#i can be mean my mom is a horrible person
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can i be emotionally vulnerable i hate cooking with other people so much this is not a cute fun silly activity get out of the kitchen or im pouring dishwashing fluid into the pasta salad
#NOBODY KNOWS HOW TO COOK IN MY HOUSE#ITS LIKE WRANGLING A TODDLER#STOP STIRRING ITS FINE. WHY ARE YOU SEASONING THAT WITH THAT. THAT DOESNT NEED OIL. GET AWAY FROM THE STOVE. TURN THE PANS INWARDS.#NOBODY PUTS ANYTHING UP EITHER#ITS ALWAYS SOME LOVECRAFTIAN HORROR I HAVE TO DEEPCLEAN WHENEVER ANYONE EXCEPT ME COOKS#YOU CAN PUT THINGS UP WHEN YOURE DONE WITH THEM. ARE YOU AWARE OF THAT COINCEPT#YOU CAN WASSHHH YOUR HANNNDSSSS#ME DISINFECTING WONT KILL YOU I PROMISE#sorry#rant over i hate cooking with my mon around#shes such a hazard to have anywhere genuinely#ive seen her remove chicken i had on the stove and try microwaving it because itd be “faster”#i cant even leave my own coffee on the counter because she will pour sugar and milk in kt#it*#genuinely she is painfully unhelpful its crazy#never in my life have i met anyone so insanely incompetant in a kitchen#rant actually over sorry#i can be mean my mom is a horrible person#siiigghhh#skyler posting
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Wait you guys are actually buying Disney products I thought it was a joke
(READ TAGS FOR FULL CONTEXT Sorry it’s long dies
#Honestly I’m only bothered bc I feel partially responsible (WTF EGOMANIAC OVER HERE)#I know I can’t control other people’s spending habits and my own habits are. Less than ideal !!#But when I wanted to spread my love for Wreck it Ralph I didn’t want people to get that takeaway 😔#IMPORTANT NOTE ‼️It’s okay to express your love for something through buying official things !!! That DOESN’T make you a “bad person” !!!#Still ! I think we have to let ourselves feel bothered by things and we need to be more critical of exploitative companies#Of course I chose to watch inside out 2 with my mom in theaters so I’m not immune lmao. Also using amazon / Etsy … just as a whole#But if you need help finding Disney movies without supporting them please just ask me!! PLEASE don’t use Disney+ if you can avoid it#I know we are all capable of finding our fulfillment from better places. But sometimes it’s hard#Capitalism sucks and yet that’s how we are endlessly pressured to live :(#We’re all at different points in our lives. Sometimes self care involves consumerism#Be hopeful that it someday won’t have to#Txt#again I’m sorry if this comes off as horribly egotistical to even consider being single-handedly responsible for#Social media is bad …. numbers bad…. Distorts reality and your perception of yourself…..#Or as me trying to guilt trip people in any way. Genuinely do what makes you happy but WE CAN BE HAPPIER & HEALTHIER I KNOW WE CAN#Wreck it ralph#Rant#Also sorry I have huge beef with streaming services I don’t mean to enforce that on other people but also. Sharing my opinion
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the evil queen is such a good manipulator that she even made some people in the audience think that she's a good mother
#COUGH COUGH YTBERS COUGH COUGH TIK TOK#ever after high#b.txt#eah#the evil queen eah#she's loves her daughter. she's a horrible person and a terrible mother too#both things can coexist. but to some these two points seem to be one in the same when it isnt. at all#i can't really wrap my head around those that say that she's a better mother than snow is#is she though? or is snow just easier to dislike cause of her personality and the weak facade she puts up to the others?#they both suck as mothers#they do love their daughters and i don't discredit that#but#both of these women at the end of the day see their daughters as an extention to themselves#i need more ppl to rewatch dragon games and read raven's sdcc doll's letter that her mom wrote for her#and ppl says raven is mean and a bad daughter for cutting her off 🙄🙄 like be fr for a second
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���yeah, home. i was home, not in the capitol. do you really think someone like me belongs in the capitol? ” shaking his head, he can tell that she’s lost her mind and can’t be reasoned with. he doesn’t really argue with her only because he doesn’t think she’s capable of abandoning her delusions. maybe after she’s had some food and much needed rest, she will be able to understand that they’re virtual strangers. he’s not some cruel, wicked man from the past. “birds and deer sound like a good companion, but bears? do they stop by to have porridge with you in the morning?” he lightly teases, not taking anything she says seriously. “oh, i see.” his features soften and become more sympathetic, figuring her mama must no longer be here which is why the dress has so much sentimental value. “it’s a beautiful dress. i’ll help you change into something else and… well, we could try to wash it and restore it to its glory,” he offers with a smile, watching her dip her fingertip in the jar with such caution that it makes his heart pang. something horrible must have happened to her in that arena to make her lose all faith in humanity. “i wish i had something to remind me of my mom. she was always so kind and sweet, smelled like roses. the rebels killed her.” maybe this could be the thing they will bond over, he thinks, waiting a moment longer before wiping the medicine off his arm. he’s tempted to put on a show and pretend it is indeed poison, but has a feeling she wouldn’t appreciate his sense of humor. “i don’t really like corpses, but to each their own,” billy sighs, rolling the sleeve of his sweater back down and standing up. he walks over to where she’s keeping her clothes, deciding to find her a pair of socks or tights, a clean, dry skirt and a blouse. it feels like he’s invading her privacy in a way, but she’s given him the green light, right? he glances over his shoulder just to make sure she’s still okay with him going through her things. does she also fear water? “is the water too hot? it’s definitely not poisoned or anything, i promise. you can keep ‘em in for a minute longer. it’ll help you warm up.” and scrub. has no one taught her how to scrub her feet? but he doesn’t say these words, doesn’t want to be mean to the person who’s clearly been to hell and back.
"well, you had to of gone somewhere." and back to district twelve to voluntarily live out his life being a peacekeeper wasn't in his agenda, she's very aware on that. he definitely did go back to the capitol and the gaul woman did something funky to his brain. "a few months. my only friends have been the bears, birds and deer." she mumbles in an annoyed voice, but gladly would been happy to kept it that way. "it was my mama's. since you've gone and went forgotten. i wear it when i miss her. but it ain't goin' to be much of a rainbow if i keep stainin' it..." words trail off gloomily as lucy gray peers down at her lap, her hands tenderly smoothing over the ruffles. and one or two of the ruffles is ripped, she'd like to find something to at least stitch it back together. face lifts back up on the pot he offers and then onto his face, studying all the familiar features of it for a second, just finding it odd to stare at him with darker hair. makes her want to back away a little more from him each time, even if he's so oddly being nice to her. makes the skepticism inside her not trust it even more.
"i figured a corpse would make you happy." hers, at least. dipping her finger in iodine, it's not melting her skin yet. then lucy gray is quickly smearing it across his offered arm, only dipping her finger into it in the first place because he does offer his arm.
"why, you of course." for shooting mayfair. for lying to her. for shooting at her. dipping her feet into the water, she only lets them sit for a second before moving them away and then letting her wet tiptoes sit on the wooden floorboard.
#billysgirllol#pls their inner monologues are so funny skjdbcsfjk#LG: that gaul woman did something to his brain#BILLY: the games made this girl lose her wits#'i wish i had something to remind me of my mom'#lmbooo look billy christmas came early this year wishes come true
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letting myself unmask has been so nice at times because i'm seeing my boyfriend express joy much more readily too. who knew me being expressive and all that would do so much good!!!
#today was touch and go but overall much better than yesterday where i was watching a musical (not my thing) and it was legally blonde (cool)#but everyone's voices were so shrill (ouch) and the audience was clapping (ouch) and talking a lot (ouch)#and i was three rows back from the stage so the lights were bright (ouch) and there were strobe lights (ouch) and the person seated next to#me kept touching me when she turned to talk to the person next to her..... AND my joints were killing me but we had to walk everywhere from#the theatre to the restaurant we ate at for dinner. which was a byob. and i didn't know we were going to a byob or i would've b'd my own b#but my bf's family doesn't drink so it would've been awkward anyway. and no one talks to me and i don't talk to anyone but yet i'm expected#to be there for some reason (??) i'd rather stay home honestly. horrible time. i couldn't even vape because of said family#so i had zero pain or anxiety relief that whole time. and i had the longest meltdown in the theatre. and i couldn't finish bc intermission#so i had to just like. force it down so i could sit there in silence for 15 minutes while everyone else talked to each other.#and then after all that we still had a 40 minute car ride back home. with my bf's mom.#and then today she invited us to the park with her and my bf was like 'do you wanna?' and i couldn't say no in front of her so i said yes#and then felt SO anxious because god. i just needed A Day. so then i shut down. but then i communicated what i was needing to my bf#and we had a nice walk at a different park on our own. phew#i do Not mean to complain but goodness. pre-autism i would've blamed myself for everything that happened#but now i can properly commiserate with people who understand me LOL anyway. look at some of the crazy shit i went through yesterday
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last rb stressed me out lowkey akakska i had an ex like that and it became a self fulfilling prophecy kinda thing..
#like oof where do i even begin#for one... would recommend looking up what pedestalling is so u can catch urself when ur doing it.#and. hm. honestly even working on self worth n whatnot i think rly internalizing not 2 pedestal ppl cuts out a lot of self sabotage#like hello ppl in ur life r there bc they choose to be. you are worth it to them and they are showing u that w action.#u gotta be vulnerable.. u gotta trust in other ppl.. cautious optimism is fine but 😮💨😮💨#i hate when ppl assume what im thinking and feeling and act upon that. assumptions on assumptions.#my mom was like that in a mean spirited vindictive way. my ex would spiral if i took too long to respond stressed as hell#thinking that i had all these horrible thoughts about her or that i was just using her like holy shit I'm just sitting here drawing ajsjka#i am trying to make friends. i am recovering from my own personal circumstances and trying to figure myself out etc.#was also actively working on finding myself as a trans woman bc it was so early in my transition.#idk. like damn ppl have Lives‚ hobbies‚ other ppl they talk to‚ they take time for themselves.#if u don't know and ur stressed about it‚ ask..? but then believe ppl when they answer idk.#sorry.. I've annoyed myself lmao. it was wild... things were dead simple on my end but she came up w hella things she swore HAD to have bee#true and after breaking up w her she kept DMing me w long ass self deprecating vents and mischaracterisations#i had to block her after a while like 😐 u ever see somebody go to therapy and get worse somehow#i cannot fw people who have low self esteem anymore but like i sympathize from a distance lol#hello from the other side of the interaction... self love/worth is hard but please try#ur mischaracterization of ppl based on assumptions is hurting them and it will alienate ppl n push them away#and then become a sort of self fulfilling prophecy.. but also take what I'm saying w a grain of salt 🤷🏾♀️#i just have my personal experiences
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crazy how i have no one
#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc#but i have no fucking one irl#and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us#i only have my brother#and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me#so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt#im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that#i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever#i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive#and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe#i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn#and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances#realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time#idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me#i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant#figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump#all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw#but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it#any of it#my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that#but i need help and i dont have it. not really#whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance#i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have#i can do it. i can do it
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OH SHIT. my dad fuckin died today uh. rest in pieces dickhead 😘 time to CELEBRATE 🎉
#the bin#would it be messed up to buy a cake to celebrate him dying?#i used to joke about celebrating once he kicked it. he was a truly truly evil person. absolutely horrible.#yknow. usually when i receive shocking news like this im upset and like. wow i hope im dreaming. like when a pet dies or something like tha#because my grasp on reality is thin and i can barely tell when im dreaming or awame6half the time. but this time im scared i might be#dreaming and ill wake up and hes still alive.#i am stressed about the whole where im gonna live thing again tho#my mom cant pay that rent by herself so uh. that makes things difficult.#if i was there and i had a job then we could afford the rent together but as it is now. idk.#i doubt she will end up staying in that house longer than the lease. my aunt my help pay for the next months rent byt after that idk.#so that part really sucks but. idk what will happen.#its a shame i cant just go.there now and get a job and help with that. but i still have a lease here and rent to pay#well. i think things will work out#i mean. he barely brought in any money simce december so. maybe we can work something out until im there and working and can help#pay the rent. i think itll be ok. everything will work out.
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:/
#like if it is ptsd that means basically it's untreatable right? like the only way to really deal with it is i have to just accept that i'm#going to be miserable and awful to be around forever?#idk like thats why i was kind of hoping it /was/ something more uncommon like osdd because like. i know that can be hard to treat but i've#seen people make it work for them and make it a good thing even if it's hard. there are no upsides or benefits to having Just Fucking Ptsd#there's no sympathy for it if you didnt get it from combat (and even then lol)#and there's no real way to treat it except just learn to fucking avoid triggers and my triggers are FUCKING EVERYTHING#idk i just want a FUCKING SOLUTION and there is none#it's not fucking fair. it's not fucking fair#that my life is permanently ruined and horrible because my fucking mom decided that she needed to have a little mini-me#to project her fucking insecurities on instead of getting therapy#and now i'm never going to be happy! i don't get to have a good fucking life! i h#i have to spend the rest of my life fucking /coping/ with my own existence and having everyone fucking moralize me not wanting to do that#i'm a horrible person for even thinking about this stuff because me saying i cant recover probably makes other people in similar situations#think they also can't recover and i know that makes me bad and awful but like. it's different.#other people have friends who love them and care about them. i will never have that because i'm awful and everyone who gets close to me#realizes how awful i am and runs#other people have a chance at happiness even if it's hard. i don't. i'm never going to have people who love me and care about me. i'm never#going to be anyone's family and i can't fucking stand that
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Episode 3 of The Last of Us was amazing.
#I literally just spent a recent therapy session#telling my therapist how much I hate how most media tries to sell you on keeping loved ones alive#even when they want to go#and how much that hurts#how every story that says to keep fighting for forever even when the person dying told you to stop#and says that is what love is#feels like a direct jab saying I don't really love my mom#or rather if I really loved her I'd override her autonomy#since I've known my whole life my mom WANTS me to help her when she is ready to go#and it feels like there is nowhere where I can find any affirming messages that helping her is an expression of my love#that it isn't evil or horrible#she's been so clear on this front since I was very young#and there is paperwork involved now too#so I am legally bound to respect things like how she never wants to be on any form of life support etc#so to have this love story?#this story that culminates in helping Frank leave as an expression of how much Bill loves him?#(and then of course becomes a double suicide but I mean they live in the post-apocalypse and Frank is Bill's world)#FUUUUUCK#THIS EPISODE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME#also also I can not state enough how much better this version of events are than what was in the game#I loved seeing their life together so fucking much#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh#tlou#tlou hbo#tlou hbo spoilers
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Enforcing boundaries has only been a positive since learning and practicing. Every relationship that’s good for my life remains good or gets even better, every relationship that’s hurt me either improves or falls away either way leaving a lot of relief and life just becomes a lot less stressful. If you worry you take care of others and forget yourself and don’t want to say no to people even when doing so would help you feel better, if you feel guilty a lot in life over a lot of things, i really think boundaries would help. i promise the good relationships in life will only continue to be good or become better, and the ones that hurt will stop and it will feel better in the long run.
this article might help but there’s honestly a plethora of info, find explanations that are helpful for you
#rant#anxiety#i know maybe only 1 person will see this who might need it but really. if u do need it. try it#i used to feel guilty and hate myself for just ADMITTING to a friend i had a bad day instead of a good day#which was not healthy for me. and it also didn't help my friends. i THOUGHT it did (hiding pain from them) but friends WANT to know#how you really are and help you the way you help them.#honest communication and honest boundary setting go a LONG way to make good relationships a million times better#and make pained ones either stop hurting or stop being connections in ur life.#if a boundary ruins something then really that thing ruined is probably something that hurt you.#i had a situation with my mom of lifelong codependency. you know how it is lol. i had to go low/no contact#i decided eventually when i was strong enough to accept her anger or disowning me. that i'd set boundaries.#id decided i would NOT let her scream at me or hit me. if she did then i would NOT talk to her.#and it was scary. she did yell. and i had to enforce my boundaries and stop talking to her and not go to her house if she did.#but ultimately you know? she apologized to me. she wanted to be in my life badly enough to stop yelling at me. she has not yelled at me in#over 2 years now. she has not tried to guilt trip me (call me a selfish bitch/horrible person/accuse me of wanting her dead etc) in 1.5 year#because when she did start doing that i'd stop engaging and enforce my boundaries. im not talking to people who treat me that way.#it is absolutely mindboggling to me. that now i can call my mom and Actually ask for help. that i can feel even 70% certain#she wont say something so cruel i end up feeling suicidal.#its absolutely mindblowing i can call her for help now. i can rely on her and even somewhat trust her now.#i can say i love you on the phone and know i mean it now. know i don't hate her now.#because i Let myself hate her. i let myself hate the cruel things she did and i decided i wasn't#going to be in her life if she did them. and she decided she cared about me enough to Stop doing them.#it was also good for her. because back in my guilt state i felt she couldnt fend without me (i know i was wrong lol)#but when i stopped dropping everything for her? she learned to reach out to friends and form a support network#she learned to ask for help respectfully to people. to do things on her own that she could. to TALK to her other loved ones#when sad instead of bottling it until she wanted to die and yelling at others. she started some self work for her own mental health.#not because i told her or tried codependently to push her to help herself. no. she did it because the consequences of her actions happened.#she was cruel to her kid so her kid didn't let her be. and she wanted to be with her kid so she worked on changing.#shes still working on it but i am still honestly shocked. id been prepared to never see her again if it had to happen after boundaries.#i had abusive romantic relationships and. none of them would've changed to be better for me. they would've left me
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okayyyyyyyyyy got lost for 3 plus hours with half a tank of gas trying to find the closet rest stop to my work with shitty directions printed at the libaryyyyy staying with a friend tonight and then probably heading home to be talked into moving back tomorrow but aha i am the devil
#dont reblog im on a computer and cant figure this shit out#personal#assuming of course i didnt burn that bridge today#so my brother texted me asking like hey mom wants you to print this for her#and i was like you understand she kicked me out right. does she understand that#blow up on him and reveal how i feel like no one in the family actually loves me and while im not gonna do anything i wish i was never born#bc every aspect of life is so horrible and just keeps getting worse#dramatic but also look at my personal tag thats true. thats documented proof for like 10 years worth of data#i mean def better in some way worse in others despite it being one of the worst times of my life also doesnt feel that bad#my friend im staying with is telling to stay flat out#and like going into it and my other friends are enouchaging me to do so too but hehe imma victimize myself#unless of course theyre all done with me#but anyway go there dont print it bc internet is down and my mom is home and starts swinging verbally#even tho i said dont tell dad or the lady living with us but whatever. anyway so im like hey. no on forced you to kick me out thats on you#and shes like i said you can stay and im like after kicking me out#no one forced you to do any of this and gave her the phone and shes like keep it and iim like no you just asked for it#not to me but she was telling my brother she was gonna cut the line so i told her im returning it and she didnt correct me#anyway so i go to my room to grab some stuff and she follows me and is like you at least have to listen to me you owe me that much#im like i dont you owe you anything actually but god i feel awful#she blocked the door so i wouldnt leave and i was so angry i shoved her out of the way and she looked so genuinely shocked and ill be honest#ill be drinking tonight about that specifically#i ran out of there like a coward all angry with her yelling at me to listen#ii ended up coming back twice bc i left mail and two needed to contact my friend so i could stay over and dang she dont answer random s#just barely missed her but saw that she said lets talk when i get home and my brother begging me for a way to contact me bc hes worried#weeeeeeeeee this all over me calling out with hours
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At least I could disable the suggestions but just... I'm sick of it, I'm sick of companies trying to think for me
I'd rather be miserable but doing shit my own way than placid and glass eyed and just taking whatever companies tell me to
Like... literally just asking what I get out of writing a post on tumblr... zero suggestions, just letting me say whatever dumb stuff comes to my head
#the problem is that doing things my way is actually working well; it's just really slow and it's coming from a bad starting point#everything that makes me miserable was even more miserable growing up#you maybe see me and think that I'm doing really horribly; and that may be true; but I'm also truthfully at my peak right now#and frankly as much as I worry about it A LOT; I'm kinda still on the rise in a lot of ways#...I just take way too long to do things; I want to be quicker because a lot of this stuff isn't... it's not being slow and steady#it's being depressed and having trouble working on shit#but... when I do stuff my way the end result tends to be strong#I got a house in 2019 for instance... like in that economy; I feel like that counts as a pretty high roll outcome; you know?#the parts of my life I hate are all... it's like Marley in the Christmas Carol; I've got all these chains around me#and... about 80% of those chains are just my mom or my mom's choices... she blows through so much money all the time#it makes me want to die#but all that shit... it's the past haunting me and drowning me#but shit's better than it was and... I have more friends now that I did in the past; I'm closer to making money than I've been in the past#(part of it is that I kinda want to get shit stabilized in the household; be doing stuff like cooking before I try and sell shit)#(also understand that everyone in high school liked me... we just never saw each other outside of school)#(so it was a situation where I had 'friends'; by that standard everyone at school was a friend)#(but I didn't have a single person I was close with and I was totally isolated in a crowd)#(friend is just a word in english that has to cover a really really wide range of relationships)#(but these days I do have actual friends... just a shame none of us live in the same town... or even state; you know?)#(I like all the people I went to high school with; they all cared a lot and were very bad at it)#(couldn't figure out that like... just give me some company; that's a good 80% of what I'm lacking)#(...I think part of it was they were all stoners and I wasn't; so they felt like... eh... like something something)#(and when I say all stoners I mean... I think... easily 80% of the school; probably 90% and maybe higher were all stoners)#(it uh... was not an easy thing for the staff; cause they obviously all knew; but... figuring out how to best handle it)#(like hell; I wouldn't want to deal with that)#(also like 95% were smokers... you have to understand that most of these kids were rich kids)#(off the top of my head I can only think of 2 other kids who were poor... just... uh...)#(if I named the city the school was in; you'd probably be like 'oh... makes sense')#(I liked everyone there; everyone liked me... just... they were very bad at just basic stuff like spending time together)#(eh... you don't need to hear more)
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Sensory issues not in the “if I wear socks I will immediately die and explode” way or the “socks are my lifeline. Without them, I shall perish” way but a secret third way (if I can even feel anything out of the ordinary on the ground (or honestly just go outside in general), I will burst into flames and need shoes at basically all times or else)
#except sandals#sandals were invented by the devil#crocs or even keens are better#but yeah#wet grass to me is the worst thing invented ever#also stepping in mud or exceptionally squishy ground is horrible#gravel makes me want to saw off my feet#carpeting is tolerable#but it’s on thin ice#wood floors and smoother tile are usually fine#but if I step in a mystery substance#it’s all over#also I have pets so there’s the constant worry of stepping on piss or a dead bird or some other nasty thing#also when I was a kid#my mom always made a HUGE deal out of any broken glass or ceramic or the like#like it probably was a normal reaction for a person with a small kid#bit to me it always made the situation scarier than just a dropped bowl or glass#so yeah I kinda have the worry of stepping on a shard of something in the back of my brain too#I mean I don’t like wear them on my bed or any other zone I deem ‘safe’ like my desk#also if im swimming outdoors#and I feel even a single leaf of aquatic plant#INSTANT recoil away#can’t just wear socks everywhere#bc wet socks are also hell#also I can still at least kinda feel textures of things through socks#and again#WET SOCKS#anyways that’s my sensory rambles#goodnight
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also! had an emergency dentist appt this morning bc i’ve been having such unbearable pain lately & was certain my tooth (that already had a root canal like a year ago) was reinfected bc the stupid filling came out, so i had assumed they would actually do something today??? my mistake i guess for thinking that bc all they did was a cleaning & xrays, and any work had to be scheduled for next time, and they can’t fit me in again until mid august :))))) so that’s fucking awesome thanks a lot
#literally been eating only things i don’t have to chew bc any food particles getting into that hole caused so much pain i’d cry#meaning for like the past week i’ve been living off ramen yogurt soup & (basic) ice cream#which i’m already sick of plus how much ice cream can i handle eating when i don’t want to gain 20 extra pounds or some bs#but yeah thanks for fucking nothing#they didn’t even mention sending in a script of antibiotics for the fucking infection!!! i had to ask them to#such a shitty fucking dentist office but as of now they’re the only place that takes my insurance so fucking ridiculous#i never wanted to go back there after my horrible experience before#but unfortunately due to the prev. i had no other option !!#if the tooth/my wisdom behind/against it need to be pulled i’d rather go to the fucking hospital#this bullshit just added to todays irritation and my mom and her shit was just like gasoline on the fire#okay i’m done bitching for now#thanks#personal#tdl
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wonder if i shouldn’t download the health tracking app i used in college to help with this but it was always so hard if i didn’t know the information on the food i was eating
#personal#like i rmr you could find the nutrition for stuff in the dining halls and whatnot but while most of what i ate was there not everything was#so now it's like okay well if my mom cooks something how am i supposed to know what's in it#also iirc it had me on what i would think is not enough calories per day and granted i was smaller back then#but i'm still like uh i think it should be more than that#i mean i really don't think about calories it's always like well if i feel this is an adequate amount then i'm good#but i gotta watch fucking fat content now and i'm like. well not everything i eat is horrible but i guess it's still a problem#and what am i supposed to do when i cannot cook lmao#i mean i'd love to leanr but i figure when you're starting out it's learning to cook things they're telling me to stay away from#which like. i would really like to just find a balance ya know bc like#god i was looking at some of those healthy microwave meals and you can just TELL they're so bland#AND i'm so picky about textures which is why a lot of things that people are like 'you should it's good for you'#i'm like okay but it makes me wanna vom having to chew that lmao#feel i should tag this with something but idk what so. tell me if you need it
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