#i can feel my overall day to day changing

[justwonder113]

Han drunkenly confessing to you

Inspired by this ask

Summary: When Chan calls you at 2 am to pick up drunk han because he is asking for you the last thing you expect is for Han to confess his love for you. warnings: CHAOS! Idiots to lovers, (Both reader and Han(mostly Han) are idiots.) Reader is gender neutral. Cursing to no one's surprise. Kissing. Han being somewhat drunk. Teensy tiny amount of angst. Reader almost having a mental breakdown from all the chaos. Somewhat proofread. let me know if I missed anything A/N- Happy new year lovelies! I wish you all the best! Please take care of yourselves and drink lot's of water. Thank you all for all the love and support you have given me, it really means a lot to me. Word count- 2.4 k

Masterlist

If you like my work you can buy me coffee🩷

You know how people put most bizarre things in their resumes? Like stuff they only did once and they wrote it down like they had some kind of PhD in that field? Well next time you if you decided to change jobs or just apply to a new one you would write down that you had an experience and could deal with being friends with Han Fucking Jisung! That is if he survived this day. Because what do you mean you were heading out to get his drunk ass home because this grown ass man was actually crying and asking for you in the damn club at two fucking am! You were so beating his ass once he got sober.

You were seeing such a great dream too. You and Han were actually together and didn’t have this weird ass relationship you two had right now where there were no literal boundaries and you didn’t have to question every day If he was returning the feelings or if you were delusional and he was just extra friendly and overall simply comfortable with you. He was quite touchy and flirty with boys too after all. So you could imagine how much headache this could bring in.

 Anyway, to stop with your let’s just say unfortunate love life and get to the point you were pissed. You really were looking forward after a shitty week sleeping in and actually resting. That’s why you didn’t go to the club with the boys in the first place. How much did he actually drink to be actually crying and asking for you? What was he, a toddler asking for his mommy? Or better yet what was up with you being actually in love with this man?

The club was quite crowded for 2 am. The neon lights of reds blues and greens kept flashing rhythmically. The shouts of laughter and the hum of conversation mixed with the music creating a bit of chaos but well it was a normal atmosphere for a club. As soon as you walked in the smell of cocktails mixed with perfume and sweat of the crowd immediately hit you. It was a bit headache inducing but it was tolerable, as long as you left soon. You started searching for your friends with your eyes which was quite hard at first the crowd really kept shifting and mingling with each other. People really looked like they were having time of their life and you, with the, I just woke up and I’m mad as hell face, surely sticked out like a sore thumb.

Thankfully you found the boys quickly. It wasn’t hard giving they were loudest in the whole establishment as always. They were by the entrance and thankfully everyone looking ready to leave.

As for the man child who was the main reason you were here in the first place, he was clinging to Minho yapping about something. He wasn’t crying now but his eyes really looked puffy and red. Honestly how much did he drink? Others looked normal. Well tired like they were already hungover but still normal. Minho really looked like he was seconds away from smacking him. Yes smacking him, he even managed to rile Minho up. God, what a lightweight.

Han must have noticed you because one second you were looking at his face light up and him call you baby on top of his lungs and the next second he was basically on top of you. He literally hugged you witch such force it was a miracle you were standing on your feet and didn’t fall over.

“Han be careful!” You hear Chan warn him, he sounded tired.

“I’m fine.” You mustered to croak out once Han let go a bit to check if you were fine, he still returned to hugging you but at least you could breathe now. He really must have missed you. God you really wanted to kiss him. All your anger and grumpiness immediately flew out the window. Good for him he was so cute or else you would have smacked his head for bringing you here. “How are you Hannie? A little birdie told me you were asking for me.”

Han looked at you with his wide boba eyes, his lips jutted out in the cutest pout ever. “Better now that you’re here. They are literally so mean baby, I’m glad you’re here. You’re my favorite.”- Han whined out and hugged you again. You looked at others who looked so done, only Minho looked bemused, he held his phone up and recorded Han whine to you. You looked at him with raised eyebrow as you patted Han’s back to calm him down.

Minho only shrugged, “I’m showing this to him when he asks me for something. You’re in charge now since you’re his favorite.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. “Babe we both know that your softie ass is immediately going to cave in and do what he wants anyway.”

Minho glared at you, unamused by your comment but you didn’t really pay any mind to it, you had your attention to Han who stopped hugging you and went to Felix instead. He looked like he was about to start crying again any second now.

“Hannie baby what’s wrong?”

“You hate me!” His bold statement was followed by the most dramatic sob and collective sighs of being done from his friends.

“Why would you think that?” You were genuinely so confused. You had no idea what you did wrong.

Han glared at you for a second and returned to hugging Felix who was barely holding his laughter in. Not much to your surprise he quickly gave in. “You called Minho babe. You’re basically replacing me, you really must hate me.”

What now? You couldn’t help but blink in confusion because what the fuck was up with that logic. You really looked at him with a deadpan expression before the realization of what he said really dawned on you.

You tried, you really tried to hold your face together and not just burst out laughing, but you’re only just a human after all.

With the most teasing voice and biggest smile ever you used the chance to tease him, because let’s be real, pouty and sulky Han is the cutest Han. “Are you jealous baby?”

Han gasped and let go of Felix, he actually looked at you like he was mad now. Mad and maybe seconds away from crying which harshly puled on your heartstrings.

“I am! I’ve been in love with you for years and you’re calling Minho babe here!” He yelled and stormed off outside the club leaving you there shocked not knowing what to do. The boys also looked like they didn’t know what to do, only Minho was laughing his ass off and Hyunjin also looked like he was barely holding in his laughter in.

So he was jealous.

Oh.

Oh.

He said he loved you.

Han Jisung said he loved you.

The Han Jisung loved you.

He returned your feelings.

The boy you had been in love with for ages loved you back.

“HAN JISUNG GET YOUR ASS HERE!” You yelled as you chased after him. All seven of the boys cheering after you and encouraging you to get him. You would get to them later.

Thankfully he hadn’t gotten far, it might have taken you a second or two to let everything sink in. Han was closeby sitting on the sidewalk, pretty tears running down his rosy cheeks, what a silly boy, he even forgot to bring his jacket. You sat close to him thinking for a second of what to say to him, while also trying to warm him with your body head. He looked cold.

“If you want to tease me please go inside. I already feel like shit.” His voice was so raw and he looked so pained. It really hurt to see him like this. He sighed. “I need a minute okay? I will be fine I’m not that drunk anymore.” He took a pause. “I mean how can I be after the shit I said, God I am stupid!” You watched a tear run down his face. Before you could even realize what you were doing you reached and gently brushed away the tear. Han looked at you with tearful eyes.

“Maybe but who am I to judge? I mean, I didn’t even realize that my best friend, the man I had been in love with for god knows how long actually returns my feelings.”

God you said it. You actually admitted your feelings.

A pause.

Oh no, was he regretting it?

Was it something he just said because he was drunk?

You were startled out of your thoughts when Han literally slapped both of his cheeks. His skin immediately flushed angry red.

“What the fuck are they putting in these drinks? Actually making me hallucinate and shit.” Was he for real? You couldn’t hold yourself back so you smacked his arm.

Ignoring his whining you quickly got up and started to yell. “Han Jisung I did not just say I’m in love with you for you to think this is some kind of fucking hallucination! Do you know how much courage it takes to actually admit your feelings?” Han looked at you with wide eyes for a second then quickly got up too almost losing his balance for a second.

“Wait are you for real? You love me? You mean it?” - He asked with trembling voice.

You couldn’t believe your ears. “Of course I mean it? How can I joke about something like that?”

A second passed then two.

“Dude are you kidding me? How are you in love with me. Do you have no standards? You’re like a fucking deity, someone people should fucking worship the fuck you mean you love me? Raise your standards!”

God you needed to be paid for this shit but no amount would be enough. This whole situation made you want to pull your hair out one by one, or maybe scream on top of your lungs, or maybe actually hit him because what the fuck was this?

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME?” You actually couldn’t help but yell, you didn’t give a crap that you were in the middle of street and it was 2 am and maybe some people were actually asleep.

“NO?”

“I WILL ACTUALLY BEAT YOUR ASS!” You took a deep breath. You reminded yourself that he was somewhat drunk. You needed to stay calm for your own sanity at least. “Han when people tell you that they love you back you at least should be grateful that they return your feelings. The last thing you want to do is to tell them to raise their standards. Because frankly all I wanted to kiss you but now all I’m thinking about is how to hold back and not to beat your ass! You’re literally perfect what the fuck are you on about?”

You watched as the biggest grin appeared on his face. It was like his whole mood shifted. “You want to kiss me?” Okay you really wanted to hit your head against a wall now.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of this whole situation. “Do you only hear what you want to hear?”

Jisung, still grinning got closer to you and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Maybe.” -he mused. “All I heard is that you want to kiss me. And I have wanted to know what it is like to kiss you since I met you. You don’t know how irresistible you are.” His voice was so sweet and tender your heart was going crazy. And it didn’t help when he leaned in and put his forehead against yours.

“I could say the same to you dumbass.” You sighed against his lips. When did he even get so close?

“Can I kiss you?” Han asked as his gaze kept shifting from your lips to your eyes.

Feeling impatient to actually answer you grabbed him by his cheeks and finally connected your lips.

Kissing him was so much better than you could have thought. His lips were cold and chapped but they felt so nice as they moved against yours. You couldn’t help but sigh in pleasure. You didn’t know who deepened the kiss but soon your tongue met his and you almost melted. He tasted so sweet. You could even taste fruity cocktails he must have had earlier on his lips. But there was something more, something purely just Han, which made you fall in love with him even deeper if it was possible. You could already feel yourself getting addicted to kissing him.

Soon you had to lean back for some air, seeing Han whine and actually chase after your lips made you smile, your heart feeling whole. You didn’t even remember why you were mad earlier. You just gazed at him lovingly his arms tight around you as your hands were still on his cheeks. His cheeks felt so warm against your cold hands, it must’ve still stung from his slap. You tried to soothe it as you gently caressed his skin. Loving how he leaned into the touch. Shaking your head a bit. Not in a million years could you imagine something like this could happen to you. Life sure is full of mysteries.

You two were brought back to reality by cheers and hollers of your forgotten friends. Oops? You immediately covered your face leaning into the hug more to hide, unable to look any of them in the eyes, feeling beyond embarrassed. Han chuckled and hugged you closer.

“This had to be one of the most painful confessions I have ever seen.” Seungmin deadpanned as others kept clapping and cheering for you.

“Like you had seen a lot of them.” Minho quipped back quickly.

“At least they finally got it over with.” Hyunjin chipped in.

“Tell me about it, it was painful to watch them.” Now it was Innie’s time to say something. Did they all have to say something?

“Oh by the way I recorded all of this, I’m playing this at your wedding.” Felix waved his phone.

Chan grinned. “Or we can show it to their children in the future.” He teased as Changbin cackled like a possessed witch.

God you were so done with these clowns.

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Taglist: @velvetmoonlght @notastraykid (If you want to be added to my taglist feel free to tell me^^)

[elizabethminkel]

hi i read your article on fanfiction culture changing and it reminded me of a comment i got on a fic in 2023. (i was going to say this year/recently but then i checked and wow time moves fast) it was phrased like i wasn't ever going to see it. which is weird bc there were only 2 other comments both of which i'd responded to. it was written almost to an audience that did not include me. idk what that says about the "culture" but i enjoyed your article!

Aw <3 thank you so much! (If anyone hasn't read it yet, this is in reference to "The Endless Appetite for Fanfiction.")

That's super interesting, and definitely relates to this broader ~thing~ imo. My first thought is about the (significant?) rise in people putting fic reviews on Goodreads. That's definitely part of the overall context collapse—and deeply annoys me!!—but it does make me think about the concrit conversation, and how fandom post-LJ has largely shut down critical discussion of fic, which was not a rarity back in the day. (I'm not opening that can of worms now lol.) Like, I have sympathy for the Discord fic book clubs, because you should be allowed to say whatever you want about a fic in private! But I feel like that needs to be just one component, especially if you have a lot of positive things to say about a work.

Funnily, I got a comment somewhat recently that felt, at least in one bit, like it was addressed more to the world than to me. It was a really nice comment! But I showed it to a friend in my confusion (and then just replied like it hadn't struck me as odd). I've also received comments in the last few years on older stories in which the commenter acts like I've long departed from my fandom—when I've published new works as recently as a few weeks prior, and post on my (linked from my AO3 profile) tumblr daily. Which seems related, too—like, me, the fan, is still right there, very easy to see?

I do think there's something to be said about depersonalization across social media, and the way people collapse "content creators" with their "content" (to be clear, I'm not calling fic writers or fic either of these things, but part of this whole situation is that a lot of readers are thinking of them that way). Like, the creator economy is structured to encourage people do that, even. And of course there's great commentary here on tumblr dot com and elsewhere about how people talk to strangers in ways they'd never dare to in real life. I mean, the digital disconnect led to plenty of...issues...back in the day, even when fandom and fanfic weren't as bifurcated as right now.

Anyway, I think this is all swirling together...and like, it's not great! (Haha this is like how I ended the article. "This sucks! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯") But thanks again for your message—this topic has so many interesting, if depressing, facets!!

[yuansie]

ocean memories : prelude's elegy.

synopsis. the last elegy dedicated to the past, never to be forgiven and always to be remembered... for now.

pairing. rafayel x fem! non mc! reader

warnings. talks of hatred and allusions to death oop, reader is a pianist but idk much abt that so i tried to be vague abt the process LOL ?, rafayel being rude bc why is he ignoring his aunt ?! /hj, slight spoilers of rafayel's anecdote (anecdote 3... and it's literally just a line LOL). if there's anything i should add, please let me know!

genres. angst el o el !

rating. rating. pg-13 😟

w/c. 1k

a/n. REVIVED JUST TO POST THIS !! i will HOPEFULLY be able to post this weekly heh 😜 NAWT PROOFREAD BTW !!!! also, i would like to say that the series does have spoilers to rafayel's overall lore but is different to how the fandom has come to piece together the timelines. for the sake of the series, the abysswalker myth is set in the past and therefore there will be minor changes to rafayel's lore HFOAIHWEFIAHE anyways. i hope you all enjoy this !!

HE NEVER IMAGINED HIMSELF TO BE SITTING HERE, he never imagined himself to accept his aunt’s invitation. especially after what he's done and in the midst of being investigated.

he supposes he did it out of impulse, his body itching to do something for once instead of drowning deep into his sorrows and the inky thoughts that plague his mind. in a world lacking color, a world lacking all warmth, rafayel finds it impossible to ever take an interest in something other than boiling rage and the thirst of revenge.

everything is a painful reminder of what has been lost and will remain so. the cries that echo in his ear like a broken record making it impossible for him to forget. that one voice that haunts him in every possible way, an aching reminder of what he's done and will forever remain lost.

this too, he thinks as his eyes scan the theater, the rows of red velvet seats occupied by lovers of the opera. this too… she would’ve liked it.

she would. she really would have liked it. she would have savored this: the music.

because music feels like the crisp wind on a nice day where the tides are calm and you can taste the salt in the air. because music makes her feel like she moves like the water does, and because music is as beautiful as everything that is a part of her beloved ocean…

the smell of sea salt is so strong that he sits up in his seat so fast it gives him whiplash for a moment, lurching forwards as the lights dim and focus on the stage, his aunt taken aback from his sudden movement.

sea salt. fresh air. the soft smell of citrus that somehow follows. the shy hints of vanilla.

he’s looking everywhere, bicolored eyes frantic. his heart pulses and aches in his chest, beats with sudden fervor that he can feel it. anxiety claws at his throat and churns in his stomach. such a familiar scent, lost to the tides of time and the cruelty that is man’s greed.

a scent he believed to be gone because of his own greed.

a scent so—

the curtains are fully apart, revealing the pianist.

sea salt, fresh air, the soft smell of citrus that follows, the shy hints of vanilla—

gone.

“i’m losing my mind,” rafayel mutters, settling back into his chair.

the pianist wears a long, black dress, the fabric covering her arms. he can't make out her appearance: her eyes are covered by a mask, facial features hidden. he pushes his former thoughts to the back of his mind, fighting and shoving them back into the little chest he leaves these painful memories locked away.

he props an elbow on the chair’s arm, resting his chin in the palm of his hand, ignoring his aunt’s questions.

the melody that plays blocks his aunt’s nagging, becoming the only thing he hears.

it’s a sad tune, chilling his bones and making goosebumps run down his arms and back. it’s hauntingly beautiful, touching his soul and shaking its core. he feels his whole body ache, his everything yearning for someone he hasn't seen in years and won’t ever see again.

and he is left in his seat, rendered silent as the melancholic blues of the song continues to play, thinking about the what ifs—even if doing so hurts him.

all the sadness and regrets and hatred you’ve had in you, you pour them out in each performance, the piano being the only outlet you have for these emotions. the sadness you felt when you remembered the abandonment and the death you witnessed, the betrayal and hurt you've endured, you let them pour out like water through your fingertips.

you hate her.

you hate him.

you despise him.

and you will never see him again.

you hate yourself as well.

longing turns into loathing, admiration to condemnation, love to deep and utter disgust.

the melancholic melody you play takes a sharp turn, becoming something that only reflects your pure hatred to the man who lost it all for something cursed. and yet, as much as you hate and loathe and curse him, you love him just as much. you yearn for him, your bones and flesh and soul aching in anguish at the distance from him.

your fingers now press softly against the keys, your touch gentle like that of a lover's. rage turns to longing, and your original tune returns to its somber tone.

as much as you hate rafayel, you love him. after all, you've spent more time loving him than hating him.

you miss his eyes, the way the blues look like the sea and the pink like the sunset sky. you miss his smile and the way it always radiated the warmth and happiness he felt. you miss his touch, the way it was never cold. you miss the smell of sea salt, lavender, cedar, and hints of citrus that follows him.

sea salt, lavender, cedar, hints of citrus.

you play the final note, blinking repeatedly. you don't register the applause, don't notice the standing ovation the people give you, you don't notice it at all. how could you when you smell sea salt, lavender, cedar, and the hints of citrus that follows?

but then it’s gone.

so you stand up, bow, and leave.

this is your last performance, your last time ever dedicating your time to a person who never cared for you in the very end.

“i hate you,” you whisper.

rafayel remains standing, as if glued to his spot as everyone begins to leave, his eyes on the stage. “i’m going crazy,” he mumbles.

it's sick and twisted how things turned out between you. how did something so sacred, something so blessed and beautiful become tainted? become broken beyond repair? how did you become something that haunts him when you used to be a pleasant dream and thought? you haunt him, and he has locked you away. so why does he hear you now?

rafayel is crazy, and that's why he heard you in his head, uttering those three words from long ago again.

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taglist (open). @bakutual @nadinefromwhere @justmystical

OCEAN MEMORIES, yuansie 2024

[rowdyluv]

congrats on 600!! if you are still doing requests: 7g connor bedard she/her!! I can sooo see that being him. have a lovely day 🩷

ᴘʀᴏᴍᴘᴛ: 7ɢ: “Dᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴄʀʏ. ⵊ ʜᴀᴛᴇ sᴇᴇɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜɪs ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ.”

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 902

Y/n stumbled through the front door, the chilly Chicago wind biting at her nose. She had just come back from the pharmacy, her pockets jingling with change and a plastic bag of flu medicine in her hand. She sighed, dropping the bag on the kitchen counter, fishing out the box of medicine, and grabs a water from the fridge. As she shuffled down the hallway, the walls lined with pictures of her and Connor, she couldn't help but feel the heaviness in her chest grow. If he was home she would be on her way to curl up on the couch with him, and they would watch her favorite show.

Instead, she was left with a thermometer, nasty tasting medicine and a lonely evening.

Y/n trudged into the bedroom and tossed her coat onto the chair. The room was cold and uninviting without Connor's presence. She climbed into the bed, feeling the coldness of the sheets against her flushed skin. She grabbed the blanket, pulling it tightly around her, as if trying to wrap herself in his warmth. Her thoughts swirled with the feverish haze, longing for the gentle touch of his hand on her back or his soothing voice telling her everything would be alright.

Just as she was about to drift off into a fitful sleep, her phone buzzed. The screen lit up with Connor's name, and she answered before the second ring. His face popped up on the screen, and even though she was tired and sick, she couldn't help but smile. He looked tired too, his eyes a bit sunken and his hair messy, but to her, he was perfect.

"Hey, baby," he said, his voice filled with concern.

"Hi beds," she greeted, her voice quivering. She sniffled and held back a cough. "I miss you."

Connor's expression softened as he took in her reddened nose and the sheen of fever on her forehead. He was over a thousand miles away, playing in sunny Florida, but his heart ached for her back in freezing Chicago. "I miss you too," it came out soft, almost a whisper, trying to keep his own voice steady. "But I'm here now." He leaned closer to the phone, studying the bits of her he could see. "How's my girl feeling, any better?"

Y/n felt a tear slip down her cheek, and she tried to wipe it away before he noticed. She didn't want to burden him, but the pain in her throat and the ache in her bones was too much to hide. “I think I feel worse.” Her voice wavered a bit too much and her lip wobbled before she could pull it in.

Connor’s heart clenched at the sight of her pain. He was in his hotel room, surrounded by the distant murmur of his teammates. He was in Florida with the team he was drafted first overall by, for what he’s worked his entire life to achieve, but all he could focus on was his sickly sweet girl back in Chicago. He hated being apart, especially when she was feeling so low. “I’m so sorry I can’t be there right now, baby. I’d give anything to be there holding you, to make you some tea and soup, to take care of you the way you need, the way you deserve.”

Y/n’s eyes grew wet, and she felt the sting of tears. His words were like a warm embrace, but the reality was, he was miles away playing the game he loved. The flu made her feel weak, but his absence was a whole new level of pain during her sickness. “It’s okay. You have to be there. It’s for your career.”

“I know, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be with you, taking care of you, making sure you’re okay. You’re all I’m thinking about right now.”

The tears rolled down her cheeks. The mix of wanting his company, his comforting voice and soft soothing touches right then overwhelming her. Especially when the aches from the flu hit sporadically.

Connor's stomach twisted at the sight of her tears. He knew how much she was suffering and his inability to be there to hold her, to wipe her tears, was a torture for him. He leaned closer to the screen, his own eyes filling with a sadness that mirrored hers. "Don't cry, please," he begged, his voice cracking. “God, baby girl please don’t cry.” He begged again. "I hate seeing you like this, and not being able to do anything." He wished more than anything that he could reach through the phone and stroke her cheek, kiss her forehead, tell her it was all going to be okay.

Y/n sniffled and wiped her face, trying not to let her mascara run. She took a shaky breath and attempted a smile. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I just miss you."

Connor's heart broke a little more at the sound of her sniffle. "I know, baby," he said gently. "But listen, I've got some good news. After this road trip, I'll have a few days off aside from morning practices. I promise to come home to you, and we'll make the most of it, okay?"

Y/n's eyes lit up, even through the fog of her fever. "Really?" she whispered hopefully.

"Yeah," Connor nodded, a small smile gracing his lips. "I'll have mom walk me through making that dish you really liked, we can binge-watch that new show you've been dying to see but won’t watch alone, and I might even let you win at Mario Kart."

Y/n's laugh was weak but genuine. "You're so on, Bedard."

© property of rowdyluv ; do not copy and re-upload as your own - anywhere. do not place my work inside AI codes, do not translate.

[punkslovepoints]

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template from Steddie Support Podcast on twitter

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Eddie always believed he was getting out of Hawkins. He knew he was meant for something else, even when he thought he only had two options: a bus to the state penitentiary like his father and his father’s father before him or a plane to Los Angeles, paid for by a record executive with a fat bank account and a vision. Turns out, there was a third path, and when he left town, it was in the driver’s seat on I-90, trailing behind a brown BMW carrying the Wonder Twins, with most of their shared possessions shoved into the back of his van. The van survived the drive to Rochester, but just barely. He coaxed her along with soothing words and stroking hands until she rolled to a stop two houses down from their new place, like Flipper dying in her trainer’s arms. He didn’t cry then, because they’d done this song and dance before. He did throw a very mature, contained temper tantrum at the mechanic the next day. -- Eddie knows exactly who he is. Definitely. Probably. Maybe.

Somewhere it Hides a Well by @teddywesworl [8k E]

Eddie ducks his head briefly, a gesture that doesn’t quite fit with the guy’s overall image: buzz cut, obvious ink, scars on his jaw. A bunch of his shirt buttons are undone, and Steve can see a white tank and a gold chain underneath. “Yeah,” Eddie says. “I’m at a shop in Uptown.” It’s rote, sounds sort of disinterested. Steve might think he’s being dismissed if Eddie Munson’s eyes weren’t raking over him, lingering at his jawline, his throat, his hands when he adjusts his cuffs. Or: At Lumax’s wedding in 2003, slutty bisexual physical therapist Steve sets his eye on inked up tough guy mechanic Eddie and peels away his mask.

You Could Call Me Nancy by @pinkie-quinns [5k T]

Steve and Nancy get back together. And Eddie, well. He does what any respectable person would do in that situation. He drinks about it.

Restorative Violence by @anniebass [30k E]

Unlike his uncle, Eddie still dreamt of bigger things, the fame of a musician, good cars, big-ass mansions, talked about it in the hospital bed, as with the trailer’s ruin came hope of relocation, the first step toward betterment, maybe a house a touch less vehicular, one maybe not so weiner-shaped. Still, his new room failed to convey a fulfilled dream; the unpacked boxes stood in unstable towers, dust covered the guitar, only the dirty dishes seemed to be a movable component of a life sustained, not lived. It didn’t seem like Eddie was fine at all.

Late Bloomers by @arimakes and @mojowitchcraft [65l E]

Two men walk into a gay bar. One thinks he’s straight, one thinks he’s vanilla. Both of them are idiots.

Steve & Robin by @audacityofbird [120k M]

It's 1995. Two sets of best friends find themselves in Chicago and in each other's orbit as they try to figure out how to best navigate the world, work, relationships, family, and friendships in their mid-twenties. Chrissy is starting a new job in a new city with only an old friend to help tether her. Eddie tries to help his band find their big break. Steve tries to get his matchmaking family off his back and Robin hatches a plan to help him do that in an unconventional and seemingly logical way. They're all finding themselves and their way to each other. So, who cares if they stumble along the way? At least they have each other.

Don't Hate The Player by orphan_account [6k M]

Steve Harrington doesn't really play video games. Not his thing. Somehow, however, he's ended up in an utterly delusional, one-sided relationship with an NPC.

The Fire And The Flood by @entanglednow [6k E]

Steve's already spent half a day dealing with the kids misbehaving, he really doesn't need Eddie making his life harder.

would you be my friend? by @their-we-go [8k M]

"Honourable Justice Harrington, I have perjured myself on this stand today, and I would like to recant.”"Honourable Justice Harrington, I have perjured myself on this stand today, and I would like to recant.” “Dude, what are you—” “I lied, man. I fibbed. I told a story. I—” “Alright, okay. I get it.” “I don’t read, uh. Gay porn for the articles.” “Okay.” “I more read it for the, you know.” He scrubs a hand over his face. Wishes he could hide. “Gay porn.” (Or: scenes from Eddie's life after the world doesn't end.)

let's exchange the experience by @jamiethegardener55 [22k E]

"I propose a game," Eddie announced. Steve zipped his coat back up, wincing. "I'm not playing your dungeon game." "Not," Eddie said, "a tabletop game, thank you, Steven. A challenge. A bet." He felt his eyes gleam. Steve gave him a wary look. "What kind of challenge?" "I," Eddie said, clapping his palms together, "will be Steve Harrington. For a whoooole day. And you will be Eddie Munson." -- Eddie and Steve play a game. They have to do whatever the other says for the day. Neither of them has ever heard of BDSM. Things go really well.

Big wheel keep on turning by prufrocks [28k E]

A few months after Starcourt, Steve moves out of his parents' house and into a friend of a friend's empty RV. What follows is a long six months of unintentional minimalism, scraping by on two bucks an hour, and staring at the specter that haunts the other side of the trailer park. Meanwhile, Robin gets a song stuck in her head. A season four rewrite.

--------------------

Then mine from this year:

Pebble [5.4k words, Rated: T]

“Right, well when the male finds a female penguin he likes, he brings her a pebble. It shows the female that he wants to build a nest with her, that he wants to have her as a mate. So I thought -” Steve raised an eyebrow, “You want me to be your mate?”

flood water (a series) [17k words, Rated: E]

“Nothing says last day on earth like trying to fuck your straight friend before disappearing the next day.” Eddie skips town a month after he gets out of the hospital.

how to wake a dead boy (with art work by @bleedingoptimism) [33.4k words, Rated: M]

Steve’s been able to bring dead people back to life since he was a child. It’s a secret he’s managed to keep from everyone, hiding his power under a layer of detachment from the world around him. Then Eddie dies and Steve has a decision to make. A Stranger Things canon-compliant story based on Pushing Daisies lore.

Queer Lodgings [WIP words, Rated: E]

After almost dying in the Upside Down, Eddie wakes to a high school diploma, a place at community college, and - yet another surprise in this new sunshine and rainbows existence that is somehow his life - Steve Harrington as a roommate. It's a double bi awakening!

[ssivinee]

➢ 𝙴𝚌𝚕𝚒𝚙𝚜𝚎

IVE! Band! Yujin x Band! F reader: You and Yujin seem to agree on a new chapter in your friendship, but she seems to want more than that. The both of you, confused at what the status of your relationship is, let fate do its work... which seemed to be doing very good at its job with the two of you.

Word Count: 5.9 k

Author's Note: *⚠️Warnings: mentions of substance abuse, heavy use of strong language, violence, and harassment.⚠️* This took so long. IM SO SORRY, but December was a rollercoaster of a month frfr, but IM BACK, AND I WILL POST MORE THIS MONTH, I SWEAR. The song isnt mentioned at all in this fic, but this is essentially the song she writes after all this🙂‍↕️.

⚠︎ Directions ⇒ Main | Previous | Next

“You think if I headbutt her, she’ll wake up?” The older mumbles as she squats down, staring at Yena, who is still knocked out from a failed night of partying. Wonyoung looks at her unnie with a face that just said, ‘tf did you just say?’ “Yes, I’d like to think she’s alive and breathing enough to feel that pain, unnie,” Yujin voices as she prepares two cups of coffee and some tea for Wony.

“She just can’t be calm for one second,” Chaewon grumbles. 

Yujin gave them both the run down of what happened last night, leaving out the significant details of your final words to her. “I just didn’t expect Y/n unnie to be the one to help her, even bring her here,” Wonyoung says as she takes the fresh cup of tea from Yujin’s hands, sipping on the steaming hot liquid. 

“True,” Chaewon answers as she sits down softly beside Yena, who begins to stir out of sleep. Her vision felt blurry, rubbing her eyes to gain her senses as she realized she was in Yujin’s apartment. “How the hell did I get here?” Her voice was hoarse, so Yujin jogged to her fridge, handing her a cold bottle of water. “You partied too hard, and Y/n unnie brought you back to our place,” Yena looked puzzled at Wonyoung’s words. “Y/n brought me here?”

“You were so out of it, unnie. Didn’t we already talk about drinking and drugs as something that shouldn’t be combined?” At Yujin’s worried tone, Yena swiped a finger under her nose, feeling the remains of the lingering powder. They knew this wasn’t exactly the time to be lecturing her, but Chaewon’s motherly instincts kicked in, “Look, you know how we feel about you using those, but we also know you're mature enough to know when and where they can be used. You could've been in danger if Y/n didn’t step in.”

Yena groans, sitting up from her position as she chugs the rest of her water. “I know, I know. It was a mistake. I didn’t expect Hayoung to bring some, but when he did, I just went for it…” The three shake their head simultaneously. “That isn’t the best excuse right now. What if Y/n unnie didn’t find you, and you just kept drinking? Who knows what would have happened, unnie,” Wony says, careful in the way she says it. 

Yena just keeps her head down, her head still pounding, and she is just overall disappointed in her choices last night. “How about you give Y/n a ‘thanks for helping me out’ gift,” Chaewon suggests, and Wonyoung nods excitedly. “She works at Evermore cafe on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays, I think. You’ll probably have the best chance of catching her there.” The three now look at Wonyoung, worried about how she knew that information. “What? I like getting my tea and coffee there every day,” She pouts, sipping on her tea again as everyone giggles. “I’ll go with you if you want, unnie?” Yujin says, picking up her car keys to drop Yena off at home and get her bearings together. “We can do that,” She nods, trying to collect herself and put on her sweater that wreaked of alcohol. “God, I need a shower and a change of clothes.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, girl,” Yujin says with a chuckle, leading her unnie out the door with her wallet, car, and house keys in hand. “What do I even get her as a ‘thank-you’ gift?” Yena asks as she sits on the passenger side, hands clasping her hair as if stressed. “How about some nice set of flowers? That would be a good start.” Yujin says, turning her car on and letting it heat up. Yena nods, agreeing to the idea.

“Why would she help me?” Yujin side eyes the older, as she was trying to focus on the road. “Maybe she just saw a girl in need of help and did it out of the kindness of her heart,” Yujin suggested, and it made Yena think. “Then I should get her some pink roses. That’s a good thank-you gift, right?” She asks, a bit stressed again, but Yujin pats her shoulder to calm her down.

“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it, unnie.” “How are you so sure?!” Yena flails her arms, quickly regretting it as she feels the pulsing headache return. “One thing I won't forget is how appreciative Y/n is. We were friends at one point, you know?” Yena’s eyes glimmer, reminded that you guys knew each other at one point. 

“True!” Yena gets excited, shimmying in the passenger seat, followed by an ‘ouch’ that had Yujin giggling.

You were working an afternoon shift as usual at the cafe and were currently making a few drinks. It was a Sunday afternoon, a little before sundown, so the place wasn’t flooded with customers like every weekday. As you took your time making two drinks, you heard the door ringing, usually correlating to people entering.

“Hello, welcome to Ever—” once you looked up, you couldn’t even finish your sentence. You were stunned to see Yujin and Yena standing in the cafe. The shorter one held pink roses wrapped in pastel yellow paper and a large bouquet of white flowers in the younger’s arm. Meanwhile, Yujin held a large, nice-looking blue paper bag in her hands. “Did you guys want a drink today?” you asked nicely, knowing Yena hadn’t exactly had the best night.

“Well, some kind of herbal tea would be nice, but I wanted to give you these,” Yena said, forwarding the pink flowers across the counter. Just as a thank you for helping me last night.” You waved your hands frantically, “You didn’t have to do that, you know?” You say, but softly take it from her hands; you don’t want to seem rude. “You deserve it. None of us could’ve known what would've happened if you left me there.”

“And uhm,” Yujin spoke, looking down at the bag and flowers, feeling a tad bit nervous. “I wanted to give this to you as a sorry for Yena unnie last night, and… you know… what we talked about last night?” Her wavering voice was noticeable as her eyes met yours. She handed you the larger bouquet and put the bag down on the counter. Yena watched as you took it into your own arms, eyes trailing back to Yujin, who just gave you this look she couldn’t quite point out.

What the hell did the two of you talk about last night?

Yena just stands there, lost, as you give them both a smile, “How about I put these gifts in my locker, and I’ll make you guys your drinks? It’ll be on me for the gifts,” Yena was about to object, but you cut her off, “It’s literally the least I could do.”

You walked to the back room, unlocked your locker, and put the gift in. Knowing that you would probably forget, you decided to remind yourself to put them in water since you wouldn’t be able to for the rest of your shift. As you set the reminder, you began to think, what did the white flowers mean? You weren’t exactly a flower connoisseur to know about these things. All you knew was pink was a sign of thanks.

So you open up the internet really quickly, typing what white flowers mean in Korea. As you read what popped up, hydrangea flowers in white mean an apology. The flowers Yujin gave you specifically, white lilies, roses, and carnations, had you furrowing your brows. Most of them meant sorry and as a sign of respect, but when you read briefly about the carnations, it is said to be a symbol of true love.

Hearing the front door ring again, you couldn’t take the time to look inside the pretty paper bag, just shutting the locker and rushing to the front. “Sorry for the wait. How about I get you some roasted barley tea, Yena? Just to calm you down after everything,” Yena nods appreciatively as you look at Yujin, a brow raised at her. “Want some iced malcha?” You ask, and Yujin’s eyes grow large.

After all these years of not being friends, do you still remember that she liked green tea? Yujin only nods, and you get to work after giving the receipt while Yena looks at her member. “How the fuck did she remember that?” Yujin just shrugs, her eyes never prying off of your figure.

She watched you in your light purple apron, hair tucked into a messy bun, the claw clip struggling to keep your long black hair tamed. You kept your focus on both the drinks, not realizing her strong gaze on your figure. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself; the thought of her giving you such a symbolic gift gave you butterflies in your stomach. 

Despite not being friends for so long, you were, ironically, the friend who never forgot the little things people liked, even if they were your former friends. This may not have been the exact gesture to reconcile your relationship with her, but it was for everyone's peace after all this time.

“Your malcha and tea!” You say a large smile graced your face as they picked up the cups. You see a sense of hesitance in Yujin’s stance, and you look at her, a bit confused, as she stands there awkwardly. “Anything else, Ahn?” Your question snaps her out of her trance, and she shakes her head a bit. “Nope, definitely not! Have a good day!” You stare at them, leaving, your face clearly weirded out. Yena is currently being dragged out the door, and Yujin slaps her forehead with the palm of her hand.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Yujin kept mumbling as Yena’s tiny body was still behind her, trying to keep up with Yujin’s longer legs as she was being dragged to her car. “Way to give yourself a ‘watch me embarrass myself’ moment,” Yena smiles as the younger side eyes her annoyingly.

They enter the car, still holding their drinks, “Seriously though. what the fuck was that?!” “I don’t know!” Yujin practically yells. She couldn’t answer the question herself. Yujin has never been one to embarrass herself in front of someone, and you being the first person it happened to makes her want to sink into a black hole.

All she wanted to do was ask for your number, which was clearly an epic fail.

By the time they left, several people had come in, and the time passed quickly due to the lack of customers. It was now nearly nine, and you had taken all your belongings and began locking up the store. The night sky was already shining with the moon, and you felt a yawn as you placed the store key in your bag. The walk home was quick, the ten minutes being a breeze, walking into your small apartment that was around five blocks away. 

You slip off your shoes and lay your items on the couch as you walk to the kitchen, immediately trying to heat up some food for yourself. Trying to get the food on the stove faster was the goal as you felt disgustingly drenched in sweat. You jog into your room, get a change of clothes, and decide to take a quick shower. Once you finished, you kept drying your hair with a towel but smelt the food. You take it all in but have a glimpse of the flowers and shopping bag that Yujin and Yena got you.

Looking around your apartment, you take the only vase you own, add some water, and unravel both bouquets to put them in, arranging them to look a bit more appealing. You then remembered you didn’t have the time to check inside the bag yet. After throwing out the papers wrapping paper, you take a seat on the couch, opening it up. You found a dark purple hoodie, an envelope, and a box. 

As you took it out, you realized she had forgotten to take the tag off, and you’re taken aback. “A 150 PRICED HOODIE!” You shriek, looking at it. It seems to be from a smaller brand, and the logo on the front looks unfamiliar to you, but it is still cute. The look of a bunch of vintage-looking flowers, then a statue seemingly stitched heavily into it. You then take a look at the smaller box inside, and it was dark blue with some silver detailing on it.

You open it and gasp, finding a silver bracelet with some aquamarine gemstones around it. ‘My birthstone?’

If only you knew Yujin’s struggle to pick the right one out. Her memory definitely wasn’t as good as yours, but she was in that store, staring at every blue gemstone for an hour straight until she felt sure about your birth month. She finally remembered it was in spring and a month with several exams coming in the months after, so she finally remembered your birthday was in March.

You stared at the bracelet, its colors and shine twinkling in your eyes. Your eyes looked around, but she seemed to remember, at least, to take out the tag for this one. Your hands then rummage in the bag, trying to take out the last item, the envelope. Fingers fumbling to open it, you find a small note inside. The paper had flowers printed on its border, causing you to giggle. ‘What’s up with her and flowers today?’

You begin reading, ‘I don’t want this to be so awkward. I will admit, after all these years, you’re still a good friend. We may not be close at the moment, but I truly appreciate what you’ve done for Yena-unnie and what you told me last night.’

Not close at the moment, huh? That had a tint of blush forming on your face. Was she expecting to get close to you again? You thought it was sweet, and you were both headed in a good direction. You wanted to reminisce more, but the scent of the food seemed to be filling the air. You had to be able to eat so you could work on some music before heading to bed for another shift early in the morning.

You head to your office space, turning on the iridescent lights that glow purple and blue around the room. Your light tap on the mouse automatically turns the monitor of your computer on, showing some notes and photos that have been giving some kind of inspiration. Grabbing the notebook on your desk, you open it to a specific page that lacks writing. 

Your eyes travel all over your space, finding where you last placed your guitar, and you are strumming to try and find the melody that feels right. 

There was slight hope, the interaction with Yujin might’ve given you some inspiration but you were just stuck. The previous songs you created and released were quickly rising in popularity. Your subconscious was not able to keep up with the charts, and it was beginning to weigh on your mind. The pressure to release something better was gut-wrenching and made you want to throw up at the thought of it. 

In two days, you were guesting on a radio station about the group's rising fame, and you couldn’t shake the anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach. The girls seemed to be okay with you going alone; they were busy with other major things in their lives at the moment. 

You were generally good with public speaking and performing, but interviews felt insanely different. It was going to be a constant loop of being aware of your language and the questions being thrown at you, but you didn't want to think about it until the day of.

But thinking that was a big mistake as you sat inside the station, the two hosts sitting in front of you. 

While you were just a ball of anxiety waiting to burst, Yujin listened in, hearing from Yena about the news of you being on the show. 

“Good evening, people of Korea! Welcome back to the Rising Loud Show! We’re your hosts, Lee Jihyun and Kim Hyunju. We actually have a special guest today. From the group rising to fame, Abyss, we have their main vocal, bassist, composer, AND producer of the group, Cha Y/n!”

The two hosts cheer and applaud as you smile from across the table, “Thank you, it’s an honor to be here.

“Oh, ever so humble. You’ve been making waves in the band world, Y/n. I think it’s okay to boast from time to time,” the male host, Hyunju, spoke, causing the ladies to giggle. He continues, “So your group recently hit nine hundred thousand listeners on Spotify last week, and your song Love Me or Leave Me has been used on some large music shows here in Korea! How does it feel?”

“Truth be told, it is a wild roller coaster in the beginning. We got so much support from the get-go that I almost felt a bit frazzled. Now I’m just happy and a little pressured.”

“Pressured? Why is that?”

“When writing both Drowning and lmolm, the writing process came quite easy to me since they were about experiences I’ve had in life. Truthfully, those experiences aren’t many, so now, you could say I’ve hit writer's block.” Jihyun, the female host, perks up, “Well, that's some interesting information there, folks. Would you like to share some of those experiences with the world?” You laugh at the question, knowing that once you aired this out, it would be on the internet forever.

“Well, our latest release was actually about a one-sided relationship I had with a toxic ex. I felt like I was on a leash in the relationship because I was so in love, and then they talked about me behind my back, and it gave me a reality check,” you nod. Yujin, on the opposite end, listened intently, not knowing the back story behind you and Soyeon. “It sucked, but in the end, it got me to where I am today.”

“Drowning, on the other hand, is somewhat misinterpreted as a love song. It’s written in that way, but it's about an old broken friendship I had.” Yujin’s eyes softened at your words, sitting comfortably on her couch as she stared at the ceiling. “I felt bad? I say that as a question because I’m not sure. She may be listening right now.” You giggle.

“As kids, we were best friends. We did everything together, and it was such a fun relationship, but that seemed to also be the downfall of our friendship. Since we were around each other so much, people seemed to pit us against each other, and it worked until we became practically enemies. One was trying to be a thorn in the other side, and sometimes, we just wanted to piss each other off. This year, the bad blood became tiring to bear, so we made up.”

“Do you mind telling us who it is? There are a few speculations, so,” Yujin hears the host have a suspicious voice, but you state no with a chuckle, avoiding the topic quickly.

“So, new music, right? Let’s talk about it!”

“Well… there isn’t really much to say. It's still very much in the early stages of the process, and I’ll need some help with it. I may ask my members,” you say with a smile. Yujin kept listening in; she never heard you talk for such a long time in years, and the radio show made her feel like you were speaking to her while she just listened.

She loved it. Listening to you speak about your love for music, working at your job and enjoying it, speaking about other hobbies and wishes made her feel like you were her best friend all over again. It only made her think deeper. How was she gonna go about this?

Showing up to your job every day would be plain weird. She didn’t want to just make it seem like everything was back to normal because she didn’t want to come off as nonchalant. She also didn’t want to be overbearing and reach out herself.

“Why don’t you just let the world take its course?” Yujin jumps in her spot, hearing Wonyoung, who she finds sitting on the island stool and sipping some tea. “Now, why the hell would you do that to me… AND WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS DRINKING TEA?”

The younger girl shrugs, but her brow is raised, “Stop worrying about how to be close again and just let it take its course.” 

“I know your right, but like I can’t help but-”

“You can’t help but overthink. I know, unnie, I know.” Wonyoung takes a seat, hearing the muffled voices from the radio show.

“Do you like her?” Yujin looks at her in surprise, “W-what? I don’t…”

Wony raises her brow, clearly not believing her, and Yujin sighs, “I’m not sure.” “Wel,l that isn't an acceptable answer,” Yujin’s brows furrowed. “What does that mean?”

“Either you like someone, or you don’t, no in between.” Wonyoung sips on her tea again as Yujin scoffs. “It’s true, though. Even an inkling of liking someone is liking someone.” Yujin lowers her head, knowing she’s right.

“I guess I do.”

“What about your love life right now?” The two of them hear the phone say out loud, one of the hosts asks, and they hear you giggle. “No one is currently in the picture, but who knows? I wouldn’t turn away love.”

“I’m not sure anyone expected you to be a romantic, Miss Cha,” the two hosts laugh as the younger girls listen more intently. “I believe love can equate to a different kind of happiness. One that completes you.” The hosts grow quiet at your words, and Wonyoung smiles, “I didn’t expect unnie to be such a heartthrob.”

“She’s always been that way,” the older smiles a bit, and the maknae stares at her. “It’s why she was loved by everyone. She always returned that same love,” she smiles and looks at the girl next to her, the younger, giving her a mischievous grin. “You're so in love with her.” “I’M NOT IN LOVE!”

“Don’t lie to yourself~”

It had been a few days after your radio guest, and life had been… a bit harder than usual. You had been given many more hours to work the first few days, and you were barely able to hang out with your band. Even now, you are still struggling to write a song.

A few hours after your guest appearance, Ning Ning reached out to you, wanting to help in the process. The two of you began to write it the day after, but since then, it seems like Ning Ning has been ignoring it for some unknown reason.

Your frustrations were beginning to build up. You never wanted to be angered by Ning Ning. Everyone in your group had they’re own lives and jobs to work on. Yet you knew Ning better out of everyone. 

Ning Ning came from a richer family. She didn’t need to work and had lots of spare time on her hands. It was pretty evident in the way she used to nag you about hanging out more since ‘she never had anything to do.’ You also always believed that you were an understanding friend. No matter what it was, you would’ve understood.

Your issue was that she just shouldn’t have offered if it was going to turn out this way. Your expectations were just not met.

So here you were, standing outside Ning Ning's penthouse, sighing as you rang the doorbell and heard muffled, chaotic music bleeding through the walls. The sound was loud enough to make you grit your teeth as you waited.

When the door swung open, her smile faded almost instantly, like she was caught doing something she shouldn't. "Hey, Y/n~," she started, but her voice sounded shaky, barely cutting through the pounding bass behind her.

You peered over her shoulder and immediately spotted a few faces you recognized from her Instagram posts—Ning Ning’s rich friends. You didn’t even bother hiding your irritation as your eyes settled back on her.

“Weren’t we supposed to meet up today at the studio?” Her gaze darted to the floor before she glanced nervously behind her. “I just got caught up in something at the last minute,” she said, trying to sound casual, but the lie was obvious.

“Caught up in something?!” Your voice rose before you could stop it, making her wince. “This is the sixth time you’ve flaked on me this week, Yizhuo!” You didn’t miss the way she flinched at the use of her full name.

“I didn’t mean to,” she muttered, almost too quietly to hear over the music.

“Is it because of some guy?” you snapped, cutting her off when she opened her mouth to reply.

“Oh, please,” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You know it’s not—”

“So it’s because of some girl.” Your eyebrows shot up as you interrupted her again. The brief flash of guilt on her face was all the confirmation you needed.

“You have got to be kidding me,” you hissed, and Ning Ning’s expression hardened as frustration crept into her features.

“Is that a crime?!” she fired back, her voice rising to match yours now.

“No, but you had the decency to say you’d help me write another song, yet here we are!” You gestured broadly toward the apartment, your voice cutting through the music like a knife. Ning Ning looked over her shoulder again, as though hoping her friends weren’t listening, but she still didn’t seem to grasp why you were upset.

“You guys aren’t my only friends,” she said defensively, her tone sharp now.

“News flash, Yizhuo!” you snapped, taking a step closer. “We aren’t just your friends. We’re supposed to be like sisters! Coworkers, even! Most of our income comes from our music. The sad reality is we’re not all fed with a silver spoon like you. Some of us actually need this to work. So maybe next time, don’t get my hopes up if you’re just going to let me down.”

Her face twisted, caught somewhere between anger and guilt. “Well, maybe you’re stuck because Yujin has your damn brain fucked into oblivion. Have you thought about that?”

Her words hit you like a slap, sharp and personal in a way you didn’t expect. Your stomach twisted at the accusation, but you refused to let her see it. “We help each other in times of need, Ning,” you said, your voice low but biting. “I’ve always been there for you. Always. And you couldn’t do this one simple thing for me.”

Ning Ning’s mouth opened like she wanted to argue, but you didn’t give her the chance. You stepped back, shaking your head. “Just fuck off, Ning.”

The look on her face stung, but not enough to make you stop. Without another word, you turned and walked away, letting the sound of the door closing behind you seal the argument.

Your chest felt heavy as you made your way down the hall, but you didn’t look back. You couldn’t. 

The two of you had fought several times before but made up instantly. This moment wasn’t like the rest, and it gave you a headache.

Deciding to want to clear your mind, you make your way over to the park near her building. As you got closer and closer, you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket as if there was some crazy news. But you knew all to well that it was just Ning Ning blowing up your messages. 

You make it to the park, sitting down on a nearby bench as you hear the cars pass by late at night. Pulling out your phone, you see the twenty notifications left by your best friend, but you don’t care to read them, not yet, at least. You let out a heavy sigh, stuffing the phone back into your pockets as you keep your eyes on the dark sky.

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” your body jolts up from your seat in surprise at the nearing voice, and you look to your left to find Yujin. She looked more proper than usual in a long-sleeved button with a white collar, some straight jeans, and a pair of simple white sneakers. Her hair was held up with a claw clip, and she wore her glasses. “Oh, uhm, I mean likewise,” you answer.

She tilted her head, sighing as she clutched onto the long strap of her leather satchel. “My car broke down while coming home from work, so I had to walk… this seemed to be the safer option for me to cut through.”

“Seems like we both have bad luck today,” you inquire, and Yujin stands there, a bit struck by what to do. Then she remembers Wonyoung’s words, ‘Stop worrying about how to be close again and just let it take its course.’ 

“Wonyoung, you smart ass,” she mumbles and sits down beside you. “Long day?” You could only scoff at her words. “Not long day, it’s been a long hour.”

“Hour? Well, that doesn’t sound too good.” Your phone buzzes again loudly, interrupting the conversation a bit. You take out your phone, showing it to Yujin as you wave it with the grasp of your two fingers. “Ning and I were supposed to start writing a song this past week, but she bailed on me six times. All because of a girl. I mean, she could’ve just told me that was the case, but instead, she kept making empty promises and giving me bullshit excuses in the end. My mom needed me home for dinner today. My cousin needed a ride out of town. I have to help my grandma tonight. The excuses just wouldn’t end.”

You pause, catching yourself rambling, and find Yujin staring at you with a sympathetic look. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to rant.”

She shakes her head, a small smile tugging at her lips. “No need to say sorry. If it makes you feel better, work was absolute shit for me today. The kids in my class had so much more energy than usual. Some ripped papers, some scribbled all over worksheets I needed to grade by the end of today, two of them kicked me in the shin on purpose, I had a meeting with snobby higher-ups, and my car broke down.”

The image she painted made you chuckle faintly despite yourself. Her smile widened at the sound, and she added, “Teaching assistant life, right?”

“Wait, you’re a teacher now?”

“Correction, teaching assistant,” she clarified, pointing a finger up as the other hand adjusted her glasses. The gesture sent you into a fit of laughter that she quickly joined in on.

“I still love my job, though,” she continued once the laughter faded, her voice soft. “Those kids will always be the highlight of my week. Other than performing, of course.”

“That does sound nice. At least you don’t have to deal with rude customers on a daily basis,” you said, the headache from earlier easing as you spoke.

“Yeah, I can’t even imagine how that is for you,” she said with an exaggerated grimace. “Remember when Bomyuk sat in your chair and told you to buzz off in the third grade? You literally grabbed the chair and yanked it so hard he fell flat on his back. I’m still amazed your temper can handle customer service.”

You couldn’t stop laughing at the memory, shaking your head. “You know he deserved that. Besides, I’ve grown from that.”

“Uh-huh,” she teased, raising an eyebrow.

The light moment was interrupted when a familiar voice cut through the conversation. “I wanna know the joke.”

Both of you turned to see Lee Seoyeon standing nearby, her smirk as irritating as you remembered.

“My day just keeps getting better and better, huh?” you muttered sarcastically. Yujin’s expression immediately darkened at the sight of her.

“Couldn’t have just kept walking, Seoyeon?” Yujin asked, her voice laced with frustration.

“Can’t I greet my dear ex-girlfriend and her ex-best friend? Just a couple of exes chatting, no?” Seoyeon’s smirk grew, her tone dripping with mockery.

“Did you just come over to piss us off?” Yujin stood, her towering figure casting a shadow over the smaller girl.

“It isn’t worth it, Yujin,” you said softly, reaching for her arm to tug her back gently.

Seoyeon ignored you, her gaze fixed on Yujin. “You should listen to my dear Y/n. She always knows better than you, always has.”

Yujin’s jaw tightened, and you could see the fury rising in her. She stepped closer, but you quickly got between them, pushing her back.

“Oh? Did I hit a nerve? The two of you look so friendly now. Guess it’s not an issue anymore,” Seoyeon said smugly, taking a step forward.

“Just leave us alone,” you snapped, your tone sharper than before.

Seoyeon feigned hurt. “Y/n, I’m offended you don’t want me around. Done following me like a sick puppy? Tired of our amazing relationship? I mean, I could still show you a good time, you know?” She stepped closer, but before you could respond, Yujin’s fist collided with her face.

“You disrespectful piece of shit!” Yujin threw another punch before you could stop her, and Seoyeon stumbled back, blood dripping from her nose.

“Enough! Enough!” you yelled, pulling Yujin away as she struggled against your grip.

“We’re in public, Yujin. I don’t need you going to prison,” you said firmly, glancing at the small crowd that had started to gather.

Yujin exhaled sharply, her anger still palpable, but she let you guide her away.

“Rot in hell, Seoyeon,” you spat over your shoulder before pulling Yujin toward your apartment.

Within minutes, you were home. You led Yujin into the living room, gesturing toward the couch. “Take off your bag and get comfy. I’ll grab some water.”

She nodded silently, sinking into the plush cushions. The cozy, rustic vibe of your apartment seemed to ease some of the tension in her shoulders. She glanced around, her gaze lingering on the lavender-scented candle burning on the coffee table.

When you returned, you knelt in front of her, setting down a bowl of cold, soapy water and soaking a rag in it. Taking her hand gently, you began cleaning the blood from her knuckles.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.

Yujin stiffened slightly, her jaw clenching. “You think I regret it?”

You looked up, meeting her intense gaze. “That’s not what I meant. I just… I don’t want you getting hurt because of someone like her.”

Her expression softened, and she let out a quiet sigh. “I can take care of myself, but… thanks. For looking out for me.”

You smiled faintly, brushing a thumb over her hand as you finished cleaning her wounds. “Someone has to.”

Yujin leaned back, her lips curving into a small smile. “You’re pretty good at it.”

“Well, don’t make it a habit,” you teased, standing up and placing the bowl aside.

She grabbed your wrist before you could move away, pulling you down onto the couch beside her. The warmth of her hand lingered as she spoke softly, “I’ll try not to, but only if you promise to keep being my favorite nurse.”

You rolled your eyes, but your smile betrayed you. “Deal.”

The tension from earlier seemed to dissipate entirely as you sat there, your laughter filling the room once again.

Taglist: ⟪𝙾𝙿𝙴𝙽⟫

@lorenztired @1luvkarina @yuyuy90 @uchizana

[puppy-phum]

edits i made in 2024 ✨

thanks for tagging me krish @i-got-the-feels [x] ♥ am also trying to incorporate the tumblr top ten posts into this bc i don't want to do that as it is, so thank you for tagging me into that antania @riggerbison [x] and zey @fadelsburger [x] ♥

Post your most popular and/or favorite edit/gifset for each month (it’s okay to skip months!)

tagging: @forcebook @thamepo @chezlalune @ruanbaijie @luna-lina @srnileforme @wanderlust-in-my-soul no pressure and if you've done this or something like this already, please send it my way or tag me into the post's replies! i'd love to look at everybody's creations and give them some love :')

JANUARY: morkday + holding hands [x]

the most popular and tbh my personal favorite was this morkday edit i made based on a quote that is from the damn city of bones (2007) by cassandra clare. i didn't know that back when this quote punched me in the face and made me think about it for a couple of days but i honestly laughed when i finally googled it... worked out very well tho! i love hand symbolism, especially in last twilight, and the golden colors are lovely for them ♥ i also ended up loving the last image in this set even if i first struggled with the composition.

this was my number 1 post on my tumblr top ten.

(also gotta add that it still feels insane that last twilight was still going on in 2024... it feels like it was ages ago. i barely remember most of it anymore, probably bc of the heartbreak and trauma. i'm a changed person in january 2025)

rest of the months under the cut bc i ramble!

FEBRUARY: valentine's day vice versa rewatch [x]

my best decision for last year was to rewatch both my school president and vice versa during the time before valentine's day. it healed me, held me gently, filled me with love and warmth. am happy that the set i made after that to show love, once again, for the romance show and soulmates couple of all time was both my most popular and personal fave ♥ i love how the set turned out and how the colors work in this. i will forever be thankful to vice versa for its colors and overall brilliance.

this was my number 8 post on my tumblr top ten.

MARCH: 23.5 episode 3 [x]

it's a close call between several of my 23.5 episode edits but this happens to be the most popular one during this month. i never finished 23.5 which somehow saddens me, but towards the end, i just lost interest, and so this edit series was also left unfinished. i liked the concept tho and loved playing with the colors each week!

tribute to mork methas [x]

personal favorite cannot be any other edit than this bc i put all my heart into creating it. i am still so angry about what last twilight did to mork as a character; how all his trauma and pain was pushed aside, how the story never gave him the space and time he needed, how on top of all else they managed to butcher this amazing man. i don't even want to look at him in episode 12 bc i cannot recognize mork there. he is no that person, at least not to me. mork my beloved, i wish the writers didn't hate you so much </3

(btw i have this whole explanation/essay written under this post in my drafts. it's mostly me sharing in detail the thought process behind me making this edit and going through the several elements in it. if anyone is curious, i can post it, just holler haha)

APRIL: us / thamepo pilot crossover [x] [x]

the most popular edit for this month deserves to be the edit i made for the us pilot that was revealed during gmmtv 2024 part 2. i am still very excited to see the show itself and follow their filming journey occasionally on twt. i am just soooo ready to break my heart over the tragic lesbians woven together with strings of comfort, self-discovery, and heart ache.

this was my number 2 post on my tumblr top ten.

i picked the thamepo sister set as my personal fave bc i cannot separate these two. it was fun to connect them together and switch around the dialogues we hear in these pilots bc they just worked. they had very similar vibes and both talked about somewhat forbidden love. no wonder am currently so into thamepo (i hope it stays that way, am done with all the disappointment i've experienced with shows lately).

this was my number 4 post on my tumblr top ten.

MAY: 23.5 episode 9 [x]

the most popular set of the month. not much else to comment. i love the shot of ciize in this one, she's so cute :(

puentalay k-i-s-s-i-n-g [x]

my favorite for this month! a very impulsive edit that happened solely bc this ear worm of a song (that puen would def listen to) wouldn't leave me alone. it's silly, it's fun, it's cute, it's sexy, it's passionate. it's everything i could ask for! i honestly had a ton of fun with this edit despite having to edit a bazillion (26) separate images for this. the fact that those images are mostly of puentalay kisses makes it worth it.

JUNE: we are episode 12 [x] / 11 [x]

during summer, i was deep in my we are era. i honestly loved each set i made for the series bc for the longest time, i've wanted to make sets like this. i had my struggles with some of them but they all worked out in the end! episode 12 was the most popular one and episode 11 is just my personal favorite bc i love the purple + hints of yellow/golden -combo.

JULY: we are final episode [x]

to honor this show and all its relationships, from romantic to platonic, i decided on a rainbow set. it worked super well and i am happy it was so popular ^^ i miss this whole bunch and the amazing summer we had together. (sorry about the quality of this screenshot, the set is too long to fit it on my screen hhh)

this was my number 10 post on my tumblr top ten.

morkday + pvris songs [x]

probably my favorite set i've made this year overall. my whole year was defined by pvris's music (my spotify top artist) and it felt appropriate to link it together with morkday (and puentalay). i love the layout of this set, the colors, the noise. getting into the lyrics and choosing fitting parts for each image was the best part. my favorite image in the set is the last one that i started from while creating this set. i love the background image for that so much. another one i like is the green one for anywhere but here, bc of the image itself but also bc of the song and its message.

AUGUST: we are couples [x]

due to traveling around a lot in august and being exhausted from that, i didn't create much. but i am extremely happy with this set that is both the most popular and my personal favorite! everything about this one just worked out. i feel like it really summarizes all of these couples and shows their different sides.

as a fun fact, i have to say that i never put too much thought into choosing the animals for each couple, other than picking the bird for chainpun (for obvious reasons). cat for phumpeem came through peem more than phum who is very dog coded to me. instead, dog (or wolf?) ended up with tanfang bc of tan's puppy-like nature. qtoey getting the bunny feels like a stroke of genius given to me during the making of this set bc looking at it now, it's perfect. they have that sweetness and energy in them i connect with rabbits.

SEPTEMBER: sanvee + moon phases [x]

ok i might have lied in the july part bc this might be my overall favorite edit i made in 2024. creating it was a battle tho, and i felt like screaming for the best part of the process bc nothing felt like it was working out and i had a ton of problems while figuring out the aesthetic and the typo and the texts. but it all came together better than i ever expected and i just love this set now. i was happy to see ppl liked this too, so this is the most popular edit of this month.

(oab)plawan + hurt by sleeping at last [x]

it's hard to pick a favorite for this month – despite the sanvee edit already being my obvious FavoriteTM – bc i also love my set for miss mhon (day's mother) [x] that let me went my frustration towards her and my puen x phum parallels set [x] that makes me feel wrong in the head. but i loved this love doesn't have long beans a crazy amount compared to how short and silly that show was. there's just something about oab and plawan - about sailub and pon. they dragged me deep into places with this show and this edit is my ode to that. it was fun to make in its simplicity, i love the colors in it, and pon as plawan is just too pretty (especially when he cries).

OCTOBER: pluto episode 1 [x]

considering how popular pluto has been and how desperate we all are for gls, am not surprised this set is the most popular one for this month. tbh all my pluto edits have been doing quite well in my standards. i love making these so am just happy you guys like looking at them ♥

pit babe pairs + cartomancy [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

never thought 2024 had a sudden pit babe obsession in its sleeve for me but i decided to embrace it. they've talked that the second season would start airing in april, after boys' journey s2 has ended most likely, and i am so very normal about all thi. i've fallen in love with all these boys, both the characters (more than i already was) and the actors, and this edit series only made everything worse. i haven't spent this much time researching things for an edit in a while and i just loved all the analysis i got to do. the process had its ups and downs but overall, i have to say i had a blast.

(picture chosen purely bc i vibed with this kim picture today, tho the kentakim edit might also be my favorite in the set bc the yellow is so good)

NOVEMBER: pluto episode 4 [x]

absolutely deserves to be the most popular set of this month! it's also my personal favorite out of all the edits i've made for pluto. the colors for this one just worked super well and the scenes are perfect, too. let's see how the series ends in two days, i hope i manage to find some fitting colors for the last episode, too :'D

this was my number 6 post on my tumblr top ten.

DECEMBER: yuanyi + you can love him, but you can't keep him [x]

the most popular set and also my favorite of this month, all bc i've gone down the rabbit hole with fangs of fortune. i spent an embarrassing amount of time making this set with all its details; starting from screenshotting the whole damn show and then picking the pictures for this edit from the over 400 images i got, to drawing the golden lines by myself on my drawing tablet so i got them just like i wanted. i shall be making so many more edits for this show, be warned.

this was my number 7 post on my tumblr top ten.

top 10 posts of 2024 then are:

morkday + hands (381 notes)

us pilot (295 notes)

last twilight episode 11 (285 notes)

thamepo pilot (283 notes)

jimmysea for starry magazine (271 notes)

pluto episode 4 (252 notes)

yuanyi + you can love him (231 notes)

vice versa rewatch 2024 (222 notes)

last twilight episode 10 (211 notes)

we are final episode (207 notes)

(you can check your top ten posts here)

it was fun to look back into my year in edits like this and see how i've gone through so many phases in 12 months. i cannot even recognize the person i was in around, let's say, last february. or during summer. it's insane how the night changes or however that thing goes.

thank you if you read this far, and if you've liked my creations or left nice tags under them, i thank you even more! it's an honor to be creating to everybody here and i am grateful that others keep enabling me even when i usually create for myself and maybe two other ppl. it is very important to me tho that i get to be part of this amazing community and don't need to just yell into the void by myself ♥

[hopetorun]

it's always harder to start a personal post than it feels like it'll be when i'm drafting it in my head while i wash the dishes. pushing through to ramble and navel-gaze anyway, though—

i've been thinking as the new year gets its legs under it about the effort i put in last year toward the goal of not being single. i didn't call it that, obviously. the actual spelled out goal was to do one singles or speed dating event per month and one volunteering event per month, which to be clear i came nowhere close to (i went to three speed dating events and three volunteering events and did one month of weekly swing dance classes). but i did do more than last year. and out of those three speed dating events i ended up going on two dates (with the same person). overall it was, diplomatically, pretty disheartening.

i'm going to keep trying, though i haven't decided exactly what that's going to look like in 2025. going out and doing things is expensive, and putting yourself out there without much to show for it is draining. even trying to buy cute clothes as a fat person is draining. i like the idea of trying to cultivate a larger social circles of weak ties, but in practice i'm pretty reserved when i'm alone in a crowd of new people. i'm starting to get the sense that it's easier to meet someone when you're already dating someone, like getting a job is easier when you already have a job. is it worth trying the horrid apps again, because at least they're less expensive, even if they're more draining? is this just what it's like trying to not be single when you're fat? am i just emanating lack of confidence in my dating prospects from every pore?

i'm giving myself january off, to fortify myself emotionally and think about how i'm going to take aim at this this year and because i want to have a low spend month and this shit adds up quick. unfortunately, thinking about it means thinking about it. and thinking about it kind of sucks!

there's this big part of myself that i've never had the opportunity to know, and i've really felt it lately. i can only take a guess at what i'm like in a relationship, what i'm like when i share my life with someone to that degree. the older i get, the more keenly i feel having never known that, and the more i doubt that i can even find room in my life for it. where do i fall on the i don't want somebody in my house to there's someone in my house and they love me spectrum?

when i was home over christmas, mom said something about me having kids (not in a pushy way, it was fine) and i said that i don't want to undertake single parenting. she, not unfairly, pointed out that that's always a risk of it. and she's right, of course, there is always a risk of a partner dying or leaving or needing to be left. she didn't change my mind, or even particularly open the door to me changing my mind, but it did make me additionally sad for another part of myself i might never get to know.

i don't really know where i'm going with this. thinking about my gratitude to all the writers i've read over the years who've been so clear that there really are no guarantees. thinking that many people look for love for years and years and never find it. that others find it later in life. too late for some things, perhaps, but not never. that it's this huge, important thing that i can't really control much at all. i can make an effort (even though making an effort often feels worse than not) and ... that's basically it. i can work on my tendency to be reserved in a crowd and take myself out to places where people meet people and beyond that ... hope for the best? kinda sucks.

a dear friend texted me the other day asking for me to be there for some of her wedding day activities. she's older than me, and met her wife (who's my age) in fandom. it's both heartening and not, you know? most of my friends met their spouses in college (that ship has sailed) or in fandom (i'm open to it but it's probably a long shot). some fell for a friend. a lot of my friends are just as single as me (though many of them are more content to stay that way).

i want to wrap this around to some kind of conclusion, and i don't think there is one. i haven't even really learned anything from a year of this. feeling unwanted sucks (i knew that), meeting someone to fall in love with is a crapshoot (i knew that), going out and doing things is expensive (i knew that). i hope i can come back to this post someday and have a way to tie it all back together and mean something. it doesn't feel likely right now.

[stylish-fish]

A List of Miscellaneous Rouxls Kaard Headcanons

(because i keep thinking about him A LOT and feel like sharing some of my thoughts)

1. He came up with the fancy spelling of his name himself. His name was originally written how it's pronounced (rules card).

2. A lot of the way he presents himself is based on trying to appear "historical" because he's convinced that makes him look sophisticated and superior. He, however, doesn't really know that much about history and is usually just making stuff up. He will often also just come up with historical "facts" to back up his lifestyle with. For example, he likes eating bugs, so he will tell people that this is what they did back in the 1600s or Middle Ages, and he's just being "Authenticke" and not weird at all.

3. Makes his voice sound deeper on purpose. Voice gets more high-pitched when he's distressed. Overall, the pitch in his voice varies A LOT, it can go from very low to very high even in the same sentence. He does that to appear dramatic, of course.

4. Was originally simping for the King, which changed pretty quickly though when the Lightners came along. Terrible taste in men, I know. He is really into evil tyrants in general.

5. Before being promoted to the Duke of Puzzles, he had never been very high-ranking at all. In fact, his former position was among the most insignificant the court could offer. That didn't stop him from very much pretending to be a distinguished nobleman to everyone he met. He pretty much believed he was "destined" to be important and high ranking, and surely would end up as such some day.

6. Assuming the Darkners' ages work in any way similar to those of the Lightners', he is currently ~32 years old.

7. Writes dramatic love poetry for his lovers with a quill and ink, but he isn't very good at it at all. To him it's mostly about desperately trying to convince his love interest of how good of a partner he is and how much being with him will be worth it and his way of going at it is just talking about how hot and talented and intelligent he is for 3 pages. He sees that as a surefire way to convince people to be with him. He might then offhandedly mention how "Evile and Powerfule" his love interest is in the final verse.

8. Never bothered to learn the difference between "thou" and "you", thinks they're interchangeable.

9. Nobody really knows what exactly he is or where he came from. It's believed even he doesn't know. This kind of sets him apart from other card darkners, who have suits and families they belong to — he has none, he's an anomaly as far as he's concerned. He's never met his biological family.

10. His accent used to originally be part of a show he'd put on to impress the kings and he would still talk normally to people of lower rank. However, the accent became ingrained with his everyday speech pretty quickly and now he just uses it all the time. It does still drop occasionally, especially when he becomes distressed. He also uses it less when he's being sincere or less stressed.

11. Back when he was the shopkeeper of Card Castle, Lancer would be his most frequent customer. Lancer, of course, either never had any money on him or would try to use something utterly bizarre as payment, so Rouxls would just end up giving him worms and the roux for free and pretending to hate it. That's pretty much what Lancer's diet consisted of in those days. Rouxls, of course, never gained any funds from this.

12. He has a distaste for sweet things and much rather prefers eating savoury food like worms and other slimy and soft foods like that. They are sometimes cooked, but very rarely.

13. Under the King's rule, he was pretty much considered someone who you would not want to get into an argument or drama with. Not because he was particularly impressive or formidable at it, but because if he felt like any of his subjects outclassed or humiliated him, he'd use his influence get them to jail for petty reasons and/or fabrigated charges. That's how much he cared about his image. He wasn't that good of a government official in general, he was incompetent and could pretty easily be bribed into doing anything.

14. He likes tasting different expensive wines and acting all pretentious about them because he's certain that makes him look like a sophisticated guy. However, he doesn't actually like them that much. His most well-guarded secret is that he only enjoys really cheap and shitty vodka mixes.

15. He enjoys gossip and as the Duke of Puzzles in Card Castle he would oftentimes eavesdrop the castle servants when they were gossiping about something. However, a lot of the time he would just become disappointed because it was just about him, and worse than that, absolutely embarrassing (and true) things as well. He ended up interrupting the conversations a lot and emphasizing just how WRONG they are about him — but not appearing very convincing at all, further fueling the rumors and even accidentally creating new ones.

16. Having found the Thrash Machine in the trash, he's gone to trash dump a lot in general. He particularly looks for things like old books, furniture, decorations and other antique he can use for his room or sell at his shop. It's a fun hobby of his.

[iwanttodance]

Ok so, 2024.

2024 was a wild year. So much happened. I forgot to even take a pic with a drink before midnight tonight. (Well I’ve been up since 5 am traveling and then got home to shower and change and be convinced to still go out, so I think I can be excused for only having a photo I took in a bar bathroom with an empty glass at dyke night at what is faster becoming my favorite bar.

So I didn’t get around to writing this earlier in the day, so here I am doing my annual wrap up from the metro ride home from the bar at 1:15.

2024 started out with my making my birthday resolution list on Jan 11th. (11 days til I’m 32!) so I wanted to quit my job, but was waiting til after the top surgery consult I had finally gotten scheduled. Among some other things I also wanted to try and hike once a month.

Well, I was let go from my job on Jan 16, but was able to pick up freelance work in my field before January was even over that stayed consistant, so I was able to save all the severence I got to help pay for the top surgery that I then got in June!

And I’ve gone hiking not every month but most months I’ve been able to get out to hike at least once!

So overall even tho the world is going to shit and full of terrible bad I had pretty good year compared to my last few(several?)

But today was certainly an end to 2024.

I woke up at 5 am in nor cal to catch the Amtrak. train down to Bakersfield and then the Amtrak connector bus the rest of the way to LA. But the train kept getting delayed so E got to Bakersfield and hour late, and then barely got into the bus ride when the bus broke down on the grapevine and we had to wait an hour for the next 2 busses to come pick us up. So I final got back over 2 hours late I figured I’d just stay into tonight. Then my roommate was like but it’s New Year’s Eve!! And there was a NYE dyke night event I was interested in so I said fuck it and got ready and went. And I ended up having a pretty good time for the most part. I made some friends right away and our little groupe of singles slowly grew and I got some numbers and was really vibing with a few of them, and was really vibing with this one girl for most of the night and it’s felt really good and then we made out at midnight and then she said ´that was fun, I’m gonna go find that girl we were hanging with earlier’ then thing got a bit awkward because the bar isn’t really that big and I ran into her 2 more time before I finally dipped out.´ and headed to the metro for home.

Anyways I’m feeling a bit frustrated at the moment but Happy New Year and here’s to 2025 I hope it can be less shit than I’m expecting it to be!

Time to finally get around to planning what to do for my birthday now that it’s only 10 days away !

starting out the new year with a bottle of ginger beer. 

Happy new year everybody. 

heres to 2013 and to not being alone in my room next new years eve. 

also, I’m going to be 20 in 11 days. what. 

[beezpajamas]

feeling lonely in this chilis tonight

[quietlyblooms]

alright, friends, it's time for a lil heart-to-heart.

for quite a while now, i've struggled with feeling like the rpc is an actual community. there's a few things that contribute to this feeling, but it mostly comes down to a lack of interaction and visible interest. sometimes i feel very one-sided in my interest and attachment to my mutuals bc when i see their ooc posts or headcanons, i like them or comment, yet this isn't reciprocated by everyone. i can usually guess who i'm about to see in my notifications, and to be absolutely clear, i'm very grateful for those people!! it's a handful or two of you, but it could be just one and i'd be grateful. it's not about numbers whatsoever but rather growing uncomfortable that not all of my mutuals are all that interested in my character or me.

i write on here to share the excitement of creating with other people. i write on here to create together, too, but i'm also here to share characters and ideas and lore with people i know are happy to hear me ramble. i'm just getting to the point in which i'm questioning how many of you are actually happy to listen, and that's just not a good feeling at all. i'm not a mind reader, y'all. if you don't tell or show me that you care about the things i talk about or even about interacting, there's no way for me to know. eventually, i'm going to question why you're following me if i never see or hear from you, and eventually, i'm going to softblock and move on. that's the only way forward i see right now because i just do not feel comfortable on my own blog. i feel like i'm retreating into this quiet bubble to avoid discomfort, and it really sucks. it's killing my muse.

i'm not perfect. none of us are, and we can't be online at all times to catch every little post. but if we're a community, then we should be supporting each other when we can and liking headcanons, liking/commenting on those lil ooc posts that remind us our writing partners are humans with lives outside this site, reblogging their promo posts, sending in that meme they've reblogged even if we're nervous to reach out first -- if we're a roleplaying community, then we need to act like it. " community " implies connection, and a connection doesn't really begin when you follow each other. it begins when you reach out, even if it's in some small way.

tldr: i think we can all do better to support our mutuals and to connect, and i'm going to softblock people rather than continue to feel unsure where i stand with my mutuals. i won't start until sometime next week, and i won't make one of those " like this to remain mutuals " posts. they're not helpful to me, if i'm honest. if you're worried, just reach out. i'm literally a 4'9'' gremlin who sleeps with a m.unchlax plushie -- i promise i'm not scary despite this post uvu

[nabaath-areng]

Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...

[thewistlingbadger]

That last bit...oh I feel something. You're right. We've been judging the soup because of the label it has, the brand it has, and it's nothing like the first soup we had with that brand. We haven't been judging the soup by its actual contents, only by how it falls short in comparison to the new soup. I tasted the new soup today for the first time since the first time I tried it. And honestly? It's a pretty okay soup. I haven't finished my bowl yet but so far it's been enjoyable. Certain flavors do draw me back a bit but overall, so far into my bowl, it's not that bad. I'll always love the first soup I tried with this brand. I'll always feel a way about how this new soup isn't like the first soup. But...I can change. I can decide if I'm going to weep for my losses or look to the horizon with appreciation for what I received. And today I've decided that the mourning period has passed. It's a new day. And I say we give season two a fair chance. We don't blindly love or hate it. We don't consistently compare it to season one and we also don't forget its roots. We simply take it for what it is.

The time has come. Season one and season two of arcane are just completely different shows. And maybe we just have to live with that. Maybe when we accept the fact that it wasn't we were promised, was we wanted or expected, then we'll be able to live freely and perhaps even get some enjoyable out of it. There's a lot of things to shit on about season 2, but honestly thinking about r everything they fucked up has been exhausted and I've done it for almost 2 months now.

[lith-myathar]

.

[yourqueenb]

Feeling another random burst of self confidence (probably due to lack of sleep honestly) so have a heavily made-up eye reveal I guess? 😂