#i can't make that any more clear
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The X trilogy + "psycho-biddy" influences
#x 2022#pearl#maxxxine#x series#strait-jacket#psycho#what ever happened to baby jane#horror#psycho-biddy#hagsploitation#made this whole big thing which i still might post eventually but. in terms of aesthetics. this abridged version is better lol#i'm not gonna finish the other post tonight but consider this a preview of sorts#i can't stop thinking about what if they leaned more into the 'hagsploitation' aspect of it all lol#i actually find it odd + off-putting that they start and end maxxxine with a bette davis reference#with a big significant psycho cameo at the bates motel itself#and there's not really any payoff for those allusions!!#i think if you're gonna try to tie into a legacy of older horror films you should do it in a sincere way#because that just felt like 'elevated horror' bonus points + nostalgia bait#anyway. it's fun to think about the potential it had + how all the building blocks exist within the narrative to do something interesting#and i am a 1960s hagsploitation subgenre apologist lol#what ever happened to baby jane? changed my brain chemistry the first time i watched it as a kid#so maybe i'm just nostalgia baiting myself making these connections lmao#but it could have been so good#it could have been the perfect synthesis of the shared themes across all three movies#but i don't think hagsploitation gets butts in movie theater seats like girlboss 80s nostalgia vaguely true crime related shit#oh wait also i guess calling psycho a hagsploitation movie is like. probably not 100% accurate#but it is though. it's not an inversion of the subgenre bc the subgenre didn't exist yet#but it builds up a mystery 'psycho-biddy' character only to reveal that she's not the murderer#which is also what happens in strait-jacket so i think it counts!!#+ psycho is directly referenced in all 3 movies so it’s a pretty clear influence on the trilogy as a whole
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I've seen a lot of discourse about Virginia Kull's portrayal of Sally Jackson in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians TV series, and I'd like to say that I loved her. Don't get me wrong. I love Sally from the original book series, and I, too, would fight the God of War on her behalf. But something that I enjoyed about Virginia's portrayal of Sally that we don't get in the books is the character depth. We don't hear much of Sally's backstory in the TV series, apart from a couple of flashbacks with younger Percy and that scene with Poseidon (Toby Stephens). However, those scenes do an excellent job of showing us that alongside being Percy's mother, Sally is also a young woman who fell in love with a man she could not be with and is enduring the natural consequences of having Percy. She struggles to communicate with him when she's frustrated, gets teary-eyed when she lies to him to prolong the inevitable, and actively sacrifices her happiness to ensure his safety. Virginia Kull's portrayal of Sally Jackson reinforces the character's humanity, imperfections, and determination, and it's everything to me.
#i once saw someone say they disliked the portrayl of sally jackson because she raised her voice at percy and I'm just#*sighs*#sally is essentially a single mom who is constantly being plagued with the notion that her son may not live to see sixteen#she has to prepare him for a life that she knows is going to break him like a bone#except she has to keep some secrets from him to ensure his safety for the time being#all the while#she is plauged with guilt knowing she and poseidon contributed to placing this burden upon him#and it is even more apparent when percy voices his disappointment in her behavior as a mother#and all she wants to do is be there with him every step of the way#but knows that she can't#and you're mad because she raised her voice at him????#parents do that (and i wish they didn't) but they do#sally is not perfect in any way and i love her for it#give her some grace#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#pjo tv adaptation#pjo tv show#pjo tv concept#pjo tv series#pjo tv spoilers#sally jackson#sally jackson appreciation#sally jackson appreciation post#sally jackson is amazing#they could never make me hate you#also virignia kull is an amazing actress and i don't know if it was clear that i love her but i love her in case it wasn't clear
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Tom's line about Shiv being selfish and "find[ing] it very hard to think about me" is actually so telling because while it's absolutely true that she rarely takes his position into consideration, Tom never once thinks about what he can do to help Shiv unless it also benefits him.
Every single time he makes a move or sacrifice that might help her, it's always something that he thinks will give him a leg up. He volunteers to take the fall for cruises, not for Shiv, who is in no way implicated, or even for Waystar, but because he thinks it'll ingratiate him to Logan, and the second it seems like he might have to actually follow through on that, he immediately tries to get out of it and even throws Shiv under the bus. Meanwhile, for all that Shiv disregards his interests, there are a number of things she does that only help him, and she's the one who actually sacrifices something and undermines her position with Logan to beg him not to let Tom go to jail.
It just makes it so clear that no matter how much he might love her (and I think he does, in his own compromised way), for him their relationship was always built on the underlying assumption that it's her job to prop him up, but it's not his job to help her.
#i rewatched that ep a few days ago and this was just cooking in my brain for a bit#their relationship is so messy and interesting i want to watch them get a divorce on a loop forever#and like. the wildest thing is that Tom does occasionally do things that don't serve him to help someone else. but its always greg#which you might say is ultimately down to the power dynamics (shiv can do more for tom than he can for her and tom can do more for greg)#but there are still plenty of points where tom actually does have the power to help shiv and chooses not to#and I love how succession never really has a clear 'what this character is telling you is 100% the truth of the story' moments#anytime a character is making a statement like 'this is who you are/who i am' or 'this is what i really want/what you really want' there's#always some kernel of truth to it but the narrative they're spinning is almost never fully honest#you can't take any of it at face value and it's such a good way of showing how they're always on some level 'playing the game'#and like. at a time when so many stories are basically spoon-feeding their audiences it's so nice to have a story that trusts you to#sort through it all and see what's real and what's not and rewards you for putting that work in#succession#4x07 tailgate#succession season 4#failmarriage#shiv roy#tomshiv#tom wambsgans#siobhan roy
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Guys I'm so sorry (I'm not) I love fnf soooo much dude
Anyway!! There's one more after this! It's gonna be oc focused :3 !
#Also I don't like sharing like messy sketches but since the wb closed I can't finish it sighhghhhh!!#ALSO ALSO pico and bf are in high school in that image of them sitting together. i thought id just make that clear :○#AND dont crucify me but im not a fan of bf x pico.. like... as they are current time I KNOW I KNOW crazy but im just way too big of a fan of#lovebirds and the pico gang polycule (if they have a silly name PLEASE share) they just means so much to me please im just a little guy#with that being said like any art i make of like fnf them isnt supposed to be taken as ship art! the autism in me just likes seeing them in#the same drawing and happy BUT ANYWAYS!!#fnf#friday night funkin#boyfriend fnf#fnf boyfriend#fnf bf#bf fnf#pico fnf#fnf pico#gf fnf#fnf gf#surprise gf appearance#pico pico's school#pico picos school#fnf fanart#gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#angelicdonuts#whiteboard fox#wb fox#30 tags pleaaaseeeeeeeeee pleeaasee#oh my god i still have so much more room to yap uhhhhh OH btw#i put it as alt text but like!! i think pico would do that like stupid ass “guess who!!” thing to bf but like being the crazy bastard he is#would do it just like i drew it like.. with like his gun.. do you get what im saying#im terrible at explaining my ideas i fear#anyways! go like the other doodle drops ive made recently!! please and thanks!
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reminder that if you're not watching Crayon Shin-chan then you are living a hollow and empty life. this is not edited. this ripped straight from the movie (Movie 8: Jungle That Invites the Storm, highly recommend for fellow Masaaki Yuasa lovers)
if you need further convincing: these monkeys run an animation sweatshop
#i've made this disclaimer on another post but will again since i've seen a lot more of the movies now#the movies are VERY good and very enjoyable but unfortunately the first handful are bogged down by transphobic/homophobic/okama stereotypes#they kind of vary in their severity. Movie 5 i think is the biggest catalyst because it features the stereotyped characters the most#prominently. Movie 3 doesnt really have caricatures per se but saves a very backhanded reveal for the end#Movies 1 and 4 are a bit more tolerable if my memory is correct. Movie 2 i think is kind of comparable to Movie 5 with its caricatures#in that the characters have similar roles in both movies#i admittedly can't remember what caricatures there were in Movie 6 or 7. 7 i think barely had anything#RAMBLE RAMBLE BASICALLY: these jokes are within the first 7 movies or so 5 being the zenith then reducing down and down. by movie 8 it's sa#e#i give these disclaimers because these movies are all very enjoyable and i would not recommend them if i didnt think there wasnt any merit#o them. they are all very much worth watching. Movie 5 still has a lot of very enjoyable stuff in it (there's a showdown in a supermarket!!#but i just want to make sure that is clear and established since transparency is good to have and i dont want anyone's viewing experience t#be ruined because they weren't given the proper warning#if it's any consolation it's my understanding that even the directors hated doing the jokes#iirc Keiichi Hara really didn't like doing the jokes and i think had a talk with the mangaka Yoshito Usui and was like 'uh dude this is#gonna age horribly can we maybe not'#ironically Hara's first film is Movie 5. which is again the biggest offender#BUT! that is my spiel. my understanding is that it's contained to those 6 or 7 first movies and i think is strictly just a movie thing#so please do give these films a watch but just be mindful at the same time#if anyone needs recommendations my favorites have been movies 4 and 9 but i genuinely really enjoyed every one that i have seen#i've seen the first 11 and a half movies (need to finish 12) and movie 22. the worst i've felt about one is 'oh that was pretty good!'#each film has its own merit and is very very very much worth watching#22 was the first Shin-chan anything i watched and all my Shin-chan expert friends say 4 is a good introductory piece#in case that influences anything/makes it easier to break in#so. thus concludes my spiel#csc#vid
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someone on the bodies production team you have to release more layout/bts pictures of charles whiteman's flat please. this is a great start but i need to know him better. particularly if it's got about as much mould as a second year uni house and if he owns as many chairs as it seems LOL
#ok the joke is at his expense but im already romanticising this shit#20-something loser karl weissman moves into the worst flat of all time and makes it a home#hangs a picture of his parents' wedding against the worst wallpaper you've ever seen#just buys what he likes and calls it decor#how else can you explain the fucking model boat next to the fucking telephone. AND YOU MAY TELL ME 'oh thats just random set stuff'#NOT TO ME!#and it stays until he's in his mid 30s. develops a habit of not cleaning up along the way#the shot where he seems to have taken off his shirt/tie/jacket and then dropped them off on various pieces of furniture. HE LIVES LIKE THIS#also entertaining the idea that its his parents' old stuff that he can't bring himself to throw out ..#i will created a fully fleshed out character using 8 episodes and fever dream visions if i have to#karl weissman#bodies netflix#edit: the original tags are above but since then i joined the discord and got to add these pictures LOL#saved this post as a draft bc i was like. i cant annoy people on the tag any more than i already have#doesnt matter. forcing this into the tag like a week after i made it anyway#im still so interested in the fact that it seems like there are more rooms that we never see#outside this bedroom and living space (and the bedroom isnt clear in the show either)#like. i rly need a 360 house tour NOW.#ALSO I FEEL LIKE A TOWN CRIER NO I DONT THINK HE HAS MOULD BUT IT WOULD BE FUNNY!!!!#the chair next to the liquor rly is something. hes MY babygirl
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"Ned doesn't know how to talk with Sansa" Okay but like…where though? Where is it actually anywhere in the books that Ned has trouble speaking with Sansa? Or that he doesn't know how to handle her or "what to do" with her? The conflict people try and invent between them is just so...forced. I wish people would just let it go and stop trying.
#and if we're being honest it's because they're trying to copy and paste Catelyn and Arya's dynamic onto them which doesn't work#cause Ned agrees with Cat + also expected Arya to conform and made that clear multiple times throughout AGOT#so there was no favoritism going on cause Arya is /masculine/ or whatever nonsense and he didn't treat Arya better then Sansa lol#he let her have lessons as a distraction and he thought of them as temporary...in comparison Sansa was adjusting well to KL#Arya and Ned's relationship was more important/plot-relevant yes but Sansa and Ned just didn't have any issues like that 😭#I'm tired of people just making things up and passing them off as canon#+ Ned getting thrown under the bus as a terrible father because he was nice to Arya and didn't warp his entire existence around Sansa#but then how are people going to blame Ned for Sansa going to tell Cersei of his plans I guess?#people can't cope if Sansa isn't the most pathetic little meow meow ever so that means everyone else has to be demonized
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Honestly, I think if Rain Mikamura's issues were explored more rather than sanded down by both the show and fandom when they aren't convenient for a joke, she might have had a chance at being one of my all-time favorite characters.
I've alluded to the idea that bringing her jealousy issues to the forefront would thematically strengthen the back end of the show, and tackling her communication problems on the same level as Domon's would have made them work much better as a pairing.
(they have polar opposite issues where Domon needs to be told "hey, people would like to know this, so say it," while Rain expects people to read her mind) (I'd still ship her with Schwarz though tbh)
Also, she owns multiple guns and threw a wrench at Domon's head at one point. This woman is violent and repressing it.
FInally, there's the fact that Rain seems to think that she can, and is expected to, control the behavior of other people. Her meltdown over her father's actions where she concludes that she is equally responsible kind of suggests this, and she spends a lot of time trying to control Domon's behavior even when he's not doing something reckless. I would have really liked if the final arc had some kind of element of the inherent horror in taking that to it's logical conclusion, since we know the DG can literally control people.
I really think my biggest gripe about her is that most people follow the writers in pretending that the flaws they gave her don't exist, and without them, Rain is kind of a boring, can-do-no-wrong type that I really cannot stand, so as a result I can go between really liking her and avoiding the hell out of her.
#Another Hot take: the romance is the weakest element of G Gundam. By a lot.#I love every other part of it but I do a *lot* of mental rewriting when reading any continuation that goes with the canon ending#because it needs a lot of mental rewriting for the romance to make sense#G Gun Rain#headcanons#analysis#ignore Morg#yeah I'm not putting this in the main tag but I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who uses this specific tag for her.#To make it clear: I'd like Rain to be more of a bitch - enough that the most interesting elements of her character can't be ignored.#Unfortunately liking a character primarily for their flaws is easily conflated with character bashing.#especially if the character is a woman and especially if she's either a bit of a sex icon or a popular character to project onto or both
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what I would give for transmasc to stop being inherently associated with softness in fandom. especially for trans headcanons to not include toning down the character or making them sweeter and more gentle.
at this point I would kill to see trans fan art that didn't manage to make me feel more dysphoric and distanced from the character ffs.
I'm begging fans to consider why they feel the need to change a character's personality when they wanna hc them as trans. search your soul a little on that. stop making it so fucking weird
#rant#trash talk#honestly. and i know a lotta people will be pissed to hear this#but i have never seen a community declaw and fetishize THEMSELVES more than online trans fandom#tell me why male characters getting reimagined as transmasc makes them less relatable to me#why do some trans people have it this ingrained in their minds that a man who started out living as a girl#can't possibly think feel or behave like a any other man?#and why the suffocating dumbed down softness specifically?#it's like they built the identity of trans maleness around the foundation of terf gender essentialism#being deadnamed and misgendered in public does not cause me the same level of nauseating skincrawling discomfort in my body and identity#as some of the soulless pacified shit i see online treated as trans positivity#and this is not about some idea of 'real men/masculinity' vs gnc men#this is very specifically about the dumbing down and infantilization of transmasculinity#with the clear attitude of transness being inherently Like That
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Do you agree that Jason, as written by Winnick in UTRH and Lost Days, acts out of character post-resurrection if we take into account his post-crisis robin days? If yes, how would you have him act/react to stuff after he comes back from the dead?
tldr: i definitely agree. moreover, classism plays a huge role in it, and i don’t think that at this point the storyline could lose these implications, which makes trying to conceive what an “in character” (for robin jay) version of these events would be quite difficult.
let’s just start from saying that i don't think it's a secret that i don't really like winick in general. despite his work being mad interesting on a conceptual level (and style-wise, genuinely well written!), he has no love for the characters he writes about.
imo utrh shouldn't even ever make it into the mainstream batman timeline. i am aware that this is a radical opinion, but my take is that it would do best as an elseworld story (and in this version too it would need some tweaks here and there), because it made damage both to the mythos of batman and jason's legacy that can never be undone. the very premise of the story is so deeply disconnected from jay's original place in the narrative, and so classist at its roots, that there's not much room to truly fix it.
(i want to say, preemptively, that i am aware that there are people who read utrh as a story of a revolutionary and a victim – and they have the right to do so, but ngl, my view has always been that it was never written as that. utrh reinforces so many stereotypes that it overshadows the revenge tragedy spirit of it all.)
another disclaimer is that, to be honest, jay doesn't have a very consistent characterization even in his 80s run, and it also has some classist implications that ideally should be either erased or addressed in the text (that winick instead exaggerated and put at the very front of his storytelling.) starlin's writing is, at the end of the day and very much ironically, more sympathetic and gentler in evaluating jay (simply because at the time he would not get away with changes too blatant) but details such as jay saying that "all life is game" and his random nonchalant behaviour that has its origin in the very beginning of starlin’s run are already signs of it. some readers will trace jason's arrogance prevalent in his red hood era to these issues and say that his actions post-res are therefore a logical extension of his robin days, but i don't buy it. even if you want to lean into starlin-esque characterisation, if you consider the core problem of the garzonas plotline – which is power, jay shouldn’t look into the solution of anything in climbing to the top. and if he did, it would have to be written as a “becoming what you feared/hated most” kind of story, which i can see a certain appeal in (and which would at least acknowledge that it was not his initial personality), but which would go back to its classist assumption of cycles of violence and doomed fates.
so – how to make his post-res era more accurate to his post-crisis robin days (and least classist in the process)?
if we were to follow my fav iterations of his characterisation (barr’s detective comics and the ntt appearances) tbh I don’t think a lot would happen, because his personality is quite mild, and just so hopeful there that i wouldn’t expect any extreme actions from him – but then again, the circumstances that he finds himself in post-res, the trauma, and his sensitivity do warrant grief that should become a driving force in his life from now on. the question is, what to do with this grief as a plot device?
i know that plenty of jason fans hate this take but I actually think the concept of jason trying to be detached and cruel but being bad at it might be one of the least offensive to his 80s characterisation. it’s def not accurate to pre-52 canon (apart from countdown perhaps) but imo for jay to be authentic and nuanced he should be conflicted about his own actions. his overconfident behaviour should be a pose – just as his frantic acts in his origin story as robin were. (again, something that many readers don't take notice of – but reading the rest of collins' writing wherein jay quickly settles into being easy-going and even a bit shy is proof of it.)
these two points lead to the “no good deed” narrative that I often talk about - the reading that jason saw his intuitive and self-sacrificial kind tendencies as something that brought him pain and that never was quite efficient, and that post-res he intentionally tried training himself out of. there are some flashes of it here and there throughout the years of the red hood publishing history, but it never got a true spotlight. and if i were to write lost days, jason flinching at his own violence would be a focal point of the story.
moving on to utrh; i have spoken about it at length before but I think if he were written 1. with more political sensitivity 2. to have retained the same maturity re: the social order 3. to have the same idea of morality, he should have followed more of actual revolutionary tracks and the whole “drug lord” authoritarian figure schtick along with the idiotic idea of “controlling crime” would have to be thrown out of the window.
and, later on, forgiveness should play a big role in his story. he's so quick to forgive and justify everyone in his robin run – this is also why i reckon his team up with harvey in tfz was a wasted opportunity.
so, in conclusion – perhaps not that much would have to change re: his actions but definitely a lot should change regarding his emotional journey and his position. i would def throw out a lot of mindless violence and power posturing out of it though. and perhaps make him a bit more polite just for the sake of more consistency (this is not me taking a moral stance btw nor tone policing a fictional character. i just think it would be more faithful to his 80s writing unless you want to make him explicitly scared. and it would be funnier tbh.)
#i think i have written some about it on my old blog#but i'm too lazy to look it up and also i got a lot of hate because of that#i also had a longer post talking about how it can be fixed *now*#anyway i want to say.#i do enjoy jason acting feral i do.#and i do want to allow people to enjoy whatever they do#but you simply can't look at jason's characterisation post-res and lie and say it's not a classist caricature#so maybe i am judging people who don't see any problem with it a bit <3#and despite my love for cyclic narratives#i do want better for him. and i do want him softer and more mild-mannered#not because i am tone policing people nor because i think anger is not warranted#but because i think it's clear that the source of it in his writing#is not anything revolutionary. it's the opposite#like idk make helena more full of rage or whatever#this was not jay's original place in the narrative.#it was the opposite actually. and i miss him so bad dear god i do:(#anyway i think it's hard to think of him post-res in character also because when i think of what is in-character#i also consider what (as i said) the place in the wider narrative was#and jay's death already ruined it mostly#for it to be regained he would have to start anew as a civilian OR as better batman in crime alley i think#sorry for so many tags.#this is such a delightful ask thank you <3#dc#jason todd#jay.zip#jay.txt#outbox
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There is this whole idea that flipping a two sided coin doesn't have a 50-50 probability. It's not a new idea by any means, but the explanation is if you measured the mass of the coin, the force of the flip, the temperature of the coin & of the room, the force of any breeze, wind, or vibration in the air as it traveled, and so on, you could accurately determine within a small margin of error what side the coin will land on every time, and if you kept those constant it would flip on the same side every time. And that idea is also KIND OF the explanation for the conclusion in quantum physics that there is no free will.
A lot of people hear that and either clutch their pearls, roll their eyes, or aren't interested either way. (I mean, when you say some shit like that you're just going to immediately turn off any interest most people would have otherwise had but I'm digressing now). We all like to think we make decisions and choices, and then amateurs who want to talk about quantum mechanics alienate everyone by saying it's not true: you were always going to make these choices with no chance to make the other one.
But what I said in the first paragraph is something-like (but not exactly) what it means when you hear or read that according to quantum physics we have no free will. That if we had an unfathomable device that has been measuring all the variables of every single particle that was expelled during the Big Bang, with an also-sufficient/also-currently-unfathomable algorithm to plug those variables into, all within a computer that could do all of the calulations for BILLIONS of years, we could compute exactly where every particle was going and where it would end up, including those that make up the stars and planets, that make up the ground and oceans, that make up the animals and plants, that make up your brain and all of the proteins and neurotransmitters. That if it could all be measured and an algorithm sufficiently built then the decisions you make are already determined by the ongoing relationships and interactions the particles that make up your brain had in the past and are having right now.
However, humans cannot measure that, they likely never ever will.
Anyone that tells me they don't like quantum mechanics because something something affront to nature blah blah "they" don't believe in free will, etc. literally doesn't know it's just a rescale of the coin toss description. You still believe coin tosses are 50-50 because you aren't going to measure the variables used to receive an answer, you can still believe in free will because you can't measure the variables used to determine the ultimate path of all particles; I mean, I wouldn't become a theoretical physicist if that meant so much to you but I'm not your dad, do what you want.
Edit: I know I described the science mostly wrong, please check out the replies and reblogs for others' corrections and feel free to add corrections of your own for mine and others' learning, thank you.
#as has been pointed out to me you can't measure quantum functions in a meaningful way without collapse#I'm not a quantum physics person‚#(i mean‚ that is pretty clear)#but there are concepts that can be simplified to make them easier to process l#so that people interested can be pointed in the right direction and feel more familiar#before they find corrections and understand the bigger stuff‚ it's basically how middle school conventional science classes teach stuff#like i remember not really understanding dependant/independent variables#or not really understanding why endothermic/exothermic meant cold/hot#or how electrons don't really orbit atoms/have fixed places when attached to each other#we're taught simplified versions of things that are sometimes not the whole picture or sometimes wrong#to get you thinking in the right direction#anyway I'm not saying I crafted this post to be like that‚ just that I do understand some of the concepts aren't correct#it's just too complicated to get into specifics and that's the best way I can describe how I understand it#sorry if you do know better and bothered‚ I'll make any necessary edits if you message me and they don't over complicate the post#otherwise for everyone else go look this stuff up and get corrected#physics#quantum mechanics#quantum physics#op
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I feel like the post I just reblogged pointing out the all-or-nothing in how many people interact with their deconstruction of systems of oppression is resonating for me right now with so many different moments in my life where someone decides that because some part of myself has access to some of the levers of control/influence/etc that come with the relationship to power, and decides what that must mean about all the other parts of me that might be explicitly refused access to those same levers.
It has happened in so many spaces/aspects of my life, and it can be so hard to feel safe and seen and trusting of others when that's my chronic relationship to being perceived - half truths and obfuscation.
It doesn't really change regardless of who's doing the assuming either. Like, where they land in relation to systems of power may influence which direction they lean in their assumptions about me, but even that is often inconsistent. Both sides of the equation (those who share my marginalizations and those who exist in spaces of closer proximity to power) will still do it nonetheless.
When I was doing my liminal social identities work in undergrad, this was actually a big part of the conceptualization we explored of traumtic alienation of self as individual from self as collective, and what it can do to people to exist in this liminal relationship with your environment and the people in it. As I'm starting to gather my thoughts about my stress modeling, this conceptualization is bubbling back to the surface. I'm finding myself meandering through it on both a path specifically my own, and in an effort to better understand what other paths may be available to people during their version of the process/experience.
Selfhood is so fragile, and so in need of balance between self-construction and co-construction for us humans, and that gives us so many beautiful, even spiritual, experiences of meaning making and generativity of self. It also createa many pivot points where we may find room in our path for vulnerability or blurring of self. As much as these pivot points can be distressing, I think they also sometimes become our foundations of change/personal evolution, when we find that through the distress of existing in shift, something meaningful is occurring or observable in our experience of self-in-transition.
I think something I've valued especially about my own relationship with self is its transience. It doesn't always end up somewhere I would be happy to sustain, but it always allows me a degree of comfort in complexity that I think has made my body-mind a safer place for me overall.
#one day i will understand how to convey self in a way that is Mine and also Effective Communication#but lord knows it ain't today#it's always so interesting to me the way people decide to position me in their social/power schema#the funny thing i think is that even as a toddler people seemed to assign me a seriousness and gravity of social value that was both#irrational and inexplicable and in many cases wildly inappropriate#apparently one of my auntie's got in a bad way of 'consulting' me like her personal spiritual guide when I was like#two years old????#and she had to be like#you can't keep talking to my toddler about this stuff#that's an extreme one but like#it's also in line with the trend#i don't think people realize how dehumanizing it feels to be Assigned Moral and Social Weight and Value like that#it makes it so painfully clear to me that i am expected to manage to accommodate everyone's needs while never having#or at least never expressing or acknowledging in the presence of others#any needs of my own regardless of their impact on me#sometimes I think people assume that I went into the fields I did as like. a white knight type motivation#or like#that going into the field is what's made me the way I am#and like.#not really. it's more that I knew my role in life was 'other people's emotional regulation/go-to anchor' as long as I've had self-concept#and at a certain point you've been playing that role long enough that your options are either#become a subject matter expert and contributer to the field#or fucking kill yourself#because you certainly can't keep doing what you're doing#i dunno. i guess i just wished there was anyone in my life i trusted to see me as the fully complexified and messy human I am#i might feel a little less like i'm the only real thing in my life#anyway i think i'm gonna go. dissociate out of existence for a while before i get the kind of suicidal that's going to worry wifey#i don't think i can cope with needing to regulate her out of an anxiety response right now and i understand that means i can't need care atm#you ever just get the feeling that you're drowning under the weight of the needs you just can never seem to meet? i do.
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the thing about the dudebro discussion, the aita post, the willingness to just take at face value any accusations directed at a person you don't know, is that it's all so painfully transparent, it's so obvious that those conversations are happening at this scale specifically because it's about trans women. maybe it's just me, but you generally shouldn't be using certain terms for people unless you know that they are comfortable with them, and if you fucked up then apologize and move on (if we pretend for a second that the majority of dudebros weren't feign ignorance or just actively malicious to begin with). you should be aware that some things don't affect you the same way they affect other people, and you definitely shouldn't be giving those people potentially dangerous advice on topics that you personally aren't familiar with, this is the baseline, at least don't fucking put other people who were misled into trusting you in danger. and if an anon barges into your inbox with some wild accusations then you should stop and think "hey, why are you coming to me anonymously with no evidence to back any of this up, and in such a way that i have to reply to you publicly so more people get to see this" regardless of who it's directed at. like, those are all pretty simple things, or they should be at least, but because the targets are trans women and transmisogyny is so fucking rampant everyone has to bend over backwards to come up with excuses as to why treating trans women this way is perfectly normal and justified.
#transmisogyny#i'm not going too much into the aita thing because i've seen trans women express different opinions and i don't feel like it's my place#to talk over any of them. ik how i feel but i'm focusing on the part that i feel more confident about. which is don't give people advice#when you have no idea what you're talking about. like. those people trust you and turn to you for help and the least you could do is to say#“hey i'm sorry but i'm not the right person to ask”#i've been in a situation where a friend assumed i was tma and i didn't realize (i never said i was but we met in a game so like#minimum info outside of pronouns which were they/them at the time + some assumptions based on little things she knew about me like height)#and when she asked me about something that is not my lived experience i cleared things up. so the idea of just rolling with it instead#is so baffling to me. it's so irresponsible and disrespectful. it's hard enough already for transfems to trust people and you pull this?#the dudebro thing too. i hate being called a bitch (has nothing to do with gender) and ik that if i said so people would be like “yea ok”#could throw some completely genderless term in here as an example as well. people are usually fairly reasonable. but nooo not with dude#can't have the right to casually misgender a trans woman taken away from you. gotta make it look like that's not what you're doing either#infuriating and exhausting#benvey tag
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[little vent -- tldr definitely not gonna have the planned art ready for the renniversary lol.]
me: "oh hell yeah i'll have a dog-sitting "job" for the next few days, so i'll have plenty of time to work on the art leading up to friday :) "
the dogs: untrained, poorly behaved, require constant attention (not their fault but it's the reality of the situation)
so uh. i might have some simple chibi art for friday if i have enough energy between putting the dogs to bed and going to sleep hghghghgh ;;;;; i'll finish the more detailed pics as i have the time and energy :')
#(edit: just to be clear -- the 'job' is in quotes only bc in my case i'm not being paid as much as a proper job LOL LMAO. :') )#the last post abt this was more 'i'm giving myself an out if i can't do it'. now it's 'i can't do it' ksjdnksjn#i'm still gonna try to do some other things that don't require as much undivided attention as art does though...?#blah blah blah ren wouldn't want me to stress etc etc etc. still disappointing.#he came to me RIGHT when i needed him... but also... why did it have to be 6 days after my other closest main's anniv JKASN#i'm debating making the wedding the same day as the r!ren anniversary just so it's one less date to worry about LMAO ;;;;;#anyway. just venting about the fact that so much is happening Right Now and not Literally Any Other Time.#at least i'll have a little extra pocket money for a comm or two once i finish redoing his ref sheet...!!#and the reality is... i've made SO MUCH art of him over the past year. i won't be struggling to find posts to rb on the day ksjdn#i should probably get started gathering that art for the yumeship sheet though jsdnk time to dive through my tags.#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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first time people tell a content creator GIVE US MORE ADS
#i dont think they are greedy corporate monsters. i think they are creators trying to run a business with no knowledge on how to do that#icarus flying too close to the sun and all that#is just so clear they didn't make any kind of market research#a youtube poll would have helped them#is just a shitty thing because they clearly just want to have more creative freedom and do bigger things#but if you are running a business then you also need to think about your audience. which i don't think they did#and the international issue with dollars in this economy#+ the need to use a vpn in order to watch in certain countries apparently#+ an audience of mostly 20 somethings and younger people who have other priorities#and like nearly every single person that i've seen that actually likes this idea. has also said that are not paying#because they can't afford it. so even if people were on board with this. is just not viable with their audience#like sorry. but 'streaming service' is not plan b on the list of things to if you dont wanna rely so much on ads#and them doing a 14min long video that is edited like a shitty corporate apology video#in which you say 'if you can't give us money. bye ig' while promoting#a show about people traveling to dif places and paying expensive meals#while also saying you have no money to pay your 25!!! employees#not to mention not clarifying anything and leaving everything in vague terms#like international issues. whether you are deleting your previous youtube content or not (they don't say anything about this on the vid....#.... Variety said they were gonna do it. but then they did the pinned comment so it feels like they are backtracking...#...even if they were never gonna delete it)#what newer content you want to make. the pros you get subscribing#broken record with this. but watch the og dropout ad. its clear. adresses concerns. tells you what shows would be available#and the one moment that they use sad piano music is used with irony#ok. no further comments until they say something lol#watcher#my post
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what if we held on to whatever we get the idea of as Normal as unquestionable & think all you can do to this normal is apply some veneers overtop it to be more polite & also resent that. maybe we could project that everyone who seems to be Annoyingly Disruptively doing more than this must be putting on a performance to look good &/or humor others b/c that's all we ever believe we're doing, & again, we resent even that much....maybe we could use our show of More Polite language to make the same points blaming everyone who our Normal mistreats for their own mistreatment
#perhaps we could lecture autistic people on their; ah; Lacking Social Skills or Intelligence. it's just matter of fact#completely neutral what Annoys those who do well enough when thrown into any group settings; completely neutral how they React#like yeah can't possibly take issue w/anything Acceptable to Encouraged in the realm of even ''successful'' ''normal'' social interactions#infinite ''smh this is why nobody takes ableism seriously'' like oh you mean b/c of the ableism? is why you don't take it seriously?#infinite ways of phrasing that everyone alleged so Annoying With It is just like you but someone actively Putting On An Act too much#all it can possibly be. just as someone's Anti Ableism would be knowingly ''humoring'' / ''tolerating'' an autistic person e.g.#ah you see to this Person Who Identifies As Nonbinary's face i will try to mostly use Their Preferred Pronouns. that's that done#but it's sooo annoying. what's next; multiple &/or changing pronouns? god even worse. so Inflicted Upon my correct norm#if i'm not feeling actively malicious & devious in how i treat someone i am surely as righteous as it gets#having to improve on perfection by occasionally feeling Put Upon to perform politeness around some individuals? ughhh#that's why it's actually illegitimate. shouldn't have to be Put Upon like that. (finding the norm Questionable? out of the question Lol)#shocked ppl report that casual usage of the r word is having a revival. by shocked i mean [already clear ppl didn't care abt that]#& again just the current ''polite'' rephrasing of ableism like oh um :) disabled ppl are just a Specific kind of unintelligent & unskilled#& unprofessional & incompetent & a harmful scourge :) & maybe if they learned to be otherwise they wouldn't be punished :)#just formalized ABA vs the less formalized ABA huh. & the [the Real ableism] it ostensibly is to be saying all this i'm sure#something something not a real ally if they encourage behavior that will Make other ppl treat you badly. helpless neurotypicality :(#just as the ppl saying ableism is baked into terms & phrases used casually well beyond the [bad but lol guess not That Bad r word]#were definitely the ones Advancing Ableism by annoyingly overdoing the Polite Veneer you imagine they were Demanding#(rather than a more thorough questioning of language & accepted ''norms'' in pointing out the logics in their usage / basis)#simultaneously as being too much to ask it was also always so Frivolous as to not be worth the apparently infinitesimal effort#hmm guess we'll never solve the contradictions there....#not even with the ''openly saying 'see? i don't take ableism seriously & now it's Your Fault b/c i saw this & scoffed at it''' clues#& a final shoutout to the classic ''it's called being Realistic'' language in this & wherever else relevantly applied lol. we could go on
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