#i can’t actually. remember oopsies

[thievedreams]

“house doesn’t care about anyone” ok but then like why does he show up to pick 13 from prison with a martini in hand? literally everyone else had stopped giving a shit about what happened to her but house didn’t stop until he not only knew where she was but knew when she was getting out and on that day was immediately there for her like. “he just wanted to know what she did” yea but the martini. the fuckin martini!!! he didn’t have to bring her a drink at all let alone one that shows he actually Knows Her. i’m just saying if it was all just about the puzzle there wouldn’t have been a martini idc.

[python333]

bedbound — python333

— — — —

synopsis you're on a mission and oopsie daisy you get trapped under a building!! you end up in the medbay and tf141 visits you one by one, each of them giving you a lil piece of their mind for going and getting yourself trapped under a collapsed building.

relationships platonic!taskforce 141 & gn!reader.

characters cap. price, soap, ghost, gaz.

word count 4.5k

warnings pretty detailed (i think) descriptions of [reader] being in pain [specifically having a bunch of leg injuries], angstier than i usually write, 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of c/n [code name/call sign].

note this is my first actual fic ive wrotten in MONTHS so i hope its okay! so sorry if it feels like a majority of the focus is on the reader, i had a too much fun writing out the first part where they get crushed :3 i am also once again begging for requests. like on my knees hands together begging for requests. its the best way of getting motivation istg. anyway, this is all mild hurt/comfort and some angst + fluff so enjoy!! :3

You tried running out of the building—you didn’t expect the whole damn thing to come crashing down on you.

You’d just been chasing after an enemy soldier moments ago, dashing into the building, when suddenly the whole building seemed to shake. Then, the whole thing seemed to just collapse. When you think about it now, you realize the shake must’ve come from a nearby explosion, an explosion somehow powerful enough to damage the structural support of the building so terribly that it couldn’t hold itself up anymore and instead fell down onto you. 

Now, here you were, just ten steps away from the entrance of the building, stopped by the huge slab of concrete and twisted metal that pinned your legs down to the ground. Your earpiece fell off when you fell down, sliding across the floor, preventing you from calling your team.

Sure, you could try and move your legs, but the excruciating pain that came with each movement wasn’t worth it. You think your legs are broken with the way your nerves scream at you every time you move them, and with how uncomfortably and horrifyingly disconnected they feel.

“I’m making shit up,” You whisper hoarsely to yourself, ignoring the tears that welled up in your eyes from the debris and dust in the air, “They’re not broken. I’m making it worse for myself by thinking that.”

In the back of your mind, you remember that you’re quoting Price on that one, from the last time you got seriously hurt like this. You vaguely remember your panicked words and Price’s soothing voice that came after every worry, telling you that no, you’re not too badly hurt, it’s gonna be okay, you’re just panicking.

But in the forefront of your mind, all you can do is think about how you can’t reach your earpiece to talk to your team, the only thing you can do is listen to their worried voices.

The earpiece is loud enough for you to hear, even though you’re just out of arm’s reach from it, you can still hear your teammates repeating your call sign and asking how you copy. With the stupid Push-To-Talk thing, you can’t even just respond, no, you have to push the button on the side of your earpiece to unmute yourself.

You stretch your arm out just a little bit more to try and reach the earpiece, but when your leg starts to strain and your nerves light up you immediately give up, letting out a small, pained huff. You take a moment to just lie there and listen to your own labored breaths, every other breath hitching or catching in your throat.

You swallow down a sob that threatens to bubble out of your throat and try to reach again and—nope, that still fucking hurts.

You bring your hand back and put it over your mouth to muffle a small sob that climbs up and out of your throat, and try to take a deep breath the best you can with the debris in the air.

You feel a slight discomfort in your chest and cough, horrified when you see small specks of dust in the air you cough out, and God, the sight of it makes you want to rip out your lungs.

You feel the sudden urge to cough everything out, to flush out the dust in your lungs, to get rid of the uncomfortably full feeling you feel in your chest, but you know that every time you cough you can only exhale more of that debris-filled dust back in so now you’re trapped in a loop and—

“[c/n], how copy?” God, you want to yell at them that repeating that question won’t help, but you know there’s nothing else they can do. They’ve already asked where you are, if you’re okay, and how you copy multiple times, all of which got no answer.

They’ve only experienced radio silence on their end, and the thought makes you feel guilty for not being able to suck up the pain in your legs and just reach over to the damn earpiece and tell them you’re trapped.

You take a few deep breaths, trying your best to ignore the way you can literally feel the dust entering your lungs, and reach. You stretch your arm out the farthest you can, and feel the strain in your leg, and you’re almost to the earpiece, just a few more inches— pop.

A bone chilling pop rings through the air the moment you manage to snatch the earpiece, and good thing it was at least after you managed to grasp it firmly in your hand because you recoil back on instinct and gasp.

The gasp only lets in more dust, and you cough, wet tears dripping down onto your cheeks as you go through a seemingly endless loop of coughing out dust and inhaling debris and coughing it out again only for new dust to make its way into your system.

You stifle a pain-filled whimper and try to control your shaky breath, gripping the earpiece firming in your hand, looking down at it, looking at the sheer amount of debris on it. You bring your free hand out and wipe away the debris with shaky hands, making sure it’s clean enough to put in your ear before you carefully insert it.

It takes you a moment with your trembling hands, but you manage to do it, and you listen to Price ask how you copy one more time before you push down on the PTT button.

“Copy—” You hoarsely say, before coughing, everyone on the other line going silent, “Copy, not doing very well over here.”

“What happened?” Price’s voice crackles through on the damaged ear piece, “Are you hurt?”

“I got trapped under— under some concrete, and I…” You take a moment to catch your breath, “My legs are pinned, I can’t move.”

“Okay, okay,” Price’s voice softens, his tone becoming more soothing, “Where are you?”

“In a building— dunno which— which one… it’s by the really tall one,” You breathe out, mentally slapping yourself in the forehead for not being able to remember, “I’m sorry, I just know it’s orange and it has the entrance that Ghost bumped his head on—”

“It’s okay, I know which one you’re talking about,” Price reassures you, “Catch your breath. I’ll be there to get you out of there, okay? Just stay still, don’t move a muscle, you hear me?”

“I hear you,” You mumble, trying to catch your breath, coughing at the amount of dust that infiltrates your lungs. You bring your hand off of the PTT button and sob once, quietly, and sniffle to try and stop yourself from crying, blinking away tears.

The tears that trailed down your face earlier now only make you realize just how much dust and grime is on your face, how the tear trails must’ve been the only clean lines on your face, how there’s a whole layer of pure filth on your face and you can’t even properly wipe it away because your hands are dirty too.

The pain in your legs are throbbing and you know that you’ve torn some of the muscle in your thighs, and you know the popping noise had to have been your hip, from the unnatural way you’d twisted it to reach your earpiece. You don’t even have time to think about how pathetic you look when suddenly Price opens the barely-hanging-onto-the-hinges-door, looking at the floor for a moment before his eyes finally land on you.

He immediately walks over to the slab of concrete pinning your legs down and forcing you to lie on the ground and you can hear him faintly murmur, “Oh, God,” and kneel down to the same level as the concrete.

You turn your neck to look at him and watch as he looks at the concrete for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to lift it, before he simply grabs the edge of the concrete and, with a grunt and after a good thirty seconds, he manages to lift one end up and flip it over onto its other side. The circulation that immediately floods back to your legs and the sudden feeling of weightlessness you get is almost too much, and you can barely find it in yourself to feel shame as you let out a small, relieved sob at the sudden rush of blood to your legs.

Price immediately gasps and you can’t see much from your angle but in the midst of your relief you suddenly feel a pang of pain and oh God, that hurts. You can recognize now the warm blood that accompanies the drying blood on your calf, and with the blood rushing into your legs, more spills out from the wound in your leg. Vaguely, you can remember twisted metal doing something to your leg—stabbing it, maybe? Your brain becomes fog-filled; too hazy to think through but just clear enough to register the throbbing pain in your leg. 

“I’m so sorry,” Price murmurs softly, and before you can question him he takes the metal out of your leg and you let out a closed-lip scream, slapping a hand over your mouth to try and muffle the now uncontrollable sobs that break past your lips, the pain you feel making you light-headed.

Price quickly pulls a tourniquet out of one of the many pockets of his tactical best, wrapping the bright red strip around your leg just above the bleeding, blocking the blood from reaching past that point. He tightens it and rolls you over so that you’re laying on your back, making you stifle another pain-filled whimper. Without another word, he slips his arm under your knees and his other below your back and lifts you up bridal style, making you gasp sharply and cry out for a moment in pain, a few drops of blood making it onto the floor from your calf, the whole sight dizzying.

Being lifted up like this gave you vertigo—your head spun as you were lifted up and you could barely process anything with your hazy mind. Price mutters small ‘sorry’s under his breath, carrying you out of the door and quickly running with you in his arms back to where the others are, almost wanting to cry for you, seeing how much pain you were in.

Your eyelids drooped and your eyes shortly became half-lidded, and your ears started to ring, and everything was so overwhelming you just wanted it to be over. 

Price notices your eyelids drooping and quickly says, “Hey, hey, don’t pass out on me, you gotta stay awake, kid.” You can only shake your head ‘no’ because talking feels like too much right now and let out another small, pain-filled whimper, just the sound of it making Price’s heart shatter.

You can only find it in yourself to talk a moment later, your words slurring together as you try to speak, “I can’t— can’t… I’m sorry, I can’t—” You don’t even know what you’re trying to say, what you’re trying to warn Price about, but he seems to know.  

“No, no, no—” Price tries to beg you, as if you had enough strength to stay awake. Those are the last words you hear before you completely black out.

—

You wake up to a white ceiling and the faint beeping of a heart monitor. You move your head around a bit, trying to gauge where you are, when you realize— oh, I’m in the medbay. You blink for a moment before sighing and just resting there for a moment, trying to recount the events that happened earlier. You don’t have time to go down memory lane, though, because suddenly the curtains in front of your bed are pulled back to reveal your Captain. “You’re awake,” He states, closing the curtains behind him. “How could you tell?” He snorts and sits down in a chair by your bed. You look at him questioningly, “Where’re the others?” “They’ll be here soon,” Price assures you, looking at your blanket covered legs for a moment before looking back up at your face, “Medics said one at a time.” You hum neutrally in response to that and wait a moment before asking, “How bad is it?” “Your leg?” “Yeah.” “Well…” Price starts to list off on his fingers, recalling the doctor’s words, “The joint that connected your hips and your legs was twisted and it had to be set back to normal, your muscles were torn, your ligaments were torn, your nerves were so compressed someone had to physically massage your legs back to life, and the stab wound in your leg almost got infected.” “… Huh.” You blink at Price, before asking, “When can I get out of here?” “Why is that what you’re thinking about right now?” Price asks, confused, before sighing and answering, “Kid, your leg was basically broken. You can get out of here in maybe a few weeks to a month. Getting back to your assignments is a whole different story. It could take several months for your muscles to fully heal, and even then I don’t want you back out there for a while. Not until it’s guaranteed your leg won’t… give out, or something, out there.” You frown at Price, “So what, I’m just gonna be stuck here?” “What else are you gonna do with an almost-broken leg?” “…” Price sighs and puts a gentle hand on your shoulder, “Look, I know it’s frustrating, having to sit here for a few weeks then be able to get out only to not be able to do anything too physical, but your leg muscles were torn. You were trapped under concrete. You’re not going on any missions any time soon. I feel like that should be kind of obvious.” You can understand it, knowing the condition you’re in now, but you still deflate a little where you lie down and let out a tired, frustrated huff. Price chuckles softly at your clear display of disappointment and rubs your shoulder gently before patting it and getting up. “I guess I have to let the others see you too,” He muses, making your lips twitch up into a smile, the sight making him smile in return, “But I’ll be back tomorrow to talk to you again, alright?” “Alright,” You nod, watching as he walks past the curtains blocking your bed from the rest of the medbay and listen as the door clicks open and closes shut. Not even a few seconds later, the door opens again, this time with someone walking faster to the curtains, pushing them aside eagerly. You quickly recognize Soap as he walks in, quickly closing the curtains behind him before rushing over and leaning down to hug you. This all happens so quickly you have to take a moment to process it, but you eventually hug him back, sighing at the warm embrace. “I want tae call ye stupid sae bad,” Soap mumbles into your neck as he hugs you, “but it wasn’ even yer fault sae I can’.”

“That’s the worst thing that’s happened all day,” You mutter sarcastically, making Soap laugh quietly. He pulls away from you and looks down at you. “It is, actually,” Soap says, and at your confused and mildly offended expression, he adds on, “It’s been over a day since ye got yer leg fucked up.” “… Oh.” You dumbly said, trying to process that. Over a day. “Everyone was really worried about ye, too,” Soap tacks on, refusing to sit on the chair behind him, simply standing by your bed. You stay silent, and Soap takes that as an invitation to keep talking. “I think that's the first time I've actually seen Ghost stressed," Soap muses, making you huff out a small laugh. “Really?” “Yea,” Soap smiles, “I ken. Stone cauld L.t, suddenly worryin’ o’er ye.”

“Isn’t that a surprise,” You mutter, a small smile gracing your lips thinking about Ghost worrying over you, “So you were all really worried?” “Very worried,” Soap nods, “Gaz thocht ye were gonnae die, poor chiel.” “Hm,” You hum neutrally. Soap stays silent for a moment before his voice softens and he quiets himself down a bit. “Try no' tae dae that again, aye? Ye'll gie the captain a heart attack," When you give him a pointed look, he rolls his eyes and adds on, “And me. Possibly. Maybe.” “Uh huh,” You look at him, unimpressed, “Right. I’ll try to predict when a huge piece of concrete is gonna fall on me.” “Ye ken wha’ I meant.”

“Never said I didn’t.” “Ye— y’know wha’? I’ll just leave then,” Soap says, feigning annoyance as he walks away from your bed, making you laugh quietly. He slips out and doesn’t bother to close the curtains behind him, simply walking out the door, not bothering to close that either.

You can hear him letting someone else know you’re ‘free to visit’, and just a few seconds later you watch Ghost walk in. You shouldn’t be as surprised as you are, seeing as Soap had told you Ghost was worried over you, but you still find yourself a little shocked when he walks over to you and closes the curtains behind him. He sits at the chair beside your bed, and silently stares at you from the chair.

You stare back, not blinking, waiting for him to say the first word. You and Ghost’s silent staring match ends with Ghost sighing and speaking up. “How does your… leg feel?” “How do you think it feels?” You ask, deadpan, watching as Ghost’s eyes narrow. You blink at him for another moment before adding on, “It feels numb, right now.” Ghost hums at the actual answer and sits there awkwardly for another moment before stating, “Gaz thought you died. Or, were gonna die.” “I heard about that,” You respond, raising an eyebrow at Ghost, “Did he not know it was just my leg that got hurt?” “Hurt is a mild word,” Ghost mutters, before clearing his throat and saying, “No, he knew. He was more worried about all the stuff that got into your lungs.” “Oh.” “Yeah.”

You both stay silent for a bit, again, before you speak up, “So… are my lungs okay, or… ?” “No, yeah, they’re fine.” “That’s… good.” “Mhm.” Why is this so awkward? You purse your lips and turn your head back so that you’re staring at the ceiling rather than at Ghost, not knowing what to say. Why’d he even come in here if he was just gonna be awkward about this whole thing? It’s silent again, an uncomfortable sort of quiet that’s silent yet deafening at the same time—and you hate it. It seems Ghost hates it too, because he shifts in his seat, not saying anything verbally but you can tell by his body language it’s awkward for him too.

This goes on for maybe a minute or two, when suddenly Ghost gets up and walks the short one step between him and your bed and leans down to hug you. Like the silence, the hug is awkward, but unlike it, it’s comforting. A comfortable awkward? You tentatively hug him back and you feel his hands snake underneath your back, forcing his arms under you so that he can hug you properly. 

“I know Soap told you I was stressed and worried and whatnot,” Ghost mutters, his skull mask pressing into your shoulder, “… And he was right.” “… Did you think I thought he was wrong?” “Shut it and let me try to talk.” “Yes, sir.” Ghost sighs and takes a deep breath before continuing, “He was right. I was growing greys watching you passed out, and I think I almost passed out as well, hearing you were trapped under a huge block of concrete and got stabbed by metal.” 

“Did you ever find out what the metal was?” You ask after a moment, making sure he was done talking.

“The Captain said it was a twisted pipe.”

“Huh.” You lay there for a moment, simply enjoying Ghost hugging you, before Ghost speaks up again.

“I know it wasn’t your fault, but please, God, never do that shit to me ever again.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m in a collapsing building.”

“I’m serious,” Ghost pulls away from the hug and looks down at you, keeping his hands on both of your shoulders, “I had to drive a car with you in the back passed out laying in the trunk with Price, all while not knowing what happened, and having to drive you guys back to base.”

“… Damn, you guys didn’t get a helicopter, or anything?”

“[c/n].”

“Sorry.”

Ghost sighs, “I’m trying to say that I don’t like worrying over you like that. I don’t like knowing that my kid is hurt, and I can’t do anything about it. That was the first time I was seriously worried and— and stressed over you, and it was terrifying, seeing you just passed out with dirt all over you and blood all over your leg, and just seeing you like that— I can’t do that again,” Ghost takes a deep breath, and looks down at you, trying to gauge your reaction, trying to see what you think of his words, but all you can think is, wait, he called me his kid?

“You called me your kid,” You dumbly voice your thoughts, watching as Ghost’s expression becomes more confused, and he opens his mouth to deny that when suddenly— oh shit, he called you his kid.

“… I did,” He dumbly says back, sounding surprised by his own words, before he fully realizes what he said and simply blinks down at you, not knowing where to go from here. You both blink at each other, not knowing what to say, before he clears his throat.

“I’ll just… head out then,” He awkwardly says, slowly walking away from the bed.

You take the opportunity to say, “Alright, dad.”

He freezes and slowly turns towards you and mutters, “Don’t call me that.”

A grin splits across your face, “Oh I will. Dad.”

He points at you with a single finger, “Don’t. You. Dare.”

“I’ll call you it in front of everyone. I’ll gaslight them into thinking we’re related.”

“God, you better not.”

“I will. In fact, tomorrow, I’ll begin with the Captain. Then I’ll tell Soap, he’s the next most gullible next to Gaz, who I’ll see right after you. Gaz won’t fight with me over it, he’ll just accept it, I know he will, then, and only then, will I tell everyone else. I spread it across the base like the flu. Everyone, and I mean everyone will think that you’re my father, Ghost.”

“That is…” Ghost blinks at you, dumbfounded and mildly horrified, “... terrifying.” “Yeah, I know. Pretty sure I got that from you, dad.” “Oh my God,” Ghost groans, making you laugh at his misery. He walks out without another word, being sure to slam the door behind him, making the poor medic passing by jump at least a foot in the air. You giggle quietly in your bed, waiting for the next person to walk in. By the time you’ve contained your laughter, Gaz walks in, looking strangely sheepish as he walks over to you and closes the curtains behind him that Ghost had forgotten to close. He doesn’t say anything until he’s right by your bed and bends over to give you a nice, firm, quick hug before standing up straight again and clearing his throat. “Hi,” He greets you simply. “Hi.” “How’s the uh… how’s your leg?” “You thought I died?” You ask teasingly, ignoring his question. You can’t see any blush on his face, but you’re almost certain his face heats up as he looks away from you. “Listen…” He sighs, looking back at you, “Price ran over to the whole group, with you not moving at all in his arms, and a tourniquet wrapped around your calf. I feel like it was a bit reasonable for me to think you were dead for a second.” “Right, of course,” You nod, definitely not believing that he only thought you were dead for a second, “That’s totally why I’ve had both Soap and Ghost tell me you thought I was dead. They only told me that because you thought I was dead for a second.” “I’m gonna murder them both, I swear to—” He mutters, burying his face in his hands, making you laugh quietly. He glares at you from behind his hands and adds on, “Oh, you think this is funny? You having a laugh down there, knowin’ that I thought you were dead?”

“I think this is hilarious.” “You’re insufferable and I don’t even know why I try to care about you anymore.” “You don’t try, you just do,” You roll your eyes, “Don’t act like you have to actively try and care about me.” “You’re so snarky today, my God,” Gaz scoffs, “Wait ‘til I tell Captain Price about this.” “Alright, Draco Malfoy. You do that.” “I shouldn’t have ever visited you in here,” He mutters, crossing his arms and looking away from you, feigning annoyance. You huff out a laugh at that and that makes Gaz laugh a bit, though he keeps up his dramatics, continuing to look away from you. “You still think I’m dead now, or?” “Shut it, you.” “My bad.” “I wish they amputated your leg.” “No you don’t.” “…” Gaz can’t even argue with it, simply sighing and rolling his eyes before looking back at you, ”No, I don’t.” “I knew it,” You smile at him knowingly, making his lips twitch up into a smile. You think for a moment before tacking on, “Wanna hear what Ghost said to me?” That makes Gaz perk up and immediately reply, “Oh, absolutely.” Cue you both five minutes later, Gaz gaping at you while you laugh every other word, remember the horror on Ghost's face when he realized what he called you. Gaz covers his mouth with his hand, laughing into it, gripping the rail of your bed with his other hand, keeping himself up.

“He— oh my God,” Gaz laughs, trying to keep quiet so Ghost wouldn’t hear him, knowing the latter was right outside the medbay. He takes a deep breath and another before breaking into small giggles once again, making you do the same. After maybe a few more minutes of just pure laughter, Gaz manages to catch his breath and stop laughing, and you do the same. “I should probably head out now,” He says, sounding almost disappointed by the fact, glancing over at the closed curtain a few feet away from your bed. You nod in understanding and don’t say anything in response, making Gaz look back at you and add on, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow though, yeah?” “Yeah,” You confirm, making Gaz offer you a warm smile and lean down to hug you tightly one last time before getting up and walking over to the curtains, sliding them to the side and walking out, sliding them closed behind him. You hear the click open and shut of the door, as well as Gaz’s footsteps walking outside of the medbay and eventually fading into nothing.

[backtothefanfiction]

Nicknames

Summary; explaining where you and Felix get your nicknames for each other from.

Warnings: fluff, tragic backstory, neglect, sibling bullying

A/N: the whole point of the Summer at Saltburn shorts is that you can read them in any order and they make sense but this is probably one with the most context as to why reader lives/spends their school holidays at Saltburn.

Summers at Saltburn Masterlist

You can’t remember a single summer you haven’t spent at Saltburn. Even as a kid, before your father ran off to South America (when he came under investigation for embezzling company funds), you had always spent some time at your Godfather’s house; because his kids were the same age as you. You were the youngest of four, a “happy” accident 6 years after your older brother had been born. He was supposed to be the baby of the family, not you and the age difference between you and them (they all had only a year or two between them) made them cruel.

Felix had started to call you Daisy in response to hearing your older brothers and sister refer to you as Oopsy at one of his parents parties.

“Why do you call her Daisy, my darling?” Elspeth had asked her son when she realised he’d started to refer to you exclusively as the small yet resilient dainty flower.

“Because her family call her oopsy, as in oopsy Daisy.” He says through a mouthful of food.

“Oh how horrible. Is that true darling?” She says turning towards you. Elspeth had always treated you as if you were one of her own and the thought of people being so cruel to you made her blood simmer under her collected exterior.

You paused before saying “yes,” unable to look her in the eyes.

“Well,” she said, patting your hand that lay resting on the table between the two of you, “I much prefer Daisy, because you are. You are beautiful and strong and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

——————/////—————

You had taken to calling Felix “Fix” only a few summers back, when he finished secondary school and brought his first school friend home for the summer. It wasn’t until another 3 summers later and Felix brought Oliver home for the summer that he finally asked you why.

You had decided to hide yourself in the field in hope of actually trying to get through one of the books you’d brought with you to read this summer. You actually hated the field. It had a very specific rule, if you were going to lie out in the field, you have to do it naked. It wasn’t the rule itself that made you hate it, but the fact you always seemed to get bit by something hiding in the long grass.

You’d managed to sneak away and remain undetected for all of 30 minutes (which was a new kind of record because searching the whole house for someone could take up to an hour at times) before Felix came stalking across the field towards you.

“Clothes.” You called out from behind your book.

He was silent as he stripped off his polo shirt and shorts before stomping through the long grass towards you. He remained silent as you continued to read but his fidgety fingers and legs told you there was something he wanted to talk about.

“Just say it.” You say, your eyes pausing at the end of a paragraph to make sure you wouldn’t lose your spot, hoping his question would have a quick answer and you could go back to the novel in your hand.

“Why do you call me Fix?” He says.

It’s not a question you were expecting and find yourself dropping your book into your lap to turn and look at him. “I thought it was obvious.” You say, peering over the tops of your sunglasses at him.

“Well apparently it’s not.” He replies.

“It’s because you like to fix people.” You say, lifting your book back up to your eyes, figuring it was answer enough, but alas, Felix protested.

“I don’t like to fix people.” He scoffs and as you look over the top of your book at him, you can see the small scowl forming on his face around his furrowed brow.

“Oh yeah?” You say before you both get distracted by the sound of another pair of feet making their way across the field towards you. You look to see Oliver making his way towards you both and it’s like the god’s have just handed this to you on a plate. “Ahhh look,” you say, seizing the opportunity, “here comes exhibit C.” You say to Felix, before shouting a reminder of “Clothes!” At Oliver.

Felix doesn’t say any more about it that afternoon, but when he corners you that evening before dinner, he has to ask. “Okay, so if Ollie is exhibit C, I’m assuming Michael was exhibit B…” he pauses as he waits for you to give him a small nod of confirmation before he asks, “Who’s exhibit A?”

“Me.” You say, as if it’s obvious. One look at his face tells you that you’ve stunned him into silence. Your face is calm and confident as you make your way into the dining room, leaving him alone in the hallway to ponder his thoughts.

[miupow]

toxic tyun baby trapping >:)

You and Taehyun got into it the other day. Screaming cursing, crying, he even broke a vase with the flowers he got you just hours before the argument. Neither of you even remember what it was about. Minds hazy with rage. Once you left your shared apartment is when Taehyun’s mind suddenly cleared up. He hated when you left after an argument, he hated not knowing if you’d come back -you always did- but that uncertainty eats away at him. So, he decides to be the bigger person…

You come back two hours, maybe three hour later, he wasn’t paying attention really. Once you walk in the door he has a new vase, with new flowers and an apologetic smile on his lips. You two quickly make up then make out, because you’re sure make up sex is the only reason you two argue now.

You were sure it was normal make up sex, Taehyun knew it wasn’t. He knows he can’t let you leave, he won’t let you leave again and maybe never walk back in that door, so, a good way to get you to stay is to give you something. Not a ring -not yet anyways- something more permanent, something that’ll stick.

His thrusts are mean, brutal as his swollen and leaky tip presses flush against your cervix every time he bottoms out. He’s already thrown one of your legs over his shoulder, eaten you out and ‘forgot to get more condoms.’ Oopsies…

“I’ll pull out, I promise,” he says convincingly when he first pushes into you. “Fuck…” he rasps at your tight heat wrapping around his aching cock. “Promise, baby.” He grins before railing you into the mattress.

Your thighs burn and shake and your throat is raw from screaming his name. He keeps making you cream his cock until you feel loopy in the best way possible then he’ll put his plan in motion… He does just that. Makes you dumb on his cock before saying, “too tight, can’t pull out.” He says with faux concern. In your state of pure bliss you dumbly nod along with him because that makes perfect sense of course. “Gotta cum inside,” he gives you that fake pout like he isn’t dying to fill you up with his thick seed. “That’s ok, isn’t it baby, I’ll give you my babies.” His hips falter and his dick twitches. Your eyes widen slightly at his words but he distracts you with his nimble fingers on your clit. “Give you all my babies.” He grins wickedly as you cum on his dick for the fourth time in the hour. He groans and buries his head in your neck and his cock deep in your soaked cunt. His tip sputters cum against your cervix, in your cunt and it leaks down his dick. He smirks as he hears you gasp when you feel his creamy release coat your insides.

Once you cry and hit his chest and tell him to pull out he’ll just smile at you, because pregnancy hormones do make women emotional…

- sticky cum soobie anon. merry late christmas pookie

i..i’m shocked into silence anon. actually cleaned the plate with this THIS THIS IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE— oh my god toxic situationship tyun who babytraps you to make you his forever… i’m pulling my hair out

scratching n hitting at his chest, cryin n begging for him to pull out… i can’t get enough of babytrapping i think i might be ovulating

[agerefandomstuff]

Hey! Can you give some caregiver!Sam winchester headcannons? I read your dean hcs and i loved them so much!!! <3

• Will genuinely get sad if you decline a bedtime story. He LOVES to read with/to you.

—If he doesn’t get to do a bedtime story he feels like HIS routine is thrown off. Or he worries that you don’t actually like bonding with him. since this was the first and easiest thing for him to settle into and get excited about with you when you're regressed.

However, a little reassurance helps that insecurity.

• Also bedtimes are a must.

—He has a schedule and chores for you to complete every week.

—But the fun part is you got to sit down with both Sam and Dean to make and decorate the chore sheet. AND you get STICKERS to mark off what you’ve done.

(Sam almost regrets the sticker idea since he has to buy them in bulk now since one or two or five might end up on the boys’ faces rather than just the sheet. Oopsie! Haha!)

• Strict no thumb sucking rule.

—If he even SENSES your thumb going anywhere near your mouth, you’re getting the: “where have our hands been? And how do we know what the demon touched was clean? Exactly. We don’t. Get that thumb back in your lap. And use the necklace/pacifier I got you.”

—He knows about chewlery.

—Almost got you and Dean a matching pair but he didn’t want to hear Dean’s complaining (you both know he would’ve liked it eventually and it would’ve saved all of Sam’s pens.)

• Sam was uncomfortable at first holding you since it’s been a long time since he got to hold and cuddle someone. And back then it was romantic. Not… parental. He was worried about crossing boundaries or that he would be holding you wrong or just… h-he was uncomfortable! And nervous! Alright?

— But he cuddles you plenty now to make up for his original nervousness and he adores how you settle against him on the couch or on the bed.

—He’ll sit for hours with you curled up on his lap or leaned against him. The lights turned down to a soft yellow glow. Just bright enough for him to read his book but not bright enough to hurt your eyes or overwhelm your senses.

Sometimes he’ll softly play music off his trusty iPod or turn on a sweet nature documentary for some quiet background noise.

• Otherwise he puts on educational cartoons like magic school bus, osmosis jones, wild kratts, word girl, bill nye, myth busters, etc.

—He wants you to learn things (Dean complains to Sam about how they’re all educational because you know he’s sitting and watching them with you. He’s a sucker for cartoons.)

—But also those are the only cartoons Sam can really stand to watch for long periods. He’s almost burnt out on Scooby-Doo, Dory, and Frozen. Because of how much Dean played them but he’ll still watch them with you if you want.

• He gets crazy proud of you when you (or Dean) later repeat a fact you learned from one of the shows he put on for you.

Y/n: “Wild Kratts say that wolves’ prey will escape by swimming in water! So maybe if we go swimming the werewolves won’t get us!”

Sam: “Baby, I love that you remembered that.. but it’s not going to convince me to let you out of the safe zone until this hunt is over and I know you’re safe. Besides, you're way too little right now. How about you help by watching more of the Kratt Brothers so you can tell me more facts about wolves, okay?”

Dean: “Did you guys say something about Wild Kratts being on? Whatever it is, throw in a beer and some popcorn and I’m in.”

Sam: “Dean… c’mon..”

Dean: “What?”

Sam: “You’re going out on the hunt with me. You can’t stay back and watch cartoons with (y/n) right now.”

Dean: “But it’s Wild Kratts! I don’t want to get behind!”

Sam: “Dean.”

Dean: “Ugh.. fine. I’ll gank the werewolf with you.”

Y/n: “Then we can go swimming?”

Sam sighs, “Then.. maybe we’ll go swimming.”

Thank you for the request!! I hope you like this one as much as Dean’s!

[happyheidi]

I'm turning 29 this year and regret not being where my parents were at my age. They weren't rich or well off at all, but they were married and had me and their own place. I don't think I'll ever have a relationship that doesn't end with being cheated on, or my own place, let alone the stability to have a BABY. I see my high school friends on facebook having babies and travelling and getting great careers and feel like I missed all my chances already. I'm almost 30 but I'm still doing the same shit I did 15 years ago. The only difference is now I'm hyperaware that life is fleeting. I don't know if I have a question to wrap this up, I just needed to tell someone that and I saw it was therapy hour so I might as well tell you.

Ok this is every girls way of thinking when they reach that 30’s spot. I did it. You did it. They did it. Its programmed in us PLUS we have our biological clock ticking away as well. If I were where my parents were at my age I would have a kid and a math degree. It’s a totally different time so we can’t see ourselves in that light. I’m a victim of it too. I’ve thought of taking out a loan so I can freeze my eggs but it costs like 90k for 3 eggs so yeah but I digress. I turned 33 this December and yes it sound cliche but I don’t feel a day over what.. 24? I’m stunted. So I’m not the person to answer this as I’m kinda in the same boat.

What can we do? Think about how it should be… “how far we should be" by now? Doing so doesn’t change anything other than our moods. I’m actually getting kinda queasy as I’m writing this cus it’s this weird innate feeling that I have no idea how I turn of..

But remember that not all that glitters is gold. And it’s not always greener on the other side. But let’s try to break the fence anyway.

but hey let’s use lots of money on skincare and makeup in the meantime so we help capitalism and ruin ourselves slowly 🎉 (oopsies..)

[jade-kyo]

Non-Red vs Blue fans guess the fake fact: results!

Find the og post here

Alright time to finally review the results! Correct answer is at the bottom of this post for those not interested in all of the results and explanations!

So the most highly voted option at 23% was Elijah Wood which I’m sorry to say is incorrect! Elijah Wood was a voice actor in the series. He played the role of Sigma! What this big name actor is doing in a random web series I have no idea but it’s still one of the wildest things to me.

Now the aspirin overdose comes in with 17.3% and got mentioned a lot in the notes and it is also incorrect. However I will admit to some poor wording on my part because it was actually an allergic reaction not an overdose. That’s a genuine oopsies on my part 😅

Florida sinking into the ocean gets a 10.1% and is also incorrect! The state of Florida does in fact sink into the ocean and it’s implied this was to cover up the disappearance of Agent Florida (who is also the guy who dies from the aspirin)

The gay guy, who’s name is Donut btw, becoming Jesus comes in with 8.3% and is in fact very real. He even walks on water. It was wild and tbh I barely remember it cause it’s from a season I dislike but it was too wild not to include.

With 7.2% I can say for sure that the giant killer robot is indeed dressed up in cute hats! Specifically a sombrero! Also the robots name is Freckles.

CPR for a bullet wound in the head gets 6.7% and is in fact considered effective medical care. Now I will say this later gets retconned and it turns out the guy didn’t actually get shot in the head the bullet just grazed him and his armor locked up making them all think he was dying- hence the choice of word being considered. The characters fully believe it but the CPR did not actually save him cause he wasn’t even hurt to begin with.

The crazy love triangle comes in with 4.7% and is also very canon and is exactly as it’s said. There’s literally just this insane love triangle for like two seasons- honestly the only love triangle plot I ever enjoyed.

With a solid 4% I can say that there is in fact canon mpreg! Hurray? Idk man this one’s exactly as it sounds. Dude got knocked up by an alien.

In last place with 2.5% of votes is the main character dying repeatedly. This is also incorrect. First off this guy is named Church which very funny on its own. Secondly it’s actually one of the first running jokes in the series how much this dude dies. Until it’s not a joke 🫠 also a few people pointed out RvB doesn’t have a main character and while I agree I felt it was simpler just to call Church the main character for this poll since it’s designed for people who haven’t seen RvB and I would argue that the majority of the narrative centers around Church even when he’s not there.

And now for the correct answer, coming in at third place with 16.1% is Caboose is god!

Now I will fully confess to being sneaky with this one. This is actually a joke made within the series but it is not true at all. Caboose is not actually god and the platypus is just that fucked up. I knew nothing I could come up with would be able to match the absurdity of this series so I decided to twist a few words so that way everything seemed equally fucked up.

And that concludes the poll! I will now leave you off with a few honorable mentions that did not make the Final Cut:

They have a Spanish speaking robot. None of them speak Spanish.

He’s a ghost but not actually a ghost but actually a highly advanced computer program

Woman has mega beef with an AI copy of her dead mom

The highly advanced computer program can’t aim for shit

The first 5 seasons were revealed to actually be a prolonged torture session

Dude chases his dead gf through multiple iteration of the same memory

Woman developed a sibling like bond with an AI copy of her extremely neglectful father

[calliesmemes]

YET ANOTHER ROUNDUP OF ASOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED SENTENCE STARTERS FROM AROUND THE INTERNET, including quotes from Tumblr, Pinterest, TikTok, and X (formerly known as Twitter), for when a muse wants to be a bit silly <333

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

❛ I am not merely a clown; I’m the entire damn circus! ❜

❛ I will bite you if you continue this behavior. ❜

❛ Being a dramatic ass bitch isn’t a personality trait; it’s a lifestyle! ❜

❛ Trauma? Oh … you mean, my lore? ❜

❛ why must I cite sources? is it not enough to just say ‘trust me, bro’? ❜

❛ sorry for being a perfect sweetie and a genius it will likely happen again. ❜

❛ forget about touching grass; I need to touch WATER I NEED TO GO INTO THE OCEAN I NEED TO DIVE INTO THE SEA!!! ❜

❛ I’m attracted to men with muppet energy and no i will not be explaining. ❜

❛ you want me to make friends with people? the thing that killed julius caesar? ❜

❛ what’s your birthstone? mine is rock bottom. ❜

❛ I absolutely hate that I’m not bioluminescent. Pathetic. ❜

❛ ohhhhh my god i have got to stop mourning the past or whatever. ❜

❛ you expect me to act like a normal human being? I’m wearing a turtleneck! ❜

❛ i don’t struggle with same sex attraction I’m actually very good at it. ❜

❛ unfortunately i often find out without even getting the chance to fuck around. ❜

❛ I’m bisexual which means that I’m attracted to anybody who can defeat me in physical combat. ❜

❛ all anyone needs to know about me is that i’m a dumbass and i love women. ❜

❛ sorry but philosophers aren’t impressive i came up with stuff like that when i was 12. ❜

❛ I pay my own bills; I can cuss all I want! ❜

❛ I don’t have rizz; I have sad eyes and a weird presence. ❜

❛ my demons are chasing me and they’re doing the Naruto run. ❜

❛ honey we are ALL doomed by the narrative. it's not that serious. have some fun with it. ❜

❛ dating me is like interviewing a psych ward patient. ❜

❛ being a girl with very large brown eyes comes with great responsibility. ❜

❛ i’m autistic in ways that you can’t even begin to imagine. ❜

❛ being a loser may be a phase to you but its a lifestyle for me. ❜

❛ entering a magical portal in the woods would fix me. ❜

❛ I’m lonely but not in a hot mysterious way; more like in a pathetic way. ❜

❛ life is so unserious just say womp womp and move on! ❜

❛ you’re vibing? In this economy? ❜

❛ just because I’m small doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass. ❜

❛ my primary motivators are fear, spite, and aesthetic longing. ❜

❛ sorry about the chaos; I needed attention. ❜

❛ WHAT IS UP GIRL you look foreboding and malicious! ❜

❛ baby i can be your problematic bi wife. ❜

❛ i don’t think any of you understand how important i am to the plot. ❜

❛ what if we are both red flags? what then? ❜

❛ any dream can be a prophetic dream if you’re willing to do some really weird shit. ❜

❛ my hobbies include being right, being gay, and being a hater. ❜

❛ i have a phd in Loving The Color Pink And Also Glitter. ❜

❛ being a menace to society is a full time job and I am dedicated. ❜

❛ my life has been a bouquet of oopsie daisies. ❜

❛ i survive on spite, anxiety, and blasphemy. ❜

❛ if you’re not obsessed with me, why would I wanna be with you? ❜

❛ the hottest thing a man can be is a little afraid of me. ❜

❛ my love language is being a hater. ❜

❛ i don’t get enough credit for acting far less insane than i actually am. ❜

❛ the A in my name stands for always right. ❜

❛ Jesus is my homeboy but God has a lot to answer for and I will continue to be rebellious until he does so. ❜

❛ I’ll see a man with long hair and then remember that I’m not above temptations of the flesh. ❜

❛ i’m going to be honest with you I’m not going to be honest with you. ❜

❛ stop asking me if I’m ok I’ll literally make out with you. ❜

❛ part of my masculine charm is that I’m literally insane. ❜

❛ are you sure those are demons bro? or are they consequences from the choices you made? ❜

❛ i do not identify as a boy or a girl. i identify as a nuisance, an irritant, a fool, and a problem. ❜

❛ praying on someone’s downfall isn’t enough i need to participate in it. ❜

❛ we all need to chill. i won’t do it first but it’s something i noticed. ❜

❛ not to sound like a Victorian woman suffering from hysteria but going to the sea would fix me. ❜

❛ the silly goose convention called; they asked if you could be their keynote speaker. ❜

❛ i deserve unrestricted access to old castles and old churches i want to know all the secrets. ❜

❛ doesn’t matter if you’re cringe or based we’re all just here to suffer. ❜

❛ I’m no longer comedic relief I’m now serious panic. ❜

❛ this is getting difficult to romanticize. ❜

❛ done healing my inner child. next up is my inner teen. her highness needs a sword. ❜

❛ i am God’s silliest experiment. ❜

❛ i’m very vulnerable right now if anyone wants to take advantage of me. ❜

❛ sorry i overshared do you still think im hot? ❜

❛ I can yap for days and still maintain my air of mystery. ❜

❛ good luck sending me mixed signals; I don’t even understand normal ones. ❜

❛ not all of your life decisions have to be smart. some can be purely for cinematic value. ❜

[pasta-in-the-pudding]

Hey!! I really loved your writing of some of the proxies with a child! Spoiled reader (can’t remember exactly what it was called, but the reader was bratty and princessy) and I’d like to ask for something similar!

Could you possibly write jeff, toby, ej and anyone else you’d want to add with a child! Reader that’s a lot like young Ellie Williams from tlou 1?

So swears a lot, a bit rude/blunt, quite tomboyish, but overall just a funny and badass kid?

(Extra points if you make them good with weapons, like guns, knives, bows, etc.)

If you can’t do it, no worries! I really love ur writing and thought I’d leave a request <33

Ooooh! I've been wanting to play tlou for so long!

Thank you so much for requesting!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creeps with a Child!Ellie Williams!Reader

Jeff

You are Jeff's favorite

You are often his "sidekick" on missions

He gets in trouble for teaching you new swear words

If one thing doesn't go your way, you are screaming "MOTHER FUCKING BITCH"

Everyone in the room gives Jeff the stink eye

Jeff just laughs his ass off

You are also his personal fashion advisor

"Should we go clothes shopping at Hot topic or Claires"

"They're both overpriced we're better off dumpster diving"

"sniFF...im so proud 🥹"

Hes a big brother to you

If you're on a mission with him, you will be the designated weapon carrier

And the sneak attack

You run up his arm, jump off his back and ATTACK!

He dresses you up in his mcr merch and you absolutely go to concerts together

You get to ride on his shoulders, and he buys you anything you could want from the venue

Even Smile dog has taken a liking to you

He wil lick your face, and protects you like you are his own child

Mind you, this is the dog that hates everyone

Toby

You make him nervous/pos

With you being so reckless, and clearly lacking a positive adult influence, it makes him worry

But he does enjoy your wild side

For instance, when being introduced to his raccoon children, you were the only one that actually cared about them

The raccoons like you too, knowing that whenever you're around, they get treats

He is one of the few creeps who helps you set up your room when you first arrive at the mansion

He buys you your first set of toys and new clothes, as well as getting you your own pocket knife

"For protection" he says

He knows good and well youre gonna use it to dig out your toenails lmao

He also pays you to do his work for him

Example:

"Heeey y/n! You want some candy?"

"Hell yeah!!"

"Thats greeaaaat! All you have to do is wrangle smile dog for me and bring him back inside!"

Challenge accepted

And hey, you when he took you to the gas station, he even let you get a slushie!

Eyeless Jack

When you heard of all the nasty stuff jack keeps in his medical wing, you immediately wanted to check it out

You found all sorts of things

Liver, intestines, blood bags...

Lots of gross stuff to fuel your interest

For about 30 minutes

Then jack came back into the medical wing

He picks you up by the collar of your shirt and glares at you

You giggle innocently "um...oopsies?"

"Don't try that with me. What were you doing in here"

"I just wanted to look..." you mumble in a whiny tone

He sighs and rubs his face, before placing you back down on the ground

"Well, you've had your fun. Now get out."

You pout "awww come on! Can't I stay just a little longer?"

Good lord how your whining hurts his head

He massages his temples before handing you a scalpel

"Here. Now run along and go find something dead to poke at"

You gasp and observe the shiny metal for a moment, before running off and doing just that

[wanderingblindly]

Hey bb!! For the WIP game!

Fuck it, we (don't) ball

Oopsies, fucked my boss

😋🫶

oh god, those are two that will probably get moved to my graveyard folder eventually ((when hell freezes over and I stop being so stubborn). But!!!

Fuck It, We (Don't) Ball:

This was actually meant to be another installment in my silly little Is It Gay Verse! Inspired by that interview in the offseason, when Oscar put together his fake basketball team and -- notably -- didn't include Lando. Snippet below the cut <3

“He’s cheating on me!” Lando gasps, looking down at his phone with comically wide eyes. He thrusts the phone in Daniel’s face, ignoring his closed eyes, and repeats it with more exaggerated emphasis: “My husband is cheating on me!” “Cheers to the happy couple,” Daniel mumbles, pulling the rim of his hat down lower and sinking further into the couch. “With Charles.” He says, shaking the phone where it continues to hang in the space between them. Daniel cracks an eye. “Actually?” “He can’t even play basketball!” Lando whines, tossing his phone onto the couch and hiding his face in his hands. There’s a moment of silence between them – Daniel’s eyes once again closed and Lando peering through his fingers. “You’re s’posed to comfort me, mate.” “I’m sorry your husband kicked you off his imaginary basketball team.” He says without enthusiasm, the words lazy in his semi-consciousness. Clearly Daniel isn’t going to play along – even though Lando is notably not playing. He’s peeved, the edits he saw of Oscar spinning a basketball on his finger suddenly in the back of his mind. The cute slideshow of him smiling through an interview, clearly equal parts uncomfortable and excited, feels like a distant memory. Oscar would put Charles on his basketball team over him? Alex and George? Fine, he can accept being short. Logan? Sure, Americans basically come out of the womb with a basketball, or something. Zhou? He seems confident, Lando can’t argue. But Charles?

Tbh I stll think the idea is cute, I might fiddle with it later....

Oopsies Fucked my Boss:

GOD I JUST WANT TO WRITE A FUCKING OFFICE AU SO BADLY WHY DO NONE OF MY OFFICE IDEAS PAN OUT!!! NONE OF THEM1!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! BITCH!!!!!

“He’s not even good at his job!” Max exclaims, slamming his half empty glass on the table – Lando watches the beer sloshes dangerously around the edges, holding back a wince. “We fucking went to Uni together! I’m the reason he even passed Tax! ‘It’s Mr. Leclerc, actually’,” He mocks a French accent with disdain. “Like, are you fucking kidding me?” “Maybe he doesn’t remember you?” Lando suggests light heartedly, hoping to move on from the subject before Max gets even more upse– “Obviously he fucking remembers me! We were,” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, lowering his voice to a low, harsh whisper. “We slept together, ok? I know he remembers.” Lando stares at him with wide eyes, mimicking his body language and leaning towards the center of the table. “Real shit?” He whispers back, earning an eye roll as Max sits up and downs the remainder of his beer in one go. “No. I’m joking about sleeping with my new fucking boss, obviously. Cheers, mate.”

(original post)

[aurossaga]

Morning

Venti x gn!reader

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 300~

Warnings: None!

Summary: There's someone clinging to your side who doesn't really want to get up yet.

The sheer white curtains weren’t doing much to prevent the morning sunlight from pouring into your bedroom. The gentle rays of warm light were accompanied by quiet birdsong in the distance, and the sound of the wind. Slowly, you were stirred awake from your peaceful slumber to witness the early morning inviting itself into your abode. As you moved to sit upright and rub the remaining sleep out of your eyes, you felt a weight pull on your side.

Still sound asleep at your side laid your partner, his face lightly scrunched up in response to your movement. It seems he hasn’t fully woken up all the way yet. You catch yourself smiling at the sight. You sigh, and softly pat his head in an attempt to wake him up gently. You get a disapproving mumble in reply, which you can’t help but laugh a bit at.

“Good morning Venti.” “Mhnghmm…” “Did you sleep well?”

He squeezes your hand, urging you a bit closer before quickly pulling you down with more force than you expected. You land on the pillow right next to him, where he slides an arm around your neck and places a kiss on your forehead.

“I did. I think I’ll continue now, thank you.”

His sleepy morning voice is a bit less put-together than usual, something reserved for only you to hear. You fight the urge to give in to the hug.

“Venti, I have things to do today.” “Me too. It’s sleeping, next to my beloved muse, the light of my life...” “I’m not falling for your charm.”

You chuckle a bit at his excuses as he finally looks at you, narrowing his eyes. “Now that’s a lie and we both know it.

You raise an eyebrow at this. “How can you be so sure?”

A sly smile forms on his face. “Because you’re still laying here with me.”

“...Fine, five more minutes.”

i remembered i haven't posted in actual ages... oopsie woopsie

[nikolai-alexi]

For @jegulus-microfic Prompt: Savour WC: 890

Tags: bipolar James, manic episode, very unreliable narrator, bipolar Barty Crouch Jr, psychosis hallucination, mild violence, James is extremely touch adverse during a mania episode like this, Regulus is Going Through It, James gets the wrong impression eavesdropping on Reg/Barty/Evan’s conversation while they think he’s asleep, Reg is overwhelmed and guilty, James is Unwell, Evan is over everyone’s shit and really doesn’t like James’ friends, Barty is a good friend, Sirius/Remus/Pete don’t just abandon James in this they’re there and they probably went to go get help but James has no clue what’s going on around him really so they just aren’t featured, Evan still holds a grudge against Sirius specifically and (though he won’t admit it) he feels angry on James’ behalf because none of them realised he was struggling so he’s an ass to them, apparently manic episodes are a lot harder to write when you can’t remember what your own are like when you have them

James is aware he shouldn’t be laughing. He’s aware of the stares branding their way under his skin. He feels acutely every disgusted look thrown his way and he hears every scoff. He’s aware he shouldn’t be laughing. But he can’t stop.

Someone has turned off the party’s music. Unfortunate, that. If they kept it going maybe he could pass it off that he’d just drank too much. It’s worked for him before. He still can’t stop laughing. His lungs burn for oxygen and his stomach is cramping and his vision is blurry and his skin is crawling and he can’t stop fucking laughing.

He can’t tell how long it takes until his hysterical laughter subsides into maniacal giggles, “Savour it,” he chokes out, still giggling, “Perfect fucking Potter isn’t so perfect!”

He throws his arms wide and spins a circle in the middle of the common room, still giggling, “Someone ought to call the Prophet! Let them know that the only thing James Potter actually is, is fucking crazy!”

He thinks he’s lost his glasses, because whoever is standing in front of him is unrecognisable with how blurry everything is.

“C’mon, J,” they say. Oh! It’s Barty! Barty knows alllll about being batshit fucking crazy, doesn’t he?

His glasses are set back on his face with very careful movements. Barty knows what James can be like like this. He probably doesn’t want another broken nose. James isn’t sure he’d feel it if someone broke his nose. Would he feel it if he broke his own nose? Or would he only think he felt it because he knew it was coming?

“No one is going to break anyone’s nose, James,” Barty says, sternly, in a voice that sounds eerily similar to Regulus’ ‘shut up and quit being stupid’ voice. He must have spoken aloud. Oopsies.

A shadow appears behind Barty, and before James knows it, his body is flying through the air. Is he trying to run from it? Fight it? Who knows. He doesn’t. But he can’t stand that stupid fucking shadow starring at him. There’s a sharp pressure on the side of his head and everything goes black.

Next thing he knows, he’s hearing hushed voices to the side of him. He doesn’t have the energy to open his eyes, so he just stays still and listens.

“Why the fuck would you knock him out, Barty?!” Regulus’s voice is high, despite being quiet. He must be really upset about something.

“Reg,” Barty sighs, it sounds like he’s been repeating the words for a while, “He went to attack, what I assume was, one of his hallucinations and came after me as a result. You know we can’t restrain him. He just panics and hurts himself. The only thing I could do to get him out of there and keep him safe was knock him out.”

The breath seems to exit Regulus’ chest in one swift ‘whoosh’, “Yeah,” he sighs, “I know,”

A chair slides roughly across the floor, “It’s not your fault, Reg,” Barty murmurs quietly.

Regulus scoffs, “I should have seen the signs. I should have known he was going to have an episode,”

“Bullshit, Regulus. You’re in the middle of your OWLS prep. You’ve been holed in the library for the last two weeks. How many times have you even gotten to see him in the last month?”

Someone stands up and begins pacing, James reckons it must be Regulus. He always paces when he’s agitated, “That’s just the thing, Barty! I haven’t seen him more than once or twice since the Quidditch match with Gryffindor and Slytherin. I’ve been too damn busy to notice anything was wrong!”

A new voice chimes in, “Sit the fuck down, Regulus,” Ah, Evan’s joined the fray.

James can nearly see the death glare mixed with a pout that Regulus sends Evan as he plops ungracefully into his chair.

“Potter is not your responsibility. No, shut the fuck up and listen to me, Regulus,” James wants to chuckle, because only a Rosier can talk to Regulus like that and get away with it, “Potter is not your responsibility. You both discussed how stressful these next two months were going to be for you. He understood and respected your need for space, and other than making sure you’re taking care of yourself, he hasn’t pushed. You haven’t seen him more than a couple of times, how would you have noticed anything was wrong?”

Regulus makes a distressed noise, but doesn’t interrupt.

“Potter is not your responsibility. If anyone should have noticed something was wrong, it should have been your brother, or Lupin, or Pettigrew, or hell, even McGonagall. But they didn’t. And that’s not your fucking problem. That’s on them.”

“You’ve said it yourself, Reg,” Barty says, quietly, “James is really good at hiding this from people. He kept it from his best friends, his teachers, and classmates for six years. Hell, I deal with the same shit he does and I didn’t even connect the dots until the beginning of this year.”

There’s a resigned sigh from Regulus. James thinks he might be scrubbing a hand down his face like he does when he’s stressed. The thought makes guilt pool in his gut.

“I know you’re right,” Regulus says quietly, “It’s just…a lot. Right now. It’s all just a lot to deal with right now,”

And James can’t stop the sound that’s something between a crushing sob and hysterical laughter bubble out of his throat. Here I go again, he thinks, destroying everything good in my life because I’m too fucking much. He blacks out again.

[justmeinatree]

That second part of Made Of Something New!😍😍 Wow, I feel like we need a prompt where him and his girl are just chilling at home smoking weed and he does the blowing smoke into her mouth (can't remember what it's called, haven't smoked weed in almost 3 years😂) or maybe one where she's never smoked before and he does the blowing smoke in her mouth to get her used to it, I need more stoner Niall!😍😂

shotgunning !!! hahaha

hi, omg first of all, thank you so much for reading and taking the time to reach out. you’re fkn amazing 😍

second, i dont think you know what you were getting yourself into 😅 i’m ALWAYS here for stoner niall. -signed, your friendly neighbourhood stoner ✌️

TW : drugs, it’s kinda smutty esque ?

Word Count : 1.2k 🤦‍♀️ oopsie

“niaaaalllllll,” you whine for the hundredth time in the last half hour.

you were in a heat wave, and niall’s air conditioning decided that last night would be the perfect time to give out. which, in theory isn’t a big deal. but the repair company is swamped and they can’t be here until next week.

“can take another cold shower,” niall offers, sprawled on the couch, his feet resting on the coffee table, each of his limbs starfished out so that nothing is touching, in an effort to not be sweaty.

you were sitting next to him, much in the same position, wearing nothing but a tank top and panties.

“i can come with you this time,” he smirks over at you, but you shake your head no, the heat always seemingly worse once you step out of the cold water.

“you know,” niall smiles excitedly. “on tour when it gets really warm on the bus, we smoke some weed. the heat doesn’t seem as bad.”

“oh, but you know how bad weed makes me choke,” you pout at him. “can’t imagine coughing up a lung would help cool me down in any way.”

“what if i promise you wont ?” he asks, looking over at you.

“you can’t promise that,” you raise your eyebrow at him, intrigued none the less at how he plans on assuring that.

“yeah, actually, i can,” he chuckles, peeling himself off the couch, going to retrieve a joint. leaving you without so much as a clue to what he’s thinking.

niall comes back into the living room, joint and lighter in one hand, a mason jar lid in the other as a makeshift ash tray. he plops down next to you, hand reaching out for yours, pulling you towards him, “come sit in my lap.”

you cant possibly imagine how sitting your barely panty clad cunt on him, while he’s in the smallest pair of briefs he owns, is ever going to not make you warmer. but he seems very keen on this, so you find yourself going along, swinging your thigh over his to sit in his lap.

niall smiles at you quickly, flicking his gaze down to the joint and lighter in his hands. he’s holding them between your bodies, thumb flicking over the lighter, rotating the tip of the joint into the flame to light it evenly.

he brings the filter to his lips. you’re watching him attentively, always amazed at how easy this seems for him. you assume the extra experience he has on you, helps a lot.

you’re not sure if it’s the heat, your cunt on his dick, or the way his cheeks suck in as he inhales, but you find yourself tingling inside. his eyes look over to you as he holds it in his lungs, blowing out the smoke above your head.

“ready ?” niall smiles at you, leaning forward to bump his nose softly against yours.

“i dont know,” you chuckle. “haven’t told me what you wanna do.”

“s’called shotgunning,” he murmurs against your lips. “s’real simple. just open your mouth when i say and inhale.” he kisses you quickly, pulling away from you, giving himself enough space to bring the joint back up to his lips.

niall takes another long drag, nodding towards your lips, silently giving you a signal.

you part your lips nervously, still not totally convinced this wont hurt.

niall’s nose bumps against yours again, his eyes fixated on yours for any signs to stop, as he starts blowing out the smoke into your mouth.

you inhale what he has to offer, holding it momentarily, and blowing it out next to his face. you’re not coughing. it’s a fucking miracle. “again,” you find yourself murmuring, eyes still locked on his.

he smiles knowingly, taking another drag. this time, his hand cups your neck to hold you steady, his mouth trailing a few kisses over the side of your jaw.

niall’s thumb comes up to swipe against your bottom lip, “open.”

he’s making you lose your mind, his lips ghosting right over yours as he blows the smoke into your mouth once more.

as niall takes another drag, his thumb stays against your lip. you take the opportunity to suck the tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it.

he’s watching you, pushing more of his thumb in your mouth, feeling you suck harder, your tongue working over his digit.

niall presses his thumb against your tongue, forcing your mouth open, a breathy whimper leaving you, as he exhales into your awaiting mouth.

a shiver runs through your body, the buzz, the heat, the stiffness of niall’s cock, his thumb, all of it. you’re so fucking turned on.

“can’t possibly tell me you’re cold,” niall coos, catching the twitch of your shiver run through your body, his large hard gripping your jaw to make you look at him.

“want you,” you whimper.

he can tell. your hips have started grinding onto him, but he’s not even sure you’ve noticed. your pupils are blown wide, surely from both the weed and the effect he currently has on you.

niall looks down to where your hips are working on him, and he notices it. if he focuses hard enough through the weed induced fog, he can feel it. your arousal has soaked right through his boxers.

“lucky s’the last puff,” niall whispers, resting his forehead against yours momentarily. “you’re making a real mess of me, pretty girl.”

you reach out to press your lips against his, honestly not caring for the last puff in the slightest. you were already stoned and you wanted to kiss him, now. all these featherlight, barely there touches, really getting to you.

but niall loves teasing you. he pulls away so his lips are just our of reach, always quicker than you are, as you chase his mouth.

you groan in frustration, your forehead dropping to his chest. you can feel the moment he brings the joint to his lips, chest puffing out as he takes the last drag.

niall’s hand weaves its way into your hair, thrown into a very messy bun, in an attempt to help with the heat, tugging harshly to make you look up at him.

you grind down harder on his cock, your pussy fluttering over nothing, moaning as his other hand grips your jaw to force it open. your body trembles as you suck in the last bit of smoke, lips crashing onto his, finally.

the kiss is messy, full of clashing teeth and tongue as you both so desperately craved the moment where your lips actually touched.

one of niall’s hands reaches down between your bodies to push your panties aside, exposing your dripping cunt. he’s quick to shimmy out of his briefs, just enough for his cock to be freed.

the bobbing of his prick smacks right up against your clit, a wave of heat shooting through your body. and thank fuck you were much too stoned to notice. guess niall was right after all.

……

Masterlist

[dailyautophagy]

do you ever feel like you are doing the right things

that sentence is kinda different depending on which word you emphasize

but please emphasize Ever cause that’s what I did lol

I will shower for the second day in a row today

It feels wasteful lol but also like I can’t just keep leaving the day on me and then be shocked when I get a pimple lol like 👍 hey retard, your pores need to get cleaned out, they are tiny gutters. How many pores do we have?

You ever type a question and then highlight it to look it up instead of actually opening a different app and typing it again

Look lol

you ever do that?? It just OPENS safari for you lol

iPhones are a drop of evil in the bucket of WORLD EVIL so like stfu about the child slaves like who’s making androids because I think my iPhone maker kid is probably friends with your android maker kid. And I can’t worry about everything happening in the world or I’ll implode, so…. TRAFFICKING IS WORSE. These kids just have to hurt their hands. BOTH ARE NOT OKAY. But there are levels to the evil shit… there are levels to everything

Like scale of 1-10 where 1 is got no dessert and 10 is got molested how bad was your childhood

….. anyway lol so you know how some things just do not feel right lol

How do we do things we know are wrong

Not even WHY but literally how lol what brain function is that

we aren’t just input/output creatures??…. I mean, we are lol input food, output waste, but with thoughts it’s like - input information, scumbag brain decides to ignore half that information and run with some part of it, output action…

it just doesn’t make sense that I KNOW going to sleep early and getting up early is good for my literal brain chemistry - and still don’t do it consistently

like amyloid plaque cannot build up if you sleep correctly because our body CLEANS ITSELF INTERNALLY at night lol so yo if you eat late and your body has to DO DIGESTION guess the fuck what your scumbag brain is like hey I know if I don’t digest this food it will rot and kill you so I have to do this BEFORE i can start all of the other INTERNAL CLEANING sooo - oopsie if we don’t get to everything. and then we wonder why Alzheimer’s and dementia are a problem.

Barbara O’Neill taught me more about the brain than fucking …. Any class. Granted I didn’t take brain chemistry classes lol but do you know how many prerequisites I would have to take before I could get to this information lol idk if that’s how shit works anymore - I remember more of highschool than college tbh because I didn’t smoke weed until the senior year of highschool and then NEVER STOPPED like how do I have a job lol paperwork, is how. DO YOUR PAPERWORK. Cover your ass. Everything will be okay.

usually going back to sleep feels good so i assume it’s the right thing but alas sometimes just because something feels good does not mean it is the right thing lol like doing DRUGS

Also this man mowed the lawn yesterday and I didn’t even suck on his penis about it

That

Is

Unacceptable

I have take not one but two large shits so now I am going to shower instead of laying back down til 630 lol

Can I just say how much I love not having kids

But I do have the time to make kids breakfast like set up a school room lol like teachers can’t even imagine a class size of single digits let alone 1-2 lol it would be SO EASY no wonder home school kids seem weird they know everything before everyone else and then probably look around at society like ‘these stupid fucks’ lol

There was a kid in my neighborhood named Walter and we played with k’nex and he didn’t have a TV and I think my parents knew his parents were doing a better job than them …. They were lol

Okay time to shower for another 40 minutes :D

Kidding, should be less time cause I don’t need to scrape off layers of dead skin from my AGING FACE. Castor oil you bitch, rub it on you after shower, why you never remember to do it????

I guess morning rambles are my thing now

[dansconcepts]

Fluffy Prompt Day 1: A Missing Pet???

Been awhile (school) but I want to start posting a little more regularly so I'm gonna participate in the #flufftober2024 event (@flufftober)! It's currently October 1st for me rn (it's nearly the end of the day oopsie) and the first prompt is "Lost Pet Meet Cute". My friend gave me the idea to interpret this a little different by making them as "pets" and I thought that'd be pretty funny. Just know what really hooked me was the idea of writing a Hamster Chiaki. SHE'D BE SO TINY SO CUTE I LOVE HER AODIFHPEIOAWRHPIODAFSHOAERW. It's been a while since I wrote so this is crack treated seriously.

The German Shepherd tenses at the news, eyeing the taller brown dog. “There’s a pet missing in the neighbourhood?”  

Hajime hums affirmatively. “They’re around my area, whoever they are, but I wouldn’t mind another look out.”

He nods decisively. This is what he’s made for. “I can definitely help. What does the pet look like?”

The other dog itches at his ear with his hind legs. “Apparently some really fluffy all-white cat.” His head turns, as if trying to remember something. “I was told by a friend they went missing.”

“I’d like to talk to the witnesses to help narrow down the search, and I’ll spread the word.” 

Hajime’s tail wags and Shuichi politely doesn’t point it out, but feels pleased to make the other- who’s usually more serious- happy. “Thanks Shuichi.” 

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

How hard can finding an all-white cat be? Turns out, very. It’s almost surprising, what places are actually all white. He’s never really noticed it before, but he’s never needed to even know this information until realizing the walls barricading human territory is light-coloured. The places a cat can reach are equally as endless. At this rate, will they ever find them? They weren’t in the park, they’re not in the place Mikan and the rest’s owners live, and Fuyuhiko told him they’re not in his territory either. 

So stuck in his musings, he doesn’t hear the small squeaks from up above, high up on a wall. “Hajime?” The tiny thing muses. They’re not heard. She tries again. “Hajime.” 

And again, no response.

She looks around, but there’s nothing else she can use to get his attention. That leaves only one option. She steps a little backwards, giving herself a running start, before throwing herself off the ledge. The swish in the air finally catches the Doberman’s attention.

“CHIAKI!” He barks. She lands softly on his back, so he’s unable to move too erratically. “Are you alright?!?!?” 

The hamster rubs at her eyes with small pink paws. “Yeah, I’m fine. You just weren’t listening, and I’m a little too sleepy.”

“That’s not an excuse! What did you need to tell me that made you jUMP OFF A LEDGE?!”

“I heard something about the missing white cat, I think. Kokichi mentioned it.”

He growls. “That rat?”

“He’s a fellow rodent, so be nice Hajime, don’t be speciesist.” She yawns. “And yeah, just keep going that way, you’ll find him, probably. His name is Nagito.”

Important information delivered, she burrows herself further into his fur. She chirps, tuning out the sounds of “that way? What way? Chiaki? Chiaki-?!”

And Hajime is now the only one left awake. Wonderful. He can’t fault her though, she’s always needed frequent naps. Well, at least he has a direction. A rough direction, but a direction. He sighs fondly at the hamster on his back and immediately heads off forward, which is probably what Chiaki meant. Or so he hopes. 

They pass by the humans’ territory. The sun beats down. It’s been a while of walking forward, with thoughts of seeing white blurbs in the corner of his eye. 

“Hi, what are you doing?”

He yelps loudly. 

“Why is everyone sneaking up on me? I’m really not this ba-”

A flash of white fills his peripherals. His jaw drops.

It’s an all-white cat. Their fur is pointed in all sorts of directions, it’s crazy. 

“I asked a question. Should I not have disturbed you? My apologies, I can leave-” The cat actually does as it says, ready to turn with a swish of their tail.

“Wait! Don’t just do that! I’ve been looking for you!”

The cat blinked. “Me? What are you looking for me for?”

“Y-you’ve been missing!” 

“Missing? Huh? I told Kokichi I was saying hello to a friend…” “It’s been days!”

“...I go everyday.”

“dhaPIOHDFAPIOHPERIOAUIAGHPOIEADSUIOFIOAWERHOADF”

[hantenguclonesimp-minuszoha]

not a request but a question. I remember you accidentally posting a post about a Zohakuten x reader fic that was unfinished. I think it was like Zoha being jealous or something? Anyways, what happened to it? Did you give up on it, did you post it somewhere else or did you finish it and post but I just can’t find it? Sorry for bothering you, have a nice day! :D

Ahaha! That... Well, that was a little oopsie doodle of mine. Long story short, I went to bed but I prolly accidentally posted it (I was relatively new to tumblr at the time) or I had accidentally put it in queue which then did it's thing. But to answer your question, it is actually up and one of my less popular stories

Here it is! Happy reading! :D