#i am quitting this job as soon as i can
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"I'm sorry she didn't handle the situation in a way that was comfortable for you." ?????!??!?!??? No, I didn't expect her to immediately confront a man in the middle of the library after I verbatim said "HEY IT ISN'T A PROBLEM YET but that man over there keeps staring me down every time I go over there to help that lady and its starting to get creepy, I'm just letting you know" because I think, I think, any other person's reaction would've been to ask more questions maybe, or hey! SINCE YOU APPARENTLY KNEW THE FUCKING GUY maybe TELL ME that that's just how he acts instead of telling him that he was making me uncomfortable and thus making a fucking scene and making him feel uncomfortable enough to leave the library??!!? Because, you know, its his fucking neighborhood, and also because, you know, if you have fucking eyes, you could see that I have bright ass orange hair, you know, really recognizable hair. So when this story gets passed around town, as these things always do, there's no way to not ID me :) which is just so fucking fun and cool. So no, I guess, maybe, I was not comfortable with how the situation was handled. I guess I was expecting, idk, maybe some tact and grace coming from the woman who's supposedly been a security guard for several years. And allegedly dealt with varying levels of conflict. Because now patrons are probably gonna be nervous to look at me like I'm a fucking celebrity who yells at people when they make eye contact. Since I fucking guess no one else in this bitchass library can use their brain. Or god forbid, communicate with me instead of immediately jumping to confrontation. Like WHY WOULD YOU NOT JUST TELL ME THAT'S NORMAL FOR HIM. I genuinely want to know what I have been doing in the last eight months that gives the impression that I would not be accommodating to that. I genuinely genuinely am staring to believe that grown ass adults just cannot handle quiet people, like maybe a 5'4 person with 0 muscle mass is so scary to talk to that you just won't tell me shit. I mean it has to be RBF right??? I am so so soooo sorry for not holding your hand and spoon feeding you social interactions, I truly thought we were adults with heads on our shoulders, that is so deeply my mistake. "We just want to make sure staff feels comfortable before anything else" hey jackass?? In what WORLD would this make a n y o n e more comfortable dude WHAT. I will take responsibility and say that I should've just kept my mouth shut and dealt with it. And you can bet your entire ass that the next time I do feel uncomfortable in that fuckass, paneled, cave of a building that I will not say a word. I would say rant over but I will be screaming about this for days.
#i am quitting this job as soon as i can#if my living situation were more stable id have walked the fuck out#i used to get so upset at the thought of making my co workers uncomfortable because i am not good at talking#but jesus lord above#and the fact that any connection i had built with regulars is probably shot to hell#makes me want to throw up#like fuck dude.
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You doing ok?
hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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I loove the android robin au it's really one of the most interesting au I have seen in a while.
I am always happy to see new post abt it
Also making my favourite characters go through hell and then receiving comfort from their people is like the best thing ever for me so every time I see a whump!Robin post I like automatically
People loving android!Robin makes me so happy anansnssndsnsns she's curious and excitable and full of wonder and the world keeps punishing her for simply being alive. Sometimes it's too painful even for me, big whump lover 😭😭 though seriously, there is not enough Robin whump, and while all the characters in the show are very whumpeable, hurting my little blorbo Robin feels special because... she's just so deeply lonely. She's lonely and she thinks she deserves to be because of something wrong with her (pulling this interpretation from Surviving Hawkins lore which is canon to me 😭). That was a big idea I had when I first came up with android!Robin... that there is something wrong with her. Broken. In this AU she's literally broken in a lot of way (battery and memory problems, weak joints in her lower half, etc), but that's all within the range of normal robot problems. The real issue with her is that she's sentient. It terrifies people because it really brings out the existencial horror of... well, existing. It terrifies Robin most of all. She is the problem. She is what's wrong with her. She shouldn't exist.
But at the same time, she loves being alive so much! She doesn't understand it and doesn't know how it happened, but it happened, and now she's real and wants to experience life and the world and know people like human beings do. So it's her constant battle to become human despite humans having hurt her so much in the past... only for Nancy to already see her as human. Just one made of metal and plastic, but human nonetheless. She's the first person to see her that way and maybe everyone else thinks she's crazy, but Nancy is used to that. She's so sure of this, though, of Robin's self-awareness. She trusts her so blindly. She doesn't even need proof. And not only does she believe her, but she defends her humanity in front of her friends and family so ardently, fighting so hard for Robin to be aknowledged by everyone else as human. Fighting so hard to give her a home and family for the first time in her life.
Nancy has it bad for Robin, really. She's just so in love, even if everyone else thinks she's crazy for falling in love with a machine (no one thinks she is, though, because they all know Robin, and once you know Robin, it's impossible not to love her).
#ronance#android!Robin AU#robin buckley#😭😭 every day im emotional about her at 4 am#ok nice things now:#nancy takes her shopping for the first time! because robin never quite developed her own style#and being a girly girl to Nancy clothes are such a big part of your identity#robin finds these cool chains peoole wear as necklaces and bracelets and all these rings and she loves how they all look on her#and this jacket with different patches on it... she never thought she'd be the kind of girl to like shopping but she's so excited#because its the first time she's choosing what clothes to wear#Nancy introduces her to many different kinds of music alongside Steve#and then eventually the whole gang joins them. everyone gets to suggest one artist and soon Robin has this long asf playlist#to listen to so she can figure out what she likes#same with movies - they all now have weekly movie nights so they can show Robin different films#robin slowly discovering her passions... she reads a lot and finds out she loves languages and literature#and she decides she wants to get into college to study something related to it#she also decides she wants to travel through Europe and wants to bring Nancy with her#she decorates her room with movie and music posters#she decides she really likes cyndi lauper#she tries to learn how to dance with youtube tutorials#dragging Nancy into it#she gets to watch a lot of movies at her job at the movie theater#and she makes friends with her coworkers there#she's not fully and truly becoming a person#she has never been this happy#my posts#thank you for your ask i love talking about android!robin
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I don't know man. it's just crazy to me. I have a client family that loves me, is endlessly kind, is always telling me how great I am. they joke with me. they gift me jars of honey from their personal beehive. election month rolls around and I hear my client's mother at the table voting down the ballot: "of course we have to vote no on that" to amending the california constitution to include same-sex couples. they blare fox news the day after the election, groveling right wing commentators fearmongering about rapists coming over the border and sex change operations as I do math problems at the table with their son. idk. it's such a chilling yet completely normal thing. these people who are so kind to me, who expertly mask hatred towards those unlike themselves until they don't, who are kind to me only because I blend in, who vote to actively harm me/my community and think absolutely nothing of it.
#I am very lucky in many ways and I'm grateful for that.#this is not me lamenting about myself. it's really just an observation of how fucking crazy it is that people can smile at you#and be kind to you and also hate you unknowingly. because of who you are#or similarly can vote to have your civil rights stripped and still expect to be your friend.#it is not as if being friends with xx minority group has ever stopped people from voting as if they want their friends dead.#it's 'me and my immediate family' for way too many people#I wish I could save this kid from absorbing their ideals. but what can I do.#quitting this job soon probably
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There’s nothing quite like getting a wedding invitation from the guy you used to have a crush on in high school
#Hmm. Feels awful!!#Me to me: Maybe. I'm not quite over this.#IDK IT FEELS WEIRD MAN. I'm very happy for him. But also kinda bummed at the same time.#I think I'm more just dreading showing up and being like aha yeah! Here I am!#I haven't changed at all since we last spoke! Not at all!!#Nothing new or exciting going on with me ever. No accomplishments. No partner I can brag about. NOTHIN#Hey anybody wanna show up as my fake date. Fake dating to lovers AU /j#Idk it just feels wrong to keep hearing from my friends in high school who are all getting married and having kids#Meanwhile me. Who has never dated anybody ever. And has nothing to show from the past five years:#SORRY I'M JUST HAVING A MID-LIFE CRISIS I GUESS. AT THE RIPE OLD AGE OF 26.#Me: I've been dealing with my anxiety and depression on the daily for years now and yeah that's it how are you#My friends: I got my dream job and I'm marrying the love of my life and I'm going to buy a house soon!!#I WANT TO CRAWL INTO A HOLE. AND DIE. YEAH. THAT SOUNDS GOOD#Sorry I need to sit here and feel pathetic and hate myself for a second. Then I'll get overe it#*over#Shima speaks#Maybe I can lie and say I've been backpacking through Europe for the last five months. LMAO
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It Is So Fucking Expensive To Live Out Here
#the housemate who brought up us paying more of the rent is coming home today and i am quite frankly.#a little terrified.#i cant pay any more than i already do. at least not until i get another job#which. made email contact with my potential caseworker yesterday and she will hopefully be calling me soon#kiiinda hoping i can get help with a rental voucher of some kind#i like living out here but Christ.#anyway. it's not like this housemate can actually make me (or my roommate) pay any more than we do#we have everything in writing i'm pretty sure#i need to double check#but he can probably make me miserable#so that's fun !#like we split rent by size of room#so the single room [redacted] and i share is uhhh. $975 or so#but we each pay half that because we share the room#the other two housemates pay $725 and $675 for their rooms#Christ just typing those is awful#like we could *maybe* pay $500 each for our room. $1000 for a shared bedroom.#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#^ having An Time#love being Insane. its so fun how it makes it extremely difficult to have a job.#i miss washing dishes :(
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Tag rant/vent
#what if I just quit#and find a pay pig#someone willing to pay for all of my life#for just a little attention#or i could sell pics of my feet#the foot pic market is quite big#or my armpits#hell i'd sell worn socks#i just don't know how intelligent it can be for me to be at this workplace#working 8 hours a day again soon#with that colleague treating me without any respect#when I know i could have it so much easier#i love my job#but god#i am overwhelmed#i think my panic attacks this morning came from being stressed about work#it just#urgh
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Ugh i don't want to go to work, fuck it let them fire me
#i won't let them actually win that way#but damn it I don't wanna#i am meeting with someone in Monday to discuss a new support tech job so maybe I can quit soon
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'you only live once, and i think it’s right to live doing what you want to do. if you want to quit, then quitting is right, if you don’t think so then it’s right not to quit. we have one life anyways' x
#needed this today thank you wonu🫂#everyday i wake up thinking i should quit my job#i am not learning anything nor am i growing#it doesn't serve me anything other than money which is imp but also#my mental health is at its worst#hoping i can gather the courage to quit soon🫶#a reminder for anyone going through a dilemma!#🌟
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I miss!!! engaging here!!!!!
#someday I will make Content again I promise 🙏#and actually keep up with yalls posts#cause soon either my job is gonna give me fewer hours or I'm quitting lol this overtime shit is taking up my life#I am rotating story posts AND edits in my mind but god knows when I can actually execute them
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getting motivated to work on that kaokana fic finally and i have added like 1k this week.... so much progress for me i'm so happy
#not writing#shay speaks#not guaranteeing the next chapter will be soon i'm still unsure#of when i want to end this one and start the next#but this one is only like.... 2k words right now?#okay google docs says its 1.4k words rn so yeah#we are making progress i'm hoping to get 4k or so at least before i decide to start ch4#and then i have to edit it and all that jazz obviously.... but augh i'm just happy to be working on this again#and i edited my bb fic a lot today since my beta has given feedback on like 7 pages of that#AND i quit my job at joanns so i should go back to working only 5 days a week instead of 6#and maybe i can get more motivation to write. i think part of why i'm writing more is the fact that i qui t aamfpdiosd#i am already feeling better knowing there is an end in sight to these 6 day weeks#my boss was chill about it she understands and i'm not going to like#slack off just bc i put in my 2 weeks#but yeah. thats my life update ig mapsdfiomsdpifodjs#big bang fic is looking very nice so far after edits and i'm excited to get that out#again its probably going to be split in two idk if i want to try and finish it before whenever i end up getting to post#mostly cuz like. idk i'm probably still like 4k out from finishing it and noooooo thank u. maybe another day#it's at the word count minimum though thats what matters
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I always tried doing what I was supposed to be doing and I feel like it did not lead me where it should’ve
#like I did what I was told I have to do right#do well in school#a bachelors a masters an office job#i am not having a good time#idk feels like I should be doing better by now than I am#and I suppose that’s on me#i know rationally that I am not old#but it feels like I’m already failing at life#and I should’ve been way more ahead by now#i just feel like I don’t know what to do in general tbh#this week’s been rough#maybe it’s just my job#I definitely need to quit sometime soon#i don’t think I can handle it much longer#but the job market is a whole mess#ugh#anyway#rambling over#tbd later
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I have an absolute perfect storm of a shift coming up in April and I can’t decide whether I should cancel it
#i’ll set the scene for you: 9th april. easter sunday. the cafe is going to be absolutely Mental that day i just know it#i am on shift with: my manager (who’s lovely but she will be in the office all day doing managerial shit unless it gets so busy we literally#can’t cope); another new girl (who’s fairly nice); and my most hated coworker (who made me cry last week)#and to cap it off: i’m probably going to get my period that day!!!!! or maybe the day before which would be even worse since it’s a saturday#and i’m also working that day#why did i so cavalierly say ‘yeah weekends work really well; give me weekend shifts’#i’ve gone ahead and figured out when all my future periods are and put a ‘DO NOT ACCEPT A SHIFT ON THIS DAY OR DAY BEFORE OR AFTER’#on my calendar on the expected day 1 of my period#i just don’t know what to do. because what if i cancel it (offer up my shift in the rota app) and then my period is late anyway#i would feel so stupid. and if i get it on the saturday there’s not much point cancelling sunday because yeah day 2 is still bad#but if i survive a day 1 at work i can survive a day 2#the demon on my shoulder is like ‘quit’ but i LIKE this job and more importantly i don’t want to go back to job hunting#i’ve spent the whole morning searching up like ‘how to survive your period at work’ and gotten Nothing Of Use lmao#it’s all aimed at people with desk jobs and girl if i was allowed to sit down that’d be like 90% of my problems gone immediately#should i just go on birth control. should i call the doctor while mabel has lunch and see if i can get in on friday#that might be the cheat code honestly. just straight up skip that period and get it the next week#BC does give me absolutely wild mood swings which is why i’m not on it but like.. surely there’s One out there that won’t mess me up#like i was on loestrin for about 4 years i think. rigevidon messed me up but surely it’s not the only one that’s appropriate for me??#i’ll try to call them soon. gotta feed mabel first#personal
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#i'm sooo happy about all the wishes i got and all the love i received but i'm also so so sad because well. depression#birthdays just aren't the same especially since like last year and the year before. birthdays stopped birthdaying . i don't even remember#my bday in 2020. what did i even get. wtf. well either way i'm like really sad and about to cry because things feel wrong but i try to#think about the positives and i really am just so thankful i have my friends here i really love you all alot. i hope i can be happy soon#i am scared this coming year will be full of. me wasting it away with this ugly job#i wanna quit so bad and i have to literally for MY wellbeing because . i'm constantly dissociative#hmmmm. Hmmmm
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funny update a couple of months later for People Who Want to Know: i dont have the car that got me into this Incredibly Minor Accident anymore. while after the accident, i did have to get the brakes serviced (wow, they were faulty, who knew!), it proceeded to have Several More Issues, such as: the transmission being fucked up and Trouble With Turns. i still drove it regardless because i needed that shit to get to college but eventually the radiator fan stopped working on it (where it would start overheating if the car wasn't moving (if the car was moving then air could still blow over the engine, cooling it down)) and My Mother deemed it too dangerous to drive. RIP to the shitty 2012 jeep liberty hand-me-down with 200k miles that led to the creation of the Kim Moment(TM).
need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago
(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)
#also i have not had any Kim Moments since. SAD!#very funny to me all the people with systems relating w/ this. unfortunately my brain likes to play with characters like dolls and it will#do this to me sometimes. shoutout to the times when someone would text something to me and then id envision what one of my OCs would respon#with in my head. adhd hyperfixation moment if i can be quite honest.#also i never got a follow up from the other guy that i got into the accident with so im assuming his car is okay. thumbsup emoji#and i havent been in any accidents since so erm... w for me!#(i have only been driving this new car for like 5 days and im Nervous. and ill be driving it more than my old car because im Getting Job#soon.... ough)#i remember the day that My Mother decided the car was too unsafe to drive very clearly. because it happened recently.#for some context: i live 30 minutes away from one of the campuses of my college. but the campus i need to actually attend (because it's the#campus with all of the IT shit at it woo network admin) is a full on hour away and also located inside a big city. thankfully the campus i#live near has a service that sends a bus between those two campuses so i can drive to that campus#and then get on the bus for the remaining 30 mins it takes to get there#now imagine you're me. because of fears developed by having Childhood ADHD i am very afraid of being late for ANYTHING. because i need to#rely on the bus schedule between the two campuses#every day i make sure to leave at least 30 mins earlier than i realistically could. this is both because if i dont i'll be Late To Being#Early but also despite my route not going across any major roads#i live in Suburban Bumfuck Town and the two-lane roads i use to travel are the exclusive lifelines to the rest of Everywhere Fucking Else#so they have a tendency to get backed up when backups happen in Everywhere Fucking Else (could specify more but i dont wanna doxx myself :p#cue The Day. i am Driving to College. i already have some knowledge that my car seems to have some trouble with cooling itself down#but i'm not sure what the cause is or how big of a problem it is yet. unbeknownst to me an Accident has occured on one of the major routes#in my area. as I'm approaching to be about 10 mins away from the campus i start to see evidence of The Traffic because of this.#while being just a dinky two-lane road this shit is practically bumper-to-bumper. moving at a snail's pace#and i imagine it's likely because people are being jackasses about merging onto this road from the people who have had their route#unexpectedly diverted because of the accident.#so im sitting there in the traffic. the car is not moving or it is moving very slowly across short distances.#DING! goes the car. ah crap the engine temp is starting to get high... maybe being stopped is what causes it i think to myself#so now i am Slightly Worried. the car has Dinged. and i might even be Late to School because of the traffic. but surely the cars gonna be#fine driving me the rest of the way right?#advance forward in time about like 5 minutes. i have moved forward but not much. i am near the gas station i usually refill at en route
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I once told a very good friend about tarrare and she (lovingly) said "No offense Ki, but like, you sound like this man if he came back as a goth girl." And that's been my entire personality/basis of my comics for the past 8 years.
Anyway I should draw T again but I'm always at FUCKING WORK.
#legit i miss being in school and need to draw T and her big naturals again#please god its been months#i hate my job#legit like we will have times where the tourists dont come in for hours but you're not allowed a sketchbook at your station#you can't read#you get placed on your final warning INSTANTLY if they catch you on your phone#once you're done cleaning you are literally supposed to just stand there and do fuck all#and like#the managers watch the cameras while also doing fuck all#all i can do is stand there and think about how i could be working on my grad school portfolio <3#i am 👌🏾 this close to quitting#anyway yeah new art coming soon im not dead lmao just employed
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