#its just. this is about school mostly i guess but in general just. i dont think i can do it

[marciaillust]

hey, i hope you're doing great! i feel this may be unorthodox, but i really wanted to reach out to extend my engagement?— awe?— solidarity?— (some variant of those, anyways) with your most recent "workposting" art. i don't normally do this. I've maybe sent 3 asks in my whole life. there's no pressure to respond to this, as i mostly just wanted to cheer you on. also, I'm really sorry this is so long.

i only just recently landed my very first freelance art job, at a start-up company dedicated to making comics + DND inspired art content. I've always felt that "Its nothing to call home about", and so i really resonated with your feelings regarding your work for Brawl Stars. I felt kind of ashamed of my job, that its just a small start up— that I'm not enough and that i should be trying harder, or something like that. Specifically i resonated with your comment of "presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher" and i don't think i could have solidified any better.

Anyways. all's to say. I really found your work quite jaw-dropping. I was shocked when i read it was for Brawl Stars. I didn't know anything about it, but when i did some research i was even more amazed. they're really, really compositionally beautiful... i mean, i know its just "work" to you ultimately, but it really does feel lively, and everything about it makes it feel like you care. I think sometimes you're just able to tell when an artist genuinely cares about their work; about its end outcome. there's so many intricacies. and a lot of attention to detail. you kept the style that was necessary of you but i also can feel the warmth and the care of the artist behind it— its not corporate, or stale, it doesn't come across as "just work".

since you mentioned League, i genuinely do think it serves an equal purpose and weight to what League of Legends would produce. from a biased standpoint, i would actually value your work more. Its not even that its "more obtainable"/"more realistic" but that there's genuinely more feeling to it. Compositionally/artistically, yeah, League makes great stuff, but occasionally, the feeling or the sense of warmth and care from the creator of the art is lost along the way. I value seeing the artist within their own art a lot, which is why I've admitted to a degree of bias. either way. what you put out there is really gorgeous, and crazy impressive.

I know a stranger with a dumb, fandom-oriented art blog cant solve the self-indited art elitism (you and me both, man💀) and that you've already received plenty of love/reblogs saying similar things, but i wanted to extend my feelings anyways. Its really heart-warming, i guess. It brings me hopefulness, and deep adoration for the craft. I'm not very good with words. Anyways. don't undersell yourself. seeing your work meant more to me than you can imagine. I'm obviously nowhere near your skill level, but it meant more to me as an aspiration. i think that regardless of who you work for, your work is really valuable and downright incredible. because you bring that sense of warmth, care, time, and patience regardless of the media it portrays. and you're able to do that while being objectively talented— utilizing great compositions, colour pallets, shading, characterization, mood, etc. That is more valuable. That is much much cooler than working for Riot. imo.

Initially, i also wanted to ask you some questions about how you assembled your portfolio, if you went to school, (if so) what it did/didn't provide for you going into the art field, and just how you landed the job in general. But i respect you and your time, and wouldnt want to be a burden or anything. If you ever have time for it, i would love to ask them, among others, and we can chat in DM if you'd prefer. Absolutely no pressure. Im happy just watching from the sidelines. I dont anticipate anything from you to begin with! I just hope youll know how influential your post was to read & see, to someone like me!

Oh man. I. How. Where do I even start except

This is one of the most uplifting, touching and encouraging messages I received in my life. I read it thrice. And I still can't believe how full of love it is. This is such high praise, I want you to know I will cherish it and carry it with me for a long long time. It's not often that an artist gets to learn how their art is perceived, not to mention in such a positive light. It really means a lot to me.

It makes me so happy to hear that my work illustrations retain a piece of me that is visible to others. I myself can't see it, but I imagine my closeness to the matter at hand heavily impacts my ability to see objectively at all. There was a time where I was worried that work was overriding the me that makes my art mine, that I was becoming a corporate rendering machine and that what I did at work (the shape language and style) was bleeding into my personal art. There is a part of me that is now breathing easier after reading your message. I would love to answer any questions you have, it's the least I can do to repay you! Feel free to send an ask or even an email, I'll try to be as thorough as I can be with my answers. I wish you happy holidays! Take care! And again thank you so much for taking the time to write this message!

[superscourge]

prefacing this by saying its really funny to me that this has just become my main blog despite it being a sonic-centric sideblog. the tism

anyway i wanted to just gush a little abt life. loosely related to sonic but mostly just abt where my career and interests are going

ive like. always been passionate abt comics, at least making them. when i was way way way younger i wanted to have my own strip in the funnies in the newspaper. in high school i wanted to be a manga artist. i made my first completed webcomic in 2015 and finished in 2018. then i proceeded to make another webcomic with 222 pages so far (idk when thatll get finished fr but..still lol), and then another one with two chapters so far (again idk when itll be finished if ever), and now i have new game with two sequels planned.. and also now i wanna be an official idw sonic comic artist.

i dont have much in terms of coherent thoughts abt this rn but im just. bursting with happiness at the thought of working on official sonic comics. idk if i'll make it, but i dearly hope i will. literally my passion for sonic in addition to comics in general is making me feel like im going to pop (so like..cry a lot) and its all i can really think about anymore

i wanna keep making new game so bad, even the sequels. i wanna make other sonic comics. i wanna work on official sonic comics. i just. wanna make comics 😭😭😭 especially w sonic

if i had my druthers all of my aus would be made into comics but i think if im gonna go for idw i can only rly focus on new game for now unless i find that i have more time and energy to do more 9_9a i guess i dont have to make them into Full comics, i can do mini comics for parts i really wanna show as comic sequences, but still

rahhhh im rambling. i dont even know what this post is about anymore i just had to get words out of my body LOL my brain is so full of passion rn im going to explode

[autumnbrambleagain]

Do you have any other literary (I think thats the right term in this context?) works publicly viewable? Proselytize is still kicking around my mind and I find the way you write fascinating

Long answer no with a yet, short answer yes with a but!

Most of my actual serious effort-works aren't online because I just honestly don't know what to do with them. My biggest is a story called the story with ruth in it, which, before revisions, was sitting at 337,000 words. I started that back in 2011 and did NOT have a solid plan until the end, so the early sections especially ended up being a super sloppy mess.

I'm still in the process of going through and kind of rewriting it from the base up to be a lot more internally coherent! Some of the writing is 10+ years old in there and not nearly as good as my current stuff, but at its core it's pretty decent! It deals with a lot of what Proselytize would in different scales: what it means to have an outsized amount of power and be able to affect the world with almost no consequences and how fucked up that ends up being. While that was a side-theme in Proselytize it's the main theme there.

I have no idea what on earth to do with it when I'm done with my rewrite because it's going to end up at over 350,000 words and it isn't fandom-related so I don't know if Ao3 is a good place for it (i know you can put original works up there but also they say to not do that so like ? ? ?) but i have no illusions of getting something this weird published so I might just put it online somewhere if we all live that long!

I have a bunch of scattered storysnippets on my furaffinity (obvious obligatory warning about linking to the furry porn website) but the problem with that is they're very much scattered bits and also some of them are a lot more darker than Proselytize or more X-rated and also none of them really ever got finished (i'm very serious about the darker warning my gallery has some of that old school ultraviolence and what-have-you the deeper back in the past you go into it (we've gone through like 5 different character arcs but we keep the same furaffinity so you go back far enough and it's essentially a different person's gallery after certain points))

the problem is, i can like. i can doodle. i am not an artist. and people on furaffinity mostly care about 1: furry porn art, and 2: see 1. so most of the projects i have on there kind of stall out once i start getting diminishing returns of like, 4 people looking at something i spent hours on writing. ive recently just given up on making stuff for FA for a while in frustration.

especially since, like, if i DONT doodle something as a "cover image" for a story upload, it gets like, 80% less views, which translates from like 30 people looking at it to 4 people looking at it.

BUT.

i still stand by Yhelm's Story in there which isn't complete (because, again, writing for an audience of 4 is kind of depressing) but which is a fun bunch of mess about a local crimedog and her sex-shifting songferret partner dealing with the consequences of their life of organized crime. Hits with themes of family abandonment, generational trauma, romances that you know are a bad idea but you do it anyway, racism, trying to not be the bad guy while being the bad guy, and existing in a really fucking weird fantasy world which is normal to everyone but the reader.

her overall gallery is here (linking to the second page of it) but to actually read it chronologically it you would have to go to the back of the gallery and read from the back forward and there's also just a lot of doodles mixed in. a lot of the writing is in the image descriptions. like a lot of the images in her gallery are just basically chapter-cover-images to trick people into clicking and WOOPS. now there's a story you're scrolling through.

it's not really very navigation friendly but that's furaffinity unfortunately!

watch this space (tumblr) for announcements on future writing projects i guess tho!

[one-annon]

hi I'm annon!!

I started tumblr as a artist but I guess I'm moving onto my writing too - I ask you to please be patient because I'm new to writing x readers n such but I will try my best!!

it's been quite a while since I wrote but I can do like 1k to 2k? longer than that might be a little hard for me (｀□´)

i dont have much else to say about myself! uh, ive been writing for a while now. i also do rps! if youd like to do any rps when the listed characters/movies, feel free to let me know!

my current hyperfixation; saw series!

next movie on my list; silence of the lambs!

【Ｃ��ＡＲＡＣＴＥＲ　ＬＩＳＴ】

sawyer family (including the game characters!) - texas chainsaw massacre

hewitt family - texas chainsaw masscre remake

jason voorhees - friday the 13th series

michael myers (og and rz) - halloween series

laurie strode/angel myers (og and rz) - halloween series

billy lenz - black christmas 1974 (i will do 2006 version but mostly the 1974 version)

brahms heelshire - the boy

carrie white (and friends) - carrie (og and remakes)

scream team (billy, stu, randy, etc) - scream series (ive only seen 1 and 2 but im making my way through)

harry warden - my bloody valentine (og and remake)

sinclair brothers - house of wax

firefly family - house of 1000 corpses trilogy

dbd characters - dead by daylight

saw characters - any movie! this includes the scott tibbs documentary and saw .5!

herbert west and dan cain - reanimator

patrick bateman - american psycho

edgar, miles, and madeline - electric dreams

hal 9000, frank poole, and dave bowman - 2001: a space odyssey

anyone else you can think of! I'll try my best to learn the character :) these are just everyone I can think of at the moment! I'll do killers and survivors but I know people are more obsessive over the killers lmao

【ＷＩＬＬ　ＤＯ】

anything really..I don't have too many boundaries. I can do anything from hcs, scenarios (i.e. how would ____ react to ____?), smut, fluff, angst...the whole works

and even if you're willing to rant to me about your ocs I could whip up a oc x canon story! :)

also, depending on the media, im open to non horror writes!

【ＷＩＬＬ　ＮＯＴ　ＤＯ】

really not a lot to add here? maybe like...toilet related stuff for nsfw..

just the usuals - no incest (MAYBE for the sawyers since they are canonically inbred but its very situational), p3dophilia, b3astiality, etc etc

MASTERLIST!

GENERAL TAGS; #MANN GEGEN MANN! ➸ OOC/ANNON (also used for my rp blogs!) ↪ mann gegen mann - rammstein

#AND I KNOW WHY YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY MOTH MAN ➸ annons moths ↪ moth man - dirty bynum

#SEARCHIN! SEEK AND DESTROY! ➸ annons art ↪ seek & destroy - metallica

#my face is long forgotten my face is not my own ➸ ask games (again, also in my rp blogs!) ↪ am i evil? - diamond head

FANDOM TAGS;

#game over! ➸ saw writes ↪ jigsaw, apprentices

#i speak for the dead ➸ jigsaw legacy au ↪ logan nelson

#its a scream baby! ➸ scream writes ↪ stu macher

#you fudgepackers'll be the death of me yet! ➸ TCM writes ↪ drayton sawyer

#hey paul! ➸ american psycho writes ↪ patrick bateman

#hes dead?/not anymore... ➸ reanimator writes ↪ dan cain/herbert west

#love is give not take so im giving you madeline and taking myself away ➸ electric dreams writes ↪ edgar

#im afraid i cant do that dave ➸ space odyssey writes ↪ hal 9000 #you brought your dog? ➸ marble hornets/everymanhybrid writes ↪ alex kraile #dont let the bed drugs bite ➸ the mule writes ↪ det. tom croft #i love watching audiences scream ➸ stanheight stories ↪ leigh whannell lmao

#words are worth a thousand words too ➸ insidious writes ↪ steven "specs" fisher

WRITING TAGS;

#HEY HEY HEY HEY! HEY STOOPID! ➸ annon writes ↪ hey stoopid! - alice cooper

#I WASNT EVEN A BILL I WAS JUST AN IDEA ➸ annons hcs ↪ im just a bill - school house rock (cover by deluxx folk implosion) #keeping our eyes close to whats going on on the screen ➸ angst writes ↪ slumber - sløtface

#ive got to have faith faith faith ➸ hurt with comfort writes ↪ faith - george michael (and cover by limp bizkit)

#quit actin like a bitch and makin up excuses ➸ hurt with no comfort ↪ i wish i was a riot grrrl - destructo disk

#call me on the line call me anytime ➸ fluff writes ↪ call me - blondie

#rein raus rein raus ➸ smut writes ↪ rein raus - rammstein

#so much for the golden future i cant even start ➸ annons drabbles ↪ breaking the law - judas priest

yeah! thats kinda it! I'll try to reply and write out requests as fast as I can

credit to; @strangergraphics for the awesome dividers!

FOLLOW ME ON MY SAW RP BLOGS!

@wr4th-of-the-gods @zippyzep @jigsaws-disciples

FOLLOW ME ON MY ART BLOG!

@annons-art

[boy-gender]

I’m not exactly sure how to phrase this. I, like many others unfortunately, am a scared and confused queer person. Being on the younger side as well I really don’t know what steps to take to be safe. Is removing any note that I’m queer from my socials really something I should do? Should I stop posting about my experiences as a queer person? What apps should I cease use of? As a trans person should I detransition while I’m in public? Etc.

I’m just so lost, I feel like I need a field guide to navigate through this.

I’m sorry for bothering you with it, but your posts have been comforting today. Hope you’re safe too. <3.

Nobody can tell you how to best protect your safety but you, because youre the only one able to guage your situation. Are you in a blue state with protections and an established queer culture? Are you in a small red farm town where trucks full of trumpers drive around with flags and rifles (I am)? Is someone following your car or harassing you at school? Does your town have a rainbow sidewalk? In person, you have to weigh your assessment of danger and awareness of your surroundings against, I guess, your desire to authentically express yourself.

I am a bad judge of this. I am aggressively visibly queer, always have been, and i will never back down from beig confronted. I escalate conflict and then i win them. I dont go seeking it, but when it finds me, I will not be cowed. I have never been in the closet and I will not go there. I value my expression highly and my physical wellbeing very lightly. After a lifetime of suicidal tendencies, my self preservation skills have atrophied.

Thats not to say im not aware of my surroundings and risks. Just that you might have different priorities than I do. Some suggestions:

-Dont use a period tracking app. You write that shit on physical pen and paper and hide it. If you think you nay be pregnant, tell no one until you know for sure.

-Get rid of twitter, mostly because its a shithole and was even before the election.

-Do not give your real name, location, school, age, birthday, or any other identifying information online. My profile says my name is Sasha, I'm an adult, and Im from the broad new england area. Sasha is not my name. I am an adult, you can guess what age that makes me. New england is a large area and I do not speak about identifying landmarks near me. Get a nickname. Remove your age. Lie. Lie about where you live or be vague. You owe this information to nobody, ever. Speak about your experiences, please, we need your voice. But edit those experiences so they dont get used against you.

-use the block button generously

-learn your rights, state and local. Learn how to speak to cops or avoid speaking to cops, rather.

-make real life community connections, particularly around gardening and food sharing. Learn to grow your own food.

-take a first aid cpr class.

-learn to drive, even if you dont end up going for your license. Have the ability to operate a car.

-Learn to shoot, get a license, practice frequently, and be armed.

-stay close to your loved ones. Talk to friends and family and people you trust. Isolation is the enemy.

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Will you love me? | {KokuZan}

Theme: Floof mostly

Note: Modern AU? They're sons of two businessmen who are working together (idk make it up), they're not dating yet- 

Muzan's dating Uta (I DONT SHIP THIS OK ITS JS FOR THE PLOT)

Koku's single :3 

aaand a bit of YoriiUta

×××

Yoriichi had always been the favorite. The favorite child, the media's favorite, the school's favorite. Michikatsu shadowed him almost always, only approached so people could get Yoriichi's number. Occasionally, people would go up to Michikatsu to get to know him, but it usually involved ulterior motives such as gaining fame or having some 'friend with benefits'. It tended to be women who were like this and, in fact, Michikatsu had absolutely no interest in them.

Days, months, years of being overshone by Yoriichi made life pretty much like being the background actor in a show—nobody knew or cared who you were, barely even noticed you. Sometimes even his own parents.

So it was strange when, one day, his parents told them both that they would be working with some other business. They invited the family who owned the business over for dinner. Interestingly, they also had a son, around Michikatsu and Yoriichi's age. The three of them were sent upstairs so the adults would talk about 'more important matters.'

The son was a bit on the shorter side with short, cropped black hair and intense red eyes. His name was Muzan, he said. But it wasn't about who he was, or how he looked. More about where his attention was drawn to.

Usually, people turned to Yoriichi, having recogonized him from some modeling in a magazine Michikatsu had never heard about before. But this time, Muzan addressed Michikatsu first with, what seemed like, genuine curiosity in his gaze.

"You're Michikatsu, right?" he asked.

Michikatsu and Yoriichi both stared at him, stunned. Having expected the attention to be droven to his younger brother, Michikatsu had already positioned himself behind Yoriichi. So when Muzan had spoken, not to Yoriichi, but to Michikatsu, the twins both stood there, half wondering if this was their imagination.

Then, perhaps getting a grip of himself, Yoriichi, relieved, drew the spotlight onto Michikatsu, stepping back to give the two space.

"I... Yeah, I am," Michikatsu said. He wondered how Yoriichi did this, constantly having to talk to random people he'd never met before but seemed to know way too much about him. Or just having to talk to people in general. "Uh... How do you know me?"

Muzan laughed. "You're the brother of Mr. Famous here, how would I not know you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, well, nobody bothers to learn my name," Michikatsu said scornfully. He sounded childish. Oh, whatever.

"Why not?" Muzan asked, frowning.

Yoriichi let out a breath.

"Yoriichi, here, is always the center of attention," Michikatsu said, trying to sound lighthearted. "People love him best."

"I'd prefer if they didn't, though," Yoriichi interjected, sounding guilty. "I dislike it."

Michikatsu lifted a shoulder. "Guess we're born to get everything we don't want."

"I get that," Muzan said, nodding. "Uta—my girlfriend—is always being pushed aside when people recognize me in public."

Girlfriend? And, for seemingly no reason, Michikatsu felt a momentary frown curve his lips down—before catching himself and plastering on a smile. "Well, welcome to the club to her, then..."

Muzan shook his head. "It's got to be very annoying, hasn't it? Personally, I like being in attention," he admitted, a grin growing on his face, before falling. "But it's hard for Uta, which makes it hard for our relationship in general."

"Ah. Maybe we should meet sometime. You and Yoriichi can walk down a red carpet and Uta and I could be your shadows..." Michikatsu offered. What kind of person was Uta? If she experienced something similar to himself, would Muzan perhaps be interested in Michikatsu in the future...? 

Yoriichi shook his head. "I'd rather be the shadow."

"Well, you don't always get what you want," Michikatsu said, a bitter laugh growing on his tongue.

Muzan sighed. "Sorry."

"What?" both of the Tsugikuni's asked, turning back to him.

"I'm the only one content with my position-ish," Muzan said, shrugging. "I feel bad."

"What, did you cause all of this?" Michikatsu asked, raising an eyebrow.

"...yep. I... cast a magic spell on you before you were born to get exactly what you don't want," Muzan said, raising his hands and wiggling his fingers in what was probably supposed to look like a sinister move—but looked ridiculous.

Yoriichi rolled his eyes.

"You look younger than us," Michikatsu said, lips quirking in a smile.

"...I am. But that doesn't matter," Muzan said, frowning. 

"Whatever you say."

×××

They ended up meeting Uta only a couple days later. Muzan had visited again with his parents and had brought her along. Yoriichi and Uta seemed to get along quickly—though their personalities seemed like polar opposites. Uta was like a ball of sunshine, very enthusiastic and Michikatsu wondered why she was neglected by the public. But, then again, Michikatsu had always been the social one.

"Uta seems nice," Michikatsu remarked, as he and Muzan wandered over to a different room.

"Yep! She's very sweet," Muzan said. Then paused, looking uncomfortable. "Oh, but there's something else..."

Michikatsu tilted his head in his direction. "Hm?"

"Okay, uhm." Muzan looked behind him and, once comfirming that nobody was there, turned back. "Don't tell her, okay?"

Michikatsu raised an eyebrow. "Tell her what?"

"I'm getting to that! Right, so, uhm... Yeah, I care for her a lot and everything... but..." Muzan hesitated.

"Go on. I won't say anything," Michikatsu assured him.

"Uh... I... I think I'm gay," Muzan blurted out. 

Michikatsu blinked. "What-"

"I don't know, or maybe I'm just bi or whatever. But, like, either I'm just losing feelings for her or I'm realizing I'm not into women because... because there's this other guy who I think I like and, well, yeah. I don't know how to tell her since I really do care about her a lot but, I just... Don't know," Muzan said, defeated.

Michikatsu patted him awkwardly. "You should probably just talk to her about it."

"I know..." Muzan whined. "I don't know how!"

"Don't know how to what?"

Muzan and Michikatsu turned to see Uta and Yoriichi walking towards them.

"Ehm..." Muzan hesitated and glanced at Michikatsu who gave him an encouraging look. 

Uta stopped, giving him a curious smile. "Hm?"

"I... uh... Nevermind. I'll tell you later," Muzan said quickly, plastering on a smile.

Uta nodded. "Alright! I have to go now, also." She waved her phone on the air. "My mother texted me."

"Ohhh, 'kay, 'kay," Muzan agreed. "See you later?"

"Mhm! I'll text you," Uta said with a smile. She turned to Yoriichi. "It was nice meeting you too!"

Yoriichi nodded. "It was."

Uta waved to Michikatsu then bounded towards the stairs on her way out.

Muzan and Michikatsu turned to Yoriichi who was watching Uta go.

"Do... you like her?" Muzan asked, a sly grin growing on his face.

Yoriichi snapped his head towards him, eyes wide. "What? No! Isn't she your girlfriend, anyways?"

Muzan rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah..."

Yoriichi frowned. "Is there something you have to say?"

Muzan lifted a shoulder. "Kinda? I may or may not be losing feelings for her."

Yoriichi raised an eyebrow. "She seems very likeable, though..."

"So you do like her?" Muzan asked, pointing at him. 

"Wha- No!" he protested.

Michikatsu watched them, his own thoughts mulling. So... if Muzan liked this other 'guy', that meant he liked a man, which meant Michikatsu had even more of a chance. Although he wasn't quite sure why it mattered. 

×××

Muzan and Uta started visiting more throughout the following month, on their own time. Michikatsu and Yoriichi occasionally visiting Muzan's house as well. They never went out in public, of course, but it was still very fun. They usually refrained from visiting people or having others visit since usually it turned into a fiasco. But it was fun, now.

Uta and Yoriichi were spending more time together whilst Muzan and Michikatsu were usually elsewhere, and Muzan still hadn't managed to break the news to Uta.

However, finally, Michikatsu persuaded him to tell her, saying it would only worsen their relationship if it continued on.

Muzan finally caved and agreed. So now Michikatsu and Yoriichi were spying on the two as Muzan drew up the courage to tell her.

Uta sat on Muzan's bed, organizing his things since he was, in fact, the messiest person to exist. Muzan entered, his nervousness clear on his face. He sat down beside her and she looked up with a smile.

"Hi!" she said, closing one of the drawers she'd been placing things in.

"Hey... Uhhh, Uta, can I talk to you?" he asked, eyes darting to and fro.

"Of course. What's wrong?" she said, placing her hands on her lap. 

"So... I... want to..." He paused. "Break up?"

She blinked. "What?"

"Sorry. I still care about you a lot, but I think I might be into men. I don't know for sure if it's only, but I don't see myself liking you the way I used to, I guess," Muzan said, talking quickly.

"Oh!" She frowned. "Am I doing something wrong?"

He shook his head frantically. "No, no, you're doing amazingly! I just don't like you... romantically anymore, I'm sorry. It's not your fault."

"Oh. Okay," she said, nodding slowly.

"You're... fine with it?" he asked.

She nodded again. "Its your own choice and your emotions. It's fine."

He smiled. "Thanks. This is why you're the best."

She laughed. "I wouldn't say I'm the best. Will you tell me how you figured this out, though?"

Muzan coughed. "There's... this person I like. A boy. Uhm..."

Uta's eyes lit up, seemingly forgetting the previous conversation. "Tell me about him. Do I know him?"

Muzan nodded. "Yeah."

"What's his name?" she asked.

"I'm... not telling you that," Muzan said, glancing towards where Michikatsu and Yoriichi were hiding.

Uta raised an eyebrow, leaning closer. "Tell me!"

"...Later," he said.

"Promise?"

"...yeah."

×××

"Yoriichi, you like Uta, right?" Muzan asked, leaning against the door frame. Uta had left and hour ago and Michikatsu and Yoriichi were about to go, having been called home by their parents.

Yoriichi shied away, averting his eyes. 

"Just tell her!" Muzan said encouragingly. "...but maybe after she tells you more formally that she and I broke up. Because she doesn't know you were stalking us."

"I wasn't stalking. And Michikatsu was too..." Yoriichi mumbled.

Muzan laughed. "Just do it, okay?"

Yoriichi nodded slowly. "Eventually."

"I didn't know you could be so shy," Michikatsu said pointedly as he and Yoriichi slipped into the backseat of the car quickly, tugging off the masks they had worn to avoid recognition.

"Shut up," Yoriichi huffed, looking away. He paused and looked back. "Don't you like Muzan?"

Michikatsu rolled his eyes, feeling his face heat up. "I do not!"

"Mhm. I've seen how you look at him," Yoriichi said, his own sort of smugness forming on his face as he gained the upperhand. 

"Uhm. I look at him normally!" Michikatsu protested, though he was sure his cheeks betrayed him. 

Yoriichi nodded—though in the most mocking manner. "Yes, very normally. Intensely, too, I may add."

Michikatsu spluttered for a response then opted to cross his arms, looking out the one-sided window as the streets rolled by. 

Did he like Muzan? Probably. Yes, he did. But the thing was, Muzan was probably not into him. He already had his eyes set on someone, he'd said. So... it was time to throw away any wishful thinking and put himself straight.

×××

...It didn't work.

Despite trying to think of anything else, putting his focus into whatever the hell his parents expected of him, literally doing the most random things ever, his mind would wander back to Muzan. It seemed sudden but, maybe, it was just some self-awareness that brought him to realize how much he'd actually been thinking about Muzan.

But then, it didn't matter if he did or didn't like Muzan. There wasn't that high of a chance for Muzan to like him, and he'd just broken up with Uta, so...

And yet.

(rushing this bc i'm lazy LMFAO)

Muzan texted him one day, asking if he wanted to come over. Obviously, Michikatsu said yes. Yoriichi was focused on something or other and was unable to come, so he arrived at the house alone.

Muzan let him in, guiding him to the room, talking about the most random things. They sat down—Muzan on his bed, Michikatsu on a chair. 

"Why'd you invite me over?" Michikatsu asked at one point, when the conversation paused. 

Muzan lifted a shoulder. "Just... bored? I guess?" he said. It was plausible. It just didn't sound genuine.

"Ooookay," Michikatsu said slowly, drawing out the word. "Are you doing anything this week?" he asked.

Muzan thought for a moment. "Yeah. I think I'm busy."

"You think?"

"I didn't look over the schedule," he said, a quick smirk flitting over his face. "They gave it to me and I only saw there was a lot written. I just tossed it aside... somewhere."

Michikatsu raised an eyebrow. "For someone who likes the fame, you're very bad at keeping it."

"Hey, people still love me, no?" Muzan said, flashing him a grin and leaning back against a mountain of pillows. 

Michikatsu laughed. "Sure."

"Anyways... Speaking of love," Muzan said, averting his eyes.

So this was what Muzan had asked him over for. "Yes?" 

"The... You know the boy I liked?" Muzan asked, still no meeting his eyes.

Michikatsu nodded—then realized Muzan couldn't see that. "Yes, I do. Liked? Did you stop liking him?"

"No, no," Muzan said, looking up quickly and shaking his head. "I still like him."

"Ah. Who is it?"

Muzan frowned. "About that."

"Hm?"

"It's you."

Michikatsu took a moment to process the words, staring blankly at Muzan. "...Huh?"

"It's you," Muzan repeated patiently, a slow blush rising in his cheeks. "I like you."

"...What?" Michikatsu had, in fact, still not comprehended what he was hearing.

"I like you, okay? I know it's weird and everything, especially since we haven't even known each other for over a year or whatever, I don't know, I'm sorry," Muzan ranted, stumbling over his words. 

"I... I-" Michikatsu was at loss of what to say, his head spinning. What??

Muzan groaned, grabbing a pillow and stuffing his face in it, screaming through gritted teeth. "Fuuck... Sorry, sorry, forget it all. Forget what I said," he mumbled, his words muffled by the pillow. "Sorry. I don't want to make it weird for you. Pretend I never said anything."

Michikatsu shook his head—realizing not for the first time that Muzan couldn't see him—and said, quietly, "It's not that. I don't... not like you? It's not that I don't like you, I like you, I don't not like you, I didn't know you liked me, I thought you didn't like me, I didn't know you didn't not like me." Then blinked, realizing he wasn't making sense.

Muzan had looked up. "Could you repeat that...?" he asked, after Michikatsu was done with his rant of nonsense. 

"I... Sorry. Yes," Michikatsu said, letting out a breath.

"You don't have to say sorry," Muzan said. 

"...You just said it more times than I did," he pointed it.

"Okay, true, sorry, go on."

Michikatsu raised an eyebrow but said nothing of it. "I meant that my silence wasn't because I dislike you or anything. I do like you... the same way? I think? Assuming you like me romantically... I didn't say anything before because you were dating Uta, and then you weren't really giving signs that you liked me, so..."

Muzan nodded slowly. "So you like me back?—ALSO I DID GIVE SIGNS." 

"You did not. And yes, I do," Michikatsu said with a quick nod, turning his head away, heat flickering in his face.

"Then... can we date?" Muzan asked, so suddenly Michikatsu jolted.

"Wha- I- ...yes," Michikatsu said, his face turning beet red.

Muzan laughed. "What's with all this blushing??"

"I'm... not!" 

"You are."

"Your question was just random," Michikatsu murmured. 

"It wasn't at all. Can I kiss you?" Muzan asked, grinning as Michikatsu turned an impossibly darker shade of red. "Your head is going to burst if you keep blushing."

"I'm... not blushing...!" Michikatsu insisted, though even the stupidest person could tell him he was.

"Sure, but are you going to answer me?" Muzan said, changing the subject.

"...Okay."

"Okay you'll answer or okay I can kiss you?" he asked, putting the pillow aside and standing up.

"...both?" Michikatsu said tentatively, hands fiddling on his lap.

Muzan smiled and promptly plopped onto the desk, a finger curling under Michikatsu's chin, tilting his head up.

"I don't... like this position," Michikatsu mumbled, frowning slightly. 

Muzan quirked an eyebrow. "No? You're still redder than a ripe tomato."

"...shut up."

"Make me," Muzan challenged, eyes glinting with mischief.

Michikatsu was hit with a sudden burst of confidence from who knows where; perhaps he had stolen it from Muzan. Nevertheless, he stood, coming a bit higher than Muzan despite the fact that he was sitting on the desk. He cupped Muzan's head in his hands, pulling him forward slightly. There was a sliver of space between their lips and Michikatsu waited, wondering if this was too much. Then Muzan leaned forward slightly and all was forgotten, his eyes fluttering close as their mouths fit together, the plush of Muzan's lips against his own.

The kiss was brief but sweet and when they pulled apart, they looked away simutaneously, a shy blush powdering their cheeks.

Then the door burst open and they scrambled back; Muzan pressed against the wall behind his desk, Michikatsu nearly tripping over the chair.

Uta barged in, a bag in her hand, arms raised up and a triumphant smile on her face. She took one look at them and quickly left, shutting the door behind her.

Muzan and Michikatsu blinked, then turned to stare at each other. There was a beat of silence before both burst into an awkward, nervous laugh as Michikatsu straightened himself up, fixing the chair. 

"So..." Muzan said casually, hopping down from the desk. 

Michikatsu tilted his head, looking down at him. "Hm?"

"You're my boyfriend now."

"And you're mine," Michikatsu agreed with a faint smile.

"Great. I'm going to go brag to Uta now, considering that she's here already," Muzan said. 

"No, don't-" Michikatsu whined, but Muzan was already striding out the door, deaf to his protests.

×××

« Word count: 2953 »

pretend this is good 💀

[spu10d]

“Night on the Galactic Railroad” ichihona

i read the novel and watched the movie recently so random thoughts below

(spoilers for NotGR too!)

OK SO uhm the way i initially delved into this was because i suddenly remembered someone online mention (VERY OFFHANDEDLY). that leo/needs trained set from ‘Live with Memories’ was based off of ‘Night on the Galactic Railroad’.

(^ so this set)

merged with this movie poster (for the film adaption where theyre all cats).

Ramblings…

of course this leads me to read the plot in its wikipedia page and. immediately find ways to apply it to my blorbos. (at this point i wasnt even sure if i remembered the book right/if this was even the right book… and im still unsure but whatever…) (im also bad at Media Literacy).

so i settled on ichihona to be giovanni and campanella. around middle school aged.

but at first, i had it in my mind that ichika -> campanella, and honami -> giovanni.

mostly because campanella drowned rushing in to save zaneli after he fell in the river, something i just felt was very Young Ichika… the impulsiveness, no hesitance to help another…

and that Young Ichika is someone honami wanted to be like. so giovanni being like Scorpio, wishing for a chance to spread happiness for the sake of others (like ichika)…

but i think ‘ichika being campanella and honami being giovanni’ didnt fit as well because giovanni was the one seen to be alone, while campanella was surrounded by friends and did nothing when they teased giovanni.

so once i swapped them around (ichika being giovanni, honami being campanella), i started having more ideas and… interpretations??

ok first off. campanella is likened to scorpio, wanting to (and unlike scorpio, somewhat achieving) ‘save others’ and ‘spreading happiness’. which i think tied nicely to what honami does in middle school, trying to be there for everyone, be an ear to talk/vent to and generally trying to help others.

ALSO GUESS WHOS A SCORPIO (honami)

meanwhile while giovanni and campanella are friends, campanella doesnt really do anything while hes teased by his classmates, just looking back with sympathy. something about how honami sort of… ‘chose’ (ok, was sort of ‘bullied/threatened’ into choosing) her classmates over ichika.

also i like the scene at the very end of the book, where giovanni stands on the riverbank after hearing the news of campanella’s disappearance/death. he looks to the distance while everyone wonders where campanella went, thinking “i know where he went. he went to the edge of the universe. i know, because we went there together.”

im just thinking that while (giovanni/ichika) thinks that, the galaxy can be seen, yes, but also the moon (its like… ~7pm? around the end of summer so its plausible the moon could be low enough to just be seen over the river), with like, honami (in that sorta transparent where theyre not actually there thing), back turned. yknow, since ‘mochizuki’ has the character for moon.

ALSO THE HORRIBLE SAD IRONY OF CAMPANELLA DROWNING, AND HONAMI’S SPECIALTY BEING SWIMMING…

the whole ‘praying like scorpio to serve others in the next life’ thing is. uoorhg. i feel like something can be said about how honami was always helping others, but no one really knew how it was… like? to be like honami, with her selfishness and fear of being bullied, cast out, left behind… etc…

the wikipedia pointed out that a sort of ‘focus’ in the story was about “giving your life in service for others” and uoroogh. are you getting me… (it can work both ways i think, honami and ichika).

also campanella mentioned liking apples once (1 time) and of course like the loser i am i locked in like HONAMI! hes also knowledgable about flowers which is also partially why i initially saw him as ichika

also with giovanni, how hes left alone in the end.

(which while it fits ichika, now im thinking of a scenario where its saki as giovanni… i dont think itll work out as well as ichika though)

i might add more to these ramblings… these are just my initial word dumps.

[hypogryffin]

genuinely curious by what you mean by "jewish (factual)" in your tier list. i can assume for a couple what you mean (sophia as an example) but i dont see how the others could be like jewish-coded! interested in hearing your thoughts

link to the first post for claritys sake, but this is the tier in question:

ok so for clarification: i made the tier list a little while ago and then scheduled it for later to keep uploads consistent, something i usually do all the time but am not for this discussion for now. this means that by the day the tier list posted, i was already a few weeks or so divorced from the actual creation of it, so some of my opinions have changed (as i said in the og post, i was unsure on a good portion of the characters even when i first queued the list), and some of my reasonings behind placements have been lost to time and my silly little goldfish memory.

bc of this, as of now as im trying to find a distinct line between "jewish (factual)" and "jewish (based on vibes)", the criteria for "factual" is sort of murky. some placements in the category were serious, but a lot of them were also entirely for joking reasons, and i had moved on as soon as i was done laughing to myself without coming back to it.

all this is to say, i have no idea how to summarise it, so im going to explain everything i can remember about my thought process at the time so you can see where i was coming from.

SOPHIA:

yup 👍.

ok so for the uninformed, sophia is the name of a gnostic figure and the specifics change depending on the context of which ur referring to her in, but in judaism specifically sophia was given as a translated name for chokmah which is like a being thats like really important in kabbalah and considered like. this sort of i guess personification of divine wisdom?

anyways this is a concept that i doubt im anywhere near the first person to bring up, so im not gonna spend a lot of time on it like i will the things i havent heard other people talk about. like the whole "good friend of humanity" thing! judaism puts a lot of emphasis on kindness and care for other people and i think its important that thats so big for her character and for how jewish she can be read as. she is also jewish because i like her :^).

TATSUYA:

suffers endlessly because g-d hates *him*, specifically, and he hates g-d right back. jewish.

that was a joke. ok so right out the gate i think the whole "fighting hitler" aspect of IS should count for something during the discussion of which characters are jewish. like just putting that out there. anyways tatsuya is jewish because of eternal punishment. specifically, you know how hes like super into "atonement" and repentance? bro would really have benefited from going to a high holidays service lemme tell you. and he does it in a specific way thats like. his atonement is actively trying to repair what hes fixed right like hes not doing what hes doing to be redeemed, hes doing it because its his responsibility to fix whats been broken. i just idk how to explain it properly but thats a thought process your rabbi talks you through in jew school yknow?

also theres this thing called tikkun olam, which literally translates as "repairing the world". so it means more like. doing ur best as a citizen to improve community and country, or general social work. but just considering it as taking the literal translation, then its just like... yep. that sure is what hes doing isnt it

also, killed hitler. hashtag work

KATSUYA:

placed here mostly because being tatsuyas brother, theyd probably be at a similar "level" of religiosity. however there are some unique things i want to point out here;

katsuya like embodies the idea of "tzedek tzedek tirdof" like. its unfortunate hes a cop but for a cop hes a pretty good person? hes pretty uncompromising on right and wrong, and in a way that totally lines up w tzedek tzedek tirdof as its described in the torah.

extra emphasis on his compassion, as in theres like that core facet of judaism, the tikkun olam, where people have a moral obligation to help others; not just do good as oneself, but also stop other people from doing bad. that last bit doesnt really matter, cuz im bringing it up so i can talk about katsuya as a police officer to clear his dads name and try and ensure a better future for his brother. he gave up his dreams for them.

i mean, when i say "giving up his dreams", im kinda laughing to myself bc theres no way he ran it past his parents bc if he looked his jewish mother in the eye and said "i want to be a pastry chef" he would not make it out of the room alive. hed go "my dream is to become a pâtissier" and his mom would immediately be like "no its not its to be an accountant" and that would be the end of the discussion

also, i think he would make some of the best fucking challah in the world. hed make matzo ball soup that could make you jizz your pants just looking at it. look me in the eyes and tell me that he doesnt actually go nuts at rosh hashana when he gets to make the round challah with the raisins in it and stuff or whatever else. there is such a crystal clear vision in my mind of him rocking this apron my dad used to have that says "real men make latkes". it was pink and ugly as sin and i think it would be katsuyas most prized possession.

LABRYS:

her name is fucking labrys obviously shes a jewish lesbian. next.

/j i will actually talk about this. like not mentioning the only survivor of her upbringing, which isnt a one to one considering the death match portion of her backstory but still close enough to feel um. relavant to jewish culture. she acts very...stereotypically jewish?

its not entirely the accent, but it is...part of it. so like i know its like a new jersey accent and that the stereotype is new york, i guess? but im not american and i dont rlly know the difference. they look close enough to each other on a map tho so i think it counts

but also shes like kinda confrontational in a way i specifically associate with jewish people or jewish characters? like not really bitchy but argumentative right, shes got this really sarcastic or mocking sense of humour. and girl kvetches with the best of them.

(also, side note: since i made the original list, i found out that the voice actress for aegis in p3 reload, dawn m bennett, is actually jewish! if i were to remake the tier list, aegis would be moved up from "vibes" to "factual" because of this. mentioning that here because of the sister thing :).)

JOKER:

kills g-d which is the jewish dream. this is a another joke.

someone in the replies of the tier list said something abt a possible reason being that he has an "abrahamic figure" as his ult. persona, which could be a good point if satanael was actually an abrahamic figure! but it is not. like ok im not a history guy but satanael is a name used in the 2nd book of enoch, which arguably could be part of jewish "canon" (i know this is actually the term for it but fandom has rotted my brain and it sounds terminally online to use it in terms of real life religiosity) but most rabbis agree it like is not, and theyre kind of who im listening to on this, and quick google search says even in christianity, enoch is debatable? idk

so like satanael isnt in the torah. and if anyone says "oh its just like another name for satan so technically--" shut up i know. satan isnt real in the torah either. ok like "satan" is used as a term, but not as like the specific dude that like rules hell. hes just like at most a specific dude who is not a devil/cast from heaven or whatever, but instead is a lawyer. more often its a concept, something representative of like the urge to go against g-ds will or a kosher life, this "evil inclination" which everyone is born possessing and grapples with when trying to be a good person. NOT THE SAME AS THE CHRISTIAN SATAN. WHICH IS WHAT P5 WAS GOING FOR. SATAN IN JUDAISM IS NOT A "super demon lord" or whatever they call it in the text of the game

satanael isnt an abrahamic figure and i dont think satan is either cuz its so different between religions and honestly i think calling things abrahamic religions, at least w the context i hear of it, is like kind of a misnomer or just kind of generally misleading cuz judaism christianity and islam are all so different and if were talking about this i think whoever invented the term judeochristian should eat a sheet of glass for it because whenever i hear those terms its very clear the person saying it means just christianity but theyre trying to be inclusive without actually putting the work in and thats not the point of this.

ok if im honest, as i think abt it joker isnt like. really... super jewish, in a way that you can point out? its just like... this overall vibe im having trouble explaining which is probably also like super influenced by how much i like him. i want to say that this strict sense of right and wrong that remains uninfluenced by the rest of society is something that clearly creates or maybe just intensifies this like. empathy for other people that reminds me of this concept in judaism which i cant remember the hebrew name of rn but i think its most commonly translated to english as "lovingkindness", one word? or that the whole idea of the phantom thieves can be contributed to tikkun olam. but, on the other hand, even if lovingkindness is what i personally consider one of jokers core character traits, the other one is pure, blinding rage.

im not going to go super into it, because im a few years rusty of torah study bc its only really consistently done in my community for kids preparing for bnai mitzvah cuz of how few people we have in our congregation. but from what i remember, my interpretation of the exact limit between righteous and sinful anger is a bit more... lax than the average jew's, or at least the average rabbi's, meaning mine, lol. either way anger is almost always seen as sinful because its an emotion that can like. turn you from g-d, its the same thing that invokes that "evil inclination" we just talked abt. so, joker textually feels this rage that arsene, his other self, literally refers to as "sacrilegious", something that very clearly states that he is willing to *knowingly* commit sins for this rage and is perfectly capable of causing undue harm to others for it, which is exactly the reason why judaism warns of anger. this means jokers anger is distinctly against jewish teachings.

again, im really lax, my familys reform (/lh) and i think there are some parts of this characterisation that make me feel this rage is overall constructive, especially considering that is what feeds his constant practice of lovingkindness and tikkun olam, but it being such a huge facet of his personality (made worse bc as a silent protagonist, you really have to search to get away from this trait) brings him down on the Jew Scale(tm).

in short, now that im really discussing this id probably move him to incredibly jewish based on vibes or even to just "jewish" no further classification. but even w the undying sinful anger thing i cant not think of him as jewish and i dont think its just bc hes one of my favourite characters of all time.

also that hair texture looking really familiar is all🤔🤔. all im saying that is in the tutorial, instead of "frizzy hair", morgana deffo should have been calling them blondie and jewfro /j /j /j

EDIT AND JOKERS KITCHEN!! JOKERS KITCHEN!! FOOD AS A LOVE LANGUAGE!! IN P5 YOU MAKE FOOD FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU PUT LOVE INTO IT

MORGANA:

i know i put morgana before joker in the tier but i think in order to rlly discuss morgana we needed joker first bc part of my reason for putting them in the same tier is because they really are a pair, do not separate.

anyways, morgana does have a lot of the same problems as joker when it comes to being difficult to pin down. his inclination to tikkun olam is similar, sort of even greater than jokers depending on personal characterisation of joker, but instead of this discrepancy of his jewishness being anger, the ethical conundrum with morgana is sort of. arrogance? like, i have trouble figuring out how to really put into words how i feel abt morganas "lovingkindness", because it is so hard to understand where hes at in terms of empathy?? like. fucking. idk hes definitely a very caring person but its not exactly like

ok i cant figure out how to say it moving on. i used the word arrogance even though i dont really think thats right, because morgana has never seemed haughty. his "arrogance" is really just him making up for an inferiority complex caused by the amnesia thing, its not as if he genuinely totally believes himself to be above the others. but like no matter what it stems from, the way he behaves and his personal pride hurts people. ie the okumura arc, or his entire relationship w ryuuji. he speaks ill of others, belittles them to bring himself up, etc. arrogance and excess pride is as condemned as anger in judaism if not moreso, since its even less useful/constructive to be "arrogant" than it is to be angry. OH ok so what i meant with the hard to figure out his empathy thing is this actually!! hes very caring and has a really notable respect for human life but its always at war with his need to prove himself, so even if when you think about it its like Oh Morgana Is A Really Caring Person, which makes sense because he was created from human desire and as such is really in touch with what people need, the desperation he has to be seen as "worthy" comes off as wanting to be seen as "above", even if it means trying to get the people around him as being considered "below" him.

tldr so if it was just those two traits i think id have to move morgana lower on the list, alongside joker.

HOWEVER. speaking directly to the other jews in the crowd, but morgana is totally textually a golem, right? like not exactly, obviously, but think about it. morganas a being of the velvet room because he was created from "the dregs of human hope" (canonical line from yaldaboath that i think about more than what can be considered healthy tbh), whose job is was and always will be to protect and guide the trickster and his community, the phantom thieves. hes a golem right? am i insane? am i seeing things? i dont care, im not giving up on this interpretation, so morgana is factually and canonically jewish cuz of it.

ZEN:

i do not remember.

as of today id probably move him to either jewish no other classification or not jewish. my b guys. anyways

JUN:

life is indescribable torment, and then hes also got additional, mostly unrelated, mommy issues. judaism 101.

also his suspenders when he was a kid are the most young jewish lad shit in the history of ever like i have seen that exact outfit on a young boy every time i go to temple, and each time it is a different kid

ok more seriously, i really do think juns story-- specifically his relationship with memory-- can easily be extracted into a jewish narrative. like nyarlathotep messed with his memories and convinced him that the other members of the masked circle killed maya right. and so the way he fanatically reminded himself of the past was a mix of trauma and active manipulation. but if i think abt it a certain way i also can see it as like. ok so in judaism memory is really important and like a lot of the time during for example passover, youre meant to refer to yourself as being a jew in egypt, saying "we" instead of "them" and such. but im specifically meaning how important memory/remembrance is in grieving. jun in his grief for mayas perceived death "kept her alive" in a way. she was never forgotten, and so she never died. even though the entire masked circle forgot, from trauma or fear or guilt or whatever, jun held on, remembering her, and so she survived. joker took peoples dreams but his actions also caused them to be completely be forgotten. they were alive, but they were robbed of their ability to be remembered at all, and so they were as good as dead even still breathing and talking.

retroactively, this idea enforces tatsuyas jewishness, considering the entire story of eternal punishment. he refused to forget the masked circle, even though it hurts.

anyways back to jun, i also think the whole repentance thing is important too. he hurt people in his anger and sorrow and spends the rest of his life (until the world is reset at least lol) atoning for his wrongdoings.

also, i know i said kid him is super jewish looking, but he has not gotten better as hes grown up. 17y.o him is exactly the guy your bubbe will pull up on facebook and be like "this is the grandson of my friend or whoever! you should go on a date with him, hes your age! he looks a bit gay but hes a very successful doctor! ...and hes JEWISH YAKNOW...." and ur like "ok bubbe"

ERIKO:

i actually do not recall exactly why she is in this tier specifically. the only thing i for sure remember was that i at least partially placed her here bc of her fascination with the occult.

HIKARI:

ok this one was kinda me goofing. its the whole extended family thing like whats more jewish than being actively discouraged from a creative career for something "safe" and "normal?" bro the aunt might as well have dropped the "being a doctor is very respectable" line in the song.

but like even without that, wanting to be a director or associated with film? hitting her with the jew beam. mazel tov babygirl.

[x-dot-com]

Haiii people in my phone!!!1!!!1!

Soooo, my name is X or Xavier, either one works and I’m ok with other nicknames!!! I’m 15 years and 3 months old, my b-day is in the spooky month of October! I’m a goofy guy who goes by he/they/any pronouns but she/her!! This is my first social media account cuz I’ve never really wanted to be online a lot, so please don’t judge my intro thxxx!!! :333

Everyone is welcome unless you’re here to spread hate, this includes anybody who is racist, transphobic, homophobic, or bigoted!

I’m in a handful of fandoms lol, some of them include;

• Minecraft SMP’s

•Realm SMP(Still ongoing, hosted by Tubbo)

•ASMP(Is over, hosted by AimseyTV)

•QSMP(Is over, hosted by Quackity)

•DSMP(is over, I do NOT support the problematic creators on it)

• Webcomics!! The ones I really like are:

I’m the Grim Reaper

Dead But Not Gone

LUMINE

It Strikes a Chord

Paperteeth

Confetti Cookies

High Class Homos

The Moth Prince

1HP Club

Watermelon

School Bus Graveyard

Clinic of Horrors

• GENERATION LOSS!!!!1!1!!1!!!! Also known as Gen Loss!!

The Social Experiments(TSE)

The Founders Cut(or The Lounders Cut, have you seen his signature?? The F looks like an L, like, get better writing man smh 🙄)

The Founders Game(In it is Afterschool Slash, RIP Ben 😭)

ITS MY WHOLE LIFE, AND HAS BEEN FOR THE PAST ALMOST TWO YEARS LOL (AND HAVE YOU SEEN THE FOUNDER?? LIKE SMAAAA-)

• FNAF(I am STILL trying to comprehend the lore like WHAT DO YOU MEAN theres new things????😭)

• Gravity Falls (I fricking love it so much, it reminds me that it’s ok to be myself <3)

• Jurassic Park Camp Cretaceous/Chaos Theory(What did they do to Ben in Chaos Theory??? He looks like my weed smoking lesbian son 😭 I fr love him tho lol)

I have a whole bunch of interests, including but not limited to; D&D, Magic The Gathering, drawing(or any sort of art), Kandi making, learning French, writing, HIGHLAND COWS(omg I love these animals so so much), choir, band, computer coding, acting, Monster Energy(I’m unhealthily addicted lol), collecting bones, exploring, escape rooms, eyeballs(like, googly eyes or any type of eye thing, no clue why XD), cosplaying, The MissClick Duo(I love doomed gay lovers lol), reading, and a whole lot more!!!1!!!1!!1!!

My music taste and most things about me are alternative, so I might be a little weird/cringy, but I don’t care! I’m just here to have fun! My taste in music is mostly hyperpop, breakcore, and nightcore, but consists of a little bit of a lot of things! My favorite artists are(in no particular order):

• Femtanyl

• FEM&M

•LuLuYam

•Sparkbird

• Lemon Demon

•CG5

• MAILPUP

• BRN1NG BRAIN SOUND INDUSTRIES

• Rabbitology

• Penelope Scott

• Hatsune Miku

• Set It Off

• Mother Mother

• Bo Burnham

• I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME

• STOMACH BOOK

And my favorite songs(as of now and in no particular order) are:

• Confessions of a Rotten Girl-SAWTOWNE

• NEVER MET!-CMTEN, Glitch Gum

• PARAGON-LuLuYam

• Part of the Show-Pecantheoof

• FOREVERMORE-Mika Hammy

• ITS TIME-Femtanyl

• Girl Hell 1999-Femtanyl

• MURDER EVERY 1 U KNOW-Femtanyl

• Redesign Your Logo(Bonus Track)-Lemon Demon(this one especially gives off so much Gen Loss vibes like AHHH!!!!)

I’m also super proud of my little OC’s so ima list them offfff!!!1!1!!!!(main ones are the top 4 :P)

• Xiero(Zie-roh)

• Pomme(Pom)

• Fazer(Fay-zur)

• Diesel Baby(dont ask about him…)

• Saturn and Pluto(Older sister, younger brother)

• Ozera(Oh-zur-a)

• [REDACTED](Just a funky dude)

• Cyder(Guess what they were based off of… cheese)

• Marmalade(She’s uhmmm… I don’t have much on her yet lol)

• Atlas(Xiero and Vix’s youngest brother)

•Vix(Xiero’s younger brother and Atlas’s older sibling)

•Smolzer(I’m a D&D DM but this is my character when I play :D)

Anyways, that’s me for now!!!1!!1!! Have a wonderful day/night!!1!1!!!!Yippieee!!!1!!1!!

[juvenile-mudcrab]

Okay heres my next oc ramble

This is Solitar! Argents big bro. I mentioned in my post about Argent that theres actually two versions of Argent and I already described Solitar for the first, more canon version of Argent, so now ill get more in depth about him and this Argent since his character is EXTREMELY important to this storyline.

This got even longer than the last post but every time i think about this storyline its honestly mostly focused on him. I guess its just interesting to focus on the Chosen One's companions and how they feel about everything.

So, obviously, Solitar in both stories is with the Thalmor. Not on his own volition, its a family thing. It was expected of him. Solitar has really long silver hair that he takes extremely meticulous care of. And he loves to cook. His favorite food is salmon and salmon roe and his favorite sweet is honey. He also as a bit of an interest in the Dwemer but never really gets the chance to do much other than read about them.

Solitar was basically a perfect child. Hardly ever caused any problems, learned things quickly, was friendly with people, fairly obedient, did well in school, a blessing for his parents. In fact, the only concern his parents had about him was that he may have been too kindhearted, so they were very careful with directing his involvement with the Dominion. But he wasn't one to argue or think twice about what his parents told him so it went fine.

He first met Ondolemar at around 25 years old, Ondolemar being around 45 years old. They became pretty close friends. Oddly enough, despite Solitar being a generally nice and friendly guy he could never really get close with anyone. And Ondolemar wasn't exactly experienced with it either. Over the years Ondolemar realizes he has a gigantic crush on Solitar and he cant tell if Solitar is just really oblivious or not so he just pretends like its not happening. Solitar actually genuinely doesn't notice despite how bad Ondolemar sometimes was at hiding it. To be honest i dont even know why i paired them up it just happened that way. It kinda becomes important way later on but not really. Idk

Anyway, Solitar really really REALLY wishes he had a younger sibling. Hes about to turn 40 and his parents don't seem to be planning on having another child anytime soon. Solitar is really good with kids so he feels sad that he never gets to have that experience. He knows some day he'll be set to marry someone, but raising your own kid was different from growing up with a sibling, and he was already old enough that he knew it wouldnt be quite the same experience anyway. Lo and behold, one day his parents tell him theyll be having another kid soon. As sudden as it was, Solitar was beyond excited, in fact it was the happiest he had ever felt until then.

Runil is another important character to this story. Solitar was assigned to train under Runil. At the time, Runil was a lot more strict as a person, and yet he did appreciate Solitars general enthusiasm. So he definitely noticed when Solitar was even happier than hes ever been, and it stayed that way for 9 months.

On the final month, when the baby was soon to be born, Solitar could hardly focus on anything else anymore. He actively chose not to think too hard about the fact that he seemed more excited about this than either of his parents did. Every night he thought about it. Then one time he thought about the possibility that his parents wouldnt keep the baby. He then chose to believe that would never happen.... luckily, it didnt happen. The night finally came when the baby was born. A baby boy. Solitar felt like Auri-El himself came down and blessed him with how happy he was.

The baby was named Argent. Their parents had a few free months to care for him before they had to get back to work (idk what specifically either of them did i didnt really think about their parents that much) so Solitar was often in charge of watching him. He was more than happy to, of course. And he did a very good job of caring for him. A bit too good, maybe, since it ended up becoming that Argent liked being with Solitar more than he did with either of their parents. Which just gave them more excuse to make Solitar take care of him more often, and Solitar continued to not mind in the slightest. Solitar would carry him around wherever he went, he showed Ondolemar, he showed Runil, often times people asked if Argent was his son.

As the years passed, Argent was odd with some milestones. He didn't begin to crawl until he was almost 1, but then he took his first steps very soon afterwards. Solitar was there for both of these. Argent started teething earlier than expected. Most notably, Argent was a very quiet baby. Their parents were concerned that he may have been born mute. He did cry, but he hardly ever made any other sound.

Their parents, having their first experience be with Solitar, had very high expectations for Argent. So it was quite frustrating and disappointing when he did not develop like him at all. Solitar didn't exactly realize what the issue was, he just thought they were worried about Argent. He was too, but he didn't think it was that hard to deal with. All it meant was he would accomodate for him. He loved Argent with all his heart and soul and he could tell Argent loved him back and that's all he wanted. Over the years, it became a habit to tell Argent "I love you" every night after reading him a book. He didn't need to hear it back, he just wanted his little brother to be happy. For some reason, they had a copy of The Book of the Dragonborn, and Argent liked hearing him read it to him every night. He called Argent "little brother" more than his actual name. Solitar will always remember the very first time he ever heard Argent speak was at the age of 7, after he seemed a bit down that day, when Argent said "I love you" back.

It was in Argents preteen years when Solitar started suspecting that their parents were being unreasonably harsh to Argent about some things, specifically his inability to speak and his aversion to a lot of food that they ate. Argent was pretty short for his age sibce he never ate enough. Solitar always suggested they just make him something else, but they were insistent that Argent should just get used to it. Over time, Solitar noticed more and more that Argent always seemed sad or upset, especially if Solitar wasn't home. At first he thought it was just that he missed him, but it was becoming increasinly obvious that it was because of their parents.

As i described before, Solitar has never once had an issue with his parents because they never had an issue with him. So he didn't actually have any idea what to do other than hope they would be willing to listen to him. But they were quite stubborn in their own ways. It became a real issue when one day, Argent seemed upset at Solitar completely out of the blue when he came home. It was then that Solitar feared that what he had been hoping wasnt the case was, in fact, the case. Their parents were repeatedly comparing Argent to Solitar, expecting him to be the same way Solitar was as a child, and Argent just couldn't stand it anymore. Solitar was aware that it happened on occasion, but he didnt know the full extent of it.

It was one particular day that Solitar came home where Argent runs up and grabs into him, crying, and Solitar can immediately tell that something terrible must have happened right before he got home, especially since both of their parents were standing inside looking furious. It was the very first time that Solitar had ever gotten into an argument with his parents and it terrified him to do it, but he was more concerned about his little brother than himself. It was also the last time that he ever argued with them, because shortly after they started arguing, two thalmor couriers had come to give them an extremely urgent message (but not until they were done fighting. They kinda just stood outside their house very awkwardly wondering if they should come back later or not) that there was a very sudden change in some plans and that Solitars parents had to be sent off to Cyrodiil in just a week. They told him theyd decide what to do with them when they got back from this mission. The second thing Argent had ever said was "I'm sorry" when Solitar went to go check in on him. It broke his heart, of course, but he reassured him that it wasn't his fault and that their parents were being unfair. Argent couldn't shake the belief that it was his fault and that he just ruined Solitars life. And he continued to believe that for much longer after that.

A few months pass after their parents leave and Argent speaks for the third time ever, asking Solitar if theyre ever coming back. Solitar tells him he doesnt know and that he honestky doesnt think they will. Argent is relieved that they wont be coming back but decides its best to keep that to himself in case it makes Solitar feel bad. Solitar is... conflicted. He is sad, he loved his parents and they loved him, but he knew now that if he were any different they probably wouldnt have loved him as much. From then on, Argent was entirely in Solitars care. If youre wondering why there arent any other family members involved, its because i genuinely didnt think about it when i came up with all of this other than their mothers family had a bit of controversy and their fathers family were in Valenwood for some reason. Idk sorry.

Years pass and the both of them are with the Thalmor. Solitar was already involved because he just grew up with all that and Argent didn't have much of a say. He knew he didnt have any other option, as much as he didnt want to do it. Not that Solitar forced him entirely against his will, but Solitar didnt know what else he could possibly do. To him, it was all either of them had. To Argent, it was just something he would have to suffer through for the rest of his life. Ondolemar was being sent off to Skyrim and Solitar later found out that Runil was also sent to Cyrodiil at the same time his parents were and he hadn't returned either. Solitar really only had Argent now. And Argent had once again stopped talking because he just wasnt comfortable with anyone else. Neither of them were really soldiers, in fact Solitar had been working more with the financial prospects and was able to get Argent a similar position.

In the midst of all this, since Solitar could finally care for Argent the way he needed, Argent finally started eating properly, which meant he got a late growth spurt and got insanely tall. Solitar was slightly horrified at the fact that now he had to look up at Argent. He gradually stopped calling him "little brother" and settled for just "brother", unless people mistook Argent as the older of the two.

When Argent was 35 and Solitar was 75, they were transferred to Skyrim. It had been a very long time since Solitar had seen Ondolemar, so he at least had something to look forward to. Argent was surprisingly okay with the transfer. It was mostly just that he wasn't really sure how he felt about it. Once they got there, he felt a bit better about it. As it turns out, he prefers the cold. Solitar absolutely does not prefer the cold. The whole trip to the Embassy was miserable and it only got colder the closer they got to it. And yet Argent felt more comfortable than ever.

5 years working between the Embassy and Solitude and Argent very quickly hated everything. It wasn't the climate that bothered him, it was all of his associates. Nobody treated him normally. People were either rude to him or treated him like a child. Sometimes he felt like he was still a child. Elenwen in particular condescendingly treated him like he was a child despite the fact that he was perfectly capable of doing his job in making sure all supplies were stocked and delivered to the proper places. Rulindil was also pretty obnoxious over all. The only people Argent could stand were Solitar and the servants at the Embassy. He did make kind of friends with Malborn. Every day pissed him off and Solitar could tell, but he really couldn't do much to ease it. It hurt to see his little brother hurting but he had no power to do anything about it. Argent would sometimes go out into the woods and just decimate a tree with a sword if he was frustrated enough.

Argent once took advantage of the way Elenwen treated him when she sent him off to go get something from her office. He took the opportunity to snoop around some more important documents. In his whole time with the Thalmor, he never quite understood what exactly they were doing or why. He hoped this would clear some things up. Instead, he found that pretty much everyone is being told something completely different. The Thalmor being in Skyrim was beyond the White-Gold Concordat. It was beyond Talos worship. He found the dossiers about Delphine and Ulfric. He felt that now more than ever he and Solitar needed to be uninvolved with all of this immediately. But he didnt want to ruin everything for Solitar again. He knew Solitar had no other options for them. And he knew he couldnt just talk about any of this with him. He just had to act like he didnt get way more information than he was ever supposed to know about.

One day Elenwen took Solitar, Argent, and some other people to head to Riften to arrange a meeting about supplies in a corner of Skyrim that they had less involvement in just because of distance. In the middle of their travels, they recieve news that Ulfric was captured by the Imperial Legion. Elenwen immediately changes course and everyone else follows. They head to Helgen instead. They all stand ready while Elenwen approaches General Tullius. Argent knows hes the only other one in their group who knows why Elenwen wants Ulfric.

And then, of course, the dragon appears. The meteors start crashing down, and Argent and Solitar are seperated from the rest of the group. Elenwen manages to escape. The two brothers rush off in the direction of Falkreath. As far as anyone else was aware, they were unaccounted for, and therefore considered dead until they go back to the Embassy or the headquarters at Solitude. But they were both pretty shaken by the whole thing so they decided to stop at the inn at Falkreath.

Runil sees the two of them from a distance. His immediate instinct is fear that the Thalmor had finally tracked him down and that they were going to execute him. But then he recognizes Solitar with his very identifiable hair. He doesnt know whos with him, but he has a feeling that may be his little brother Argent. Kust suggests Runil stays inside the Hall of the Dead for a bit (i hc that Kust knows about Runils thalmor history and helps him cope with it) and he'll keep an eye on them. Runil agrees. Meanwhile, Solitar and Argent tell a guard what happened at Helgen, and theyre instructed to tell the jarl, so they do that and he suggests that, if theyre passing through Riverwood, to maybe warn them as well since they dont seem to be well protected. They go to the inn and stay the night. Argent is seriously considering telling Solitar that they should take this chance to get away from the Thalmor for good. But its too much to consider. It would mean they'd never get to go back to Summerset, it would mean Solitar would probably never get to see Ondolemar again, it would mean theyd be killed if they were caught. You dont just leave the Thalmor alive. It was too much. He decided to keep quiet, as he always did.

The next day theyre still freaked out by the whole experience so they linger in Falkreath longer. Solitar gets a map to see just how long it would even take to get anywhere near Solitude again. They sit outside the inn and Runil again watches from a careful distance. He recalls the dream he had about what he now knows was a dragon, about the person who approached him in his dream, and he has this odd feeling that he really needs to talk to them. But, out of caution, he keeps his distance. The two brothers decide to stay another night before heading out.

The next afternoon, a dragon attacks Falkreath. Its a different dragon, at least, no falling meteors or whatever this time, but its a dragon regardless. They help the guards fight it off. Nobody knew if a dragon could even be killed, but they soon found out that it very much was possible, and the dragon laid dead. Solitar checked around to make sure people were okay, and then they all noticed that something weird was happening to the dragons dead body. Of course, none of them have ever witnessed a dragon dying before, so they couldnt tell if it was normal or not, either way it was strange. And then Argent absorbs its soul. Solitars first thought is "what the hell was that spell and when did he learn it". Argent is just as confused as everyone else is until one guard pipes up about the fabled Dragonborn. Argent immediately thinks back to the book he used to always make Solitar read to him. THAT dragonborn? The one that has to save the world? Is THAT what he was? The whole moment is interrupted by the loud voice like thunder calling "DOVAHKIIN" across the sky. Solitar knows this was going to escalate to a barrage of questions and accusations, so he tells them they need space and ushers Argent back to their room in the inn.

The moment theyre inside the room Argent starts freaking out. He shoves the book into Solitars hands and Solitar immediately understands whats going on. He doesnt know what to make of it. Out of all the things that he couldve possibly prepared for in either of their lives, THIS was not even remotely one of them. He had always assumed the Dragonborn was just an old Nord myth, yet here his brother is, supposedly the only one who can permanently kill a dragon. And did that mean that he was THE Last Dragonborn? Did that really mean the fate of the entire world was on his little brothers shoulders? He makes the mistake of suggesting they head back to Solitude soon. Argent completely breaks down, begging Solitar not to make him go back. Letting out everything hes been holding back about what he feels about the whole thing, how much he hates everyone there, all the stuff he found out about what they were really doing in Skyrim, that he didnt want Solitar to know because he didnt want to ruin everything for him again, that this was their only chance to get away from it all because as far as anyone else is aware, theyre both dead. Solitar doesnt have the slightest clue what he should think or say to him at all. For once, he doesnt know how he could possibly comfort Argent. He tells him he needs a moment and he leaves. He felt awful doing that but he truly couldnt figure out what to do.

Runil had been sitting at a table while this was happening, and he then decided now was the time for him to intervene. He follows Solitar outside and sits on the bench with him. Solitar doesnt even realize whos sitting next to him until he looks. He doesnt even know what to feel about seeing Runil again in the midst of all of this, all he can say is that everyone thought he was dead. Runil explains what happened to himself and then tells him that Argent is absolutely right that this is their only chance to get away. Solitar explains that he just doesn't know what else they ever could have done and he doesnt want to live the rest of their lives in fear that theyll be caught, he just wanted Argent to be safe. Runil tells him that now more than ever, Argent needs him. So Solitar makes the final decision to be with Argent every step of the way and they wont be going back to the Embassy.

They go to Riverwood, Delphine sees them. Obviously she doesnt know what went on in Falkreath, she just listens very carefully when she hears Solitar telling a guard that there was a dragon attack at Helgen and Falkreath, confirming her worst fears that dragons really are coming back. She heard the Graybeards call, which means she has some work to do. The brothers are told to warn the jarl, but that they may not be allowed into the city because of their uniform. From that point forward, they truly never wear the uniform ever again.

From there its fairly standard skyrim stuff, but a lot more urgent since Argent is absolutely paranoid that every moment he spends not making progress towards Alduin is just a moment closer to the world ending, and Solitar does his best to keep Argent from freaking out too much ("If the world ends because I told you to take your time, I will take full blame for it."). He does accept that he may really never see Ondolemar again. Hed rather not see him again if they have to be on opposite sides now. Everything feels like its about to fall apart when they do the peace talk and Elenwen is there, so now they know theres no more hiding. Luckily the peace talk went by incredibly fast because Argent got really pissed off at Ulfric and Tullius for caring more about the stupid war than the world ending and at Elenwen for being there at all.

Solitar and Argent never once seperate. The two times they did was when Astrid kidnaps Argent (to which Solitar snaps and goes on a bit of a rampage trying to find him, singlehandedly taking down the Dark Brotherhood) and when Argent had to fight Miraak, since Solitar couldnt actually be there with him.

I cant quite decide if i want Solitar to not be able to go with Argent to Sovngarde because i think he could have a really interesting conversation alone with Paarthurnax, or if i do want him to be there with Argent because it just feels more in character for the both of them.

Now for a completely non canon bit of lore: after defeating Alduin and Miraak, the war is still going on. Argent decides once and for all that everything thats going wrong in Skyrim is because of the Thalmor. He saw the evidence himself. It has to stop. Yes, that does complicate things with Solitar and Ondolemar. But maybe theyll be fine.

I guess for some not nearly as lore-heavy info, Argent discovers he really likes beef and venison and Solitar discovers that he really likes snowberries. Also Solitar slowly notices more and more similarities Argent has with dragons, particularly that Argent tends to hoard things and prefers fire magic. I want them to be able to meet Gelebor but i dont really have a good reason for them to get involved with the Dawnguard. Solitar gets to explore dwarven ruins finally and he wishes more and more that they could go to Markarth.

Its hard to explain the full thing in words since i much better imagine things in images and i do not have the artistic ability to match. I dunno. Should i just write a fic? I dont have much faith in my writing abilities either but i really like these two.

[quodekash]

I could literally fall asleep any minute but im nothing if not sleep deprived and watching my favourite gay little shows!

hey nawa, I see you looking at guy as he struggles in the room on his crutches

you should kiss him

I think that you should absolutely just slam your face into his

give him another injury but its not really an injury it's just a hickey

(we're less than a minute into the episode and im already begging guynawa to make out, we're off to a great start)

we all know this is a complete lie, we've seen the trailers, we know what's gonna happen

but that doesnt mean it doesnt hurt my sad little gay soul

sailom what the hell

no way

no

you are not quitting school

is that a frikin letter of resignation or smth? can you even do that?

I love that solution and I wish it were a possibility but sailom's gonna say no, of course he's gonna say no, because the stupid bastard doesn't like accepting help for free

he doesn't understand the concept of FRIENDSHIP and FAVOURS

BITCH YOU CAN ACCEPT HELP, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO ACCEPT HELP, THEY ARE SO SO WILLING TO HELP AND GIVE YOU MONEY AND SCHOLARSHIPS AND PLATONIC LOVE AND H E L P

O4EKLGHNVWOERISDLGI HE MAKES ME SO ANGRY I HATE HIM

guy's right, and I hate sailom so much for it

BUT THAT'S THE THING, he WONT ask for help, theres no way in HELL that he'll ask for help

which is precisely how he ends up getting shot at, alone on a street corner, and why kang will have to rescue him on his bike, and why sailom will stand in the bathroom with kang holding a blanket over him as he sobs 'I have no one left'

its not that you have no one left. it's that you wont accept the help from the people who love you

(and also your brother kind of abandoned you and your parents are dead and your boyfriend also kind of abandoned you and yeah anyone would definitely feel alone in that situation so he's perfectly valid, but also ALL of his friends are offering help, his teacher is offering help, and he's accepting NONE of it)

HUG TIME

OH MAN IM ALREADY SOBBING

I LOVE MEANINGFUL GROUP HUGS SO MUCH

this could be one of the last times that they see sailom for a really long time. theres no way I could possibly be sadder holy frick

I SPOKE TOO SOON

WHY MUST THERE BE FLASHBACKS

WHY

I HATE EVERYTHING

y'know, I really thought he might hug him. but nope. he wrenched that pin off his shirt and took my heart in the process.

OMG

YES

THE PERFECT THING TO MAKE ME REMEMBER WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE HAPPY

GUYNAWA TIME PLEASE GUYNAWA TIME

NOOOOO THE SCENE CUT BEFORE NAWA WALKED INTO THE LITTLE ROOM THINGY TO TALK TO GUY IM SO MAD

well, not really mad

mostly just sad

bitch wth

of COURSE he's not frikin doing alright

omg he's here too?

go talk to your boyfriendddd

and also ANSWER MY QUESTIONS PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU IM SO CONFUSED GIVE ME ANSWERS

awh :(

thank you krup ;-;

this man is lovely

not just for this but also just in general

but also his actor is the freaking DIRECTOR who is RESPONSIBLE for a LOT of my anguish so we can't be too nice to this guy

oh look at that. the shooting scene is right about to happen

I was expecting it to come later on in the episode but this works too I guess

who the hell are these guys???

they dont say a word

what the hell is going on

thank you kanggg

where did he come from tho

how'd he know where sailom was and that that was happening? did he just HAPPEN to be in the area?

or is he tracking sailom's phone just to make sure he's safe cos like he already got drugged once

hey man, have you ever heard of a little thing called dodgeball?

shocking, I know, but it IS possible for a gun to have been fired, and for the person being fired at to not actually get shot

I can't think of a single reason why sailom would make up this story. like sure you could argue that hes just trying to get an enemy/rival convicted, but he very explicitly stated that he has no idea who tried to shoot him, so it can't be that.

why the hell are you suspicious my guy?

acab is real man, holy frick

how do you know they're all fake tho?

maybe all of them were real reports and you're just an ignorant arrogant piece of shit who doesn't think people under the age of 20 are capable of being truthful

I hate this guy so much

OH MY-

NOW HES STARTING TO SOUND LIKE FRIKIN UMBRIDGE

I WAS IRRITATED BEFORE, BUT NOW IM ANGRY

deep breaths, deep breaths, in and out in and out, lets not destroy our laptop today

thATS WHAT I SAID!

I feel that

:(

im so sad man

oh would you look at that. ive been impaled.

yeah that whole scene was a trainwreck for me. I am very much not even slightly okay but its fine

OHHHHHHH

that makes sense

WHAT

ANSWER MY QUESTIONS BITCH

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED THAT NIGHT CMON MAN IM SO CONFUSED

the way they fall back into old habits, kang's arm draped over sailom ;-;

I ran out of images as per usual, BUT im halfway through the episode when it happened, as opposed to like ten minutes through, so that's a nice change of pace

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

this is gonna be a long rant but it's bothered me for a while

(non-ed related)

and any thoughts are welcome but it's mostly a rant

so basically i dont have a lot of girlfriends. i never have, all the ones i got close to generally either betrayed me in the worst ways or we moved and lost touch. (betrayal backstories is a whole other rant, but it's nauseating the way ive been treated by women who claimed to love me) so most of my friends are dudes, in fact, both of my true besties are.

anyway, i have really one solid girlfriend and shes a good bit younger than me. she also dont have a lot of friends in general, she has me and a small handful of others. she regards me as her bestie, i kind of guess shes mine but like...idk. i view her more like a younger sister, i guess.

so basically, she copies EVERYTHING i fucking do, within her means. like, before her and i were close, she just dressed pretty normal, no notable flavor or style. but now shes trying so hard to be goth bc i am. she cut her hair how mine used to be, dyed it black bc mine is, got all of the same piercings as me, yall get it. i wish i was exaggerating but im really not. even her mom messaged me to tell me she bases her style off me and shes glad im not a "greasy goth" (lol??)

but it's infuriating. i know i didnt invent goth. im not the first to have the piercings, hair, outfits, and interests i do...but it's really annoying to have someone base their entire style and interests off of me bc i have worked hard to curate myself as a person. i work hard for my aesthetic, im pretty thoughtful in my planning for outfits, how i decorated my home, everything, but especially bc these are genuine interests ive had since i was a preteen...and it's just so irksome to have someone try to imitate it as closely as possible every single day without any real, concrete interest in any of it, outside of prob just tryna be relatable to me

and a few weeks ago we got on the topic of sexuality and how im pan and have had gfs etc now shes magically also bisexual. she told me she got "tricked" by a straight girl recently but caught an attitude with me bc i told her if there wasnt clear intentions by both parties, she wasnt tricked, bc there was no flirting/romantic intent and that being bi/pan talking to straight women (or even other bi/pan wonen) doesn't automatically garner a romantic response. she didnt like that and got really snappy with me, but im not wrong. she tried to say she thought she was going on a date, but she was literally going to another friend's house to watch rupaul, and the other girl was also coming over, she sent me screenshots of the convo and like.....yeah, no, 1000% on her for thinking anything of it. she just picked said girl bc she was friends with her other friend and I guess it was an easy shot, but she also overlooked homegirl having a whole man too so like????? bro hello.

and i dont necessarily wanna be super confrontational about the aesthetic thing bc that just feels so middle school drama sToP cOpYiNg Me energy but it grates my skin...especially too bc like she also gets a little grumpy when she asks where my clothes are from and a lot of places i shop dont carry her size (shes a 3X or a 4X; ive never really looked or cared to see who carries what size bc im an xs so why would i??) and thats somehow my fault bc she cant buy the same shit i wear...or she complains she cant afford the docs or demonias etc like i have and its like okay curate your own damn style that you can afford bc like???? im not your fucking barbie doll mannequin?????

[drdemonprince]

hi sorry if this is kinda ramble-y. im an 25+ introverted acearo who has never kissed or dated or "experimented" in high school/college cuz i was too focused on my grades and i think i'd would like to try sex once just see what all the fuss is about but i am also afab non-binary and i'm not "visibly trans" so i just get misgendered a lot as a "cis woman." would you have any advice on trying to not feel gender dysphoria when having sex? like, i feel like if i got flirted with by a cishet man or a cis lesbian woman, i feel like i would feel awkward and dysphoric like they are only attracted to me bc i look like a "woman" and also kinda bad like i am wasting their time. should i try to just put something in a dating/tinder/idk (dating app here) profile like "t4t" or my they/them pronouns or "ace4bi/pan" or "ace4other sex-favorable/curious aces" or a little trans flag emoji or something and hope people take the hint?

while i think i would prefer a 1-on-1 meeting for my first time, i also was worried about going to places like a total stranger's apartment/house/hotel alone and i had briefly thought about trying a public sauna since it did seem safer for the reasons that you gave to previous anon that there would be others around and security, but my city's gay baths is pretty. dinky? if google reviews of 2/5 stars are to be believed, it's kinda gone downhill since 2011 on facilities maintenance/showers/hot tub not working, etc., and is very pricey compared to other bigger cities' bathhouses. just generally disappointing i guess? and as an afab looking person, i think would only be allowed to go in on sundays which i think is their all genders day according to the website? but still, from my outward appearance, i was worried that i would get misgendered by any who approach me as a "girl" or get thought of as that stereotypical cishet girl invading gay bars/queer spaces, etc.

also, i dont like being touched on basically my entire torso/back or neck area, only limbs i think.

do you have any advice for a non-binary curious ultra-virgin/late bloomer with too many conditions for an ideal partner? should i just. try to think real hard about not thinking about getting misgendered and ignore any bad vibes/cbt/gaslight myself out of it??

or should i give up since i doubt that other extroverts who are experienced with no touch aversion issues and just looking to party/have a quick hook-up and have a good time would want to deal with introverted me and my picky-ness and gender/touch issues ruining their weekend/wasting their time?

(also i did kinda look into that surrogacy sex therapists/councilors that are apparently a thing now?? but they look like they're mostly in the cooler PNW/west coast areas. im stuck in plain boring uhh let's say think of ohio-pennsylvania-virginia tri-state area suburbs with limited car transportation. but i can get around the city by bus. its not even the cool east coast, its like mid-atlantic/midwest ugh. even some of those cuddle parties/councilors i had thought of for trying to lessen my touch-aversion are mostly west coast and texas for some reason?? my region is just too boring....)

(again sorry if this is a long ask! ^ ^ )

You should hire a sex worker!! When you're looking for something specific and you don't want to play the field it's a great great time to support your local sex workers and ask for exactly what you want. They'll treat you right. Try Tryst !

[affinitystoryblog]

2 and 4 for sinie and csilla?

2. How strictly or loosely do they use the the word 'friend'?

Sinie

pretty loosely no lie, she is a social butterfly and even though she has a few close friends, she feels like she has many friends. she thinks some kid she helped on the way to school is her friend, truly golden retriever energy

Csilla

a little more strictly, but mostly because she isnt sure if she is allowed to consider someone her friend. csilla is a very passive, introverted girl, so she was generally an easy target for bullying. i picture she was once like sinie, more open to anyone to be friends and more willing to pursue a conversation, but after she had multiple people pretend to be her friend to do what they wanted or something and then dropped her. so for a long time she shut herself out from people and embraced her cat more, who she considered her best friend for years. its really not until she meets sinie does she open up her heart to more people like daren, elise, and heather to be real friends with them.

4. What's a hobby they used to have that they miss?

Sinie

honestly??? playing dolls. but dont think for one second sinie wouldnt drop everything to play house or dolls with a friend at any given moment, she just doesnt do it anymore cause she 17 obviously so she had more uh mature hobbies??? i guess??? like doodling, videogames, sports, and her witchy stuff she gets from her grandmother.

Csilla

watching cartoons. csilla loves a good cartoon, like who doesnt, but after a certain age her mother began to kind of get on her about indulging in childish things because she expected her to "act her age", or at least what she expected of her daughter at that age, and so csilla had to give up the things she liked like coloring books, dolls and stuffed toys, cartoons, etc.

character building questions

[mirukutchi]

Attempt 2 at writing this lol bc the first one got deleted by accident

I wanted to add my experience to that last post I rbed, bc it resonated with me, particularly the first part where men will call eachother 'girl' or 'feminine' as an insult(this is the only part im commenting on as i am not a transwoman so i have no input on that part of the post. )

I have pcos. I always have. I have a very strong masculine face/jawline. I always have. Ive always had a deep voice, as someone who was born a girl and identifies(at least in part) as a girl. I want this to be known bc its context lol

Guys are not the only ones who misgender as an insult, or to dehumanize others. Girls do it too.

When i was in elementary school i didnt have female friends bc all of them would laugh at me and say they didn't want to be friends with an 'ugly boy'

When i would go to the bathroom in-between classes, other girls would push me out, or yank me out physically and say that 'ugly boys' are not allowed in the girls bathroom.

My mom always made me have short hair, and she always made me wear jeans(and boy shirts bc they are more durable than girl clothes. This part was. Okay. I guess. I liked pokemon and ben 10 so my little brain didnt understand.) I was not allowed to have long hair and i was not allowed to wear dresses or skirts(ever since i was little ive wanted to wear only dresses but i was not allowed to...)

I talked like a baby(high pitched voice) for a good part of my childhood bc i knew that my voice was ugly and deep. When i started to go to speech therapy, i started speaking ""normally"" and my voice got so deep... i remember one of the last times i used my baby voice it was with a teacher and another student, and the student said "hey teacher, listen to (deadname?)'s REAL voice, she sounds just like a boy!"

That was a defining moment in my life.

In middle school, when i still wasnt allowed to have long hair and dresses, girls in my health class would look at me and laugh and whisper about how im actually a boy, and that i shouldnt be there. My face started changing too, my jaw got stronger... my voice got deeper.

I think in highschool people were too focused on other things to really bother me too much, plus people *generally* by that time knew me as a sweet and quiet person, not to mention i was the 'art kid' so that gained me some friends lol, also by highschool i was allowed to grow my hair out, down to my butt almost! And i was allowed to wear dresses and skirts and leggings(mostly leggings at that time bc i was still super skinny lol)

After highschool i had a crisis and shaved my head and tried out being a guy(ftm) but it was, personally, an identity crisis. I didnt know who i was, i had been abused, emotionally and sexually, all through high school by a guy i thought was my friend(i wish i had left sooner...) so i was struggling with what was 'me' plus i thought to myself 'everyone calls me a guy anyway so fuck it' but it gave me advanced dysphoria to be a guy :/

My hair is long now. Past my butt, i can sit on it. I only, exclusively, wear skirts and dresses. I wear a skirt to work bc i begged them to let me(i have autism and pants are a sensory nightmare but also i hate the way i look in them also i will look more like a guy)

Do you know how often i get misgendered? Admittedly not often, but it still happens. Usually its kids, but sometimes i get people calling me 'sir'. I want to scoff and be like 'how can they mistake someone with long braided pigtails and a dress for being a man' and then i remember my childhood.

Also im not writing this to detract from trans experiences, im writing my own experience as a woman-thing with pcos(if you dont know, it basically means that the cysts on my reproductive organs cause me to produce extra testosterone and not enough estrogen) who has frequently been misgendered by other girls

I want to clarify that im also only responding to the first part of the post, im not trying to say my experiences are in some way comparative to trans experiences!

Terfs do NOT touch this post ill shoot you on sight!!!!! Pew pew!!!

[amoonytalks]

0.2 - trying to start a conversation about love and failing miserably

It's 3 o'clock (afternoon) as I write this. I have been procrastinating for days now to start putting this post together, even though I have some bits of it well established in my head and the only thing left to do is to actually sit down and write it. Its a mix of procrastination and not at the same time, but I think the context in general is useless here. What matters is that I'm writing now, if it really matters, if someone is really going to take the time to read a random girl complain about love.

Love. Its probably one of or my favorite subject in the world. I cant explain it, but I have always been fascinated by all the issues surrounding love. We tend to be dazzled by what is unknown. Not that love is actually unknown to me. In my depressed daydreams, I sometimes thought that I didnt deserve love, but nowadays I recognize that I have been and continue to be surrounded by it. Love is in the little things. We have a habit of trying to define simple things in ways that are mostly unnecessary, and love is one of those things that, despite being everyday and natural, trying to put a definitive concept on what love is seems offensive, because love can be many things. If I were to ask a group of different people what love is, we could analyze how each person tends to have a unique vision for various reasons. That is what fascinates me. Love is something Im so curious about that I can hardly help the excitement I feel when I'm asked to talk about it, and I even end up stumbling over words trying to put something together that makes sense to others.

On this blog, we'll still be talking a lot about love, in all its forms and colors. You can be sure of that. But the kind of love I want to talk about today is romantic love. I'd also like to make it clear that if you came to this post expecting an in-depth, scientific analysis of love, sorry, but you can leave. This blog is more about the daydreams I have when the night turns into dawn and baseless philosophical theories. It's more about me than anything else. But I still talk because I believe that somewhere in the universe you would read this and identify with it, or at least welcome it. I have a lot to say and little to add, perhaps.

Im 16. Im still a teenager, going through moments that are probably less stressful than the hormonal upheaval that a 13-year-old goes through, but which are still a bit complex. Nowadays I have a group of friends who make my school career less hopeless than it could be, and honestly, even though I'm not the friendliest person in the universe, I feel comfortable with them. Not as comfortable as they probably feel with each other, given the variety and ease with which they deal with certain subjects, but there is still a sense of comfort, I guess. Anyway, whether you are 16 or not, it's not hard to imagine that there's an incessant search by people in this age group for love. My psychologist says that all our feelings are much more intense at this stage, and love is not so different. Passion, fever, everything is much more intense now than for people who have lived longer.

But its just that in this part of life there we have a false feeling that we had experienced every possible emotional level, but love can be seen very new, because you will rarely truly experience it at a young age. As we grow up, our feelings become more complex, but in contrast, we become more & more mature in dealing with them. But, this is in theory. In practice, we are still the same star mass we were when we born, just with more experiences. But experiences dont always form maturity in certain people. Look, its easy just analyze the amount of ignorant and immature beings we find out there, on the streets, on television and even in positions of supposed power (yes, elon musk. I'm talking about you. you're like a cry baby. or as clarice lispector would say: you're like a hair in the soup). This ignorance is projected into various scenarios, affecting the world in a certain way.

Well, we are still talking about love. We all know that immature people end up hurting people, and you probably know (or you are the person) who has already had a major disappointment in love. They say that breaking a heart in love is one of the most painful feelings in the world, just like losing a piece of yourself. That sounds crazy to me. Dont get me wrong, if you are that person with a broken heart, I would never take away the value of your feeling. Its not crazy that you feel bad about having your heart broken, what I find crazy is the fact that someone, in their merely human and mortal existence like you, can hurt something as precious as a heart. If I were to elaborate further, I would add that my perception of romantic love in certain scenarios is closer to pain than to a positive feeling. Im not going to go into depth, at least not in this post. But if you are wondering why my view is supposedly pessimistic (it's not), know that I say this without ever (fortunately) having experienced disappointment. But if you're the person who had your heart broken and found my speech unfortunate, if it makes you feel a little better, know that I've never experienced romantic love. In any way.

It was because of this that I had the idea to start writing this post while doing the dishes. Its not something unknown or that I suddenly discovered, but it still left me in a state of shock for a few seconds. I'm pretty sure that I'm still very young and that love will still come, but it was a strange shock to realize that among all my friends and acquaintances at my age, Ive been lucky (or unlucky) enough never to have been graced by romantic love. On the other hand, whenever people ask me if I ever liked someone, I say yes. But the reality is that I havent really feeling the feeling of what love is suposed to look like. I have come very close to it, so close that remembering the feeling causes me distress. Because it was painful, like I have already say (but I have that pessimistic view of love even before that). It was like having my pharyngeal pathway blocked by thorns. This whole thing about love not hurting is a lie. Love hurts, just like all other feelings. Even joy can be painful, because while you're feeling it you know that it's going to end and one day your happy moments will just become memories. That could be considered pessimism, but I see it as a way of facing reality.

I believe that never having felt love is also a bit of a misnomer. Everything I know about romantic love comes from stories. And trust me, I have heard a lot of them. As I said at the beginning of the text, Im completely obsessed with this subject, and I think part of this interest started when I saw people talking about it so much. Im curious by nature, but for as long as I can remember I've had people around me treating me like some kind of therapist, what creates a feeling that they can be free to tell me their most secret confessions. Also, It must be because Ive always been an extremely considerate girl towards others, in the sense that Ive always been very fond of being silent and consequently thinking too much, what creates in me a feeling of empathy. The more you think, the more you acquire the ability to be a good analyst. Analytical people give good advice, apparently. I leave that as a tip to make life easier. The more you analyze, the more you know, the more you know, the easier it is to deal with the world. But knowledge, like love, can be very relative.

“The more I knew, the more I wanted to know. He had mad appetites that grew more eager as he fed them” - the portrait of dorian gray (book good as hell)

It's already 6pm. I had more to say, but this text has tired me out. Ivee realized that I go round in circles for too long and in the end I dont even know what Im getting at. I think its because this is still my first post, so unfortunately I still feel a bit stuck… But let's get back to it, so you will have to follow me to know what my big conclusion would be.

Actually, you don't have to. There's no big conclusion. Thats exactly what love is. You start trying to fit words together to try to explain it and in the end you get nowhere. Or it would, if I wasnt so tired. Tomorrow I have a chemistry work at school to present, so I could use that as an excuse, saying that Im only going to close my computer to study. But I definitely wont. I hate chemistry and Im going to study what I need to 5 minutes before my presentation. Normally Im very involved in schoolwork, but this time Im not in the mood for several reasons. One of them is that I have lost patience with my more intimate relationships at school. The same subjects tire me out. Talking for a whole morning about love and sex has become quite exhausting… What the hell?

Love… I genuinely couldnt care less. I lie. I genuinely couldnt care more. Because talking and listening about love every day is definitely taking its toll on me. These days I've started to crave love more than anything else, because it seems so good, the new always seems either good or scary. And when it becomes scary, I feel angry, because instead of making fake scenarios like the ones I usually like to make alone in my room, love comes up like a damned curiosity and Im left trying to dismember a feeling that seems impossible to understand, and not knowing something causes me either stress or fear. I know I shouldn't be afraid of love, but just knowing doesnt make me stop feeling it.

Knowledge is relative. Love is relative. And what could be more interesting than relative things? I wish I had more time to study about love, but school drives me crazy with its unfortunate content load. Anyway! As soon as I have more time, I'm going to study love from a scientific point of view and form my own philosophy. And I will write about it. But until then I will write about other things, obviously, but in my view no other post would be cooler than one about love. Or maybe. I have several ideas.