#i can write pretty good for my level
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guuyyyssuhhhh i really hate my german class (i love my german class)
#we have the speaking final and omg. i cant speak german on a whim#i just CANNOT#i get flustered easily and i struggle okay#and its horrible#i can write pretty good for my level#but i need to study really hard and idk how to effectively do that#kind been floating thru life until now…#ITS GONNA BE SO INTENSE AHHH#and my teacher is so scary#like he had RLY blue eyes#and hes loud and he doesnt blink.#im TERRIFIED.#but i love german#and im tryna skip a level but idk if im good enough i have to rly study#ughfhhfhfhgh
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fairest of the fair
#hi! im alive and back and etc.#six the musical#six the musical fanart#katherine howard#thinking of that post going 'i think eventually you become the person you needed most' and like maybe that's the thing with my art#this started out as a redraw and <improvement meme> i think i've finally reached the stage where i'm making the things that my younger self#aspired to create. like i can do this now! i've reached That level of technical skill! tiny me would be so proud. it's very gratifying#redraw from august this year actually. i've made a surprising amount of improvement HAHA maybe it was the adamandi stuff getting me#back into digital rendering. i think that obsession has quietly slipped away but yknow. one never truly leaves a fandom. just less intensit#also speaking of old fandoms! we're back with the six stuff haha. as of writing i'm in the midst of blog revamp- figuring out how to chill#multifandom status doesn't mean ditch all the old stuff ! but i do feel much freer and less stressed. i think hiatus has been good for me#notes on this piece particularly: redraw about cutting hair and thinking of the lyric above. also lowkey &j ref + pinterest poem excerpts#of female suffering. and maybe a dash of amanda heng let's walk inspo. this work is really just full of contradictions..#1. the mirror and cutting hair as an act of self liberation 2. the & is part of the lyric but also a nod to &j (in another iteration it was#pink but the white looked better) and like. &j is really all !!! girl power!!! etc. and i was like hmmmm. also matching pink shiny aes#3. the frame as a cage; the mirror as a self reflection idea (ie. saville's propped insp) but also as a sign of vanity. 4. sparkly costume#and pretty pose- read one too many poems about women feeling like they have to be pretty even in their suffering. something i wanted to#explore. and also in 5. the show itself... all you wanna do is. despite all the dancing and pink and sparkly the content of the song is#darker. and even though it's a story of her suffering it's still presented as a shiny fun pop song and ajshdhfhfh ok... 6. the lyrics fall#outside the frame. sort of a caught inbetween. sort of a trapped in the narrative and yet#within the frame it's all. vaguely handwavy breaking free vibes. like i said contradictions?#7. cutting off the long ponytail vs the pull my hair lyric at the end. yeah#8. the blocked off & looks a bit like scissors. positioned to cut right at the neck#anyways yeah irl remains hectic! but if i get around to more doodles they'll appear here :)
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(they'll never understand) How could I ever understand? No, I don't have to understand. I don't wanna understand. So I will never understand. (we could have everything)
#Danny Phantom#art#sketches#i do not feel like colouring this. you'll have to use your imagination#also i highly recommend listening to Nick Lutsko's Swords album because it is so Jack & Maddie it's not even funny#i've been listening to Superior on repeat for like 2 days which is why i whipped this comic up#but also Sideshow is how i was introduced to the album & is also very very very much Maddie & Jack coded#i want to write a fic about it. alas i'm already writing like 10 fics about everything right now so it'll have to wait#i just have this idea in my head of it actually being pretty obvious to Maddie & Jack who Phantom is#he's wearing their hazmat. using their inventions. can open their biometric locks. has their son's face. his voice.#Danny Fenton has an extremely high level of ectoplasm. he even has an ectosignature. the same ectosig as Phantom in fact.#but they're so in denial. so obsessed with their work up til then not being a waste of time & resources. that they just keep ignoring it#keep burying their heads in the sand#& things just keep getting worse. & they keep having a harder time committing to attacking Phantom#have a harder time believing in what they're doing. have a harder time explaining away the truth#but they can't face it. they have to keep refusing to see it#because the truth will never set them free. it will only confirm all the terrible things they've done.#they're good people. everything they do is good. there is no other side to this story. of course
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Hello! Random whipper snipper! Share a WIP of your work!
ooh, with pleasure. six the musical araleyn fanart? in the year 2k24? more likely than you think xDD
i realize this looks finished, but technically i'm still deciding whether to add a background or not lol. still, for the sake of sharing a proper WIP, here's a line or two from an araleyn brainworm WIP that i started reworking yesterday (mild tw for religious guilt and period-typical internalized homophobia from aragon's pov):
She remembers sharing her bed with Anne at Henry's behest, remembers the nights of tossing and turning and trying not to think about Anne asleep next to her-- remembers waking up to dark hair spilling across her pillow and the press of blood-warm bosoms against her own, softer than sin, as hot as the Devil, remembers lying still as death, mouthing prayers into the heat of Anne's neck like an act of penance.
#six the musical#six the musical fanart#six the musical araleyn#araleyn#araleyn fanart#i... cannot remember if it's fandom custom to use the full name tags#ah so it appears it is in fact fandom custom#catherine of aragon#catalina de aragon#anne boleyn#today we hazard a fleeting glimpse into the abtruse psyche of the dusty...#what other fandoms do they contain? wouldnt you like to know weather boy#well i mean honestly i don't know either but we'll find out as they rotate thru my conciousness#not trek#yeaaah i'm a spones girl (gender neutral) through and through. The more you know#and before you ask no this is not the og old married couple that went so hard i gained a type in ships forever after#though they are pretty up there in my blorbo rotation cycle#... on some level i may be yelling into the void with this one but no harm in that yeah?#but maybe the six fandom isn't as dead as i've been assuming. who knows? this is my self indulgent blog dammit#ill be self indulgent <33#also i keep forgetting it's pride month xDD my straight irls wish me happy pride and im always like OH Right nice yeah#but i haven't drawn these two in so long!! feels so good stretching the old married sapphics muscle again#dust writes#so happy about the vibe in this one ngl! theyre Soft ok. i like that very much. And also this aragon is so my type LMAO#really rambly tonight whoops. but i guess its the closest to a non-art post i can get to keep my page navigable? mm#...dammit now I'm thinking about araleyn in spones' roles. also i REALLY really should study#in hugely dire straits right now yall except i can't stop drawing/writing. whooooops.#sapphic#pride month#dust talks
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I like how today's chibi sketch turned out so I'll upload it! 😊 Tsundere is nice <3
It's because I fell in love with this picture and I get SUPER excited whenever I think I can recognize my AU versions of them (and I definitely can in that pic, down to the expression and height and everything) so I wanted to draw them for real 🥰
My faves 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 (Android Miku x Chimera Teto)
#my art#hatsune miku#kasane teto#end of the world au#fanart of my fanfiction again#i drew non-chibis of them too but i'll probably be doing a lot of corrections digitally so i wont upload those#teto's wings are ridiculous (affectionate) so i want to draw them properly so it's not confusing xD#her wingspan is probably similar to her armspan so the main thing i'd want to correct is their shape#she's like okuu level wingspan for any 2hu fans out there lol#not quite as bad as okuu actually but she can hug Miku with them so lol#fun fact: i was considering whether or not i should give Miku the ability to blush cuz she's a robot but#since she's an android and removing that would be taking something pretty big away... she can do it xD#Miku's outfit is her original outfit but instead of being gray her shirt is white#you'll see later probably. idk how later tho#i still wanna complete that other drawing i showed a wip of#the picture i linked is so soo good... ahhhhhh#in my head i kept repeating 'love is real' after i saw it so you can probably guess how much i loved it (a lot)#i need to write them doing this immediately lmao (but i gotta do stuff rn so i cant)#at least i have my book about trash now tho xD
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just to inquire, what’s your favorite thing you sell in your shop?
i love your comic!
Oh thank you!
And my favorite thing... That's hard to answer haha
I like selling prints because I get to use my nice printer (which I love to do) and I especially love selling custom panel prints, because then I get to see people's favorite panels from my comic, which is double nice...
The most fun items to pack are the merch bundles which are themed with my books, I LOVE coming up with packaging design like this so much...
But my favorite design has gotta be one of these... Probably the patch, there.
It's really hard for me to pick!
I actually genuinely just am really passionate about product design and merch themeing, it's not only extremely fun for me but it also just really engages my brain. I love coming up with items that fit a theme, and there's no theme I love more than my own comics haha
So there's not much I could enjoy more! That's why I chose to do a merch club on patreon, it lets me get out my merch-y feelings but without overloading my storefront... Plus it's just really fun for me! I get to experiment, make little packages, and enjoy making new things.
Thank you for asking!
#asks#anon#I like actually genuinely could rant about this all day#like no joke. I have#and I will again#I really really really love finding sort of the little nugget of marketable ideas in things#and then designs for merch...#I love designing things to fit a specific product type#like a patch design is WAYYYYY different than the concepts for a pin design#and keychains are way different from THAT#I think I might end up for the patrons doing something someday where I do a more intense package#only thing stopping me is uhhhhh#shipping costs. would be way more#like losing me money on the international people#but maybe at the end of the year I can do it for people who were patrons for 6+ months or something like that#that could be nice!#something I've been thinking about haha#clearly I think a lot. sorry LMAO#how do you write if not thinking all the fuckin time#but yeah I LOVE making merch#and I'm pretty proud of most of my stuff#there's a few things that I'm bummed about#like I accidentally made my ghost pin bigger than I wanted :(#so its like twice as big as I wanted#but it's ok. mean it still looks good its just big#stuff like that.#I am so picky HAHAHAH#oh I also of course like selling books but that doesnt really feel like... the same#theyre sort of on their own level.
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This is my personal crossover event of the century
#one of my favorite actors and one of my favorite drivers interacting??? what???#alright whos gonna be the brave soldier and write the matt damon × mark webber rpf fic-#(i read a fic w james bond/seb so imo it really wouldnt be too far off to write Linus Caldwell/Mark LMAO)#ive known abt this event practically since i got into f1 but i feel like my thoughts abt it keep developing every time i look at them again#first time: huh okay wow brad pitt & matt damon taking w mark thats really wild. f1 drivers really do be meeting w high level celebs#after i watched fight club: wow wow!! i cant believe theres pics of brad pitt with mark thats crazy!#after i watched oceans 11: omg wait oh yeah! when mark was in jaguar he was sponsored by oceans 12!!! thats sick!!!#and then recently w my increasing love for Matt Damon: WAIT OH MY GOD MARK HAS INTERACTED WITH MATT!!!! (two worlds colliding feel ig)#but i was watching some interview w matt where they referenced this happening so its relevant in my brain again so i had to post abt it#but of course in the vid the specific pic on screen was him and mark interacting and i died. like seriously i can never escape f1 and mark#mostly im freaking out bcs its truly the crossover event of all time concerning my interests specifically#but the lore behind this is genuinely really really interesting#the fact that theyre promoting a heist movie specifically and then they put a $300k diamond in the nose of the Jaguar#and then the Jaguar crashed during the race and the diamond disappeared?????? cmon literally itself could be the plot to an Oceans movie#RBR/teams sponsored by RB were so much fun back in the day!!#they had several back to back movie promotions which all were pretty fun! just a shame neither team was good back then#it was Oceans 12->SW:ROTS->Superman right? i can't remember if there was another#such a shame that neither mark nor seb were in RBR in 2005 when RBR was promoting ROTS#i think i actually wouldve exploded if there were pics of them w hayden or ewan(my prev fandom haha)#f1#formula 1#formula one#mark webber#matt damon
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I love setting fantasy around and after WWI. It's such a good combination. WWI was a loss-of-innocence on a societal level. There had been this assumption that technology and progress could solve all our problems and make us better people, and then WWI comes and shows us horribly and violently that it does not, and then in the aftermath we have to deal with what this means for us as a society and as people.
Throwing magic into that is a perfect thematic fit, because magic and technology are basically the same thing--people trying to impose their will upon nature. It can do good things or terrible things, but the issue is not necessarily the technology or the magic itself, but the hearts of the people using it, the cost to bring it about, the drain on resources and the effect on the environment and people. In the aftermath of a major conflict, we have to take a long hard look at ourselves and the choices we've made and will continue to make. Are the benefits worth the cost? What is the true nature of man--can we ever trust ourselves again? Have we progressed to a better stage of humanity or reverted back to beasts? There is just so much to explore there. The WWI connection has been built into the genre ever since Tolkien, and it continues to be relevant to our modern world.
#random thought of the day#adventures in writing#fantasy#wwi#history is awesome#i've been thinking about this since i reread chunks of 'the fairy's daughters' last week#i started writing that not long after 'rilla of ingleside' first sparked my wwi interest#and i didn't know nearly as much about the war back then#i managed to hit upon a core truth that makes the central story pretty compelling#like there are big issues with the story on a logic and character level#but the core thing is that the fae have cut off contact with the human realm after seeing what horrors they were wreaking with technology#but the humans distrust my half-fairy girls because they're afraid of what they can do with magic#the girls fit in nowhere#and neither side realizes they're both making the same mistake#trusting or distrusting a certain method of imposing one's will on the world#and forgetting that it comes down to the choices of the person who has access to the technology or magic#and that theme is strengthened because it's a twelve dancing princesses retelling#so the story pivots around one human man who is trusted with a powerful magical item because he has a good heart#and my explanation here is really bad#but what i'm getting at is that the history weaves together with the fantasy here in really cool ways#because the specific conflict of post-wwi lends itself really well to this magical setting#i've also got my story idea where the spanish flu is replaced with a plague that gives people animal-shapeshifting abilities#so people are literally having to grapple with their beastly natures#which plays out a different aspect of the post wwi conflict#and no matter what form it takes wwi is just a really good setting for fantasy hence the above post#that refuses to put the words in my head into sensible order#i hope maybe a little of this makes sense
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I have lost 'don't be pedantic' fight once again, so: it annoys me when people straight up state fakiru is canon, because that's a gross oversimplification. There is certainly romantic subtext between Fakir and Ahiru, but unlike Rue and Mytho, they never textually get together, so how 'canon' it is depends on how you define 'canon' to begin with. Furthermore, it's also really easy to interpret the romantic subtext as platonic. This is because Princess Tutu, for the most part, distinguishes very little between romantic and platonic love. In this show the boundary between the romantic and the platonic is fluid. The exact nature of Fakir and Ahiru's relationship and feelings for each other is up to interpretation, and intentionally so. So talking about fakiru as if it's unambiguously canon without acknowledging the inherent ambiguity simplifies the show and is not an accurate representation of their relationship. Also it annoys me personally.
#my posts#ppl can do what they want and ultimately it doesn't matter#and yes it's absolutely fair to interpret the subtext as romantic and consider it canon#it just annoys me when people do so without acknowledging the ambiguity. like guys the ambiguity is why it's so good. please.#princess tutu#also not to make it weird but i'm pretty sure at least part of the reason they didn't make fakiru straight up canon#was bc ahiru does in fact turn back into a duck permanently in the ending. a completely normal duck in a now normal world#the extent of the anthropomorphization of animals in the 'normal' world in princess tutu is also ambiguous#and ahiru herself at least seems to maintain human level personality/memories/intelligence#but like. still. i'm just saying.#we're no longer in fairytale land. dating a duck might get a little weird#i don't think it matters but. y'know. if i was writing this story it's something i'd be keeping in mind
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ‼️#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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i have deep desire to write for demon slayer (and by write for it im specifically talking about zenitsu currently.) but the story is so deeply impacted by it's setting that its gonna take at least two weeks of research to do it any justice so the plans r Delayed
#aristotle.txt#writing for my hero = easy because im insane and know every inch of it#writing for anything else = impossible#i figured trying to find fic for it was going to feel like this in the first place#from my limited understanding the story takes place in the events directly after japans first industrial revolution#which means that the advent of technology is not only integral to the story telling but there's also like an unreal#amount of sociopolitical context for most of the major details#writing for my hero is easy because a society post tech is very easy to imagine. we live in it lol#demon slayer in particular takes place during the emergence of industry#what makes zenitsu an interesting character to me is that his narration is influenced directly by his class and proximity to modernity#he has a specific level of cynicism i can only describe as post industrial. whether that be his sense of cowardice over tanjiro/inosuke#or his attitude towards women. the way he behaves and how he critically analyzes certain kinds of behavior#like im currently watching the entertainment district arc and i think inosukes reaction vs zenitsus pretty much exactly covers it#where inosuke is overstimulated and tanjiro is reserved - zenitsu recognizes the district for what it is. that quality makes him stand out#a lot among them at least to me. i love hearing him talk sooo much lmfao.#anyways. all that to say. i want to write zenitsu but i need to do more reading to make it any good so . pray for me i suppose#zenitsu the embodiment of men used to chop trees and go to war fr
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my real favourite character is Nidhogg, I’m only obsessed with Estinien bc he’s a hangers-on /jokes
#saint.txt#spoilers#major spoilers#no but for real dravanian lore is SO horrific if you actually look into it#and the depths Nidhogg dove to in his crusade and the level of harm he inflicted on his own children in service to it#in a lot of ways makes him worse than the Vault.#Nidhogg dies agonizingly without any real closure and scared of the end bc he has nothing left to go on for.#he *has* to die because nobody can move on for as long as he lives and that’s a huge tragedy. despite everything he’s still a member#of a dwindling First Brood (half of which have died and were tortured at the hands of men). he’s still a father. a son. an uncle. a brother#his fanily still loves him even as they have to raise the blade over his neck. either him or Ishgard dies.#he isn’t a villain just evil for the sake of it he has real motives and one of the deepest wells of love out of any character in the game.#and killing him doesn’t even really fix anything. all of Ishgard’s problems are still there bc Nidhogg was not the cause.#sure it gives Ishgard a space to start fixing those problems but…that’s not really saying much.#idk most MMOs pretty blindly just say you killed the big bad!! everything’s cool now!! and it’s really poignant that HW didn’t#you killed a grieving brother who was never able to move on. he found no closure in death. and in the process you made a lot of things#in Ishgard exponentially worse than they already were. his death isn’t a victory.#it’s a long and awful and drawn out tragedy of a man who shouldn’t have had to die.#he did a lot of awful things. but he was still family to a lot of people.#and he was a good person once. lots of his friends and family remember who he was before the grief tore him apart.#and you can’t write Nidhogg or Estinien without considering the other bc they’re the same person in almost every way.#enjoy my propoganda Nidhogg will be your favourite character too if I have anything to say abt it
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immediately heart warmed over kaveh's explanation of a home and the sheer recognition he has on what makes something a home to him. like, the traveller literally asks him if he wants the teapot / that he'd be one to make better living space out of it, to which he can only remind them that it wouldn't be the same case for him as it is for them.
kaveh's not dreamed of living in a place like the one's he's built for ages, not even when he created the palace of alcazarzaray for dori, even though it was his crowning achievement, because in the end kaveh's always found himself alone. while it stung to sell his childhood home, and still stings to see it when he passes, kaveh has long recognised that it is no longer his home and, once he had moved out and hadn't found another place to live, between staying out on building sites of places he was building,
kavehs home for a good year or so remained lambads. lambad himself probably took kaveh under his wing, but also the people there were the reason kaveh found it so easy to come back again and again as a familiar sort of comfort - to the level in which he finds himself consistently letting go of his burdens and woes. ( it's, ironically, the place he also conducts a lot of his business at now, because he knows the people there look out for him as much as he looks out for them. they'd never let him leave the premises without someone they knew was safe. )
after moving in with alhaitham, part of kaveh always insists that it's not his home ( mainly out of the fear that one day, alhaitham will get tired and kick him out despite everything he insists otherwise ) but it's long past the point where kaveh views the house as one. both his internal dialogue and personal handwritten letters have him slipping up on this fact, but it's not something he's truly ready to let go easily. whatever happens between the two of them, kaveh has embodied a lot of his touch into this home, but at the same time manages to ensure alhaithams touch shines through, too. and while they bicker, fight, and aggravate one another to no degree, it's clear that the moments like that make it a home, too.
home never had to be perfect for kaveh because he's convinced himself that he wouldn't deserve such a feat. but he still manages to contradict himself by giving something beautiful here, too.
ps: also the way he has his hands on his hips when explaining himself as if ready to really defends his views to the way they drop the moment he expresses his sympathy to the traveller for their situation (aka clearly missing his family too.) + the way he even puts his hand on his heart when they ask if they can commission him once it's all over and he promises to do it for free ... kaveh ur heart is too pure. too kind.
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#me: im levelling up his friendship so i can get his card and have a full kaveh profile#me when it keeps on hitting me with these good talks in my teapot:#:pleading:#i just want him to have a good time. if anything bad happens in future arcs hoyo i will be COMING for you#here to write!! had a relaxing but also pretty busy day today!!#headcanon /#long post /
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I feel insane for thinking Nim//ona wasn't that good asdfasfd
#it had. some issues#it was pretty surface level ngl asfadsf#The queer allegory was good#Completely abandoned Bal becoming a knight#I can't believe they had Bal call Nimona a monster (going against his entire movie character arc) and then Nimona. Died.#''You changed the way you see me'' Hmmmmm apparently not asfdafds#The humor also wasn't my thang#Felt very disney. Like the dialogue#I can not believe people are comparing this movie to atsv and pibtlw#HOW DARE YOU STAND WHERE HE STOOD.#Ummmm shera writers definitely wrote that movie lol.#I have a lot more issues but. Maybe for another time. Or never#imp tag#imp's a little feisty#I might be losing my mind like. I totally get liking that movie. I do#It has charming moments#But as good as pibtlw??? Saying it was amazing??? Like. Naw man.#*1000 year old writes kingdumb on a poster*#oughghghghgh not for me.
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(song added by me)
#i am so Unwell rn what the fuck.#/pos So Fucking /pos#so the art ask was from u as well....elijah ur so secretive and suave this is Too Much for a girl to handle#willelmax in the arcade and byler valentine cards ur too sweet to me i actually cant Take This :')#you're right our friendship IS on another level esp now because i've never felt So Connected to someone its insane#im a little surprised but it makes sense that its you yk#like you're so naturally sweet and kind and amazing at ur core so OFC it was u#and good job i can never listen to (you) on my arm without thinking of you /pos /pos /pos /pos#this is at the TOP of on the list of the pretty little things i've been given#ik i sound like a broken record but its so insane how much i love you. i didnt know i could bond w someone over anon sm and i JUST. idk#its something abt me never getting something like this and idk never ever feeling so cared for....#you deserve all the pretty things and someone who never lies to you and someone who wants to be on your arm so bad that they write a song#about it and someone who cares about you so deeply that they think about you at night and smile so big that it hurts and someone who loves#you so much that it hurts physically and someone who thinks of you now when he listens to songs sometimes and someone who cares#about you so intensely that when he's reading messages from you she feels comforted and your words are smtg that's on repeat in her head no#and someone who wants to mail you flowers so bad because you made him feel so amazing and someone who recognises how much you deserve#and wants to give it all to you so bad and someone who loves you as much as you deserve.#and i wanna do all that and be that person so bad and i'm gonna send you a daily ask now because you mean so much to me#and you deserve someone who makes pretty things for you too and someone who tries so hard to show it#and im GONNA. im gonna try So Hard.#you'll probably get so sick of me but believe me i'm gonna make you feel as special and amazing as you made me feel. believe me.#anyway yeah. i care about you a totally normal amount#if you read all of this just know i love you so much it hurts sometimes 💗💗#my feelings towards this are : 💖💝💓💞💘💕💗⚡☀️✨⭐💫🌟#elijah my heart my love letter my special and awesome best friend my heart anon elijah#<- better tag for u because you deserve it so fucking much#elijah <33#<- ur old tag too so u can look thru my blog and see this whenever u want#heart anon#<- for me. so i can look at this for hours and find it easily so that i could complete loving elijah hours daily
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writing a Part 1 CSM fic where everyone’s just hanging out, but I can’t work on it for too long or it makes me sad and lonely and a little hopeless because. at least they have each other and an apartment/home and know how to make food lmao.
#but also I can’t stop working on it because my coping mechanism of choice is escapism#vicious cycle#yes they’re doomed by the narrative. yes I’m jealous.#sometimes a clear-cut lack of agency is enviable compared to being told you have agency when. it’s severely limited/not respected/etc#(woah just like in Chainsaw Man)#I don’t want to fall into nihilism because at the end of the day I think we still have free will and can make choices/changes#but it’s on a pretty small level. which is why community and collaboration are so important!#fuck capitalism#I’m so hungry and tired all the goddamn time. I wish I enjoyed/was good at making food.#considering joining a meal subscription service because this shit is bananas#food mention#csm#my csm thoughts#meposting#csm fic#I’m hoping to post it soon. I crave validation.#idk what to expect though. haven’t been part of a rly popular fandom in a while (both /pos and /neg)#chainsaw man#I like how it’s turning out! my writing has always felt a bit barebones but. it’s a good foundation at least!
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