#i can't seem to find it in me
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
I never told my dad about this account, and I still feel bad about that. I've had this account for like 2-3 years now, and I haven't once told him about my 12,000+ posts on here! I think I was just nervous to tell him at first, so I kept putting it off. But now we're years in, and I'm beginning to feel like I've lied to him or whatever! It's not a pleasant feeling! Feeling like you lied to the one person you trust is not a pleasant feeling! I love my dad. I'm dependent on him! He cooks, helps me shave, helps me run my baths and showers, he helps me with everything!
He's also got the patience of a saint, to put up with me. I yell at him, I hit him, I do all sorts of horrible things when my temper explodes. But he always forgives me and tolerates me. I don't know why he does, but he does. And that's why I allow myself to be open about my emotions around him. I know he won't judge me, no matter how much of a horrible human being I might be. But that's why I always end up feeling guilty about not telling him about my posts on here. sigh...
#i should probably just tell him#but i never work up the nerve#i can't seem to find it in me#sigh#autism#asd#neurodivergent#autistic#dependency#dependence#dependent#adhd#actually autistic#audhd#vent#my thoughts#venting#vent post#vents#anger#anger issues#anger problems#sadness#sad#sigh...
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.
Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU
#knitting#no it's not a real pattern but I can't write one that makes sense because I have no freaking clue what any of that means#How do you make things that aren't basic rectangles#Why has every knitter I've asked for help just said 'patterns are easy; you just have to know how to read them' & then refused to teach me#Where do I even find a goat to sacrifice#How do I join the pattern cult#I am so confused#I've been knitting for almost a decade but I can only make scarves and potholders#I learned one (1) stitch by watching a YouTube video and none of my friends or family knit so I have no IRL resources#And nobody I meet seems to want to take the time to explain the rest to me#I taught myself to sew through trial and error but that doesn't really work with knitting because error is pretty much just... Unraveling?#Anyway sorry for the tag rant I'm just frustrated that I see pretty things I want to make but the instructions are in an alien language#And the gap between 'absolute novice' and 'intermediate' seems to be about 20 years of experience and formal instruction
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
a request over on profoundbond for a dean version of this, which i was ofc all too happy to jump right on
#can't seem to find the og source of the pic?#if anyone knows tells me....#sketch#dean winchester#thick dean as is my right#it's my birthday i can do whatever#my only regret is not putting him in boots
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Beast
#hellsing oc#my oc#my art#laura chastel#yes this is her#she's mad#the reference was that one art of the black wolf being restrained by red cardinals#yk the one. on a beige background#and guess what I CAN'T FIND THE FUCKING ARTIST#reverse search is giving me no results even after searching to the bottom of exact matches#saw some Claudio Lavazza but he's some anarchist I think idk doesn't seem to be the og unless I'm mistaken#enfin bref#buh#i found out what rendering was and became obsessed#art#digital art#monster art#werewolf#lycanthropy#lycan art#werewolves#lycanthrope#monster oc
876 notes
·
View notes
Text
zolu is maybe one of the easiest ships i've ever liked. they're dating, except when they're not, they're best friends even when they're kissing and they're still captain and first mate when they aren't. they hold hands, they hug. they have sex. they don't.
Luffy can hold Zoro's katanas and Zoro can hold Luffy's strawhat and no one bats an eye. one says "You're so cool!" and the other says "You're strong" and it's just another way to say "I see you, this is why I follow you/this is why I trust you". it's not seeing each other for a long time and still knowing how the other's steps sound like against wood and sand. the captain runs and the first mate follows. it's always "Zoro and the others" and "Where's Luffy?"
if they're just friends, if they're something more, if they don't have a label for it, at its core, it's just about how they get each other. they understand how the other's mind works. however you view them, it doesn't erase they fact that they love each other in a way they don't love other people.
#zolu#on why i love zolu#seeing the hate its gotten on its own tag#i figured i'd put it on my two cents#i am aroace and i do hc Luffy as aroace#the same for Zoro if i'm honest#but the thing about this hc is that not only it isn't canon#but is an actual spectrum#what really made me pause was that the argument was that zolu was an “icky” ship bc of how they viewed Luffy as aroace#i would have prefered they just said they hate the ship#it makes sense as i do too hate ships without reason sometimes#but it was how they seemed to view aromatic/asexual people that fucked me up#both orientations are spectrums#the way i see it and experience it isn't the same other people do#giving this label and then saying it only woks on one way is disrespectful to the many people that fall under this umbrella#it isn't as simple as saying “aromantic folks can't experience love” and “yeah ace folks all find sex disgusting”#everyone is different everyone has different views and it's about finding what fits *you* personally!#sorry for the rant on tags i just wanted to get it off my chest#i've seen more people explain it better and break it down more coherently#and i'm so so glad to see so many big brained people ready to communicate on why that take just wasn't it#one piece
493 notes
·
View notes
Text
Once again I offer you art that I didn't post when it was made✌🏻 One thing I have learned is to never throw away your art because even if you don't immediately like it you might some day
#and this isn't to say I don't cringe at some of my old art 😂 I think that's just an inescapable part of the experience#I think it's mostly perfectionism that stops me from liking some of my drawings#because fairly often I just randomly find a drawing that I actually really like but never posted cause I deemed it not good enough#and then later I'm like “so what if there are weird mistakes that stick out to me. If someone else had drawn this would I think this way”#and I see the parts that stopped me from posting a piece and am like why did it seem so important back then#I love looking through my old art and being like I'm so glad I drew this#especially if it's something I had forgotten about#idk what brought this art ramble on ig I'm just happy to find joy in creating when there's so much a i bs going on#also the paper this is drawn on literally has “why can't I draw anymore” on it so if you're feeling artblocky know that it will pass#violetscanfly#artists on tumblr#watercolour#wei wuxian#mo dao zu shi#mdzs fanart#mdzs#wei ying
179 notes
·
View notes
Text
Unpopular opinion, but I really do not see Dany as this "oh so tragic" and "oh so full of trauma" character. She has bad things happen to her like every other ASOIAF character, but she isn't really super traumatized or unable to deal with what happens in her life, and the tone of her story isn't really one of tragedy: on the contrary, her story is full of her overcoming hardships. It's full of triumphs. Even the low point she hits at the end of ADWD is just setting up her journey to finally crush the slavers and become the Stallion who Mounts the World. And then when she goes to Westeros, she will be one of the people to defeat the Others.
I find it a little bit annoying when I see people reading her character purely through the lens of "oh she suffered to much, she was raped by her husband, she was abused by her brother, she doesn't have a home, she is so tragic, etc" (I'm not saying people can't discuss these topics, by the way, I'm just saying that it annoys me when this is the ONLY thing people talk about when it comes to Dany). First, because this isn't the majority of her story, this is mostly part of her early story or backstory, and the main part of her story are the things she does after that, her triumphs and hardships trying to lead her people, fight a war, fight the status quo, and so on. It's a little annoying to see a character who has such a great complex political and magical storyline, a great adventure, all be reduced to "she is just an abused girl who suffered", with all other aspects of her story being ignored. But most importantly, I think this reading of Dany as this tragic character, by Dany stans and Dany haters alike, gives fuel to a bunch of other annoying readings of her character: the neutrals use the "oh so tragic" narrative to argue that her story has to end with her dying and she has nothing else to contribute to the main story other than sacrificing herself and be a tragic hero. Meanwhile, the antis use the "oh so tragic" narrative to claim that they sympathize with Dany, but her trauma is going to make her crazy, paranoid, a villain, etc. Or, when they don't say that her trauma is going to make her a villain, they claim that she was always a villain and use her "trauma" to claim that they sympathize with her and that her "trauma" makes her such a complex villain.
#daenerys targaryen#daenerys defense squad#rambling#and tbh this isn't just dany or the a/soiaf fandom#this tendency of seeing every character out there through the lens of trauma is something i find annoying#i'm not saying people can't discuss trauma btw#but it seems like sometimes people don't do any other character analysis or plot analysis in fandom#other than debating who's the most traumatized#anyway i hope people don't hate me too much for this post#also i guess that one thing that annoys me the most is people completely ignoring dany's political storyline#and her arc of learning to rule#in favor of pushing this idea that her story is just meant to be a tragedy
156 notes
·
View notes
Note
Imagine if Machete was Muslim instead of Catholic. His name would be something like Saif سيف, and Vasco would probably be something like Dhahabi ذَهَبِيّ
.
#I don't know Arabic so I can't weigh in that much but if you say so!#it seems like these mean “sword” and “golden” respectively that's neat#Machete wouldn't be able to cling to his Catholic guilt in that case#I don't think Islam has the same concept of original sin that Christianity does#I'm simplifying but it's a belief that humans are born with an innate tendency for evil sinning is part of our nature#and staying on the positive and in God's good graces requires a lot of repentance which can lead to excess guilt and shame#I could be wrong but I'm under the impression that this idea of a manufacturing error is a very Christian thing#sorry I know you didn't sign up to hear me try to talk about big theology things and I don't want to make it weird#but I find this stuff really interesting I unironically like to read and think about how religions work#and how they shape things they come in contact with#in Machete's case in particular his troubled relationship with God and his career choice are big parts of his character#and why he turned the way he did and thinks the way he does you know#answered#kachavashka#Dhahabi is such a regal sounding name#I'd steal that in a heartbeat if I didn't already have one extremely gold-coded character
224 notes
·
View notes
Text
Shin Soukoku from Animage Magazine 2023 September issue
#Who would have thought that obsessively refreshing on ten different Animage selling sites-#to see if any would have uploaded previews would have actually paid off#atsushi nakajima#ryūnosuke akutagawa#sskk#shin soukoku#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd s5#bsd season 5#I extracted a pdf from the viewer but the quality is not as good as the original#I feel like I've tried anything to save it but I can't seem to find a way...#I don't feel like it rn but later I'll probably get to work to screenshot everything and then tie the pieces together#In the meantime I linked the source in case anyone more tech savy than me would like to try their hands at downloading it#and then share it with everyone 🥺🥺
638 notes
·
View notes
Text
All of the Adelta scans from Vol. 113 of Cool-B!
The bottom Ooe chart is how much a character would help in a situation (specifically this one related to editing the magazine, but it says it can be generally applied to other hypothetical situations): the X axis is "Competent (left) Incompetent (right)" and the Y axis is "Helps (top) to Doesn't Help (bottom)"
#and if a human translator can verify. shidome's references PLANTING A BOMB???? 💀#koshotengai no hashihime#hashihime of the old book town#uuultra c#ooe#adelta#scans#i tried to get into the discord to plop these in but the gates of heaven were shut :(#unfortunately it seems like this was a part 2 of an uuultrac and hashihime crossover so perhaps I will have to find part 1 online and scan#if youre still reading these tags and have the madness scale of the ooe characters from part 1. blease can you send it to me i can't find i#again you can repost i dont use twitter <3
81 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just thinking late at night …
#limbus company#hong lu lcb#dream of red chamber#spoilers#? I guess#but do you see the vision#can you imagine#project moon#a fricking flower#no because the more time passes the more difficult it is for me to see how Hong Lu's chapter will revolve around his romantic setbacks...#because he never reacted in any way to the passionate speeches of Heathcliff and Catherine referring to his own experience#but there is no shortage of references to his family in each Canto and even in Heathcliff's one#Hong Lu reacts more to his family situation than to his love story#so everything points to the fact that Hong Lu's canto will be about family#so where does Lin Daiyu fit in all of this#parentheses: the fact that it is Hong Lu's family who finds themselves at the center of the scene seems logical#compared to the novel which even if it talks about a love story#it also and above all tells the life of an important Chinese family of the time and all its members#and enlightenment#Is Hong Lu pretending so much and hiding who he is so much#that we can't even guess that his canto will be about love?#Oh my rambling in the tags
86 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Empress Charlotte of Mexico
#empress charlotte of mexico#austria#mexico#ok i'm going to sound a bit crazy but#this photograph of charlotte isn't it striking?#she looks somehow modern#i don't know if it is the quality of the photo that amplify this feeling#but it is as if you would expect her to move and speak#i can't seem to find the right word#to describe the peculiar emotions this photo evoke in me
250 notes
·
View notes
Text
#dracozolt#both More and Less snootiferous angles under the cut‚ for your viewing pleasure#now we're getting into the like. most fucked-up fossil pokémon. the fuckin Amalgamations you can create for some reason#it was like. cool. but a part of me always wished we could also have the original versions of these guys. just to see what they looked like#all together. with their rock typing 'n everything bc fossils are always rock-types#i guess this was their way of making fossil pokémon that aren't rock-types‚ then#did gen 9 even have fossil pokémon? i can't even remember hold on#aahh yeah. no fossil pokémon in gen 9. seems weird but also kinda makes sense?#like i'd say “oh it seems weird given the open-world nature of the game‚ finding those would be a super fun adventure”#but also they'd probably want the player to get them as part of the story as happened in most of the previous pokémon games which#would defeat the purpose of the game being open world so i guess it makes SENSE they didn't include fossil pokémon#i'm just! surprised i didn't notice until now
105 notes
·
View notes
Text
I can't find art of my ship anywhere so I GUESS that means I have to make it myself, here are some doodles.
#ugh i can't believe i have to make my own shipping fanart#tfw you're complaining to your sister that you can't find any content of them but then you remember you have the power#man i do not know how to draw kissing or hugging or any of that romantic stuff#mostly i just know how to put paragraphs of dialogue in between two talking heads#but this seems to be something of a rarepair even though they are obsessed with each other so i suppose i gotta try#karlach#lae'zel#shipping#bg3#baldurs gate 3#karlzel#i think that's the ship name but i have found so little of them that i'm genuinely not sure#laelach#(just in case)#but come on they're perfect! they're sunshine/raincloud! dog energy/cat energy! tall/small! hot and cold! canonically into each other!#character who represses sadness and character who doesn't understand happiness! pretty girls who can both bench press each other!#considering what their banter looks like i don't get how this isn't a more popular pairing. who else does karlach wistfully sigh over?#my sister tells me that lae'zel is not well-liked by the wider fandom and that that may be why (so sorry if other people have bad taste)#or maybe people don't often put the barbarian and the fighter together in the same party at the same time#anyway now that you're 100% convinced feel free to draw them making out so that i don't have to k thx <3
151 notes
·
View notes
Text
& awhile back, @thisonesnek was kind enough to commission me for some extremely wholesome, domesticated DADDIES! & TO THIS DAY, i'm still very charmed by their request & moved by their donation.
THANK YOU AGAIN & FOREVER SNEK, WHEREVER YOU LURK !!!!!
#uwu art#Bioshock#Big Daddy#Bioshock Big Daddy#LISTEN- i'm offposting today & i can't ever find a better time to post this SO up it goes & you'll THANK ME for it#/silly#bless snek who was especially patient with me for this one because this took awhile#THOUGH i do love doing 'mecha-esque' figures every once n awhile#may this bring others comfort as well <3#( i have no idea what bioshock is beyond these bouncer guys but they seem chill as fuck )
318 notes
·
View notes
Text
I certainly have my own concerns about the treatment of moo deng but um. well i think some of you may just be racist
#this ^ isn't directed at any post in particular but instead a lot of comments ive seen. but now im gonna talk about other posts down here#and prefacing anything i put in the tags here with DONT TAKE MY WORD FOR IT DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH#but the biggest post ive seen going around rn about moo deng being mistreated and the general quality of khao kheow zoo is questionable#claims that the enclosure is mostly concrete seem to be false from all the sources i can find#the concrete section looks like its specifically around the feeding area which fits zoo care guidelines which specify that the feeding area#be a surface that can be easily cleaned separate from the substrate and is a surface present in other zoos#the lack of deep water also seems to be purposeful? older videos of the same enclosure show deeper water areas#and looking back through the news every baby pygmy hippo announcement from every zoo i could find mentioned periods where the baby had to#learn to swim and was slowly introduced from shallow water to deeper water as time passed#this was also corroborated by fowlers zoo and wild animal medicine volume 8 which suggests keeping the mother dry and then slowly#introducing water as the baby grows as a potential best practice#damn im treating this like a paper now. anyway the negatives#there are absolutely things that strike me as bad eg. public access to the hippos and the way the keeper interacts with them#for the keeper stuff in particular i'd really like to see input from someone who has experience as a zookeeper with pygmy hippos#the public access is something that i def think the zoo could improve on and even older footage from years ago shows people sticking like#selfie sticks and shit off the side of the railings and right into the hippos faces#however again the zoo seems to be making efforts to curb visitor behavior which is tough when you go from having 800 visitors a day to#4000+ and you can't remodel the whole exhibit right then and there#all this to say! just do your own research and take somewhat inflammatory comments on the internet with a grain of salt#also just to make it clear im not making any sweeping statements on khao kheow or the treatment of moo deng im just summarizing what i foun#based on what's being said in the most popular post on the subject ive seen.#for the potential like three people who will read all this hi :) hope ur having a nice day
30 notes
·
View notes