#i can't concentrate for shit
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if there was someone holding me at gunpoint telling me to work on my bachelor's thesis rn I would cqc that bitch, take the gun right outta their hand and shoot myself in the head
#this is pretty much the only bit of uni work I have left#I have to turn it in before I graduate next week#I can't concentrate for shit#someone end me
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waiting for the assessment of my bachelor's thesis is making me go crazy
#the studying is also going really bad#i can't concentrate for shit#i want to do other things i hate it i hate it
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signature two reordering complete!
food break and then we’ll start the third one!
#bookbinding#we are a bit over halfway through genesis#we'll get to exodus at the beginning of the 4th signature#if i can do two or three signatures a day then i should be finished uhhh last week of june?#then it's the actual printing and making the book!#and i'll have my guillotine and paper by friday ^^#I'm gonna print all at once tho tbh like i want to organise everything in stages in one day#instead of separately when i'm bound (ha!) to lose stuff if it's left for a while y'know#the more i think about the less i'm certain i don't have adhd y'know#different to mum who is less forgetful and more 'all the things all the time' but it's. it's a thought#i can't concentrate for shit#among like. everything else about me. idk if it's adhd or autism or both
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with the amount of assignments i need to do drawing should be the last thing on my mind right now, but i really wanted to draw chise and this happened . . .
photo reference: i can't find the name of the photographer right now but i'll make another attempt later... i saw the name of Stefano Ronchi a few days ago but can't find the source anymore... and i'm not sure if it was correct at all... if anyone knows the author please tell me 🙏🙏
#my art#initially i was just tired of 🌽 bots flooding the mahoyome tag and decided to dilute their concentration in there#“just a five minute sketch” was my original plan#but im stupid and can't follow my schedule for the life of me#this took me an hour because i got really confused about the wing midway and spent 15 extra minutes redrawing it#i already drew a sketch using this photo and thought i understood the lighting on the feathers. turned out i didn't understand shit#mahoutsukai no yome#mahoyome#the ancient magus' bride#the ancient magus bride#ancient magus bride#tamb#chise hatori#chise hatori fanart
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Ahahaaaa oh my goddd can you not make "ADHD undereating" and "ADHD overeating" into a competition of who has it worse and who has nothing to complain about, that'd be awesome
#im not even going to reply to that person im not gonna argue with someone who clearly is fucking#grading my symptoms on if they're as bad as their#guess what i also feel like fucking shit when i overeat and it causes my body a lot of stress#and it fucks with my hormones and it fucks with my mood#and i live a piece of shit horrible terrible life whenever I can't get myself out of that and somehow#but my brain makes me do it and it's hard to stop and sometimes i have to eat even when im in pain#cause that's the only way i can concentrate on something or the only way that i can stimulate my brain#even though i feel sick and I don't want to do it anymore so maybe shut the fuck up#oh my godddd#fuck that person#oh i would take overeating any day maybe shut the fuck upppp#overeating especially on foods that stimulate the brain well PUTS YOU IN THE STATE OF UNDERNUTRITION JUST LIKE UNDEREATING#YOU IDIOTTTTT#sorry this is so personal to me and someone just went on a tirade on how much they have it worse cause they don't eat#good lord go fuck yourself#that post was just because i never see anyone talk about this i only ever see the other side of the coin and it makes me feel alone
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sorry but all i can think of right now is how wymack was around 20 in the 80's dancing bee gees and abba at the club looking like kevin good night
#david wymack#aftg#all for tha game#i actually can't concentrate on reading lmao#imma go edit photos or smth#this is the typa shit i was posting when i read the first one are you happy nora T-T#wymack my religion foreverrr
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I can't read fanfiction anymore, I simply can't.
All I do is stare at it and imagine other characters doing some crazy shit like wth man!
GODDAMIT I WANNA READ!
Image is very much related
#fanfiction#ao3#fanfiction.net#ships#stories#fan stories#crack ships#like why#i swear if it's adhd doing shit I am ending it#like I can't bruh 😭#like all I can do is think of my own stories.#and or read manga#like dayum my Fanfic phase lasted for 9 months#I didn't do anything but read fanfiction#but now it seems I can't even concentrate to read one
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had a four hour meeting w the group this morning on group grievances and it was surprisingly productive. did almost cry tho bc im so fucking frustrated w the lack of wet lab etiquette in this group lmao.
#one of my coworkers basically implied i have unrealistic standards regarding cleanliness#''our lab isn't a clean room. it doesn't have to be THAT clean. you can't police our behavior in the wet lab''#like BITCH OKAY yeah it's NOT a clean room that doesn't mean we can just have a messy fucking lab??#sorry but you actually can't spill highly concentrated acid and not clean it up#sorry but you actually can't keep the acid hood door open to the point it smells sour in the lab#sorry but you actually do have to be considerate of how you're using the space and if you're creating extra work#for others in the lab purely by using the space and not cleaning up after yourself then you need to#recognize why that behavior is unprofessional and not excusable lmao.#and it's like ok. i'm actually not that much of a bitch when it comes to safety. i could be a WHOLE#lot stricter about stuff. and me going 'hey you made this mess added extra work for me' is not unreasonable#anyways lmao.#then had to do some emotional counseling with ANOTHER person bc he didn't think that perceived hurt is “real”#like he doesn't understand that if he says something that (unintentionally) offends me and i tell him#that he has to do something to resolve that lmao. he doesn't get that#so had to explain to him why that's.... not a great outlook#really fucking hoping shit gets better.#work posting#milo.txt
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hi does anyone have ideas for ways to occupy your brain so that it doesn't blast intrusive thoughts 24/7. activities need to also be not super brain heavy and able to be done in bed if needed. for now I'm playing a lot of mobile games and watching a lot of youtube but it's getting repetitive and starting to lose the effect. thank in advance
#chronic illness#spoonie#intrusive thoughts#disabled#my current list of issues is. uh. its a lot#started with severe autism burnout#which caused EDS and dysautonomia to flare like hell#then it turned out i also have hyperthyroidism and probably need surgery#then it turned out what i always thought was just anxiety is actually OCD#and its also flaring like so bad#i had to go back on the meds i was on when i was 18 which are first gen antipsychotics#just to be able to eat and drink without the intrusive thoughts telling me it will kill me#now I'm on two psychiatric medications at once and its still kinda hard to do anything#half the days im stuck in bed because of dysautonomia/postural hypotension#i can't concentrate on shit because of the thyroid and burnout#so even reading and writing are super hard#but i need to constantly be doing something or the thoughts get overwhelming#so like. any advice is appreciated#its also quite likely i will lose the spot in the PhD program because of this#because there is no system for medical leave for us#so me and partner will lose our only source of income#but for now they're still paying me even though i havent showed up for a whole month#so that's a problem for another day#oh i also need a wisdom tooth removed ......#feels like my life has been repeatedly hit with a hammer
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enjoy a peice of shit i drew at 1 am last night
help
#it fucking sucks#i couldn't get the right lighting or concentration#i had to use crayola markers#also my handwriting changed for like the 4th time this year#don't read the jeans#i got carried away and started swearing and saying a lot of obscene shit#also i was too stupid to come up with an actual bad word so i keyboard smashed with my pencil#i bet you can tell the fact how old i am from this picture alone#this doesn't deserve to actually be tagged it's correct tags#i suck at art#btw idk how to use correct puncuation#traditional art#i hate it#why does it look like that#:( sigh#i stayed up so long and i can't even take the picture right#i even got a cut on my leg for stabbing myself with a pencil#it was dark don't judge me#send help#i dont know what to put here#drawing#my artwork#i'll let you try to fugure whatever the fuck is going on in this picuter#jokes on you it's too shitty#that's not even their actual designs#it just runs along with my weird ass teen headcanons i made up at 3 am a few weeks ago#failure
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it's funny
#it's really funny#i just realized why i can't ever concentrate or remember stuff#my brain kinda shuts itself when i start to feel things and shit#and when i'm stressed and stuff it just kinda do that#but it doesn't just shut the part that feels stuff#it shuts down that whole thing#so i usually sleep as well#wow great discoveries#i am this close to cutting open my fucking face somebody save me#lol i'm not having fun
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i can't stop listening to francesca i don't know what the hell hozier put in this one guys but it has taken hold of my complete nervous system. the cardiovascular too
#i can't concentrate for shit in my writing#the only thing my brain wants all day is the stupid divine comedy song#and on top of that i can't listen to it without thinking in my stupid little new visual novel game ship#hozier did not write that masterpiece for me to relate it to a choices zombie book#anyways#hozier#my beloved#text
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Noticed another thing about classically trained domenicocuomo
#no actually it's something my teacher said#not about him of coure#she was talking about herself#(because i said those mindfulness exercises don't do shit to me cause I'm way too rational so no I can't feel the difference between my#feet touching the ground and the ground touching my feet)#she said she used to touch and feel only with her fingertips#and when she noticed she tried to switch with her palms#and she found out her palms are really sensitive#he always does that#and i might have a blorbo explanation for it but actually i think it's just him#you know the bad parti in this is that now if i think someone or something is good i have to justify it#I can't just go watch a movie or a show and say 'i really liked it'#because I'm not supposed to like everything#but i do#unfortunately#sorry i don't enjoy my life so at least i wanna enjoy fictional characters and can't concentrate enough on other aspects#do you still think I'm hot?
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It's not okay to tell someone to kill themselves but it is okay to tell a $21k piece of equipment to kill itself because it told you it needed a chemical it has never needed before and you can't do anything until you get it that chemical even if it means you gotta special order that shit and oh my fucking god why the fuck would a cell imager need fucking sodium hydroxide for its cleaning cycle!!!!!!
#not tf#my ramblings#i just can't i got sent on a wild goose chase for this shit#and the most annoying part is i couldnt find strong enough concentration#then i found some and had to dilute it#its such a fucking pain in the ass
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#what the fuck is that#can i turn this shit off#i can't concentrate on the posts#this pirate shit this shitty newspaper background is DISTRACTING#is it a temporary thing#i hope it is#i'll be back when it's gone
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When you really, truly care about someone, but you still have to keep them at a distance and not tell them about very important aspects of yourself because you don't actually Know™ they won't permanently think less of (if not outright hate) you.
#the thing is. you gotta be private sometimes. there's some stuff that you're allowed to keep to yourself and it can be GOOD to have#things that are just for you to know. but there's also this need for other people to actually really SEE you and understand who you are#and go 'I think you're cool anyway'#whether that comes from a platonic place or a familial place or a romantic place#and it's just...god it's so hard. you need to talk about shit but you CAN'T and it's so hard#In the Vents#*sigh* I think I'm gonna go finish this show. hopefully. maybe. if the part of my brain in charge of concentrating on things behaves
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