#i am so sorry for being rambly

[bizarrelittlemew]

i can't wait to be 30+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 40+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 50+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 60+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 70+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 80+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to be 90+ and still in fandom and i can't wait to look back on my life and know that i loved things deeply and passionately and was inspired to create and was part of communities with incredible people from all over the world brought together by the stories that touched us

[madbard]

I just played through Slay the Princess for the first time, and… I cannot stop thinking about the Cage.

To be profoundly and finally severed from the illusion of your autonomy. To look on, from a prison of your own making, as your body acts out a legacy of violence against the body of the only other person who can or will come near you. To see their body perform that same violent dance. To be bound to this person, and in your limited state not to understand why. In that moment, as the silhouettes in the shadows act out the story of the princess and the slayer, to share a moment of peace with the one sent to kill you.

Intertwined. Diminished. Reductive, mutually destructive. Trapped in an infinite dance.

Beautiful.

To have been so determined you never had free will, never could have found another way. To realize you may have been wrong. To be trapped in a pattern, but unaware of what that pattern truly is.

Still, for that finite and watchful moment, not to be alone.

(Mild gore under cut.)

(Also this art from the game haunts me.)

[gojoest]

btw pregnancy freak satoru does not play around with curses anymore, no more prolonging the fights just bc he can and it’s fun. hollow purples left and right to end the mission quickly so he can go back home to fuck his pregnant wife

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[five-oh-first]

pls pls pls anakin and padmé's handmaidens would be besties but in the sister-in-laws kind of way. he comes home from a siege with new levels of PTSD, sleep deprived and clingy and he's like "where's padmé" and six other identical (kinda) women walk into his living room and he's like "which one of you is my legal wife" and someone (sabé) is like "you shouldn't be legally married to anyone." and the judgement is too much for him so he just lays on the floor sobbing

[cent-scratchnsniff]

hoptal

[lazylittledragon]

this sounds like such 14-year-old bullshit but nobody prepares you for how you feel when you realise that some of your friends actually don't really like or care about you that much

[abnomi]

EVERY REASON (that i can think of) AS TO WHY TURBO/KING CANDY IS NEURODIVERGENT 💥💥

i would like to make a disclaimer first and foremost about the obvious, being that Turbo/King Candy is heavily implied to have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Very often, characters with these disorders are portrayed as villains, and Turbo is no exception to this. There's nothing wrong with antagonistic characters having said disorders, per se, but when the only representation available for people with these conditions are found in characters you're not supposed to root for, it can be really disheartening. i won't be erasing these parts of him because i feel it would be in poor taste to gloss over those core elements of who he is, but plz keep in mind that having any kind of personality disorder doesn't make anyone inherently evil!!!🌞 your ACTIONS make you, not your brain

Also if anyone has any suggestions or other ideas for his neurodiversity, i would love to hear them! please do share!! I LOVE PSYCHOANALYZING CHARACTERS AND HEARING OTHER PEOPLE PSYCHOANALYZE THEM !!!! YAY🎉 if u agree or disagree with any of my points I'd love to discuss them further :-]

without further ado... click read more to find out…😈 be ready for a lot of reaches

💥 ADHD 💥

STIMMING

Turbo's constantly moving around in some way; he's a very expressive character! even as King Candy, he can't seem to conceal his frequent giggling. it's a big habit of his; he seems to do it involuntarily to regulate himself, including when he's nervous or uncomfortable.

he seems to display other repetitive behaviors as well, like doing his iconic thumbs-up pose, sticking out his tongue, or hopping around gleefully. he is but a jovial court jester..

i personally like to think that his phrases, "Turbo-tastic!" and "Have some candy!" are vocal stims of his, although i equally really love the interpretation that these (and the aforementioned stims) are tics :-]

another headcanon; i think it would make a lot of sense for him to have an oral fixation of some sort (ignoring the whole sigmund freud part of the term ermm...); just lots of biting, chewing, needing to have something in his mouth. It would align with the whole idea that he smokes, too

HYPERACTIVITY

we can clearly see throughout the film that Turbo has a lot of energy, made abundantly clear by his mannerisms and general behavior. he's constantly moving, using exaggerated expressions and gestures to communicate + express himself. He's one of the most animated and bouncy characters in the movie, next to Vanellope! it's silly how a character not very grounded in reality is such a threat, but i suppose that's what makes him so threatening in the first place...

another factor in this is how he is very adrenaline-seeking, craving activities that give him a rush (sugar rush...😂😂). more on that in a bit!!

HYPERFIXATION

Turbo's fixation with winning is all-consuming for him; it's an obsession. he doesn't appear to care about much else, if anything besides it. this could be interpreted as a hyperfixation for him (or special interest if ur all about that autism lifestyle), as it overtakes all of his focus and impedes every process of his mind.

it's clear that racing is much more than a passion for him, and while that fact is due to how he was programmed, it's a major character trait of his regardless that could be correlated to neurodivergence.

HYPERFOCUS

There seems to be a big theme of "all or nothing" when it comes to Turbo. he will either be fully dedicated to something or brush it aside without a second thought. it can't be denied that he fully wraps himself up in what he wants, whether it's a conflict he can't let go of or a new pursuit he's hungrily chasing after. 

ultimately, his dedication varies depending on if it is relevant to him and his interests or not, but this aspect of him still shares patterns with neurodivergent thought processes.

INSTANT GRATIFICATION

Seeing as he has a tendency to cheat in his use of code to spawn in whatever his heart desires, it can be assumed that this could do with Turbo wanting instant gratification to fill that bitter, empty void inside of him. while this could simply be brushed aside as greed and his belief that he is obligated to have access to whatever he wants, this trait is consistent with his generally dopamine-seeking behavior and wanting to be instantly rewarded by his actions. His obsession with needing to feel good directly relates to his need for another buzz, constantly after the next rush. (a sugar rush if you will☺☺☺)

ADRENALINE-SEEKING

Closely related to the previous speculation, Turbo always seems to be chasing his next high. he loves the thrill of action and being surrounded by crowds of people below him. it's why his big thing is racing! people cheer him on, he can do whatever he wants, he can go really fast and look cool..

it's possible that a big aspect of why he does this is to distract himself from any kind of pain, because pain = vulnerability. bro does NOT know how to independently cope with his own problems.. HE MAD AS HELLLLL!!! 😂😂

STRUGGLE WITH SELF CARE

(i know this is reaching but bear with me... 🐻) going off of his appearance and tendency to make poor decisions, it can be gathered that this man lacks skill in the self care department. his yellowing teeth and sunken eyes not only serve to complement his design, but also give way to the idea that he neglects himself in favor for whatever weird scheme he's up to.

of course, Turbo does prioritize himself above everyone else, but he doesn't strike me as the type to care much about how others think he smells. him being a bother to anyone isn't a concern of his. he cares about whatever gets him the most praise and attention from as many people as possible, which is winning and racing. Who cares about how clean he is when he's up on a podium holding a shiny, golden trophy, anyway?

It's likely that he had to step his game up when he went under disguise as king candy, which is why he looks well-groomed in comparison to his more corpse-like appearance. Ugly hoe. it can also be assumed that he's had more time to focus on himself because everyone loves him without question... Well, except for Vanellope, but who cares about her, right?

also, i know he makes a condescending comment to Ralph about how bad his breath smells, but it's made abundantly clear that Turbo is a massive hypocrite. his comment doesn't erase the possibility that he has suffered from such "halitosis" as well.

💥 ANXIETY 💥

GENERAL ANXIOUS BEHAVIOR

i know, i know, this could technically be chalked up to be "Turbo is nervously giggling and shit because he's scared of getting caught," but guys. g

even in the flashback scene, we can see how easily stressed he can become in an alarmingly short period of time. he is extremely insecure, therefore i am led to believe he is not only emotionally dysregulated, but also by extension, anxiety ridden.

yes, this is purely speculative, but who's to say that he wasn't like this before? being high-strung and intense are significant facets of his personality consistently portrayed throughout the film. as long as he is getting exactly what he wants, he is happy; the moment he loses even a blip of control, however, he immediately grows extremely tense.

if Turbo wasn't anxious about his disguise as King Candy before, he was anxious about how much attention he was receiving on a given day. if not that, then he'd be anxious over how he presents himself. He hates how he can't control how other people perceive him, which is why he is constantly trying to act like he's better than he is.

its why he justifies his behavior to himself, proudly making others refer to him as the "rightful ruler" of sugar rush and relishing in the attention of his countless underlings. Any secure and stable person would NOT ACT LIKE THIS!!!!😭😭😭

FIGHT OR FLIGHT

As we can see a handful of times on screen, Turbo's instinct to protect himself is very easily activated.

 his fear manifests in anger and aggression. we can see at multiple points how easy it is to upset him or fluster him; his anger is one side of the same coin, the opposite end being his fear and paranoia.

Going off of this point, have you noticed that Turbo is either satisfied or furious without much of an in-between? how the second something isn't under his manipulation, he lashes out and fights back? I'm led to believe that this is how he responds to fear (AAUAAYAUUUUGGHHH 🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡). This guy is so against the idea of being vulnerable, that even when afraid, he will utilize violence to regain his dominance over the situation at hand.

CONTROL + PARANOIA

Turbo's always trying to writhe or fight his way out of uncomfortable situations, unable to exist outside of his comfort zone for seconds at a time.

his defensive, paranoid, and controlling behavior are all reflections of how deeply insecure this man is. He feels such an intense need for everything to go exactly how he expects it to go that the moment he senses any kind of threat, he instantly jumps to defend himself and what he feels that he has "earned," regardless of whether there truly is a threat or not.

this could potentially be a coping mechanism for his anxiety and sense of stability; can't forget to mention how territorial he is!! he jumps to conclusions about what others' intentions are before they even get a chance to reply, as seen with his first encounter with Ralph in the movie. 

the racer is so internally discombobulated that he seeks any sense of stability on his environment, including on those around him. his sense of self is so warped that he copes with constant distraction; being under the spotlight, being actively racing, having to be showered with attention, having others make him feel good because he doesn't know how to do it for himself. he needs to feel like everything is under control, lest everything falls apart.

"...if there's ONE thing I can't abide, it's ANYTHING out of order!"

💥 NPD 💥

INFLATED SENSE OF SELF IMPORTANCE

Turbo's most in-your-face trait above all else. It's made more than crystal clear in every scene he's in that his arrogance is a determining factor in how he interacts with others. This is exactly what drives him to desperately crave admiration, to chase after others he's envious of because he thinks he is obligated to take what they have.

he seems to genuinely think he is entitled to get whatever he wants, just because he is inherently "special" or "better" than everyone else. Why else would he have made himself a king, a step above princess?

EXCESSIVE NEED FOR ADMIRATION

Turbo's self worth is COMPLETELY dependent on the opinions of children and teenagers. I think i don't need to say any more than that, but i will. (Evil).

As cartoonishly massive as his ego is, i think that it's fair to assume that Turbo has a very unstable sense of self, distorting his perception of his own worth down with it. his near-constant flaunting and need to be the best is a dead giveaway to his deeply-ridden self-doubt. The foundation of his stability is built around how "good" he is (at racing and winning), how powerful he is, whether or not he is being prioritized above everyone else, whether or not he is the absolute best, etc. etc.

The racer outright manipulates others to shower him with admiration and undeserved appreciation. He is incapable of forming a true sense of internal value, instead heavily and codependently relying on others to form it for him. if he isn't the best, he may as well just be nothing.

INTENSE JEALOUSY

He reacts so severely to what he perceives as others taking away what is rightfully his that it only goes to solidify my previous points even further. the second someone else is getting more attention than him, Turbo will bend over backwards to rip back the praise he believes he so rightly deserves.

being extremely competitive, he will one-up against anyone he thinks of as a threat, dedicating himself to taking them down to the best of his ability, and making sure they STAY down to top it all off.

INABILITY TO HANDLE CRITICISM

if we really dissect the entire one-off joke with Turbo insisting that his stolen pink castle is actually "salmon," along with all of his other domineering behaviors, we can garner that he is very persistent in how he wants others to view him. i wholeheartedly believe that this would translate into him not only being defensive over his supposed "ownership" of Sugar Rush, but also over himself and his own insecurities.

He needs to feel good about himself or else he will die and quite literally try to kill everyone.

LACK OF EMPATHY

He appears to have a fondness for making jokes in very poor taste. Turbo has a big sense of humor, but it's always at the expense of others. Be it a pun about a "fungeon," or jumping to protect himself with a joke about "hitting a guy with glasses," he has a tendency to take serious situations very lightly. It's not that he's unaware of the weight of it; he simply doesn't take it Seriously.

its admittedly impressive how he was able to feign empathy so well for Ralph; it goes to show how he is very capable of understanding that what he's doing is wrong, but ultimately does nothing to change his behavior because it doesn't impact him personally. 

i would like to honor this part of him, because even in the possible alternate path of a redemption arc, his struggle with empathy can be explored in a variety of interesting ways :-] he can understand complicated emotions and situations on an analytical level, but he doesn't feel for them unless it has to do with him specifically. (this obviously doesn't make him inherently evil, his ACTIONS make him evil)

💥 ASPD 💥

LACK OF REMORSE/GUILT

One of Turbo's core characteristics is just how far he is willing to go for his own self-interest with lack of regard for how it impacts everyone else. he has absolutely no concern for how anyone else feels besides himself, willing to go so far as to attempt to mutilate a 9-year-old to achieve his petty goals.

Turbo is shameless when it comes to how he goes about getting his way. While I'd like to believe he isn't fully incapable of feeling regret, he doesn't showcase feeling it in the movie itself. The most regret he'll feel is when he slips up and exposes himself. anything else is the fault of everyone else; he is untouchable in his eyes.

DECEITFUL TENDENCIES + LYING

Where do i even start with this one.

well, first of all, let's acknowledge the... erm, horse? in the room? 🐎😅(Please someone help me there is a horse in my room help helphel) being that Turbo went under disguise as King Candy for at least a decade. Even before this, there's a good chance that he's already had plenty of experience with lies and manipulation. i'd be willing to bet on this!!

one of his specialties is being proficient in manipulation, be it the code of games or the minds of people. theyre basically the same thing to him, anyway... I'm sure you all know the scene where he uses 16 manipulation tactics against Ralph and wins. this was Obviously not the first time he'd done this.

REPETITION OF HARMFUL BEHAVIORS

Time and time again, Turbo can't seem to help himself when it comes to poor decision-making. he never internalizes that his bad choices aren't JUST bad for others, but also for himself, continuing to escalate further and further into very dangerous behaviors until he literally dies.

Here's a list of bad decisions he has made! (at least, that we know of)

Pinning himself above his peers

Harassment + stalking

Carelessly charging through GCS with his car, endangering countless civilians

Attempting to take over a game that isn't his x2

Vehicular manslaughter

Implied mass murder + attempted murder, attempted mutilation

Mass endangerment

Breaking and entering, theft, usurpation, plagiarism

and more!!!!!!!

AND HE LEARNS FROM ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS!!! with some of the items listed here, he's attempted to do multiple times! Absolute buffoon.

RECKLESS DISREGARD FOR SAFETY OF SELF AND OTHERS

Considering how he was willing to charge into a game that wasn't his own with the awareness that it could permanently kill him, going as far as to recklessly crash into another car (albeit it's possible this was unintentional), it's easy to gather that he doesn't seem to consider anyone's safety at all in the spur of the moment.

IMPULSITIVITY

his impulsivity and disregard for safety both go hand-in-hand. When it gets to a certain point, Turbo's emotions will boil over and blow up in a cold rage, thus causing him to spiral and act on impulse, becoming a detrimental force to himself as well as everyone around him.

What's interesting is how much restraint he is capable of; he typically is very strategic in how he orchestrates his plans! but once he reaches his breaking point, he snaps and leaves all of his hard work behind in favor of something that calls for his immediate attention.

💥 ETC. 💥

extra tidbits i didnt have enough energy to fully delve into :-]

BPD

Fear of abandonment

Blurry sense of identity

Feelings of emptiness

Self destructive tendencies

Emotional instability

Explosive anger

ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)

He seems so infatuated with his own autonomy that he gets to the point of being resistant and defiant

Resisting against the rules of the world that he directly caused as a result of his own actions, being that one shouldn't "go Turbo."

Enjoys upsetting/getting a rise out of others. this is more speculative as i am going off of the assumption that he thinks pissing people off is funny, based on his other behavioral patterns. (cruel sense of humor, wanting to feel above others via control & manipulation, enjoyment of inflicting pain onto others)

Forcefully defends himself and refuses any kind of criticism

Lashes out when he feels slighted

Excessive persistence despite all odds, whether it's beneficial to him or not

ok bye!! thank you if you managed to read this far ^^ peace and love take care of yourself! all in all turbo is so neurodivergent ok please Okay <3 get this thing his meds

[bumblingbabooshka]

I love Vulcans we need to get more into the emotional lives of Vulcans without imposing Human standards onto them. "The way you feel is wrong/repressive because it's not the way it's "supposed" to be from my perspective as an alien called Human" is boring to me especially when it's treated as correct. I wanna know how the aliens feel about their alien way of life. Vulcans are so interesting to me when written AS aliens and not as analogous to repressed Humans. I think about Tuvok's description of attachment to his family and how that isn't the emotion 'love' but something else, something that he feels no shame about having and sees as normal, as naturally Vulcan and I love it and I love it because there aren't any Humans there to go "Um actually checkmate you Vulcan s.o.b - that's emotion!" and he isn't being influenced by anything. These are his authentic thoughts. He sees his children, his family, as part of him. They were at times illogical, incomprehensible, and it was extremely rewarding to be in their lives. He thinks about them every day. They were well behaved. As teens they were contemptuous of authority and convinced of their own superiority. His youngest son loved one 200 verse story so he sang it to him. He'd rather die than betray his wife even in spirit. He's incomplete without them. It's obvious through Tuvok that Vulcan life is not inherently devoid of pleasure, comfort, or love and thus Human life (I think) should not be portrayed as inherently having something greater, deeper, more meaningful. I'm not talking here of society but of...emotional life. Interiority. There's this sense that all Vulcans are the same and miserable for it. That they hold themselves back and are indistinguishable and antagonistic to the self, repressed and wrong. That to be Vulcan is to suffer endlessly and Humans are all about Freedom Man and I don't know, I like that Tuvok's existence sort of challenges this as much as I acknowledge that Vulcan society is in fact repressive and unwelcoming to those who don't fit neatly into it. I'm not saying Vulcan society is a utopia, I'm questioning the perception of Vulcan emotional control - that way of life - as being inherently bad, devoid, or lacking. That Vulcans walk around with 'empty cups' and are only deluding themselves that to be that way is good. If only, Humanity moans, they could taste how delicious life could be! Tuvok is an average Vulcan. He does not struggle with emotion, he is not mixed species, he was not raised atypically, and yet he has a family he cares about and a wife he's loyal to and friends he values and none of these things seem to be Un-Vulcan to him. If Vulcan life was truly devoid of love and care, Tuvok wouldn't think of his family. They're not here, so why bother? When his pon farr came, he'd be trying to find the most compatible mate rather than risking his life by trying to meditate through it out of loyalty to T'Pel. T'Pel would also have just given Tuvok up for dead instead of waiting and his children wouldn't have traveled all the way to the most holy temple on the planet to say prayers for his safe return. I think these things are interesting and I wish they'd been explored more. The fact that caring about your family, caring about your friends, is not Un-Vulcan. The fact that Tuvok at no point longs for Humanity, sees nothing better or of interest to him in it. (Even in his teenage rebellion he only says he's sorry he was born Vulcan which reads less as Vulcan v Human and more like 'I hate this goddamn family' ykwim?). I want to know more about how Vulcans interact with each other, how they care for one another, what it means and what it's like to be Vulcan in more of an everyday way rather than what it means to be Vulcan vs Human.

[quibbs126]

So I tried to do some practice of TF One Optimus and Megatron, starting yesterday

It was because I was thinking about Lux and how I really should have tried to draw these two more beforehand, since I haven’t drawn them properly in a good while (not counting my more simple drawings of them), and I figured my old colors for them probably weren’t accurate anymore

First I just lined and colored the head sketches I had made on that initial Lux idea thing, and I ended up quite liking them in all honesty

But then I realized I probably need to do more so I can figure out all their colors (like for example, Optimus’ red is nowhere on his head). But I didn’t have premade sketches to draw and color over, so I had to draw new ones

I’m gone be honest, while I think yesterday’s Optimus turned out pretty well, Megatron on the other hand, not so much. His head’s fine, but the rest of his body, eh

I think it’s because while I have drawn Optimus before, and with actual screenshots from the movie, I’ve drawn Megatron far less, and I’m usually using this concept art that while generally accurate, has a bunch of details off from the final version. It’s probably also why I constantly forget his cannon, because it’s not here

Also my perspective generally isn’t the best, and it keeps changing from the initial rough shapes to the final. I was able to tweak for Optimus, but Megatron I couldn’t save much

Also my god, these designs are so complicated, they take so long to draw, it’s a whole ordeal. I’m probably spoiled by my own incredibly simple AU designs, but still. Doesn’t help I’m not very good/experienced at 3D. Apparently these two alone took a collective 3 and a half hours, while my normal drawings probably won’t be longer than 2

I’ve half a mind to simplify them more, maybe resemble the Animated style more, but I’m not sure. I’m trying to adhere to the movie’s style more at least in the eyes, and I don’t know if I want to change everything else while keeping that. Or maybe I should, especially since I already don’t make the plates look 3D enough, like they’re sheets rather than plates

I don’t know how people do this, it’s so difficult. But again, I’m probably just inexperienced and spoiled on oversimplification

My anatomy’s also off I think, I still need to figure out how the arms are supposed to work

But yeah, take these I suppose. They aren’t terrible, but they’re nowhere near the quality of someone who’s good at drawing these bots, particularly from TF One

[bandtrees]

they would get divorced in one universe just to find eachother in another one

alternatively titled: sometimes you're the level-headed token flesh-head impulse-control-and-polycule-member of a stubborn, eccentric, and hearty telephone-headed drug addict, and there's cruelty in the world you deem fit to suicidally fight, and that either goes about as well as you'd expect it to, or you learn about love and the value of your life and junk along the way

[cannimumsable]

while I see the appeal of izuku calling kacchan katsuki I think if he does katsuki should be allowed to burst into tears immediately

[i-may-be-an-emu]

WHAT AM I MEANT TO SAY WHEN PEOPLE ASK ABOUT MY HOBBIES LIKE OH. IM VERY OBSESSED WITH AN IMPROV GROUP FROM LONDON. YEAH WHEN I THINK ABOUT THEM I SMILE LIKE A MANIAC AND I’VE CRIED BECAUSE THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME MULTIPLE TIMES. WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

[gojoest]

my sweet, sweet babyboy 💖💖💖💖💖💖

[queerofthedagger]

"I'm old (almost 35 ew)" I'm gripping you by the shoulders so firmly. shaking you a little, even. you need to kill the tik tok teenager inside your brain

[room217prayer]

Thoughts about Feyre and the sister dynamics

So, I'm just getting better, I'm not 100% well, but I'm still trying to re-read Acotar and... I must say that this time I did take another look at Feyre's dynamic with her sister, Nesta and Elain.

Especially in retrospect in how most of the fandom perceived both Nesta (mostly) and Elain in a bad light thanks to those first few chapters, because of how they treated Feyre, but... It's way overexaggerated. In my opinion. Or unwarranted if I dare say.

Ok, these are just my takes, me going deep because I can and I have fun in doing so. (Long rambling ahead!)

For this post I will concentrate only on the 2nd chapter of Acotar, but I'll come later with the rest. Anyway, this is the chapter in which the Archeron family, Feyre's father, and sisters, are introduced to us readers, and what it gives us is a premise of an already existing tension/situation in the home.

Something that happened outside of what we see. Of what even Feyre herself tells us.

There's already bitterness in everything Feyre's sees and think about her sisters, how Elain is surprised by what she brought home - how she doesn't comment about the blood -

"Where did you get that?" "Where do you think I got it?"

In this passage there's even Feyre being bitter that their mother made her make that promise. But what I want to focus on this is... Elain is surprised to see Feyre, to see her with a deer. Maybe it's the sheer of the prey she got (a little doe, yes, that she slumped on the table, that she took from the forest, in a place farther away than she used to go: Feyre is strong) or maybe there's something else.

"Feyre. What luck you had today - in bringing us such a feast." From beside my father, Nesta snorted.

Now, in this passage, Feyre takes this snort from Nesta as a critique/insult toward her, her accomplishment, but before and after she keeps underlining how Nesta ignored their father, how she belittles him... Resents him. So, I actually took it as her 'snort' being directed towards their father. Who didn't do anything for them.

But Feyre is quick to take it as an attack toward herself, even if immediately after she thinks this: And any words from our father usually resulted in her ridicule as well.

MHM.

Another thing: in this whole chapter Feyre keeps mentioning how Nesta resents their father. How she was the one who saved him from the beating thanks to her soiling herself and after she vomited the men left - while Elain and Nesta hid themself in their room. AND at the same time she hates him, she resents him too. But condemn Nesta for expressing the same feelings she has.

But at least Nesta didn't fill our head with useless talk of regaining our wealth like our father. / When my father still couldn't - wouldn't - move much about, he hadn't argued when I announced that I was going hunting. He hadn't bothered to stand from his seat by the fire, hadn't bothered to look up from his wood carving. He let me walk into those deadly, eerie woods that even the most seasoned hunters were wary of.

Mhm... I feel anger in these words, in her thoughts towards their father. So much resentment. AND, just to push this: He hadn't argued, he hadn't bothered, he LET ME walk into these deadly eerie woods.

Now, a great part of a certain side of the fandom loves to blame Nesta (and in some ways Elain) about letting Feyre go hunting, but guess who she blames? THEIR FATHER. BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE WHO SHOULD'VE DONE SOMETHING.

And, since I can push it more, this passage - to me - gives me that someone did argue, bothered and wouldn't want to let her walk into these woods, who? The sisters, maybe mainly Nesta. Why do I think this? Because she's focusing on her father who didn't, on the one who didn't protest. Do something.

And now, back to Feyre with the deer, the surprise of Elain, how in the first chapter she says "Hunger had brought me farther from home than I usually risked". Those deadly, eerie woods that even the most seasoned hunters were wary of. Maybe her sisters begged her to not go there, that far. But, one thing we learn quickly, is that she doesn't accept a no. Feyre does what she wants. She is the one who holds control and power. The last word.

Now, about Nesta comment: "You stink like a pig covered in its own filth. Can't you at least try to pretend that you're not an ignorant peasant?"

Now, remember: Feyre is covered in blood, guts, and Nesta is even touching her cloak. And she has just slammed a corpse on their table, where they eat. Idk about you, but this comment is the least of things, and look how she emphasized that try. Something tells me they did discuss more about this.

And then, Feyre's thinks this:

Older than me by three years, she somehow looked younger than I did.

Her oldest sister, of three years older, in her eyes looks younger than herself. Because Feyre sees herself as the caregiver of her family, the matriarch. She has a right to their money. Not even their father. She decides who to give it to. She hides it from Nesta. She is the one who has power and control over her family.

The chopping wood discussion to me felt more like spite trowed to Feyre by Nesta. Because we know that she does cut the wood, she does it in these chapters, but her words? Feels like a taunt, a reproach.

"I hate chopping wood. I always get splinters." She glanced up from beneath her dark lashes. Of all of us, Nesta looked the most like our mother - especially when she wanted something. "Besides, Feyre," she said with a pout, "you're so much better at it! It takes you half the time it takes me. Your hands are suited for it - they're already so rough" [...] Elain murmured a soft plea to Nesta, which earned a hiss in response. [...] "Get the knives ready," I said, not bothering to sound pleasant. "I'll be out soon." Without warning for an answer, I shut the door behind me.

To me this exchange feels like Feyre did comment on Nesta's nails, about her softer hands in the past. Maybe she did critique her on her technique, how she wasn't fast enough, and how she compared them. So Nesta taunts her with her words. "You're so much better at it!" She even pouts. Nesta. Elain then murmurs a plea to her and look how Feyre is like: get the knives, I'll be out soon. Like they HAVE to do what she said. No way to go against it or to say anything on the matter. This could have happened more than once. In different contests.

Then here they dine and - once again - she is in charge on how much everyone can eat. Her, not their father, no opinion taken from Nesta or Elain. She let them take another round, but no more than that. No discussion about it. And here is the dinner, the one thing that actually made me want to make this post, lol, it took me long enough ahaha.

Anyway, another thing that becomes evident during it is how unreliable she is when she listens to her sisters's gossip:

Since we had lost our fortune, their former friends dutifully ignored them, so my sisters paraded about as though the young peasants of the town made up a second-rate social circle / "We're in love," Nesta declared, and Elain nodded her agreement. I almost laughed - when had they gone from mooning over aristos to making doe-eyes at peasants?

A little biased, aren't we Feyre? On how she perceives everything Nesta says as a critique/insult and how she sees the same people they live around/with. AND how she doesn't really listen and sees how both Elain and Nesta have changed: when had they gone from mooning to doe-eyes? I WONDER IT TOO. They sure had, they even made FRIENDS, unlike you.

Then here is their discussion: it starts after Elain says that Tomas wants to marry Nesta.

I blinked. Nesta cocked her head. I'd seen predators use that movement before. "Is there a problem, Feyre?" she flung my name like an insult.

I truly wonder what expression she had when she "blinked". How she compared Nesta cocking her head to a predator and her question? The way she said her name? Nesta was preparing herself to affront the discussion that was coming. The judgment. She was steeling herself. And indeed, Feyre didn't miss.

"You can't chop wood for us, but you want to marry a woodcutter's son?" Nesta squared her shoulders. "I thought all you wanted was for us to get out of the house - to marry off me and Elain so you can have enough time to paint your glorious masterpieces."

Nesta squared her shoulders and then she said these words that for sure Feyre did say more than once, the one she probably threw at them during the heat of a fight. As she thought: Some days, I couldn't tell which of us was the most wretched and bitter.

And the fact is: she wants them out of her life, off her shoulders. She thinks this more than once. Not to say how she underline how they have no dowry ("We can't afford a dowry, for either of you") ad the way she does so is not as a younger sister, no. She's thinking like a parent, a father/mother worried about the fate of her daughters. Again, she put herself as the caregiver of her sisters.

But before I go further, here's another moment where Feyre is biased in her narrative, when the read and the situation itself feel differently:

I laid my palms flat on the table as I stared her down, Elain removed her hand from where it lay nearby, as if the dirt and blood beneath my fingernails would somehow jump onto her porcelain skin. "Tomas's family is barely better off than ours," I said, trying to keep from growling.

She thinks that Elain retreats her hand because she's afraid of her staining her "porcelain skin", but... What if she did that to take herself out from the tension, from the line of fire? Feyre laid her palms flat on the table, staring down Nesta. She almost growls. She is strong. I'm not saying that Feyre did ever hit the sisters, but... sometimes fear is prevalent. Elain taking her hand away from hers could've been her way to escape the situation, maybe the wrath of Feyre. And not because she was afraid she would be stained. Yes, maybe she didn't grow vegetables, but Elain did take to gardening. She does stain her hands. So this is only a bias Feyre has toward herself, and toward her sisters. She's insecure about her appearance, and how she is wilder in compared to them.

This felt like a way for Elain to guard herself.

Then... Feyre tells Nesta she's a burden and Nesta does lash out.

I've seen it being talked again and again on how what she says is unforgivable, but... let's see what she actually says:

"What do you know?" Nesta breathed. "You're just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up, and someday - someday, Feyre, you'll have no one left to remember you, or to care that you ever existed." [...] I'd heard the words before - and knew she only repeated them because I'd flinched that first time she spat them.

She doesn't say that others will not remember or care she exists. She is saying: if you keep barking orders at all hours of the day, being controlling... you will be left with no one to remember you. To care about you. Because she would have pushed them away and this is not the first time this has been said.

Feyre then looks to their father, ask him to do something, to make see reason to Nesta, but her father doesn't. She reset him more about it.

And guess who, in the future, will help her to get control over her sister? Rhysand.

Boom, mic drop.

Sorry, I had to dfdsfsdfd.

Anyway, this long ass post, with mostly me rambling, was to say that: who had the power in their home was never Nesta or Elain or even their father - who was supposed to be THE ONE - but Feyre. Who then is living contradiction.

And I would like to say more, but I've already written too much and I hope all of this makes sense lol