#i am just trying to recover from my surgery
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tintinnabulary · 2 years ago
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Having a body is so hard like you wanna be fit? Gotta exercise. You rode a bike? Here's A THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN IN YOUR KNEES. Tried the elliptical instead? TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN IN YOUR KNEES. Oh you ran? A PAIN THAT BURNS FOR SO LONG THAT TIME IS MEANINGLESS. IN YOUR KNEES.
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ganondoodle · 3 months ago
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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themanwhowouldbefruit · 8 months ago
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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raimi · 2 months ago
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the problem with nice pretty pain scales is that sometimes you are slowly coming to the realization that you don't properly know what "not pain" feels like in the first place
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micamone · 5 months ago
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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ryanthedemiboy · 9 months ago
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Fuck guilt "activism" -- it makes you feel guilty for spending a penny on anything that isn't going towards a specific cause. Food? Guilt. It could go to children. Decent toilet paper? Guilt. Pizza? Guilt. Pet necessities? Guilt. Saving up for a necessary surgery? Guilt.
Making people feel guilty about shit does not an activist make. You can do great shit for important causes while also not making people feel guilty for existing.
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evilkitten3 · 2 years ago
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shoutout to the uber driver in front of me when i was on my way to the store this evening for having a goku bumper sticker. had a few other ones too (including an "uber" sticker which is how i know) but seeing goku just made me so happy
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fairybumpkin · 1 year ago
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ooo grindr is scary but i'm proud of myself for trying
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sanremengoni · 2 years ago
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raiii-bee · 4 months ago
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fuck this stupid baka life
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ana-bananya · 4 months ago
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Support Wafaa and Mohiy's family
Wafaa's gfm: €5,284/€100,000
Wafaa's accout has been vetted by @/90-ghost
Wafaa ( @wafaaresh ) is raising funds for her family's evacuation. The funds will cover evacuation costs for her, her parents, her siblings (6 brothers and 5 sisters), and her siblings' children. The money will also help afford necessities and medical treatment for her family.
Her mother suffers from chronic hypertension, needs daily blood pressure medication, and needs surgery for varicose veins in her leg. Wafaa and her family cannot afford her medication or surgery at this time.
Wafaa and her family used to own clothing stores, but their stores have all been destroyed and they have been left without any source of income.
Mohiy's gfm: $878/$5,000
Mohiy ( @mohiy1123 ) is Wafaa's younger brother. I reached out to her to confirm that the account was his and she also provided me with his instagram so I could speak with him there.
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Mohi had an operation on May 20th, 2024 for a a gallbladder operation to treat his hepatitis and severe pancreatitis. He is still recovering while trying to help support his family.
He has had problems with his accounts being terminated, so you may see a few deactivated accounts with similar names he reblogs from, but those are the accounts he has lost access to.
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tangerinearchive · 4 months ago
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stupid appendix | oscar piastri
pairing: oscar piastri x reader
summary; oscar piastri biggest fan (his girlfriend) goes crazy when he wins his first grand prix, and she isn’t there to see it.
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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 761,305 others!
yourusername: it’s race week again, except i’m praying oscar doesn’t win because i’m getting my appendix taken out and if he wins, and im not there, i will go fucking ballistic. 
view comments below!
oscarpiastri: wow, thanks for all the support! 🥰
yourusername: i love you with my whole heart octopus, but if you win and im not there? i will never forgive you.
oscarpiastri: and what am i supposed to do if i start leading?
yourusername: stop, and let everyone pass you!
oscarpiastri: so i won’t be doing that! lovely conversation 👊
yourusername: YOU NEVER LOVED ME
user1: why’d she just call oscar octopus?
yourusername; that’s his name?
user1: no..his name is oscar?
yourusername; he was born octopus jack piastri, but got bullied a lot, so he changed his name to oscar when he was 16 😓
user1: really?
yourusername: yeah, and i would know!
user1: ig…LOL who names their kid octopus?
yourusername: RIGHT??
oscarpiastri: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I CHANGED MY NAME. MY NAME WAS NOT OCTOPUS.
user1: oh…well now i’m embarrassed
user2: don’t be, she’s done this to at least 30 fans now
maxverstappen1: don’t worry, i’ll make sure he doesn’t win 😏
yourusername: thank you max! you’re my only REAL friend <3
landonorris: excuse me?
yourusername; tell me lando, would you throw oscar into the grandstands to prevent him from winning this race?
landonorris: no?
yourusername: FAKE
landonorris: okay, you know what, it’s not MY fault that you decided to take your appendix out THAT DAY.
yourusername: I DIDNT DECIDE IT. IT WAS FORCED UPON ME.
landonorris: RESCHEDULE THE SURGERY FOR THE NEXT DAY! 
yourusername: wait.
oscarpiastri: NO. you will be having that surgery on sunday. and you will not being rescheduling.
yourusername: I HATE YOU OCTOPUS
oscarpiastri: you can hate me all you want, you’re still getting that surgery.
user3: on one hand i want oscar to win, on the other i dont think yn will recover if she isn’t there to witness it
charles_leclerc: i would try to stop him from winning but i don’t think i have a fast enough car for that
yourusername: it’s okay charles! i’m sure ferrari will bounce back in no time :)
charles_lelcerc: really?
yourusername; no…
charles_leclerc: nice talk! :(
user4: when you want to comfort your friend but you can’t lie for shit
user5: normally i pray that oscar will win a race, but today, ill do the opposite, just for you yn 💕
yourusername: thank you!!
user6: she is dead serious. she honestly doesn’t want oscar to win.
yourusername: i’ve never been so serious in my LIFE.
user7: no i get it, imagine going to every single on of your bfs races and the ONE time you don’t go he wins???
user8: i’d start to believe i’m back luck
carlossainz55: imagine having to get your appendix out 🤣🫵
yourusername: right? that’s so embarrassing 🤣
user9: you two are the LAST people too be talking
user10: oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary gp ����️ oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary gp 🕯️oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary gp 🕯️oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary 🕯️
user11: AMEN
user12: LOUDER
user13: preach!
oscarpiastri: @/yourusername, you see what you’ve done?
yourusername: beautiful work guys! oscar piastri does NOT win the hungary gp 🕯️
oscarpiastri: 😐
— race day!
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— post race interview!
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. . .
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liked by mclaren, lewishamilton, landonorris, and 719,014 others!
oscarpiastri: first grand prix win. incredible 🧡
view comments below!
carlossainz55: congrats oscar 👍
estebanocon: great job mate, first of many 👏
user14: oh i’m crying
user15: omg i am too, the tears just won’t stop
user16: first it was him winning, then it was him apologizing for winning, and now it’s yn not being there for him 💔
landonorris: congrats bro!
user17: OH OSCAR PIASTRI, OH OSCAR PIASTRI, OH OSCAR PIASTRI
user18: waiting for yn to wake up and raise hell
user19: she’s going to wake up from anesthesia and this is going to be the first thing she sees 
yourusername: what was the one thing i asked you not to do?
oscarpiastri: baby you just woke up, stop making your mom write for you, and rest
yourusername: ONE THING OSCAR. I ASKED FOR ONE THING.
oscarpiastri: stop making your mom write for you, she probably feels very uncomfortable right now
yourusername: i do - the mom
yorusername: STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT OSCAR JACK PIASTRI. YOU ARE SOOO NOT INVITES TO MY OSCAR FIRST WIN PARTY
user20: i know that anesthesia is hitting real hard 
user21: i want to go to oscar’s first win party
yourusername: @/maxverstappen1 AND YOU. I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HIM WIN
maxverstappen1: i’m sorry yn. i have failed you.
yourusername: …its okay max, you’ll get him next time
maxverstappen1: thank you yn ❤️
oscarpiastri: WHOS SIDE ARE YOU ON??
yourusername: NOT YOURS.
yourusername: stupid appendix.
carlossainz55: me and my homies all hate our appendix’s
user22: you don’t have one?
carlossainz55: 😐
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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, charles_leclerc, 691,047 others!
yourusername: absolutely gutted to have not been there for his first win, nonetheless OCTOPUS JACK PIASTRI IS A FUCKING RACE WINNER
view comments below!
oscarpiastri: you will see me win in person love, i know it 🧡
yourusername: i love you octopus
oscarpiastri: i love you more
user22: he’s not fighting the octopus?? softie
user23: maybe she’s dying and wants her too be happy in her last moments… OMG YN ARE YOU DYING???
yourusername: NO??? i’m perfectly fine, the surgery went perfect!
user23: oh, then yeah he’s a softie
user24: worst maiden win ever
user25: SPEAK ON IT
user26: it would’ve been so much better if yn was there :(
charles_leclerc: glad your surgery went well yn!!
yourusername: thank you charles 👊 congrats on p4, your getting up there!!
charles_leclerc; thankfully! i could not handle any other bad week in the car 😞
user27: none of us could charles. none of us could.
maxverstappen1: can i congratulate oscar now?
yourusername: i guess 😒
maxverstappen1: YAY OSCAR 🥳🥳
user28: why is he acting like he wasn’t one of the first to congratulate him in person?
maxverstappen1: SHHHH YN DOESNT KNOW THAT
user29: “her health comes first.” oscar jack piastri you SOFTIE
user28: i desperately need a video of yn waking up from surgery and finding out oscar won.
oscarpiastri: i have one, there was lots of cussing, snot, and tears
yourusername; SHUT UP OCTOPUS YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT
user29: SHE HAS BEEN THERE FOR ALL HIS BIG WINS, AND THE ONE TIME—THE ONE TIME HE WINS IN FORUMLA FUCKING ONE. SHE ISNT THERE. GOD I CANT TAKE TJIS
yourusername: see, you get it 😞
. . .
notes; my post on oscar’s win!!! super super super proud of him <33
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fatal-blow · 6 months ago
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actually speaking of that "everything i love causes carpal tunnel" shirt i know! a muscle that causes carpal tunnel-like symptoms!
the bad news is that it's the underside of the shoulder blade, but the good news is that once you figure out how to reach it, it's quite easy to release!
anyways meet the subcapularis
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(all images taken from Myofascial Pain and Dysfunction (3rd Edition) by Travell et al)
the subcapularis helps pull the shoulder forward and rotate it inwards, meaning it's involved in many activities which cause the much dreaded carpal tunnel--yes, even though it's nowhere near the wrist. the anatomy of the shoulder makes it easy for nerves and vessels to get compressed, causing all sorts of fun symptoms like pain, tingling, and cold fingers.
this is the referred symptom zone:
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obligatory i am not a doctor, just very autistic about musculoskeletal pain, and can't guarantee this massage will help your carpal tunnel symptoms, but I will say that uhhh every time I do this for myself i can feel all blood and sensation rush back into my arm, and it's always best to try massage before more invasive stuff like surgery
--
1. Find a spot where you can sit, feet planted on the ground, and lean forward and rest your head on something with your arm hanging down between your legs. This will slide the shoulder blade to the side of the ribs, where you can reach the underside.
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2. Above is what the subcapularis looks like with the surrounding muscles. Using your fingertips (you might wanna cut your nails) or your thumb if preferred, find the bony edge of the shoulder blade, and start poking around the underside.
3. You'll most likely only be able to reach the edge of the muscle, but that's enough! When you press into it, you will probably feel like you're reproducing your symptoms. Don't worry; you aren't hurting yourself and in fact this means you're in the right spot! Massage it gently, enough to feel it but not enough to wince, until you can't find anymore painful spots (or until you feel better, sometimes you can't get it all in one session).
3.5. If your pain increases overall, don't do it. Though pressure should elicit symptoms, this type of massage should provide pretty immediate relief, and if it doesn't then either some other muscle(s) is involved or it's not muscle related at all.
4. Finish up by rolling your shoulder back, like you're stretching out your chest/reaching behind you, a few times. It's normal to hear clicking--good, actually, that's the sound of your body realigning.
5. I recommend doing this at least daily, even after the symptoms have eased, until it's no longer sensitive to massage. Keep in mind that this muscle has been overused, and that the muscles that oppose it have weakened. It will keep trying to tighten up again until the weakened muscles have recovered, so you need to actively treat it and keep an eye out for habits that cause you to roll the shoulder forward.
And that's it! If you intend to resume carpal tunnel inducing activities ASAP, see if you can take a moment every 30 minutes or so to do a quick shoulder stretch. This helps prevent the muscle from tightening, and you only need to spend moments to do so. Quick breaks like this actually go a long way towards preventing injury, and help you keep working without interrupting the flow to go do some body maintenance :P
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kawaiijohn · 2 months ago
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Help a queer family of disabled nerds
Hey my name is Dante, I live in the Midwest with three of my best friends. We have four cats, one of which is my babyman whom I love very dearly.
His name is Latke Library Card Mango (LLCM). He's very orange and he's the light of my boyfriend, Kris, and I's life.
Cat pics are great right? Have a few.
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A few months ago, latkes chronic bladder stones condition acted up which resulted in two emergency vet visits and a week long stay with his actual vet to get the stone removed.
It was the size of a chickpea.
Here's a photo of his post surgery when he had a nakie tummy. He was very very happy to see us.
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He's since recovered, but the cost of this put us back around 1300 dollars in total. He's now on a special diet with rather pricey food to prevent this from happening but it might still act up eventually.
We've paid down some of his debt, but the interest is making it become more and more as we try to pay it down.
On top of this, our pipes backed up into our basement and refused to work suddenly a few weeks ago. We live in a house that is over a century old, and the clay pipes keep getting roots growing into them that causes them to not drain.
The roto had to come out and high pressure the roots out to clear them (which required expensive equipment), This put us back another grand.
To add to everything, our 700+ auto insurance bill is due in November, which is the worst time for this bill to need due, but both myself and Kris drive over ten miles to work during different shifts on opposite ends of town- neither of our jobs have public transit anywhere near them.
We are currently barely making ends meet-
I am a lunch lady at a public high school. I love my job. I feed kids who possibly don't even eat at home some days. I do work I am proud of.
However, I can only work around 25 hours a week without risking losing my insurance as a disabled person. My job does not have longer hour positions available, and I am too disabled to work more than this without ruining my body like I have done in the past.
I have been going without buying groceries out of fear that what little money I have in my account will be needed in an emergency. I will be out of work for a week this month, around Thanksgiving, and during Xmas break- unpaid due to me working in a school. Me being out also means no guaranteed meal every day.
Kris works in a factory. He is currently working 55+ hours a week to make what we can to pay off the bills and keep our house. He only has one and a half knees that hurt all the damn time and is barely eating either just to afford everything. His factory keeps calling for sudden shutdown weeks with little notice at the worst times, and he's the main breadwinner in the house for us.
The other two in our household, one is severely disabled and can barely work 10 hr/week (he is waiting on hearing back to receive SSI) on top of having multiple medical appointments a week to figure out what is wrong with his body and why it keeps failing. The other is a freelance artist who is working her butt off to make money while carting the previous to appointments nearly every day. She is full up on commissions at the moment, but when she opens them I'll reblog her posts.
I really didn't want to make this post. I hate asking for help. But we are drowning and there's no sign of land. None of us can afford to live on our own, nor can we move back in with our parents for various reasons.
All I'm asking for is some help. I don't care how much. Five dollars is five dollars. Five dollars is half an hour less we have to kill ourselves to make ends meet.
Even if we don't make the full amount, every dollar will help us get a bit closer to paying this stuff down so we can afford gas and regular grocery trips again instead of having to save up to go once a month like we are currently doing.
Our goal is 2000 dollars.
Yes, this is the high amount. I do not believe we will ever reach it. I can hope we can raise this much at some point.
But for now that's the dream number.
It's the number that is looming over our heads, telling us to pay up or lose our home.
It's not something we need this very moment, but just what we need in the next few months to be able to afford living without destroying our body or working three jobs/ridiculous hours.
We thank anyone who can spare a few bucks to help us, and if you can't afford it just pass this post along to someone who might be able to.
Please send as friend/family if you can, PayPal is threatening to withhold money sent as transactions now if you receive over a certain amount.
This includes sending things through my ko-fi account- so here's the preferred methods:
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Progress:
388.74/2,000
Thank you for reading. I love you.
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ecofear · 4 months ago
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i need help with vet bills (again).
hi. for those of you who remember, earlier this year i asked for donations to help me afford toos' vet bills, who we found out through your help had kidney failure, and again with your help we got her on medication for it. unfortunately it wasn't enough, and we lost her. and then shortly after, dexter began deteriorating, which we put down to his grief of losing toos - she kept him young, he followed her everywhere, he only played because of her, he only ate when she ate, etc. without her he just stopped. and then he started to have seizures and fits daily. we got him blood tests, but he was suffering so badly. we made the decision to put him down. i didn't ask for donations this time, because i was so deeply embarrassed to ask for help again. but we are still recovering financially from that, as well as the parts of toos bills that didn't get covered from donations. my mother hasn't worked for a very long time, she's disabled and very sick, and she receives PIP from the government that only covers her monthly medications that are not covered by the NHS. my father retired early to become her full time carer, and we are living off his pension. i am too disabled to work, but because my mother already receives PIP and i live with them, the government are resistent to giving me any help - so i have zero income, and rely entirely on my parents.
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this is jenny. she's a 14 year old cairn terrier, who loves when we garden because she wants to help dig holes. she helped us bury dexter and toos, digging their graves for them with my dads help. she's an angel, and loves people so much she likes to escape under the fence and join other families for awhile. one time she got into someones back garden and asked to come in as they were eating lunch. she really hates flies, and will try to bite them out of the air (she has never succeeded but i believe she will one day). she will rub her face against you until you start stroking her, and will growl and even bark if you stop! we don't have the money to take jenny to the vets, for a checkup or for anything they may want to do. this has been an ongoing issue, but toos and dexter took priority, and it hasn't been a bother to her. she existed as normal for a long time, but that's since changed.
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jenny has this lump in her mouth, it is larger than the picture shows, but she is a nightmare to force open her mouth since this got so big, i think it's uncomfortable or painful for her. she can't properly close her lips now, and it has pushed all her front teeth away, misshaping her mouth, and sometimes it bleeds profusely. eating has become difficult for her, she can't eat anything hard, and currently will only eat soft human foods like rice, scrambled egg chopped up so small she doesn't have to chew, and things like soups and gravy. she's lost a lot of weight, and i'm getting frightened. to add onto it, i've found lumps like this across her body. i've done as much research as i can, and i believe it to be an oral tumor, it fits, and it looks right, and it spreading across her body is called 'full staging'. and going by all i've read - they will want to remove them in surgery. according to my research, this will cost anywhere from £585 - £4,740 for just the lump in her mouth. that's not including any checkup/test costs, or the other lumps on her body.
she hasn't been to the vet yet, i don't have any secure goal or bills to share, just my assumptions and beliefs from researching myself online. my parents refuse to take her because we can't afford it. i want to save up money, have it in my bank, and show them that we can help her now, before it gets worse, or it's too late. as i said before, i don't have any income, so the only way i can do this is with help.
here's a link to my paypal.me
the icon is a little mouse, and the @ is rivellon
i struggled so badly posting the first post like this for toos. i felt so guilty and embarrassed and ashamed. but i have no choice again, i want to help jenny. i don't want her to suffer. and selfishly, i can't handle losing another dog so soon. this year has been waking nightmare, and i need your help to stop it getting even worse.
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please reblog and share, even if you can't donate.
thank you for reading.
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demilypyro · 6 months ago
Text
Been thinking about time.
Time passing too fast, passing too slowly. Not having enough time, things taking too much time, having too much time on your hands. Wanting it to be tomorrow and yesterday. Waiting for things to happen, dreading things that are coming. The fact we only ever move forward in time makes the past just as unreachable as the future. At least I can still change my actions to come. The past is lost, but the past is what creates you, even if it doesn't need to define you.
This day ten years ago, I would have been.... in high school. Graduating by the skin of my teeth. No real plans for the future. Thought I'd go into computers. I was decent with computers.
Then my mom was paralyzed. There she was, in a wheelchair. For several months, it was like time stood still. Nothing else existed. Nothing else mattered. Time... was precious, I realized. Anything could happen at any time. I had to make the most of the time I had.
I started going as hard as I could. At everything. Studying, working, dating, transitioning. It all had to happen at once, as fast as possible. There wasn't enough time. It was all taking too long. Every day was a blur, because I was just doing so many things every hour of every day.
Then suddenly the earth stood still. Time had stopped again. The pandemic.
Everything was closed. I couldn't work, I couldn't date, I couldn't study, and transitioning you could only rush so much... So I just... had to sit there. With all the time in the world. But time was precious. So I had to do something. Or create something to do. I was getting sick of computers anyway. I'd always wanted to try being a let's player.
One year later, I was a Twitch partner. Another year after that, I was registered self employed. Then the next year, I had to take several months off to recover from surgery... But now, four years after covid, four years into HRT, four years into streaming... I'm working out the contract for an apartment. To live on my own for the first time. Something I was starting to fear would never happen. It was just taking so much time.
Even if I could, I'm not sure I would change the past. I have regrets, everyone does, but those regrets made me who I am. And for all my regrets... I like who I've become. I've put a lot of time into it.
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