#or i wish that M was poly instead of monog | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

iamnotlookingidonotseeit · 2 months ago

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im still thinking about that dressed as each other costume thing and it's driving me nuts that the person I would usually ask "is this a couple thing??" is the person I traded clothes with

#fanfic ass situation #and i absolutely can't ask them anything about their past(??) feelings(???) for me because they're in a serious relationship #with a monog person they started seeing a matter of days before i came over and happily announced (with sincere obliviousness)#that i had realized i miss making out and i was poly and going to start dating again #if they do/did indeed have feelings for me i owe them 100 sincere fucking apologies for that bit of timing and the failure to read the room #bro i am literally not self aware i don't get signals or know what i'm signaling at any given moment #which makes me honest (i like you so much! more than almost anyone!) but clumsy (didn’t realize you might like me more than anyone too)#it makes me a very bad friend to say it because they seem like their gf makes them happy and they've worked hard to let themself have it #and trust that it's something good #and i want and need to respect that #but i really fucking wish they'd broken up with their gf back in december when they were trying to #or i wish that M was poly instead of monog #or i wish i'd gone to therapy sooner to figure my shit out #or i wish they'd said 'living with you made me my best self' FIVE YEARS AGO instead of last month when they moved in with their gf #bc i'm starting to think i'd have everything i want if i could have s and live with both them and e #but i've had to realize this at a point where my dating life is incredibly fucking complicated #trying to get e to move in and having r say the L word and realizing i might have feelings for my taken best friend and flirting w some guy #and randos at the bar bc apparently i want attention and to be kissed but i can't have it #bc the girl in love with me is hundreds of miles away and my bestie who MIGHT. MIGHT want that isn't available and might never be #i never see myself as desirable so i never realize i might be a messy bitch until i remember #that i've had like 10 people hint at or explicitly state romantic interest in me since i was 18 and i am incapable of believing they mean it #and i think i hurt some feelings bc i lack the self esteem and self awareness to realize i even could hurt them #unbelievable.#no one who knew me in hs would believe it of me but i really am a messy bitch

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