#i can't draw real people...
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space sweepers but they're delivery people and are at no point on screen through the entire movie
#fantasy high#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#gorgug thistlespring#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#figueroth faeth#the bad kids#half tempted to say these names are forum handles they use so much it pretty much became their professional names lol#I keep them teenagers bc its funnier that way#no real lore I just like drawing this. but I do think abt how theyre all weirdos too also bc thats funny to me#riz is a huge conspiracyhead who does everything by hands. he has a casio fx-570 in mint condition. nobody knows how he's maintaining it#he is nonetheless Really Good at his job. which somewhat tracks bc it's a job that requires keeping up with interstation conflicts#and new policies and an obsessive amount of planning. but he is Too Good at it. and also he dresses like that#kristen has the atomic engine that theoretically lets her unmake and remake matters with her mind. but it consumes a huge amount#of energy so it's mostly useless. she's still a cult survivor also#gorgug lives his entire life on a ship with his parents who quit a cushy deal maintaining a space station bc he wouldn't be allowed on#the low gravity let him grow very tall but also his oxygen saturation is pretty bad so he's got breathing support#fig is a robot who just found out she's a robot like two months ago. she's been assuming everyone's a robot like her and she's been feeling#very betrayed by her mom lying about that part. she's on a body mod spree which is rough bc system-specific parts are expensive#and so is adapting random parts to her system#fabian's still a pirate captain's son. can't say anything that'd be able to get the vibes across clearer than that#adaine went to tech/business school. she put her monthly allowance towards an ecoterrorist group in her academy which turned out to be an o#and she's currently wanted by UTS. more than fabian. which makes him slightly mad#she's also acquired a passion for low-tech weaponry on the way. she likes ice picks and cleavers#I think up all of this for no reason except that once again the idea of all these people being 1/teens and 2/on the same ship to be posties#is hilarious to me. esp. if they were in a forum group chat beforehand
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I'm not explaining why re-imagining characters as POC is not the same as white-washing, here of all places should fucking understand.
#personal#delete later#no patrick. “black washing” is not as harmful as white washing.#come on guys get it together#seeing people in my reblogs talk about “reverse racism” and double standards is genuinely hypocrisy#say it with me: white washing is intrinsically tied to a historical and systematic erasure of poc figures literature and history.#it is an inherently destructive act that deplatforms underrepresented faces and voices#in favor of a light-skinned aesthetic hegemony#redesigning characters as poc is an act of dismantling symbols of whiteness in fiction in favor of diversification and reclamation#(note that i am talking about individual acts by individual artists as was the topic of this discourse. not on an industry-scale)#redesigning characters as poc is not tied to hundreds of years of systemic racism and abuse and power dynamics. that is a fact.#you are not replacing an underrepresented person with an oft-represented person. it is the opposite#if you feel threatened or upset or uncomfortable about this then sorry but you are not aware of how much more worse it is for poc#if representation is unequal then these acts cannot be equivalent. you can't point to an imbalanced scale and say they weigh the same#if you recognize that bipoc people are minorities then you should recognize that these two things are not the same#while i agree that “black washing” can lead to color-blind casting and writing the behavior here is on an individual level#a black artist drawing their favorite anime character as black because they feel a shared solidarity is not a threat to you#i mean. most anime characters are east asian and i as an east asian person certainly don't feel threatened or erased. neither should you.#there's much to be said about the politics of blackwashing (i don't even know if that's the right word for it)#but point standing. whitewashing is an inherently more destructive act. both through its history of maintaining power dynamics#and the simple fact that it's taking away from groups of people who have less to begin with#if you feel upset or uncomfortable about a fictional white character being redesigned as poc by an artist on twitter#i sincerely hope you're able to explore these feelings and find avenues to empathizing with poc who have had their figures#(both real and fictional) erased; buried; and replaced by white figures for hundreds of years#i sincerely hope you can understand the difference in motivations and connotations behind whitewashing and blackwashing#classic bixels “i'm not talking about this chat. i'm not” (puts my media studies major to use in the tags and talks the fuck outta it)
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✨Some doodles of the siblings to try to see how to draw them ✨
(I am super late to the party hello)
#the umbrella academy#tua#tua fanart#the umbrella academy fanart#idk if anyone will see it but it's here yay#viktor hargreeves#the hargreeves#five hargreeves#ben hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#luther hargreeves#diego hargreeves#allison hargreeves#I can't draw adults to save my life even less real people but it's a great exercize#I will be honest I am only here for the siblings#tons of stuff are hcs on my drawings btw so if it's canon at 3000% it's normal ahah#I would kill to see more of the 567 trio too :')))#we can't have nice things rip#idk how much I will draw for it but I thought that I could at least post this#my offering after the shitshow that was season 4#there is a different artstyle for each doodles but I am trying to find how I wanna draw them ahah#umbrella academy#decided to create another blog for this for people who knows me for my other blog yay#I have tons of stuff to say on this series (a lot of negative ) but tbh I am here to vibe and enjoy sibling interactions#my art
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Sorry, I rewatched the sonic movies and remembered they were everything to me
Anyways, *puts your faves in the Leyendecker painting*
#atlas.art#artists on tumblr#sonic#sonic the hedgehog#sonic movie#agent stone#dr robotnik#stobotnik#can't believe sonic was so popular they made gay people real#if this drawing does not find it's target audience i will cry
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Happy Ukitake Week! This falls kind of between Day 1: Squad 13 and Day 2: Favorite Relationship. I just think Ukitake and Rukia deserve more cool captain-lieutenant action scenes!
#ukitakeweek2024#jushiro ukitake#rukia kuchiki#my fanart#you wouldn't believe how much 'swirling vortex of energy' is a skill you need to figure out how to do when you get into anime fanart#the real prostrat is making it cover the feet so you don't have to bother drawing feet#i just never manage to do this and also i like drawing little socky waraji feet#i hope the rest of ukitake week goes great and i can't wait to see what other people have made!!
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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Small character detail I have no good excuse to mention: Hyden hates anything remotely similar to "fast food". This applies to all AUs. He finds greasy, cheap, oversalted/overly sugary food disgusting. Additionally, he hates--HATES--messy food. The only foods he will eat with his hands are ones that are very clean and dry and leave no residue. Getting some sort of sauce or grease on his hands is one of the worst sensations in the world (doubly so when he's a bunny… to be fair, can you imagine eating barbecue while wearing fur mittens? Ew!)
When he was younger, he was slightly more flexible on these limitations. Here he is eating a "ham burger" normally to show how normal he is. He is fitting in with the common man. He is pulling it off. He's got this. Look how relaxed he is. You could almost miss the Rolex on his wrist.
Of course, every rule has its exceptions. As has been mentioned before Hyden often has no idea where food comes from or what goes into it. At some point, somebody failed to mention to him that Cinnabons come from kiosks at the mall and cost less than $100 each. Therefore, they escaped his "fast food is disgusting and I hate it" filter, and, in a modern AU, became one of his favorite desserts. He has a pastry or two each morning with his coffee and then wonders why he never seems to lose any weight.
#my ocs#hyden#young hyden#human#lore posts nobody asked for#also I can't find the post where I mentioned it but reminder that he hates lobster in Amaranthine canon (because it's peasant food)#but loves lobster in modern canon (because it's rich people food)#his tastes are very arbitrary and based largely on 'do other rich people say this is good'#Okay I will draw something real and polished next I SWEAR IT#just been so busy lately and feeling kind of stifled by not having time to draw...#had to get out a bunch of ideas fast. but next I will do something... better. Don't know what yet but it'll be cooler#verse: amaranthine#(sort of)
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Waddle dees vs Metadede: which one's more fun to draw 🤔🤨🧐?
hardest question mankind ever has to answer
#uhh...UHH...#YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME ANON#THEY'RE BOTH FUN TO DRAW#I LIKE SILLY WAWAS AND SILLY GAY PEOPLE#I wish both wsre real....😔😔😔😔😔#my asks
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Lesbian ava truthers are probably the most insufferable part of the TWC fandom
#awwwwe look who thinks bi women can't be masculine/butch#also people who draw her skinny. awwwwwe look who thinks women are unattractive when they have more muscle than you#also people who draw her with a tiny nose. awwwwwe look who can't be normal about women having big noses.#sorry i see so much casual ava assassination disguised as love and i cannot stand ittttt#The Wayhaven Chronicles#A Du Mortain#Ava Du Mortain#[ RJ ]#anyway shoutout to all the real ones who draw her buff n big nosed and dont insist she's a lesbian because shes not traditionally feminine
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Learn what actual "proship" means before coming at me with stuff that just tells me that you don't know what proship is.
#proship#profiction#some of y'all act like it means “problematic ship” when it really means ship and let ship. see a ship you don't like? keep scrolling#that's what it is. it doesn't mean liking just one type of ship either. i ship toxic adults together and tend to write psychological horror#but i also write fluffy shit and like all sorts of fiction including wholesome stuff#i draw the line at real people fiction like some folks be writing real people doing crimes and shit but even with that i dont look for it#to fight people like some tumblerina snowflakes activists that think they're “saving” people#shut up😑#antis dni#its not hard to mind your own business with what people be doing with fake made up people aka fictional characters#yall even call ships with the same hair color “in cest”. some of you people take this dumb crap too far LOL#then there's the height and size debates. can't even have characters of the same age together if one is “child sized” or just short#short people can't be adults in anti world#rant in tags#cos people are reblogging old posts going “bu-but” nope. no buts here
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They're falling down that specific canon related hole
Love how Hidan's hair stays in place even though he's falling (the amount of who knows what he puts on his head makes his hair as hard as concrete)
A closer pic
#kakuhida#hidan#kakuzu#hidan fanart#kakuzu fanart#saw a stock image of people falling a few months back and had to draw these two#2$ pencils are the real mvp of my august art#I can't wait to draw funny little comics of these two just going about their days#and totally not being forgotten by the author#also why does Hidan look like a wannabe vampire??#it's the hair and the cloak
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Two questions regarding the Wardi religion:
In addition to the bull and the lioness, what are the seven faces of god/sacrificial animals?
Given that white animals seem to be sacred, does that influence how albino humans/other sophents are treated by society?
The seven faces of God are as follows:
-the lunar, horned, or 'wild ox' face of God, which presides over the moons, and the fertility of the land, animals, and people. In pre-imperial times, this was functionally the most central face of God (replaced by the lion face/odomache). The most ideal sacrifice is a wild ox (especially white or albino) that has never been bred. -the ‘ox’ face of God, presides over agriculture and labor, as well as the domestic sphere. The most ideal sacrifice is a healthy plow oxen or khait who has never been yoked or bred (if the sacrifice is towards Ox-Face as the domestic sphere, this should be a heifer). -the lion face of God, presides over sovereignty, statehood, military might, and is most associated with the health and continuing existence of the imperial entity. The most ideal sacrifice is a maned lioness (functionally white, though this is a trait of the captive population). -the ocean or skimmer face of God, presides over the seas, winds, as well as fortune and mercantilism. The ideal sacrifice is the skimmer gull or an albatross, especially one taken from one of the sacred rocks in the 'mouth' of the Viper sea. -the serpent face of God, presides over the cosmos and divine Mysteries, associated with funerary rites and death. Also has a wildly disparate association with royalty (which is derived from entirely separate traditions and has not yet fully been reconciled into the faith). The ideal sacrifice is a two headed or melanistic snake, especially a venomous one (both would be MOST ideal, but this is rare beyond any practicality) -The solar face of God, presides over the sun, stars, and fire, also heavily associated with khait and mounted warriors. (this is a VERY direct import from the chief solar god in the Burri pantheon (who rides and/or is a khait with the sun between its horns), hence the seemingly random khait association). The ideal sacrifice is a healthy riding khait (especially with a white spotted coat), or alternatively a golden eagle. -The river face of God, presides over fresh water, seasonal flooding, and the rains. The ideal sacrifice is the migratory reed duck (which arrives at the onset of the wet season) or a freshwater hesperornis (ideally taken from one of the sacred waters). An-Nechoi are also occasionally given.
Though the core religion is monotheistic, each face of God is functionally a syncretic fusion of older ethnic Wardi beliefs, the Burri pantheon, and other regionally native traditions, which have not all been fully reconciled (the process of fusion is more or less still ongoing). Each face in of itself has dozens or more epithets with distinct features. For example, the river face has a specific epithet for each major riverway, each venerated as a distinct aspect of the Godhead. Functionally, common practice of the Wardi faith is pretty indistinguishable from polytheism, and most of the religious authority does not care as long as required orthopraxy is maintained (the central dogma of the religion does not care How you believe, but that the correct practices are enacted).
Also for reference, these are the specific animals taken on the pilgrimage in the story (transporting seven rare animals cross country can be fraught, so each had at least a few backups):
A pure white aurochs calf, found naturally born in a wild herd.
A massive, unbred and unyoked bull draft khait (dies en route, replaced by a less physically impressive backup with the same qualities)
A lioness with a full mane, from the white captive stock
A skimmer gull taken from a nest on the sacred rock in the waters of Od-Koto.
A baby two headed cobra (which dies en-route and is replaced with its backup, a melanistic viper)
A beautiful speckled riding khait mare whose horns form a near perfect circle (which is stolen en-route and replaced with its sister)
A rare wild hesperornis (haven't come up with an in-universe name yet) taken from the reeds of the Brilla river delta.
Anyway the sacrifices listed above are considered the absolute IDEALS when working with a specific face, but a great variety of animals will be sacrificed to various ends. There’s some very specific cultural/religious components to which animals are most valued, but in practice the value of a sacrifice is pretty close to 1:1 with the animal’s monetary value, at an intersection of utility and rarity.
So a young, healthy bull plow oxen who has never been bred or yoked is a more valued sacrifice than an old, experienced plow ox who has already sired offspring. You are giving up an extremely valuable animal and all its unused potential in a very practical sense, which makes the sacrifice more potent and valued. The 'virginal' status of the animal is key when the rite is SPECIFICALLY related to fertility, in the sense that the animal itself is sacrificing its unused fertility, allowing for the sacrifice-rebirth cycle to perpetuate. (Animals which Have been bred may be preferred in certain cases and rituals).
An animal with a rare coloration is usually going to be more valuable than one with more common genetics. This is the core root of why albino animals are of high value. It's less that white animals themselves are valued, just that rare genetics such as albinism = valuable sacrifice.
There are some specific exceptions where the color itself is significant (rather than just an extension of its rarity). God is specifically supposed to have taken the form of a white aurochs (itself emerged from the foam of the sea) during creation, so white oxen and wild oxen SPECIFICALLY have especially high value. Melanism or black scales are valued to the serpent face of God, which is associated with the cosmos and void behind the stars. (this stems from much, MUCH older beliefs in a cosmic serpent god in the region).
Animal sacrifice is a very significant part of the religious framework and involved in most rituals and prayers intended to affect significant change and transformation. (This is due in part to a deeply ingrained belief in the world being perpetually sustained in a cycle of sacrifice and rebirth, and in God Itself being the physical mechanism of rebirth and requiring sacrifice to be sustained). While blood itself is seen as potent, the nature of sacrifice isn't just 'spill blood and make thing happen', it's got a self contained value system and is very calculated and intentional in nature. You aren’t going to just grab a random rat and bleed it and pray, there needs to be a perceived ‘loss’. Sacrifice via killing is also not the only form, the most common day to day sacrifice is in (very minor) bloodletting and offerings of food and drink- the key is allowing a personal loss to sustain a greater cycle.
That being said, there is a HUGE trade system built up around the breeding and selling of animals solely for sacrifice. The industry revolves mostly around birds (doves are the cheapest, but also poultry, waterfowl, some birds of prey, a few select songbirds and ornamental birds), goats, sheep, and horses (the small, premodern kind). Cattle and camelids are a higher tier, and khait are among the highest of common sacrifices due to their great value.
Other animals that have no direct utility but are sacred are also bred or captured for sacrifice (hesperornis, lacetor, gulls and albatrosses, several kinds of snake, a bunch of wild ungulates, nechoi, etc). Some '''‘exotic’''' animals are imported specifically for this purpose, mostly as a means of displaying the wealth and reach of the state, with their sacrificial value rooted in the difficulty of acquisition. Animals taken from sacred sites are also prime candidates (ie cattle bred and grazed on the foothills of the Sons of Creation are VERY valuable).
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So all that being said the importance of albino animals has come off a little overstated on my part, and doesn't have any particular impact on how albinism in people is regarded. It’s valued mainly for its rarity in the context of animal sacrifice, which would not have direct translations to how it’s perceived in people.
Albinism in people doesn’t have a super well defined significance in broader Imperial Wardi culture, but perspectives mostly skew negative and towards seeing it as a sign of ill fortune (physical differences in people tend to be seen as a result of being cursed in the womb). Imperial Wardin is culturally diverse (united mostly by a identity based in shared religion), so exact nuances would vary and this statement should not be taken as a universal.
Imperial Wardi population is mostly human (with its citizen population being MAYBE 5% elowey, 2% qilik, and a decimal point of caelin). Overall sentiment towards other sophonts by the human majority is not outright hostile, but is human-centric and tinged with xenophobia (as most qilik and elowey in the region are immigrants, with the only elowey ethnic group historically inhabiting the region (the Jazait) being regarded as 'heathens'). Albino elowey or qilik might be similarly seen as products of a curse, or may be given a 'wow how beautiful' treatment (in a heavily patronizing capacity) and seen as a curiosity, or otherwise just subject to varying perspectives on albinism in the region.
The one other thing I have established in this vein is that the semi-mythological hero Janise (sworn brother of other semi-mythological founder hero Erub) is said to have been albino. While he is positively regarded, he is supposed to have died young of a snakebite (assumed to be the product of a curse from his enemies) and this would not improve perceptions of albinism being related to ill fortune.
#For a while I was typing aurochs as aurox. And this WAS intentional but I don't know what the point was because neither word would#be used in-universe (it's just translated as 'wild ox' in text) and it's not indicating a distinction with a real animal (like 'tyger' is).#So yeah it's back to just 'aurochs'.#Also Janeys is named after the historical Janise ('Janeys' is a more contemporary variant and is also a SUPER common name)#(variants include Janis Janes Jannes Janey Jani Jane Janus.....etc)#There's also like 10 trillion people named Erub or Erubi or Erubin or Erubnos or Urib or Urbi or Urbin .. etc#Super committed to realism by having several characters in the same story with the same name. There's like 4 background#characters with Erub names and 2 other Janeys variants. Which is hard on the reader and kind of bad writing but suffer with me. etc.#None of this is related to core post questions I just can't not elaborate on various niche details#OH ONE SEMI RELEVANT THING. Hesperornis is not extinct in this setting but only freshwater species survive in the contemporary#They don't get as big as the marine species we know from Real Life but they're still pretty big and flightless and only live in#large healthy river in this region (therefore are increasingly diminished) and are considered sacred#I got a couple drawings on deck that involve them but I don't think they've come up on here before#the white calf#imperial wardin
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I don't understand people who say things like 'but it doesn't matter if we don't pay artists/writers for their labour, or use free AI programs to replace artists/writers to improve our profits, because in a perfect world everyone would have UBI so it wouldn't matter xxx'
like. yes. but until we reach that perfect world, artists and writers need to eat?
why are you promoting AI replacement of creative people instead of working towards UBI? Until we have UBI, supporting generative AI in the creative field is no different to supporting supermarkets laying off all their till staff to turn to self-check out, or supporting factories who shut down and move overseas to exploit workers in countries with fewer human rights legislations?
Yes, in a perfect world, everyone would receive UBI. Therefore, people across the globe couldn't be exploited by corporations, and artists could create for the joy of it, in whatever way we desire - including with AI!
But we do not live in that perfect world.
Do you seriously expect this move towards generative AI to encourage people to support UBI, as opposed to people being forced into jobs they hate to make ends meet or no longer being able to support themselves financially?
Especially all the disabled people who make a living creating art and writing/editing, because that is, in fact, a career that is often far more available to disabled folks than a regular 9-5 or a retail job where you're expected to be on your feet all day (miss my disabled ass with the 'anti-AI = ableism' stance lmao).
This is not going to create your army of revolutionaries. This is just going to result in more independent creators being crushed under the boot heel of capitalism, as anyone who would've hired them flocks instead to the free alternative, and they're forced back into an incredibly exploitative labour market.
I agree that generative AI by itself is just a tool and is not inherently a problem.
But it is being abused, in ways that hurt creators.
If you support generative AI... what are you doing about that?
#generative AI#nanowrimo#seeing some real bad takes#and don't get me STARTED on the ableism take. I cannot hold a pen due to disability. I cannot do calligraphy.#I can use Dragon voice-to-text in a calligraphic font. That is not the same as doing calligraphy.#It's okay to acknowledge that.#If you pretend it IS the same and try to award me in a calligraphy contest...#that is in fact patronizing and - dare I say - ableist#if someone needs so many adaptations that they are no longer doing the same thing as abled people you don't have to pretend otherwise#like with my dancing! I can't dance in a way that would be recognised as such by abled people. but I don't want to be measured against them#even as a weird 'consolation prize' for not being able to master the same skills due to disability!#I'd much rather take part in a disabled dance event where we all do our own thing and celebrate that for what it is!#because IT *IS* DIFFERENT. DUE TO DISABILITY. and that's okay! that's not shameful!#hell make a generative AI celebration week where you support disabled creators! if you care so much!#but pretending generative AI is the exact same thing as plotting and writing a novel or learning how to draw#is really patronizing and not the hot take you think it is
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One Piece is proof that in the end there's nothing a creator can do to stop fans from completely misunderstanding it at a base level. Like imagine being handed the most punk, anti-establishment narrative of the century where the characters all come from wildly different often marginalized backgrounds and punch tyrants all day long and then watching the live action where the cast was chosen by the og creator and going "why are there black people in this :/"
#one piece#opla#listen i am in no way saying oda is a perfect antiracist#he still hasn't learned how to pick a different marker color to draw brown people after almost thirty years#but the narrative?? is so??? anti-oppression???#like that's the WHOLE THING????#it's insane to me that people watch one piece and come away like “i wonder if zoro or sanji is stronger” or “haha nami hot”#when there are hours upon hours of well fleshed out deep content with real life meaning#i just. i can't comprehend it
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.
#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Hi! I am an ardent fan of your writing, and I hope to be as sorted and planned as you some day in my own writing journey.
My question is: you have a keen eye when it comes to planning character personality, dynamics, and such. I've also been wading through your ask replies, and your insights into how you write people and how you make them play off of each other is so wonderful to read. If it's not too personal a q, how did you learn how to write like this? Did you go to school for writing, does it come from years of observing people, do you have reading list recs for "how to write real people and real interactions"?
Thanks! This is a really flattering question. I'll try to answer it honestly, because I wish someone had been brutally honest about this with me when I was a young writer.
I didn't go to school for writing. I started doing it when I was about nine years old. It sucked very badly. I kept writing throughout high school, and it still mostly sucked, but some of it was occasionally interesting. ("Interesting" here does not mean "good," by the way.) I took a break in college, and then came back. I've been writing ever since. Sometimes, I feel good about it. A lot of the time, I don't!
I hate giving this advice, because I remember how it feels to get it, and it's the most uninspiring, boring-ass, dog shit advice you can get, but it's also the only advice that is 100% unequivocally true: you have to write, and specifically, you have to write things that suck.
I do not mean that you should make things that suck on purpose. I mean that you have to sit down and try your absolute hardest to make something good. You have to put in the hours, the elbow grease, the blood, sweat, and tears, and then you have to read it over and accept that it just totally sucks. There is no way around this, and you should be wary of people who tell you there is. There is no trick, no rule, no book you can buy or article you can read, that will make your writing not suck. The best someone else can do is tell you what good writing looks like, and chances are, you knew that anyway — after all, you love to read. You wouldn't be trying to do this if you didn't. And anyone who says they can teach you to write so good it doesn't suck at first is either lying to you, or they have forgotten how they learned to write in the first place.
So the trick is to sit there in the miserable doldrums of Suck, write a ton, and learn to like it. Because this is the phase of your path as an artist when you find what it is you love about writing, and it cannot be the chance to make "good writing." This will be the thing that bears you through and compels you to keep going when your writing is shit, i.e., the very thing that makes you a writer in the first place. So find that, and you've got a good start.
Some people know this, but assume that perseverance as a writer is about trying to get to the point where you don't suck anymore. This is not true, and it is an actively dangerous lie to tell young writers. You are not aiming to feel like your writing doesn't suck. You are aiming to write. You are aiming to have written. Everything else is dust and rust. And of course, you'll find things you like about your pieces, you'll find things you're proud of, you'll learn to love the things you've made. But that little itch of self-criticism, in the back of your brain — the one that cringes when you read a clunky line, or thinks of a better character beat right after it's far too late to change — that's never going away. That's the Writer part of you. Read Kafka, read Dickens, read Tolstoy, you will find diary entries where they lament how absolutely fucking atrocious their writing was, and how angry they are that they can't do better. A good writer hates their sentences because they can always imagine better ones. And the ability to imagine a better sentence is what's going to make you pick up the pen again tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.
Which is what I mean, and probably what all those other annoying, preachy advice-givers mean, when we say: a good writer is just someone who writes every day. It's that easy, and that hard.
#by the way a lot of this draws on ideas inspired by 'letters to a young poet' by rainer maria rilke if you're interested#that's a formative text for me as an artist#it won't teach you how to write but it will teach you how to think perhaps#and once you know how to think. well. life is just pretty good#and i can't say the writing gets easier but when life is pretty good i find myself enjoying it a lot more#this word vomit was prompted by the question 'how do you write real people and real interactions'#because that's like — i'm not trying to be pedantic but—#that's kind of just 'how do you write literature'?#because that's all literature is. what are human beings? how do you write a person? how do they interact with each other?#like shoutout to the void if you know for sure how to write real interactions then please for the love of god tell the rest of us#because i think most of all authors in history have just been giving it our best stab#'this is how the world looks for me. is it how the world looks for you?'#so my advice on that score is: try to see how the world looks for you#and then try to share it with me#don't worry about whether it looks the same for me. it won't
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