#i came for the recipes

[greyias]

A while back, I signed up for the mailing list of this one recipe website mostly for little recipes to be delivered into my inbox. And over the past few months, instead of recipes being delivered to my inbox, I'm getting absolutely unhinged food blogging world drama. And I keep meaning to post about it, because as a true outsider to whatever the hell this is, it's absolutely bonkers that I'm witnessing this slow moving trainwreck, but then I get distracted and forget to post.

But some of the highlights include:

she (food blogger) is currently in the middle of some sort of litigation with someone she partnered with to make some food product that hit store shelves?

the emails started as really bizarre vagueblogging that to someone uninitiated in whatever the fuck is going on, sounds completely unhinged

the food blog's author is like really into Harry Potter (yes in 2023 😬). Like whatever you're thinking, it's more than that

this is only relevant because every time she talks about this ex-business partner, she makes extensive HP analogies, references, and memes. Yes the ex-business partner is somehow every single HP antagonist, sometimes a dementor, depending on the week

Sometimes the e-mail subjects actually sound like it has to do with food (today's was "overproofed sourdough"), to the utterly baffling (I no longer want to be (just) your "almond mom")

Usually once per e-mail she has a random aside of "dear reader you must be confused" (which yes), but then goes to say something that only leaves me with more questions

I think this actually started like late last year when the ex-business partner somehow got ahold of this food blogger's mailing list, because I have this vague memory of getting some WTF e-mail regarding this food business from the other person and be like "Who the hell is this? Report spam" and moved on with my day?

I have not unsubscribed, because even though it's largely incomprehensible and I have no idea what's happening, I still reach for an imaginary popcorn bucket to read the latest inscrutable text. And I know all of the above was incomprehensible, but I wanted to share just a small slice of the confusion gracing my inbox every few weeks.

[vaxxman]

Could I request Medic having The Mom Grip on Scout’s shoulder after the speedy moron almost let a mercenary secret slip while they weee getting groceries?

Three Europeans and two Americans walk into a grocery store in New Mexico.

I hope this is the right meme.

More silliness below.

This comic is the antithesis of the "wtf is a kilometre" joke.

The faces they make when they can't quite identify the type of brown bread in the bread aisle.

You don't know how [insert nationality here] you are until you go overseas and things are different.

Spy obviously has no problems with pretending to know how much a gallon of milk is, he just peeks into his conversion chart notes, pretending it's his shopping list.

I want to think Heavy is completely fine with having to readjust to a new unit system, he just eyeballs most practical things anyways by holding them up and mumbling about how they approximately weigh like a chicken or his kettle bell etc. He's always been living in practical ignorant bliss.

Medic has a peer reviewed meltdown the first time he realises there's no uniformity in "a cup of ____" because every object has different densities. He's diligent about memorising the conversion rates for ounces, pounds, the most common things etc., and recovers ok. He goes through the same stages of grief rage when he finds out about distances and lengths.

Just remember four inches are 10.16 cm and pray no one asks you to specify anything bigger than inches.

Everyone does a mental victory lap when they manage to guess how much Celsius the weather is because they keep forgetting it's Celsius*5/9+32=Fahrenheit, Engineer reminds them patiently.

The true victories are the correct temperature guesses we've made along the way.

One time, a friend asked me if I actually knew how much a tablespoon of flour was in gramms to convince me that metric users also make use of volume based units without thinking about them. But little did she know a heaped spoonful of 405 flour is about 15g and a level tablespoon is 10g.

They claim Oolong just tastes better when it's boiled to 80°C exactly with a Bunsen burner.

You only asked for one scene but somehow I came up with a bunch of other things. This post was drawn across 2 months so the artstyle is all over the place. Thanks for your ask!

[soosoosoup]

Poppy sweet love ❤️

Pucca!!!

Also the korean vers bc it's my fav <3

[karlyboyyy]

Key ingredients for a Silly Little Guy!

[wyyvoren]

How does one even angst cumplane

well it’s simple. you put them in a situation.

[startagainaprologue]

guhhh bunch of little simple sketches i did to play around with my style.. accidentally very samey IGNORE THAT!!

[angelmush]

easiest summer pasta w sweet corn and italian sausage and a bucketload of parm and chili flakes and butter and torn basil

[ohanny]

this show is lowkey everything

[serpentface]

TRADITIONAL FOODS OF THE HIGHLANDS

The Highlands or 'Greathill' is a region in the central north-northwestern territory claimed by (but almost entirely uncontrolled by) the Wardi Empire. They are inhabited by a network of peoples collectively referred to as the Hill Tribes, who are not a unified or monolithic group but share ancestry, similar means of subsistence, and a common traditional diet.

The highlands are regionally unique for their altitude and relatively cool temperatures (and is the only part of the region that can expect snow on a yearly basis, with some of the highest peaks receiving snowfall year-round). The climate is overall dry, though the rivers are usually well fed by high altitude rains and snowmelt, and the river valleys are wet enough year-round to sustain woodlands and more delicate agriculture.

Most vegetables can only reliably farmed in the river valleys, and these key regions are typically under the control of specific clans or tribes who dominate intra-Highlands trade networks. Those living outside of the river valleys have only occasional access to most farmed vegetables, and foraging is an important supplement to the core diet. Hardier crops are grown on terraced slopes, and the vast majority of the landscape is used as grazing pasture.

The regional cuisine revolves around grain (especially barley and most often taken in the form of bread), meat, cheese, milk, and yogurt. The flavoring stands in stark contrast to the surrounding Wardi cuisines, traditionally being only lightly seasoned (few spices are natively available) and mostly reliant on subtle herbal flavoring, though both palates are in agreement on the value of capsaicin.

Many of the Hill Tribes (or individual clans) have trade connections outside of the highlands, but food (aside from livestock) and spices are not common imports. The majority of the population have maintained traditional culinary practices that are unique among the wider region (though with some inevitable cultural cross-pollination).

Most dishes are eaten by hand out of serving plates and bowls, with spoons used for some soups and porridges. Almost every meal is served with flatbread, which is torn off and used to collect and eat the rest of the food. It is considered good manners to save a piece of bread for last, which will be used to soak up any remaining juices after a plate is cleaned (not doing so is a mild insult to the cook).

Tea is an important part of the daily routine, and is served alongside each meal. Traditional teas in this region are exclusively herbal and consumed for both taste and medicinal purposes, and none are caffeinated (though one has a stimulant effect). Tea is by far the most popular edible import in trade with the broader Imperial Wardi region (along with salt), with imports of tea leaves being desirable and having become quite popular in the last century.

Staple foods:

Barley- the absolute most important staple grain. Most barley grown in the region is a strain that better tolerates the highland’s regionally unique combination of seasonal cold, dry climate, and high altitudes.

Wheat- more delicate than barley and not as widely grown, but a key crop in the more fertile river valleys

Kulys- a native hardy, spiny plant that stores water in its trunk and is tolerant to dry and cold seasons. Its young stalks are edible, but the fruits and flowers are of greater regional importance. The flowers are used for a lightly sweet herbal tea, and the fruits are a important to the diet and usually eaten on their own.

Amaranth- a species of amaranth is regionally native and domesticated, with seeds eaten whole or ground into flour and leaves being used for green vegetables.

Squash- grown only in the river valleys and a key item in trade within the highlands. Squashes are found nowhere else on this side of the Viper seaway, and were likely brought along overseas by the original migrant population.

Chili peppers- several strains are grown in the region (ranging from very mild to chiltepin levels of capsaicin) and mostly used to create spicy yogurt sauces and to flavor stronger dishes.

Wild onion- a region-specific onion species, tolerant of harsh growing traditions but difficult to propagate, mostly foraged.

Magah- a farmed. potato-esque tuber, more strongly flavored and bitter than potatoes.

Dairy products- dairy is foundational to the diet and used to create a variety of yogurts, creams, butters, and cheeses, and milk is often consumed on its own. Cattle and horse milk is preferred, khait will be opportunistically milked but have much lower yields.

Cattle- Cattle are of utmost and absolute importance to the diet (in the form of meat and milk) and overall lifestyle. Wealth is primarily measured in the size of cattle herds. The native landrace of cattle is well accommodated to altitude and seasonal cold, though many breeds have been obtained in trade.

Horses- (the small, three toed kind) They are of secondary importance to cattle in terms of livestock, used for meat, wool, and milk.

Taarn- a type of pheasant native to the region that has been domesticated for meat, fares best in river valleys.

Honey- Beekeeping is a well established practice, and honey is the sweetener of choice and highly valued. Bee larvae are also sometimes roasted and eaten.

Bread- made with wheat, amaranth, or barley flower (or all three), a part of most meals. A type of flatbread is used as a base to scoop up other parts of the meal.

Wild game:

gazelle, antelope, hippegalga, and deer.

aurochs (sometimes found in the low river valleys and foothills)

crocodiles (mainly found in the Erubin river valley)

ducks and geese

unkata (a genera of cassowary sized flightless birds, a smaller subspecies of which can be found here as a grazer)

grynaig (a native species of pidgeon which nests among boulders)

piispiispi (a lagomorph that can be found at high altitudes, somewhat resembles a marmot. The name is onomatopoeia based on their shrill calls)

fish (especially trout), frogs, freshwater mussels, and crayfish from the rivers.

Native fruits: wild plum, dirrucag (a shrub that produces small fruits, roughly comparable to autumn olive), wild rose hips (used for tea and jams).

Other vegetables (cultivated and wild): cabbage, onions, garlic, carrots, rapeseed, peas, wild amaranth, mustard greens, nettles (the latter two also being regionally unknown and likely brought in the original migration).

Herbs/spices: relatively few spices are natively produced. Fennel is reliably grown. A type of sumac can be obtained in the river valleys, and a couple native sages and mints can be found throughout the region.

Alcohol: murre (a relatively strong (8-10% abv) alcoholic beverage made with fermented fruit and horsemilk), mead, kulys wine, and a few wheat and barley ales.

Teas/non-alcoholic beverages:

-Kulys flower tea (a mildly sweet herbal tea with nuanced, delicate flavors, usually consumed on its own without a meal)

-Brolge tea (a bitter tea made with the brulge leaf, which has a mild stimulant effect (comparable to coca in composition, but a different kind of plant) and is often consumed in the mornings. (This plant is known as bruljenum in Imperial Wardin))

-Floral tea (tea made with a variety of edible wildflowers, with plum and rose flower being especially favored, and rosehips added for tartness. Often served with milk)

-Nettle tea (favored as a soothing evening tea for its rich, earthy flavor)

-Mint tea (it's mint tea)

-Roasted barley tea (an everyday staple, often taken with milk or butter and honey, or mixed with herbal ingredients).

-Honey-garlic tea (usually uses roasted barley as a base, boiled together with garlic that has been fermented with honey. Preferred by herders for a warming effect on cold nights).

-Green tea (the preferred untreated variant of imported tea leaves)

-Fermented tea (a combination of imported tea leaves and a native preference for fermentation)

-A sour fermented horsemilk beverage, best taken with salt and/or honey.

-a fermented cowsmilk and yogurt beverage, taken with mint.

-A beverage made with mead, extra honey, hot peppers, and chopped garlic boiled together. Consumed for its warming qualities and to treat colds.

Examples of Dishes:

-flatbread (the base of most meals, made with wheat, barley, and/or amaranth flour. Assume that most non-grain based foods described here are served along or atop it)

-a spicy yogurt sauce made with finely chopped hot peppers, sometimes garlic

-a sour yogurt sauce made with sage, mint, or fennel.

-A type of thick dumpling, stuffed with a variety of foods (beef or horse, wild game, onions, fennel, magah, cheese, etc) and used as a common element of meals. Most comparable in shape to a pierogi.

-fried or baked dough balls with cheese and herbs

-taarn pheasant with a butter and plum or dirrucag sauce.

-beef stock soup with dumplings, onion, and curd cheeses

-beef or horse tartare with melted butter. Sometimes eaten on its own, sometimes sprinkled with herbs or topped in a spicy yogurt sauce.

-wheat or barley porridge with milk, yogurt, or butter, sometimes sweetened with honey.

-broth made with beef trotters and lightly flavored with herbs, often used as a base for other dishes but usually sipped.

-savory barley porridge cooked in beef or horse stock (often as a base for meat dishes)

-cheese, beer, and meat stock soup, often with peas, onions, magah, barley, and/or amaranth.

-yogurt, mint and fennel soup

-plain yogurt with mint and honey

-a mildly sweet porridge made with mashed squash, barley, and milk

-sweet snacks made with amaranth seeds, honey, and dried fruit.

-piispiispi stuffed with herbs and onions and roasted

-mashed magah, basic dish of thoroughly cooked magah, mashed with butter, cream, or yogurt.

-boiled, minced magah with minced meat, mild peppers, and fennel, best topped with a sour yogurt sauce.

-mustard and other wild greens, usually cooked down with butter or beef fat and mixed with onions

-an absolute litany of cheeses, often made with delicate herbs or strong peppers. Soft cheeses are generally favored and most widely used in cooking, hard cheeses are eaten on the go.

-Beef or horse testicles, usually cooked in a butter sauce as part of a larger meal. (most commonly obtained as a byproduct of gelding, in which case it is thought to uniquely boost fertility in ways that testicles obtained in slaughter do not)

-a mild pastry stuffed with soft cheese and topped with honey

-a nettle soup and onion soup, best taken in a fish or shellfish broth for enhanced umami flavor.

-Cow head that has been de-haired and de-brained, smoked, and slowly cooked with herbs and vegetables until tender. This is eaten at wedding celebration- the husband's family will have slaughtered the cow as a bride price. The husband and wife are given the choice, fatty cuts, the marrying families share the rest of the meat, and the broth is sipped by all guests.

-cow or horse brain, minced and fried in butter with onions and served atop mashed magah.

-blood sausage, with grain or magah and wild onions for filler.

-a spicy soup or stew made with boiled crayfish, onion, hot peppers, and cream.

-smoked trout with honey

-roasted honeycomb with larvae

[comicaurora]

Hey Red, in the B roll stream for TOTK that you did last month, you mentioned that you had finalised a couple of pages that you were particularly excited for because you got to make something happen that you weren’t sure if it would happen. Are we seeing those pages now?

If so, I don’t think Falst or Erin are particularly happy about it.

Almost anything in the last dozen or so pages could qualify tbh, there was a LOT I was surprised I could work in

[cryiling]

here is my art contribution for @mxtxfoodzine, the free mxtx zine complete with so many amazing recipes!! sizhui and jingyi are making jiaozi, and you can too! check out the pdf linked in @mxtxfoodzine's pinned post and enjoy this recipe, plus two more classic taiwanese recipes, PLUS all the amazing entries our contributors have to offer :>

this artwork is actually a companion piece to telling the bees (or, sizhui's tale) by @stiltonbasket!!!! it's literally so amazing u guys, you should totally read it 😭💗💗💗

I'm so happy to finally share this artwork with all of you! it's been in the works for a long time, and although my art style has evolved a little bit since I completed this, I am still so proud of this one 🥺

[pendraegon]

did not manage to get a picture of it before it was gobbled up but i made THE most beautiful potatoes au gratin with a side of balsamic honey kale and spring onions and a salad made up of theee most tenderest fresh lettuce, blueberries, raspberries, tomatoes, and walnuts.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Roxy: bein cosmically "insignificant" doesnt even matter like its not important……… like literally lets enjoy a strawberry

[blujaydoodles]

experimented with Yeto's soup today :3

[sinni-ok-sessi]

my parents got me a box of blank recipe cards for my birthday, so I've been copying out my awful notebook this afternoon, and wow, I can cook a lot of things! I will not learn from this, however, and will be back to not knowing a single foodstuff the next time I write a shopping list

[sailermoon]

wake up babe new cabbage recipe dropped