#i am trying my hardest to be kind and stuff but she is the reason i have severe BPD and its hard to be nice to her sometimes

[whentherewerebicycles]

also I KNOW that all my college and high school friends are not actually announcing pregnancies or births at a higher rate than usual I’m just more hypersensitive/attuned to this kind of news than usual but also sometimes I feel an uncontrollable rage in my heart towards these people who are 1) getting pregnant for free and 2) getting pregnant, period. I recognize this as an irrational and unfair emotional reaction! it’s not like these people can help being straight and/or having uncomplicated pregnancies! but also I can burn with suppressed rage and grief about it!!!

[meowsogynist]

I'm nice and I'm smart and I'm kind and I love people I promise I am good I am good I am good

[whomeidontknowthem]

I was trying to articulate why I like "bad characters", and bitter realism is definitely a reason there, but I was also walking around a much more complicated and also trauma dump-y reason. But fuck it, why not indulge my habit of oversharing on this site, right?

I was, for a period of time that wasn't even that long ago, a kinda Caretaker. And I was bad at it.

It was all honestly kinda whumpy in retrospect.

Whumpee appeared in my life one day, wishing to escape an awful situation and having nowhere to go, so of course I let her in. She was obviously traumatized, and I had enough experience with it to know what was going on, and I tried my hardest to help.

A lot of stuff happened. Holding her bleeding body after she lost consciousness in my bathroom? Check. Having her startle and and stare at me in uncomprehending horror when I did such strange things for her like buy her favorite candies? Check. Spending hours and hours hugging and comforting her through another nightmare, another panic attack, another episode of not being able to move? Check. Holding her hand as she went to a therapist, encouraging trying but allowing her to back down when she ultimately thought she didn't want that? Check. Check check check check. She told some of the wildest stories I've heard before or after. With how some of them went, being a mess of trauma and coping mechanisms was completely understandable.

I tried. My absolute damn hardest. To be the kind of person I wished was there for me: to be steady and calm, supportive no matter what, give her whatever comfort and help I could, never flinching when it crossed my boundaries, because I wanted to help, right? I wanted what was best for her. She deserved so much better, and she didn't have anybody else to turn to, how could I say no?

(tw sexual assault until the end of this paragraph. One of the ways that helped her feel loved and safe was physical contact. I am bad at it. I don't like being touched. But she wanted it, and so I gave it to her, hours of dissociating and waiting for it to end because I wanted to help her. With the need for physical contact came the desire for sex. One day, she touched me and hinted at doing sex (it wasn't the first time) and I fell apart, unable to stop crying for a whole dozen minutes, shaking and wanting nothing more than for everything to stop. I calmed down, and she asked if I was okay, and I answered that sure. She told me it made her feel bad that I didn't want to have sex with her. I didn't want her to feel bad. I gave in. It wasn't the only time, as you can imagine. I was trying to help her -- in whatever way that came.)

Either way. It lasted for about a year. Her health did get better -- no more collapsing on my bathroom floor or being incapable of moving for long stretches of time. She was often exhausted and always brittle, and I tried my damn hardest to never show any frustration, any anger. Healing is hard and recovery isn't linear and it's gonna hurt before it gets better. I knew that from experience. My last suicide attempt was less than a month before she moved in.

I couldn't hide that I was, too, exhausted beyond reason most of the time. Most of my waking time, my every thought was dedicated to trying to figure out what was best for her. Give her time and attention and love, and then swallow back my own triggers when she pulled away because I worded something wrong. Give her my everything, and refuse to acknowledge it was taking a toll on me, because that one time I brought it up she burst into tears and refused to talk to me in fear of being too much. I was trying to help her. I was really, really trying.

I needed a break, and the summer break was coming, and I was expected to come to my hometown and take care of my little brother and my overworked mother for a bit. I told... Whumpee: "I was going to see my family for a bit." I invited her to come with me and promised to visit her in just a couple of weeks. I left her the keys for our shared flat and my credit card in case she needed money.

Two weeks in, she wrote to me that she'd talked to her family (the awful situation she was running away from in the beginning). They told her I was abusive, holding her back and limiting her, and who knows. Maybe I was. I didn't know how to navigate any of that, and I tried to talk her out of continuing with that job she took that threw her back to the whole nose bleeding to the point of dizziness and near collapsing. I didn't want her to hurt herself (kinda because I didn't want to deal with the consequences, because I already felt like I was spread way too thin, trying to care in any way I could), and that was limiting. Maybe I should have let her do whatever she wanted. Just be a safe space for her to return to? I tried to be that, genuinely, but apparently I failed.

Whatever. I don't think I was ever cut out to be a caretaker.

She told me in that message: the fact that I called my mother and brother "family" meant she wasn't my family. Meant I didn't love her. I promised I did, and reminded I was coming home to her soon. Just another week?

By the end of the week she told me she never wanted to see me again. Her right. I didn't try to stop her: it was her decision. I was trying damn hardest to let her decide things and respect these decisions. If being with me sucked and she wanted out, I was damn sure going to respect that. In the beginning, she wanted me to promise I'd never leave her, and I did promise that, ignoring my every reluctance to say the words like "love" or "forever", letting her in and working my best to stump out any of my trauma reactions that would have made me push her away. She promised to stay, too, but that was okay. She was obviously allowed to change her mind. I almost started to believe those nice words she wanted to hear from me, but I knew a forever was a silly fantasy. It was okay. I wanted what was best for her.

I told her that, and by the time I came home our shared flat was empty. It was dirty, too: dishes left in the sink, fridge turned off for some reason, with piles of rotting food inside. That was something to fixate on, the frustration of having to clean up mold instead of the pain of the fact that I had failed and was never going to see her again.

I've never talked to her again. I wanted to. But she told me in no uncertain terms that I was an abusive asshole holding her back, and I didn't want to distress her by reminding her of my existence. If that was so bad, it's for the best if I don't remind her.

As far as I know she's alive. I hope that she's doing better now. I don't know if she does, but I sure damn hope that she found something that works better for her. I was sure not that. Not enough.

But either way. Undoubtedly good caretakers that only want the best and somehow never fail make feel uncomfortable. Guilty, I suppose? They annoy me both because I never had such a person in my life, and because I failed to be such a person. Seeing a character unflinchingly take the burden of the other's whole existence and then manage it, somehow, makes me feel like even more of a failure than I already do. If they can do it, surely I should have tried harder? Be less selfish? More considerate? Less broken, in my own way? Give her more space to make her own decisions, and help her deal with the consequences whatever those were. I don't know what I could have done differently or better, but surely there had to be something. Surely.

I had panic attacks about that for half a year afterwards. Arguably, I had a near panic state just the other week, because of that experience and other fun experiences of my life that are definitely not trauma, nuh-huh. Just thinking about it -- about being required to give my all to someone, again, to push away every emotion, every discomfort, every desire to cry and ask to be left alone, or cry and beg to stop her from leaving. I felt trapped, many times. Letting her hug me when I didn't want to be touched, staring at the ceiling and waiting for it to be over. Desperate for it to be over, sometimes. It sucks that it was like that. She deserved someone who truly wanted her in every way, not the tired facsimile of care.

It took a toll and I wish it hadn't, and I wish I could be better at pretending it hadn't, and I wish I could have been satisfied with making her my entire world (she hated it, when I spent time with other people, I barely talked to any of my friends during the year) the way she wanted to make me hers. I wish it didn't hurt so much more than a year later, some potent mix of failure and guilt and loss and relief and loss again.

It sucks that it went like that.

I'm glad that she left, because I wouldn't have.

Real life is too complicated to put into the nice easy boxes of whump tropes. And that kinda sucks.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR DECEMBER:

//Hey all.

//As we all know, it's coming to the end of the year, and we're approaching December time, which is usually the time of year where I start dishing out a bunch of special stuff for the followers.

//Regrettably, I still cannot give a guarantee when I'll be able to return to making the story, but I am trying my hardest to get my affairs in order so that we can come to that.

//One way or another, the story isn't over, regardless of how long it takes for us to get back to it. And the good news is that for December, I have a few really cool goodies for you. Both related to the blog, and otherwise, as well as a few announcements:

//Okay so for my first announcement, I kind of want to get the "bad news" out of the way first. And I use quotations, because hopefully, no one will mind too much.

//As some of you might have noticed, I kind of stopped uploading the birthday card posts for the characters, and in case it hasn't been clear, I've decided that I'm not going to be posting the birthday cards anymore.

//There are actually more than one reason for this. The primary one is it takes a lot out of me, more than you know, to keep track of everyone's birthdays, especially since we have 100+ characters, and I'm prone to uploading/reblogging the posts late, way after the birthday celebrations have happened. It's much easier for me to just stop posting the cards altogether, and getting stressed out about it.

//But another one is that up until now, I've always found a way to balance the dates out with the story, mainly through a lot of mcguffin bullshit that, not only would I much prefer not to do any more...I physically can't.

//Phase 3 has three arcs that happen at the exact same time as eachother, told from three different perspectives of three characters who will each take the limelight. I will not say who, but suffice to say it would not make a lot of sense for the birthdays to be spaced like months apart, when in-universe, these events are happening over the course of the same days.

//Let's say the arcs take me like...5 months to finish. During the time that I'm writing that arc, it would be Kyoko's birthday (October 6th), but by the time I'm finished, it's Hiyoko's birthday (March 9th). In universe, no time has passed at all, because these events are taking place within the same week.

//Yeah, not happening.

//And the last reason is because ultimately, I started doing the birthday cards to celebrate the characters and how far the series has come, but honestly? I think we can all agree that they add basically nothing to the story, and are just there to make the blog's page look prettier.

//With that being said, I hope all of you guys can wish my sister a happy birthday, because she turned 17 yesterday.

//Okay, with that out of the way, I want to reveal four big projects that I'm going to be working on around Christmas/New Years time that, hopefully, will tickle your fancy:

1 - NAEGIRI WEEK 2024

//A couple of you may remember that two years ago, I participated in Naegiri Week, which, like a lot of these ship weeks, is an event dedicated to a specific Danganronpa couple (Makoto and Kyoko in this case) where people will create art media for spaced over a week.

//In the past, I've participated in three of these events before, which were Naegiri Week, Momoharu Week, and Kazukoi Week (which was hosted by Mod Freezethunder) and those sprites are all available on @creepercraftsprites.

//I've always wanted to take part in Saimatsu Week, but I keep missing my chance to, and I didn't participate in Naegiri Week of last year, because I had a lot going on at the time, but I'm happy to say that I will be making a grand return to the event, and participating in 2024's Naegiri Week, which begins on December 23rd.

//And some of my stories even take place within the universes of my fanfics and content, including Survivor and Phantom Thieves of Hope. So stay tuned for when that drops, and you'll get to see me and a bunch of my fellow artists showing off what we've got to people for the sake of this adorable lucky student and his gorgeous detective wife.

//Speaking of which:

2 - PHANTOM THIEVES OF HOPE: CHRISTMAS CAPER

//Yeah, Phantom Thieves of Hope is getting a Christmas Special.

//Why?

//I felt like it. Fuck off and let me do my thing, lol.

//In all seriousness, my thought process behind this was that for a long time, I had considered maybe making spinoff chapters/fics for Phantom Thieves of Hope. But unlike Survivor where I usually have an excuse to do that, PToH's story is mostly consistently paced, and I don't really want to break that normally.

//But I've been thinking about what ideas I could explore in a potential crossover fic like PToH, and the kinds of interactions the characters could have.

//Phantom Thieves of Hope has always tried to prioritize the human aspects of the Danganronpa characters beyond the wacky cartoonish setting that they're placed in. Despite the horrors around them, many of them rarely get a chance to show a real down-to-earth moment as a person instead of a crazy character, and that's a lot of what PToH is about, beyond the kickass Phantom Thief fighting.

//So to sum it up, Christmas Caper is a three-part bonus story for my crossover fic, revolving around the Phantom Thieves having some Christmas fun together, and I will be posting those during the buildup to Christmas; so from December 21st to December 23rd, the same day Naegiri Week starts.

//I know that PToH and Survivor are different series, but I have realized I have an overlapping audience with both fanbases, so I figured if I'm going to announce it, I'm going to announce it here.

//I will also be announcing it this Friday for my AO3 audience when I release the next chapter.

//Now we actually get into the juicy stuff.

3 - DANGAN-CEMBER

//This is something that I'm hoping to do for the foreseeable future, and it's probably the biggest announcement that I have for this holiday season.

//To keep things brief, this is directly inspired by Team Four Star's DBCember series. For those who don't know what that is, from 2014 until 2021, KaiserNeko, Lanipator, and Takahata101 performed a yearly series called DBcember each December. In this segment, they discuss the DragonBall series in Advent Calendar mode for the first twenty-four days of December.

//With me loving my rankings, I wanted to try doing something similar this year related to the blog, to give me more of a reason to. And honestly, I have some ideas that aren't even related to Danganronpa, just to me in general.

//Earlier this year, I posted my ranking of all the Danganronpa titles featured on the blog, which would have had enough to go on, but I only came up with the idea after that, which kind of wasted it.

//So for this event, Dangan-cember will take place between the 1st of December to the 24th where I will upload one post every day as part of a top 24 ranking of some kind, going in depth on its placement, why I like/dislike it, or whatever the hell else the list entails. Christmas Day will reveal my Number 1.

//I debated it for a while, and eventually, I decided that for this year, my ranking would be...

TOP 24 DANGANRONPA CLASS TRIALS.

//Back in the day while I was still on Reddit, I did this ranking then, but my not only have my opinions changed a bit, but for this ranking, I will be including the Class trials from the Another series as well (DRA1 and SDRA2).

//And while I have already done the ranking itself in advance, this turned out to not be as easy as it feels, and I feel like talking about it might be harder.

//Unlike the rest of my rankings, I will be dedicating one post each to all of these placements, which should hopefully give me a chance to talk about them in as much detail as possible. I don't intend to do this for all my rankings; just my end of year ones like this.

//So hopefully that'll be exciting. Funny how I'm more than happy to write written essays about Danganronpa unlike anything else I need to write essays for.

//But with that all said, we have one more:

4 - DECK THE HALLS FOR A BIRTHDAY PARTY ARC

//And of course, the last thing to announce for the end of the year is our traditional "Christmas Arc."

//If you've been around the blog for a while now, you'll know that once a year, for the 12 Days of Christmas ranging from December 24th to January 5th, we have special bonus arcs for the story, mainly revolving around the characters interacting and having moments of emotional bonding and depth, centered around the end of the year and Christmas time.

//Or, alternatively, just some community events we do for fun.

//The arcs in question for these last few years have been:

The 12 Days of Christmas

The 12 Nights of Christmas

Canzanilla Cafe

Warriors of Other Worlds (Danganronpa Survivor X Death Battle)

//And yes, before anyone says it, I know that that WoOW didn't actually happen during Christmas, but that was largely because of delays on my part, and had I stuck to a consistent schedule, it would have done. The point is we do these fun little event arcs every year, if we can help it.

//And for this year, we actually have something a little different. The arc will retain its typical character interactions and enjoyment that the previous Christmas arcs had, but unlike them, this arc, titled "Deck the Halls for a Birthday Party," will have a consistent storyline throughout it.

//Canzanilla Cafe kind of had a story with Kuripa helping Maya set up shop, but it was still very much them interacting with a random strew of characters and being good baristas and bartenders. But for this one, there's a certain group of characters it revolves around, and a plot that takes shape throughout the sequence.

//What is that plot? Well, I'm glad you asked. Let me tell you.

//This arc is the first Christmas that the Future Foundation have been able to gather for following the Factory incident, and the defeat of Organization Zetsubou. But more importantly for Class 78, this is the perfect chance to celebrate the triumphant return of Mukuro Ikusaba, who they thought was lost to them.

//Reinforced when they remember that December 24th, Christmas Day, is also her birthday.

//To reaffirm their friendship, show appreciation for what she has done for them, and to officially welcome her back to the family, the class, led primarily by Makoto and Sayaka, work with their peers and classmates to throw Mukuro a huge Birthday/Christmas surprise party, while doing whatever they can to prevent Mukuro from catching wind of it.

//Hilarity ensues.

//In summary, it is just one of those everything-has-to-be-perfect party stories where the DR1 class get to show off their bond and how much they all mean to each other. Something that, ironically, they don't do as much as the DR2 and V3 cast do. Not just in Survivor, but in the main series and in general. They have strong chemistry, but it's never really explored.

//This arc is also mainly about Mukuro, now having completed her character arcs from Phase 1 and 2, where she now realizes that she has a place in the world free from Junko's influence, and a lot of this story is about her exploring it and trying to find her place within it.

//Featuring a lot of fun little cameo appearances to boot.

//That should be about everything, so in conclusion, here is my December timeline:

December 1st - December 24th: Dangancember December 21st - December 23rd: PToH: Christmas Caper December 23rd - December 30th: Naegiri Week 2024 December 24th - January 5th: Deck the Halls for a Birthday Party Arc

//And that's all folks.

-Mod

[freedomfireflies]

I like the idea of gossip girl x Harry storyline, he’s a posh college Brit whose popularity makes him someone every girl wants to keeps track of but he’s not big on social media and has gone in to school solely trying to keep a low profile whilst unbeknownst to him he is the talk of the entire campus. And to throw in some spookiness maybe his reason for staying off media is due to an incident at his old school that his father barely manages to keep out of the press, and then there is y/n a typically introverted person who has decided to make college her “break out of the shell moment” by feigning for something or someone to notice her. So much so, that at the first glimpse of a friendship blossoming with some seemingly popular sorority girls she finds herself lying about a new mystery boyfriend. A guy she hardly thought people would notice. She’d seen him once or twice come into the cafe where she frequents to have lunch alone and couldn’t help but be engrossed at him reading one of her all time favorite books, he surely wasn’t a typical college guy, no this guy was sophisticated, dressed to the nines, and he spoke like a professional… did she mention he was British. So needless to say when the description of him left her lips she was drawing from one of her mere daily fantasy’s from what she’d imagine a day with him would be like, and or how a night with him would feel like. So engrossed in her fictional recollection she hardly notices the angered realization that plays in the women’s faces until not too soon after she and Harry become the talk of the town, and not in a way that could go unnoticed by the people he’s hiding from. Now that they are both on the wrong side of popularity Harry must figure who this mystery girl is he’s tied to, before the infatuated gazes of his peers takes a far deeper and darker dive into his previous life. And as a new found member of the elite y/n must try to get ahead of her rumor mill before her only crush finds out and she becomes forced to learn the hardest lesson of them all, to “be careful what you wish for.”

Oh....my god hold on now....HOLD ON YOU MIGHT HAVE DONE SOMETHING WITH THIS!!! Wait I'm actually so obsessed with this idea!!!

I'm getting some grumpyxsunshine and maybe enemies to lovers vibes?? But I also love the idea that in order to figure out why she did it, he fakes being nice to her and draws her in but he's really kind of sabotaging her? Maybe he gets her to invite him over and the second she leaves the room, he's going through her stuff??

And then maybe she gets a random note from someone in his past that's very vague but hints at who Harry really is, so now she's suspicious of HIM, too!! And they're trying to figure out what the other one is hiding, "pretending" to like each other until they realize they actually do??

IDK IF THAT'S WHERE YOU WERE GOING WITH IT BUT !!! THIS IS SO FUN BESTIE YOU HAVE SUCH AMAZING IDEAS!! Were you wanting to just talk about the concept or were you wanting to maybe write it?? Or is this maybe a concept idea for me to write 👀 I am down for whatever, especially talking about it because....oof 😭 I love love love!

[hargrove]

「 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! I resurrected this blog at the end of 2023, but in these few months, this dash has given me more happiness than I could have imagined. honestly, I came back as a means of escape when I had a major loss in my family and just didn't want to deal with irl. and y'all have been so welcoming and so amazing, that I want to take this moment to hurl my love right in your faces!

@havvkinsqueen ➠ Victoria!!! I was so excited to learn that you were still bombing around on the dash since I last left. your heather was always a treat, but your Chrissy is such a delight and I'm so stoked to have her in Billy's life. you are an absolute gem, a POWERHOUSE of kindness and positivity. you exemplify everything the rp community should be. I type this wearing the bracelet you made for me, it gives me so much good vibes. I really am serious about running around in cosplay at a con with you this coming year. it'll be rad as hell! here's to a whole new year of crazy rp and irl shenanigans!

@zoomingupthathill ➠ I cannot describe the sheer joy I feel every time you're on my dash, Bee. from waaaaay back when I was writing Klaus and you were Katherine, to now in the ST fandom, you always leave me in awe. the love you have for your own muses is infectious and in turn, makes me love them and want the best for them. you know I don't really do exclusives, but I always considered your Max and my Billy a packaged deal. whatever your Max is going through, she can always count on my Billy to have her back. likewise, I am always there for you. you're an amazing talent and an even better friend. I look forward to a whole new year of sibling craziness, as well as other muse stuff. and good lord, CAN WE GET THIS GIRL A LUCAS??? (I'm trying my best to work on it, I am lol).

@thebabysittertm ➠ dude. friendo. bruh. stark. I don't even know where to begin. my favorite kind of rp is the slow burn stuff filled with lots of character development and headcanons and background stuff, etc. it's basically the hardest thing to find but somehow from the moment we started talking, it all just clicked. the details and thought you put into all of your muses is astounding. I adore the thought process you have in your muses' reasoning behind things. and your writing is out of this world! I feel so lucky that I get to bounce hc's and au's off you all day. all of our ideas and stuff makes me so excited and has fueled me to jump back into this hobby only 10 times harder. all your talent aside, you also an incredible friend who I'm so stoked to talk to every day. here's to a 2024 filled with our two idiots!

@malka-lisitsa ➠ how do I even begin to compliment the sheer amount of talent that exudes from you, November?? from muse development, to writing, to graphics, to server maintaining, to... I don't even know what else! seems like you can do it all! I can't lie, when I initially came back to the dash, I was shying away from any and all cross overs because I have so much anxiety in this community and wanted to keep my corner of the world super small. but your Katherine broke through and I'm so glad she did. I love how you took a character that so many people (even the freaking writers of the show!) wrote off as 2 dimensional and you give her life! layers! meaning! she never feels like a self insert style oc, but she feels so much more well rounded than any version we saw on the show. it's honestly admirable the amount of work you've put in. I'm so lucky to count myself as one of your rp partners and I can't wait to see where Billy and Kat will take us in 2024.

I unfortunately don't have the time to write a seperate message to all of the people on my dash, but I still want to tag people that bring me joy every time I see your urls. all of the following has made the past few months (that should have been dark and awful) feel bright and full of hope. I appreciate every single one of you. ➠

@vitaegratis

@edhellfire

@vcnusians

@scarednotscary

@pierprincess / @nancewheelr

@hangtenn

@calistayed

@asiphon

@nexusvcrti

@multi-royalty

@helltothefire

@mhunster

and of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't list my ride or die. the people who make tumblr rp the amazing place that it is, and people that I will cherish always, whether we're writing together or not. y'all are stuck with me! ➠ @seesgood @breakthings @mysharxna 」

[seyoonlgc]

TEAM UNKNOWN - final meeting solo (697)

what was the hardest part during these five weeks? what about the easiest part?

"Learning a language from scratch was pretty hard. Unlike Japanese, which was another language that was part of my training schedule some months ago, Mandarin is completely unfamiliar to me. I had to take a lot of time outside of the workshops to practice on my own and asked my Mandarin-speaking friends for their assistance. I know for the evaluation, we only had to learn one song, but Mandarin is such a complex language with multiple tones that even one song was a lot of effort to get right. The easiest part must be the acting workshop. I tend to have pretty vibrant expressions in general and am not shy about presenting myself."

what have you learned about yourself during this time?

"I learned that I am smarter than I expected. Academically, I mean. How do I put this...Everyone's born good at some things and not so good at others. I was always great at sports, had fantastic stamina, and was overall socially competent...But like, I failed tests before. My handwriting was so ugly in elementary school that it made my homeroom teacher squint as if she needed a new pair of glasses. The point is, I really didn't think I could learn languages but I am totally doing it. Korean, Japanese, and now Mandarin. You guys are probably used to seeing smart kids who can pick up everything super fast like, but I am kind of proud of myself. Just a little. Guess you can do anything if you just try really hard - the impossible can be done, huzzah!"

how do you see yourself in the current type zero lineup if you are given the chance to debut? what do you want to accomplish from here?

This question sounded familiar. Kind of like the one he answered for NKND. It was so easy back then - words really just flew out of his mouth because he felt so comfortable trying for that opportunity. The reason? Well, they were all trainees. Seyoon didn't think any of the kids in NKND were necessarily way better than him and in fact, to this day, still believed himself to be a better fit than some.

Type Zero, though...That was a group of debuted idols. He'd be trying to cram himself into the big-boys league. What if...what if they hate him? What if Type Zero's loyal fans didn't approve of him? With an older group, the audience already had an expectation. What if he didn't fulfill it? What if he couldn't fulfill it? Maybe the coaches there would be really hard on him too because they'd be used to working with more talented, skill-honed boys and be less sympathetic toward his struggles.

Seyoon was kind of scared and usually when something made him nervous like this, he'd...run away.

But then again, they wouldn't be having this meeting with him if they didn't think he was good enough to have a go, right?

Right?

Ahhh, could somebody just reassure him? Anybody! God? Stepmother? The ghosts of Christmas past?

"I think skill-wise...I am a pretty good fit as a vocalist." He started off somewhat lamely. "I feel like I have proven myself to be a fast learner and as a part of Legacy since 2022, completed all tasks and challenges thrown at me. I am adaptive and can adjust to a pre-existing team dynamic." Probably. If the current Type Zero members would enjoy the company of a loud, overly energetic, hyper-extroverted dude who did not know how to do his own laundry. "Also, I think Coach Changbin mentioned something about Type Zero members needing to be...more entertaining. When it comes to that, I feel like I have a lot of potential. I just started doing more variety and hosting stuff recently, but I think I can become great at it! Maybe I can be on more programs where I am just showing off my personality and making sure everyone's having a good laugh. That would be fun, wouldn't it?" In the end, he just wanted to amuse everyone. Plus get a nice, heavy-ass wallet. Mmmyes, Burberry. Valentino and Givenchy.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for wanting to keep my best friend safe?

Okay so this is a long story, so I'll summarize the beginning of it. Basically me (M, 10) and my best friend F (F, 5) were in a dangerous place so we had to run away to somewhere where neither of us would be in danger. That place didn't end up working out, so we ended up moving to an asylum instead. Only problem is, F didn't actually have anything "wrong" with her, so I had her do something to look insane so they'd be convinced. That ended up working, so we've been able to stay there for quite some time now. Eventually, the object I was tied to (oh yeah, I'm a ghost by the way, forgot to mention that) found its way back to us, so now everything was perfect.

Or at least, I THOUGHT it was, but something was kind of off. Every time F would show someone the object I was tied to (it was a handheld game system, if that matters), they would be able to see me. My real form is pretty terrifying to say the least, so they'd get freaked out and something bad would happen to them because of it. It didn't really matter to me, though, because F was all I needed, but she seemed kinda down about that whole thing despite still having me.

Anyway, things are kind of up and down until N (F, 23) shows up. N doesn't even work here, she's just some reporter getting all up in our business. She gets assigned by one of the higher-ups to look after F, and in exchange, she gets to interview her about stuff. Sounds harmless, right? Well, they end up getting along really well, almost too much so. Maybe to the point where she almost feels like a mother to her. The worst part is, she REFUSES to be shown the game system, so she's convinced for a full 4 days that I'm just some imaginary friend of hers. F seems really happy ever since she came around, though, so I can't bring myself to tell her how I really feel about N.

I spend that time trying my hardest to convince N I exist, but she's just so fucking DENSE. She won't believe in me, no matter how many signs I give her. So I decided to MAKE her believe in me.

That night, one of the kids dies in his sleep, so the next morning I make a little show of destroying his corpse in front of N. I know that sounds bad, but I literally had no other choice, and TECHNICALLY I never killed anyone. I just made N think I did for an important reason that will come later. Anyway, it works, and she with everyone else runs away, leaving me and F in our new home together. The problem is, the very next day, N COMES BACK and practically DRAGS F out of the building. I try to stop her, but I can’t. She smashes my game system against the side of the building and drives off with her. (Somehow I'm still here, and that might be because my friendship with F became stronger than my ties with the game.)

I manage to hang onto the car long enough to follow the two of them back to her place. At this point, I've had enough of people like N getting into our business thinking they can "save" F from her situation. That's what she has me for. We don't need anyone else. So I make N write it all down: her experiences there, and with me. This is why I had her think I killed people, so she'd warn everyone about the "monster" I am, and they'd know to stay away from me and F.

It's really bittersweet, because on one hand, the time I spent with F was the best time I'd ever spent. With the little I know about myself when I was alive, I know I never felt this fulfilled until I met her. We had so much fun together. But as the time passed, F became so sad. When N showed up, it was like she WANTED her to drag her away from that place. With all the stuff I did for the sake of keeping her out of harm's way, I can't help but feel like an asshole. Was what I did in the end worth it, or am I too far gone?

[trappedinmymind]

1, 5, 14, 18, 20 from this ask game

1. What is your favorite trope to write?

In theory? Found family.

In practice? Some secret gets revealed that completely upends any sense of normalcy and/or understanding that the characters have in their life, and it seems like it's gonna completely destroy (sometimes metaphorically, usually physically) the characters but in the end, while the story doesn't end with everything being "fine", the characters and their relationships end up stronger and with a sense of (cautious) hope

I don't know if there's a name for that, but I've written it... 4 or 5 times now, probably for reasons I don't want to touch with a 10 foot pole

5. The fic you're most proud of writing?

You're Like Me. It's probably the longest I've ever been able to stay with a fic, both in terms of chapters and word count. I'm also really proud of how I've woven the allegory in with the plot, although I could have probably planned out the plot a bit more. Oh well

14. First fandom you ever wrote fanfiction for?

MCYT, though it's unpublished for what should be obvious reasons to anyone who's ever been in the MCYT fandom for an extended period of time

18. Most words/chapters ever written for one fic or oneshot?

So far, only counting published chapters, I'm at 15 chapters and three words shy of 38,000 words for You're Like Me. The next closest is 6 chapters and 25,500 words.

20. Hardest character to write/get the characterization correct for?

For Nimona specifically, I struggle with Ballister, Ambrosius, and Rurosiv (an OC in You're Like Me), each for different reasons.

Ambrosius is difficult for me in terms of just plain characterization. I feel like I don't have enough data to pull from for him; he's clearly a complex and dynamic character in the movie, but pretty much every scene with him he's either doing knight stuff or being a loverboy, and there's only so much I can comfortably extrapolate from that.

Ballister is more complicated when it comes to the allegory in You're Like Me. Specifically, I'm trying to have Ballister be kind of a "peacekeeper ally" (idk the actual term for it); someone who is an ally to a community (in this case the trans community), and is very well informed on issues the community faces, but struggles to call out when someone around them is being actively harmful to the community they're an ally to, especially if they believe the other person will get upset at being called out. I sometimes struggle to reconcile this with his canon personality, and sometimes feel as though he comes across as too naive. He's not naive, he is used to letting people get away with things they probably shouldn't.

Rurosiv is hard for a kind of similar kind of different reason to Ballister. Rurosiv was developed specifically to represent the disability community, and from there a lot of her trauma (and by extension a lot of her mannerisms) revolve around being forcibly hidden away, whether that be just the parts people don't want to see or her whole person. There's a lot more to her than this, but it affects a lot of how I write her. Having been in fandom spaces for as long as I have, my biggest challenge with her is writing her in a way that avoids her 1) being infantilized, 2) being seen as a woe-is-me helpless character, or 3) being seen as an emotionless/buzzkill character. I think I’ve got her balanced now, but it is very important to me that I get her right, so I am constantly analyzing how she comes across when I write her

Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant at the end, but Thanks so much for the ask! These were really fun, and of course if anyone wants to ask about other numbers from the ask game, or about writing in general, I’d love to answer!

[kitthepurplepotato]

hey love!!! it's me! i dont know if you remember me, but i've been liking, reposting, commenting and following the series 'my weird roomate boyfriend' and i absolutly adore your work and writing, and for a while now i haven't heard updates from you, not about the fanfic but about you, and i just remembered you and wanted to ask how are you. i've been a little worried, and we really dont know each other and there's no reason for you to trust me but i really just wanted to make sure if you're doing any better or just need someone to talk to, im here if you need a friend!

im sending you lots of hugs and sweets and lots of lots of good!

i will understand completly if you decide to not answer this, but im really just worried for my favourite author and would be more then happy if you could give me an update for how are you doing!

have a wonderfull day and a wonderfull week and please please please dont forget to drink, eat, and rest and remember to not overwork yourself!!! love, me!

Oh my god, of course I remember you, silly! I absolutely adore you 💜💜💜💜💜

Also, perfect timing because I wanted to post an update on my situation but I wasn’t sure how to start or if it’s even needed?

Thankfully, things are getting better now, I just got sick from all the stress and the constant meltdowns I’ve had almost every day (yes, I just had Covid 3 weeks ago yet here I am, sick again, love my life.)

/warning for everyone - mentions of death, depression, suicidal thoughts and other bad stuff, also, a lot of TMI/

I’m not going to lie, this was the hardest week of my life and I don’t say that lightly (I lost my father suddenly a year before, and my grandma died in a house fire just a few months back.)

I had a really hard time understanding that all these terrible things do not mean that I’m not good enough to live and they aren’t signs that I shouldn’t exist in this world. I felt like life’s trying to force me out of its territory by terrorizing me until I break down, taking everything I love and cherish and it all felt so unfair. I really thought I’m old enough to not go back to that terrible place I crawled out of when I was 17, but this “thing” was the last straw.

With that said, I want to thank you guys for all the kind words and also my best friend @porusuniverse who woke up at 2 fucking AM when she had to wake up at 5, just to keep me company after having the worst nightmare of my fucking life and also for the ridiculous amount of hours she had spent with me and kept me fucking alive while this thing got sorted. She is an absolute legend.

I’m not going to lie and say everything is 100% alright, but I’m getting there.

/TMI OVER/

I am slowly getting back into writing, I have half a chapter of the Izuku one and the Aizawa one is almost finished! Also have a half chapter of the Bakugou one. I wanted to finish at least one of them tomorrow but then I got sick, so we will see when I’ll be able to post any of them. I’m trying to concentrate on the Aizawa one now as there’s only one chapter left and then I can give the other two the attention they deserve, but I’m also trying not to FORCE myself to write but rather just do what I enjoy so will see which one wins, eyy!

I can’t wait to be back. Like honestly, I miss Tumblr, your comments and writing in general soooo sooo much 💜

See you soon and thank you for being so kind! I’ll definitely bug you the next time I manage to go down the rabbit hole but let’s hope I won’t because I don’t think I have the mental energy for another round 😂

Cheers, everyone! 🥦

Kit 💥

[justaduckarts]

hi!! by any chance are the gods in the au inspired by any gods in myths? im assuming theyre all inspired by medieval gods as seen in their outfits

sorry if youve been asked this question before!! i really love ur fic <3

Hello!

In fact, yes! I pulled inspo from a lot of places for the gods.

The first one that always comes to mind is Terra. He is heavily inspired by Hephaestus. <3 (forgive me if I misspelled that).

Bonnie has a bit of Dionysus inspo to him, makes wines and is known for showing his pals a good time <3 (Although he's also a god of medicine and plant stuff)

Sun is kind of a weird mix of a Zeus and, Apollo, and Ra.

Moon might have drawn some inspiration from Chang' e <3

Pluto is like a combo of Athena and Demeter.

Solaris has a lot A LOT of Zeus/Odin inspo :0

And then there's Obscura, she's definitely been touched by Hecate.

Eclipse... I'm not sure. He's just. Eclipse? Big gentle fella. I think if I likened him to anyone in myth it'd probably be Sisyphus. Trying his hardest to be good but punished for it.

Lunar DEFINITELY has some draw from Loki. Trickster and all, you know? But he also has a bit of Hermes to him.

Chica could be considered a Hestia type.

Roxy is very much Aphrodite but not in the way you expect- did you know some places worshipped Aphrodite as a goddess of war? :)

When I think of Freddy I often imagine a figure similar to a buddha. In the story, he's actually a very old guardian spirit who ascended to godhood by way of worship. He's a very gentle dad type and I love him.

There is no god or myth fowl enough in my memory for Afton. Perhaps if you squint you might see some demon lore there.

I must confess I actually just cobbled their outfits together with no real references (except Moon's hat). I've been working on getting some refs together to make them proper outfits recently. I want to remake their ref sheet.

I'd also like to quickly say while I love myths and such I am by no means an expert in any religions or cultures and I really don't want to step on any toes. For this reason, I've been hesitant to step away from the Greek stuff and touch on any other gods because my understanding of them is looser and I don't want to cause harm by presenting them in a way that is incorrect.

Thank you for this ask, it was fun to share some of my interests in mythology. <3 <3

[littleragondin]

SHIPPER TAG GAME

I was tagged by @lurkingshan, thank you very much (´꒳`)♡ My memory is not the best so some of these are going to be a little challenging lol but let’s try!

1. What ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don't care anymore?

I don’t know how to “not care” about things I once loved I’m afraid lol. But ships that consumed my life that I now don’t think about very often and am more “what a good surprise to see you here, I still like you" than "oh you are back to consume my life for the next two to fifteen months" are most of the things I watched when I was younger: Logan/Max from Dark Angel, Sam/Jack and Daniel/Jack from Stargate:SG1, Jim/Blair from The Sentinel, Piper/Leo from Charmed, Tim/Tony and Gibbs/Tony from NCIS, etc...

2. Which ship would you consider your first one?

Hmmm… I think the first time I felt emotionally invested in two characters ending up together – in a “watching religiously and asking my mom to tape the wedding episode because we would be traveling on the day it was to be diffused” kind of way – is Fran Fine and Maxwell Sheffield from The Nanny.

We knew they were end game, but STILL!

3. Your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

Oh, good question… I came into fandom via manga and while they were not the ones I shipped the hardest (I was a hardcore Gaara/Lee fan ♡♡♡), I think the first fics I read were NaruSasu and/or Kakashi/Iruka – on personal fan websites.

The first shipping fic I wrote hmmm… I think it actually was some Kakashi/Iruka? I tumbled into fandom really fast once I found it so it’s a bit of a blur lol but yeah, pretty sure it was something Naruto related.

4. Do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over?

… Not really, but probably either something from One Piece (Zorro/Luffy or Zorro/Sanji) or Neon Genesis Evangelion – those two were the very first manga I read (circa 2002), and I vaguely remember checking them on Google Image for my favorite hobby: “collecting images from the internet that I would then organize carefully in the computer’s little folders” so I must have found some cute stuffs that I didn’t even realize were shipping…

5. Did you ever get into ship discourse?

No. While I generally have strong opinions about stuff, I am pretty non confrontational and I’m here for a good time, not to fight with people, so I avoid it. I’ve seen stuffs that I’m glad I didn’t poke with a ten feet pole. On top of that, I am a huge believer and practitioner of “shipping one character with more than one person (in a polycule or not)” so ship wars have never made much sense to me. Even in qL, even when I really adore the endgame couple(s), I often like thinking of the options, the what-if, etc. so fighting about that does not sound appealing lol

6. Did you used to have any no-otp or have it currently?

Talking about my very first fandoms, I never wanted Sakura with either Naruto nor Sasuke lol I loved her, but hated the idea of either options. Still not sold on it tbh. I also really hated the idea of Hermione with either of the other two lsdfj same reason, I loved her so much, and I loved that they were friends!

I have ships I am uninterested in but I always feel like notp is a little stronger than that, so I don’t think I have any currently.

7. Who were the couple in the last fanfic you read?

Oof, okay, life does come back full circle lol I binged the One Piece Live Action at the start of the month, so the last fics I’ve read since were all Zorro/Luffy.

8. Currently, do you have any OTPs?

DO I EVER?? I have OTP that have been in my heart since I’m 10. And, I mean, by virtue of watching so much QL I have an OTP in every couple I watch get together for 8 to 12 episodes, I’m a big, mushy romantic. Also I will daydream about ships from about anything I watch so…But! My current OTP, the one that owns my heart, that gets me to literally squeal in delight, makes me gasp and cry and twirl my hair while kicking my feet is Nomoto and Kasuga from She loves to cook and she loves to eat!

I love them sooooo much it’d be ridiculous if I had any sort of dignity about that kind of things (I don’t) (*´▽`*)

9. Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

Ok you know what? I rewatched some episodes with my mom over my christmas break so I will say yes, Jack O’Neil and Samantha Carter in Stargate:SG1. Yeah, yeah I don’t care that he is her commanding officer and blablabla.

After all this teasing, damn, we could have gotten a little something something when the team finally breaks alright?

10. Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

I can’t really think of anything right now to be honest… I feel like anything I’d feel strongly enough to remember I would still dislike now, though, to be frank.

11. Do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be canceled over?

I guess? I mean, I came to fandom and to QL via yaoi – wich I started reading around 2005, so you can imagine the amount of “problematic” content I enjoyed. Age gaps (I was a HUGE fan of Naono Bohra who like those a lot), power imbalance, dub-con (one of the first yaoi translated in France was Gravitation), and so on and so forth.

12. What was your favorite crack ship?

I can’t answer that one, mainly because I used to have so many of them (I still do, don’t look at me). I got into superheros comics when I was something like 18 and I did RP with a friend where looking back, it seems like our main game was to pair everyone no matter how silly it might have been. I guess in those, I still have a fondness for everything we did that crossed the DC/Marvel divide. We also played a lot with those random ship generators? They gave you two characters and you tried to find a way to make it work. I still like those!

13. Who is the couple you read more fanfics of?

Across all of time?? I… have no idea… like really none. Recently, it’s probably any variations of 3zuns from The Untamed, but for the early years I could not say.

14. What most of your ships usually have in common?

The love I have for them (*¯︶¯*)

Joke aside, I’m not sure? I’m a simple creature, I’m easily swayed, if there is something compelling in the dynamic, I will be interested. I like them sweet but I also have pretty toxic ships, so I think the main thing for me is that there is something interesting going on that makes me want to root for them and/or think about them and how they work together.

15. What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

I need to believe there is a way for them to genuinely love each other. But sometimes, ~the vibes~ just feel rancid to me and I can’t get into it, I can’t explain more than that ^^”

I'll tag, if you feel so inclined: @benkaaoi @troubled-mind @bengiyo @gillianthecat @iguessitsjustme and @heretherebedork

[hagfishviperfish]

Weird ass dream. The kind that makes you nostalgic. I live in a small town, my high school was more closeknit than others — that is to say almost all of those kids were evil but i digress, everyone knew each other.

My dream initially was that I missed the busses after school. I called my mom and she was at work, so she could not pick me up until 6:00. Which meant I had to kill time until then. It gave me the opportunity to realize how lively my high school was after hours — kids congregating on the soccer fields, football field, track, parking lot, it was as if its own little fair. So strange to see people you know doing their little things. In my dream I saw the faces of people who I haven’t seen in a long time, nigh forgot about, people who I won’t see ever again. And the faces of people who look like the type of people to live in my town.

Most were playing sports; I discovered a law school campus that was apparently on the property of my school that I hadn’t known about; I met one of my friends and hung out with him for a bit, found a dude on Tinder that looked exactly like him and with the same name but was like visibly 22 and I was like lmaooo dude look at this.

There is an event where the high school band comes in, followed by the graduates of my class, they share what they’re majoring in in college, and a quarter of mean girls were studying graphic design and they hated it and I laughed at them. It was particularly nostalgic

There is a silly little rave party thrown a guy I knew, who was fairly popular. It’s in those net tents you see used for baseball practice. I go there and dance a little with my childhood friend who dated him in middle school.

I stumble across a boy I had little feelings for for years — from elementary school to senior year — he was standing in between chain link fences, in security guard armor but it was like football stuff, so I guessed that was his job here. He was enthusiastic to see me, which was much to my surprise since we hardly talked at all (in senior year he started interacting with me every so often, much to my surprise.)

The dream changes here. I am this sewer siren queen hunted by my high school, living several grotesque layers in the deepsea underground, and he is the one who is supposed to be hunting me the hardest. Except every action he makes is deliberately to divert my pursuers away from me in order to protect me. We are lovers in that way, the brief moments where he sees me to “kill” me, but rather it is a fond reunion where we look at each other with mischevious devotion and adoration and then he must leave, to not draw too much attention to me and our affiliation. Every hour and decision of his life is dedicated to making sure I stay alive. He stands proud over a toilet in the school bathroom with a deep, deep canal drilled into it, what the students call a “sewer portal”, knowing I used it to escape, announcing to his equals “she is not in this one; try another one.”

He climbs through my canals smiling, there are grotesque and strange strata underneath our school, pink wet stone, sandstone, marbled jade and stone, and the structure of the tunnel he recognizes as my digging, impressed that I managed to stomach such odd layers of soil

This story of a favorite siren and its best hunter is a reoccuring theme for the rest of the dream.

There are other notable moments, where my art teacher says I have an opportunity to spread my art, to become a genuine admired artist, because people have already expressed interest in my work for her class. I make sketches; one of them a pile of moldy rotten oranges, in which a rabid squirrel or fox is eating them out of wild desperation, and a healthy fox is walking in the foreground, observing its parallel

Another where I’m in walmart with a friend, at the side of another boy; saying “I’m like hahahaha I’m L from deathnote” for some reason, just to mess with him. He’s like yeah whatever, unamused, I show him a pretty collar necklace I found, knowing the implications, and he’s like perhaps, and he tightens it on my neck for me

Then I dig another hole and leave because I am a sewer siren now.

Flickers of standing in a deep sea realm, underground, occasionally visited by a certain playful divercaver… I pick what I want the fish version of my pets to look like, laugh at the way my cat looks when she floats down and turn to tell my mother only for her to yell at me because she’s stressed out and busy. Rain World shelter on our football bleachers, he swims to me to find Minecraft mods, but I am looking from his eyes this time, I notice him and pick my way over to him, and we enjoy our presence together eagerly, while he sips from the glass of this mod that implements strawberry juice in Minecraft— and it tastes wonderful.

Then he hides me in the shelter because there are centipedes — it is particularly deeper, with water, to compensate for me there, and comes along to be around me for the night

[charmfamily]

(SEMI) CHARMED KIND OF LIFE: EPISODE 2, PART IV. “THE HARDEST PART IS SAYING SORRY (WITH YOUR DIGNITY INTACT)”

Transcript Below.

AKIRA: If you don’t pull out all the stops, he’ll be following her to work, hanging out at her house, trying to weasel his bitch ass out of the friend zone– you can’t do what you wanna do and beat the shit out of him, Grace will get pissed off and definitely kick you out, number one, and two, it’ll make you look bad and not him, so maybe you gotta do some stuff that’s a little bit underhanded. She’s probably already being manipulated when you think about it, like he’s gonna try to talk her out of fixing shit with you and give her every reason he can think of not to take you back so he can get in there. You’re just counter-manipulating the manipulation going on behind your back in order to negate him fucking you over, like it all works out and ends up being morally neutral or whatever.

DAMIEN: Those core class Psych lectures really paid off for you, didn’t they?

AKIRA: I didn’t go to that shit. I got stuck in the 8 AM every time ‘cause it filled up stupid fast and that was the only slot left at registration, so I just skimmed the chapters and then showed up for the exams. 

DAMIEN: Okay it has to be luck, how the fuck else do you breeze through every single one of your Core Humanities not even going to lecture?! AKIRA: Four semesters of Core Humanities and two semesters of Core Ethics of Advanced Spellcasting, didn’t go to those either. Hot tip? The shrooms the Practicals were growing under their dorm got me through all of it, especially the essay questions– I couldn’t tell you what the course material was about or what the fuck any of my answers were, but they were bangers.

[yume-x-hanabi]

4, 6, 12, 19 please tell us about Minah, 27, 30, 37, 49, 61 and 65 for Concubinage, and 74

4. How do you choose which fics to write?

ig it depends on how obsessed my brain is with the random plot bunnies hopping around in my head? When I start thinking up narration sentences, that's when I know a particular idea wants to be written. Doesn't mean I always do it, though (in an ideal world with infinite free time, maybe...)

6. What’s the last line you wrote?

I haven't written in so long I don't even remember 😭

Looking at one of my latest wips, probably this one because it's incomplete lmao:

The room was as dingy as the rest of the inn and smelled vaguely of stale tobacco, but at least the bed was soft and the sheets were clean. He collapsed on the bed with a sigh of relief, head swimming from all the

(wtf was I trying to say? it's a mystery 🤷‍♀️)

12. Do you outline your fics?  If yes, how detailed are your outlines?  How far do you stray from them?

Usually not, and then it comes to bite me in the ass when it's ten months since I plotted the idea and I don't remember what I was planning to do 😅

There's one fic that's an exception cuz it's a fusion AU type of thing so I'm planning carefully how it follows (or not) the original's plot. Well, idk if I'll actually write the fic actually, maybe in this case the outline will be all there is, as a fun exercise for myself XD

19. Do you enjoy creating OCs or do you prefer to stick solely to canon characters?

I love creating OCs, but like, they need a purpose. An OC just for the sake of having an OC or self-insert isn't my kind of thing (no shade to those who do, I'm just not wired that way), but depending on the story I might need to flesh out a supporting cast. And I love it when they slowly take life and develop.

Minah was a really fun case because she was supposed to be a kind of "throwaway" role, only there for a scene or two. She wasn't even planned like she turned out to be (I originally imagined her younger, for example). But then she... just happened lol. Within a few lines of her dialogue I was in love with her and she was just so fun to write, in a way she wormed her way into a bigger role than intended and I'm really glad she did because it works out so well in so many ways. Funny how things go sometimes 😂

honestly my OCs often end up surprising me in one way or another haha. rare are those who stick to the plan

(rest under cut cuz it's getting long)

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

Battle scenes, apparently 8)

30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

I actually... don't edit that much 😅

ig in a way I edit in my head before I write? I've always been like that tbh, even at school--what I write down (whether fic, essay, translation...) is often very close to the final version. Of course I go over it a couple times once I'm done and tweak a few things here and there, but it's usually minor stuff. Sometimes I end up redoing entire scenes/chapters because I feel something's not working, but it's rather rare when it happens.

37. What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

Probably Fractured Lives? There's a reason it's only gotten five updates in nine years so far. I have to be in a very specific mood to write it, which doesn't happen often. A pity, cuz I liked the concept...

49. What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?

I'd say The Best Laid Plans. It's got my particular brand of humor, and also some kickass battle scenes :p

Another one would be Strong Currents, cuz worldbuilding (plus getting Gaius and Wingul to have emotional talks lolol)

61. In Concubinage, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

Probably Lin and Arst's first kiss. It's such a significant moment<3

65. If you wrote a sequel to Concubinage, what would happen in it?

I am actually vaguely planning a sequel if I can finish it. Basically it'd be the events/plot of the game, but with all the changes in settings brought about by the events of Concubinage. I'll have to think carefully about what will change, what will stay the same, and what will be a slightly different spin on things that'll still happen. I think the main difficulty will be to juggle Milla's journey with Gaius&Wingul being the main characters without them overtaking the plot. And also how close or different it should be to canon...

74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

Among my least kudosed ones, I'd say Chaos in the Ballroom (my Tales Big Bang fic). I know it's a bit different from my usual stuff, and relies heavily on knowledge about Agria's side story, but I put a lot of thought in that one.

[cieloclercs]

right i am absolutely RAGING why are girls so bitchy and horrible for absolutely no reason UGH

(lmao this is just me ranting about friendship stuff so feel free to ignore this or wtv i just need to vent 😭)

so basically for the past two years i’ve been really close friends with this girl, she’s been a part of my friendship group for longer than even i have and at one point i genuinely valued her as one of my best friends

but just before and over gcses she started drifting from us and claiming that we pushed her out of the friendship group 😭 when she was literally the one that started hanging out with other people (which we were absolutely fine with but girl you don’t have to scapegoat us for something that you literally did 😭)

anyway long story short, she hasn’t had the easiest time to be fair to her, but even over gcses (and when she was treating us like shit) we all tried to be there for her and give her the best advice we could when she asked for it (not that she ever took it 🫠🫠) like i literally listened to her rant for HOURS and was always there for her to listen or be a shoulder to cry on whenever she needed it

but over summer she just like stopped hanging out with us completely. she told us that she wanted to be ‘friendly’ in sixth form, and we all agreed and were still really nice to her and everything even though she literally ditched us for the dodgiest people on earth (but that’s another story lmaoo) 😭

and for a while i thought everything was ok !!! like she’s been friendly with me for the most part in sixth form, UNTIL we found out that she’s been actively trying to get with my best friend’s ex boyfriend 😭 like literally right in front of her as well, she blew us off in one of our classes to go and FLIRT WITH HIM LIKE GIRL 😭

for the most part i’ve just been letting it go because i genuinely don’t think she’s worth it BUT TODAY IN SIXTH FORM ASSEMBLY she was sat with this girl (who has literally been HORRIBLE to me in the past so i already have a bit of a vendetta for that 😭) and i was a row or two behind them

and during the assembly they both kept turning around and GIVING ME THE DIRTIEST LOOKS ON EARTH AND LAUGHING AT ME !!! LIKE WHAT

WHAT HAVE I DONE

i have done nothing, like literally out of all my friends, i’m probably the one that’s been friendliest to her since we started at sixth form 😭

so yeah i’m raging basically. but i’m also kind of sad ?? even tho she’s clearly just a horrible person she was at one point one of the most important people in my life. i put so much into that friendship, and even though i didnt get a whole lot out of it from her side, i worked SO HARD to try and be there for her whenever i could

i feel like i sound really petty and childish right now but i’m actually so mad i just needed to rant 😭 i just don’t understand what I OF ALL PEOPLE have done for her to act like this to me ?? it just feels so unfair that i try my hardest to be as nice as i can to EVERYONE (even if i don’t particularly like them as a person) and then i just get ridiculed for it ?? make it make sense 😭