#i am incoherent with all the feelings

[clarrolx]

this is for @noverturemusings, this is my review of chapter 46 of In The Face of Your Light, in no particular order.

[timethehobo]

A missed apology.

[joanofexys]

Thinking about the Minyard twins and how for each other they'd do it all over again. That Andrew would always rather someone's hands be on him than ever touch Aaron. That Aaron, covered in blood that wasn't his, risking his whole future, would bring down that racquet a thousand more times because it was for Andrew. Aaron who wants to help people and Andrew who wants to help Aaron. They're brothers, they're strangers, there are things they'll never be able to understand about each other, and things only the two of them can comprehend. Andrew would get in that car every time even if it meant he died. Aaron would always reach out to Andrew when he found out about him, even knowing how much it would hurt. The amount of times Andrew saved Aaron's life so Aaron has a chance to save lives. They spend so long clinging onto hollow promises and feelings of betrayal. Unsure how to say “you’re my brother, of course I love you” through anything other than “I’d do it again”. They’re two of the people who never gave up on each other even when everyone else had, even when they’ve still been strangers longer than they’ve been siblings.

[cometcare]

Requests for sch characters + official aus are still open!! In-character asks are also open! Taking breaks on and off, for my own sake, and no ocs as i’m unfortunately not comfortable interacting with the fandom at large. <- I also don’t reblog fanart any more for this reason!

I’ve been drawing and loving these characters literally almost every day for over eight years, they’re very very very important to me personally.

Please be 18+ if you interact! i also am severely avoidant and wary in general, so if you message me/send an ask and i don't reply, it's not personal at all!

if you don’t want to see sch content, please block me + the “#sparklecare fanart” tag and be safe!! the “#sparklecare situation” + “sch situation” tags are for any serious talks.

my art tag

personal uni design ref

personal mood design ref

be safe, and kind.

this post got long, so important things moved under the cut:

i’m not going to make a big statement on current happenings, i’ve been incredibly stressed for multiple reasons and my mental health has already taken a heavy toll. i am not mentally or emotionally able to engage for my own sake. all love to anybody who’s been hurt.

if you are here because you think not wanting to tank my mental state even harder makes me an abuse enabler, see here! (<- the situation’s been settled by now, but i’m keeping this up just in case.)

if you think contacting a CSA victim’s abuser and putting them in physical danger is EVER justified no matter how much you dislike them or what they’ve done, see here.

harassment is bad unless it’s against fascists, and dehumanization on every side is actively dangerous. if this is spun as me supporting pedos or whatever you will be dunked in the Slime Vat <- It was spun by a stranger as me “enabling abuse” two days in I cannot make this up. think critically before throwing around serious terms with meanings!!! fact-check where you can, and never spread assumptions as truth. everybody deserves human rights, even if you don’t like them. this goes for everyone, not just me.

👆thank you for reading you’ve been sniffed by a rat

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

miles kane saying “you cunt”

[sscrambledmeggss]

guys how do you eat m&ms

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I know that people are rarely their best selves at a funeral, but do you ever just watch your family move through the process of mourning the Patriarch and have a sudden and violent and vivid understanding of Why Everyone Is The Way They Are

[shsl-hubris-guy]

god help me I'm thinking thoughts again. Why did DR3 think it was okay to end with reestablishing HPA and reviving the system built specifically as a critique of the real-world justice system and systemic oppression. Why did it do that. Why did its final moments decide the natural conclusion was re-establishing the status quo but it's fine becuase the "right" people are in charge of it now? It's still the same awful system? This fixes nothing. Nothing changes. They rebuilt the system. They put the same system back in place. Sure, Makoto could be a good headmaster FOR NOW he's not. Fucking. Immortal???? We as the audience KNOW HPA started as a good institution but became corrupt because it was imperfect and allowed room for corruption. Re-establishing that system doesn't fix the problem. It's a band-aid. It's a 1-gen band-aid with a time limit. It fixes nothing. Nothing is fixed. Things won't change. It's the same. It's the same. The problem is the system that encourages corruption. Do not bring it back. They brought it back. Why did they bring it back

[neonstatic]

I can't stand my job anymore, so I'm gonna quit

It's not the smartest idea, but it's also a minimum wage retail job. There's no shortage of those. I feel like I'm running out of time for no reason. I'm young, still have plenty of time ahead of me, but a part of me is worried that I'm floating thru life, not doing the things I like.

(I want to blame I Saw the TV Glow, but then I'd be on HRT and I am not, so... That's a conversation for later tho)

I'm gonna go on my first long trip ever. I plan on meeting an online friend of nearly 10 yrs. 10 yrs!!! That's a lot of time. So I might as well meet her. I don't have to quit my job to do it, but I need a break from breaking my back lifting heavy boxes and furniture.

Not to mention, this job comes with the added workload of dealing with grown manchildren. My coworker, who's old enough to be my dad, has been talking shit abt me for months, and I heard abt it from the store's security guards 😭 Mind you, I've known this man for 2 yrs now but it's the guard I've known for a few months who respect me enough to say, "Yeah, he's been talking mad shit abt you?" like why do they have my back more than my actual coworker? Anyway this old man had so much beef w other ppl he got told off my management and now he barely stops to chat w me when before he would hold me hostage to talk my ear off. Rly strange that he would act this friendly in my face but be all nasty behind my back. Does he know I saved his job by not reporting him to HR the times he's been kinda inappropriate to me? Anywayyyy

But yeah I'm gonna take a plane for the first time and meet an online friend. Lowkey there are a few ppl I would love to see irl, but they all live in different places. Ahh, that's many trips... And I haven't even asked these ppl if they wanna see my face! Maybe they don't! It would sting a lil, but then I'd get over it, bc what else is there to do?

[trailsofpaper]

It's probably more of a writing quirk than like. Thematically important. But whenever Morse speaks to people, they're always the ones to dismiss him. It's never Morse that ends a discussion.

[sscrambledmeggss]

For the brutally honest opinion on ships, klaine, Finchel and brittana

OKAYOKAY SO, i’ll end with klaine because i don’t like them, so i’ll add a cut off so people don’t have to see that if they don’t want to :) (this post will also be tagged correctly !)

Finchel:

i think finn and rachel definitely have issues and they are not a perfect couple, BUT i appreciate them comedically, LOL. like am i rooting for them to end up together? maybe not. but i am always entertained when they are on screen together. i think they are messy in the way only a glee couple can pull off.

so i guess my “brutally honest opinion” is that i don’t necessarily ship them, but i think they are really funny together :)

brittana:

my favorite canon ship <3 i love them so so much. like any glee couple they are not perfect, but i think their dynamic is really sweet. i am a sucker for best friends to lovers and slowburn. i love how they never try to change each other, but always support each other. :) i will say s4 brittany is a bit hard sometimes because of how they infantilize her (santana is one of the few consistent glee characters imo!), but i absolutely adore s6 brittany and brittana so much.

do not click “read more” if you don’t want to see anti klaine takes 🕺

this is going to be really long 😭 anyone who’s like followed me for awhile knows how annoying i was when i was younger </3 tdlr: it’s complicated, it’s meta, it’s writing.

when i was like 15-18 i was definitely LOUDLY anti klaine, but i am 20 now LOL, so i think although i still dislike them, my reasonings now are more meta/writing based then how i used to view it in the past 😭

i’ll start out with the good of klaine, they mean so much to people and helped SO much with queer representation, because of that i don’t think the show could’ve pulled them off ending up with anyone that wasn’t each other. i could never belittle what they did for gay media, and their impact on the world.

that being said, my issues with klaine rely so much in the writing. yeah they had issues in s2 but there was *promise*. i think as soon as blaine transfers to mckinley things start to fall apart imo.

blaine in s2 was a fully developed character, so when he’s brought back in s3 they basically have to “devolve” him. he also lacked a character outside of “kurt’s boyfriend” my issue is that they proceed to never give him a character outside of that. every action blaine does in the show is literally only because he’s dating kurt. like he doesn’t go to nyada because it makes sense for his character, he goes to nyada because kurt is there. his biggest crime to me now is not his actions, but the way he had potential to be a good character and instead the writers…did that with him. blaine never really faces any obstacles within the show he just kinda, gets stuff?? his biggest consequence for any of his actions was kurt breaking up with him, but then they get married in the end 😭

i am obviously bias and kurt was always my favorite </3 but kurt was also a fully fleshed out character. he had inspirations, goals, etc. outside of his relationship with blaine. but as the show goes on they side step him and put him in the back to just be “blaine’s boyfriend, rachel’s best friend” i LOVE kurt, but in s5 they end up “just some guy-ing” him. i still like him in s5 but they stop caring about his outfits, and he’s just there to be support for blaine and rachel :(

now finally, the relationship of it all: i think it started out with a lot of promise, but in s3 onwards they face A LOT of issues, and none of their issues are ever fully addressed. the scandals parking lot scene is really really bad, and handled just as poorly (also blaine never tells kurt he sleeps with him for WSS, something even rachel is called out for 😭). the tony role scene is bad, and is also handled poorly.

kurt and blaine’s actions are also not handled the same by the narrative (the chandler situation AND sebastian situation being the same exact thing, but only kurt is held accountable for that), and it gets tiring. the s4 cheating plot line is ugh. i don’t think it’s out of character for blaine to do, i think part of his character is that he tends to be emotional and impulsive, while kurt tends to be defensive and avoidant. but the narrative basically begs you to forgive blaine because he’s blaine, and the audience loves klaine.

then they get engaged in s5 with a really manipulative proposal scene :/ and i feel like they haven’t unpacked ANYTHING. then they can’t live together, then they move in together again, and break up. then in s6 they get immediately married. i feel like they never worked on their problems because the writers knew klaine drama would pull in intrigue, and because of this they filled the relationship with senseless drama which made some audience members feel disillusioned with the relationship.

it made kurt fans fill bitter because kurt got sidelined and loss so much of what made him “kurt” solely for the klaine relationship.

and i can see how blaine fans would be bitter because he never fully leaves the role of “kurt’s boyfriend”

i think both characters end up being so vastly different that they are no longer that compatible. kurt is independent, a little mean at times, and not overly affectionate.

blaine is quite codependent, sensitive, and needs a lot of validation.

so at the end of the day, i think the writers accidentally made them out grow each other, and i think they need like different things that they are not really getting from each other 😭 i also wish that we saw more of them actually working through their relationship issues instead of the show just sweeping it under the bus.

i will say, this is just how i view it, because i know a lot of people who love them and i am genuinely glad for that. i do get the appeal because they start out SO sweet, but later on they are just not for me. and i think the people who create stuff for klaine are really talented and nice <3

[agentark]

a purely self indulgent whatever this is about a vibe I love

there's just something about an eerie town, a few old friends, a slowly building sense of dread, radio static, an outsider, I think we're being watched, remembering

oxenfree 🤝 the fernweh saga

Aelsa Trevelyan - The Fernweh Saga, Book 1 // The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms // Oxenfree - Night School Studio // Paramore - Figure 8 // Aelsa Trevelyan - The Fernweh Saga, Book 1 // Oxenfree - Night School Studio // Trocadero feat. Meredith Hagan - Contact Redux // unknown // Aelsa Trevelyan - The Fernweh Saga, Book 1

[chocolate-cream-soldier]

Well that was a Finale!!!

[dazais-guardian-angel]

I'm finding it difficult to reconcile the fact that what I've always wanted and envisioned for Nikolai and his relationship with Fyodor based on fanworks and the very very little canon information we've had to go off of so far, will very likely be very different from what we actually get.

While I understand the appeal of Fyodor taking over Nikolai's body via his blood ability, and the inherent, romantic, ironic tragedy of that — for Nikolai, the person who yearned for freedom, to meet an end by having his soul eternally trapped in the body of the person he loved the most, while Fyodor lives on in his body, never truly knowing how much he was adored by him — I would just hate the idea of that happening now? It just feels far, far too soon for Nikolai to be dead, for his character to no longer have a role or a purpose; his mind and behavior is so utterly fascinating in all its bizarre contradictions, there's so much more to explore and discover with him, he's one of BSD's most complex characters, or at least he's set up to be, and I really hope Asagiri wouldn't throw him away this soon without doing anything more with him.

I never really thought that Nikolai would be the one to end Fyodor for good, way down the line (that can only ever be Dazai's job, to me, since he's his foil), but I always imagined he'd at least have some kind of role in attempting to kill him, since that's his ultimate wish. I imagined that it would be ugly, frenzied, unhinged, desperate, Nikolai finally being forced to acknowledge the horrible truth that's always been buried within his subconscious but he's never wanted to accept: that going against all human reason and killing someone he cares so deeply for will not, in fact, simply make those feelings go away, and will instead make them unable to ignore in his despair. The realization that he'll always be chained to human emotions, to love, no matter how much he thinks he can be free of them. And then, the ensuing breakdown from that. Yes, it's extremely fanficky lmao, but that kind of drama makes sense to me for him and them. It's interesting.

There was also the angst angle of Fyodor being immortal, and Nikolai's agenda perhaps stemming from wanting to save him from that, and being able to finally free him from it in the same way he himself wants to be freed. Killing being the ultimate expression of love, not too dissimilar to Mushitarou killing Yokomizo, both putting on an act of being hateful/vengeful/hostile towards the other in order to cope with the fact that deep down they can't bear the thought of them being gone.

But then we got Fyodor's "death" here, and Nikolai's reaction to it was so unbelievably underwhelming and calm that it made me question everything I thought I knew about Asagiri's writing skills him, and what the story is going for with him. And combined with this revelation now that Fyodor is (unsurprisingly!) immortal, but specifically in the way that he can be killed but supposedly resurrects endlessly (which I really like in of itself, don't get me wrong)... it makes me question what exactly Nikolai knows, or will know, and it somewhat destroys the potential angst we could get with them in the end, or at least drastically changes it.

If Nikolai already knows Fyodor can't be killed, that means we'll never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then has to face the fact that he did the deed and it didn't make him feel freed, and he instantly regrets it. It also means we'd never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then discovers he can't truly die, and the ensuing insanity that would occur from that. It also makes me even question the legitimacy of his reaction to Fyodor's "death" here... was it so damn apathetic and lukewarm because he already knows it wasn't permanent? I mean, I'd like an explanation for it feeling so ooc, it would make me feel better about that, but I can't deny that it would be disappointing to have yet another part of this arc that was just an act and not genuine feelings....

Now, that isn't to say that it's impossible to do anything interesting with Nikolai already knowing the truth. He could be wishing to try to attain free will through the illogical pursuit of an impossible task: in this case, killing Fyodor. There's a beautiful, tragic paradox in him wishing to attempt something to gain his freedom that he and we know is impossible, especially if subconsciously he takes solace in the fact that he'd be able to kill Fyodor without actually losing him for good. If Nikolai doesn't already know, assuming he's not dead he's likely going to find out the truth soon when he next sees Fyodor alive and kicking — I can't imagine a way he wouldn't find out. In that case, we wouldn't get the aforementioned scenario where he tries to kill him and discovers it's futile, which is the most juicy to me I won't lie, but I am still fascinated by the idea of how Nikolai will respond just seeing him suddenly alive again and having to process this after having just mourned him. It's interesting to imagine how he might respond to and treat Fyodor after at last knowing how it truly felt to lose him, and realizing how much he didn't want that, and then suddenly having him back. It might cause him to finally understand that his desire for freedom is unobtainable, and cause him to spiral, and fundamentally change their relationship going forward. An eventual tragic end for him such as Fyodor taking over his body would not feel out of place to me in that case, perhaps, but still not until we've had more time to see Nikolai reflect and see his possible change in perspectives.

I don't know, I'm just rambling at this point lmao. I know very well that so much of my expectations and desires for Nikolai and Fyolai are built up from fan content over the years just because there's been nothing else to work with, and that it's unfair to judge what Asagiri decides to do with him/them based on preconceived notions. Whatever he does could still be interesting in the end, even if it's not what I initially wanted or expected, and being open to being surprised is always a good thing. At the end of the day we still know barely anything about Nikolai, so it's not completely fair for me to judge something as ooc for a character we still know so little about.

But... it's because we know so little about him and have gotten so little of him, that at the very least, I'm gonna be really upset if he does die here from being possessed by Fyodor like people are worrying about. I really don't think he will, because I'm pretty confident the helicopter pilot is the one Fyodor swapped with/resurrected in the body of as per soup's theory, and again I'm not saying it wouldn't be fitting eventually... but I really don't want it to happen now. :/ I just think Nikolai still has so much potential as a character and so much more we need to see of him before his likely inevitable and tragic demise (however it happens), so whatever Asagiri decides to do with him I just really, really hope we don't lose him so prematurely; it would honestly be such a tremendous waste imo.

[the-lark-ascending69]

The Robin x Nancy x Steve love triangle is compelling not when Steve and Robin's friendship is nearly destroyed just over a girl, but when their own flaws lead them to distrust and hurt each other. They just happen to come up and be in opposition to each other when they're in love with the same girl. Maybe Robin gets excessively excited, thinking she will have Steve's unconditional support, and then becomes defensive and retreats back to her more mean and sarcastic persona when she realizes Steve very strongly opposes to her pursuing Nancy (babygirl decided to spill her heart just the moment before Steve was going to tell her he and Nancy got back together). Maybe Steve's mistake was clinging too much to Nancy and the future he himself imagined for both of them, and assuming Robin would never actually interfere in his heterosexual picket fence dream, because she would inevitably find another lesbian to be with and certainly not his dream girl, Nancy Wheeler. Maybe Robin feels his opposition as a personal attack (Nancy is his girl, at his point, why wouldn't he tell Robin to back down?), and bites back because she feels like a cornered animal, desperate to defend herself (no, she's not fundamentally broken! She's allowed to feel! Don't hurt her!). Maybe Steve should have considered the fact thay Robin isn't his personal support lesbian and it's unreasonable to expect her not to develop feelings for a girl that wasn't even dating him at that point yet. "If you loved her so much, maybe you should have told her about your feelings before I told her about mine! You can't get mad at me! I didn't even know you liked her! But you do know she doesn't like girls, right?" He says. And she says "you don't even know what she wants because you never listen to her! Steve The Hair Harrington only ever thinks about himself. And to think I actually thought you weren't a mayor asshole, but it seems you were just watching from afar, waiting for her to leave her boyfriend and come back running to you and your six babies."

She thinks she was stupid for letting his charm affect her enough to befriend him, and he's just angry she suddenly gets to have a say in his relationship (even though he would realize she was right about Nancy all along if he just listened to at least one of them for five minutes).

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

ARCTIC MONKEYS 25/06/23

okay now that i've had some time to (slightly) emotionally and physically recover from yesterday, i need to flail about the highlights:

1) meeting one of my absolute favourite humans who i would never have got to know if it hadn't been for this little corner of tumblr - and then getting to share the excitement/nerves/elation/exhaustion rollercoaster of seeing am with them was just - there aren't even words for it. so special 💖

2) learning how to navigate rain ponchos

3) impulse buying too much merch (but also not regretting it. the glasgow tour poster is going to be the first thing going on my wall in my new flat)

4) the mirrorball starting to twirl just before they all came onstage and sending the colours of the afternoon sun everywhere

5) the sheer rush of the moment they all walked onstage together (also that was pretty much the only time i got to glimpse nick and matt at all 💔 from where i was standing i could mostly only see alex and jamie)

6) seeing alex a few metres away in real life after months of looking at his beautiful, dorky little expressions in photos/videos was surreal in the best possible way- there's just something so different about the way you get a sense of someone's energy when you're in the same space with them?? and as someone who's endlessly interested in people, i'm fascinated by how alex simultaneously gives off really reserved, self-contained vibes at the same time as being such a dynamic and captivating performer - like he’s so good at tapping into emotions without letting them be a door into how he’s actually feeling (if that makes any sense, my post-gig brain is not very articulate) i guess that all very much makes sense with all the stuff he's said about personas/performing, but it was still so interesting to get to really feel that sense of his presence in live time. he's definitely very much in control but in a very understated kind of way

7) a bunch of birds circling overhead on one side of the crowd, alex seeing them and dramatically declaring 'release the rest of the birds' 

8) me and the lovely human i went with turning to each other with expressions of sheer joy when the opening bars of crying lightning were played (and don't sit down. and four stars. and arabella. and - you get the picture. getting to share the sheer delight of your favourite songs being played is just the loveliest feeling 💗)

9) alex doing a quirky little 'ha ha' laugh in the middle of body paint 

10) mirrorball coinciding with the most beautiful pink dusk and half moon just above the stage, and getting to witness alex’s piano playing at the start of it

11) body paint. just. body paint. i think my soul left my body.

12) how much energy and enthusiasm alex seemed to have throughout the set - especially after the last week or so it was just the loveliest thing to see him messing about and having fun. and his voice sounded SO good. how anyone manages to sing like that (let alone sound like that less than a week after cancelling shows due to laryngitis) is an absolute mystery to me

13) alex's theatrical hand gestures for crying lightning (the one for gobstopper was a particular favourite)

14) hearing 505 when dusk has just fallen and you can see the smudged moon behind the deep indigo clouds is the only way anyone should ever hear 505 

15) alex and matt having a giggle about something mid set

16) obviously i was aware of how stupidly talented they all are - but there's something about seeing it unfold in front of you in real time that makes it really hit you. the sound wasn't great where i was for some of the time so i don't feel like i got the best audio sense of everything, but i was just so struck in particular by matt on the drums and also alex with his guitar playing. i feel like when i'm just listening to their records i'm so busy listening to alex's voice that i forget how incredible a guitar player he is and - wow. just. yeah. it honestly took my breath away.

17) getting the distinct impression that it provides alex with a sense of amusement to deliberately do that thing where he sings the lyrics at slightly different speeds to trip the crowd up

18) even though i ended up being in significant pain for the second half of the set and had to go find somewhere a little further back where i could lean against the railings (chronic pain conditions and standing for 6+ hours apparently isn't the best mix), nothing could dull how magical it was hearing all the tracks from the car that they played closer to the end. standing there in the dusk and feeling so much about everything is something i'll never forget. it truly brought home to me so poignantly everything about why am's music means so much to me and how much love i have for them 💜

19) being in the exact line of direction alex blew kisses to at the end

20) the hazy post-gig walking in the dark under lit up green trees with the lovely human i went with and our conversations about am and creativity and the courage of sharing music 💖