#i barely keep up with reading for undergrad as it is lol

[kalashtars]

my (least) favorite thing in the world is when professors are like "it's a short reading for next class" and then the reading is like 30 pages

[chaotic-orphan]

Hiii, this is your girly 💍 You actually responded much faster to my ask than I expected you to aha- 😅

First off, thank you sooo much for responding to my ask, it’s always very much appreciated :))

I just want to let you know I love receiving AND responding to your replies. And you wrote SO much length which, like, makes me superrrr happy and, in the moment, excited. To be honest, asking asks kinda gets me out of my writer’s block if you can believe it- It’s forcing me to write, since my brain is itching to respond, and so it’s like making me write, which is good, because I need to write lol- Even if it’s not with creative fiction, it’s just- like, excessive fangirl posts in dedication and/or honor of you-

Thank you so much for the tips on writing superpowers!! After reading your suggestions, I do have a few notes to make!

Now that I look at it, Kit’s superpower DOES fit his personality- And Ambrose’s does too- I don’t think I’ve ever consciously noticed the subtlety of that in your writing lol, so I thank you a lot for that, since giving them a power that fits their overall character is literally an ingredient to making a good craft, so like thank you- I’ll definitely keep that in mind when trying to come up with what ability a character should get!

And OMG, I’ve found that Pinterest actually really helps with fueling up characters and their superpowers- So, thank you for that tip as well, since it kinda starts up the supernatural writing mechanics in my brain-

Also, you said: “I can write more advice I’ve learned if you want a more detailed reply to this question, just shoot me an ask and-” And I just want you to know, you will be receiving an ask in all caps that you can give me more advice underneath 😀 So, like, the topic of that ask isn’t built off you answering my barely-strung-together-rambles, but actually zeroed in on a main subject (aka writing superpowers-)

Thank you so so SO much for all the tips, I really think they’ll help me out! Like, a lot-

Also, I kinda assumed you weren’t in school, lol, since I saw you were 25 in your bio but I literally couldn’t remember for the life of me if it was you who got the, as I see, the undergrad lol– (Late) Congratulations btw!!

I alsooooo kinda assumed you’d be writing drabbles for Febuwhump, lol- Like, as I was asking if you were gonna do a series or drabbles, I kinda already guessed, since you are more prone to writing these magnificent masterpieces that I want like 80 continuing parts to, but like their one standalone was perfectly curated to be, like, alone?? Like, to be glorified without a continuation in progress?? Idk! But I loveee your drabbles. And your series. And your asks. And your reblogs. Anything you post on your blog, really. 

Also, I actually managed to write some of my layout for Febuwhump today which I’m very proud of ☺️Though, I’m not pleased with two of the layouts, so I might scrap it and try something different- I think I’m going to do a little more than half of the febuwhump prompts for a series, and then the rest as just drabbles. So, I'll be writing a short series, lol. So, I don’t burn out-

Also- (omg, why do I keep transitioning these paragraphs with “Also” Like it’s becoming repetitive, even to me-) I am, and have forever been, very shy about my writing. And I know I’ve probably regressed over the year when it comes to my literacy capabilities, butttttttttt I have to remind myself that I might aspire to do something with writing in the future. And I should get over my stage fright when it comes to presenting my writing for others to behold and see. And, sooooo, there’s a chance I’ll tag you in a febuwhump post, lol, but only! on the ones I think you’d actually like, because, please be warned, I’m incredibly rusty. AND, just so you know, I would never say “ew no” to you 🥺 You are too precious- And I know no pressure! But, also the pressure IS kinda on because like I want to write something good that you’d enjoy, and actually I don’t wanna pressure YOU into reading it, because idk- You already know I have a thing for lengthy replies, so you’d expect my writing to be lengthy (but who knows because I haven’t written anything in a while), and I don’t want you to force yourself to read something you won’t enjoy, and anyway- it’s totally up to you, and it won’t hurt my feelings if I like tag you in something during Febuwhump and you don’t like it and you can literally give me (constructive; I’m still slightly fragile 😀) criticism, because like, yah. And anyway, I’m going to stop this overthinking ramble, right nowwww

YESSSS, now to your rambles section of your replyyyyyyyyy

I have definitely noticed you match the vibes of others, actually sometimes you OUTmatch them 😭 But I can tell it's because the person said something and it was about something you were passionate about and you just had to get it out lol- which I totallyyyyy understand to the fullest extent- I was very hesitant when I sent my first ever ask to you on New Years Eve, since I, like, didn’t use my deductive reasoning intuition and check the comments to your posts and actually see the way you responded to others- and you always responded to others with the vibes in tact-

I would like to let you know that I actually prefer responses to my asks that aren’t immediate lol- Of course I get SUPER excited when I get a reply back, but it kinda feels like a penpal ya know? Like, letters kinda? I kinda like not being overwhelmed with answering as quickly as possible, and actually being given time to send and then receive responses- It feels much more chill---more calm, if you, like, know what I mean- Idk-

Thank you for your concern about me not stressing out- Nothing about responding to you stressed me out, so don’t worry! It makes me HAPPY to endorse in my favorite orphan- Because here’s the thing! I loveeee spending my time responding, and getting into the flow of things, and literally, I know I don’t owe you anything, but I’ve been reading on your blog for a little over a year, so it kinda feels refreshing to just actually get to talk to the blogger I’ve come to adore (be it inconsistently, as I hopped on and off tumblr)-

By the way, and this is totally random, but you said “reinforce” in your ask, and I though that was funny, because that was a vocabulary word I learned at school this week lol- 

Reverting to female Whumpees, I really just think it comes down to being more polite with them, ya know? But at the same time, since I’m female and don’t have as strict qualms around the hurt revolving around female whumpees, it doesn’t really pull me back from wanting to write them- It’s just, certain instances, just seem literally closed off or off bounds to be used with or against female whumpees-

I think that’s kinda why I want to do the female whumpee and female whumper combination, since it’s like they are both the same gender so there wouldn't be anything holding me back from any suffering happening- But at the same time, a nicely written male whumper would also do wonders in making a female whumpees suffering more- idk?? Like, appetizing? Just something about it ya know- Like a nicely written male whumper and nicely written female whumpee would piece together so fluidly- A compatible whump match, if I may. I think that’s why I really like Supervillain and Morgan’s interactions so much because of how compatible the two are (and I don’t mean this romantic-wise, or friendship-wise, but I mean it whump-wise). But the two fit! And their fluidness with one another really brings together the Heroic Betrayal story! and I don't think that fluidness would prevail as much if Morgan was instead a Mason, or a Mark, ya know? Like, sometimes female whumpees slide into a story more smoothly than male whumpess 🤷 And I think another thing is that I read male whumpees alllll the time it feels like- And that’s not necessarily a bad thing! But it really was refreshing when I picked up Heroic Betrayal and came across Morgan’s character, because, like- I feel like I don't get to see that often-

(Plus, I can sympathize more easily with my whumped girlies than my whumped baby boys-)

FYI, you are nottt delayed, you could withstand from responding to my ask for WEEKS and it still wouldn’t count as delayed to me- Like, you literally responding to my ask WAYYYYY sooner than I expected, a pleasant surprise! But, a surprise nontheless lol- Like, literally the first thing I see after school- 

Though, I must admit. it’s hard not to feel like I kinda do overstep with my responses- Since it feels like I’m rambling the whole time, but like I’ll make sure to remind myself that you don’t mind- and I think my self-doubt stems from my overthinking tendencies, so I’ll make sure to push past that loll

And just to note I LOVE your replies, short and (guiltily, but especially) the lengthy ones- And I really appreciate you making your replies divided into sections and also always keeping them very concise and structured- It’s very pleasing to the eyes-

Onto the writer’s block section!

Thank you for putting my feelings into your own words, hello?? You literally just explained to me how I was feeling- in like perfect words and vocabulary?? Everything in this section was really motivationally inspiring which I really appreciate! And I’ll take heed to your suggestions- I’ll definitely check out Stephen King’s Interviews! I have to remind myself, often, that the first draft is notttt going to be good, loll-

On the Motivation section.

I really liked this section because, for one, comparing motivation to a “cruel mistress” made my writing euphoria happy, because that line ate?? Oh, and I do see the ages posted in bios! I get a little intimidated when I see people surpass 18 years old, because I’m like, “oh, should I back off?” Since I am on the younger side of things (a couple years till 18), I try to avoid crossing dangerous territory. Despite you being slightly older, I still really enjoy your blog, and I honestly feel like it suits my age range. Like, it’s more focused on character depth and plot and that stuff so it’s like a comfort zone for me- And you’re also, like, really nice- Which, like, draws me in like a moth to a flame (? I THINK that’s the right phrase??) And I kinda see you as a role model to look up to when it comes to my writing- So, there's that-

Okay, I knowwww I should focus on school, but I loveeee replying to you alsooooooo

Anyway, thank you again for your reply! They really mean the whole world and more to me!

-From your girly 💍

PS. (I totally did not giggle when you called me “you little cinnamon roll” 🫢)

-Just FYI, school is closed tomorrow because it’s a snow day :) I’m very pleased- Day 1 of me asking you to write a book 😃

Dear 💍 girly,

You are right, we are letter writers now, this a pen-palship📮📫📬

I’m glad our conversation is forcing you to write more and forcing you out of the dreaded writer’s block!!! I am so sorry for how late this reply is, I didn’t even realise until I got another ask today, I am so sorry!!! So, let me answer now, and it will probably be as long as yours hehehe – I saw your superpower ask as well, I will reply to that after this!!! Get some good links and stuff that I use too for you XD

On Superpowers and Fanfic

Yes, superpowers matching people’s personalities are really good at making superpower characters – that’s something I learned from fanfics hehehe and superpower AUs on A03, which if you don’t know, you probably do, but AO3 has some of the best fucking writers ever, and fanfic in general is also just such a big fun thing

On Pinterest

AND PINTEREST!!! Is the best, I make pinterest boards for my stories when they get long and I need more creative vibes, I need to visually see it – for example Morgan in Heroic Betrayal didn’t have a hair colour until like chapter 9 because I didn’t have a character reference for her yet ahahahahahh - but actually, then I started playing Witcher 3 and she is literally Ciri in my head (sorry I am also a big game nerd, love video game bosses, so whumpy)

On Your Writing Progress

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

YOU WROTE SOME LAYOUT FOR FEBUWHUMP!!! That is brilliant, if you want to, please tag me in your drabbles or the ones you like (totally cool if not XD No pressure)

OH NEVERMIND, I JUST READ THE NEXT PARAGRAPH AHAHHAHAHA – I don’t want you to feel like you have to write something good that I’ll like! Perfection is the enemy of creativity and I have written some god awful things when I started writing and I still look back on it with pride (in my personal writing journals) because I wrote so much and because of it this love of writing has stayed with me for yearrrsss!!!

Hahahah, I am glad you prefer later replies, it does feel more like pen pals this way!! Reading and responding to all the little paragraphs hehehe!!

OH MY GOD NEW VOCAB WORD, REINFORCED heheheh what a coincidence!!

If you like Heroic betrayal – the dynamic between Morgan and Supervillain, I would recommend reading @/whumblr’s Bookish series – really good fem Whumpee and male whumper dynamic – just delicious O Mo Dhia

On Female whumpee/whumpers

But I totally agree with your opinion, like fem Whumpee and fem whumper would be no holds barred all out smackdown, and that is because they’re equals like male whumper, male Whumpee – but even then the dynamic changes!

Because women are so much more subtle in their domination than men who respond more to violence and so are more violent! But fem Whumpee/whumper would be soooooo good!!! I am only delving into that dynamic recently!!! And fem Whumpee/whumper is really interesting to write.

On Ranting and Self-consciousness

No, please, ramble, rant, tell me your every thought, you are NOT overstepping!!! like I am (obviously) paying attention to this and replying and giving it thought, but like I am not self-conscious about how it will be read or picked up and I think that comes with age ahahaha…

I have a lot of sisters, and my younger sisters are embarrassed by little things that I try to tell them won’t matter in a few years, but it matters a lot to them at the time!!! And self-consciousness is something everyone has to battle in life, like I would never dream of sharing my whump fics with anyone I know hehehe, we all got to lock that voice in a cage and throw it in a river

And I am having a lot of fun talking to you!

On First Drafts🤢

THE FIRST DRAFT IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF CRINGE, likeeee first drafts succkkkkk so bad O Mo Dhia, it is actually just… GAH INFURIATING and you’re like “this is the worst writing ever” and there are so many quotes on writing – “like books aren’t written, they’re re-written,” and that “all good writing is re-writing” etc.  

On Motivation

Hahahah, I think in my last reply I was struggling with motivation and reading a dramatic book and I was feeling edgy, cruel mistress hehehe, it’s so true though!!! GAH!

On older writers

I felt that intimidation too back in the days of my youth😭😭😭– but no just as long as your safe on the internet (oh god, I really am old) and just y’know, you’re very nice and sweet, but do be careful with that openness too and yeah, I mean, obviously trust your gut and be savvy – okay, I am stopping this rant, I am not your dad ahhaahaha – INTERNET SAFETY GUYS, NOT A JOKING MATTER

Although I’m honoured to be your role model when it comes to writing, you are just so cute agghhhhh – you are a cinnamon roll ahahhahah, thank you for your last letter, these are letters now, we are pen pals now, writing with quills by candlelight in plague ridden France mmmmm yes ahahahhahah

SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!! LET’S GO!!!!! Oh my god I used to love when our school pipes burst and we didn’t have school for a few days, 10/10

I am currently writing a book, writing two, but one is more prose fiction like contemporary fiction, but MY FAVE IS the one about two brothers in a magic world with powers (which is basically glorified fable (another old video game) fanfiction but I LOVE THEM) so yes 😊

[trungles]

Hello, long time follower just on other platforms and I love your work. I am currently getting my Masters in Comics and Graphic Novels, and do tell me if this an inappropriate question but how much do you make? Like a month doing comics and art? Also what do you do on a day to day basis? I'm worried about my future after I graduate.

Thank you so much! This is a great question, and I wish more people would be candid about answering it because I'd like creators to demand more money. This will be a very long post! Keep reading if you're interested. MASSIVE info dump below.

I think earnings in comics and books can look wildly different for almost every creator, and it depends on a lot of things. With that in mind, I make a slightly different amount every year. I view my finances mostly through page rates, contracted projects, and passive-ish income. Because I'm terrible at math, I'm just going to tell you how much I make per contracted projects, plus some relevant information in terms of Life Stuff. This will be very long, and I will highlight some important details that people maybe don't like to talk about very much.

Please also bear in mind that I live in Minnesota, away from all my major publishers and editors who are situated on the coasts, so my cost of living is much more manageable.

Background: Building a Foundation (2012-2018)

I graduated from college in 2012 and lived with my parents until 2018. I did not have to pay rent or worry about food, so I got to save up a lot of money to invest in developing as an artist–paying for printing zines, making merch, travel to conventions, table costs, and secure hotel accommodations. This helped enormously, and I would not have been able to spend six years developing my portfolio and connecting with comics peers and professionals without my parents. They were very supportive, even if they had no idea that I was developing professionally as an artist (LOL, they're very proud of me now, but they truly just thought I was being a weird internet gremlin the whole time). They're also not wealthy people by any means. My parents immigrated to the US in their 20s as refugees with absolutely no money and one baby (it me, I am the baby), but they each became pretty successful small-business owners in their own right and were able to help put me through school with minimal debt, even through the financial crisis in the late aughts.

I started making art in 2012-ish as well, but only semi-professionally, and barely on purpose. I was employed full-time in a non-art job between 2013 and 2018 at a local non-profit that specialized in pediatric therapy. I occupied a role as their front office person/corporate assistant. I made about 40k a year at that job, with benefits, and I made a negligible amount of money doing art and making comics. I should also note that throughout this time, I was working 40 hours a week at my day job, commuting between 2-4 hours a day depending on the weather (my commute was an hour for each direction in good weather and up to three hours if it snowed), and then working on comics for 3-4 hours in the evening, every evening. This meant that I would frequently be working anywhere between 65-85 hours a week for five years, and I do not recommend this! I burned out pretty bad! I didn't go to art school or learn about comics, either, so I felt like I had to spend time building my portfolio to make up for lost time. I didn't even know I wanted to make comics until maybe two years after I graduated from undergrad.

I did manage to build a nice portfolio and connect with people who were making the sort of work I liked to make, so the portfolio-building did help. I posted regularly online in different platforms and steadily grew an audience over the years via Tumblr (heyyy!) Instagram (which I personally loathe), Patreon (stressful, but necessary and also getting more comfortable to use!), and Twitter (which I have very mixed feelings about, but I'll miss it if it dies). I did a few short comics with writers whose work I admired. The Fresh Romance Anthology in 2015 was my first major published work, and it was with writer Marguerite Bennett, who remains one of my absolute favorite people. I was so inexperienced at the time, and she would check in with me to make sure I got paid for my work, and then she would follow up with everyone responsible if I was not properly compensated. Not everybody is this on-the-ball about making sure their colleagues are treated well, and she absolutely set the bar for me going forward.

Doing It For Real + Some Numbers (2018-2021)

In 2018, I put together a pitch document for The Magic Fish (if you'd like to see my pitch document, here is a Dropbox link to it! It's just a book report for a book that doesn't exist yet, and I hope you find it helpful if you need it), shopped around for an agent, and found one I'm very happy with (Kate McKean at Morhaim! She's amazing! She runs a newsletter where she gives you the lowdown on how the publishing industry works, so if you're interested in Books, you can check out her writing over at Agents and Books). Then my agent shopped the pitch around to editors and publishers, and Random House Graphic won out. Also, every time she negotiates a contract for me in my home market (the US), she gets 15% cut, which is entirely worth it to me. She does so much. It's incredible.

Random House Graphic's offer wound up being for two books at $45k each, with pretty standard royalty rates, I think around 10% in general, though there are stipulations around royalties that I can't remember off the top of my head (and also bear in mind that you do not earn royalties until your book sales have earned out your advance, and not all published books earn out). To me, this is a lot of money! BUT the graphic novel took two full years to make, so that $45k needed to last me until 2020, which is not livable if you're on you're own. Also, the advance is paid out in chunks at certain milestones of project completion. I'd get a few thousand at a time for the script, another few for the thumbnails, more for the inks, and on and on until the book is done. I would not start to get paid for the second book until I started working on it.

Earlier in 2018, I'd moved in with my partner, so we managed paying the bills and groceries together. Luckily for me, I had also completed a full tarot deck as a separate personal art project to help build my confidence as an illustrator, and my agent sold the tarot deck project (The Star Spinner Tarot) to a different publisher for a $15k advance, so I had some extra wiggle room in 2018. I quit my day job because this was a rare instance in which a book deal provided me with enough money to live on making art, with the caveat that I shared financial responsibilities with my partner. By this time, my Patreon, which I started back in 2015 I think, was also earning anywhere between $800-$1000 a month, which was really great semi-passive income. I'd post process shots and WIPs a couple times a week, and that really helped from month to month.

In 2020, The Magic Fish was published and got a lot of really lovely press. It debuted on the Indie Best-Seller list, and it got pretty popular in schools and libraries. Suddenly, my responsibilities expanded to also being a public speaker (side note: if you make a book about topics of some academic interest, make a generic powerpoint presentation about it now! I'm so serious!). I stopped tabling at conventions (the pandemic), but I would also be paid for speaking gigs in between. I'm not an enormously in-demand public speaker, so I usually asked for an honorarium of about $500 from schools and institutions for online appearances, though I'm about to ask for a lot more because it's cutting into a lot of the time I need to make comics and hit my deadlines. As people are more comfortable meeting in person, I usually ask for a speaking fee of at least $1500, and it must be after they've already taken care of my travel and accommodations. I'm not very well versed in the standards for speaking fees for debut authors, so this might not be standard! It's just my best estimation of the value of my time and effort for that instance.

Speaking of comics and deadlines, I sometimes take on smaller projects for DC (you might have seen these) and Marvel (shhh it's not been announced yet), and the page rates for those, as they've paid me, are usually as follows: $90 per page for writing ($45 for plotting and $45 for scripting), $160 for pencils per page, and $90 for inking per page. I've never colored or lettered, so I don't know those rates. I do regularly talk to other writers and artists, and the rates for writers are all over the place and seem to depend on whether you've signed an exclusive contract with either of those companies. I don't know what a contracted penciller or inker is paid by them, or if that's even a thing that happens? I also sometimes do comics cover work, and I usually charge between $1200 and $1500. I tend to charge a bit more for covers these days because I personally don't like doing covers all that much.

Starting to Reap the Benefits Maybe? (2021-2022)

In 2021, I started getting royalty checks for both Star Spinner Tarot and The Magic Fish. These payments will vary wildly, and I think they will naturally peter off as time goes on, and I'll need to make more books and projects. In both cases, I was surprised. I think at one point a random check hit my bank account for like $20k and I nearly fainted, but some of the other royalty checks will be much more modest. This process of getting paid is also immensely eased by having a good agent! I cannot stress this enough!

Then both the Star Spinner Tarot and The Magic Fish got foreign language licenses, and those come with small advances of their own, each between $2k and $3k, from what I can recall, with varying royalty rates depending on the publisher who acquired those rights. Those royalty rates are, in my limited experience, more modest than my American publisher's, come to around 7% or 8%. The Star Spinner Tarot got an official French edition, and The Magic Fish has been licensed for publication in Italian, French, Korean, Brazilian Portuguese, and Spanish so far.

Since 2021, I've also signed on to draw two more graphic novels for other people, and my agent is able to demand higher advances for me, even when I'm only doing the drawing part.

My Day-to-Day

I think that's about as comprehensive as I can be about numbers. On a daily basis, my schedule depends on whether I'm writing or drawing. Graphic novels are long projects. I'll be writing for months at a time and then drawing for even more months or even years after. I spend a lot of time answering emails for speaking requests, and my agent will sometimes pass along emails about legitimate project requests (another advantage of having an agent is I don't have to sift through scam emails or shady collaborators). I spend way more time answering emails and trying to iron out my calendar than I'd like.

I'm currently working on my second graphic novel for Random House Graphic, and I'm extremely excited about it.

Another thing I've learned is that I like to bounce between projects, but they have to be between a paid project and a personal project. If I'm juggling paid projects, I get overwhelmed and stressed. If I can work on a paid project and then also make personal art, I can feel some relief and maintain a positive relationship with my work. If you can ever get to a point where you can manage to do this, I highly recommend it. I never want to hate making comics, and this balance of personal-to-paid projects helps me keep loving the work.

Closing Thoughts

My only hesitation in talking candidly about all this is that I'm not sure my professional trajectory is applicable for most people. I think I've had a uniquely positive experience once I got off the ground, and I know most people's journeys are very much not this smooth. In a lot of ways, I got very lucky. And along the way I had help, especially before I got my foot firmly in the door. I don't think I make stratospherically high amounts of money, but I know this is still an atypically stable amount for a lot of artists and authors. And even so, I anticipate that some years will be better or worse than others.

Obviously, I couldn’t cover absolutely everything, but my hope is that this will be a good starting point for you to figure out what you need to plan for the future. Best of luck! Thank you for your question! I’m sorry it’s so long.

[theveil-and-thepath]

Hi.

Idk if you are taking asks. If you aren't then feel free to ignore this.

The thing is, I started my Master's course and I suck at everything. Literally everything. Except maybe English as a language.

It's very frustrating. And I don't know if I will be able to do anything. Or build a career. Or earn. Lol.

I'm sorry about the rant. Things have been new and strange and incompetence is not something that I am used to.

@ Anyone who sees this post and has some advice: please rb and add to it, share your experience with the feeling of incompetence in academia. (long reply ahead 2000+ words, the last 4 paragraphs are the reading)

Feedback for this reading

Hi, dear! In undergrad, while other students were struggling to keep their head above water, you were swimming and trying to be the fastest; now, for the first time, you’re afraid you’re going to drown. I’m going to reply with some advice from myself first (tarot below the cut, you can skip and go there) and have in mind that you just started your master’s.

Well, this feeling can come back many times before you earn this degree, so it’s good to learn how to deal with it early on. The first thing is: look for the mental health department of your university and use all of the services they provide. Do it before you freak out. If, during your master’s, you feel you’re just too anxious and can’t deal with it, even with therapy, don’t be hesitant to seek medication. It can be natural things or allopathic medication, together with trying to have the healthiest life you can. Don't hesitate to ask for medication (for real), it can make a huge difference, it can be the difference between lying on the sofa unable to get up for class and being able to at least do the dishes or open your dissertation or being able to open and read your emails. The second thing: make colleagues and ask people more senior than you about professors and supervisors. Don’t go for the super star supervisor who’s in fact an ass**** and will humiliate you or belittle you. It’s rare, but some departments are the home of some really arrogant people who won’t help you at all, so be aware of who these people are, learn the department gossip if you can. The third thing: ask for help. You may feel dumb and less knowledgble than the first year undergrad who just learned a new method or read an author, but if you didn’t and you don’t know what they are talking about, ask for help. Ask for a book to read, google as if you knew nothing, write down and google the concept you didn’t know, ask for how to spell a name (i felt so embarrassed that i barely did that), go around and find out even if this is checking basic maths again. Your undergrad materials are your friends. Go back to your past self because I’m sure they wrote some helpful things in these notebooks. If your master’s is in a different area than your undergrad, go check undergrad textbooks about what you need to learn. In fact, check undergrad textbooks to write your dissertation and make sure you got the basic correct if you want.

Now for the real deal. Not everyone is as smart as they seem. Knowing the right reference, having read the material beforehand, being skilled in speech and writing, all help for someone to seem like the smartest person in the room. You don’t have to be the smartest one in the room. You have to be the one who’s learning the most and making the best use of the input you get and you must be able to do a decent dissertation and graduate. Ultimately, it’s your dissertation and your specific field of study that will get you into a PhD and academic career, if you don’t want an academic career then you should worry even less about any of that stuff, if at all. The day you go teach something you’ll prepare for it, you’ll prepare a class, you won’t know everything. You need to be able to learn and teach in an organised manner, but you won’t know the details beforehand unless you’re teaching your own specific field of study. Students will ask smart questions to which you don’t have the answers, and that improvisation that you once did during an exam with open ended questions you’ll have to do in front of the classroom, and you’ll say what you know, acknowledge what you don’t and come back next week with an answer. Furthermore, not all questions have answers. By now you know that an “answer” can be a long digression of many possible scenarios and approaches from different authors. If you’re in stem, then you’ll do a similar thing, but one thing is common: you need to cover the basics. Now, you may not need to pay attention to every class you’re taking because they may not be useful for your dissertation, but try your best to grasp the basics and learn what you can. You will get used to the classes and learn what you can. Feeling dumb at first (or even in the end if I’m honest) is a sign you found your growth zone. You don’t need to fill it all and be like other people, but expand your knowledge as much as you can without damaging your health. It’s hard because it’s a moment when you feel everyone will point at you and say “oh, but weren’t you a smart ass? ofc you know this! you were the best, if you didn’t learn that then it’s a problem of your university. don’t they teach you this and that? how come you don’t know so and so? how did you get in?oh, don’t worry, you're smart, you’ll learn that with time, just keep working hard.” In a way, it feels like your pride is hurt and the foundation of your being is being destroyed. But you rise up from the ashes, that’s the challenge.

One point I want to make here is that sometimes impostor syndrome has a "real basis". It can happen that when you seek therapy they’ll treat you for this and make you see your potential and skill. But one thing people have failed in my life was recognize that I can be correct when assessing my own limitations and this is not me being a victim of impostor syndrome. Sometimes, you’re EXCELLENT, a GENIUS on your own, but it may still not be enough for what you want to accomplish and you may, in that situation, win as a person and win on the long run, but be defeated in the short run. There’s always a moment of genuine distress when you actually don’t know the thing, you actually don’t think you can do it, or you believe, you study, you manifest, you do your best and it’s not enough. I won’t tell you: work hard and believe in yourself, manifest and it will happen. I won’t fool you, because both of us know that you can do everything right and “fail” nonetheless. Sometimes, you don’t get the funding and you’re just as smart as the one who got it, sometimes you fail even when you do your best. However, sometimes you don’t! If you do nothing you get nothing, if you try your best you’ll get something. You’re into the program already, now you’ll do your best to expand your knowledge and overcome the personal challenge of dealing with growth and challenges and your own weaker spots. This can be painful af, so well I advise you to be close to people who love and support you, even if you don’t believe when they say “the top university will hire you asap” because you know the requirement in terms of publications, you know your limitations, you know you’re not as smart as you look like. BUT YOU’RE SMART AND YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN THIS, YOU CAN OVERCOME YOUR CHALLENGES AND BE PROUD OF IT, YOU ARE CAPABLE OF DOING YOUR BEST.

There may be a moment in which you may question your very own skill of reading and writing (and spreaking), if you can make two words come together at all! The moment you’ll doubt if you know “english as a language”. Well, what you know will have to serve you and you’ll work your way around that somehow. It’s different for everyone. But one thing I’m sure of is you should have as much support as you can get, from family, friends, therapy, sports, religion, fiction, anything. Because on top of feeling incompetent, sometimes people come and challenge our things, you can feel bad because of the critics during a conference, feel awful at the comments from reviwers, there will be moments when this feeling of incompetence is pushed to the limit. This happens if you don’t go for academic career as well, your boss and colleagues, critics and challenges overall (+ some people have no tact and are rude). So the key now is to learn how to deal with this new feeling of incompetence. You are not incompetent, and you wouldn’t be even if you hadn’t got into that master’s!!!

Will you get a career? Will you earn? Will you get tenure? Will you get into a PhD program just as good as your master’s? Will you ever publish at such and such journal? Will your work ever be recognized? Will you want to go through a PhD after struggling with a masters? Honestly, I don’t know, but very likely you will. These will change after every new book you read, every new topic you learn, every new assignment you do, every presentation, every group assignment, after meeting new people, after going to places, after trying and learning, after being rejected by all reviewers, after failing and getting up again. The more you work, the better your chances, and if you don’t get the spot you dream of, I can say we never know where life is leading us, what people we’re meant to meet, what we can experience. The smart person you are still exists and will never die, you’ll learn how to swim in this new sea, and if you don’t like the water there are plenty of water bodies out there to try. I know this is not the most reassuring message, but there’s never the guarantee of success as you see it. And you need to respect your body and your mind, the time you take to breathe because if you hold your breath for too long you won’t be able to swim and die anyway, even if you didn’t drown. You may get messages like there will be struggles but you’ll get it in the end, but remember that sometimes new routes await you and the knowledge you have will serve you perfectly well.

Now, after I vented myself, I’ll ask tarot: how can you overcome this struggle with this feeling of incompetence?

Your best asset, your challenge, the best approach: three of pentacles, the high priestess, strength.

It seems very fitting, your best asset is working and seeking help from people you know. In a master’s it can be the afternoon you spend preparing with a friend for an exam, you turning on the “learning mode” and reading a book with an open heart without the feeling of incompetence get into the learning, it’s open your mind for new knowledge, it’s have 4 books open on the table, 6 pdfs, one document you’re writing and write two sentences a day, it’s solving part of the equation and stopping to have coffee and feel stuck looking for a way out without panicking. I’m sure there was at least one academic challenge you overcame in undergrad, remember that, summon up that learning and fighting mode because it’s what you have to work around your current challenges. Regardless of the results, you can try to get to that mode again.

Your challenge here is the high priestess. She’s smart, she speaks only when requested, she knows mysteries, she picks her battles. You need to be at peace with yourself alone, master introspection in a way you let emotions flow but don’t let them get the best of you. For me it’s also that moment of deep thought when you stare at a paragraph or an equation, when you look at your code that is not running properly, the spread sheet that has a mistake, and you have to try to stay calm and muster all the knowledge or ask for inspiration on how to crack the mystery, how to get out. This is a specific moment in the learning process, especially important if you need to find a new approach for your dissertation. This is your challenge, learn how to deal with this moment or even get to this moment (when we’re feeling incompetent it’s nearly impossible to even work to the point where you stop and thnk without dispair). Make sure your mental health is in check for this, anxiety won’t help here and this is a serious matter. Learn smart too. If it was a mention of an author or method who made you feel extra dumb, but said author is not very important to you, don’t bother. Go work on what you need to pass and what will help your dissertation and your own particular field. Learn new things obviously, but work as smart as you can because nobody has time to know it all.

The best approach is the strength card. Perseverance. Extra cliché for my liking but true nonetheless. It also speaks about finding balance between mind and heart, your brain taming your emotions, taming your negative thoughts and direct that impulse and strength to what is worth it: learning what you can, one step at a time, and do it smart and pick only what’s most helpful to you. Tame yourself, check your health, practice a sport, go to therapy, read books, keep yourself alive and feeling confident enough to advance. You can’t tame a lion, ever, but you can try to be his friend and let him work with you. Do this with your emotions and it can lead you far in life.

That was it for the reading. I’m sorry if my personal vent was unrequested, but I feel strongly about this topic. I wish you all of the best in this world, that you can feel divine guidance when your life seems lost and find the strength you have within yourself. You need to believe when your friends say good things about you, because you’re much stronger than you think, and life will only make you stronger, dear.

[everybodyscupoftea]

this is the life

ole miss rafe x reader

you and your boyfriend deal with your ~futures~

literally no one asked for this lol, i’m sorry

(warnings: cursing)

Your animal and dairy sciences seminar had a report due that you’d stayed up very late making last minute edits to because you were stressed it was really bad. The next morning was brutal. Not only was in an 8 a.m. lecture, but your coffee machine was out and you overslept, barely giving yourself enough time to get to class before the professor checked attendance.

You slid into your seat, out of breath, just as started scanning the seating chart for attendance. The boy who sits next to you turned to ask, “Library was backed up this morning?”

“What?” you asked, halfway paying attention, still scrambling to get your notebook out.

“Since you’re running late, I’m assuming it’s because the library was busy when you went to print your report.”

Your stomach dropped and you swore, “Fuck. I forgot to print it. Fucking fuck. I submitted it online but I forgot we needed to hand him a physical copy too. Oh god I can’t afford to fail this class.” You were getting worked up and the boy was starting to look more and more like he regretted talking to you in the first place.

“I mean he’s pretty chill, so I’m sure if you explain he’ll let you bring it by his office later.”

The boy had a point, but you were already too far gone. For the rest of the class, you were unfocused, and if someone asked you what he lectured on, you’d have no clue, so preoccupied with rehearsing how you were going to beg him for an extension. You only had one other class, and you’d definitely be able to print it out and run it to him between them, but that was depending on if he let you.

Just as class was ending, your phone vibrated in your hoodie pocket, and you checked it, immediately calmed at seeing a text from your boyfriend. Rafe sent Can’t wait to see you this weekend and whatever had a grip on your chest loosened enough for you to take a full breath for the first time since waking up.

After speaking to your professor and his reassurance that you didn’t really need to worry much about the written report, that it was just to ensure everyone had it turned in prior to class, you left, much happier, but the exhaustion hitting you straight in the gut.

Thankfully, all you had left that day was a communication elective and then to drive to Rafe’s apartment in Oxford. He’d convinced you to make the trip because he wanted to show you around the place he’d called home for four years after leaving behind his “hometown trauma.” His words.

Your class flew by, people were giving speeches and you’d given yours Wednesday, so you sat there mindlessly, half asleep, until she dismissed the class for the weekend. Stopping back by your apartment to pick up your overnight bag, you decided to last minute check your PO Box, it had been a while. To your shock, you actually had mail, and when you saw the return address, the sick feeling returned to your stomach.

There was about a two-hour drive to Rafe’s apartment from Starkville, and you had the option of opening the letter containing either the best news or the worst news of your life before the drive or at Rafe’s apartment. Part of you wanted to know then, but a stronger part of you wanted to be with Rafe so he could comfort you if necessary.

Instead of making a decision, you felt your tired brain could not, you called Rafe. He answered before the second ring and you couldn’t help yourself.

“I see that receptionist job taught you some useful skills.”

“What?” he asked, sounding confused.

“Answering my calls fast, that’s good because my time is money.”

Rafe sighed, “Can I help you?”

“Someone’s mad. But, yes, should I open the letter from the vet school now or wait until I get to Oxford.”

You heard some shuffling around before he answered, “You think you can wait? I actually have something to tell you too.”

“Yeah, um, sure,” you were a little worried, “Is everything okay?”

“I think so. We just need to talk.”

“Right, talk, are you sure everything’s good?”

“Yeah, stop worrying. Just drive on over.”

You had been excited to go visit, but after that phone call you wanted to go back to bed. With a deep sigh, you rubbed your eyes with the heels of your hands and slumped backward. Blinking away the spots, you buckled up, pit in your stomach, and drove to your favorite coffee shop in Starkville. If shit was going to go down in Oxford you were going to have your comfort drink.

StrangeBrew’s drive-thru was packed and you tapped your fingers anxiously on the steering wheel as you waited to order your blueberry cobbler cold brew with soy milk. Right as the barista handed you the to-go cup, your phone vibrated and Rafe had sent drive safe!! <3. The fuck did that mean in the context of your earlier phone conversation?!

The drive to Oxford was boring as hell. You’d made it before, a band you liked had played there one night, and you and some friends had made the reluctant trip to see them. Turning on your podcast, you focused on nothing but the drive, pushing aside relationship doubts and the growing anxiety about the letter sitting in your passenger seat.

You called Rafe when you got close, and he was waiting outside his building when you finally found a visitor’s spot. He jogged over to grab your overnight bag and bent down to give you a quick kiss, before greeting you with, “Hey, baby, how was the drive?”

“Boring as fuck, nothing new.”

“Went smoothly?”

“About as smooth as possible. I’ve had to pee for the last like 40 minutes though, so it’d be great if I could do that now.”

He laughed and turned to walk to his building, motioning for you to follow him. You did, scampering a little to keep up with his long strides, and he unlocked a door on the first floor, holding it open for you, “Bathroom’s down the hall to the left.”

Rafe was sitting on the couch when you made it back out to the living room, and you finally took a good look at him. His laptop was on the coffee table and he was wearing a pair of Ole Miss sweats, a worn-out t-shirt, and a pair of glasses you were unaware he needed.

“Take a picture,” he interrupted your train of thought and you rolled your eyes.

“Shut up, Cameron. Now, tell me what you want to talk about so I can open my letter.”

“No, open your letter first and then we’ll talk.”

You weren’t sure why he was so insistent or why your heart rate tripled, but you were pretty sure it wasn’t the coffee. With shaking hands, you held up the letter from the MSU Vet School. All of your undergrad work came down to that letter, whether you’d have to take a gap year and try to find work to apply again or whether you could move forward in your career path.

Rafe watched on eagerly as you carefully tore it open and started reading. Eyes jumping across the page, unable to focus, you barely made out, Congratulations and We welcome you and We look forward to seeing you next fall.

With a gasp, you launched yourself at an unprepared Rafe and latched on, arms wrapped around his neck. He ran his hand up and down your back soothingly and asked, gently, “Good news?”

“I’m going to Vet School,” you whispered, voice cracking in the middle of your sentence.

“Fucking right you are, my little Rockstar.”

Your face heated up and you buried it in the crook of his neck, feeling a weight lift off your shoulders. Only to come crashing back down a few seconds later as you remembered Rafe wanted to talk. Pulling back slowly, you asked, “So, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

His face lit up and he leaned forward, hanging on to you so he didn’t accidentally dump you onto the floor, and grabbed his laptop. Clicking to his email, he showed you the message he had pulled up from Mississippi State University Department of History Admissions.

“So, you know I’ve been interested in teaching,” he started, “and I��m debating whether I’d like to teach college or not.”

“Yeah, last we talked, you were leaning toward college professor, right?”

“Right. Well, I applied to a few schools that had a PhD program I was interested in, and I heard back from my top choice.”

Your mind was racing, still not connecting the dots, until he motioned at his laptop. Looking back down, you skimmed the email, telling him that he’d been accepted into MSU’s PhD in European History program and gasped, turning back to him in excitement, “No way?!”

“Way,” he told you, wide grin on his face.

Jaw dropped, your mind raced to put together a coherent thought, “How long have you been planning this?”

“The program is good, this isn’t a new thought, but MSU obviously jumped up my preference list to the top after we got together.”

“Fuckin whipped,” you teased and he tilted your chin down to kiss you.

Pulling away he brushed some of your hair back, “Only for you.”

As he leaned in again, you were the one to pull back, “Wait, we have to celebrate!”

Rafe groaned, “No, let me kiss you.”

“No! I want food, I spent the entire ride thinking I was going to get dumped when I got here.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “What?”

“We need to talk,” you quoted, “that’s one scary fucking sentence, Cameron.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Sorry, sweetheart, I just wanted to keep it a surprise.”

“Well you did.”

Rafe leaned in to kiss you again and pulled back to add, “You really think I’d make you drive all the way here, just to break up with you. I’m wounded you think that lowly of me.”

“You are an asshole.”

Rolling his eyes, he pinched your cheek gently, “Be nice to me, I’m sacrificing my dignity and lowering myself to Mississippi State’s standards.”

Blinking a few times in surprise at his sudden switch, you told him back, “Fuck off, I’m sure you were last choice as soon as they saw where you got your undergrad degree.”

Without saying anything else, he kissed you again, gripping behind your knees and shifting so your back was on the couch. As he lowered himself down on top of you, you decided that food could wait. You had your future to celebrate.

[kingyeoms]

neuroscience TA! joshua

pairing: joshua hong x reader (n)  genre: it’s all fluff sorry warnings(?): swearing and just really casual writing in bullet points lol word count: 2,044 a/n: i barely proofread this and this is nothing like what i usually write but i’ve been thinking about this since the start of the new semester and welp here we are. a/a/n: i just realized.. people might not really know what a TA/teaching assistant is! usually someone who is working towards their doctoral degree and are obligated to assist teaching a course in their department, usually in charge of teaching discussion/supplemental sections~ ♡ best read on desktop, use mobile browser if you can’t read under the cut ♡

3rd year phd candidate

does research on neural circuit mechanisms in aging adults

big geek about brains, shows a thirty minute long video of a sheep brain dissection for the first day of section

people fell asleep but it’s fine bc josh is so excited about the video and everyone finds it endearing

always dresses so casually!! comes to class wearing sweats and plain black t-shirts (probably buys them in packs for $3)

but he still has the reputation among the undergraduate students as the “hot neuro TA”

cracks jokes w/ his students all the time

literally everyone wants to take the class that joshua hong is TAing

“joshua what are you teaching next semester??” “topics in advanced neuroimaging, you gonna take it?” “never mind, good luck”

brings his dog named peanut to class all the time

peanut is a giant ass st. bernard who likes to walk around the class and sleep next to people’s feet

super adorable but also a big Drooler

you’re the other teaching assistant for the same neuroanatomy class, but in the psychology department

you’re super down to earth!! honestly you treat your students like friends, talking to them super casually

but when class starts, you know how to get down to business and you’re super passionate about what you’re talking about

the psych undergrads have a ton of respect for you, because not only were you chill but you were mad smart too!!

your kids walking into class: “y/n guess what fucking happened in lecture”

you: “listen, you probably shouldn’t say the f word in front of me but tell me what the fuck happened”

anyways, here’s a funny coincidence: your lab and joshua’s lab are on the same floor

so it’s not a surprise that you and josh have this ongoing “feud” of which is more superior: psych vs neuro

“psych is for people who can’t handle neuro” “neuro is for people who hate themselves”

your office is opposite of his, so he’s always stopping by your room to annoy you or steal something from the jar of candy on your desk.

you: “why am i constantly out of kit-kats?”

josh, fistfuls of kit-kats behind his back: “damn, you should probably buy some more”

he’ll mess with your powerpoint slides, swapping photos of the cerebellum for photos of him and peanut

which SUCKS when you’re teaching,, and josh’s dumb face pops up on the projector,, 

your kids: “nice one josh”

when you’re holding office hours for your students, he stops by and says some dumb shit to your kids like “come to my office instead, y/n doesn’t know what they’re talking about” 

“fuck off, joshua” “oooooh you curse in front of your students? i’m telling the professor”

you just roll your eyes and the two of you just laugh at each other

the students who come to your office hours swear you two have a thing going on

and honestly? you wish

you’ve always thought josh was pretty cute

being a phd student was stressful, especially with research and teaching, but he never failed to put a smile on your face!!

you two were often the last ones on the floor, in charge of locking up rooms and cleaning equipment

he always insists on walking you to your car at night because “the raccoons might attack you”

you’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about kissing him in your office but shhh

during lecture, you guys share a google doc to take notes on what to teach your students

he thinks it’s funny to delete everything you write

you, sitting next to him in the front row: “joshua hong if you don’t press ctrl + z right now i swear to god i’ll change the lock code to the EEG room”

josh: “wait don’t i have a study tomorrow”

proctoring exams with josh: “i can pass out tests faster than you” “are we five???? but no you can’t”

he’s really good… at catching people cheating? the dude has eyes like a hawk lmao and you don’t even notice honestly

“see the kid with the blue baseball cap on? give him a 0″

anyways the professor asks you and joshua to come in on a weekend to grade midterms

you: but i made plans

josh: i’m not ?? even getting paid ??

but you guys do it anyways because it’s not like you have a choice lmao rip

he brings peanut and he’s just drooling all over your bag

peanut not josh

i guess josh is metaphorically drooling because… you looked really good today

not the usual jeans and college sweatshirt you wear during the week

you had originally made plans with your friends to go to the farmer’s market

it was a really nice day :( sunny outside and you actually tried to not look like a mess for once!! you actually brushed your hair today lol

anyways, peanut is still drooling and you look at josh, confused but also a little grossed out

“why is peanut drooling?” “do you have food in your bag?” “i don’t think so?” “oh. maybe he just likes you”

peanut: pulls out a granola bar out of your bag

anyways… you two are grading exams, checking over the answer key for any mistakes

you furrow your brows as you look over the answer choices, so you ask josh to take a look at question 23

“yeah, what about it?” “look at the answer choices, there are two possible answers.” “ah fuck.”

turns out… a lot of the questions are like that..

you and josh just look at each other and groan, realizing you two have to redo the entire answer key

you call your friends to cancel your plans, saying you were stuck at school

joshua feels really bad so he reaches over to grab your stack of tests

“you can go if you want! i’ll finish it, no worries”

you shake your head, pulling out a box of red pens from your bag

“no thanks, my boyfriend would miss me” 

a confused josh: “no i wouldn’t?”

“… i was talking about peanut?” but you’re giggling because josh’s face is beet red at this point

joshua: “anyways, question 40 right?”

truth is, joshua has always found you cute and he liked the fact that when he teased you, you weren’t afraid to tease him back

he just felt.. really comfortable around you

and seeing you smile after he cracked a joke?? best thing in the world to him besides peanut

even when you roll your eyes at him, he thinks it’s so cute!!

cliché moment where you two reach for the answer key at the same time and your hands touch

but neither of you let go wow so cute and you guys kind of just !! grade tests in silence, holding hands

joshua’s the type to rub your the back of your hand with his thumb i’m lowkey crying thinking about it

anyways, you guys end up finishing grading and the sun is starting to set

josh realizes that you two spent the entire day stuck inside the office, so he offers to take you to the farmer’s market

but you don’t wanna be a bother or anything so you shake your head, “no it’s okay!!”

josh insists that he takes you, saying “i gotta take peanut on a walk, come on let’s go”

so you two go to the farmer’s market, the crowds starting to die down a little bit since it’s the end of the day

josh holds your hand and peanut’s leash in the other

peanut keeps dragging you guys to all the booths that sell homemade peanut butter and he’s never been happier, he keeps getting free samples and head scratches

you’re looking at a booth that sells homemade jewelry, think leather bracelets and dainty finger rings

“josh, what do you think about th-” you turn to your side, but josh and peanut are nowhere to be found

and you look through the crowds and the booths next to you, but you can’t find them anywhere

you kind of panic,, because you didn’t think josh was the type to ditch someone? on a date?

was this even a date you weren’t sure to be honest,, but still :( you were kind of upset 

but you finally see peanut dragging joshua back to you, a small bouquet of sunflowers in his hand

joshua’s cheeks and ears are tinged a slight pink when he gives the flowers to you, “i saw a stand selling these and they just looked really pretty, so i bought them for you”

and the flowers are so beautiful and your jaw literally aches from smiling so big and josh thinks you’re so beautiful!!

you two walk around a bit more, hand!! in!! hand!! 

josh: trying to pull peanut away from all the friendly people willing to give him free beef jerky

tired from all the walking, you two buy ice cream, sitting on a bench in front of the tiny shop

peanut eats josh’s ice cream when he’s not looking

josh: peanut what the fuck

you offer to buy him another one, but he shakes his head, taking the cone from your hand, biting into the soft pink scoop

“let’s just share, strawberry is my second favorite anyways”

your jaw just drops because,, who bites into ice cream?

but it’s cute, you two talk about how much you hate the professor and which students you think are annoying

you two don’t even realize how dark it is until you hear peanut snoring, curled up at the bottom of your feet

josh is the first to stand up, his hand reaching out to yours, “it’s getting a little late, i’ll take you home?”

and so that’s how you and joshua ended up at the front door of your apartment

your hand clutching the sunflowers, the other intertwined in his fingers

and when he leans in, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you two

kissing joshua? definitely better than you expected, the taste of strawberry ice cream still slightly lingering on his lips

your lips move in perfect harmony with his, joshua placing his hand on the small of your back

as soon as you feel josh pull you in closer, you feel a... wet.. tongue on your foot? you both break away to find peanut,, asleep,, drooling,, on your toes

“damn it, peanut” josh groans as you giggle, resting your forehead against his

“i’ll see you on monday, yeah?” you grinned, kissing him on the cheek

"yeah i really,, gotta take this kiddo home,,” and he sighs, waking Big ol’ peanut up “but i had a lot of fun tonight, we should do it again sometime”

“as long as we don’t have to grade 600 midterms again, it’s a date”

the both of you blush because,, was this even a date??

yes, it was

but seriously, what a super cute start to your relationship with josh

you don’t even get mad when you find out it’s josh stealing all of your kit kats

he leaves a giant bag of them on your desk one day to make up for it

but also joshua is the Worst

joshua: “how does it feel to be dating the hot neuro TA on campus?”

you: “shut up before you become the hot single neuro TA”

sometimes josh stops by your class when you’re teaching to give you a kiss on your cheek before he goes to do research,,, embarrassing you in front of all your students (even though pda is probably something that shouldn’t be happening in front of them)

literally Everyone: “we fucking called it”

definitely still makes fun of you 24/7,, just with more kissing

friday nights with joshua: skimming academic papers and talking shit on faculty LOL

going to the farmer’s market becomes a weekly thing for you guys!! mainly because the peanut butter booth would be devastated if they didn’t get to see Mister peanut

sooo,, you may or may not have done it on your desk in the lab LOL

josh in lecture: hey i think you’re pretty cute, maybe we should get dinner tonight?

you: josh can you pls stop flirting with me on google docs you’re LAME

[dearmrsawyer]

whentherewerebicycles replied to your post “attempting a bit of looking back and looking forward![[MOR] work...”

1. I can’t believe I know someone who’s head of a library, the PERSON IN CHARGE, the madam pince of your school!! also this made me think of your ‘1d as students who visit the library’ post and I cackled remembering it.

2. 2. “myself and the library live on the ground floor” i don’t know why I love this phrasing so much it’s like you are an entity and the library is an entity and you coexist on the ground floor, slumbering peacefully beneath everyone else. also man I am seriously impressed by all the work things you accomplished this year!

3. I love the idea of courageous writing and I REALLY love this description of Neil Gaiman’s short stories! I feel like that style works especially well for fantasy / horror / magical realism type stuff, where the premise itself is so weird or creepy or intriguing that it’s almost more satisfying to just get a little sliver of that world? because you’re left with so many QUESTIONS and you want more but it’s over! that was the idea and it’s done! go imagine more for yourself!

tl;dr version i loved reading this (all I ever want to do is read long detailed reflection posts about my tumblr friends’ lives! there’s something so nice about being able to imagine everyone living their lives and going about their days!) and also you are awesome

i keep thinking about myself in terms of ‘head of a library’ and laughing out loud LOL like behold my empire of ONE! here i preside over my office of just me and all these books and computers that don’t connect to the printer!!

but now i also can’t stop laughing at the image of my and the library as two entities that live far below everyone else. we’re like the cave of wonders in Aladdin, lying in wait for someone to approach in the quest for riches (through knowledge). (I HOPE i don’t give off Madam Pince energy, but i respect her energy, who knows what she’s had to deal with as the librarian at a wizarding school, i’m sure she’s earned it.)

I so agree that such a style suits more ‘genre fiction’ i.e. fantasy and the like. sometimes a short story is barely a story, just a concept, but i love that? i love being left with questions! below the cut i’ve copied one of Gaiman’s shorter short stories, The Sweeper of Dreams, which is one of my favourite examples of stories that do this. i remember after first reading it just thinking about it for ages and ages, about all the possible stories that could come from it. like it inspired creativity in me? that’s amazing?? i do cite Gaiman as my favourite author for a few reasons, firstly because i just have the best time reading his books, i love the stories he tells so much. but also when i found him he was the kind of storyteller i myself hadn’t realised i was trying to be, as an adolescent still trying to find herself as a writer. plus his books came to me at the precise point in my life i really needed him, fresh out of highschool and about to start an undergrad in creative writing. he really gave me back my joy for reading, which i’ve definitely lost in the last few years of high school and desperately needed as i was about to start a WRITING course lol. and also, that sort of degree really drums into you ‘don’t break the rules until you’ve learned to master them’, it was three years of trying so hard to master the rules that there were times you almost forgot they could be broken. and it was helpful for me to be in the honeymoon period of discovering Gaiman, who was so good at breaking rules.

ANYWAY have this very short story:

The Sweeper of Dreams by Neil Gaiman

After all the dreaming is over, after you wake, and leave the world of madness and glory for the mundane day-lit daily grind, through the wreckage of your abandoned fancies walks the sweeper of dreams.

Who knows what he was when he was alive? Or if, for that matter, he ever was alive. He certainly will not answer your questions. The sweeper talks little, in his gruff grey voice, and when he does speak it is mostly about the weather and the prospects, victories and defeats of certain sports teams. He despises everyone who is not him.

Just as you wake he comes to you, and he sweeps up kingdoms and castles, and angels and owls, mountains and oceans. He sweeps up the lust and the love and the lovers, the sages who are not butterflies, the flowers of meat, the running of the deer and the sinking of the Lusitania. He sweeps up everything you left behind in your dreams, the life you wore, the eyes through which you gazed, the examination paper you were never able to find. One by one he sweeps them away: the sharp-toothed woman who sank her teeth into your face; the nuns in the woods; the dead arm that broke through the tepid water of the bath; the scarlet worms that crawled in your chest when you opened your shirt. 

He will sweep it up - everything you left behind when you woke. And then he will burn it, to leave the stage fresh for your dreams tomorrow.

Treat him well, if you see him. Be polite with him. Ask him no questions. Applaud his teams' victories, commiserate with him over their losses, agree with him about the weather. Give him the respect he feels is his due.

For there are people he no longer visits, the sweeper of dreams, with his hand-rolled cigarettes and his dragon tattoo.

You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. Some of them walk the cities in ragged clothes, their belongings under their arms. Others of their number are locked in the dark, in places where they can no longer harm themselves or others. They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. It is worse than madness. They will tell you, if you let them: they are the ones who live, each day, in the wreckage of their dreams.

And if the sweeper of dreams leaves you, he will never come back.

EDIT: to add the short story since everything under the cut disappeared?? why is writing this post such a tribulation, please tumblr let me make my points

[kinetic-elaboration]

November 29: Playlist, Reading List

I accomplished NOTHING today except making a playlist called Christmas Music I Can Stand. And even that is only 18 songs long and half the music on it can only barely be called Christmas music and the other half will probably become extremely irritating within...3 listens. Also when I say "nothing today" that is inclusive of the work day. Like, did I do stuff? I guess technically, but it doesn't feel like it.

And I still haven't decorated my apartment. I think I'll keep my Christmas stuff through to February so I get enough time with it because at this rate I'll put it up just to immediately leave town.

So... pushing everything back a day, I guess. Week plan wise. It's fine.

More furniture is arriving at the library. I walked through the "construction area" today, investigating textures. They're all bad!!!!! I'm so upset. I told myself I simply would not think about the endgame of this project but... it's hard when it's literally right there? First of all, this furniture is all plastic, and the Earth is weeping about that. Second, it feels bad. Some of it feels worse than others but even the "leather" is, let us be very clear, Plastic. And you can tell. Third, while I don't dislike the colors and patterns as much as I know at least one other person does or did, they are fairly objectively completely unrelated to everything else in the library and building. They're not bad, but they look like something that should be in the undergrad library. They're too...light and hip. This is a professional school lmao. And finally, even though it's not all set up yet, I am getting some sense of how the space is going to look and it's just... it's so much seating. This space should have books in it. We are a fucking library. It looks like some kinda... college center space. Again, this is a graduate school library.

Ugh. Disgusting. Anyway.

The highlight of my day was a conversation I got into with M, who is such a nerd, in a great way. I wish I had reason to work-hang-out with him more. We talked about books. He recommended a couple titles to me, and I nudged him ever closer to reading the Olav books. HE actually brought them up with ME, which is a very good sign. I also told him about Grabinski--used the in of 'this is the Polish Poe'--and he had never heard of him but was very excited because he has a whole personal bibliography of Eastern European Media. I envy his degree of organization. Truly he picked a good career. Anyway, the whole conversation got me so excited to read, and guilty for re-reading a book currently instead of reading something new lol, and also to think about Olav again. I miss him so much.

[tfw-no-tennis]

Greetings, comrade LJ! I am about to start college in a month and I was wondering if you could bless me with some wisdom on how to survive my first semester! (Feel free to publish this tbh some other youngins might need the help too)

oh my god i am SO sorry i just saw this, tungle literally never told me i recieved this what the hell!!! i will happily give you some wisdom even if youve already started college oh man im sorry. hopefully this still helps!!! for reference im a biology major so some of this might not apply well to other majors lol

ok my first wisdom is to never get books unless you have to. these days, professors know most students dont actually use books so they dont bother really using the books for the tests...the exception is for labs (science labs, at least) where you typically will need to buy the lab guide to do hw and stuff. generally if you think you might need a book, wait a bit before getting it - even if the professor says you ABSOLUTELY need it. sometimes they just have to say that but you wont really need it. if you can, rent, and rent used! books are generally a waste, the way they get your money nowadays is HW access codes. yes....paying to do HW. how great 

ratemyprofessor is a fantastic resource, but do be wary of certain reviews - students can be salty about failing a class and give a bad review for a professor who doesnt deserve it. also, make sure you're looking at the correct class (upper left corner of the review) for the professor 

if you can, make friends in a class and work together on stuff (hw, quizzes), and then you can share notes if one of you misses class and stuff

in terms of missing class, id say its up to your judgment if you skip or not - it honestly depends on the class. some classes i barely went to, some i never missed. freshman year i barely skipped class (probably a good idea as you get the feel of it) but once you go on, you'll be able to tell if you need to go to class (generally if the professor just teaches from ppts and doesn't require attendance, you might be able to miss. depends on how you learn tho!) 

labs you generally cant miss (again, science labs) or youll like get set on fire or something. its bad. you can usually make it up with an excuse or if you know ahead of time, tho 

be friends with your professors and TAs! go to office hours! especially if you're planning or grad/professional school and want rec letters. altho!! dont stress abt future plans too much. you really, really have time. theres no rush to go to school after undergrad at all so if you dont have your shit together. DONT WORRY

this has probably become irrelevant for you but id suggest leaving waaaay early for your first day of class so you can find your classroom ok and get a good seat

free stuff is lit. get free stuff whenever you can. if you find a pen somewhere? take it its yours now

if you do well in a class and enjoy it, id suggest trying to become a tutor for it. you probably make some money, its not usually too much work, and you enjoy it if thats the kind of thing you're into. its especially helpful if youre planning on going into something relating to that subject someday, so then you can keep up to date on it

getting involved is also a good idea!! theres so many clubs and stuff at universities, so theres usually something for everyone. it can be scary going alone, but youll usually end up meeting people there. theres typically not too much pressure to keep coming consistently, so if you need time off from a club you can take it easily.  

libraries can be a great place to study dont knock em i sure did until like last year which was a mistake. imo focusing is easier in a library than in my room, that might just be me tho!!

cliques arent really a ‘thing,’ you might end up with a friend group or two but college is not nearly as cliquey as HS. i have a lot of friends now who i KNOW i wouldnt have even talked to in HS just based on the fact that we wouldve run in different social circles back then. dont limit yourself by thinking ‘oh, we’re too different’ or something, you’d be surprised how well you click with people you didnt think youd get along with!

cafeteria food,,...is usually bad. it tends to be a lot better when theres tours going on, so try to remember that lol

this is already so long im sorry lol, ill stop here but let me know if you (or anyone else reading this) have any questions or want any specific advice!! im a senior in college now so im basically an expert lol (though my knowledge is limited by certain things like being a STEM major, living on campus without a car, living away from home, etc) but i love talking about stuff like this!!!! i wish you the best of luck in college and again im really sorry i didnt see this until like 2 months after you sent it, i hope college is going well for you!!! and for everyone else who started recently!!! also ill tag you to make sure you see this, i cant remember if it alerts you lol @rated-r-for-grantaire

[romyshq-blog]

hello lovely people! i’m cathy and i’m super excited to be here with my trash bby, slater. she's messy, so i hope she fits in here!  if u need an enemy, messy ex situation or contemptuous ex-friendship connection, look no further than this bish right here. under the cut you can read about her (she’s a hot mess!!!) and visit her pinterest board here if u’d like (her name is usually rachel but i decided to go wildt and change it *sweats nervously because i actually hate change*). 

( MARGARET QUALLEY / CISFEMALE / SHE/HER ). [ ROMY SLATER ] is a [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old [ UNDERGRAD ] student studying [ JOURNALISM ]. they are known for being [ RESILIENT & PERCEPTIVE ], but also being [ CAPRICIOUS & CONTEMPTIBLE ]. if there was a song that described their life, it would be [ ACRYLIC BY FOG LAKE ].

first thing’s first, you should call her slater. in fact, unless you’re in one of her classes where they take attendance, you probably don’t know her real name is romy. she hates her name and has been going by her last name for as long as she can remember. 

she’s from new york. her dad is very demanding and tempered and her mom is carping, cold and judgmental. so she didn’t grow up in a great situation. 

her dad owns a bunch of properties in the city and in new jersey and they’ve made him very wealthy. they’re mostly crap apartments, motels & strip clubs. he has a lot of criminal ties and is pretty much just a creep.

he has a lot of cops, district attorneys, city council members, deputy mayors etc. on his payroll from bribery and/or blackmail stemming from his strip clubs and the dancers and prostitutes who work there. not to mention his mob affiliation. sooo basically he’s teflon. 

slater’s mom is a social climber who won’t leave her husband despite him being….Not Nice™ since she wants to live lavishly. she’s long island trash...very real housewives

her mom is very selfish and refuses to take any responsibility for the way her life choices have fucked up her daughter while also constantly criticizing slater and her behaviors as if slater just…made herself into the person she is today?? and wasn’t molded by her parents and environment, ya know??

anyway, slater’s mom used to pharmacy shop and put slater on drugs to curb her justified behaviors. like having anxiety due to growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive situation. but she also did it to have slater basically labeled as “mentally ill” and on meds to keep her quiet about their family secrets. so slater has always felt like she’s messed up, even as a kid :///

slater still sees her parents occasionally on breaks and holidays and you can expect her to act out in interesting ways after being forced to go home. 

personality; 

sO! if slater had a label or trope or whatever, she’d totally be the anti-heroine. ya know, the girl who does fucked up shit and can be amoral and you want to hate her but she’s also sympathetic in a way and good (deep down). 

warning: she’s a messy girl to be involved with. she’s got this emptiness inside of her. a hollowness. (hint; it’s depression). she uses anything she can to try and fill it up. drinking, drugs, sex. but she’s incredibly selfish & impulsive in her pursuits and ends up hurting people. a lot. and she always hates herself after but then just does it again.

she’s not a sociopath or narcissist in a clinical sense. she’s actually an insecure, self-conscious ball of anxiety but pushes all that down and plays the Cool Girl role. she does things she knows are wrong and can be a manipulative bitch. then it all eventually bubbles over like a pot on a stove, and paired with the guilt she feels, it causes a few public and many private meltdowns. but she's usually always the source of her own interpersonal issues tbh.

like, you can confront her with receipts of shit she’s done and she’ll just nod and stare at the ground and walk away. but then go into the nearest public bathroom and sob and feel so bad. but then??? still?? never??? apologize???? she’s a trip. 

her aesthetic is uncombed hair, scuffed docs, flannels, torn jeans, tshirts from goodwill with moth holes. doesn’t shower or sleep often and chews her fingernails into stubs. like, she almost makes it a point to just look...Bad.

she gets really good grades because she can be very manic and intense. people in her high school used to tell her she had “crazy eyes” when she got like this because she gets very focused, perfectionistic, talks a mile a minute and you can practically see the gears turning in her brain. she works well under extreme stress, which is why most of her papers are typed up the night before their due date on five cups of coffee and a half pack of cigarettes. 

perceptive of others and can be manipulative and a liar to either a. get what she wants or b. hide her transgressions. she was raised by narcissists so....this is what ya get.

she’s complicated. because on one hand, she wants to be a good person but on the other hand, she fucks people over and betrays people a lot. 

i actually have a headcanon of how she lost her core group of high school friends that’s a good insight into her M.O. if you'd like to hear it:

so senior year slater got drunk and slept with her best friend alyssa’s boyfriend. she didn’t do it to be malicious. but she was too selfish, drunk & thinking about herself to care about how fucked up it was. she felt so bad about it but then caved and did it again and they had an affair. slater eventually broke it off, bottled up her guilt, continued the friendship with alyssa.

soon after, alyssa got pregnant by the same boyfriend. slater knew that alyssa’s bf was trash and supported her friend through an abortion.

but THEN, the boyfriend came clean and admitted the affair long after the fact. so alyssa thought slater supported her abortion for selfish gains because SHE wanted her boyfriend and (rightfully) felt betrayed. when in actuality, slater had long since stopped fucking him and only wanted what was best for alyssa when she supported her through the abortion. SO she did a bad thing in the past but still had good intentions. however, the past came back to bite her and she lost everything. don't get me wrong, she's not the victim in this situation. she fucked up. but not in the way her friends thought. so when she held her best friend's hand in the procedure, that came from a real place of love and she thought she was doing the right thing. however, she did do unforgivable things to the friend she loved. like i said, she's complicated because you can't outright say she's a soulless monster but you also can't justify or support her actions. 

YEAH! that’s my messy slater. she can never make it out of a situation as the good guy. she makes mistakes that are unjustifiable but she has a good heart and isn’t a horrible person inside. she doesn’t know why she is the way she is but she hates it tbh. she hates the things she does and the way she feels. but she just!!! keeps!!! fucking people over!!!! like, there’s no sugarcoating it: she’s done some terrible things for awful reasons and never apologized for any of it. but she regrets. she just can’t seem to break the cycle. (she's v much inspired by rachel goldberg from unreal as well as gretchen cutler from you're the worst, mickey dobbs from love, camille preaker from sharp objects and mavis gary from the film young adult!!)

plots;

i’m a HOE for drama, as you can probably tell my my angsty, messy character.

so maybe ex-boyfriends on bad terms or ex-friends. someone slater fucked over n won’t take responsibility for what she did

OR someone who fucked slater over for a change. taste of her own medicine tbh

maybe someone naive and innocent she can corrupt since misery loves company

childhood friends or enemies, family friends, a cousin maybe? characters with criminal connects who maybe know her dad??

fellow journalism majors that hate her for giving journalism a bad name cuz they’re actually dedicated to journalism and integrity n slater sleeps with sources and barely ever shows up or turns things in on time lmao

a professor she’s fucking lol idk 

someone who can see her at her worst. 

someone who’s innocent and good and slater actually tries to protect them, like a sisterly bond

trouble-maker, burnout friends. or toxic friendships

friends with benefits 

[wincore]

ALL THE BEST WITH YOUR UNDERGRAD MOON !! also you're a stem student :o?! what are you majoring in? (if you don't mind telling ofc ><)

oooh I'll get around to reading six of crows one of these days. I remember booktok hyping up that and the shadow and bone trilogy which is partly the reason I haven’t read those two (booktok isn’t the best place to get book recs from imo) djfhhjf oh smart teenagers (even if fictious) are scary hkfgh i call it a good day if i can finish my assignments in chem in time (random but ochem totally kicks ass. But !! I did master the art of drawing hexagons neatly)

and PLS i finished maid sama and usui is def a 'perverted alien' but as a whole it was a nice, lighthearted one especially the ending <3 also moon do send some anime recs my way bc nothing beats depending on 2d characters for emotional support

oml ncity had soooo many things going on last year but tumblr in a way helped me keep up with them heh. It's crazy to believe that hot sauce and sticker came out in the same year ;-; being an ot23 stan sure is hard.

p.s. DSFJGBDGLKS IK I'M VERY LATE but y'all have the rights to gatekeep nyc, museums, cheese and collabs bc not many ppl here understand what it means to hang out/have fun with friends ><

p.p.s. hello? a new yangyang fic? bff2l? reputation collab? ts inspired fics? WITH JAEMIN? I'M SO NOT READY FOR IT KDSFKJGOFSDLHD VIBRATING WITH EXCITEMENT RN I OUGHT TO CHECK TUMBLR MORE OFTEN ALL OF THIS INFO HAS CAUSED MY SYSTEM TO CRASH DFH ALL I CAN DO IS KEYMASH FDGHS

-👻

THANK YOU SM, SWEETHEART!!! good luck with hs too 💘 ooh yes, i'm an electronics major but shifting more towards computer science (specifically ai) for grad school !!

oof I have never been on booktok and I'm keeping it that way bc I get some book reels on instagram and they're all just hardcore smut 💀 my friend switched over to nonfiction after reading one of the books lmao

chem assignments in hs made me wanna die and it did not help that my mother is a hs chemistry teacher. it just meant me sobbing into my chem textbook and raising a peace sign when my mom asked how it's going. i did like ochem tho, it was like solving puzzles!! the chemistry we learned in engineering was easier lol but not as fun as ochem. (yes, we love perfect hexagons in this household 🥰)

yes!!!! I can't watch it now 💀 but it's def a lighthearted watch that you can finish quickly. plsss if you ask for anime recs im gonna say one piece bc that's my fav anime of all time im so glad Lana finally started it, I am literally buzzing with excitement 🤩 but !!! My second go to rec is gintama - it's also pretty long but it's worth it bc the characters are amazing and it's the funniest anime ever.

i still can't keep up with ncity honestly 😩 there is way too much going in my life now that I can go out again djdkdk I'm barely staying in my room 😭 I too am keeping with them thru the tumblr posts on my dash </3 HOT SAUCE AND STICKER CAME OUT THE SAME YEAR??? omg why did that make me go 🤯🤯🤯 I have no concept of linear time 😎

I'm so excited for the fics now that you've mentioned them again pls !!! corduroy is like a super old fic that I decided to post now bc of peer pressure cough cough cat cough PLSNDJDJD I'm looking forward to the rep fics too but unfortunately I post first 💀💀💀 I really need to step my game up but this gave me enough motivation to 💞 tysm, lovely, and have a good day/night!!!

[huangels]

➧ 85 questions

tagged by: @jencto ty my love! ♡

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people @ohdaddy-nct @dcyoungs @rxnjuns @reunjun @angelita-gordita @taeybear @taezhu @lycheechann and all who wants to do!! (only if u want too bbs)

↳ Last…?

1. drink ─ hot burning coffee that i almost spilled while driving to class bc it’s pouring outside

2. phone call ─ laura (my friend who just graduated high school !!)

3. text message ─ my mom (telling me to drive safe in the rain uwu) 

4. song you listened to ─ jump by shinee (the album = a whole ass bop) 

5. time you cried ─ oof i cry for the lamest and dumbest reasons but last night i was looking at nct fanart and i saw a cute ass noren one where jeno was dressed in a big moomin costume and wished renjun a good day w/ a ballon and it was all hella cute and shit lemme find it i rb on my personal (THIS ONE) it was,, so cute,, i actually cried,, 

↳ Ever…?

6. dated someone twice ─ oof i rarely date let alone the same person twice lmao yikes

7. kissed someone and regretted it ─ i kissed this huge asshole in high school for a dare and he wouldn’t stop saying we had sex for a whole ass week,, this is why i dont date

8. been cheated on ─ nope

9. lost someone special ─ yeah but that’s the circle of life i guess :(

10. been depressed ─ oof did you mean: my four years of high school 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up ─ uhh psh no i don’t drink underaged,,, mhm

12. fave colors ─ WARM TONES!! nudes (skin colors), maroon/burgendy (just like a dark bloody red), rose gold/dusty pink (the light shade of pink but not pastel), black (just bc), royal blue (the only cool toned color i like idhhdh) 

↳ In the last year have you…

15. made new friends ─ yO making new friends is my middle name (i love making new friends !!) 

16. fallen out of love ─ i’ve never BEEN in love... 

17. laughed until you cried ─ if it’s after midnight, anything will make me laugh and cry (also i laugh at everything so yes)

18. found out someone was talking about you ─ lmao hell yeah high school drama everyone was out for me bc i look like a bitch and people are so quick to judge ://

19. met someone who changed you ─ umm not really everyone’s pretty chill. my roommate, who’s also like my best friend, is a huge party addict so she brings me to many parties, so i guess i’m more out there ? idk moving on 

20. found out who your friends are ─ literally once i graduated high school and went to college, all of the snakes just left and now i’m surrounded by my real friends uwu :^] why tf is everything related to high school i don't wanna remember that

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list ─ bruh i only have facebook so i can get extra rewards on iphone games ksjkdj 

↳ General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl ─ refer to #21

23. do you have any pets ─ i, myself, don’t have one bc i live in a dorm, but back at home, i have a doggo. she’s a thai ridgeback and her name is 巧克力 (qiao ke li = chocolate) and i miss her vv much :’))

24. do you want to change your name ─ for the most part no, i like my name, but when people call me ‘ran-you’ or something of the sort, i question why i live in america

25. what did you do for your last birthday ─ i traveled around china alone (well with my two friends back in china) without my parents for the first time bc i was an Adult™ now

26. what time did you wake up today ─ i was supposed to wake up at 8am but i didn't roll out of bed until 8:30am but hey, i made it to my 9am class 10 minutes early somehow

27. what were you doing at midnight last night ─ looking at nct fanart on tumblr and wishing that i coud draw/paint like that :’))

28. what is something you can’t wait for ─ my trip to spain!! i’m traveling to spain for 2 weeks with my friend at the end of june to july and i’m so excited bc i haven’t hung out w/ him in forever

30. what are you listening to right now ─ i’m in my accounting 2 class rn,,, so my professor lecturing about debits and credits (yes i know i should be paying attention but i’m an independent learner so i prefer reading the textbook and taking notes,, i’m just here bc attendance is graded)

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom ─ my old high school teacher whose first lecture was about corn and how it’s in EVERYTHING that is mass- produced today,,, well his full name is actually thomas

32. something that’s getting on your nerves ─ it was raining as i was walking to class and even though i had an umbrella, somehow my pants are still all drenched and this lecture room is SO DAMN COLD and i’m shivering someone save ME

33. most visited website ─ my school website lol

34. hair colour ─ jet black but in the sun it turns reddish brown ?

35. long or short hair ─ super long, it reaches my waist lol 

36. do you have a crush on someone ─ does renjun count? jk kinda ?? but not really bc,, idk dating doesn’t really act as a major objective for me right now

37. what do you like about yourself ─ friendliness and outgoingness ?

38. want any piercings? ─ oof i already have a lot but i want more yes (i have 3 on both my lobes, 1 on my both cartilages, and on my right ear i have a snug ? is that what it’s called idk) lowkey highkey i wanna pierce my nose but we’ll see

39. blood type ─ o 

40. nicknames ─ all nicknames i’ve ever gotten: ren, renu (my baby cousin calls me that bc she can barely pronounce words), fish..., nyu, rennie, r, human fish, + many puns on my name

41. relationship status ─ single and tired

42. zodiac ─ scorpio 

43. pronouns ─ she/her

44. fave tv shows ─ the office, black mirror, we bare bears, law and order,  futurama, stranger things, bob’s burgers, bate’s motel, american horror story (i love the duality between cartoons and fucked up shows dsdkjh) 

45. tattoos ─ i want ones !! (prob small in hidden places) but um maybe once i graduate undergrad at least 

46. right or left handed ─ right handed

47. ever had surgery ─ no - kinda? i have a scar on my eyelid bc when i was like 3-4 y/o, i was playing hide and seek w/ my uncle and cousin in china and i was running around and i turned quickly around a counter the same height as me and the corner of the counter cut open my eyelid,, this is kinda tmi but i was so stunned bc blood was running literally out of my eye so i didn’t even cry, i just stood there like ‘oh...that’s a lot of blood...’ i went to the ER to get it stitched up but idk if that counts as surgery :p

48. piercings ─ refer to #38 

49. sport ─ currently i play volleyball and basketball for club, but played a lot in high school too

50. vacation ─ anywhere i love traveling !! also east asian,, mostly just china i miss my friends and family :’))

51. trainers ─ ?? uhh as in shoes? or the gym? idk,,

↳ More general

52. eating ─ as in what i ate today? if so, a bagel and a boiled egg for breakfast

53. drinking ─ coffee that’s now cold rip

54. i’m about to watch ─ uhh my professor continue talking about accounting and economics 

55. waiting for ─ this class to end so i can eat lunch 

56. want ─ a change of pants bc i’M WET AND COLD 

57. get married ─ i sure hope so

58. career ─ i want to start and own a fashion brand/company/line (i’m double majoring in international business and trade + leadership management right now)

↳ Which is better

59. hugs or kisses ─ both i just want affection ;((

60. lips or eyes ─ these are hard to pick but eyes !

61. shorter or taller ─ taller even though i’m pretty tall as it is 

62. older or younger ─ older or the same age ? (rip sorry renjun) 

63. nice arms or stomach ─ arms? i need you to be able to put me in a chokehold and KO me (not in a kinky way,,, maybe,,,)

64. hookup or relationship ─ relationship duh ?

65. troublemaker or hesitant ─ team too-lazy-to-be-either

↳ Have you ever

66. kissed a stranger ─ uhh prob not

67. drank hard liquor ─ no officer i don’t drink underaged mhm

68. lost glasses ─ i literally have like 6 pairs of glasses that i keep thinking i’ve lost but then find it again 

69. turned someone down ─ oof yeah sorry 

70. sex on first date ─ no i have standards 

71. broken someone’s heart ─ i hope not ! at least not intentionally  

72. had your heart broken ─ prob once or twice 

73. been arrested ─ in my good christian household?! (i’m not even christian tf)

74. cried when someone died ─ well of course i have a heart

75. fallen for a friend ─ all my friends are hot as fuck no lie

↳ Do you believe in…?

76. yourself ─ always :D !!

77. miracles ─ eh,,

78. love at first sight ─ maybe not LOVE but something similar

79. santa claus ─ i-is he not real... (i’m kidding dbksj)

80. kiss on a first date ─ sure why not

81. angels ─ renjun is a walking angel on earth

↳ Other

82. best friend’s name ─ vincent, alyssa (my two fave people) 

83. eye colour ─ dark poop brown

84. fave movie ─ i watch too many to have 1 favorite but for the sake of this tag, i’ll say coraline 

85. fave actor ─ i have a big gay crush on dilraba dilmurat also tom holland 

el fin

[abigail-mcnatt-photography]

Hey there! Been quite some time since I’ve posted. It has been crazy busy from moving into my senior year of college, to being a part of orientation weekend, to starting classes, it has been a chaotic 2 weeks. But here I am with another blog post and brand new photos for you guys so here we go.

Four Chord Music Festival: an annual pop punk music festival put on by Rishi Bahl, a ridiculously talented human being, and friends. Seriously though, I don’t know how he does it all. From 6 undergrad degrees and 2 PhD’s to being in his own band and putting on this festival… it’s wild. I’ve been to all of the festivals but the first one and they have consistently topped each other every year. This year, it happened to be the night before classes started so I only stayed for the first 7 hours.

It was cool because this year I happened to become friends with a couple of the bands who were opening the festival. Like I said, I was only there for the first 7 hours, which if you ask me is plenty of time at a concert. While there, I shot Atlantic Wasteland, bloom., Look Out Loretta, Patent Pending, Eternal Boy, and Will Pugh of Cartel. I’ve shot a few of these bands before but it’s always fun to see how my skills have improved since I last shot them. Plus the lighting was great. These are some of my favorite photos, honestly. So, without further ado, read on about the bands I shot while attending Four Chord 5.

First up, we had Atlantic Wasteland, which if you follow my blog, you are very familiar with. I’ve become super close with them and they’ve been the subject of some of my favorite photos recently. And actually, Evan Yester from Hear Tonight (another band I shoot a lot) was filling in on drums for them. I was thrown off at first because I had just gotten to the show not 10 minutes prior and Sam of AW, went on the mic, causing me to run down to the pit to start shooting. The times were a little messed up throughout the whole show but I got used to it. But they were great as usual. They kept the crowd’s attention and kept them on their feet, jamming. They are always a fun band to shoot and watch play. As always, a fantastic set and worth catching a show. If you’re into pop punk, which is the genre of most all bands who played this festival, you will enjoy them. As usual, I tagged their Facebook page above!

Right after Atlantic Wasteland’s set was over, I ran to the second stage because bloom. started playing. They’re a band local to Boston, with members who went to Berklee College. I shot a show of theirs before whenever they came to play at the Smiling Moose. One of their members, Tyler Knatz, is the drummer in Vertigo as well, which is how I know them. They put on a great show also. I noticed the crowd bobbing their heads, as most do at harder core shows, and enjoying the set. They’re on tour currently, but next time they come through, I suggest giving them a go. They’re definitely underrated. Their Facebook page is linked above.

Next up, we had locals, Look Out Loretta, another band you’ve probably seen me post about. Their newest album was released this past spring and the audience knew every word. I even got a few crowd shots during their set, which was pretty cool. For an underground band with a small amount of followers on social media, I’m always impressed with the amount of people they bring in for a crowd. They rocked out as the audience rocked alongside them. Their Facebook page is linked above.

After a small food and caffeine break, I came back just in time to shoot a band I’ve (shockingly) never shot before; Patent Pending, a rock/punk/pop punk band from Long Island, New York. They’ve played almost, if not all, of the last 4 Four Chord Festivals. They have become good friends with Rishi and seemingly, the entire Pittsburgh pop punk scene. I’ve watched them play every time they played the festival, just never shot them. I’m not entirely sure why, but I just never did. Last year, I watched them play a song that, ever since, has been an absolute earworm. Despite being extremely creative, it’s almost too catchy, lol. ‘Hey Mario’, a song with over 2 million listens on Spotify, is their most popular song. It’s on their 2013 album, Brighter and it is great. It’s a song basically about a guy telling his friend that he’s better than the girl he’s chasing after, that won’t give him the time of day. The creative part? It’s all music made to sound like it’s from Super Mario Brothers and it is uber cool. Anyway, they always have known just how to keep the audience’s adrenaline pumping. They were actually the ones to play several extra songs to fill in the time that got misconstrued earlier that day. They were very fun to shoot too. Joe, lead vocalist, jumps like a madman and actually got me my first really dope and clear jump shot that I’m HYPED about. (See below) So, next time you see that Patent Pending is playing in the area, get to that show if you want to have a super fun time. And by the way, if you end being front row, be aware that Joe sweats a lot and you’ll likely get sweat on, hahaha. I had a few drops on my lens, which I found to be very comical.

Next up, we had the man himself… Rishi Bahl and his band, Eternal Boy. In case you haven’t heard of them, they are another local pop punk band I would definitely consider them on the milder end because I’ve come to really enjoy their music. Harder core stuff just isn’t my jam, so if you’re like me and enjoy mild core pop punk, they are for you. They are always great and put on a great set, too. Their most popular song off of their album (under The Spacepimps name), Eternal Boy, ‘Party Foul’ was actually turned into a pale ale beer brewed by Dancing Gnome. I’m not a beer person so I can’t say so myself, but my boyfriend is very into craft beers and was very excited to try it. He loved it… even had 2 while we hung out at the show. Audience members screamed along, and even moshed a bit, while they played. Nothing out of the ordinary for a local pop punk band, really. If you haven’t heard of them or liked their page on Facebook, I linked it above.

Lastly, the vibe was toned down a bit for this next act. Will Pugh of Cartel, from Atlanta, played a little acoustic set. This was a new thing for the festival. In the past few years I’ve attended, there hasn’t been an acoustic act before. I thoroughly enjoyed it, to be honest. Acoustic sets are ridiculously underrated because they are so raw and real. They showcase what the music really sounded like before it became what it was, with just a voice and a guitar. Truly great music can be toned down like this and sound just as great as it does full band. I had never seen Cartel play before, but if I enjoyed the acoustic this much, I’m sure the full band doesn’t/didn’t disappoint. I was worried the crowd wouldn’t react well being that you come to a pop punk show expecting to mosh and act like maniacs. But they seemed to really enjoy the break. It also helps that Pugh has a damn good voice. It was mesmerizing to listen to him play, while I moved around pondering creative shots I could take. That was tough. Having just a man and his guitar makes a photographer’s job a little harder, but I had fun with it. I also think I did a good job also. Pugh put on a great acoustic set and I was thoroughly impressed.

As I said, I only stayed for a bit so I could go back to campus and get editing started. I mean it’s a good thing I did cause even this post took forever for me to put out. However, I was satisfied with what I had seen. It ended on a relaxing note and I felt I got some amazing shots. Bravo to you, Rishi, as always.

Hope you enjoy the shots I took as much as I do. As always, only a handful are featured below and the rest are up on my Flickr page. (Psst… go look. These ones below barely do the bulk justice)

Atlantic Wasteland

Eternal Boy

Patent Pending

Atlantic Wasteland

Will Pugh (of Cartel)

Patent Pending

Four Chord Music Festival 5

bloom.

Patent Pending

Will Pugh (of Cartel)

Atlantic Wasteland

bloom.

Look Out Loretta

Look Out Loretta

Eternal Boy

Eternal Boy

Will Pugh (of Cartel)

bloom.

Look Out Loretta

  Four Chord Music Festival 5 Hey there! Been quite some time since I've posted. It has been crazy busy from moving into my senior year of college, to being a part of orientation weekend, to starting classes, it has been a chaotic 2 weeks.

[sad-goomy]

You're killing me with the stories!! How about another lonashipping❣️ if youre up for it? I actually didn't even start shipping lonashipping until I read ur last story and now I'm going on a reading binge of your stories lol

Send in a ❣️ for a random kiss (or just send me a # and a ship!)

Ahhh that makes me so happy to hear!! Hope you don’t mind this weird AU (and that it gets a little saucy at the end whoa)

15. a quick kiss

When Moon applied for a position as a research assistant, working with a stuffy Ph.D. candidate with a short fuse was far from her first choice.

She’d heard the dazzling stories of undergrads who worked directly with Professor Kukui in zoology, spending days out in the field and going on to award-winning discoveries. She marveled at the tales of students who worked under Dr. Burnet in astrophysics, traveling across the islands and spending nights at Hokulani Observatory to witness astronomical marvels firsthand.

What she got was late nights in a tiny office with Gladion.

Moon is seriously considering dropping out.

The only upside is that the office has a particularly comfy armchair that she’s made her home as she works on her laptop, typing up reports and poring over data – Gladion declared that he’s more than capable of handling the “real work,” and that the only thing he could really trust a measly undergrad with is the menial tasks.

Still, it’s not a totally bad gig. The work they’re doing is rather interesting, and directly applies to her Environmental Science major – maybe most people don’t find water management fascinating, but Moon can’t think of many other ways she’d rather be spending her Friday nights. Now that they’re approaching two months working together, he’s also started to give her more meaningful work to do. It helps that she’s more than capable and has also saved his ass a few times since he has a bad habit of working quickly and not backing up his files (and she’s meticulous with a hard drive). And she’s gotten quite used to their battle of wits, to the point that she finds herself daydreaming about possible retorts in her classes.

Not that they’re really friends. He’s said so himself, multiple times, making sure to emphasize his seniority (of barely five years) and their relationship (strictly professional). Moon only rolls her eyes whenever he brings it up, content to simply mutter, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” which shuts him up and gets them back to working, if not with a strange shift in the air between them.

But it’s late on a Tuesday night when she realizes just what kind of trouble they’re really in.

She yawns from her spot on the armchair, sitting cross-legged with her laptop open to last week’s collection of data. Gladion looks over at her, the dark circles under his eyes evident as he smirks. “Past your bedtime?”

“It’s past yours, too, Grandpa.” He frowns at the nickname, which she came up with when he brought up their age difference (again, five years) for the dozenth time. Moon glances at the clock on her laptop, groaning when she realizes it’s past midnight and she has yet to finish this report. It’s been a rough week for both of them, her having to balance her other classwork, and him having a deadline approaching to apply for more funding. She thought it would surely drive them to each other’s throats; strangely, it’s brought out a more endearing side in both of them as they struggle to stay up together, working on the one thing they both love.

Gladion pauses in his typing, sitting back in his chair and closing his eyes. Moon tries not to stare, but she finds her eyes tracing the cut of his jawline, and the two piercings that line his ears that he refuses to tell her the story behind no matter how much she asks. When his eyes open once more she forces her gaze back on her screen – she’s staring because she’s tired and zoning out, obviously, but there’s no doubt he’d tease her relentlessly anyway. He sighs, glancing over at her in her ripped jeans and oversized sweatshirt. “At least you thought ahead and didn’t wear anything nice.”

She gives him an unimpressed glare. “At least you wore all black so that you won’t have to change.”

“Change for what?”

“Your funeral, since this deadline is about to slaughter you.”

He blinks, sleep deprivation slowing his mind.

Then he laughs, honest to god laughs, and Moon feels something strange stir within her.  

Something worryingly…pleasant.

“That’s true enough,” he muses, and she’s wondering why he doesn’t try to come up with an argument instead. It’s not like him to admit that she’s right, much less laugh along with her jabs thrown at him, but then she reasons they’re both in a strange emotional state from a week of late nights. With the laughter out of his system, he seems to sober up a little, sitting up and going back to his computer. “If it weren’t for my own illegible notes, we might be able to go home earlier.”

“Betrayed by your own shorthand?”

“Don’t act so smug when you can barely decipher your own handwriting.”

He tries to hide his smile, but she can tell he’s proud at the crack, and she has to admit it’s a good one as she chuckles behind her laptop screen. Realizing she can barely focus on the words she’s typing, she rubs at her eyes and feels the coffee machine down the hall calling her name. She stands and stretches, her back aching and her legs relieved to finally be in use again.

“Going somewhere?” he asks, forcing his eyes to remain on his computer screen and not on the strip of skin that’s revealed when her arms stretch above her head.

She nods. “Getting coffee. You want some?”

“From the disgusting machine in the sad excuse for a kitchen?”

“No, from the finest café in Kalos because either of us have standards.”

“…make it a double espresso.”

She smirks, about to walk out of the office when he calls, “Moon?” She turns with a hum, watching as he stares at his notepad with furrowed brows. When he looks back up, he’s no less confused as he asks, “What do you think ‘cul eut’ stands for?”

Chewing her cheek, she gives it a moment of thought but ultimately shrugs. “Not sure.”

“Figured. Oh, and bring some sugar packets.”

As she walks down the hall, she can’t get the odd shorthand out of her head. The phrase haunts her as she starts up the ancient coffee machine, grabbing the two cleanest mugs she can find in the cabinets and stuffing her pockets with sugar packets. As her mug fills with plain black coffee, she mulls over “cul eut” so much that it starts to seem like an ancient Latin phrase that she’s deciphering, rather than another example of Gladion’s strange note-taking.

It’s one of many odd things about the Ph.D. candidate that Moon has grown accustomed to. There’s also the way he insists on black coffee only to load it up with sugar. Then there’s how he seems to be unimpressed with everyone yet speaks so fondly of his sister that Moon feels her heart clench from secondhand adoration. Who could forget the time she caught him smiling at photos of his rescue dog and forced him to tell her all about Silvally? And then there’s the way he concentrates on especially difficult problems, how his brows furrow in concentration and he bites down on his thumb or his bottom lip, and she imagines how he might do the same to her neck and -

And oh no.

Oh, please god no.

She cannot be having an existential crisis about the uptight Ph.D. candidate in the crappy kitchen in the graduate studies offices. But here she is, only snapped out of it by the coffee machine groaning as it finishes pouring his double espresso, and she hurries to shut the machine off and walk back down the hall, trying to outrun the thoughts of how cute he is sometimes and no stop that he’s insufferable and her boss kind of.

Desperate to find anything to focus on instead, her mind goes back to “cul eut,” trying to decipher the code as if her life depends on it. The more she mulls it over, the less certain she is that she’ll ever be able to figure it out, until she reaches the office once more and sets down their mugs only for the realization to hit her with a wave of relief.

“Cultural eutrophication.”

Gladion jumps in his chair, startled by the way she slams the mugs on his desk and the sudden outburst. “What?”

“Your notes.” The sudden discovery coupled with the sudden crisis has her nearly hysterical at this point – she’s gone through the whole range of human emotion in the past ten minutes alone. With a smile that borders on manic she lets out an astonished chuckle and repeats, “Cultural eutrophication. Cul eut.”

His lips part in shock, and he hurries to look through his notes, flipping the pages and reciting the words silently before looking back up at her with a grin that has no business bringing out his dimples. “You’re right. My god, you’re right!”

She smirks, opens her mouth to say something snarky, and he stands, goes to try and thank her, and then something inexplicable happens.

.

It’s half a second long but there’s no denying what just happened.

.

He kissed her. Just a quick peck on the corner of her mouth, but he kissed her nonetheless in his rush of gratitude and the haze of a late night in his office.

“Oh,” she breathes, fighting the urge to touch the spot because she swears she can still feel his lips there (and by god does she want to feel it again).

“Oh,” he whispers, realizing that he’s lost any hope in hiding his attraction to the undergrad (and that he really couldn’t hope to keep it up much longer anyway).

They stare. They think they should ignore it. They should laugh it off, chalk it up to a weird night and go back to their very comfortable, very safe routine of quips and hidden glances.

But then her back hits the wall and his lips crash into hers and her fingers are in his hair and she only manages to gasp out, “Oh.”

Oh no.

But oh finally.

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

Hi. This is sort of random and I don’t know if you do these kind of asks but I’m in the final year of my Bachelor’s degree and am thinking of applying for a Masters next year. I’m feeling a bit nervous and stressed out about it. I don’t know if I could handle the workload, I’m worried I won’t get accepted or if I do get accepted, I’m worried I might not be able to finish it. It’s a bit mysterious and honestly I don’t even know what it would be like. Could you tell me a bit more about your experience doing your Masters? We’re studying different things in different countries (I think, I’m in the UK), but I would like to know what the main differences are between doing a Bachelors and Masters, if it was hard to get used to or catch up with the teaching, whether professors treat you differently, what it was like writing your dissertation/research project (if you did that), etc. Does it take up all your time and leave you with no social life? I have depression, and some days it’s hard to even get out of bed. I barely scraped through my second year; my grades slipped with the lockdown worsening my mental health (I didn’t fail but you can see the dip in some of the modules) and I don’t know if I could cope with all the work next year (that is if I do get accepted). If you could answer some of these questions I would really appreciate it. Thank you 🥺🙏😭

The thing is that Master's programs vary a lot based on what the degree is actually in, and the university where it's being offered. My experience might not translate to yours, so keep that in mind. That said, I'll answer everything. I'm putting this under a cut because it got long:

So, I was in an accelerated program, meaning that I began to take graduate classes while I was in the spring semester of third year of my Bachelor's. I wasn't significantly more stressed once I took on those classes because I'd already taken the bulk of the requirements for my undergrad. I took one grad class per semester for two semesters in my Bachelor's, before I took two during my final semester of undergrad. Once I was fully in my grad program, I took 3 classes per semester. Honestly, I thought undergrad was more aggravating and stressful. I found that only three classes per semester were a lot easier to keep up with, despite the work being a little more intense, because I thought it was easier to stay on top of 3 syllabi as opposed to the ~5 I'd have during a typical undergrad semester. Besides, grad school couldn't compare to the trauma of my undergrad Japanese language class lmao. Those 4 semesters were brutal and everything seemed easy in comparison. My professors were pretty nice and a lot more chill than my Japanese professor lol, so they didn't really bother me. I was quiet in college, so my professors never had a problem with me. Since I went to the same place for my Master's as I did my Bachelor's, I didn't notice a significant change in my lifestyle as a student.

I do think there's more independent reading required in grad school, so you have to prepare for that. If you have a problem with deadlines, grad school will be tough; I'm just someone who never turned in anything late. Literally, I think I turned in fewer than 3 assignments late in my whole life because that's just how my brain is wired. If you're someone who can consistently turn in assignments on time, that's half the battle. If not, you'll struggle. But I found that there was less bullshit in grad school compared to undergrad. With my Bachelor's I had to take so many stupid electives I didn't give a shit about just because my university required like 30 non-major credits, and I was frustrated because I felt like my time was being wasted and I was stressing over syllabi for no real reason. In grad school, it's a lot more focused.

I didn't have a dissertation or thesis; I had a comprehensive exam at the end of my program. That sucked lol. It was a 10-question essay exam over the course of 5 hours. I was given access to the questions from previous exams and study guides from previous students, which were tremendously helpful, and I studied and answered practice questions almost every night for a month and a half straight. That was really tough. That was my only class/requirement, however, so I was able to dedicate all of my time to the exam. I passed, but if I'd put off studying, I definitely wouldn't have just because of how my specific exam was designed.

Now onto mental health stuff. I'll be real with you: I'm one of those people who benefited from the lockdown. I've always enjoyed working alone, so I didn't really miss classroom discussions and actually loved not having to commute to and from campus every day anymore. All of my classes were asynchronous and I felt my mental health improve because I was able to pace myself, my schedule, and have a lot more time for my hobbies. College was far worse for me in undergrad, and it honestly had some of the worst years of my life lol. I didn't make a single friend on campus until the end of year two, and I found being on campus with no friends incredibly depressing and isolating. Going into lockdown took that away, you know what I mean? You can't feel lonely if everyone is alone :'D Plus, since I'm such an independent worker, I wasn't hurt by everything going online since I was able to keep up with all of the material and deadlines pretty well. So, if your grades and mental health suffered during the pandemic, I completely understand, but that wasn't my situation. I enjoyed staying home. Since most of grad school was online during the pandemic, too, I can't say it took up all of my social life since I couldn't have a social life lmao. I was/am very strict with lockdown and social distancing, so it's not like grad school kept me from seeing my friends. But since there are typically fewer classes in grad school, anyway, you might find more time for your personal life. It really depends on the program and requirements.

tl;dr: you do need perseverance and the ability to meet deadlines in grad school. There's typically less margin for error (I think I couldn't get more than a couple B- in my program?), but it doesn't have to be terrifying. It's difficult to advise you since these things can vary so much, as I've said. But this is what college was like for me 🤷 I hope this helps in any way. If your depression is that debilitating, I do recommend going to whatever disability resource center is available at the university to get appropriate accommodations, if that's a thing over there. That can help a lot and there's no shame in it. My mom is a professor and receives letters informing her that students need accommodations on assignments and deadlines all the time.

[grelleswife]

1 to 56 go

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

Not unless you countunattainable manga/anime men (L, Yato, Levi Ackerman, Lelouch Lamperouge) or deceasedhistorical figures (Alexander Hamilton, Mozart, Beethoven)

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgivethem?

Oh, man…I need to,but I don’t think I’m quite there yet. :/

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Cats! Also, Cardi B’s“EeeOOOOw” sound that she made that one time. :D

4: What’s something you really want right now?

A piano/the time andability to continue taking voice lessons

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

I don’t think so.

6: Do you like the beach?

Very much so! I’mpart Greek, so it’s in my blood.

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

Not that I can recall.

8: What’s the background on your cell?

A picture ofmanga!Naomi Misora

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

Umm…not sure Iunderstand this question…

10: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

Already answered!

11: Who was the last person whose phone number you added toyour contacts?

A fellow grad student

12: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

Emotional pain (oneof the worst experiences)

13: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

Probably an artmuseum

14: Are you tired?

YES (always lol)

15: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

First in terms ofalphabetical order? About 4 years

16: Would you ever consider getting back together with anyof your exes?

N/A (Sadly, I’ve beensingle all my life)

17: If you knew you had the right person, would you marrythem today?

I’d never rush a bigdecision like that. I’d need to give the matter careful consideration and talkthings over with my significant other and a few trusted advisors.

18: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

One on my left wrist

19: Is there a certain quote you live by?

Already answered! Toadd on to my previous response, I also love the motto “Do the next rightthing.” I’m fairly certain that this is an A.A. slogan.

20: What’s on your mind?

Already answered!

21: Do you have any tattoos?

Nah. I’m a sissy whenit comes to pain.

22: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

Heaven only knows. :D

23: Who are you texting?

Some of my closefriends from undergrad.

24: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going tohappen and you were right?

Oh yes; on multipleoccasions.

25: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talkto?

Mmm…not really. Idon’t consider myself a man-hater, but I don’t tend to form close relationshipswith guys.

26: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

That would be neat,but I don’t believe so.

27: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yes. They’re blue andfairly large, so, at the risk of sounding vain, I consider them to be my bestfeature.

28: Were you single on Valentines Day?

Yep!

29: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

Not really

30: Have you ever cried over a text?

No, but I’ve comepretty close.

31: Where’s your last bruise located?

Right elbow

32: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere reallybad?

Lecture hall duringBiochem. That class was unspeakably dull.

33: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

My best friend (wewere Facetiming)

34: Do you wear hats if you’re having a bad hair day?

No

35: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

Noooo. My head is waytoo big to pull that off, so I’d just look like a massive baby. :D

36: Do you make supper for your family?

No; I’m not thegreatest cook.

37: Does your bedroom have a door?

No (I live in a studioapartment)

38: Does anything on your body hurt?

No

39: Are goodbyes hard for you?

Sometimes. It dependson how close I am to the person and how long it will be before I can see themagain.

40: How is your hair?

Straight(ish), slightlyfrizzy, dirty blonde

41: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

No; I’m glad to behome!

42: Is there one person in your life that can always makeyou smile?

Yes! My best friend.:)

43: What was your last thought before you went to bed lastnight?

“I just spent 30minutes on Pinterest, but I have no regrets.”

44: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gottendisappointed in the end?

Of course. One time,I busted my tail studying for an organic chemistry exam and barely squeaked bywith a 70. I was beyond salty.

45: How old will you be in 5 months?

24

46: Where is your Mum right now?

In the kitchen washingdishes

47: Have you held hands with somebody in the past threedays?

No

48: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

None (assuming we’retalking about actual people rather than fictional characters)

49: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3days?

Nope!

50: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

In terms of romanticliking? Nah

51: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

Of course! I’d bereally concerned and urge them to stop. If they didn’t, I’d consider thatgrounds for breaking up.

52: Who was your last received call from?

Best friend

53: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

Sadly, yes. Somepeople can be fickle and treacherous. :/

54: Do you get along with girls?

Very well! Practicallyall of my most substantial, rewarding emotional attachments have been withwomen, whether mentors, teachers, or friends. That’s probably one of the reasonswhy I loved attending a women’s college. Girls are awesome! <3

55: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to knowthe truth?

Hmm…I tend to be veryself-contained, so I’m often reluctant to let people see the uglier/more unpleasantaspects of my personality. So maybe in that sense.

56: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

Music,reading, talking with friends, writing, fandom-related stuff, food