#i blink and i see the anderperry looking at me

[cidade-tempero]

screencap redraw/study of dead poets society!!

hope the quality doesn't go to shit 😮‍💨😮‍💨 but also I'm falling so deep in a robert sean leonard rabbit hole it's insanely cozy autumn hope core vibes in here

[meekspeaks]

september prompts: anderperry 20.

@soobiesworld thank you so so much for sending in all your requests - i haven't had the best evening so having something to write has really lifted my spirits and gotten me out of bed, and i always look at every single nice comment you leave, either on the post itself or in the tags when you repost them and i love every single one of them and u. thank u so much.

prompt list !!

anderperry - bike ride !!

Todd shoulders an old, worn backpack as he and Neil struggle to get the bikes out of their locks. Keating had managed to haggle with McAllister, who had in turn been able to pull together some form of health bribe with the gym teacher, who had then managed to tell Nolan that bike riding for at least an hour a day was essential to the health of the boys.

Keating had winked playfully as he recounted this information to the poets, knowing their deeper motive. Freedom.

Neil straps his map down to the handlebars with his Wellton tie, "You all set, Todd?"

Todd nods, scarf poised and ready to shield him from the harsh wind.

Neil laughs, kissing him on the forehead quickly so no one would see, and then they set off into the distance and towards the gates of Wellton. They typically weren't allowed too far out, but what Nolan doesn't know won't hurt him.

The wheels creak as they spur to life, the metal of the brakes cold against Todd's icy hands, but he's never felt more alive. They pick up speed as Wellton turns its decrepit back on them, as its aged claws shrink into the distance and they let the wind kiss their cheeks pink and turn them young again, alight their childish spirit.

Todd pulls his scarf down, "Where do we turn here?"

Neil takes a minute, and then shouts over his shoulder, "We take a left!"

As they turn left, they go racing down a hill, and Neil laughs as the autumn leaves cascade up and around them as they cycle through those that are scattered on the ground, falling like stars into the dusty blonde of Todd's hair, adorning him in a crown of fall beauty. He almost forgets to look at the road in front of them.

They cycle through and past beautiful fields and roads, laughing at all the kids they see who, like themselves, should be at school, and they finally arrive at their destination.

A lovely church, tall and ancient, which towers over them greatly, making them cower in the presence of grace and manmade wonder. When they park their bikes and head inside, the praises and songs of ancient worship echo off their walls, chilling them to the very bone.

Todd looks around in awe, pulling him camera out of his bag and snapping a couple photos. Neil follows him in, wearing an expression quite the same as the aisles stretch on ahead of them. Neil's yawp echoes off the walls, a strike of youth against the aged stone.

"Isn't it gorgeous? I saw it on the map, but I didn't think it'd look like this..."

Todd just makes a vague noise, clearly constructing poetry in his head, writing and re-writing symphonies of english and observation.

"I just... thought you'd like it."

That makes him turn around.

"You mapped out this entire trip... for me?"

Neil shrugs. "Just that... it seemed like a good place to just be you. You could sit and write poetry here, or-- or maybe just get away, if-- if things are too much."

Todd blinks. "Neil..."

"And I kinda wanted to-- to see it, too. And I thought that if we went together, you could also figure out the route, if you ever wanted to come, um, alone."

"Neil, you..." Todd stammers, before he gives in and pulls Neil into a hug, knocking all the wind out of him.

"Thank you so much. It's beautiful."

"I don't think it's used for services anymore." Neil says. "I think it's abandoned, just for people to see. So..."

Todd pulls back. "It's ours. This is our place. Do any of the poets know about this?"

"No."

"Good. I want it to stay between us." Todd says, eyes deadly serious behind the soft brown knit of his scarf. "I want this to be our place. We can run away from our parents here. We can run away from Hellton, here, we can-- we can be us, here."

Neil smiles gently. "We can be us."

"Your father can't find us. Neither can mine." Todd pecks him chastely. "Just us."

Neil huffs a laugh, pulling him in by that stupidly cute scarf and whispering "just us" against his lips before he closes that small gap and kisses him sweetly.

They spend more time in there, and Todd snaps a couple of pictures of Neil and then takes one of the both of them, pocketing it with a smile reserved only for them.

They clamber back onto their bikes and hurry back to Wellton, alive with love and wonder as they settle down into Keating's class, shooting looks at each other any chance they get and hiding childish smiles behind their hands.

When they get into their dorm that night, Todd pins the photo to their wall, and Neil kisses him sweetly and softly, holds him gently as they both fall asleep together.

[cameronsactivities]

Anderperry Week 2023, Day 5

(Last kiss)

Todd Anderson's Monologue

It was a terrible sight to behold. Six poets dressed in black, mourning the loss of the seventh. It was like a kid with a missing tooth, always licking the sore spot in disbelief that it had just been yanked out so suddenly. 

For Todd, the funeral went by incoherently, like a photo album. Neil’s mother, whose speech kept getting interrupted by her hiccups or sobs, had to pass her script to some other relative to read. Charlie, sniffling softly beside him, didn’t bother to wipe his tears and let them roll down to his chin every time he blinked. Steven and Gerard, their pockets already stuffed with empty packets of tissues. Knox who sang the loudest during hymns. And poor Richard Cameron, who stared at his hands the entire time, as if waiting to collect the tears that didn’t flow. 

The relatives and friends of a dead boy trailed out of the church, like ants in their dark clothing. Meeks nudged Todd’s shoulder gently, but he stayed, until he was the last one left in the pews. 

Someone, a priest, maybe, asked if he would like a private moment with the deceased. It took several throat-clearings for Todd to answer. The priest left, and complete silence ensued after the echoes of the footsteps had faded away. 

Todd stood up slowly and walked the perimeter of the room, ending at the casket. “Hi, Neil,” he choked out. “Sorry about that. I know how your dad is, and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t hiding behind a pillar or something.”

Todd looked down into the casket. It seemed like an oxymoron, to see Neil so lifeless, despite all the flowers surrounding him. “I wanted to give you something before I go.” For the last couple of days, he had been vaguely aware of the fact that Neil was dead. It wasn’t until now that Todd realized that he was really gone. He’d wake up with an empty bed across him, and then that bed would be filled by someone else. There would be no more chasing each other around the room, no wonderful laughter ever to grace the room again. 

Todd swallowed, feeling the dryness of his throat, and said, “I wrote you a poem..” He knelt down by the side of the casket. “You’ll read it, won’t you, Neil?”

“There’s a lot that I wish I’d said before. I wanted to see your reaction, if you would laugh or—” Todd choked on his words, realizing that sometime in the past few days, he’d heard Neil’s laugh for the last time without knowing it.

“Promise me you won’t show this poem to anyone else?” He took out the folded sheet of paper and gently placed it under the left side of Neil’s suit jacket, right above his heart. “It’s just for you and me. I don’t even have a spare copy. It’ll stay right here for the rest of… oh, God.” Todd’s hands began to tremble when he couldn’t feel Neil’s heartbeat under his touch. 

He sniffed loudly, and a tear fell on Neil’s cheek. “Sorry,” Todd muttered, wiping it off with his sleeve.

“Congratulations on the play, Neil. You were really good,” he whispered.

Todd looked around, making sure one more time that nobody was watching with prying eyes. He leaned down, pressing a kiss to Neil’s forehead one last time.

[inahallucination]

Hi! I love your Anderperry teacher AU and this reminded me of them <3

 just two roommates, roommate-ing

Mr. Neil Perry was easily one of the best teachers at Jason H. High School. If not the best, of course. He was nice, easy to talk to, wasn't overtly strict, but still did his job. And even though he was only the theater teacher, he still helped students in whatever subject they asked him to. It was pretty common to see students slip into his class during his lunch break and ask for help on a math assignment or a science assignment. Or anything really. And for him to give his help without asking why they didn’t go to their teacher. And for his help to actually be.. helpful.

Apparently he, himself, had gone to some sort of prestigious private school and had been on the top when it came to academics.

Also, apparently, he had hated that school and how it treated its students so, much that he decided to be a teacher himself, and try and bring a little fun into high schoolers. And he had been doing an amazing job.

And on top of all that, he was, objectively, very nice to look at. He was tall with brown chestnut hair always brushed into perfection. He always dressed nice and was very smiley. And just... nice to look at. Yeah.

Unfortunately, no one really knew much about him other than those few details. Well, that and that he lived with his roommate Todd. Mr. Perry was one of those people who preferred to talk about others. And thus, his students knew a lot about his roommate Todd. Apparently Todd and him were roommates at his boarding school. That was where they met and became close friends. Todd was a writer. Todd wasn’t a good cook, but he tried his best for Mr. Perry. Especially when he was sick. Todd also wasn’t scared of horror movies like Mr. Perry apparently was. Todd also was a pretty shy person.

Mr. Perry talked about Todd a lot.

So, when the Thing happened, everyone was left feeling a little bit lost. 

It was a Wednesday morning. Not the first class of the day, but rather the second. Mr. Perry was sitting on his desk giving his class time to work on their scripts. 

They had been practicing monologues and Mr. Perry let everyone write their own or search for one they particularly liked. 

He, himself, was sitting on his desk, grading something. Then there had been a knock on the door and Anthony, the person who sat closest to the door, stood up to open it. He stepped aside, a little slowly, looking confused, and a tall blond man entered the room. That grabbed everyone’s attention. Jason H. High School was a pretty small school, so everyone knew all the adults there. And that blond man was not one of them. 

“Neil?” The man’s voice was soft. Mr. Perry’s head whipped up from where he had been pouting at the paper in front of him, pencil balancing on his upper lip. He blinked before grinning wide, not paying attention to the pencil as it fell on the floor.

“Todd!” He stood up, walking towards the man. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything’s fine, honey. You just forgot the lunch you packed literally two seconds before you left the house, so I brought it here for you.” As he said this, he held out a brown bag in front of him. 

“Oh. Oh! I totally forgot! Thank you so much!” Mr. Perry leaned in, completely oblivious to the wide eyes his students were giving him and pressed his lips to the man- Todd. Who was not his roommate, apparently. Or at least not just his roommate. Todd (Mr. Perry?) didn’t stay long. He simply handed Mr. Perry his lunch and fixed his crooked tie and gently brushed his hair back into its usually perfect style before kissing him again and then shyly waving to the class and leaving. 

If he noticed the wide eyes and mouths as everyone gaped at him, he didn’t say anything. But the second the door closed; everyone turned their stares to Mr. Perry. 

“Mr. Perry? What was that?”

“...” Mr. Perry stared at them, confused, before slowly saying, “My... husband?”

“You have a husband?”

“YOU’RE MARRIED???”

“YOU’RE GAY????”

“TODD ISN’T YOUR ROOMMATE?”

“OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES.”

Actually… it did explain a lot about him.

Like why he brought up Todd (Mr. Perry x2) into every conversation. Why he wore a chain around his neck (it held his ring so that it was over his heart and because he was scared of losing it at school).

(And also, why it said Mr. Anderson-Perry on all official school papers and websites. Like class schedules or the school staff list.)

//

Yeah i totally lost the plot half way through and didn’t really follow that post but oh well lmao

taglist:

@tuskofthyme​ @flustered-flux​ @fumbleface​ @plagg-wants-cheese @thereallordalfreddouglas @nocturnalnewsiestrash @finding-an-angle @justarandompjofan @theluminoussunflower @sweatytootheddeadpoet @impressedcauliflower @beeisnothere @chaotic-coexistence @marsbernn @quartz-forest @poetofthedyingstars @aaronhoetchner @emilythefern @aedan-mills @flyingdesksets @crumbly-apple-pie @sapphicnoel @meekish-behavior @boy-wonder-oncologist-fan @ilovehimbos @regina-della-poesia @fandomfiish @make-ur-lives-extraordinary @whisper-my-serenade @berrythenewsie @spenceraliah @yearning-theatre-kid @queen-of-bohemia @moose-blogs

[ameliterature]

Writer's Block Cont. (AnderPerry ficlet)

Continuation of Writer's Block

It was a breezy evening downtown and Todd hasn't been at the Coffee Shop since he'd kissed Neil. For obvious reasons, this made the coffee shop barista extremely worried.

"Why the long face?" Charlie asked. He propped himself by the counter beside his brooding friend. Charlie was one of Neil's best friends and the actual manager/owner of the coffee shop (this way he could play his saxophone every Friday night without any objections).

"Todd... He hasn't been here in three days, Charlie, and he's almost always here." Neil buried his face more onto the linoleum counter.

"Oh Todd, ah yes, your big time author-crush-person." Charlie recalls Neil always gushing about him during his break time. He always insisted making all of Todd's orders too. "I mean, today could just be another busy day for him. I'm sure he doesn't necessarily have a reason not to go here." He chuckled.

Neil fell silent.

"... Neiiiilll? What did you do?" Charlie glares at his direction. "Why do you think Todd Anderson wouldn't go here for three days straight?"

Neil fiddled with his thumbs. "I-- I may have... maybe- uh... k-kissed him last weekend."

"YOU WHAT?!" Charlie blurted out, alarming some of the customers and their other barista, Meeks. Unlike Charlie, Meeks was already aware of this situation but he didn't exactly want to stop making his latte art at the moment.

"SHHHH, pipe it down, Charlie- I... Okay, so the other day uh..." Neil huffed before pulling Charlie into the back office to talk more privately-- naturally leaving Meeks in charge.

"Details, Perry, I. NEED. DETAILS." Charlie shook Neil by his shoulders.

"Okay, okay! I'm getting to it-" Neil rattled Charlie off of him. "So- The other day when I was closing up shop for you, Todd was the only one left and- well, long story short- He needed kissing experience for his book and I gave it to him and now I think it was a mistake and he is most likely avoiding me." Neil buried his face into his hands this time. He whined as Charlie comforts him with a pat on his slouched back.

"Neil- Come on! I'm sure he's just shy and all. Hey maybe you gave him the wrong phone number- remember that time when you sent me the wrong one-"

"OH MY GOD-- THAT'S IT-" Neil face-palmed.

"What?"

"I FORGOT TO GIVE HIM MY NUMBER--" Neil sounded both relieved and hysterical. "Of course he wouldn't just come back here- He couldn't just... talk to me in person after what I did- and- and..." Neil sunk to the floor.

Charlie looked down at his distraught friend. "Who am I kidding, Charlie... I ruined it... The one time I got to meet my favorite author and I blew it by kissing him."

"You sure that's blowing it? I'd say it was the best thing you could possibly get from any famous-person-interaction." Charlie smiled, trying to pick up Neil from the ground.

"Just let me die in peace." Neil says to the cold floor. "That kiss might've been the first and last time I ever got to know Todd Anderson in person and I didn't even ask about his other books. He probably thinks I'm just a floozy."

Just as Charlie was about to complain about Neil's focus on Todd's writing than Todd's kiss, someone knocks on the door.

Meeks opens the door to see Neil lifting his head from the floor with tears in his eyes while Charlie is grabbing his arm.

"Uh.. Neil, there's a guy looking for you. He said his name's Todd Ander-"

Neil instantly perks up and immediately bolts to the counter.

When Neil arrives by the cash register, he sees the same dark-blonde author he kissed mere days ago. Todd had eye bags yet his expression was one of breathless excitement. Still beautiful to Neil's eyes.

"T-Todd..." Neil greeted him.

"Neil... When... When do you get off work?" Todd asked fervently yet it was polite to Neil's eyes. "I... I need to talk to you about something."

Just as Neil was about to say 'Around 10pm' Charlie appears from behind him.

"Thank you for your work, Mr. Perry! I see you're done with your shift for the day! I'll see you tomorrow!" Charlie beamed, making quick eye contact with both Neil and Todd. Neil picked up on what Charlie implied and immediately took off his apron.

After a short while, Todd guided Neil to his car parked right outside the coffee shop. "D-Do you mind going with me to my apartment?"

It was a non-question for Neil. As much as he wanted to scream from the rooftops and YAWP in excitement, he kept his composure and followed Todd. "Sure, I'd love to."

The drive to Todd's apartment was silent and short. Todd lived incredibly close to the coffee shop and this fact made Neil grow even more fanboy-y. Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god.

He wanted to respect Todd's privacy so he purposefully didn't take note of the floor number or the apartment number before he entered Todd's home. (In turn, he kept his eyes on Todd the whole time).

As they entered the apartment, Neil could only stare at how neat Todd's living space was. It wasn't exactly neat as it was mostly barren. The most "decoration" you could find was Todd's various bookshelves. A good portion of the area was his own books while the rest were a plethora of Classics and collections of multiple pieces of literature. Todd was a well-read author after all.

"D-did you want anything to drink? Unfortunately the coffee I have here isn't as good as the ones you make so-"

"Wait, Todd... I'm- I'm sorry for what I did... If I made you feel uncomfortable. I- I was worried the past few days-"

"Huh, What- You're sorry?" Todd, bewildered by Neil's apology, let out a chuckle. "Neil, if anything, you helped me, remember?"

Neil looked at him with an intrigued look.

Just then, Todd took Neil's hand and led him to his office. Unlike his perfectly neat living room and kitchen area, Todd's office was a chaotic room full of papers and notebooks. In the back part facing away from the windows was a desk with a computer, multiple stacks of papers (and paper balls), and emptied out paper cups marked on the inside with coffee stains.

"Our little uh- field research actually got me out of my writer's block and I've been writing my book like crazy for the past three days." Todd confessed. "I'm basically almost done with it."

"Wait- Three days?" Neil wheezed. He didn't think Todd could get even more impressive than he already was. "My kiss got you to finish your newest book in three days?!"

"Well... yeah-" Todd scratched the back of his head in humility. "Can't say I've ever done that before. It'll need a shitload of editing and proof reading perhaps, but it's mostly done. Thanks to you."

Neil didn't know how to respond to Todd's words. Neil's favorite author, the person he's been following for several years now, was inspired by his kiss, and finished an entire book in THREE DAYS.

"Todd- I... F-from my kiss?"

"Yes. Well of course it was also the caffeine, but yeah mostly your kiss. I just wanted to personally thank you for getting me through one of my toughest works yet." Todd sat by his desk, pulling up some of the papers he already printed.

Neil walked up to his side, staring at the tentative manuscript- one Todd's editor has yet to even see. (Cameron was not gonna have an easy time).

"Did you want to read it?" Todd asked, instantly making Neil swoon.

"Todd, you're gonna kill me- OF COURSE I'D LOVE TO READ IT-" Neil gushed, looking at both the papers and a blushing Todd.

Neil held the loosely bound papers in his hands, then back at Todd who looked incredibly proud of himself and yet still very reserved.

Neil couldn't tell if he was looking at Todd as an author anymore by how close he was this time. Their arms were brushing against each other, the sound and smell of papers filled the room, Todd was so close.

Neil carefully places the manuscript down by the table. "Before I read it... do you mind if... If I asked you something?"

Todd blinked a couple of times before nodding. "S-sure."

"Do... Do you think it's weird that I... kissed you? I know I said I was helping you for research but... I think a part of me did it because I really liked you. And I'm not sure if it's because I really admire you for your work or if I think you were as beautiful that night as you are now."

Todd looked at him, flustered and speechless. "Y-you sure do know exactly what you want to say..."

"Yeah- I'm sorry."

"And I'm envious of that." Todd responded. Not that Neil needed another reason to gush, but Todd being envious of him is another strike for Neil's humility.

"Usually, when I write my books-- the surrealist ones, they're usually the ones so weird and detached from reality, I usually didn't need to put myself into the protagonists' shoes. But with this book, a book where it's a journey of romance and discovery, I didn't think I'd ever find the right words to describe how the character felt, let alone myself."

"So my kiss gave you existential clarity?" Neil chuckled softly.

"For a short while, yes. I'm all out of it, currently. It's been a draining past few days." Todd leaned back by his office chair.

Neil smirked at him with allurement. "I mean, I'm here. I wouldn't mind giving you a refresher."

Todd raised his eyes at him, blushing even more. "I-"

"I'm just kidding- relax. I'll only kiss you when you want me to. If you ever need anymore field research, that is. I wouldn't mind being your primary source."

Todd bit his lip, gazing upon Neil as he sat over his desk nonchalantly.

"W-what if... say, I wanted a kiss for other reasons?" Todd's voice was like a mumble.

"Excuse me?" Neil felt like he was playing the most intense game of chess with their interaction.

"Like, what if- I thought you looked really handsome right now and I wanted to kiss you, is that a good enough reason to ask for a kiss?"

Neil was enthralled by this interaction. Was it Todd being forward? Or was it his lack of sleep making him this way.

"I... Yes... That's a great reason, actually."

"So... to answer your question earlier: I didn't think it's weird that you kissed me because, right now, another kiss wouldn't seem to bad. And this time, I won't need it for a book."

Todd stood up to meet Neil at eye level, catching him by surprise.

"You're still gonna have to credit me for that book- do you know about royalties-" Neil joked before Todd planted a kiss on him.

Their second kiss was full of small bits of laughter before it turned into something more. It was no longer about Todd's lack of experience or motivation to write, nor was it Neil's admiration as a fan anymore. It was in their second kiss they realized the person they were kissing would be someone to rid them of their woes and inspire them for the rest of their lives.

Aside from that, Todd's career as an author had a new component to it, the skill to garner inspiration in the form of kisses from Neil Perry.

[noelliza]

The Pursuit of Two Left Feet Ch 2 - Anderperry

Hey guys! Here‘s the final part of the fic. I hope you enjoy it! You can also read this on ao3 here.

Summary: Neil made the mistake of telling Charlie about his feelings for a certain poetic blonde, and in true Nuwanda fashion, he got up to some mischief. Now, stuck in a plan to sneak out of school to go to an underground swing dance club, Neil has to make the best of it and pray to God his father doesn’t find out. Hopefully, Neil will get something out of this excursion, perhaps the heart of the object of his affection. He believes it’s nothing more than a dream, a wish. However, Todd Anderson falling for Neil is more likely to happen than he thinks.

Part 1

~

Neil, Todd, you two ready for tonight?” Charlie asks, wiggling his eyebrows as he peeks his head into their room Friday morning.

“As ready as ever,” Neil says, the pit in his stomach growing at the reminder. He still doesn’t know what he’ll do if and when his father finds out.

Charlie pats the doorframe and winks at them before disappearing down the hall.

Neil turns to Todd who’s putting his sweater on, not phased by Charlie’s appearance. “This is not gonna go well,” Neil grumbles.

Todd laughs as the two grab their bags and decide to head down to breakfast.

The whole school day Neil’s thoughts are directed to the vision of sitting in Nolan’s office with his father, his life officially over. If this goes south, Neil’s father will never let him down for it. He wants to have faith in Charlie, but part of him struggles to. Charlie doesn’t care about getting in trouble, he wants to get kicked out. Neil just doesn’t think he’s really thinking this whole thing through.

During english, Neil notices that Mr. Keating shoots him a couple knowing looks, a flash of a smile that’s gone before Neil can process it. It makes him nervous, wondering if somehow he found out about their plan and therefore so did Nolan. Keating would never fink, but Charlie isn’t particularly great at keeping his mouth shut.

That night, Charlie grabs Neil’s suit and drags him to the bathroom,  shoving a hair comb and gel into his hands.

“Charlie, aren’t we making this a bit obvious if we’re getting ready in the bathrooms? Hager is gonna see us.”

“Relax, there’s no reason to hide. This is allowed,” Charlie says. “But I won’t be getting ready here, I have a new suit to give Todd, so we’ll be in my room. See ya!”

Before Neil can object and question his motive, Charlie is out of sight. Neil shakes his head and begins changing into the suit, trying to push back the looming anxiety of his father finding out about this scheme.

As he's combing his hair into place, he hears two pairs of feet barge into the bathroom, and in the reflection of the mirror is Charlie with Todd in tow.

“Perry! Lookin’ like a dreamboat!”

Neil nods in thanks before turning to Todd, whose mouth is open slightly, his eyes roaming up and down his body. “Um, you… you look… really nice,” Todd mutters with a gulp.

“Thank you, uh, so do you,” Neil replies distractedly, his eyes unable to focus on a single part of Todd as he takes in the sight of him. Todd looks incredible in his suit, and he’s surprised Charlie did such an amazing job dressing him. It fits him perfectly, as if it tailored to his exact measurements—he wouldn’t be surprised if that was intentional on Charlie’s part. The coat, tie and slacks are a rich navy blue with a white button up underneath, and the color makes his eyes gleam. His hair is slicked back with gel, revealing more of his face, his cheekbones appearing more prominent. It makes him look more open, soft, and Neil is completely stunned. He’s always thought Todd is handsome, but right now he’s completely mesmerizing.

“Earth to Neil?” Charlie calls, waving a hand in his face. Neil blinks rapidly and clears his throat. “Hey, your bow tie’s crooked. Todd, fix it for him, yeah? I’ll be right back,” he says, giving Todd’s shoulder a firm pat before swaggering over to Meeks who’s combing his hair at the other side of the bathroom.

“Uh, sure,” Todd stammers a beat late, his eyes darting around nervously. He steps up to Neil, reaching out with slight hesitation. Neil holds in a breath as he adjusts the tie back into place. He inadvertently stares at Todd's focused face, tempted to press a soft kiss to his now exposed forehead.

“Alright, let's head out!” Charlie shouts, motioning for them to head out into the hall. Todd pulls back, ducking his head and walking out of the bathroom in one swift motion. Neil sighs, turning his head and catching Charlie’s knowing gaze as he heads towards him. He throws an arm around Neil’s shoulder and leads him out.

Together, the boys make their way outside into the cold night, all of them chattering excitedly. Awaiting them, leaning against his car looking ready for a night out, is Mr. Keating.

Neil gapes. “Charlie, how did you…”

“Amazing, right?” Charlie says proudly, stalking off to the car.

“Hello boys, you all look fetching. Ready?” Mr. Keating greets the noisy bunch, a wide grin on his face as they approach him.

Before Neil can even say anything, he’s being shoved into the backseat, smushed between Todd and Charlie in the third row. Knox lays himself across the boys, his face right in front of Charlie’s.

“I’m liking this view,” Charlie smirks.

Knox rolls his eyes, slapping Charlie’s shoulder. “Shut up.”

“Wait, Captain, are you coming with us to the club?” Pitts asks as he slides into the second row after Meeks, closing the door.

“Oh no,” Keating chuckles, turning the car on. “I’m much too old for a hullabaloo. Don’t sweat it, this old man has plans of his own with a special lady tonight.”

The boys all holler and whistle, making Keating flush in embarrassment. “Yes, yes, your teacher has a real life too, I know it’s surprising. Let’s get rolling!” He calls, putting the car in motion.

“Captain, how did the school allow this?” Neil can’t help asking. Charlie gives him a look, but he ignores it.

“Well, they think we’re off to see an invigorating show about the life and work of William Shakespeare. As illuminating as I imagine it would be, that is not on the itinerary for you boys tonight. You’re off to a much more exciting endeavor filled with music, dancing, and a bit of romance,” he says, and Neil swears Keating meets his eyes through the rear view mirror. He looks away hastily.

“Aww, that actually sounded pretty interesting…” Cameron mutters, trailing off forlornly and glancing out the window.

Charlie elbows Neil in the ribs to make a point, and he makes an effort to hold in a groan. “We can drop you off there if you’d like Cameron?” Charlie smirks.

Neil returns the elbow in reprimand and Charlie squawks indignantly. “We can all go see that another time. I’m sure it’s quite interesting,” he says, sending Charlie a glare that he responds to with sticking his tongue out childishly. Knox snorts, resulting in a jab in the ribs courtesy of Charlie.

“Good idea,” Cameron says, his face lighting up. “You know, something  interesting about Shakespeare is that there was a seven year period between 1585 and 1592 where no one knew—”

“I’m going to claw my ears out before the end of this car ride and you’ll be next,” Charlie whispers aggravatedly in Neil’s ear.

“You’ll forget that as soon as we get there and you spot someone attractive,” Neil says wryly.

Charlie leans back, taking a deep breath with a startling, fierce look in his eye. Oh God…

“Thou doth thinketh I'm a predictable young squire? I willith kick thy bosom!” Charlie pronounces, sticking his finger in the air. Knox rolls his eyes.

“Charlie, a bosom is a woman’s chest,” Neil chuckles.

“Thine ears will suffer great of mine Shakespearean drivel until a most suffering death graces itself upon thee when mine fist meetseth thy cheek,” he says, folding his hand into a tight fist.

“I feel like you speak Shakespeare a bit too well for you to hate it as much as you say you do,” Knox prods with a crooked smile.

Charlie turns to Knox, leaning into his face. “Thou wilist meet a fate much alike if thou speaketh onward.”

“Bite me, nerd,” Knox grins.

In a blink, Charlie attacks Knox with his fingers, tickling his armpits and ribcage fervently as he cackles wickedly. Knox yelps and squirms fiercely, kicking his legs erratically, his arms flailing.

“Boy, boys, I’m all for a bit of roughhousing but please settle down until we get there,” Mr. Keating cuts in.

Charlie lets off, allowing Knox to catch his breath, and they both call back a low ‘yes, Captain.’ Neil feels Todd’s quiet laughs beside him, the breath hot beside his ear. He tries not to shiver at the sensation by focusing on the road ahead. They pass by trees lining both sides of the street, and in the distance he can see the beginnings of the town. As they proceed, he can make out the buildings, growing larger with each passing second. The illuminating signs on the buildings shine high above the people walking merrily down the sidewalk, contrasting the subdued ambience of their school. Neil thrums in excitement, and he tries to stay hopeful, pushing down the looming anxiety that this will all suddenly go wrong.

“I-I guess Charlie was right. This is working out.”

Neil looks at Todd, an amused smile gracing his face. “Yes, for now. Though any minute I anticipate something to blow up,” Neil jokes, knowing Charlie can hear him.

“Hey now, we’re off to fill our minds with the knowledge of the legendary William Shakespeare. If anything, Nolan is happy that a select few of Keating’s students seek such a riveting educational opportunity,” Charlie says in his most dramatic tone, and Knox sends him an exasperated look.

“Right.” Neil scoffs, earning poke on the cheek. Neil responds with a quick pinch on Charlie’s thigh, eliciting a yelp from him. Knox cackles as Charlie attempts to attack back with jabs to his arm and ribs, Neil giving a harder pinch on his arm. Before he can continue the attack, a hand wraps around his wrist, stopping his movement.

“I- we can’t until we get there. Captain’s orders,“ Todd says, flushing.

“It’s alright, trouble is what I live for,” Charlie says though he lets off, leaning over the seat to pull Meek’s hair. “Right Meeks?”

Neil hasn’t moved, his brain still frozen at Todd’s touch. “I- right.” Neil laughs faintly. He shakes his head and pulls his hand into his lap, ignoring the looks he’s getting from Charlie and Knox.

Neil stays silent the rest of the car ride, tuning out everyone’s voices around him. He’s fighting to ignore the feel of Todd’s leg pressed against his, the slight shake of his leg as he bounces it anxiously, the sight of his fingers tapping on his leg in repeated patterns. It’s also impossible to forget the feel of Todd’s hand circling his arm, his touch soft, almost like a caress. Neil aches to place his hand in Todd’s lap and let him hold it how he wants, yearning to feel his palm against his skin, perhaps in his own hand, once again.

Eventually, Keating pulls over in front of a lit up, cozy diner, with a neon sign hanging up titled “Leggy’s Breakfast Town.” Next to it is a smaller sign that reads, “Open 24 hours.”

"Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow,” Mr. Keating says as the boys all climb out of the car.

“Romeo and Juliet!” Knox calls back proudly, closing the door once he steps onto the pavement.

“You got it Mr. Overstreet! Have fun!” Mr. Keating drives off, waving at them through the window before disappearing down the street.

Suddenly, Neil hears a car door open. He turns to see a green car parked up ahead, and stepping out of it is Chris in a flowy, emerald dress reaching her knees, fit slim on her waist. When Knox catches sight of her, he stares, drooling.

“Hey Knox,” Chris says with a radiant smile as she walks over to the group, her heels clicking on the sidewalk with each step.

“Chris… wow, you look…” he stumbles.

“Knox, save it for the club, come on buddy,” Charlie cuts in, clapping his shoulder and steering him inside. The other boys and Chris all tumble into the diner, following Charlie and Knox into the diner. The place is packed, filled with loud families and couples, eating burgers and dipping their fries in milkshakes, so no one bats an eye as the group crowds in the entrance.

Charlie stops and looks around before spotting a waiter cleaning behind the counter. He approaches the counter and leans over, resting his elbows on the surface with his famous Charlie smirk in place. “Hello, we’re here about your duck special,” he says in a low yet overly casual tone.

The waiter, a long haired boy looking about their age, holds Charlie’s gaze for a moment before nodding. “Yes, right this way,” he says, walking toward a long hallway. Neil glances at Todd who looks just as confused as he does before they walk after them. They reach a door that opens to a flight of dark, descending stairs, and the waiter leads them down, instructing the last person to close the door behind them.

“Isn’t it a bit noticeable when they take a bunch of teenagers to the back room that they’re not here for dinner?” Neil whispers furiously in Charlie’s ear after catching up to him.

“Relax, everyone here knows about the club, but no one says anything about it. They make major dough, so no one complains. The customers get good food, and the city makes capital. It’s a win win.”

Neil shakes his head as they reach the bottom, and the waiter opens the door, revealing a huge, bright room buzzing with life. It’s packed with people dressed in their most fancy attire—women in stunning, flowy dresses and men wearing fine suits. He sees numerous couples dancing across the expansive dance floor and others chatting away with cocktails in hand and wide smiles on their faces. Neil stares in awe, taking in the sight, unable to fathom that he’s standing here right now. He’s half expecting his father to appear any moment to shut down the place, ready to drag Neil home and give him the reprimand of his life. Abruptly, he feels Charlie pat his shoulder, which brings him back to himself.

“Alright mates, I’ve got some ladies to charm and men to woo, enjoy yourselves,” he says to the group with a wink before disappearing into the fray.

Neil stands there dumbly as the other boys start wandering off into the room. Since when does Charlie say ‘mates’? he wonders bemusedly. He hears someone clear their throat beside him and he turns to see Todd still standing there, looking at him with a nervous but expectant expression. A flash of panic shoots through him. This is it, the moment he’s been dreading and waiting for this entire week. He opens his mouth, the words on his lips, and panics.

“So… a drink?” Neil suggests, hating himself.

“I- uh, yeah sure. I’ll come with you..?”

“No, no. I’ll go. Find us a table?”

“Yeah sure,” he says, looking almost disappointed.

At that, Neil flees to the bar to get away from Todd, his heart crying more the further he goes. As he approaches, he schools his features into a more mature, serious look and straightens his posture. He leans over the counter until the bar man catches sight of him.

“I’ll have your strongest, please, and something sweet,” he says hastily as the bar man walks over. He frowns slightly, but just nods. “You got it.”

When he turns around, Neil releases a long breath, slouching over the bar. He’s such a fucking coward. Charlie put too much faith in him, there’s no way he can do this. Todd is just going to reject him and that’ll be the end of their friendship. He can’t afford to lose it.

Soon, the bar man returns with the drinks before turning to another customer. Neil grabs them and turns around, taking a step away from the bar to scan for Todd. He walks listlessly as he looks, but stumbles when he catches Todd on the dance floor with some random guy.

Suddenly, he collides into someone’s chest, and he returns his gaze in front of him to see his drinks spill right onto a man’s shirt, staining the white button up red. Neil pales in horror. “Oh my— I’m so sorry, I—”

“No! Don’t worry about it, nothing I can’t get out later,” the man says, sending Neil a reassuring smile. Neil’s face heats up at the sight—he’s quite attractive. He’s tall and lean with golden hair and a charming smile. His eyes are a blinding blue, shining in amusement.

“Want this one? I have an extra. They’re not the best here, but they sure do the trick,” he says, holding out a small, dark colored drink.

“Sure, thanks,” Neil says, putting his emptied drinks onto the bar with a grimace and accepting the glass. He takes a quick sip and has to withhold a cough at the strength of the drink, not wanting to embarrass himself.

“What are you doing on your own? Come here with anyone? Surely you didn’t have two drinks for yourself,” he chuckles softly.

“Yeah, my friends,” he says solemnly, his eyes glued to Todd across the room, having a grand old time with some stranger.

“Where are they?” he asks.

Neil watches dolefully as Todd is swung around the dance floor, his smile bright, blinding. He feels the man follow his gaze and soon he makes a noise of realization.

“Ah, I get it. You like him?”

Neil flushes, almost choking on his drink. “Wha— um… it’s…”

“No judgement, that charming fella over there is my boyfriend,” he says, pointing to the far corner of the dance floor where he’s dancing with a woman around his age, tall and gorgeous. They’re moving together like water, twirling around the floor without missing a single beat. It’s incredible. “Plus, this place is meant for people like us, so don’t sweat it,” the man adds.

People like us, Neil repeats internally. He supposes the man’s not wrong. Neil has come to accept that he isn't like most other boys his age, especially not the kind his father wants him to be. He relents with a sigh. “Well, yeah, fine. I do. Like him, that is.”

The man hums understandingly, taking a swig of his drink. “Does he know it?”

Neil shakes his head. “No, it’d ruin… everything.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well… I don’t think he’s…” Neil trails off, a part of him still terrified of saying the word.

The man laughs, which makes Neil frown. “I’ve been there too. I get that it’s scary, risking your friendship like that. But that’s the thing about life, sometimes it’s worth taking that leap. What’s that one saying… carpa dem…”

“Carpe diem,” Neil corrects, hiding a smile.

He snaps his fingers. “Yes! Carpe diem.”

Neil huffs a laugh at the irony. “Yeah, I try to live by that every day, actually.”

“Well, then why is this any different?”

“Because… he’s the most important person in my life. If I lost him…” Neil swallows, looking away.

“I see,” he says, taking a breath. “Well, I’m not gonna sit here and force you to do anything, this is your life. But take it from someone who was in your shoes once. If he’s meant to be in your life, telling him won’t ruin a thing. If not, then it means there’s someone else out there who’s meant for you.”

Neil simply nods. This man doesn’t understand that no one could ever replace Todd, but he doesn’t bother explaining it. “Yeah, well my father wouldn’t be pleased by this either.”

“Not accepting?”

“That’s putting it lightly,” Neil says. “He’s trying to take hold of my entire life, insisting I have to go to Harvard, go to medical school and become a doctor.”

The man sighs sympathetically. “That’s a tough situation, what do you want to do instead?”

“Act, but that’s never going to happen,” he snorts.

“You know, my boyfriend said the same thing when he was around your age.”

Neil whips his head towards him in shock. “Really? He’s an actor?”

“Yeah, and he loved it. Now, he owns a small, local theater for children and teens in New York.

“That’s amazing,” Neil breathes.

“It is, I’m proud of him,” he says with a fond smile.

A part of Neil wonders if that future is possible for him, that despite everything, he has a shot. But even that doesn't overpower the voice in his head telling him it’s impossible, so he moves on from the thought. “What do you do?” Neil asks, taking a large sip of his drink, ignoring the burning in his throat as he swallows.

“Nothing nearly as exciting. I’m a lawyer,” he laughs. Neil nods. “Do you like it?”

The man shrugs slightly with a smile. “I do now, but I didn’t at first. Too much paperwork and talking to a bunch of stuck up people in overpriced suits. But then I got a case where I was defending this girl who was getting abused by her boyfriend. We won the case, and when I saw her face, it reminded me why I wanted to do this in the first place, to help people. It’s cheesy, but true.

“That’s really great,” Neil says.

“Thanks. But just know I’m not saying that to make you feel bad for not wanting to be a doctor,” he clarifies.

“Oh, no of course, I get it,” he says, not offended. He understands that helping others that way is their calling, but in Neil’s heart he knows it's not meant for him.

“My mother wasn’t very accepting of my choice of career either. Growing up, she wanted me to take over the family business. We own a restaurant in town called “Leandro’s Italian Restaurant.” My grandfather opened it, and after he got old, he passed it onto my mom. But let me tell you, I’m the last person you want in the kitchen. I manage to burn anything I lay my eyes on. Andrew won’t let me lift a finger when making dinner,” he chuckles.

“But she let you pursue that career instead when you told her?”

“Yeah, but I know it’s only because it pays well,” he says regretfully. “Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Andrew’s parents were horrified at the idea of him becoming an actor. He told me about how they fought all the time, his father insisting he needs to have a real career with a steady income, but my stubborn Andy refused, of course. He worked as much as he could in school, saving up his money. Once he graduated, he got a second job and worked day and night until he was able to support himself and move out. It took him a few years to get it together, but eventually he made it onto the stage. He told me it was gruesome in the beginning, but that he’s never regretted it for a second. Such an optimist he is,” he says admiringly.

Neil nods absently, completely absorbed in the story. It’s possible, a small, hopeful voice in his head says. But that was one person… what if he’s not so lucky?

“Alright, I’ve chatted your ear off enough,” the man says, breaking Neil out of his thoughts as he pats his shoulder. “Go out there and dance! You’re young, enjoy it!”

“Okay. Thank you though, Mister…?”

“Emerson. But call me G.”

“You like poetry?” Neil asks with a playful smile.

G laughs, throwing this head back. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who hasn’t asked me some version of that question. I do, but not Emerson, funny enough. I’m more into the beat poets like Gary Snyder. Some powerful words, I’ll say. You?”

“Nice, I prefer Whitman,” Neil smiles. “Thanks for the drink!” He says, swallowing the rest before placing the glass on the table.

“Of course, don’t go too crazy though! Enough of those and you’ll wake up in the alleyway next to the diner. Trust me, I’ve been there,” G says slyly.

Neil laughs with a nod, holding G’s gaze for a moment longer before striding to the dance floor in pursuit of Todd. He supposes there's truth to the phrase “liquid courage,” because with just a glass of alcohol in his system, he feels unstoppable. Carpe fucking diem.

He taps on his shoulder and Todd spins around, his face lighting up at the sight of Neil. “Neil, you’re here! Oh, I-I’m so glad. I missed you!” Todd shouts, clearly very drunk.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he says, not feeling sorry in the slightest, “but Todd… will you dance with me?”

The guy Todd was just dancing with gives him a nasty look, but doesn’t protest. “I- of course! I’ve been waiting all night for you to ask!” Todd beams, stumbling over to him.

“Well, here I am,” Neil laughs, taking in Todd’s smile.

“Y-you should try the drinks I had. They sucked b-but my anxiety, it went POOF!” He says, making an exploding gesture with his hand, swaying closer to Neil.

“I’m glad, but I’ll try it later. Come on,” he says, leading Todd gently to an open spot on the dance floor with a guiding hand on the small of his back.

Neil takes deep breaths, trying to control his nervousness. He may have learned ballroom dancing, but swing dancing is a foreign concept to him. He’s going to embarrass himself and Todd will laugh at him. He darts his eyes around, trying to see how the other couples are dancing. As he’s about to begin his attempt, Todd takes hold of his arms, leaning in close.

“Don’t worry,” Todd says, “I-I think I have the hang of it. Follow my lead.”

Neil gasps as Todd pulls him around, bouncing on his heels a bit unevenly. Neil copies his movements, trying to let his body feel the music. The pair are off beat to the music, but Neil doesn’t care. They could be tap dancing to an opera ballad and he would be over the moon, just happy to be dancing with Todd, holding his hand and moving around the space together.

At first, Neil fumbles a bit, tripping over his feet a few times and moving his limbs in awkward motions, but eventually, he starts getting into the groove. Todd still misses a few steps every so often, but he laughs it off and warmth spreads through Neil’s chest at the sound. He laughs breathlessly, boldly deciding to pick Todd up by his hips and swinging him around his body. Todd lets out a surprised gasp, giggling as Neil moves him through the air, holding on for dear life. Neil keeps a firm hand on his waist and places him back on his feet carefully. Once Todd finds his balance, he haphazardly reaches out for Neil’s hand again, losing his grip a couple times, and twirls him around, pulling him into his chest and spinning him back out again. Neil’s heart is soaring, and he can’t hear anything besides the music ringing in his ears and Todd’s unrestrained laughter.

They dance song after song, and Neil loses track of how long they’ve been there, moving under the flashing lights and through the bodies of the crowd, throwing one another into the air. Eventually, Todd leans close to his ear, clutching his shoulder to keep balance. “‘ve gotta go to the bathroom,” he mumbles, his words slurred and breathy.

“Oh, ok! Want me to come with…?”

Todd shakes his head smiling, placing his hand on Neil’s chest. “No, no, ‘m alright. I’ll be… right back,” he slurs.

“Alright, I’ll be at the bar. I’m gonna get another drink,” Neil says.

Todd nods, staring at him for a moment before stalking off the dance floor towards the bathroom. Neil breathes out, trying to settle his nerves down. Adrenaline is coursing through his body, and his heart is thumping out of his chest. Dancing with Todd is exhilarating, and Neil could do it for the rest of his life—even as an old man in a wheelchair.

He walks off, ready to drown himself in liquor until he can gather enough courage to tell Todd how he really feels. But he’s quickly intercepted by Charlie who jumps in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Having a good time?” He asks smugly.

“Yes!” Neil shouts. “I feel… I feel so alive!”

“That’s what I like to hear!” Charlie cheers. “Next thing you know you’ll be getting at it like bunnies in the bathroom stall,” he winks.

Neil tries not to choke on air as he stares at Charlie, his eyes wide. “Charlie, stop! But it doesn’t matter, Todd was dancing with someone earlier. I don’t think he… he can’t.”

Charlie rolls his eyes, letting out an overly exasperated sigh as if Neil is out of his mind (which he isn’t). “Oh sit on it Neil, did you miss the way he looked at you? He looks like a lovesick puppy.”

“You’re exaggerating,” Neil mutters.

“Not now no, if anything I’m understating it. Go over there and swap some spit with him before I do it myself.”

“Charlie! It’s- you don’t understand. He’s my best friend, besides you of course. We… it’s not like that,” Neil stresses.

Charlie doesn’t look the least bit swayed by his words, giving him a wry look. “Neil, Todd only wants to dance with you. The only reason he was with that chump was because I made him. I know how possessive you can get.”

“Nuwanda…”

“Hey, I needed something to push him onto the dance floor, loosen up a bit, you’re welcome. Later, lover boy!” Charlie hurries off into the crowd, and Neil sighs. Of course Charlie would meddle like that.

Neil heads to the bar, already plotting Charlie’s murder when he spots Cameron leaning against the counter talking to a young, gorgeous blonde woman.

“Hey Cameron! Who’s this?” He asks as he approaches them, clapping his shoulder and turning to the woman with a smile.

“Neil! This is Caroline, she goes to Ridgewood,” Cameron says. He looks happier than Neil has ever seen him.

“Neil, nice to meet you! Cameron’s such a charmer isn’t he? I could just drown in those freckles,” she says dreamily, kissing his cheek.

Neil refrains from laughing as Cameron’s face turns beat red, more fiery than his hair. “I’m glad you’re having a good time!”

“The best! Thanks for inviting me, I know Charlie didn’t really want to,” he says.

“Oh, it’s nothing, you know how Charlie can be, he doesn’t really mean it,” Neil says with a nervous laugh, feeling guilty at how transparent Charlie’s disdain has been. He doesn’t think Cameron deserves it.

“If you say so, but you’re cool, Neil. So thanks,” Cameron says gratefully.

Neil gives a quick nod, feeling a bit embarrassed at the praise. “Course, don’t mention it. Anyway, Caroline, it was lovely to meet you, but I’ve gotta get a drink before my… friend returns from the bathroom.”

“Ooh, Todd?” Cameron ribs, elbowing him and raising his eyebrows with a smirk.

“Uh, yeah,” he stammers. Neil turns to the bar man walking in their direction as a distraction from this topic. “Excuse me, can I have—“

“OH!” Cameron lights up with a thought, cutting him off. “Get a pina colada, they’re really good!”

“You might also like a dirty martini!” Caroline chimes in, winking at him.

Neil blinks and looks back at the waiter who’s waiting patiently. “I’ll take both,” he says. The bartender nods and promptly grabs a glass and a vodka bottle.

Not even a moment later, Cameron and Caroline start making out passionately next to him. Neil turns away awkwardly, hoping that Todd comes back from the bathroom soon. He looks at the dance floor and spots Knox and Chris together, laughing as Knox spins her in the air. Off to the side, he notices Meeks and Pitts dancing to the music at their own speed, away from the throng. Charlie, however, is nowhere to be seen, which is never a good thing.

After what feels like an eternity, the bartender slides his drinks across the bar, and Neil hands him a few dollar bills. “Keep the change,” he says quickly and turns away from the bar, desperate to get away from their slobbering and moaning. As soon as he takes a step, he crashes into someone, once again spilling the drinks he was just holding. He refrains from cursing, almost choking on air when he recognizes the victim of his clumsiness as G’s boyfriend.

“Oh, hey, you alright bud?” He asks, his voice deep and warm. He’s tall with curly, brown hair gelled back, and his smile is friendly, his green eyes soft and benevolent. The drinks drip down his cream colored suit, the large stains prominent.

Neil lets out a long breath and closes his eyes. “I’m so sorry, I’m not having the best luck with carrying drinks tonight.”

“No it’s alright, now my boyfriend and I can have matching, stained shirts,” he says with a hearty laugh. Normally, Neil would feel like he’s being made fun of, but from his sincere expression, it comes off lighthearted.

“Yeah, that was me…”

His eyes widen in recognition. “Oh! He mentioned you. Neil, right? Potentially an Armstrong?”

“Yes, I’m Neil, but no, unfortunately not related,” he says with an embarrassed laugh.

“Damn, that’s too bad. I’m Andrew McDorman,” he says, holding out his hand. Neil grips it, Andrew’s handshake solid and firm. “Giovanni told me you act!”

“Well… I’d like to, yes. But, my father wants me to become a doctor,” he says, pausing as a thought hits him. “And he told me he goes by G.”

He laughs. “Yeah of course he did. He’s been trying to sound younger now, but I refuse to call him that. He’ll always be my Giovanni, even if I always butcher the pronunciation, according to him,” he says with a sappy expression. Neil can tell they both truly love each other, and it makes him ache to have this with Todd, speaking of one another fondly, others sensing how close the two of them are.

“And about your father,” he adds, going back to the original topic, “mine wanted me to become a dentist. It’s not easy, I know. You feel like you’re stuck, that there’s nowhere to go. But trust me, Neil, there is.”

“Thanks, I’m glad you were able to pursue your dreams, but I’m not sure if I can…”

Andrew sighs with a smile. “Okay, you got me”eks planning that” an idea has dawned on him. “Tell you what, you wanna follow your own path, get away from your shitty father? Our door is always open, alright? I know, I know, stranger danger, but the offer is there. Actors gotta support each other, and I wanna be able to help out someone who’s in the same situation I was,” he says earnestly, the unspoken homosexuals falling between them.

Neil stands there completely speechless, his mind whirling in a million directions. This sounds too good to be true, because there’s no way he could escape his father’s grasp. He’d track him down, make him come home and ensure he makes it to medical school. But… what if…?

“No pressure kid. Here, let me replace those drinks. On me,” he offers kindly before Neil is able to respond. He’s left with his mouth hanging open as the man passes him, walking up to the bar to order.

“Neil!”

Neil turns to see Todd walking towards him, and his distress melts away as his eyes lay on Todd. His hair is slightly disarrayed, a few hairs drooping down his forehead, his cheeks still red from the dancing. He’s absolutely perfect. “There you are,” he says breathlessly.

“Hey, there was a guy in there who said I looked like uhh Nikola Tesla,” he giggles.

“Huh, not a bad guy to be compared to I guess,” Neil says, amused.

“Here we are!” Andrew says, holding out the drinks.

“Oh! Pina colada, I had one earlier and it was great!” Todd shouts gleefully, taking the glass and sucking the drink down, practically inhaling it.

“Ah, is this your boyfriend?” Andrew asks, directing the question to Neil, handing him his martini.

“N-no I wish,” Todd answers, swallowing his drink before returning to it promptly, the glass already halfway empty.

“I- he’s had a lot to drink…” Neil says, taking a big gulp of his drink.

Andrew gives him a knowing look. “Don’t fret, I’ve been there,” he says quietly so only Neil can hear him. “Alright cool cats, I gotta scoot, have fun and stay safe!” Andrew says to the pair, giving them both a wide grin before walking off.

As Neil turns to Todd, getting the nerve to ask him to dance again, a voice booms through the room.

“All the lovers to the dance floor! For this next song, we’re going to slow things down a bit. This is a special request from a man who goes by the name Nuwanda, and this is dedicated to Neil and Todd,” the singer announces.

Neil stares at the stage, noticing Charlie standing nearby with a shiteating grin. Charlie catches his eye and winks. Bastard.

“Um, Neil?” Todd asks, his voice cracking.

Neil turns to him and stops breathing at the look on Todd’s face. His eyes are wide, appearing anxious but hopeful, like he’s placing his heart in the palm of Neil’s hand for safe keeping. Neil hopes to God it doesn’t slip from his grasp.

“Yes?” He says, almost in a whisper.

Todd slowly reaches his hand out, palm up. “W-will you dance with me?”

A smile grows on his face. “Always.” Neil accepts his hand, placing his glass down on the table beside him, and allows Todd to walk him to the dance floor. He can’t tell if it’s the alcohol or his nerves, but Neil can’t feel the floor beneath his feet as he moves through the crowd, almost like he’s floating.

When I fall in love it will be forever

Todd positions them both, placing a gentle hand on Neil’s back. His face heats up inadvertently at the touch, his back tingling at the sensation. Todd looks at him, his eyes steady. “I’ll lead,” he says.

Or I'll never fall in love

Neil smiles in response, and it doesn’t wane even the slightest as Todd stamps right on his toes. Neil breaks out in a laugh, resting his forehead on Todd’s shoulder. Todd doesn’t move or make a sound, so Neil pulls back and gives him a reassuring smile. “It’s ok,” he says softly.

In a restless world like this is

Todd looks down at his feet self-consciously and Neil tilts his head back up with a finger under his chin. “Don’t worry about it, really.”

Love is ended before it's begun

Todd takes a hesitant step, breathing out as he manages to avoid Neil’s foot. Slowly, he takes another, and another, and Neil follows, feeling gratified that Todd is so dedicated to this.

And too many moonlight kisses

Neil revels in the feel of Todd’s hand in his own, his fingers wrapped around it firmly as they step around. Until this moment, Neil hasn’t realized how desperately he needs Todd in his life. How he wants to wake up beside him in the morning, make him breakfast in bed, go on walks with him through a park full of birds and laughing children, listen to him read poetry as they sit by a toasty fire. These images flood his mind, and he’s overwhelmed by how much he craves for this to become reality.

Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun

Neil gazes into those soft, blue eyes, never wanting to escape their grasp ever again. As they stare at one another, drowning in each other, their movements slow. Neil is too distracted by the sight to acknowledge it. His body is moving on his own accord, leaning in to take in his face, the scent of strong cologne he assumes Charlie sprayed all over him.

When I give my heart it will be completely

“Todd—”

In a blink, Todd grabs both sides of his face and in a singular movement he crashes their lips together, cutting him off with a bruising kiss. Neil doesn’t react at first, completely stunned by the feel of Todd’s lips. He quickly comes back to himself, sliding his hands behind Todd’s neck, cradling it as he moves his lips, taking him in. Todd places a hand on his cheek, which sends a shiver down his neck. After a moment, they slow, and Neil gradually pulls back to look at him, aware that he’s now plunged in the water, completely head over heels for this boy.

Or I'll never give my heart

“Todd,” he breathes.

A flash of worry crosses Todd’s eyes. “Y-yeah?”

Neil stares at him before speaking. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.”

“O-oh sorry you can—”

“Todd,” he laughs fondly.

And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too

Before Todd starts to ramble, Neil shuts him up with another kiss, slotting his lips between his with a hmph. This one is softer, more tender than the last, yet just as remarkable. He pours out every emotion he can into the kiss, wanting Todd to understand how he loves every inch, every quirk, every fiber of his being.

Is when I'll fall in love with you

As the last note rings through the room, Neil hears a sudden whoop. He turns, watching in horror as Charlie barrels towards them in glee. “Fucking finally you nimrods!” He shouts, giving Neil a quick noogie. “I thought I was gonna have to smash your faces together myself.”

Neil can’t hold back a grin as he rolls his eyes. “Get out of here, you’re kind of ruining the moment, you know,” he teases.

“That was the most romantic kiss I’ve ever seen!” Charlie exclaims, completely missing the hint, or purposefully ignoring it. “Knox wishes he could be on that level.”

“Charlie, I heard that!” Knox calls, pacing over to them.

“That’s my queue to leave, see you!” Charlie says, dashing away as Knox chases after him.

Neil laughs and looks back at Todd who’s smiling dazedly at him. He swipes his thumb across Todd’s cheek, and leans in for a quick kiss. “Sorry, I just can’t help it now.”

Todd blinks. “D-don’t apologize for that. Ever,” he breathes.

“Okay,” Neil says, recapturing his lips in a searing kiss. He doesn’t care that they’re surrounded by a bunch of strangers, any care in the world is lost among the feel of Todd’s lips between his own. After a moment, Todd pulls back, his eyes taking in every feature of Neil’s face.

“What is it?” Neil asks, smiling. He hears the lively music pick up again, everyone dancing around them, but he doesn’t move.

“I- nothing I… just never thought you’d…”

“I thought the same about you,” Neil admits.

“But.. how?” He asks, astonished. “Y-you’re… you’re literally perfect, Neil.”

Neil shakes his head. “No, I’m far from it. But Todd, you’re incredible. You’re better than any dream I could ever fathom, you’re single handedly the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You always listen when I rattle nonsense to you as if every word I say is meaningful, you’re there for me on my low days, ready with an open ear and a shoulder to lay on, you write the most outstanding poetry known to man. How could I not be completely in love with you?”

Todd gapes at him, disbelieving. “You… you love me?”

Neil laughs. “Of course, dummy,” he says affectionately.

“I- I do too. Love you. I… I love you,” Todd says.

An overwhelming sense of joy floods through him, and without thinking, Neil wraps his arms around Todd’s waist and picks him up, spinning him around as he shouts in elation. Soon, Neil sets him back down and brings him into a tight embrace, nuzzling into his neck. Todd returns it, sliding his arms around his back, holding him close.

Suddenly, someone bumps into Todd’s back as they dance, shouting a quick apology as they pass, and it seems to send them both back into reality. They pull back and glance around, watching as everyone is jiving to the upbeat music. Neil looks back at Todd who returns his gaze and they break out into a fit of laughter, making their way over to a table.

They collapse into some seats, breathing heavily. Neil is relieved to have a break; he’s starting to come back down from his rush of energy, and his eyelids are getting heavy.

“Neil,” Todd says, shaking his shoulder lightly.

He lifts his head and looks at him questioningly.

“Don’t fall asleep yet, wait until we get in the car.”

Neil makes a noise of complaint. “I’m tired. Be my pillow, Todd?” He asks, leaning his head over onto Todd’s shoulder.

Todd sighs defeatedly, raising a hand to card through Neil’s hair. They stay like that for a few minutes, relaxed and at ease, until Charlie approaches their table.

“Seems it's a general consensus that it’s time to go,” Charlie says, plopping into the seat across from them and taking a swig from his drink. “The others are starting to get tired too. They wanna grab a bite upstairs before Keating comes. What do you say?”

Neil lifts his head, sitting up in his chair. “Sure, Todd?” He nods in agreement.

“Alright, perfect. I’ll go grab the others, be back in a flash,” he says, darting away.

“Tell Charlie to wait up, I got to say bye to some people first.”

Todd’s eyebrows raise in remembrance. “Oh, that man who gave us the drinks?”

“Yeah, and his boyfriend.”

“O-okay I’ll tell him,” Todd says.

Neil leans over and kisses his cheek before walking off in search of G and Andrew. He goes toward the bar first and doesn’t see them, so he looks through the crowd of the dance floor. After a few seconds, he feels a hand clap his shoulder. Neil whips around.

“Hey kid! How you doing? I saw you and that boy earlier, I’m proud of you,” G says. “And you’ve got one hell of a friend to request a song for you two like that.”

“Yeah, that was more romantic than our first kiss,” Andrew adds, sliding an arm behind G’s back. “You’re gonna have to step up your game.”

“Hey, don't you forget my proposal, I spent weeks planning that!”

Andrew sighs with a smile. “Okay, you got me.”

G gives him a quick peck before returning his attention to Neil.

“I’m- we’re great. I’m… really happy,” Neil says, beaming. “And yeah, Charlie is not one to be subtle about anything.”

The couple laugh. “Well, I’m glad it worked out,” G says sincerely.

As Neil nods in thanks, Andrew gasps in realization. “Give me your hand,” he requests.

Neil complies, pulling back his sleeve. Andrew pulls a pen out of his pocket and writes on the back of his hand. Once he’s done he releases his arm and caps the pen. “In case of anything, don’t hesitate to call us. If things don’t bode well with your father, we’ll be here for you, okay? Any hour of any day. I never really sleep anyway,” Andrew says with a crooked smile.

Neil looks down at the phone number written on his hand, and holds in the tears welling up in his eyes. “Thank you,” he croaks, keeping his eyes down and wiping them surreptitiously.

“Any time,” G says, a smile in his voice.

Finally he looks up at them both, feeling fiercely grateful for them—despite the unideal introduction of Neil ruining their clothes.

“My friends and I are heading up to the diner before we leave. But it was great to meet you both. Sorry again for spilling the drinks on you. Both of you,” he says, wincing as he peers at their stained outfits.

“Oh, don’t even stress it. It’s a good thing you did now, isn’t it?”

Neil laughs. “I suppose it is.”

There’s a beat of silence between them before they bid each other good night, Neil returning to his table. Todd looks up at him as he approaches. “They’re all waiting by the door. Ready?” Todd asks, standing from his seat.

“Actually, I wanted to ask you something first,” Neil says, his heart pounding out of his chest.

Todd blinks. “Okay,” he says, anxiety creeping into his features. Neil reaches out and strokes his cheek in reassurance.

“I just wanted to know… now that we’ve… you know, told each other how we feel… where are we?”

Todd’s eyes widen in understanding. “Um, I mean what can two guys be to each other?” He asks.

“Boyfriends?” Neil tries, unable to breath.

Todd’s face lights up, and it sends a flood of relief over Neil. “Uh, Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

Todd nods, beaming, and Neil can’t resist leaning over to give his nose a quick peck. He never thought this would ever be possible, and yet here he is, able to call Todd his boyfriend. With Todd by his side, he’s willing to take anything his father tries to throw at him.

Neil slots their fingers together and the pair walk over to the other poets who are standing by the door. Upon seeing them, Charlie grins. “The new lovely couple has arrived! Let’s go!”

The boys make their way up to the diner and slide into a booth, ready for a late dinner before Mr. Keating arrives to pick them up. Todd seats himself beside Neil, and he wraps an arm around his shoulder, kissing Todd’s forehead.

“Alright, as happy as I am that you two finally got your act together, please don’t be necking each other and being all lovey dovey in front of me. I don’t need it getting in my food,” Charlie says.

“No promises,” Todd says.

Neil laughs breathlessly, at Todd’s bold comment and the way Charlie gapes, shellshocked. “Yeah, don’t be a hypocrite. If you had someone you’d be slobbering all over them any second you could.”

“I guess you’re not wrong there, but it makes me wish I did.” Charlie winks. Neil and Todd grimace, and at that the subject is dropped.

“So Cameron, who was that girl I saw you all cozy with?” Meeks asks, his eyebrows raised suggestively.

“Cameron was with a girl?” Charlie asks, nonplused. “Did someone give you drugs, Meeks? You might have been hallucinating.”

“No, I saw. They were locking lips,” Neil adds.

“No way!” Charlie calls, his eyes blown wide.

Cameron blushes, staring down at the table, “Yeah, I did. I saw her at the bar and we started talking. She’s… great.”

Knox leans over and high fives him with a proud smile as Charlie chokes on air. Once he recovers, he shakes his head and huffs a laugh. “Well… atta boy Cameron!” Charlie hollers, smacking his back.

Cameron looks at him for a moment before smiling back. “Thanks, Charlie.”

Soon, the food arrives and after much more rowdy laughter and chatter, the boys pile back into Keating’s car.

“Enjoy yourselves boys?”

The boys all agree and over the rest, Charlie shouts, “Hell yeah!”

“Thank you for your exuberance, Mr. Dalton,” Keating deadpans, chuckling.

“Enjoy your date, Captain?” Pitts asks.

“Yes, thank you,” he smiles.

“What’d you do? Spend any cozy alone time together,” Charlie asks, grinning mischievously.

“If you’re insinuating what I think you are, then I am not at liberty to discuss that with my students. However, we went for a nice dinner and afterwards we walked along a nearby lake. They’re quite a lovely spot to bring your significant other, actually,” he says, and Neil catches his eyes in the rear view mirror. Neil’s face flushes and he looks away, unable to hold back a smile.

Multiple different conversations among the other boys pick up after that, but Neil stays quiet, taking time to enjoy the moment. A few minutes later, when Todd lays his head on his shoulder as he dozes to sleep and Charlie gives him a smug look, Neil feels truly grateful for his friends, Keating, and Todd. He looks down at the number scrawled on his hand and realizes that he’s no longer dreading the future. His future. It won’t be easy, but with Todd by his side, Neil can do anything. And he wouldn’t want it any other way.

[sapphicnoel]

anderperry week 2k21 day 2: blind date

A/N: this is hella cliche at times especially with aspects of the anderperry relationship, so feel free to skip this one if that's not ur thing. it gets slightly suggestive at some parts but it’s only two sentences-ish so if that’s not ur thing u can skip them and the story will still make sense. also: i got the idea for this from @dailyau‘s post here. i didn’t quite follow some aspects but the premise is still there in spirit. hope u all enjoy xx -sam

Todd’s stupid, sometimes. Like right now. His blind date just stood him up and now he’s outside, in Manhattan, in the winter. He’s sitting on a bench looking like an absolute idiot. He feels like an absolute idiot. His date didn’t show and Todd’s paying the price, outside in New York’s infamous single-digit weather. He feels the tears falling before he can stop them, but they warm his cheeks slightly. Great, now I’m an idiot sitting on the bench outside in the cold and I’m crying. This is what my life has come to, huh? Fucking fantastic.

“Hey, are you okay? It’s cold as hell out, what’re you doing out here?” Someone from behind the bench asks. They sound concerned. Oh, no. This is why I can’t have nice things.

Todd turns around to find the source of the voice and sees a handsome guy about his age, tall with dark hair and eyes. Pretty, he thinks despite himself. This guy really is pretty, with dark, windswept hair and deep brown eyes to match. He’s pale and clean-shaven under the hood of his coat. Not to mention his body, doubtlessly just as stunning as the rest of him, hidden underneath all those layers… Todd’s brain tries to get itself away from his nether regions by thinking of cute kittens and that time he went hunting with his dad’s posh country club friends. It works all too well. He quickly wipes his wet eyes with the back of his right hand. He hopes this mystery man didn’t see. That would be embarrassing, even more so than his current predicament.

“Um, y-yeah, it sure is cold,” Todd remarks drily in lieu of an actual answer, “But my date stood me up so I’m just...” Sitting outside looking stupid, his brain finishes for him. He’s about to say something else when the other guy speaks first. He’s staring at Todd almost like he knows him from somewhere. Todd’s never seen this guy before in his life, though.

“I’m sorry. That sucks. Wait. Oh, my God,” Mystery Man replies, his expression changing from concern to apologetic in two seconds flat, “I feel like a complete asshole. Are you Todd Anderson?” Todd’s inclined to tell the ruth. He hopes that his guy isn’t going to try to mug him and then brutally murder him. That would be awful, and embarrassing. Hate-crimed while sitting on a bench outside in the middle of winter. What a way to go.

“Yeah, why?”

“I... I was supposed to be your date. I forgot it was tonight! I’m so, sorry, Todd! Truly, I am. I’m Neil Perry, by the way.” The jackass sticks out his gloved hand for Todd to shake. The audacity of a man.

“Nice to meet you,” Todd replies stiffly. He shakes Neil’s hand and tries to ignore the way it feels like it belongs in his, warm despite the cold.

“So, um, do you still want that date? I muse look like a total asshole right now, but I want to make it up to you. I’ll pay. You pick, wherever’s fine with me.”

Todd blinks up at Neil. How could he say no to free dinner? Todd stands up and smiles. He doesn’t ask how Neil plans to pay for it. They’re both college students, after all. Todd vaguely remembers the sparse information Charlie gave him when he found out about their harebrained scheme. Maybe Neil’s parents pay his tuition, so he got a job for some throwaway cash? Todd’s parents offered to pay for his and were honestly shocked when he agreed. That was the first in a series of shocks for the Andersons, right after their younger son came out as a flaming homosexual. Of course, their oldest son would always be their favorite. But that’s neither here nor there. Todd’s gaze meets Neil’s as he replies,

“Sure. I’d like that.”

As soon as he says it, he’s afraid that it may be a mistake. But Neil just grins wide at him and leads Todd in the direction of nearby restaurants. They chat on the walk over there, laughing and carefree despite the late hour.

All things considered, their date does pretty well. Neil turns out to be just as funny, alluring, and oh-so-handsome as Charlie described. The blind date was entirely their idea, after all. Todd just went along with it because he’s lonely. And partly because he goes to the same university as Neil. He’d have to thank Charlie, though. Todd and Neil got along startlingly well. They fit together seamlessly, bouncing jokes and sarcasm off each other easily in between eating the appetizers they got to share. Their mutual friend would be pleased; they would wax poetic about their matchmaking prowess. Todd thinks it’s like meeting your soulmate, the person chosen for you by the universe, and he isn’t exactly a hopeless romantic but... It’s a cute idea. Besides, being with Neil feels like coming home after a long day to someone you love. They exchange numbers by the end of the night and they ride the train home together. They both live in the dorms on campus. Todd wonders if this is all too good to be true. Everything this good, this immediately special, ends in disappointment. Todd thinks this is it, this is when Neil leaves and Todd never hears from him again.

Until Neil kisses him, hard and indulgent. They’re in the middle of the street at night on a college campus, which is a bad idea in itself. Neil kisses like a dream, though. He does it well enough that Todd goes weak in the knees, practically melting under his touch. So this is what people mean by fireworks, Todd thinks. Kissing Neil is like every nerve in my body has been set alight. He’s glad Neil can’t hear his thoughts. He’s not an English major and an aspiring poet for nothing, though, so he catalogs the thought away for the next time he wants to write.

Neil pulls away, grinning down at Todd. he is beautiful even in the dim glow of the streetlights. The streetlight’s just behind his head from where Todd’s looking. The light fans out, circular like a halo. Neil Perry is an angel, Todd decides. A tall, dark-haired, and handsome angel.

“Sorry, I just had to do that,” Neil says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. Todd smiles right back at him, staring upwards at this angel.

“When will I see you again?” Todd asks. He reaches for one of Neil’s hands, toying with his fingers to ease the new nervousness. What if this is it? What if Neil doesn’t feel that instant connection, like Todd does? This could go downhill remarkably fast.

“Next week, maybe? Whenever you want.”

Oh, Todd thinks. This is the one, isn’t it? As he stares up at this gorgeous boy, It doesn’t matter that they’re standing in the middle of and blocking the sidewalk pathway. All that matters is that he’s finally found someone that makes him feel... Whole. Love at first sight, you could say. Todd squeezes Neil’s hand. He feels the soft pressure when Neil squeezes his in return. If he blushes like a teenage girl, Todd doesn’t notice.

“Next week is fine. Is Tuesday okay?”

“Tuesday is great,” Neil replies. He kisses Todd again and relishes the way the blond wraps his arms around his waist. Any attempt at propriety is out the window when Todd kisses back just as fervently, reaching a hand up to tangle his fingers in Neil’s soft hair. It drops when they part moments later. Todd resists the urge to let out a disappointed whimper at the loss of touch. That would be embarrassing, and poor Todd has had more than enough of that for one day.

“See you Tuesday, then, Neil,” Todd smiles at Neil and begins walking in the direction of his dorm. He turns around to wave at Neil, then turns back and continues walking. Neil watches him go, listening to the soft sound of his shoe heels on the rough pavement. Todd steals another glance back a minute later to see Neil walking in the opposite direction. His back is turned, so Todd can watch him go while he’s none the wiser. Todd hates seeing him leave, but the stupid teenager in him loves watching Neil go. He shakes his head to clear it of any potentially impure thoughts. Then, he starts down the sidewalk to his dorm. The night is clear and quiet, the sky dark and starry. It reminds him of Neil’s eyes that glittered as though they were identical spheres of dark topaz.

When Todd’s finally back in his dorm room, he flops down on the bed and falls right to sleep. He dreams of a pale and beautiful boy with eyes like smooth chocolate and short, dark hair to match. If Todd wakes up thinking of Neil Perry, well… That’s his business.

once again, taglist is below :D

@regina-della-poesia @maisietheweltoncow

[deadreamersociety]

ranking songs i associate with dps by how sad they make me

tw // grieving, suicide, internalised homophobia, death of a loved one

1. adam’s song - blink-182

god this song reminds me of neil so much. the line ‘i laugh the loudest, who’d have known?’ really hits

2. you found me - the fray

this reminds me of todd while grieving. i can imagine him being angry at neil for abandoning him. but it also reminds me of neil and his father - neil just wanted his dad’s love and approval, but he was denied it. also these lyrics:

‘you found me, you found me

lying on the floor

surrounded, surrounded

why’d you have to wait?

where were you, where were you?

just a little late’

3. champagne problems - taylor swift

‘this dorm was once a mad house

i made a joke, well it’s made for me how

ever green our group of friends

don’t think we’ll say that word again

and soon they’ll have the nerve to

deck the halls that we once walked through’

the dorm todd and neil shared that was once so full of love and life is now cold and empty and serves only as a trigger for bittersweet memories that rip open unhealed scars. the poets thought they were invincible - ‘ever green’ relating to the tree that’s leaves never die, but they were wrong. they were so wrong. and knowing welton, they probably covered this up and moved on very very quickly, leaving the boys to grieve in silence. especially cameron, who almost definitely lost all his friends and would’ve been alone throughout the entire grieving process.

4. cigarette daydreams - cage the elephant

you were only 17 :(

5. evermore - taylor swift (feat. bon iver)

neil probably thought something along these lines before he did it. and the rest of the poets probably did feel that harrowing pain forever.

6. mr loverman - ricky montgomery

fucking,,ow. my heart.

7. the night we met - lord huron

just thinking about the way they felt neil inevitably fade. his laugh, his voice, the way he walked, the way he pushed up his glasses or moved his hair from his eyes or how cold his hands were or how he made everybody around him feel so loved and strong and courageous. gone.

8. you wrote ‘don’t forget’ on your arm - flatsound

this one reminds me of charlie and neil. charlie undoubtably needed neil - they were best friends. in my mind, they’d been friends since they were 12 (at the oldest). charlie had grown accustomed to life with neil - he doesn’t know how to exist without him, but he doesn’t have a choice anymore. no more shared looks and inappropriate laughter when someone says something stupid. no more staying up late and whispering to each other. no more smoking together in the dorms. no more new memories. his crutch disappeared and now he doesn’t know what to do.

9. karma police - radiohead

‘this is what you’ll get

this is what you’ll get

when you mess with us’

mr keating probably woke up at night in a cold sweat after seeing neil’s glaring face in his dreams, saying ‘it was your fault. you made me do this. you knew my situation, why did you push me towards it?’

he never stopped blaming himself, and never taught again - not how he used to. he often sees neil in other students, and is overcome with guilt every time he’s reminded. he feels selfish for projecting his ideas onto teenagers who just needed to be loved and nourished. he was too young.

10. the lakes - taylor swift

i don’t think i need to elaborate on why this one hurts

11. snow - ricky montgomery

‘to me ever green wasn’t such a bad dream

oh, and sometimes things aren’t as plain as they seem’

again, just a reminder that they aren’t invincible, like they felt. this song just screams ‘last chances’ to me.

12. i found - amber run

‘and i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be

right in front of me

talk some sense to me’

i can imagine todd or neil lying awake at night thinking ‘this isn’t right, what am i thinking?’

they probably hated themselves for how they felt, being taught that it’s unnatural, disgusting and wrong for a man to love another man the way they did.

13. a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be - jess benko

definition of right person wrong time

14. line without a hook - ricky montgomery

doesn’t make me sad tbh, but reminds me a lot of todd and neil. the yearning, the secrecy, the ‘she’s a, she’s a lady, and i am just a boy’

15. like real people do - hozier

again, doesn’t make me sad but reminds me of anderperry

[gaytoddanderson]

for the prompt, how about coffee shop anderperry? :00 ⭐️⭐️

i went ahead and made it a modern high school au, hope u don’t mindthis is… probably not what you had in mind but oh well

Todd opened the door and immediately wished he hadn’t.

He stood in the doorway of the local coffee shop he liked to frequent, his eyes wide as he took in the surroundings. The place was packed. Every table was full, his normally quiet hangout now crowded to the brim. People were chattering loudly everywhere he looked. His favorite squishy chair in the back corner was occupied by some college-aged couple making out unabashedly. Todd clutched his notebook tighter to his chest and searched for an explanation for the chaos. His eyes finally landed on a chalkboard by the service counter. Oh. He’d completely forgotten that today was the shop’s annual anniversary event, which meant free coffee all day. He usually stayed away on this day, but in his desire to get away from home, it’d slipped his mind entirely. Todd sighed. Jeffrey had dropped him off here on the way to campus for his summer courses, which meant that he wouldn’t be back to pick Todd up for at least another three hours. Unsure what to do, he tapped his fingers against his notebook, then finally spotted the only remaining free chair. It was at a small table for two by the window. The sole occupant of the table had his head down with his face smashed into the keyboard of his open laptop (every square inch of which was decorated with theater-themed stickers and decals) , somehow sleeping in the midst of all the ruckus. Todd figured he wouldn’t mind if he sat down. As Todd took his seat, he accidentally bumped the table with his elbow, jarring the stranger awake. The guy popped his head back up with a start, blinking indignantly and making an expression of such confusion that Todd would have laughed had the man not been a total stranger. Todd was now face to face with a boy about his age whose messy brown bangs flopped over his admittedly striking face. When he finally kept his eyes open long enough for Todd to see them, time stopped for just a second. The sunlight hit his brown eyes in a way that made them almost impossibly deep and beautiful and warm and welcoming and- “Hi,” the stranger’s bewildered greeting snapped Todd out of his daze. His tone was baffled yet friendly, soft and bright all at once. Todd stiffened and opened his mouth to reply, but no words came out. “Hi. Sorry. I-I should go.” he finally managed. He stood up abruptly before realizing he had nowhere to go. Todd looked around like a deer in headlights. The stranger laughed awkwardly. “Hey, it’s alright. You can sit back down if you want, it’s not like there are any other spots.” Todd reluctantly obliged, fidgeting nervously with the hem of his plain white t-shirt. “I’m glad you woke me up, actually.” he continued, stretching his arms above his head and scrunching his face in a funny little way that made Todd’s heart start to beat a bit faster. His voice was as angelic as his appearance - a perfect match. It reminded him of fireplaces and blankets and comfort, like you could curl up inside it and be home. “I need to finish m- annnd I typed five pages of ‘h’s while I was asleep.” He chuckled and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards in a smile that embodied the gentle heat of an August morning. His face was as beautiful as the summer landscape outside, perhaps more. “I’m Neil, by the way.” Neil reached his hand across the table for a quick handshake that sent electricity racing through Todd’s veins. God, he was weak. “Todd,” he almost whispered, starstruck. “Todd,” Neil repeated in the same hushed tone. His voice held a trace of awe, like it was the most beautiful name in the world and not some boring single syllable that was used to refer to a million other people. He said it like it was poetry, like it was scripture. Todd never knew he could love the sound of his name so much. “It’s nice to meet you.” “Yeah,” Todd gave a quick nod. “What, uh, what are you working on?” “Oh!” Neil replied, pleasantly surprised Todd was taking an interest. “It’s an essay for an online summer course I’ve been taking. My father wants me to get ahead.” Neil smiled and adjusted a pin on his plaid button up, which was black, red, and white with short sleeves. Todd looked closer and saw that the pin was a tiny rainbow flag. His stomach did a funny little flip-flop.

“What’s it about?” Todd asked. “It’s, uh, LGBT history in America.” Neil replied.

Todd’s eyes flicked back to the pride pin. “Did you go to the pride parade last week?“

Neil shook his head. “I would have, but all my friends are out of town and I didn’t have anyone to go with.” “You’re not single.” Todd said in disbelief, not fully realizing what he had said until it was too late. He barely ever talked as it was, so it was alarming that something would just come flying out of his mouth like that. Something about Neil just made him want to talk. It was both exciting and terrifying. Neil chuckled. “I am.” His face flushed slightly. “My father… he likes to make sure I’m focused on what’s important.” His smile dropped and he lowered his gaze back to the computer screen. Todd heard pecking at the keyboard as he tapped his fingers anxiously against the table.

“I wish I was that brave.” Todd blurted suddenly. Neil paused and looked up at him. He’d already said too much, but his mouth just kept going. “I-” he let out a breathy laugh. “I-I’m not even out yet.” Todd had no idea what possessed him to pour this all out to some beautiful stranger he’d met two minutes ago. He hated himself for it. “My parents, they, I- they’re already barely tolerating that I’m not their daughter anymore…” He couldn’t even make eye contact with Neil. “I don’t know what they’d say if I told them I-I’m not interested in… in dating girls.” Neil stared at him. The silence seemed the stretch on forever before he spoke again. Neil closed his laptop and leaned across the table a little. He took a deep breath, looked right into Todd’s eyes, and spoke. “Want to go somewhere and get dinner?”

[maxinewrites]

To be or not to be.

I rewatched Dead Poets Society earlier this year, and for some reason this rewatch really resonated with me. And I’ve fallen down the anderperry rabbit hole. Enjoy. 

Brief mention of suicide a few paragraphs in. //

___

Should I tear my arms out now? I wanna feel your touch.

Should  I tear my eyes out now? Everything I see returns to you somehow. 

Should I tear my heart out now? Everything I feel returns to you somehow.

Sufjan Stevens. 

___

Todd doubts he knew what love was before Neil; his parents prove to only spare enough for one son.

Neil showed him how it felt to be loved. He dared to believe in him when no one else would. Perhaps because his parents didn’t believe in him, either.

It’s been two months since he died.

Todd tosses and turns. With each blink, he sees Neil’s breath as it trailed from his lips in the cave. He sees him blowing warmth into his hands, he sees the fire that crackled in his eyes, the kind  that threatened to burn and consume him. Neil reminds him of snow, of freezing, trembling, red fingers wrapping around a jacket, snapping branches underfoot. Childish whispers in the dark. The taste of blood on chapped lips; a flickering lantern.

He looks at the night’s shadow and how it makes a home out of Neil’s bed. He blinks twice; he wonders where Neil is, and if he should go find him.

A dreadful, dreadful cold claws at the windowpanes and swallows Todd whole.

He’d given himself six months at most at Welton before pulling the trigger.

But Neil stepped between him and the gun as soon as their eyes met on Todd’s first day, and something told him, something pulled him by the neck and begged him. He shouldn’t go through with it.

He couldn’t.

Todd turns over.

He is continuously chewed and spit out by grief. 

___

Guilt is purgatory in its purest form.

He should’ve known after many early mornings at the cave, where both of them knew nothing of consequences. When Neil started to waver onto uncharted territory; into someone Todd didn’t know anymore. Into someone no one knew about. Somewhere he didn’t hide behind capital-N Neil, who was supposed to come into a room and charm everyone off their feet like a thunderstorm raging at sea.

That was who he was supposed to be. In the cave, he was who he was meant to be.

He was just a boy.

He was just a frightened boy.

But he wasn’t just anyone to Todd.

His brain was a broken, static ridden radio, fading in and out.

He...should...have. Known...should. he...should’ve-

Had Neil known? What had he seen when he’d looked into Todd’s eyes?

Those three words stung like a whip to his back.

Had he seen someone worth saving?

Todd is numb.

He has so much love in his body, a love which could break every one of his bones if the universe allowed it. A love that was so reckless within him that it tore through every single thought, every single excuse and every single anxiety.

Yet, it cowers before his lips and stays imprisoned in his teeth; yet through all of this, Todd only knew one thing:

In the end, his love wouldn’t have been enough to save him. God knows he would’ve tried anything, every goddamn thing, regardless.

He had given himself a year before he’d confess his love to Neil. After Welton, at most. He blushed at how obnoxiously childish it all was; it made his head spin.

He started to write Neil poems. He’d write Neil poems and drop them in all his schoolbooks, or his jacket pockets. They were about everything that Todd loves about Neil. Except Todd never signs them, or gives out any clues. A secret admirer. 

Todd remembers so clearly how Neil  would come into the room and start to mumble excitedly to him that he had found a new one. How it seemed to be this electrifying moment that existed only between them. Powerful,  intimate, subtle and quiet. A brush of hands, crinkling paper and a quivering knee.

They had come to clear out his space of the dormitory at the end of the week. An overwhelming, crippling terror overcame Todd’s heart.

He kept them. And Todd had absolutely no idea where Neil could’ve hid them.

Todd couldn’t breathe. He choked, sobbed and trembled, red faced and desperate up the stairs.  Before they could get to them - unless they already had. He tripped at the threshold of the door, nearly taking the aging knob clean off.

Todd tore through Neil’s desk,he threw the drawers off to the side, he shuffled through papers and books, finding nothing, until -

Until, amidst the tornado of paper, he found a shoebox at the furthest end of Neil’s bed; out of reach and out of sight through thick cobwebs and the smell of must. He had read them multiple times, the pages wilting at the corners, showing hints of miniscule rips at the bottom edges.

___

Todd had gone home for the holidays. His face was tinted in orange; his eyes reflected not life, but flames. A bead of sweat made its way down his forehead.

Todd’s bony hands shook as they held the notebook of poems. Each letter weighed tons.

He threw them in. The fire crackled and popped indifferently, taking over not only the notebook, but the entire room, consuming the lanky, worn, weary boy who stood in front of it. He was nothing more than a shadow.

He walked away.

He remembered every single one of them anyway.

___

Todd’s breath moves like a spirit throughout the cave. Sometimes, he comes here to see if he’d feel anything; but it had been so long since their last dead poets meeting that all sense of warmth, all sense of belonging, was gone.

He won’t allow himself to remember.

He won’t allow himself to remember how Neil’s eyes would hold his. Todd could never drown in them; they made him feel invincible, they took him to a place within himself where he felt safe. Todd felt so vulnerable during these moments, yet so, so exhilarated all at once; he’d follow Neil to the ends of the universe.

When he looked into Neil’s eyes, for once in his life, he wasn’t afraid.

When Neil had spoken so tenderly to the dark, after the others had left, Todd would let himself create a future in which they could be together. In which they didn’t have to be half asleep messes, sleepwalking through their sentences. In the morning, their words became dreams they couldn’t quite recall.

The moments they could recall were the ones where they didn’t have to speak at all. The ones where their eyes would chase each other playfully over the planes of their faces. Teasing. Testing. Their hearts playing a dangerous game.

Neil had almost given in. Almost.

Those moments hurt the most.

His mouth had been open, slightly, shuddering out nervous exhalations.  It almost didn’t feel real, the way the light of the flashlight elongated his eyelashes and made his eyes look like two individual suns; he was just a projection flickering on the wall. Todd had no choice but to rotate around them, never getting the courage to get too close, but yearning for his heat. His cheeks were pink. He couldn’t look away.

Todd was so intrigued by how nervous Neil became around him. Neil  wanted to love him, he wanted Todd to feel as special as he thought him to be. He knew that words, poetry... wasn’t enough.

Neil blinked twice and looked down. Click click. Switch. In his mind, the clock had struck midnight. Reality beckoned them with a gust of wind. The breeze had swept the moment up like it was nothing, blowing out the fire in Neil’s eyes like a birthday candle.

He wasn’t enough for Todd.

“I knew I’d find you here.”

Charlie.

Charlie sits beside him. He stares; two months ago they would’ve felt miles away from each other.  Slouching in the cave now, they look the same. Pale, red eyed and betrayed.

“When I first came to Welton, I was scared out of my mind. I wasn’t like the other boys. My family, they aren’t rich, Anderson. While the others strive to be scientists or doctors like their fathers, my parents sacrifice every penny so that I can avoid being like them,”

Todd had never heard Charlie be this open about his feelings. I guess the cave brought that out in everyone. That was the magic.

“I never spoke up in class, because I thought I’d never measure up. The other boys, they’re so much smarter than me, they have the money, the contacts. A future. And no matter how hard I tried, I was still lagging behind.”

Charlie laughs humorlessly. “I looked at Neil and wanted to be like him. Involved, confident, charming and smart,” he swallows. “And somewhere along the way, I started having feelings for him. I don’t know if they were real, or if I was just attracted to the fact that he was someone I could never be.”

Todd finally looks him in the eye.

Charlie knew. Charlie understood.

“He taught me that I could be all of those things. Those weren’t things you could buy. He taught me that I needed to use my struggle as a strength. Because all of them know how to crunch numbers, but none of them know what it’s like to be poor. None of them know gratefulness like I do. Thanks to Neil, my differences gave me a voice. And I will forever be in debt to him for that. I can tell he gave you a voice, too.”

Except it was gone, except Neil was gone, except Todd hadn’t spoken since Keating left.

Tears fall silently from Charlie’s face, but he makes no effort to wipe them away. He looks Todd in the eyes and holds his hand like it’s the only thing keeping him upright.

“I want you to know that he loved you.”

“But did he know that? That I-”

Charlie holds him, because that’s what friends do;  put each other back together again, piece by piece.  His jacket is patched with tears.

“He didn’t know he was loved, Charlie.”

They sit there, shivering. The silence feels different when it allows another person; suddenly it didn’t feel like the world was crashing down on his shoulders.

“Tell Meeks you love him,” Todd says, “before it kills you.”

Charlie’s mouth tilts up slightly, but he doesn’t reply.

___

The sun was starting to rise over the city. For the first time in a long time, Todd wasn’t awake to greet it.

He slept through the night.

Every morning, an inexplicable joy seizes his heart, because he’s in New York City! The home of dreamers and word weavers.

New York! He studies literature, writing and poetry. He’d published his first set of poems just the week before.

It has been two years since he died.

Except now, he doesn’t wonder where Neil is.

He never left.

Neil is within every word, every stanza he breathes.

Being up on stage, projecting his voice out to the audience, it didn’t scare him like it used to.

He had grown to love the vulnerability. Vulnerability gave him a power he couldn’t explain.

When he was on stage, he could see Neil in his periphery, smiling at him. Looking at him like he was the only voice in the room. The only person that mattered.

He goes to plays every few months.

He remembers the first few he ever went to, and how he could never make it towards the end. He’d rush outside for a breath of fresh air.

For a second, just one, he’d see Neil on stage, elegantly reciting his lines. He’d be moving gracefully away into a universe in which he didn’t have to be himself.

The world would rotate on its axis a tad too fast. His head would spin and start to hurt. He could taste bile at the back of his throat. For a second, just for a second, he would be furious with Keating. If he hadn’t opened up the book of verse, if he hadn’t tried out for goddamn Midsummer Night’s Dream...Neil would still be here, snoring softly from the bed across!

But it wouldn’t have mattered. Neil would’ve been a slave to his father’s wishes and felt trapped in a job he didn’t choose. He would’ve drowned in the regret. Maybe it was inevitable. Todd wondered if it was meant to be. More meant to be than a relationship between them.

He’d slump down on the brick wall and stare into space. He’d feel numb all over again.

God, he was so tired of the crying…what good did it do? Todd had nothing more to get rid of. He’d worn himself thin.

“Hey. Hey, are you alright?”

A warm hand rested on his shoulder. It took him nearly a minute to register it.

A man was kneeling in front of him, a concerned look in his pretty green eyes. His face still had a dash of makeup on it. He must’ve been one of the actors. Everything was bleak in Todd’s mind. He couldn’t remember seeing him on stage.

“Can you hear me? Are you okay?” It still sounded distant, but closer to Earth than before.

“Y-yes,” Todd managed  to reply. The cold bit him fiercely and he remembered he’d ran out without his coat.

The stranger helped him up. His brown hair was dotted with snowflakes.

“Jesus, you’re freezing. Have my coat.”

He helped Todd put it on, talking to him softly, as one would a child. It was incredibly comfortable and smelled a bit like pine…

“I’m William,” he told Todd, “William Allen.”

And suddenly, Todd remembered his face from the playbill; he was playing Puck.

William’s eyes were warm like a campfire. Kind of like Neil’s, Todd thought, but they didn’t consume him. They made him feel loved, nurtured and not like he was a phoenix being burned alive and reborn. It didn’t hurt, looking at him. It wasn’t so goddamn complicated.

Except Todd didn’t know this at the time, and he wanted to just jump in the flames. He was made stupid by his pain. Anything to fill the lack.

“T-todd. Todd A-anderson.”

“Well, Todd Anderson,” he began, his breath visible in the late night, “I know it’s not exactly the best idea to go home with strangers in New York City, but I don’t trust you on your own. Do you want to stay at my apartment for tonight? I’ll hail a cab,”

Todd was so unbelievably cold that he could only nod. William blew warmth into his hands as they waited. He didn’t ask any more questions that night.

Leave it to Todd to fall for another actor. Leave it to Todd to fall for a Puck.

___

It was alright for a while, Todd supposed. Though not nearly as perfect as he’d hoped, or envisioned it. The artist’s curse.

He’s been dating William since that moment outside the theatre.  It’s lovely; he;s always running from place to place, getting Todd out of the house on his bad days. Sometimes, he can barely keep up. William keeps him busy, keeps him on his toes and steers Todd back to sanity again when he strays.

Todd doesn’t know why he bothers.

Because when the sun came down, those terrors still crept in, tiptoeing around his brain. In the mornings, Neil’s name would be on his lips, and William just held him. He wonders how much longer until his love wouldn’t envelope them both.

He loves Neil, he does, but sometimes, Todd wishes he’d let him go. He wishes he’d make enough room in his own heart for another person.

I want you to know that he loved you.

Todd awoke, gasping softly into the cool bedroom.

He looks at William now, asleep next to him. His mouth is open, his glasses askew. A book lays  face down on his chest.

He had stayed up in case Todd awoke.

Todd smiles, subtly.

He decides that maybe it’s time to love himself.

It’s time he let others love him.

Neil never got a happy ending, but that didn’t mean that Todd didn’t deserve one.

That was the only thing Neil would have wanted.

[ornament-of-rhyme]

Anderperry fic - Sap But True

Summary: On nights like these, if only for that short time, his life was absolutely perfect.

Notes: Smut. Todd Anderson/Neil Perry. Post-Welton. I’m serious it’s sappy as hell.

A/N: Better late than never, right? Have a sinking feeling about the quality of it, to be honest. Something just doesn’t feel right...But hopefully someone gets some enjoyment out of it! I love this fandom. You guys are fantastic!

You can also read this on AO3!

The velvet red curtains fell together, and Neil let out a deep, fulfilling sigh. With a broad smile, he flitted around to congratulate his castmates, patting them on the back or passing out hugs.

“Wanna go get a drink with us?” Jessie asked over the chatter. Kay was at her side, stony as usual. Already, the latter had shrugged off her role's heavy coat and abandoned it somewhere.

“Thanks, but I've got a date.” When Jessie rolled her eyes, his pep remained obstinate. He returned the taunt with a wrinkle of his nose.

Glancing into the wing, Neil zeroed in on said date.

Todd was there, out of the way but noticeable. He had his jacket draped over his arm, and his hair was swept to the side like he had been running his fingers through it. It was a nervous tick he had. That, and the blinking. For the first time, Neil wondered if his stress over the show had been impacting Todd as well.

“I'd go wipe that makeup off your face before Danny mistakes you for a lady,” said Kay, straight-faced.

Neil grimaced. Danny was creepy to anyone of any gender, but his particular brand of sleaze was directed at all beings wearing makeup, it seemed. There was a rumor going around that he was the one who stole that mannequin head a few weeks back.

Strolling off stage, he called back, “Talk to you later.”

“Call me!” Jessie commanded at his back.

Todd's eyes were on him the whole time, and a fond little smirk quirked his mouth. Giddy with the heady success, the joy in the air, Neil loped over to the blonde.

“My dearest Toddrick,” he greeted. Gallantly, he took up Todd's hand, bowed, and stamped a kiss on the knuckle.

“You were fantastic,” Todd told him. “I told you you could pull it off. Everyone was raving when the curtains closed.”

“I'll have to thank them,” said Neil, releasing the hand in his.

Briefly, Todd's brow furrowed as he looked down at his knuckle. “You got lipstick on me.”

Neil grinned and shrugged. “Oops.” Then he made for the dressing room, but not before smacking a kiss onto Todd's cheek, leaving a puckered purple lipstick stain behind. “I'll go clean it off.”

He heard Todd's unimpressed snort behind him.

ϟ ϟ ϟ

Some time after the play was dedicated to wrapping up with the cast and crew, and then to visiting with others, but eventually Neil was back in his own clothes and out in the crisp night air. With Todd at his side, they set for home, which was only a few blocks away.

Slick with hour old rain, the road glittered under the street lamps. Petrichor was on the breeze, instilling a strange and familiar heartache, but it was beautiful in its way. After shows, he found the smallest things would trigger the feeling, leaving him in a kind of rapture. His life, if only for that short time, was absolutely perfect.

Now, he looked over at his partner with that thrill in his heart. Todd looked back curiously.

“I can see it,” the blonde said.

Neil grinned at him, then the deep sapphire sky. “If only you could feel it with me.”

Todd bumped elbows with him, drawing his eyes back down. Only half of his face could be seen from Neil's angle, but he seemed to mirror the look the actor felt on his own face. “It rubs off on me,” Todd said to the ground. “You shine so bright, it's impossible to avoid the radiation.”

There was the poet in him, Neil thought. Weaving words, even so few, into a charming sentiment. Each time it happened, Neil found himself falling just a little more in love with him. And each time, it surprised him; he didn't know there was any further to fall.

Soon they crossed the empty street, coming upon a fenced off field. Nearly home.

It was here that Neil caved to the pressure in his chest. He backed Todd against the chain link fence until their breath mingled. Todd went willingly, even grasping the open sides of Neil's coat. The dark shadow of a fence post fell across one half of his face.

Neil curled his fingers into the cold wire, effectively caging the other in. Stray raindrops slithered down his palm and under his sleeves, chilly but ignored. It took everything in him not to close the gap between them. Especially at the challenge Todd's eyes leveled at him, humor in their depths, as though expecting him to cave to the tension.

But they didn't do that. Not here. Not out in the open, exposed to the judgments of others. It was a near thing, though. Not just in this instant, but many before. Sometimes they were so wrapped up in each other, they forgot to mind themselves until the last minute. Neil wished he could forget--or better yet: that he didn't have to worry at all. Todd was such a temptation, besotted as Neil was with him. It amazed him that the other man didn't seem to know this, even after these last few years. It wasn't until Todd's eyes crinkled at the corners that he realized he had been staring into them. "You seem lost," Todd commented. Neil easily slipped back into the moment. "You do that to me.”

A light laugh. “Sorry.”

“No, it's great. I love it.” Neil pushed off of the fence, pulling back. “Shall we?”

Despite his pulling away, the tension in the air did not dissipate. In fact, it only seemed to strengthen, as they devolved into playful shoving and, eventually, a race. They dashed down the sidewalk, each trying to overtake the other before they reached their stoop. Neil could have crowed into the night, overjoyed as he was, but settled for echoing Todd's unbridled laughter.

This was what they lived for. The two of them grew into adulthood side by side, taking on the challenges of becoming men of their own, but each able to lean against the other. All the while, they learned how to keep themselves sane; keep them young at heart, unjaded by the world's oppressive demands. They often explored the boundless art of getting safely lost in the here and now together, as lovers and friends and brothers in mind.

Of course, their neighbors didn't understand that. They shushed each other as they passed Mr. Jay's door.

Trotting up the steps, Todd bit back his laughter as best he could, and Neil aimed for something similar, but somewhere, almost distantly in the rush of their race, he could still hear himself snickering.

Ultimately he forgot to pay attention to who won. Todd unlocked the door and they poured inside.

Before the door could latch again, Neil had the other man spun around and crowded against the wall beside it. He toed the door shut.

Todd laughed at his enthusiasm, but still beat him to the kiss. Neil's hand rose to cup Todd's cheek reverently. They stood there in a timeless embrace, lips meeting lazily, then fevered, and back again. It was quickly becoming apparent where they were headed as their hips rocked together.

It took more effort than he would have liked to drag his mouth away from Todd's. He settled for easing out of it by pecking on a few softer, more chaste kisses like appeasements or apologies for the parting.

It was almost worth it when he could focus on Todd's face. There was a flush high on his cheeks, a lustful haze to his eye, and his lips came away red from the activity.

“What?” Todd asked, the only sound but for their faint panting.

Neil couldn't look away, not even down to consider the sight of their hips hitched together, and the sudden tightness of their pants. But they were not to be ignored. He leaned back into Todd, dropping a kiss on the square of his bare jaw.

“I want inside you,” Neil breathed at last.

Just as usual, Todd seemed almost embarrassed by the insinuation, but said, “I—I want you inside of me.”

Neil rolled his hips against Todd's once more and stepped away to discard his coat and shoes. Todd did the same before disappearing into the bedroom. All too eager, Neil followed.

He couldn't keep his hands to himself as Todd began to undress, holding the blonde by the hips and pressing into his back. Todd chuckled and elbowed him a few times, because apparently Neil's body right up against his wasn't conducive to taking off his shirt and undershirt.

“You still have some makeup on, you know,” Todd said.

Lost in the act of nosing at the fine hairs on the back of Todd's neck, Neil didn't process the words right away. Once they got through to him, he dropped his forehead against the spot on which he'd been lavishing attention. Then he made for the bathroom down the hall.

“I’m on it. You get ready for me,” he said.

“Someone's impatient,” teased Todd without looking back.

“Oh ho ho, don't pretend like you don't feel the same.”

This made the man laugh outright, but he didn't disagree.

ϟ ϟ ϟ

“Neil!” Todd cried from the other room. Dropping the towel, Neil hurried across the hall, only to find Todd sprawled out on the bed, bare and writhing around the fingers he was using to prepare himself. Before he could ask what was the matter, Todd's head lolled his way and he panted, “Hurry.”

Darting back into the bathroom to ensure the effectiveness of his cleaning job, he turned off the sink and returned to the bedroom, tearing at and tossing off his clothes as swift as possible. Nude, he knelt onto the bed, crawling over Todd, who had since turned to lay on his chest.

Neil asked, “Did you grab a—“

“Don't worry about it. Just—please—“

“Someone's impatient,” he echoed Todd's earlier jest.

“S'your fault.”

“Hmm. Strangely, I don't regret it.” Then, cutting himself off, Neil curled closer to his partner, guiding his cock into Todd's familiar body to sink slowly inside. He held his breath and savored every second off it.

A shiver wracked Todd, straight into the noise that shook from him as Neil filled him. Once seated they lay together, soaking in one another's heat as their breathing reached an apparent synchrony. Falling together, but not, as they were taught in that life-changing year of school, to lose individuality so much as to treasure the bond between them.

One of Todd's hands slid across the quilt to tangle his smooth fingers with Neil's. He took this as his okay to keep going.

Neil lifted himself from limning Todd's back and pulled away from his root within Todd, an agonizingly slow process, until his cock was only just inside the tight ring of muscle and he could feel his hips straining with the effort to still.

Todd squeezed his hand; the real go-ahead. Neil pushed back in, starting just as slow for the first several thrusts until they were at a fluid pace. Neil's lips found Todd's shoulder blades, kissing and teasing at the warm peach-fuzz there.

Often, Todd locked much of his pleasured sounds behind his teeth, concerned for their reputation among the neighbors. It robbed both of them from the full, carefree experience they knew was just out of reach, but Neil tended not to press Todd to relax his fears on the matter anymore. By now he knew that he wouldn't be able to convince him to let it go.

That was why, when Todd let loose a low, open-mouthed groan, Neil felt a spike of affectionate thrill. He quickened his pace in response, longing to hear more.

Eyes fluttering closed—the beautiful kind of flutter that came when Neil touched him, rather than that which anxiety provoked—Todd pressed back, meeting his movements with shallow ones of his own.

That was when, in the yellow lamplight, Neil glimpsed the dark purple smudge across the other's cheekbone. For a stunning instant, he thought it was a bruise. But then his impish kiss backstage returned to mind.

Against the blonde's ear, Neil murmured, “There's some lipstick on your cheek.”

Todd scoffed and reached up to scrub at his cheek, but Neil beat him there to instead mouth at the smudge. He settled for blindly brushing his fingers over Neil's jaw. “I couldn't see if I got it all off.”

“Next time I have my own dressing room,” Neil said with a languid roll of his hips, “I'll have you against the vanity. Then you'll see everything.”

He got a moan in response. Quiet, but infused with equal satisfaction in the fantasy.

After that, Todd switched positions to lie on his back. He grasped at Neil by the waist and actually continued to voice the sounds of his ecstasy. Coveting the noises, Neil gave all he could. Anything to please his partner.

Finally, with a shutter, Todd cried out. Neil lovingly stroked the blonde's cock as he came, allowing the come to drip over his knuckles. In a few more thrusts, he was burying his face in Todd's neck as he hastily pulled out and followed over the edge.

When he could see through the blissful daze, he hurried to clean the mess, insisting the blonde stay put so he could hurry back and lie with him without the chore nettling. Todd held up the blankets for him when he arrived, making it a smoother transition for Neil to wrap around him as soon as he slipped under the blankets.

“The perfect night,” he sighed.

Todd nodded. “Yeah, you did fantastic in the play. Steven did make it, by the way,” he said. “As soon as it was over he had to leave for a meeting or something. But he said you were great!”

“You think if Meeks wrote a good review, it would convince father to come to one of my shows?”

“As long as Charlie doesn't write another one. I don't think anything could be worse than that.” Todd turned to face him, seeming thoughtful. “Someday we have to find out what was in that letter.”

“It's probably cinders by now.”

Todd hummed, frowning.

“But tonight isn't just perfect because the show went well,” Neil said, drawing the other out of his thoughts. “Getting to come home with you sure made it better. You know how many of my castmates and crew members complain about having empty relationships with their lovers, or no lovers at all? And here I am, blessed with Todd Anderson.”

Todd started laughing so hard he choked.

When the laughing-coughing fit petered out, Todd said to Neil's puckish grin, “You could be a tree, you're so sappy.”

“Then I am a foxglove tree in autumn, raining my heart leaves down upon thee.” Neil eagerly watched the bewildered expression fall over Todd's face.

“That was kind of repulsive.”

“I'll leave the poetry to you, then.” Neil noticed he was near enough to nuzzle at Todd's beautifully sculpted cheek.

“How about...” Todd stared though the ceiling as he puzzled. “God must be real, as only He could write a poem so divine as you.”

Blush came over Neil, filling him with such infatuation that he couldn't help pressing his face into the side of Todd's head and giggling like the ridiculous kid he was when they met.

“I love you, Todd Anderson,” he said.

“I'm all yours, Neil Perry.”

[ebonyshaha]

17 and 20 are very anderperry

I’m writing 20 bc 17 is too much angst for me. Also, sorry about the wait. I hope you like this! Thanks so much for submitting a prompt!

20. “For once, stop pretending you’re okay! Just talk to me!”

-

It had seemed, to the members of the Dead Poets Society and the students of Wellton Academy, that Neil had changed. Neil’s eyes, in recent days, have been glazed over, absent, the light that had previously existed there having been snuffed out like a candle. It wasn’t hard for people to notice. It was obvious, to say the least. To make matters worse, Neil would laugh off any attempt to console him, he’d say that he didn’t know why everyone was treating him like a sad puppy, that he was fine.

He’s been characteristically similar in his mannerisms, he’s still bubbly and cheeky, still smiles and laughs and jokes around, it’s simply different now. His classmates think they know why, but they don’t. They don’t know that Neil feels like he’s dead, they don’t know that he thinks the blood swimming in his veins is useless, they don’t know that his heart no longer beats its enthusiastic flutter, they don’t know that his soul is struggling against the weight of responsibility and a life that won’t be lived. How could they? How could they possibly understand how it feels to go to heaven and then be immediately taken to hell? They can try to understand all they want, but it won’t make a difference. All he can do is act like he’s still alive, put on a show for an audience that’s never read the script, and pretend that he’s okay. Better than okay, even.

He supposes he wouldn’t have made a living by being an actor anyway. His facade is poorly executed, apparently. His friends are seeing right through him, they know the truth, the one he’s desperately trying to hide. He wishes they didn’t. This would be so much easier if they would let him carry on the way he is.

Then again, this wouldn’t be a problem in the first place if he were a better actor. His father would have seen that he had talent. He wouldn’t have signed him up for military school for the following semester, wouldn’t have had Keating fired, wouldn’t have made Neil think about putting a bullet through his head.

There’s been a few times since then where Neil has regretted not following through with his initial plan. He’s re-imagined the scene frequently, changing the events so that it ends with him lying on the floor, his father waking up from the echoing sound of the shot, getting up from bed and finding his cold, lifeless body lying on the ground with his gun just a few inches from his hand.

He usually shoves those thoughts away, knowing that no good comes from fretting over the past. Nor the future, come to think of it.

It’s only been a week. Yet, somehow it seems like a lifetime ago that Neil had become Puck, had set his spirit free, and was truly happy. It’ll be another two weeks until semester ends. Another two weeks and Neil’s “life” begins.

He’s trying to make things as light and easy as possible before then. It’s why he’s clinging to this skit, playing the part, in the words of Mr. Keating. He loves his friends, doesn’t want to be a burden on them or have anymore negative results of his actions be cast upon them, it pains him to see them in agony over Keating’s “relocation”, as Hager had put it, as well as the inevitability of his own leaving. He’s going to do all that he can to leave his friends with an image of him that they know and love. The best case has them all getting over him in a timely fashion.

Todd especially will have a difficult time with it. Their bond is likened to that of an old elderly couple. Neither of them could be content with not talking to each other or not seeing one another. Neil has come to think of Todd as his better half. Todd, meanwhile, is certain that Neil is his soulmate; it’s an undeniable fact that is etched into his entirety.

Neil’s been going to sleep in Todd’s bed since he got back to Wellton. Todd, just after making sure they’re both covered by the blanket, wraps him in his arms, holds him all night long. And they wake up together, early, so that they can lay quietly and without a care before leaving the bed and starting the day. For those few minutes of the cold winter mornings, things are good. Neil doesn’t have to pretend that he’s okay, because he is.

But those few minutes don’t last forever. Inevitably, he ends up having to deal with sitting in English class and looking up at Mr. Keating’s desk expecting to see him but instead seeing some other man who actually cares about what Dr. J. Evans Pritchard thinks. He has to pretend like the sight of him doesn’t grit down on his skin, bruising him until he’s black and blue. He has to lie to himself, tell himself that he isn’t the reason Mr. Keating is no longer their teacher. Neil has to lie to himself about a lot more than that, like about military school being good for him, and about being happy. Seems all Neil does these days is lie, and he’s not even doing a good job at it.

Neil knows it’s only a matter of time before Todd says something. He’s kept quiet while all of the others gave him pity speeches. But the way he’s been looking at him suggests he has something to say.

Neil’s right… sort of. It’s that night when the lights are off, the building is quiet, and they’re in bed that Todd says, “You’re not happy, are you?”

Neil feels a frog jump into his throat and lemon juice fall into his eyes. His composure takes a dip in honesty, but it’s only seen by the darkness. He laughs, scornfully, bitterly, full of discontent, “Of course I am, Todd.”

Todd’s quiet for a moment as he grows deep in thought, replaying a memory from earlier that day. Neil, laughing a laugh that didn’t reach his eyes- his once deep, dark, and beautiful eyes that are now dull, lackluster, so unlike how they used to be.

“Todd-” Neil starts but doesn’t finish, his words cut short by a hushed, angry voice.

“For once, stop pretending you’re okay! Just talk to me!”

Neil’s taken aback, hadn’t thought Todd would get mad at him. No one’s been mad at him. Everyone’s too busy trying not to make him feel worse that they only look upon him with melancholic gazes and whisper corny, uplifting phrases to him.

Neil blinks.

“You’re a good actor, Neil, but you’re a goddamned terrible liar. Tell me the truth.” Todd’s breath hits Neil’s neck and his words hit his heart, it breaks off the casing around it, leaves it bare and open.

Neil blinks again, and a burning streak of salt water falls down his cheek.

“It’s hard to talk sometimes, but that’s how you know what you have to say is important.” Todd grabs onto Neil’s hand, traces his thumb along the back of it, swirls designs into the skin, lets him know that he’s there.

Shifting closer, resting his head on Todd’s shoulder, Neil thinks of how he feels, thinks of how to put it in words. When he finally strings his thoughts together, he lets them unravel out of his mouth and collide with the air and Todd’s neck.

His eyes turn bright when he finishes talking.