#i am sorry if i hurted you somehow

[bandarrrrr]

hey there! pleasee stop being so hard on yourself, you're really amazing, sweet, talented guy. Every time I see you talk bad about yourself, or just feel that you're sad when your posts appear on my dashboard, i feel like giving you the biggest hug and taking care of you along with your other friends on Tumblr.

I also saw on some of your posts that you self harmed. I had self harmed too during during covid and post covid, but now I feel a bit better. I know someone telling you that they've been through the same is not something you might be wanting to hear, but believe me you'll defeat the darkness in your life soon. You'll see the light and you'll feel so much better after seeing the light.

i don't know how can I try to make you feel better, but I hope that whatever I said will give you some sort of hope and will make you feel good. Please know that even if I am not your mutual, I'm still here if you ever want to talk. I don't like seeing people sad who I consider my friends (even if I have not talked to them).

Sending you a big virtual hug and lots of love 🫂 <33

You know I have been trying to be better now, but somedays just hit so bad that the whole progress that I have done shatters, all the streak of not self harming, all the streak of nights without anxiety, everything fucking everything ends after one day and it makes me feel even more worse, I still try to be a bit better but sometimes I just can't.

People don't believe this but I have been self harming since I was 6, not in a severe way but yes I have been, it's my escape every since, escape from the anger, frustration, guilt, sadness and even myself.

I know things would get better but I don't want them to be, I don't know why but I just don't want them to be better.

I just love seeing myself miserable on those days now, I love to see that blood dripping through my fingertips now, I love to see the blood dripping through my nose on random nights, I just love to see the way I am killing myself slowly and steadily.

[since-times-long-forgotten]

can’t keep my fucking plants alive

[tariah23]

It’s just the fact that Gege isn’t usually THIS straightforward and hasn’t been for a long time….. Whenever he does one thing, that thing usually tends to turn out to be even more ridiculous then what it first appeared to be in the first place, ja what I’m saying. Like every time. Please…..

[kuromi-hoemie]

last rb stressed me out lowkey akakska i had an ex like that and it became a self fulfilling prophecy kinda thing..

[yamikawaii]

theres just something about being inherently unworthy of love

[prentissluvr]

tw long rant and swearing!

hey!! if you don't like something i wrote! shut the fuck up and move on!! thanks bye!! no hate is tolerated on this blog :)))

i don't care if you don't like the way i characterized someone in my story!! shut up and get a better hobby than hating on something someone has spent hours creating and pouring love into and accusing them of hating one of their favorite characters because you think that the fic they wrote FOR FUN and NOT FOR YOU is bad characterization/makes the character flawed in a way that you don't like because you have a poor understanding of what makes fanfiction fanfiction (and also humans human tbh lol). sure, they're maybe more flawed than in the actual show, but THATS THE FUCKING POINT OF FANFICTION!!! IS THAT ITS NOT A REAL PART OF THE SHOW!!! AND ITS WRITTEN!!! FOR FUNNNNN!!!!! AND NOT FUCKING FOR YOU AND YOUR FUCK ASS OPINIONS SPECIFICALLY!!!!!!!! and if you think it sucks, i don't care!! you are entitled to your opinion!!!! hate it so so so much but get the fuck over yourself if you think that telling me it's horrible and unrealistic and somehow creating a bad wrap FOR MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN THIS SHOW is somehow a meaningful usage of your time or gonna get me to delete the fic or stop liking it or stop promoting my own hard work !!!! i'm proud of the things i write and nothing will ever change that. i hope you know what a shitty shitty shitty (and embarrassing) thing it is to do to leave a whole paragraph of hate under someone's hard work just because they interpret a fictional fucking character in a way that you don't like. genuinely genuinely get the fuck over yourself and find a better way to spend your time than caring more about fictional characters than real life people.

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

It's really no surprise I would end up here...

Addicted to a drxg to try to escape those feelings and thoughts that always linger...

I'm really a waste of everything. I'm worthless and I realize it more each day...

[johndonneswife]

still thinking abt this pani puri we had three days ago

[theinfinitedivides]

a list of personally notable things from the nearly 8 and a half minute-long interview with SRK that YRF put out on their official YouTube channel while i cry over the just announced OTT date of April 25th, exactly three months after the original release:

him. obviously. we love to see it

the cargo pants. with the pockets. all of the pockets

the black sunglasses. immediate Kala Chashma war flashbacks (slightly tempered by the dance cover by The Quick Style which f*cks severely, i should add—pls watch the entire thing here, you will not regret it)

the jewelry (there are at least five or six bracelets/bangles on his right hand alone + his wedding ring + a watch on his left. we are keeping with the silver accessorization theme. sadly no earrings tho)

the way he really said he came to the industry 32 years ago to be an action hero, missed the boat, became the romance hero, got back on the boat, is currently giving us Pathaan

intentionally fighting to change the choreo for JJP bc he said the danceability factor gave off Chaiyya Chaiyya energy after listening to it through his car speakers

'(talking about John agreeing to sign onto the film after his previous "good" roles) ... in the Hindi film scenario, heroes don't play bad guys. i'd love to play bad guys'

John being quiet and shy when working with him bc irl he's just a Soft and Tender Boi ™

"'you are a national treasure, i will not hurt you, i can't' ... and i had to do a lot of convincing to tell him 'no, it's OK, you can punch me, i won't get hurt'" / John correcting his posture during filming (so. SRK x John boxing club meet-cute AU when, exactly)

manifesting that the most liked character in the film is, in fact, John's and not his (enemies-to-lovers pipeline endorsement. i'm taking this at face value)

Deepika being the morally ambiguous character (!!!) who looks better throwing a man over her shoulder than he does

the obligatory self-deprecating box office history joke

"a kid shouldn't be disappointed in his father to say 'baba, you told me this was your favorite star and he didn't even say hello.' ... (slight paraphrasing) when they say 'apna Shah Rukh' i want to show them that that is not untrue. i am theirs" / basically just SRK explaining why he is the decent human being he is and greets his fans. there's a Delhi reference in there somewhere

[todayisafridaynight]

The bookmark tag was #holder until i think of a tag for these asks but To Be Real even I forgot what it was...

BUT YEAH thanks so much for reading and I'm glad it's :] Intelligible At Least :] obviously I would be up for reading anything that came to mind after putting you and your followers through All That but understandable... A lot of people I've shown the checklist items or pointed out specific behaviors to have actually said similar [i.e. I'm In This Picture And I Don't Like It], so I totally get what you mean, too!

I think a lot of my picks wound up being generalized trauma responses/aftereffects of abuse or neglect [hence I meandered off into just talking about Jo's father half the time], so I guess it's to be expected a lot of them don't read as being CSA-specific or are broadly relatable; it's not like he's supposed to be read that way, after all. I just wasn't able to zero in on many of the more specific ones because I've Never Seen Jo In This Situation Chief I Don't Know What He Thinks About His Name Or His Body Or Mirrors Or Sex Or Affection I Don't Know How Well Or Poorly He Sleeps [Presumably Poorly Though He Has The Second-Reddest Eyes In The Whole Game]

I don't really think I'll have anything to add though unless Infinite Wealth goes off the rails or I actually continue reading the book... so that will have to do... I originally was just riffing on RGGJo's attachment issues, self-destructiveness, and specific entwinement of sexuality/aggression/romance, and his portrayal in my fic lined up pretty closely, so I thought it'd be interesting to apply the same lens to Y7Jo...

But Yeah x2 thank you for the opportunity to talk about it and I'm Glad It's Intelligible At Least x2

THANK YOU i really should change that tag to something better... <- i will immediately forget to do so like a jackass

BUT YA OF COURSE OF COURSE i was truthful when i said it was a real good read (but once again. i have -5 speech skills so i can't properly word SHIT) and was a thorough examination of jo's trauma and how it manifests in him and how it's exhibited through his actions. ALWAYS a big fan of that :)

[kamileonik]

slowly realising that i think i won’t make it

[vvelegrin]

man it just feels kind of... i don't know. mean that with everything lately we're adding mystery joint pain, most persistently in my hands, to the pile.

like come on. come on. i can't even have this?!

[honey-skulls]

How the fuck am i supposed to focus on my finals when my dad got brainwashed into a cult, started slowly cutting me away, and i now officially got kicked out of my home

[john-smiths-jawline]

hate it when people are like what’s wrong and you just have to tell them that your uterus woke up and chose violence

[lordandladywhistledown]

Finch is series!Penelope’s Felicity

there are two men who deeply love and are proud of penelope featherington. one is colin bridgerton and the other is albion finch.

[apple-os]

if one more thing goes wrong im fucking gone this is not a joke anymore

this is mostly a joke for the record

ive been having so many problems it's literally unfair why can I not just be HAPPY

every effort I make means nothing

every effort towards mine or others happiness literally means jack fucking shit like it's literally just pointless I don't even know why I try

i always end up feeling like

nobody loves me and I'm gonna end up alone or in an early grave or both

and that maybe that's for the best