#it is absolutely mindboggling to me. that now i can call my mom and Actually ask for help. that i can feel even 70% certain

[mejomonster]

Enforcing boundaries has only been a positive since learning and practicing. Every relationship that’s good for my life remains good or gets even better, every relationship that’s hurt me either improves or falls away either way leaving a lot of relief and life just becomes a lot less stressful. If you worry you take care of others and forget yourself and don’t want to say no to people even when doing so would help you feel better, if you feel guilty a lot in life over a lot of things, i really think boundaries would help. i promise the good relationships in life will only continue to be good or become better, and the ones that hurt will stop and it will feel better in the long run. 

this article might help but there’s honestly a plethora of info, find explanations that are helpful for you

[flying-elliska]

S5 Review pt.1 : the Good

Arthur season is over, time to analyze it as a finished story ! This meta in 3 parts will go over the good, the bad and the mindboggling. My general impression of the season : excellent beginning, very meh middle, interesting ending. In short :  flawed but I feel people calling it a total disaster really are not making any effort to see it objectively. So ; let's dig into the why and how.

What I liked about this season :

A story made with and for Deaf people : It’s pretty evident when watching the interviews that Winona and Lucas really really enjoyed making the season and that it offered them an unprecedented level of representation. The creators obviously did their research, working with the people of the IVT. Personally I feel like I learned so much and the clips showing aspects of Deaf culture were among my favorites. It felt like a nuanced, rich, in-depth perspective, with details like choosing to get a cochlear implant or not, the testimony evening, the sign language class, Noee’s sign dance, the different ways to enjoy music, how to speak to someone who is Deaf, etc...showing that not everyone within that community has the same story or opinion, that they’re just people with their unique challenges but shared needs, as well as the really awesome culture that is part of being Deaf. It felt really respectful and a thousand miles away from the usual miserabilistic clichés - it brought up some concern about how difficult it is to be rejected/invisible in today’s society, but it was balanced with emotions like curiosity, admiration, and awe. I came to SKAM for the representation but I absolutely love getting educated about groups I’m not part of and I feel this is truly where the season shines. Learning from Deaf fans was also hella interesting. 

A complex discussion about disability : A central plot point, and one of my favorites, was Arthur learning to overcome his (now internalized) ableism. We see that Arthur is an overachiever and this change in his life upsets this idea of the perfect life he has in mind. He repeadedly lashes out at the other Deaf people he meets, makes fun of sign language, underlines how he is ‘not like them’ at the beginning because he is still clinging to his own self image. We can understand where this comes from when we see how condescending towards any sort of weakness, and focused on performance over empathy his father is. But as he learns to meet actual Deaf people and see the diversity and beauty of the community, he learns there is no shame in that sort of difference and learns to stand up for himself and that was amazing to see. Another important part was Laura and Melchior’s inclusion and beyond being very funny, they highlighted the idea that although disabled people have different, sometimes competing needs, they also have things in common, and that deep wish of not being discounted/othered/excluded. All the disabled characters this season were complex, real people, not there just to teach others a lesson or inspire them or be pitied or the butt of a joke, and that is so sadly rare nowadays. Even though some bits did feel a bit like a PSA, I feel like overall it was very well done. 

The politics of desirability : A theme running through the season is the idea that who we are attracted to is socially constructed and can really be biased by our prejudices. Alexia expressed this idea (albeit clumsily) in the bar scene early on, and this came back when she talked about her insecurities. This was also present in Laura’s insistence that disabled people have certain needs like everybody else. And finally, it’s present in Arthur’s own struggles - his fear of not being able to sleep with his girlfriend with his hearing aids, and his own difficulties in seeing what is happening with Noee and him saying ‘she’s deaf’ to the question ‘is she beautiful’ even as he is obviously into her. Our society gives us this incredibly narrow set of criteria for who is considered attractive - thin, white, able bodied, etc - but people’s actual real patterns of attraction and finding beauty are, when you set those prejudices aside, and see the beauty of people for who they are and not how well they fit a box, so much more broad and generous and diverse and I loved how this season highlighted that. 

Technical excellence : God, the cinematography this season was absolutely off the charts, it makes me wish they could redo previous seasons with this amount of style. Shots like Arthur under the shower, or that party at the Asso with the blurry dancing, the shots in the pool, or the ones from the farm episode...INCREDIBLE. The sound editing was used sooooo well to put us in Arthur’s shoes, it was a wonder and I really felt how intense the change must have been for him because of that. And the acting is impeccable. You can really feel how well these actors know their characters by now, they have total mastery of their portrayal. Robin did an awesome job with tough scenes, but just...everyone was on their best game really. 

A nuanced portrayal of abuse : Arthur’s relationship with his father was thouroughly heartbreaking, and it felt very real. I am very grateful that they didn’t try to redeem him - it’s important to show that even if you are trying your best, some people are toxic abusers and the best thing you can do is take your distance. I felt it right away, in the subtle way he was dismissing and belittling his wife and son, in the ways he was asserting his control over them, and I wasn’t surprised at all when more came out. It surprised me in the beginning that so many people were arguing that the father was caring, just strict - I feel like the signs were so obvious but I guess that’s the point. Abuse is a pattern that becomes visible over time and abusers can be perfectly charming and reasonable to people who don’t know what it’s like. Growing up with that is isolating and terrifying and it does awful things to your self esteem and your capacity to be in tune with your feelings. We can see that when Arthur basically defends his father’s actions because he is still so eager to have his love and placate him. Arthur’s behavior did not come from nowhere and it was inspiring to see him grow past that and realize he did not have to perpetuate the pattern and make his own choices. Also, his relationship with his mom was very sweet, supportive (her smoking weed with him was awesome) but complex - the way he was mean to her sometimes, condescending bc of her lack of studies ; the way she blamed herself for not seeing sooner - she must have been subjected to Patrick’s more emotional abuse, and so she will probably feel like she should have reacted sooner or known and that’s like...painful ugh. This whole thing was so raw and real. And it was incredibly important to see the nurse and her Jerome - adults, with medical knowledge - see Arthur’s situation and tell him that sometimes you just have to leave. 

Highs and lows of friendship : Basile !!!! I was not a fan in s3 but the great aspect of POV shift is allowing us to see some characters through a different angle - even though I think Basile went through a lot of growth too. In Lucas’s season he was meant to be the annoying gross overly straight guy as a contrast - but for Arthur he is this devoted friend that is so open and sincere in his affection that his awkwardness comes off as endearing instead. You really understand why those two are friends : Arthur is smart, sarcastic, he can help Basile with social awareness and hype him up, but he’s also so painfully guarded and finds it hard to express emotion, I think, and it makes sense he loves Basile’s spontaneity and big heart. Meeting his grandfather was also so funny and endearing, as were all the marks of more physical affection he wasn’t afraid to show Arthur. I think having a friend like that is part of what allows Arthur to finally stand up on his own - whether against his father or deciding he needs to be single to figure himself out. As for the Gang in general, I loved the moments where they were all happy together (the early graffiti clip is truly one of the shining moments of the season for me) but their later spat is also quite understandable to me. I find it very realistic that although they are trying their best to accomodate their new friend’s disability, they’re going to mess up, that’s part of the process. The most important thing, I think, when faced with someone who is different from you, is to engage with it (respectfully) - ask questions, not assume. And communicate ffs.  I also really liked those moments where the Crew and Gang came together, it gave this big end of high school vibe where all the squads merge and there is this feeling of having gone through an ordeal together that makes everyone closer.  There were also so many funny moments  that were absolute gold (the wheelbarrow ! the dinosaur balloons ! Imane getting attacked by chickens ! Emma and her horse! ).

Arthur on his own : I liked the more introspective moments we got this season. The successive alarms while he was angsting about his hearing coming back were such a clever way to put us in his perspective - there is already a lot of stress linked to a morning alarm, isn’t there ? We all know that moment in the morning where we don’t want to get out of bed and face the world, and taking that emotion and adding Arthur’s absolute stress at realizing that this change is lasting, it was really effective. Arthur’s link to water, as a symbol of another world where sound is much more diffuse, is quite interesting too. And the moment in last episode where he puts his glasses back on, too, as a more obvious sign of a disability that is very socially accepted and that is just part of who he is, just as his hearing loss is. We also got a moment with the bench of loneliness that was an interesting parallel with s3. (I love how the Buttes-Chaumont parc has become this double symbol in Skam France of both loneliness/alienation/putting on a mask and growth/return to authenticity.) And I like that he ended up the season single and deciding to figure himself out. It’s a big aspect of his character that he has spent too much time trying to conform to expectations and that he was super walled off as a result, that he hurt others without realizing, that he found himself boring, that he didn’t seem to open up to his friends, etc...and in the end he is a lot more open but he also knows there is a part of growth that being in a relationship cannot bring him. He can’t use women the way his father did. I respect that a lot, honestly, it’s what saved the end of the season for me, that they didn’t end up putting one girl above the other and made it about Arthur being lost and needing to find his way on his own. 

The tornado and the sunshine : The new characters were awesome. Her role in the plot set aside, I really liked Noée as a character concept. I think Winona was awesome, and I liked Noée’s mix of warmth and feistiness. I like that they let her be angry at the way the world treated her, and compassionate at the same time. Also her headbutting that guy in the club that didn’t want to listen to her was !!! iconic. I loved her style, too, and that dance was so beautiful. Camille was a great addition to the team too, Arthur was lucky to find someone that patient and his dry humor but sunny disposition were great too. It was cute to see him with Mika as a couple of gurus - that we did get a Deaf/hearing couple was a good addition to the season, I think - and I hope we’ll see both of those new characters next season, too. 

Queen Alexia : She was definitely one of the characters I had the most emotions for this season. She’s just so cool and her perspective on life is just so mature and interesting, her acceptance of herself and others so inspiring - a lot of the early clips with her were adorable. I loved how supportive she was in such a creative, playful way - that game she made for Arthur, the boards she brought, etc. The moments she talked about her insecurities, if bittersweet because of what happened later, remains one of my faves from the season. She was so beautiful framed by rainbows (also apparently that’s her sign name ? Amazing.) And the moment where she sings was just...oof. She was really brave and strong to be able to do that, to express her emotions and hurt in such a public, dignified and creative way. It was a moment of reckoning for Arthur, putting him on the spot and recognizing how much he hurt her, but it was done in such a graceful way - the way she signed to signal her acceptance of his Deafness, the reminder that she loves him and won’t be able to forget that immediately, and a rejoinder to recognize his feelings towards Noee, etc. She wasn’t perfect (organizing that meeting without asking really pushed it a bit too far - you can’t rush someone else’s self acceptance) but she was just ...really good. 

Elu as an established couple : One of my biggest reproaches to s3 is that they didn’t give us enough fluff after all the drama (time constraints, I know, etc.) But this season they really delivered. And listen I know some fans love to blather about fanservice but fuck it, I just love seeing a healthy domestic queer couple on screen !!!! It’s just so bloody healing, because they feel real and in love like nothing I have ever seen on screen before. Maybe because so often straight actors are so awkward at playing queer intimacy and they’re really not. Seeing them in their new appartment was like a pure shot of serotonin - morning croissants ! fairylights everywhere ! but I also liked that it wasn’t too fluffy one note. We can still see that Eliott struggles with MI, that Lucas has some insecurities, but yet their devotion to each other is still as strong, as in “he’s my boyfriend and I love him.” It was a hopeful note throughout the season, Lucas being persistent and devoted all through the challenges of being with someone who is mentally ill. Also, I really liked Eliott’s role this season, as a sort of...provider for the Gang ? Getting them a van, bringing them to the cool graffiti place, making this fresque for them...you can feel he’s not 100% part of the gang because he’s older, already in college, etc, but at the same time he has sort of an observer role that can give them things no one else can. I feel like Lucas confided in him about the troubles they were going through and Eliott can empathize with being treated different, the fear of losing your friends...so Eliott helped them in his unique way, through art. And him having this new secret place he can bring more people to, and so full of color and sharing his art with people and !!!! God I’m emo he’s just my fave character ever really. 

The pressure of the future : Listen the last year of high school in France is horrible, there is the pressure from the BAC + half the people are passing entrance exams and doing interviews for the stuff you want to do later and it’s so stressful and I’m glad they touched on that at least a little. Emma really embodied this theme this season, of the pressure of not wanting to know what you want to do later. It’s really when you realize that they’re all so young and being asked to make such big decisions for their entire lives is really sort of fucked up, and I think her being there is a way to dedramatize not knowing, and gives Arthur the freedom to see he doesn’t want to be a doctor ; I liked the apt comparison with Imane’s passion for medecine. I wish we’d seen more of Arthur figuring out his real passion (did he make that painting or what ?) but I appreciated this storyline. 

Overall, I think this season was full of excellent moments - either funny, heartwarming, heartbreaking, or edifying - and it provided some much needed quality representation for the Deaf community. In that, and having educated a lot of people, it is at least somewhat a success. However, as a whole, it did not quite come together for me, which is what I will analyze in my next post. 

[withthekeyisking-writer]

I do get what you’re saying, and it’s a valid opinion you’re entitled to. If those ships impact you in a negative way, then it is completely and utterly your prerogative to feel that way, and to avoid material that makes you uncomfortable. I believe I did say that to the asker, that they can dislike whatever they want.

But what I do disagree with is the point you made that what I enjoy in fiction reflects my morals.

(Gonna put the rest below a cut just so people don’t have to deal with scrolling down a big long post; if they’ve gotten to this point they’ve already had to read a good amount lol.)

I enjoy darkfic, both reading it and writing it. I like getting into the depths of the human mind, the worst of the worst, and trying to figure out what makes them tick. I am never prouder of my writing than when I get a horrible thing just right, because it makes me feel bold and strong and, plainly, awesome. I write horrible things happening to good people, both from the perspective of the victim and of the perpetrator. Now we could get into whether my personal experiences had any impact on what I enjoy, but frankly I don’t think it’s all that relevant so I’d rather leave that debate on the shelf.

But anyway, my point is that I very much enjoy all of that in fiction. I read and write quite a lot of it. But the idea that I am therefore okay with it happening to real people is mindboggling, and frankly offensive.

Again, you are 100% valid in not wanting to read stuff like that. But you having a strong connection between what happens to fictional characters and what happens to real people does not mean everyone else has that same strong connection. Have you ever watched a disaster movie where cities get destroyed? If you have, does that mean you like seeing on the news when a tsunami decimates a populous? No, it doesn’t, because there is a clear difference between the events of a fictional movie and the events of a real life horror.

My mom loves disaster movies. Can’t get enough of them, has watched every single one there is multiple times. She weeps her way through the movies, because she feels for the characters, and then she continues to rewatch them because she simply enjoys them. But when she hears about natural disasters in real life, it breaks her heart. She can think of nothing else but how atrocious it is that that would happen to someone. Because her tastes in fiction do not reflect what she approves of in real life.

It is the same for any other topic. I am not a bad person because I like seeing unhealthy relationships depicted in fiction. If I ever saw a real-life version of Brudick, I would be deeply disturbed, because it’s fucked up as hell. If I saw real-life Brudami, I would absolutely need to call the police as Anon mentioned. But the ships Brudick and Brudami aren’t real. And as long as the folks writing those ships appropriately tag their works so people know to avoid them if they want, then those ships aren’t hurting anybody.

I’m not condoning child abuse if I write Brudick with underage Dick in a way that is explicitly wrong. I don’t think every Brudick fic needs to be an examination of how fucked up that dynamic would be if it appeared in real life. I know it would be fucked up in real life. Every single person I’ve ever talked to who ships Brudick knows that a man having sex with his ward is fucked up to high hell.

I don’t think I was minimizing the issue in my reply above, and I’m sorry if it came off that way. I tried to keep my frustration out of it, but maybe some seeped in. I’m simply very sick of people implying—or, in some cases, outright saying—that I’m a pedophile or support pedophiles for writing fictional pedophiles.

This idea even branches into real life, actually. There are so many people in the world who enjoy partaking in BDSM. There are sadists and masochists, who enjoy pain in one form or another in sex. This does not mean they enjoy hurting people outside of the bedroom. Someone who likes causing some pain in bed with their partner is not out there wishing they could beat up everyone on the streets, is not enjoying hearing about hates crimes and people getting assaulted. Because what they do with their consenting partner is not even slightly the same as what they would want to see happen outside of that arrangement.

My readers and I are in that same consenting relationship. I tag my works thoroughly and accurately, and my readers are agreeing to see that content by clicking on the work and continuing on. That is my part, that is my job. My reader’s job is to gage themselves and decides whether or not something will make them uncomfortable or even triggered. And I don’t begrudge them at all if they can’t read something.

My best friend is a huge Jaytim writer. That is a ship I really do not enjoy, so despite the fact that I love my friend’s writing, I do not click on their fics tagged Jaytim. Because they did their job in tagging it, and I’m doing my job in knowing my limits.

Anyway, my point is just that I think it’s sad to think that someone creating something dark means their morals are skewed towards supporting those things. Horror writers don’t support people getting ripped to shreds. Disaster movies don’t support earthquakes leveling Los Angeles. And Brudick enjoyers aren’t supporting relationships like that between real, living people.

Because it’s fiction. And no one at all is being harmed, unless someone is choosing to enter it knowing it isn’t in their comfort zone. In which case it is not the fault of the creator for the harm. (A ten-year-old getting freaked out by an R-Rated movie can’t blame the existence of the R-Rated movie for their distress. The blame falls on whoever allowed them to watch it in the first place, because they knowingly saw the warning and continued on anyway.)

I’ve gotten comments where people are outraged, asking me how I could write such a thing, pointing out X event in my story as atrocious. And something I can never wrap my head around is why did they read it then? If they’re able to point out X specific event in my fic, clearly they actually read it. And if it is something that they find so horrible, what on earth possessed them to read on?

It’s their prerogative to dislike whatever they want. My writing isn’t for everyone; I’ve known that since I was 14 and first dipping my toe into writing darkfic. But it doesn’t make them more morally just than I am because what I write makes them uncomfortable when it doesn’t make me feel that way.

Anyway, I’ve kind of veered off track a smidge from your initial point, but it’s simply upsetting to me to be told that my fictional interests reflect my real life morals, and the morals of everyone I know who writes darkfic. I’ve actually found that the people in batship and darkfic circles have been far kinder to real life people than the antis who enjoy attacking all of us constantly. It’s exhausting to be told I’m a bad person by the folks on anon in my asks telling me I should die.

I’m not trying to akin you to them, because you’re not on anon and you’re not telling me to KMS. In fact I greatly respect you for doing your answer as a reblog. I’m simply trying to communicate that maybe a debate on moral justness should not have anything to do with what folks like in fiction.

You don’t like Brudick, or similar batships. There are many others like you. All of you are valid for feeling that way, and I don’t judge you for not wanting to engage with it. My friend doesn’t roll their eyes at me because I don’t want to read their Jaytim fics. We don’t care. We tag our works, and people will either engage or not engage.

And the ones who do engage are not bad people for doing so.

I love your fics, but your last post seems a bit in bad faith - Bruce was Dick's father figure and raised him. People being uncomfortable with their relationship being turned romantic is definitely valid and isn't homophobic?

Like, any Robin/Bruce relationship makes me want to call Child Protective Services, but I'd be all for Bruce dating a guy from the Justice League (anyone but Catwoman actually) or basically anyone he didn't raise from the age of 8/9?

People can like or dislike whatever they want. Unlike antis, it really doesn’t matter to me what ships or kinks or subjects people want to avoid—that’s their prerogative and I’m certainly not gonna judge them for it. I genuinely do not care.

My issue is people sending me asks about it, because I am openly a shipper of a lot of ships that a lot of people don’t like (in this case, Brudick). I don’t understand the point of someone sending me an ask complaining about how icky a romantic relationship between Dick and Bruce would be. It certainly didn’t feel like that last ask came from a warm and fuzzy place, and yours might be more positive but you’re still coming to me and telling me why you find a ship that I openly like gross.

(Also, separately, my response to the last ask was perfectly correct. The person only put forth the complaint that Dick is a child, when he’s not. I addressed the sole point made in the ask, that’s it.)

But anyway, it just makes no sense to me lol. You can dislike it if you want! I completely understand people wanting to stick to it being a father-son relationship, and hell I’ve certainly written a good amount of fics where Bruce is Dick’s dad. If it makes you want to call CPS, then cool for you, don’t like don’t read. It’s that easy. I in general don’t like genderbends unless I’m in the right mood for it, so I simply don’t read it. And I don’t sends asks to authors who do write/read it complaining about how it makes me uncomfortable.

I hope you continue to enjoy the Justice League ships you have fun reading. Sounds like a good time! I will continue to read BruDick and BruJay and BruTim and even BruDami if I want to, because it’s all fictional and calling CPS isn’t needed.

And for the love of god please don’t send me any more asks about this 😂 I have exhausted my patience for the subject, and will delete any more asks about it.

[palelandcolor]

TELEVISION

Not to be dramatic, but I LOVE TV. There was a time when I was in college where I literally felt so along. I was miles away from home and just felt so disconnected from everyone around me. I couldn’t call home because it’s impossible for me to break through with my mom. I soon found “home” through my computer screen watching hours upon hours of television shows. It’s mindboggling to me, how a tv show has the power to completely captivate you into feeling as though you know the characters. Cinematography, music, fashion, time period. I know of no greater escape. (Actually books can get me there too, but good tv is easier for me to swallow). I would get so wrapped up in some of these shows that I wouldn’t even want to end them (I still have not watched the final season of gossip girl lol). Anyways, I say all of this to say thank you, tv, without you I would not be able to get through my hardest times. Even now, I’m slowly remembering the positive effects I have from allowing myself to fall into the grasp of good shows. I’m working on discerning what are legitimate favorite things of mine, but I think my absolute favorite tv series’ are: Bojack Horseman, ATLA, and TLOK (honestly cartoons have the ability to convey human emotions in a slightly freer way than live action). Lol. sue me.