#i am so fucking tired of being single!
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
naw whos the crusty ass bitch who thinks its cute to take my ocs cause what is this
#''dergu zerghed'' thats the sound youll make after i hit u over the head with a mf frying pan#jk i just fukkin reported it man im so tired#even moreso they did enough digging to find the one where i threw freckles on him for an obscure ask like biiitch?????#got a comment on twitter abt how someone loved this character on spicychat and found more art of him and i immediately was out for blood#idc abt the cod fanart being thown all over every website i knew what i was getting into with that shit but my ocs#?#you take my oc my heart n soul ive been building for 10+ years slap some dumbfuck name on him and feed him thru a Fucking AI machine#thats whats rlly boiling my blood tbh fukkin selfish behavior#i went to investigate and i was on a waitlist for it im gunna kmssssss#i am once again plagued with the frustration of the major disconnect of people going 'oh yeah ai bad >:(''#yet falling for every single ai trap there is like some stupidass koala#now my character done been sacrificed to The Machine bc mfs too goddamn lazy to make real friends to rp with#aight the ugly bitch is tryin to take the wheel i gotta stfu
86 notes
·
View notes
Text
the thing about wei wuxian’s victims is that calling them wei wuxian’s victims in the first place is nebulous.
that isn't to say those who died or were bereaved after nightless city or the first siege of the burial mounds weren't hurt by wei wuxian’s retaliation. but calling them "wei wuxian’s victims" while ignoring that cultivation society scapegoated and hunted him down, and that wei wuxian never attacked without being threatened first, is a massive oversimplification.
sure we have minor characters like the cultivator who lost his leg or the cultivator who lost his parents, and sure mxtx writes them as part of a mob of more unreasonable people who were largely not even present for these events, but the thing is... there are major named characters who were present, or who had loved ones there, and their grief and pain are given full attention by the story. they're called jiang cheng and jin ling.
my sister/my mother died at nightless city because of you! except no, jiang yanli actually died because an entirely different nameless cultivator stabbed her, and she intentionally pushed wei wuxian out of the way to protect him out of sincere love. it wasn't the first time. she already demonstrated this when she stood up for him and called him her blood brother in front of her fiance and his family at an event they were hosting, when she had zero backing support and could've easily been dumped and had her marriageability ruined for speaking out of turn.
who's to say that jiang yanli's death wasn't the only instance of cultivators dying at nightless city from friendly fire during all the chaos? we don't know. the one thing we do know for certain is that once it was all over, the survivors attributed the (dubiously counted) thousands of casualties to wei wuxian alone.
saying that wei wuxian was the sole cause is overly convenient for cultivation society. in particular the major sects politically did not want to help the wen remnants and were content to mistreat them in forced labor camps. they thought that wei wuxian was too dangerous with his unique ghost path of cultivation and use of resentful energy, so they gathered everyone up and tried TWO different times to assassinate him. the first time just killing wei wuxian alone. the next time, taking all the remaining wens out with him.
there's a lot left unsaid about these major battles and sieges which leads to a lot of our discourse as fans to begin with-- we have such limited information about all these major events of the past! and unfortunately for us, that's the point!
that's the thesis of the book! the details of the pain and grief you go through don't actually matter! regardless of it, you have to eventually move on. you have to actively choose good, to do what you think is right for the sake of doing the right thing, and not just to act based on your idea of fulfilling debts or deserving to be repaid a certain way!
what everyone claims as indisputable facts about wei wuxian are actually skewed not only by rumors, but by politics. mxtx doesn't depict these various randos to give them a brief beat of sympathy. nor does she do it just to make wei wuxian look better.
they are there because they are also angry and bitter, stewing in the past looking for someone to keep blaming (wei wuxian; the cultivation world decided thirteen years ago it would be wei wuxian) and demanding recompense from him. jiang cheng does the same for the entire damn book.
jin ling breaks the cycle; in spite of the rocky start he eventually chooses to trust wei wuxian and argue on his behalf even in front of his elders. even though he's the heir to a major sect. even though he has been taught his entire life to despise and be angry at wei wuxian for orphaning him.
mdzs is a complex story. it also happens to be a black and white story without gray morality. there are many what-ifs, actions that went poorly or circumstances that would've shifted the course of events if only things had gone well for everyone, but nobody acts in a legitimately morally grey way.
throughout the novels there is a clear delineation between good and bad, righteous and wrong; wei wuxian is clearly the former in both cases not because mxtx wanted to more easily depict her protagonist as a good guy, but because she consistently bases these dichotomies upon the fulcrum of hypocrisy.
supporting the use of resentful energy via ghost cultivation to kill your political enemies in wartime and then immediately turning on the person doing so for you once the war is over, blaming all evils on him and trying to get him killed because he's trying to help the few survivors of the opposing side (both because it's the right thing to do and to pay back a life debt he secretly owes that only two or three people know about, oops)-- that is hypocrisy.
if wei wuxian does it and we like it, it's expected of him and he deserves no praise, though he handles it all with charm and stride befitting the son of the illustrious cangse-sanren.
if wei wuxian does it and we don't like it, he's a murderous evildoer, the ungrateful and dangerous son of a servant (whose name we conveniently never say even though we all know who wei changze was).
mdzs is a book about the hypocrisy of the upper class. mdzs is a book about grief. mdzs is a book about society and rumors and politics and the pitfalls of chasing after what you are "owed". mdzs is a book about love and sticking to your own path and principles. wei wuxian is its protagonist, and by the novel's own values, he is indisputably good.
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#wei wuxian#do not tag this as c/q/l for the love of god i am talking about the fucking books#yes wwx's actions hurt people but not a single character in the story does smth that doesn't hurt someone else. that's just Being A Human#now think abt WHY wei wuxian is the only one who gets flack from mainstream cultivation society and the major sects for hurting people#hint: it's because of his class#this reads as a sarcastic subpost. not rly sorry for that. i am so tired of ppl acting like the books & wwx himself were poorly thought out#keri chats#long post
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself
#maiora garrulates#the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing#and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew#words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS#AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER#“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing#so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet#i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button#anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals#but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee#we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even#oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe#its practice >;)c#all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options#a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
serious question, are there ANY (wired) headsets made today anymore that have seperated plugs for audio and microphone??
usb ones always cause trouble and the only other ones i can find are those with combined audio+mic into one plug, which i dont have the ports on my PC for.............
i tried looking through adapters but the only ones i can find are those that combine seperate ones, id need the reverse (if thats even possible)
(visualization bc i feel like i am losing my sanity trying to explain what i mean, am i stupid? did i halluzinate the two jack/plug thing???? do only cheap garbage ones have this??? is that one of the gaming chair things??? like oh you want a GAMING headset- that means either combined or usb haHA???)
#ganondoodles talks#personal#issue being that the new headset i bought is usb only and- of course- has a background noise that probably only ppl like me hear#im super sensitive to sound#like i hear bats and dog whistles you arent meant to hear#old headset (not the broken one) has a slight static and trouble with very silent sound which it cuts out#hence i got the newer ones (the now broken one) which didnt have that problem but well .. it broke after little use#new one has a weird beeping chirping in the bg#im so tired#(new one is the razer kraken v3- its usb only and any other plugs they have for other models are the damned combined one)#my computer isnt even that old but i literally cant find a single headset with those plugs seperated when i dont have that port#will i ever find a headset that fucking works with no drawbacks????#(wireless isnt an option bc i hate wireless anything that isnt a controller you can also use wired)#i know it may sound like its not working right but i am 100% certain its one only people like me can even hear#also i got no nerves to try and send anything back to amazon ... for once i bought it there....#or am i just stupid or did i miss some shit that made it standard to just call it differently or sth#like my pc has an audio port at the front and a mic port- two ports#the plugs (jacks???????) i see are the ones that have it in ONE#and i dont have it
40 notes
·
View notes
Text
not gonna lie, the fact that people keep stealing my posts and reupload them unsourced getting about 100x more interactions while my OG posts get like 3 makes me not want to create anything for this fandom ever again
none of them @ me either, sad
#elden ring#i'm gonna tag it too i don't care anymore#is it so hard to fucking @ the person in the post that you stole???? and accounts like this have 300k followers#with every single one of their posts being stolen from others#and 300k people are ok with that#also people why is it that when you see me postig my stuff you ignore it but when a fuckface steals it suddenly it's funny and you engage?#i am tired of everything#content theft to this level is just the cherry on top to all the other bullshit#if you see this happening anywhere to any creator you know please call them out
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
unpopular opinion but i really miss those days when it was all about the music in taylor swift fandom
#time for a little rant because i feel like i need to get it off my chest rn#i feel so disconnected from this fandom lately#mostly because literally everything is about travis these days#like don't get me wrong i'm really happy that she's happy but#i just don't feel the need to talk about her relationship 24/7 like some of the swifties#and honestly it's all just too much#everything is about taylor and i'm not even excited anymore when i see new pictures of her#because it's just too much???#i truly love her with all my heart and i always will but even i am tired and i've been a swiftie for literally half of my life#why do people have to discuss every single detail about her love life#and who cares if she's going to be at the game again#let her live maybe#i'm sorry but it's just so annoying lately#this fandom is being too fucking loud and i'm tired and it's not even fun anymore#remember when the eras tour started? amazing times#we were talking about it all the time and discussing every single detail of the tour and the songs and all#now it's all about her new relationship guys it's not... like... WHY.#it makes me so sad because it used to be different#ugh#i might get hate for that but i don't care i just really needed to say that#taylor swift#ts#talking shit for the hell of it*
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was going to make my next politics post about Project 2025 and its likelihood of trying to ban fic in the US but then I saw this and fuck it, we're talking about this right now.
Not sure whether my Jewish alarm bells or history person alarm bells are ringing louder, but this is getting really scary. This is Nazi shit. Full-tilt unabashed Nazi rhetoric. He's talking about assigning people numbers and putting them on buses in massive groups. He wants to do it with violence. With the Supreme Court the way it is right now, he could do it. He can kill people with impunity, as long as he's doing it as President. That is the current law.
If you can vote in this election, you need to vote for Harris. Whether you like her or not, she is not using Nazi rhetoric and elevating admitted Nazis (*cough* Robinson in North Carolina *cough*). She is the only one with a shot at victory.
We need to stop this man. If that means making a pragmatic move and voting for someone you detest on some issues but who is not going to assign humans serial numbers and round them up into detention camps bloodily---fucking pinch your nose and do it.
Take it from someone who has to spend a large portion of their week reading history studies...history will not remember your supposed reason for not voting. You will be remembered as a Trump supporter, because you supported Trump.
Tldr: We need to stop this man in this election. Vote for Harris.
#politics#us politics#donald trump#harris 2024#harris walz 2024#election 2024#immigration#alarm bells#I'm so fucking serious guys#I have had it up to here with “both sides” bullshit#Looking at you Chappell Roan#how the fuck does someone say their top issue is trans rights and then BOTH SIDES the election#but that's besides the point#I try not to get negative because it doesn't work to convince people but at this point I don't care#And if you don't like this then block me#if you're protest voting you're just willing to kill a bunch of other innocent people who didn't agree to be a part of this for your cause#I'm so tired of this purity politics bullshit#That is what primaries are for---the left gets to put its candidates through a gauntlet and pick our specialest little choice THEN#This election is literally Nazi vs. NOT A NAZI#How are we actually close to fumbling this#There is no being a single issue voter here#Even if you aren't convinced to vote for Harris because she wants a ceasefire and Trump wants to complete a genocide#Protest voting on one issue means a giant fuck you to everyone except the absolute most privileged white cishet men#And as Michelle Obama said--we simply do not have time for that kind of foolishness#Start bullshit in the notes and you get blocked#I am not debating someone who has already made up their minds to be self-righteous and short-sighted at the expense of everyone around them#I will just say that the leopards will eventually eat your face too---and you can't say you weren't warned
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#My parents are yelling at me and expecting that wow! It'll help my education#What if i just exploded#Fucking hell#I'm so fucking tired#What am i supposed to do!#And my mother keeps comparing me to people she hates#I'm sorry i just I'm so fucking tired!!!!#I can't do this#Being yelled at and sworn at every single day just because I'm there because I'm an easy target#And I'm supposed to live for this?? And for their ideal???? What the fuck#And I'm supposed to pick up the pieces after and pick myself up again after they've just bullied me#Fucking hell I'm so tired!!#And#The slurs and swearing my mother uses against me#Like I'm so tired#So tired of this shit#I'm so sorry i did the stupid thing of being born i guess!#I'm so sorry you decided to have kids because you thought they were just slaves to run about and make them do whatever#I feel so so loved by my parents!!!! :D#And you know the worst thing now#An hour of them shouting and swearing later#I just have to dust myself off#Pretend my souls not being ripped out#And go back to work because the fucking exam won't wait!#Goddamn what's the point of living if it's like this#Tw vent
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
🩵🩵🩵
#but really I am sad bc yeah I’m gonna always pick me but omg I’m fucking tired#I actually kind of mean the arranged marriage thing bc I really hate dating disappointment#and I’m never going to sit there and beg anyone for anything. not even an ego or pride thing but a self awareness thing like#come to me w self awareness and emotional intelligence so you can recognize your own faults and we can talk through it#but fleeing like that just shows me you have hella work to do in therapy and you’re not ready and neither are you what I need atm#but ya it hurts especially when I’ve done a lot to not be so black and white in a situation and the person still got in their own way#maybe I just need to not date anymore. like I really am ok if I end up single forever and I’m also just tired and sad but#I really am ok w being single and doing my own thing bc I refuse to lower my standards and accept anything less than what I know I deserve#so anyways I think I’ve just solved my problems#me
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just came back from the exam, I hope everyone is doing well.
#the exam itself was fine; I finished well in time and the questions were definitely easier than what i was expecting.#i ended up having an argument as soon as i got back to the car though so uh? I don’t know. i’m not really as excited as i was last time.#this did remind me why i wanted to get a scholarship so bad though. cannot wait to get the hell out of here.#i haven’t felt safe in this house for a single second of my life i am. i don’t even know.#i’m so cold. i’m so thirsty. i’m hungry. I’m so tired and so overwhelmed and i . do not know#wow i really wish this family actually felt like family and didn’t make me feel like i was going to get hurt at literally every given moment#two more years and i’ll be out. thank fuck. i hate this hostility. i hate the expressions and the yelling and the violence and i want out#sorry for being such a downer on this lovely monday uh. yeah.#✧.*🌹#vent#<- in case anyone doesn’t want to see whatever the hell this is.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. I AM NOT TRANS I AM A CIS MALE LORD PLEASE WHY DOES EVERYONE I MEET THINK IM TRANS
#im sorry i dont have the raw tboy swag guys okay#i have been talking to people more (online) and for some reason everyone who knows my tumblr also thinks im trans apparantly#I HAVE NEVER SPOKEN TO THESE PEOPLE EVER. LIKE THANK YOU FOR THINKING I EXUDE THAT SWAG BUT IM CISSSSSSSSSSSS#i shouldnt care but look im asian and have a hormone disorder so i experience aids every single day okay#im asian (people think i look 11 when im 18) i have a hormone disorder (fucked me up) and im in cali (liberalville)#combine all that shit together and you got people calling me she/her at walgreens or my evil classmate calling me a goddamn shota everyday#IM TIRED OF IT. I AM A CISMAN STOP MAKING ME EXPEREINCE TRANSPHOBIA WHEN IM NOT EVEN FUCKING TRANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#TRANS PEOPLE OBVS SHOULDNT EXPEREINCE THIS EITHER BUT IM LIKE GAW DAMN IM GETTING NERFED FOR HAVING TRAITS I DONT EVEN HAVE!#im actively pro trans because im normal and not a freak. BUT IM A CIS ALLY I DONT HAVE A PUSSY I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL JAPANESE PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!#robooty just hates being called shit that hes not -_- got that autism iny blood
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
tomorrow-me: I'd really appreciate it if you could drag your arse to the grocery store so that I won't have to get up early tomorrow morning to do it you know?
now-me, wrapped in a blanket with tears in my eyes: but I'm just a baby?? 😭
#listen i am so so so so so so so so tired 💀#my landlord's coming for a visit at 11 tomorrow and i have nothing to offer him#but i'm too tired to think about what to buy for the weekend (for myself)#grocery shopping was a burden as it was but then they shut down my nearest store (200 m from my apartment)#and now the nearest one is just far enough so that i don't wanna go there just for a pack of coffee and biscuits#i'm so tired i just had to check how to fucking spell 'biscuits' 😭😭😭😭😭😭#feeling slightly better now that i rested my eyes a little and drank a glass of water and ate a clementine#but i don't wanna goooooooo it's cold and dark and i don't know what i want to eat during the weekend 😭😭😭😭😭#it's times like these i hate living alone / being single because i can't just ask someone to go to the grocery store for me#i should also clean up my kitchen and bathroom a bit#i know i'm so brave for doing shit like this all by myself but sometimes i really hope i wouldn't have to#sorry for whining about my little life on main lol pls ignore#i need no advice (but sympathy would be nice. an encouraging headpat even)
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
got home from work earlier only to discover that my father is home which has legitimately ruined all of my fucking plans for tonight and definitely ruins all of my plans for tomorrow and tuesday and wednesday 🙃
#⟡ — kayleigh’s yapping#can i just get a FEW FUCKING DAYS of having the house to myself#if he could go tf back up to camp tomorrow or tuesday morning that’d be fucking AWESOME#why do i never fucking have my days off free. why is he always only gone on the days that i fucking work.#i hate living here i hate being like this i am. so. fucking. tired.#but too fucking bad i can’t move out because i can’t work full-time and i don’t have any fucking friends to help me#i am terrified of living alone like genuinely#but every single “friend” that has promised to get an apartment or whatever with me has fucked me over#i shall just fucking rot in my father’s house until i fucking die i guess#the house itself is rotting and riddled with black mold so i mean. fitting innit
2 notes
·
View notes