#i apologize for not being in a super great mental state and it's affecting my writing here

[azurescaled]

Hey everyone, sorry I haven't been here, but when I say that the last while has been rough? It's been fuckin' ROUGH.

[obae-me]

Hi, I'm back with another ask (if you're still taking them)! Can I request the demon brothers reacting to an MC who usually shies away from touch, but absolutely melts under headpats? Thank you, I love your works, and I hope you aren't overworking yourself!! 💙

I live for the fluff, and I hope this warms your heart reading as much as I did while writing it! Thank you for your request, stay safe and take care of yourself! 💜

Lucifer

He’s not super touchy himself, so any form of physical affection he shows MC is minimal. A hand on their shoulder, an escorting arm, just simple gentlemanly gestures. When he saw that MC wasn’t quite comfortable with these, going so far as to sometimes move away from his body, he stopped even doing those out of respect for their space. He understood more than most that some people didn’t like being touched.

He wasn’t paying attention when he had first done it, giving MC a pat on the head. He was exhausted, having spent all day in meetings, doing paperwork, and cleaning up the messes of his brothers. He was running low on sleep, patience, and logic. His only main focus was work. MC had offered a helping hand, and he didn’t refuse, in fact he was secretly thankful for assistance. Normally, his pride would force him to carry his own work and burdens on his shoulders, but tonight he would let it slide. They handed him some of his work back, all thoroughly checked and edited by their hands. He took the stack without even looking at them, deeply concentrated in another project.

“Thank you,” he muttered, and raised his free hand to touch the top of their head, tapping them with the softest brush of his fingers. It took a moment for his action to register, and he quickly looked up from his work, opening his mouth to apologize for his folly. Then he saw the expression on their face. For once they weren’t moving away from his hands, but instead even shifting their posture so his fingers were now entangled in their hair. Their cheeks were tinted pink as they blushed, and Lucifer tried to ignore the strange flutter in his chest. He smiled tauntingly, but in a sweet way, happy to see that he had now discovered a way to give them praise. His eyes narrowed in on their complexion as it grew redder the more he moved his hand over their head.

He made a note of this interaction for the future. The next time they were alone and he thanked them, he raised his hand, looking MC with a teasing expression. He watched patiently as they squirmed in place before coming over to him. He made sure they incited the action on their own, placing their head under his touch before he patted their head.

He savors moments like these in private, this interaction a secret and intimate display for just him alone. He adores headpats where he can weave his fingers through their hair, taunting them with merely his fingertips. If he’s feeling extra special, he’ll take his gloves off for it. He’d become secretly addicted to this for sure.

He’ll use this method to reward MC whenever they do something that pleases him. It pays off in dividends. He’ll probably tease them for it later when he discovers they’ve been studying harder and been doing chores without him asking for it.

It fills him with enormous pride that they’ll come to him for this. “Hm, what is it you want? Did you want my touch and praise so badly?”

Mammon

Typically anyone who takes the time out of their day to attempt to touch Mammon is when they’re wanting to beat the Grimm out of him for something he’s done. So, because of this, he’s not super touchy either. It’s not that he doesn’t like touch, he’s just not had too many great experiences. So he can relate to how MC feels.

Surprisingly, it was MC who gave him the headpat first. He’d failed a test, already been through an intense lecture by Lucifer, and now his precious Goldie had been taken away yet again, threatened to be put through a shredder. To cheer himself up, he went to MC’s room. When they let him vent, he couldn’t stop telling them how much of an angel they were. He’d been sitting on MC’s floor, his back leaning against their bed while MC sat on top of their mattress. He was getting real deep with his feelings, saying things MC had never heard him be comfortable enough to talk about.

They wanted to comfort him and to reward him at the same time. Not knowing what to do, MC leaned forward and nervously rubbed the top of his head. “There there.”

At first, all the hair on the back of his neck stood on end, warning signals running through his mind as his nerves went on high alert. But then the soothing circles over his head put him more at ease, MC’s comforting voice lulling his fears away. MC was...was...giving him a...a...He almost found himself slipping to the floor, but then he snapped out of it.

“Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, what’re you doing?” He tore free from them, getting to his feet as he stared down at them. His glasses were slightly crooked and hanging near the end of his nose in his flustered state. “I’m supposed to be the bigger man here, the one supporting you! So…” With a finger, he pushed his glasses up near his face before he hovered a hand above their hair. He took a deep breath, and then gave them a headpat in return, watching their expression and body language go through the same temporary panic as he did.

But then they practically melted in his hands, their eyes shiny with un-spilt tears as their touch starved body received some physical attention. Mammon did his best to prevent his face from getting even hotter than it already was. Who knew he’d love giving them headpats even more than getting one himself?

He’ll dole out headpats to MC left and right now, doesn’t matter when, where, or why, he’s greedy so when he wants to do it there’s no stopping him, but on this particular matter MC doesn’t bother stopping him anyway. He doesn’t ask for something in return for this gesture, for once, but occasionally MC gives him a pat on the head in exchange, watching him stutter as he turns a deep pink.

He loves giving MC headpats where he messes up their hair, ruffling it up and making it wild-looking just so he can do it all over again when they try to fix it.

Levi

You think his brothers are touch starved? He’s probably not had physical contact for decades, but part of that is his fault. He’s always yelling not to be touched, exclaiming loud enough that people in the Celestial Realm could hear, that he needs his personal space. He freaks out if MC accidentally even bumps shoulders with him.

He notices how MC reacts whenever he accidentally touches them, and he takes it very personally. Self doubt and anxiousness take over his mind as he secludes himself in the safe space of his bedroom. With the assistance of the brothers, MC managed to enter his comfort zone, stepping into his room. They started explaining how they were sorry that they were responsible for how he was feeling. They had to bluntly tell him that they don’t like being touched really by anyone, not just him, most things just make them uncomfortable. If there was anyone who knew about it, it was him. They sat down by him, but not too closely, and asked if watching anime with him would make him feel better.

As they’re both watching one of his favorite shows, Levi notices the expression on MC’s face whenever the main protagonist gives one of the love-interests a pat on the head. He’s the demon of envy, he knows longing when he sees it. MC’s eyes were glinting towards the screen. He had to cover part of his face with his arm just simply thinking about doing something like that with MC. It was no surprise that he wanted something like that too. 

“U-um, MC?” Levi’s brain was short-circuiting, and nothing was even happening yet. MC looked at him, their head slightly tilted to the side in curiosity. His heart was already beating out of his chest, they were cute, too cute. “Can I just...try one thing? And! And then if you hate it you can feel free to never talk to me again!” He just needed to know, the temptation of envy at watching a cartoon complete a gesture that he too wanted to make was too great to bear.

“O-okay.”

It took him a full two minutes of squirming in place and blushing to even build up the courage to put his hand in the air. Once he did, he closed his eyes and turned his head away from MC as he placed his palm over their hair. His hand stayed stagnant for a while, just resting atop their head, but then he started moving it, stroking their hair in the same fashion as he’s seen in so many of his shows. Only, he was near tears. Somehow the real thing was so much better.

Once he had finally had enough--he had wanted to keep going but he was worried his poor heart was about to give out--he apologized to MC again for touching them. MC looked down, their face almost just as red as his. When they told him that they didn’t mind and actually-maybe-kinda liked it, his eyes almost sparkled.

He doesn’t do it as often as he’d like, he’s still much too shy and anxious for that. He will manage to do it every so often, waiting until he’s had plenty of time for mental preparation. He waits to strike whenever MC is sad so he can swoop in and be their hero.

He likes the slow simple headpats, moving his hand left and right, feeling the heat inside his chest grow as MC sways their head with his movements.

Satan

Of course he doesn’t prefer being touched, why would he? He gets angry if someone even bothers him when they happen to be in the same room. He needs his space, he needs people to stay away from him, and if he does so happen to want to be touched, he needs it on his own terms. So he actually enjoyed hanging out with MC, because with them feeling the same way as he did, he didn’t have to worry they’d do something reckless like...hugging him or some awful thing.

They were reading together, his favorite activity. There was nothing better than him and his company doing their own thing within a decent distance, and all while being quiet about it. And because MC was being so well-behaved, he permitted them to sit on the same couch as him should they want it. He almost lost his place on the page as he felt their body heat wave off of them as they sat next to him.

However, MC kept moving, shifting to change position every few moments, trying to get into a comfortable reading position, but not finding one. It was driving him a bit crazy, but he understood their struggle. He weighed the pros and cons of what he was about to suggest in his head. He decided that it would mostly be in his favor. 

“Why don’t you lie down and I read to you?” He asked them, placing a bookmark in between the crevice of his book before placing it aside. They blinked at him, embarrassed that they had bothered him so badly. They got up off the couch, ready to lay on the floor. He gingerly grabbed the fabric of their sleeve. “I’m not asking you to get on the floor, I’m not that rude. To my brothers maybe, but not you.” He took the book that they had been reading and brought it to his face, already feeling some involuntary feelings rise to his cheeks. He patted his legs, hoping they would understand his gesture without him having to go through the pain of saying it.

They understood well enough, getting back on the couch and slowly, slowly, settled down with their head in his lap, their face turned away from him. MC was a bit rigid at first, but slowly relaxed as Satan started reading their story from the point they had left off at. He eventually got so enveloped in the words, he had no idea what he had been automatically doing. It took him about a chapter or two before his actions hit him randomly, his mind going blank, leaving himself tongue tied.

He’d been petting MC’s head for a while now, almost completely unaware. He assumed the feeling in his lap reminded him of a cat curled up over his legs, and he just instinctively had been stroking their head. He’d caught himself in the middle of running his fingers all the way from the top of their head, down to the nape of their neck, almost even scratching behind their ears.

“Is...is something wrong? Why...did you stop?” MC wondered, their voice gentle. He cleared his throat, deducing that their tone meant they found nothing wrong with what he had been doing. He resumed his actions, and felt MC happily shudder in his lap.

Later that night, when he was done reading, he found that he had made MC a little too comfortable, and now they were asleep on him. He didn’t dare move and actually ended up staying there all night.

He’ll only give MC headpats in this exact way, with their head over his thighs, stroking their hair like they were a cuddly pet. He’s melting almost as much as they are. To his enjoyment, MC will ask him if they can read with him much more frequently.

Asmo

He love love loves touch! So seeing MC squirm away from all his forms of affection makes him equal parts gloomy and determined. He’s never had anyone shy away from him like that, even his charm ends up rubbing off on his brothers, and they let him give them physical affection every once and awhile. He knows there has to be some form of touch MC can stand, and he’s ready to find it.

He tries hugs, hand-holding, massages, tickling, cuddling, anything he can think of in hopes MC will react positively. Touch his strongest love-language after all, so he’ll be forever downhearted if MC is never comfortable with it. Never comfortable with him...

He was close to figuring it out though, he knew it. His last massaging experiment had his hands around their head and neck, and he felt the muscles in their body unwind just the slightest bit. So, today he had them in his room, sitting on the chair in front of his mirror as he brushed their hair. Like before, they weren’t as tense, and were surprisingly complacent as he dragged his brush through their smooth strands. He was so jovial over this, he was almost humming to himself.

“MC, your hair is almost just as pretty as mine!” He put the brush down for just a second to run his fingers through their locks. MC’s body shuddered, their eyelids fluttering. The heart in his chest pounded in excitement when MC leaned their head towards his hand. He was almost as happy as the time Lucifer let Asmo give him a shoulder massage. “Hmm, what’s this?” He grinned and played with their hair some more, using his hands to pat down and fix any stray strands. MC refused to look at his gaze in the reflection of their mirror, their face adorably red. He just wanted to squeeze them! Asmo pressed his cheek to their head as he continued to pet and comb his fingers throughout MC’s hair.

He pets their head now as frequently as MC will allow. He especially prefers to do it when he notices they’re tense or stressed. Just a few minutes of his magical hands running over their head and all the tension in MC’s body practically melts away.

His special version of headpats come with special scritches. He’ll let his long nails gently scratch at their scalp, causing shudders to run through MC’s spine. Once, MC even moaned softly in comfort as he did this, causing him to almost collapse. Who knew something so chaste and simple could get him so pleased?

Beel

He’s a big lovable teddy bear, and so he loves to give hugs. It’s third on the list of things he loves, family, food (not always in that order), and comforting embraces following right after. The first time he gave MC a hug, they felt frozen, unable to hug him back. They only began to breathe again after he let them go. He respects the fact that they don’t like touch, but it will make him a bit melancholy for a while.

He only figured out MC adored headpats because they practically told him, he ended up being the only one they felt comfortable enough opening up to. Maybe it was because he couldn’t help but sulk for a few days after MC asked not to be touched. They felt a bit guilty for him, after all, he was only trying to show MC wholesome affection.

He had been in the kitchen, getting a large selection of goodies for his midnight snack when the door opened. He almost jumped when MC came into the room, as he went about clutching the food to his chest. He looked over MC before saying anything, their eyes and face a bit puffy from crying. They looked deeply upset.

Beel got so rattled from their expression, he almost dropped his precious food. He hurriedly put it all on a kitchen counter before talking to them. “MC, it’s so late, what’s wrong?” His natural instinct was to hold his arms out, ready to give them a tight embrace, but he bit his lip as he kept his arms lowered. Not knowing how best to comfort them was killing him, leaving the already gaping hole in his stomach feeling even emptier.

“I...I don’t know...I just…” MC placed their hands over their face as they began to cry some more. Beel got closer to them, every inch in his body twitching as all he wanted was to scoop them up.

“Well...what...what can I do to make you feel better? I’ll do anything!”

As they were sniffling, they outstretched one of their arms, waiting for his hand. He let them take it, taking notice of the vast difference between sizes. They felt so small next to him. MC grasped his hand with their own, doing their best to keep from shaking. Beel hadn’t quite been ready for MC to place his hand over their head, holding onto his wrist. He hesitated for a second, starting off very slow. The more he pet them, the more they started to calm down.

This made his heart swell immensely. He was so overjoyed that he was making MC happy, that he got to touch them, that he got a bit carried away as his built up emotions flowed straight to his hands. He moved his hand back and forth a bit aggressively, all purely by accident. He’d had his eyes closed as he couldn’t contain himself, his heart feeling like bursting. He was shaking MC back and forth so violently, they had to grasp onto his clothes from falling over. He quickly stopped, apologizing profusely while MC held tightly onto him as they waited for the room to stop spinning.

He will want to do this all the time, it satiates some sort of hunger in his stomach when he does, and MC doesn’t complain. Just as long as he does it gently. He’ll pet them like a fragile creature, as he closes his eyes and almost glows in happiness when he does. The gesture reminds him a lot of comforting Belphie.

Belphie

Like Satan, Belphie is only somewhat okay with touch if it’s on his terms. He almost always needs to initiate it, or ask for it at the very least. The only exception to the rule is his twin Beel. His brother is always picking him up, hugging him, or letting Belphie sleep on him.

When MC explained that they didn’t like touch, he was okay with it. What, did they think he cared? It’s no big deal, whatever, he’s too tired to worry about it. It does affect him, but he’s not even sure why. Is it because they look so soft to him that he wants to cuddle them like a pillow? Is it because he just wants to feel their sweet warmth? Is it because he wants to spite his brothers by being the only one able to touch them? He’s unsure. The only thing he is sure of is it’s making him a bit restless.

So, to deal with this, he did what came most naturally to him. That being coming into MC’s room unannounced in the dead of night. He’s still not used to normal human manners or behavior, or he doesn’t really care. Possibly both.

He watched MC sleep peacefully in bed, the silver rays of moonlight seeping through their window and landing on their head, reflecting off the color of their hair. He knelt close to the bed, tucking his pillow close to his chest as he watched them sleep for a bit. Then he lazily raised his hand, plopping it over their head. Their body jolted a bit as their eyelids opened.

“B-Belphie?” MC moved a bit, coming out of their tired haze.

“Shh, this is just a dream,” he told them, abusing his powers a bit as he influenced their exhaustion. A sleepy gaze coated their eyes. They ceased moving, nuzzling their head against the pillow as they no longer went to question why he was in their room.

He ran his hand gently over their head, watching color flush their cheeks as they stared at him in their dreamy state. Their lips almost curled into a smile, and Belphie pulled his cow-printed pillow closer to his chest, hoping to muffle the rapid beating of his heart. He pet MC’s head until they fell fast asleep again.

In the morning, MC looks at him in a weird way, more flustered than usual. He’ll tease them about it a bit, questioning their actions and feeling twisted satisfaction when they explained that they simply had experienced a strange dream last night.

He might continue to do this, giving them affection before bed and persuading them it was nothing more than a dream, but eventually he’ll want them to know it was real. He’ll just enjoy this secret interaction a little more before he does tell them, though.

He likes to pet their head in a way that lets their hair look like sleepy bed-hair, he finds it unbelievably adorable. He’ll start from the top of their head and work down towards their cheek, letting MC nuzzle against his palm before they sleep.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 4)

We are at the turning point so things are about to get super fun! Pretty much everything we've gone over until now has been exposition and set-up for this arc.

More than ever there's a trigger warning here: we'll be discussing mental illness, depression, child abuse, and a genuine suicide attempt here so it will get quite heavy and dark.

Chapter Thirteen

We are approaching a significant turning point. This arc is heavy with things to analyze and important revelations about Natsume. Pretty much all the stuff I analyzed before now was just extended exposition, to be entirely honest. We were setting things up, establishing Natsume in every way we could and it will all come to a head right here. This is the arc we've been waiting for.

The chapter opens with Natsume, and from the start we can tell that we are in for a treat. We’ve never seen his perspective like this, only little snippets like “I know I used my alice on her”, or remembering Aoi’s hair-clip. Here, we have much more to work with, and we don’t have to do as much guesswork to make conclusions!

He’s having a nightmare, which is also what he calls it, much like the one he had in the anime. He’s running in darkness and there’s too many people’s voices. Being called a murderer, being told to obey or else… and all the while he’s telling them to shut up already. It’s enough to make anybody feel crowded. He just wants relief, to get out of the darkness, for the nightmare to end.

Even when he's all alone, he's bogged down by noise and taunts.

He wonders if he'll ever get real reprieve from the constant hell he's in. All he ever does is run, his life entirely enshrouded by darkness. He wants it to stop, and later we'll see how exactly he'll attempt to do so.

The fact that the arc begins with this scene despite the fact that Natsume does not feature heavily in this chapter or the next is foreshadowing that something must change by the end of it. He's despairing and hopeless now, and these points will all be brought up later as things come to a head, so something must shift by the end of the arc.

We later find out Natsume’s in the hospital, and then inevitably he gets kidnapped by Reo. He spends about two chapters unconscious, so we’ll be moving on to two of the most important chapters for Natsume’s development.

Chapter Fifteen

Natsume wakes up in the warehouse, but the way he wakes up is very interesting. He knows he’s in a strange place, not in a hospital bed. He thinks so much like a soldier or spy here, using his senses to observe his scary new surroundings and clinically filing away information until he opens his eyes and sees his classmates gnawing at each other’s binds. It’s fascinating to see inside his head, to see the dangerous ability training in action, that he doesn’t think like his peers would, or how any ten year old should.

He's intaking information, filing it, analyzing his situation, all before his eyes even open.

He is understandably irritated by the presence of his classmates, considering he’s been kidnapped, drugged, sick, and has to deal with an alice barrier on top of all that. He gets that he’s screwed, and, with Mikan and Sumire in the mix, his chances aren’t looking too great.

If you want to make yourself sad, it’s worth noting that Natsume doesn’t think he’s going to make it out of this situation alive. He’s processing his options and considering the best thing to do going forward, but he’s well aware that there’s also a good chance he might die tonight.

They manage to get into contact with Narumi, who instructs them to stall and keep quiet, also telling Natsume to use his alice. He’s strong enough to overpower the barrier, so it shouldn’t be an issue, but Natsume is sick. In order to get a small flame, he exhausts himself, and is even less of a state to run away than he already was. Their kidnappers realize the kids are awake because of the disturbance in the barrier, so they confront them to try and figure out their alices. Reo wants this information for nefarious purposes, planning on selling them. It’s already been said earlier in the story that alice children are more valuable in the human trafficking trade, so it’s in his best interest to know what exactly he’s selling.

Mikan has nullification, so the voice pheromone doesn’t work on her, but Sumire is affected, and about to reveal her alice when Natsume interferes. He’s exhausted, but he might have more or less already given up on himself. The most he can do now is try and protect his classmates who came to save him, even if it’s all he can do. So Reo does move on to confront him, taunting him by telling him all the plans they have for him. He’s to be assimilated into the organization, joining Z and becoming a child soldier for their ranks.

Reo brings up an excellent point: “What difference does it make if you start working for Z instead? Everyone there hates the academy like you do.” It’s true. Natsume might even prefer it slightly because it’s an anti-alice organization and he is by no means pro-academy (unlike in the anime where he becomes a poster boy for abuse apologism). At the academy, he’s surrounded by abusers and those subservient to the abusers, by bullies and kids who whisper behind his back, accusing him of murder and arson. Maybe at Z he could be around like-minded people (albeit people who are supportive of child trafficking).

But no.

Natsume doesn’t even consider it.

Maybe Reo should consider that Natsume doesn't want to be a child soldier at all, hmm?? Maybe he'd be better off just being a normal kid? Did that occur to him at all or...?

He immediately smacks Reo’s hand away. Even sick, even heavily under the effects of Reo’s alice, even despite being weak and drugged, he still resists. There’s not even a temptation or hesitation. His choice has been made for him.

Interestingly, Reo was also used by the academy. He knows how twisted the school can be, but he’s still confused and surprised by Natsume’s refusal. I’m assuming based on this that perhaps Natsume is a special case. It would be reasonable to assume most of the kids used in the dangerous ability class are threatened and cowed into obedience, their physical and mental safety in jeopardy if they rebel in any way. Natsume is a child, and we’ve seen him run from his own teacher in abject terror. He’s obviously not a fan of putting himself in physical and mental jeopardy. But the way to get to Natsume is not by threatening him; it’s by threatening Ruka, or Aoi, or Youichi, because Natsume doesn’t care about anything as much as he cares about them--not even his own life.

And that’s why Reo is surprised and confused that Natsume would say no to him and choose the academy over Z.

And it’s because Natsume is not actually choosing the academy over Z. He’s choosing Ruka and Aoi over Z, like he chooses them over everything. Natsume knows that resisting Z here is tantamount to suicide, but he’ll choose that, because he’ll choose his loved ones over his own life.

And then something surprising happens: Mikan gets in between Natsume and Reo, protecting Natsume.

This is new; Natsume is used to being the one doing the protecting. He was more than willing to take all Reo’s wrath to distract him from using his pheromones on Mikan and Sumire. He’s being protected now though, a little, but it’s really just a taste of what’s to come. Mikan stepping in is unexpected… and unwise.

Now Reo can conclude that she has the nullification alice. This is bad news in general, but a great opportunity. Reo and his goons are distracted and there’s enough time for Sumire to use her own alice and see where they are and what’s around.

Turns out there’s dynamite and other explosives a couple warehouses away. This instantly gets Natsume’s attention and he’s already formulating a plan.

He tells them to run for it, reassuring them that he can take care of himself. He says he’s only helping because he’d feel guilty otherwise, not because he actually cares much for what happens to them, because it’s their own fault they followed him.

We know this isn’t the truth. Since he woke up, Natsume has been prioritizing the girls over himself.

He can hardly stand up so the idea that he can escape on his own is a little ridiculous... but he knows that too and he's known it from the start.

The escape begins and the girls run for it, with Natsume distracting Reo and his goons by threatening to blow up the dynamite two warehouses away.

This is a genuine suicide attempt. Natsume has no intention to save himself. He considers himself a lost cause. He’s sick, exhausted, in no condition to run. He can stall long enough to let the girls escape, but he’s gonna blow up the dynamite, taking Reo and part of Z down with him. Reo’s kidnapping whim will prove fatal and catastrophic, and the Black Cat will be eliminated.

Chapter Sixteen

This arc turns so much darker.

Yes, Natsume seems to have no choice but to kill himself to protect his classmates and eliminate the Reo threat. The first page of Chapter Sixteen also establishes that this isn’t just Natsume’s own plan. He’s been commanded to commit suicide in this kind of situation by Persona. If he’s ever trapped and can’t escape, he’s to kill himself, so that he can’t be used against the academy. He’s too powerful. The academy would rather this child die than fall into Z’s hands. In fact, if Natsume were to rebel, in any way, even by not killing himself in such a situation, the academy will hurt the people he cares about.

This is a grown ass man telling a child that his life is only important if he can be a tool for the school and as soon as he can't be anymore, he ceases to have value and is better off dead.

I will once again mention that Natsume is ten years old. The academy is not just an abusive institution, it’s also a human rights violator, since child soldiers are prohibited by international law. A child soldier is any child under the age of 18 who is compelled to fight or otherwise service any state or non-state armed group (the academy counts as an armed group because it has a division of child soldiers with magical powers ready to kill and maim on command as well as teachers with magical powers willing to threaten these children into submission). Natsume is a child soldier and the fact that the dangerous ability class was never fully dissolved is an actual human rights violation.

Anyway, this arc is where we see Natsume clearly for the first time. Compared to all the fun and mischief of previous chapters, these chapters are dark and scary. There’s no exciting dodgeball game or howalon-related antics. This is life-or-death, suicide attempts, threats.

This marks the difference between the life the rest of the kids at the academy are living and the life Natsume has been struggling through. How do you live through missions like this, watching your life whittle away, being threatened on a regular basis, and then go back to school and pretend to care about math or about sports or friends? It makes perfect sense that Natsume would feel so isolated from everyone. His experiences are too different.

Of course, this whole thing is about to get a whole lot worse.

Reo asks why Natsume would even bother with this. Is there even a reason? He even gives a pretty good deal: If Natsume backs down, Sumire and Mikan will be spared.

But Natsume doesn’t bite. He’s ready to die, because the academy told him to, because he wants to protect his loved ones, because he wants to help Sumire and Mikan escape, and--most heart-breakingly--because he genuinely wants to die.

Now that Sumire and Mikan are gone, he doesn't have to lie about his plans anymore.

Natsume has been appearing in the last sixteen chapters, showing up to offer a sarcastic quip, set something on fire, and be generally unpleasant. But more than that, we’ve seen glimpses into what appears to be a horrible, miserable life. Natsume hates the academy, only has one friend, goes on life-threatening missions, frequently visits the hospital, despises his own alice, and he never smiles. All his appearances up to this point have been an explanation: this is why Natsume wants to kill himself.

Natsume isn’t just forced into a suicide attempt. There’s a reason he submits so easily to the idea of dying here. He’s ready. He’s been ready for a long time. He might have even been waiting for it; to get it over with because it’s bound to happen sooner or later.

He says he feels like he’s living his life cowering on his knees, like his head is constantly under a pool of shame. “I’m sick of the academy. I’m sick of you all. I’m sick of everything!”

Natsume is going to die in a few moments and he’s okay with it. He’s even happy about it, because there is really nothing worth living for. He doesn’t have a future, or hopes and dreams. This whole time he has been living for Ruka and his family, doing everything he can to keep them safe. Nothing he’s done in the past two years has been for himself. This may be the very first selfish thing he has done in all this time. He’s ready to die.

It’s not like he had something to look forward to anyway.

Natsume is about to die, until the wind is knocked out of him and he’s suddenly on the ground, with Mikan grabbing his shirt and screaming into his face that he’s an idiot. He’s lying on the floor because one of his stupid classmates--the one he hates the most, the stupid girl with the nullification alice and her head so full of rainbows and butterflies and happiness he could barf just thinking about her, the one that walked right into the worst thing that ever happened to him and smiled about it--tackled him and stopped his suicide attempt.

Just one split second changes everything and there's nothing he can do about it.

Yes, the previous chapters leading up to this explained why Natsume wants to die, and how miserable his life is, but they also mark another thing: the only fifteen and a half chapters where Natsume isn’t in love with Mikan.

In this moment, she saves his life. She risks her own safety on a whim to protect him, and she does. She didn’t come all this way for nothing! She’s willing to fight Reo and any henchmen to protect Natsume, who can’t even walk without help. Natsume was not expecting this.

He asks why she even came back, but she makes it clear it wasn’t a choice--they’re partners, after all! It’s her job to look after him.

The next few scenes are Mikan protecting Natsume, and it’s important to point out that nobody has ever done that before. Natsume is always the one doing the sacrificing and protecting, and he’s okay with that. He doesn’t want Ruka to be burdened by his hardships, or for Aoi to be held responsible for something she did under a dangerous fever. He will do the hard thing, will be the caretaker, because that’s who he’s always been.

It might be uncomfortable and strange for him, but Natsume is being taken care of here, led to hiding spots and being protected. When he tries again to convince her to leave him behind, he’s using all the insults he can think of. This is another way of protecting people: hurting them so that he can further distance himself from them and keep them safe.

But Mikan fights back, saying, “Who do you think I came back for?”

Here Natsume finally understands something. The girl he has hated ever since she voluntarily enrolled into the school that uses him as a human weapon is more than a bumbling idiot. Her sickening optimism and determination are the reason he’s still alive now. He gave up on himself, but she refuses to. She’s the kind of person who would risk her own life to save a boy who has caused her nothing but grief, because she can see value in his existence that he can’t.

Natsume's never thought of himself as even having a future before, let alone a happy one.

And she says, “Everyone is waiting for you.” Natsume used to look down on her optimism and rose-colored lenses, because how naive is it to think things will just work themselves out? That the future will be better? That there’s something worth working for, even if you aren’t sure what it is? It’s stupid. Natsume knows better: life sucks and then you die because you get kidnapped and you have to commit suicide or else your loved ones will get hurt. Relying on stupid things like positivity or hope is just a waste of time.

But not this time. This girl is saving him because there’s a bright future awaiting her, but more than that: she sees a bright future for him too. She thinks things will work out for him too, that he has moments to look forward to where he will laugh and cry and live--moments he hasn’t seen yet. There’s still so much life left for him to live, and he’s never thought of it that way.

For the first time in a long time, Natsume is thinking about his own future.

He doesn’t argue when Mikan stands up to protect him, or when she grabs his hand to try and lead him from danger. He trusts her now and even more, he wants to live.

And then Mikan gets overpowered by a goon, who slams her into the wall in order to get to Natsume.

And that pushes Natsume’s berserk button, because now he cares about Mikan, and he goes absolutely unhinged whenever someone he cares about is hurt.

Mikan has become precious to Natsume only a few minutes ago, but he's kinda ride-or-die so it's like going from 0 to 100.

Just a few chapters ago, a middle-schooler grabbed Mikan and threatened to hurt her if Natsume didn’t back down and Natsume just laughed. Now he’s detonating a whole shipyard because somebody shoved her.

Yes, he does set off the dynamite, because he’s no longer thinking rationally and how dare someone hurt Mikan?

We’re not really sure what consequences this had, if he ended up inadvertently hurting himself or Mikan in the process of getting revenge against this man for hurting a girl who he just started having feelings for like five minutes ago, but both of them end up hospitalized.

Conclusion

This whole arc is a fucking MASTERPIECE. We’ve met Natsume before, but that was the old Natsume. That Natsume was miserable and didn’t have anything to look forward to. We’ve just met a new Natsume; a Natsume who has hopes and desires and will do selfish things because of them. His life is still dark and dreary and miserable, but there’s a light coming in now, and he’s content now just to be in the sun for a little bit until his life comes to a complete end, which will still be sooner than later.

<- Previous Next ->

[sevendeadlymorons]

Hey I’m that one anon from a while back that sent those long ass paragraphs about Lilith and Simeon, remember me? Anyway I know I’m very late to the party, but some of the boys are either getting to much hate or too much love over here (in my opinion) so I made a pros and cons list for all of them, I’m sorry- (I’m warning you now this will be long but I’ll put it in bullet points so it’s a bit easier to read, just read it whenever your mentally ready lol)

Lucifer (I hate this man.)

Pros

He’d help a lot with getting your life together wether that be finding a job, choosing the right college or other shit like that

He’d make sure your working hard and getting everything done, which is both a blessing and a curse tbh

He would be the one to take the most care of you whenever your ill psychically

Cons

He would probably overwork you

Doesnt have much time to spend on you and doesn’t make a effort to find more time unless your getting really sad about it

Probably wouldn’t be the best of help through issues with mental illness (he just doesn’t strike me as that type, feel free to disagree)

His pride would cause some serious problems in relationships :/

Mammon (I love this man.)

Pros

He’s the “if your sad, I’m sad” kind of guy so he does whatever he can to put a smile on your face

Makes his affection towards you known once he’s comfortable enough, mostly through things like hugs and head pats tho

He shows off anything you make, and I mean anything (you gave him a drawing? After showing it to everyone he puts it on the fridge. You wrote something? He reads it to everyone then puts it in his notebook to reread later, I think you get where I’m going with this)

Cons

There would probably be some communication issues due to his tsundere nature and habit of ignoring you when he’s mad

He’d get super mad at you when your trying to help him financially, maybe it’s a ego thing or maybe he’s just tired of hearing it

While his possessiveness is cute at times he’d definitely get way to overbearing if you don’t force him to cool it

Levi (I kin this man.)

Pros

He’d try to set up designated hangout times (like Friday is movie night, Tuesday is for RPGs etc)

Wanna spend time with him but aren’t very into what he’s into? While it will be harder to bond with him because of this I think if you REALLY wanted to hang with him he’d at least try to meet you in the middle (like if you like sports he’ll offer to play wii sports lol)

Insecurities getting you down again? Well never fear, levi is here! He’d find characters with flaws similar to those you see in yourself to prove that they don’t really matter (and since he struggles with insecurity himself he’d know how you feel and be one of the best at helping you through them)

Cons

Even if he makes an effort to meet you in the middle if you have different interests he’d refuse to get into “normie” stuff

He’ll guilt trip you constantly, even if it’s not on purpose (“Oh your hanging out with Asmo today? I get it, of course you’d wanna hang out with somebody cool and perfect like Asmo and not a gross yucky otaku like me”)

You have to initiate almost everything Hugs? You hug first. Handholding? You reach out to him. Confessions? You seriously thought he’d be the one to confess first??

Satan

Pros

Similar to Lucifer he’d be good at helping you get your life together and putting you on the right track

Unlike Lucifer, he’d actively make time for date nights and/or hangouts multiple times a week wether your going out for dinner or reading in front of the fireplace

While he himself might not be best at helping with comfort in the moment, he’d be great to turn to if you needed a long time treatment (you need a therapist? He’s got the best three in your area that you can afford and he found some helpful things you can do in this book)

Cons

As stated previously, he’s not the best with comfort, which can be an issue if you need a friend/partner who can be your biggest source of comfort (I’m not saying he’ll do nothing, it’ll just be kinda awkward ig)

If you vent to him about something he’ll always offer advice and while that can be good, sometimes all you want is someone to listen to you and getting advice can be annoying in the moment

I feel like hanging out with him you’d rarely ever get to talk about pointless things, everything would be serious you know? And while serious and deep conversations are good for bonding, some people (myself included) need to be able to talk about dumb things without having it turn philosophical

Asmo

Pros

He’s the best at boosting your confidence, there’s no competition

He’s more into spontaneous outings (he suddenly got the urge to go shopping, your coming with right?)

You can talk about just about anything with him, no judgment and he’ll never speak a word of it to anyone else if you don’t want him to (although he may brag to his brothers that you told him your secrets)

High emotional IQ

Cons

He has set things of things he’s interested in and his idea of trying the things your into is doing whatever it is for about 5 seconds then deciding it’s not for him

He cares a lot about looks, I don’t mean he’ll hate you or insult you cause he thinks your ugly, I mean he’ll constantly try to do your makeup, hair, and nails and he’ll always say things like “Your hair is a bit messy today, did you brush it? Yes? Well not good enough, let me do it” and “your wearing that out? There’s nothing wrong with it, I just think you’d look a lot cuter in this” and if your anything like me, that’ll get on your nerves a lot

While he’s great with emotional issues, if it’s a problem with anything like school or your job he’ll have no solution to offer, all you’ll get is a “You can do it!” and a good luck kiss

Narcissistic, need I say more?

Beel

Pros

He’s the best person to vent to, no judgment and tons of hugs and comfort food

He’s a mom friend, no explanation needed

Very supportive and always concerned for your health

Your in trouble? Call beel, he’ll help you and make sure your home safe before questioning you and will only lecture you out of love (unlike a certain older brother that will lecture you because “Your tarnishing Diavlo’s reputation by acting out like this. Your an exchange student, you must abide by the rules and behave yourself.”)

Cons

Food is his answer to everything (Sad?Food. Injured? Food. School’s stressful? Food plus a little help studying) and while food can be good for comfort, sometimes you need him to provide more than a snack

He’s the opposite of Satan in the sense that he’ll almost never offer advice when you rant to him, he just assumes getting it all out is help enough and won’t offer much more then a hug and food

Not getting along with one of his brothers? “They can be a handful, but they’re great people once you learn to handle the chaos” yeah he rarely thinks what his brothers did is a big deal so he gives you advice on how to apologize and get past it and he’ll give you food

Belphie (he really does attract the mentally ill people huh-)

Cons

I feel like he’d be good for certain people with social anxiety and people who have issues with always being scared about being a bad person (“you think your a bad person and are becoming more and more toxic by the day? Well your a better person than Lucifer that’s for sure, wether or not your toxic were going to cuddle now get in bed” or “your worried everyone is constantly staring and judging you for everything you do? Well I don’t really care about what your wearing or the way you walk so I doubt they do either, can we go home now?” ((Side note, I experience both of these issues and his uncaring personality would calm me, which is why I think this one of his pros))

He just wouldn’t care about whatever type of life style you lead and as someone who’s constantly scared of being judged for their lifestyle this would be amazing (“you sleep all the time? Same let’s nap together” “You don’t eat very healthy? Whatever, it’s fine, can we sleep now?” ((although it is a double edged sword))

He gets a burst of energy and just does the most random things (you see that tree? He’s already climbed half way up it. That petting zoo? He’s already feeding the lambs. That store? He’s already spent 30 grim)

Cons

Just like his twin he thinks every problem has one solution, but instead of food he thinks the solution is sleep (your sick? Sleep is the best medicine. A lot of homework? If you sleep you don’t have to think about it.)

At some point he just doesn’t care enough, if you come to him with a serious issue he’ll half listen to you rant then pull you down to sleep

He teases you a lot, which is fine teasing is fun, but he takes it too far. Maybe he touched on something your insecure about or he was too merciless, whatever it was, he won’t apologize for it, he just thinks your being sensitive. If he brought up some bad memories he’ll consider it, but his way of apologizing is cuddling

He doesn’t wanna do something? You guys aren’t gonna do it. You don’t wanna do something? Too bad, he wants to so your gonna.

I’m sorry this is so long- I tried to shorten it I swear- but anyway if you disagree I’m with anything, I wanna hear what you think

And even tho Beel doesn’t get much screen time and more serious moments, I think his character is way more then hunger

Random but I wanna add that other then Levi I kin Tamaki from mha and Ranpo from bsd

Dude do you just like torturing poor college students? This is so much to read, I’m about to cry 😭

I agree with the Lucifer part actually! Tho I do kinda thing he’s be good emotion support in some ways, for me, anyway. I feel like he may lack empathy that is needed in a stable relationship. Yes, he may be able to tell you with shit and honestly, he’d book my doctors appointments when I’m too anxious too so yknow. But yeah

Also agree with mammon. He’s a jackass when he wants to be, and I know he may not mean it, but his words are still hurtful in a lot of ways and he just can’t convey those emotions that’re needed in a loving relationship. But he’s so sweet and will show you off so it’s all good~

As much as I love Levi, I agree. He manipulates and guilt trips you throughout the entire game. It can’t be healthy in relationships but that don’t stop me from loving that sweet otaku boy 😔🖤

I agree with Satan too. I don’t have much to say but he’s avatar of wrath for a reason, for a start, and he honestly looks like he’d prefer talking about books than that funny thing that happened in class that made you laugh earlier

Agreed with Asmo too. Sometimes he may just get overbearing and the narcissism and the constant need to make you look better and improve you may get irritating

I agree with Beel. I don’t think he can comprehend that food isn’t an answer to everything and as a person who doesn’t cope with food and relatively hates it, he won’t be any help to me emotionally. He’s so sweet but he just won’t give you that proper support

I love Belphie so so much but I absolutely agree. He’s one of the most unbothered brothers who won’t care what you look like, yes, but that also means compliments may come rarely and like his twin, “sleep is the answer to everything” I can admit I like to sleep but I have a manic side that comes with insomnia and if he’s dragging me down and not letting me move and I just cannot sleep, I’m gonna get irritated and pissed off.

This got a bit long on my end too. I just really liked how you worded this and it was fun to see pros and cons of the ‘perfect’ brothers

I think Beel is more than food too, but I just don’t particularly like him either way cuz I’m not really a foodie so I can’t relate with him lmao

[gabywantsafriend]

Dopamine and Oxytocin: Brian Johnson x Reader

(Not my GIF)

Requested by tmntthristy - “Is it ok if request a brian Johnson x reader where they meet in detention”

Hi sorry it took me so long to respond to your request, love :( I hope you enjoy it, though! -Gaby :)

Warning: Mentions of drugs, Swearing

“Ah, Ms. L/n. Right on time,” Vernon greeted without looking up from his clipboard. He flipped through his papers. “Let’s see, first time in detention, eh?” You nodded. “So you’re in here for cursing out Mr. Galvin, correct?”

“To be fair, sir, he was making sexist comments. He needed some words of wisdom to deflate his pathetically large ego.” Allison snorted, mouthing “Good one!”  which you replied with a thumbs up. Vernon sighed, “Very unlike you, Ms. L/n. You’re not really the type to speak your mind,” he hinted at your quiet nature, “Alright, well take a seat. Anywhere’s fine.” You sat next to Brian as you’d talk to him the most during class. Plus, you weren’t very close with the rest of the kids. The vice principal then proceeded to lecture you all on the importance of morals and good conduct; you know, all that boring shit. He then proceeded to his office after a last warning of, “And no funny business, got it?”

Once Vernon was out of sight, the group chattered away about their week and how they managed to get into detention. You found out that they called themselves “The Breakfast Club,” and that they see one another on the second Saturday of each month to catch up. They had  agreed to keep their friendship private as they were from completely different social backgrounds. They seemed close, much to your dismay as you were an introvert with few friends and weren’t the best at socializing. Great, nine glorious hours of being left out.

You actually followed Vernon’s instructions and managed to finish your essay within the first 45 minutes. You didn’t have anything better to do. The next four hours comprised of you doodling on your notebook and were seemingly peaceful except for Bender’s occasional taunting. Boredom took a hold of you eventually as even your thoughts couldn’t keep you entertained. The group was sprawled out on the floor, passing around a blunt as they cracked up about anything and everything. Yep, they were high as a kite. 

You were having a whole, blown-out debate in your head whether you should join them. Your logic kicked in. Y/n, are you insane? A single drag can lead you to addiction and you’ll never get into a good college and no one will hire you because of your messed up state of mind and no one’s ever gonna love you because drugs will be your number one priority. It’ll tear your life apart-

“Hey, can I have a go?” Fuck it. All five of them whipped their heads to look at you, faces painted with astonishment.  “Well, well, well. She speaks!” The criminal mocked with a shit-eating grin, kneeling and looking to the heavens as if he just witnessed a miracle. “I’m anti-social, not mute, you fucking moron,” you retorted. The rest of them snickered. “You’re cool,” Allison nodded in approval, passing you the blunt. You stared at the rolled up weed in between your fingertips. As you inhaled the foreign material, you cough a couple of times before you feel the drugs slowly take effect, you squint as the world seems to blurrily spin around you. The next thing you know you’re laughing uncontrollably. 

“Alright, if you could have a super power, what would it be?” Brian asked while kneading through his eyebrows, making sure they were still there (the weed toyed with his sense of touch.) The group of high teenagers were all over the library. Andrew was running around the room with Allison on his back, his arms outstretched while he made airplane noises to make her laugh. Bender let out a giggly “Ouch! You’re tugging too hard, babe!” as Claire braided his hair behind a bookshelf. The four were paired up, consumed in teen romance. Brian huffed after looking around, realizing that their attention wasn’t focused on him and his weird questions. He closed his eyes momentarily, basking in the peaceful state of mind that the drugs caused him to be in.

“I’d probably shapeshift.” The nerd squinted at you, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. “What?” You waved your hand in a “move over” kind of motion and he obeyed, scooting a little to make room for you. You laid down beside him, staring at the ceiling. “You asked about super powers, didn’t you?”

You heard him. You, the pretty girl who sat in front of him at History; you, who pushed him out of the way as not to get hit by a dodgeball during P.E; you, who occasionally engaged small talk in class; you, who he had admired for the longest time, were paying attention to him. 

He masked his growing smile with a sly, “Oh yeah, I did ask that. I didn’t know Marijuana gave me short-term memory loss,” he laughed quietly. “I wanna have super strength, by the way,” he said as an answer to his own question. “Lame.”

You both then proceeded to talk for what seemed to be hours on end (except for when one of you had to use the restroom.) You spoke about everything and nothing at the same time; your conversations simultaneously switching from serious discussions to little things that made zero sense. From childhood traumas to favorite nursery rhymes, crying about the pressure of having strict parents to cackling about who could sing the national anthem in a higher pitch. You weren’t sure where all of these stories and ranting and weird ass humor were coming from, nor were you sure if you’d remember any of the things you’ve rambled on about by the time the drugs wore off. But after listening to this random nerd from History class, you were sure of one thing:

He’s really pretty. 

You took subtle glimpses of him so he wouldn’t catch you staring. You took mental notes of how his eyes seemed to smile while he’d let out a hearty chuckle, how he’d pick at his fingernails when he was nervous, how his voice cracked every now and then, or how he’d do anything and you’d be utterly bewildered. 

And he’s beyond intelligent. From what you’ve observed based on hours of chatting, he’d think for a moment, most probably choosing the best words to use, then rant to you as if delivering a whole speech, complete with an introduction, body, and conclusion. “His mind is pretty, too,” you thought. 

“Woah, you okay? Your pupils are huge.” You shook your head lightly, getting your head out of the clouds. “Well, that’s what happens when you space out while you’re extremely high,” you nagged playfully. “I don’t think it’s just the Marijuana, Y/n,” Brian stated as-a-matter-of-factly. You squinted at the nerd as you challenged, “Oh yeah? Then what is it?” 

His fucked up mental state gave him a surge of confidence as he cleared his throat and explained, “Well, scientifically speaking, there are these ‘love hormones,’” he drew air quotes with his fingers, “called Dopamine and Oxytocin that affect the size of our pupils. These chemicals usually get boosted in your brain when you’re romantically attracted to someone-”

“Wait, wait, wait- so, you’re saying I’m attracted to you?” You sat up, scoffing incredulously. He stopped mid-tutoring to turn his head toward you, you doing the same. He sheepishly grinned, “I don’t know, maybe? I mean- I hope I’m right because I like you a whole lot.” 

You sat up abruptly, causing Brian to be startled. “What? You’re joking, aren’t you? I swear to God, Johnson-” His stomach churned unpleasantly at your reaction, you looked disgusted. He was sitting up now, cheeks aflame with embarrassment as he began to stutter out strings of apologies and explanations.

“I-I’m so sorry! It’s just that y-you’re so pretty a-and you’re really kind and-and I couldn’t help but-but like you! I’ve l-liked you ever since the m-moment you first introduced you-yourself to class last year. Shit, this is so humiliating!” He buried his face in his hands. “I’m so stupid for thinking you’d like me back,” his timid voice was muffled by his palms, making it even harder to understand, but you did.

The next thing you knew, you were moving his hands away from his face, placing a small peck on his pink lips. It was delicate and quick enough to miss. However, he didn’t miss the way his stomach erupted in butterflies; or how your lips were soft against his. He wouldn’t miss it for the world. His eyes, previously squeezed shut, went wide after the little display of affection.

You laughed lightly. “What’s so funny?” He questioned with the goofiest grin on his face, still in a small state of shock and euphoria.

“Your pupils are so blown out, dork. Like they’re absolutely massive!” You said in between giggles. His hands found their way to your cheeks and now it was his turn to kiss you, longer this time. It was sweet and full of admiration. He pulled away to speak.

“Maybe it’s because I like you so much.”

[un-beel-lievable]

I saw you were taking requests! Could I request mammon confessing and some emotional intimate nsfw if you want to do that?? Thatd be cool :)) thank you

So I kinda took this and ran with it. I love this concept of Mammon being horny but sweet at the same time. It kinda went from a scenario ask to a fanfic which is why this took so long! Plus I’m working on a whole bunch of stories at once and also I’m a perfectionist by nature and thus I’m usually never 100% confident in my work and I spend so much time doing rewrites. I apologize for the delay, I just wanted it to be perfect. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy!

Fuck.

Fuck.

Mammon glanced up at the clock. He began to grow more and more restless in his seat. He fidgeted with his pen in his sweaty palms as his last class of the day drew nearer and nearer to an end.

‘Only 8 minutes left,’ he thought to himself. ‘8 more agonizing minutes. You can do this Mammon. It’s just four minutes two times! It’s just two minutes four times!’

Of course this would be the one period he doesn’t have with you. And clearly you knew that. But you said what you said anyway, letting him stew in his overactive thoughts until the final bell at the end of the day. 

“Mammon...hypothetically speaking, what would you think if I told you I had a crush on you? And like, I wanted to start dating you...hypothetically? Cause I mean like, if you think about it that doesn’t seem like that bad of an idea. We have a lot of fun together and get along really well. If you and I were dating I- oh! That’s the bell! We can talk about it after school, okay?”

And that was it. You scampered off to class, leaving Mammon standing in the middle of the hallway, a sputtering mess in a sea of students shoving past him.

What was he supposed to make of all this? Was it really hypothetical after all or were you serious? You must have been if you asked what he thought about it. Did you ACTUALLY like him back? 

It was no secret that Mammon was absolutely in love with you. He was so obvious. Saying he thought you were just some dumb human, but ravenous for the slightest bit of attention you showed him. He would often become frustrated at himself for not being able to admit his own feelings.

“Mammon you’re completely ridiculous,” he remembered hearing Satan say. “That’s something seven-year-olds do. It’s playground romance. Tell them they have cooties, but miss them as soon as they’re gone.”

That’s not true...he never said you had cooties. But he DID miss you when you were gone. Hell, he missed you right now and you’re down the hall! He wanted to confess to you, and there were a few times when he almost did! But the timing was just never right. He was always being interrupted by someone or something and then the moment was gone as soon as it came. Who knew when he’d get another chance? Unless he just went for it. Should he do it today after school? What would he say? What would YOU say? How could he play it cool?

“Roflolol Mammon’s tsundere attitude is just proving that he’s soooo desperate. I’m embarrassed FOR him lololol.” Levi’s voice rang. He became more and more frustrated with each ill-timed memory that popped into his head.

‘Screw that little otaku creep.’ He thought. ‘What does he know? Kid hasn’t gotten laid in centuries! The GREAT MAMMON is NOT desperate.’

Except he was. 

He WAS desperate. The more he thought about dating you the more he saw himself playing with your hair, and taking you on cute dates, and holding you by the waist, and kissing you softly, and unbuttonin-

“Mammon?” Solomon asked, snapping in front of Mammon’s face, bringing him back to reality.

“Whattaya want Solomon? Can’t you see I’m busy thinking?”

“Oh, so you ARE capable of thought!” He said with a wry smile.

“Dick…” Mammon muttered under his breath.

“Well, I just saw you staring into space and I figured I should let you know that the bell rang like almost two minutes ago.”

“WHAT?!” Mammon bolted out the door and down the hall. 

“You’re welcome!” He called after him. Solomon looked at the pen he lent Mammon (of course he was unprepared) left abandoned on the desk.

“School supplies. The one thing he DOESN’T steal.” He chuckled with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh, there you are!” You said smiling as an out-of-breath Mammon caught up to you walking back home from school.

“Jeez would it kill ya to wait for a guy?” He panted. 

“Sorry,” you giggled, “I waited for a bit but I thought you weren’t coming. I thought what I said before scared you off…”

“Pft! ME? Scared? I- uh...” However, it dawned on him that now you were with him again… alone. And now was the time! He was finally gonna confess his feelings! 

‘Just do it now Mammon,’ he thought. ‘Get it over with you pussy! Rip the bandaid of love off!’ 

But how the hell can he say it? He hadn’t gotten to that yet in his daydream… he kinda just skipped to the part where you guys like...touch butts and stuff? Solomon snapped him out of it before he could come up with something super suave and clever to say to you instead of stuttering like an idiot.

But here he was.

Stuttering like an idiot.

“Uh, I… uh.”

“Relax, I was just joking! It’s kinda cute that you're nervous though.” You admitted with a little sway in your step, fiddling with your backpack straps as they dangled tantalizingly by your hands.

“Yeah well-” 

Wait...CUTE? YOU THOUGHT HE WAS CUTE? Damn it, now he’s blushing. Oh god could you see? Of course you could see! He looks like a baboon’s ass! 

‘SAY SOMETHING YOU MORON!’

“At least now you have company in cute-ville. Ha hah, Cute-ville, population: us.”

Fuckin SMOOTH.

Did he have to add the finger guns at the end? He mentally kicked himself for saying the dumbest thing possible. And shortly following his self-loathing came the state of panic he found himself in as you began to laugh. Were you laughing with him? Or at him? 

Shit.

“Oh so you think I’m cute too then? Thank you.” You said, a teasing edge to your words.

Mammon hadn’t meant to call you cute. Well...he HAD but not by saying you lived with him in cute-ville, whatever the fuck THAT meant. He stared down at his feet kicking the dirt around. His mind raced as he tried to think of something to say to reverse the damage he had done already but he came up blank. And then the worst thing that could have possibly happened at that moment, happened.

It got silent.

You said nothing. He said nothing. For like, thirty whole seconds. Why weren’t you saying anything? Did he screw it up? He turned to see if he could get your attention by saying something, ANYTHING, only to find you already looking at him with wide, sparkling eyes. He audibly choked on his breath. You let a small giggle out at his strained sound.

‘Mammon you fucking nerd.’ 

His eyes returned to the road in front of him as you both came up on The House of Lamentation. 

With all the courage he could muster, and all the pride he could swallow, he stopped as soon as the two of you reached the door.

‘It’s now or never.’ He thought. 

You could see that Mammon was visibly tense and blushing a deep crimson. You knew what was coming, you had set it up so perfectly for him. You knew exactly what you were doing when you brought up him hypothetically dating you. You planted the seed of confessing to you in his head right before your last class, knowing you wouldn’t be together. That way he could sit there and think about it without you there. All you had to do was give him that last little nudge.

“Mammon? Are you okay? You know you can tell me anything, right?” You said with fake concern, knowing precisely why he was so uncomfortable. 

“MC… listen up will ya?” He said, voice shaking. “I gotta tell ya something…” he trailed off. You hung on his every word. “MC, I’m only gonna say this once, got it? So ya better be payin’ attention. I...I love you, okay? I love ya, I’m crazy about ya. I can’t stop thinkin’ about ya and it’s drivin’ me nuts! And when you started talking about dating me, I almost lost it right in the hallway. That’s all I’ve wanted, since I met ya. I’m greedy, ya know? I want you to be mine and ONLY mine...”

Woah.

You weren’t expecting THAT. Sure maybe an ‘I like you’ or an ‘I really like you’ or even the coveted ‘I really REALLY like you’. But for him to fully confess his undying affections to you, right here on the doorstep? 

Unprecedented. It shook you, if you were being honest. Of course you loved this moron back but this situation had escalated from 0-60 in 2.2 heartbeats and now it was your turn to be a blushing, speechless, mess. 

“M-Mammon… I…”

This was it. He was about to be humiliated even more wasn’t he? This was the part where you say that you were only joking about dating him and how you never want to speak to him again because he creeped you out. Mammon wanted the ground to swallow him up right there. Why did he just spill his guts out like that? It was diarrhea of the mouth. Absolute word vomit. He couldn’t stop himself! But at the same time he wanted to keep going. To let you know how beautiful he thinks you are, how much he adores you, how he wants to take a bath together and wash your body for you, how he wants to smell the lovely scent of your hair in his face after a night spent in each other’s embrace, or how you’re the only thing that matters more than money and Goldie, how he wants to be a better person for you so you could be proud to call him your boyfriend. But he had to clamp his lips shut before he admitted to more than just wanting a cuddle with you...

“Mammon... I love you too…” You croaked out softly.

Mammon could hear the pounding of his heart in his ears. What? Did he hear that right? You loved him back? Was this a prank? Was it a dream? 

“And… I’d like nothing more than to be yours.” You added. 

Mammon’s heart soared and there was no way to hide the big goofy grin or the tinge of red on his face. He moved instinctively and pulled you toward him, squeezing you against his body.

Your synapses momentarily pulled a cease-fire at his sudden action but after regaining the ability to think for yourself, you quickly returned his affection and wrapped your arms around his waist. You nuzzled into his chest, breathing in his natural scent mixed with his high-end cologne. 

“O-of course you do! Who wouldn’t want The Great Mammon to be their boyfriend? Y-you should be honored.” He said into the crown of your head with a soft fondness and a hint of relief. 

You tilted your head up to capture his lips in a soft, yet needy kiss. Taken slightly aback at your brash actions, he leaned into the kiss, snaking one of his hands up behind your head to steady you and the other down to the curve of your hips to draw you even closer. Now that you had admitted your feelings to him, he had received a boost of confidence. Hearing you say you loved him was an ego stroke and we all know what happens when his ego is stroked...

You gasped at his touch and let out a sigh as he slipped his tongue inside your mouth, letting him take over without much of a fight. He licked into your mouth and gently tugged on your bottom lip to elicit tiny squeaks from you. Months of pent-up sexual tension and frustration between the two of you finally coming to a head. Gazes from across the room, touches that lingered just a moment too long, flirty words and claims of being your first man all lead to this at last. 

Somehow in that moment you had enough consciousness to realize that the two of you still stood outside the door of the house where anyone could see the show you were putting on.

“Mammon...why don’t we take this back to my room?” The question came out far more seductively than you intended but you were breathless from the kiss and your voice presented itself as more of a moan. Mammon shuddered slightly at the way you spoke and couldn’t help but think of the sexual implications behind the innocuous question.

“Babygirl,” he spoke, with a warning tone. “Ya shouldn’t start something you can’t finish…”

Your eyes intuitively dropped just below his belt to get an eyeful of Mammon’s prominent “concern”. The cocky air in your response was unmissable.

“Who said I wasn’t gonna finish it?” 

And that’s how you ended up on your bed in only your underwear, underneath Mammon who was kissing and nibbling at the sweet spot on your neck. You intertwined your fingers through his, your other hand free to travel the vast expanse of his exposed torso. Your skin flushed deeper with each nip he gave to your collarbones.

“Ah~!” Your small hiccupy moans and breathless whines filled what little space was left between you. Mammon sat up and pulled you up to him so he could unlatch your bra, throwing it to the side. He kissed in between your breasts as his hands came up to massage them. He wrapped his lips around one nipple and started suckling while rolling the other one tenderly between his thumb and forefinger. He continued kissing down your stomach until he reached the hem of your panties. He glanced up into your eyes asking for silent permission to take them off. You nodded rather curtly, signaling your wish for him to continue. He hooked his fingers in the sides of your panties and you lifted your hips up ever so slightly so he could slide them off of you. His eyes trailed every inch of your fully naked form.

“You’re so fuckin’ beautiful.” Mammon said between kisses at your hip bones. “I can’t believe I have you here like this, all to myself.” 

“Mammon, please…” You nearly whispered.

“Please what, doll?” He asked coyly.

��Touch me, kiss me, eat me out, fuck me, anything! I need to feel you…” You admitted, shying away from the hunger in his eyes.

“You got it babe.” Mammon spread your legs open and placed a kiss right to your core followed by a few strained licks to your sensitive clit. You gasped at the sensation and your hands flew down into his soft, fluffy hair. You unconsciously pushed his head down, forcing him to lick into you deeper. He groaned softly at your taste on his tongue which only caused him to become more ravenous. He was eating your pussy with fervor now, softly nipping at your clit and drawing circles with his tongue. 

“Ah, fuck!” You cursed out, feeling yourself beginning to let go. At this compliment, he sped up the pace of his ministrations. You noticed how he wrapped his arms around your thighs, drawing you closer so he could fuck you deeper with his skilled tongue. Your praise sparked something primal in him and you wanted to push him a little further.

“Fuck, you’re eating me out so well Mammon! I feel like I’m gonna cum!” You praised. 

At this point Mammon was practically GROWLING into your cunt, eating you out like a man depraved, slurping and sucking and licking.

“Yeah? Then cum for me baby. Hump my face if ya have to. Cum on my tongue. Your pussy is fuckin’ delicious, let me taste how sweet your cum is.” He said between licks and kisses, nibbling gently at your labia. 

You felt the tell-tale pit feeling in your abdomen tightening as he spoke his obscenities. All it took to get you over the edge was Mammon shoving two of his fingers into you and pumping them in and out in time with the flicks of his tongue and you were gone. Your eyes fluttered as you came with a loud sigh. Mammon gave you a couple of pumps while you rode out your orgasm, careful of not overstimulating your pulsing clit.

He barely let you get a few good breaths in before crashing his lips into your own. You could taste yourself on him, not that you minded, really. Something so lewd only helped in refueling your arousal. 

“Fuck baby, that was amazing.” You moaned into his mouth, as he continued kissing you through your words.

“Yeah? Well I couldn’t have stopped even if I wanted to. Ya taste real fuckin’ good.” He said as he climbed off the bed to take his pants off. He was about to unbuckle his belt when you stopped him. 

“Wait…”

“Somethin’ wrong, babe?” He asked with a look of concern. Now he was starting to panic again. Did you not want him to fuck you? 

“Allow me.” You said, quelling his fears as you sauntered over. You stood in front of him and he placed his forehead against yours as you began to work on his belt, the clanging sound and your combined heavy breathing the only noise in the room. You then undid the button of his jeans and slid them down to his ankles, while dropping to your knees. His erection was trapped still behind his boxers. You grabbed his clothed member and Mammon squeaked at the solid grip you now held. You gazed lazily up to his glassy, hooded eyes and began to mouth over his cock gently, leaving wet patches on his boxers wherever your sinful tongue lay. He inhaled sharply, head already reeling from that hot, wet, little mouth of yours. You had your fill of teasing and finally freed him from his boxers, feeling the weight of his rather large cock in your hands. You gripped him with one hand around the base the other on the shaft, the soft skin juxtaposed by it’s hardness. You kissed the tip lightly and lapped at it with kittenish licks. Mammon suddenly grabbed your hair and pulled you off. You looked at him with confusion.

“Sorry babe, as much as I’d love to fuck that pretty mouth a’ yours, I just can’t wait any longer. I wanna fuck that pretty pussy of yours instead.” He walked back towards the edge of the bed and sat with his legs spread, palming and slowly stroking his stiff cock as he took in the sight of you. 

“C’mere hun, why don’t ya have a seat?” A chill ran through you and straight to your exposed nipples, stiffening the little buds and this did not go unnoticed by Mammon. “So turned on you can’t even answer babygirl?”

All you could get out was a dry little  “Mhm~” Mammon chuckled at how cute you were.

You straddled him as you lowered yourself onto his throbbing cock feeling every inch pushing deeper inside your quivering little hole, feeling the delectable stretch as he entered.

“Fuck,” Mammon cursed, “you’re so tight…” You let out a small huff as the back of your thighs met the top of his and he fully seated himself inside you. Now with you connected, he laid on his back, leaving his hips off the edge, giving him enough leverage to begin slowly thrusting into you.

“Ohhh fuck.” You cursed out in bliss. His hands gripped your waist as he rocked into you creating a steady rhythm.

“Fuck, you’re so big Mammon.” Upon hearing this compliment he began to push into your tight, wet heat faster, making your tits bounce with each thrust. He wasn’t sure how long he was going to be able to keep this up, not only because of the challenging position, but because he felt like he could burst with every passing second. 

“How ‘bout we try another position, hm? Whattaya say babe? Missionary? Kinda boring, I know, but-” He paused. His expression shifted slightly. Gone was the lust from before as he looked into your eyes and in its place was something more endearing.

“But what?” You inquired. 

“I-I want to look into your eyes when you cum… I want to see how beautiful you look when I make you cum...I wanna see that look of ecstasy on your face...all cause a’ me...” He began to blush which seemed odd to you because he was literally fucking you seconds ago and yet still had the ability to be embarrassed while telling you something sweet. 

‘He’s too adorable.’ You thought as you laid your head on the pillows. Mammon followed suit, climbing on top of you and kissing you tenderly. He guided himself to your entrance while gripping your hips. Once fully sheathed in you he leaned down for another kiss. 

This kiss was different from the last few. It was certainly passionate, but it was almost desperate. He didn’t just want you, he NEEDED you. 

He loved you.

You grasped for his hand amid his thrusts interlacing your fingers and he squeezed your palm earnestly. No words had to be spoken for you to both understand this intimate declaration of devotion.

Mammon began to pound into you harder, the sound of your lovemaking most likely audible from down the hall. Wanton moans and pants and skin slapping echoing through the room.

“Fuck you feel so good Mammon! Fuck, I love you! Ah~! I’m-I’m cumming!” You cried. Your walls clenched and pulsed around his cock with the intense wave of your orgasm.  Mammon looked directly into your eyes with such adoration as you came, you could almost cry. 

“Babe… fuck...I’m g-gonna cum-”

“Come inside me Mammon, I want to feel your love inside me.” You said not breaking away from your eye contact with his blue orbs, hazy from sex. He screwed his eyes shut with a shout of your name as he came into you, resting his head on your as his hips stuttered into you, releasing his load. You kissed the back of the hand you were holding as he came down from his high, slipping out of you and plopping down next to you. The two of you laid in silence, regaining your composure. You curled up into Mammon’s side, resting your head in the dip of his shoulder.

“I love ya so much MC...and I’m so happy I could die.” He said with a laugh and a sigh, wrapping his arms around his girl.

“I know Mammon...I love you too.”

He tilted your chin up to kiss you once more before drifting off into sleep. He awoke the next morning with the sweet smell of your hair tickling his nose, just like he always imagined it would after a night spent in each other’s embrace.

[nagisasstunningpersonality]

The Things About Ass Class That I Don’t Like

The handling of cross dressing/feminisation 

(this turned a lot longer than I intended actually so I guess I’ll post this on its own for now - there’s a TLDR at the end) 

Starting with the most controversial one. Actually, I don’t have the biggest issue with cross dressing itself being in the series. Given the context of Ass Class being the kind of semi serious comedic series it is, and also just... social/trope context. It’s not entirely out of place. But it’s not really my place to state whether cross dressing jokes are okay or not as it is - make no mistake, I’m not trying to argue those kind of jokes are okay in the first place, but it vaguely doesn’t seem out of place to me in this kind of anime. 

Two issues. 

1) It’s not just a three second gag every now and then. I don’t think it would be as much of an issue in the fandom if, say, the extent of the jokes were the same as that time Korosensei painted Karma’s nails/put him in a heart apron. It’s not as severe, but those are still a form of feminisation. The Nagisa jokes are very drawn out, important parts of episodes in cases. 

See the difference between Nagisa exclaiming “you thought I was a girl?!” in the water, vs the entire island arc scene? It would have been a little more okay if the comedy had just stuck to light fun poking. 

2) It was evidently decided that cross dressing wasn’t just going to be a joke. Hear me out here, but this actually could have been a great thing. Japanese society as a whole is very uh... by the rules, so Matsui kind of lightly speaking out about, most obviously, the flaws of the education system has always impressed me. Him maybe trying to say crossdressing jokes aren’t the best? Considering what Ass Class is? 

What we could have had was an exploration, and a real kind of social statement that ‘hey this trope is kind of bad, actually. You don’t know who it might upset’. And we semi got it? I honestly think the intent - if that was Matsui’s intent is really great. Showing that an innocent joke can really have an affect on a person as they might have a crazy home life nobody knows about. 

Ass Class, I’ll put it bluntly, is too short. That’s my explanation for most of these points, actually. Too much was attempted in too little time. Not to mention that Hiromi is kind of cartoonishly evil at points (i.e. knocking out her son and almost burning down the building???), where making her clearly mentally unstable kind of takes away from her abuse, as I see it. 

In making Nagisa’s appearance forced, there was a chance for real character depth and commentary. We got it in a way that... yeah, it’s definitely there, but it’s not expanded enough on and kind of pushed aside whenever it’s convenient. He never completely committed to it. 

Notably I think the scene most people have an issue with is Nakamura’s apology. This could have been brilliant, an admission that it was wrong. However it was kind of cheapened by immediately dressing Nagisa in a skirt again and trying to sell him to Yuuji. As much as I love Yuuji, it’s very understandable why so many people don’t like that scene. Again, they couldn’t QUITE commit to an actual call out and that’s a shame. 

I do think though we also have to remember that this is literally a shounen jump comedy manga with an octopus teacher. It has a lot of heart snuck into it, but it’s not going to be the same as some great socio-political piece of literature. 

I also think that it’s not necessarily right to assume that Nagisa didn’t mean it when he said he was okay with Nakamura and Karma doing it. Actually, looking at the DIRECT Japanese, it’s actually a little different to what the official translation says? Looking at the manga, which is the most direct form of Matsui’s words. It’s also WAY less of a scene there, literally just a couple of panels thrown in. 

Nagisa specifically says “全然！中村さんやカルマ君にいじられる分には” - in case someone else wants to cross check it. The official English translation is “Not at all! I don’t mind being teased by you and Karma!” And it’s not exactly wrong, to the extent I wouldn’t bother re-translating it. However! A big thing that’s missed out though is the や (ya). It’s basically being translated as “and” here, but it doesn’t mean that in a binary sense. If you’re listing two objects in Japanese, you use ‘to’, ‘ya’ implies there’s other things. Therefore I think I slightly more accurate to meaning translation would have been “I don’t mind being teased by you, Karma, and the others”. It’s not clear who Nagisa actually means with ‘ya’, but I’d assume probably 3E as a group. His friends. I think he picks out Karma specifically since he does it the most beside Nakamura. So I don’t think they were being given specific special permission. 

I’m also not sure about claims that he’s just saying it out of pressure. I mean, if that’s your interpretation then I can’t stop you. But my personal opinion is that yeah, he doesn’t mind his friends teasing him really, but he doesn’t want them to go too far with it, or make him act like a girl outside of their setting. I’m not saying that makes teasing after the fact necessarily okay either, though I do think it’s noticeably toned down for sure. I also disagree with the argument that Karma’s this horrible abusive guy for making jokes here and there - doing a lot less than Nakamura in my opinion. I mean, Karma isn’t meant to be a super nice ikemen character, but I don’t think it goes as far as a lot of people think it foes. 

I don’t think the general fact that there’s a lot of fem nagisa art and fics in this fandom helps matters. But that’s not exactly a series issue. 

Regardless, though, it’s just a missed opportunity. And I think that if Matsui was set on putting it in, he should have gone all the way with it. It’s not like, necessary to the series in anyway. Hiromi could have been abusive enough without the whole gender thing. 

On the other hand, I do think it was handled a little better with Kataoka - and to a lesser extent Okuda. She’s meant to be boyish, and it’s a joke at times, but it’s never cruel and she’s not uncomfortable enough for so long that it massively effects the audience. She’s also very clearly struggling more with what it means to be a girl, rather than just physically being one. I do wish we’d have more of a resolution for this, though, since it would have been a very interesting and subtle point. 

I don’t think these kind of narrative messages should be right there on the surface, but they’re kind of so deep within ass class I’m never sure if it’s a reach or not. 

Anyway TLDR: Ass Class tried to pick off more than it could chew, and the intent of its messages with regards to this subject are kind of confusing.

[skylarmoon71]

Nick Amaro x Reader- Chapter 1

So, I had a really crazy idea. I love The Flash and Law and Order, so I decided why not do a crossover story with my two favorite television series. Please enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I don’t own either shows, all rights go to their respective owners.

“Rollins, Amaro, Fin, Carisi, come and meet our newest Detective. All the way from Central City.” Olivia was introducing you to her team. Ever since you’d put in the request at your precinct you were eager to join. The Special Victims Unit was your first choice. Joe asked multiple times if you were positive this was the career you wanted to pursue. 

He’d been a cop for ages, he knew this unit was a tough one. Having worked with them on a few cases and heard stories on others. You were adamant on coming here, and he had faith that you could be an asset, he just wanted you to make sure you knew what you were getting yourself into. 

It was endearing to say the least. You held out your hand, greeting all of the other members of your new team. “It’s nice to meet you, “I’m (Y/N), (L/N). I’m really looking forward to working with all of you.” You shook their hands one by one. When you got to the man with dark hair you blushed a little. He had a sturdy grip, and a very kind smile. 

“Nick Amaro. So Central City huh, where is that in Ohio?”

“Missouri. “you corrected with a smile. 

“What made you come to Special Victims? Liv said you were on the homicide task force.”

“Just a change in scenery I guess.” That was partially true. 

“Yeah, I heard a lot of crazy stuff happens there. A guy that can run faster than the speed of light. The press there really are eccentric.” Amanda pipped in You giggled. You were glad they thought it was a poor attempt to attract tourists. If you told them half the things you experienced, you were positive they wouldn’t believe you. It was partially the reason for your departure. You were tired of super powered villains, you needed a rest. Plus Cisco and Barry had more back up, Ralph and Killer Frost were a part of their superhero squad now, they could handle things without you. 

“Well, today just get settled in. We’ve been a man down since Mike moved to the terrorism task force. “ You nod, walking over to the desk Olivia was guiding you to. You smiled, dropping your bag on the table. “I’ll bring in my stuff tomorrow.” you stated. Olivia handed you your badge and gun and your smile widened. “Wow..” you took it gratefully. “Thank you Lieutenant, I’m so happy to be here, I’m going to do my best to make you proud. “ Olivia smiled at your excitement. 

“Let’s hope this job doesn’t take away that beautiful smile of yours. “ you looked down a bit bashful at her compliment. She gestured to someone. Carisi  walked over, dropping a hand on your shoulder. 

“Show (Y/N) The ropes. Carisi here will be your tour. I’ll figure out who to partner you up with tomorrow.” 

“That’s great. Thank you boss!” Olivia couldn’t help but find your enthusiasm adorable.

Sonny chuckled. “I remembered what it was like being the new kid. You’re gonna fit right in. Follow me.” you did, as he guided you around the precinct explaining the basics. 

You met a couple other officers, and even stopped by the District Attorney’s office. Carisi knocked on the door, and a deep come in echoed on the other side. He opened it and you were met with man. His eyes were directed on the files on his desk. They lifted when he saw who walked in. “Detective, do we have a case already, and here I thought I’d be having a quiet day in. “ 

Carisi laughed at the man’s statement. “This is our newest member Counselor, just giving her the rundown.” The man stood from his seat, running a hand down his tie as he did. “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Although I have to warn you this is no easy job. I’m Rafael Barba.”

You took his outstretched hand, introducing yourself. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Barba. I’m looking forward to working with you all.” He gave a small smirk. “Ah, I see. I guarantee you won’t be thinking that in a few months.” your brows furrowed. “Excuse me?” Carisi waved his hand. 

“Don’t mind him, let’s continue on.” Carisi ushered you out the door a little too quickly, not before sending a glare at Barba for trying to scare you off. “That guy, I wonder if he realizes we actually want you to work for us.” 

“It’s okay, I appreciate him trying to warn me. If I’m being honest my old captain was a bit hesitant on letting me go. But I really think I can make a difference here.”

“Liv told me. From the recommendation you sent it seems you’re a good worker. Your record was impressive. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you leave? I’m no expert but people don’t just uproot themselves because they’re tired of the shrubs.” 

Ah, you were expecting this. Now you needed a good cover. You didn’t want your fresh start to be based on lies, but how were you going to explain to them what you could do without them throwing you into a mental facility, or worse yet the government finding out about said abilities. Neither choice was desirable in your case. So, you decided to give him a half truth. The half you had an easier time disclosing, even if it was personal. 

“The truth is Carisi, I was adopted.” He looked a bit guilty, like he crossed some line. For a few seconds he didn’t say anything, then he finally found words. “Sorry, I didn’t know. It’s fine if you don’t want to talk about it.” you shook your head with a smile. “You don’t have to apologize, it’s in my file. You would find out sooner or later.” Your reaction to the conversation made him relax a bit. 

“Truth is I have no idea who my birth parents are, but I do have people I consider family back home. My old captain, he was the father I always wanted. He looked out for me, taught me everything I know. I just wanted a chance to use what he taught me to become someone he could be proud of.”  

Carisi smiled. “I’m sure he'd be proud of the person you are now, and will become in the future.” you returned his warm look. “Thank you Sonny.” he seemed happy at the way you addressed him, and for the rest of the day Carisi and you moved through the department easily. When the day was finally over you gave a sigh. 

You were packing up, watching as the other members slowly but surely made their exit. 

“See you tomorrow newbie.” Fin called. You waved. “You too!” you answered. Fin smiled at your response. You were a bit younger than the rest of them, which explained why you had a constant smile on your face. When you secured all your belongings you moved to Olivia’s office. 

You stepped through the open door.” I’m turning in boss, I’ll be here bright and early tomorrow, ready to start.” you assured. She removed her glasses. 

“Alright, make sure and get some rest. These cases often take a lot. “ You nod, bidding her goodbye. You walked through the halls to the elevator, stepping in. When you got in you noticed there was someone already in there. The detective pushed a button, stepping closer to you. 

“Mr. Amaro.” you acknowledged. He chuckled at the way you addressed him. “Please, just call me Nick. I’m not that old yet.” you flushed. 

“Y-Yes of course. Sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry about it. I get it. It’s your first day so you’re trying to find some level ground with everyone. We’ve all been there. It’ll get easier, just give it time. Fin and Carisi already seem to like you. Amanda thinks you’re a secret badass under all the smiles. And Liv looks at you like a puppy she needs to protect. “ you giggled at his evaluations. “I’m glad they like me. Carisi is very interesting. He invited me for dinner, says he’s a great cook. “ 

“The guy is something else, already hitting on you.” you shook your head. 

“I don’t think that was it. My radar is usually spot on. I think he’s just glad he’s no longer the new guy.” you informed. Nick snickered at the statement and the elevator dinged, you stepped out, Nick walking at your side. 

“So how are you liking New York so far, everything you expected?” Nick opened the door for you and as soon as you stepped out the chill hit you. 

“It’s as cold as I heard, that’s for sure.” You clenched your coat closer to your body, shoving your hands in your pockets. 

“Trust me, it only gets worse from here.” You could see the mist coming from his breath, despite that he didn’t seem affected by the temperature. 

“Thanks for the heads up.” you joked. You were walking down the streets of New York, talking back and forth with Nick. He was surprisingly easy to talk to. And he seemed to be weighing on what to ask. You could sense there was a question he was itching to ask, maybe the same one Carisi did earlier that day. He didn’t though. You stopped walking when you got to the end of a street, waiting for the sign to change. Just as the light did a scream was heard. Your head whipped behind and so did Nick’s.

“My bag!!” a woman screamed. There was a man running through the crowd, coming in your direction. He was shoving everyone in his path. You went into cop mode almost immediately. You weren’t sure how he knew, but he must have sensed you and Nick were cops. When his eyes connected with Nick, he turned in the opposite direction. “NYPD!!” Nick yelled, taking off after the mugger. You weren’t very far behind him. You knew at his distance Nick wouldn’t catch up in time, even at the speed he was moving. You bit on your lip.

“Guess I have no choice.” your eyes glowed for a brief moment, and you focused in the mugger’s direction. All at once he went tumbling to the floor. People scrambled away from him and Nick grabbed him before he could take offa again.

He pulled him off the ground, forcing his hands behind his back. In seconds the guy was in cuffs, the purse he grabbed now laying on the ground. When you finally got to them you picked up the bag, smiling at Nick. 

“That was exhilarating for my first day on the job.” Nick smiled, turning back to the thief. He groaned when shoved him forward. “You have the right to remain silent.”

You were definitely going to like it here. 

[dropintomanga]

Being Both Chinese and Otaku

I’m sure many of you may know this, but I’m a 1st generation Chinese-American. My first exposure to anime was back in the early 1990s’ through Cantonese-dubbed episodes of Dragon Ball Z. It’s been quite a ride since then. However, because I’m 1st-generation Chinese-American, my parents are both 1950s’-born immigrants from Guangzhou, China. They knew people and relatives that went through a period of time in China (the 2nd Sino-Japanese War) when the Japanese invaded the country. Even decades later, tensions between China and Japan still exist and Chinese otaku are caught in the middle of this.

I caught this 2019 Foreign Policy article “Super Patriotic Anime Youth Wars!” on one of my feed readers recently. It talked about how the Chinese government is worried about the influence of Japanese pop culture on many Chinese youth. They believe that foreign media in general will cause dissension. China has gone on to start their anime/manga stuff in order to gain some kind of control over Chinese otaku youth. Bilibili, a Chinese anime streaming service that has gotten a lot of attention over the past few years, was formed to help promote the Chinese government’s views.

I began to think about my own otaku journey and how someone else similar to me living in America feels.

Years ago, I wrote an article for an anime site about being a Chinese otaku. I forgot what I entirely wrote (link is now dead), but I remember I talked about a story that my mother once told me. It was about one of my aunts who literally ran away from Japanese soldiers during the 2nd Sino-Japanese War. My mom said that when my aunt was a young child in the early 1940s’, she carried one of her friends and searching for a hiding place with their caretaker while Japanese soldiers were looking to capture them. The soldiers yelled all kinds of profanities similar to how some anime characters say them. My aunt is still around, but has never talked about those experiences to me and I have never once talked to her about my love of Japanese pop culture.

Back in the mid-2000s’ when the anime boom was happening, my dad once said to me that he thinks anime may corrupt Chinese youth and that we wouldn’t understand the horrible things they did to China. After reading that Foreign Policy article on China/Japan tensions affecting otaku, I see that a good amount of Chinese folks, who grew up in China pre-1990, have utter dislike over otaku culture. The 2D world is full of imaginative ideas that aren’t easily controlled. What’s funny is that my parents didn’t mind me getting involved with all things Japanese. They knew it was what kept my mind occupied from depression. They knew I would probably hate them for taking Japanese pop culture away from me.

It’s hard enough being an otaku. But it’s harder when you’re an otaku and also have to deal with cultural tensions between two countries (one of which represents your nationality) that don’t like each other very much. I know China is a lot more receptive towards anime and manga compared to the United States, but the government will try to censor/ban anything with messages that sound overly rebellious against authority figures (i.e. Attack on Titan is the biggest example). It’s also very hard to businesses to ignore China because of its super-large population and the money potential.

I see a lot of Chinese youth in my area watching anime and reading manga on the train. I see them hanging around in places like Kinokuniya. That’s not going to change. I do feel that we all have our mental blind spots. I want the older Chinese generations to understand that some aspects of modern Japanese culture aren’t guilty of association for past war crimes and I want my generation and future Chinese generations to realize that Japan isn’t always some kind of great 2D holy land. It’s so easy to get caught up in the passions of whatever it is you love or hate. Follow your heart and gut is not always good advice when it comes to nuanced situations that involve complicated relationships. That thinking becomes a bit too biased for its own good.

As someone who’s been told “It’s all in the past. Get over it.”, I kind of relate to the pain that the older Chinese adults feel when they get ignored. They can’t keep up with how fast the present and future can go. My parents went through a lot to get to America. We can’t ignore the past. There’s too many untold stories that need to be told for a better future. Plus there has to be better acceptance of how random the future is. We may have a future where Japanese pop culture isn’t popular in China anymore due to politics. We may not as well. Trying to place so much control on things you can’t control leaves someone prone to endless frustration. I would love an emphasis on focusing on what someone can do now in the present moment.

I think sometimes we’re not taught to have these kinds of conversations because they make us feel emotionally vulnerable. And that’s terrifying to a lot of people. We want to look strong because that’s how we’re supposed to get through life and its obstacles according to the powers in place.

However, I do worry about China (and quite frankly, Japan as well) that focus on manipulating otaku fandom. I know that Japan’s history is awful and their tendency to not apologize for past war crimes is unnerving. I feel that otaku are being portrayed as a “dumb” kind of geekdom that only cares about getting what they want. That makes us prone to outside manipulation by people (i.e. governments) who say they care, but they don’t. That makes us no different from someone who loves to shop for brand-name clothes/shoes/etc. It’s natural to be recognized by a greater majority of people though as we have been picked on for so long. Maybe we’re getting external validation from the wrong types of people out of some desperation.

As a Chinese-American today, I don’t like China very much even though I do enjoy and respect some aspects of their culture. I’ve been there a couple of times, but I don’t feel compelled to go back compared to Hong Kong. I also can’t imagine myself living in Japan despite my fascination with the culture. I’m not sure if the country’s the right place for me as someone living with mental illness. I do see that there’s a good number of Chinese fans that have managed to find their own truths on how to handle cultural tension.

In any case, don’t let significant and mainstream in-group interference on all sides cloud all of your decision-making. Sometimes, the best kind of advice to get is from someone who doesn’t know you personally or is a part of your inner circle, but can relate to your situation and feelings. We will always have doubts and they deserve some validation. 

I think the beautiful thing about otaku fandom being more widespread due to the internet is that it allows us to connect with diverse strangers of all kinds that are genuinely good to be around. For so long, we’re taught to avoid strangers growing up because they are either suspicious or not worth talking to. However, it’s those same strangers that can lead us to new paths and friendships outside of bubbles that can stagnate us. Those paths can help us make sense of our own past and current situations as well or at least come to terms with them.

I can tell you that a lot of Japanese series I followed have helped me go back  to analyze and confront troubling aspects about my life in a way that matters. Maybe that’s why I manage to deal with many tensions including the Chinese/otaku dynamic instead of being just a passive consumer like most fans. I partake in a kind of “personal nostalgia” that’s more about your own growth and willingness to take on the bad stuff compared to collective nostalgia, which leads to hardcore nationalism/tribalism. I want you all to do the same when possible.

Life is strange to begin with. Maybe just embracing that notion will allow us to appreciate the diversity of all that surrounds it.

Shout-outs to anyone who is a Chinese otaku and managing cultural tensions in their own way. It’s hard work and as long as you’re not intentionally hurting people, you’re doing alright.

[wallofweird]

Hi! Saw you were bored so I thought I’d stop by! What do you think the reactions of Kate,Toby, Beth, Miguel, Nicky, Rebecca, the girls and Randall are going to be? And with Rebecca’s Alzheimer’s would she need to be reminded every so often of Madison and the twins since her short term memory seems to be the most effect as we saw in the FF??

So, this is super long and I’m sorry, but I had a lot to say about all of the above, lol. By the way, thank you for the questions. :)

Their reaction regarding Madison’s pregnancy? I think they will be overall positive, Kate is the one who might be a little preoccupied at first since Kevin is her brother, Madison is her best friend and she is carrying her niblings. So she might worry a little, because if something goes wrong, it can affect four people who are part of her family. It may take a little for Kate to wrap her head around it, but I don’t believe she will condemn them for it. Kate knows how badly they wanted to have children and how they were losing faith in that happening, so even if it takes her a while to be 100% excited, she will get there and will probably help them navigate through the situation. I don’t know if Kevin and Madison will stay in LA or move to PA, but if they live in the same city, I guess she will help them deal with the pregnancy. They’re both new to this, so I can see Kate helping her with tricks to stop her morning sickness, being someone Madison can rely on and making sure Madison stays positive during all of it. I can see Madison being a little insecure about being able to go full-term with her pregnancy, and having a hard time due to her eating disorder and Kate will probably be there for her like Madison did when Kate was expecting Jack. However, I can see Kate stepping away a little bit when it comes to Madison’s relationship with Kevin, because the situation is tricky. It’s her best friend. It’s her brother. I don’t think Kate would like to talk about either of them behind their back, but if she sees something wrong in their behavior, I’m sure she will call them out personally. Like I said, it’s her family. It’s not just Kevin or Madison, it’s her niblings too. But mostly she will be quite supportive, because she knows how important this is for them. And Kate has matured so much after becoming a mother, she is the character that is on the best mental state right now, I can see her becoming someone people will run to like Kevin became this season. Specially when it comes to parenthood, because she is an amazing mom. And perhaps (hopefully) she (and maybe even Madison and Beth) will help bringing the brothers closer again. Like, the show hasn’t yet explored how Kate feels about Rebecca’s situation and her choice. Just Kevin and Randall. That might be intentional and she may serve as a mediator on season 5. 

Toby: I think he might be a little annoyed at first, nothing serious, though. He will probably joke about it, but again, I can’t see him having a negative reaction since he knows how it is to dream of having a child and almost losing all hope. I can see him making a lot of jokes about Kevin’s genes, how Kevin became a father in the most movie-like way possible and being disgusted at the possibility of the babies being conceived at his house and Kevin blushing and denying it right away, lol.

Rebecca: I assume Kevin will tell his mom before she moves to St. Louis and that her memory won’t have deteriorated so much yet. I can see her being shocked (I can see all of them being shocked at first, tbh), but supportive because she knows how Kevin wants to have a family and he will be amazing at it. However, I can see her being a little bit more rational about it, since she is older and she’s more in an observant position. She will probably ask Kevin how he and Madison will work things out, like the custody of the children, specially with him having to travel around because of his job as an actor and everything. I can see Kevin being so enthusiastic about becoming a parent and not even considering stuff like that, or even trying to avoid it because the thought of being with his children only 50% of the time or less is too frustrating. I’m not saying that will happen because we know he will propose to Madison (and hopefully they will get married), but at first I believe they will agree on being co-parents, trying to get to know one another and being friends. And Rebecca will be the most sensible one (at least before she leaves town).

Miguel: Miguel might be the one who will be the most excited when he hears the news. He always takes an interest in the lives of the Pearsons even if they don’t value it enough. I remember when Kate and Rebecca were disagreeing over the IVF situation, but he was being supportive. He may even help Kevin and Madison a little bit while he’s still in LA. Madison and Miguel had that moment at the hospital where he shared some wisdom with her. And one thing that is kind of frustrating on this show is how Kevin doesn’t have any friend outside of his family. Like, he had Cassidy for a while, but it looks like they don’t talk anymore. So I can see him going to Miguel for some advice about the situation, specially because Miguel got divorced from Shelly and since I believe K&M will agree on being co-parents for a certain period, he might help them with figuring this dynamic out.

Nicky: I can see Nicky saying something about Kevin complicating such a traditional human experience and becoming a father in the most unconventional and movie-like way too. Still, I believe he will be supportive and happy for Kevin. Nicky might look a little cold, but he’s a softie underneath. And he knows his nephew is a great caretaker and will be amazing with his own children. Kevin might annoy him a little bit talking non-stop about the babies and how they are already kicking and stuff and Nicky being like “I know how pregnancy works, Kevin”. I can’t remember if Nicky ended up becoming a doctor or not, but I know that was his dream job, so I can imagine Nicky needing to remind Kevin all the time that he already knows everything his nephew says about the development of the babies, because Kevin is just too excited he won’t shut up about every single little thing.

Randall, Beth and the girls: So we know that they still won’t be talking to each other on their birthday. I have no idea if one of them will try to apologize in this meantime or if they will just avoid one another for months. Kevin says they’re not speaking to each other, not just him or Randall, but both of them. I don’t know if he will keep in touch with his nieces and Beth or if all of them will have to take sides. I hope it doesn’t go that far. Kevin loves them so much and has such a special connection with Tess, I don’t want that to change because of their fight. I guess in a normal situation they would be happy, specially the girls. Randall and Beth would be a little more realistic and worried too because of the unconventional circumstances and Randall would may play a more sensible role the same I pictured Rebecca. Since they are not talking, I don’t know... Perhaps Kate will tell him and he soften up a little bit and consider apologizing to Kevin. I remember how happy and proud he was when his brother told him about wanting to have his own family. That could touch his heart a little bit. I don’t know. However, I’m sure they will solve their problems next season. I wish their birthday or the birth of the twins will bring them closer again. It would be heartbreaking to see them missing all those crucial moments of each other’s lives, specially when their mother is sick and they should be more united than ever.

Rebecca’s short term memory: So, I’ve seen Alzheimer’s by far, I’ve seen it in movies and read a little about it... I don’t really know how fast it can deteriorate and how bad it will be by the time of their birthday. We know it will be worse than it is right now because she gets lost and is driven back to the cabin by the police officers... I think she will definitely forget some stuff, maybe she will remember that Madison is his fiancée and she is pregnant, but she might forget the fact it’s twins or their gender. Or maybe Rebecca forgets that they are engaged to each other and they have to remind her. I can’t say what I specifically believe she will forget, she might forget about all of it and just know Madison is pregnant because of her belly... Considering she doesn’t remember about their fight and that happened the same day Madison revealed her pregnancy to Kevin, I believe everything is possible.

By the way, I may or may have not written some of these things on my fanfiction, lol.

[zodiaccatnumberonefan]

I’ve decided I’m going to write my opinions on what the enneagram number for each character will be! Disclaimer: these are my opinions, and not facts! I am not an expert, I’m just typing out my thoughts! Enneagram is based on what a person is motivated by, and since these characters are fictional we can never really know 100% what their motivations or numbers are, we can only speculate. Please do not get angry with me, I’m just trying to do something fun that I think about a lot! Friendly debate is welcome though :)

First up is Yuki! I’m doing him first because I just rewatched the episodes of season 2 and also just reread the chapter with the closet, so he’s fresh on my mind. I feel like he has to be a 4w3. I feel like throughout the entire series Yuki is continually motivated by the desire to be valued and have worth for his “true self” and not simply his identity as the special rat zodiac child. He’s three wing is manifested by his being an overachiever at school and in his other activities.

He is viewed as successful and a prince, but he doesn’t receive validation and affection from his parents that he so desperately craves, and he feels like a fake and a phony to his peers at school. He has a constant struggle between maintaining his “nice guy” image that he is pressured into at school instead of the more blunt, straightforward and honest person he wants to be. Ultimately, after befriending Tohru, Hatsuharu (becoming closer friends), Kakeru and Machi he becomes more authentic with how he communicates with those around him and it’s honestly the character development that was such a sweet surprise. They see him for who he is, and he is able to drop the pretenses with them the way he can’t with most of the other characters.

The “deadly sin” of type 4 enneagram personalities is envy. Meaning they feel like everyone else has something vital that they are missing. This trait shows itself when he envies Kyo in the episode about rich man, poor man. My interpretation of the episode within the lens of Yuki as a 4 is that he envies Kyo for being himself (not hiding his thoughts or feelings well) and for being able to make authentic friends easier. This personality type longs for connectedness, but also keeps people at arm’s length because they fear those deeper, most authentic parts of themself getting rejected. Other characters describe him as a mystery, or closed off to others, and I feel like that’s the reason why. Hearing them say those things makes him feel even more like an imposter.

4s can be extremely creative, and he has many great ideas as we see in his planning for school activities, but also in his gardening. He sympathizes with Ayame’s desire to “create something that wouldn’t exist without me.” While I don’t think Ayame’s a 4 (I’ll talk about that later), that is the most fourish quote I’ve heard in a long time!

4s can also have a tendency to be self-absorbed and focus on their own problems and trauma. They tend to have a lot of anxiety and struggle with being overwhelmed by their emotions. They feel things strongly, but a lot of fours hold back until they know someone is safe to share with. Considering Yuki’s background this is expected, but he himself also acknowledge it in this new episode as he’s talking to Haru. As he comes into a healthier emotional and mental state, he finds that there are people who do value him for who he is and his presence, flaws and all, and he is able to be more true to himself, his own desires, and realize that he’s not missing anything.

Throwing this in there too: In S1E3 he says “I’m ashamed, boys shouldn’t complain like this.” It’s actually really common for type four men to feel this way. Men are commonly discouraged from being sensitive or emotional because that’s seen as feminine, and I thought it was only fitting that Yuki would apologize for sharing his emotions with Tohru🥺 Tear down gender stereotypes! Boys have feelings too!!

I could write a ton more, but this already feels super long lol. What I really want to know is why can I spend so much more time analyzing anime/manga characters in the middle of the night than I can studying for finals next week😅

[evilrubberducke]

A Day Among Nerds

I haven’t been able to write much for the past couple weeks, but I’m getting back in to the swing of things. As usual, have some fluff of my favorite couple of dorks. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: When Mina notices Izuku is hiding something from her, it leads to a day that neither will be forgetting anytime soon.

Rated T for some use of language.

Read it on AO3!

The school day had only just begun, but Mina could already tell that something was going on with Izuku. Ever since class began, he had been even more distractible than usual. Normally, he made a point of paying attention in class, even during boring subjects. Today, however, Mina had noticed him staring out of the window rather than paying attention multiple times. If it was anyone else it wouldn;t have been that remarkable, but for Izuku it was a significant change in behaviour. 

Even still, she might have dismissed it if it weren’t for the rest of his behaviour. 

During third period, while Present Mic and Iida were engaged in a heated debate over the correct translation of some English poems, Mina caught Izuku checking his phone. He was trying to be subtle about it, and failing miserably, probably because he had next to no experience breaking the rules on his own. Their eyes met as Izuku looked up and Izuku froze for a moment. He stuffed his phone back into his pocket and looked away as quickly as he could, but the encounter stuck in Mina’s mind for the rest of the class. When they’d locked eyes, he had looked almost...guilty?

During the break he had been the first one out the door, despite his position in the class,and left her blinking in surprise. A quick glance towards Iida and Uraraka showed that they were just as taken aback as she was.

When he returned to class just before break ended, he looked even more nervous than he usually did. His fingers drummed an unconscious beat on his leg, and Mina could swear she saw a faint bit of perspiration on his brow. 

He was also sneaking glances at her whenever he thought she wasn’t looking. She caught every one of them, of course, thought she did her best not to let on that she could see him. While he stared, his nerves seemed to grow worse, and she could tell he was doing his absolute best to clamp down on his mumbling. 

There was only one real conclusion Mina could draw from his odd behavior, and it was one she really didn’t like. Izuku was trying to keep something secret, despite some part of him desperately wanting to tell her. 

Izuku was not the type to keep secrets, and especially not from her. He wore his heart on his sleeve nearly all of the time. True, Asui probably had him beat as the most honest person in the class, but Izuku definitely gave her a run for her money.

So, she decided, there was only one thing to do. She would have to shake him by the ankles until he started talking.

-

Her chance didn’t come until the end of the day. To his credit, Izuku proved to be extremely slippery. He’d manage to dodge her all throughout lunch, using some clever moves born of long years avoiding bullies. Their hero training for the day had been Quirk improvement exercises which meant she was on her own while she worked to improve the amount of acid she could expel and Izuku trained with Kirishima on their ability to give and receive damage, respectively.

When class was done, he tried to slip away once more, but Mina had grown wise to his tactics. The minute Izuku attempted to dash down the hall, Aizawa grabbed him by the shoulder and reprimanded the boy for attempting to run in the halls. Mina had learned months ago that while their teacher was not prone to enforcing the school rules when it didn’t affect him, his opinion could be swayed by a well placed bribe. Three weeks of no pranks or class disruptions was a hefty sacrifice to make, but it was a price she was willing to pay, given the circumstances.

By the time Izuku was free to go, everyone else had filled out of the class and were either on their way to the dorms to relax or to the gym to sneak in some extra training. The hallways were nearly empty as Izuku hurried down them, glancing behind himself periodically to make sure Mina wasn’t sneaking up behind him.

Instead, she popped out in front of him from her hiding place in the stairwell, and slammed a palm into the wall to bar his way. His reactions were fast enough that he didn’t get clotheslined, though he did stumble back a little bit in surprise. Mina took the opportunity to bring her other arm around him, guiding and trapping him against the wall.

“Afternoon Babe.” Mina said, her words as honeyed as she could make them without dipping into the territory of being actually threatening. Push him too hard and he would shut down before she could get what she was after. Push just hard enough though, and he would be putty in her hands.

“Good...uh...nice to…um...hi Mina.” His stuttering was as bad as she’d ever heard it. Perfect.

“Did you have a nice day?” 

“Uh...y-yeah? It was ok, I guess.”

“Really?” She was laying it on thick, but she didn’t mind too much. If Izuku was going to keep secrets from her, then he deserved a bit of teasing. “Cuz you weren’t looking so great during class.”

He laughed nervously. “N-no. I’m fine. I just….” his eyes were firmly glued to his shoes as he trailed off.

Mina placed a hand on his shoulder. She’d gotten her digs in, and now it was time to actually talk to him.

“Izuku, you know if there’s anything bothering you, you can talk to me about it, right? And I’ll help any way I can.” This time her smile was as warm and genuine as she could make it.

As she spoke, his eyes rose to meet hers, and his back straightened just a little bit. He wasn’t back to his old self, but a bit of his usual fire had returned.

“I know.” He said softly. “It’s….” He trailed off once more.

She waited for him to gather his thoughts, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly. Finally, he gathered the will to continue. It did make her a little happy to see him push past whatever was making him uncomfortable for her sake. Sure, he had taken some prodding to get there, but that’s what she did best. Help him push past his mental hang ups and live life to its fullest.

“I didn’t want to say anything, because I know you’ve been looking forward to our date this weekend, and I know it’s selfish of me to want to do something else, especially since I know you wouldn’t enjoy it, but people keep talking about how amazing it’s going to be this year, and it’s just so cool and-” As he spoke, the words came faster and faster, until he was practically babbling. 

“Midori, I’m going to need you to breathe for me” Mina said, placing a finger on his lips to cut him off. She waited for him to calm down slightly before continuing. “Wanna try that again?”

He nodded, but didn’t speak. Instead, he held out his phone for her to look at. She grabbed it gingerly, interested to see what had sent her boyfriend into such a tizzy. There was a long moment where her eyes danced across the screen, taking in every detail.

Then she burst out laughing.

“Midori, you are such a dork!”

The page that had given Izuku so much grief was an advertisement for “Mightfest 2319”. The hero might have retired, but his fans were still going strong apparently, and were planning on congregating in Mustafu that weekend to celebrate their favorite hero and probably purchase a ridiculous amount of merchandise.

It took Mina several seconds to control her laughter, and to look Izuku in the eyes once more. He still looked worried, but now confusion was written plainly on his face as well.

“I'm ...pfft… I’m sorry, but only you would get so tied up in knots over something so ridiculous.” She wiped a tear from her eye as she spoke. The intensity of her laughter had probably been over the top, but the whiplash of going from worrying over her boyfriend’s mental state to realizing the insane reason for his nerves had left her feeling a little giddy. “It’s a little cute, honestly.” She said with a grin.

Izuku seemed to deflate as the last of his nerves left his body. His concerns had proven to be unfounded, but they had been weighing on him for more than a week, and it was a relief to finally be done with them.

“I’m sorry” He apologized, his voice still quiet.

“Izuku, it’s fine. I’m not angry. Well, I’m a little peeved that you didn’t think you could talk to me about this.”

“I didn’t want to ruin our date.” He protested.

Mina shook her head. “Izuku, we were gonna get pizza and watch a movie. We can do that anytime. This is something that only happens once a year, right?” Izuku nodded in response. “And you really want to go, despite the fact that All Might himself is one of our teachers and you see him every other day?” He nodded again, although much more sheepishly this time.

“Well then, I guess we’re going to MightFest!” She grinned at the look of surprise and excitement that blossomed across her boyfriend’s face. 

“Mina, are...are you sure? I mean, it’s really nerdy, and it’s going to be super crowded, and there’s gonna be tons of people in costume, and I don’t want you to be bored or anything.”

Mina pretended to think for a moment, then nodded her head. “Here’s what I think. You really like this, and I really like you, and therefore, by the transformation property, I’ll enjoy it!” Izuku raised his finger as if to correct her on her misuse of mathematical terms, but thought better of it and give her a hug instead.

She relaxed into the embrace, though she sighed a bit internally. She wasn’t quite as enthusiastic about the change of plans as she had lead Izuku to believe, but she would be damned if she let him find out about that. 

A few months after they had started dating Mina had asked a simple question about one of the many figures that decorated his room. Izuku had lit up at her curiosity and started describing all the variations and features of his collection as well as the symbolism and history behind them. While Mina hadn’t particularly cared about the information, she had enjoyed watching Izuku become so animated as he talked about his figures. 

However, when he was part way through his collection, one of Bakugou’s explosions had echoed through the dorms, and Izuku had frozen mid sentence. It was like a switch had been flipped. He crumpled in on himself and started apologizing for annoying her.

Mina hated it. The Izuku she loved was happy, goofy, occasionally over the top, and all the cuter for it. She decided then and there that Izuku wouldn’t end up like that because of her. She was going to indulge his nerdy side until he never reacted like that again.

<And who knows,> She thought to herself as the pair made their way back to the dorms, Izuku busy plotting out exactly what activities they would be participating in, <Maybe I’ll actually enjoy myself.>

-

Mina actually balked as she witnessed the crowd that had assembled outside the Kiyashi Ward mall. The last time she had come here had been in the middle of the day just before the beginning of summer, but the crowd now made that one seem tame in comparison.

Everywhere she looked, Mina could see excited nerds chatting with each other about their favorite All Might costumes or poses, or other such topics. Almost every single one of them was decked out from head to toe in All Might merchandise, which made navigating the crowd somewhat of a headache.

Thankfully for her, a beacon of green stood out in the sea of red, white, blue and blonde. 

“MIDORI!” Mina called as she pounced on her boyfriend. He staggered slightly from the sudden embrace, but recovered quickly and returned her hug.  “Were you waiting long?”

The pair had originally planned to meet up before heading into the event, but Mina’s little brother had proven to be a little bother, filling her shoes with the viscous and sticky goop he was just starting to be able to produce, and causing her to run late. She’d texted Izuku to get started without her, letting him know she would catch up. 

He’d apparently enjoyed himself. He was already carrying a small plastic bag with several rolled up poster sticking out of it. At the rate he acquired merchandise, Mina was amazed his that there was still spaces in his room that weren’t plastered with the hero’s iconic smile.

“No...not really. I just checked out a few of the booths. There’s some amazing artists over there, and I saw one girl who had made an entire sculpture out of macaroni, and she said she didn’t use her Quirk for it AT ALL which is so cool, and then there was this guy ...”

Mina chuckled as Izuku spoke excitedly. All around her she could hear similar conversations from other super nerds as they filed into the event. For once, she realized, Izuku wasn’t the biggest nerd in the room.

-

“Uh...M-Mina. Can we...That is...do you mind if we...um...”

Mina cocked her head to the side, trying to puzzle out what exactly Izuku was trying to ask her. He’d been doing fine with his stuttering this afternoon, so this had come out of nowhere. 

“What’s that Midori?” She asked, leaning closer so he didn’t have to speak up as much.

“I..uh...wanted to...take a picture. With you. Over...there…”

Mina turned to where he was pointing, and a smile broke across her face. At the edge of the crowd was a display of a classic image of All Might and Sir Nighteye posing victoriously, their heads replaced with holes so people could pose as the iconic duo. A young woman stood nearby, offering to take photos for you in exchange for a few yen.

She grinned as she looked back to Izuku, who was still imitating a strawberry. Even still, she could see the look in his eyes that said this wasn’t some idle whim, but something he really wanted to do with her. 

<Well then, here we go!!> Mina grabbed Izuku’s shoulders, and began to push him towards the display. He served as an excellent battering ram and the crowd parted around them, though whether that was out of respect for their fellow con goers, or just them trying to avoid the heat of the furnace that was emanating from Izuku’s blushing face was up for debate. 

She tossed her phone to the photo girl, who caught it with surprising dexterity and gave Mina a thumbs up.

Whoever had set up the display had obviously thought ahead. There were a pair of adjustable stools for anyone who didn't measure up to the massive hero or his lanky sidekick. 

Izuku briefly and unsuccessfully tried to relinquish All Might's visage to Mina, but she was having none of it. She practically shoved his head through the appropriate hole, then did the same for her own. 

She craned her neck slightly to grin at Izuku while they waited for the photo girl to line up the shot. He looked a little put out by the rough treatment, but his frown quickly changed to a smile as he caught her gaze.

"Say Plus Ultra!" The girl called to them, and the pair flashed the biggest smiles they could muster. 

-

“You know, it’s actually impressive how many of these have Izuku blinking.” Mina mused as she reviewed the pictures while waiting for Izuku to return with some snacks.

There were quite a few to choose from, the photo girl had been very diligent in capturing multiple angles and facial expressions. Unfortunately, this meant she had captured more than a few awkward ones as well. From Izuku mid blink, to Mina looking cross eyed, there were a few stinkers that Mina intended to delete later.

There were, however, several that she really liked. One captured Izuku’s surprised blush as she pinched his butt behind the scenes. The objectively best photo showed them both with matching smiles as they stared into the camera.

But Mina’s favorite by far was the final picture in the series. Izuku hadn’t realized that there was one more photo being taken, and so he wasn’t posing at all. Instead, he had turned his head slightly to stare at Mina, while she was still smiling for the camera. 

He had a soft smile on his lips, and a light blush dusted his cheeks as he stared at her. That was adorable, but what really made Mina’s heart skip a beat was the look in his eyes. She wasn’t sure how the phone camera had captured it so well, but she could easily see that he was looking at her in abject adoration. 

She squeezed her phone tight to her chest as a light blush touched her cheeks once more. She’d send the rest of the pictures to Izuku once they got home, but not this one. 

No, this picture was going in a special folder that she kept, one that sparked warm memories every time she opened it. It was where she stored photos and texts from her boyfriend that really reminded her why she had fallen for him in the first place. 

Not just because he was attractive, funny, incredibly smart, loyal, dedicated, and completely adorable. It was because he was the most genuine person she had ever met. She never had to doubt where she stood with him, since he told her how he felt with everything he did. 

She looked up as a drink entered her field of view, and interrupted her thoughts. 

“I...uh… thought you might be thirsty.” Izuku said with a gentle smile.

Mina grabbed the refreshingly cool bottle gratefully, and took a long drink from it. 

<That settles it.> She thought happily <Best boyfriend in the world.>

-

Izuku began to vibrate with excitement as the announcement came over the PA system. 

"The Mightiest trivia contest will begin shortly. All contestants, please make your way to the stage in the next five minutes so we can begin promptly." 

Mina smiled at her overenthusiastic boyfriend. "Someone's looking excited. You think the contest is going to be exciting to watch?" 

He shook his head. "I'm uh...I'm a contestant."

Mina blinked in surprise. Izuku had mentioned that there were some events he wanted to take part in at the convention, but he hadn't named anything specific and Mina had expected something a little more laid back. He had made great strides in his social skills, but standing up in front of a crowd like this was still a step outside his comfort zone. 

"You are, huh? What's brought this on?"

"Oh! We'll, uh, I've seen some footage from previous fests, and it looked really fun. They have these really cool, in depth questions, so lots of super fans participate, and it's really cool."

Mina arched an eyebrow in his direction. She could tell he wasn't giving her the whole story.

He lasted nearly a minute before breaking under her stare. 

"There's a really cool All Might plushie that they're giving out as a prize." Izuku mumbled, pushing his fingertips together dejectedly. 

"There’s my favorite dork." Mina teased. "Think you've got a shot?" 

Izuku looked pensive for a moment, then nodded slowly. It wasn't exactly the enthusiastic response Mina had been hoping for, but she'd take what she could get. 

Another announcement played over the PA, letting them know they had only a couple of minutes to reach the stage. Izuku stood quickly, shaking a little in the knees, and made his way through the crowd with Mina following close behind him.

-

The set up for the trivia contest was actually quite impressive. It wasn't quite a professional level set, but it was close. They had a large screen strung above the contestants to let the crowd see the questions, as well as some smaller screens for the contestants to view. They each had a large red buzzer placed in front of them, the kind that made an irrational part of Mina want to run up and press just for the sake of pressing a button.

Izuku was even easier to pick out of the line of contestants than he had been on the floor. For probably the first time since Mina had met him, Izuku was wearing the least amount of All Might merchandise in the room.  He had on a t-shirt, of course, and an armband that he had bought as they toured the con. Everyone else on the stage was decked out in full regalia, including several in full cosplay, complete with muscle suits. 

Izuku was also easy to pick out, because he was looking even greener than usual. Apparently he'd worked himself into a fine state backstage. Mina had no doubt that he'd taken one look at the other contestants and had started to feel self conscious.

She shook her head. Izuku would be Izuku, even when he was among his people.

The hostess tapped her microphone, indicating the crowd to be quiet. As the noise started to die down, Mina could see that Izuku was still working himself into a tizzy. 

<Guess I'll have to do something about that> Mina thought to herself. 

She cupped her hands in front of her mouth, and shouted as loud and enthusiastically as she could. "GANBARE IZUKU!"

He visibly started at her call, but Mina could tell it has worked. His spine straightened, and his shoulders squared as she watched. He still looked nervous, of course, but it was leagues better than before. 

Sighing contentedly, Mina sat back and tried to get comfortable in the plastic folding chairs the event had provided. Time to watch Izuku kick some nerd butt.

-

"Holy shit Midori" Mina said in amazement.

Izuku had come in first place in the contest, like she knew he would. One girl in gender bent All Might cosplay had given him some trouble, but in the end Izuku's encyclopedic knowledge of his idol had proven superior. 

It wasn't Izuku's success that had surprised her, though. It was the reward for said success that had blindsided her.

The "plushie" that Izuku had won turned out to be a nearly life-sized recreation of All Might in his silver age suit. It was made of a soft and fluffy fabric that just begged to be hugged, and the stitched on smile was positively adorable with its faux chibi style. Grabbing onto it, Mina was instantly in heaven. It was just as comforting to hold onto as it looked. 

"Midori you have to try this!" Mina called, voice muffled by the cushy fabric and layers of stuffing. She had no doubt that she was drawing several stares, but she also didn't care one bit. 

She felt the plushie shake slightly as Izuku grabbed onto the other side. A moment later, his hand found hers and squeezed lightly. "I’m glad you like it." Came the muffled response. 

Mina popped her head out, though she kept her arms wrapped around the plushie and her fingers intertwined with Izuku's. "What do you mean?"

Izuku popped his head up as well, staring at her with a small smile on his face. "I...uh...the plushie. I wanted to win it for...for you." He blushed, and buried his face once more.

Mina could feel the blush rising in her cheeks. It wasn't anything to rival Izuku's magnificent strawberry impersonation, but she did turn a rather lovely shade of lilac. 

For the first time that day, Mina found herself at a loss for words. At this point, she should be used to Izuku's heartfelt gestures, but they still had a tendency to take her by surprise, and after dating Izuku for so long, Mina found that she quite liked surprises.

In a supreme effort of will, Mina detached herself from the plushie and made her way around to the opposite side. Izuku was still spooning it, an image that Mina saved in her memory to chuckle over later. Then, she wrapped him in as large a hug as she could manage. 

"Thank you, Izuku" she whispered to him.

It definitely wasn't what she envisioned a perfect day out with Izuku would be, but it was special in its own way. And for her, that was more than enough.

-

“Hey Midori?”

“Yeah?”

“How are we gonna get this back to the dorms?”

“...I may not have thought this through all the way”

[allisondraste]

Writing Deliciously Evil Characters: A Meta Post

Recently in a discord conversation, I was discussing some feedback that I have gotten on my longfic, regarding my portrayal of the odious Rendon Howe.  Arl Howe is a classic, stereotypical “mwahaha” type of villain, which is not the standard in Dragon Age where the Wardens are Grey and the villains are Greyer, in that most of the bad folks aren’t doing bad things for the sake of doing bad things (e.g. Loghain, Meredith, Solas), but rather because they believe what they are doing is “right.”  Howe, on the other hand is a man who betrays his closest allies in the first of what would be a series of awful vies for power during the Fifth Blight that would eventually lead to his death and the destruction of his family.  He’s not the only character who does evil for pleasure/power/personal gain (think Livius Erimond, the Grand Duchess, Corypheus, Danarius blah blah blah).  However, the feedback was about Howe, so I’m going to reference him throughout this post.

Essentially, I have received a number of comments in which people have remarked something to the effect of “The way you write Howe makes me hate him even more.” I love this feedback because that was the plan all along and it’s the equivalent of someone saying “The way you write [insert widely beloved popular hero character here] makes me love them even more!”  I love love love villains, and as much as I am in the camp with everybody else wanting to stab the man in his slimy, weasley guts, I also love writing him.  In my personal opinion he is actually a very good villain, and I’ll go into why in a bit.

For those of you who haven’t encountered my meta posts before, I’m not a writer by trade.  I am a mental health professional, and my background is in psychology.  So when I make posts about “writing” some type of thing, I typically focus on the psychological components of why certain things work for characters, why others don’t, and how to make a character’s actions realistic and true to who they are as a person. That being said: I do speak about sensitive things in my posts, and this one is no different, so I will be putting the rest of this post behind a Read More.  If you are triggered by the mention of trauma and abuse, violence, and mental illness then I would caution you to take care of yourself if you choose continue on!

What is Evil?

If I were to ask you to give me the name of someone who is “evil,” I would bet money that the people everyone lists would be what society likes to coin “psychopaths” or “sociopaths,” and these are individuals who are callous, cruel, and lack consciences, anxiety, and empathy.  They are your serial killers and super villains.  Your unarguably bad, awful, evil people. They were always evil.  Born evil. Raised evil.  They eat, sleep, and breathe evil.  Concentrated evil flows through their veins. They probably also hate puppies and babies.  You all get the picture.

First of all, this is not only an inaccurate understanding of what standard human evil is, but it is also an inaccurate and romanticized view of psychopathy/sociopathy (the words are actually interchangeable, people just like to pretend they are different).  The media loves itself a juicy slice of psychopath.  It’s why we have movies about Ted Bundy and why Discovery ID is a thing. However something that is so incredibly important to note is that regardless of how an evil person presents, “evil” as a thing, a behavior.  It is  not a personality trait, but a societally motivated response. People are not evil; they do evil.  Someone  may be born with a diathesis, or predisposition to do evil things, and then be influenced by environmental factors to enact those evil things, but nobody in the world is born evil. Not. A. Single. Person. In fact, as the Stanford Prison Experiment, conducted by Philip Zimbardo (who also has a wonderful TED Talk  on the Psychology of Evil), shows ANYONE under the right circumstances can do evil.  The Stanford Prison Experiment is actually an excellent example of why the Templar Order is the way it is!  When people of equal standing are placed in a position where one group has perceived power and authority over the other, and when the guilt is diffused across a “group” rather than placed on a single person, horrible things can happen. In fact, more evil is done by groups of people than individuals for this very reason.

I originally had a much longer explanation about how society causes evil, but the post ended up being long anyway and this was unnecessary (but, if you want a post about that in the future, feel free to hit up my inbox or otherwise just check out that Zimbardo talk linked here).  

My point is that in order to write compelling villains it is important to understand what drove them to reach the point of atrocity they have reached, why they do as they do.  A villain who you cannot answer those questions for is going to fall flat.  Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that you excuse a villain’s actions or make apologies for what they do.  Evil is evil regardless of intention, however, knowing the explanation for the behavior can help you capture it in a story.

Why Villains Fall Flat

If my readers are anything like me, then there have been times in the consumption of media that they encounter a really awful bad person who you just kind of feel “blah” about.  They are supposed to be your protagonists’ mortal enemy, but their defeat falls flat and feels empty and anticlimactic.  Sometimes in the horror genre, authors take the “telling less” approach regarding their villains because that increases the “oooh” creepy feeling that they want to have.  This is actually really really effective for a horror film.  It is not so effective when writing action/adventure, romance, etcetera.  Why? I think that it can be pretty well summed up by the following quote by existential psychologist Rollo May:

“Hate is not the opposite of love; apathy is.”

Essentially, in order to truly hate a villain and to be both disgusted by their actions and thrilled by their defeat, you have to care about them in some way shape or form.  You have to be invested in their “origin story” and/or care about someone who is closely tied to them or affected by them.  It’s why Rendon Howe is such a good villain, and why playing the Cousland origin and meeting his children makes you hate him even that much more.  When you play the Cousland origin, you get to see the Arl through the eyes of someone who doesn’t know that he is bad.  Rendon is aloof, but ultimately respectful and he seems to have the implicit approval dear old dad (they were war buddies after all! Fought in the rebellion together!!).  Then, he has the family murdered in their sleep in a premeditated act of sheer ambition.  We get to see the death of a young woman and her son, and watch as Warden Cousland leaves her parents behind to die.  It’s tragic, it’s all Howe’s fault, and it’s effective.  Then you have this opportunity to meet Howe’s eldest son Nathaniel who is so bitter and full of rage that *you* the “hero” destroyed his family.  He can’t fathom his father doing something evil enough to warrant what happened to the Howes.  He was never that bad!  He just got caught up in politics!  He picked the wrong side in a war!  He tortured prisoners because the country was at war!.  His bedroom was  next to the torture dungeons because politics and war! I’m not saying that Nate has the most accurate view of his dad -- the man certainly wasn’t winning any father of the year awards, after all, a fact which Nathaniel eventually comes to realize (“maybe I shouldn’t defend the man who found the screams of prisoners to be soothing bedtime ambient noise” -- okay I’m exaggerating so sue me).  What I am saying is that in  listening to Nathaniel speak about his father and his family, we learn more about Howe, his life and his motivations.  We realize there is nothing more than a man behind all that evil, a man who has a family (and a family in which the other members are actually good and decent at that) and we are able to see that maybe he could have been good had things gone differently for him.  Again, it’s effective.

What Causes People to Do Evil?

As I mentioned before, just as with greatness, people are not born evil.  Evil is something that people have thrust upon them, and it is honestly really tragic if you look back and see all of the individual steps that led to a person becoming the villainous bastard you know and love to hate.  There are many different reasons a person might do evil things, but it typically falls into the theory we psychology nerds call the “diathesis-stress model,” which posits that certain people are born with a “diathesis” or a predisposition for a certain type of behavior.  In the case of an evil person it might be that the person has an irritable temperament or ambitious, selfish, narcissistic, aggressive, deviant, manipulative, etcetera tendencies.  When these people are placed under a stressor (such as, but not limited to: abuse, trauma, modeling of crime or deviant behavior, desperation, loss, etc.), the darker sides of those qualities comes out.  

NOTE: This is not to say that everyone who has these qualities and undergoes a stressor is going to become evil.  This is not to say that abuse/trauma/etc. causes evil.  In fact, most people who are traumatized do not go on to traumatize others; however, if you look at everyone who has done evil, almost all of them have done so because they grew up in an environment where such evil was the norm, and they learned nothing better.  They are people who were pushed by desperation.  They are people who ultimately have a story that is not “Oh, they’re just bad.”

Evil is the perfect storm of nature and nurture that, unfortunately, some people are not able to escape.  

Sometimes, it’s easy to care about villains because their intentions and motivations are very overtly stated.  For example:

Loghain is motivated by a very rational fear of the Orlesians and Cailan’s closeness to them.  We learn all that Loghain’s family went through during the Orlesian occupation, what happened to his mother.  We also can toy around with the possibility that his decision to quit the field at Ostagar was less obvious treason and more obviously pragmatic.  This of course doesn’t justify anything he does (you know, like striking a deal with the magisters to sell the Alienage elves into slavery or allowing Howe to, uh, torture people, what have you).

Meredith - See my above discussion of the Stanford Prison Experiment, but also consider her temperament and the trauma she was exposed to as a child with her sister who had magic and caused the death of 70 people including her family.  Is it okay that she abuses her power and abuses mages? Hell no… but we have motivation.

Solas - *sigh* Don’t make me do this one.  We get it. He has to RIGHT the WRONG. It’s his DUTY.  Cool story, still evil. (disclaimer: I love Solas. Ma vhenan. But I look at him with a critical eye when I choose to love him.  That’s important.)

Sometimes the motivations are not so clear.  I’m not particularly inclined to care about Corypheus other than I’d kinda like for him to get away from me with that demon army.  I don’t really give a flying duck about Erimond other than he is, as Cole so succinctly puts: an asshole.  There are lots of characters like that, and honestly it’s good to have a few of them sprinkled about a bit.  They’re not particularly fun to write or compelling to read (in my personal opinion), but hey! Your mileage may vary.

And now we’re back to Howe (Maker help me I never thought I’d be doing a  meta post about this awful man, but here we are).  He, and actually most if not all the minor villains in DAO, is actually really good despite his motivations not being so blatantly obvious as Loghain’s or Ulfric’s or any of the others you face in that game.  When he says, “I deserved more!” at the end, without further thought about the topic, it’s easy to say “God what a power grubbing weasley little snake of a man,” or a “cold codfish arse,” as one of my friends aptly described him.  However when you look at his background… it’s not so simple as all that. Just a few notes:

According to the lore Rendon has two fathers: Padric, who disappeared with the Wardens never to be seen again and who Rendon never forgave, and Tarleton who had no sense for loyalty and sided with the Orlesians in the rebellion and was ultimately hanged.

Young Rendon, despite his parentage chose to join the Rebellion with his besties: Bryce Cousland and Leonas Bryland.  At some point, he becomes injured and is no longer able to fight.  He is cared for by Leonas’ sister Eliane, who would later become Lady Howe.

There seems to be a lot of strife between Howe and his wife’s family, so much so that Eliane’s parents were even cold and critical of the Howe kids, Nathaniel in particular (maybe because he looks the most like Rendon, who knows?).  He expected to receive some of the Bryland wealth, but that did not happen (likely because he did not actually love his wife and Eliane’s family had no great love for him.  As far as marrying a Howe in Thedas, it would be much like marrying a Greyjoy or a Frey or a Bolton in Game of Thrones.  It’s not a family anyone particularly wanted to be associated with)

It is likely that Howe became very insecure and upset by the success of his friends, even resentful of them.  Handsome Bryce, his promotion to Teyrn,  and his Pirate Wife.  Leonas and his lovely [wealthy] family.  It made him miserable, and accompanied with all of the things that had been modeled for him by his family… it was not much of a stretch for him to go darkside.

So…What Was The Point of this Allison? Why Have You Written This Hellishly Long Post?

1.) I wanted to.  It was fun for me. This is how I spend my free time apparently.

2.) I wanted to provide some basic pointers for writing believable, but undoubtedly bad villains, and I felt like it needed context.

The Tips...Get On With Them Already. Please. We’re Begging You.  TL;DR!

1.) “Evil” is not a personality trait, it is a behavior.  People are not born evil.  They are led to do evil.

2.) Romanticized psychopaths/sociopaths are boring.

3.) In order to develop hatred for a character, you have to make the audience care about them, and the ways to do so are endless.

4.) Evil is the combination of a predisposition to do bad things plus some catalyst that causes someone to go darkside.  Nature and Nurture working together to make a twisted thing.

5.) Grey villains are abundant and very cool. Their motivations cloud their morality.

6.) Not-so-grey villains are also abundant, and can also have the potential to be very cool or the potential to be glorified Scooby-Doo villains (“And I would have gotten away with it too if it hadn’t been for you meddling WARDENS”)

7.) The line between a compelling “mwahaha” and a bleh “mwahaha” lies in the character’s backstory and motivations.  It lies in the audience caring in some way, shape, or form about that person.

8.) Rendon Howe is a character who, in my honest opinion was done right.  People loathe him.  He’s absolutely detested. Why? Because he’s a “cold codfish arse”? Maybe.  I posit that it’s because we have enough information to care about him.

Thank you for coming to this TED Talk, you all have been wonderful.

[party-of-rpg-muses]

A Look At Stuff You Probably Never Heard Of: JoJo (SNES)

I do apologize. I meant to get this out sooner, but I’ve been busy and sort of forgot, but I suppose it’s better late than never. Today, we’ll be taking a look at JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, also known as JoJo SNES/Super Famicom.

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure is a roleplaying game released only in Japan on the Super Famicom on March 5th, 1993. It was developed by Winkysoft and published by Cobra Team.

Despite its name, JoJo adapts part 3, Stardust Crusaders. 100 years after the events of Phantom Blood, Dio Brando, now known as DIO, returns, using the body of Jonathan Joestar in place of his own, causing Jonathan’s descendants to form Stands. However, his great granddaughter, Holly, is unable to command her Stand, causing it to slowly drain her life force. So her father, Joseph Joestar (and Jonathan’s grandson) and her own son, Jotaro Kujo (Jonathan’s great-great grandson) travel to Egypt to kill DIO, both to save Holly and prevent his revival, all the while trying to figure out what his own Stand is.

On their journey, they’re accompanied by an Egyptian fortuneteller named Muhammad Avdol, a highschool student around Jotaro’s age who was possessed by DIO named Noriaki Kakyoin, a Frenchman who wants revenge on the man who murdered his sister (and was also possessed by DIO) named Jean Pierre Polnareff, and a Boston Terrier named Iggy. They have 50 days to kill DIO before Holly’s Stand drains her life force, but DIO has send a number of Stand Users to stop them.

Despite mentioning that this is an RPG, that’s only half true. It’s part RPG, part point-and-click. In the overworld, you play as Jotaro and walk left and right to get from location to location. And in certain areas, you can press up or down to go to a different area, like walking through a door. Pressing A brings up the menu, allowing Jotaro to talk to a character if there’s one to talk to, bring up an item to use or equip, using Check to examine certain areas, and selectin Tarot allows Avdol to examine Tarot Cards in the party’s possession. And in quote-unquote “dungeons”, random encounters can occur, starting a battle.

The battle system is what one would expect, but upon starting a battle, you have to pick a tarot card, each giving a possible effect such as healing characters or making them stressed out. The game also has a “Biorhythm System”, which dictates how well or poor a character is, based on their mental state, which can also affect their Stand. For example, if a character is stressed, their Stand gets weaker. Attack and Item are what one would expect, but Talk allows a character to talk to an ally and encourage them, restoring MP or talking to an enemy, insulting them and draining their MP. Check causes the character to watch and take no other action, but unlocks Idea! and Guts on the following turn. Idea! causes the character to perform a special skill based on the events in the manga while Guts allows them to use a very powerful version of a normal attack.

And if you want to save the game, you’ll have to go to the Speedwagon Foundation (identified by buildings with SWF on the side), as well as Rest, which completely restores the party’s HP and MP, but expends a day, meaning you only have 50 opportunities to rest.

And now, with all that done, it’s time for my Final Recommendation: Never Let Go Of It||Get It||Hold Onto It||Try It||Consider It||Stay Away From It

To get the biggest elephant in the room out of the way, unless you own a Super Famicom and can read Japanese, there’s no way to legitimate play this game. So your best bet would be to get a reproduction cartridge for the SNES or play it on an emulator, not just getting the JoJo ROM, but also getting the separate files that translates the game. And yes, that’s how I played this game.

Now, the gameplay is honestly nothing special, but what they try to do has some merit, but it doesn’t exactly do an amazing job of explaining things, especially when it comes to equipping characters with new items. Though it does a decent job explaining the biorhythm mechanic.

The game itself also changes a few things. For example, when Jotaro defeats Kakyoin, he removes the flesh bud on the spot in the nurse’s office and Kakyoin allies himself with Jotaro immediately after. And the Tower of Gray isn’t encountered on the plane to Egypt, but in the same school that Jotaro and Kakyoin attend, facing it right after the fight against Kakyoin. And its Stand User is a janitor at the school. And there are other chances, such as Midler replacing Gray Fly as the Stand User that attacks the Crusaders on the plane, Anne, Steely Dan, and Empress aren’t in the game at all, and the biggest one being that the Crusaders all survive to the end, meaning that Jotaro, Joseph, Avdol, Polnareff, Kakyoin, and Iggy all fight DIO, as opposed to just Jotaro, and the Crusaders together fight against Vanilla Ice and Telence T. D’Arby.

Yet another year finished and I still got more to take a look at. I’ll see you guys next month where I’ll take a look at a game that’s a lot like Hyperdimension Neptunia (it was also made by Idea Factory and Compile Heart), but the story is a bit darker (but still humorous and light-hearted) and the battle system is much more complex. So I’ll see you guys then to greet the new year.

[insanusnavicularis]

Purring - An Irondad fanfiction

Peter and Tony were having a lazy day- Not really, they just came out of the lab after six hours straight only eating the junk food that Tony kept there and was probably a bit rotten, so they weren't having a lazy day, they were having a much needed and earned rest.

Peter was sprawled all over the couch, occupying all of its surface, with his head using one of the arms of the couch as a pillow and his feet crossed over his mentor's lap, who was in the other end of the couch, his hands on the kid's shins.

They were watching Divergent in the TV and boxes of pizza were lying in the floor, both of them with an unfinished ice cream in hands.

The scene looked like the ones you see in the advertisements of soaps in the TV, it was so domestic and just... nice and comfy. They were set in a comfortable silence, Tony sometimes squeezing Peter's shin or the kid making a comment here or there about the movie.

If someone who didn't know them entered, they sure would have asked when Tony Stark got a son; the thing is that Tony himself didn't even know, he just knew that after The Vulture thing he had invited Peter over one time and now, boom! They were all domestic and familiar- not that he was going to complain though- it was a nice feeling, having someone who he knew he could trust and that he knew wasn't with him just because he was Tony Stark- of course that had influenced a bit at first, but now they were way past the idol worshipping thing-

Peter got up from the couch to put his empty bowl of ice cream in the dishwasher, sitting besides Tony when he got back, the man putting an arm around him and smiling affectionately at his kid.

"Uh- Too young to see this" Tony teased, putting a hand over Peter's eyes when the two protagonists started to kiss roughly.

Peter laughed, shaking his head to get ride of his mentor- father figure- hands "I'm a big boy!" he protested pouting, sounding as childish as he could.

The billionaire rolled his eyes as he smiled, getting his hand off Peter's face and continuing to see the movie "Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night, Spider-Baby"

"I'm not a Spider-Baby, I'm a Super-Cool-And- Strong-Spider-Man" the kid said in a deep voice, but his furrowed eyebrows and the pout in his mouth made him look too mucho like a puppy. Tony laughed, bringing the kid closer; god, he loved this kid.

"Sure, Spider-Baby, whatever"

Peter rolled his eyes and feigned annoyance, but the way he leaned into Tony's side and how his eyes sparkled gave him away and how much he really liked spending time with his mentor and their little teasing, he wouldn't change it for the world.

Halfway through the second movie Peter yawned and Tony felt the weight in his side more prominent, looking down at the kid in his chest, he smiled despite himself.

The way Peter's eyelids seemed heavier and how he curled himself into Tony, latching his fist in the billionaire's shirt, made the man's eyes soften a bit, and he gave the kid one gentle squeeze.

"Hey, why don't we head to bed, kiddo?" Tony murmured softly to not disturb Peter's sleepy state.

"Don't wanna" the kid complained "I'm comfy here"

"Okay, then, another movie? And what about a blanket, you must be freezing" Tony’s soft tone didn't change as he ran his hands up and down the kid's bare arms to provide him with some sort of warm.

Peter nodded and almost fell limply to the couch when suddenly his human pillow moved to stand, but his Tony caught him first and leaned him into the back of the couch.

Not so long after, or long after, Peter wasn't sure in his sleepy state, Tony came back with a bunch of blankets in hands. He began to wrap his kid in a cocoon of blankets, but Peter stopped him, his mind a little messed up because of sleep.

"No" he said, getting the blankets off himself and shoving them into Tony's chest.

"What?"

"You too" Peter mumbled with a frown "You have to be warm, too"

The billionaire looked at him, surprised, before trying to explain that he didn't need to be warmer, just for Peter to say that he didn't either, and then Tony wrapped them both in a blanket, giving up as his kid leaned into his chest. What did he do to deserve this kid? He didn’t know, but he thanked whoever was listening for giving him the chance to meet Peter.

"Mhm- Comfy" Peter murmured against his chest. He felt warm and relaxed and safe in Tony's arm, the reactor's soft buzz and his father figure's breath dulling him, the hand in Peter's hair a constant reminder of the presence besides him.

"What do you wanna watch, Underoos?" Tony asked, although Peter's eyes were half closed and his concentration was probably the same as a fish's in the moment.

"Uhhh- Frozen?" the kid asked tiredly, not processing much information. Tony looked at him amused before telling FRIDAY to put it on.

The billionaire started to pull softly at the knots on the kid's hair, scratching softly at his scalp and trying to dull him to sleep, knowing that the kid had a rough week with the exams at his school. He hummed a little as he watched his kid's face slowly relax.

And Peter was so relaxed and happy in that moment that his brain wasn't functioning correctly. He hadn't been so relaxed in what felt like ages, going to sleep when he felt like it and not when he finished studying eleven sheets worth of resumes of a subject he didn't like or cared about.

He felt so safe and happy with his dad at his side- that sounded off, why? Oh! Tony wasn't his dad really, he was his mentor, but it was like the same thing, right?-. He moved closer to the man, hiding his face in the crook of Tony's neck and sighing softly.

Peter didn't know why he let himself do what he did, maybe because he was too asleep to think clearly, but he did, and that ended with him wide awake and blushing like crazy between his mentor’s arms.

He purred.

Like an actual purr, as if he was a freaking cat, and the worst part? He didn't stop there, it took Tony to notice it and give him a strange look- which held also alarm and concern- for him to notice what he was doing.

"Uhh- Pete?" Tony asked, a little alarmed because his kid was making a strange purr which no human would be able to copy.

The man felt Peter tense at his side and straight himself with a jolt, seeming wide awake and as red as a strawberry.

Oh god- Why did he do that? Peter asked himself. Why did he have to screw this up so badly?! It was all going great and then his super weird mutations had to slip in and ruin everything. Now Tony was going to thought that he was a weirdo or a freak, because honestly, who the heck purrs? God, he was going to die of embarrassment, he was sure.

"Uhhh- I- Wh-" he stuttered only to finally get out a strange noise that only resembled words in the bare minimum. Good, keep screwing this up, Peter, as he internally face palmed.

"Ok, I didn't understand anything" Tony declared before softening his voice "Can you please repeat it? Clearer, kiddo?"

"Uhh- What?"

"You were... vibrating...? Are you okay, kid?"

Tony put a hand to the kid's chest to try to feel it again, but nothing happened, he just felt the rapid beating of his kid's heart.

"Uh- Y- Yep. Every- Everything's good, Mr. Stark, don't worry, you probably imagined it" Peter tried that, maybe Tony had been as asleep as himself in the moment and believed his lie.

"I'm pretty sure I didn't, Pete" his father figure replied and Peter prepared himself mentally for the conversation that was about to come, it sure would be embarrassing.

He sighed "Okay" Peter began as he started to search in his brain to how exactly he was going to start this odd conversation "I- Well- I mean... Like, after the... the bite- the spider bite, when I got my powers-, I sometimes would just randomly... like, purr? As cats? And- And then I started to do some... research, and I found out that a lot of spiders made sounds, and some of them purr just like cats and I think that, maybe, it's a side effect from the bite? That the spider was of the species who purred? I know it's super strange and everything but-"

Tony cut him off for the kid's sake, trying to wrap his head around this new information about his kid- He felt a little hurt that Peter was only mentioning it now, when he thought he knew everything about him and that the kid told him everything, but he also knew that, knowing his kid, this must be super embarrassing for him, so he just decided to let it go, it didn't seem that important either.

"Wait- So you can purr? Like a cat?" he asked dumbfounded, but Tony couldn't bring himself to be weirded out because, he was going to admit, it was a bit adorable; the thought of his kid purring was just as strange and amusing as it was adorable and cute. And god knows the kid has done way weirder things than this.

"Um- Yeah? Unless you think it's creepy- which you probably think and I wouldn't blame you- in that case, would you believe me if I told you you imagined it all?"

Tony laughed a little "I think it's too late for that excuse, kiddo" he ruffled his hair with affection "But I don't think it's creepy, strange? I'm not going to lie, a little, but I have seen things a whole lot stranger than this"

"So..." Peter wanted to ask what was his opinion in all of this "You aren't totally creeped out and don't want me anymore?"

"What?! Gosh- Where did you even got that idea form? Of course I won't stop lov-" he cut himself before he could say the word and make things awkward "I won't leave you just because of this, Peter!" Tony exclaimed a little offended that Peter thought that little of him.

Peter was one of the few good things that happened in his life, he wasn't going to just stop loving this kid just because he purred, it wasn't something bad, a little odd, but not bad.

"Sorry" Peter looked down, ashamed "It won't happen again, I promise"

Tony shook his head rapidly "Don't be sorry, you have nothing to apologize for. And, being honest, I don't mind, it's kind of adorable: a Spider-Baby that purrs, I can live with that"

"Oh, god" Peter put his head in his hands, but Tony was still able to see the reddening of his ears and neck.

Tony laughed before patting Peter’s head lightly.

"Really, though, I don't mind"

His kid looked up at him with red cheeks and confessed "I always hide this because then they'll think I'm weird and a freak. At first it was hard- trying to suppress the urge to purr when something I liked happened- but it became easier and easier and then I wouldn't do it, but I was just so comfy and tired and I didn't realize I was doing it until it was too late" he rambled, feeling the shame fill his body.

Tony smiled "I like you for you, for who you are, Peter. Everything, form the ramblings, to the climbing buildings thing, to the purring. Every single thing. I'm not leaving" his father figure reassured and then scrunched his nose "Gosh- That sounded so cheesy"

Peter giggled and that only helped to made him even redder "Thank you, Mr. Stark”

"It was nothing, but seriously, I don't want you to feel like you have to hide- with me at least-, promise me you won't anymore"

"I promise" his kid mumbled, embarrassed.

"Good" Tony clapped his hands before saying "Well, I think we were somewhere after all of this"

"I don't want to sleep anymore, I'm not tired" the kid whined, well aware he sounded like a child but not caring at the moment.

"Oh? But you see, I'm gonna tell you a little secret: Spider-Babies needs their sleep, and it's already 2 am" Tony said dramatically, earning an eye roll form his kid.

"Mr. Stark"

"Nope, c'mere and sleep" he extended his arm out and Peter leaned in his father figure chest with a smile, watching the end of Frozen.

"Thank you, Mr. Stark" he said against Tony's shirt.

"For what, Underoos?" the man started to play with his kid's hair fondly.

"Everything"

"My pleasure"

After another movie Tony had a purring and asleep child above his chest, the kid's face tucked in his neck and Tony making soothing circles in his back with one hand.

He looked down at Peter, feeling greatly content that he trusted him enough to let himself purr and be himself around Tony.

Tony kissed the kid's hair "I love you, kiddo, don't change ever" he mumbled against his curls.

Then, he let himself be dulled to sleep by the soft vibration coming form the kid and the voices of the TV.

It was one of the few days in which he slept in.

———————————————————————

After that time it had become more and more normal for Peter to purr- only in Tony's presence-, and he had to admit it was nice having someone to trust enough to be himself and not worrying about him judging or being weirder out by him.

Every time he felt too content or relaxed he would start purring unconsciously and, when he realized what he was doing, he didn't stop.

Right now, he was actually in the vents, the rest of the- now pardoned- Avengers had moved back into the tower with Tony, and you could say that with him too as he was practically living there half his time when he wasn't at his apartment with May; point was, he still didn't feel very comfortable with them around, and they didn't know his identity either so he didn't want to risk it. The only interactions they had were when Tony introduced him to them as his intern and some casual ones when he would cross paths with one of them; so that was why he was in the vents.

That was, until he heard a conversation in one of the rooms he was passing, he crouched back and sat there quietly, trying to hear what they were saying.

He knew it was wrong, but in his defense, he has never done this before, just that he heard his name, and he wanted to know what the Avengers could be talking about him, more when he was trying to stay low.

It sounded like a discussion.

"-y, tell me the truth" it was... Natasha, he realized when he remembered that Wanda wasn't in the tower right now and it was clearly a female.

"I already told you! But you aren't listening: he's my intern" now it was the very well known voice of his mentor, he'd recognize it anywhere.

So, Natasha was questioning him and their story, maybe she even had some suspicions about him being Spiderman, he wouldn't be surprised as she was a trained spy and he was a terrible liar.

"That's not the truth and we both know it"

"Well, too bad, because that is and I'm not discussing my intern anymore" he heard steps and then Natasha's voice once again.

"Okay, sorry, don't go" before she admitted "But you can't blame me, it's very strange of you to have a teenage intern when you almost don't have any adult ones, and the relationship you have with him? That's not just some intern shit" he flushed at that, he knew he had a very good relationship with his father figure, but hearing someone else say it was nice, like a someone reassuring him that it wasn't just in his head.

"He's very special" Peter could hear the smile on Tony's words and he beamed, feeling warm and giddy.

"I know, I have seen him" she agreed and this time he blushed excitedly, the Black Widow was talking about him! How cool was that? "I just... can I ask you something? I haven't been able to find out on my own. I must warn you, it's personal"

"Go ahead, then I'll decide if I answer or not"

"Is he your son?" she blurted and Tony choked, like he actually heard his father figure choking.

"Excuse- What- I- Wh- Just- What?!" Tony sputtered and Peter knew that he had to be very shocked to act that way, not everyone was able to leave Tony Stark at speechless.

He frowned. Was Tony really that upset about someone suggesting he was his son? He knew it wasn't the case and it felt a little awkward, but was it really that bad? Peter even had started to think of him as his father figure, but without the 'figure' part- like his actual dad-

A naive part of him had thought that maybe Tony had started to think of him that way too- more like a son than a mentee- but it seemed like that wasn't the case, and the realization hit him hard in the face, making his guts churn and a strange and uncomfortable feeling set in his chest. He scolded himself for being that childish.

He didn't move, wanting to know what he was to his father figure- if he even answered the question-

"So... he isn't" Natasha confirmed "Sorry"

"But- Wait, why did you thought that?" Tony sounded dumbfounded and shocked.

He heard steps, light ones, female ones "Just how you act around each other, even in the short time that I saw you two together I could tell you are pretty close"

"Yeah... you could say so" his voice was soft and fond "But he isn't my son, and don't you dare bring up the subject when he's around, I'm not the kind of dad the kid wants"

‘Yes, you are’ Peter wanted to shout.

"So, what's up with him then?" she asked as the footsteps ceased.

"Well, he's really special. You should know him, he's very intelligent- he can keep up with me in the lab and always has great ideas-, he's super kind and is always trying to help in one way or another and cares a lot about the people around him, he's everything I wasn't at his age and that's why I wan him to do better, he's already better, but he still has a lot to learn and I want to be the person teaching him”

Peter couldn't move, too stunned with Tony's revelation to do something more than smile like the Cheshire Cat. Tony meant that? He felt his throat tightening.

"You care a lot about the kid"

"Yeah, like he's mine" Tony stopped abruptly and there were a few seconds of silence in which he didn't know what was happening.

He then heard Tony cursing at making that revelation "It's nothing bad, you care, Tony, that's all. Tell me more about him" Natasha told him.

"Well, he does really well in school and is always talking about something, he couldn't be quite for his life... he- I really care about him, Nat, a lot, and I just know that someday he'll change the world, because he's so good, and I don't know what I'd do if something happened to him... God, is this what parents feel like? How can they handle it all their life? I don't want to screw this up, because I really like him and I care a whole lot about this kid" Tony stopped and, after a beat, he began to talk again "You should know him, you'd like Peter. He's clever, a very good person, funny, and he kind of looks like a puppy when he's confused" he sounded like a proud mom- dad-.

"Maybe he isn't your son biologically, but it sure sounds like a father and son relationship to me" Natasha commented "Also, I would really like to get to know him more, and the rest of the team also would like”

"Yes, it is, and I like it" Tony admitted, ignoring her second statement as he knew that Peter wasn't that comfortable around them.

There was a moment of silence before Peter heard footsteps: both of them were walking, but then someone stopped and the heavier ones reminded. Tony.

"What?" the billionaire asked.

"Shh" was the only response Peter heard from the spy, but he imagined her holding a finger to her lips.

He concentrated in his enhanced hearing, he could hear a lot of things- the vibrations of the lights and electronics, Steve humming and the traffic of New York- but there was one more sound, closer- God. He was purring, and the sound stopped abruptly when he realized that he shouldn't, something that took more time than it should have.

"What was that?" she asked "In the ceiling... it sounded like a cat"

"Cat? Why would a cat be in here, Nat? There was nothing, probably a malfunction in the lights or something"

She hummed and after a few moments Peter heard the footsteps again. He was able hear one more sentence before the sound of the door closing filled the room.

"Tell the kid that if he ever wants training he can come to me, a favor from a spider to a spider" she said, and Peter paled.

He had bigger problems than Tony realizing he was hearing their conversation all this time now.

[hellyeahheroes]

Best Ongoing Team Books of 2018 - In text because I cannot make it in video

Okay, so my mic is broken, I have barely time to make it work with how many ever hours I’m working recently, so screw it. Last part of my promised list is long overdue anyway, so I’ll just drop it as a text. Apologies for this but yeah, sometimes stuff just piles up. I hope you’ll still enjoy my picks and check the 3 parts that made it to the video

Welcome to Best Books of 2018, the long-awaited final part. I’m terribly sorry it took me so, so terribly long but I had been forced to take many over hours at my day job and it just ate in my time. The rules are as before. The book must still be ongoing in 2018, even if only for a single issue. It also must have more than two issues published in two thousand eighteen. However, if a book got relaunched as effectively the same title, they count as one. This time we’re doing team books. So if you can, go check those titles out at your local store.

Number Ten: Super Sons and its continuation, Adventures of the Super Sons. Work of writers Peter Tomasi and Patrick Gleason with artwork by Carlo Barberi with issue twelve of the first series draw by Tyler Kirkham. Super Sons continue to be an absolute joy. The greatest asset of this story is that Jon and Damian are written as a pair of actual kids, with behavior we would find too childish with other people but appropriate with them. Which only adds charm to an already book that captures joys of being a kid and going on adventures and that embraces silver age weirdness with all kinds of strange stuff, from a bunch of alien kids idealizing Earth supervillains and modeling themselves after them to an alien versions of Cain and Abel and their House of Secret Mysteries. It is a book that you can just pick up, relax and enjoy, lose yourself in fluffy fun. Its time is limited as Adventures is just a mini but I think if there is one title on this list that is just pure escapism, bar themes touched in an issue where our heroes meet their future selves, it is this one.

Number Nine: House of Whispers by writer Nalo Hopkins and artist Domonike Stanton. One of my favorite out of the new Sandman Universe books, it tells a story of a spell gone wrong that results in the tied fate of goddess Erzulie from Vodou religion and girl named Latoya. The former ends up trapped in the Dreaming, cut from her worshippers and desperately needing to come back before she starves without worship. The latter loses her soul in the same accident and now is affected by Cotard’s delusion, a mental disorder that makes a living person believe they’re dead and worse, she can spread it like an infection. While absolutely fantastic with the weaved narrative I will say that at the time it might be even too heavy as the parts that deal with people affected by the delusion, especially Latoya and her girlfriend Maggie, often feel so outright depressing I had to put the book down and take a break. It is not a bad thing, not every comic book has to just make you feel entertained, especially not one aiming at evoking different emotions. But I need to recommend this one with a warning it is not for everyone as people who already feel down might only feel worse. Still, if you are looking for a book either heavily using themes from religion by far underexplored by literature and pop culture in a respectful way or for a book that might leave you shaken and made think, appreciate your life even, this is a book for you.

Number Eight is a tie: Justice League Dark by writer James Tynion the Fourth and artists Alvaro Martinez and Daniel Sampere as well as Justice League Odyssey by writer Joshua Williamson and artists Stjepan Sejic and Philipe Briones. Two of the new Justice League titles have their problems, I’ll admit it. The main villain in Justice League Dark comes off as invincible for the sake of it and the establishment of the Sisterhood of the Sleight hand only to destroy it rubs me the wrong way and Odyssey feels to have missed its impact moment due to delays and artist change. However, both books are still excellent in what they set to do, opening this new age in Justice League books and bringing them back to the flagship role. Be it dark atmosphere of JLD that isn’t mitigated by inclusion of either Detective Chimp or Wonder Woman, in fact it is a stroke of genius to have her confront the darker side of magic, or the outlandish space opera of Odyssey, with super likable cast playing game of cat and mouse with Darkseid himself, the books do bring new to the table and truly make the Justice League currently one of the strongest if not the strongest lines in the big two.

Number Seven: Rogue & Gambit and its continuation Mr & Mrs. X by writer Kelly Thompson and artist Pere Perez on the former and Oscar Balduza and David Lopez. I’m counting it as one book even if an important part, the wedding, took place in a different title and was fairly controversial. But Kelly Thompson has really shown that she feels the two and their relationship and uses as much of their history as possible to build on and inform said relationship. It is in how natural it comes off as, how strong their bond is but also how unafraid of testing it through their adventures Kelly Thompson is that really makes this book so unique. With the cancellation of X-Men: Red and Exiles and with how Uncanny X-Men and Age of X-Man seem in a contest who can drop more balls, this book is now the best ongoing in the X-Line and you will be doing yourself a disservice if you won’t check it out.

Number Six: Justice League by writers Scott Snyder and James Tynion the Fourth and artists Jim Cheung, Jorge Jimenez, Doug Mankhe, Mike Janin, Francis Manapul, Fazer Irving and Guillem March. This book decided to bring the Justice League back to its greatness and to my great surprise, it succeeded. Scott Snyder’s over the top imagination is a perfect fit for this title and in just a few issues he proved he is not afraid of breaking established boundaries and showing us that cosmology of DC Universe is much greater and more amazing than we might have thought, that everything we thought we know hides more secrets and there is always a new adventure right behind the corner. It asks important questions that, while not intended to be political, by Snyder’s own admission, I feel are still questions about life, a current state of the world and our expectations and ourselves. Upon seeing how flawed the world is, how flawed other people are, how flawed, in the end, we ourselves are, what is a correct course of action? Deny it and try to grind yourself into the idea of perfection you want to be even if it is impossible? Embrace your worst and care only about yourself? Or accept you have flaws, that you feel pain and trauma and realize you can still be a good person regardless? That is the theme of Justice League that makes me enjoy this book so much.

Also, they have hired Ferdinand the Minotaur to work at their cafeteria, that’s awesome.

Number Five: The Dreaming by writer Simon Spurrier and artist Bilquis Evely. The Dreaming is in peril. Dream of Endless has left his dominion, there is a hole in it through which strange things come, citizens find themselves in state of unrest and all beloved characters, from Lucien and Matthew to Merv Pumpkinhead and Eve to Cain and Abel are set on a course that will challenge them and will change them in unexpected ways, all while old faces like Glob and Brute come back and new ones like mysterious Dora and merciless Judge Gallows leave their mark on the place. The Dreaming plays with obvious political undertones but on a meta sense, it is another case of what Simon Spurrier is driven to do, to deconstruct the darker corners of comics and try to explore questions of responsibility and morality through it like he did with Legion and X-Force. This new, heavier, darker take on the Dreaming sucked me in instantly and I really hope the ride Spurrier has prepared for us is a long one.

Number Four: Exiles by writer Saladin Ahmed and artists Javier Rodrigues, Rod Reis and Joe Quinones. Exiles had another short-living comeback and it saddens me to see that it has already been cancelled, though not before qualifying on this list. I love Exiles as a series and a concept and the return with all-new cast and Blink was a welcome one. With adventures that are in equal parts fun and serious and characters with such amazing charm as a cartoon kid Wolverine or Valkyrie. What’s more is that the book had such amazing creative artwork, with Rodriguez especially giving it his all and creating some amazing visuals that truly matched increasingly crazier visions that Ahmed has weaved in front of him through the script. This was a top-notch creative team that I sure hope we’ll see them team-up once again on another project in the future. Meanwhile, while brief it it was still a pleasure to come back to this team of weirdos and outcasts hopping between dimensions, one crazier than the other.

Number Three: Wild Storm by writer Warren Ellis and artist John Davis Hunt. Now here is a book that benefits from its stated twenty four issues run. Wild Storm is a slow burn. But it is by far one of the most glorious slow burns in the history of comics. Ellis continues to create a gritty narrative that combines aliens, conspiracies, secret agencies, technological inventions and movie-like decompressed storytelling into a chilling, dark story that absolutely dominates with the atmosphere. The vision of Wildstorm Universe Ellis and Hunt created for us is absolutely captivating and the feel of the world at the verge of total war between two agencies that long time ago stopped caring for common folk, while Jacob Marlowe, Jenny Sparks, and John Lynch, each in their own way, race to stop them or deal with problems they unleash, is unlike any other. There is plain and simply no other book like this on the shelves right now and it is very unlikely there will be such a book soon after it ends.

Number Two: The Terrifics by writer Jeff Lemire and artists Ivan Reis, Evan Doc Sharner, Joe Bennett, Dale Eaglesham. Out of all New Age of Heroes Books this is undeniably the best one. A loving tribute to the original Fantastic Four stories that finds a new quality through use of characters that may fill similar archetypes but are different enough that each brings their own thing to the table, creating new dynamics that liven up known narratives while at the same time the artists manage to get creative, especially the issue that divides each page into a sort of camera following each of the four protagonists one panel per person and uniting them and dividing as they join together or split up, pushing the very boundaries of graphic storytelling as we know it. It is also a book full of warmth and joy and optimism we often do not see in books like that. It is truly a title that has a heart and imagination on its side and it is using them to their full potential.

Honorable Mentions: West Coast Avengers, Champions, Teen Titans

And our Number One is Runaways by writer Rainbow Rowell and artists Kris Anka and David Lafuente. It couldn’t be anything else. Runaways this year was plain and simply the best book on the shelves. Kris Anka’s beautiful art brings to life Rainbow Rowell amazing heart for these characters as she lets them face new challenges in their lives, creating story if teenagers at the verge of adulthood as they try to wrestle less with supervillains and more with their own fears and insecurities and this feeling of childhood and innocence lost for superhero life they never wanted, all as they try to rebuild and maintain their family. It is a story where greatest victories are not supervillain battles, which they seem to win by a fluke most of the time anyway, but to take a step forward, overcome your fear and doubt and admit to yourself that yes, you are worthy of happiness and you will be happy. In that Runaways is without a doubt the book that speaks to me the most and one I wait for every month. I cannot recommend this book enough.

So here are my final picks. I’m exhausted. I will say that recently all stuff in my life made working on the videos harder, especially now that i’m trying, against any better reason to record myself  and I might not be able to do it as regularly. I might think of reinventing the format and maybe relegate the channel to a different role in relation to my blog, which I think is by now much more popular. I still have learned a lot in that time of doing these videos and I wish to continue, maybe with a more focused vision. Thank you all for being so long with me and putting up with my nosense and rest assured, I shall return.

- Admin