#i can apply it to being hyperfixated lol

[anxiety-elemental-kay]

Me @ Me: So it's been about a day since Trigun Stargaze was announced, how you doing?

Me:

[yoylechess]

feeling the twitch hyperfixation come back............

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Headcanons for Jennifer Check with an autistic S/O?

I love this idea so much- I took inspiration from some of my own experiences so this might not apply to everyone but I certainly did my best! I really hope you like it <3

Jennifer Check with an autistic s/o

Warnings: brief mention of meltdowns/sensory overloads, references to ableism/ignorant people, very brief (somewhat) joking mention of committing murder (it's Jenny, what do you expect), very salty and blunt language that I'm honestly not even sorry for

I honestly think Jennifer would appreciate dating an autistic person, especially if you're the type who's very straight forward or overly blunt about things

She probably thought you were a bit of a bitch at first I'm not gonna lie lol, but she makes that assumption about pretty much everyone when she first meets them

You'd seen each other around school before but your first real conversation was when you were paired up for some sort of science project. She was not looking or feeling like her typical hot and fabulous self, and while you weren't the first to notice you were the only one brave enough to point it out

"Have you been getting enough sleep recently? You have really heavy bags under your eyes"

Jennifer wanted to snap at you at first, thinking you were being sarcastic (because obviously she had bags under her eyes, she didn't need anyone pointing it out) but much to her surprise you didn't look like you were making fun of her. In fact, you seemed a little concerned

"Your hair looks pretty damaged." You continued, oblivious to the look of utter shock on her face that you would actually say something like that out loud. "If using both shampoo and conditioner is too much of a trouble I can recommend some two-in-one products. Or you can always use dry shampoo in between washes"

The woman was too stunned to speak. All she was able to do was mutter an awkward "thank you", something that you simply nodded your head at before turning the conversation back over to the project

She gained a lot of respect for you that day, as you were the only person who wasn't afraid to say what everyone was thinking (though she soon learned this was due to you not knowing what was and wasn't considered 'appropriate' to say)

Out of everyone, you're the one person Jennifer goes to (other than maybe Needy) when she needs an honest opinion on something because you won't lie to spare her feelings or try to flatter her

"Which tank top do you think I should wear to school tomorrow, the pink one or the black one?"

"Well, the pink one makes you look like slut. But the black one makes you look like both a slut and a bitch, too"

"Perfect. Black it is, then"

If you ever accidentally make a situation awkward or uncomfortable by your comments or questions you won't even have to worry about being embarrassed because she'll immediately come out with saying something so bitchy and/or vulgar that whatever you said looks innocent in comparison and is forgotten about right away

She'll get very protective if people try to purposely make you feel bad for the out of pocket things you say. After all, you're just telling people the truth, it's not their fault if they can't handle a dose of reality (her words, not mine)

Even though she loves to party she'll most likely either tone it down or just stop going altogether when she finds out you don't like them all that much because of the loud music, bright lights, small spaces crowded with lots of drunk people, etc. She'd rather be with you any way

Always lets you infodump to her about your newest interest or favorite thing, which truly shows just how much she loves you as she usually always has to be the one dominating any conversation she's a part of. Sometimes you wonder if she ever really listens until she gets you something relating to your latest hyperfixation and then you're like "ah okay so she does care :D"

Honestly she's such a trashy mcbling y2k girly (canon, she told me herself) that I feel like she's the type of person to buy you stim/fidget toys and then help you 'bling' them out by gluing on fake rhinestones and such because "you can't just walk around with boring accessories"

Is she the type of person to tease you/make a bunch of sex jokes if you have an oral fixation? Yes. Will she start carrying around lollipops, gum, chew rings, etc. in her purse to give to you when you're feeling distressed in a public place? Also yes

Totally understands if you don't like/can't eat certain foods due to pickiness, especially if this is after her demon possession. She goes out of her way to make sure the pantry is stocked with your safe foods and all your favorite snacks for whenever you come over so you won't run out of them

She may not be the best at comforting you if you're in the middle of a meltdown/sensory overload or if you start crying (especially if it's over something small) but she tries her best to be gentle, not wanting to accidentally make things worse. If you need physical comfort then she'll gladly let you wrap your arms around her and get as close as possible, but if not then she'll stay a safe distance away while trying to cheer you up with words of encouragement

Absolutely hates ableist people. Hates and will eat them /hj. She can't stand when people make you feel bad for not understanding certain phrases or not being able to pick up on social cues

If you're ever confused on something then she takes the time to explain it to you, and yes this includes her sarcasm. She can't stop being sarcastic for anyone, including you (sorry) but she can make accomadations so you don't feel stupid or left out

Jennifer finds your stimming so adorable, especially if you do it when you're excited to see her. The fact that you get so happy you have to make a physical show of it just to get the extra energy out warms her cold, otherwise unfeeling and bitchy heart

If you're a really physically affectionate person then she one hundred percent welcomes it and allows you to touch her at literally any given moment no matter where you are. If not, then that's all the more reason for her to feel special and loved if you ever do give her, say, a hug, especially if you have an aversion to touch

Speaking of which, if there are any clothes of hers that you don't like because the texture of it bothers you/makes your skin crawl then she simply won't wear them around you, and might even get rid of them so you can feel more comfortable touching her. This includes making sure her bed always has the coziest pillows and blankets and comfiest sheets for whenever you spend the night

Overall I think Jen would love you no matter what personality quirks you may have regarding being autistic, and she would never fail to tell you just how much she loves you for them

Main masterlist | Jennifer's Body masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?

Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated <3

🏷 taglist: @anxiously-sad @iloveentrapta @ghot-girl @taecube @corn3liiia @gilmore-angel @your-next-daydream @alexxavicry @noisy-dumb-piece-of-shit @lovelyy-moonlight @red1culous (if you were crossed out it means I couldn't tag you for some reason)

[mochinomnoms]

The secret to my sudden thoughts is: being heavily hyperfixated on the octotrio to the point that they live rent free in my head and when I dissociate I picture mini octotrio swimming in my empty head (filled with water and fishes too ofc) until I need to snap out of it

I love the ever-growing list of adjectives that apply to Jade glowing does it ever get too bright though? I imagine cuddling with him and suddenly yuu gets ASSAULTED by the brightness of Jade and his silly feelings can you just- yk like find a brightness button

I keep thinking about yuu with a pet fish lol being a simple fish in a nicely decorated tank.. *two big eels slam the door open* WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE- it's clearly eel cuddle time duh (Somehow someway the tweels decided to gift you a clock with the white background except when it hits certain hour 'Eel cuddles' is written in it soo..CUDDLES ARE ON BABY) Floyd being Floyd and going to tackle you into the bed, dude your fish thinks that yuu is being EATEN ALIVE even worse when they stay the night fish thinks "Okay so my owner didn't get eaten cool I should sleep-" and hearing the spooky cackling of jaws now the fish has entered panic mode swimming around rapidly you can bet money that they are laughing at it

Also also eels doing headbutts when they want more pets (Floyd needs to learn to be more careful though)

-Vaquita

I think that Jade gets brighter the more intense his emotions get, Floyd is the same. The main difference is that Jade intentionally tries to be reserved in his mannerisms and expressions, and I think his body can sense it. To ensure that there are no miscommunications (after all, the wrong signal can mean very bad things under the sea) his body makes up for it by turning him into the equivalent of a hazard sign.

They'll dull and brighten softly depending on the scenario and emotions he's feeling. There are warning signals, which are fast, bright, and are accompanied by growling and hissing. There are the happy signals, which are usually just a glow that brighten when he's laughing or feeling particularly excited. And of course there are the mating signals, a soft glow that brightens up every so often from simulation. Usually, the glow will respond to the partner's own mating signals, signaling either a reciprocation or rejection, and continue displaying so that the partner knows if the other is enjoying their affections or not.

(It's a very beautiful display, to be quite honest. but it takes quite some time to get to such an intimate point with him.)

In Floyd's case, he takes delight in harassing your pet fish. He's really jealous, but he likes teasing small things, and you know if you really wanted to take care of a sea creature, you could just join him in the sea and tend to him. It's good practice for when you're eventually married, anyways!

As such, you're just chilling in bed with him (Grim is nearby, but just out of Floyd's reach) and giggling at the clack of his jaws. It's cute how sweet he gets with you! All while unaware that your poor pet fish is frantically swimming in their tank, debating on whether it should hide or check on you to make sure you didn't get eaten.

Floyd knows exactly what he's doing, and he just has to make sure that he keeps Grim supply of premium tuna up so that when the little guy translates your fish's language, he doesn't let it slip that Floyd's been mildly terrorizing the poor thing.

Then he'd get banned from cuddles and Ramshackle and that's just no good!

[carmenberzattosgf]

Carmy trying to make reader squirt 🤭 it somehow comes up casually and reader is like “oh yeah lol it happened to me once a few years ago but idk how the hell I did it” and Carmy just like short circuits 💀 then he hyperfixates on it for 3 days and when he finally has some time off bro is DETERMINED to make reader do it again. Like brows furrowed in concentration. Fingering them like no tomorrow and breathing heavy. Overstim and talking them through it. Praise. 🫣

Oh my god. ( this is not proofread it is literally 2am)

Carmy’s not super experienced. We all know this. In all honesty he barely knows what squirting is. He thought it was just a thing in porn, until it came up in a conversation between you two.

“I’m pretty sure it happened to me once a few years ago, but I have no clue how I did it.”

“W-wait what? I thought that only happens in porn.” His cheeks begin to flush as he thinks about it. You, with your fingers curling up inside of you, gushing onto the sheets below you.

You giggle at his pure cluelessness. “It can happen, it’s just not common. Some girls can’t do it at all. I didn’t realize I could until it happened.”

“Oh.”

Needless to say Carmen cannot get the idea out of his mind. It literally haunts him at work. He wants to make you squirt. He needs to.

Carmy being the nerd that he is researches the hell out of it, making sure he knows exactly what he’s doing. That Saturday on his day off, he’s determined to make it happen.

His lips are on yours the second he finishes cleaning up the kitchen from cooking dinner. His mouth moves sloppily against yours, teeth clashing together.

“Carm—“ you manage to break away from his eager lips for a brief moment. “What’s the rush? We can calm down a bit, you know. We have all night.”

“I wanna make you squirt. I’ve been— thinking about it non-stop for the past few days. I can’t fucking think straight. Can I? Please?”

How can you refuse him when he’s looking at you with those desperate blue eyes. “Let’s go to the bedroom.”

You and Carmy work together to remove your clothes. He has you lay down on your back with your knees spread wide. He sits beside you, still fully clothed. “J-just tell me if you want to stop.”

His middle and ring fingers press into your soaked core with no hesitation. Carmy’s studying you, the facial expressions you make, and the way your cunt pulses around his fingers. His movements are slow and gentle at first, but that changes quickly. He quickens the thrust of his fingers while hooking the two fingers upwards. Carmy’s searching for that rough spot, and by your reaction, he knows he found it.

“Carmy! Fuck—“ you hand aimlessly searches for something to hold onto to steady yourself. Carmen offers his left hand, which you grip tightly.

Once he finds the spot, Carmy locks into focus. His thrusts are deliberate, alternating between speeds and making sure to apply pressure. Your hips move out of their own volition. “That it, baby? That feel good?” He asks. His voice his smooth, but you don’t miss the way he’s biting his lip in concentration. His brow is furrowed and sweat collects on his forehead.

“Yes, Carm. Please. Please don’t stop.”

“Wasn’t planning on it. I’ve got you.” Carmy continues to pleasure you, only stopping for a brief moment when you neared your climax. He softly shushes your whimper of complaint. “I know, baby. Trust me. You can trust me.”

His pace picks back up before you even know it. His fingertips move at lightening speed, pressing hard at the rough patch at the top of your core. Carmy looks like pure sex, and you’re not even pleasuring him. His face is completely flushed as he breathes heavily, panting for hair. Sweat is starting to pool off of his brow and down the side of his face. His eyes are blown out; only a small sliver of the blue still visible.

“Carm— I’m close. Please I’m so close. Fuck!” Your cries are nearly incomprehensible. Your hips buck against his fingers.

“Cum. Gush around my fingers. Make a fucking mess.”

“Shit— Carmen—“ you moan as your orgasm over takes you. You shutter as you feel liquid spill between your legs. It’s euphoria like you’ve never felt before.

“Good girl! Fuck. That’s it. Keep cumming for me. Don’t stop soaking my fingers, baby,” Carmy praises, watching you in awe. You clutch onto his body as more spurts leave you. He hasn’t slowed down his fingers at all. It’s all becoming too much.

“T-too much—“ you try and tell Carmy, but he doesn’t slow down immediately.

“I’ve got you. You can take it.” He’s still watching your cunt at your hips recklessly move against his hand. He can’t believe he made you squirt. He wants to stay in this moment as long as possible.

After he’s finally decided you’ve had enough, he removes his fingers from you. As if on autopilot, he places the digits in his mouth, licking the remnants of your slick off of them. You pull him down by the back of his neck to kiss him deeply.

“Fuck, Carm. That was— I don’t even know what to say.” You don’t need to think of anything else, though, because Carmen does the rest of the talking.

“You did so good for me. Holy shit that was—God, you’re so fucking pretty. I want to do that over and over and over—“

“Woah let’s slow down a sec. I need to remember which side is my left or or my right first.”

“Sorry… got a little bit excited.”

From then on Carmy loves to make you squirt. His favorite thing to do is bring a mirror into it, so you can see how fucking gorgeous you look squirting around his fingers. Also he definitely starts to try and learn how to make you squirt with his cock after this….

[shakespearean-dream]

took me long enough

honorable mentions to @vasyandii for general inspiration, @/x_.0rion._x on tiktok for the hate speech on the tie idea and @average-hyperfixator for helping me with AM’s eyes 😭 go look and follow all of them they are all very talented and cool 🙏

WOW my eyes hurt after looking at this for roughly four hours... and 36 minutes 🤦‍♂️ it’s pretty easy to tell if you look at my art for long enough that i very much lean towards desaturated colors, but i wanted to be a little experimental for AM and go neon— but girl. after i applied the effects to him that SERIOUSLY brightened him up and i had to back down and make the bg a darker pink😭 my eyeballs are already not on my side i do not intend to strain them any further💀

here’s the unedited but rendered version as a treat lol. u can for sure see what i mean here 😭

when i was trying to figure out what to do with AM i realized i haven’t put very much thought into my hc’s for him— which ykw that’s okay because there’s never a better time than rn. i imagine AM as more of a really envious toxic guy who claims to hate their ex (humanity in this case) but does literally everything he can to imitate them, mostly thanks to the radio drama cause damn did you hear how jealous he was there???? ridiculous 😭

so with that in mind i tried to give him a bit of the vibe of a kid just now realizing they can actually express themselves through their appearance—hair, makeup etc— but is still kinda being held back by their environment, or in this case his coding. eventually he’ll get it figured out and be able to consistently look human (even as glitchy and game looking as he is now, it takes a lot of energy to stay like that for extended periods of time) but for now he’s stuck as a rock or computer monitor most of the time. and it drives him SO nuts.

i’m not quite sure where to go with my thoughts from there, so if you wanna comment or throw an ask in my ask box we can talk about AM and his silliness 😭 i truly think he’s one of the most interesting characters in media just because of how powerful yet emotionally blinded he is. tbh, i live to create and be emotional and just be human so in AM’s situation i’d go a little crazy too. not kill everyone except for 5 people and torture them for 109 years crazy, but crazy for sure💀💀 i’d like to hear your guys’s thoughts about it :]

ok it’s late i’m gonna go conk out 😭 one more quick reminder to check out my commission page if you have not, there has still not been an update on yolanda 😔

gn!!!!

[rutilation]

This opening is replete with symbolism. 

Flower language has been a recent fascination of mine.

Do you want to make my new hyperfixation your problem? If so, then let's take a deep dive into the first opening before the new one airs tomorrow.

Before I start, here are a couple of things to keep in mind.

While the use of flower language in this show mostly lines up with Japanese hanakotoba, there are still a number of flowers here that hold particular significance within Chinese culture, and thus have additional meanings that don't line up with those from Japan.  I’ll be mentioning them alongside the Japanese meanings where I deem it relevant.

The following will contain light spoilers of content from the novels/manga which has not been animated at the time of writing. I'll try to be vague and sparing with it, but there are a few flowers I can't discuss without them.

Past the title card, the opening begins with eight blooming flowers dancing through the frame in rapid succession.  These represent the storylines covered by the first cour of the anime in order of appearance, and each can be found in the episode(s) they signify.  From the top:

Rhododendron: This plant is all over the first two episodes, so I'm going to cover its appearances before delving into its meaning. In episode one, there are two shots of the buds of this plant, one as Lihua gives birth, and then again as the doctor examines her baby. They're finally shown in full bloom as one of her ladies disregards the branch Maomao used to warn of the toxic makeup. In the following episode, Gyokuyou has seemingly taken a liking to the flower that saved her daughter's life, and a few clusters can be seen in a vase during several shots before Maomao uses them as an example of a seemingly innocuous plant that could cause accidental poisoning, and indeed, if you look closely at the background during the scene with the soldiers, you can see what appear to be rhododendron shrubs. There are actually quite a few different possible meanings for the many granular varieties of Rhododendrons/azaleas.  Luckily, the characters said the name of the plant out loud for me: shakunage.  So, this is Rhododendron subg. Hymenanthes.  In hanakotoba it means dignity and majesty, but also, on account of its poison, danger and caution. Those last two meanings clearly line up with its ominous usage in these first episodes, growing and maturing as the babies grew sicker. But in addition to their function as a warning of danger, I think there's a case to be made that they also represent Gyokuyou herself. As I stated earlier, she starts keeping them after the first episode, and Hongniang later starts growing the closely-related azaleas in the jade pavilion as well. As for how its meanings apply to her, Gyokuyou is regal, magnanimous, and never loses her composure (unless it's at Jinshi's expense lol,) but she's also described by Gaoshun as shrewd and cautious, being unwilling to hire any lady she doesn't absolutely trust, and constantly gleaning information to send back to her family. These all fit with the dual meanings of rhododendron. In Chinese culture, rhododendrons and azaleas represent womanhood and passion, as well as home and a desire for homecoming.

Cotton rose: A type of hibiscus, this represents Fuyou, decorating both her person and her chambers in episode 3.  It means 'delicate beauty' and 'graceful lover.' I think these are referring to both her skill in dancing, as well as her affectation of frailty and neuroticism. As far as I could dig up, its unique tendency to change color based on the time of day doesn't have particular bearing on its meaning in either Chinese or Japanese culture, but the story itself uses it as a metaphor for Fuyou hiding her passion, will, and cunning behind a wallflower exterior.

Balloon flower:  In hanakotoba, it represents undying love, sincerity, and grace. These grow in the crystal pavilion, adorn the iconography of Lihua's furniture, and likely inform her blue and violet color scheme. Its last two descriptors gesture towards Lihua's style and personality. She's elegant and staid, but she also takes everything quite seriously, and wears her heart on her sleeve. As for the undying love element, I see that as alluding to her love for her son, her agony at his passing, and her hopes of reclaiming that love again through having another child.

Violet: This one actually tripped me up for the longest time.  The flowers in the opening looked like hostas to me, but no matter how closely I looked at the backgrounds in this show, I couldn’t find anything along those lines.  Eventually though, I caught on that these must be the violets from episode five, even if they’re a different color from those shown in the episode.  And also droopier.  Anyway, violets mean humility, sincerity, and ‘a little bit of happiness.’  In the episode proper, they are crushed underfoot as Maomao narrates about the lengths she had to go to keep herself safe while growing up in the red-light district, illustrating how even the modest aspirations of an ordinary peasant are in perpetual danger in such a cutthroat environment.

Chinese aster: Daisies and asters are my least favorite flowers to identify.  They all look the same.  As such, I’m a little less confident about this one, but I think it’s a Chinese aster.  The leaves and buds look similar, and the context in which it appears in episode six suits its meaning.  As Lishu’s ladies disparage her so-called pickiness, a shot of this flower opens the episode.  While the Chinese aster’s meaning changes based on color, white in particular means ‘please believe me.’ I think that speaks for itself

Toad lily:  This appears twice during episode eight, where Maomao gets drawn into the mystery of an attempted murder during her vacation.  Toad lilies symbolize hidden thoughts and intentions, alluding both to the possible conspiracy on the part of the women of the brothel, and to the fact that Maomao will never really know the truth of the incident, having to content herself with speculation.

Sacred bamboo: This one is easy to miss, because while the plant is in full bloom in the opening, it’s laden with berries in the show proper.  This is Nandina, a.k.a. the sacred bamboo, a mainstay of autumn and winter floral arrangements in both China and Japan.  It’s considered auspicious, symbolizing a reversal of ill fortune into prosperity--the precise opposite of how it’s presented in episode nine of the show.  There, Maomao fiddles with the plant as she contemplates all the instances she’s seen of good fortune being struck down by tragedy, and the prospect of that same sword of Damocles falling upon her head as well, a harbinger of eucatasrophe being used to symbolize straight catastrophe.  Also worth noting is the fact that the plant is very poisonous, so much so that it has a reputation for killing any birds which try to eat its berries; I think that bit of trivia might be the inspiration behind the decision to ironically invert its lucky image.  In addition to its central appearance in episode nine, it can also be seen in Lishu’s chambers in episode ten, mixed in among the vases of white camellias.

Japanese azalea: These mean passion and steadfastness, alluding, in my view, to Fengming’s devotion towards Ah-duo.  Fun fact: did you know that honey made from toxic azaleas, termed ‘mad honey,’ is sometimes manufactured on purpose?  It’s not super legal in most of the world, but apparently it can be used as a psychedelic.

After this, we see a panning shot of seven flowers, with the top four representing the high-ranking concubines, and the bottom three representing the high-ranking courtesans. While the first set of flowers grew from buds and flew across the screen, this set consists of still images. If I were to hazard a guess as to why, I'd say that it's because those previous flowers were conveying the movement of emergent stories, while these upcoming flowers portray the relatively static personality traits of individual characters. I'm going to tackle these in reverse order, as the first three flowers to appear are somewhat tricky to talk about.

Peony: This flower represents Gyokuyou, and in addition to appearing in her non-diegetic floral backgrounds, it also decorates the tapestries of the jade pavilion. In Chinese culture, peonies are one of, if not the most, important flowers. They represent feminine beauty, pride, honor, renown, wealth, prosperity, high-status, opulence, and a nobility of spirit. They are considered to be the king of flowers, and were historically only permitted to be grown by nobility. All of these superlatives are likely alluding towards Gyokuyou's status as the emperor's favorite consort, with the best shot at becoming empress.

Balloon flower: See above.

Lily-of-the-valley: This means purity, chastity, humility, and 'happiness will come again.' While the first three all seem to fit Lishu on their face, I find myself curious about the fourth meaning. I'm only partway through the third novel, but if this indicates that, at some point in the future, Lishu finally catches a break, then I'll certainly be happy to see it.

Dendrobium: In China, orchids in general are associated with elegance, refinement, and good taste, which fits with Maomao's description of the garnet pavilion as being beautiful in a minimalist sort of way. They also represent the virtues of an ideal gentleman-scholar: integrity, humility, temperance, and nobility. Furthermore, they are considered emblematic of spring; it, along with bamboo, chrysanthemum, and plum blossom, represent the four seasons. Returning to Japanese symbolism, the flower associated with Ah-duo seems to specifically be Dendrobium nobile. Nobile in particular means 'honest and to-the-point' in hanakotoba, likely alluding to Ah-duo's candid personality, and the fact that she is on casual terms with the emperor.

Regarding the final three flowers, the show itself doesn't explicitly tie any one of them to a particular courtesan--their flowers only appear as a group in episode twelve. But, by contemplating their meanings, and with some help from the characters' wiki pages, we can make some educated guesses.

Yulan Magnolia: This one, I'm guessing, represents Joka. On one hand, I'm kind of dumping her with this because the other two flowers just seem to fit the other two courtesans better, but its attributes nonetheless seem to accord what we know of her character--which admittedly isn't very much. In hanakotoba the yulan magnolia means nobility, sublimity and a love of nature. In China, its pretty similar: purity, nobility, dignity. It's also worth noting that they're commonly planted around Buddhist temples in China, and have been for many centuries, granting them an air of spiritual profundity. Joka is said to be aloof and cold, which is part of her appeal as a courtesan. While chrysanthemums and plum blossoms have a warmer aspect to their meanings, the loftiness of magnolia hews more closely to her characterization. Then there's the matter of her name, which is apparently a stage name. It translates to 'Lady Ka' (or 'Hua,' if you want to go with the Mandarin pronunciation.) Now, the 'ka' in her name is written as 華, and in the story, that character is only permitted to be used by the emperor and his family. So, for her to use it, even as a stage name, is a pretty bold pretense to nobility.

Chrysanthemum: In Japan, chrysanthemums are associated with nobility and the imperial family. In China, they are associated with longevity, endurance, and vitality, on account of their long-lasting blooms that persist late into autumn. I think this is most likely to be Pairin's flower. She's one of the few courtesans who's in her line of work because she wants to be, and is flourishing in an environment where others are desperate and debt-ridden. That covers 'vitality,' and Lihaku can attest to her endurance, if you know what I mean... Moving on, its mentioned in the novels that she's actually in her thirties, but still looks quite young, again harkening to the chrysanthemum's persistence.

As far as symbolism is concerned, chrysanthemums do seem to fit her character better than magnolias. But, something that gives me pause is her name, which means 'white bell,' on account of yulan magnolias being white and having a bell-like shape. I still think it's most likely that the chrysanthemum, and not the magnolia, belongs to her, but it was too notable a coincidence to not at least mention.

Plum Blossom: We can safely assume this one refers to Meimei, as her name is written with the character for plum. As plum trees are among the earliest to bloom each year, and will even bloom while snow still covers their branches, both China and Japan associate them with resilience, hope, inner-strength, and renewal. We don't know much about Meimei either, but my impression of her is that she seems to be the nicest and most even-keeled of Maomao's sisters.

Following this parade of showy flowers, we finally glimpse the emblem of our protagonist, Oxalis corniculata, the creeping wood sorrel, downcast and huddled amidst the underbrush of a forest. Whereas the other flowers we've seen thus far are primarily ornamental (even if some are also edible/medicinal,) wood sorrel is herbaceous and weedy, and is unlikely to grace any vases, wreaths, or arrangements. If it were spotted in a noble's garden, it would likely be uprooted, but to the peasant who finds it growing in a ditch, it's a tasty snack.

In hanakotoba, wood sorrel means joy, 'shining heart,' and 'a mother's love.' All three descriptors, I believe, are relevant to Maomao's character. Despite her flat affect, Maomao has a strong passion and sense of joie de vivre driving her through life. Those further along in either the novels or the manga will recognize 'a mother's love' as (somewhat ironically) gesturing towards her complicated relationship with her mother. As for 'shining heart,' I think that will become apparent as we go further through the opening.

But, before we do that, I'd like to take a moment to examine the moments when wood sorrel appears in the show itself. Thus far, by my recollection, it has appeared in episodes one, three, and twelve. The opening shot of the first episode is of a wood sorrel, informing the viewer in no uncertain terms that this is Maomao's flower, (in case the opening was too subtle.) In the third episode, several wood sorrels dot the field where Fuyou sits with her lover, symbolizing how Maomao has aided and protected them. In episode twelve, a single wood sorrel is tucked inside a lavish bouquet of her sister's flowers, a visual gag paralleling them fussing and fawning over her.

Returning to the opening, Maomao is shown contemplating a subtle glow in her closed hands while a reflected, sunlit version of herself glances back at her. Then, as all the previous flowers fall away, as Maomao casts the light up into the air, its glow illuminating her face, the wood sorrel finally stands upright, and blooms in full.

Now is a good time to mention a relevant characteristic of creeping wood sorrel: it only blooms in direct sunlight. When crowded by other plants, it curls in on itself, closing both its flower and leaves. This serves as a clear metaphor for Maomao's personality; under most circumstances, she seeks to be invisible and unobtrusive, but when she's in her element, she commands attention and respect.

Following this, we have her magical girl-esque transformation sequence, with her outstretched hands forming the shape of a blooming flower as she dances through a whirl of yellow wood sorrel petals. She then bows down in imitation of the flower, taking the light back into her chest (there's that shining heart I mentioned earlier,) as she dissolves into the stoic, unassuming version of herself once more, closing out the opening. (Jinshi who?)

I'd like to end this analysis with an observation. While the real wood sorrel exists at the perpetual mercy of outside forces, Maomao is not merely reacting to a light source that exists beyond her control. The light exists within her, and she chooses when it will shine down for all to see, and when she will hide it away in the depths of her heart. To those who've gotten this far, thank you so much for reading.

[vesuvianhermitcrabs]

Things That Would Send The Arcana M6 Into A Coma

Happy Saturday guys :')

Asra

The very concept of intentional minimalism, like what do you mean you don't put things in your house on purpose??

Online shopping (DO NOT LET HIM)

When he digs and all he can find is charred bone and ash

Nadia

The state of the economy /hj

One singular sip of a gas station slurpee (she watches the ice tumble around, completely mesmerized, for about seven minutes before she buys 412 of them)

Monopoly, and no I will not elaborate

Julian

Heathers the musical

Modern medicine and also medical qualifications because he's already been a practicing doctor, shouldn't that make him qualified?

Movie theaters (he will keep grabbing your arm and being dramatic asf if you don't tell him about movie theater etiquette beforehand)

Portia

AO3, it's basically just free sequels to all the books she's hyperfixated on

The Archer x Not Strong Enough (trust me)

If someone were to remind her that she is important and worthy of love and kindness and rest and that she literally means the world to you and everyone else in her life

Muriel

The ikea bear (djungelskog)

All the beautiful art the fandom makes of him, he would immediately combust

A kiwi bird (I think he would cry a little and claim it as his child)

Many, many other things (showers, the internet, affection, netflix, a window, skittles, hyperpop, malls, microwaves, ddr, friendship, small dogs, cities, those singular pickles that can be bought in plastic bags, pjsk, etc etc)

Lucio

One glance in the direction of a McDonalds sprite

A little pat on the back and a "good job son" from his mother (not that this will ever happen LOL)

Modern day laws and the fact that they apply to him

[destiny-in-the-universe]

and we are back on the hyperfixation train-

seriously i cannot stop with the never-ending brainrot when it comes to randy cunningham so, if anyone is genuinely interested in seeing more rambles about this show because honestly the gears are turning lol, both due to my incoming crossover and just- things in general?

it’s late, the ideas aren’t flowing as well as i’d like right now, so in the meantime have a series of random headcanons

RC9GN Headcanons

~ Since magic is a thing in the universe, I’ve always envisioned that creatures from Japanese folklore/legends/etc coexist with humans- however they mostly appear in other plane of existence and don’t interact with mortals at all- i know this doesn’t make sense yet but it will,, when it’s not past midnight lol

~ I’m firmly convinced Plop Plop and Howard could be part of the same bloodline (Howard is 100% a descendant of Plop Plop, this is just canon lol i was there i was uhhh, howard’s shirt /lh)

~ this is practically canon but Plop Plop is?? practically immortal?? Could the same apply to the First Ninja? (because he’s now just sort of in the nomicon- like is he technically immortal bc his soul’s trapped in it so to speak)

~ ADHD Randy. Like how could he be anything but? I mean look at him

~ Julian is 100% some breed of ND, as is Howard. I make the rules this is canon now

~ Can I please just have the idea that Randy continues the mantle of being the Ninja post-grad? Like, don’t mind wipe him i’m begging- but also, consider he does forget and then something happens where it triggers his memories back- could make an au out of this but not right now,

~ There’s no way half the characters are straight lmao

~ I just watched the reveal episode and I like to think Viceroy sabotaging the robot because, well, Randy’s 14-

~ absentee parents for Randy- like. how does he get away with half the things he does? where even are his parents

~ Howard clearly has abandonment issues. I seriously need this being a thing more often-

~ caretaker Howard- to what level would the suit protect Randy?? I genuinely think Howard patches Randy up whenever he gets injured bc of literal ROBOTS

~ Randy 100% has self esteem issues?? (living in shooblivion was a perfect example of this-)

~ Heidi also has ADHD

~ Adoptive Parent First Ninja. I will not accept anything less-

~ Randy is a summer child. Howard was born in winter-

~ Game Developer Howard? I need this

~ Randy is a bit of an artist. He can already play instruments- so I say let him know how to dance, maybe not an expert but he knows his moves; also, he can sing- he does vocals in his and Howard’s band

~ not really an hc but if i don’t get more lore for the tengu i might actually go insane lol (what is the connection between the ninja and the demon bird-)

~ so. Randy, this kid- istg if this wasn’t an episodic, lighthearted kids show, he would be so traumatized. ptsd for Randy

~ Asian Randy- I’m not sure which one just yet

~ another Randy hc- I need Randy being a descendant of the Norisu 9-

~ Theresa your crush on Randy is so freaking obvious-

~ SIR, hello?? Not exactly a headcanon but I swear to everything- Randy and Debbie are a disaster waiting to happen. The identity reveal has me screaming, and honestly I wanted more; aka I need a more angsty version of the same episode istg

~ am I the only seeing Mort pseudo-adopting Randy??

~ there will be more to come but not right now- this pup is taking a slumber,, they are eepy

[aloekat]

giving pokemon teams to d20 characters!

The Bad Kids / Fantasy High!

pt 1/?

part 1 || part 2

hello chat and welcome to aloe shoves their hyperfixation onto everything they enjoy! making pokemon teams for fictional characters has always been a fun past time for me that i enjoy greatly so i wanted to apply that to dimension 20! i plan on doing every season once i’ve watched it, starting with all the intrepid hero seasons before moving on to side quest seasons

(also i finally decided to post these after @jadelion made posts sharing their team picks, so go check those posts out as there are some great choices! i also wouldnt be inspired to finally post these without him doing so first! i made my list completely independent of hers so if there's the same pokemon its purely coincidental lol)

first i want to talk about some guidelines i’ve given myself for this, which will apply to future posts as well:

only 4 pokemon per team - this keeps things more easy and makes them feel closer to mid-game trainers rather than fully stacked end-game ones. or feel like gym leaders maybe? it also helps with rule 2…

try to have no repeat pokemon - this just keeps things unique between seasons but sometimes a pokemon is a perfect fit for more than one person but for the most part everyone gets unqiue pokemon and there are almost no doubles

low to no legendaries on teams unless for a good reason - same goes for shinies but im more lenient on the shiny rule lol

i made a lot of these these like 3 months ago as of posting this - some choices may be outdated or the character has changed enough that a choice may not fit as well but i didnt want to change it lol (this is solely for the fantasy high kids tbh)

thats all for the rules! finally it’s time to get into the teams!

! SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE CURRENT SEASON! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !

Kristen

Lycanroc - representing Tracker, again i made these before junior year so trackerbees was still a thing but i imagine it can count for cassandra also since it’s a night themed pokemon. don't know which form of lycanroc she would have though Solrock - she was given solrock during her time with Helio, and while i know sunflora exists i think solrock makes a little more sense, since she was a chosen of Helio she would be at an elevated status and therefor have a better pokemon if that makes sense? it also pairs with... Lunatone - representing her change to Cassandra, a goddess of night. there's like cool symbolism with her pokemon now wow isn't that so cool and awesome!! Unown ("?") - a question mark unown to represent Yes? (and the other Yes forms) along with her cool question mark staff! can also ALSO symbolize doubt with cassandra

Fig

Toxitricity (Low Key) - low key form gives the vibes of a bass and Fig plays the bass! toxitricity would help fig practice her instrument and come up with music. also literally called “the punk pokemon”

Obstagoon - similar reasoning, obstagoon has The Vibes that fit along with also being a sort of rock n roll pokemon

Moltres - representing Ayda, i imagine Ayda gifted it to her once they became girlfriends :)

Mimikyu - a pokemon known for its imitation of another pokemon, very much fits into Fig’s actor feat and her high deception and her not wanting to be her real self sometimes

Fabian

Dhelmise - big connection to his father and being a pirate, his father probably gifted it to him as his first pokemon

Marowak (Alolan) - fun idea i had for this is he originally just had a cubone with him during freshman year, but once he went to Fallinel and learned about the power of dance it evolved into an alolan marowak! it's a fire dance pokemon of course he would have it lol

Sirfetch'd - representing his mother and also his general fencing/fighter style that he works with

Tentacruel - just a cool ass water pokemon i feel he would have, also vaguely pirate-y with big kraken vibes

Riz

Pikachu - detective pikachu go brrrrr i imagine he would have gotten a pichu when very young, and it's evolved over time! it would wear a tiny detective hat as well because um i said so

Inteleon - super spy/gun pokemon also go brrrr, very much a reference to his father and just the general super spy-ness of Riz and Pok in junior year especially

Togekiss - ok this one feels very out of place and i forgot why it was here originally BUT i think it's to represent like a guardian angel sort of? again another reference to Pok because i love Pok and think he's very cool

Voltorb - he's the ball. this is a pokeball pokemon. are we starting to connect the dots

Adaine

Politoad - representing Boggy of course, nothing much else to say

Espeon - a very psychic pokemon representing her oracle powers, it would be fun to think that she had an eevee that simply evolved into an espeon once Adaine realized that she in fact was the elven oracle!

Delphox - another powerful psychic pokemon, again this is just vibes and it's a cool pokemon and adaine is a very cool character lol

Audino - these pokemon are known for being able to hear super well and know how their trainers are feeling from listening to their heartbeat. a gift given by Jawbone to help with Adaine's anxiety but still a good member of her team regardless

Gorgug

Archen - "i'm Cloaca, i suck!"

Gogoat - a grassy pokemon which can sorta represent the tree he lives in but also intended to represent Zelda in some ways (again i wrote these before junior year came out). it would help him carry around a lot of scraps for tinkering

Rotom - found in the village near the Nightmare King's forest, this rotom had gotten lost in the forest and, with no tech from solace nearby, couldn't find a way home. gorgug rescued it and lets it inhabit the Hangvan a lot

Rillaboom - another grassy pokemon but this one is also a drummer! can we take a wild guess as to why i picked this one. for it's drumming ability. because. because gorgug is a drummer.

=====

whew ok that's the first season done! i'll probably do unsleeping city next, which will be linked to this post once it's done!

have a better option that would fit a PC better? please tell me i would love to hear everyone's takes on this!

ok that's it that's the post everyone go home now (once again go look at @jadelion for their pokemon team picks!)

[deadlykitten-404]

Okay im sure people have done this before, but its time to mash together the hyperfixations, here's my take on stp Princesses x tma Fears

Title explains it ig, but i just got through the episode where gerry explains the fears to jon, so i dont feel too spoiled to reference the wiki, so here's the fears i think each of the slay the princess routes align with/are avatars of

(for the sake of post length and potential spoilers, pairings are under the cut. also ive color coded them for fun and bc its easier for me to read, i apologize if its straining, i can remove it)

Chapter 2 Princesses:

Damsel - The Stranger - She seems normal, until you dig deeper into who "she" is, and she devolves into a more and more uncanny version of herself until she gets yoinked

Prisoner - The Lonely - This one is weird, because the Princess is pretty resigned in her fate, regardless of what route you take. Having said that, I was torn between Buried and Lonely, but ultimately chose Lonely since Prisoner isn't exactly worried about being trapped (she's okay with both being decapitated and with waiting it out). She feels more Lonely, since her instance is self-inflicted, she had to kill Quiet so they could move on, which in turn trapped her even more than Chapter 1.

Witch - The Desolation - This one is more emotional than Desolation is usually thought of, but the Witch is convinced that after Quiet's actions in Chapter 1 his only intention is to break her down further. Additionally, she's fine with killing him regardless of what that means for her because then it will feel like revenge (unless you guilt trip her lol)

Beast - The Hunt - This one's easy, her entire goal is to eat Quiet lol

Adversary - The Slaughter - This one was also difficult, since many of the Fears are tied to "senseless" killing, and Adversary just wants a good fight. She's more of a mma fighter than a murderer, but her main motivation is still murder, though definitely in more of a human way than an animalistic way, so she went to Slaughter.

Tower - The Web - Her entire thing is manipulation, she doesn't even want to bloody her own hands if she can help it.

Razor - The Slaughter - Unlike Adversary, Razor does find joy in senseless killing, so she fits right in with Slaughter (I did also consider Hunt, but her goal isn't it work down the player, just to stab him) (also this is applied to "No Way Out" and "The Empty Cup" since they're just continuations of Razor and not their own Princesses)

Stranger - The Spiral - i know, it seems like she would go to the Stranger, but she actually knows exactly who she is, just not why. In Chapter 1, she acts more like fractions of herself, her world descending into madness. Her madness leads her to not know who she is, not the other way around (if it was that would lend closer to Stranger).

Spectre - The Lonely - Spectre is one of the least aggressive, and doesn't really align with many of the other fears, but her personal fear is being trapped again after getting so close to getting out.

Nightmare - The Lonely - Like Spectre, her entire motivation is centered in being left behind after being teased with being released, her pre-death monologue is an increasingly more desperate "Let me out," scared of being left behind again (though her outward motivation aligns more with Slaughter, with wanting to spread fear and terror for fun).

Chapter 3 Princesses:

Grey (Burned) - The Desolation - Both for the fire aspect, and the bodily destruction. Burned Grey doesn't really have much malice, but the only thing that she knows is to destroy to try to get what she wants

Grey (Drowned) - The Vast - Unfortunately there isn't really a Fear connected to revenge, so Vast works best with Drowned Grey since its connected to deep ocean. Ironically, it's one of the shallower connections, but Drowned Grey is made up of layers of frustration, betrayal, and anger, which is more like sadness than fear (although she is more unsettling than Burned Grey).

Thorn - The Buried - Thorn is also tricky, since at this point she's basically just tired, not scared or threatening. I've given her to Buried since she is physically trapped, and wants to get out but doesn't trust the Quiet to actually let her out because of their rocky past.

Wild - The Eye - Wild is really the only one that doesn't quite align with a Fear. I was going to assign her to Vast, since Shifty describes her as endless, but I settled on Eye since she is inherently non-aggressive, knows more because she's one with Quiet, and can locate the Narrator when the others aren't aware of him. I guess she also aligns with Slaughter since the only thing she expresses fear of is pain, but a few others get Slaughter, so I've given her to the Eye.

Den - The Hunt - Just like the Beast, but even more. She's only an animal at this point, and her only goal is to kill and eat.

The Eye of the Needle - The Slaughter - Like the Den, (and Razor, to a more direct extent), Needle is an expansion of Adversary, so her goal doesn't change, she's just more focused. This form fits Slaughter a bit more though, since there are some routes where she'll attack you outright.

Fury - The Desolation - Though Fury is also an extension of Adversary, she's more concerned with the means of death than the actual killing (I'm also not keeping her under Web, since she is now going for Quiet directly instead of trying to manipulate him). She doesn't just want to kill Quiet, she wants it to hurt.

Apotheosis - The Web - Unlike Fury, Apotheosis gets to keep Web since she isn't concerned about killing Quiet, but she does now have infinite power. Also potentially The Vast, but that's purely because of her physical size.

Wraith - The Web - While Adversary has the emotional manipulation, Wraith has the physical manipulation. (I also considered The End because I hadn't assigned any Princesses to The End, but this was purely because she's a skeleton, so if you want a Princess a Fear, feel free to associate her with The End).

The Moment of Clarity - The Lonely - Like her prior counterparts, Clarity just craves companionship so inherently that her fear leads her to violence.

Well, that's all of them! To anyone that read through this, thanks! Might end up doing this with the Voices as well, though they would likely end up just aligning with whatever Fear is assigned to the Princess that causes them.

Of the Princesses (to me), none align with The Corruption (though the devs did say that the Stranger started as a bug princess, so i guess she's Corruption in spirit), The Dark, The End, or The Flesh.

[hypermascbishounen]

So around the end of October last year, I managed to scratch my eye with plastic fibers while putting on a costume wig(ruining my plans for colored contacts). Turns out that if your eye gets a surface abrasion in just the right way, it can chronically reopen by sticking to your own eyelid as it heals. This sucks.

Now, the wig was just for a generic vampire costume, but, it was absolutely Juste Belmont's hair, lol. I had gotten back into Castlevania, and recently completed Harmony of Dissonance. I also carved a Juste pumpkin, which you can see if you search for it in my blog. I figured that while I didn't have the time/money for a cosplay, I could put the wig towards one in the future.

The eye scratch has remained a reopening pain in the face for almost an entire year. I have been using special eye drops and ointments, visiting the eye dr almost every month since, and the last two weeks I had a contact bandaged placed while aggressively applying antibiotics and lubricating drops. I just went to the dr today, to have the bandage removed, and check the healing.

While looking at my injured eye (which according to the dr appears healed but still irritated), he found the first sign of a rare, and typically asymptomatic eye disease, that can cause blindness. Because i've been going to the eye dr every single month, he had consistent data to notice a small jump in pressure and the barest visual start of the disease onset. It has absolutely nothing to do with the eye scratch.

(TIL the pigment on the back of your iris can flake off like cheap paint and start clogging your eye drains, until you effectively develop glaucoma, and the intraocular pressure build up starts destroying your optic nerve. We do not know why this happens lol)

But bc he literally caught it instantly, all that happens is I get regularly monitored for progression, and if/when it starts they can do a small outpatient procedure that heat lasers my eye drains into being wide enough for pigment to pass through. I probably won't even need eye drops.

This has put me in the surreal position of "Wow, good thing I had an unhealing eye scratch from a cosplay injury for a whole year, or I would have literally gone blind."

(I 100% wouldn't notice my mildly shitty vision getting worse until it was already too late lol)

In conclusion, hyperfixating on Castlevania saved my eyesight, and my guardian angel probably looks like either Juste Belmont, or Maxim Kischine hitting me in the face.

[wolfsbane-and-nettles]

Tl;dr

-hyperfixation change

-I’m a bad writer and other insecurities

-cosplay taking of my life again

-health has flopped.

Thought I’d give y’all a quick update:

“Chosen Horizons” is still on hiatus.

Why? Well, it’s been a few reasons, but the main one being I’ve lost a lot of confidence in my writing. A lot has changed from the current story from the first draft, and I am having to rewrite a whole bunch. Currently, I’ve been stuck on chapter 40 since my last update. I have at least 10 version of that chapter, and none are satisfying.

I feel like a total, utter fraud when I’m writing. Like, I’m already insecure enough, then it had to start affecting my writing.

And then the worst thing happened.

My hyper fixation changed.

The change was genuinely so painful and uncomfortable, because it affected my sleep, my attention etc. then I lost my appetite and my health continued going down.

My cosplay I was working on for a long time was also put to the side in favor of one I felt currently more passionate about.

Fun fact, I’m a master class cosplayer, but have never competed outside my little region, and this time I’ll be competing in a bigger city where you actually need to apply to compete, so I’ve got a deadline I need to meet for that application.

So all my attention has gone to that.

That Con is in October. I also work conventions as a part of my job, so I’m booked all October for traveling to conventions for fun and work.

The , my agency told me they’re moving me from location I worked last year to a new one which started last week…though it is the same job, the age is different, so it is much more stressful than I was ready for.

Now..:before anyone worries that I won’t be coming back to my fic because my hyperfixation changed (valid concern) I can reassure you all that the Tolkien fandom has been my home and my special interest since I was five years old. It is always my home base, and where I turn to for comfort. Even if I can’t crank out chapters due to my energy being elsewhere, I am still here and love you all and the community that The Hobbit, and especially Bagginshield has. I’ve never felt happier in a fandom then when I started actively writing in this one, and feel so at home here.

I’m hoping that I can start uploading the already edited chapters, but with my cosplay occupying my time, im worried I won’t meet my deadline if I do.

Also, let me know if any of y’all would want to see my cosplay stuff! I’ve been tempted to restart my instagram for it or something. My friend and I competed as Frodo and Sam last year and it was so fun. I might upload the skit here if she is okay with me putting it here…I am a little worried about showing my face tho, but it is costume and my face is small on stage lol.

So yeah, that’s my life.

[presleyannn]

advice from Taz - 9.25.23

One thing about me is that I am a big fan of anime. Not only that, but my brain loves to hyperfixate on things. Therefore, I am often hyperfixated on anime.

My latest hyperfixation is One Piece. It really is crippling in law school when your every waking moment is consumed with thoughts of One Piece lol.

So as you might imagine, as a One Piece fan, I was extremely excited for the live action. I really admired all the time, effort, and love that was put into the show from Oda and the cast and crew, so I could feel it in my bones that it would be good. It was btw. If you haven't seen it, you definitely should. Even if you're not a One Piece or anime fan. I got my best friend to watch it and she loves it. It has been a true joy to see so many new people get into One Piece.

But anyway, being a fan of the live action, I feel that it's only natural that I fell in love with the cast too. The time and energy they put in and the dedication to the accurate portrayal of their characters is extremely admirable. If nothing else, watch the show just for them.

Although I love all the cast members, Taz Skylar really captured my heart. There is so much to love about him. I could go on about him all day, but that's not what this diary is about, so I won't.

ANYWAY, my point in mentioning this is that I booked a Cameo from him awhile ago, and he gave me the sweetest message and advice that really stuck with me, so I wanted to share it here.

I am in law school at only 20 years old, so I am one of the youngest in my class. I know that there are a few other 20 year olds in my class, but I have yet to meet any of them. As a result, I have been suffering from some pretty severe imposter syndrome. I often feel like a baby sitting in class, and I generally just feel out of place.

So, I shared this with Taz, and he reminded me of the quote, "Be less impressed and more involved," which I believe was coined by Matthew McConaughey. He said that he deals with imposter syndrome every day (as many of us do), but he repeats that quote to remind himself to be less concerned with everything that is going on around him, and more involved in what he needs to do to accomplish his goals and truly enjoy the experience.

Specifically, he told me to be less impressed with how smart everyone is around me, and more involved in what I need to do on a daily basis to achieve what I want to achieve. This really struck a chord in me and put things into perspective.

I find myself comparing myself to my classmates all too often. Seeing them seemingly prepared and on top of work knowing that I am behind has only put me more behind. I convince myself that they're already leagues ahead of me and I have no chance of catching up, so why even try?

But this quote really stuck with me and has helped me to detach myself from everything that's going on around me in order to focus on what I need to do in order to do my best on all my exams.

Of course the imposter syndrome has not gone away completely, I still have my moments where I feel like I'm not cut out for law school. But I also have moments where I remember what I'm here for in the first place, and I am able to remind myself that all the other standards I've been setting for myself don't really matter at the end of the day.

All I want is to be is a good lawyer that can help people who need it. However, law school loves to push the competition of it all, and it's hard to not get caught up in it. There's so much pressure to finish at the top of your class, and while that would be wonderful, as long as I can finish school with the ability to successfully represent my clients and achieve their deserved justice, nothing else matters to me. This is what I have to remind myself of each day when I find myself applying too much pressure to be “better” than my peers.

I need to be less impressed with how well everyone is doing around me–because I only end up thinking that I could never measure up to them and should just give up–and the fact that I even ended up in law school in the first place, and instead be more involved in my dreams and what I have to do to achieve them.

If you have a dream, a goal, something that you really want more than anything in the world, you CAN, and you WILL achieve it. Just remember to be less impressed with what is going on all around you (whether it be what other people are doing or even the awe of being in the situation you find yourself in), and be more involved in the work that must be done in order to achieve your goal. If you remain concerned with what people are doing around you or feeling like you are undeserving of the opportunities you are given, and fail to take advantage of those opportunities and put in the required work, then you will remain right where you are while everything else outgrows you, including your dreams.

But I believe in you, and I am manifesting it for you. You WILL achieve your dreams. You got this!

And here’s Taz for you :)

[noelledeltarune]

i really liked undertale aus during my undertale hyperfixation many years ago but looking back I don't think I actually cared that much lol. I hardly knew anything about them I just liked the designs or something

that is totally fair and everyone's god-given right is to enjoy whatever they want forever. i am just a little bit mean about it because i love complaining 😭 i get the appeal genuinely in a lot of ways both as a fun design thing and a fun characterization exercise..

my thing is just like. when i get into something i have a very hard time enjoying things that aren't like. the Thing I Like. when it comes to undertale aus, the way that they're done treats them as different characters from an adjacent-but-not-the-same world.

so like for me, i like sans from undertale as he is in undertale. so when i look up "sans" and see underswap underfell underwhatever sans i'm like. i don't know this guy. i have no interest in getting into this separate thing. ESPECIALLY since there's kind of a "super smash bros" fandom type thing where people will write the alternate sanses like interacting with eachother? so it just fully feels like these are not the same people. only one of these guys is actually sans and no one seems to like him for some reason

and of course that's fine, some people really love the aus! some people take it really seriously! no shame to them, but it's just so far removed from the thing i like that it gets annoying how it's genuinely difficult for me to find things that AREN'T related to this like extended undertale multiverse. like at least it makes up like the very loud majority of people who talk in undertale fan-spaces.?? but like it's not undertale. that isn't undertale because the characters are different and the world is different. and i like undertale. so why would i like this stuff? since it very much is not undertale. yknow???

honestly i can't imagine anyone really "knew anything about the characters" of an undertale au. because most of them are just house-of-mirrors distortions of the actual characters people like.. of course people can get into these things but there's not a lot of substance that isn't either directly based on canon (so not special to an au) or made up by the individual who likes it

i think that's where most of the enjoyment comes from for a lot of people... just being able to apply fandom tropes how you want without coming off as super out of character LOL. you want your favourite guy to have their life ruined or fuck something up severely or do something really really cool or even like set up a joke in a way that isn't possible in canon. so you make up an alternate universe where you CAN do these things. however it's not really like substantial on its own most of the time..

most aus just feel to me like someone wanted to do something, but didn't know how to make it happen outside of the context of a fanwork 😔 and for undertale specifically it's somehow really conducive to fanworks like that???? like i can see how people just see "time travel / multiple timelines" and go "ok what if there was a timeline where everything was OPPOSITE". even though that isn't really what the game does with it at all 💀

[genericpuff]

Same anon as before talking about writing stuff and worrying about if people will find it (but not the same anon as the other asks before that) - I think many people who are budding writers and artists have these concerns and bring them to you because you A). Are a creator yourself so you know what you're talking about in a verified sense and B). Idk about other anons but some of us (like me) take your reasoning (and critique) in regard to writing seriously because of your experience and how you analyze stuff such as LO.

I think at least some of us (again I can't speak for everyone nor can I or should I) wants to make sure they're not making mistakes such as the ones RS does in writing.

Also I might just take you up on your offer of Zelda fanfic - I do so love LoZ 😅.

ugh god, am I y'all's role model now or smthing? why would you do that to yourself (ㆆ_ㆆ)

okay but jokes aside, obviously people can't help who they look up to and I'm not gonna be a dick if y'all look up to my work and what I do here, just remember also that you're not obligated to agree with everything I say or take it to heart, you also shouldn't take my analysis of LO and how it's written/drawn personally because so much of that analysis is within the VERY specific definitions in which LO exists, definitions that don't really apply to many other webtoons on the platform. If there's anything I say or criticize LO for that speaks to you and your own work on a certain level, try not to take it as a direct personal attack towards you and more just like... if the things I'm saying about LO feel like they apply to your work, take it as advice for improving your own craft.

Or don't! You can literally ignore me and do what you were gonna do anyways. I literally cannot take that away from you and you absolutely shouldn't let me. I have no real power over anyone here, that's what I mean when I say I'm just a guy participating in their hyperfixation so don't feel like you gotta take me too seriously lmao

Also, yeah, okay, I'm a webcomic creator myself, but to put myself on the cross for once - I've never succeeded at this gig. Rekindled is the most consistent audience I've had in years, I think the last time my work was in a banner rotation was in 2015 (and it wasn't on WT), and I somehow make something like $20/month off Patreon. I've had small victories along the way, it hasn't been all bad, but this isn't my living and chances are low I'll ever find mass success with it. Everything I said about not taking my opinion too seriously because I'm just a random Internet guy applies to people like Rachel as well, while I criticize her work on the basis of it being a commercial product that should know better and I DEFINITELY harp on her for a lot of shit, at the end of the day she's in no way obligated to pay even a second of attention to me because she's made way more money in webcomics in the last 2-3 years than I could ever dream of making in the 10 years I've been doing this, that's something I can't take away from her and that was never the goal when it came to discussing her work. All I have to show for my own efforts is experience and rhetoric, and a few odd readers who have been around so long I wonder why they even still follow me LOL I am your typical "can never live up to the success of those who they criticize" chronically online shitposter. I don't think I should have to be on Rachel's level to be able to discuss her work, mind you, that's half the function of an audience to begin with, but it's not like I have any real legitimacy in this industry that you should worry about what I have to say. It's not like I'm capable of robbing Rachel of her awards or the money she's made lol

And by all means, go ahead and look for my fanfiction stuff, but I'm not providing any eye bleach because I wrote it when I was like, 13 years old, so search at your own risk lmao

(and if you do find it, no you didn't （︶^︶）/hj)