#sorry for the tags but holy shit

[cidade-tempero]

screencap redraw/study of dead poets society!!

hope the quality doesn't go to shit 😮‍💨😮‍💨 but also I'm falling so deep in a robert sean leonard rabbit hole it's insanely cozy autumn hope core vibes in here

[blorbologist]

SCREAMS

THEY

DID

THE

BATH

!!!!!!

[mihtya]

I have nothing to post 💥💥💥

[miles-crow]

Turns out Metamorphoses by Ovid is not, in fact, a fix-it fic

[yubikyu]

I started doing greyscale practice because after my post earlier I obviously needed it anyways I accidentally created angst

I have never drawn water before ever and what the fuck its so difficult so ignore that and also wtf water hand BUT-

[svtskneecaps]

i also just want to point out the qsmp members' commitment to like never letting the inactive members die. like dantdm logged on twice and is canonically dead and everyone continues to blame mysterious happenstance on him. spreen is canonically dead and yet people are still like namedropping him even tho the house façade he built has been demolished and also probably consumed by a mountain. they meme on kameto who's barely been on except that time he was a fed spy that was iconic as hell. they just immortalize their members and they're always so happy to see old faces come back and it lowkey makes me emotional lmfaoo like missa barely logged on for a while but goddamn nobody forgot his name bc philza can't go one day without mentioning him and mariana barely logs on but every time fit saw the homeless mariana in roier's city no matter what he'd stop dead and tell it "come home" and when slime came back to the server for elections after having logged off for the last like two months everyone was still excited to meet him bc the others had kept his memories on the server fresh and alive, maxo died canonically in the nuke and pierre pasted his face all over the server, luzu vanished for months and we never forgot him either thanks to the computers and foolish's wack ass family tree. like when purgatory teams were chosen and team red constantly joked about how it would be so over for the other teams once germán logged on despite the fact that germán had only ever logged on ONCE, the way they cheered when they snatched rubius in the split of green despite the fact that rubius hadn't logged on more than twice since march. they just keep the names alive all the time and it's like

it just makes me really happy to see. like it makes me really happy. like the admin team and the members alike are like 'no way in HELL are we letting your memory go' like damn once ur on isla quesadilla you really are stuck as an islander forever :D

[self-aware-sawtrap]

saw ii (2005)//abraham & isaac before the sacrifice (jan victors, 1642)

:(

[majimaisms]

Majima Goro – Disco Elysium Skillsheet

i've been inspired by @violentlydefending (thank you!) to write up a disco elysium style skillsheet for majima. its VERY long and includes a thought cabinet section as well, so be warned. made a disco style portrait for him too

INTELLECT

DECOUPLING: Betray your values. Act against your nature.

COOL FOR: HYPOCRITES, FAMILY MEN, UNDERCOVER AGENTS

Decoupling is your compartmentalization skill. You have separated your identity, your values and your behavior into neat little boxes that don’t touch each other. With Decoupling, you can justify and stick to any plan, say things you don’t mean, and not worry about what any of it says about you. Compromise is the way of this world – if you can’t hack it, you won’t make it. This includes suppressing your own self-interest; Decoupling allows you to negate the Morale damage from not getting what you want, or need.

Low levels of Decoupling will turn you into an indecisive, ineffective idealist. Preoccupied with your need for authenticity, you will be afraid to compromise your values *at all*. You will be stubborn in your methods, and your identity will become a rock you trip on and fall. You will prioritize being consistent above all else, at the cost of success. However, high Decoupling will turn you into a fraud with a devil-may-care attitude. You will be fully aware you’re doing the wrong thing, but it won’t bother you. You will become unable to recognize your own needs. People will struggle to make sense of your decisions as your behavior becomes more and more inconsistent. If you're not careful, you just might lose sight of your soul entirely, like a stray balloon.

RISK MANAGEMENT: Know exactly how and where everything can go wrong. Then prevent it – but only if it’s worth the cost.

COOL FOR: OPPORTUNISTS, GAMBLERS, WORRIERS

Plan, predict, prevent. Risk Management allows you to understand the economy of possibilities. You don’t need to run the numbers; you have a talent for appraising value in this market. With Risk Management, you can easily identify and mitigate risks and, failing that, deal with the fallout using cost-effective methods. It also makes you immune to sunk-cost fallacies… for the most part. 

Low levels of Risk Management will have you struggling to imagine different possibilities, future-blind. Having no faith in your ability to deal with risks, you will risk becoming paranoid. High levels, on the other hand, will give you a dangerous sense of infallibility. You will become overconfident in your assessments and ironfisted in your methods to prevent undesirable outcomes. In other words – a control freak.

BUSINESSMAN: Make the line go up. Make bank.

COOL FOR: BREADWINNERS, PENNY PINCHERS, INDENTURED SERVANTS

An undeniably useful skill, Businessman makes you really, really good at turning a profit. You understand what sells and how to sell it, who will buy it, and at what price. You can bring a business about to go bankrupt back from the brink, you know how to make the right investments, and you don’t hesitate to cut your losses. All you have to do is make a little bit of effort.

At low levels, poverty will be an ever-present obstacle, and life will be nigh impossible. The world and its many doors will remain closed to you; opportunities will dwindle, people will desert you. Your career as a yakuza will be short-lived, if it ever starts at all. But when you have high levels of Businessman, money will become an end in itself. Absurdity whirlpools will dominate your life. You will be loaded, but it will come at the cost of sentimentality. You will be surrounded by people who want to be close to you, only to take advantage of you. But hey, I’m sure you could compensate for all that somehow. Where there’s money, there’s a way… or however that saying goes. 

LIQUID ASSETS *: Keep your options open. Stay flexible. 

COOL FOR: MONEY LAUNDERERS, IMPULSIVE SPENDERS, PEOPLE WITH COMMITMENT ISSUES 

Liquid Assets lets you reassign your skill points at crucial moments, effectively enabling you to switch between different builds. Your biggest investment is in yourself, and you are determined to polish yourself into maximum efficiency. But what that efficiency looks like depends on the situation, so you’ve learned to min/max your own abilities. It’s almost like turning off a quarter of your brain only for another to light up. You’ve mastered fluidity. You don’t have *complete* control over your skills, but when the situation calls for it, Liquid Assets will give the option to switch things up a little.

At high levels, you will be unable to hold onto any currency you can spend. Cash will burn a hole in your pocket, and the maximum amount of unused skill points you can hoard will reduce dramatically. You will become prone to splurging, urged on by a compulsive and persistent need to empty your pockets *now*. At low levels, however, you will cling to anything you have left in an attempt to hold onto them. You will be afraid to take financial risks or invest in anything, or anyone. You will simply have too much to lose. This will make you conservative with your spending, but it won’t end there. Don’t expect to be able to keep up with a changing world when you are too preoccupied with trying to preserve the things you already have. 

PSYCHE

SHEDDING: Change your skin. Cycle through masks. 

COOL FOR: FUGITIVES, PROFESSIONAL ESCORTS, METHOD ACTORS

Shedding functions as a way to craft and adopt different identities. Your accent, looks, mannerisms, inflection, clothes, demeanor – these things are nothing more than means to an end for you, and can be modified to adapt to any situation. Shedding is the skill that allows you to change tactics as you navigate society, seamlessly switching between characters like putting on different hats. From patriarch to pirate captain, cabaret manager to hostess, idol to construction company owner, role after role becomes you. 

With a low Shedding skill, you will be inflexible and awkward. Change will scare you. You will be unable to commit to any role, any bit, and fail to deliver a convincing performance even when you try. Your ability to see things from different perspectives will suffer, and you will have a harder time understanding others. This will lead to difficulties in dealing with friend and foe alike.  At high levels you will be a master shapeshifter, but a concrete identity will elude you. You will run the risk of getting trapped under the weight of all that dead skin. Be careful that you slough off your old skin all the way, or what was originally underneath may never see the light of day again. You may need the help of another person, preferably someone who really knows you… if that's even possible.

BLACK RIVER: Obscure your intentions. Stay in motion. 

COOL FOR: CULT LEADERS, HUMAN ENIGMAS, THE ROOTLESS

Black River is a pathfinding skill for navigating dreams and desires. It makes you a force of nature through sheer willpower. You can and *will* do anything it takes to reach your goals. You just don’t know how to quit. This gives you a magnetic quality that draws people in, and inspires obsession and devotion in equal parts. People can’t help but get caught up in you, ready to follow you wherever you lead. But you are a river that runs underground; you cannot be seen or heard. Your motivations are opaque to everyone but you. To follow you, people must learn to read signs and symbols – a self-selection mechanism that produces highly dedicated followers. 

At low levels, you will be adrift and aimless. With nothing to work towards, you will stagnate. You will try and hold onto anything that has momentum in hopes it might get you moving, no matter how pointless or out of reach it may seem. Life, for the most part, will just pass you by. At high levels, that drive to achieve your goals will consume your every waking moment, and failure will bring out the worst in you. You will be incredibly charismatic, but seeing nothing except the horizon, you will struggle to stay grounded. Unmoored and unable to come down, you will suffer from motion sickness and have no choice but to keep moving unless you find something, *someone* to tie yourself down to. However, because your intentions remain indecipherable to everyone, you will find yourself lacking in anchors. 

MOXIE: Give yourself pep talks. Get to the top. 

COOL FOR: CHEERLEADERS, GO-GETTERS, INCURABLE OPTIMISTS

You’ve got Moxie, baby. Nerve, guts, determination – you know you’ve got what it takes to make it in this world. You can talk yourself into taking on any challenge, and push past any failure to try again, and again, and again. And people love you for it. Your vigor and courage are contagious. You lift people up and inspire them. Moxie gives you the ability to heal Morale for yourself and others, and acts as your Morale pool. 

Without Moxie, you will struggle to keep going after life has knocked you down. You will be insecure in your ability to succeed, afraid to take risks and embarrass yourself. Too much Moxie has the opposite effect. You will be desperate to put yourself out there, to prove yourself, and never learn. People will watch you with morbid curiosity, like a trainwreck they can’t look away from. 

TIGHTROPE: Indulge in pure escapism. Don’t look down.

COOL FOR: VESTIGIAL SHAMANS, ILLUSIONISTS, SLEEPWALKERS

Tightrope allows you to go through life as if it were a dreamscape, where anything and everything is possible. You are an expert storyteller, and your primary audience is *you*. Tightrope permits you to lie to yourself, to buy into your own fictions. You can fit any series of events into a narrative that makes it more interesting or convenient for you. All you have to do is keep the fantasy going; keep walking and keep your balance. This skill is especially useful for dealing with highly stressful situations, and can be used to protect against Morale damage. 

At high levels, Tightrope will have you playing hide and seek with reality. You will lose yourself in blissful ignorance and have a great time doing it, but the consequences may be dire. Gravity is an uncompromising teacher; the comedown will be painful. The Morale damage you negate in the short term will come back to bite you in the ass later – expect heavy Morale losses. It will also make you completely opaque to yourself as you go to great lengths to avoid doing *any* self-reflection. However, low Tightrope will make life a total slog. You will be susceptible to depression and substance abuse, seeking stimulation through other means, just trying to make it bearable. Seeing life only as it is and not as it should be, you will be extra vulnerable to Morale damage and struggle to keep your sanity.

DIAMOND HEART: Don’t break. Stay vigilant.

COOL FOR: SUPERHEROES, SURVIVORS, IDEALISTS

Life is an unending series of horrors, and Diamond Heart is your last bastion against the meaninglessness of it all. It enables you to absorb the blows life throws at you, and learn the right lessons from them. It’s what reminds you not to lose sight of what’s important as the world pushes your limits, over and over. It is spiritual endurance. Regardless of how bleak the situation you find yourself in becomes, Diamond Heart shows you the right thing to do, acting as your moral compass. Pressure brings out the best in you; you shine brighter the darker it gets, and set an example for others to look to.

Low levels of Diamond Heart will make you cynical, pessimistic and uncharitable towards the world and its people. You will become depressed and isolated, and constantly look to others for guidance. At high levels, you will appear mad to most people around you. Cynics and skeptics will accuse you of “not understanding how the world works”, of being spoiled, sheltered, or even stupid, but you won’t pay it any mind. This will lead you to take massive risks for the sake of doing good – be careful that you’re equipped to deal with failure, or make sure you’re going to succeed. 

NURTURING: Understand reward and punishment. Help people reach their full potential. 

COOL FOR: SCHOOL TEACHERS, PERSONAL TRAINERS, PATRIARCHS

Nurturing is your skill for teaching, mentoring and training people. You see *possibilities* in everything, and people are no exception. You have a guiding instinct that draws you to roles where you have direct influence over a person’s development, and an inclination to play mentor to anyone you meet. Whether you choose to hammer them into shape or take a softer approach, Nurturing is the skill you use to forge people into the best they can be. 

At high levels, Nurturing will make you a master of operant conditioning. You will be able to make legendary fighters out of street brawlers, obedient subordinates out of the most rebellious punks, and #1 hostesses out of awkward, flat-chested wallflowers. But you will risk becoming overly protective and coddling, having to constantly fight the urge to go easy on people. However, low Nurturing will turn you into a tyrant of a teacher as you rely entirely on negative reinforcement. You will be violent and uncompromising in your methods, preferring to employ a sink-or-swim strategy, and it will only get your students so far – the ones that make it through their training, anyway.

PHYSIQUE 

DEMONFIRE: Tap into raw physical power. Unleash your inner demon. 

COOL FOR: SADISTS, JILTED LOVERS, THE CRIMINALLY INSANE

Demonfire allows you to *force* your will on the world in the only way that is guaranteed to work: violence. It is your go-to skill for *hurting* people – your primary combat skill, in more technical terms. Bats, blades or just your bare fists: choose your instrument of pain and go all out. Bash skulls in, send teeth flying, and stab-stab-stab your opponents until they fall. There’s something within you that just can’t get enough, and she demands to be let loose. 

At high levels, Demonfire will make you practically unbeatable. People will be simultaneously afraid and in awe of your martial prowess. Your legend will precede you. But you will risk being controlled by your own bloodlust, struggling to stay moderate in your violence. You will not only *take* every opportunity to beat people up, you will start to create *new* ones. At low levels, however, you will be too weak to even swing your fist. Even the most pathetic punks will beat your ass in a fight. You will be unable to fight for the things you believe in, or protect the people you care about. You will be powerless.

PLAYMATE:  Talk with your fists. Get to know people another way. 

COOL FOR: BROTHERS, PACK ANIMALS, FERAL CHILDREN 

A necessary skill for any yakuza, Playmate is used to gain information about someone through fighting them. It can be thought of as a social skill, utilized the same way any other language would be: self expression, discussion, building connections. With Playmate, a fight to the death can be a bonding activity or an efficient way to learn things about someone, to help you understand what drives them. 

High levels of Playmate will make you overly antagonistic. You will rely solely on fighting to build and maintain relations, and you will seem needlessly hostile to everyone around you. Emotional closeness will not be a defining feature of your relationships. At low levels, you will be unable to find any joy in fighting your loved ones. You will be forced to rely almost entirely on verbal communication to understand each other; something that can be time consuming, and cause for many dead ends as you attempt to resolve your interpersonal problems using words.

RAZOR’S EDGE: Refuse to take orders. Spit in the face of danger. 

COOL FOR: MASOCHISTS, ADRENALINE JUNKIES, HORROR FANS

Something has gone badly wrong with you. The wires in your poor, traumatized nervous system are all jumbled up. You can no longer tell the difference between fear and excitement – if you ever could in the first place. Razor’s Edge allows you to suppress your natural fear response, and makes you effectively immune to intimidation. You simply do not think to negotiate with pain. You are not scared off by threats of bodily harm. In fact, you get a kick out of it. This makes you both difficult to control and unpredictable, willing to take risks most wouldn’t. At the same time, it lets you stay sharp, on the edge, where you need to be. 

Without Razor’s Edge, you'll be questioning whether or not it’s worth it to push back. Staying quiet and letting people have their way with you will seem easier. But if you take it, they'll give it. At high levels, Razor’s Edge will make you brash and arrogant. Seeking thrills, you will become reckless to the point of seeing your life – and others’ – as something for you to toy with. Don't expect others to take kindly to this, though. Most people care about living to see the next day. 

COMPETITIVE STREAK: Go the extra mile. Push your limits. 

COOL FOR: OLYMPIC ATHLETES, #1 HOSTESSES, WINNERS

There is a constant and deafening voice in your head that tells you to *do more* and *be better*. To beat everyone at their own game. And your longest-standing opponent? Yourself. More specifically, yourself from one minute ago. That guy is old news. You can do better, beat your own record. Competitive Streak is your drive for self improvement. It allows you to identify and create situations you can gain experience from. It effectively offers a way to *grind* for that sweet, sweet XP.

At high levels, power dynamics will rule your life. People will find you intense and off-putting as you turn even the smallest interactions into something that is possible to win or lose, and you will burn yourself out trying to outdo them all. But low Competitive Streak will make you a sore loser. Or worse, a *killjoy*. You don’t want to be a killjoy, do you? *Nobody* likes a killjoy. Not even the people that nobody else likes. Not even *other* killjoys. One way or the other, a healthy dose of competitiveness is required to avoid becoming insufferable. Just make sure you don’t push your limits beyond repair.

LIVING ORGANISM: Be an animal. Trust your instincts. 

COOL FOR: BODYBUILDERS, SOOTHSAYERS, HEALTH FREAKS

Your body is an animal, and Living Organism is your connection to it. Like any animal handler, you know what it needs, how to keep it healthy, and how to make it useful. You can train it, feed it, take care of it, and it will repay you in kind. It has access to wisdom that you don't, and it knows what you need and how to provide it. Listen to it, and you will come out on top. 

At high levels, you will develop a seemingly uncanny ability to predict events as you rely on your gut feelings to guide your actions. However, you will become preoccupied with your health to the point of neurosis. Strict about your diet and excessively worried about *symptoms*, you will be prone to disordered eating and regular full body check-ups will become a staple in your life. Naturally, the time and effort spent on your body will lead to vanity as well. At low levels, you will disregard your body’s needs altogether. The animal will seek revenge on you for the years of neglect, payback for the poor treatment you've subjected it to. Aches and pains are only the beginning of the debilitation. You will be in a constant battle with your body, working against it instead of with it. 

ENDURANCE

MOTORICS

SHOWTIME: Live your life as performance art. Captivate your audience. 

COOL FOR: POP-STAR SENSATIONS, THEATRE KIDS, KARAOKE ENTHUSIASTS

Dance. Move. Feel the rhythm and lose yourself in it. Sing your heart out. Pull crazy stunts for shock value. Do cartwheels and backflips. Confuse and dazzle onlookers. Cause distractions. Command attention. The world is your dance floor – Showtime allows you to utilize this fact to its fullest potential, and have fun doing it. 

High levels of Showtime will make you unable to *stop* performing; even when you have no audience, even when you are completely alone. The show must go on *indefinitely*. Your entire life will be a bit, an inside joke you share only with yourself, and nobody will be laughing. With low levels, though, you won't be able to draw anybody's attention to save your life. Or worse, you will draw the wrong *kind* of crowd. Attention – there’s unwanted kinds.

DISTAL PRECISION: Know exactly where you're striking. Maim, but don't kill. 

COOL FOR: ACROBATS, MARTIAL ARTISTS, THE PASSIVELY AGGRESSIVE

Distal Precision makes you a master of self-restraint in combat. It’s your spatial awareness and motor control skill. It allows you to have precise control of your movements, right down to every minute twitch of your muscles, and gives you a perfect sense of your reach. It enables you to execute complicated maneuvers with proficiency, strike with everything you’ve got and stop just millimeters short of your mark, or gauge the exact distance between you and the edge of the rooftop overlooking a 100m drop. It’s a skill any fighter needs.

At high levels, Distal Precision will make you unable to rely on muscle memory. You will be deliberate in your every movement, too preoccupied with precision to enter a flowstate. It will significantly impede your fun, and your performance will suffer as your movement becomes stilted. Expect particularly catastrophic Red Check failures at low levels, though. With poor control over your movement, you will find it much, much easier to fatally wound someone without meaning to. Human bodies are more fragile than they seem, including your own; low Distal Precision will have you flinging yourself at walls instead of opponents, aiming for the wrong body parts, or leaving yourself open in ways that might prove fatal for *you*. 

PEOPLE WATCHING: Observe human behavior. Understand social culture.

COOL FOR: TALENT SCOUTS, WRITERS, MARKETING AGENTS

People Watching is the skill you use to observe and recognize patterns in human behavior; your ability to make connections between disposition, cultural background and presentation. You know who likes and dislikes what, who gets bullied and who becomes popular, even if you don’t always understand *why*. But that’s not important here – People Watching mainly serves as a way to glean a lot of information about a person from just a glance. It helps you notice details about people that most wouldn’t, and ensures you draw the right conclusions, letting you do things like: single out the richest person in a room, clock closet-cases, or correctly infer someone’s hometown from a brief conversation

At high levels, you will be able to play the social game effortlessly. You will be in-tune with stereotypes most people have never even heard of, knowledgeable about people from all walks of life. But you will find yourself too preoccupied with other people, neglecting to consider how *you* fit into society. You will be a permanent outsider, unable to truly belong in any group. With low People Watching, however, you will be navigating society without speaking its language of style and presentation. You will be oblivious to cues that most pick up on effortlessly. You will live your life on this earth like an alien, indefinitely culture-shocked, an outsider of a different kind.

COMPOSURE

REACTION SPEED

THOUGHT CABINET

MY BROTHER'S MAN 

Problem: You are outside a warehouse as Shibata explains to you that you have no choice but to betray your brother. You refuse to understand. Then choice is taken from you, but only because you allowed it to happen. Your only brother is in prison on death row, and you are not. This was not how it was supposed to go.

Solution: You swore an oath, and the price of betrayal is death. Saejima will never get back the years of his life that he lost. It’s only fair that yours gets cut short. In the meantime, try to make up for it anyway. Loyalty – it's supposed to mean something. 

+4 Black River: Feel the half that is missing +4 Razor’s Edge: Nothing to lose -1 to all skills when separated from your bonded pair To forget this thought, you have to forget all of them

LONG DEAD ANIMAL 

Problem: You've been ready to die since the day you swore your oath. You’ve erased your past, and you’ve got no future. You’re not interested in having one, either. This makes it difficult to give a shit about… well, anything. It’s no way to live. 

Solution: Life is just a consecutive series of days where you are cheating death, and dying early is just part of the deal for yakuza. But with the way you've been living, you may as well already be dead. The sooner you make peace with this, the easier it will be to focus on the work that needs to be done. On the upside, you can incorporate this into your fashion for a *really* cool style. It will act as a reminder.

+1 Composure: Taxidermied +1 Reaction Speed: Moments have consequences +1 Health for each item of clothing you are wearing that's made of leather +1 Shedding if you’re wearing 3 or more items of leather clothing -1 Living Organism: It doesn’t feel like living

LOOKING-GLASS SELF

Problem: You don’t relate to your peers. Not in the way they relate to each other. And they don’t understand you, either. At least not the way you understand yourself. How are you going to bridge the gap? 

Solution: According to some sociologists, individuals develop their concept of self by observing how they are perceived by others, a concept Cooley coined as the “looking-glass self.” You’ve not only mastered this ability, but your self worth has miraculously remained unaffected. Congratulations! You are now a full person. At least in the eyes of others. As far as your need for authenticity is concerned, though, you’ve simply given up on such things. Oh, and be prepared to have a really complicated relationship with mirrors – whether they’re made of glass, or flesh and bone.

+3 Shedding: Mask to survive +3 Decoupling: Lost cause +1 Composure: Live behind your eyelids +1 People Watching: Watch and learn Prerequisite for 24-HOUR CINDERELLA

NEWTONIAN MECHANICS

Problem: You did not have the *happiest* childhood (really, it was very, very far from being happy – we’re talking, like, *light years* away) but it’s part of what made you who you are. You may be damaged goods, but hard times have also taught you some valuable lessons. You’ve learned not to take anything for granted, and that you can’t afford to ignore *reality*. Life is short – and you know how to appreciate it. But above all, your childhood has made you *kind* – you have a relentless drive to protect and defend the weak. But courage alone isn’t enough. There’s more to the story.

Solution: “A body remains at rest, or in motion at a constant speed in a straight line, unless it is acted upon by a force.” This is true of all bodies, including human ones. Force is the language of this reality, and violence is the way of this world. At the end of the day, all power boils down to your capacity to inflict physical harm on another person. Forcing your will upon people is forcing your will upon the world. And you are determined to use your power for good, but you must first *acquire* it. That’s right – you have to get *strong*. Really, really strong. In fact, you have to be the strongest guy around. There’s no way around it, it’s the only way to keep your loved ones safe. You need to be able to generate force, or you will be a null factor in this universe, unable to help anybody when it really counts.

Demonfire learning cap raised by 5 +3 Competitive Streak: Moral imperative +3 Razor’s Edge: The fear has been beaten out of you +3 Endurance: You can take it

HYPER-COMBATIVE LIVING

Problem: The world of yakuza is one where people only respect brute strength and authority. You’ve got your fair share of issues with the latter, but you have to admit, it’s a little *unstylish* to rely entirely on the former. There are cleverer, more sophisticated ways to solve problems. Diplomacy and compromise should not be *entirely* out of the question… right?

Solution: Life is too short not to solve your problems using violence. Besides, who said violence wasn’t stylish? Violence is cool. Red hot, sparks flying *cool*. And you can make it even cooler. By making it your whole *thing*. Diplomacy and compromise are boooring. Problems need solutions, and violence is a one-size-fits-all solution that has not failed you yet. You can forget about romance or tenderness, though.

+3 Demonfire: No holds barred +2 Playmate: Howling forever -3 Businessman: Doing business honest man style is tedious -2 Diamond Heart: Play the antagonist

LORD OF THE NIGHT

Problem: The nightmares are the easy part. The year you spent in that place *did* something to you. Okay, it did *a lot* of things. Honestly, even you're not sure about the extent of the damage. I'm talking about *psychological damage*, boyo. Not just to your mind, not just to your spirit, but to your *pride*. Your dignity has been stripped away, pissed on, and left to rot in that cell. There has to be some way to get it back.

Solution: Good news! There *is* a dignified way to deal with indignity – a way to handle it with grace. And you've found it. Okay, are you ready? It's about *consent*. That’s right. If you volunteer to the daily stripping of your dignity, you can, in fact, retain some of it. Enough of it. Enough to keep your head up – look people in the eye, look at yourself in the mirror. All that good stuff. So why not embrace it? Just stop fighting it. It's not like you have a choice, anyway. 

+6 Composure: The customer is king +6 Businessman: No time to waste -6 Razor’s Edge: Orders are absolute -6 Living Organism: Broken and battered Prerequisite to unlock MAD DOG OF SHIMANO

MAD DOG OF SHIMANO 

Problem: Her small hand between yours as you bow your head in silent prayer: Please, please let her live. If she doesn't, you will have failed her forever. It will be your fault that she's dead, and you will have to live with the knowledge that she died because of the organization you've dedicated your life to. How did it get to this? How will you prevent it from happening again? And most importantly, how are you going to go back to the clan after this? 

Solution: The people who put her life in danger make up the majority of the world's population. Life is cruel and stupid, and nobody around seems to be able to tell the difference between right and wrong. So what’s the point of doing the right thing? Go back to the clan. Climb the ranks. Do whatever it takes. Nobody gives a shit, least of all you. 

Decoupling learning cap raised by 5 +3 Demonfire: Let her loose +3 Decoupling: Don’t think about what Saejima would have to say about it +2 Reaction Speed: Guard dog -1 Razor’s Edge: You still have nightmares about Shimano -1 Diamond Heart: It doesn’t make any difference Internalizing this thought will make you forget LORD OF THE NIGHT

UNIVERSAL GRAVITATION

Problem: You have to kill Dojima Sohei. If you don’t, she will be in danger her whole life. You can’t kill Dojima Sohei. If you do, she will feel indebted to you her whole life. Sera offers you a way out of this conundrum – he has the money and power to do so. But you won’t always be so lucky. A more readily available solution is required. 

Solution: You were put to that impossible choice in 1988 not only because you cared about Makoto, but because she also cared about *you*. This is the trick, the principle that underlies all human connection: it goes both ways. Everyone feels the need to trust and be trusted, to provide and be provided for, to love and be loved. People aren’t selfish; sacrificing yourself for your loved ones won’t make them happy. Everything that hurts you will also hurt *them* – such is the nature of love. However, none of this changes the fact that sacrifices are necessary, and you are more than happy to be the one making them. The only way to circumvent this problem, then, is to do it without anyone noticing. As long as no one *knows* you’re making sacrifices, you can keep doing it without anyone feeling indebted to you. 

+3 Nurturing: Protect the weak +3 Black River: Stealth aid +3 Endurance: Stay alive for their sake

21ST CENTURY SCHIZOID MAN

Problem: Your reflection stares back at you in the cold steel blade of your tanto as a blind girl clings to your legs. Your hair pulled back, cheeks gaunt and gaze distant, you are a ghost. Almost two decades later, Shimano’s dead and you’re the head of your own subsidiary. You’re going to turn in your tanto in a couple months when you disband your family. The echoes of your past trapped in that steel will be locked away in the treasury at Tojo HQ, and you will lose the sharpest mirror you’ve ever had. What has it all been for? What the hell have you been doing with your life *really*, this whole time? Have you done any lasting good in this world? 

Solution: The world is sick, too sick for anyone to save it, and it’s difficult to love a dying thing. All the rape and murder and hunger in the world will not go away because you want it to, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But forget saving it, you’ve been actively contributing to its worsening condition since the day you swore your oath. Becoming a civilian now won’t change that. This shit is in your blood, there’s no other life for you. The world is what it is, and you have to adapt to survive. There is no point in arguing with facts. Trying to save *everyone* is a lost cause, and you have to pick your battles. It’s simply the *smart* thing to do. 

+2 to all INT skills +1 Tightrope: Keep your eyes closed +1 Showtime: Have some fun while you can  -2 Diamond Heart: Callous 

YAKUZA FOR A BETTER PLANET

Problem: Shimano’s new favorite subject to harp on seems to be *climate change*. You’re not even sure what that is, but all this talk of greenhouse gases and dioxides is getting to you. Maybe it’s time to get on board with this whole *sustainability* business. You could be the first yakuza to ever become an environmental activist. A *trailblazer*… 

Solution: Wake up! The planet needs you. Glaciers are melting, animals are going extinct, and all those CO₂ emissions are absolutely *destroying* the ozone layer. You may have been ignorant until now, but there is no time to waste. It’s time to take responsibility – and it all starts with *recycling*. Separating your trash is a man’s civic duty! That’s right, this is about *individual responsibility*. Get on it, and while you’re at it, get everybody else on it, too. Plus, it makes for a really good excuse to beat people up.

+1 Reaction Speed: On the lookout for litterers +1 Competitive Streak: Reduce your carbon footprint +1 Tightrope: Pollution stops with you!

A DOZEN WINTERS OF LONELINESS

Problem: It feels like it stretches out into eternity, this emptiness within you. It was not left by anyone or anything in particular, as far as you can tell. And it seems to *intensify* at night. But that’s the extent of your understanding of it. All you have are half-remembered nights in your memory to flip through like a scrapbook when the feeling paralyzes you again. On good days you pass out on the couch watching a nature documentary or some horror flick. On bad days it makes you want to curl up and die. Is there no end to it? 

Solution: No. Learn to live with it. 

+1 Risk Management: No one looking out for you +1 Decoupling: Easier to betray yourself +1 Composure: Bottle it up -1 Diamond Heart: A dozen summers against the world -1 Tightrope: Alcohol helps in ways you can’t help yourself -1 Living Organism: Starving animal

ONCE UPON A TIME 

Problem: You filed the divorce papers yourself immediately after you left the apartment. The first thing you did was take the gloves off. It was stupid of you to try, to think this could ever work out. You will never be a father. The taste of bile in the back of your throat is almost drowned out by the cigarette smoke as you sit with your increasing shame. You fucked up, slim. You fucked up *big time*. 

Solution: Dreams. Memories. The past. You are a chain of ill-defined disappointments. There's a lot you didn't get to do, and a lot you never will. You may have given up on your dreams, but that just gives you more room to take on others’. The story isn’t over yet.

Distal Precision learning cap raised by 3 +2 Distal Precision: You have to be more careful -1 Demonfire: You scare yourself -1 Moxie: You only get one shot at some things -1 Tightrope: Reality check

BUTTERFLY DANCING IN THE NIGHT

Problem: Kiryu won’t fight you. More accurately, Kiryu won’t fight you *unless* you manage to really, really piss him off. This is harder to pull off than you initially thought. If there’s one thing about men, though, it’s that they never fail to get irrationally angry where *women* are concerned. And it’s never for the right reasons. There *has* to be a way to use this against Kiryu. You just have to think outside the box. 

Solution: The most perfect of all solutions has appeared to you in the form of a cabaret girl – and she’s right there in the mirror. Goromi is your ticket to a *guaranteed* fight with Kiryu. There’s not a man on this earth who wouldn’t be furious to have her as his hostess, and this is your opportunity to make them pay. Just try not to question why this particular role comes so naturally to you, or why it feels so good.

+2 Demonfire: Righteous anger  +2 Showtime: Make everybody happy -1 Shedding: Comfortable in your skin

24-HOUR CINDERELLA 

Problem: You wake up, wash your face, take an aspirin for your headache. You look in the mirror and the thing that stares back at you is the same every day. You think this is normal. What isn't normal is the fact that it feels like looking at someone else. How did you lose track of who you are? When did it happen? What does it even *mean* to be a person? Does it even matter?

Solution: You are, at any given time, whatever you happen to be in that exact moment. There are no lasting states of being. Self in motion. Identity is a scam; all we have is the shifting, tangled mess of desires, intentions and dreams. The only thing that matters is what you *do*, and as long as you can do whatever you want, you can *be* whatever you want.

Shedding learning cap raised by 5 +2 Showtime: All that jazz is bullshit +2 Tightrope if you also have ONCE UPON A TIME internalized  +1 Decoupling: It doesn't say anything about who you are +1 Razor’s Edge: Freedom of choice is everything

METAXÚ

Problem: So many have gone from your life. Left, lost, died. A lifetime of mourning would not cut it – you would need several. You could miss them every second of every day and it would not be enough. You are in pieces. How many more will leave you? To say nothing of the lives *you* have left. How many people have a you-shaped hole in their lives? How many more will *you* leave? 

Solution: Every separation is a link. Weil wrote, “Two prisoners whose cells adjoin communicate with each other by knocking on the wall. The wall is the thing which separates them but it is also their means of communication.” So it is with everyone you’ve ever been separated from. Presence in absence. Communication in silence. Love in grief. Connection in separation.

The following skill pairs will level up together (only applies when using skill points to level up, does not apply retroactively): Demonfire & Distal Precision, Risk Management & Razor’s Edge, Decoupling & Diamond Heart, Liquid Assets & Black River -1 Tightrope: Acceptance

VOID JANITOR

Problem: Kashiwagi is dead, and now there is no one left in Kamurocho. In fact, there is *nothing* left in Kamurocho. The Tojo is a dying thing, and everyone you care about is gone. They've left you here to take care of things in their absence. To janitor the emptiness. Sometimes you want to join them. Leave Kamurocho, leave the clan, leave this world, leave it all behind. There is no joy here. There is *nothing*. Why are you still around?

Solution: Your number isn’t up yet, and you’ve got time to kill. You might as well start mopping floors and taking out trash. Make yourself useful, one way or another. Plus, someone still needs to look after Daigo. You’ve done less than a bang-up job in that department so far, to say the least. It’s time to get to work.

+1 Nurturing: Your responsibility now +1 Black River: There’s some use for you yet -3 Showtime: No audience  -2 Tightrope: Reached the end of the rope

THE GREAT MAW

Problem: The abyss. The darkness. The great maw of the void, the one that will swallow you and everyone in the world whole if you let it. I’m talking about *cynicism.* How will you ward against its siren call? Its threat is ever-present, and its song is deafening. With the life you’ve led… *can* you even resist it?

Solution: Yes you can. You resist it one day at a time. By deciding, every single day, that today will not be the day you give into it. You can’t cut corners here. This is too important for that. You have to give it your all, and it *will* take everything you have in you. You will never not need to stop reminding yourself of what's at stake. And it will get exhausting. Hope is vital, and there is precious little of it to be found. Hold onto it.

Diamond Heart learning cap raised by 5 Decoupling Red Check failures can be retried at the cost of all of your Morale but if you fail again, you get a permanent -1 Diamond Heart and your Diamond Heart learning cap is reduced by 1

WASHED-UP YAKUZA

Problem: You woke up on a beach with no memories. You know nothing about your past, except for what you can glean from your appearance and your muscle memory. None of it bodes particularly well for your karmic debt. If you’re being honest, you don’t really *want* to remember any of it. And who’s this Saejima guy everyone keeps talking about?

Solution: Actually, this feels pretty good. It’s kinda like being reborn. And you can really get behind this whole pirate thing. You’re having a ton of fun. Fuck being a yakuza, that shit blows. Saejima can deal.

+10 Diamond Heart: Captain Majima is a man of his word +10 Moxie: Blissful ignorance  +10 Black River: Stars in Noah’s eyes +10 Tightrope: Worry about it later -10 Shedding: Lost your jacket to the sea -10 Decoupling: Reunited with your soul -10 Liquid Assets: Starting from scratch -2 Reaction Speed: Blunt fangs This thought can only be internalized if you have no other thoughts internalized (except HEART OF THE DRAGON)  You cannot internalize any other thoughts while researching WASHED UP YAKUZA

HEART OF THE DRAGON

Problem: This is one of your favorite legends. It's about a guy who just can't give up, and inspires others to keep going. He's had a hard life. Someone needs to make up for this. But it is an unrepayable debt that the world owes him, and you are only one person. Who is going to make this right? How? 

Solution: He is a better man than you ever will be. And maybe, just maybe, if you try, you can be a little more like him. But that is not enough. You have to save him; from the world and from himself, as many times as it takes. Over and over and over. If you don’t, who will? And by doing this one thing right, you might even be able to hope to begin to atone for your own mistakes.

Diamond Heart learning cap raised by 5 +1 Black River: Something to do +1 Diamond Heart: True north +1 Nurturing: Live up to the legend +1 Competitive Streak: If he can do it, so can you +1 Playmate: Wolf like me This thought cannot be forgotten

[deadbaguette]

Odydiopen Diomedes goes to Ithaca AU my Beloved????? Yess?????? Please???????

But I is curious *squint*

Does Telemachus come to subconsciously see Diomedes as a father? Or does he hate him for seemingly taking Odysseus' place? Secret third option? - @elixs-mythology-corner

Fellow Diomedes goes to Ithaca AU enjoyers!! I cheered ❤️

But to answer your question, it’s like a mix of the first one and a secret third option. Telemachus doesn’t really have a father figure to reference what he SHOULD consider a dad, in his eyes there was no place for Diomedes to take. As sad as it is, Telemachus doesn’t have an idea of Odysseus’ place as a father in his life. But, Diomedes does make it clear to him that he isn’t his dad. He tells him that a lot, never out of malice, but rather through ways in which he’s telling him of Odysseus. In a way he’s carving a place for Odysseus in Telemachus’ life, but in order to do that he does kinda have to act like something that resembles a father. He’ll do all these dad like activities, but while telling him of Odysseus. All the lessons he teaches Telemachus are ones Odysseus taught him in some way. Diomedes didn’t know what a father was supposed to be like, but he learned it from Odysseus telling him about Telemachus and stories of him and Penelope.

Diomedes is for all intents and purposes, something like a dad to Telemachus. Or at the very least he fulfills some of the roles of one. BUT, ask Diomede about it? He’ll tell you he’s not. Ask Telemachus? He can’t really give you an answer because Diomedes to him is just Diomedes (Diomedes makes this clear to him), and he doesn’t have a reference for if he should consider him a dad.

It’s complicated lol😭 But thank you for the ask! I loved elaborating on it since I find found family relationships SO interesting to talk about

[the-pest1lence]

Shoutout to my therapist who, after one session, let me rant about tma/tmagp and looked at me dead in the eye and asked, “Do you relate to Jon bc you also feel like everything that happened since x was your fault?”

Miss, I know it’s your job to analyse me but whyyyyyyy

[impossiblefeat]

Espio's 2nd/3rd place animation in Mario & Sonic at the 2016 Rio Olympic Games.

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

i was sort of wondering why exactly i've been sympathising with Eva so much, apart from, admittedly, bias- i did start considering that due to that, maybe i'd been internally exaggerating how Wolfgang & Co had been treating her. but i replayed some of Chapter 1, and honestly? now i'm of the opinion that Eva was justified to be afraid of Wolfgang, even if what she did in response was inexcusable.

because it wasn't just that Wolfgang told the others to be wary of Eva (and Damon) which caused them to feel othered. consciously or not, he literally attempted to control their movement on at least two occasions- when he attempted to stop them joining in on the exploration of the pharmacy, and then when he demanded to know where they were when they reached the dining hall last.

in his defence, i don't think Wolfgang was being malicious in doing so, i reckon he did genuinely believe he was protecting the others. but in doing so, for the two members of the group he disagreed with, he actively attempted to further restrict their freedom- in a situation where they're all already trapped!! i'm not surprised that Eva, with frustration, mentioned during the trial how much she'd been watched and suspected- multiple times, if i recall correctly. of course it got to her.

but that probably wasn't even the scariest part for her. it was probably just how easily Wolfgang had taken a leadership role within the group and how willing they were to listen to him without question. only Diana really spoke up against him on one occasion and got him to begrudgingly "allow" Eva and Damon to tag along. i mean, on that note, the fact that Wolfgang even casually commented that he wanted group decisions to be allowed by him, following the minor incident of Desmond taking initiative and checking the room locks, was extremely alarming!! like i mentioned, i don't want to villainise Wolfgang, but it does seem like he has the tendency to be rather controlling, whether or not he realises it. i would be willing to bet that the herd mentality implication was done completely on purpose, considering that Wolfgang's animal motif is a sheep and the writing team have done the symbolism in the game so well.

for all this, i can understand Eva's point of view. i know that, as Wenona had mentioned, there's a chance that Eva didn't actually feel threatened by Wolfgang, but i personally am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. because if she was honest about being on edge, that would be a rather reasonable emotional response, in my opinion.

what else are you to feel when you're at odds with an honoured individual who effortlessly holds the power to turn so many others against you too and potentially put your safety at risk, if not terror?

[hayaku14]

Detective Conan vs. Kaitou KID Compilation Movie Posters

THEY LOOK SO GOOD OMG

[ronnierosest]

Zakkura "So he never initiates, never asks, and waits." - inspired by a fanfiction we're friends, right? (very adult) by totosheadset

[m1d-45]

the corner of 1st and 9th

summary: you've given a little too much information to your favorite barista... not that it matters, when he already knows.

word count: 3k

-> warnings: stalking . he is unwell guys

-> gn reader (you/yours) is a hot drink enjoyer . mb

taglist: @samarill || @sarienic || @valeriele3 || @shizunxie || @boba-is-a-soup || @yuus3n || @esthelily || @turningfrogsgay || @cupandtea24 || @genshin-impacts-me || @chaoticfivesworld || @raaawwwr || @ryuryuryuyurboat || @undrxtxd || @rainswept || @wanderersqt || @rozz-eokkk

< masterlist >

reasons to NOT think that he is stalking you:

you tap your pen on the corner of your paper, eyes glancing between your writing and the clock. there’s no sound but the intermittent ac and the chatter of voices from the common room, a group of your dormmate’s friends that you’re not keen on interacting with. it’s a reminder of the fact that you’re assuredly spending too much time locked up in your room thinking about this, but you can’t stop. you haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, about him.

thoma was a normal barista at an innocuous cafe. and he was definitely, assuredly not stalking you… right?

you go there fairly often

the estate was a dimly unpopular cafe set right near your dorms, perfectly on the way to most of your classes and not too far out of the way if you wanted a quick bite. despite clearly being a family business, it had managed to partner with the university, and accepted the meal plan you were forced to buy. given its proximity to you and the fact that the other options got rather repetitive, you frequented the small shop. it was never too crowded, so it wasn’t impossible to assume that you were one of the few regulars.

there were exactly two consistent baristas that worked there, with the occasional new face only ever showing for a few days. there was no set uniform, as far as you could tell. one was a young girl, likely another student, who constantly yawned and always had to push up her sleeves to work the register. she didn’t talk much; the one time you had complimented her sweater, she looked at you like you were a raccoon that had waltzed in and tried to pay with cash.

the other was the object of your paranoia: thoma, a chatty redhead who always seemed to drag out the conversation longer than he had to. he didn’t wear a name tag, but did introduce himself after you gave your name for your order, like you were meeting as friends and not in a mercantile exchange. when he handed you your receipt, there was a doodle of a dog in a suit at the bottom wishing you a good day.

your schedule was rather uneven, what with waxing and waning stress and assignments and the various misaligned tests you had to take. but still, you had credits to burn and their menu was solid, so you came back whenever you wanted.

2. he’s just being nice

thoma was an occasionally odd guy, but not overtly strange. he smiled and said hello and goodbye in the regular tone someone in customer service would, provided they were either really enthusiastic about their job or desperately trying not to get fired. he wore a plain black tee and jeans and despite the silver tags around his neck, never really screamed ex-military. he seemed rather young to be deployed anyway…

regardless, he was still just a normal guy. it was normal to memorize someone’s order if they came back so often, right? normal. it was normal to ask why you looked tired, or what had happened if you were in a better mood, or to wish you luck if you were about to head to class.

he was a normal, nice guy. he never made a big deal if you came in near closing time—in your defense, their hours seemed to shift from week to week—and still recited your usual back to you in case it had changed.

it never did. his smile was proud whenever you said so.

he was forgiving, from what you could see. whenever another staff member made a mistake, or if a customer dropped something, or if a funny looking bird flew by the window and he spilled whatever he was holding, he was quick to laugh it off. he laughed a lot, actually. rarely was any visit when he was working devoid of it, whether loud and excited or quietly amused. when he wasn’t, he wore an easygoing grin, the kind that implicitly forgave you for tripping over your words or the rug by the front door. he worked quickly and quietly and sometimes you’d find you were given a discount “just because.”

3. you’re probably overthinking things.

the problem had started around the same time midterms did.

the attendees at the tables grew sparser, busy studying or sleeping or praying. there were days when you’d walk in and be the only one there, aside from whoever was at the counter that day. when you walked in, you had just enough time to see the deep frown etched on thoma’s face before it slipped away, customer service smile back on his face.

you debated over whether to ask the entire time you waited. it was the polite thing to do, wasn’t it? it wasn’t as if you were friends, but still. if someone’s sad, you ask why. that’s the normal thing to do..

he still called your name, despite you being the only one there. how did this place stay afloat? surely there was some bigger chain willing to pay the rent. the middle of a college campus was the best spot for a place selling caffeine..

now that you thought about it, why was this place so quiet?

you shook it off and went to pick up your drink, finding a small pastry there instead. you blinked, looking up to correct him, but he was already looking at you with the same smile as always.

“they’re going to go out of date soon,” he explained, “and we over-ordered, anyway. take as many as you want!”

…odd. this didn’t look like a new building. did they not know business slowed around this time?

but not too far out of order. you took the freebie, waited a few minutes longer for your drink, and went on your day.

reasons TO think he is stalking you:

he knows where you are

you, like everyone else, had assignments due, and tests to get to. your free time dwindled to a select few naps, and your, like everyone else’s, trips to the cafe slowed to a stop.

and yet, the next time you visited, he knew.

he knew.

you dragged yourself through the doors on a spur of whim, determined to reward yourself for making it through the past few weeks. god, you were tired. you blinked the exhaustion from your eyes long enough to find the barista on shift; thoma, as usual, greeted you with a smile.

“welcome back! same as usual?”

you nodded, digging through your wallet, but instead of punching in your order as usual, he reached behind him, setting down a to-go cup in front of you.

it was still steaming.

you froze, the sight settling into your exhausted mind, unable to even force your hands to pay.

why the fuck did thoma know you were coming back today?

you didn’t even know you were coming. this was an impulse, an idea you barely thought through.

after what you can only assume is too long, he lets out a laugh. not nervous, or uncomfortable, but the same casual laugh as when he spills something while someone’s watching. your eyes find his, easygoing and bright.

“i hope you’re not too surprised,” he starts, like you’re not keenly aware of every beat of your heart. “i just figured you should get some rest as soon as possible.”

is it worse, you wonder, if he just made the same drink every day until you came back and simply got lucky? that’s the only answer that doesn’t involve you calling student services, but even that makes your skin crawl. you pay as fast as you can and grab the drink, rushing the rest of the trip back to your dorm.

it went cold on your desk, too unnerving to ever take a sip of.

2. he knows your schedule

it took… a lot of mental energy to force yourself back to the estate. you didn’t even want to go, not really, but the other options nearby either didn’t take school credits or simply tasted worse. you didn’t know what it was, but it was always off. too strong, too weak, with an odd aftertaste. it was a different problem every time, one that wore down your resistance.

nothing was better than a (technically not) free pick-me-up. you had all these credits anyway, you might as well use them on something you actually liked, right?

it’s not like you were known for making good decisions, okay? maybe… maybe it was just a fluke? maybe you could ask him about it. there’s even a chance that it’s not him working the counter!

…yeah, not a chance. a quick glance inside shows the same bright copper hair as always… though the girl is at the register this time, and he’s in the back. there’s only a handful of other people inside, so you’re probably fine.

you walked in, the bell ringing, a few patrons looking up on instinct. the girl at the register does the same right as thoma abandoned the order he was working on, tapping her on the shoulder. “sayu, let me handle this one, okay?”

great. sayu, apparently, looks at you with what you can only describe as pity, shrugging and returning to the back counter. you stood a bit further from the counter than normal, but thoma still continued to smile.

“hey there! your usual?”

he looked so normal. you couldn’t ignore how pleasant his smile was, how easily he waved like he wasn’t the reason you stayed up until the sun rose, unable to look away from the cup on your desk. it almost annoyed you, knowing he probably didn’t even think about it. so you grabbed that irritation, twisted it into words, and pushed it through your teeth; “how did you know when i was going to come here?”

for a moment, his smile faltered. his laugh was quieter, nervous, nothing like before. he shrugged, pushing up the bandana around his forehead, green eyes avoiding yours. “ah, lucky guess?”

you’re a lot of things. stupid is.. probably on that list, given your presence here, but you’re not stupid enough to believe him about that. to his credit, he seems to recognize that, shoulders slumping with a sigh.

“okay, that’s a lie. i’m sorry.” he shakes his head, as if chiding himself for trying. “one of my friends happened to see you, and he said you looked upset. i thought you might appreciate the thought…?”

yeah, you might, if that wasn’t a fucking insane thing to do.

he looks sheepish enough, or as much as one can when it’s clear he doesn’t actually feel bad for what he did.

“…don’t do it again. it’s weird.”

it’s comical, how much he brightens, standing straighter like a flower finally put in the sun. “of course! if you don’t mind the wait, then i’m not complaining.”

that should have been it. you paid, you waited, and though sayu is the one that makes your drink it’s thoma that called you up to the counter. it’s a constant, at this point, same as your order and the chipper grin as he handed you your drink instead of leaving it there, a wax bag in his other hand.

“take this as an apology,” he explains, “i really didn’t mean to unnerve you.”

sure. you’re willing to believe that, if only for the sake of normalcy. you took both, the warmth easing your tense hands.

he lingered. he always did. he stood, and waited, and when he had enough of your staring, he spoke. “if there’s anything else i can do, just let me know. i could even give you my notes to study, if you want! i know you’ve got a test coming up.”

you’re learning to hate his smile. it’s so easy, his words soft and fluid with a genuine curiosity that sent chills across your skin.

there’s the possibility that he just also attends school. you’re aware of that. you swallowed your fear and managed the breath to ask what you really, really didn’t want to know. “do you also have ms yae?”

if you had access to a time machine… well, you’d stop yourself from ever stepping foot in the estate to begin with. but if you couldn’t do that, you’d come back to that instant, and keep yourself from ever asking such a stupid question.

some things were better unsaid. never did you understand that more than when thoma replied, eyes as sharp as a blade of grass.

“of course not. but you do, don’t you?”

you put your pen down, the ink from your anxious tapping now covering most of the upper corner of the page.

you hate it. you hate it. you hate that you wrote his name willingly, you hate that you’re so shaken by something you could have easily avoided, you hate that your life has taken such a turn.

you should have just stayed gone. you’ve stopped now, but now he knew you were stuck here for this semester. leaving mid-term would wreak havoc on your transcript, let alone your grades or schedule or however you were supposed to find another college to attend on such short notice.

you refocus on your list. objectively speaking, there’s more reasons to think this is normal, but the downside of lists like this is that they failed to fully capture the way your heart had dropped that day.

it was a month ago. a month, and you haven’t been able to stop looking over your shoulder whenever you went outside. you should really just call someone…

would student services be open at this hour?

you dig through the school’s website for a bit, but only find an address and a phone number for the department head. what “department” this falls under, you’re not sure, and you’re not keen on making a call less than an hour before midnight, so you don’t ask either. no dice. not for a few hours, at least. it’s just you, not really alone in your dorm, both because of the phantoms in your periphery and the fact that the walls are thin, letting you hear the cheers and disappointment of whatever game they’re playing in the common room.

it’s a bit of an anchor. the world is still going to turn, after all, and you need to be ready to meet it; you need to rest. being on edge for so long is wearing you down, and the weight on your shoulders will only grow if you keep sitting here. after a moment to consider the paper, you rip the list of your worries into short shreds, dumping the remains into the trash. you stand, stretch, and begin to tidy up, plugging in your phone and reaching for your water bottle, only to find it empty. you must have forgotten to refill it in your panic.. you look to the door, mentally weighing the benefits of going out and refilling it. there’s people in the common room, and you’re not too keen on being looked at right now, but it’s not as if they’re the ones plaguing you. it’s a common room for a reason, and filling it now will reduce the number of things to do tomorrow morning.

in search of a blessing for your future self, you unlock and open your door, the voices getting louder. some are familiar, but you shelve the memories. you have a mission. you unscrew the cap as you walk, aiming for the small kitchenette against the wall. archons willing, you won’t even have to interact with anybody. you walk, avoiding their eyes and even doing a rather good job at it, in your opinion. you fill your bottle, lingering just long enough to get the cap on without spilling anything, and turn to leave.

in a moment of weakness, you glance at the tv. there’s some sort of pvp game going on, with both players and bystanders crowded around the lone couch, most watching the ebb and flow of victory in earnest.

most, except one. on the floor, hands neatly in his lap, is the last person you want to see. he’s missing his bandana, but he still has that same smile, one gloved hand raised in a familiar wave.

you don’t think about what he’s said or done. you don’t think about the fact that you definitely should have told your roommates not to let him in. no, all you can think about is the fact that he now knows where you live, right down to the suite number.

it takes a lot of effort to drag your eyes away, pulling your feet into the dorm. you don’t want to think about how much effort it will take to leave tomorrow.

you don’t want to think about what could be waiting for you.

[rokurookajima]

the stars, the moon

they have all been blown out

(x)

first sunrise post-harmonic convergence, first time seeing each other face to face post-bonding our souls together forever

(also imagining this would potentially be wan’s first time seeing her in human form at her full power which idk that makes me feel something)