#i am indeed in therapy

[rosalynib]

TW: poetry referencing gore and other depressive topics

Here's some of my poetry. I am very aware of how edgy a lot of it is. It might not be good, but these were wrenched from the depths of my Google Docs tab and my physical diary. I suppose one could say they were "written from the heart". I've a penchant for scribbling poetry into any available crevice when it pleases me.

I'll look back on these one day after I've long forgotten them. When I do, I'm sure there will be ones that I cringe at, and ones that I still think good of.

I hold these dear, regardless of my opinion on the writing itself. Wow, sentimental value is real.

no. 1 // THE HOUSE OF ROT

{I wrote this during some mental episode, it reeks of religious delusions. I'm very glad that I've not roped anyone else into them, and even more pleased that they haven't come about recently. I'm not sure if it's poetry specifically, but it exists, so it goes here. First page of my diary, oddly enough. The prose is extremely rushed, I was probably immediately sick of writing but needed the concept out of my head.}

The House of Rot is a place of deep hedonism and faux luxury. Insect colonies feast and breed as far as the eye can see; they are welcomed. Detachef faces line the halls, or the main hall, other halls having bloodied and rusted weapons lining them.

THE DEVIL REVEALS TO MY EYE

I HAVE INVOKED THE MORNINGSTAR TO DO HIS BIDDING AND ASCEND TO GODHOOD

THE FOUR-FINGWRWD SHIFTING HAND REACHES OUT TO MW

DOWN WITH HAPLESS HUMANITY,

RISE A NEW DAWN

THE MORNINGSTAR GUIDES MY HAND

I AM NYLASOR, THIS WORLD'S DARK MESSIAH

The Morningstar listens but does not guide my shadow, not yet. Shadow drags soul.

A flayed man hung by his own intestines and children and kids eating rotted meat.

no. 2 // Semicolon

{This one is drawn out and I have no explanation for it. Oh, wait, yes I do. I was high, apparently, as the page says.}

The irony of carving a semicolon into your own flesh is that it is a visual representation of a future that, for myself, is inevitable; i've promised myself to stay alive and heal. One of these days, I'll promise that to myself again, the next of my "last" times, I'll carve that oath a little too deep in a little too risky an area.

Then, it'll all be over. Everything ends, but I believe my end is the instantaneous beginning and end of my healing. It's not my way out, but a way forward. True peace exists only amongst the nonexistent, of whom lend it to us to do all the envying and fearing of their total nothingness. Soon, I will be envied and feared. Soon, "I" won't be "me" anymore.

Soon, it'll all be over.

Any day now.

Any day.

no. 3 // Stones and Glass Houses

{I randomly thought of the phrase "girls in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" and spiraled. I was high.}

There was a time in which I longed to be perceived. Oh, to be observed like a rare insect trapped in glass.

I know what it is like to live in one such glass enclosure. However, mine is a labyrinth of sparkling, perfect glass, not a jar or a bottle. I throw stones from deep wirhin my labyrinth; I await the day one of those stones are thrown right back. Will it bounce off, or will it leave an ever-expanding hairline scratch?

Perhaps my labyrinth will shatter upon impact. It does not matter. No matter the stone or the throw or the thickness of the glass, I will one day collapse under the oppressive, crumbling ruins of my crystalline haven. No matter whar I do, I am past the point of no return.

No matter how pitifully I weep, my body will soon be cut to pieces in my most sacred sanctuary. The stones I threw started out as innocent little pebbles. But, at my mature age, I have had a conflicting epiphany; perhaps I should have built a fortress out of stone and not glass... Perhaps I simply shouldn't have been throwing stones to begin with.

no. 4 // To Kill

{I was being a little mentally silly here.}

To kill is to offer assent and rebirth.

To bring new fire is to bring a new burden.

To die is to take on a new face.

To live is to rot.

To grieve is to sustain the burden of memory.

To forget is to steal away the joy of that which is demented.

To be bereaved is to be cast into uncharted waters, to become the cartographer of a new fate.

It is to create a new civilization, a new settlement.

It is to die and to be born again without resurrection, without reincarnation.

It is to sing sad poems from such an intimately familiar place, to writhe and to weep.

no. 5 // Run

Start running,

To the edge of that cliff,

Where no one will stop you from falling,

Where you will land on the bones of the decimated,

Where you will face the sin of creation,

The sin of destruction.

no. 6 // Pitiful Youth

Oh, the youthful need to be loved, used, and abused. Like a budding flower being plucked at the root before it ever has a chance to blossom, wilt, and germinate; never afforded the privilege of filling its surrounding environs with its sweetness; destined to die in a dusty, forgotten vase, a lost symbol of hope, light, and affection.

no. 7 // Brain Glitch Girl

With lips pressed to my ears,

Howling ragged screams,

My mind folds thrice over,

Failing to remember dreams.

'Tis my armor like a ripper to seams,

Sabotaging a library more vast than Alexandria,

An intimately familiar and ever-potent bacteria.

The salts sew and mend the seams,

But when all is said and done,

I've nothing left but daydreams.

no. 8 // Double Fissure, Single Suture

{I'm fairly certain this was to be a song at one point, but I'm too stupid for music programs and I smoke. It is about my delusions that there are multiple people occupying my brain.}

I need to crack open your ribs,

Sew my soul into your skin,

All so you can't part from me again,

We are inseparable, ineffable,

You are inevitable, stay the fuck out of our head,

Whisper-screaming and static-filled screens,

Would it kill you to remember my dreams?

We can't see hope or light,

We can't tell wrong from right,

But we can solve this with a blood sacrifice tonight,

We are inseperable, ineffable,

You are inevitable, why's there duality in my head?

Am I god?

Will I ascend?

Can I cause this secluded world to end?

Am I god?

I am God!

I'll show the burning world what I've wrought,

Is there a use for you?

Or are you just here to confuse?

I can't be fooled by my own psyche,

You can't bring about my expiry,

Stitch the body up,

I'll feel your sweet purity,

And I'll one day drown you in my obscurity.

[odetojupiter]

so, we know that abuse and victim responses to abuse are very central to aftg, but what i find interesting is how other characters respond to the victim’s reactions, especially when it comes to mourning their abuser. there’s something about kevin mourning riko, aaron mourning tilda, neil mourning mary, andrew mourning cass, thats so important to me because it really truly highlights how even when people are united through similar traumas, the differences in their situations makes it impossible to fully understand the relationship a person has to their abuser. neil, aaron, and andrew are united through the abuse, neglect, or - what the fuck is the word i’m thinking of? permit? condone? i mean, knowingly allowing it to happen and not intervening - stemming from a maternal figure. but neil can’t understand why andrew would hold on to cass for so long - he refused to let her go until aaron came into the picture. and andrew can’t understand why aaron would mourn for tilda, potentially viewing aaron’s grief as a betrayal of their promise. and they all ridicule kevin for his reactions to riko. of course, neil and andrew are also abused by riko, but they still can’t understand the complicated relationship between kevin and riko because, at the end of the day, they just weren’t there.

i mean this is primarily an observation but i really love how trauma and trauma response is depicted as nuanced, complex and overall just difficult to understand from an outsider perspective in the books. it reads as really real, and though it can be frustrating when a character doesn’t understand a different character’s response, you have to understand that their perception of said character’s response is warped by their own experience of abuse.

andrew bounced from home to home, never had stability, so obviously he held tight on to the first mother-figure that didn’t outright hurt him. his self-worth was probably low enough that he thought living with drake was a fine price to pay to keep cass.

neil only ever had his mother, and he’d willingly accept her harsh hands because he believed she was just keeping him safe from the very real dangers that were closing in on them.

aaron was dealing with an addiction, and so was his mother; he was equally dependent on her to avoid withdrawal as he was scared of her anger.

i don’t really have a point anymore but you get what i’m saying

[metiredlr]

Here we can clearly see Gouenji sizing Fubuki up. Gouenji therapy is very precise and the ball needs to hit Fubuki Just Right to glue his personalities together else it wouldn't work and the words wouldn't hit him as hard either

[nocturnalzhagreus]

"Yeah the advertisement's quite old. But he himself looks like someone who enjoys old stuff don't you think?"

*florence's quote abt albert probs

Had fun messing with layers and filters on this one, now my hands are stiff

Yeah.

[scarefox]

James about being an introvert

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

🤐🫣🫣

[littlescaryinternetguy]

A reminder for this and any other holiday or non-holiday that it is desired: if your dad sucks, is intolerant or drunk or drugged out or abusive or hateful or blinded by religion or whatever,

then I am your dad now.

My CV in re: dadness sparkles. I am currently a dad. I know a number of horrible jokes. I have a car. I wear a hat. All this makes me eminently qualified

to be your dad now.

The holidays don't have to suck. Your family doesn't have to be the source of endless frustration. Yes, it has to be the source of SOME frustration. Just not infinite. And it won't be,

now that I am your dad.

Alright sport, get in here. We're going to open one present today. It is the prerogative of dads since time immemorial to obviate time itself. This is why you see so many dads dressing like idiots and driving convertibles: both are integral to the banishment of time. So that present we are opening today, is actually being opened tomorrow, through the power of dadness. This and many other wonders are yours. Feel the understated nuclear love power of a dad saying, in an almost bashful way, "Hey..." and then unleashing a Power Word: Dad upon you, known only to the most grizzled shamans and portly accountants. Know and be known by the Dad Who Casts Out Fear,

because I am your dad now.

[godblooded]

if you get an ask from me (probably from @clawsextended ) yes you absolutely did i have selina brainrot and i have for literally like three hours now.

[thatmahblog]

Most academics are a bit mad when they see the 1%, the minority, who has it easy, who doesn't have to work so bad to afford it, and those who already know they're going to work at daddy's company. It's a whole world that is not properly shown in media. Because media cares more about that 1% than the real population.

i'm always a bit unsettled by disdain for intellectual or creative labor in leftist spaces. there's this commonly held belief that academics are a bunch of rich old white men, rather than a wide variety of people who are barely getting by. most lecturers in universities are adjuncts living paycheck to paycheck. authors make very little money as a general rule. most researchers are overworked and underpaid. and yet there's still this idea that academics are overcompensated to sit around and smoke cigars together while making shit up

[iamnotlookingidonotseeit]

im still thinking about that dressed as each other costume thing and it's driving me nuts that the person I would usually ask "is this a couple thing??" is the person I traded clothes with

[elobservadorcallado]

Little waiting room psychiatry doodles

[madame-mozart]

damn aight.

i could only dream to pull off an outfit like this irl. also womp womp maker didn't have my right hair color (very dark brown) so i have emo ass black hair (younger r/notliketheothergirls me would've liked this though). funnily enough, my irl pair of glasses does happen to be like this bluish shade

tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it (feel free to reblog also)

lets start a chain cause why not

1. take this quiz

2. do this picrew of yourself

3. tag some fiends!

I'll start:

Dude 💀

tagging: @kimetsu-chan @larz-barz @aceofstars0 @exymybeloved @explosivesamurai

[voids-ideas]

Ok I am going to do this simply because the first thing I will put here I NEED to do it and I have 0 motivation to do it even though it is EXTREMELY important

In fact, I think that's the reason why I don't want to do it... anyway

If this gets to 30 notes, I do that thing ✅️

50 notes, I call to ask if my doctor's appointment has been scheduled (I've been avoiding it for two weeks now) ✅️

100 notes, I go wash my shoes that have long needed washing and are just sitting there, existing, waiting for me to deign to wash them. ✅️

200 notes, I finish organizing my room (I organized it halfway and then left a bunch of things that still don't have a defined place) ✅️

500 notes, I use the things I have to bleach and color my hair. The only thing that has stopped me is the fear of doing it wrong or being too lazy to maintain it. ✅️

1k notes, I stop doing things that I know will trigger my chronic pain with the pure intention of confirming that the pain was indeed real (don't do this. 0 recommended) ✅️

5k notes, I try some new food without fear of wasting money by buying something I most likely won't like (my autism hates new foods) ✅️

10k notes, I wear my bi flag earrings in front of someone I wouldn't usually wear them with. I trust that they possibly wouldn't have a problem with me being bi, but I would never get up the courage to tell them anything ✔️ (I haven't, but that person was in my room next to where the earrings are. They were 0% hidden) ✅️

20k notes, wtf I have absolutely no idea. If it comes to this, ehhh... Honestly, I have no idea what I'm doing here. Do I promise to be honest in therapy and stop telling them that everything is perfect even though nothing has ever been perfect? Yeah, that probably works. Please don't go this far, I don't know how to do this. Maybe I should... but... it would be awful to learn it

April 2024: I stop procrastinating editing this post with the things I've already done. I WANT THE HAIR SO MUCH BUT IT'S SO DIFFICULT

May 2024: Red hair, red hair, red hair. I'M CROWLEY, RED HAIR!!!!!

[foyernormanchapel]

i get where people are coming from where they criticize the over-medication of mental illness/point out that overly emphasizing mental illness as a purely ‘physiological/chemical’ element ignores societal structures that make mental illness a ‘normal’ response to an abnormal world/argue that we should focus on fixing structures instead of again, making a medical industry out of mental illness etc etc like I really get where they’re coming from, 

but the overwhelming helplessness i feel when i get ‘sad’ for lack of a better word, when i feel like the bottom drops from under my heart, when i feel alienated and actively antagonized from any even good human interaction, when the wave of that terrifying ‘familiar’ feelings coming back after being free for a while, it’s just too overwhelming and visceral and out of nowhere to not feel like it is indeed coming ‘’’inside’(????)’’’ of me. and i’m sure what i feel and fear about depression is not incompatible with the societal critique above, and i’m too dumb to understand this issue, but the talking point abt ‘non-medical’ depression doesn’t quite match up with the sheer bodily force of what I experience. again probably not incompatible things but idk.. the feeling of getting betrayed by my brain, when it feels like it is actively conspiring to ruin me is so scary and overwhelming every single time

[the-moth-wizard-of-mayhem]

*Lepi's face lights up

WIAT YEAH YOU CAN COME WHENEVER!!

Hi, im looking for work got any jobs i can do?

-@tren-the-goblin

-(-also @mayhem-moth )

Do you want to help me make concrete tiles for my garden? I'll pay you whatever you want as payment!

[sharlsworld]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ thirsty boy - ʟɴ4 ☆

✿ lando norris x influencer!reader

✿ lando norris is always thirsting for his girlfriend any chance he can get

ᵃᵘᵗʰᵒʳˢ ⁿᵒᵗᵉ ୨୧ i don’t know what this is

🝮

yn

📍miami

liked by pierregasly and 3,935,017 others

yn we in this bitch

francisca.cgomes finna get crunk

⤷ lillymhe eyebrows on fleek

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux da fuq

⤷ yn MY GIRLS 💓💞💖💕💝💗

landonorris early…..not first 😞

⤷ francisca.cgomes HA

⤷ lilymhe HA

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux HA

landonorris your so aesthetic i love you

landonorris your so bhad 🤤🍆🍌🍒🍑😫

⤷ yn woah there buddy slow your roll

⤷ landonorris i thought you liked when i went fast?

⤷ carlossainz55 Mate…why do you always do this?

georgerussell63 Slay queen! You’re serving cunty fierce independent girl boss! 😘💖

⤷ yn i’ve created a monster

landonorris HEY! WHOS IN THE 3RD SLDIE?

⤷ yn my girl alex durrrr

⤷ charles_leclerc I miss my girlfriend

⤷ lovely_leclerc AWHHH HOW CUTE

🝮

landonorris

📍 miami beach, florida

liked by lahjay10_ and 925,055 others

landonorris miami w this absolute bhaddie

yn freaky boy

⤷ landonorris yk it baby 😉 all for u

♥︎ by yn

francisca.cgomes bhaddie indeed 😍

alex_albon will we ever get a post not including y/n? even on race post’s you manage to get her in there

⤷ landonorris never this is actually a y/n fanpage if you haven’t noticed

⤷ mclaren Oh we’ve noticed 😅

landolovesyn mclaren is fed up of lando clinging to y/n all day

♥︎ by mclaren

estiebestie there so goals i cannot i am manifesting a relationship like this 😫😫

oscarpiastri I have to deal with these all weekend

hoeforsainzzz he’s so obsessed with her i need that

🝮

who_tf.is_yn

liked by sydney_sweeney and 102 others

who_tf.is_yn erm what the sigma

landonorris first

landonorris don’t act like i didn’t get you all hot and bothered 😘

⤷ who_tf.is_yn cringe ball 🤢

⤷ landonorris that’s not what you were saying last night

⤷ oscarpiastri I know. I hate you both. I will be sending my therapy bill to you two.

lilymhe divorce babe divorce

⤷ landonorris we’re not even married yet?

charles_leclerc That sick bastard

alexandrasaintmleux 🤢🤢🤢 how pervy

georgerussell63 Risky boy 😈

⤷ who_tf.is_yn what the fuck

🝮

yns.no1fan

liked by oscarpiastri and 46 others

yns.no1fan i’m having withdrawal symptoms guys i’m going crazy without y/n

yn girl…it’s been 6 hours

⤷ yns.no1fan that’s 6 hours to long i miss the comfort and warmth of your touch

⤷ yn awhhh that’s kinda sweet 🥹

⤷ yns.no1fan i miss your ass too

⤷ yn there it is

alexandrasaintmleux don’t worry me kika and lily are taking great care of her

⤷ yns.no1fan make sure she eats before 12 or she gets hangry 🥹

alex_albon the only time i ever see you guys away from each other is when your racing or doing interviews

carlossainz55 Let me cheer you up 😉

⤷ yn fuh nah stay away from my man

⤷ yns.no1fan 😈😈😏 oh your getting it tn

⤷ carlossainz55 OK! Gonna go bleach my eyes brb

🝮

yn

liked by leahhalton_ and 7,016,825 others

yn in my own world

landonorris first

♥︎ by author

landonorris can i join?

⤷ yn always

maxfewtrell get a rooooommmm

estiebestie why is lando always horny

charles_leclerc 🤢🤢

⤷ landonorris piss off

⤷ yn so british

lilymhe i can’t wait to see you my girl!!! 💗

⤷ yn i’ve been waiting for you 😇

smoothoperator55 i pray for a relationship like lando and y/n’s before i go to sleep

charles_leclerc Where the hell is my picture credit for the beach picture?

⤷ yn up your ass

⤷ charles_leclerc I don’t see it

danielricciardo Guy this is the it relationship I fear

georgerussell63 Cutie patootie goals I need, Carmen take notes

⤷ carmenmmundt 😐

oscarpiastri I’m tired of this grandpa 😖

⤷ landonorris that’s to damn bad

🝮

bobs.privy_priv

liked by charles_leclerc and 34 others

bobs.privy_priv mukbang out tonight stay tuned dropping at 9pm 😉😇

pierregasly SICK PLEASE NO

francisca.cgomes don’t do this lando.

alex_albon NO MY POOR EYES

carlossainz55 Yuck! 🤢🤮

danielricciardo Do it no balls 😈

⤷ maxverstappen1 Don’t tempt him idiot he might actually release a sex tape

lilymhe fuh nah fuh nah where is the bleach at

alexandrasaintmleux what have you done to my sweet innocent naïve baby girl

⤷ bobs.privy_priv there ain’t nothing sweet or innocent about that girl

georgerussell63 What in the bloody hell did I just witness mate

⤷ bobs.privy_priv greatness that’s what

⤷ georgerussell63 I don’t think that’s it

🝮

landonorris

liked by maxverstappen1 and 4,425,981 others

landonorris i can be sweet guys

yn once in a blue moon

⤷ landonorris what can i say, you unleash my inner dawg 😈😈

⤷ carlossainz55 Please no.

alexandrasaintmleux rarely

carlando there the cutest couple ever

estiebestie everyone shut up lando isn’t being a horny teenager for one

♥︎ by yn, lilymhe, francisca.cgomes, alexandrasaintmleux, and carmenmmundt

charles_leclerc NO PICTURE CREDIT??

⤷ landonorris no your mean to me

oscarpiastri Rare sighting of lando not trying to pull y/n away to the closest room

⤷ lewistearmeup thank you so much for this information oscar

⤷ yn i hate you oscar piastri

⤷ oscarpiastri Forgive me queen