#i am still finishing up the animation but bc finals are literally next week it may be a while!!

[orionfrommars]

Here’s an older-ish Bumblebee fanart I madeeee!

[Please do not steal, trace, repost or do anything with my work]

[jjkbambi]

frat flu luigi mangione x virgin!reader 18+

summary!!! (smut inspired by this request) you’re set to interview frat president luigi mangione for the penn newsletter!

note: fratboy!luigi but not reallyyyy associated to that cheating demon storyline. written as a standalone but could be seen as a prequel if you squint. unedited but happy new years

warnings: long fic cuz we need a reason to be fuckin, sad bc luigi’s sad, comfort, an attempt at fluff, and of course smut, dubcon (he grinds on you while you’re sleeping), so dry humping, p in dis v (VIRGINNN)

luigi mangione, as described by his fraternity brothers: “cool,” “mega smart,” and “totally chill.” all phrases you could blindly draw from a hat to describe a stranger walking down the street.

surely, this couldn’t be your debut in penn today. a spotlight on the brightest mind on campus, phi kappa psi fraternity president luigi mangione. top of his class at a mysterious luxury private high school, started a hash brown business at sixteen, and, according to his linkedin, volunteers at local libraries, elderly homes, and animal shelters during breaks back home. he’s got a first aid/cpr certification, a bartending license, and a squeaky clean record.

“he doesn’t even complain on yelp,” you groan.

your friend, lacy, sits in the drivers seat, shaking her head. “maybe he’s just nice.”

you shoot a glare at her.

she raises her hands, defensive. “i’ve only heard good things!”

“oh, well, if he was really so nice, he wouldn’t have canceled on me a hundred and one times.” as if he’d heard you, your phone pings—his name flashing on the screen.

from luigi Hey pretty! Something came up today. So sorry. Can I see you another time?

“one hundred and two,” you declare, showing her your phone screen. at this point, it felt less like inconvenience and more like cruelty. his constant rejections, delayed responses, and last-minute reschedules were a relentless reminder of your looming failure to finish the piece on the phi kappa psi house. journalism club was going to fucking kill you.

“y/n, he literally could not have been nicer.” she finally puts the car into park. the both of you look outside.

frustration had been simmering for weeks, growing with every missed promise. almost two months ago, he’d smiled big and earnest, assuring you he’d meet for the interview—yet here you were, still waiting. the distance between you two seemed to stretch with every passing day, and you couldn’t summon the energy to pretend you still cared for niceties.

you’re outside his fraternity house, calling him, he surprises you by answering almost immediately, his voice low and hoarse, like he’s just woken up. “hello?”

“hi, it’s y/n.”

“oh,” he says, tone dipping as he cleared his throat. “hey, how are you?”

“yeah, i’m fine,” you say, unbuckling your seatbelt. “i just wanted to talk—”

“yeah, i know ‘m sorry,” he tells you, sincerity to be debated. “i’ve just been a bit all over the place these past few weeks.”

lacy mouths, “im staying in the car.”

nodding, you hop out, a familiar sense of anticipation lingering. it’s not your first time at the fraternity house, but each visit feels different. the mansion, though grand, has a worn charm—earth-toned walls and overgrown grass, with boys constantly darting across the yard. trash cans overflow with aluminum cans, remnants of the never-ending chaos.

“no, i get it, i do. i, you know, am busy all the time.”

“oh, i’m sure,” he says. “are you free next weekend?”

you didn’t even have to check your schedule to know you were free. but you were already here. “well, actually, i just, um…” you feel a bit of your confidence deflating as you trespass their yard. your face flushes and you suddenly feel the eyes of the other brothers staring at your silhouette like curious dogs, unsure of whether to bark or bite. “i was just passing by the neighborhood, i was wondering if i could come over now?”

he yawns. “what? you mean right now?”

“is that alright?”

“how far away are you?”

“yeah, uh, i’m outside your front door.”

“oh?” he says, clearly taken off-guard. the embarrassment finally settles in. what the hell were you doing?

“you know what, never mind. i’m so sorry,” you flush, spinning on your heel and rushing down the steps, avoiding eye contact with the other guys.

you’re not sure if it’s your heart stopping or the phone call ending, but it’s in that moment that the blackwood door opens. you turn around, and the brown-haired boy steps through, looking disheveled, with dark bags under his eyes as if he hasn’t slept. though, despite that, he’s in gray sweatpants and a long sleeved black compression shirt.

“y/n, come on in,” luigi says, his voice booming, almost too loud for the quiet pennsylvania street. he glances toward the team of players in the front yard, bringing attention to you all over again. “this is the journalist for the penn.”

you shuffle up the steps again. “it’s called penn daily.”

“right,” he nods, eyes searching your body up and down. “you want a jacket?”

you’re in leggings and a tank top. you’re shivering. “no, no, i like the cold.”

the brown-haired boy shakes his head, grabbing one off the coat rack anyway and tossing it over to you.

“you’ll like the jacket even better.”

as he guides you through the house, the weight of the silence surrounds you. you’ve only ever seen the place during parties—neon LED lights casting strange shadows, tables covered in empty Solo cups and suspicious piles of random powders. it always felt like a place of unrecognizable chaos, where everyone was too busy to think about much else but the next round of shots or whatever game they were playing. but today, in the quiet of the late morning, the house feels different. the lights aren’t flashing, the music isn’t blasting, and there’s no throng of people rushing around. it feels oddly intimate, even though it’s still just as cluttered as always.

“is this what it looks like clean?” you ask, only half-joking.

“be nice,” luigi barks, tone plain as he rolled his eyes in faux annoyance. “we had a long night yesterday,” he gestures to the crowds of twentysomethings outside, one group cleaning off the mountain of soda and beer cans off the plastic gray tables, the other playing ping pong. “another long night ahead. you should come.”

the invitation doesn’t sway you, you’re distracted by his face. though his curly hair is neatly cut, and his chocolate brown eyes hold a quiet, dark intensity. his tall frame fills up the room, the way he stands commanding attention without trying. his features are sharp, framed by thick eyebrows, and his smile is small, barely there, and it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. he offers it to you as if it’s expected. there’s an underlying feeling you can’t shake. it’s like you can tell it’s forced. you’ve seen enough of him in passing (and in stalking) to know this isn’t the usual “luigi” you’re used to seeing at parties or around campus.

you bite the inside of your cheek. “you know, if today’s a bad day, you don’t have to—”

“no, babe, it’s fine,” he says, the term rolling off his tongue like it’s second nature.

in the short time you’ve known him, you’ve picked up on his knack for nicknames and gathered you probably shouldn’t be flattered—all the boys in this frat were entirely too flirty.

he pushes the door to his bedroom open, stepping aside to let you in. “shouldn’t take too long, right?”

“sure,” you lie as you slip past him, fingers brushing over the notepad tucked in your back pocket, your mind racing with questions you’re suddenly too aware of.

“well then, it’s no rush,” he says.

quickly, you notice the collection of allergy medication at his desk. a heinous amount of nyquil, half-empty bottles scattered among crumpled tissues and unopened water bottles. it’s almost comical, the way his organized chaos betrays the “untouchable golden boy” image you’d pieced together. his desk, once probably neat and deliberate, now looks like the scene of a losing battle against the flu. curious, you ask, “bad fever?”

luigi laughs dryly. “something bad, that’s for sure.”

you feel yourself sink at the admission. instinctively, you reach up to feel his forehead, your fingers hovering just shy of his skin. it’s a simple gesture, something you wouldn’t think twice about doing for one of your roommates, but as soon as your hand makes contact, he stiffens, his body recoiling ever so slightly. the movement is subtle but enough to make you hesitate, pulling your hand back as his lashes flicker up to meet yours.

“jesus christ,” you gasp. “you’re burning up.”

luigi doesn’t answer immediately, his gaze lingering on you just a moment too long, his eyes a little softer than usual.

“think i’ll be fine,” he says, but there’s an edge to his voice, like he’s trying to brush it off. it feels more like he’s saying it for both of you than for himself.

a pang of guilt hits you hard—a reminder of how you’d pushed for this interview while he was clearly feeling terrible. all those ridiculous, relentless messages, the nagging about deadlines while he was probably just trying to get through the day. god, you feel like an idiot.

you cup his cheeks, serious. “you should really get to bed.”

“what, and miss the privilege of being interrogated by the penn’s finest?” he teases, leaning into you. you’re struck at how warm he was, how utterly unprofessional you were coming off as, how awful it would be to pull away.

the article, you remind yourself, inching away. “if you pass out mid-question, it’s not going to make for a great article.”

“least i’ll be a shoo-in for the sympathy vote next semester,” luigi says with a wry chuckle, his tone light but laced with something deeper as he glances back up at you, almost as if testing your reaction.

“come on,” he reaches for your hand when you frown, interlocking your fingers and swaying you. he doesn’t pull you too close, something about the way he’s looking at you has you sure he’ll never give you the satisfaction, but your fingers interlock and there’s a hint of a smirk playing at the edge of his lips, smugness plain. “i couldn’t let you walk out here so fast. you know what they would say about me if they thought i let down a pretty girl like you?”

you feel your face go pink but your ego won’t let his flirting power last. his forehead was burning hotter than sauna, he probably didn’t know what was even happening. “you look like you haven’t even slept,” you say, matter-of-factly. “would you just sit down?”

“trust me, this headache’ll be gone before you can even say sto meglio con te,” he says, his voice a little softer than usual.

he grins as your brow furrows. “you could put that in your article. successful, speaks italian, looks like shit.”

“i didn’t mean that. i’m just worried.” ignoring the fluttering in your stomach and his persistent gaze, you turn your phone over. “i could order you some soup. there’s a really nice pho place down the road—”

“what’re you, my girlfriend?”

“mangione,” you sigh. “you’re being impossible.”

“baby,” he says, the word slipping from his lips with a teasing familiarity that catches you off guard. it pierces straight through your ego, sharp and unexpected. “i promise, ive got way more interesting things to talk about than allergies. come on, ask me.”

before you can react, another voice calls from outside, and you hear hurried footsteps approaching the door. luigi hesitates for a second, glancing at you. a younger group of fraternity brothers peeks in, looking urgent.

“hey, we’ve got a problem with the fundraising paperwork—someone made a mistake with the donations, and it needs to be fixed or we’re going to miss the deadline,” one of them explains, his voice tight with stress.

“who was in charge of that?” luigi asks, a lilt of accusation in his tone.

the younger twentysomethings look around, feigning innocence, avoiding eye contact. “whatever, it doesn’t matter,” he mutters, rubbing his eyes. “i’ll take care of it.”

he squeezes your hand before he leaves the room, saying, “stay put for me.”

so you sit on his navy blue bed, stiff and idle, your mind wandering as you wait. you text lacy and tell her you’ll catch up with her later as the constant sound of chaos fills your ears. you hear the house scrambling through the halls and luigi’s answering calls and questions, directing people, moving them out the way. the speakers for the party this weekend just got delivered, the delta 3 girls are inviting them to volunteer at their annual car wash, and there’s a leak in the basement that needs immediate attention. after what feels like hours, you can’t keep your eyes open anymore. exhaustion pulls at you, and without even realizing it, you fall asleep on his bed, the rhythmic noise of his busy life buzzing around you.

“y/n,” luigi exhales as he finally re-enters the room, his exhaustion evident in every step.

he’s greeted at the sight of your body sprawled across his bed, eyes fluttered shut with his jacket blanketed over your silhouette. he’s not so sure what comes over him, but he locks the door. your peaceful slumber is a stark change from the drunk mayhem on the other side of the door, and he’s intent on keeping the peace. the bed dips under his weight as he sinks down beside you, too tired for niceties. without a word or a second’s hesitation, he pulls the jacket off you and brings your tired body closer to his.

it starts off innocent. his arms are wrapped around your stomach, your body limp against his. he cradles into the nape of your neck—and you’re so soft and you smell so good, he can’t help himself. he tells himself he won’t take it too far. starting with small, sweet kisses against the side of your neck, almost tickling you out of your unconsciousness. you sleepily squirm under his hold and he’s straining in his sweatpants before he can make sense of it.

“you’re so pretty,” luigi whispers. it would be a waste, really, to have you this close without touching you. using you.

he grinds his hips against your plump ass. he’s so fucking hard, he really can’t help it. he has to have you, but he can’t bring himself to wake you—you’d been so sweet to him earlier, doe eyes wide with concern—he figures he has to return the favor somehow, right? letting you nap in his bed feels like the least he can do.

“you’ve got no idea how often i lose my mind thinkin’ about this, about you,” he confesses. the noise outside is loud, chaotic—a world away from the quiet intensity between you. it’s too loud for anyone else to know of the secret unfolding here, in the space of his touch and the weight of his gaze.

he’s rougher now, tightening his grip on your hips as he jerks himself into you. you were so worried about him earlier. you’d want this, wouldn’t you? to help him out, make him feel better?

his defense of plausible deniability falls apart piece by piece. one of his hands stray from your hip to your clothed core, rubbing you, desperate for friction. he groans into your back. you were wet, he was sure of it, he had to make sure of it. he slips his hands down your leggings and rushes to palms your wetness. he has to make sure you’re feeling just as good as he was.

you shudder at the touch, slowly bringing yourself from rem to reality. the room is hotter than you remembered, and you almost shriek as you realize luigi’s hands had been all over you. he’s quick to put his hand over your mouth, talking in your ear, “‘m sorry baby, couldn’t resist.”

his sloppy wet kisses are hot against your neck, so frantic, so desperate, so needy, his stubble unnerving you as you squirm under his hold. you can hardly make sense of what’s happening. “luigi.” you mewl as he grinds his clothed cock into you. “what’re you doing?”

he moans at the perfect blend of innocence and surprise twined through your voice. its undeniable now — he can’t spend another second not experiencing you.

“you said you wanted to make me feel better, yeah?” luigi grunts. before you can respond, he’s slipping a finger into your wet pussy. you jolt at the wild unfamiliar storm that grasps you, trying to turn your head over to him, to look at him, to ask him what the hell had gotten into him. he kisses you when your head tilts, his free hand wrapping around your throat.

“that’s so much fuckin’ better,” he tells you, stretching your core out with another two fingers. he’s so eager—so intent on making a mess of you, you’re almost humiliated at how easily you fall apart underneath.

you quiver and shake, and try to twist out of his groping hands, but he doesn’t budge, pressing harder into you. “you’re doin’ so fuckin’ good for me, sweetheart,” he swears.

“luigi,” you cry, helpless. the friction felt so hot it made you light-headed. the pleasures storms out any logical part of you. “i don’t—i don’t know what to do.”

of course you don’t. you were entirely too sweet, too well-meaning, too fuckin’ stupid to realize how badly he wanted you. running up to him after his gym workout, bright-eyed as you asked him to hang out. not on a date, not even as friends, but for a stupid fucking college paper. he should’ve taken you right there, in the parking lot, let you scream on it so loud the entire campus knew you were his, saved all this goddamn time.

“you’re a fuckin’ virgin?” luigi asks. he needs to hear you say it.

he rips his hand from your aching cunt and you cry out at the loss of friction.

“yes,” you pout.

“any good journalist knows to use specifics.” you see a cocky grin etch onto his lips before he flips you over and brings you in for a proper kiss, your arms wrapping around his neck as he sinks into you. you kiss him back. you wanted this, whatever it was. “tell me again.”

“i’m a virgin,” you admit, reddening.

he smiles against your cheek before kissing you again—“been waiting for me, yeah? you want me to take you?”

“luigi, please.”

“what’s that?” he says, cruel.

you pout again and try to please him, rushing into another kiss. he captures your lips gladly, but refuses to bring you to the satisfaction of salvation.

all too mean, he points out, “you don’t even know what you’re begging for.”

at this point you were sure you could get drunk off the warmth of him. if you bucked up into the air, you could feel his bulge raging against his sweatpants.

“i want you,” you whine. “i mean—i just—i thought you wanted me too..?”

“of course i do. look at you.” luigi grunts before he strips off his shirt, ripping down your leggings with a force that pulls your body down the bed with him. his dark gaze drifts down.

you flush at the sight of the wet mess all over your legs. “you did all that just for me?” luigi mocks. “you want me that fuckin’ bad?”

“yes,” you have no idea why but you do. you can’t imagine a world where you walk away now and never experience him.

luigi never had any intention of being nice about this. his morals and his plans for the night unraveled the moment his eyes found you sprawled across his bed. harshly, he grips your hips—sure to leave marks, hoping for it—before pounding the entirety of his length into your purity.

the stretch scorches, searing into you. you see white, red, and hell all at once. “luigi—!” you cry out.

“you’re so good,” luigi assures. he tries to pace himself as you fall apart underneath him. he tries he tries he tries—but your inexperienced pussy molds around him, so perfect and wet, he can’t help himself.

you feel everything but perfect. unnerved and wild and overwhelmed, whimpering underneath him like a sick puppy. he fucks into you like he’s itching to see if you’ll break.

“it hurts,” you whine.

“you look so fuckin’ pretty with your legs spread,” luigi says. “can’t get enough of this perfect pussy.”

you paw at him, desperate for sacred ground, grip landing on his arms, hard and toned underneath your fingertips. he smirks. “feelin’ me up, sweetheart? you like my arms?”

the sound of skin slapping overtakes your corner of the world. you’d seen him before, but never like this. you’ve never had anything like this.

“luigi.” you whimper. “i can’t, you’re so big—”

“i know, pretty, i know,” he murmurs, kissing the running wet tears down your cheeks. “d’you remember the night you went up to me after the gym? d’you remember what you were wearing?”

you can’t help but claw your fingers deep into his arm muscles, desperate to find a vice for the pain. “oh my god,” you gasp. he pounds into you relentlessly and before you realize, you’re rolling into waves of foreign pleasure.

“stupid fuckin’ tank top,” luigi groans. pleasure storms you as he gets more brazen. he pulls down your camisole, lapping at your tits, biting you, marking you. “wind blew over and i got to see your perfect fuckin’ nipples. wanted to tear you apart right there.”

“what? really?”

“had to jack off in my fuckin’ car thinking about you, about this,” he murmurs before smashing his mouth back onto yours—and this time, you feel more prepared to bear it, melting into his warmth, lips perfectly reunited. you’re shivering under the heat. he fucks you hard into the mattress, hellbent on breaking you in. you’re sure he’s accomplished it already. you’re dizzy and light and on top of the goddamn world.

he sees through you. “fuckin’ close?”

“i-i think so—”

“so fuckin’ stupid,” he muses. “stupid fuckin’ virgin, doesn’t even know when she’s gonna cum.”

“you’re so mean,” you whine.

“yeah, you think so?” he growls, his voice low and dangerous as his hand strikes your cheek. the sting blooms like fire, another cruel signature of his dominance, a mark left behind in his endless quest to tarnish the golden purity you wear so effortlessly. his wicked touch moves down to your delicate clit and the sparks of pleasure turn into storms. you’re done for, waves of white gushing around him as you cry out his name.

“oh god,” luigi groans. “such a good girl, creamin’ on it like that. so perfect.”

the jolt of pleasure within you only makes you more sensitive. this time, when his hands return to your body, they’re clamped around your neck. he’s pulling into you, punishing your delicate cunt. as you quiver and froth, his thrusts grow sloppy and he rasps again—this time more guttural, more intense—and soon enough you feel his huge cock twitch inside of you, sending streams of his seed into your stomach.

he joins your silhouette on the bed, his warmth melting into yours as he pulls you close. his arms wrap around you, steady and secure, and his lips press softly to your forehead.

“‘m sorry,” he murmurs into your hair, his voice low and soothing. “didn’t mean to get so rough.”

you struggle to find the breath, then the words, “no, i—i think it was fine.”

he looks at you, his smile fading into something more thoughtful, his gaze deepening with quiet admiration. “just fine?” he asks, his voice laced with a hint of playful disbelief.

you meet his gaze, your heart fluttering, and with a mischievous glint in your eye, you hum,

“penn’s finest.”

MASTERLIST ! leave me suggestions and review me <3

[cdroloisms]

do you have any,,,post prison mute dream stuff??? or like, severely quiet, silent and obedient dream shtuff?? and the consequences thereof??? bc im reading your drabbles and i am in literal awe

aww, thank you so much !! yeah selectively mute dream post prison is absolutely a hc i love and write smtimes - it’s already been suggested in canon, and it’s super fun to play w/ in post-canon works. here’s some fluffy syndicate!dream bc gosh knows we need it after the angst that we’ve been getting 

tw: implied torture, panic attacks, trauma - all v short mentions. this one’s definitely on the lighter side! :D

“I didn’t know you knew sign.”

Dream startles, arms flying to cover his face, and the crow he had been signing at squawks angrily when it turns towards Phil. He ignores its chatter, smoothing his own flinch behind a smile, lowering his wings, bringing his hands, palms up, in front of him at his waist - this song and dance has become all too familiar in the weeks that Dream’s resided with the Syndicate, and Phil is nothing if not patient.

Slowly, the boy uncurls from where he’d huddled into himself, arms clasped firmly around his ribs like someone will try and take them from him if he doesn’t hold on tight enough (and maybe, Phil thinks, imagining the messy lattice of scars underneath Dream’s loose-fitting hoodie that he has only seen a few times since they brought him over, someone has - but those are thoughts that are better left untouched for as long as he can manage it.) Dream’s eyes raise, flick over his face, his breathing quieting down from the discordant rattle it had been, and tentatively, ever slowly, he raises his good hand in a loose fist, letting it bob up and down. Yes.

Phil settles into the armchair across from him, raising his own hands. His fingers feel clumsy, but the memories come back with more ease than he would’ve expected - I know a little. Dream’s eyes don’t quite brighten, but his shoulders fall down from where they’d been hunched up to his ears, the hand he keeps tucked to his chest trembling slightly less, and it’s as much as a win as he’s ever going to get.

The silence stretches, familiar in its awkwardness, and Phil stifles a grimace as he forces long-forgotten memories to the surface. Dream’s hands, from what little he had seen from the doorway, had practically flown as he spoke to the crow still sitting by his right side - obviously practiced even with the still-healing injuries tracing over both arms. How did you learn?

We- He hesitates, left hand trembling violently, before pushing on, we all learned with- he signs a C, then lifts his hands to his head in a sign that Phil vaguely remembers as being the one for deer. Dream must see the questions written in his expression, because his cheeks flush as he backtracks. C-A-L-L-A-H-A-N, he finger spells, and Phil nods. That makes sense.

Some of the crows in the house must have noticed Phil’s arrival, because they storm into the room from the doorway, awkwardly hopping across the door with their wings waving by their sides as they eagerly voice their displeasure at the lack of attention. He’s not in the mood to pick out the words between their angry caws, so he simply watches as they scatter all over the room. Something almost like a smile tugs at Dream’s face as he watches them enter - the kid has grown inexplicably fond of both his flock and all of the assorted animals that Techno drags back into the house whenever he goes out, and Phil has long since resigned himself to being outnumbered one hundred to one by a literal army of mobs wherever he goes. Some of the crows had been pretty wary of Dream at the beginning, but after a few weeks more or less the entire flock has become viciously protective of the kid, sufficiently won over by gifts of head scratches and berries and various shiny things. Sure enough, the birds form a dark, squawking circle at Dream’s feet, a few flying up to tug impatiently at his clothes, and despite the (very obvious) favoritism, Phil smiles; the flock is good for Dream, as annoying as they can be.

DADZA, one calls, its lone cry soon echoed by the entire group of fluttering feathers gathered on the floor, DADZA AND DREAM DADZA DADZA. Phil laughs, a familiar warmth and exasperation filling his lungs, and he turns his attention back to Dream.

You up to some more? He tries; it’s a chance, for sure, and he brushes away the creeping anxiety crawling up his neck; he doesn’t want to make Dream panic, hopes that he’s doing the right thing. I could always use the practice.

Quiet, once again, only broken by the murmurs of his birds eagerly awaiting Dream’s answer as the boy rocks side to side in deliberation, and Phil is halfway through working out a frantic you don’t have to if you don’t want to when Dream raises his own hands.

Sure, he signs, a forced smile on his face but eyes still clear and bright, why not?

Somehow, they end up in a bastardized version of twenty questions, surrounded by birds that do not hesitate at any chance to voice their own opinions. They work through favorite colors (green), favorite flowers (roses for Dream, peonies for Phil), favorite mob (Phil answers this with a pointed definitely-not-crows, staring at the flock who have been shouting over themselves naming different colors for about five minutes, which immediately makes them devolve into screaming caws and divebombs at the edges of Phil’s cape that leave him thoroughly occupied for the next ten minutes), and at some point Phil falls further into the cushions of his chair and Dream’s legs lay against the sofa instead of being drawn up to his chest and it’s almost normal.

By the time Techno finds them, they’ve forgone structure all together, Dream watching intently as Phil signs out an embellished tale of one of the Antarctic Empire’s exploits with a crow held gently in his hands. Techno’s voice behind him startles him bad enough to send his wings snapping outwards, feathers standing on end, but Dream doesn’t react much beyond a twitch of his lips - he must’ve seen the piglin hybrid and tag-teamed to prank him, Phil realizes with a half-hearted grumble. Techno’s eyes sparkle mischievously, definitely planned, then.

“Hi Phil, Dream,” Techno shrugs off his cloak and drapes it over the back of Phil’s chair, “Looks like you’ve been busy. Can’t say I’m not feelin’ a bit left out, though; Phil, you never told me you knew sign language.”

“You never asked, mate,” he quips, even as Dream signs animatedly from the corner of his eye. T-E-C-H-N-O-L-O-S-T.

Techno narrows his eyes. “I get the feelin’ that you’re messin’ with me, nerd.” Dream blinks faux innocently, smiling wider, and Phil picks up on the bit. Oh, this is fun.

He can’t understand us, he assures Dream, feeling a wicked smirk of his own growing on his face. So what do you think for dinner?

“Phil- the betrayal!” Techno splutters, voice going high and pitchy, and that reaction alone would’ve made the prank more than worth it - but Dream’s shoulders shake, eyes glittering as his fingers fly almost too fast for Phil to catch, and oh, that’s laughter, tiny, breathless giggles falling from his lips, and Techno must catch it even as he begins to berate the voices in his head, “This is not a bruh moment, Chat, don’t you start-”

Stew? Dream signs, still snickering, and he looks happy, more than Phil has ever seen him, the sight of him smiling and bright-eyed with amusement almost enough to cover for the gaunt quality of his face, the pale scars left all over his skin.

Of course, mate, Phil signs back, throwing in a do you think T-E-C-H-N-O ended up lost in those same woods again for good measure, rewarded when it sends Dream into another round of giggles. Techno grumbles without any real heat behind it, plopping himself down in the remaining chair.

“Ok, nah, no more of this exclusive club; you guys are teachin’ me this tonight before Chat loses it - yes that was an insult, don’t you start it with the E’s,” and Phil laughs, hard, the flock cawing and beginning to spam E on their own, for some reason, and Dream signing through the alphabet with the biggest grin on his face, and-

“Oh, Prime, this is going to so scuffed,” Phil says, breathless, his warning unheeded as Techno finishes his rant at Chat to focus on Dream.

And it is scuffed - it is so fucking scuffed, between Phil’s lackluster memory and Techno’s frequent interrupting to quiet down an extremely rowdy Chat and the incessant calls of the flock further egging them on, but it’s warm and Dream doesn’t stop smiling and Techno looks more relaxed than he has in weeks and the helpless, singing urge of protect protect protect that has lived in Phil’s head ever since Techno had carried Dream, beaten and bloodied and broken, through their front door finally, finally, begins to quiet down.

He tunes back into the impromptu lesson - they’ve finished the alphabet, seemingly having moved onto common words and objects, and Dream- hesitates, raises his hand, all five fingers drawn together, to the corner of his mouth and then pulls it back. Home, he signs, moving to fingerspelling, H-O-M-E. Home.

For a moment, they’re all quiet, Dream’s hand still raised by his face, even the crows falling silent as they all stare at each other. Phil watches, breath caught in his throat, as the planes of Techno’s face soften, the teasing edge of his voice, for once, leaving. “Yeah, nerd. You’re home.”

Home, Dream signs again, then again, looking up, eyes bright, hopeful. Phil thinks, proudly, that it looks like a new beginning. I’m home.

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Fic Idea: Geralt being very self conscious about literally all of the inhuman traits he has (he probably has even more than most Witchers because of the extra trials) and trying to hide them entirely or just make them less obvious when Jaskier starts traveling with him, probably angsting whenever Jaskier notices, and some nice h/c from Jaskier ( + feral bard ready to stab all the humans who made Geralt feel like that and/or horny bard with a broken brain bc “oh no hes getting hotter”)

so I did this from Geralt’s pov bc honestly I was just feeling the angst today? Its the first day of classes and a bitch was overwhelmed so here. we. go.

also I couldn't get that face out of my head from the betrothal episode where he’s watching the chaos before the fight breaks out and he looks like a confused puppy?! y’all know the one? god its so cute.

Waringins: none

__________

Geralt had always managed to stay far away from the average human. They always cringed and drew back at his slightly off appearance, until Jaskier started following him. 

It started with his teeth. On the rare occasion he gave in and smiled at the bard’s jokes he noticed Jaskier staring at his teeth. They weren't fangs per se, but he had pronounced canines before the trials, now they were rather obvious. 

Jaskier made to say something, paused, then changed the subject. Geralt ran his tongue over his teeth and feigned attention for the next few minutes of the bard's story. He spent the night trying to decide if Jaskier was scared or disgusted by him.

When Jaskier insisted on brushing twigs out of Geralt’s hair after a contract rather early on Geralt felt a panic he wasn't sure what to do with. He’d already accepted that he needed the bard, though whether for personal or professional reasons he hadn’t made up his mind, and he didn't want him running when he realized Geralt was more wolf than expected. His hair was coarse and unruly, another side effect of the trials, but Jaskier hummed in content as he ran his fingers through it. 

“It’s softer than it looks.” he murmured.

Geralt only grunted, surprised but still not entirely at ease. 

Months down the line they were having to haggle over the fee an alderman owed and Geralt growled. Not a human growl, no. He was tired and covered in blood and, frankly, really fucking angry and he’d let an animalistic growl leap out of his chest. He could smell the fear in the air and made sure to avoid Jaskier’s eyes. He couldn’t bear to see the disgust reflected at him. They got 100 orins above asking price though. 

When they reunited after the winter Geralt was far more careful. Less smiling, kept his hair neat so Jaskier wasn’t inclined to fix it, even made sure to rest better so he didn’t slip up again. 

Of course his plans went to shit after a week. He’d taken quite the beating from a bruxa before killing it and Jaskier had insisted he lay down while the bard skinned and cooked their dinner. 

While it roasted Jaskier laid down next to Geralt, brushing the hair out of a cut to begin with, but when Geralt leaned into the gentle touch he ran his hands through his hair. Half asleep, Geralt thought maybe this was a bad idea, he'd managed to keep up his civilized human act for a few days now, but it just felt so nice. Jaskier continued his gentle strokes for a few minutes, nudging Geralt closer to sleep despite the hunger eating at his stomach. When the bard finally pulled away to check their dinner Geralt gave a high pitched whine, not unlike a puppy.

Jaskier froze, "Did you…"

Geralt cleared his throat, gingerly sitting up to lean against a log and grumbling, "No." 

"Yes, you… Geralt that was cute." Jaskier was squatting next to him, fussing with his bandaged arm to busy his hands.

Geralt was too tired to control his facial expressions, completely baffled by his words he turned to him, "I'm an animal and you think it's cute?" 

Jaskier sighed, abandoning the bandages and resting his elbows on his knees, giving Geralt an exasperated look, "You are not an animal. I, for one, am quite drawn to your differences."

"You mean the fangs and fur for hair?" Geralt didn't believe him for a second and he made it clear with his tone. 

"Your teeth don't scare me in the slightest." He heaved a sigh as he stood to take the rabbit off the fire, "In fact I think they suit you well." 

"Suit me?" 

"Yes. Adds to the total attractiveness you have going on." Jaskier handed a rabbit leg to Geralt as if their conversation was completely normal, as if Geralt's heart wasn't about to beat out of his chest. 

He realized he was staring, probably oogling up at the bard but he was too lost to care, "And the growling like a dog…?" 

"Mm!-" Jaskier spoke around a mouthful, waving his free hand as if conducting an orchestra, "-That was rather hot." 

"What!?" The panic in Geralt's chest was slowly disapating until Jaskier's words transformed it into something else entirely.

"Oh please! Don't act so surprised," Jaskier was snickering now, looking down at Geralt with an amused bewilderment, "You've fallen into many a bed since we first met, how do you not know?" 

Geralt picked at the hare, more self conscious than ever, "I just… most of them think it will be a story for the tavern, the, uh, 'thrill of the other'. A challenge."

"Yeah. Idiot. I too would be telling everyone about bedding the hot witcher who saved the townsfolk." Jaskier rolled his eyes as he sat on the ground next to Geralt, "Not to be untoward-"

"You always are." Geralt teased.

"-It's more fun- what I'm trying to say is, I find all of you appealing. Your little wolfy bits and habits and the quintessential humanness of you as well. You are not an animal, Geralt, and you don't deserve the way scared little weasels treat you." 

Geralt was silent for a moment, chewing at some gristle stuck in his teeth as an excuse to think. 

Jaskier lowered his voice, a hint of nerves on his tongue, "I know you're realigning how you view yourself up in there but I did just do a little confessing and it would be nice if you said something. Anything." 

Geralt tilted his head, looking at the bard from under a furrowed brow, "You're attracted… to me?" 

Jaskier nodded, now the one to look away, "When you say it so plainly…" 

"Hmm." The panic from before was entirely replaced by a terrifying warmth spreading through Geralt's chest. This idiot of a human who had seen him at his worst wanted him for him. In 80 years the closest he'd come to this kind of feeling was the bond with his horses. 

He couldn't put words to it, not in a million years, so instead he shuffled closer to the bard and rested his head on his shoulder. Jaskier placed a hand on his knee and he let out a deep rumbly sigh of content. 

They finished their meal in silence, more than enough words passed between them for the night. 

[zevlors-tail]

Shinsou x Reader x Deku Zoo HC’s

Pairing: Poly ShinDeku x Reader/Shinsou x Reader x Izuku

Description: A day trip to the zoo with Reader!

Warnings: Established poly relationship, otherwise none. Maybe tooth rotting fluff.

A/N: First and foremost! Both boys and the Reader are in an established poly relationship, are Pro!Heroes, and are aged 21+. Bet y’all can’t guess where I went today lol. Today had hella Shinsou vibes, and of course I will forever love the green ball of sunshine that is Izuku Midoriya, so this happened. Enjoy!

A Day At The Zoo

-It’s so rare that the three of you ever end up with the same day off together, so most of the time you have to plan ahead if you want to have outings or adventures, the zoo included!

-It was Deku’s idea first. Well, not idea per se; he just suggested it in passing and you hopped on that train of thought so freaking fast! A whole day spent looking at cute animals with your cute boyfriends? Um, yes please!

-Shinsou had never been to the zoo before, so he didn’t really understand the hype at first. What exactly was the point in visiting animals other than cats? Especially when you can’t pet or hold them? But if it made you and Izuku happy, then who was he to say no?

-Izuku recommended a zoo that was a little bit farther away than your local one, but it had so much more than the typical barnyard animals at yours. He’d gone a few times himself for fundraisers and meetings but you and Shinsou had never been there before.

-So the three of you planned out a day in advance, took the day off from your respective places of work, and thus, the adventure began!

-You talked about it for weeks beforehand, right up until you were parked at the front gates. “Are you guys excited? Because I am SO excited! I’m gonna pet the goats, and the stingrays, and the sharks, and look at all the birds, and take so many pictures-!”

-The first thing you spot is the giant monarch butterfly chilling on the flowers outside of the front gates, so you already know it’s gonna be a good day. You already have your camera whipped out to take a pic.

-Izuku thinks it’s the cutest thing, and Shinsou is literally taking a picture of you taking a photo of the butterfly. The butterfly might be photogenic, but honestly, he thinks you’re the real work of art here.

-The three of you pay and no sooner than when the receipt was in Shinsou’s hand were you running off to the first exhibit, both boys trying to keep up with your pace so they didn’t lose you.

-The first exhibit had some arctic animals like polar bears and seals, which you watched for a while with a content smile on your face. The bears were up and playing around with a dented bucket and a huge rubber ball, and you got some really cool pictures of them. Izuku even managed to get a video of a seal gliding through their underwater tunnel.

-Once again Shinsou is taking pictures of you taking pictures of the animals, because he thinks it’s absolutely adorable. He has this little smirk on his face as he watches you from the camera lens. Although he has to admit, the polar bears are super cute. 

-You keep bouncing around from exhibit to exhibit. One moment the boys are watching the wolves with you, and the next, you’ve wandered over to the giraffes by yourself. Shinsou briefly wonders if they should invest in one of those backpacks with a leash for you.

-Eh, they can just use Izuku’s arms instead. At some point in the day, you’re not really sure when, Izuku just resulted in wrapping his arms around you and holding you while you’re looking at exhibits to keep you from running off. He likes to rest his chin on your head and listen to you gush about how cute the animals are.

-And when you’re walking from place to place, you can bet he’s immediately reaching for your hand to lace his fingers in yours. You end up in between him and Shinsou who also wants to hold hands with you.

-You point out all the animals, even the ones that aren’t a part of the zoo, and the boys think it’s endearing. “Awe, look at this dove over here in it’s nest! Isn’t it so cute!?”

-”Y/N, I don’t think-” He’s being good-natured about it and laughing because he finds it sweet, but Izuku can’t finish his sentence because Hitoshi is slapping a hand over his mouth.

-”Just let them be. It’s precious.”

-”Hello, Mr. Squirrel!” You probably name all of the local ducks and geese walking around, too.

-Eventually you guys make it to the aviary, and you start to explore all the bird exhibits.

-Shinsou, immediately: “It’s so loud in here.”

-Izuku seems to know little random bits of information on the birds, and really enjoys watching them fly around.

-”Shinsou,” you beg him, “can you take my picture next to this giant bird!?”

-He perks up a little after that. Also, he already took your picture. He’s super sneaky and really good at taking pics while you’re not looking. Some of the best photos he has of you and Izuku are candids he took without you knowing. Nothing terrible; they’re all literally still shots of your smiles, your eyes, or just of the two of you doing routine things. His whole camera roll is full of you and Izuku.

-After the birds, you come to the penguin exhibit.

-Penguins just so happen to be Izuku’s favorite animal at the zoo. He loves how they waddle around without a care in the world, and he thinks their black and white patterns are just so unique!

-Definitely embarrasses Shinsou by imitating the penguin walk. He’s a goofball with the two of you, you know he would! And you’re right there with him, following him around with your hands at your sides as you waddle behind him. 

-”I don’t know them,” Shinsou jokes with the people next to you. But he loves you both, you can tell by the way he’s smiling. He thinks it’s cute how the two of you act like this together...in a dorky way, but still.

-Finally, you guys get to the aquarium. The moment you step through the door, Shinsou is practically mesmerized by the fish. He’s never seen so many before; there’s so many colors and shapes and sizes...

-He feels peaceful while he’s watching them swim around.

-You like all the really weird fish. Izuku likes the tropical ones with all the crazy colors, and Shinsou...

-He loves the moon jellies. The second he stepped in front of that tank, he was gone. You and Izuku just watch him for a moment as he relaxes his shoulders and stares into purple tinted waters, totally serene and carefree.

-Izuku takes a 2 minute long video of him bc the moment is just so precious. RIP anyone else who wanted to look at the jellyfish today, bc Shinsou’s literally been there for like 10 minutes now

-Shinsou decides he really likes the zoo after that. Every other exhibit is much more enjoyable and he’s in such a better mood. Not that he was in a bad mood when he first got there, it’s just that he didn’t see the point in all of it at first. 

-Izuku also spends a while looking at the sea turtles, which happen to be his second favorite animal.

-You guys spent the most amount of time in the aquarium no thanks to Hitoshi, but you did manage to make it to the museum before it closed for the afternoon as well.

-Izu reads all the plaques out loud to the two of you and tells you all about the animals and displays. Some of them are interactive, and you can’t help yourself from pressing every single button and listening to the noises and information it gives you.

-There’s a section in the museum where you can pet stingrays. You had never done something like that before, and neither had the boys, so the three of you decided to give it a go.

-It was so soft.

-Stingrays feel like wet velvet, almost. 

-Izuku decides he’s done so he just ends up taking pictures of you and Shinsou. But soon you’re done too so you grab Hitoshi to leave, however-

-You and Izuku are walking away and suddenly: “Uh, Y/N? Wasn’t Shinsou with you?” “No, I thought he was with you?” “Where’s our boyfriend!?”

-You turn back around and he’s still there petting the stingrays. He’s SO fascinated, please don’t make him leave. He’s having the time of his life! It melts both of your rapidly beating hearts (you know, from the mini heart attack you had bc your other third was missing for a second).

-You both let him stay there for however long he wants, and when he reluctantly leaves (finally), you make your way to the giant gift shop at the end of the zoo.

-You guys buy so much stuff it’s not even funny. Partly because as Pros, you have the money to spend, and partly because you want to support the zoo so you can come back. They always appreciate business and donations.

-Speaking of donations, Izuku whips out his checkbook and makes a huge donation to a cause for sea turtles. The zoo is super thankful and you couldn’t be more proud. 

-You’re sure that if there was fund for jellyfish, Shinsou would be donating too.

-You all end up buying each other a plush of your fav animals; Izu gets a penguin, Shinsou gets a jellyfish, and you get your favorite animal too.

-You may or may not have bought a shirt as well... It has the zoo’s museum name on it along with some really cute animals.

-All in all a really great day! 

Bonus Content:

-Shinsou wants to book another trip as soon as you all are back home. He loves the zoo now and he wants to go, like, all of the time.

-You and Izu have caught him watching jellyfish videos on youtube on more than one occasion. He finds them relaxing and can’t wait to go see the real thing again.

[youichi-kuramochi]

I- I don't even know what to say. I actually would have been able to finish long time ago but I just could not continue after that scene. I WAS FULL ON SOBBING HAVING A WHOLEASS BREAKDOWN OMGG HE GOT THE ACE NUMBER HES THE FUCKING ACE I WAS JUST ASGSJDJDDKDLDL

Just as that scene came up I just had to stop I could not keep going on and each time I tried to continue I started crying. IM SO FUCKING PROUD OF HIM. I felt bad for furuya but OMG MY BABY IM CRYING AGAIN

And omg I love Amahisa he's so cutee I wanna join his LINE group 🥺🥺 And Misawa being Misawa the whole time 🥺❤

I kinda figured out how Sawamura's first match would go but im just 😭😭😭 It's okay baby you can do better next time is what I said BUT WHERE THE HELL IS THE REST VIV??? THAT'S IT??? THAT'S IT??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY JUST ENDED LIKE THAT?? WHERE IS THE NEXT SEASON 😭😭😭

I even started reading the manga after it cuz I couldn't stop seeing them.

Imma now go rb all the daiya posts from you. I'll put them to queue so you won't get bombarded with notes. I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT'S IT??!!! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE

I just wanted to say thank you so much for getting me into daiya. This changed my life and I love all of them so fucking much. I'm gonna miss them so much i didn't even want to watch the last episode cuz that meant the end. Thank you so so much 🥺🥺❤❤❤❤❤❤

RIGHT????? RIGHT!!!!!?!??!?!?!?!????!?!???? LIKE BRO THAT EP. THE FUCKING. THE MONTAGE WITH GO EXCEED PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. I remember watching it with bf when it aired and both of us just YELLING I am SO PROUD like FINALLY HIS TIME HAS COME WE LOVE TO SEE IT.

amahisa my BELOVED......... the boy just wants to have friends in a group chat he’s so cute :’)

ADKLJFLAKSDJFS YOU SOUND LIKE BF AND I MEAN THAT IN THE KINDEST MOST LOVING WAY POSSIBLE LMAO at least once a week he turns to me like so when’s daiya coming back huh asldkfjlaksdf but I know what you mean they really just. ended it. LMAO I’m reading the manga too now lol though I’m a crazy person and I can’t just like. start where the anime left off bc idk Reasons and Rules in my brain so I started from ch1 of act ii so it’s uhhhhhh slow going but I’m working on it!! and I hope u have a great time with the manga!! I think terajima-sensei is a lovely visual storyteller and there are so many stunning panels and stuff!! (and bc I physically Cannot stop myself from looking at spoilers........... many good moments to come after where the anime left off 👀👀👀)

I am SO HAPPY you enjoyed daiya so much!!!!! I really really think it’s SO underrated. the characters and the story and EVERYTHING is just. so good. and it made me learn baseball rules better than literally anything else in my life which bf, a former baseball player, is forever ELATED by. I’m so glad you gave it a shot it’s like. my only goal in life to get more people to watch and enjoy daiya and it’s been a treat getting to re-experience it all for the first time through you :’))))))

[ahsbitch]

A Walk In The Woods

Word Count: 5762

Summary: You find a wild Michael Langdon in the woods, and after deciding that he definitely needs some help, you invite him back home with you. 

Warnings:  Smut, 69ing, so obviously oral happens, Male and Female Receiving, A Bit Of Praise Kink, unprotected sex, Vaginal Intercourse, Sad Boi Michael, some cockwarming at the end (obviously I’m v into cockwarming, don’t @ me) Shitty Writing, lots of cursing, that’s all I can think of

A/N: I’m sure this is awful but idk I put effort into it so I’m posting it. Also I should totally wait to post til tomorrow bc it’s like midnight but?? I really wanted to post it today so I’m just going for it. Hope y’all enjoy, comments are Always appreciated, much love! ♥️

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Walking barefoot in the woods was probably your most ridiculous hobby, but it was probably your favorite as well. 

There was always something to discover in the woods.

You tried to take a forest walk at least once a week, on Sundays. You would be gone for hours, wandering, feeling the ups and downs of the universe all around you.

There was always something to discover in the woods, and it was always something different.

Often you would stop in sunny patches and meditated. Sometimes you could feel the musings of something greater than you, running through you. 

Occasionally, you would find a wounded animal, typically just small things like squirrels or sparrows, although sometimes bigger creatures, a deer, an owl, a fox, things along those lines. You felt a responsibility to them, to help them, to clean them up and help them heal and get them better enough to go off on their journeys in life. 

On this particular walk, you found a type of wounded animal you’d never dealt with before. 

Michael Langdon. 

You found him wandering the woods, bleary eyed, coated in scratches and sunburns. 

“Are you alright, sir?” You moved slowly closer to him, not worried for yourself but afraid to startle him. 

The man was beautiful, you could tell he was beneath the dirt that covered him. 

You had startled him, it seemed, as he looked up at you with wild, piercing eyes, raising a hand and sending you flying back against a tree, pinning you there by the throat. 

Well, fuck. 

Your hands clawed at your neck in spite of yourself, trying to pull at something that wasn’t there. You wouldn’t have tried at all, if you were capable of rational thought, would have let it happen as you had great faith that the mystery man was going to let you go, but of course when one loses the ability to breathe, one’s body tends to panic in spite of what the mind may wish for. 

After a few seconds, you dropped to the ground, gasping for air.

Breathe in...Breathe out...Breathe in...Breathe out...Breath in..

“I’m sorry,” You stood up, keeping your gaze on the ground but taking a step towards him.

Although you still didn’t look him in the face, you could tell just from his voice that the man was confused, wandering closer to you, “Why are you sorry?”

Shrugging, you lifted your head from the ground, although you still kept it below eye level, “I frightened you. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry.”

“I,” He frowned, and you focused your eyes on his mouth, “I attacked you.”

“Because I frightened you. I was trying not to, but I did, and I’m very sorry for it.”

“Is that why you won’t look me in the eye?” He sounded curious, and his mouth curved into a funny little smile, “Because you’re sorry?” 

“Because direct eye contact can be intimidating,” You explained, “I don’t want to upset you again.” 

Biting his lower lip, the man extended his hand, “It’s okay. I’m... my name is Michael. I’m sorry for...what I did. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

You took his hand, feeling a zip of electricity shoot through you, and finally looked into his eyes, “It’s okay. I’ve been hurt worse. Wasn’t a big deal. I’m Y/N. It’s nice to meet you, Michael.”

Brows scrunched together over his crystalline blue eyes, Michael cleared his throat, “It’s nice to meet you too, Y/N. I’m sorry for bothering you, I- I should let you go.”

You weren’t quite sure whether he meant that literally or figuratively, as he was still clutching at your hand like a lifeline. 

“Hang on,” Drawing him closer, you reached a careful hand up to his face, hesitating at the way he flinched, then stilled, his eyes flickering to the side anxiously, but allowing you to cup his cheek and examine him, “How long have you been out here?” 

Michael looked unsure of himself, leaning into your hand ever so slightly and seemingly not even conscious of it, “A few days, I think. I was doing a, well, I was doing something, but it didn’t work, and then I tried to make my way back to the city, but I kinda got lost.” 

“You must be starving,” You pulled away from him, straightening up, “I can take you back to the city, and you can come to my place for a little bit.”

You were already walking, and after a moment you heard Michael hurry to follow you, “What do you mean?”

“You said you were lost. I don’t think you just mean physically. Besides, you must be hungry, and no offense, but you’re kind of a mess right now,” You glanced back at him, giving a small smile when you saw his shocked expression, “You need help. I’m happy to give it.” 

“Why?” Michael moved to your side, walking in step with you, “Why would you help me? What if I’m a murderer?” 

“Even if you are, I don’t think you’ll murder me. If you do, I’d ask that you do it quickly, that’s just a little personal preference of mine, although of course if you’re some truly evil serial killer then I doubt you’d care much about my preferences,” Shrugging, you grasped his hand in yours and pulled him behind you, feeling another volt of electricity crackle through your veins as you led him back to the city. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You have a nice place,” Michael told you hesitantly as you made your way up the front steps of your apartment building. 

You almost laughed at that, but when you glanced back at him he looked so genuine in the compliment that you paused, pulling him inside, “You... you know this whole place isn’t mine, right? It’s an apartment building. My place is pretty not nice, actually. I mean, I like it, but it’s small and not very fancy, y’know?”

“Oh,” He looked a little embarrassed, and you could tell that he had thought the whole building belonged to you. He looked like someone who was used to money and big houses, or at least he looked like he would look like that if he didn’t currently look like he’d been attacked by some sort of weather monster and was now on the verge of passing out. 

“Sit,” You said simply, gesturing to the couch, and you hurried to get a glass of water, handing it to him, “Drink.” 

Bustling your way back to the kitchen, you looked back to see him staring at the cup, and you repeated, “Michael. Drink the water. Come on,” You turned to the plants on your windowsill, grabbing your kitchen shears, “Do you mind?”

“Do I mind drinking water?” Michael asked, confusion evident. 

“Not you,” You turned to him with a smile, nodding, “You don’t have a choice there. Drink the water. I was talking to Tennyson.”

“Who’s Tennyson?”

He had finished the cup of water, and you took it and refilled it before gesturing to the aloe vera plant that you had just trimmed a stalk off of, returning the cup to him, “The plant. The full name is Aloe, Lord Tennyson.”

“You name your plants?” Clearing his throat, Michael took a sip of the new cup of water, “You... talk to your plants?” 

Shrugging, you split the long leaf in half, scooping some of the gel inside onto your fingers, “Yes, and yes. Now this may hurt a bit, just a warning.”

You pressed against his forehead as gently as you could, where a large pinkish red sunburn rested, and Michael let out a hiss and suddenly you were flying across the room, hitting the wall. He didn’t hold you in place or choke you this time, at least, and in a moment he had leapt from the couch and hurried over to you, “I’m so sorry. It hurt and I wasn’t expecting it, I-”

“It’s okay,” You let Michael pull you to your feet, holding onto his hand ever more tightly as you looked at his ashen face and downtrodden expression, “I should’ve given you better warning. Listen, I’ll doctor you up later. Let’s get you in a bath, first, okay? You can bathe and I’ll make some food and then, after, we can take care of your sunburns and scrapes.”

“I keep hurting you,” Michael pulled his hand away, looking at it as though your touch had burned him, “And you keep being nice to me.” 

“If you were doing it on purpose, I’d be less nice. But you’re not, I can tell. Now, follow,” You led the way to your small bathroom, starting to fill the tub with water. 

Michael sat on the edge of the tub, watching you adjust the temperature and light the candles that lay at the corners and pour in some bubble bath. He stared as you moved, humming to yourself, and when you stood and started to step away, “I have some old clothes that I think will fit you. They’re not particularly fancy, like what you’re wearing now, but they’re clean. I’ll drop them off once I get some dinner started, okay?” 

Nodding, Michael began to undo the buttons of his shirt, and you hurried out of the room. 

He was still lost, even though he wasn’t in the woods anymore. And you were determined to help him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N?” Michael called, cracking the bathroom door open, “I’m dressed and everything.”

“Great! Hop up on the counter for me, okay? Just hang tight,” You grabbed the bowl of aloe gel that you had scraped from the plant and a box of band aids and hurried back to the bathroom.

He was perched next to your sink, and you tapped at his knees. Michael frowned but opened his legs so you could stand in between them, “Why am I on your counter, exactly?”

“Because it’s time for me to play doctor. I’m going to touch your face, okay?” You cupped his cheek in your hand and tugged him down, beginning to dab gel onto his sunburns and clean the long scratches that streaked across his features, “Are you comfortable? Do the sweatpants fit okay and everything?” 

“They’re fine,” Michael mumbled, flinching when you pressed a band aid to one of the deeper cuts on his forehead, his hand curling into a fist. He sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting his other hand rest gently on your shoulder, “I appreciate you letting me borrow them. And letting me use your bathtub, and well, and everything else.” 

You nodded, taking in a deep breath and finally moving your attention to notice that he was staring at you, smiling at him, “You used my shampoo.”

“Oh, yeah,” He turned pink, “Yeah, is that okay? It smelled like strawberries and it was right there so I just...”

“Of course! Not a problem at all. You smell nice,” You were looking straight at him now, and he continued to stare, and just when you’d tilted your head to the side, trying to discern what exactly Michael was thinking, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. 

The hand that had rested on your shoulder came up to stroke your face, and then as quickly as it had started, it was done, and he had pulled away from you, turning his head sheepishly to the side. 

Clearing your throat nervously, you stepped back, “Do you like tomato soup?” 

“Yes,” Michael hopped off the counter, following you to the kitchen, although he stayed about four steps behind you. 

The two of you sat in silence for a while, looking at each other over bowls of soup and large dinner rolls. 

Your lips still buzzed from the memory of him against you, but you tried to ignore that. Michael scarfed food down for a while, and you simply kept refilling his bowl until he finally started to slow down, and then you asked carefully, “So, Michael. What’s gotten you lost like this. Tell me where you came from. Tell me about your parents.”  

“There isn’t much to tell about them,” Michael turned red, and he steadfastly refused to make eye contact with you, “My father abandoned me, and my mother tried to kill me. There’s only one person who’s ever really cared, who hasn’t abandoned me, and she’s gone now.”

“I’m sorry,” You said earnestly, letting your hand reach out just far enough to brush against his, “Humanity is unkind, often especially so to those who need kindness the most.” 

Michael had a curious way of frowning, his confusion always quite evident. His eyes would widen and his brows would move, displaying everything he was feeling. It was cute, honestly. 

“I’m sorry about earlier,” He said finally bluntly, having been staring at you in silence, “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re just...I mean... I was gonna try to just not mention it, but you’re so nice and I feel bad.”

“You should’ve asked first,” Drawing your hand away, you tried to make eye contact with him, but now he was avoiding your gaze, “For a lot of reasons. But I’m not mad at you.” 

“You’re not? I know I should’ve asked, I’m just... I’m not used to having to ask for things. I know that’s not a good excuse, but I don’t really know what to say. I’m just sorry,” Michael was frowning even deeper than before. 

Shrugging, you reached back across the table, this time allowing your fingers to stroke along his jaw, “The fact that you’re sorry is enough. Just... don’t go around kissing strangers with no warning, okay?”

“Okay,” He smiled, leaning into your hand, a strange rumbling noise emanating from deep in his chest, almost like a purr.

Suddenly, you felt a bolt of desire shoot through you, seemingly out of nowhere, and you shifted a little in your seat, “Are you done eating?” 

“Yeah, I’m good. Thank you for the food. I can find somewhere to go, I’m sure,” Pulling away from you, Michael started to stand, and you rushed to stand too.

“What do you mean? Why would you go anywhere?” You grabbed his arm, trying to hold him in place even as he brushed you away. 

“I don’t want to be a burden.”

A burden? 

“If you were going to be a burden, I wouldn’t have brought you here at all. Spend the night,” Squeezing at his wrist gently, you moved to stand in front of him.

Michael looked utterly taken aback by this, “Really? Are you sure?” 

You tugged him along behind you, to your bedroom, bringing him to sit on your bed and collapsing down next to him. 

“I’m sure,” Turning towards him, you tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear and leaned forward, looking deeply into his eyes, “You’re the opposite of a burden, and I can prove it.” 

Michael’s breathing hitched, and he moved closer to you, closing his eyes and letting out a slow breath, “I really wanna kiss you again.” 

“You can,” You said simply, wanting to kiss him very badly, but having decided that he needed to be the one to initiate it.

“But you said-”

“I said you should ask first,” You placed a hand on his cheek, feeling something crackling in the air, his skin soft against your own.

“Y/N,” Michael leaned into you, and another rumble rolled from his chest, “May I please kiss you?”

“You can do a lot more than that. I want to show you that you’re not a burden. You deserve to feel good,” And then his mouth was on yours, and something deeper than electricity was running through you. 

He kissed you like a teenager, not pulling you closer to him but pushing his upper body forward, and you let out a giggle in spite of yourself.

Pulling back suddenly, Michael frowned, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. Did I... did I do something wrong?”

“No, don’t be sorry!” You rolled your shoulders back, wishing that you two were still touching, a wave of regret hitting you when you saw the wounded look in his eyes, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t laughing at you, Michael, I just... I feel a lot of things right now, y’know? But they’re all good things! I’m just, well, shit, I’m rambling. I’m going to stop talking now and, uh, and take off my shirt. Take your shirt off? Please?” 

Michael’s eyes widened, and he opened his mouth to speak but closed it immediately when he saw you slip off your shirt, fumbling with the fabric of his own, letting out a shout as it got stuck over his head. 

“Fuck!” The fabric had bunched around his face, his voice slightly muffled, “Dammit, fucking, Y/N, help me!” 

Choking back a laugh, you climbed into his lap and assisted him in wrestling off the shirt, letting another giggle slip out at his look of relief once it was free, which instantly transformed into one of shock as he looked at you, and you could feel yourself starting to blush in spite of your best attempts not to, “Okay, you good?”

He let out a slow breath, eyes trained on securely on your breasts, covered in a lacy white bra, “I’m much more than good. I’m fantastic. Can I... I mean... can I kiss you again? Can I maybe touch you?” 

“I want you to feel good, Michael. Yes,” You gave him a quick kiss on the tip of the nose, smiling at the way he scrunched it up in response. 

Then Michael was kissing you again, and fuck it felt good, his skin ever so slightly prickling against you, and then he raised a tentative hand to your chest, swiping across your left nipple briefly. 

You let out a moan that you hadn’t expected, and he froze for a moment, beginning to slowly swirl his thumb around the covered bud. Suddenly his lips were gone from yours and wrapped around your right nipple, flicking his tongue against it experimentally, and he pulled back with a grin as you let out another breathy moan.

You sounded like a fucking porn star, what the fuck?

“Wow, you’re sensitive,” Michael teased, bringing his other hand up to replace his mouth, “Can I take your bra off?”

“I’ll get it. And I’m not this sensitive, not normally,” You panted, grinding down against him without thinking about it, reaching behind your back to unclasp, and letting out a high pitched whine when his hands were finally on your bare skin, “I mean, not like this. This is... this is you, I think.” 

You could already feel him hard underneath you, but at your words his erection became even more prominent, pressed firmly against your inner thigh.

The rumbling noise came from deep in Michael’s chest once again, and you decided that it was in fact a purr, or something damn close to one. He was beaming now, and there was something almost childlike about him when he looked so joyful, and there was an obvious note of pride in his voice, “Really? Me? Do you think I could make you cum doing this?” 

He pinched lightly and you gasped, head rolling back, “Probably, but not right now, okay? I wanna-fuck-I wanna-”

You couldn’t finish your sentence, couldn’t think of what was supposed to come next, and carefully you gripped Michael’s wrists, pulling his hands away from you and sliding off of his lap. 

With a pout, Michael watched you move between his legs, an eyebrow raised, “Was it really that intense?” 

“It was,” You glanced up at him from where you now lay, pressing a soft kiss to his cock through his sweatpants, your mind still strangely fogged, “It was... weird. Good weird, but weird. Are you secretly magical or something?” 

He barked a short laugh just a little too quickly for it to sound natural, but you figured that was maybe because you were mouthing along the outline of his dick, his hips bucking up every so slightly, and he was perhaps a bit too distracted to act like your terrible joke was funny. 

Just as you were sliding the sweatpants down his hips, Michael threaded his hands in your hair, tugging gently so that you’d look up at him, a blissful smile on his face as he watched you, “You’re so pretty, do you know that? You’re beautiful.” 

His dick had sprung out of his pants then, bouncing up to his stomach, and you weren’t able to respond at first because fucking hell, it was the most perfect dick you’d ever seen. Thick, veiny, a nice shade of pink although the tip had turned an angry red, and fuck it was big, probably too big, but you weren’t planning to complain about that. Finally, you snapped yourself out of your daze, looking back up at him with a laugh, “You’re just saying that because I’m about to suck your cock.” 

“No!” Michael looked shocked by the very thought, his hips bucking again, ever so slightly, at the feeling of your breath on his skin, “No, I’m serious. You’re so gorgeous, I-fuck-” You licked a line up the length of his cock, and he grabbed desperately at your shoulders, making you pause, “Dammit, I really want you to sit on my face.” 

Your thighs clenched, and you looked up at him, shaking your head to clear your thoughts, “I, I mean, no. I told you, I want to make you feel good. Not-”

“But it will!” Michael tugged at you, bringing you up until he could press a fervent kiss to your lips, “I want to. So bad. Please, Y/N, please do it. Please let me. Please.” 

Fucking hell, was he trying to kill you? 

“But I... I wanted you to feel good. Don’t you want me to...” You trailed off, trying to think as Michael kissed your neck. 

“I do, believe, me, I really do, but I also want this.”

“I’ve never done that before,” You admitted, feeling your face get hot with embarrassment, “Honestly, I’m afraid I’d end up accidentally smothering whoever I was with.” 

“That wouldn’t happen,” Michael assured, kicking his sweatpants the rest of the way off, and you find yourself peeling your own leggings off even though you still weren’t sure of what you were doing, and he hooked his fingers into your panties, a smirk on his face, “And even if it did, I can guarantee you that there would be no better way to die.” 

“Okay,” You let out a deep breath, letting out a contented hiss as he brushed his long fingers over your clit, “But I still want to give you a blowjob, okay?” 

“You can. Just face that way,” Michael grinned, ripping your panties off with one sharp tug. 

You were about to scold him, but then his fingers were pressing into your folds, and you gave a quiet gasp, “Michael, fuck.”

He laid down, hands tapping away at his stomach as he waited for you. Hesitantly, you crawled up the bed, turning so that you could look down the length of his body, and knelt over his face. 

You bent down, lifting his cock up and running your fingers along the underside of it, kissing the tip, and you felt him let out a shaky breath beneath you. 

“Fucking hell, you taste amazing,” Michael whispered, wrapping his hands around your thighs and pulling you down against him completely. 

He made the purring noise once more, sucking fervently at your clit, and you let out a shriek at the feeling of it rumbling through you. Pulling your legs even further apart, he buried his tongue into your folds, and finally, you opened your mouth as wide as you could and sunk down over his cock until his tip brushed the back of your throat. 

When he moved back to your clit, giving it careful kitten licks, you buried your finger nails into his thighs. At this, he groaned, thrusting up into your mouth, and you gagged. 

This was... what? The third time today he’d accidentally choked you? You hadn’t been angry during any of the other times, but this was the time that probably bothered you the least. 

“Sorry, babe, I’m sorry,” He rasped, and although you could hardly hear him, between the feeling of his words vibrating against you and the intense presence of Michael Langdon that filled the air around you, you knew exactly what he was saying. 

Babe.

It was such a gentle word from him, the way it rolled off his tongue so naturally making butterflies start fluttering in your stomach. 

Well, that, and the fact that the feeling of Michael against you was extraordinary, and you were feeling the tight, delightful bubble that signaled your impending orgasm beginning to form. 

You sucked harder. 

It took only a few minutes of this, of you licking and sucking, running your teeth over the pulsing vein that streaked along the side, before you felt him flex his thigh muscles beneath your hands, his salty cum splashing into your mouth. 

It was sweet alongside the salty, a strange mixture of the two, not unlike a chocolate covered pretzel, and you swallowed every drop you could before licking frantically along to make sure you didn’t miss anything. 

“Fuck,” He growled, something authoritative, almost dangerous, flooding through the air. 

Michael lifted you off of him as though you weighed nothing more than a ragdoll and tossed you down onto the mattress on your back, his lips suctioning around your clit once again, two fingers buried deep inside of you. 

You held onto his shoulders as his fingers scissored inside you, squeezing your legs tight around his head unintentionally. You felt him chuckle into your folds at that, and he removed his fingers from you momentarily to pull your legs over his shoulders. 

“Michael!” You mewled, your hips straining to jolt upward, and then he was moving faster, faster, adding a third finger that brushed a spot deeper inside you than anything else had ever reached. Your entire body clenched, and then suddenly you felt the waves of your climax wash over you. 

When your head was fully back, Michael had straightened up, examining his fingers, which were coated in your juices. 

“Fucking hell, Michael, I didn’t need to finish just then. You could’ve waited until you were fucking me for real,” You sat up on your forearms, laughing as you looked down at him. 

“Sorry,” Frowning, Michael pulled away, “Was that too much?” 

Why was he so goddamn sweet?

Moving to your knees, you pulled his face up to yours and kissed him, the taste of yourself that lingered on his tongue mixing with the salty remains of Michael on your own tongue, and you let out a low groan, pulling back to give him a smile, “No. It was wonderful.” 

“Okay. Can we... I mean,” He turned red, looking away from you, “Would you possibly consider riding me? Or do you want to stop now?” 

You rolled to the side, gesturing for Michael to move up the bed, and after a moment he did, sitting up against the headboard. Climbing into his lap in one swift movement, you let out a quiet moan at the feeling of him against your folds, his tip pressed against your interest. He swiped his hand between the two of you, gathering the fluids that had spilled from you and rubbing it onto his cock, lubing himself up with the remnants of your last orgasm. 

“Do you mind going slow?” You asked meekly, burying your face against his chest as you rocked against him, “I’m sorry, just, you’re really big.”

“Of course,” He cooed, running his hands through your hair, and finally you began sliding down the length of his cock. Burying your teeth into his neck, you tried to concentrate on how good this would feel once you got used to the stretch, the burn, and he whispered in your ear, “You’re doing so good. You-shit-you take my cock wonderfully, do you know that? It’s okay, I know it hurts, but you’re doing great.” 

When you had reached the end, and you were filled to the hilt, you gave a careful roll of your hips, testing the waters. You were feeling better now, running your tongue over the spot on his neck you had bitten, before beginning to suck another hickey into his soft skin. At this, Michael bucked into you, his cock hitting all the way up against your cervix, and you let out a shriek. 

You almost laughed at yourself. You had thought his fingers were impressive, but they were nothing compared to the sheer, masterful feeling of Michael inside you, his hands splayed against the small of your back, holding you in place as you leaned into him, taking one of your nipples into his mouth once again. 

“You feel so good, Michael,” You cried out, and Michael made that damn rumbling noise again, “Fuck, do you know that you purr? I love it.”

Although he continued to hold you, he seemed to be trying to hold back from fucking you too harshly, instead occasionally letting himself thrust into you, his eyes rolling back in his head at the way you moaned each time. He paused, looking up at you with a frown, “I don’t purr.” 

You giggled, although it quickly turned into a whimper as he began sucking hickeys into your breasts, and you squeezed his shoulders tightly to concentrate, “You do. You make lots of pretty noises. It makes sense, too. You’ve got such a pretty mouth, such a pretty face, such a pretty cock. You’re so pretty, it’s infected everything you do. And-fucking hell, that feels good-you move so well. Fill me up so well.” 

Michel lolled his head back against the headboard, the purring noise coming out again as you began to grind down harder. You kissed him quickly, watching as his eyes opened suddenly, drinking you in. 

“You’re perfect, Y/N, do you know that? You bounce so well on my cock, and your tits are so fucking perfect,” He paused, clearing his throat, “Was that the right thing to say? I don’t want to be disrespectful. I respect you, too, and all that. You’re just, fuck, you’re so fucking gorgeous and I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last.” 

“It’s okay,” You reassured him, looking at his face to see that it was glistening, and it took you a moment to realize that there were tears running down his face. Kissing each one away, licking up the salty trail they had left, you resolved not to mention it or ask why, exactly, he was crying, “I’m not gonna last much longer either. I want you to cum for me, okay? Please, Michael.”

“Should I... should I pull out?” He panted, helping you roll your hips. 

“You don’t have to,” Gasping, desperately, you buried your nails into his shoulders, trying to contain the climax that was beginning to boil through you, “Just, fuck, please finish soon, Michael. I’m going to-”

Nodding, Michael’s thrusting increased. Although he was still cautious, his hands coming up to cup your breasts, you could tell that he was close to his end, as well. 

And he was, and he did, his cum flooding you once more just as you felt yourself boil over, heading hanging back. You couldn’t keep it up anymore, couldn’t concentrate on controlling your body and finishing, and you felt your breath catch in your throat, stars dancing through the air just in front of you. 

Michael held your hips tightly as you came down from your high, and then you had buried your face against his chest once more, arms wrapped around his neck. 

Christ, that took a lot out of you.

You leaned back to see that his eyes had drifted shut, and you leaned forward to press soft kisses against the lids. 

When Michael blinked them back open, his mouth had curved into a sleepy smile, another purr rumbling up from his throat, “That was... wonderful.”

“I agree,” You smiled too, tilting your head to the side as he peppered gentle kisses along your throat, “Now, you’re tired. Do you want me to leave, so that you can get some sleep?”

Michael tensed, clutching at your hips desperately, “Please don’t leave. I mean, I do want to sleep. But please, stay.” 

“Okay,” Mumbling softly, you leaned closer to his ear, “And by the way, I know a place you might wanna check out tomorrow.”

Looking curious at this, Michael brought his nose to your jaw, brushing along it softly, “Where?” 

“Church of Satan. It’s a few blocks away.”

“What?” This snapped him to attention, and he stared at you as though you’d grown a second head, “You’re... are you a Satanist?”

“No. Not a fan of organized religions. I believe in nature, and kindness. In caring for the ones around you who need it. But,” You folded his ear forward, kissing the three small scars behind it as delicately as you could, “I think that it would be beneficial for you to go.” 

“How did you know?” He shifted back so that he could sit more upright against the headboard, and you felt your sore walls pulse around his cock, still buried deep inside you, as you moved. 

You shrugged, “Lucky guess. Now, that’s all. No more talk. You need some sleep.”

Michael looked like he was about to argue with you, but then you pressed your head into his chest once more, and he rested his chin contentedly on top of your shoulder. 

You were almost asleep when he finally spoke up, hands rubbing gently along your spine, his voice hoarse, “Y/N? I just... I wanted to say thank you. I don’t normally say that, but you’re, well, I haven’t been treated with this much kindness, this much care, in a long time. Don’t say anything, I don’t want you to say anything, I just needed to tell you. Thank you.” 

And within moments his breathing had shifted, and he snored quietly, softly, and the snores sounded an awful lot like purrs, and the two of you were as close to each other as was physically possible, his dick softened inside you and his arms wrapped around you, and then you were asleep too, the two of you floating to a dream land that you couldn’t quite name. 

[savrenim]

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

[amazinglydumb]

So i totally forgot that i did my first cosplay last week, here you have the few pics i had taken and some context behind this absolute clusterfuck of a Costume.

First we need context, picture me, someone who knows jack shit about doing cosplay wanting to do something for Halloween 2019, so i decided to do a No Face cosplay from Spirited Away, since y’know, it looked simple enough, a mask, gloves and a lot of black cloth, but oh boy i never thought i’d only get to wear it 2 years later.

yea that looks simple enough

So i started this for that halloween and i made the mask first since it seemed to be the biggest piece and most time consuming, here’s a pic of me doing it with my hand for scale

basically took a giant styrofoam sheet, cut it to shape and then covered it in drywall paste since i though’t it’d be a nice texture

i then proceeded to haphazardly mangle an old jockey hat, fuse it into the back of the mask and use it to prop it up for a test, also made the mouth hole since i needed that to see

With that done i did nothing else for the next 2 years since i had no event to use it for and y’know, Covid-19 and shit, but hey it was progress!

here’s me believing i would finish it by next halloween.

Of course that didn’t happen, as soon as 2020 started it also brought Covid-19 with it to my country, so yeah that year was gone.....

THEN 2 weeks ago a friend told me she wanted help with a stand on a geek/anime fair so i decided to finish it, since all i needed was cloth.

now begins my process of trying to finish it in less than a week for that event.

I got a cheap plastic basket and some wooden model sticks to make a dome to place the cloth over and just mashed everything together into the inside of the mask with aluminum wire untill it looked rigid enough.

looks fantastic doesn’t it? also i had to sow a metal wire ring inside the hat for better stability, also added a piece of thin cloth to the mouth so you couldn’t see my eyes.

Oh also THERE’S A METAL PLATE INSIDE THE HAT, that was bc it wouldnt stay aligned with the mask so i placed that plate inside the hat and used aluminum wire to hold it against the mask, it works! but it also leaves a nasty mark on your forhead if you don’t put some padding on it!. With that done and some insane ammount of cloth that wasn’t enough since i didn’t buy enough (i literally scrapped this shit together NGL) it was ready to be made into a Cosplay! but i have no sewing skills?!?! so being the crazy bitch that i am what did i use??

 YOU GUESSED IT. MORE ALUMINUM WIRE

i’m being serious, i literally wired the cloth to the edges of the mask with a bunch of aluminum wire and pretty much everything else too.

then i just got some black fancy gown gloves, slapped everything together and VOILA 

Picture courtesy of my sister who helped me placing the cloth the right way.

No Face Gang represent

Hey there sexy!  

I seriously debated over using stockings and heels inside the costume to do the thing but i didn’t have time, this picture was taken literally the day prior to the event and i still hadn’t done the final touches.

i then added some more light cloth on top to give it more dimension and finished it at 4 AM, ready to get up at 7 AM to go to the event with my friend..... 

yaaaay......

but you know what? totally worth it.

And here we have the final version! being photographed by my dear friend whom i came to join selling wares on her store!  (yes i did help her selling stuff and i even sold some earrings as No Face, it was quite the sale i tell you!)

Had i known so many people wanted pictures with me i would have asked them to tag me! i remember counting at the very least 40 different people asking for a picture with No Face, and while it felt a little embarrasing since i’d never done this before it was also such a nice feeling to make so many people happy and giddy with my work!.

 But alas i stuck to my character and never once spoke while being No Face, only did gestures and bows when people asked me for a picture, they also enjoyed that, a silent and shy No Face.

I did however come across one lady who tagged the event on her IG post and i was able to find this! it made me so happy to know someone thought of this to be cool enough to share on their page! i of course censored it since it was in her IG account and i just stole it for this post.

AND LOOK

Someone even gave me a bottle of water!  

It was honestly such a lovely experience, one i look foward to having again Bc you bet i’ll be wearing this again for future events. And believe me i’ll keep working on this cosplay to make it better for future events and maybe even do more characters! who knows, i certainly dont!

But i do know one thing, i now know why people love to do cosplay, and i love seeing the work that goes beind some awesome Cosplay i’ve seen over the years.

I also encourage others to do so if they’ve never done it before, i mean, look at what i managed with basically a bunch of random items and a sudden burst of energy and dedication!  Cosplay is fun, i learned that last week, and you should too!

[redstarwriting]

I Won You This

Natasha x Fem!Reader

Request: “Hi!! So I have this idea that I can't get out of my head: imagine you're taking your gf natasha to a fair and play all these games (you suck but she thinks it's cute) and she wins you stuffed animals and its really sweet and then you get to the one with the guns and the owner is just standing there with dollar signs in his eyes bc no one can beat his game and nat is like let's blow this guys mind and she fucking kills it while you cheer her on and it's just super fluffy urgh i miss her so much”

Word Count: 1,216

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Swearing, Rude carnie, Heated Natasha, Chauvinism

A/N: I’m really sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted, I’ve been working like crazy recently and now I’m going back to college early and I also had intense writer’s block. I started this so long ago and finally finished it, and I hope you enjoy it. Soft Nat makes my heart happy, and yes. I miss her too, Anon. But we’re getting a Black Widow movie so I’m excited! I hope you enjoy, I’ll try to get out all the other requests I have as soon as possible, I’m just high-key swamped right now, I’m sorry. :(

───────────────────────────────────

You convinced your girlfriend, Natasha, to go with you to your town’s local fair, and you’re very happy you did. Not only is she having a great time and smiling from ear to ear, she keeps winning you stuffed animals. The only downside is no matter how hard you try, you can’t win her anything. You aren’t the best at these carnival-esque games, and it’s becoming very evident every and any time you try to play anything. Ring toss? Ring loss. Balloon dart pop? Balloon dart stop. Literally whatever game you tried, you miserably lost. You were very pouty about this as well, and Nat found it very amusing and adorable. “Come on, (Y/N). Eat this funnel cake with me and cheer up,” she pushes the fried sweet closer to you and you sigh, picking off a piece and sticking it in your mouth. “I just want to win you something! You’ve won me like five things so far, it’s not fair to you you deserve something,” you mumble, and she chuckles. “I don’t need anything, babe, I have you to cuddle with at night.”

“Aw, I love it when you go soft.”

“Shut up,” she tosses one of the smaller stuffed animals at you with a laugh and you smile. “Well, there’s a lot of other games we can play, I’m telling you. I’m winning you a stuffed animal before we leave. Mark my words. We just need to find a game that I can actually do, and I will get you a thing and all will be well as we go on the ferris wheel and hold our new family of fabric and stuffing.” Nat laughs at the determined look on your face. “Okay, (Y/N), whatever you say.”

“Which one do you think I could actually win?”

“Well, I feel like you’d be good at that bowling one over there,” she points to the bowling game and you stand up immediately. “I will win it, and I will give you my winnings, just you watch.” You sprint over there as Nat picks up all the stuffed animals and walks over to you as you begin playing the game. On your first try, you fail, however on your third try, you win. You cannot hide your excitement as you pick a big teddy bear. “I told you I’d win you something!” Nat smiles at your excitedness, gladly accepting the big teddy bear as you take all the animals, she won you. “It’s still a little disproportionate, but at least I actually won you something. I feel unstoppable right now,” you tell her as you both begin walking to the ferris wheel. “Woah, that’s a lot of prizes! Too bad you’ll never be able to win a prize from me.”

You and Nat glance over at the male voice who interrupted your giddy speaking, only to see a shooting game. “I’m sure we’d have no problem winning from you,” Nat says, barely slowing down her walking. “Sweetheart even the guys here can’t win my shooting game and shooting games are meant for the men to win for their girlfriends. Unless you have your man here, you’re not winning, and that’s implying he actually would win. Which he wouldn’t.” Nat stops dead in her tracks, her head snapping to look at this dickhead of a carnie. “Actually, I don’t have a man. I have a girl and she’s right here next to me, and I can win every single prize you have here, smartass.” The carnie rolls his eyes, holding out a gun to her. “Be my guest.”

Natasha hands you her stuffed animal, and the carnie can’t understand why you’re just standing there with a smirk on your face. “I must warn you; my game is basically unbeatable so don’t be too discouraged when you can’t get your friend anything.”

“She’s not my friend, she’s my girlfriend you idiot,” Nat grabs the gun, placing her five-dollar bill on the board dividing the carnie from her. He snatches up the money with a smile on his face, beginning to open his mouth to trash talk her again before he’s interrupted by you. “You got this Nat, show this piece of shit how to shoot.”

“With pleasure,” she responds to you, beginning to aim. The carnie’s smile is wiped clean off his face the minute Nat starts to shoot. She doesn’t miss one target. All the while, you smile at her proudly, cheering her on. She places the gun down on the countertop in front of her before pointing to the biggest and cutest stuffed animal the man has. “I’ll take that, please.”

“What- No, this is impossible! No one can win at my game, you must have-”

“Let me tell you something, you miserable old man. I’m literally a spy. I shoot for a living. Ever heard of the Avengers? Yeah? Well, I am one. So shut the hell up and give me the stuffed animal before I take it from you,” she says to him, straight face the whole time. It seems like he finally realizes who she is, gulping and shoving the stuffed animal in her arms as quickly as he can. “Thank you,” she says with a smile, before flipping the man off and walking over to you. “I won you this,” she says with a smirk, and you grin. You immediately kiss her, not caring about the carnie staring at you two in fear before you take her hand and you two begin walking to the ferris wheel again. “You’re cute when you’re angry,” you tell her, and she gets the faintest blush on her cheeks but rolls her eyes anyway. “You’re cute when you’re cheering me on,” she shoots back, and you smile. “Well of course I was gonna cheer you on, that guy was a dick.”

“Oh, I know he was. He’s lucky he’s just a douchebag and didn’t break the law or something because I would have severely injured him otherwise.” You laugh at what she says as you stop walking since you’re finally in line for the ferris wheel. “We should always come to this fair, can we make this, like, a tradition?”

“Um, yes, of course we can make this a tradition. I’ll come back and embarrass that guy every year. If he even dares to show his face at this place again.” You chuckle at her words, and she smiles at you. The line moves, and you two get in the ferris wheel car. It’s one of those ferris wheels where you face the person you’re riding with, so Nat gets to see you hugging your stuffed animals while gazing out at the lights of the fair with the sunset in the background. She hurries to snap a picture of you, but you don’t notice until you look at her phone a week later and see it as her home screen background. Going to the fair became a thing you two would do at least once every year, and every time Nat would absolutely demolish that carnie’s career and take a picture of you on the ferris wheel. Oh, she would also always win you at least seven stuffed animals while you would struggle to win her one. But she loved it. It’s part of your charm.

[fallingfromdepression]

12/6/2020

this is gonna be less about school and more me rambling about my mental health and where i am rn in life. i got triggered earlier and i’m hoping i’ll feel better once i write it all out so then i can hopefully get my mind focused back on trying to do this final assignment due tmr evening that i’ve barely started so that’s what the stakes are. put under a cut bc it’s detailing quite a bit of some of my personal life

so i bought a surprise box from an indie artist that ended up being around $30 total with shipping (not too bad since the box is supposed to include at least $50 worth of merch). i haven’t had a lot of misc purchases ever since i came back home, or at least i’m definitely spending less than i did when i was at school, and i generally like all of this artist’s merch so i thought it was a decent expense. unfortunately i did have to buy it today when i am technically supposed to be working on finals and etc but it didn’t take much time since i was notified abt the restock yesterday and i preferred to buy sooner rather than later (i.e. after all my finals are finished) esp from small businesses that have a limited stock. but since my parent is intimately involved with my finances, they saw the purchase asap and kind of interrogated me abt it esp since it’s not a purchase from amazon or a bigger business.

now the context that makes that latter part more meaningful: about this time last yr, i had a situation where i tried to buy an anime merch through a proxy on twitter. this proxy didn’t have an actual website so i was buying through DMs. when i paid the proxy in advance, this same parent saw the purchase and asked me abt it and checked up on the process without asking for any further info. i made the grave mistake (in hindsight) of being honest and telling them i still hadn’t received the purchase months after i had paid them so then this whole shitshow ensued where my parent was convinced the proxy was conning me (the proxy had proxied merch for other ppl before based on their facebook proxy page) and had me cancel the proxy which the proxy thankfully agreed to except they still wanted some payment since they had still gone through the effort to get the merch supposedly (the wait was due to them not shipping the good out yet) so they said they were only going to refund part of the payment. yet again i told my parent abt this partial refund and that further convinced my parent the proxy was conning me (out of $3) so they were like no absolutely no payment to the proxy. lucky for the proxy, around the time i was refunding the payment i had left home and gone back to school so i told them to refund the full amt and i’d pay them separately so i could pretend this $3 payment was for something else i was buying physically. and very very lucky for me the proxy was understanding and refunded the full amt so it looked like i got everything back and i paid them separately through another app. the thing is i was expecting the proxy to take a while bc i had seen on other twitter accounts that proxied merch through individuals tended to take a while, and it had been abt 2ish months since i made the payment. i understand the concern my parent had esp since they are not familiar with online informal dealings, but the thing is ever since this fiasco my parent has assumed everything i buy from a small business (aka anything they don’t recognize) is me getting conned again.

to a degree i understanding and appreciate the concern, but i’m frustrated bc even with that proxy payment i literally cried that night out of anxiety and concern bc i knew there was a chance i could get conned and i had spent days being like ‘should i do it. oh god idk should i. but i’ve checked up on this proxy through any means possible and they seem ok enough...’ so it’s not like i’m like naive af and being like ‘tee hee con me !!’ like i understand the risk and was willing to do it (and to this day i still believe i would have gotten the merch albeit much later than expected). and my age is considered adult age pretty much internationally so it’s not like i’m a naive af 8yo who doesn’t know the dangers of the internet. yes i haven’t made much online purchases but i’m aware of the scams and try to make sure i’m buying from a trusted seller and if it’s worth it for the price. but i hate having to be so concerned abt my spending habits and whether the package will get here in time before my parent cancels the order out of fear of me being conned “again” at my age. i’ll admit i don’t have a stable job yet but it’s not like i’m spending money every week or even every month. if i wasn’t at home i would be less concerned bc the shipment isn’t going to my home address so the parent can’t scrutinize it but bc it is now, my spending is put under more scrutiny.

anyway my parent’s low-key interrogation shook up my mental state as expected and i had to take a bit to unload on my sibling and cry a little. i know if i wasn’t at home this wouldn’t affect me as much but bc i’m at home and having to deal with it in person instead of over text or a phone call... and the damn pandemic isn’t ending anytime soon so i’m going to have to stay at home for the indefinite future. it’s not like i have a ton of shit i want to buy but i don’t want to have to deal with this trigger every few months (last purchase was back in maybe september or so towards a book publishing kickstarter which i guess bc it was only $15 my parent didn’t kick up too much of a fuss abt since technically i still don’t have the ebook i paid for). i’m not purchasing any christmas presents for friends or anyone so i don’t have that as a cover or anything. but the thing is even once i leave home i have little confidence i’ll be able to be independent and my sibling told me it’ll take a few years for me to get a grasp on things but idk. it just feels so far away in the future and i can’t envision my present self with no motivation or willpower to do it even though i mean when push comes to shove i’ll get it done i suppose. i know the rational outsider’s answer would be ‘well why don’t you start working on that better future self now?’ and i’m like great fucking suggestion and i have nothing to argue against that. i just literally cannot envision my future at this point, even if i act on my vague dream of doing art as a job. maybe once i fucking finish these finals and this quarter i’ll be able to think more clearly but idk. as i said in my last post, i really need to consider seeing a therapist bc being at home and having to handle being under my parents’ control again is really doing a number on me esp as essentially a NEET (partially false since i’m still in edu but i really do be feeling like that since i feel so useless and dependent on my parents at my age when i know others my age are slightly more independent).

i feel like this ended up me rambling about essentially the same things i ramble abt whenever i talk abt my mental health the past few years and idk how much this actually helped unload the burden on my mental state. i just wish i didn’t have to have this trigger bc i would’ve just made the purchase and then not think much abt it until i receive the package. but now i have to have this concern for the future on top of the fucking deadlines i have in the next 2 days.

[cyncity2000]

73 questions tag! tysm @goodlesson , can’t say i’ve ever had anything like this before but hey it’s not like I have anything better to do rn 😅 

answers under the cut! i tag @rene-royale @teenager-confused-tired @sawafilmtoday @onedoesnotsimplystormthebastille if you feel like it, but no pressure bc this is a LOT and took me a couple days to finish lol

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? um. could be worse, could be better?? so 5. 

describe yourself in a hashtag? no. twitter and all its shitty hashtags can go to hell.

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? weird question. nobody?? i wouldn’t want to??

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? not to be all dan smith on main but like...’come to this please’

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? uhhhh idk. i’m very open about most aspects of my personality i’d say

what’s your wake up ritual? stay in bed as long as possible and then YEET at maximum speed so i don’t waste the day

what’s your go to bed ritual? tell myself i should go to bed. pick up my phone instead. regret it in the morning.

what’s your favorite time of day? 2pm or 9-10pm 

your go to for having a good laugh? macdoesit or drawfee videos on youtube. truly the best.

dream country to visit? i wanna go back to england and france, also i’d love to visit literally anywhere i could

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? falling in love with my college roommate probably,, didn’t see THAT coming

heels or flats/sneakers? bitch i’m 5′10″ with size 12.5 feet. converse.

vintage or new? vintage looks cool. i am not cool. so new.

who do you want to write your obituary? idk man i don’t wanna think about that now???

style icon? if you knew me irl you’d know style is not a word in my vocabulary

what are three things you cannot live without? my cat, my friends/gf, and my cd collection 

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? i do not bake or cook, the real world is going to kill me immediately

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i’d be too stressed to make food for people but i’d love to like. go OUT for dinner with...dodie, dallon weekes, and pj liguori. they’re all just cool people i follow and i wanna know what they’re LIKE. 

what’s your biggest fear in life? failure due to lack of confidence, motivation and direction in life :)))

window or aisle seat? i’d say window but i am long boi so aisle is usually nicer unless i trip someone by accident

what’s your current tv obsession? still supernatural, also brooklyn 99

favorite app? tumblr :D

secret talent? despite my crippling procrastination issues i’ve almost always been a straight-A student 🤷‍♀️

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? drove myself two hours to a concert in february, or maybe the time i did a really hard ropes course or went to the badlands?

how would you define yourself in three words? introverted, distracted, nerdy

favorite piece of clothing you own? maybe my waterparks sweatshirt bc i had a dream last night that i donated it and then went back to the store to buy it back lmao so subconsciously i must really like it

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? you gotta have that one pair of black jeans that goes with anything imo

a superpower you would want? flying. it’s the only recurring dream i’ve ever had and it’s my only answer ever

what’s inspiring you in life right now? all the people doing big or little things to help. the ones doing instagram lives or sending money or supplies to people in need or just giving me more faith in humanity

best piece of advice you’ve received? can’t remember any. why doesn’t anyone give me good advice

best advice you’d give your teenage self? do your laundry on time. don’t wear...whatever that was to school. just wash ur fuckin clothes. also don’t let it bother you that you’re single the whole time. you’ll get there.

a book everyone should read? they both die at the end by adam silvera. you WILL cry. but you will love it. 

what would you like to be remembered for? i have no idea. being a non-shitty person at least.

how do you define beauty? happiness.

what do you love most about your body? idk being tall is kinda nice

best way to take a rest/decompress? get a blanket. comfy clothes. my cat. put headphones on. put some music on or watch youtube.

favorite place to view art? on tumblr and instagram! i follow soo many wonderful artists it’s great

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Oh No (What Is She Doing Now?)

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano or guitar. i suck at both and if i could be good at ONE i’d be happy

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? been thinking about this tbh. somewhere on my arm definitely but idk where D:

dolphins or koalas? dolphins!!

what’s your spirit animal? a cat?

best gift you’ve ever received? for christmas my sister bought me a cute lil box meant for displaying concert tickets and it was the most thoughtful thing ever. also the AMAZING studio headphones i’m currently using that my mom got me like three years ago for christmas

best gift you’ve given? probably when i bought me and my best friend tickets to see the Sherlock S4 finale in a movie theater 

what’s your favorite board game? cards against humanity, one night ultimate werewolf/alien, settlers of catan

what’s your favorite color? porpleee 💜

least favorite color? hmm they’re all valid except for like. puke green.

diamond or pearls? neither lol

drugstore makeup or designer? neither 😜

blow-dry or air-dry? blow-dry but i never do bc it takes y e a r s

pilates or yoga? yoga!

coffee or tea? both but only hot tea or frozen coffee 

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? thanks to tumblr the word ‘defenestrate’ has entered my vocabulary and I do not regret it

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? either. chocolate is chocolate 🍫

stairs or elevators? tbh stairs, i’m just a lazy bitch

summer or winter? winter. cold > hot

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? i’d still get tired of it :( i need that variety!!

a dessert you don’t like? none. dessert is dessert and it is all valid if i can eat it

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing, working from home, playing the guitar

best thing to happen to you today? currently watching mike gross play old brobecks tunes :’) he also just saw my comment yay

worst thing to happen to you today? i had cheesecake for lunch. sounds good but it’s the only thing i’ve had today besides a piece of chocolate and my body is Not Happy

best compliment you’ve ever received? someone on fanfiction dot net once left me a comment saying they’d almost cried at my story and called me “a true writer” and it’s honestly one of the only thing that keeps me writing...i’m still mad they weren’t signed in so I’ll never be able to thank them for it.

favorite smell? lemon, cookies, fresh-cut grass

hugs or kisses? hugs!!

if you made a documentary, would it be about? somethin gay probably

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? honestly...probably “who the fuck is keith” fjadskljfd

lipstick or lipgloss? like peyton said chapstick is the only valid answer

sweet or savory? depends how i’m feelin, love both

girl crush? besides the obvious one (my girlfriend), honestly not many? there’s this one girl i follow on insta who’s big in the panic! fandom and jESUS SHE’S SO PRETTY. also the girl who plays kaia in supernatural is CUUUTE

how do you know you’re in love? has only happened to me once but for me...i already loved her platonically for months and then suddenly one day i was like oh. why am i getting the urge to kiss you rn. oh no.

a song you can listen to on repeat? anything by idkhow or bastille. never gets old.

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? not to copy peyton but i would love to know what goes on inside my cat’s head

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? next semester of college!! i got into a super-competitive dorm and i’m gonna have my own room and live with nine other people and gahh i’m just so excited to be chaotic with all my friends again and meet new people :’)

[sureivy]

is that HALSEY? no, that’s just IVY CALDER. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR years old and is an EMPLOYEE AT DON’T FRET & PAWS 4 LOVE. rumor has it they’ve been in town for FOUR MONTHS / TEN YEARS. on a good day, they’re CREATIVE & VERSATILE. but watch out! they can also be IRRESPONSIBLE & VOLATILE. TRIGGER BANG BY LILY ALLEN (FT. GIGGS) plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill!

hello my pals ! i’m amy ( 20 // est // she/her ) and i am super excited to be here! we also over here bringing back a fairly old muse (i,, apparently,, play her during election years,,) with a couple of tweaks, so we love that for me! also! pls forgive me if this is lowkey disorganized, we’ve been in and out of airports all day! can’t wait to contract that sexy corona!

QUICK FACTS:

full name: ivy rose calder

date of birth: may 2, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: taurus sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: high school diploma

enneagram: 7w8?

mbti: enfp

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

positive traits: creative, versatile, passionate, compassionate

negative traits: irresponsible, volatile, impressionable, hedonistic

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: brief implied sexual abuse, suicide, a lot of death talk?, drug abuse ( desoxyn ), overdose

ivy lived the first eight years of her life in newark, nj. she had a mere family of three – her mother, a model-turned-stay-at-home-mom, her father, a politician, and herself. she was much closer to her mother, but she and her father were close at night.

when her mother finally found out about this, she wasted no time in taking ivy’s father’s side. what a good mom! instead, ya girl was already getting in touch with cps herself... but wow... it was gonna ruin his career in politics :\

“Now, one thing I lerned from Storys is, when something big is about to okur, a riter will go: Then it hapened! This tells the reeder: Get Reddy. Here I go: Then it hapened!” - fox 8

then it happened!

humiliated, clearly never getting a platform back, and absolutely bitter, ivy’s father killed himself before being sent to prison. 

Very Tragique™

ok. so. to distance themselves from the poor memories, but to save money, ivy and her mother moved to springhill, temporarily sharing ivy’s aunt’s apartment while her mother began collecting enough money to buy an apartment of their own and keep it.

during this time, ivy was seeing a lot of people and she didn’t know why! they asked questions about her mental health, but she didn’t know why! i mean, totally not traumatic, right?

yes. instead of managing communication well, she became very fascinated by the concept of death. she had many questions about it, she, a youth, had some extended conversations with clergymen about it –– she never killed any animals, god forbid, but she was absolutely fascinated when she ran across them.

SO CLEARLY THAT WAS ALSO TRYING TO BE DEALT WITH.

ok, i’m gonna skip ahead a little. now in teen years and still fascinated by death, but in a healthier way!, and no longer in therapy because... like... that costs a lot of money!

she dealt with it the best she could. became enamored with music... because why wouldn’t she? some covers here and there, some originals here and there, living that youtube lyf, but not expecting anything to come of it. just liked validation! mood!

she also dealt with it the worst she could! became enamored with drugs! naturally, it started out small. some weed, some lsd, some molly –– you know, just drugs that you don’t typically think of as addictive. although her grades suffered, it was harmless enough...

upon graduating high school, she figured... no college. instead, with barely any money to her name, she was like “i... will go to new york... and i will become famous.”

and she did! she did go to new york! she found a few sketchy places that didn’t charge much for a few nights as she began networking - both socially and “i would like to be known for music” (i literally just forgot the word for networking like..... employment wise.... y’all i’m so dumb). when she’d made some friends, she began crashing on couches that were not quite as sketchy! 

but :\ she did meet these friends in sketchy places :\ and they were like “ok here r some new and more addictive drugs for u to try!”

what she wound up abusing using the most was desoxyn. it kept her awake, it kept her focused, it even shed a few pounds to create an excellent figure! what wasn’t to love! 

i mean it’s literally a prescription methamphetamine,,, when abused,,, literally almost exact same effects as meth,,, but when meth mouth, skin lesions, acne, etc aren’t occurring as a side effect? who was she to care!

20, she released an actual ep with the help of a super cool friend who made everyone call him puppy mills! wow! things were excellent! it wasn’t necessarily seeing mainstream traction, but there was a decent enough following! enough to release an album at 22!

perfect timing, btw! desoxyn was starting to become too expensive for puppy to afford and trying to fake having such a severe form of adhd that desoxyn would be prescribed as opposed to something like ritalin or adderal when it’s literally illegal to prescribe in some countries now?? too hard :\ but the money from the album helped her and puppy!

*olaf vc* puppy died. *end vc*

she was there for it too. she thought it was just a freak-out, took a LITTLE too much, but not OVERDOSE worthy... then he l i t e r a l l y died. and it was a painful death!

“oh wow! maybe prescription meth isn’t super cool after all! shucks!” but that was also an opening?? to visit death herself?? like... she didn’t necessarily want to die (sort of), but she wanted... an answer to the question that had plagued her her entire life... so she was like “ok hope i die then someone revives me but if i die then :\ i guess i die!”

did not die. but also did not get a satisfying answer to her question. the only way it would’ve been truly satisfying? if she had been dead for longer than a minute - then it would’ve given a definite answer! because the answer she received was just nothingness which, while peaceful... is it true?

she tried to detox alone, what because rehab is a business, and it... only... sort of worked. she would be clean for a few weeks, then fall back in, then clean for a few weeks, then fall back in. whenever she wasn’t just naturally focused and awake, or whenever what she was focused on was the past, she would fall back in.

i mean, a side effect is memory loss, so win/win!

she made the semi-wise decision to move back to springhill. wisest would’ve been to just move to a town/city she had absolutely no memories in, but better than moving back to newark!

so... without much to show, and with an unreliable streak, she knew she wouldn’t be able to start looking for much of an occupation – but she still needed money! so she began working at don’t fret out of a love for music, then began working at the animal shelter after completing training.

the main training was, of course, for putting animals to sleep.

FULL CIRCLE.

ah yes. how she pretends it’s healthy... even tho there are studies and statistics relating suicide to veterinarians and shelter workers who euthanize animals... ah yes.

has been back for four months now. love that. do not know how to finish this.

TL ; DR:

born in newark. moved to springhill at 8. childhood trauma that she is still carrying causes fascination with death. “i love music.” moved to ny at 18 because realistic. childhood trauma also causes dependency on desoxyn. releases an ep and an album. does not become famous, but they both have decent traction. moves back after an overdose. relapses... often. now sells records and puts animals to sleep. miss american dream since she was 17, amirite?

PERSONALITY / MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

one person one week, a totally different person the next.

wants to please people, but also wants to be her own person? it’s a whole deal!

in spite of her slight icarian incident, she still hopes to maybe one day become a real musician and performer. until then, we selling records and saying ‘goodbye’ to sweet animals!

can truly flip like a switch in interactions! does love ruining things for herself! almost always feels bad after bc :\ damn :\ alright :\

i’m very bad at these sections i really hate that i always include them!

is still avoiding healthy coping mechanisms. love that for her.

favorite movie is, unironically, the bee movie. favorite horror movie is cats.

SO GOOD at memorizing random lines or trivia. could probably recite literally all of who’s afraid of virginia woolf? other than that?? her memory is so bad. hate drugs for that :\

she uses her hair to express herself! (that sounds really boring.) ...she uses her hair to express herself!

but no. seriously. wears the black shag weave the most, followed by the blue/yellow combo ( we stan the badlands aesthetic ). occasionally forays into other colors and styles when money permits, but it’s usually gonna be one of those two!!

was an envy on the coast stan in high school which makes an inappropriate amount of sense.

will go out and steal the dumbest shit when she’s drunk. has a history of stealing chickens.

once again: hate that i always include these!! feel free 2 j consult the personality parts in the quick facts!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

ok we gonna list some general ones for right now! all are open to multiple people unless there’s an asterisk by it!

close friends –– moonie, teagan,

ride or die

childhood friends –– moonie,

bad influence ( mutual or her on them ) –– veronica ( mutual ),

good influence ( them on her ) –– presley, hayden, gabrielle,

exes ( can be from high school or something like that if based in springhill, can be from 20s in new york if based in new york )

fwb –– trent,

will they, won’t they –– presley,

someone who knew her music ( can be neutral, a fan of it, or hate it afhkjsl ) –– presley, moonie, teagan, indiana, 

will also possibly be sending in some wanted connections for things that are! more specific!

truly anything!! also up to brainstorm and/or look at yours if you have them!!

UPDATE: i have created a wc page so we luv that for me.

OK. like this or hmu if you’d like to plot!

[salemwolfgang]

Wild Ride

Request: “Hi!! First of all, i love your writing. I have a request :) I literally had a dream about this and I NEED someone to write it lol. A fan (young girl in her 20’s) meets Jeffrey Dean Morgan backstage at a comic con (she’s like obsessed with him) and he’s nice to her but standoffish bc he can see how crazy she is lol. But anyway, something happens where he ends up having to give her a ride home (like he sees her walking or something) on his motorcycle and she starts touching him.. there 😳 but he keeps moving her hand away. (So he’s playing super hard to get) and when he drops her off at home he walks her in and becomes EXTREMELY dominant and rough and fucks her. Like an angry fuck for teasing him so much. And after, he feels super guilty. Sorry this was so detailed 😫😶 I just really want a fic where Jeffrey plays super hard to get with the reader and she teases the shit out of of him until he can’t take it anymore”

Pairing: Jeffrey Dean Morgan x Reader

Warning: Smut and Cursing 

A/N: I don’t mind having a lot of detail in requests, it kinda helps a lot actually. Also I changed it from home to hotel. I know that not all of this is correct but I changed it to fit the story better. I do plan on editing it and making it a bit  longer as well if you guys want. Other than that, enjoy!

It had always been your dream to go to a Comic Con and take photos with your favorite actors. You especially wanted one with Jeffrey Dean Morgan, he had been your favorite actor for years now. Ever since you saw him in Days Of Wrath you fell in love with his acting. 

You started watching his movies and soon fell in love with not only his acting but him. Sure the age difference was massive, he could be your dad, and he was older than the guys you normally slept with but there was just something about him that made you feel some type of way. You embarrassingly have to admit that you’ve even had a few dreams about him that have left your bed sheets soaked.

When you heard that the Jeffrey was going to the con that would be at a city near you, you just had to go. For weeks you worked extra shifts to try and save up more money for meetup tickets. When the time came, you had managed to pull together three hundred dollars for the con. Plus some extra for food, the hotel and for merchandise. You planned on going to the con for the whole week plus an extra day.

A day before the con you drove to the city and checked into your hotel and walked around the city to see what places you could go to after the con. You looked for restaurants that you could go to after and picked up a few things you thought you’d need for the con. When you finished you went back to the hotel. 

After putting everything where it should go and laying out you outfit you walked over and plopped onto the bed. Resting your head on the pillows your mind began to race with all the excitement of finally meeting your favorite people. You had never done something like this and it was exciting. So much so it took you a bit before your could finally sleep properly.

A few hours later you woke frantically to the sound of your phone alarm blaring. You turned it off and got your things together to shower and get ready. You ordered room service to deliver breakfast to you at nine. When it arrived you were dressed and your hair had been fixed to what your found a suitable look. You ate your breakfast while checking through your phone for any updates on the con and checked some of the few cosplayers that would be there.

Your first day was quite exciting. You met two of the actors you adored and and bought a few shirts from the stands in the building. It was quite tiring walking around so you left a bit earlier than you wanted and got dinner at a restaurant before heading back to the hotel. You mimicked your retune from the night before but this time you spent a little extra time in the shower.

You found the shower head to be a great tension reliever.

After you went to bed this time, you fell asleep much easier and without to much trouble.

Your morning schedule was much like yesterday’s your outfit for today was a bit more revealing due to your excitement and wanting to show off to Jeffrey. On your way to the con you drifted in and out of your thoughts. They wondered about thinking of all the possible, very unrealistic, outcomes of today. They all made your heart buzz in your chest.

Before you knew it you were in line for the pictures and you were incredibly anxious. A woman who was also waiting noticed and turned to you with a light, comforting, smile.

“First time?” She asked.

“Second.” You corrected, “I’ve only done this with one other time and that was yesterday.”

“Meeting famous people will do that to yah. Especially with a man like Jeffery, he’s just so hot yah know?”

“I know, ugh. He’s so talented too; both in movies, shows and modeling.” Talking to this woman greatly calmed you down. You felt all of your nerves and worries shed away like an unwanted second skin.

You and her talked for a few more minutes while you were waiting. You found out her name was Amelia and that she was from southern Ohio. She came up with some friends who were touring around the city and going to the con as well for other people. She was also around your age and was just as obsessed with Jeffrey as you were. 

 This being your first con you decided to go all out and purchase a VIP badge to get you backstage with the actors along with a few others. Sadly Amelia was not one so she ended up going into another line. You luckily managed to get her Instagram and Twitter account before she had to go up for the meetup.

After waiting a while the actors finally started coming back stage to meet the VIP fans. There were only twenty of them so it wasn’t too overwhelming for the actors. You looked around at all of the ones who were there: Lauren Cohan, Steven Yeun, Katelyn Nacon, Tom Payne and Jeffrey were the ones who were doing the con for tonight. 

You waited excitedly to talk to Jeffrey. While you waited you managed to get a few photos and have a conversation with some of the other actors. Though you weren’t overly into The Walking Dead, you still enjoyed it. You talked to the actors about their characters and what it was like filming the show and other movies they were in.

Thankfully you managed to finally get to Jeffrey after around thirty minutes of waiting. The excitement you had bubbled up and you smiled brightly at him. Jeffrey smiled polity back.

“Hello.” His voice was calm but he was very hesitant. 

Though you seemed like a nice person, he’s seen the things fans have done. Things that were quite fucked up. Luckily you didn’t appear to be at that level, he hoped. 

“Is there anything you’d like me to sign?” You nodded and handed him two shirts and a photo card. 

He was quite surprised, the had others handed him so many things and it took a while to get it all done. He signed them quickly and then handed them back without saying much.

“I’m sorry I’m not talking much, the others wore me out. Anyways, do you have any questions?” 

“Ah yes but just three, don’t worry. First, how's your farm doing? Any new pets?” 

“It’s doing very well actually. I am getting some new animals but not for a while.”

Your smile seemed to grow bigger at his answer. All anxiety gone on slightly lingering but otherwise gone. 

“Oh sweet, that’s awesome! Do you plan on taking any new roles yet? Or just waiting until you’re finished with The Walking Dead?” 

“And last, how has your day been so far? You must be exhausted.” You voice was sympathetic towards him not wanting to add on to the stress he already felt.

“Just like every other con, some good and some bad. For the most part it’s been good.” His lips curled into a smile, a small one but one non the less.

“That’s good!” You paused admiring his relaxed features. 

Times like these reminded you of how much you liked him. 

“Okay, well that’s all. I’ll leave you alone now haha.” You got up and left with some other members out the exit.

You only stayed at the con for another hour before deciding to head back to your hotel. Your feet were sore from all the walking and you were ready for a rest. As you walked out of the building you checked your money to see if you had some for a cab or Uber but sighed when you realized you wouldn’t have enough for either.

“Looks like I’m gonna have to walk then.” You groaned out. 

God this sucked. 

Slowly you made your way back to the hotel. You had only been walking for a minute or two when suddenly a bike pulled up to you. The rider got off and walked towards you while taking off their helmet. You couldn’t believe it. It was Jeffery.

“What--what are you doing?” You were in awe that he was next to you again.

“I uh--I saw you walking and you looked exhausted so I thought I could give you a lift perhaps. What hotel are you staying at?” His voice was sincere towards you and you felt your chest flutter at the kind gesture.

“Oh you don’t have to. I can walk just-”

“No, I insist. It’s fine really.” He put his hand out that held onto the helmet for you to use.

“Umm okay then.” As you hesitantly grabbed onto it and walked towards the bike; you told him the name of the hotel you were staying at. 

You put on the helmet and sat down behind him on the seat. When he got on you snaked your hands around his waist and held on tightly. Rarely did you ride motorcycles so you were slightly on edge the first few seconds.

Though, after a few minutes, you got more confident on your position. Your hands drifted towards his crotch. You rubbed him lightly but before you went harder he moved your hand away. You felt his breathing get heavier as the ride went on. After reacting your actions once again, and being rejected again, you stopped thinking he was no longer interested. Unknown to you; that was that far from the truth.

Sadly your ride came to an end and you arrived at your hotel. Embarrassingly you got off of the motorcycle, saying a quick goodbye to Jeffrey as well as taking the helmet off to hand it back to him, and headed into the entrance. Though right as you were about to enter a hand grabbed onto your arm.  

 You quickly turned around expecting some weird stranger but instead found Jeffrey. His face was flushed and his hair very unkempt.

“You...” He gestured down to his pants. “Need to fix this. Now.” His voice was deeper than you’ve heard it before. 

It was hot.

You said nothing and just nodded. You then grabbed his hand and began pulling him up to your room. Right as your door open Jeffrey pushed the door open and grabbed onto your hips. He slammed the door shut then you on the wall. 

His mouth pushed onto yours and he hungrily pried your mouth open to taste you. You moaned at the feeling of his aggressive movements. This was more than you could ever ask for. You had little time to indulge in the kiss because he soon pulled away. His hands grabbed your thighs and he lifted you in one swift movement causing you to let out a small shriek, to which he laughed at. He then carried you to the bed and set you on it. He released his hold on you to remove his shirt and unbuckle his pants.

You began to remove your clothing as well, excitement bubbling inside you causing you to completely soak your underwear. When you were both completely nude he climbed on top of you. His stare only made the fire in your stomach to grow. You were desperate for him and only him now.

“What you did on the way here was very rude of you. Maybe I should do the same?” The thought of him teasing and edging you on sent a shiver of excitement down your spine.

“But as much as I’d want to tease the absolute fuck out of you right now; I can’t wait to just sink my cock into you.”

His lips began to trail down your jaw, neck, collarbones. Only stopping to remove your shirt and bra to continue onto your breasts. You let out a needy wine and moved your hips up to meet his.

A small, but deep, groan left his lips. 

“God, you’ll be the end of me.”

Jeffrey unbuckled and removed his pants and your did the same. He crawled on top of you and kissed your roughly. His tongue dove into your mouth with out hesitation. While distracted her moved his hands down to your inner thighs. With one swift movement your legs were pulled wide open and you wet pussy now on display for him. 

He made a hum of satisfaction as he guided his aching cock along your folds. You were so wet and just from him being aggressive too. He was going to enjoy this.

Before he pushed in he looked you in the eyes and his features seemed to soften he then whispered, “Tell me if it hurts and I’ll stop.” 

You nodded in understatement, you wanted this; always have and will. With that in mind he thrusted roughly into you. The light sting seemed to add on to the pleasure surprisingly. You moaned loudly and it seemed to drive him to start at a rough pace. 

You held onto his back, nails digging into his skin. Your head thrown back and buried into the pillows; chest heaving. Man, were you a sight to behold for him. He watched as you came undone around his cock. He found himself getting close and a few thrusts later Jeffrey came into your pussy, a loud moan leaving his lips as he did so. 

Your orgasm quickly followed and he let you ride it out on him. 

“We should,” your breathe was uneven and you took in big gulps so you could talk properly. “Definitely do this again,” you continued. 

“Next time I’m free, I’ll call you.” He genuinely meant it. He liked you, he liked this.

Slowly he pulled out of you and laid next you. His arms wrapped around you and the both of you laid on the bed. A minute or to later and Jeffrey turned to you.

“Ready for another few rounds?”

“Hell yes.”

You moved to sit on top of him, your shaky  legs wrapped around his hips. Slowly you guided his cock into you once again. This time there was no pain, only strong pleasure. 

He grabbed you hips and helped you ride him, you both lasted much longer than the first time. As you rode him he pulled you down against him and started sucking harshly on your neck leaving a trailed of hickies along your neck. 

He wanted to bruise you up and show everyone how much fun you had last night. Seeing you covered in his marks riled him up and his grip on you tightened and you felt yourself cum a second time. You’ve never felt so good before.

“Hold on baby girl, I’m not done just yet.” 

He quickly flipped the both of you so he was on top again. His pace slowed but was still harsh, then he came in you again. 

“This night is going to be fun.” You smiled up at him and he smirked at you.

“You bet your ass.” 

[dent-de-leon]

I started voltron 2 weeks ago, FINALLY finished it and have got a question (sorry about my english). I'm quite into sheith and all but, into my fast research trough the fandom I saw it isn't really a thing and now I'm a little fearful of shipping them bc, I'm not saying it is sorry if this come out bad, isn't keith and shiro's relationship incestuous? I rly don't know what to do. Thank you anyway

asjskjfkglfgk I absolutely am so exhausted seeing this kind of false rhetoric still thrown around to harass others. But since you’re new I feel bad so I’d rather not have to explain this all again, but real quick, Shiro and Keith aren’t in the least related, and plenty of the staff support their relationship in an explicitly romantic context. For reference, here’s some sources:

One of the head writers basically laughed at the idea that Shiro and Keith were related and said it would be impossible:

Keith says, “You’re my brother.” A lot of people were saying, is that literal brother or is that just sort of just like a brother figure?

Josh Hamilton: “Yeah, I think he’s just saying he’s like a brother figure. A lot of times the words don’t matter, it’s the way you say it. You know what I mean? He says you’re my brother, you know. When he does eventually say ‘I love you,’ those words matter, but it’s like, ‘You know, you’re my brother, and you’re everything to me.’ You know, that brotherly love. So it’s hard for him. But literally? No.” 

“Literally I don’t think they could be related.”

Josh Hamilton: “No.” (source)

The show runners have stated before that sheith can be interpreted as romantic and it’s 100% a valid reading of their relationship in canon:

“Will (Shiro’s sexuality) change the undertones of his close relationship with Keith?”

Lauren: “Fans are going to see it anyway they want. Some people are going to say their relationship is just brotherly and others will say it’s 100 percent confirmed they’re in a relationship.” (source)

Plenty of staff have supported and liked fanart, cosplay, merch, ect. for this ship that is explicitly romantic, and again, the show runners openly support it. Some of the animators have even drawn romantic fanart for the ship; there was never any stigma that it was problematic or wrong if interpreted as anything but platonic–that was created but arrogant fans to harass both other fans and even the staff. The notion that they’re related is not only not canon in the least, and entirely impossible, it’s also rooted in racist headcanons and has always been this made up thing to vilify and harass others–often out of spite because people didn’t like all the canon context for the ship and were uncomfortable seeing the possibility of an actually healthy, well developed relationship between these two men, one of whom is canonically mlm. 

This kind of nonsense has been thrown around for years to harass so many of us which is why it bothers me to see it even brought up again. That’s not even getting into how blatantly homophobic it is and how I’ve had people repeatedly tell me what is or isn’t valid representation for me. I absolutely really really hope that next time you will do some good research first and get the facts before you start blindly believing this kind of harmful rhetoric without cause, because people hearing this kind of nonsense and repeating it without realizing the ramifications is part of how things get so misconstrued. I hope this helps clear up your concerns. 

[dillydedalus]

what i read in april

in which i read two (!!) 5-star-adjacent books and also defeat my nemesis thomas mann 

the paper menagerie & other stories, ken liu

impressive collection of (mostly) scifi short stories with some fantasy elements. liu is particularly interested in historical/collective memory, historiography, textmaking and textuality, and the importance of stories. my favourites were the bittersweet title story (feat. living origami animals), an alternative history story about the construction of an underground tunnel between japan and america, and the last story, in which time travel becomes tied to politics of remembrance. some stories are not as strong, especially an honestly boring take on AI/voice assistants/surveillance, but overall these are really good, especially in how they approach SFF from asian perspectives. 3.5/5

der zauberberg/the magic mountain, by my nemesis thomas mann THE EVIL IS DEFEATED!!! after 1.5 months i finally finished the magic mountain & honestly.... i really liked it. literally all that happens is that a sweet young fool called hans castorp goes to a mountain sanatorium in switzerland to visit his cousin for three weeks and then.... just stays there for 7 years even tho he ISN’T REALLY ILL (which is both incredible dumbassery & incredibly relatable). up there he hangs out with a lot of people, has lots of conversations about politics & philosophy, falls in love w/ someone, some people die, some people leave, hans takes up skiing, everyone becomes obsessed with seances & psychoanalysis & whatever else for a time, there’s duels, and most of all, thomas mann is like HEY TIME IS WEIRD AM I RIGHT??? and it is! it is pretty weird. things i didn’t expect: a) it’s honestly pretty funny, b) i had several feelings (’als soldat und brav’), c) i kind of knew what the ending was going to be but still i was. distraught. ANYWAY. sometimes.... books that are classics.... are really quite good. 4/5

city of dragons + blood of dragons (rain wild chronicles #3-4), robin hobb i really enjoyed this series even tho i think these two are not as strong as #1-2. the central characters & relationship dynamics are great, i was happy to see malta back, and i loved the new plot points here (trader conflicts! hest coming to the rain wilds! most of all, chassim and the chalcedean women’s liberation front!!!) BUT i think all of these could have done with a bit more space; it all feels crammed together at the end & not really satisfying. 3.5/5 for both these books, series rating 4/5 

the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy, douglas adams like, it’s funny. maybe i was not in the mood, but funny doesn’t carry a book. 2.5/5

remembering babylon, david malouf (uni) this book is really good but it is also exactly the kind of book you read in a seminar on postcolonialism, which is what i’m doing. it’s set in a small australian settlement in the mid-19th century, where one day a strange man appears who looks like a “savage” but claims to be a ‘british object’. it turns out that he was marooned as a child and joined a native community, and his presence and strange liminal status (’the white black man’) disturb the entire community. it’s all about questions of assimilation, indigeneity, whiteness, and who owns the land, and it’s very very good, well-written, evocative of the australian landscape, dreamy and i’m probably gonna write my paper on it & end up resenting it a lil bit. 4/5

a canticle for leibowitz, walter miller jr. post-apocalyptic monks in the desert preserving knowledge!!! i ADORED the first two parts of this with all my heart (the first set 600 years after the nuclear apocalypse in a new “dark age”, showing the canonization of leibowitz, engineer-turned-protector-of-knowledge; the second 600 years later again, when during the “renaissance”, conflicts arise between church and secular scientists), the third part (a new nuclear/space age w/ mutual destruction threatening) i liked less, especially when it abandoned the themes of cyclical history, the danger knowledge presents to humanity but also its value, and the process of science and culture rebuilding itself from the atomic ashes for a digression on euthanasia, but i still loved a lot about it, particularly the monks sent to human colonies on other planets (”remember this earth... never forget her - but never come back” made me cry). it is very steeped in catholicism (obvi) which i don’t have much of a connection with but i actually loved how the book talked about religion. on the whole, i genuinely, genuinely loved this, loved francis illuminating a blueprint for 17 years, loved benjamin/lazarus (?), the apocalypse being reframed in biblical terms, loved the melancholy & despair over humanity destroying itself again and again, and the mad mad tiny hope for peace somewhere, some time. i will read this again for sure. 4.5/5 

machandel, regina scheer perfectly fine multi-perspective novel about 20th century (east) german history, all revolving around the small village machandel (a lower german word for the juniper tree). it incorporates some interesting perspectives/topics you don’t necessarily see a lot (forced laborers from eastern europe, euthanasia programs during the third reich, a sympathetic look at the promises & failures of the gdr) and it’s a pleasant read but it didn’t resonate with me in any special way. i’m more interested in scheer’s new book, which is literally set right around the corner from me. 3/5 

wild seed, octavia e. butler sooo this is a afrofuturist-y science....fantasy (??) book about two immortal beings, doro (spirit possessing bodies) and anyanwu (healer & shapeshifter) & their complicated relationship over about 200 years. also involving a magical selective breeding programm, changing your gender, slavery of different kinds and a whole lot of babymaking. it’s interesting&unique&very immersive, but not really octavia e. butler at her best imo. i think my next butler will be xenogenesis. 3/5

kokoro, natsume soseki early 20th century japanese classic about a young student and his mysterious mentor. very quiet and slow but still a good read. don’t have much to say about it tho - i’m probably missing a lot of cultural context. 2.5/5

the merchant of venice, willy shakes (uni) tbh i skimmed most of the scenes shylock wasn’t in bc in this house we stan shylock & no one else, but also like why would anyone sign away a literal pound of their literal flesh as a bond for money you don’t EVEN NEED fuck you antonio. 

shylock is my name, howard jacobson (uni) the hogarth retelling of merchant. i’ve read this before & thought it was clever & sharp re: the play & shylock, but ultimately sexist & gross. i still kind of think that but i liked it A LOT more this time around; it’s really the best of the hogarth series (that i’ve read) in terms of actually engaging with & deconstructing the play rather than just retelling it in a modern setting and it does it in a really smart & thoughtful way. everything not about shylock is ridiculous and farcical but that’s really the point - all the characters beside shylock are the worst and already were the worst in merchant. still not happy about the sexism but: 4/5

the complete maus, art spiegelman honestly it really just is that staggeringly good and given the amazing panels about beckett (x), i’m not going to say much more. if you’re interested in the graphic novel (not really novel bc it’s not fictional) and can deal with the subject matter, just like. read this. predictably, my favourite part was the beginning of maus ii, where art (post-publication of maus I) reflects on what he was doing and why (and why mice) and deconstructing the central conceit from within (see the panel linked, where everyone’s wearing animal masks and he wonders whether mentioning housepets will ruin everything). 5/5