#i am very aware what is happening today
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*stares at last post date 10 days ago*
oopsies
#i have been keeping up with everything going on tho#indirectly#i am very aware what is happening today#and of what has been happening in terms of lore#i won’t provide my thoughts i think a lot of people have summed mine up accurately#i’m feeling several things at once to say the least but#it’s better to go out this way than in a worse more abrupt one#qsmp admins we love you thank you for everything <3
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UUGHH I JUST HAD THE WORST DAY IM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED GRRRR !!!!! goes to draw my best friend @jumjum-crafts 's guy to blow off steam
★ version without text + reference image under cut :
★ song : "STATIC ELECTRICITY HUMAN – Computer Flavor" – kairikibear
#before you ask . dear jummy – yes . this was what the ask i sent you the other day was alluding to#i have a very complicated relationship with your colin . but you should be aware of the fact that seeing him invokes intense primitive –#– feelings within me . and one cannot decipher whether they are positive or negative#in any case#JDHDHDJRJRHT I HATE MY LIFE#I HATE THIS SHIT#I WANT TO BE DEAD#there's so much stuff happening every day and im constantly overwhelmed and tired and it's so hard to get out of bed and i don't even want –#– to wake up in the morning . every day just gets worse than the last#everyone around me is doing so much . living their life to the fullest . making huge future and career decisions and planning way ahead#and what am i doing ?#im laying in bed . crying because today was just too much to bear . trying to gain an ounce of happiness by ripping out another piece of –#– my soul to hand out to someone i admire#is this what it's going to be like forever ? bleak nothingness ? constant desolation ?#...#im gonna go to bed#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis colin#colin the computer#fanart#fanart for a friend#vocaloid#vocaloid inspired#i actually had a lot of fun with this . even if the background was the biggest pain i ever had the pleasure of drawing#this entire song makes me feel comfortable#i might make something for someone else#and im debating if im actually gonna be doing a halloween drawing in the first place . at least one that will be on time with the holiday#whatever#please ignore me
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this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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from chocolate chip cookie to kinder bueno
#morna#i still need more bleach to achieve the colour i'm aiming for#i am aware of my dead eye in the right image but whatever lmao#also the shine on my lip is vaseline btw#this scottish lady who was getting her own hair done was also getting really invested in what it was going to look like today#when she first looked the brown was all in clips on top of my head so she only noticed the bleached bit (which was very white at the time)#then when my hairdresser took the clips out she looked again and went WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT HAIR#IT WAS WHITE JUST NOW#i was like it's magic!!!!#she started to get really worried that she wouldn't get to see the end result bc her hair took a lot less time than mine 😂#she got sick of sitting around when her hairdresser left her colour to cook so she would come over and check on it every now and then#i loved that she got so into it#i didn't intend to become the entertainment for the day but i fucking loved it#tags#okay to reblog#personal
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#i am once again asking what the fuck happened between february and the first week of may#this is why i don't get how people can say 'oh im sure charles knew ahead of time he just didn't know when xavi would leave exactly'#when nothing he's said today suggests he knew? or agreed to it?#and the timing is bizarre like if this was the plan all along why not do it before the season started#and not 6 races in with no explanation#charles even defended him in front of the press yet again when they were fishing for information#asking if this will mean communication will improve which...... lol fuck off#they didnt even have any major communication issues this year and the stuff that happened before was a result#of general pitwall fuckery - especially in 2022 when the mismanagement and chaos was egregious under mattia#feel like im just yelling into the void but this is seriously pissing me off#say what you want about xavi but this was objectively handled very poorly on fred/ferrari's part#not discussing the issue with the driver is already pretty bad but not even informing him prior to/during the miami weekend.....#that's just fucked up#i can't see mercedes or red bull blindsiding lewis or max like that#even mclaren like afaik whenever someone else has to step in as race engineer for the weekend the driver is aware in advance#like they literally just cut xavi off at the knees to do? what exactly? shove him in some dusty corner back at the factory or wherever?#never to be seen again? yeah fuck them ugh
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the whole 'there are not very many Great Causes worth fighting for these days' from Julian scanned as WAY more out of touch than the moon landing thing for me the first time i read tsh
#like to the point of it being actively jarring when i got to him saying that#the secret history#'they landed on the moon??' well okay i guess it's not really their area#and they've been really out of touch with the news since it's also not really their area + they've been#off to the woods/a country house/etc and getting very drunk and killing deer and also people#i don't remember the exact dates re the moonlanding + the events of the book but like.#Sure. that's probably fair or at least kind of understandable#that could Feasably Happen On Accident at least#but julians like 'there isn't much worth fighting for these days' and um.#if you pay attention to literally anything happening in the world at any given moment at all. ever.#....what? literally what do you mean by this?#there have always been So So many Great Causes that people are dying for all the time constantly forever#and even if you've somehow managed to comoletely block out literally every piece of news/political development/etc#that's not really a reason to assume there Aren't. that's a reason to go like. well if there are any Great Causes left today then#I don't know about them. and even if we assume he's defining what makes a cause worth fighting for by classical values#and saying that that means for example that he wouldn't necessarily think of say the civil rights movement or liberatory movements etc#as fitting (which i think is also probably debatable- it comes to mind that the athenians valued (their own) freedom. political engagement#was valued but only the right kind from the right people. etc. what i'm saying is that#no i don't think they actually fit what julian would be thinking of as the classical mind's* idea of a great cause worth dying for#but also you could debate that/frame things differently/etc (*presumably there is a more particular subset of the population he has in mind#than just 'classical' or 'greek' in actuality. like. specifically those from whom we having writing/would have citizenship/etc.))#i'm certain there are plenty of arguments to be made. like plenty of people are fighting for various countries#it's not like wars or empires have stopped existing or other myriad conflicts have stopped existing#also in typing this i've realised he was maybe forshadowing henry's death#and now i need to go look up the exact quote and make another post i guess.#(also disclaimer that i'm aware i've phrased a lot of this clumsily. it is midnight these are the tags of a tumblr post and i am not sober.)#anyway to rephrase my initial point i just think with the moon landing thing that's One major event you missed.#if you're saying that there are No Great Causes Worth Fighting/Dying For (with the understanding that you think those are a thing#that can exist) then i think maybe you managed to skip out on hearing about significantly more#than just the one major event. that's much harder to manage i would think
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The Horrors Persist
#piktalk#tags moment again sorry besties#i dont wanna go back to sleep but i might have to :/ (<- 40% battery)#iam simultaneously making a huge deal and not a big deal at all of this and it feels silly but also i can hear my ears ringing. so.#its dark! im lonely! i dont know what im gonna do with today! hours and hours!#and i dont wanna use all my phone battery in case of emergency but fuck dude! man!!!!#literally out here 'yeah as long as i have smthn to do i can deal with it here' Surprise Dumbass!!!#like nothings Bad yet but it could be Very Easily and i know that and i dont like that. yknow.#i do not enjoy the sensation of distance. iknow i shouldnt be such a pansy abt it all but. :(#nothing is technically Wrong i am simply aware of my limits and this happens to be one of them. yknow.#and. it is still dark. alas.
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me, 30 minutes ago: its 1 am and i should sleep <3
me, immediately after: refreshes tumblr, decidedly does not go to sleep
#i say this like its funny haha#but tbh it is mostly because i am so fucking. Devastated about the horrible shit happening to palestinians#i saw so many videos and pictures today of such horrible things that they’re suffering through right now#and im seeing it through a screen from my safe little bubble in my house and its still destroying me emotionally and mentally#i cant imagine the fear and horror they must be feeling in gaza#and the fact that they have probably felt this fear and horror for a very long time because of israel’s ethnic cleansing of their people#im in such a privileged position and the least i can do is spread awareness and i donated what i could and i have plans to reach out to my l#local government and encourage them to speak up and condemn the genocide of palestine and im looking for local protests and shit like#im gonna do what i can but i know i cant do enough as just a singular individual with low social impact and not a lot of money#but i’ll still do what i can no matter what#i wouldnt be able to live with myself knowing i sat back and said nothing while the palestinians suffered so much#which honestly i already did because i wasn’t educated about it prior to this past week and thats entirely my fault#i mean partially i know its western civilization not showing the horrors that israel has committed but i try to stay in the loop on things#and try to be aware of things happening in the world and i failed to become aware of this before now#i could have been doing more for years to try and spread awareness for palestine and i never did and i wish i could go back and change that#but i cant#but what i CAN do is speak up now that i know and spread awareness and refuse to let palestine go down without a fight#sorry this is a fandom sideblog i know ive been posting a lot on my main blog and i do need to go to bed and whatever#its just hard to sleep knowing that as i sit here safe and comfortable in my bed there are children families innocent people dying in gaza#and the world is actively and successfully trying to paint palestine as the bad guys#its fucking awful and despicable
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...
#today i am experiencing a very weird form of stress. one i have not felt since being an undergrad with no self awareness#like i stood at my door for like 15min today with my forehead resting on the wall. trying to get myself to go outside#and that has not happened in a loooong time#at least i managed to get some algae transferred. i did it while feeling halfway outside my body but i did no it#its just the interview i have tomorrow. idk y i agreed to it bc this one im like 90% sure i dont wanna go to#bc one its in new jersey and i dont wanna deal with east coast driving. also its not a ivy league school but its wanky enough that i felt#like i should look up whether it was or not. and i dont think i would b well suited to that sort of environment#also when i interviewed with the guy last time i was iffy abt him as a boss bc idk he felt kinda pretensions and very hands off#but his students like the lab so idk. the project would b cool but like idk not exactly what i want#so fucking idk what im gonna say tomorrow. i dont even kno whats supposed to happen#bc its like i had to pick 3 ppl to interview with but one dropped out and im like... r they just asking generic questions..???#so im anticipating a cluster fuck but ifk at least its not in person lol. hopefully itll b ok once i start talking#its just had me borderline incapacitated for the last 2 days#aye. i want it to be next week when im. hopefully. having fun touring a school i actually wanna go to#it would b cool to b near the ocean tho. ive never lived thst near an ocean#unrelated#sorry for being so whiney. this month is just a lot rip
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evening has come again huh
#🌙.vent#i'm really sorry for the vents lately but i need a way to let it out. & this. this is as far as i can go with that#i need to do better again i know i can i have to :') people waiting for me. others n me....#last night i downloaded a game for my friend. for her. & then another friend i told her i'll reply before the day ends :< 'take your time'#she said but sob she opened up abt smth n i wna help i really do & fuck it just hurts too bcs i know the ppl around me are. struggling too#i try not to put others b4 myself if i'm struggling like rn but :< i hate the helplessness. wish i cld do smth more for you#i wish i could at least be enough to help them. for you for you whoever you are i would always be willing to make these sacrifices#i'm gna cry it's been so overwhelming lately bcs i'm filled with so much hope and despair simultaneously#what do i do? which do i choose? how do i decide? how am i supposed to do. enough. find a balance#n then other friends i haven't gotten to replying yet today bcs oh i'm too worn down right now n i hate it so much i'm sorry#& other than all the stuff i want to do for myself and for others there's also things like school n#it hurts you know? i'm very much aware i've been worrying my family lately. i can't. sleep properly. i can't bring myself to finish eating#:< n then it also gets overwhelming when i. look to better things. bcs it gen makes me v happy when. idk i feel inspired or creative or wtv#but it hurts when it's also simultaneously so overwhelming bcs it's so hard to do something with it#& thinking of good memories. how fleeting those moments were. how times have changed. but also of. of how more may come#but maybe. maybe only if i'm better. if i'm not this hollow husk of my usual self? fuck i know i'm too harsh on myself. unnecessary pressur#i'm more than it i know. but at times it's just so hard to feel better when i'm. 🥹 i really really don't want to be a disappointment.#for others n. for myself.... bcs i know as always in the future. wtf the fuck happens then. i do know that parts of me will never change.#wnvr i look into my past i'll always know that i deserved being more kind to myself. bcs i'm human too.#this empty feeling of being stuck somewhere being hope n my despair hurts v much bcs it's so contradicting & overwhelming#n i wish in these moments i cld be enough for my future self. n for those around me#i wish i was better at communicating! tell everyone i know how much i appreciate them! how much i wish they'd stay in my life#i wish i cld really just say but i'm afraid that my honesty might scare you away. so instead i hide. you probably don't feel the same nyway#crying it hurts i think past experiences have made me too used to people leaving. but i can't be vulnerable enough to be#soft enough to the extent of being so honest. i've been hurt before when i was kind n younger n naive sure but oh so innocent#struggling sad n it was so bad then that i. oh i remember how it hurt.... i refuse to let myself go through that extent of loneliness again#i wish though that. i could. revive my mind. my motivation my inspo my creativity hasn't exactly dulled but it's become more passive#am i afraid that if i really be myself then i'll be alone again? if i'm weird if i'm too honest n soft n. i don't know.#it hurts feeling like i'm stuck with being too little n too much at the same time. how do i. just be. enough. for you. for me.#it hurts i'm crying i'm sorry i'm so sorry fuck i'm so overwhelmed n lost i don't want to think right now it feels so empty n i'm tired
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i had a good day i like having things to do but unfortunately i have just remembered i am insane</3
#currently. in this moment#currently i can't stand the enorrrrmous gap between what i recognize as good writing + how committed i am to improving the skill#(not very) (i am not committed i have never committed or honed any skill as it's a very vulnerable position to put yourself in)#(or let me rephrase that i feel unusually insecure and existentially threatened when i have to start from zero and make mistakes)#(which is basically all of life. so it's abnormal i know it is. but it's where i am right now and i'm not climbing out of this one anytime#soon)#so listen i didn't sign up for this. i don't even want this really and i double triple quadruple don't want rules and advice and#indirect criticism. the latter no one at all on planet earth can avoid bc every sentiment and opinion expressed can reflect on you in a way#where was i what gap. right so i am not actually disciplined or motivated to learn/discover/get better at creating something#so that's the gap‚ i know what i should be trying to do or what i should want or what i should strive for. i know why. i see i hear#i understand#it's just that‚ i am aware that psychologically that is not in my best interest#like long-term it is but in actuality it isn't. d'you know what i mean?#but i have my compulsions. and those don't care they operate on a different level#so there is a bit of an opposition. so what happens‚ and this is the important part‚ what happens is i do it and i feel bad.#unless i close my eyes and ears. and i feel bad right now#and i'm bummed#and then i question everything and wonder why i'm alive#and i said insane because if i didn't have compulsions and obsessions? if i lived a real tactile present life. day to day and only cared#about how i can improve my life and the lives of others. and how i can become useful#directly. if i was someone who could access that. then i wouldn't have this problem#i know this sounds like “if i was different i would be different which would be good”. and that is exactly what i'm saying yeah#so this is my journal entry for today. i felt good when i was doing something simple for 9 hours and then i 🧠made myself feel bad#kata.txt
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(totally not based on my day) but a simple request for spencer helping reader out with a bunch of chores bc she's overwhelmed with life and she decides to thank him with like the quote "best head of his life" and he's like "its okay you dont have to do that" and she's responds "but i am anyways"
it will come back ❀ s. reid x reader
in which spencer reid helps you when you're (very) overwhelmed, and you might need to return the favour. pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: comfort & smut (18+ mdni) tags: oral (m receiving). praise. established relationship. reader's overwhelmed overstimulated overworked... very enthusiastic head giver!reader. use of honey and angel. they love each other a lot. i love them a lot. i don’t think there’s d/s dynamics but if there are it’s soft dom spencer (nobody’s shocked). word count: 3.1k a/n: thank u sooo much for reading my brain ily i need to give spencer reid head asap. new format/layout for requests sort of its the same as my normal post layout... do we like... i sure freaking hope so. as always lmk if u liked this or even if u didn't but preferably if u did!!
You were exhausted. For three weeks straight, you had been working nonstop, with a wondrous total of eight hours in between shifts. You were hardly sleeping, you had hardly had a social life, hell, you never even had time to enjoy the simple pleasures of an everything shower. You felt groggy, and cramped, and everyday felt like an awful repeat of the last. A nightmare that never ended.
Never mind the fact that you hadn't seen your boyfriend.
Always home too late to be with him in the evenings, and up too early to get coffee with him before your days started. Spencer was so patient with you, regardless. He knew it would end eventually, and he would get his girlfriend back. It was just for the month, was what you would text each other whenever the other began feeling particularly lonely. He didn't even like texting, but the time for a simple phone call wasn't available to you anymore.
And your apartment. Every time you stepped into it you swore a new dirty dish materialised in your sink, or a new pile of clothes sat themselves in your bedroom floor. Which was odd, because you had rotated between the same two outfits for the last eighteen days — your work uniform, or your pyjamas.
You were overwhelmed with it all. Even as your hectic work life came to an end, and you were waking up to the sunlight pouring into your room, instead of an alarm clock while the moon was still up. You were acutely aware of the mess of your apartment, and just the thought of it all left you lying motionless in your bed, staring up at the ceiling.
Tears stung your vision as you felt the seconds tick into minutes, and nothing happened. Attempting to will yourself to get up, and yet you simply couldn't. Exhausted beyond belief, with limbs sinking into the mattress and melding to the sheets.
You faintly heard the click of your front door lock, and if you had any more motivation in you, you'd probably get up to double check it was the only other person who had a key to your apartment, and not a burglar. Thankfully, you didn't have to, for Spencer was calling out your name, gently.
Too exhausted to even reply and alert him of where you were, you lay still until he had found you in your bedroom, his bad dropping by the doorway, feet shuffling against the rug.
"Good afternoon," he said, finding a seat on the edge of your bed, hand resting atop your thigh, gentle circles being rubbed into the skin.
"Is it already afternoon?" you asked him, voice quiet.
"Yeah. How long have you been awake in bed?"
"I don't know," you answered, voice awfully small as you felt the thick weight of frustration with yourself blanket over you. "I need to get up. The apartment's a mess."
"It's allowed to be," he said. "You've been doing sixteen hour days."
"Yeah, but I'm not today. I have the day off."
"Your first day off in weeks. I'd be concerned if you'd spent it productively."
You stared at him, unsure if the irritation that settled in your bones was because of his insistence that you not doing a thing was okay, or your exhaustion. Logically, it would be the latter. You did know that, deep down.
Upon seeing your eyes delve into something a little more desperate, he sighed, hand sliding up to your own, gently tugging you up into a seated position. His eyebrows knitted together at your exhausted look, and you could see his brain ticking behind his eyes.
"Do you want to split the tasks?" he finally asked.
"You don't have to," you shrugged your shoulders. "It's my mess."
"Honey, you're already overwhelmed, and all you've done is wake up," he answered, thumb drawing circles on the top of your hand that he still seemed to have clasped within his own. "Let me help."
"It's really gross."
"I've seen mutilated dead bodies."
"I'd argue my kitchen sink is worse."
"Oh would you?" his eyebrows shot up, lips twitching in amusement, that you found solace in, distracting you slightly from your overstimulated mind. "Do you want to have a shower?"
"Yes," you nodded your head, brain ticking over all the personal hygiene tasks you had been neglecting over the past few weeks.
"How about you go shower, I'll start cleaning up, and you come join me when you're feeling better?"
Despite your aversion to anybody but yourself tackling the mess of your apartment, you knew better than to deny Spencer any further — he had set his mind on helping you.
Sighing, you nodded your head in defeat. He had coaxed you up off the bed, gotten you to the bathroom, even found you a fresh set of clothes to wear, and waited with you for the water to warm up. It was really only once he was absolutely sure you had gotten into the shower, did he leave you be, and disappeared from the bathroom.
Eventually, the apartment had been cleaned, with efforts from the both of you getting it to where it now was.
You were a lot less exhausted, and your brain was a lot less fried now that you didn't have a million tasks catalogued within it to get done.
You were lying in your freshly made bed — courtesy of Spencer. Your head on his chest, fidgeting with one of his hands as he used the other to wave around as he rambled about something you were no longer following. It had started as a simple explanation for why you had been so overwhelmed in the first place. Which you had asked as a rhetoric, but didn't have the heart to stop him when he began explaining.
"You're not listening, are you?" he asked, free hand poking your side and emitting an involuntary laugh from you at the feeling.
"I am, I am! I'm just not following anymore."
"Sorry."
"It's okay," you replied, turning and poking your head up to be level with his. "I like hearing you speak, anyways. Doesn't matter if I don't understand."
He only hummed as a response, and the two of you stared at each other for a beat, before you were breaking out into a smile.
"Hi," you chirped.
"Hello," he answered, perhaps a little too amused by your sudden energy. "Would you like something?"
"A kiss?"
"After all that labour I just put in for you?" he mused, but he was already lifting his head to brush his lips against yours, and was most certainly not pulling away when you eagerly connected them properly.
You pulled back after a few moments, searching his face. "Do you want something for all that labour?"
His hand trailed up your spine, fingertips triggering a shiver to run up your back. "What do you have in mind?"
"I could give you the best head of your life."
He was clearly not expecting that as an offer, perhaps because you never had offered such a thing before. It wasn't even something you had talked about, which was bizarre (in your mind), considering he was quite enthusiastic about using his mouth on you.
"You don't need to do that," he shook his head, but with how close your faces were, you could see the instant dilation in his pupils.
"What if I want to?"
"Then that's very nice of you, but my point still stands," he replied.
"Spencer, let me do something in return," your voice was nothing short of a whine, and if he was any less turned on, maybe it wouldn't have made his firm footed denial falter. Maybe you knew that.
"You could do anything but that."
"So a handjob?"
"Or that."
"You're such an awful liar," you huffed. "I can see your pupils dilating. I know you're turned on by the thought of it."
"It could just be because I'm looking at you," he answered, voice hoarse, no doubt from the arousal he was attempting to deny was there. "Romantic attraction triggers the same response in our hormones."
"But it's not."
He fell silent for a few moments, before he allowed his resolve to slip, shaking his head in agreement with you. "No. It's not."
"See! It's okay if you want it. I'm quite literally offering myself to you," you spouted.
His eyes fluttered shut, and he exhaled through his nose, words coming out through almost gritted teeth. "That's not a sentence you should be saying."
"Why not?"
His only response was to say your name chidingly, and when he reopened his eyes, he was met with the shit-eating grin on your face.
"Brat," he mumbled, lips seeking yours once again.
"Who gives really good head," you hummed against his mouth. "And would really love to show you."
"If you're insisting—"
"Which I am," you quickly interjected, staring back at him as yet another amused smile stretched across his lips. Then, he was nodding his head, and you were quite cheerfully kissing him all over again.
It wasn't that you kissed him with much fever at all — in fact, you were melting into his lips with a gentle hum. It was simply that he was kissing you back with a desperation you should be accustomed to. You weren't.
Every kiss you received from him always felt like he was chipping away at your soul, claiming a piece of it. Maybe he was.
You mewled when his teeth nipped at your lower lip, and he was quick to take the opportunity of slipping his tongue into your mouth. Though, alerted by his sudden control over the situation between you two, you reluctantly pulled your face away from his before it could go much further.
"Excuse me," he breathed out, scoldingly, only to be met with your hundredth grin of the day as you descended down his body. He'd take it — you smiling, albeit cockily, was much more rewarding than the concerned look you had been sporting for the majority of the afternoon.
"I don't do this very often," you told him as you lifted your gaze to his, absentmindedly tugging his pants down his legs.
"I hope not. You've never done it for me, and we've been together for quite a while."
"You know what I mean," you grumbled, and he was forced to poke his tongue into the inside of his cheek to keep the smile off his face.
"Is this comfortable for you?" he then asked, having noticed your constant adjustments of your positioning between his legs. From nerves or comfortability, he didn't know.
"Um. I guess so," you replied. "I've never done it lying down."
"We can do it however you prefer to do it, angel."
"Oh. Okay. Cool," you mumbled, sitting up straight and grabbing his hands within your own, tugging him over towards the edge of the bed.
You sank to your knees on the rug, tapping his knees with your hands to part them so you could situate yourself comfortably between them.
You were a vision if he'd ever seen one, and you weren't even doing anything. Perhaps you had noticed the effect you had on him, or maybe you were just largely enthusiastic about doing something for him, and only him.
Your tongue darted out to lick your lips, eyes flickering up to meet his face, and if this was the last sight he saw before he died, he would have no complaints.
"Have you ever gotten head before?" you mumbled, eyes fixated on him as your hands trailed up the sides of his thighs, resting at the waistband of his boxers.
"Yes."
"Okay," you whispered, quietly, tapping his hips so he could lift them, and you rolled his boxers down his skin.
"Okay?" he parroted.
"Okay," you confirmed with a nod of your head. "I just wanted to know if this is going to be completely new for you or not."
As you spoke, your fingertips dragged along his inner thighs, lips following soon after, kissing up the skin.
"I don't think that's going to matter, honey," he answered, voice breathless.
You smiled, not needing to ask what he meant. You lifted your head back up, studying his face. He gave you a nod, a silent confirmation to allow you to go further, and you took a beat to compose yourself. It's not like he would be mad at you if it sucked, but you had had a far too awful day to not do something good.
You hadn't done this in a while, it was true. So your hesitance came more from your brain figuring out what it actually needed to do, than your insecurities (they were there too).
Insecurities that melted away within an instant, for Spencer's thighs tensed beneath your hands that were now holding them apart the second your lips made contact with his cock, and through your lashes you could see his head tipping back.
Your cheeks warmed at how easy it was to get him to respond, and you wondered if the satisfaction settled in your chest was anything similar to how he felt when he did this to you.
You started hesitant. Gentle kitten licks at his tip that probably shouldn't have been garnering such a large reaction from him. But it was, and you had to preoccupy your mouth to keep the smug smile off of it.
Wrapping your lips around the head, he lets out the breathiest moan you think you've ever heard come from him, and your mind goes hazy. Newfound blind confidence wills you to take more of him in your mouth, and it's a quiet 'Fuck' that compels you even further.
In hindsight, he knew he'd enjoy it. It was you after all. He knew from the world shattering arousal that the simple sight of you on your knees was. He had, in a few short seconds, mentally prepared to enjoy this.
But not this much, and certainly not this quickly.
"I've been too selfless," he muttered as you lifted your head back up, tongue licking a stripe up the underside of him as you did. When you met his gaze in question, he added, "I mean never asking you for this. I should've."
You hummed as a response (it was all you really could do), and the gentle vibrations shot heat throughout his body. A shuddering moan rocked through his body, and if not for your quick response time in pushing his hips down, they would've knocked against your face when he bucked them up.
You hollowed your cheeks, lowering your head back down, and emitting the loveliest of moans from Spencer, whose hand found its way to your hair. Upon the lack of your protests, he made a loose ponytail with his fist, gently tugging on it upwards so you could lift your head.
You flattened your tongue on your ascend, successfully making his already weak grip on your hair go slack, within only seconds of him having grabbed it. Swirling your tongue around the tip of his cock, his hips bucked up again, and you flinched.
"Jesus—fuck, sorry, honey," he rasped, though his guilt was quick to dissipate as he saw your thumbs up against his thigh. Your movements weren't hesitant, anymore. Just slow. Tortuously slow. "Can I..." he trailed off, seemingly becoming unsure of what it was he was asking of you within seconds, but the retightening of his hand in your hair gave you all you needed to know.
You nodded your head the best you could, and he mumbled a quiet 'thank you', allowing you to set a base pace, before taking over.
"So good. Jesus Christ, angel. Where did you learn this? Don't answer that. Don't tell me. Shit."
His rambling was sharp sentences, that didn't really sound like they belonged together, and certainly didn't sound like they should be coming out of his mouth. They weren't the most articulately structured phrases he's ever come up with. A thought that comforted you, because you were doing that to him.
"Fuck," he breathed out, once more, and you came to the mental conclusion you've never heard him swear so much in his life. The thought made your stomach flip.
Fingers dug into your scalp, though not too harshly to hurt. In fact, you were letting out a quiet moan of your own at the feeling, hips wiggling. Even in his state, Spencer noticed, and he smiled.
"You—ah—okay, angel?" he asked you, and you relished in the fact that he couldn't get out sentences without moaning.
Your response was yet another hum, and he was bucking his hips. Again.
You knew he was close for a multitude of reasons; the fact that he had quickened his gentle-turned-firm guidance of your head, his fingers tugging on your hair a little harsher than before, and the ever so lovely, "Jesus Christ—please—oh," leaving his lips, breathlessly.
It was a few more moments of that, before the fingers in your hair went impossibly tight, and the muscles in his thighs locked beneath your hands.
The fact you had never discussed doing this, meant neither of you knew the other's stance on what to do. Thankfully, Spencer was rendered so frenzied that he couldn't do anything.
It was a sickeningly lovely sight; you pulling back and swallowing, some of his come painting your bottom lip. His fingers twitched, before they dropped back to the mattress on either side of his body, his chest heaving just as much as your own.
Lightheaded, you slowly brought yourself back up to your feet, and Spencer's arms were quick to wrap around the backs of your thighs, pulling you into him.
"Best head of your life?" you asked, lowering your lips to brush against his.
"By a mile," he replied.
"Just one mile?"
"Maybe two."
Shooting him a glare, you huffed, and he laughed. "You're never getting head again, then."
He nipped your lower lip. "Okay."
"I'm putting my foot down," you retorted, disliking his lack of belief in your words. "Never again."
"I believe that."
"You should."
"Oh, I do," he hummed, sarcasm in his words making you frown. "Are your knees okay?"
If his goal was to distract you, he succeeded, for your eyes were instantly dropping to your knees, indents from the threads of the rug evident.
"They're okay," you confirmed, squirming as his thumbs rubbed circles into the skin on your thighs.
"Tell me if they're not," he instructed, and you nodded. He stood up, hands sliding up to your waist. "Shower?"
"Shower," you confirmed with a nod, despite the fact that you had showered only a few hours prior. "Can we watch a movie after?"
"Yes."
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Summary: You run into your snobby ex boyfriend after a drunken party. Things go south from there. tw: female reader, hinted murder, possessive behavior, condescension, financial(?) abuse, classism
You know this is a stupid, stupid idea. Going home at God knows what time in the pitch black is never a good idea, you think drowsily, head still spinning from the last beer, but even more so when you're tired, pissed off and tipsy. You're freezing, naked shoulders wet from the chilly midnight rain - but instead of soft damp linden, you smell molden concrete and metal. You fucking hate this city. You hate the stupid, flashy, obnoxious parties for rich people, and this shitty university in the middle of nowhere, and even the scholarship that forced you into close proximity with the freakish upper class of east New Hemptison.
"Baby!" A familiar voice sinks into the muddy darkness and you have to physically restrain yourself from emptying your stomach right there on the street - and knowing your neighbours, you'd have to clean it after too. His steps fasten and soon you feel his hand gripping your shoulder to turn you around. Standing before you, glistening just like some prince from a fairy tale, is everything you despise about this town. The fact that he's perfectly prim and proper despite the pounding rain, that his teeth seem almost pearly white in the dark, that his hair is crisp and slicked away tastefully, that even now he's wearing a fucking Armani shirt with the cheesiest pair of jeans (ones you could never afford) - it makes you want to crawl back to the cave you came from, two continents away, and never look back.
"Baby, where have you been?" He sounds terribly concerned as he pulls your shivering body in for a tight bear hug, running his hands through your absolutely soaked hair - murmuring something incomprehensible to your drunken mind. "I was worried sick, missy." His voice drops slightly, but it's all for show. He's playing the part of the good boyfriend, like always - and you fell for it once, you did, but you know better now. "I called you, like, sixty eight times. And nothing." He swallows, big hands trembling around you. "Just radio silence. I thought something bad happened to y-"
"Oh, f-uucking beat it." Your patience finally snaps and you push him off swiftly, barely contained anger starting to resurface again. Today was supposed to be about you, about healing, about feeling better, but just your luck - the very problem had found you, just like always. No matter where you go, your troubles follow. "You know what you did, asshole. Don't you d-aare play innocent with m-me." You hiss drunkenly, stumbling all over your words before hitting the wall all on your own. Mathew, of course, doesn't waste the oppurtunity to get closer to you - just so he can help you regain your balance, of course. The golden boy of Saint Hemptison would never take advantage of an intoxicated girl - much less his ex girlfriend who he's still hopelessly in love with, supposedly. Right.
"Baby, please, you're drunk - you're not making any sense." The man whispers softly, placing his hand at your hip. "Let's go to the penthouse. We can talk about this in the morning when you are more aware of your thoughts."
When you're more aware of your thoughts? You almost laugh. It's quite bittersweet when it hits you that he doesn't respect you even now - maybe he never has in the duration of your miserable relationshop, that in his eyes you'll always be the poor girl in need of a white knight. Just a little trophy to show off, if a bit broken in certain spots.
"I am not going anywhere with you." You mumble, trying to calm down - to appear cold and collected, the complete opposite of what he wants you to be. "Look, I know that you're mad at me, babygirl, but I'm sure your little temper tantrum can wait until tomorrow. You know I don't like this neighbourhood. Let me take you to a safe place for the night, okay?" He reaches for your hand again, but this time you swat it away in fury.
"Who are you to act so worried about me, huh?" You can hear your voice breaking as the tears prick at your eyes - hot and shameful. Crying in front of him is the last thing you want to do, but god, it's so hard not to when this whole night has been a disaster after a disaster. You're truly at your wits' end. "After what you did? You are truly shameless." You squeal, and admittedly, it feels fucking great to finally say it.
Your former lover's face twists into an unrecognizable grimace as he watches you tear into his heart with ease - and as you turn to leave, he grabs your wrist painfully. This time something is different about his eyes - they're not longer smiling. Now they're two bottomless gray pits devoid of kindness, the same eyes you saw the night of the accident as he caressed your cold cheek with bloody knuckles.
"And what did I do, love? Hm?" He tilts your chin up by squeezing your throat, forcing you to meet his eerie gaze. Suddenly all your tipsy bravado evaporates into thin air. "Please, refresh my memory. I really can't recall the events of the past two weeks - since you've been avoiding me and all..." His fingers dig into your skin and you wince just like a kicked puppy - but he doesn't bulge an inch. Suddenly everything comes flooding back - the touches you convinced yourself were sensual, not possesive, the glances you once thought of as romantic, the constant interrogations, the strange emails, the cryptic calls, the dead roses at your door. "I couldn't sleep - or eat for that matter. I am half a man without you. I lose myself completely."
It all makes sense now. You feel like crying, because it's so crystal clear... and you've been a willing fool. You had closed your eyes, because it was easier to lie than to accept the truth bubbling just under his surface - under the dimples and the smiles, and the hundred jewelry boxes still lying unopened under your bed.
"You - you killed him! You monster!" You gasp, unable to stop your lips from uttering the lethal. You thrash around to no avail, you're stuck. "How could you? Jack was your friend!" You hide your face in the crook of his neck to stop the sobs, too scared to look at the crazed man holding you. He simply rolls his eyes, letting you soak his shirt with your pretty tears. "Don't be so dramatic - it's just some broken bones. He'll be fine... as long as he stays away from my things."
You raise your head shakily - you're drowning between hatred, fear and misery. The adrenaline is making you even more disoriented than the liquor percentage in your bloodstream.
"I am not a fucking thing for you to-" You hiccup, growing woozy as you hit weakly against his chest. The corners of his lips curl up slightly as he chuckles at the pitiful display. "For you to just own!" You keep going, cheeks purple from pent up fury - there's something tearing at your insides like you want to scream, you need it to come out, but you find yourself unable to push it off your flesh like it's been ingrained with glue and a shovel.
"You're wrong, baby. I do own you." Mathew says with the sweetest, softest voice you've heard in your life, sugary and bitter like poisonous honey. "Let's say you want to break up-"
"We already broke u-"
His eyes pierce you mid-sentence. You quickly close your mouth.
"Let's say," He repeats through gritted teeth, holding you so tightly you might just merge into one being. "That you want to break up with me." He inhales deeply, nostrils flaring. "Hypothetically. Then what? You have no place to live. I know you're staying at that shithole of a hotel down the street right now - it's filthier than a brothel, no?"
You want to say something - to argue, to scream. To tell him that he's being a rich, condescending asshole again, that you like the hotel - despite the mold and the cockroaches and the way there never seems to be hot water. Despite having to lock your door four times so you don't get assaulted in your sleep.
You say nothing.
"You don't have to confirm it. My agent tracked you down a week ago. Whatever - you'll run out of money in, approximately, 9 days." He smirks maliciously, with unhidden spite - just like a little devil. "Then what? You don't even have an address. And you know the city hall will take their sweet fucking time to help you register - if they don't make you pay a fine first." He strokes your chin cruelly. "We both know just how much they care about clueless little foreigners with less than a penny to their name." He whispers, twisting the dagger in. "Hell, they may even cut your scholarship. And. then. what." Your ex pronounces each word slowly - making sure you can understand it, feel it - fear it.
You imagine your family back at home. You can hear their voices over the phone, your mom smiling as you tell her about your day, your father asking you what you plan to do after college - whether you will still remember them, whether you'd take care of them once they have nothing left, since you took everything with you. The money, the hopes, the happiness...
"F-fuck you..." You whimper faintly, falling against him. You feel defeated, and the sharp words are all you have left. "Why are you doing this to me?" You mumble to yourself, suddenly feeling drained to the very bone. The man begins stroking your hair as he rocks you gently to the side. "Because I love you." He slowly kisses down your neck. "Because I'm the only one in this city who gives a fuck about you, and-" You can feel his smile against your burning cheek. "Because you're mine."
#yandere#yancore#male yandere#male yandere x reader#yandere oneshot#yandere x you#yandere male x reader#yandere oc#yandere oc x reader
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exquisite weather today, no? | part i
warnings : smut, dom anthony and sub reader, pet names, fluff, ben and colin being little shits, reader is kind of naive given the action takes places sometime in the 1810s.
summary : anthony does not want to corrupt his innocent little wife... but what happens when his brothers lend him a helping hand?
a/n: please enjoy part one of my new series until i am done with the james and sirius fic, thank you! <3
“You are telling me that you have not slept in that way with your wife?” Benedict stops in their way down the halls, looking very much concerned. Anthony hums, checking his clock.
“But you’ve been married for almost a year now!” the younger brother exclaims, looking up at the viscount with a frown.
Anthony smirks and looks at his brother from the corner of his eye. “Not that it is any of your concern, but we do things. Together. Alone” his lie is obvious, but still, he leaves Benedict stunned in the middle of the hallway.
When he finally realises that the maids are looking at him funny, Benedict clears his throat and offers them a polite nod, before following Anthony into the drawing room.
Ah, here you are — sitting next to Colin on one of the sofas. With Anthony distracted, speaking to Daphne about the ‘Hearts and Flowers’ ball, he approaches you carefully, sitting beside Colin.
“Exquisite weather today, isn’t it?” he gives you a nod and you mirror his action, smiling, “Indeed it is, Ben.”
Colin looks between the two of you, back and forth, a confused smile gracing his lips. “This is not about the weather, is it?” he whispers through gritted teeth.
Benedict’s smile turns into a grin when the words leave his brother’s mouth. “I am, in fact, glad that you asked, Colin!” he says happily, “I came here because I need some... advice, from Y/n.”
Raising your eyebrows, you look at him in curiosity, “and what could someone such as yourself need advice for?”
Benedict thinks about it for a moment; should he say it? He means no harm but... a little fun won’t hurt... will it?
“Sex” the words leave his mouth and Colin chokes on his tea, eyes wide as he looks back at Benedict. ‘Are you mad?’ he mouths to his brother, but the second-born chooses to ignore him and look back at you. “So. Y/n?”
Benedict finds you looking up at him with wide eyes, lips pursed as you tried to search for that word in your mind, but with no results. “I’m not quite sure what you mean, Ben.”
This time, it is Colin looking back at you, a deep frown settling on his face. “Pardon? Anthony is your husband, there is no such thing as not knowing what sex is.. Does he refer to it differently?”
“You know... when you’re alone, naked, and he towers over you. That thing he puts in between your legs” Benedict quips, already very much content of where Colin has taken the conversation.
“He towers over me?”
The two burst out laughing at your cluelessness and, from the other side of the large room, Anthony’s brows furrow in concern.
“His cock, sweetness. What he has between his legs. I’m sure he spoils the crap out of you with it every night” Benedict taunts and Colin laughs breathily, adding on “or maybe he does not, brother. Seeing that Anthony is so busy all the time. He has more important things to take care of, I suppose.”
At this point, your eyes are teary and your hands are shaking as you listen to your brothers-in-law tease you endlessly. You are not aware of the meaning behind it, though.
In a moment, you feel a hand wrap around your waist and pull you up against the warmth of someone’s body; Anthony. As you look up at him, his heart shatters and his jaw clenches. “I do not know what you did, but be sure that I will find out. And when I do, I hope you will be taking a walk far away from here. More walks.”
And with that, he takes you away from his brothers and rest of the family, not bothering to excuse himself or you, his face red with hatred. He doesn’t know what his brothers told you, but he is positive that it managed to hurt you... And Anthony cannot bare seeing you hurt.
His hand grips yours tightly, in a possessive manner, not hurting you. He is always gentle with you, no matter the circumstances.
Once you reach the wooden door, Anthony ushers you into the bedroom with a hand at the small of your back, following closely behind before he closes the door.
“What did they tell you, my love?” his tone is alarmed and so are his hands, twitching at his sides.
When your eyes finally meet his, they are still filled with tears, sadness pulling at your heart. “Am I a burden to you? Am I- not pretty enough?”
Anthony’s heart breaks and he realises that he’s never seen you so sad before, not even when you were merely a couple and you had family issues.
“Angel, you have to tell me what it is that they told you. I need to know” he repeats through gritted teeth, ready to walk down those stairs and strangle Benedict and Colin.
“Sex” you repeat Benedict’s words unsurely, glancing up at Anthony. “Told me you are too busy for that. And I- you have never told me of that.”
At this point, his hands fly to your waist and he positions you onto his lap, wrapping his arms around your lower body as he turns you to face him entirely. “My darling- They told you that? I-” he seems at a loss for words, and finally, his lips fall into a straight line and he lets go of your hand for a second, walking away from you, and to the floor mirror in his room. You pout as you lose his warmth, and your brows furrow when you notice him pulling the mirror towards you.
He takes his hand in yours and he helps you to your feet, your bottom lip wobbling when you catch sight of your teary eyes, but Anthony notices immediately, and his hands move to hug you from behind, his chin resting on your shoulder.
“You are so beautiful” he says softly, placing a kiss on the side of your neck, nosing at your skin as he continues speaking, “Undress for me, my love.”
Breathing having picked up, your eyes widen anxiously as your hands find his. “Anthony-” “I want to show you how good I can make you feel. Trust me. Please” he pleads, his eyes looking helplessly into yours. You give a curt nod, your heart pounding against your ribcage.
Your shaky hands move to undress yourself and Anthony helps peel off your dress and chemise, leaving you bare and vulnerable before him.
Anthony lets out one of the most obscene sounds when he presses his clothed body to your bare one, and you can feel his erection pressing into your backside, not that you are aware of what that is. Yet.
“Your hand. Move it down your body” he commands rather softly, watching you through the mirror. Your cheeks heat up but you obey nonetheless, your left hand stopping right above your lower stomach, “Lower. Touch your pussy for me, sweetheart.”
“Alright” you take a deep breath, your hand sliding further down your body, resting at your cunt, your warm touch making you shiver. “Feels odd” you whine, eyes pleading as you find his eyes through the mirror.
He bites his lip, his eyes closing for a moment before he is able to look at you again. “It shall feel good in just a moment... Can- Do you want me to show you?”
“Yes, please” you whisper and his hand instantly reaches to your cunt, using both of his hands to spread you open, your folds damp and spread out for him. “S’pretty” you say absentmindedly, dreamily staring at yourself in the mirror.
“Yes it is” he hums, grinning widely against your shoulder. His middle finger taps your clit twice, and he smirks as your body jolts up. “See this, darling? It’s your clit, your little button... You can rub it whenever you wish to feel good.”
“Whenever I wish?” you ask, your eyes wide with curiosity.
“Yes, sweetness” he hums, his cock hardening at the thought of you wanting to touch yourself, let alone to the thought of him. “And if you want it to feel even better, you must-” with your hole dripping wet, Anthony manages to slip a digit right inside of you, causing you to gasp in both slight pain and excitement. He is finally giving it to you.
“Anthony- what is this?” you ask curiously, Anthony’s finger still inside of you, leaving you to adjust to the sudden intrusion.
“Bit of stimulation before I can give you my cock, bunny. Or, as my dear brothers wish to call it, have sex” he chuckles lowly and starts pumping his finger into you, your fragile body shaking, your knees ready to give out, but you know that he is here to catch you.
“Great” you reply breathily, one of your hands slipping into his.
“You must relax, my love” he tuts, moving his finger in and out slowly, the feeling leaving you bucking your hips into his hand, eyes rolling back. “Let them enjoy the show” he eyes you intently through the mirror.
You look at him rather confused, but his other hand moves to cup your jaw and gently turn your head to the side, towards the door.
A door cracked open. Benedict and Colin.
#anthony bridgerton#benedict bridgerton#colin bridgerton#anthony bridgerton smut#anthony bridgerton x reader#benedict bridgerton x reader#colin bridgerton x reader#bridgerton smut#bridgerton fanfiction
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Imagine this..
Gojo absolutely loves the look of his pregnant wife wobbling around the home. He loves it a lot more than he thought he would. Gojo takes so many pictures of you. From the day of the big news, all the way to today.
"Satoru sto-Op!" You squeaked and giggled as you spoke. "I am allowed to dote on my pregnant wife, thank you very much." His low voice spoke very smugly into your ear. Despite your outward complaints, you still looked to the phone sitting on the kitchen counter and smiled. You blinked when the flash went off, and you rubbed your eyes.
"You take too many pictures of me.." You grumble. "Especially when I look like shit." You pouted and rested your hand on your swollen stomach. Gojo gasped and put a hand to his chest. "Shit? You're the most gorgeous woman I have ever met," He leans now and cups your jaw in his hands. "Especially in the mornings." He whispered softly before kissing you. You smiled into the kiss and felt your shoulders relax.
"Mm..if I wasn't already pregnant, I would drag you to bed until I am.." You mumbled happily against his lips. Gojo snickers and rolls his ocean eyes. "Keep talking like that, and I will drag you back to bed, despite already being pregnant." He smirked with lidded eyes. "Even if I'm 5 months pregnant?" You whispered. "Especially when you're 5 months pregnant." He pulled you into a passionate kiss after the words left his lips.
You both didn't leave the bed again until 6 pm.
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Gojo hurriedly washed his hands and ignored grabbing paper towels as he left, deciding to wipe his wet hands off on his pants instead. He was in too much of a rush to care anyway. His pregnant wife was all by her lonesome in the grocery store as he dealt with his bladder problem. He hated to leave you alone. He hated leaving you alone around other people even more.
Gojo sensed your cursed energy in the nearest aisle and quickly returned by your side. He smiled when he spotted you looking at the baby shoes that were huddled in a small pile on the corner of the shelf. Gojos eyes glanced to the clearance sign above the shelf and playfully rolled his eyes. "Didn't I say I wanted our baby girl to have the best quality clothes? Why are we in the clearance section?" He playfully scolded as he leaned his shoulder against the shelf with the shoes.
"Well, I remember saying that it doesn't have to be expensive, as long as it looks adorable on our baby boy." You retorted with a sly smile. Gojo huffed and shook his head. "Our baby girl has the best, strongest, and wealthiest father in all of Japan. I think she deserves to be spoiled." He crossed his arms, making you glance at the faint sight of his veins popping out. Amusement laced his eyes behind the dark shades adorning his handsome face.
"And I think our baby boy will care nothing about being spoiled, as long as it's comfortable." You shot back and quickly looked back down to the pair of shoes in your hand. Gojo felt his heart leap when you placed the boy shoes in the shopping cart before reaching back onto the shelf and grabbing a feminine pair of shoes as well. Gojo pushed himself from the shelf and walked behind you to wrap his arms around your growing belly.
"You are going to be an amazing mother." He whispered softly into your ear. Heat rose to your cheeks, and you smiled bashfully. "You think so?" You placed your hands onto his. "I really do."
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It didn't take long for Gojo to realize you weren't in bed with him any longer. He was normally hyper aware when you would leave the warmth of his arms at night, but he had been even more of a light sleeper after you hit your 7 month mark.
Gojo didn't want to think of what he would do if something had happened to you.
He threw the covers off of himself before leaving the inviting warmth of the sheets. He quickly makes his way to the kitchen, only to find you quietly sitting at the marble island in the center of the room. You were minding your business as you nibbled away at your odd snack, a soft tune playing from the radio nearby. Gojo always insisted on buying speakers. That way, he could blast music from the TV, but you denied him every time. You always said that the radio was much better.
Gojo sighed and quietly walked up to you, his eyes grazing over your plump form. He couldn't help but smirk. You just looked so lovely as you sat there, munching away on your food, his shirt barely covering your body. Gojo was head over heels in love with you, that was obvious.
"Sneaking away from me just to get you a snack? How rude." Gojo softly said as he pouted. You jumped as his arms snaked around your body. You swatted at his muscular arms and shot him a glare over your shoulder. "Dont sneak up on a pregnant lady! You nearly made me drop my pickles.." You mumbled. Despite your annoyance, your body still leaned back to relax against his warm chest.
Gojo glanced at the food in your hands and resisted the urge to shiver. Pickles and marshmallows. "Mm, I wouldn't want to have to throw that snack away.." You rolled your eyes at his sarcasm and plopped the pickle and mini marshmallow in your mouth. "Shuddup."
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"You're doing so good, baby, just a few more pushes." Gojo encouraged you with soft spoken words and swift fingers caressing your hair. You wanted to yell at him to just shut up, but the pain you were feeling inhibited anything other than pained sounds.
Gojo hated seeing you in so much pain. Especially when he couldn't do anything to quell it. "Just one more push." The doctor said. If it weren't for the situation, Gojo knew better than anyone how embarrassed you would be right now. He leaned down closer to your ear. "One more push, sweetheart, and then we can meet our beautiful baby." He whispered softly. You gripped his hand tighter, thankful that his infinity was lowered, his touch grounded you. It kept you sane on a normal day, and you needed him more than ever right now.
"I can't.. I can't!" Your voice was hoarse and weak as you sobbed aloud. Gojo shook his head and kissed your temple, his lips resting against your skin as he spoke. "Yes, you can. I know you can. You're strong, the strongest woman I have ever met, I know you can do this." His words replayed like a symphony. You can do this. You are strong. You can do this. For your baby.
One final push, followed by a shout of pain, led to the cries of your baby echoing in the room. Gojo smiled and gulped down his nerves as he watched the nurses take away his baby to be cleaned.
You weren't in the same condition.
Your ears rang as your head pounded. You know your baby was finally delivered, so why couldn't you hear them? Your glazed eyes panicked to search the room for your child. "Sa-satoru?" Your voice weakly called out. His ocean blue eyes cast down to your face to see the concern and tears. His hand moved from your hair to your face as he wiped away your tears and tilted your gaze to meet his.
"I can't hear them crying. Are they okay?" You hiccuped. Gojos eyebrows furrowed slightly, yet he kept a warm smile on his face. "They are fine, don't worry." He reassured and kissed your sweaty forehead. His eyes glanced to the doctor, only to see a reassuring smile sent back his way. "It's normal for the mother to be disoriented after giving birth. It's a lot of strain on her body." The doctor said quietly.
Gojo sighed and briefly closed his eyes as his lips lingered against your forhead. His attention was directed to the nurse as she walked back with a small bundle in her arms. "Mrs. Gojo," the nurse called softly. Your eyes fell to her, then the bundle of life in her arms. A wobbly smile formed on your lips as you weakly reached out your arms for your baby. The moment the baby was rested against your chest, tears fell from your eyes like a waterfall.
Gojo couldn't help but tear up.
"It's a boy." The nurse spoke up. You tearfully giggled and gently ran your finger over your baby's cheek. "My baby boy.." You mumbled, a soft kiss landing on his head.
After a few moments of skin to skin contact and appreciation, you looked to Gojo. He didn't need you to say a word. He eagerly held his arms out for you to gently place his baby boy in his warm hold. On instinct, the man handled his son with nothing but gentle touch. You just knew he was going to be an amazing father. "God, look at you.. beautiful, just like your mama.." He cooed. You rested your hand on his arm. "Handsome, just like his daddy." You whispered with droopy eyes. He shakily sighed.
This is his family.
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"Thank you.. Thank you so much." Gojo mumbled into your ear. Your mind, despite being fogged, was able to register his words. "F-for what?" You gasped, your nails drawing blood from his pale skin. "For giving me a family." His words reverberated in your spine, causing your ears to tingle and your eyes to close in pleasure.
"I want to be selfish.." He spoke again. His movement picked up speed, quickly sucking the words from your throat. "I want one more. Give me one more -please baby, just one more.." But Gojo has always been a greedy man. One was never enough, and you knew this all too well.. "Please~" He begged, almost pathetically. You moaned aloud and grasped his face in your hands, pulling his lips to your own from where they once were on your neck.
"Give me it, Satoru.. give it to me."
#jjk gojo#jjk x reader#jjk#jujutsu gojo#gojo x reader#gojo satoru#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#pregnant reader#fluff#fanfic
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