#but now i can properly commiserate with people who understand me LOL anyway. look at some of the crazy shit i went through yesterday

[pollen]

letting myself unmask has been so nice at times because i'm seeing my boyfriend express joy much more readily too. who knew me being expressive and all that would do so much good!!!

[sinfulequity]

Is it a swarm or a mob?

Hi! So I was meant to make a Fuuta-Muu post, right? And, well, it was meant to be on my main but like. I made this blog! I'm sure as heck gonna use it lol

Anyways, it's primarily about how they communicate, though I touch on other stuff. With that being said, thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy!

First to head the charge, yet always last in line- You guessed it, I'm starting with Fuuta! The guy that, even when trying to do a good deed, comes off as a dick, yet compared to a puppy by the author themself. Now Fuuta seems to be someone who likes communicating in a group, despite how abrasive he comes off in milgram. In that sense, Mikoto's considering Fuuta as attention seeking is spot on!

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly. Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here?……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross. Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right? Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

He's trying to make a social group he can fall back on, even if it's something as small as commiserating about their situation together. (The way he wants to communicate seems to moreso fall in line with how Mikoto does; granted, with more aggressiveness)

Q.01 What do friends mean to you? Futa: People who get excited about the same things as you

He's stated before that people he likes talking to are ones that can get hyped about the same things as him. This can also be seen in his behaviour in milgram; a prime example is how he interacts with Haruka.

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either? Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”? Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross. Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

He's implied to have repeatedly told Haruka to be less formal with him! He's also asked about hobbies that he's already interested in, seemingly to try and use it to get closer to Haruka. There are exceptions (i.e. Yuno showing off what she does for her younger brother) but that moreso dovetails into my next point of observation.

Fuuta doesn't like to be perceived as vulnerable. Which, I think everyone has noticed because dude's an anxious wreck. Like seriously! He tries to be the group representative cause he thought Es treated Yuno badly (and if we were to give him credit, extrapolated that Haruka might not have been treated well too because it's clear that Haruka's standards aren't the highest), but is shaking like a leaf and breathing weirdly.

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok…… Kotoko: What’s up, Futa.……your breathing seems a bit uneven? Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……! Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it. To seeing what your “justice” really is.

This trial he tries to barter a better verdict before breaking down and begging cause he can't take it any more! Which, given Shidou's report of injuries, I really can't blame him?

Either way, this pairs really badly with another trait that he seems to have; not really being able to join a conversation properly unless shown a clear indication that his input is wanted. A good example of this is actually Mahiru's birthday interaction with him. He only goes into talking about her birthday when she implies it's something that he should be making an active interaction with instead of reactively asking what she means.

Mahiru: Fufu, it’s a special day today. I can’t help but feel something good’s going to happen. Futa: What’s with all the muttering to yourself. It’s creepy. Mahiru: Geez, you really don’t understand, Futa-kun. You’ll never have a proper romance with that attitude! Futa: Who cares. Obviously this is because today’s your birthday. It’s just the day you happened to be born, it doesn’t mean anything. Here, I’ll give you my tomato, so just shut up and eat it. That’s your birthday present, so be grateful.

Wrapping back to something I mentioned earlier, this might be a thing that Mikoto picked up on as attention seeking.

Fuuta actually has pretty rigid thinking in terms of socializing! I'd say that was interesting but also that tracks, given that he does most of his socializing online. But he also has very firm schemas as to how people should act/socialize from their perceived roles in society (i.e. stating that he doesn't really talk to girls because he doesn't want to be involved in "girl talk"-

Q.05 What do you like in the opposite sex? Futa: Someone who can have a conversation on the same level as me. The things girls talk about are usually all boring

-and being upset with Kazui and Shidou for not being proactive about trying to escape this situation

Futa: The ones I don’t particularly like are Shido and Kazui. The old geezer duo. Even though we’re in a state of emergency here, even though they’re the oldest out of us all, they’re acting like they don’t have a care in the world. I can’t believe they’re so unreliable. They’re good for absolutely fucking nothing!

). It's simultaneously really old fashioned and a product of our time. It's honestly a frustrating aspect of his character.

Though at the same time, it's a view that makes him susceptible to indoctrination. This vulnerability has only gotten wider since the end of the first trial, with the voters' voices, Kotoko's assault and the fact that he never really had a strong sense of self to begin with. It's almost a shame I didn't write this up earlier because I have to say; with the lesson that Fuuta seems to have learned from our first vote (I never should have stuck my nose in other people's business) and this, I feel like Fuuta is in a very dangerous position mentally. Not that voting him guilty/unforgiven would have been better but. Idk this seems like something that's bad to affirm.

Second up is the queen B herself, Muu! Is that a Bee or a Belle? Hmm, I wonder~ (in all seriousness, her change from trial one to trial two feels more like a dark version of Cinderella if we're truly making fairy tale references)

Now Muu is someone who likes feeling comfortable and as such, she tends to hang out with people who allow her the freedom of opinion. That, and people who actually pay her "proper" attention.

Q.01 What do friends mean to you? Mu: People who listen properly to what I say

Oddly enough though, while she functions just fine in group environments (easily taking charge of her prior friend group) she actually seems to prefer one on one conversations?? For the most part, she seeks out people to talk to when they're by themselves or in a small group. This can be seen within the portal timeline, key examples being this conversation implying she went to Haruka's door in order to converse with him as soon as possible,

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday. Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad…… Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you. Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

this conversation implying that Muu actively sought Yuno out in order to get birthday wishes from her,

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother………so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

this conversation emphasising her desire for someone's complete attention when she has it,

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me. Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen. Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things. Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see.……the new me…….

and this.

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday. Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that, right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that. Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate. Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

There's something to be said about that trait shown within the portal timeline + the shrinking of her group shown in INMF. This feeds back into her wanting people to pay attention to her, though I think it's also a way to pay back that attention in kind, which feeds into my next point.

Muu is a very eye for an eye person. Granted, it seems to be perceived slights as opposed to objective ones. This can feed into one of her more negative traits, that being she can overly exaggerate the hurt in her own experiences (side note, this is likely why that one line was translated as "I am always the drama queen").

Not to say that the hurt she feels isn't, by any means, real, but it can leads to situations where she retaliates in a manner that's far more harsh than what happened to her. Literally a prime example of this is her murder! Like I'm sorry, but murder is not a reasonable response to bullying, much less being ignored. However, this can also go the other way around. Treat her nicely and she's going to treat you well.

This type of attitude is likely why she had such a dismissive reaction to one of her friends thanking her for the lipstick in the After Pain group chat. To use an adage, one good turn deserves another. She gave her friend the lipstick and her friend thanked her (even if indirectly, by complimenting the lipstick). Thus, in her view, it was paid back in kind.

Another, more recent, example of this is her interactions with Haruka. Giving him a makeover, lavishing him with her attention and bringing him food as the guilty verdict sets in for both of them, she has been giving him kind acts. One could argue that she feels that Haruka has been returning this by thanking her and contemplating how best to carry out his vow regarding her verdict (in other words, a continued promise to follow through on his actions when it comes to it- which we know is when and not if, since we know the verdicts).

However, if you want to take a kinder interpretation, she recognizes that Haruka isn't in the mental position to do that. This would be why, on her birthday, she's so insistent about what she's doing being a great thing to Fuuta of all people. Basically, that tightrope between wanting to seek validation but wanting a kind deed to be a kind deed.

However, like Fuuta, Muu also has a very shaky sense of self. Or rather, in her case, a shaky esteem. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she had RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria).

She's someone that looks to see other people's reactions before making a move herself, if subconsciously. And it's very clear that she half expected to be voted guilty and tried to overcompensate for that in INMF. That expectation with the hope/want of getting external validation sure did make a horrifying concoction...

Honestly, her verdict is going to be very touch and go for her. It could turn out well in the end, but there's such a high risk in terms of her mental health (+physical, depending on how the votes go) that it's... Worrying. And Haruka's vow, while providing a sense of comfort currently, is likely going to be detrimental in the long run. For both of them.

Overall, they're two (very) dumb kids that screwed up, and they both justify their actions to themselves in different ways. Fuuta falls back on a sense of justice and the fact that he wasn't the only one involved in his sins. Muu focuses on her pain and the idea that the only person that can truly judge a person is the one in the situation. However-

-they both clearly took things too far, and they know it. Regardless of how they behave, I get the feeling they do regret the results of their actions.

[keyofshadows]

sstingray *link to the best story ever* so i thought about it keyofshadows OMG that is the best am I allowed to squeal in public I'm so copying that into Kai's journal once I eventually get home can I show Sabi once I do excuse me I need to go read it again <3 sstingray ha, sure if you want to the post's friends only though so you wouldn't be able to link her keyofshadows Thanks and that's not a problem. /cackle Good job! Kai's twitching 'cause you've pretty much got him down and what is his life. /quietly adds to canon somewhere sstingray do you think he'd remember that conversation after the encounter with sedge keyofshadows The one where Ray ends up offing the creeper? sstingray yeah keyofshadows Ha. Probably. And end up being supremely uncomfortable for a bit. sstingray makes sense it's not exactly a comfortable subject keyofshadows And be guiltily glad that he wasn't the one who killed his father after all, despite all his bitching at Ray about it. sstingray better her than him keyofshadows His thoughts exactly, excuse him while he feels bad about it. sstingray nah she made that choice keyofshadows But it was still his father and his problem and he should have been mature enough to deal with taking care of it and dealing with the consequences, not letting someone else have to live with it. ...'Jem's gonna sit on this boy. sstingray no kai he became their problem too when you guys became family aunt ray was just protecting them that's all she'll have her freakout when he's not looking keyofshadows He kind of wants to fight her on the family thing, the idiot. Like he's glad for it and he completely understands why everyone wants to adopt Ro and 'Jem and even that thug Soren, but why him? He really needs to have another talk (read: argument) with his mom, her bailing, even done with the right intentions, didn't do him any favors. sstingray he won't win if he does keyofshadows He's too stubborn, he'd do it anyway. sstingray then he'll have to deal with losing keyofshadows Is losing going to involve being hugged because what is with you people sstingray eventually yes keyofshadows He used to love being hugged as a kid, and getting his hair messed up, and Maya took off and he started pushing people back a little. Then the Heartless came back and he pushed everyone back a lot. Everybody's good for him, though. And Eli will forever drape on him because therapy! sstingray well good, because ray probably musses up his hair a lot too keyofshadows Lol, Kai just making faces or rolling his eyes and jerking away, could you not do that, it's childish BUT the day will come when he absently leans into it like Ronan does AND HE WILL BE HORRIFIED sstingray C: keyofshadows HE LOST HIS BALANCE FOR A SECOND THAT'S ALL THAT WAS sstingray if that helps you sleep at night kiddo keyofshadows Not much does. :( sstingray it's ok they're there to help with that keyofshadows So he'll eventually go to her to complain about some of the nightmares he has that he doesn't even tell 'Jem about. Hey Ray, want to hear the one he had after Eli asked him to teach him how to use Darkness? Because that was a doozy. (Eli later: YOU TOLD HER I ASKED SHE'S GONNA KILL ME) sstingray eli... sigh she'd be glad to help kai if she can though. she's not sure that she WILL be of help but whatever she can do for him she will even if it's just like... listening and commiserating cause let her tell you about the dream she had after that chat with calum, or after fighting luxord keyofshadows Eli's pointing out that he never got near it, he thought he had a good reason though, but Kai put a stop to it before it ever started so don't worry, he's being babysat properly. /eyeroll Listening and commiserating would be good because oh Light, some of the stuff that runs through his head, he never wants to share with someone that's never dealt with crap like this. sstingray actually ray was going to say that as long as he's careful and has the compass he can give it a shot he'll be terrible at it but hey i'm glad kai will have someone to talk to then lol light knows he probably needs it keyofshadows Kai doesn't care if Eli has the compass, No means No and Eli's just going to have to live with it. Yes, the nightmare that prompted his decision was That Bad. He doesn't care if the Epic Dork turns out to be the worst failure at using Darkness in the entire multiverse. (Upset, him? Never.) Pfff, 'needing it' is probably an understatement. The trick is getting him to actually sit and talk without trying to change the subject. sstingray ah, well, having context for the nightmare will probably put ray on his side in that debate keyofshadows "AND HE KILLED SOMEONE. ELI. KILLING SOMEONE. I DON'T CARE IF THIS KID CAN'T SQUISH A BUG, NO." sstingray ...the horrified look on her face will be awful keyofshadows See? Also he reaaaaallly doesn't want to tell her who it was. Really, really doesn't. In fact, let's just forget this even came up, yeah, and oh hey, he's just going to get some more cookies. sstingray well now she's curious but if he wants to tell her he'll tell her keyofshadows The most stubborn not-telling going on ever, here. And you know, when I wrote that story, the way it ends - the nightmare part - gives you the impression it was his mom, because Eli uses past tense for 'my mom always said I had potential', but one, pretty sure it was Ray, and two, I don't think that Nightmare!Eli was referring to Amy when he said that. Awiergan's just up here cackling. /thunk thunk sstingray ah i can see why he'd be upset then good thing they've surrounded eli with light then keyofshadows Very good thing. Kai watches this kid like a hawk. Stupid best friend, why do you need a keeper. /snort sstingray because he is a beautiful cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure keyofshadows Eli's like, uhhhh, no, that's Ronan. He's...um...what is he...not a dork, shut up Kai. Pfffff. sstingray no no, eli is also a cinnamon roll perhaps a slightly burnt one keyofshadows Slightly burned with extra icing to cover it up, lmao.