#i am not proud of that but like. idk. i don't want it to be 'too late' to be better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

somehhuuuhh · 17 hours ago

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Some random drawings that I haven't posted yet :P

Beware I'm going to yap alot so um don't mind my spelling mistakes

Error :3

I really like to think that he is a very big fan of Sans and watch him fight the human and cheer him on. He will make his own Sans sweeter and talk to a plushie of Sans. Idk I thought is would be a cute headcanon :3

SANS UNDERTALE!?

Idk what I was doing I just wanted to doodle him. Look at him and his aroace ass (that's my headcanon BTW 💅) Tbh I don't think i got the pose wrong it looks wonky to me :P

Pixel art 🎨

I'm not very good at pixel art so I tried to draw Ink and Nightmare in pixel. idk does it look good? Cuz for some reason I think nightmare looks so squish and Ink ummm I'm actually proud of Ink tbh :D (see I can like my art!) I'm thinking of doing more pixel art in the future...

Inkmare au :3

It was based on that one meme (if you know you know) I made this a while ago so it their old designs. I think this is so adorable and it's there relationship in a nutshell :3

Dustard 😈😈😈😈

Heheheheheheh dustard >:3 Am I the only one who wants more wholesome for this god forsaken ship? I mean they both deserve each other and their such bad ass. I want nothing more to see more wholesome but I mean I'm not complaining when I see angst :v

Rottencrops

I NEED MORE OF THIS

Grrrrrrr feeed me

But I really do like this ships and I remember this being super popular but ig things die down which socks cuz this is a cute ship (it has the angst potential)

Dreamtale brothers headshots

I mean they just headshots of them but I'll still like to talk about it

Nightmare just looks so pathetic and so cute in the same time idk.

Dream errmmmmmm I gave him rosy cheeks :D

Frisk design <3

I wanted to make a design for them that it's hard to tell them if their are a girl or a boy and idk did I succeed? I feel like I'm going to use this design for Frisk for on now.

Kay that's all me eppy -w-

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necrotic-nephilim · 22 days ago

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as an apology for being gone for a month, have a uquiz i spent a week making! pls feel free to reblog with which character you got, i worked way too hard on this silly little thing. there are eight different characters you can get that are varying levels of unknown, with comic recommendations for each character <3

#necrotic nuisance #batfamily #uquiz #batfamily uquiz #reblog for sample size #some of these characters are my fave but some are not #so I apologize if I didn't do them right I tried my best I swear #I can promise i've read all the comics recommended for each character tho!#so this was based on. something idk #I have no explanation for why I vanished for a month. it felt longer. but it also was a short month #it took time getting settled in and figuring out a routine with a baby #also answering those rlly long asks started draining me I got daunted kjjhgjkhjg #I love them tho! I will get to them #but expect them to be answered veryyy slowly now #I tried to post like 5-10 a day #and with my current life rn that is absolutely not feasible #Christmas break is coming up and my brother in law has two weeks off so! I should have spare time over the holidays to get back into it #also idk why but i've been fighting with writing #it's not even writer's block it's like I can't write well #idk what happened.#i think i'll go back to finish up the whump prompts bc it'll let me write without pressure #so expect those to come out!#i am proud of this quiz tho pls take it.#it took me so long.#I will not say which characters are in it bc I don't wish to clog tags #and I want it to be a surprise #of the ppl i've made take it so far tho I will say the breakdown of the most popular result is fascinating to me

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mirainotes · 2 months ago

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you don't want to know the end of this dream, because it's not the world you wish for; yet still, i wish you'd love even this conclusion.

(redraw of the dreamless dreams PV!)

#omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #kim dokja #orv spoilers #implied. like i don't think it would spoil you to see this on its own but its heavily implied.#anyways. dreamless dreams is the most kdj song ever to me. i want to redraw multiple other shots as kdj too.#especially the scene in which um the protag like. beheads her past self. wonder who that sounds like lol.#anyhow. this was hard to do bc the torii in the original pv shot breaks up the values really well. this version does not have anything like #that so i had to resort to coloring the train's metal parts darker instead... idk if it works LOL #am i alright even as the failure i am. can i still be loved kindly. can a good for nothing like me even speak of dreams.#hahahaha. lol even #theres a picture book out there all for you. there really is one isnt there #fortune art #like im not the most proud of this but the main point here is that everyone should listen to dreamless dreams.

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eggsistential-basket · 3 months ago

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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way

#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me #not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out #every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the #do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further #supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless #all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless #the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about #but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing #now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it #your whole life on it #and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet #don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it #told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life #he asked me if I'm even a person #which feels very true #i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it #I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of #i know it's really early in my life to say but #idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving #i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire #your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing #the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet #when i was younger #maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled #or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now #maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at #eggsistential speaks #tag rant

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katsy-kitty · 7 months ago

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I'm having a strong belief based on nothing but my own conviction that this weekend I'll finally respond to everyone here and irl that I've been neglecting because I've been feeling overwhelmed for no particular reason.

Have faith in me, please. I need it.

#do you like my long sentence?#would Proust be proud?#it's 5 am and I'm being delusional af #but who knows #but maybe it will turn out to be true #I also drank alcohol and did other stupid things yesterday because a small thing set me off on the path of self- destruction #and I feel stulkd and I feel worthless #I know that it's not true intellectually but emotionally I'm a wreck and feel like everyone's mad at me #anyway #hello if you've read this far you get a hug #if you want it #if not you don't get a hug but you get my deep appreciation of your commitment to read my stupid tags #thanks everyone and see you in #idk where #I wanted to say hell but why would YOU be in hell #see you in a while!!!#hopefully #I miss you guys

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emmenai-kalliston · 3 months ago

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starting to get a new crush oops...

#i think it's good tho #I'll finally stop rotating the same three people as six months ago im my head #(who i know don't want me)#and find out exactly how am i going to manage liking someone again #after the whole debacle i caused in January with my stupid hurtful behaviour #or maybe this won't get anywhere idk. it's already happened with a girl I've met in spring #that i ended up not actually liking #i think this is already a healthier behaviour #not expecting things really #I'm proud of myself!!#personal

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littlest-bugz · 3 months ago

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Child me would be so happy if they saw who I am today- That's not something I would've ever thought I would say, but here I am. It's kind of surreal, if I'm being honest.

That poor kid went through so much pain and suffering, but I never gave up. I have my system to thank for my safety, my ability to bounce back. I am fractured but whole- broken but beautiful.

If only he could see all the good that has come into our life. Yes, I live with the same abusive family, but there is so much good.

I finally got the accommodations I always needed, I can finally say I have friends who care about me and understand me, and I can even say that the suicidal ideation I've dealt with my whole life is not an issue- and so much more that I'm grateful for. Itty Bitty Bugz would be amazed.

I've fought tooth and nail to get here. I've fought so much I scratched myself in the process, but gods be damned I am here. I am alive and breathing, surviving but thriving.

Things will never be the same- not that there ever was a moment of my life not colored with trauma- but I will always be resilient. I will always fight for my life, even if it's far from perfect.

Those who hurt me in the past- they tormented me, made every waking moment of my life hell, yet somehow, I find it in my heart to forgive them. Forgiveness not for them, but me, so I may let go of the past and step into the future- a happy future.

Many of them can only see me in their dreams at this point, but I will never forget them and the pain they cause me. Yet, despite everything they did to me, I came out on top.

Child me would be so happy. There is hope.

#random thoughts #just kinda rambling #I just the other day had a moment of noticeable healing- I realized I hadn't had suicidal thoughts in months. That's huge for me #I've been suicidal as far back as I can remember- I never wanted to live. I wanted the pain to stop.#the pain doesn't stop- not while I still live with my family- but I can cope. I have been coping.#I will say tho- My therapist has been amazing for all of this. I think having a specialist for DID made everything click #It does suck knowing that there was never not a moment of my life where I wasn't being traumatized #Those memories came back to me. But ykno what? It's just a part of my story #I don't think I would wish for my life to have gone differently. as fucked as that sounds.#I just wouldn't be the person I am today had I not gone through what I did. And I'm pretty proud of the person I see in the mirror #Someone recently told me I was extremely resilient and I'm just like- I've had to be but I love that I am #WELL... anyways #enough rambling #just my own thoughts about my healing #Idk if this needs any tws but put an ask in my anons if it does #the bugz speak

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lutarre · 5 days ago

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this has nothing to do with any mutuals, i just happened to be browsing tags and blogs by extension for stuff to queue. but. i don't feel like it's necessary to vague post about someone you've blocked. especially if it's about past details that are no longer relevant.

#fern.txt #being blocked doesn't bother me i'm blocked by handful of people for some past shit #that is now said and done #and i respect said people's desire to not interact with me because we don't matter to one another #what frustrates me a bit is the implication that shit that is no longer true is being spread about me #and without going into detail i can tell it is about me #maybe it is because i'm trying to move forward realizing i have a history of being an asshole #and i cannot undo anything i have ever done #idk i don't mean to sound so sensitive and weird #i can't change people having a view of me and i recognize that is just reality but #i have a terrible fear of anyone going around to shared mutuals and talking shit #and convincing people to mass block me again #bc i am honestly very lonely these days which was enough of a wake up call #to observe how i behave and such #and i don't mean this as an excuse but it's just to admit #the past several years have been one awful thing after another #in my personal life #a lot of which i won't detail out of respect for my wife's privacy #and i have actively just lashed out at people and been irrational #i am not proud of that but like. idk. i don't want it to be 'too late' to be better #sometimes i think it would be better for me to be way quieter here #and just reblog and never post #but i want to share screenshots and have fun with people

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robinsnest2111 · 1 month ago

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maybe one day when I can get a hold of a therapist with expertise that fits my particular issues, I can finally address the crippling feelings of jealousy and worthlessness whenever people who's kindness I treasure deeply are nice to others 🤔

#hate to admit it but deep inside i am just the absolute worst. jealousy and worthlessness are eating my insides every single day #not as bad as it once was. I've gotten pretty good at repressing my reactions. but i still feel it like a knife twisting in my chest and gut #and i don't think that's normal ✌#hate to admit it but this jealousy and the resulting feelings of worthlessness and me wanting to avoid The Bad Feelings #and unnecessary drama: if i remove myself from the situation/person i won't hurt anyone. sound logic when you're in distress. stupid asf tho #has caused the breakdown of a few friendships. and I'm not proud of how many people I've hurt this way over the years.#just wish i could get All Of This under control while avoiding all human contact #but i'm part of a social species and if i'm on my own for too long i go crazy crazy and that's not good either #will i ever get on top of this? who knows #...would that be considered black and white thinking?#like when people i care for and am happy to receive love and attention from give that same attention to others #and it feels like they won't ever give it to me again or that i am not special/our bond means nothing #and it makes me feel this ugly ugly jealousy -> shame -> worthlessness -> shame -> gotta isolate thing???#IDK?????????? i'm just working here (in my fuckdd up brain and body) i don't control the manifestation of my mental issues #anyway confessions at 6am after a sleepless night while feeling delirious from being sick with a cold 👍#might delete this later idk yet

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astrxealis · 1 year ago

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hi guys please wish me luck for my college entrance exam tomorrow for one of my dream schools xoxo

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#LET'S GOOO MGA PAREH 💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅#i'm so chill for some reason even if ik i will never forgive myself if i don't get in. anyway. manifesting!!! i will pass with flying colors #IT'S REAL DAMN STRESSFUL FOR ME bcs i am aiming for honors courses which means i have to be top 15%... i am top 15% (and higher) in my batch #in school anyway but... urgh...#so. yeah. give me all your best wishes thankyousomuchxoxo AHHEHEHWHSHFJAH sobbing (but fr. if you do. i really appreciate it!!)#i believe in myself :] mostly. the time limit scares me and math and abstract reasoning bcs 5 minutes for 30 items but yeah. okay.#i am Smart ..... bro i literally got perfect on my physics exam and got 100 in statistics (i am really proud of these in particular)#my extracurriculars are good !! all my math scores are insane (cue a math nerd) and science (science nerd) english (god. no explanation #needed) honestly every subject is slay and so is my essay-making but ERGH. honors course... top 15%...#i will try to be chill! honestly i am already lol the nerves aren't getting to me somehow. gl to me and all that i know and do not know.#both here and irl :3 also to fellow ph kids (who are most likely younger than me if they aren't older and yk not worrying abt cets anymore #LMFAO) err idk if . okay idk what i was going to say LMFAO anyway i'm busy af and idk if i'm good with teaching others #but if you ever want any tips from me (honestly i don't really have tips. i do what i do and just make it. but there's a lot involved there)#feel free to come to me for anything ^_^ anything at all tbh. doesn't have to be acads idk i like helping others in general. BUT IT DEPENDS.#but yeah just hmu whatever i will have you know i am genuinely a smart & responsible kid and i am proud of that bcs my family is amazing w #smarts but also the Hard Work is there so :3 !! english is my forte science is my forte math is my forte. also socsci and whatever tbh.#i'm probably insane but i genuinely love all those topics and what we learn in school FISHFK so yeah !!! okay i shut up now #will do my best... zzz... and then i will work on myself. to be better than i already am and even better than i could possibly be. ya. fun!#the mga pareh is a joke btw i like imitating filipino kids like that. like yooo mga pareh let's goooooo wahee!!!!!

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flamingothing · 3 months ago

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tag ramble

#not to sound like an attention seeker But does it sometimes feel like you're work is ignored if you're not already like. a big creator #this is about gifmaking yes. again -_- i do this every few months #im just dejected a little i feel because i think my gifs are good. i am very proud of them. i think they are good quality and i like my #colouring etc etc. Which is why i want people to see them. because i like them so much :D #but it feels like there's nooooo point if you're not already like. big. doing numbers. it feels like there's a wall between me and 90% of #other gifmakers and idk what it is #like what is itttt. am i not personal enough on my account? i don't think it's that. it's an interest focused acct like everyone elses #i make text post sometimes with thoughts and stuff #i try and interact with other people's gifs and stuff. i keep adjusting my queue time cuz i feel bad when stuff takes a bit to #come out and i want them to know their work is seen and i like it #outside of like. tkd lol. i gif stuff i know people like. well i gif it for me of course but i know other people on tumblr like it #and then i scroll thru the network tag for that group and every post around mine is doing numbers and mine is just. there #idk sorry for whining i guess. im just sad. i like my gifs too much If i liked my stuff less i'd care less i know #i appreciate the tags i get from friends. i really do. and i know that should be enough for me #but i also have this little ache all the time >_>#been gifmaking for 15 months now and ive yet to crack the secret

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zemnarihah · 3 months ago

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also he was like we should still be friends and i was like okay but i don't want to talk to you for a while and he was like okay let me know when you're ready and then after like a week i felt fine about it and was like we should have a call to talk more about being friends and stuff and what that would look like and he was like i'm soooo busy.... maybe tomorrow.... and it's been like several days and he hasn't made any effort to contact me. okayyyy

#like i know you are busy but i kind of have a hard time believing that you are suddenly too busy to talk to me on the phone for 15 minutes #when up until now we called every single night.#idk it's just harder to be like. charitable with him about it. Like when I look back on our relationship i want to believe that he is not #the kind of guy who just doesn't care about me as soon as I'm no longer a part of his 5 year plan #but..... the evidence.#anyway i was also planning on addressing like giving back his stuff that i have but like #if he doesn't want to talk i guess his tool jacket is going to the thrift! and i'm keeping his amp forever idc!#i am a little sad about the frankenteddies. bc they were made out of eachother and like they are very much a set. the whole idea was that wr #could have something that's connected even if we're apart. and now it's like. something cute and sweet that i made that i'm proud of that i #will never get back. and does not hold its same meaning anymore because we broke up. and i don't really want his back anyway but i don't #want him to have it either. but i don't want him to get rid of it #and i don't want to get rid of mine but it feels weird having it knowing he probably still has his #i was thinking i might get some more stuffies and #add pieces to mine so that it's not so fully made of his. like something that will always have pieces of him but has pieces of others as #well. idk. kind of on the nose but yk. better than hiding it in a closet forever

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jbweld · 5 months ago

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it is so scary being someone who was deep in the grindset and had a catastrophic crash and burn and now being in be kind to yourself rehabilitation and seeing my friends who have not had a catastrophic crash and burn keep on rolling. being so proud of their tremendous workload and the stress it causes. and i GET IT. and i've been there and i've worked myself to the bone and i know i CAN do it. and maybe that's just the only way to actually make money and be successful in the usa but unfortunately it will kill me and that's not something i can laugh and roll my eyes and shrug off anymore . :/

#but talking to them about how little i've been up to vs. their 60 hour week with three jobs #and it's not even like they're complaining about it. they're really proud of it and so am i and it's what they want to be doing #idk i feel like a lazy piece of shit !! who is doing nothing and contributing nothing and i'm just so stuck #it's just like. AAAAAHHH #and the one path i know is working myself until i end up back in physical therapy #but im also in a good enough spot that i won't lose my apartment if i don't pick up more hours. so i should probably just shut up

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bisexualmaedhros · 5 months ago

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transfem furries hornyposting online about the relatively niche/"out there" things they're into have inadvertently helped me accept myself more than the body positivity movement of the 2010s ever did

#this will not be rebloggable because i don't want people to get transmisogynistic in the notes #it's just something i've been thinking about lately #i hope i'm not like out of line for saying this please let me know if i say anything disrespectful #i just have a lot of love in my heart for transfems; especially those who log on to this website to be gay on my dash and do their thing #trans wlw being proud of their identities helped me come to terms with my own in a way. idk how to properly explain it but #idk. our experiences are very different - you have to fight to be seen as a woman and i have to fight not to #(though that is part of my identity in most cases people would use it to negate the rest)#(and of course none of us should Have to fight that but. i hope it's clear what i mean lol)#and idk like. womanhood is not achieved painlessly for you and yet so many of you embrace it so beautifully and in so many ways #it makes me want to accept that part of myself i thought i had to kill for so long #i am not entirely a woman but i love being a woman and loving other women-#platonically romantically sexually it doesn't matter #i'm so grateful i get to share a community with you all and read/hear/watch your thoughts and experiences and such #which goes beyond sex stuff but sex stuff is a particular personal struggle of mine and it's something i've been trying to cultivate a more #healthy relationship to lately. and i also know that unfortunately transfems get treated even worse than everyone else when it comes to #kinks or whatever. i don't mean to imply that everyone has to be open about that stuff. i just mean that i'm grateful for those who bravely #and proudly are. anyway i'm losing my train of thought bc i'm packing for a trip and i'm a little scattered atm but the point is #transfem wlw i love you dearly thank you for existing #[oh also this post isn't meant to bash body positivity stuff and i know it's not all the same. it just often felt too sanitized and forced #for me to relate to. ok bye]#finielspeaks

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howtobeamagicalgirl · 7 months ago

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✨️

#ranntics #my mom hasn't really said anything about me being gay since I came out but I honestly thinks she resents it #she doesn't SAY anything but she also seems uncomfortable when it comes up #she's never expressed any problems with my relationship and she's polite to my fiancee when we visit #but like. idk. she didn't seem very enthusiastic when I told her I was engaged. and honestly I didn't expect her to be #but it was literally the reaction I'd expect her to have if my sister told her she was marryingnher boyfriend who my mom hates #but like. he's a convicted felon with a gun collection and my fiancee is an accountant and former athlete who did theater in college #she thinks my mom doesn't like her but I don't even think that's the problem I just think my mom doesn't want me to be gay #not in a forceful way and I don't think she even necessarily wants me to become straight or pretend I am #I think she's just disappointed that I'm gay in the first place #idk. around this time of year I see a lot of stuff about parents of lgbt kids at pride and shit and it's like #things with my mom could be much worse and I'm grateful to have the mom I have #I just wish she was proud of me and wasn't like. ashamed of my relationship.#idk. my period is probably going to start in like 15 minutes and this will all make more sense but I'm feeling rotten rn

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netherdevil · 8 months ago

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I know it's not time to be sad yet but I'm sad anyway . Like . I don't want this to end. I really did not enjoy rehearsal while it lasted and it's only two more days of actually running the show, I rlly fcking regret not talking to everyone while I could

These could be the last few days I see these people all together so I'm gonna make the most of it while I can but man I am. Sad. I'm being as normal as I can about it but it hurts so much I just want to cry😭

#i love messing around backstage i love the small pauses when people forget their lines for a second i love adding unnecessary flamboyance #to my character's words to make my cast laugh backstage #i love how proud they get of themselves when they get their lines corret i love practicing with them and #i enjoy the praise my director gives me when i pour my soul into my roles like #i really am not ready for this to end at all #this might possibly be the last time i ever get to act on stage too #I don't want it to end i want it to be like this forever 😭#To clarify we DO get stuff done even when we fuck around we ain't slackin #i'm just gonna miss theatre so much #i'd like to do it in the future as well but idk where i could do that stuff outside of school

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