#i am never going to recover from them | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ninawolv3rina · 9 months ago

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It will be harder for you to remember. Love is always harder. Love means weathering blows for another’s sake and not counting them. Love is loss of self, loss of other, and faith in the death of loss.

- Christopher Buehlman, Between Two Fires

#i am never going to recover from them #i will literally never get over them!!!#Between two fires #i have full scenes that i wish i had the art skill to depict but maybe this will be what motivates me to improve as an artist lol #my art #fan art #aaaaaAAAAHHHHH #Idk man #I’m *this* close to starting a reread tonight #like i already miss them so much wtf #found family?? more like… AHHHHHH

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starry-bi-sky · 7 months ago

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"Stillborn? No, no, still born." -- DPXDC AU

Based off a comment I saw where Bruce knew about Talia's pregnancy in the earlier comivs, and was ecstatic to be a father. So much so that Talia feared he'd give up being Batman for it, so when she gave birth she put the baby (Damian) on a doorstep and (seemingly) told Bruce that the baby was stillborn.

Instead of Damian, that baby was Danny! Meet Daniel Brown, the 14 year old foster kid whose been living with the Fenton family for the last two years. He's about two years older than Damian.

His last name, "Brown", was a generic surname given to him because the note he came with didn't have one on it. It just had the name "Danyal" on it, but albeit 'Daniel' was the one that had been put into the system for, I'll be totally frank here, racism reasons.

(I looked it up to make sure, and it's generally not permissible for foster parents to change the names of their foster kids even if it's a permanent residency, and for that reason Danny doesn't have the last name "Fenton".)

Danny's got ✨~issues!~✨ He's been through a handful of homes growing up, most of them terrible for a variety of reasons. Which has, as a result, left lasting scars. He's generally a very sweet kid, just very distrustful and jumpy. He's got the signs of a kid suffering from PTSD, and a handful of other issues including attachment and insomnia. His inferiority complex could rival Damian's, and that's going to make for an interesting mutual hatred for when they finally meet.

(something I'll get into later)

He still has the blanket he was found in. It's made of a very high quality material and is a beautiful emerald green with little golden thread accents, it's high quality as a result has Danny clinging onto a desperate hope that his bio family might be out there, and the only reason they gave him up was because of some outside factor. It's been taken a few times in old foster homes, and he's flipped out each time.

While he still calls Jack and Maddie by their names, he likes them well enough. The bar isn't that high though, and while they're some of the better foster parents he's had, "better" doesn't equal "safest". Their laboratory malpractice. Basically, C- Fenton Parents. They're negligent by virtue of being engrossed in their work, but they do care equally about Jazz and Danny. So he doesn't hold it against them that much.

He kinda prefers it that way, their loud affection is overwhelming and Danny doesn't know what to do with their attention, even if he craves it. It's a bit of a complicated situation.

They took in Danny because they genuinely wanted another child, but didn't want a big age gap between them and Jazz. It was actually Jack's idea to foster, and they discussed it with Jazz beforehand. She was all for the idea. Thus, a handful of weeks later, a ton of paperwork, and inspection later, and Daniel Brown entered their household with a trash bag in one hand and eyes like shards of stained glass.

His relationship with Jazz is kinda strained, but that's by virtue of her constant psychoanalyzing and helicoptering. Like with the parents, Danny's overwhelmed by the attention and also just, straight up doesn't like the fact that she's telling him that there's something wrong with him. He knows that, thank you. He pushes her away when she does this.

Other than that though? When Jazz isn't smothering him and is acting like an actual sibling and not a third parent, they're pretty close, and Danny really likes her. They've hung out a few times on their own volition, and Jazz showed him how to take better care of his long hair.

His school situation,, pretty similar to canon with the bullying, albeit with a few more instances of him blowing a fuse and lashing out against his attackers. He's a rather angry kid, but it's quiet. It builds up, piles on top of itself, until eventually, like a volcano, it erupts and burns everyone within radius.

Danny's got a fire core, not an ice core. Phantom's hair is made of white magma; thick and heavy, setting itself on fire when his anger runs hot. When he gets angry, his skin begins to char and split open to reveal pulsating lava underneath, and he crackles and pops like a raging forest fire.

I haven't decided yet on how he meets the batfam -- i've got two ideas but they're both in opposition to each other, and drastically alter how the rest of the plot goes. But I do know that him and Damian hate each other in the beginning. And it has nothing to do with inheritance or "being the blood son" -- although their blood relation absolutely plays the major role in their disdain for each other.

Simply put, they're jealous of each other for the same thing: thinking that the other was wanted.

Damian hates Danny because, unlike Damian, Bruce knew about Danny since conception and wanted him from the moment he heard about him. He had a whole nursery set up, and still does. He never took it down -- just locked the door. Damian was thrust upon Bruce without warning, and he feels like he forced himself into the family. And while on some level Damian knows and understands that Bruce wants him and loves him as much as his other children, that doubt and feeling of inferiority still remains. He looks at Danny and sees him with what Damian always feels he needs reaffirmed.

Meanwhile, Danny hates Damian because he looks at him and sees him with everything Danny's ever wanted. He hates him because Damian grew up knowing both of their parents, with one of them for most of his life, and then moved over to the other. There was never a moment where Damian was (seemingly) left to doubt his place within the family. Damian was raised with the very same woman who left Danny on a doorstep, with no clue to his identity beyond a little green blanket and a note with only a first name. Damian was wanted everywhere, and Danny was wanted nowhere. Damian is Danny's replacement in his eyes.

(It's the little revelation that Damian grew up with their mother that elevates Danny from being quietly envious of Damian to downright despising him. What did Damian do, that Danny didn't? He could live with Damian living with Bruce -- Bruce didn't know Danny was even alive. But him living with their mom? Are you fucking kidding him?)

Damian never outright attacks Danny physically, but it's not like he hides that he didn't like Danny. Meanwhile, Danny, in all his repressive anger, quietly despised him from a distance until finally one wrong snide side-comment has him blowing up and it becomes a screaming match. They're both just enough similar to each other that when they look at each other they really just see a mirror.

They'll work it out together, eventually. But it'll be ugly and cruel and explosive, and they'll start mending the bridge to become brothers in more than just blood relation in the end.

But yeah, stillborn Danny has... a lot going for him.

#dpxdc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc crossover #danyal al ghul au #danyal al ghul #dpxdc prompt #additions. opinions and brainstorming are encouraged!! i'd love to hear what other people's thoughts on this are and brainstorm with them.#the brainstorming is the best part.#stillborn? no still born au #poc danny fenton #stillborn au #long haired danny fenton #danny isn't surprised by the fact that the fentons were greenlit for foster parenting considering some of the foster parents HE'S had #those two ideas differed in who found out about who first. Whether it be Bruce or Danny. bruce finding out about danny first results in #Bruce seeking him out first and being able to explain his side of the story first without misunderstandings. this is the Happy Version #Danny finding out about Bruce first results in him getting an official DNA test done and intentionally seeking him out to introduce himself #except when he finds out about damian's existence his shit self worth results in him jumping to the conclusion that his bio family never #wanted him in the first place. that they weren't looking for him and instead just up and replaced him. This is the Fucking SAD Version #and includes a conversation where Danny looks Batman dead in the eyes and tells him that he was 'daddy dearest's fucking reject'#danny completely unaware that batman = bruce wayne btw. for the extra angst. bruce has to stand there and take it. rip #this poor boy needs antidepressants. therapy. and rehab. probably. i've thought about him having an old addiction that he was recovering #from prior to the fentons. but its not confirmed yet. if i go through with it its either gonna be nicotine or like painkillers. i need to #wait and think about it when i'm not on the angst train. i have a tendency to go overboard when i am. its the endorphin high #Danny calls Damian his 'fucking replacement' and Damian tackles him.#starry makes another angsty au

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gunsatthaphan · 6 months ago

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~ Monthly BL Breakdown: June 2024 ~

☀️ Happy July!!! 🧴

Disclaimer: ALL shows can be streamed here or here, as well as on Youtube and other platforms. For more info on where to watch what, check out this post!

New breakdowns are coming at the end of every month - feel free to add stuff! -> previous breakdowns

What came out this month? (green = seen/currently watching)

🌟 My Love Mix-Up - June 6th (Thailand)

🌟 Love Sea - June 9th (Thailand) ✅

🌟 SunsetxVibes - June 15th (Thailand)

🌟 Blue Boys Part 2 - June 15th (South Korea)

🌟 His Man Season 3 - June 21st (South Korea)

🌟 Marahuyo Project - June 24th (Philippines)

🌟 The Rebound - June 26th (Thailand)

🌟 I Hear the Sunspot - June 26th (Japan)

🌟 Sparks Camp Season 2 (Dating Reality Show) - June 26th (Philippines)

🌟 The Trainee - June 30th (Thailand) ✅

Monthly Likes / Dislikes

❣️ - 👎🏻 -

New series & movie announcements

�� Islanders - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 Desire (Omegaverse) - Date TBA (China)

🎥 Khemjira - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 See Your Love - Date TBA (Taiwan)

🎥 Happy Ending (starring JeffBarcode) - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Sugar Dog Life - Coming August 2024 (Japan)

🎥 Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Allure of the Siren - Date TBA (Thailand)

🎥 Soulmate (starring Taec-yeon from 2PM) - Date TBA (South Korea)

🎥 Secret Love - Date TBA (Thailand)

Other news from the BL world

❗️ Bible W. and Jess J., the leads of the upcoming BL 4 Minutes, starred in a music video - short film by the Thai band Getsunova called Spaceless. The film was released on June 4th, the music video was released on June 6th.

❗️ Jeff S. and Barcode T. were revealed to star in the upcoming BL Happy Ending, along with Mike Angelo and Jorin K. A first trailer was released on June 15th. The show is produced by Jeff S. himself.

❗️ Actor Chimon Wachirawit withdrew from the upcoming GMMTV BL Perfect10 Liners due to his struggle with mental health issues. He was previously hospitalized and pulled back from various events, such as the LOL Fanfest and multiple fanmeetings. He released a statement on June 24th saying he has been suffering from depression and is currently receiving treatment. On June 27th, GMMTV issued a statement announcing a hiatus in Chimon's career and the end of the PerthChimon ship as a result. They have mutually agreed to end their work as a pair due to Chimon's condition and will continue to pursue separate career paths. Chimon will return to acting once his treatment is finished.

❗️ It was revealed that the upcoming Taiwanese BL First Note of Love will be a collaboration with the Thai production company StarHunter. The show stars Charles Tu (HIStory 4) and Michael Chang (My Tooth Your Love) as well as Jame Kasama (GenY) who plays a Thai singer. The show is set to premiere in August.

❗️ The production company Be On Cloud announced a lineup event titled "The Next Altitude", which will be held on July 9th. It will feature upcoming projects such as series and various events. Further details are unknown.

❗️ Following the legalization of same-sex marriage in Thailand, the production company StarHunter announced a reality series surrounding the marriage of actors Porsch A. and Arm S. titled "Porsch-Arm The Wedding". The show will follow the pair on their path to their wedding and is thus the first Asian LGBT+ marriage themed reality show. In light of the bill-pass, fellow actors Both N. and Newyear K. also celebrated their engagement after 10 years of being together.

Upcoming series & movies for July

👉🏻 Takara no Vidro - July 1st (Japan)

👉🏻 This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans - July 5th (Thailand)

👉🏻 The Boyfriend (Gay Dating Reality Show) - July 9th (Japan)

👉🏻 The Next Altitude (BOC lineup event) - July 9th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Century of Love - July 10th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Meet You at the Blossom - July 11th (China/Thailand/Taiwan)

👉🏻 Heavens x Candy - July 13th (Japan)

👉🏻 Sky Valley - July 20th (Philippines)

👉🏻 4 Minutes - July 26th (Thailand)

👉🏻 Battle of the Writers - July 29th (Thailand)

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itspileofgoodthings · 3 months ago

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I don’t even fully know why but “what do I do when I miss you so much?” / “Just wait, and pray desperately” was a knife to my heart in the best way.

#crash landing on you #my grandma once said most of life was waiting and praying #and when he said it it just resonated so deeply #I think because. it’s not like a revelation or anything #but I think it’s just because she was suffering so much and had suffered so much #and so in that moment #he just takes care of her so completely and gives her hope. and not a false hope #a true one #and on deeper reflection the ending does work within the context of this (in my opinion) most powerful scene #/ apex of the show #it’s just the tone that’s a little wrong. that’s too aesthetic-y.#because the kind of steady way he keeps taking care of her from afar. and the slow build of her recovering but continuing to hope #couldn’t lead them anywhere except a happy ending. even if the final pieces of it couldn’t be unraveled (or put together)#by the show’s writing. so it just kind of has to fade to black so to speak #because the characters have been so steady and consistent a) in their personalities motivations and desires #and b) in their love for each other! that never falters or betrays a false note #and it’s the truest thing you’re left with. which is why—again—I actually think the problem might have been the tone #I would have gone for something more muted. I would have had them be talking and/or arguing a little more in their old way #to keep and sustain the idea that there is more work ahead for them that we’re just not going to see #but that is ultimately a kind of nitpick. and the take me to the lakes vibe of that final #scene is also not untrue.#also circling back for a second can I just SAY. that I love the balance of their vulnerabilities #there are such clear and distinct times where one of them is stronger and the other more vulnerable #and it’s sooooo perfect to watch and gives you many instant layers #anyway I’m crying in this Chili’s tonight (*my bed at 7:00 am)

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celestialecho · 5 months ago

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🌦️&💤

on childhood best friends.

via ill give you the sun by jandy nelson // via the art of ponyo by hayao miyazaki // jack johnson, we're going to be friends // a message from my childhood best friend // mitski, i guess // via a little life by hanya yanagihara // adventure time, island song (come along with me) // via unknown // abba, chiquitita

#do you ever think about how momo was taught to weaponize her anger while mikan was taught to swallow his back. both as a means of survival #how momo probably admires mikans ability to hold it in. how mikan probably admires momos ability to release it all.#because i do. i think about it a lot #(BTW. IF YOU KNOW WHERE THE “let's go to the garden. let's be kids again. i'll chase you if you chase me.” IS FROM PLEEEASE LMK.)#the message is from the friend that inspired momo and mikan. btw she messaged me out of the blue and we chatted about our earliest memories #the whole “ohhh he came up to me offered me his hand and said you wanna go play with me because i was all alone” seems really unrealistic #BUT THATS. WHAT HAPPENED WITH US. WITH ME AND HER. i dont remember it very well which is funny and poetic in a sense. but SHE does... gugh #its because i was the one that went up to her... of course she remembers me offering her my hand because that meant the entire world to her #← OR SOMETHING. NEVER RUMINATE ON UR CHILDHOOD WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE its because my birthdays coming up im getting all weird. ugh #okay actual tags instead of my rambles...#web weaving #my wws #oc tag #momo tenki #mikan javier #on childhood friends #id in alt #nova noise #also hai sunny. (halo freak) one of these for kinzoku and gensou when. i will NEVER RECOVER #← silly slash lighthearted. i am just crazy over them you absolutely do not have to ^_^ i hope it doesnt come across that way

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moeblob · 8 months ago

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What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

#my characters #this just in ! thats why all the deities in the plot have collars and a chain !#its because THATS THEIR DESIGNATED I AM HERE TO HELP THIS WORLD SYMBOL #they cant remove their collars and thats fine by them - its a constant reminder that they exist to serve #deacon really shouldnt get as much crap as he gets in canon for being weird cause the deities are just a different brand of weird #like its not deacons fault that apparently you can say nice neck with no underlying desire #but he cant say hi would you please possess me i want to know what its like to have someone else in my body #like thats really not something you should pin on deacon YET EVERY deity is like wow what a lil weirdo #he also just really wants to please ymber so if ymber asked he would definitely do whatever #on the flip side i need to point out that deacon very specifically doesnt ask ymber for things nor does he pray for things #and it drives ymber up a wall because this is his favorite human who wont ask for anything and he isnt a psychic #he doesnt know what deacon wants or needs and its infuriating cause he exists to serve humanity #and yet this ONE GUY wont let him do things for him #this is very important and i cant believe i mentioned it like a month ago to someone and today #i received gift art of these two and i may never recover #its so perfect and its ymber just looming over deacon telling him that he can pray about anything to him #its also worth pointing out that when i was telling the person about the whole ymber begging for a prayer #its because he realizes that after all this time hes never had a single prayer from deacon - not before nor after the hire #so hes like oh well thats odd hmm #and then begins to talk to deacon like you know people pray to me for lots of things #and deacon looks at him unsure of what this is leading to - did someone offer a weird prayer? ask a weird thing? whatst?#and no - its just ymber saying that people will pray for wealth or an item #or they will express frustration if something is lost or broken despite it not being ymbers fault so deacon just stares #he has no idea what this is going to end on really so he points out 'well you do like to think you break people'#and ymber just ASDFASDFSADF STOP OK NEXT POINT people pray to me to bless relationships with happiness #and thats fascinating so deacon is like wow can you actually do that?#and ymber is so stressed as hes like i mean kinda i can simply amplify the positive emotions in gestures #like if someone gives an item out of love then its blessed #he also admits that he cant mask insincerity or malice so those feelings are not hidden nor amplified #and deacon just is impressed bc that is actually VERY cool

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shig4dabi · 1 year ago

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I'm solely feeding into my sskk insanity here, but Atsushi's reaction is making me go crazy

Akutagawa still has full faith and trust that they're going to win and bring Fukuchi [potentially Fukuchi, I'm not like 10000% sure if it was confirmed yk] down together this time. He still has FULL faith and trust in his and Atsushi's abilities, and in turn, Atsushi himself, and seeing him respond with some fond ass smile upon that realization is so insane of them

#again im just letting myself feel sskk joy bc i miss them and i will always be a sskklvr™ at heart but obviously they're not canon #fisheye aside- i am never going to recover from this #GOD I LOVE SHIN SOUKOKU #bsd #bungou stray dogs #sskk #shin soukoku #atsushi nakajima #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd s5 #bsd s5 spoilers #bsd spoilers #bsd s5 ep11 #bsd episode 61

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mars-ipan · 1 month ago

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still insane to me how ppl pretend fatphobia is about health only to continue to be fatphobic when someone gains weight or even just looks somewhat fatter as a result of improving health

#marzi speaks #i knew it was a thing that happened but it didn’t click to me just how ingrained it is into ppl’s minds to shame ppl for their weight #until ppl started getting weird abt my steroid water retention #a common side effect of long term steroid use is something called moon face #where your face retains more water than usual and starts to look rounder/fatter #this happened to me! never too much and now that i’m on a lower dose it’s even less obvious #but it did for sure happen #people would see me for the first time since i got out of the hospital and go ‘oh! your face is rounder’#and i’d go ‘yeah it’s a steroid thing. no biggie ^_^’#and then they would respond with something along the lines of ‘don’t worry it’s not that bad’#or ‘oh don’t worry! you’re still cute!’#and i would look at them like ?????????? why is it something you assume i’m insecure about #why do you assume that i am ashamed of the fact that i am no longer literally fucking dying #and when i was getting that comment the most i was still medically underweight. i was recovering from malnourishment #i think if the rest of me got fatter too people would have actually started joking about how i’d ‘have to lose the weight’ or some shit #it actually made me feel crazy. what the fuck is anyone talking abt #i had kinda known ‘it’s a matter of health’ was bullshit but that cemented it in my mind #because my face rounding out was a result of me finding treatment for the autoimmune disease that nearly fucking killed me #and people still expected me to be ashamed of it. what the actual fuck

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angelstrawbabie420 · 4 months ago

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in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.

#i need better coping mechanisms but it’s so easy to just turn to substances when you’ve never learned how to cope w your emotions #and physical pain. however a lot of it has been brought on by the substance abuse aka i did it to myself #so i probably deserve it #but i started with them in the first place to get rid of pain that was so overwhelming and constant #it feels like every time i do something to preserve myself im punished for it #and im so sick of it. i cant believe its gotten this bad #i drink to help the pain -> i get hungover and the pain is way worse -> i drink to stop that pain #and the worst part is it always works #realistically ive depended on substances for like a decade #i started drinking at 13 and fell into a rut of alcoholism at like 15/16 #my mom was going thru a phase of alcoholism and roped me into it so bad if be woken up by her bringing me a drink at 9 am #and we’d drink till she passed out and i had to walk her to bed and cook for everyone and do all the chores #it went on for months one summer #then it was weed and i smoked every day from like 18-22 #only thing thwt stopped me from drinking until i started again after both my parents died #i havent recovered since.#im still so traumatized and depressed that i looked for any method of relief #the dph phase was the worst. i think alc is even better than that lmfao it was horrible #once i got access to alc i stopped all that. wouldnt have if i hadnt had alc tho #it’s honestly been one addiction after the other for a decade #and my parents fueled so much of it #‘oh id rarher you drink under my eye than do it behind my back’#BRUH YOU WOULDNT LET ME GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING. HOW WOULD THWT HAVE HAPPENED #crazy how i was obsessed w drugs and shit by the time i was 10 and i remember thinking wow im gojna grow up to be an addict.#why am i so irreparably fucked up #idk whatever. like im not gonna drink abt it lmao.

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the-moogle-of-your-nightmares · 3 months ago

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one thing i really deeply wish is that i'd had access as a kid to the plural community and information that are more easily available today, instead of my first experience with plural community which both took it seriously and was nonjudgmental having been 10's era tul/pa.info lmao