me <- I think <- good chance I have and squandered it#<- that may be the evil brain talking though#But anyway so I was misconstruing the fact that the people I know and like currently are not people I want to spend my life with#With the idea that there is no one and no chance I will ever want that#And also heteronormative allo society despite my best efforts Is in my brain#And I'm only just realizing how badly I would really like to find a person or maybe people who do make me feel like. I could want that#The idea that there could be someone out there that I would want to spend my time and space with forever is mind blowing#Because honestly and this is of course the mental illness but I have kind of been under the assumption that maybe I am just like. Weeell#Evil and broken and cruel and selfish and HAHA. you know. The usual#Because you know only recently I got my first taste of 'a person is actively choosing you and wants you over all things'#And then I fucked that up because that was my first time believing anyone could care about me and you know you always fuck that one up#And that sucked and is still in the process of sucking but it has also made me realize#That there is actually a way that I would want that. Maybe#Like in a way that worked. I'd really like to have a person like that maybe#And honestly that's a nightmare to have to realize#Because before it was like hey! I guess I just don't have to worry about that!#And now I'm like FUCK. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS#because special secret I've never actively tried to connect to people in my life ever#I don't know how you do that! I don't know how to actively form relationships!#I just wait for someone to grab me and pull me along! It's terrifying to think about trying to discover that#AT 20!#I know it's not unusual especially in this day and age in fact it's kind of an epidemic#But you're supposed to learn how to socialize when you're a little tiny baby!!! I don't want to figure this out now I can't even get a job!#Fucking shit that's a lot of words um#Every 6 months I remember that I'm deeply deeply deeply lonely and it's the worst and then I wilfully ignore it until I rediscover it again#Every day I discover a new layer to how utterly wretchedly self loathing my brain is and its the worst#Peeling back a layer of paint and surprise! You've subconsciously thought you were fine being alone because secretly you believe#That it is impossible for you to be anything but alone! Yay!
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on one hand completely ignoring your emotions is soo good for my mental stability and productivity but man i miss staring at the ceiling and listening to sad songs on loop
#idk if depression is the right word but yeah that author was right you become comfortable in your sadness you start loving it because#it becomes such a defining part of you#if i don't engage in any bad habits throughout the day i start to feel so uncomfortable and wrong and unfamiliar#that i crash and do something old me would've done again :(#the bounce back time has significantly improved tho so that's a relief#also lol who am i kidding pms will come soon im sure#but anyway#i physically can't listen to waiting room rn i listened to the opening notes and it was like#like a dam about to burst#so i just closed the gate very fast#i can't be sad rn because then i will feel lonely and then i will miss people and they won't miss me and ill cry the gasping for breath#i don't know what to do with this emptiness in the middle of my chest crying#man i hope this doesn't have any long term consequences#also i hope one day being good feels like me again and rotting in bed becomes unbearable again#i used to be so active like not physically but idk just like engaged with life more#curiously excitedly#well there's no going back now but i do hope i find a good balance#i was reading normal people and kinda rerealised that woah this sadness will always be a huge part of me. you only get#one childhood and. welp it got too real too relatable#i hope i don't turn out like her every self help book ive read says kids follow in their parents footsteps but god i hope not#this is why boys will always be so scary to me#future seems so bleak sometimes like not my 20s they'll be fire im sure but after that. am i even capable of being loved long term?#if the person who knew me the most well can move on from me in a flash. well then. i don't have anything more to give this is all#what has this post even become oh god. whatever. ill keep trying to be smarter first interesting second hopefully lovable will follow
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who else procrastinated the 911 rewatch and is now trying to watch 96 episodes in a week
#i wanted to watch along with everyone and make gifs but it just didnt work out that way and now im scrambling to rewatch#ive made good progress though im rewatching s4 now !!#all the promo and rewatching it has got me so excited i can't wait to be more active on this blog again and making 911 gifs <3
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