#what if I just quit
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#what if I just quit#and find a pay pig#someone willing to pay for all of my life#for just a little attention#or i could sell pics of my feet#the foot pic market is quite big#or my armpits#hell i'd sell worn socks#i just don't know how intelligent it can be for me to be at this workplace#working 8 hours a day again soon#with that colleague treating me without any respect#when I know i could have it so much easier#i love my job#but god#i am overwhelmed#i think my panic attacks this morning came from being stressed about work#it just#urgh
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everytime I go to my job, I feel like i get inflicted with poison or, like, the nauseous effect from minecraft. I instantly get assassinated.
what if......I quit my job......what if;;.,, what if I.;,.,
ough.....
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I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.
And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.
#i saw the tv glow#I saw the tv glow spoilers#it is SUCH a queer story#the disassociation. the hiding in fiction to feel alive.#the horror of watching time tick by and knowing you’re not who you’re meant to be#the unique paralysis of staying put in hell because it’s safer than what might be over the horizon#the tragedy of trying to help someone who isn’t ready to be helped#god it’s so much. god. rarely do I walk out of a film and just stare soundlessly into space#anyway. please see this movie. although I sort of hope if you’re reading this post it’s cuz you already have#eta: I used he because the main character never quite vocalizes another pronoun#but this is SUCH a trans story. suuuuch a trans story. it is not even a little subtle#it’s so good and so so painful
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The one eyed Siffrin Wink™
#i wanted to know how it'd look so i animated it (a still image doesnt rly do it)#i ended up going way cleaner than i usually do for animation so it took a couple days#but im really pleased with him - im quite proud of my style matching - just the lineart is too thick but thats ok#little scrunko winks for u#what mischievious thoughts are they having? probably sadder ones than u'd think#my art#my animations#isat#in stars and time#isat siffrin#animation
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spiraling
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#megumi fushiguro#fushiguro megumi#gojo satoru#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#the minute i realized how tg coded the composition n colours were i decided to turn it up to 11#i was racking my brain trying 2 figure out how to get the layered tissue paper look tht i talked abt ishida's cover art having#cycled through all my usual layer modes n nothing ws Quite right#until wouldnt u know it . divide n subtract!!!!! i NEVER use divide or subtract bc theyre impossible#but fr this??? its like they were made for it oh my god#it makes the greys look translucent n all my textures pop in a way that makes them appear splotchy n Bruised#which ws the whole point thts the Look god i am so PLEASED#when the layer modes tht notoriously get No love finally find their niche <33 peace and love <333#filing this away fr later i am going 2 have a lot of fun with this new information i think#im very happy w how the colours look n i dont think anything else wld have kept the right Mood#but i am always so >:/ when i have to use a palette tht forces me into giving megumi blue eyes#had to set aside th green eyed megu agenda fr the Aesthetic unfortunately#anyway i knew from the minute i saw it that i wanted to do smth involving the opening panel of 268#bc that panel is S tier#i figured tht if nothing came 2 me i wld just redraw it as-is bc it's alr so good but as i ws sketching i was like#u know what u havent done in a while? art tht looks like u r going Insane#art tht makes ur family ask whether everything is ok#so i once again tucked megumi's knees up 2 his chest and apologized insincerely to him fr making the third megumi angst piece in a row#:)
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I HAVE. A QUERY. for artists who have been posting stuff online for several years now....
#saw some of my older stuff reposted and didnt feel like going through the divorce paperwork needed to take it down quite yet#so i just credited myself in the comments and then . the comments got turned off <//3 it is what it is i suppose!!#saturn is rambling down
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i love when words fit right. seize was always supposed to be that word, and so was jester. tuesday isn't quite right but thursday should be thursday, that's a good word for it. daisy has the perfect shape to it, almost like you're laughing when you say it; and tulip is correct most of the time. while keynote is fun to say, it's super wrong - i think they have to change the label for that one. but fox is spot-on.
most words are just, like, good enough, even if what they are describing is lovely. the night sky is a fine term for it but it isn't perfect the way november is the correct term for that month.
it's not just in english because in spanish the phrase eso si que es is correct, it should be that. sometimes other languages are also better than the english words, like how blue is sloped too far downwards but azul is perfect and hangs in the air like glitter. while butterfly is sweet, i think probably papillion is more correct, although for some butterflies féileacán is much better. year is fine but bliain is better. sometimes multiple languages got it right though, like how jueves and Πέμπτη are also the right names for thursday. maybe we as a species are just really good at naming thursdays.
and if we were really bored and had a moment and a picnic to split we could all sit down for a moment and sort out all the words that exist and find all the perfect words in every language. i would show you that while i like the word tree (it makes you smile to say it), i think arbor is correct. you could teach me from your language what words fit the right way, and that would be very exciting (exciting is not correct, it's just fine).
i think probably this is what was happening at the tower of babel, before the languages all got shifted across the world and smudged by the hand of god. by the way, hand isn't quite right, but i do like that the word god is only 3 letters, and that it is shaped like it is reflecting into itself, and that it kind of makes your mouth move into an echoing chapel when you cluck it. but the word god could also fit really well with a coathanger, and i can't explain that. i think donut has (weirdly) the same shape as a toothbrush, but we really got bagel right and i am really grateful for that.
grateful is close, but not like thunder. hopefully one day i am going to figure out how to shape the way i love my friends into a little ceramic (ceramic is very good, almost perfect) pot and when they hold it they can feel the weight of my care for them. they can put a plant in there. maybe a daisy.
#warm up#writeblr.#i am not going to personally comment on the pineapple debate#some things are too big for me.#maybe we could have everything on earth choose their own names.#wouldn't that be fun#it is a creative writing exercise. okay. ily#''why only these languages?'' ..... bc i dont know every language#sorry :(#PLEASE leave me comments about what words u think are correct. i love learning them#btw! this isn't saying these are the most BEAUTIFUL words for it... just the words that are the most CORRECT#like i quite like the word ''keynote'' as mentioned. it's got a lot of fun sounds in it.#but it is not CORRECT.#''gloaming''' is interesting and fun and poetic but it is NOT correct . evening is MORE correct#but less beautiful.#does that make sense?
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Happy 1 year anniversary to Mr Sherlock Holmes! Here's a litttleee celebratory comic from me
#sherlock & co#sherlock and co#writing these tags on the 29th of september#which is when john and sherlock ACTUALLY met <3#so there you go#uh once again shout out to candy for letting me talk through some of my processes#it helps immensely and i really wanted to be sure i was getting across what i wanted to with this one#speaking of which - usually i yap a lot in the tags of these bcus i love talking about art#for this one...im not sure i want to comment too much#because i'll be here forever and i think most things can speak for themself#but let me say this one thing#for the first five pages i was drawing john on paper and sherlock on the computer exclusively#and then bringing them together..#uh it really made me think of paul and harry. recording on opposite sides of the world. brought together by the power of editing#its not a particularly emotional scene but i hope ive infused it with. something.#anyway thats it from me#if u want to ask about any particular aspect i would love to yap about the process but i'll just leave it here for now or i'll never shut u#happy 1 year podpals#patsart#oh yeah i will say i did have to take quite a bit of liberty with the audio in order to do what i wanted. forgive me#or dont idc
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St. Hilarion's ghost story
#payneland#edwin x charles#dead boy detectives#dbda#pre canon angst brought to you by the weirdo who's always drawing post canon fluff#something about oral tradition and old timey slang#i took quite a lot of decisions with this one so buckle up#first of all the female ghost keeps edwin's eyes color because there's still some truth to the legend#the background is the same shade of green to reference hell#just like it is when he's having his flashback#alive charles is dressed all in black because he's not a happy boy#i also made it so that he grips his clothes when his mate punches him even as it's intended to be friendly#because well#these people will end up killing him so it's less friendly when you remember THAT#charles obviously doesn't mean anything by the mary ann comment#he doesn't know the slang meaning and just blurted out what he remembered from the legend#he will find out reach some conclussions and go punch a wall about it probably#about edwin tho his escape is still very recent and he didn't expect this#but even so early on he knows charles means no harm and allows himself to be comforted#it wasn't intentional but hey edwin shruggin off charles' touch is a good parallel to that one scene after charles “kills” the night nurse
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"Good" Acting
i have a theory that a lot of people say acting is "good" when they're emotionally moved by it, and a lot of cishet white people have a lifelong habit of not listening or empathising when minoritised people speak, so minority actors get called "bad" even when they display some pretty fucking amazing technical skill
#also a lot of female actors don't get recognised despite being fucking GOOD#that's not to say minority actors can't always be bad#of course we can#I'm just saying#sometimes#for SOME shows in particular#ahem ahem#some actors might get very heavily criticised for reasons that have very little to do with their actual technical skill#and more to do with the politics of those criticising them#also I'm not talking about me here#before anyone says that#I'm talking about some actors I know who have recently been criticised in my opinion quite unfairly#despite doing something very difficult#like oooohhh i dunno#playing two roles in the same show?#and doing it very well#displaying some amazing technical mastery of body and voice technique#but hey what do I know#oh wait I went to drama school and I'm a professional actor lol I DO know#I'm just a woman so I have to couch my expertise in cutesy self-deprecation lest people think I'm a bitch
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Your highness… I don’t feel so good
#I was literally getting the same feeling I got watching Jimmy’s empires 2 when I was watching scars stream from 2 days ago…#and then doc said THAT. full body chills. thanks#hermitcraft#hermitcraft s10#docm77#docm77 skyblock#hermitcraft skyblock#idk how to tag that man#art escapades#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#empires smp#empires s2#sheriff jimmy#tumble town#uhhhh idk what else to tag hopefully that covers it#idk… something about scar and Cleo and Joe all teasing him relentless despite the fact that he was obviously Actually upset#(‘I’m sure it’s actually fine but just. the vibes of someone who’s sick of getting messed with getting relentlessly messed with. yknow)#it makes me feel vaguely sick#again I’m sure they’re fine but idk man he sounded so mad#so naturally. whatever this is happened in my brain#I’m normal I just needed to get this out of my system <3#there’s some really interesting parallels happening here that I can’t quite put into worse#words*#so I put it into images instead… hopefully you’re getting my brain waves
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hahahahah hah ha haaa
#what if i just quit#just gave up right now#its time to go#shes so fucking manipulative. cunt.#I've already spent every day of this week with you im sorry thats apparently not enough#I'm sorry u dont have a fucking life or friends and ur taking it out on me now#bc guess what!! i havent seen any of my friends or other family members this week#haha remember when vacations were supposed to be fun#and now i wanna take an entire bottle and then get in my car and crash it in the lake 👍#might just be what i do around 1am once the bitch goes to sleep#she wants to play manipulative mind games and guilt trips?? well hoo boy im about to one up her big time#omg lol this post has made me realize she was also the trigger for the first time o statted cutting!!! thanks so much gma#depression#i think we're well past depression actually#sewerslidal rn i think. definitely got the ideas going#i just. wanna be home with my cats. or i should have stayed and played with my 4yo niece
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on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as 'masturbatory' because even though it's an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it's impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance
#it's such an ugly word but like. self-pleasure is good‚ actually#it's good to know yourself and what you like and lovingly treat yourself to it!#like similarly 'meretricious' is extremely tempting if you ignore the underlying metaphor#but. hard to.#language#and quite frankly i think people who whip out 'masturbatory' in this sneering sort of way#are leveraging‚ if we're honest with ourselves‚ a particular framing of it as a gross thing that boys do#because like. when have you ever heard a *woman's* self-indulgent art described as masturbatory#like don't get me wrong we absolutely still dismiss it! but we dismiss it in other ways#that are usually about how embarrassing her *yearning* is#and so even our sneering is reinforcing an idea that men Act whereas women Feel#anyway this was prompted by some things but i shoved it in the queue so now i forget what lol#so here you are getting some contextless thoughts on the use of 'masturbatory' as sneering dismissive assessment!#just what you were hoping for i'm sure :)
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[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]
Hitting a lil' too close to home?
#junie art post#ink sans#error sans#utmv#errorink#implied. but yea not the focus#this has been turning around in my mind for quite some time. im glad to finish it lmao idk if my ramblings make sense even.#so like listen. do you ever think about how similar the function of the utmv is to the dark worlds in deltarune.#in a meta narrative to fandom sense? idk the word#we are making exaggerated expanded worlds of the ordinary tools and entertainment of the real world and make it into something more#isnt that very very interesting?#and we explore every sort of possibility in that creation. both good and bad#and when all is said and done. every possibility found and the entertainment and secrets has all run out#we put it away. abandon and leave it behind#what is left? what happens to the world and characters we have created? can it sustain without us?#what of the ones left in the dark?#idk if yall saw me a few months ago but i reblogged comyet's old post of ink begging us not to leave him alone and to keep creating#yea that never left me#and seeing exactly THAT SCENARIO in deltarune made my brain iTCH#imagine an ink in King's position.... wait isnt that just underverse#mmmmmmm. darkner ink.....#also error is here too. not just for errorink or that i can't separate these two to save my life#but error is also one of the few people to be able to GET IT?? he can hear the creators too. ink cant#but hes pretty much programmed himself to avoid having a mental break down to this via reboot memory loss.#and ink has his own internal coping mechanism (hooray for short term memory loss)#these two idiots will do anything but confront truths lmfao#ahhh my favorite idiots. never change#mmmmm#deltarune
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An unbothered queen has entered, and subsequently left.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen qing#wen ning#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#In the audio drama she quite literally opens the door and then leaves after seeing them without breaking conversation.#It is both so impressive and deeply funny to me.#I imagine her just literally pivoting in one foot and walking right out.#She came home after a long day at work and in 0.5 seconds went “I would rather go back to the office than deal with this right now”.#Besides tickling me to near tears - this scene is also a great introduction to Wen Qing - her first instinct is to protect!#She lives by the code of 'I don't care who you are - if you need help I will lend it.' a true doctor and professional.#Sure she is *mad* that Wen Ning puts himself (and her to a lesser extent) at risk by helping 'the enemy' but she gives in quick.#I love Wen Qing a lot - she is such an unsung hero in this story.#Sorry that her first appearance on this blog was...what it was. I'll let your curiosity take you down that path...
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wanted to scribble a couple of my favorite moments from the "Just So" song demo <3
#i keep listening to all the audios over and over again#theyre just so!!! Yippee Yahoo and all that!!!!#instant comfort and stress relief. somehow#they scratch that brain itch yk yk#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#welcome home fanart#still puzzling out how i wanna clean my sketches#im pretty happy with the current method???#but still idk... its Missing something...#im almost satisfied but not quite#but im not sure what it lacks!#eh ill figure it out eventually....
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